Now this was a jaw dropper. I appreciate the both of them for keeping it LIT. I just want to say to single women everywhere never ever ever marry your SONS. He got married to GET not to GIVE. The only reason a man should marry you is because HE loves you. and ladies we need to stop giving our HANDS before a man falls in love with our HEART. I am wishing them both healing. Her ministry is about to take off after she has gone through her healing, I pray she remembers who she was before she met him because she is STILL anointed, chosen and called.
As someone who personally knows Ms. Gaines as her coworker, she truly is a woman that exemplifies Christ in her everyday life. She carries so much genuine joy and love to her students, coworkers and everyone she comes across.. It was so crazy to see her on here going through a divorce because she always carried a smile on her face .. I’m so sorry for you and your family Ms. Gaines and I’m praying for you moving forward. ❤️ - Astrid
So sad! I meet a lot of churchy, prophetess, speaking in tongue women who get tricked like this!! Male prisoners go to church a lot looking for holy women who are desperate for marriage.
The best thing that happened in their marriage is when he told her I don't love you and I have never loved you. That was the gateway to her freedom and the beginning of a new life. It was so sad to see and hear his brokenness. He's just an example of many. We thank them for their openness and vulnerability to educate many of us. God bless them in their healing journeys.
Even when she’s getting a divorce, she’s still showing up, honouring and covering him. THAT is courageous and so beautiful. She’s so rare and he truely lost a good wife.
GOD says with WISDOM &UNDERSTANDING Proverbs 4:6-7 Some of us learn faster than others.. because I would've pivot on a dime. He would have reaped his own words.
I feel like one of the downfalls of the church is that they teach us to marry but don’t teach us about marriage. They don’t show you how to find someone compatible. It’s like oh you saved and she saved get married. But don’t teach what it takes to have a relationship with a spouse.
I lived through 14 years of being told by my first husband that he didn’t love me. I would have also stayed. He committed adultery and I was then released from the covenant. I supported him and I was also treated with disrespect on every level. I now have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally. God is good!
I’m in tears reading this because I’m in a dark place right now concerning my marriage. I’ve been married for five years gave my husband his first and only child a son we been separated for two years. He moved out but was making an effort to spend time with us as a family and found out when picking my son up from his place that he has a girl in the car waiting outside. But reading this gives me hope. Thank you for sharing
I truly believe he was sent by the enemy to destroy her, but what the enemy meant for evil is being made for good. This podcast is a testimony for good premarital counseling, counseling, and forgiveness. May what the enemy stole be restored 7-fold.
WOW the pastor should have discerned somethings before it even began. It's sad and it's real bc I have been on the other side of this. I never loved the man I married especially after seeing he didn't love me based on how he treated me. And I realized I was broken and drawn to broken and that was the foundation nothing solid could be built.
I’m sorry about this, it’s a lot. Warning : Broken people should not hide through marriage instead they should seek help before tying the knot…even if it may take years to heal or not. Because you cannot pour from an empty cut, you cannot give what you don’t have. I’m still perplexed about this part though: If guy never loved her, why marry her???💔😭🤷♀️
I feel her pain so much. I’m almost 40 and single and this gave me a message to not be desperate for marriage that the Holy Spirit is important in all decisions to discern and remove any stronghold of making life changing decision.
Amen me too!! And to be thankful and yet open to what God has! Listening to her though I see a codependent, that way of thinking landed her with someone with nothing to give. I have been healing from that way of thinking. Codependency is destructive. I wish she would have trusted herself instead of what the church was telling her.
I'm 38 and grateful for my singleness, God's time is the best. I'm waiting for the right man from God. Blessings to you and may God grant all your heart desires. Amen!
"I never loved you" .... in 12 years. The deepest of sighs. She said she doesn't have the spirit to be abused & yet we are watching the result of isolation...which is a form of non physical abuse. This is DEEP.
I think a lot of women have never experienced mental, emotional or financial abuse really don't know what it looks like or that it really exists. So she was in it but didn't recognize it for what it was. Sounds like she felt like if he wasn't raising his voice and thretening/administering v-iolence, then it wasn't abuse.
Yeah, I almost turned it off because it was deep. I had to watch it though. It's up to her if she decides it abuse. She was very confident that she could never be abused so she definitely needs to dig deep about that comment.
As a community we need to reassess what abuse “looks” like. Emotional abuse through neglect is just as damaging as if he were to yell and call her out her name. It’s a slow burn in comparison to a hot fire, both damage the sense of self.
Thank you , the amount of times he keep saying it was the unhealed version of me. Like babyyyyy the least he can do is continue to tell the ugly truth. In some ways he did but the real moments to remain consistent he chose the unhealed version of me.
As a divorced woman I can tell you that divorce isn’t easy but it was the BEST thing I ever did.. I wished she didn’t stay in a love less marriage for 12 years and had those kids for him but there is light at the end of the tunnel .. I believe God is blessing her by removing her husband .. A good heart goes through alot of pain but a good heart also receives MANY blessings ✨❤️
@@DearFutureWifey when you said “you’ve been pouring into a glass with holes , everything you’ve been pouring into the marriage has been seeping out .. nothing sticks ! “ WOW!!! ✨⛪️ This woman is a living sacrifice
@@Daniii9393 and sadly she shouldn’t have been, she gave and gave and never received. This is not the picture of Christ and His bride that honors God. The church pushes women to be like this and they are pushed to their death beds!
@@Actavella absolutely! As a woman of God I wished she looked at her marriage through Gods eye and saw the truth .. I believe some things we cause on ourselves.. and realizing that is important as well .. she recognizes there were red flags from the beginning.. Also church is filed with a lot of broken and one track minded people .
When Laterras said "What I do know is that when God tells you something it doesn't fail. His word will not return to him void". I felt that in my soul.
Same here! And it was a revelation because I always interpreted that to mean when we share His word! Now I'm like His word to us will not come back void period.
There was a whole lot of God "said" with no fruit of His presence....they both need to be deprogrammed from this religious spirit and connect with the Holy Spirit.
@@lillianshepard2756Exactly. She knew they were unequally yoked when he didn’t even have a clue. 😢
3 месяца назад
She married a wolf in sheep clothing.....he was in the church, but the church wasn't in him. Women, we got to be patient and use discernment. Raise the bar.
He married a wolf in sheep… She is the older woman, the one who did not want to marry, the veteran Christian, the anointed woman of God, the prayer warrior, etc. How did she miss the voice of God?
@@Dr.Elaine1 Umm there are devout christians who miss the voice of god, cause at the end of the day we're human and sadly no matter how close we are to God we will always fall short.
It's obvious he felt emasculated from the beginning but did not know how to express it and she had a saviour complex and felt the need to take care of him. They both needed to reach a place of healing before they got married and love themselves before loving each other. This episode is powerful to reveal the needed to love yourself before coming to the decision to marry.
This, this is the bottom line to this. Heal before you try to become one with another soul. Heal and take accountability for your own brokeness and women we cant be out here trying to fix, save, and be Jesus and the Holy Spirit to anyone.
This term emasculated is so funny to me. Masculinity isn’t a cloak that can be put on or taken off. He was unprepared for the job and knew that deep down. She likely did too. They tried to dress up a pig. We lie to ourselves and make up what sounds like a cute story. Theirs was: “I didn’t even really like him when we met, but God softened my heart towards him and I really saw him for the man of god he was becoming.” And everyone clapped and said aw cute story , look at God. She let the ooohs and aaahs over the story drown out the still small Voice. She got some intrinsic gain from being the one who was “together” and the one to choose someone unlikely. I wish them well. Her pain is palpable and I’m sorry she had this experience.
I’m an hour and 17 minutes in…..I see two broken ppl who decided to get married for all the wrong reasons. Additionally they were failed by the leaders within the church as it relates to their pre-marital counseling. This is just sad. My heart goes out to both. I pray that they both heal and become whole.
I thought the same thing, that the church leaders failed them concerning their pre-marital counseling. Where was the wisdom and guidance, and the concern enough to tell her that this wasn't who God had for her? I think that I would seriously consider finding another church home.🤔
I went through the same situation. The problem with the church is they want to hold on to members, so denying marriage is a No-No b/c they’ll fear loss of members aka tithes/offerings. Had we went thru pre-marital that was without ungodly (motives from the church) I feel as though we both would’ve never married. I too married b/c I didn’t want to be sexually active and serving in the church… we just both felt convicted. We both felt God was going to punish us if we didn’t become as one. Shame on all ministries who fail to administer proper pre-marital counseling.
They had not had sexual intercourse until marriage, and on their wedding night he says “Go take care of yourself”; he was never into her. There was never any passion or desire for her in the way a husband should. This is just so SAD. It’s like he didn’t LIKE her. She’s like a lot of women with the “build-a-bear” mentality. She tried to build this man into what she NEEDED, he wasn’t MEANT for her, so he was NEVER going to be who or what she needed.
What breaks my heart is that she still was holding on to not embarrass him even though he emotionally abandoned her. She is simply too good for him. Her anointing is too special for his limited needs. I understand this woman so much. Users will never understand the gift of her. BUT, what I love is how Laterras pours into his guests...he speaks so much life into his guests that it's refreshing and genuine.
She looks like the victim but she's as sick as he is to accept a man like him in her life and even wanted to stay with him for life as broken as he was. Thank God he finally told her that he never loved her. It was her gateway to freedom.
As someone who just ended her engagement, this has helped me even see the further hurt I’ve saved myself from. Thank you so much for this podcast. I’m so grateful for this couple and their honesty.
Self healing is very important and learning to live with self without involving other person. Many times women thinks they can help heal a hurting men, I tell them it's a no, because down the road the woman will lose. Don't take in a broken man period and let him heal completely on their own first, that's my opinion.🙏🏽🙏🏽
This almost mirrors my marriage. I'm divorced now and my advice to all women is stop the build with him mentality. She doesn't see her flaw in not enforcing her boundary. She also betrayed herself every single time she overlooked his inadequacies and became hiyper vigilant to cover him. Empathetic people can't keep on playing victim to situations they ignore. While there is manipulation, there's also blatant red flags. RECIPROCATION is a gauge. Take off the rose colored glasses. Stop looking to the future. If he isn't providing RIGHT NOW, not being proactive with your emotional needs, leading you spiritually, taking an active role in the wedding, meeting with men in your family.....these are things our grandparents were required to do to prove they were deserving of marriage. Love isn't gonna fix it all. Love is gonna come out of being equally yoked. Don't make my mistake. My ex told me I did the right thing by leaving because he wasn't going to treat me right. I'm praying for marriages. We have to fix this. Thank you both for being transparent. There's an attack on marriage and it starts with us to teach others. A nice person doesn't equal the right person. Be blessed yall 🙏🏽💕
This has been the most profound episode I’ve listened to this far. Spiritually it resignates with my personal journey as an Anointed, empathetic, healer I feel her pain and my heart and prayers goes out to this Queen for being so graceful and nurturing in the midst of it All! The Goodness of God is upon you and everything you touch.
Only 20 minutes in and this is a very heavy episode. This is a very important as it lets you know that everyone should pay attention to red flags and listen to your intuition. When she said that when she first met him that she didn’t like his spirit, that was her intuition trying to let her know…. I love that Laterras is really trying to get to the real issue and holding his feet to the fire. That’s why it’s good for men to have convos with other men. I hope everyone finds healing with this episode.
I hold her feet to the fire. She's not a victim. Her initial vibes from him were not the only sign. Women need to cut it out. We know what we do out of desperation. She's not telling the whole truth. She's telling the version/portion that makes him look bad and her look innocent. The perfect cracked pot will find the perfect cracked lid to fit it. Her unconscious daddy issues is what attracted her to him. Her dealing with those issues is the solution to her marital problems NOT, trying to "fix" him.
I totally agree. The husband is lost . He needs a happily married Christian man as a mentor. Both of them need counseling. I wish African-American people would take advantage of counseling.
I love the ending, I'm in tears! That he apologized to her for wasting her time, and she reciprocated by blessing him. God rewards the tongue of the one who speaks a blessing in the midst of pain..it's a selfless act. May you two find joy, peace, and most of all love!
Please, sir/ma'am, can you tell me the scripture where you said about God rewarding the tongue? I want to post it on my corkboard so that I can have and memorize it. Thanks.
It doesn't take much for a person to share when they are letting go! Meaning him. She is the one really sharing. She gave her life. Gave birth in pain. On all expect. I pray God heals her. She and God restored him. But now she's empty. God has to restore.
The husband has been operating in numbness for so long he doesn’t know how to feel. He’s clearly an empty vessel at this point. Whatever he has been through in his life has completely closed him up to the tiniest amount of feeling! He needs deliverance from the bondages that have held him captive for so long. I believe he wants to do the right thing in his heart but doesn’t know how to allow himself to feel again! He’s closed off and emotionless, which may have been his way of operating in order to survive for as long as he has been surviving. Take off the gloves and give the fight over to the most high! Completely strip yourself down and surrender so you can be the best you for you. Peace, blessings and love to the two of you….
Wow sounds like my husband. This is my life. I’m trying to hold on to him so badly but he is numb. I’ve come to the point where I know I can’t make him love me. I see little snippets that he does but he quickly withdraws it. It’s like a protective mechanism
He gave her a gift. A gift of new beginnings. What I've learned from this is to ask the question AND ACCEPT the answer...the first time. Honesty is key. I am learning to be more willing to have tough conversations. I'm proud of her. She's wise and definitely not a doormat.
I love the way this interview was hosted. And the way you have protected your guest through a very difficult topic. It is beautiful that something so painful can be used to educate and build others. It's definitely something very difficult to go through and even more so to share..It seems like Vincent may require some more support with expressing his emotions and maybe more so feeling his emotions. Pervalia seems like such a lover, a woman who gives and always strives to remain in a faithful place, a woman who gives herself and gives her best at every opportunity. It hurts to watch this because you can very easily prefer one person's position to the other. But I want to stand with these two and just release healing and hope to both of them. May this experience not break Vincent or Pervalia but may it be used to promote growth, love, and victory at every point in their lives. May Pervalia's heart be restored and may she flow in the grace and the love of God. May your children be fruitful with their emotions and engagements in life. May your household be blessed. ❤🙏 Laterrasr be blessed sir! More grace and wisdom unto you !!!!
Sis' identity is based in being a saviour. It was a blind spot. She found a man who wanted to be saved and had mother issues. This was the perfect dysfunction. I hope they grow and heal.
It was so heartbreaking to hear him say “I don’t feel anything” when she expressed deep pain that she’s suffering through. But this is relatable. I dated a man that had little to no empathy for how badly he treated me either, and I had to just heal my own heart on my own terms.
I'm just watching this episode two years later, it breaks my heart. I would love to speak with the wife to tell her how beautiful she is . Another thing I understand is her testimony that she remembered her time in heaven . She is telling the truth. I would love to speak with her concerning her time in heaven .
1. Trust your intuition 2. Don’t marry a man, who can’t be the provider. Your salary should not stop him from being a provider. 3. Users all speak the same language, they’re always looking for a woman of God, a good Christian woman who can help them get them become better 4. If during the dating relationship you feel like he’s your son, end the relationship.
@@jllj9231 This part! Discernment is key, that's what I've learnt in my own journey of healing. Being close to God and His word will make the voice of God's spirit more audible to you. The further you are from God, the less likely you'll hear His voice when He speaks. And I wouldn't just say trust in God but utter and complete surrender. Focus on yourself and Him and everything else shall follow, that's scripture! Mathew 6:33❤️ I think a lot us are lead astray through impatience and disobedience.There is such greatness that comes with waiting upon the Lord.
number 3. when I hear a man say they need a woman to help them focus, bring order im their life etc when what he really needs a therapist, a life coach and a whole support system: I RUN!
She keeps saying, “why get married” as if she didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t filling her up during the courtship. She married him knowing what she knew. At what point does she take accountability for her role in accepting and settling when her gut told her to run. He’s as wrong as 2 left feet, but a person can only do what you allow. These are the questions I’ve had to ask myself as a divorcee’ and I had to take accountability. Yes, he’s wrong. He used her, but she allowed it. She allowed it for 12 years and 18 months. She seems like such a beautiful soul who deserves so much more than THIS! ❤
I pray that she let God soften her heart to accept the love of Jesus! When you marry “Adam” divorce ensued. May she turns her heart to God. 🎉❤ not to other human beings. Let Adam be…
Yes I said this to myself towards the end when it was revealed that as recently as his last birthday she took him on a trip. It’s sad to see and I wish her healing and self love first and then a loving husband if she wants that ❤
I appreciate this couple sharing their experience with us. This is a clear example of why we need healing before marriage. We all have struggles and if we seek individual counseling before marriage counseling much could be revealed if we are honest. God bless each of them and I pray for healing. This woman has been committed and I pray the Lord sends her a Godly man who will love and cherish her because I know she will love him. I pray that the husband gets counseling and that he will be healed. God is able!
As sorry as I felt for her, this was my same thought when she said that. I think she knew that he didn't have anything to give, so what was it in her that made her still choose to marry him.
As a 45 year old man, I'm here crying, writing as the tears are flowing. My relationship was just the opposite, I felt like I was the person God sent to her to heal her. We also were both in the church, knew each other since childhood, had a beautiful wedding, and years after being blessed and watching the hand of God in our marriage, she flipped everything. I've never seen a level of the EVIL that she began to operate in in any of my previous relationships. This episode spoke to me in so many ways. Laterras... may God continue to bless you and use you as a vessel for so many. To the couple... allow God to be God and really operate in the calling that He has for your lives. May the Peace of God bless you all.
Thank you!! I was hoping someone would mention that specific and pivotal moment. I’ve been trying to word my comment very carefully bc I don’t want to be perceived as judge-mental at a time where these Individuals have been so gracious with their story. I feel like the unspoken reality is that this young man is a narcissist. While there are so many reasons that people can develop narcissistic traits (I.e trauma), everything was said except that. It’s so clear. He can be delivered and healed but In order to do so, you have to call a thing a thing.
Wowwwww! This is the 1st time I have watched this podcast!!!!!! 😢 This was a hard one. I am grateful they shared. This is an amazing safe space. I feel for her, I feel for him. Thank you sir for creating such a platform. To God Be The Glory
She's 100% correct, he targeted her to use her. He knew she would love hard and give her marriage all she had, because she's truly a woman of the cloth. My heart breaks for her. 😢💔
I don't believe he targeted her, he was broken and even admitted it, she herself was not healed and had some hidden things from the past, its a relationship that shouldn't have taken place as it was un Godly. She gave more and it was not reciprocated. However I won't say he targeted her, they've got 2 children and I'm glad his taken responsibility for the role he played. There's good in the out come thanks to God..🙏
@25:00 it's starting to seem like for him it was a conquest after all.. I don't think it had to do with her being the breadwinner as to why he fell out of love... that's that post nut clarit.. he got his and realized oh shat, I'm in a committed relationship, and she is not a girlfriend that I can just ghost... its not that he felt inadequate, because he didn't have funds in the beginning and at that point men usually will take the stand that they are not ready yet. But instead he proposed in order to get them draws... post nut clarity
She said she would have never left and she would have stayed miserable for 50 years…that saddens me because you gotta learn to love yourself…never love someone more than you love yourself and accept less than the best for yourself… that speaks to so much lacking within herself. I pray she learns some real self worth and heals from it all ❤️
When she said that I was like God doesn't want us to be a martyr, Jesus paid it all. Know when to leave and ask God to lead the way. And yes, Learn to love yourself after God and then everyone else.
Yes but that’s what most people do. They are just existing, going through the everyday routine but not thriving in their marriage. Most of us don’t love ourselves. We dress up to go out with someone where “feting”, or wanting to date. We dress up for work. A lot of things are for show not because it’s for us to grow and be the best person for God/ourselves. Many of us are more like this couple than we we would like to think.
@@lavinia7103 You better preach! I've personally seen this happen twice, and both times the men were not initially financially stable, and the women were desperate to be married (i.e. ignoring all red flags).
Thank you for your courage. My heart dear sister bled for you. I cried and cried because I truly felt your pain. You're right my sister His Love is ALL YOU NEED. May God bless you and your family. Amen💕
As a man that’s broken and in healing, this almost made regurgitate in disgust. It was needed though because it made me realize that a major part of my brokenness was me breaking my own heart by breaking the heart of the people I loved (whether intentional or not).This episode was a shameless plug for counseling.
My heart breaks for her. I was in the same identical relationship for 9 years. He never loved me. I thought I’d die when he left but hey! I’m alive. Remarried to a kinder. more gentle and more importantly a man who loves me and supports me. She’ll survive. God is good. I thanked my ex husband once I realized that he did a great thing by finally letting me go. Trust me it’s not the end of the world.
Oh my gosh Laterras! This was so powerful hearing such profound comments throughout this podcast! This truly resonates with me as a divorced woman of 7 years now…whew! This is so revealing!! I was in a loveless marriage for 17 years until I filed for divorce as an empty vessel. Thank you!
I commend him for acknowledging his brokenness and for seeking healing. I commend her for allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to share her truth. I pray that they both find healing and come together to be great parents. 🙏
This interview is so good. This is a prime of example of the saying “I will not set myself on fire to keep you warm”. This woman has done just that. … Also, it reminds me of the saying “you cannot feed a dog cat food”. It doesn’t matter how much you love & sacrifice yourself for someone else, if the other party isn’t able to receive it, it doesn’t matter. Also, no situation is solely one persons fault. I can see they both played a part in the demise of their marriage. I know for a fact that this interview has been a blessing to so many people, self included. This interview is real tear jerker. Amazing, amazing interview. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you both Love & Healing ♥️
He did not love her at all and that was the biggest problem! God honor marriage and bless marriages, that man is not right, not one time did he say he fast, pray and ask God to help him love his wife.
My hope is that Prevalia doesn't feel like she was a fool for investing like she did. She can walk away from this marriage with her head held high knowing she gave her most excellent service in the ministry that God gave her. The Lord WILL bless you, Prevalia. Get ready!!!
I'm 38mins in and I am glad that they decided to come on a platform and be transparent and raw about their marital experience. As a single woman this is what I need to hear and see as I navigate dating and growth within myself. God bless them.
I feel the same way. This resonates with my spirit because I married early and it was a lot of unhealthy and unhealed spirits between us. I left him due to his extra relationship. I eventually went to God and asked how did I get here. That’s when I realized that I was stuck in a pattern of disfunction that had to be broken.
@@pdoe4966 nowadays with the way men are, she’s going to be single for a very long time or forever. A lot of men nowadays don’t want women with kids and pass a certain age.
@@mykemasai42 I disagree with your statement “You can’t stay for 12 years without wanting it to work…” If someone has ulterior motives to use someone, they’ll stay for as long as they can before their true intentions are exposed. Ijs
I’m new here & am absolutely grateful for finding you Latterras. I cried this entire episode, although I have been binge watching for about 2 month this hit my soul differently. I needed to see this bec the strength of this beautiful woman Pavelia is refreshing. Even as I sit here fighting tears to write this comment. Thank you both for sharing your story. You showed real grace I can only aspire to be like you. My heart is broken & my mind is in a whirlwind that I have yet to past through but Thank you for what you are doing!
I'm so emotionally drained from this interview. Im all cried out... It spoke to me on sooo many levels... I have to let go of my current situation. I appreciate this so much. Many hugs and love to them...
19years ago I married a very broken man. He was selfish, trauma wounds from family, full of pride and not very romantic etc. He married a very broken woman. I had daddy issues, dealt with rejection, pride, and trauma wounds from assault , etc. We were both pretty jacked up to say the least but we couldnt see it. We embarked on marriage had no clue what we were doing. My coping skills were his triggers and vice versa. We fought each other doing the enemies work instead of fighting the enemy together. We separated, came back together only to end up ready to divorce. Then God graciously allowed the stuff that we kept sweeping under the rug to be revealed. We had to face ourselves individually, heal then acknowledge how our hurt, hurt each other. No one could tell me we would have made it out but we did. God renewed it and I promise it's better than ever. It took for each of us to surrender, get real, and to be willing to unlearn unhealthy habits and begin to learn new healthy habits. I'm over joyed and beyond blessed as we plan our 20yr dinner to share our testimony with other couples in hopes to help them heal. As he heals he will begin to see differently as well as her. Marriage is worth fighting for I was ready to give up but God had other plans. I understand some people won't make it but I had to say I'm a living testimony that surrender to God first can heal a very broken marriage.
@@cassandragriffin1489 absolutely! That's why I said I understand some people won't make it. My story is simply stating if we surrender to God He can and will change our hearts. I gave up! I was ready to move on and was convinced that my husband wasn't for me. However I sought God desperately. He began to show me, me! He showed me how my past wounds affected how I saw my husband. He also showed me how some of my "personality traits" were actually trauma responses. I had to be willing to trust God, admit fault, and be vulnerable enough with my heavenly father for Him to do a work in me. Same for my husband. Then and only then we're we able to learn what loving each other in Christ was really like. This for us was supernatural. The change happened very quickly, once our marital issues came to light and we found ourselves in our pastors office. I truly believe that's because we both had reached a point of surrender to God.
As a 25 year old young lady who has never been in a relationship but desires it so so much, this podcast and this particular episode has made reconsider my patience. I now fully and truly understand what it means to be single and to be in the prepping period. I am so thankful and blessed that God has revealed this video to me. It somewhat gives me the spiritual and fear and anxiety when it comes down to marriage and selecting my husband. I will be sure to pray on that. Additionally , this woman is so strong. I wish I had better words to describe her and the her spirit but there are no words to describe how beautiful and flawless it is. I hope that she receives happiness, healing, peace, and love that she deeply desires. If you are reading this, thank you, thank you for being vulnerable, truthful, and for blessing other men and women with this message. God Bless 🙏🏾
Every time she cried and voiced her pain I could feel it in my spirit. As a 'aka' church girl I can attest that counseling in some churches are extremely subpar and many ministers are not equipped to engage in topics that are sometimes considered 'Taboo'. But we must...too many of us are marrying because of a prophesy, or to stop fornicating, to have children, or marrying into the first family of the church for popularity, or to cover insecurities and brokenness. I believe God will reveal the true heart of a person (man or woman) to save us from further pain, trauma and abuse. He was abusive to his wife although he may have never hit her the fact is he never loved her and this is deceptive and it is emotional abuse. She was broken and looking for love and unfortunately she landed in the arms of man who was not able to go to God and surrender his brokenness. And by the way we ALL are broken at some time or another so let's just speak truth! I pray prayers of healing and restoration and that they transition into a life God planned for them both individually. Laterras all I can say you my brother are ANOINTED for such a time as this! Love you all!
@@angelbridges3056I prefer to go a license Christian faith based- professional I’ve had too many disappointing experiences with some church counselors. But therapy is good. Check out Dr. Anita Phillips podcast The Light she is 🔥🔥🔥!
This queen deserves to be loved. He knows exactly who she is and that is why he continues to engage in this toxic behavior. This is not about brokenness...it is about entitlement....he continues to abuse because he knows she will never do to him what he is still doing to her. I pray she gets the healing and love that she needs! She does not need to suffer or sacrifice for love!
This is such an emotional podcast, she spoke from the heart, and I felt her pain. I am so sorry that she had that experience but even more proud of you queen for sharing your story. I pray that you have been healed.
A man ain’t right until his money is right…we all need to take notes from this episode…women we must understand that a man will not love you because of what you do for them. A person must love you for who you are. Often we are neglected and only affirmed after a success. And grow up believing that our lovability is based on our ability to meet a need. She appears to be used to men who are emotionally unavailable. Seems like everyone needs a reset. Let it go…do the work. And start all over again. God is a God of many chances. All the best to both of them. This episode is a slice of what’s happening across the world. Us women folk need to stop writing the story and have men as a character in the story instead of being an active participant.
You said it best. Both played a part in the demise of this marriage. I see that. I had to realize that the ideologies and expectations I had in my mind were mines and no one could live up to them, not even me. I had to let that fantasy fairytale tv-sitcom image go, it wasn’t based on real life.
You are right . My sister says all the time that "men make the mistake of thinkin' she will never leave and she will. Women make the mistake of thinkin she can change him and she can't." I think it's a bit surface but applicable. It's giving signs of addictive personality and skeletons. Our forties though...
I'm sooooo glad you addressed why you cut off the DM communication. Being a man who knows all about how emotional affairs begin, I was picking up on those vibes when she was talking about how many times she would lean on you during her broken and vulnerable state. I commend you Laterras... a lot of men would not have operated in integrity.
If someone comes out of a spiritual fast only to make a bee line to their spouse and say they never loved them...something is truly off and wrong. I pray that she can maintain her dignity, move on and find her peace with just her children. Life is just too short.
God did not speak to that man he is all flesh a selfish one at that it's all about him he used this lady from the jump. She ignored the holy spirit told her stay away but we love a project. This reminds me of a family member who was in a similar situation the wife was so highly favored in the lord position in the church and everything these men knew who to prey on they use God as a pon in their game it's all a big lie
@@ruthfrancois8972 Exactly how I feel. Laterras even called it. When God speaks to you His Words never fail. Iv don't think this man is hearing from God.
The more I watch the more I believe that his confession to her was indeed needed and neccessary for him and her. He is who he is and lightyears apart from her spiritually. He does not desire the true things she does. They are not living for the same purpose. They need to be spiritually unbound from each other for God to continue to do the work in both their lives. His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts. May God pour out his healing on them both.
Her husband, covering, provider and protector is WATCHING this episode and God is preparing him to care for her heart in a way that she deserves, simply because of who she is. I can't wait to see the blessings that come from this storm. Gratitude, for it is already done. Release for restoration! 🙏🏾
Amen! I feel the same way! I haven't even watched the full episode yet but I can just sense that God is going to bless her with a wonderful man who is going to love her beyond what she could ever imagine! I pray that for her 🙏🏾
This shows me that the church needs to do better with pre-marital counseling. The way they said topics were grazed over, happens so much and folks are in church struggling / suffering with real life. Thanks for sharing this with us!
I think couples should attend premarital counseling prior to engagement. Some women feel pressured to say "yes" when presented with a ring, while knowing the relationship isn't where it should be.
Counseling only works if the person is being honest. You can enter into counseling and still hide. A person must be willing to be transparent. I am glad this man found your channel and it helped him. Men need to hear from other men. I pray they both find peace. God loves them both. My heart goes out to the wife.
@ Sylvia Jackson Here's the problem. You really don't know when a person is lying UNTIL you catch them in it!!! There are signs but automatically one will think counseling will solve the problem. In my case I didn't realize my husband lied so much until I found out he was cheating. Prior to finding this out I thought that counseling could solve the issue. People wear masks.
She is me - I’m divorced now and the healing has been rough, but I’ve never felt more aligned with God since getting a divorce. It was the best thing I could do for me, my son, and my destiny. - I pray that she chooses what God chooses, - and if anything God will give her beauty for ashes 🥹
He saw a mother in her.He felt safe and trusted her strength.One time I was dating a guy and I felt like a big sister to him.But I ignored it and figured every man doesnt have to have an aggressive personality.My mom took one look at him,walked over to me and asked me in my ear," Are you baby sitting?" ( He was a little older than me) I got the point.I needed someone that can make me feel safe.He's a baby to her.She was too grown for him.
That just hit my soul “are you babysitting?” WHEW JESUS! I had someone recently that I broke up with because my spirit started to be unsettled about the direction this was going to end up…..it was too much affirming when not necessary he required and other unhealed wounds that I even tried to counsel him through but his ego was too heavy to move through. I literally was becoming his crutch and therapist and deliverer all at the same time….note that we started off becoming a thing because of trauma. Never works with two broken people. Jesus help it…..I got out before it got too deep!
WOW, what you said, only my mom was gone, and I ended up marrying the baby, but once I did, it only lasted a year. I ran like God told me to do in the first place.
I saw myself in both of them. Sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know. This was so REAL! I’m praying for both and their children. What the enemy meant for their demise, watch God work ALL things together for the good. This podcast is so unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Where do you find these guest who are willing to share their lives with the world? You all are my heroes. As we are willing to be open, honest & transparent, people will be healed, delivered & restored. Thank you for your willingness to serve us in this manner. Abundant blessings to you all!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Wipe those tears woman, raise your head high and walk out proud. You did your best for this man, now you live a little - for yourself. No man who made you cry ever deserved your tears.
I just heard the rose conversation…. He wanted you to get healing from him breaking your heart. I’m so sorry you went through this, but be encouraged. GOD is faithful. He knows the plans He has for you. He loves you so deeply and I love you, Sis. At this point in your husband’s life, he cannot love you properly.
You're right. This episode was very uncomfortable but so necessary. I pray for complete healing for both parties involved. Also, Laterras, you should seriously consider getting your credentials to become a marriage/couples counselor if you haven't already because your questions were on point! You were able to get to the heart of the matter.
This is what I came here to say! His interview style/counseling skills are on point!!!! The way he frames the conversation is top tier 👌🏽 I want him to counsel me…seriously 😩 Even the line of questioning has me like 😮Id love the opportunity to sit and talk with him❤
First off all I need to say, Laterras you are an awesome interviewer and listener. This interview hit home! I have been through this. Divorced a year now. We idolize marriage and our spouses. One thing God does not play about is him having first place in our lives. There is no other God but him!! You will breathe again, you will live, you will love again but this time take time out and heal and find out why you chose to stay. A man, a relationship, a title does not define you. God does. He is our source. Period. Be healed and whole in Jesus name my sister in Christ!!!
Yaaaassss. I got this revelation recently. All women first come into this world as someone's daughter. The father, daughter relationship is the first and most important. This relationship should continue till the end of our life here on earth and even beyond. I am my Father's daughter 💕 before being someone's wife or mother
Beautiful work, Laterras. This episode was soul-shattering and chain-breaking, simultaneously. What really shook me was hearing her say that she would’ve been miserable for 50 years because she would’ve never abandoned him, yet she couldn’t see she was abandoning herself. My sister, may you never, ever set yourself on fire to keep another person warm again. I believe when she served her father back to health despite they way he treated her, it became a foreshadowing of what she felt was required in order to receive love in return. Woman of God, when you learn to love yourself first, no one will be able to deceive you like he did again, because you’ll be your own blueprint for what it means to love you. No one can offer you a replica of love when you provide yourself with the real thing. My prayers are with you, and I know God will restore your heart, mind, body and spirit. You have a village of sisters interceding on your behalf. And if you happen to read this, please tuck this in your heart: Love is an action word, even when it comes to yourself. Keep that with you on days when you feel unsure.
And another thing I'm noticing.... even in this 1.46hr video the husband still needs SO MUCH HELP. With feeling. With self-awareness. With communication. And she was the "helper" that saw this hurt puppy and took him in. They both made so many mistakes, but she's the only one I can see that's actually growing from it. God bless.
Jesus!!! The intro took me out. When my ex told me he did not love me anymore after 20 years it hurt sooo bad. Even though I was not wanting to be married anymore either saying those words just hit my heart so hard. I think that even if someone feels like they don’t love someone anymore NEVER say that. My heart goes out to her
It hit my heart , My God I fell her pain. Those are words you NEVER SAY TO NOBODY. Sorry to say , the young man wasn't READY FOR A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
Watching this video was so hard, but necessary. I appreciate their transparency. I cried...a few times. My heart aches for her because I OVERstand how she feels. The harshness, the uncaring, pouring out but receiving nothing, being told you were never loved... my ex was the same way. I finally found the courage to leave. 3 years later, I never imagined I'd be in such a good place. I pray that God heals her hurt and that she will thrive and be loved the way she deserves. I know it hurts sis, but God is a healer. 💕
Being fatherless is not THE reason he is like this men with fathers also act this way not all fathers are good fathers and some truly do NOT deserve to be there but it could be A reason but yall say this as an excuse and I see it as not taking accountability cause if men knew them not being there was the cause of all of this generation of people to be like this man or like what yall would call a 304 yall should try more harder to be a father cause if we are being honest more men willing walk out than they are forced to not be there so all I can say is one DO BETTER not you specifically just in general and PROTECT YOUR SEMEN
When she said "this relationship was trying to kill me" yes, narcissists come to kill, steal and destroy! Yes it's evil! I can feel everything she's saying.
He sounds just like my narcissist ex-husband...I completely feel her pain. I left him after fasting and prayer because God told me that man was putting me in danger physically and spiritually.
You are absolutely correct.. from the moment he opened his mouth and his demeanor screamed narcissist 101 and this was his five minutes of fame. Also when she said all his dreams and ideas she supported.. ooh lawd.. my ex husband was just like this… I felt her pain..much prayer is needed..
I hate using that word "narcissist", but having dated one for 2 1/2 years, I can see some of the similarities. This man looks extremely broken and when he said he felt absolutely nothing hearing her voice her pain, it reminded me of my experience. He really needs deliverance. 🙏🏾
My message is for them both. To my sis, I’ve gone through this situation with my exhusband….Minus the children, I remember the hurt, the disappointment, and all of the pain. I did heal, and God restored beauty for those ashes. I’m in a very loving marriage now to an extraordinary man. So sis, you will get thru this. God carried me, and he will carry you thru as well. To my brother, I pray for your healing and growth as God restores you as well. I pray that he restores you also, so that you can be the man that he created you to be. Blessings to you both❤
The sad thing is, she was broken before she ever met him. He was abandoned before he ever met her. And they will still keep dating into the same situations until they get that fixed. I was in this kind of marriage once. I had to have a huge paradigm shift to keep myself from entering the same relationship over and over again
I agree because she wouldn’t have accepted a man whom she felt already had a bad spirit peruse her. Something’s we don’t know until it happens but she can’t continue to blame him❤
"Go take care of yourself." Was the conquest she's talking about. He got what he wanted and moved on. The "I never loved you" was the sentence to end it.
This whole story was hurtful to hear. Some Black men often portray this behavior whether in and out of the church. I am not sure where the trauma lies but WE as Black women cannot allow this for OURSELVES.
@@brendaperkins836 She is trying to survive. She needs to disconnect from this man and leave his evil alone. I hope she gets as far away from his abuse as possible and if he decides he wants to see the children that a mediator (her sisters) gets involved and she never has to be in his presence.
Wow, I am not married at 33 and I’m glad I did not marry some of the guys I dated in the past. One guy from church, parents are Pastors and he is very spiritual but I walked away from him because I knew he was not my husband. I was ready, he was not. And ladies walk away from that situation when your spirit knows it ain’t right. It’s better to marry late than marry wrong. This was very painful to watch on both sides. They both deserve to have people in their lives that really love them and most importantly they need to do the work to heal. I’m so sorry they had to go through this.
This! I had a very similar situation. Last year I was dating a man who was an ordained preacher, parents were bishops in a well known church, and he was a walking red flag despite our strong connection and chemistry. I thank God for revealing the red flags and giving me the courage to move forward instead of marrying what I thought was a "prize".
@@ChrissyPoo516 Very true. I actually was happy to date him and I loved his family and church and I thought that would bring me even closer to God to be surrounded by that support system. But you have to have that relationship with God yourself. Not want to marry someone just because they are Christian or come from a good family with church/religion background.
This story revealed in me the anger in my divorce and I felt like Shaunie. I poured and poured but received nothing in return. Thank God for his healing.
You know what’s crazy? He’s gonna heal/work on himself and get with a girl that don’t give a damn and he’s gonna love her and take care of her like no other and she’s gonna come on here one day singing praises about him. Women like Pervalia always get the raw deal
I'm gonna tell you one thing though. We should ALL realize that VOWS are NOT mere AMBITIONS! If you vow especially to God. Which Christians do when they get married in church, realize the depth of the decision you're making. I tell you what, lest the Lord God Almighty is a liar, He will surely hear the cry of this woman and as the pillars of His throne are justice and judgment, He sure will act accordingly. God is not corrupt! That's why, be sure that the person you marry is someone you'd do anything to stay married to, unless there's adultery (which is clearly exempted in the Bible). Also, I do not condone abuse of any kind!
What he’s gonna do is Lovebomb, Future Fake, Sex Magick himself into another relationship and then he will Project, Lie, Use and suck the life out his next victim. It doesn’t matter what kinda of woman has this kind of man, his mission is to steal, kill and destroy.
I was married to a "Christian" man who was a friend since we were teens. After 10 years of marriage he came out of the closet. My mom said "Some people just find a skirt to hide under." Evil is in them and they don't let it go. Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice. God chooses to love us! Aren't we lucky/blessed.
Being unequal yoke can really impact a marriage. You can unequally yoke spiritual, sexual, and financial. Marriage is not easy but being equal yoked with your partner makes it a little easier.
@@lovingme1st973 they were unequally yoked before they got married. More so I think it was more of healing from the past and working on insecurities that caused all this. They were not in union but I’m competition. They were supposed to be one flesh but the man seems like he was trying to prove himself worthy just like Laterras got divorced when he felt unworthy of marriage. We gotta work on our insecurities.
@@lovingme1st973 They were unequally yoked before the marriage. Being married only magnified their issues. It is so important to become whole and healed prior to a relationship. Realize you cannot change a person. Recognize the red flags and govern yourself accordingly.
The other thing that I just realized is a man needs to choose to wait himself not because it is a requirement by the woman. Because then it becomes a goal or achievement thing or like a game for him to win the cookie. A woman shouldn’t force a man to wait but she should set the standard. That rubbing into a man that you ain’t getting the cookie unless we married can cause the wrong men to just wanna marry you and sleep with you just because it was a goal not out of love. Wait because you want to and if you can not wait then leave the person alone and go find your own like minded person. I would feel used if a man said what he said on the night of our wedding. Totally sad.
This hit in so many ways. The day after I got married, my ex-husband told me he made a mistake. I felt all her pain. God is still good in spite of all this. 🙏🏾
She's an intuitive empath, who married her emotionally unavailable dad.... That's our path to healing .... Crazy as it seems, this is very common.... Keep on healing as you heal others mama!
I just watched this heartbreaking video today for the first time. It showed up on my homepage as a recommendation to watch. There were many heart issues mentioned, red flags, misguided counsel, or the lack of counsel, but what tugged at me the most was that her marriage mirrored the relationship she had with her earthly father. In which she still needed healing for. I can relate to this particular issue of dating the image of your earthly father without realizing it! I pray they both believe and receive a true knowledge of their identity in Christ to have a right relationship with God in order to foster true Godly marriages on earth! Our marriages on earth should be the example of the Covenant with Christ and the church. May God bless these two to life.
This podcast was soooo necessary for singles and couples. The immense amount of transparency in brokenness is heavy but again necessary for healing. Thank you Laterras for all that you do in Kingdom Building to release and restore. Praying for you as you maneuver through the mental and emotional experiences of your guests; because it can be heavy but thank you for obedience and provision. Prayers also for the Mcintosh Family individually and collectively!
Can we have a "where are they now" for this couple just to find out where they are and just catch up on them, please? This is God at work honestly!
Now this was a jaw dropper. I appreciate the both of them for keeping it LIT. I just want to say to single women everywhere never ever ever marry your SONS. He got married to GET not to GIVE. The only reason a man should marry you is because HE loves you. and ladies we need to stop giving our HANDS before a man falls in love with our HEART. I am wishing them both healing. Her ministry is about to take off after she has gone through her healing, I pray she remembers who she was before she met him because she is STILL anointed, chosen and called.
Amen sis Amen 🙏🏽
Yesss and amen to that 🙌🏽🔥🔥
Gem dropped
Yessssssssss
Amen to that may God heal both of them...
As someone who personally knows Ms. Gaines as her coworker, she truly is a woman that exemplifies Christ in her everyday life. She carries so much genuine joy and love to her students, coworkers and everyone she comes across.. It was so crazy to see her on here going through a divorce because she always carried a smile on her face .. I’m so sorry for you and your family Ms. Gaines and I’m praying for you moving forward. ❤️ - Astrid
❤️
God truly loves you❤️
This is heartbreaking I really feel heartbroken 💔 😢 😞 I pray God keep her and heal her heart 🙏
Ms Gaines has the most subtle look of disgust on her face. So SAD😒
So sad! I meet a lot of churchy, prophetess, speaking in tongue women who get tricked like this!! Male prisoners go to church a lot looking for holy women who are desperate for marriage.
The best thing that happened in their marriage is when he told her I don't love you and I have never loved you. That was the gateway to her freedom and the beginning of a new life. It was so sad to see and hear his brokenness. He's just an example of many. We thank them for their openness and vulnerability to educate many of us. God bless them in their healing journeys.
Even when she’s getting a divorce, she’s still showing up, honouring and covering him. THAT is courageous and so beautiful. She’s so rare and he truely lost a good wife.
That is love. Keeps no records of wrongs. Love is truthful but will console you through the pain at the same time. I agree with you.
Truly.
You talking about my life too
Courageous...no it is no self esteem it is the ROLE OF THE HUSBAND TO BE THE COVERING not the wife....
GOD says with WISDOM &UNDERSTANDING
Proverbs 4:6-7
Some of us learn faster than others.. because I would've pivot on a dime.
He would have reaped his own words.
I feel like one of the downfalls of the church is that they teach us to marry but don’t teach us about marriage. They don’t show you how to find someone compatible. It’s like oh you saved and she saved get married. But don’t teach what it takes to have a relationship with a spouse.
That part.
Facts!
True
I so totally agree with this statement, church leaders tend to overlook the red flags.
This is so true 💯💯
I lived through 14 years of being told by my first husband that he didn’t love me. I would have also stayed. He committed adultery and I was then released from the covenant. I supported him and I was also treated with disrespect on every level. I now have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally. God is good!
I’m in tears reading this because I’m in a dark place right now concerning my marriage. I’ve been married for five years gave my husband his first and only child a son we been separated for two years. He moved out but was making an effort to spend time with us as a family and found out when picking my son up from his place that he has a girl in the car waiting outside. But reading this gives me hope. Thank you for sharing
❤️❤️❤️
wow! great for you.
@@tubegen11 I’m sorry but 2 years of separation, it’s time to move on cause he already has. Godbless you & your family 🙏🏽
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I truly believe he was sent by the enemy to destroy her, but what the enemy meant for evil is being made for good. This podcast is a testimony for good premarital counseling, counseling, and forgiveness.
May what the enemy stole be restored 7-fold.
She was already broken, he was sent by God to show up those broken parts so she can truly find healing.
WOW the pastor should have discerned somethings before it even began. It's sad and it's real bc I have been on the other side of this. I never loved the man I married especially after seeing he didn't love me based on how he treated me. And I realized I was broken and drawn to broken and that was the foundation nothing solid could be built.
Amen.
I’m sorry about this, it’s a lot.
Warning : Broken people should not hide through marriage instead they should seek help before tying the knot…even if it may take years to heal or not.
Because you cannot pour from an empty cut, you cannot give what you don’t have.
I’m still perplexed about this part though: If guy never loved her, why marry her???💔😭🤷♀️
I got chills reading this!!! RESTORED 7 fold!!!!!!
I feel her pain so much. I’m almost 40 and single and this gave me a message to not be desperate for marriage that the Holy Spirit is important in all decisions to discern and remove any stronghold of making life changing decision.
Amen!!
Amen me too!! And to be thankful and yet open to what God has! Listening to her though I see a codependent, that way of thinking landed her with someone with nothing to give. I have been healing from that way of thinking. Codependency is destructive. I wish she would have trusted herself instead of what the church was telling her.
I'm 38 and grateful for my singleness, God's time is the best. I'm waiting for the right man from God. Blessings to you and may God grant all your heart desires. Amen!
Linda your time will definitely come. There is NO rush.
Same
Further proof to what I know: When men marry "perfection" (for them) and women marry potential--it never works.
Whoooo weee...that's a sermon! JESUS!
Agreed women need to stop trying to build men, a real man will come already assembled.
Speak on it!
Aint thst the truth
This!!! 100% facts
"I never loved you" .... in 12 years. The deepest of sighs. She said she doesn't have the spirit to be abused & yet we are watching the result of isolation...which is a form of non physical abuse. This is DEEP.
I think a lot of women have never experienced mental, emotional or financial abuse really don't know what it looks like or that it really exists. So she was in it but didn't recognize it for what it was. Sounds like she felt like if he wasn't raising his voice and thretening/administering v-iolence, then it wasn't abuse.
@@buttaflygirl05 correct. I couldn't stomach the rest of this interview because of the denial and his treatment of this woman.
Yeah, I almost turned it off because it was deep. I had to watch it though. It's up to her if she decides it abuse. She was very confident that she could never be abused so she definitely needs to dig deep about that comment.
@@buttaflygirl05 👋🏿👋🏿I agree 100 percent!!
As a community we need to reassess what abuse “looks” like. Emotional abuse through neglect is just as damaging as if he were to yell and call her out her name. It’s a slow burn in comparison to a hot fire, both damage the sense of self.
I am so sick of people blaming not being healed on ruining relationships and treating their partners like crap
It gets me tired !
He wasn’t healed and without a dad then sir go get help or seek the Lord till your ready. He played with her
For real!!!! Sometimes ones gotta realise that they are just a selfish person who does not know how to die to self 😭
Thank you , the amount of times he keep saying it was the unhealed version of me. Like babyyyyy the least he can do is continue to tell the ugly truth. In some ways he did but the real moments to remain consistent he chose the unhealed version of me.
You handled this interview with so much grace and understanding.
As a divorced woman I can tell you that divorce isn’t easy but it was the BEST thing I ever did.. I wished she didn’t stay in a love less marriage for 12 years and had those kids for him but there is light at the end of the tunnel .. I believe God is blessing her by removing her husband .. A good heart goes through alot of pain but a good heart also receives MANY blessings ✨❤️
Amen
🗣AMEN
@@DearFutureWifey when you said “you’ve been pouring into a glass with holes , everything you’ve been pouring into the marriage has been seeping out .. nothing sticks ! “ WOW!!! ✨⛪️ This woman is a living sacrifice
@@Daniii9393 and sadly she shouldn’t have been, she gave and gave and never received. This is not the picture of Christ and His bride that honors God. The church pushes women to be like this and they are pushed to their death beds!
@@Actavella absolutely! As a woman of God I wished she looked at her marriage through Gods eye and saw the truth .. I believe some things we cause on ourselves.. and realizing that is important as well .. she recognizes there were red flags from the beginning.. Also church is filed with a lot of broken and one track minded people .
The lack of emotions on his face while she’s shaking and crying is breaking my heart
he is a classic narc and needs therapy
I noticed that as well. And the fact that he feels nothing hurts my soul.
Because he's an undercover male looking to act like he's the victim 🙄
@@torri4777 fr fr lol omg
He is a sad
When Laterras said "What I do know is that when God tells you something it doesn't fail. His word will not return to him void". I felt that in my soul.
Same here! And it was a revelation because I always interpreted that to mean when we share His word! Now I'm like His word to us will not come back void period.
There was a whole lot of God "said" with no fruit of His presence....they both need to be deprogrammed from this religious spirit and connect with the Holy Spirit.
Same!!
Yes! This was powerful
This is heartbreaking. She literally married the counterfeit. I pray that God heals her heart.
I pray she take her share of the responsibility of that relationship
@@lillianshepard2756Exactly. She knew they were unequally yoked when he didn’t even have a clue. 😢
She married a wolf in sheep clothing.....he was in the church, but the church wasn't in him. Women, we got to be patient and use discernment. Raise the bar.
He married a wolf in sheep… She is the older woman, the one who did not want to marry, the veteran Christian, the anointed woman of God, the prayer warrior, etc. How did she miss the voice of God?
@@Dr.Elaine1 Umm there are devout christians who miss the voice of god, cause at the end of the day we're human and sadly no matter how close we are to God we will always fall short.
It's obvious he felt emasculated from the beginning but did not know how to express it and she had a saviour complex and felt the need to take care of him. They both needed to reach a place of healing before they got married and love themselves before loving each other. This episode is powerful to reveal the needed to love yourself before coming to the decision to marry.
This, this is the bottom line to this. Heal before you try to become one with another soul. Heal and take accountability for your own brokeness and women we cant be out here trying to fix, save, and be Jesus and the Holy Spirit to anyone.
It's obvious that God wasn't being asked and listened to.
This term emasculated is so funny to me. Masculinity isn’t a cloak that can be put on or taken off. He was unprepared for the job and knew that deep down. She likely did too. They tried to dress up a pig. We lie to ourselves and make up what sounds like a cute story. Theirs was: “I didn’t even really like him when we met, but God softened my heart towards him and I really saw him for the man of god he was becoming.” And everyone clapped and said aw cute story , look at God. She let the ooohs and aaahs over the story drown out the still small
Voice. She got some intrinsic gain from being the one who was “together” and the one to choose someone unlikely. I wish them well. Her pain is palpable and I’m sorry she had this experience.
This is real. He does come off as the bad guy, but this marriage really was based on an unhealthy codependency.
Wow this is sad. This breaks my heart.
I’m an hour and 17 minutes in…..I see two broken ppl who decided to get married for all the wrong reasons. Additionally they were failed by the leaders within the church as it relates to their pre-marital counseling. This is just sad. My heart goes out to both. I pray that they both heal and become whole.
Me too
I thought the same thing, that the church leaders failed them concerning their pre-marital counseling. Where was the wisdom and guidance, and the concern enough to tell her that this wasn't who God had for her? I think that I would seriously consider finding another church home.🤔
There Pastor should have said no your not marrying him !
I went through the same situation. The problem with the church is they want to hold on to members, so denying marriage is a No-No b/c they’ll fear loss of members aka tithes/offerings. Had we went thru pre-marital that was without ungodly (motives from the church) I feel as though we both would’ve never married. I too married b/c I didn’t want to be sexually active and serving in the church… we just both felt convicted. We both felt God was going to punish us if we didn’t become as one. Shame on all ministries who fail to administer proper pre-marital counseling.
Yep. I know this way too well.
They had not had sexual intercourse until marriage, and on their wedding night he says “Go take care of yourself”; he was never into her. There was never any passion or desire for her in the way a husband should. This is just so SAD. It’s like he didn’t LIKE her. She’s like a lot of women with the “build-a-bear” mentality. She tried to build this man into what she NEEDED, he wasn’t MEANT for her, so he was NEVER going to be who or what she needed.
Wow… build-a-bear .. That’s good sis.
I agree with you 100%
My heart breaks for her ! The disrespect finish yourself on the wedding night 🥴 God please get your sons smh 🤦🏾♀️
True and for me that would be the first and last day of our marriage..
for him to go take care of yourself it was as if she was a one night stand...i was shocked hearing that like what kind of guy are you...
What breaks my heart is that she still was holding on to not embarrass him even though he emotionally abandoned her. She is simply too good for him. Her anointing is too special for his limited needs. I understand this woman so much. Users will never understand the gift of her. BUT, what I love is how Laterras pours into his guests...he speaks so much life into his guests that it's refreshing and genuine.
May God make her another Kathryn Kuhlman, in Jesus Name.
this was really hard to watch.
he's an emotionally unavailable man .. but i appreciate him sharing and not holding back
My heart hurts for her 😢 an emotionally unavailable man is extremely painful to deal with it brings on the spirit of rejection
She looks like the victim but she's as sick as he is to accept a man like him in her life and even wanted to stay with him for life as broken as he was. Thank God he finally told her that he never loved her. It was her gateway to freedom.
As someone who just ended her engagement, this has helped me even see the further hurt I’ve saved myself from. Thank you so much for this podcast. I’m so grateful for this couple and their honesty.
why'd you end it?
if you don't mind me asking
Self healing is very important and learning to live with self without involving other person. Many times women thinks they can help heal a hurting men, I tell them it's a no, because down the road the woman will lose. Don't take in a broken man period and let him heal completely on their own first, that's my opinion.🙏🏽🙏🏽
Me too hunny. I was thanking God during this episode. I do pray blessing to the both of them.
Amen
I pray you find true ❤
The irony of her saying she can’t be abused… and was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years and didn’t know it is heartbreaking 😢💔
Right!! I believe she's speaking solely about physical abuse and completely forgot that emotional abuse is just as potent
That was in reference to physical abuse only...
Facts, cause sis all those tears were abuse like I get it you couldn’t be physically abused bit emotional and mental abuse is real.
I thought the same thing…She’s been being abused and has no idea.
I thought the same thing. I would prefer to be beaten than endure the pain she is experiencing.
This almost mirrors my marriage. I'm divorced now and my advice to all women is stop the build with him mentality. She doesn't see her flaw in not enforcing her boundary. She also betrayed herself every single time she overlooked his inadequacies and became hiyper vigilant to cover him. Empathetic people can't keep on playing victim to situations they ignore. While there is manipulation, there's also blatant red flags. RECIPROCATION is a gauge. Take off the rose colored glasses. Stop looking to the future. If he isn't providing RIGHT NOW, not being proactive with your emotional needs, leading you spiritually, taking an active role in the wedding, meeting with men in your family.....these are things our grandparents were required to do to prove they were deserving of marriage. Love isn't gonna fix it all. Love is gonna come out of being equally yoked. Don't make my mistake. My ex told me I did the right thing by leaving because he wasn't going to treat me right. I'm praying for marriages. We have to fix this. Thank you both for being transparent. There's an attack on marriage and it starts with us to teach others. A nice person doesn't equal the right person. Be blessed yall 🙏🏽💕
Amen!!!
Incredibly true!
So true💯💯
Amen 🙏🏾
"A nice person doesn't equal the right person" pure truth. Thank you
This has been the most profound episode I’ve listened to this far. Spiritually it resignates with my personal journey as an Anointed, empathetic, healer I feel her pain and my heart and prayers goes out to this Queen for being so graceful and nurturing in the midst of it All! The Goodness of God is upon you and everything you touch.
Only 20 minutes in and this is a very heavy episode. This is a very important as it lets you know that everyone should pay attention to red flags and listen to your intuition. When she said that when she first met him that she didn’t like his spirit, that was her intuition trying to let her know…. I love that Laterras is really trying to get to the real issue and holding his feet to the fire. That’s why it’s good for men to have convos with other men. I hope everyone finds healing with this episode.
This 💕
Absolutely 💯
I hold her feet to the fire. She's not a victim. Her initial vibes from him were not the only sign. Women need to cut it out. We know what we do out of desperation. She's not telling the whole truth. She's telling the version/portion that makes him look bad and her look innocent.
The perfect cracked pot will find the perfect cracked lid to fit it. Her unconscious daddy issues is what attracted her to him. Her dealing with those issues is the solution to her marital problems NOT, trying to "fix" him.
I totally agree. The husband is lost . He needs a happily married Christian man as a mentor. Both of them need counseling. I wish African-American people would take advantage of counseling.
This is disheartening. God Bless them Both. 🙏🏽😢
I love the ending, I'm in tears! That he apologized to her for wasting her time, and she reciprocated by blessing him. God rewards the tongue of the one who speaks a blessing in the midst of pain..it's a selfless act. May you two find joy, peace, and most of all love!
Please, sir/ma'am, can you tell me the scripture where you said about God rewarding the tongue? I want to post it on my corkboard so that I can have and memorize it. Thanks.
then they shouldn't Divorce
Spoiler alert lol… I’m still watching it but just read this comment😂 it’s all good.
@@terracottawellness1561 1st Peter 3: 8-12
God bless you.
@@molesadione9645 😂😂..lol!
It took a lot of strength for both of them to share their story with the world.
Yes! And the stories they shared (the wedding night story and the 3 roses story🥀). So much openness.
It doesn't take much for a person to share when they are letting go! Meaning him. She is the one really sharing. She gave her life. Gave birth in pain. On all expect. I pray God heals her. She and God restored him. But now she's empty. God has to restore.
If this man say one more thing about his “brokenness” crutch, I’m going to SCREAM!!!!! 😱😱😱
🤣🤣🤣
If he was saying the same to her about his brokenness crutch, she should have discerned that she shouldn’t marry him.
At 54 minutes, this man says he doesn't "feel anything" when this woman has expressed her hurt and brokenness. My heart hurts for her. 😢
Yup. I was thinking it the whole time. My God...
Sometimes marriages doesn't work out..I am glad that they can walk away with God in the forefront... Praying for them both.
I’m sitting here saying like he is completely checked out…what is going on?
@@irismorgan1318 that doesn't mean he can't feel! No empathy? Nah he's cold as heck
It hurt my feelings when she started crying and he didn't reach out to comfort her..
The husband has been operating in numbness for so long he doesn’t know how to feel. He’s clearly an empty vessel at this point. Whatever he has been through in his life has completely closed him up to the tiniest amount of feeling! He needs deliverance from the bondages that have held him captive for so long. I believe he wants to do the right thing in his heart but doesn’t know how to allow himself to feel again! He’s closed off and emotionless, which may have been his way of operating in order to survive for as long as he has been surviving. Take off the gloves and give the fight over to the most high! Completely strip yourself down and surrender so you can be the best you for you. Peace, blessings and love to the two of you….
Amen to this.❤️
Amen Amen… he is very empty 👌🏾
I agree he doesn't display any emotions about the situation. Body language tells everything!
Wow sounds like my husband. This is my life. I’m trying to hold on to him so badly but he is numb. I’ve come to the point where I know I can’t make him love me. I see little snippets that he does but he quickly withdraws it. It’s like a protective mechanism
@@blessedandbeautiful8365 sorry to hear that you’re going through that. Have you ever watched the War Room? If not it’s a great movie to check out.
He gave her a gift. A gift of new beginnings. What I've learned from this is to ask the question AND ACCEPT the answer...the first time. Honesty is key. I am learning to be more willing to have tough conversations. I'm proud of her. She's wise and definitely not a doormat.
I love the way this interview was hosted. And the way you have protected your guest through a very difficult topic. It is beautiful that something so painful can be used to educate and build others. It's definitely something very difficult to go through and even more so to share..It seems like Vincent may require some more support with expressing his emotions and maybe more so feeling his emotions. Pervalia seems like such a lover, a woman who gives and always strives to remain in a faithful place, a woman who gives herself and gives her best at every opportunity. It hurts to watch this because you can very easily prefer one person's position to the other. But I want to stand with these two and just release healing and hope to both of them. May this experience not break Vincent or Pervalia but may it be used to promote growth, love, and victory at every point in their lives. May Pervalia's heart be restored and may she flow in the grace and the love of God. May your children be fruitful with their emotions and engagements in life. May your household be blessed. ❤🙏 Laterrasr be blessed sir! More grace and wisdom unto you !!!!
“I wasn’t building you for the next woman“ Lord have mercy. Father protect us prior to getting married!!! Give us the discernment to follow your lead
😢😢😢
unfortunately too many wmn are obsessed with "getting" married and not "being" married.
it was sad to watch this .. i appreciate their transparency
Sis' identity is based in being a saviour. It was a blind spot. She found a man who wanted to be saved and had mother issues. This was the perfect dysfunction. I hope they grow and heal.
Perfectly said...
You are 100% correct...The only thing that I would add is Vincent needs to receive Jesus Christ.
THIS!
Absolutely 💯 Been there, Done that 🥺
Yes! Codependency vibes for sure. It seems like she seeks validation through helping others.
It was so heartbreaking to hear him say “I don’t feel anything” when she expressed deep pain that she’s suffering through. But this is relatable. I dated a man that had little to no empathy for how badly he treated me either, and I had to just heal my own heart on my own terms.
That was extremely sad to hear but I truly appreciate his honesty. He needs God and that's it.
Yes yes amen
I'm just watching this episode two years later, it breaks my heart. I would love to speak with the wife to tell her how beautiful she is . Another thing I understand is her testimony that she remembered her time in heaven . She is telling the truth. I would love to speak with her concerning her time in heaven .
1. Trust your intuition
2. Don’t marry a man, who can’t be the provider. Your salary should not stop him from being a provider.
3. Users all speak the same language, they’re always looking for a woman of God, a good Christian woman who can help them get them become better
4. If during the dating relationship you feel like he’s your son, end the relationship.
this!!! So many blk women suffer from this issue
Perhaps, trust God. You cannot say that u r a prophetic intercessor and NOT hear God!
@@jllj9231 This part! Discernment is key, that's what I've learnt in my own journey of healing. Being close to God and His word will make the voice of God's spirit more audible to you. The further you are from God, the less likely you'll hear His voice when He speaks. And I wouldn't just say trust in God but utter and complete surrender. Focus on yourself and Him and everything else shall follow, that's scripture! Mathew 6:33❤️ I think a lot us are lead astray through impatience and disobedience.There is such greatness that comes with waiting upon the Lord.
number 3. when I hear a man say they need a woman to help them focus, bring order im their life etc when what he really needs a therapist, a life coach and a whole support system: I RUN!
@@BlkOnyx0508 and even more are gaslit when they say they don't want this...
From a never been married, single black lady, this episode blessed me and opened my eyes up. My heart goes out to the both of them.
Same here!!!!
Same for me as well!
Same here...I pray Gods Healing power for both
She keeps saying, “why get married” as if she didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t filling her up during the courtship. She married him knowing what she knew. At what point does she take accountability for her role in accepting and settling when her gut told her to run. He’s as wrong as 2 left feet, but a person can only do what you allow. These are the questions I’ve had to ask myself as a divorcee’ and I had to take accountability. Yes, he’s wrong. He used her, but she allowed it. She allowed it for 12 years and 18 months. She seems like such a beautiful soul who deserves so much more than THIS! ❤
When she didn't trust God she got what she deserves
I pray that she let God soften her heart to accept the love of Jesus!
When you marry “Adam” divorce ensued.
May she turns her heart to God. 🎉❤ not to other human beings.
Let Adam be…
Yes I said this to myself towards the end when it was revealed that as recently as his last birthday she took him on a trip. It’s sad to see and I wish her healing and self love first and then a loving husband if she wants that ❤
I'm with you. There were so many red flags, and she ignored them all.
I appreciate this couple sharing their experience with us. This is a clear example of why we need healing before marriage. We all have struggles and if we seek individual counseling before marriage counseling much could be revealed if we are honest. God bless each of them and I pray for healing. This woman has been committed and I pray the Lord sends her a Godly man who will love and cherish her because I know she will love him. I pray that the husband gets counseling and that he will be healed. God is able!
“Don’t get married if you have nothing to give…” Don’t get married if you know your partner has nothing to give either.
As sorry as I felt for her, this was my same thought when she said that. I think she knew that he didn't have anything to give, so what was it in her that made her still choose to marry him.
Exactly.
That’s a whole sermon SERIES
@@TheSlc1982 real talk because you think you can help him!!! He needs to have direction before you marry him if not you are in a world 🌍 of trouble!!!
Excellent on both points.
As a 45 year old man, I'm here crying, writing as the tears are flowing. My relationship was just the opposite, I felt like I was the person God sent to her to heal her. We also were both in the church, knew each other since childhood, had a beautiful wedding, and years after being blessed and watching the hand of God in our marriage, she flipped everything. I've never seen a level of the EVIL that she began to operate in in any of my previous relationships. This episode spoke to me in so many ways.
Laterras... may God continue to bless you and use you as a vessel for so many. To the couple... allow God to be God and really operate in the calling that He has for your lives. May the Peace of God bless you all.
🙏🏾
Praying for your healing! We have to remember that only Jesus can heal the broken-hearted
@@mstfleur77 Thank You! In these past 3 years, God has been faithful and have been showing me me.
@@madtyga2002 Are you both in marriage counseling?
I am so sorry. Some people are selfish and a user
When he said, "I don't feel anything," this was the epitome of what she's felt their entire marriage
I wept…
Thank you!! I was hoping someone would mention that specific and pivotal moment. I’ve been trying to word my comment very carefully bc I don’t want to be perceived as judge-mental at a time where these Individuals have been so gracious with their story. I feel like the unspoken reality is that this young man is a narcissist. While there are so many reasons that people can develop narcissistic traits (I.e trauma), everything was said except that. It’s so clear. He can be delivered and healed but In order to do so, you have to call a thing a thing.
And that part made me wish I could go through the TV and give her a hug.
Exactly! I said it out loud before he did and it immediately saddened me.
Wowwwww! This is the 1st time I have watched this podcast!!!!!! 😢 This was a hard one. I am grateful they shared. This is an amazing safe space. I feel for her, I feel for him. Thank you sir for creating such a platform. To God Be The Glory
She's 100% correct, he targeted her to use her. He knew she would love hard and give her marriage all she had, because she's truly a woman of the cloth. My heart breaks for her. 😢💔
I don't believe he targeted her, he was broken and even admitted it, she herself was not healed and had some hidden things from the past, its a relationship that shouldn't have taken place as it was un Godly. She gave more and it was not reciprocated. However I won't say he targeted her, they've got 2 children and I'm glad his taken responsibility for the role he played. There's good in the out come thanks to God..🙏
I met a man that kept telling me he knew I love hard and kept asking what would make me settle down ! He gave me 3 res flags, I ran like hell
@25:00 it's starting to seem like for him it was a conquest after all.. I don't think it had to do with her being the breadwinner as to why he fell out of love... that's that post nut clarit.. he got his and realized oh shat, I'm in a committed relationship, and she is not a girlfriend that I can just ghost... its not that he felt inadequate, because he didn't have funds in the beginning and at that point men usually will take the stand that they are not ready yet. But instead he proposed in order to get them draws... post nut clarity
She used her intuition to be with this man ..that's the mistake we Christian women do !!!
But God would have expose him to her. If you have a relationship w/ the Father
She said she would have never left and she would have stayed miserable for 50 years…that saddens me because you gotta learn to love yourself…never love someone more than you love yourself and accept less than the best for yourself… that speaks to so much lacking within herself. I pray she learns some real self worth and heals from it all ❤️
Yes!! I agree with you. That statement spoke volumes and not in a healthy way.
Say that!
When she said that I was like God doesn't want us to be a martyr, Jesus paid it all. Know when to leave and ask God to lead the way. And yes, Learn to love yourself after God and then everyone else.
Yes but that’s what most people do. They are just existing, going through the everyday routine but not thriving in their marriage. Most of us don’t love ourselves. We dress up to go out with someone where “feting”, or wanting to date. We dress up for work. A lot of things are for show not because it’s for us to grow and be the best person for God/ourselves. Many of us are more like this couple than we we would like to think.
@@lavinia7103 You better preach! I've personally seen this happen twice, and both times the men were not initially financially stable, and the women were desperate to be married (i.e. ignoring all red flags).
Thank you for your courage. My heart dear sister bled for you. I cried and cried because I truly felt your pain. You're right my sister His Love is ALL YOU NEED. May God bless you and your family. Amen💕
As a man.... when I tell you that this woman's pain had me in tears! My heart truly goes out to her.,
One of millions a story with black Americans and black males in this country. Messed up mentality.
Same bruh ♥️💪🏽
❤️
Same here, 28year old he knew that he was using her. The pain is too much for her.
As a man that’s broken and in healing, this almost made regurgitate in disgust. It was needed though because it made me realize that a major part of my brokenness was me breaking my own heart by breaking the heart of the people I loved (whether intentional or not).This episode was a shameless plug for counseling.
My heart breaks for her. I was in the same identical relationship for 9 years. He never loved me. I thought I’d die when he left but hey! I’m alive. Remarried to a kinder. more gentle and more importantly a man who loves me and supports me. She’ll survive. God is good. I thanked my ex husband once I realized that he did a great thing by finally letting me go. Trust me it’s not the end of the world.
🎯 absolutely not the end of the world!
Your past experience gave cause for your greater appreciation for present husband.
Cherish him.
Oh my gosh Laterras! This was so powerful hearing such profound comments throughout this podcast! This truly resonates with me as a divorced woman of 7 years now…whew! This is so revealing!! I was in a loveless marriage for 17 years until I filed for divorce as an empty vessel. Thank you!
I commend him for acknowledging his brokenness and for seeking healing. I commend her for allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to share her truth. I pray that they both find healing and come together to be great parents. 🙏
This interview is so good. This is a prime of example of the saying “I will not set myself on fire to keep you warm”. This woman has done just that. … Also, it reminds me of the saying “you cannot feed a dog cat food”. It doesn’t matter how much you love & sacrifice yourself for someone else, if the other party isn’t able to receive it, it doesn’t matter. Also, no situation is solely one persons fault. I can see they both played a part in the demise of their marriage. I know for a fact that this interview has been a blessing to so many people, self included. This interview is real tear jerker. Amazing, amazing interview. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you both Love & Healing ♥️
Yes it takes two for sure!
💯💯💯
“I will not set myself on fire to keep you warm” 💯💯💯
He did not love her at all and that was the biggest problem! God honor marriage and bless marriages, that man is not right, not one time did he say he fast, pray and ask God to help him love his wife.
My hope is that Prevalia doesn't feel like she was a fool for investing like she did. She can walk away from this marriage with her head held high knowing she gave her most excellent service in the ministry that God gave her.
The Lord WILL bless you, Prevalia. Get ready!!!
Amen 🙏🏾
AMEN
The McIntoshes family are in my prayers. Laterras, you did an amazing job navigating the dialogue.
May our Father be glorified with the outcome.❤
I just love the way Laterras stood up for this woman! He's such a covering for us! God bless him!
I'm 38mins in and I am glad that they decided to come on a platform and be transparent and raw about their marital experience. As a single woman this is what I need to hear and see as I navigate dating and growth within myself. God bless them.
I feel the same way. This resonates with my spirit because I married early and it was a lot of unhealthy and unhealed spirits between us. I left him due to his extra relationship. I eventually went to God and asked how did I get here. That’s when I realized that I was stuck in a pattern of disfunction that had to be broken.
he lost a GREAT woman and he doesn't even know it...She is such a Gem
A real man will come along and marry her. She must heal from this marriage so she can receive true love and healthy leadership.
@@pdoe4966 nowadays with the way men are, she’s going to be single for a very long time or forever. A lot of men nowadays don’t want women with kids and pass a certain age.
Ma friends it take 2 for marriage to go wrong not one both Contributed to the downfall of the marriage
You can't stay for 12 years without wanting it to work out look deeper both are answerable to the marriage breakdown
@@mykemasai42 I disagree with your statement “You can’t stay for 12 years without wanting it to work…” If someone has ulterior motives to use someone, they’ll stay for as long as they can before their true intentions are exposed. Ijs
I’m new here & am absolutely grateful for finding you Latterras. I cried this entire episode, although I have been binge watching for about 2 month this hit my soul differently. I needed to see this bec the strength of this beautiful woman Pavelia is refreshing. Even as I sit here fighting tears to write this comment. Thank you both for sharing your story. You showed real grace I can only aspire to be like you. My heart is broken & my mind is in a whirlwind that I have yet to past through but Thank you for what you are doing!
I'm so emotionally drained from this interview. Im all cried out... It spoke to me on sooo many levels... I have to let go of my current situation. I appreciate this so much. Many hugs and love to them...
God bless you
Thank you
I'm sorry Mya Evans , sometimes it take to see another story to open your eyes.
My prayer to God is to have my spiritual eyes to be WIDE OPENED.
Congratulations on doing what is best for you sis🌹
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
19years ago I married a very broken man. He was selfish, trauma wounds from family, full of pride and not very romantic etc. He married a very broken woman. I had daddy issues, dealt with rejection, pride, and trauma wounds from assault , etc. We were both pretty jacked up to say the least but we couldnt see it. We embarked on marriage had no clue what we were doing. My coping skills were his triggers and vice versa. We fought each other doing the enemies work instead of fighting the enemy together. We separated, came back together only to end up ready to divorce. Then God graciously allowed the stuff that we kept sweeping under the rug to be revealed. We had to face ourselves individually, heal then acknowledge how our hurt, hurt each other. No one could tell me we would have made it out but we did. God renewed it and I promise it's better than ever. It took for each of us to surrender, get real, and to be willing to unlearn unhealthy habits and begin to learn new healthy habits. I'm over joyed and beyond blessed as we plan our 20yr dinner to share our testimony with other couples in hopes to help them heal.
As he heals he will begin to see differently as well as her. Marriage is worth fighting for I was ready to give up but God had other plans. I understand some people won't make it but I had to say I'm a living testimony that surrender to God first can heal a very broken marriage.
Man that’s beautiful!!!! 😭
Yes!!! Amen!!!
It has to be 2 people willing on the same Team.
I’m happy for you.
God always trying to work out marriage.
He can’t change self will.
@@cassandragriffin1489 absolutely! That's why I said I understand some people won't make it. My story is simply stating if we surrender to God He can and will change our hearts. I gave up! I was ready to move on and was convinced that my husband wasn't for me. However I sought God desperately. He began to show me, me! He showed me how my past wounds affected how I saw my husband. He also showed me how some of my "personality traits" were actually trauma responses. I had to be willing to trust God, admit fault, and be vulnerable enough with my heavenly father for Him to do a work in me. Same for my husband. Then and only then we're we able to learn what loving each other in Christ was really like. This for us was supernatural. The change happened very quickly, once our marital issues came to light and we found ourselves in our pastors office. I truly believe that's because we both had reached a point of surrender to God.
@@sheenamarie9991 Yes!!!! That’s it right there!!! Surrender and allow God to change your heart!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽. Thanks for sharing!!!
Both of them entered into the marriage broken. She used righteousness as a way to overpower him, he used his brokenness to lure her in.
You are right
🎯🎯
I agree sadly
🎯🙏🏽❤️
I commend the level of maturity and growth here. The fact that they can end in prayer together is so inspiring.
As a 25 year old young lady who has never been in a relationship but desires it so so much, this podcast and this particular episode has made reconsider my patience. I now fully and truly understand what it means to be single and to be in the prepping period. I am so thankful and blessed that God has revealed this video to me. It somewhat gives me the spiritual and fear and anxiety when it comes down to marriage and selecting my husband. I will be sure to pray on that.
Additionally , this woman is so strong. I wish I had better words to describe her and the her spirit but there are no words to describe how beautiful and flawless it is.
I hope that she receives happiness, healing, peace, and love that she deeply desires. If you are reading this, thank you, thank you for being vulnerable, truthful, and for blessing other men and women with this message. God Bless 🙏🏾
Yes she is strong.And he don't love her and he knew it from day one
girl me too. im 24 and been feeling so jnpatienrt. im going to continue to wait
Oooommmmommmoooo😅omom😮😮 😅
@@Brandiisbeloved acting like y'all got much of a choice lol
Every time she cried and voiced her pain I could feel it in my spirit. As a 'aka' church girl I can attest that counseling in some churches are extremely subpar and many ministers are not equipped to engage in topics that are sometimes considered 'Taboo'. But we must...too many of us are marrying because of a prophesy, or to stop fornicating, to have children, or marrying into the first family of the church for popularity, or to cover insecurities and brokenness. I believe God will reveal the true heart of a person (man or woman) to save us from further pain, trauma and abuse. He was abusive to his wife although he may have never hit her the fact is he never loved her and this is deceptive and it is emotional abuse. She was broken and looking for love and unfortunately she landed in the arms of man who was not able to go to God and surrender his brokenness. And by the way we ALL are broken at some time or another so let's just speak truth! I pray prayers of healing and restoration and that they transition into a life God planned for them both individually. Laterras all I can say you my brother are ANOINTED for such a time as this! Love you all!
Former church girl here! I agree- I’m so grateful God saved me from the wrong relationships 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I would never get counseling from a church bc you're right they're no equip bc it was very surface when my husband and I got....
@@angelbridges3056I prefer to go a license Christian faith based- professional I’ve had too many disappointing experiences with some church counselors. But therapy is good. Check out Dr. Anita Phillips podcast The Light she is 🔥🔥🔥!
This queen deserves to be loved. He knows exactly who she is and that is why he continues to engage in this toxic behavior. This is not about brokenness...it is about entitlement....he continues to abuse because he knows she will never do to him what he is still doing to her. I pray she gets the healing and love that she needs! She does not need to suffer or sacrifice for love!
Exactly! He ran that word "brokenness" in the ground.
He*s one of the alphabet males!!!!!
@Tami Gage yes. Misusing self worth and what not
@Demetria he is a lazy man
This is such an emotional podcast, she spoke from the heart, and I felt her pain. I am so sorry that she had that experience but even more proud of you queen for sharing your story. I pray that you have been healed.
A man ain’t right until his money is right…we all need to take notes from this episode…women we must understand that a man will not love you because of what you do for them. A person must love you for who you are. Often we are neglected and only affirmed after a success. And grow up believing that our lovability is based on our ability to meet a need. She appears to be used to men who are emotionally unavailable. Seems like everyone needs a reset. Let it go…do the work. And start all over again. God is a God of many chances. All the best to both of them. This episode is a slice of what’s happening across the world. Us women folk need to stop writing the story and have men as a character in the story instead of being an active participant.
Totally true. It is not our job to make a man whole.
You said it best. Both played a part in the demise of this marriage. I see that. I had to realize that the ideologies and expectations I had in my mind were mines and no one could live up to them, not even me. I had to let that fantasy fairytale tv-sitcom image go, it wasn’t based on real life.
Amen
🎯
You are right . My sister says all the time that "men make the mistake of thinkin' she will never leave and she will. Women make the mistake of thinkin she can change him and she can't." I think it's a bit surface but applicable. It's giving signs of addictive personality and skeletons. Our forties though...
I'm sooooo glad you addressed why you cut off the DM communication. Being a man who knows all about how emotional affairs begin, I was picking up on those vibes when she was talking about how many times she would lean on you during her broken and vulnerable state. I commend you Laterras... a lot of men would not have operated in integrity.
If someone comes out of a spiritual fast only to make a bee line to their spouse and say they never loved them...something is truly off and wrong. I pray that she can maintain her dignity, move on and find her peace with just her children. Life is just too short.
God did not speak to that man he is all flesh a selfish one at that it's all about him he used this lady from the jump. She ignored the holy spirit told her stay away but we love a project. This reminds me of a family member who was in a similar situation the wife was so highly favored in the lord position in the church and everything these men knew who to prey on they use God as a pon in their game it's all a big lie
@@ruthfrancois8972 so true,
@@ruthfrancois8972 Exactly how I feel. Laterras even called it. When God speaks to you His Words never fail. Iv don't think this man is hearing from God.
@@ruthfrancois8972 Yes!! That's the manipulative spirit there.
The more I watch the more I believe that his confession to her was indeed needed and neccessary for him and her. He is who he is and lightyears apart from her spiritually. He does not desire the true things she does. They are not living for the same purpose. They need to be spiritually unbound from each other for God to continue to do the work in both their lives. His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts. May God pour out his healing on them both.
The fact that she cried almost all through the interview and he just sat there with a stone cold expression..praying that God will give a breakthrough
Her husband, covering, provider and protector is WATCHING this episode and God is preparing him to care for her heart in a way that she deserves, simply because of who she is. I can't wait to see the blessings that come from this storm. Gratitude, for it is already done. Release for restoration! 🙏🏾
Amen 🙏🏽
Amen! I feel the same way! I haven't even watched the full episode yet but I can just sense that God is going to bless her with a wonderful man who is going to love her beyond what she could ever imagine! I pray that for her 🙏🏾
She also needs some healing before that.
Amen Sis!! God will restore her.
Amen🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
This shows me that the church needs to do better with pre-marital counseling. The way they said topics were grazed over, happens so much and folks are in church struggling / suffering with real life. Thanks for sharing this with us!
So true
MANNNN
I know this so oh well
I think couples should attend premarital counseling prior to engagement. Some women feel pressured to say "yes" when presented with a ring, while knowing the relationship isn't where it should be.
@@celestesosa01 100
Counseling only works if the person is being honest. You can enter into counseling and still hide. A person must be willing to be transparent. I am glad this man found your channel and it helped him. Men need to hear from other men. I pray they both find peace. God loves them both. My heart goes out to the wife.
My heart goes out to the both of them ! .
Why didn't your Pastor stop you ?
@ Sylvia Jackson Here's the problem. You really don't know when a person is lying UNTIL you catch them in it!!! There are signs but automatically one will think counseling will solve the problem. In my case I didn't realize my husband lied so much until I found out he was cheating. Prior to finding this out I thought that counseling could solve the issue. People wear masks.
@I am determined you are absolutely right!
She is me - I’m divorced now and the healing has been rough, but I’ve never felt more aligned with God since getting a divorce. It was the best thing I could do for me, my son, and my destiny. - I pray that she chooses what God chooses, - and if anything God will give her beauty for ashes 🥹
He saw a mother in her.He felt safe and trusted her strength.One time I was dating a guy and I felt like a big sister to him.But I ignored it and figured every man doesnt have to have an aggressive personality.My mom took one look at him,walked over to me and asked me in my ear," Are you baby sitting?" ( He was a little older than me) I got the point.I needed someone that can make me feel safe.He's a baby to her.She was too grown for him.
That just hit my soul “are you babysitting?” WHEW JESUS! I had someone recently that I broke up with because my spirit started to be unsettled about the direction this was going to end up…..it was too much affirming when not necessary he required and other unhealed wounds that I even tried to counsel him through but his ego was too heavy to move through. I literally was becoming his crutch and therapist and deliverer all at the same time….note that we started off becoming a thing because of trauma. Never works with two broken people. Jesus help it…..I got out before it got too deep!
Thank goodness for mama being there!
WOW, what you said, only my mom was gone, and I ended up marrying the baby, but once I did, it only lasted a year. I ran like God told me to do in the first place.
I saw myself in both of them. Sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know. This was so REAL! I’m praying for both and their children. What the enemy meant for their demise, watch God work ALL things together for the good. This podcast is so unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Where do you find these guest who are willing to share their lives with the world? You all are my heroes. As we are willing to be open, honest & transparent, people will be healed, delivered & restored. Thank you for your willingness to serve us in this manner. Abundant blessings to you all!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Wipe those tears woman, raise your head high and walk out proud. You did your best for this man, now you live a little - for yourself. No man who made you cry ever deserved your tears.
I just heard the rose conversation….
He wanted you to get healing from him breaking your heart. I’m so sorry you went through this, but be encouraged. GOD is faithful. He knows the plans He has for you. He loves you so deeply and I love you, Sis. At this point in your husband’s life, he cannot love you properly.
You're right. This episode was very uncomfortable but so necessary. I pray for complete healing for both parties involved. Also, Laterras, you should seriously consider getting your credentials to become a marriage/couples counselor if you haven't already because your questions were on point! You were able to get to the heart of the matter.
This is what I came here to say! His interview style/counseling skills are on point!!!! The way he frames the conversation is top tier 👌🏽 I want him to counsel me…seriously 😩 Even the line of questioning has me like 😮Id love the opportunity to sit and talk with him❤
I agreed, he needs to become a legit official scholar. These conversations get deep.
First off all I need to say, Laterras you are an awesome interviewer and listener. This interview hit home! I have been through this. Divorced a year now. We idolize marriage and our spouses. One thing God does not play about is him having first place in our lives. There is no other God but him!! You will breathe again, you will live, you will love again but this time take time out and heal and find out why you chose to stay. A man, a relationship, a title does not define you. God does. He is our source. Period. Be healed and whole in Jesus name my sister in Christ!!!
To God be the glory
Preach!
TRUEEE
Yaaaassss. I got this revelation recently. All women first come into this world as someone's daughter. The father, daughter relationship is the first and most important. This relationship should continue till the end of our life here on earth and even beyond. I am my Father's daughter 💕 before being someone's wife or mother
Let the redeemed say so!💪🏿
Beautiful work, Laterras. This episode was soul-shattering and chain-breaking, simultaneously. What really shook me was hearing her say that she would’ve been miserable for 50 years because she would’ve never abandoned him, yet she couldn’t see she was abandoning herself. My sister, may you never, ever set yourself on fire to keep another person warm again. I believe when she served her father back to health despite they way he treated her, it became a foreshadowing of what she felt was required in order to receive love in return. Woman of God, when you learn to love yourself first, no one will be able to deceive you like he did again, because you’ll be your own blueprint for what it means to love you. No one can offer you a replica of love when you provide yourself with the real thing. My prayers are with you, and I know God will restore your heart, mind, body and spirit. You have a village of sisters interceding on your behalf. And if you happen to read this, please tuck this in your heart: Love is an action word, even when it comes to yourself. Keep that with you on days when you feel unsure.
🙏Amen!
AMEN AMEN AMEN
Amen. I receive this word as well in Jesus name Amen.
Right! I loved how delicately this was executed. I pray so many people are healed and blessed by it. I pray healing for this couple as well
Amen!!!
And another thing I'm noticing.... even in this 1.46hr video the husband still needs SO MUCH HELP. With feeling. With self-awareness. With communication. And she was the "helper" that saw this hurt puppy and took him in. They both made so many mistakes, but she's the only one I can see that's actually growing from it. God bless.
I also value Laterras’ facilitation of this interview. He was holding both their feet to the fire and not letting up until they told the TRUTH
Jesus!!! The intro took me out. When my ex told me he did not love me anymore after 20 years it hurt sooo bad. Even though I was not wanting to be married anymore either saying those words just hit my heart so hard. I think that even if someone feels like they don’t love someone anymore NEVER say that.
My heart goes out to her
🙏❤️
He said he NEVER loved her.
That hits different, then NO LONGER loving
@@amariematthews4888 He also said God told him that he needed to reveal the truth to her. That's also deep.
It hit my heart , My God I fell her pain. Those are words you NEVER SAY TO NOBODY.
Sorry to say , the young man wasn't READY FOR A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
Watching this video was so hard, but necessary. I appreciate their transparency. I cried...a few times. My heart aches for her because I OVERstand how she feels. The harshness, the uncaring, pouring out but receiving nothing, being told you were never loved... my ex was the same way. I finally found the courage to leave. 3 years later, I never imagined I'd be in such a good place. I pray that God heals her hurt and that she will thrive and be loved the way she deserves. I know it hurts sis, but God is a healer. 💕
These are the sons of the fatherless generation. They’ve grown up unfocused, entitled, and unable to take accountability.
You’re absolutely correct, they lack morals and values! They scare me! BM are killing black women in high numbers
Being fatherless is not THE reason he is like this men with fathers also act this way not all fathers are good fathers and some truly do NOT deserve to be there but it could be A reason but yall say this as an excuse and I see it as not taking accountability cause if men knew them not being there was the cause of all of this generation of people to be like this man or like what yall would call a 304 yall should try more harder to be a father cause if we are being honest more men willing walk out than they are forced to not be there so all I can say is one DO BETTER not you specifically just in general and PROTECT YOUR SEMEN
@@noploxq5593 of course it’s not the only reason. There’s plenty of blame to go around but as men, if we aren’t there, that has the biggest effect.
Okay, and the same for daughters unfocused, entitled and unable to take accountability
When she said "this relationship was trying to kill me" yes, narcissists come to kill, steal and destroy! Yes it's evil! I can feel everything she's saying.
He sounds just like my narcissist ex-husband...I completely feel her pain. I left him after fasting and prayer because God told me that man was putting me in danger physically and spiritually.
You are absolutely correct.. from the moment he opened his mouth and his demeanor screamed narcissist 101 and this was his five minutes of fame. Also when she said all his dreams and ideas she supported.. ooh lawd.. my ex husband was just like this… I felt her pain..much prayer is needed..
I hate using that word "narcissist", but having dated one for 2 1/2 years, I can see some of the similarities. This man looks extremely broken and when he said he felt absolutely nothing hearing her voice her pain, it reminded me of my experience. He really needs deliverance. 🙏🏾
Amen! Amen!! Narcissists are something else!!
She feeling RELIEF!!
My message is for them both. To my sis, I’ve gone through this situation with my exhusband….Minus the children, I remember the hurt, the disappointment, and all of the pain. I did heal, and God restored beauty for those ashes. I’m in a very loving marriage now to an extraordinary man. So sis, you will get thru this. God carried me, and he will carry you thru as well. To my brother, I pray for your healing and growth as God restores you as well. I pray that he restores you also, so that you can be the man that he created you to be. Blessings to you both❤
We have been marry now for almost 58 years and we have 5 children, 9 grandchildren, and 5 great children.
Almost 59 years! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
Jesus what a beautiful testimony! So happy God restored you.. and you’re happy..
The sad thing is, she was broken before she ever met him. He was abandoned before he ever met her. And they will still keep dating into the same situations until they get that fixed. I was in this kind of marriage once. I had to have a huge paradigm shift to keep myself from entering the same relationship over and over again
I agree because she wouldn’t have accepted a man whom she felt already had a bad spirit peruse her. Something’s we don’t know until it happens but she can’t continue to blame him❤
Watching in 2025 wishing there was a “where are they now” episode!!
"Go take care of yourself." Was the conquest she's talking about. He got what he wanted and moved on. The "I never loved you" was the sentence to end it.
That's insane. What women wants to hear go finish yourself on your wedding night. The disrespect.
Ding Ding Ding!
Thak you for this program. I've been there.
The fact that folks couldn't get that tells you people see what they want to see.
Marriage would be annulled
This whole story was hurtful to hear. Some Black men often portray this behavior whether in and out of the church. I am not sure where the trauma lies but WE as Black women cannot allow this for OURSELVES.
It’s so draining and then they don’t understand our anger or frustration.
She doesn't admit her own brokenness, and she is over spiritualizing herself.
@@brendaperkins836 my thoughts exactly. She's acting like she was perfect without a broken spirit as well.
@@brendaperkins836 She is trying to survive. She needs to disconnect from this man and leave his evil alone. I hope she gets as far away from his abuse as possible and if he decides he wants to see the children that a mediator (her sisters) gets involved and she never has to be in his presence.
@@brendaperkins836 so true, sometimes we hide behind our spirituality and therefore we never get to the place where we can heal.
Wow, I am not married at 33 and I’m glad I did not marry some of the guys I dated in the past. One guy from church, parents are Pastors and he is very spiritual but I walked away from him because I knew he was not my husband. I was ready, he was not. And ladies walk away from that situation when your spirit knows it ain’t right.
It’s better to marry late than marry wrong.
This was very painful to watch on both sides.
They both deserve to have people in their lives that really love them and most importantly they need to do the work to heal.
I’m so sorry they had to go through this.
This! I had a very similar situation. Last year I was dating a man who was an ordained preacher, parents were bishops in a well known church, and he was a walking red flag despite our strong connection and chemistry. I thank God for revealing the red flags and giving me the courage to move forward instead of marrying what I thought was a "prize".
@@ChrissyPoo516 Very true. I actually was happy to date him and I loved his family and church and I thought that would bring me even closer to God to be surrounded by that support system. But you have to have that relationship with God yourself. Not want to marry someone just because they are Christian or come from a good family with church/religion background.
Amen. Always follow Holy Spirits Guidance 💯💯
Guard your heart at all costa
This story revealed in me the anger in my divorce and I felt like Shaunie. I poured and poured but received nothing in return. Thank God for his healing.
You know what’s crazy? He’s gonna heal/work on himself and get with a girl that don’t give a damn and he’s gonna love her and take care of her like no other and she’s gonna come on here one day singing praises about him. Women like Pervalia always get the raw deal
💯💯💯
That part!!!
He don't look straight to me.
I'm gonna tell you one thing though. We should ALL realize that VOWS are NOT mere AMBITIONS! If you vow especially to God. Which Christians do when they get married in church, realize the depth of the decision you're making.
I tell you what, lest the Lord God Almighty is a liar, He will surely hear the cry of this woman and as the pillars of His throne are justice and judgment, He sure will act accordingly. God is not corrupt! That's why, be sure that the person you marry is someone you'd do anything to stay married to, unless there's adultery (which is clearly exempted in the Bible).
Also, I do not condone abuse of any kind!
What he’s gonna do is Lovebomb, Future Fake, Sex Magick himself into another relationship and then he will Project, Lie, Use and suck the life out his next victim. It doesn’t matter what kinda of woman has this kind of man, his mission is to steal, kill and destroy.
I was married to a "Christian" man who was a friend since we were teens. After 10 years of marriage he came out of the closet. My mom said "Some people just find a skirt to hide under." Evil is in them and they don't let it go.
Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice.
God chooses to love us! Aren't we lucky/blessed.
☕️
He probably struggled with trying to hide it. It's not evil it's just trying to be someone you're not.
@@tenacious1 it's not the spirit of God.
Being unequal yoke can really impact a marriage. You can unequally yoke spiritual, sexual, and financial. Marriage is not easy but being equal yoked with your partner makes it a little easier.
How can you be unequally yoke with your husband?
@@lovingme1st973 they were unequally yoked before they got married. More so I think it was more of healing from the past and working on insecurities that caused all this. They were not in union but I’m competition. They were supposed to be one flesh but the man seems like he was trying to prove himself worthy just like Laterras got divorced when he felt unworthy of marriage. We gotta work on our insecurities.
@@lovingme1st973 They were unequally yoked before the marriage. Being married only magnified their issues. It is so important to become whole and healed prior to a relationship. Realize you cannot change a person. Recognize the red flags and govern yourself accordingly.
Yup. On both sides.
The other thing that I just realized is a man needs to choose to wait himself not because it is a requirement by the woman. Because then it becomes a goal or achievement thing or like a game for him to win the cookie. A woman shouldn’t force a man to wait but she should set the standard. That rubbing into a man that you ain’t getting the cookie unless we married can cause the wrong men to just wanna marry you and sleep with you just because it was a goal not out of love. Wait because you want to and if you can not wait then leave the person alone and go find your own like minded person. I would feel used if a man said what he said on the night of our wedding. Totally sad.
This hit in so many ways. The day after I got married, my ex-husband told me he made a mistake. I felt all her pain. God is still good in spite of all this. 🙏🏾
She's an intuitive empath, who married her emotionally unavailable dad.... That's our path to healing .... Crazy as it seems, this is very common.... Keep on healing as you heal others mama!
Until I realized I was dating my Father over and over, I just kept hurting myself.
🤩🤩🤩🤩
I just watched this heartbreaking video today for the first time. It showed up on my homepage as a recommendation to watch. There were many heart issues mentioned, red flags, misguided counsel, or the lack of counsel, but what tugged at me the most was that her marriage mirrored the relationship she had with her earthly father.
In which she still needed healing for. I can relate to this particular issue of dating the image of your earthly father without realizing it!
I pray they both believe and receive a true knowledge of their identity in Christ to have a right relationship with God in order to foster true Godly marriages on earth! Our marriages on earth should be the example of the Covenant with Christ and the church. May God bless these two to life.
💯💯@@quichequiche4274
This podcast was soooo necessary for singles and couples. The immense amount of transparency in brokenness is heavy but again necessary for healing. Thank you Laterras for all that you do in Kingdom Building to release and restore. Praying for you as you maneuver through the mental and emotional experiences of your guests; because it can be heavy but thank you for obedience and provision. Prayers also for the Mcintosh Family individually and collectively!