He didn’t go behind her back. He told her over and over, but she didn’t want to accept it. She has deeper issues than this. She has 6 kids, and she’s mad her husband doesn’t want more kids?
i agree. When i read the title i was expecting they were trying for their first child NOT freaking adding to the 6 kids they already have. This woman is out of control. She is selfish.
She’s probably a woman who’s addicted to pregnancy and babies, once you have more than 4 kids, even with all the money in the world you cannot emotionally fulfil all the children. The older kids are probably caring for the younger kids, whilst mom works out how to have another one! The father did the right thing to protect himself and his current kids.
I actually respect him and appreciate the ownership he took of that. He didn't want anymore kids, he told her and she refused. They have six kids damn it, how many more do you need. She talking 'bout she loves being a mother....great, be a mother to your damn six kids. Why do you need more.
This is true. My wife and I just schedule an appointment with a counselor. I’d like to have more kids and she definitely wants more but I don’t want to pull the trigger given the state of our marriage. I think it would make the relationship worse and our children would suffer as a result.
He was definitely a prop but so are the children. She has six children and still stating that her only goal in life was to be a mother? No, she means her goal is to be pregnant, she has several children to mother already, those poor children, so sad. She is Rusty to his Andrea. The God will get us through thing is disgraceful. Respect your husbands mental health, we all have limits and he reached his. I cannot imagine the burden and worry he carries.
This dude got a vasectomy for his kids. He knew that they could not financially or emotionally support any more kids and he made a decision for the family he already has.
It would be different if they had no or only one kid, and it does seem like he tried to tell her. If they didn't have many kids already and he stole the ability to have a kids within their marriage from her id definitely be against him, and I won't judge anyone for wanting more then 6 kids( birth rates in the West are in decline)but it's a huge responsibility, I have one kid and I think I could really only support 2 more without taking away from the ones I already had
I was the last of six kids. My mother had to return to work to make ends meet. My older sisters were not a replacement for mother, nor was it their job. I remember mom would scold or belittle me for not doing something she thought I was able (or knew) how to do. This woman needs to realize the more kids you have the less one on one attention each of them receives from her.
@@theinspiredgardener6434 I agree youngest of lets say more than ten here. Your sibling in my case some resented and mistreated me. I want people to understand your kids don't want to care for your kids. They will beat them ,lie about beating them and tell them to stay out of the way so basically having siblings raise their siblings is just a form of neglect and abuse in some situations.
Something tells me he blames her for that surprise which sounds like she had taken responsibility for then he made sure she couldn’t do that again. I don’t blame him.
This woman is a piece of work. I think she for sure let the sixth child happen. Her husband is in her way. I doubt this marriage will last unless she goes for some serious counselling.
She clearly wasn't respecting or accepting when her husband addressed the fact that he didn't want more children. She just wanted her own way, and her husband clearly didn't trust her enough to use other birth control options. I'm betting he knew the other options she'd still have an "accidental pregnancy". I don't blame this guy one bit.
I’m guessing they already tried prevention her way and ended up with the last surprise. So he said we tried. It your way, now we try mine. I feel bad for this guy. I can’t imagine the stress.
@@stolen3moonit’s not her decision. Deciding to have a child should be 2 yeses. One no is a no. She already tricked him into one unwanted child. That’s the unforgivable betrayal.
Then he should abstain from sex or keep sex within the infertile window, which is like 20 days out of the month. This is the problem with modern men: no self control, no objective morality.
@@hiddenhand6973it's pretty clear if the husband said "let me get a vasectomy or I'm literally never sleeping with you again, or we need to divorce", she'd be outraged he dared give her an ultimatum. If he tried to carefully navigate a sex schedule and she wasn't on board then she would initiate whenever she wanted, and if he refused, turn it into "what man doesn't want sex? Or do you think I'm ugly?". She loves being pregnant too much. Not the act of childbirth, but always having another on the way.
@@AllenAlchemyTTV you are projecting, you know none of that, 100 pure speculation to make yourself feel better about lying to a spouse. You will be held accountable on judgement day for being a liar.
The problem is him not discussing prior to the procedure. That is definitely a breach of trust. If she wants more kids, she should divorce and find a new man who wants kids.
I almost died after my second son (bled out, coma for a week, 8 month recovery). My husband went out for a walk and came back with a vasectomy. I knew and empathized with what he had witnessed and realized that the call had been made. I totally appreciated it.
Thanks for the responses! I am now good and our kids are 6 and 7 💗 Married 13 years 💪 Thankful daily for my continued time with my family even when it’s hard. God bless!
Poor guy. Imagine after 2 kids she was so mentally and physically exhausted and depressed juggling all her responsibilities, and then the husband comes along and says “I don’t care how you feel, deal with it, we’re having lots more”. Everybody would consider him a monster. That’s exactly how she’s acting towards her husband right now. He gave you SIX kids already!
Poor guy was probably having a hard enough time supporting 8 people and felt he was going to lose his mind with any more. She admits finances were tight. What did she expect him to do with more expenses? And she's already made her life revolve around her kids, which makes me think he is getting shortchanged.
@@a.r.8954so I assume he doesn’t risk his body everyday for work? That’s ignorant. No he isn’t carrying the baby but he damn well is working to provide. Ohhhh I forgot. That doesn’t count. That’s different. My bad.
@@CynthiaErcanbrack-kv9qe Her attitude was not that of gratitude, despite saying she was grateful. True gratitude looks at what you have and is grateful, and not at what you lost to define you
The funny thing is..."Ohh I don't want to be a single mother of six Kids"...then why putt all that damn preassure on him, is cruel and selfish, the poor guy can't even have a second to even fart in peace, because he need to keep working none stop just to barely stay afloat, is not fair for him, the kids, anyone.
@@CynthiaErcanbrack-kv9qe she grateful for a man to deposit semen into her every 9 months. She only wants him for his body which is why she's against it
Me too! This is one of these situations where 2 yes is ayes,but 1 yes is a no. I also told my husband after 2 pregnancies that I'm done having kids so if he wants more he needs to find a different wife. I went to get a hysterectomy. Luckily, he supported me, but if he didn't then it would probably have been the end of the marriage. You just can't compromise on wanting or not wanting (more) kids. But this woman already has 6. At some point enough is enough, right?
I would be but i think he couldve avoided the hurt and betrayal he caused his marriage by sitting her down and saying "i know we cant see eye to eye on this, but i love and respect you enough to tell you ive decided i want to do this. It my body and i think i am making the right decision. I want you to be in this 100% with me and support my decision, I love you" thats how if the roles were reversed a women would tell her husband. Not hide it and hope they never find out. That is complete betrayal to be blindsided. I think he had valid reasons to do it but not to hope she wouldnt find out.
Me too. I feel like he told her several times that he couldn't handle having more children and She decided for the both of them that they would. Then I saw the title of this episode I assumed that the man got the vasectomy Before they had a child... or two... or three.
Right. This is incredibly selfish behavior. And insulting to her current hoard of children that she doesn’t feel like a mom unless she has a newborn at all times.
Money comes and goes. To sacrifice children for money is foolish. She can actually start an at home business but they would have to come together and truly address their finances which they are not doing. An irreversible sterilization is tragic for any marriage that is built on child rearing. She said she wasn't expecting it and I believe her because for her the marriage is based on family not their money problems.
@@louis-vd3urwith having kids, both partners need to agree. Either both say yes, or it’s a no. It’s unethical to bring children into the world you can’t afford to house, feed, otherwise care for especially when one or more of the parents don’t want that child. She didn’t want kids, it’s just that her entire identity is being a mother, and it’s destroying their relationship. They have 6 kids for crying out loud. Their family is big enough
@@louis-vd3urHomie, they have SIX KIDS. If you want to run your finances into the ground to pop out more, that’s on you. The husband of the caller decided, for financial reasons or otherwise, that he had had enough. Good for him. Just because she wants more doesn’t mean he has to give them to her.
@@louis-vd3ur what a load of rubbish. She wasn't 'expecting it' purely because she chose not to listen about their financial issues AND his desire to not have any more children.
No it's ignorant as hell. The poor guy prob has to work 80hrs a week to just pay bills To keep having kids on purpose that you can't afford is selfish AF. It means their needs will minimally be met at best. Dumb woman
Hey Girl, My wife is one of a family of 11, 3 brothers and 7 sisters. She comments that growing up the one thing she hungered for the most was intimate one-on-one time with her mom. But her mom was always too busy taking care of 11 kids so the loss of intimacy of individual relationships was the price her mom paid for having 11 kids. I pray that you can find intimacy to bless the 6 you have.
I'm sorry your wife went through that. Was she one of the older ones? If so I bet she was subject to parentification and drafted into being a junior mom. Or if she was one of the younger was likely raised by a sibling.
I could not see your whole message but I want to correct one thing. You said a lack of intimacy with her kids was the price her mom paid for having 11 kids, this is incorrect.....its the PRICE the "KIDS" paid. The KIDS PAID the price for the decisions there mom made.
@@alwaysyouramanda Yeah. Ideally, have the first two kids 1-2yrs apart (so they can grow up in a similar age group). Then wait the minimum of 5yrs and figure out if you can handle having anymore (obviously, both parents decision needs to be aligned on this). If yes, then have another one or two
@@roolyfe same, lol. And I would not even think about dating any man who wants anything less than 5. It is a sad situation, though. Women used to not be scrutinized for wanting an abundant amount of children and now a lot of kids is seen as a negative choice.
@@censaimthey are not scrutinizing her for wanting to have X amount of kids, but for having financial issues and struggling to provide for the 6 kids they already have and still wanting more. I assume Hubs is the only one providing, so he decided that this is the last one. I don’t blame him) Kids are very expensive)
Sounds to me like that's essentially what he did. She admits that he didn't actually go get a vasectomy without telling her. She knew, she just wasn't "there yet.
Agreed. His opinion didn't seem to matter. I don't think any of those kids were accidents. She let them all happen and he didn't want any more kids born without his agreement.
That’s pretty much what he did. It sounds like she’s a poorly regulated, immature, self absorbed person who has no consideration for anyone else but herself and her own wants needs and feelings.
Some theories: 1. She thinks having another baby will save the marriage. 2. She loves the attention of being pregnant and having a baby. When the babies get older, they’re not fun for her anymore so she pops out another. 3. She keeps popping out babies to distract herself from a crappy marriage. 4. She doesn’t want to be alone ever, so she keeps having them to ensure she’ll have a kid at home until she’s very old. 5. She is a control freak and loves having six kids to control. More kids = more control.
All about control. She admitted she does not deal with things. "we looked at other options"? The ones she can control. Dr John nailed it. My way or no way.
He recognized the best option to prevent more children. Why would she be resistant and then let it impact their intimacy. She is not being a good wife. She needs to have more respect for this man.
As a sole provider, he should get to decide how many children he can provide for. As the one giving birth, she should also be able to decide how many children she can give birth to. But when there’s a conflict between the 2, the one asking for more children without having the capacity to provide is unreasonable. She is completely unreasonable
That means abstaining from sex, not getting a vasectomy. Getting a vasectomy is a grave sin. He selfishly did what he wanted and betrayed his wife's trust. He should have sat down with her and talked this out and made a plan, not slink off to get snipped. Absolutely wrong.
@@hiddenhand6973 a married couple cannot abstain from sex. We have to realize that God also gives us wisdom. You can’t be almost homeless and having kids under “God said be fruitful and multiply “ you also have to be responsible. Have children who you can financially cater for.
he tried to be honest with her she didn’t want to hear it. She said their sixth was already an “oops” and they started having financial problems after the 4th. What more was he supposed to do? She would not have been satisfied (as she admitted) without being the one controlling how many kids they had. To top it off she doesn’t even earn. So if the man was to drop dead, she would be incredibly screwed.
@@hiddenhand6973 They did talk about it though, she didn't agree to the plan of capping it at 6 kids. Having kids is a two yes one no situation, if either person isn't on board, it shouldn't happen. It's 100% his right to control his fertility and body, just like it would be any woman's right to go on the pill or get an IUD.
I'm not sure we really have the right to tell her "six is enough', we want what we want, and we don't have all the facts, perhaps they were in agreement at some point on a 'number' and if he changed his mind, it was his OBLIGATION to come to her and discuss the entire. Zero kids might be ok for many, but to tell someone who wants more that 6 is enough, isn't a fair statement.
@@VLDI1961 I'm pretty sure he told her that he was done with having kids a long time ago before #4 or #5 came into picture. Obviously, she ignored him and probably went behind his back multiple times. It was only when #6 came in is when the Husband said he had no choice. Clearly, having a vasectomy was his choice and a responsible one because the wife is out-of-touch, clearly manipulative, and doesn't respect him. As Dr. Deloney said, "he's just a prop for her fantasy world." Prayers to the husband, he's clearly stressed out and needs support and prayers to the wife, she needs to check herself and get it together.
@@marckowtko4073 Hi Marc, I don't disagree with anything you said! I totally agree..... what I didn't agree with was the six is enough comment. We have one child and one was enough for us, we have friends who have 8 & 9 kids, personally I think they are nuts...lol.... but they wanted that many. So.... to tell someone 6 is enough, I found unfair. We can't put our beliefs on others. In this case, I do agree he likely 'heaved a heavy sigh' when 4 ,5 &/or 6 came along, I'm sure he'd previously said something to her, I also agree that her belief was that he would stay no matter what..... bad idea to think that! There was definitely a major breakdown in communication between them.... it's never just one sided. I hope they are able to work it out and move forward in repairing their marriage and family. It won't happen quickly, but it can happen.
Ouch. Let's go with team marriage, not team husband. For the marriage to work, she needs to work on listening to and empathizing with her husband. Team marriage should win here, not just husband vs wife.
@@agricolaregs totally agree. AND the marriage is still greater than its parts and no victory comes out of breaking the team down into winners and losers.
@@JenWulf It seems abusive and controlling. I wouldn’t advise a woman to stay in that type of relationship. I can’t advise a man to stay and remain abused either.
This isn’t about whether his rights are as important as “a woman’s”. I don’t think any reasonable person would argue that they weren’t. But women who want to keep having kids after the financial and emotional breaking point usually don’t believe a woman has any right to bodily autonomy. So saying her husband’s rights are important as “a woman’s” would mean … nothing .. to her. 🤷🏼♀️
It was something pretty good the way he handled it. When he busted it the "are you sure he isn't just a prop in the play where you build your story?"........silence........that's like Babe Ruth calling his shots type of chilling. Ha ha
This caller has so much to be thankful for. 6 healthy kids and the ability to stay home to take care of them is a very privileged life. I agree with what others have said that she needs to go to therapy. Having a child is a joint decision and he did what he had to do.
@alritehamilton unfortunately I think most people do not have much self awareness. she doesn't sound terrible, she reacted pretty well after a lot of what john said.
I knew a girl who literally said she wants to have 6 kids so they can "co-parent each other", and her husbamd has to be rich to support her kids, so that SHE WON'T BE LONELY EVER. This lady reminds me of her...
@@carinthiamontana7069Having kids just to raise your other kids is unequivocally shitty. The kids that end up as parents 3 and 4 never asked to be made.
I give this about a 5% chance of working out. She didn't say she didn't want to lose her husband, she said she didn't want to be a single mom. Asking controlling people to unlearn their patterns is nearly impossible unless the fear of losing something or someone is vastly more important.
I get the feeling he's already mentally checked out, and she thinks popping out infinity more puppies is going to keep him around. This "mom" sounds highly self centered. I suspect that the kids they already have are probably not emotionally fulfilled. The older ones are almost certainly parentified, as well.
@@doesnotFempute I know a family inwhich that exact thing happened. Oldest child, now an adult, is estranged from her family. There were plenty of signs she was stressed and unhappy - parents just *insisted* it was her role to parent her younger siblings.
Actually, marriage-wise, they'll be fine. He may have checked out of the marriage, but the Law will make sure he stays in. Because as bad as his life is now with his wife, it will be far worse if he divorces her and gets financially ruined, since he's the financial breadwinner with 6 kids. She knows divorce isn't an option because there isn't another man who would take a single mother with 6 kids. They'll begrudgingly figure out a way to move forward with their marriage since the alternative for both of them will be far worse.
@@helena3631mine was not pushed into cheating. That I'd ridiculous. He fed lust and lost. Which was extremely selfish. That I'd most cheaters. A small percentage feel pushed into but even then they had a choice.
My guess? He was done after 2/3 kids and but she wanted more and had some “slip ups” with her birth control and after the 3rd “slip up” he decided to take matters into his own hands. I would love to hear his side
This one really has me irritated, lol. This woman is just ridiculous I’m sorry. Just based off this call alone, she seems so unbearable. It’s 100% only about her and what she wants. I really feel bad for the husband and I KNOW he feels completely stuck in this situation. Sounds like to me he’s the only real responsible one here. I absolutely LOVE how you handled this one, John. I think she was expecting this call to go a different direction.
Agreed. And as a daughter of a mother just like this, let me tell you, I also feel for the kids. She is manipulative, controlling and selfish and is probably a nightmare of a mother. 💔
But is he, tho? He doesn't sound responsible to me. He just finally got fed up and decided as John says to go nuclear. That's as messed up as her demanding more kids than he's prepared to parent. Kid after kid after kid after kid after kid after kid, and he keeps going along with it? He allows children to be brought into the world that it sounds like he didn't really want, without having a major conversation years ago?? Then he goes and does a stealth vasectomy? They both are in the wrong. They both should have worked together on parenthood issues and decisions. It's NOT ok to create multiple human beings with someone you aren't even on the same page with. These kids are who will suffer for it. I feel for these ppl, I don't mean to be unkind to them but they were very, very unwise and the children pay the price with parents like this. I know I sure did.
Thank you for calling her out and not letting her deflect to "this is who I am". This woman's perspective is skewed. She hears what she wants to hear and nothing else. I'm sure he's been telling her for years.
A few thoughts crosses my mind. 1) she almost pitched a fit when John was honest with her 2) Pretty good guess the last surprise child was her not being honest about being on birth control.
Number six was a surprise, she wasn’t expecting to get pregnant, but she also can’t handle that her husband got a vasectomy after six children? After number four, she should probably have a better grasp on where babies come from since they’re apparently still a surprise. She should also call Dave and have him breakdown what it costs to support a family of 8 people. He told her he wanted a vasectomy, she wouldn’t agree to it so he likely didn’t trust that she wouldn’t have another case of whoopsie-daisies in 12-18 months and did the only thing he felt he could do. He doesn’t need permission. He gave her six children. SIX. If she feels unfulfilled as a parent at this point she needs to see a psychiatrist. If a man expected of his wife what she expects of him, people would call him a monster. The gall of this caller.
I’m a woman and I 100% agree with every word- as do many in the comments. That man did not trust her after no. 6, perhaps even before. He probably suspected she skips the pill or did something to make their “other methods” not work. She seems duplicitous; if she’d agreed not to have more then why if she so vitriolic… They have financial worries (huge ones, perhaps) and marriage issues for years, and she wants more kids? I think she may be mentally unwell, like she’s addicted to being pregnant. The reason they’re probably not intimate is now… I reckon she likely withholds sex out of spite or resentment, because he was a sperm bank to her and now she doesn’t get what she wants out of having sex with him. She clearly views him as a puppet and invalidated him for years. Sad state of affairs.
My mom wanted 6 kids. They never thought about how to love and provide for us. None of us had a good childhood and each of us is damaged in different ways to varying degrees. 😢
My parents had 3 and they were same. Never gave a thought to how we would fare with their raising us on chaos, poverty, lack of harmony, no health insurance. Don't even THINK about a college fund, that was a joke. There wasn't even money for basics quite often. I spent my jr high and early highschool days in the same secondhand clothes and for kids that age that circumstance is brutal. As soon as I was legally able to get a work permit I got a job and started buying my own NEW underwear, shoes and some clothes. I was resented for it. SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST NOT HAVE KIDS esp if they are not prepared to make their children's financial, health and educational needs a priority.
@@sakitoby1581your parents don't owe you college. My husband went into the military to get his. His parents were loving and kind but never did we think our parents were responsible for our college.
When a woman says she wants more children there's NOTHING a guy can do...she will "forget to take the pill" or uuuppps contraception fails. I think she must be a stay at home mom because there's no way a working woman with 6 kids would want more. So selfish of her part to put her husband through this. Glad John set her straight.
She unilaterally decided that he doesn't get a say in the matter. He was feeling unheard & took matters into his own hands. Aside from condoms, this is the only other option for male birth control.
I have a feeling if he said “i want to wear condoms now” she’d FREAK. Id call it his only option besides abstinence.. which also would also affect the relationship severely.
@@blueseptember2174He most definitely was abused. His choice was taken away when she "unexpectedly" got pregnant again. That baby was fully intentional, just not on his end. I bet she told him that her birth control "failed" and I'm sure this isn't this first time the birth control didn't work. He felt the need to take matters into his own hands and that speaks VOLUMES.
@@MsLaRue he definitely didn't feel heard. But anytime you have sex you have the chance of getting pregnant so it's kind of a risk you take even with protection (although it sounds like they were using nfp which is not at all reliable). So unless you are raped(choice being taken away i.e abuse), there is that built in acknowledgement. He could've been abstinent or wore a condom also but he didn't. she didn't listen, so he got a vasectomy.
@@blueseptember2174 in marriage there is the expectation of trustworthiness. If they had agreed she's on birth control, you should be able to trust she takes care of it. They had several kids after the husband put his foot down regarding finances so they were most likely "surprise" babies, but the only one that was surprised was him. She knew what she was doing.
We had a surprise 3rd AND 4th baby thanks to old age and secondary fertility. I told my husband he would be sleeping in a different room if he didn’t get himself a vasectomy. He was more than happy to take care of business. I cannot imagine bringing another kid into a family where both parents aren’t COMPLETELY onboard.
My husband and I started having kids later at life. After 10 years of infertility and numerous IVF transfers, we finally got our twins. We made peace that our twins would be our only kids. Ten months later we had a surprise pregnancy. We discussed birth control and he brought up getting a vasectomy. I struggled for a bit because I had been infertile for so long and now that I could get pregnant without medical intervention, I felt robbed that we were now done having kids. I also realized that my husband wouldn’t be able to handle more kids and that my body would have a hard time with another pregnancy at my age. Three under two is a lot! My baby is now two and we look forward to all of the adventures we will have without starting over with a new baby. It’s very normal for women to grieve being done having kids. The gift of being able to create life and grow a baby inside our wombs is miraculous. Giving that up can be heartbreaking. Marriage counseling sounds appropriate in this situation. Six is a lot and her youngest is still a toddler, she has a lot of years with her babies. Being a mom never ends.
You're right about the grief but we all need to move forward and accept reality. Not one person gets to skip that part (except addicts- but that's what they are where they are). So time to accept reality. Doesn't mean it's not hard but it is what's right.
@@whatintheheck4692 you didn't. Sorry my comment made it seem like it. I was agreeing with you about grieving then just adding on to it in what the callers inevitable next step is realistically.
@@RepentImmediatelywe all have differing ideas about motherhood. Some women’s identities are tied to motherhood, others aren’t interested. Some are somewhere in the middle. I have two girls, but I knew that was it for me. I had no issues with permanent birth control. I love my children but I’m a mother, a career woman, and have so many other things I’m pursuing along with motherhood. This caller sounds like she doesn’t have a life outside of being a mom.
This is the type of woman that would keep having children, even though they can’t afford it, or dedicate the time that each child deserves. She is probably also the type of woman that would expect her older children to become parents to the younger ones because they will need to babysit and take care of the younger children.
It seems like she only counts "being a mother" is to have a little baby. The older kids are probably already parentified because she doesn't care about them as they grow older so somebody has to do the parenting for her.
i bet the husband talked himself blue in the face and she stood her ground. i'm a woman and i think this woman is nuts and totally disrespectful of her family unit in favor of her own desires. crazy. she's treating that man like he's a bull
If this was a deal breaker for her, they should have spoken about this before getting married. I am catholic and before I got married I warned my husband I would not take any kind of family planning but the natural way. He could take it or he could not marry me
@@deniseowens1163Husband is the sole provider for the family. Don’t you think if you financially support the family you have final say over how many children you bring into the world?
@@deniseowens1163 absolutely false. I would say you don’t get one without having a discussion. You don’t have one without talking about it. There’s a difference between having a conversation and getting your way. She made it known how she feels about it. I’m 100% confident that he took her feelings and opinions, and into consideration. In the end, he disagreed and made the best decision for his health and his body.
A vasectomy is minor. It can be reversed. Sperm is 100% in tact and fine after. It can be used temporary so she can't get pregnant.I mean after 6 kids, maybe he wants to have sex without wearing protection? You know, some men can't ejaculate. So instead of her going through a major surgery to stop that, he took a minor surgery that is 100% reversible at any point.@@deniseowens1163
My thoughts exactly. It's HIS body. He didn't even need to talk to her about it. He did her a favor having a conversation at all after the second kid. Kids are expensive AF.
@@HeidisHereAndTherelol, um, I don’t think so. He was the responsible one here and did the right thing for the family. His wife is a little child that wants it all to go her way.
My ex and I agreed to 2 kids. After my 2nd pregnancy miscarried, I was comforted knowing we could try again. He promised me a second child, had a secret vasectomy, then strung me along for 14yrs. I thought (and he pretended) there was something wrong with me. After I began menopause, he decided to trade me in for a 34yr old (he was 50 & I was 43). If he didn't want another child, he should've said so and let me move on while I still had the chance. I will NEVER forgive him.
Well from the sounds of it, and I'm just being an impartial observer, he knew you would leave him if he didn't give you a second child (or make the effort to give you a second child). That's gotta sting for him knowing that if he didn't make the effort to have another child with you, even though yall agreed on it initially, that you would leave him, signaling that another child is more important to him than you. I'm not saying either is right or wrong but that's what I hear. That you would have left him in order to have another child. So he was desperate (at the time) to not lose you.
@@jameybobamey7343 No matter what the reason is, what he did was unconscionable and dishonest. To add insult to injury, he made her think that she was the reason why they couldn't get pregnant. I don't even know how you ever not be bitter over that. The only consolation is that karma will eventually come knocking at his door.
She should divorce him and find out how much fun it is to raise six kids on your own stop complaining that your husband actually put his foot down and said no more kids
He should be so lucky. She’s going to make him suffer for the rest of his life for disobeying her orders and trying to have some control over his own life. That’s what’s going to happen. I would bet on it.
He can’t afford child support and she knows it. She had that many children for different intentions I feel like. The poor man doesn’t have a choice over his own body.
So she says "finances were a challenge" and yet she wanted to have more kids???. How does this make any sense???. She definitely needs some mental counseling
I think she didn't take his feelings into consideration. She didn't even listen to him. He was overwhelmed and done. You are blessed with what you have. Some people don't even get married or have children. Count the blessings you have and build that with your husband. She needs to stop punishing him and take responsibility for her actions in this.
Also, if she knows their marriage has been in trouble for "quite some time", why does she keep wanting to crank out more babies? I don't understand this at all. I always wanted one or two more children, but didn't because the marriage became bad and he ended up cheating/walking out. It would have been selfish of me to have more babies just because I wanted more, knowing my husband was checked out. We don't aways get what we want.......
Dr John explained it. Her husband is basically a means to her delusions of grandeur. He was playing a role in her life to fulfill her wants. He's prob an anti-confrontational guy who never tells her no, and he felt like this was the only option. He knew if he brought it up she'd shut it down cause she wouldn't consider it, she's still having a hard time talking about it cause he went against her wants. It's probably the first time the husband has ever done anything against her will.
Exactly this! My exhusband began to check out WHILE I WAS PREGNANT! Our first year as parents was a nightmare. But he started to pressure me to try again when our son was 9 months old. I asked to wait until our son was a year at least before trying again. Find out right before my sons first birthday that he had been meeting people from the internet and trying to meet people for intimacy. So now I’m a divorced mother of 1, God was with me because I’m not a divorced mother of 2, and did not contract any STIs from his extramarital activities. Babies do not fix marriages!!!
@@sha2596 He wanted to keep you attached to him and undesirable for other men that's why he wanted to baby trap you. STI's can seriously affect babies health and even cost life and potentially yours too, he didn't care about it.
She said she loves being a mother. That means she only counts having babies as being a mother - she doesn't see that her older kids need a mother too. I bet the older kids are neglected by her and she just loves the attention she gets when she's pregnant and has a baby. The husband was the responsible one as he made it impossible for her to keep popping out surprise babies that are only a surprise to him, not her.
The kids are a substitute relationship. She controls every aspect of that relationship and there is no vulnerability in it for her. They grow up, have another - I would put money that she is Mom 100% of the time and doesn't make him or their relationship the priority - all about the kids.
My ex wife was insane like her. We had 5 kids, (she had 2, we had 3 together) and I pressed vasectomy she screamed at me she can get it elsewhere yada yada. Marriage was toxic, divorced and a few months after divorce she was pregnant with baby #6 with baby daddy #3. Its freakin embarrassing.
She’s not insane. She does need therapy but insane is being mean especially when families are struggling. John handles this amazing and that’s why your not on the air lol no offense
@@godknowsimstupid7848oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I've never had any children, and at 51 years old, if I marry, I would _appreciate him_ having a vasectomy because I don't want to go through that now! Would I love any of his children as my own? Absolutely. Would I be open to adopting? Maybe so. I just don't want to go through that kind of pain now.
“Is he a prop in the world you wanted to create” MY GOODNESS- that HIT LIKE A TRUCK. Sheesh, I can kinda see how this happened. They were stressed about money but her vision for a family was so important to her she wasn’t thinking about it. Men are always thinking about provision and working and he knew that more kids would STRESS him out. She was thinking that keeping the family going was super important, but she wasn’t looking at it from his perspective. So he did what he felt like he could do to stop this major stressor because his wife wasn’t hearing him. I pray she learns and truly forgives him and finds that a family of 8 is beautiful even if it’s not the life she always imagined in her head.
I caught a possessive vibe while listening to her explain everything at the beginning. Sometimes you have to compromise and 6 kids is enough. Versus more than that.
@@fauxbro1983I don’t think this is a female issue, it’s a people issue. It just looks different with different genders. Selfishness manifests itself in the form of where people find their stability and identity, for her being a mom was her identifier. Men have these too, so we cannot become unreasonable and start talking about how this is majority of women because it’s not. Selfishness is not gender specific it’s human specific. Brokenness takes many forms. We cannot form bias from past trauma, we have to think reasonably.
I hope she forgives him for the secrecy … because I don’t see the marriage surviving if she doesn’t. Unfortunately for him, can’t force forgiveness. He had a right to his feelings but the fact that he did it in secret, that’s a hard one to forget about and move on from.
We are Catholic. We can use Natural Family Planning. My husband can say “let’s stop. I can’t financially handle any more.” And I can also say “let’s stop, my body is done and I’m at my max.” It’s respectful to the other to HONOR their position.
@@judyperri9496: No, Natural Family Planning is very scientific and has been used by horse and dog breeders for years! It’s not Rhythm or Pulling Out ( both of which DONT work.) NFP also works when you WANT to conceive. Go look it up and educate yourself.
I have a cousin who has 10 kids. He wanted a vasectomy after 6, but his wife wouldn’t let him. They divorced before the 10th was a year old, and he got snipped a couple months later.
Thank you for honoring a male's feelings and perspective during a call. This is a breath of fresh air. I know the producers see the comments about the imbalance of response based on gender.
I’m getting the sense that she stopped using birth control and didn’t tell him. When the caller quotes the husband as saying she also betrayed him, she didn’t push back.
When he asked if her husband was just playing a part in what she thought her life should be… that was it exactly. He was a sperm donor with a paycheck and it pissed her off that he had thoughts and feelings different than her own and he got tired of being ignored and did something drastic. Dr. John is right on here. If this was reversed, she’d be put on a pedestal for not wanting to be a baby machine. But because he doesn’t want to be a baby machine she feels betrayed?! No ma’am. He’s your husband, not a damn doll.
This same scenario played out in an Australian murder case. This guy met a woman and they had one kid and rhen another. He got fed up because he was the sole bread winner and didnt want anymore children, but she said she didnt care and kept trying to get pregnant again. So he left her and she killed him for messing up her life's plan.
I also hope she goes get help to get her head screwed on right. She needs to apologize to him for ignoring his concerns and worries and putting all of financial responsibilities on him and him alone. She needs to grow up. These children are real human beings with needs to be housed, fed and nurtured which she took no part in doing. I’d suggest they’d swap roles for a year. He stays home to take care of the kids. She goes out to work 2-3 jobs whatever to bring home enough money to feed those many mouths. Nah, you know I’m just kidding. But I’m not kidding about the part she needs to grow up. Get plastic dolls to play mommy with if you have no real plan to provide and support for your children if God forbid something should happen to one of you. I don’t want to support your kids. I have mine. I planned and saved and waited. The gall she has to demand more kids after half a dozen. The husband could have stopped at 2 and be done.
At least he was honest with her, he could have just kept it secret. I can guarantee 💯 that last baby was not a surprise to her she wanted to get pregnant again. I understand that huge maternal pull to have more babies but you have to be a grown up and consider all your other children and a husband that has a right to choose the size of your family also.
Not abusive(I've been in abuse okay 😅, not abuse). Controlling and manipulative sure. He always had a choice though. He could've done this sooner or refused sex if she didn't hear his reasoning.
@@blueseptember2174abuse comes in many forms; just because it didn't look like yours does not mean it wasn't there. I learned this after going to WEAVE once or twice after being in more than one abusive situation. Someone does not have to be raising a hand to or sexually violating someone to be abusive.
6 kids and she's mad he was responsible enough to get snipped? She's either detached from the reality of the cost of raising these kids, or she loves the attention she gets while pregnant. It's one thing to say, let's discuss one or two kids, but I think after four, one partner can officially put the brakes on the process and that's not line crossing.
Wow. Before he even started answering her question, I was just kind of blown away by what seemed to be an obvious case of “deafness” toward her husband. Getting that vasectomy behind her back was a last ditch effort. Seems obvious to me like this man has been trying to communicate to her for years that he doesn’t want more children and she keeps telling him “I’m not ready to stop having kids.” Yeah, but HE was. And she didn’t care enough. She was putting HER desire to POSSIBLY have more children, over his SURE desire not to. Getting that vasectomy behind her back was 100% an act of desperation. “She’s never going to HEAR me. She’s never going to really listen to me or care enough about how *I* feel. The only way I can get what I want is to do this behind her back, because she’s never going to really hear me.” She already has six children. And if he wanted more than that too, then go for it. If they can afford to feed them and raise them and properly take care of them, have 12 for all I care. But if he doesn’t want to, why can’t she be happy with the ones she has? If they aren’t “enough” to make her happy, when her husband was SO desperate to stop having kids that he went and did this behind her back, there’s something wrong with HER.
This woman is gonna insist on adopting kids. Just watch. Her whole identity is a houseful of people and it will crush her poor husband. As a dude I feel bad for him.
Well, there is no Ooops with adoption, if he says no they will not get a kid. Moreover adoption takes long and is often expenisve. - she also admitted that there is some financial stress - so hey let's get two more kids.
She is going to drive him out of the house and the marriage. He will still pay for those kids--and for her for a long time--but it will be well worth it.
Im so glad John was brave enough to tell her the truth. Especially as a man speaking to a woman. That was tough and I was afraid he would sugar coat it for her. She isnt seeing her husband as a human.
250k each until college, that figure was from a few years ago so it's probably close to 300 now. Husband needed to earn 3 million just to raise the kids unless he drops dead from exhaustion.
I wanted 5 kids, my husband was done after 4. I have PCOS, so having any kids is a miracle. I accepted my blessing of 4 and compromised. However, my husband was leary of a vasectomy and almost 4 years later we had a surprise none of us saw coming. He scheduled the vasectomy right after the birth. LOL
The husband knew since they previously talked about it that she would have said no. The man is tired, the 5th & 6th kid was a game changer. Good for him for wanting to take responsibility...kids are expensive and time consuming, I'm sure he loves his kids but enough was enough for him. She's pissed that he actually did something without asking her first which shows that she's controlling and doesn't respect his feelings.
Six kids and she wanted more? His body but not his choice because he’s married? Since she found out he got snipped she has frozen the bedroom. She is 100% withholding. She wants to punish him for not bowing to her.
Maybe it's not that serious. she is asking with genuine concern and wanting to find a way around this. weird flex. you're not wrong, she is the problem here; but it isn't that serious. She can fix this.
I worked with a male nurse that would not condone birth limit or control. After 8 kids his wife said no more sex. They ended up divorced where he had to work 6-7 nights a week to afford the alimony and child support
@@astrelf😂I love that all that person took from that story was "hE wAs gOnNa WoRk AnYwAY"..... Not how he blew up his marriage and put his kids through a divorce because of his rigid ideology.
What gives you the idea that he has to work 7 nights a week to pay for child support. No court can or will make him do that. Where we are, in California, BOTH parents are equally responsible for work, provide and support for the kids, even if she has full custody. Having children without concrete planning on how to support them is irresponsible. You have to plan to the best of your ability for unforeseen events such as deaths, loosing jobs, illnesses, catastrophic events, divorce… No court can force you to pay with the money you don’t have the ability to make.
OMG, I love Dr John. i love the way he walked her through this. The fact that he did this in such a short time is awesome. The real works is now up to her! Wish her the best at facing this.
Dr. John you really did nail this one! At first, I thought you were a little harsh but as the conversation unraveled I understood what was going on. Great wisdom! Hope their marriage works out.
I think she explained it best herself. She said “being a mother is my whole life”…. And that’s sad as heck, she needs to get an identity asap before she completely loses herself
I’m deeply grateful that my parents kept their passions and identities in my childhood, and I’m setting this example for my daughter. It must be horrible for these six kids, to be used as a crutch for someone’s whole identity.
Yep, once those kids are old enough, they are going to be interested in going their own way....then she's faced with not knowing who she is without them. She needs to work on developing her identity outside of parenthood.
Exactly. She sounds like a child herself. Her emotional immaturity and lack of accountability and insight are pathetic. She's gonna screw up those kids if she doesn't get therapy and grow up. I wouldn't be surprised at all if that last baby was not actually an accident.
@@backtoasimplelife at that point she will be nagging her kids for grandchildren.... just like my mother didi. My mother never had an identity outside of raising kids. I told her this morning she best find a part time job and get a f-ing life.
I really like listening to him. So insightful. This one reminded me that we have the ability to stop in our tracks, and rewrite, redo the architecture of our life, at any time. We control, make and manifest our own realities.
He's the sole breadwinner for 6 kids. I'm a woman and believe in bodily autonomy. And I also know what it's like to feel like you're treading water financially and going to a job you hate every day on top of it. So I feel for the guy.
We women do not automatically side with other women, particularly when they seem to be making bad choices. Yes sure, I do stick up for women most of the time, but not unconditionally. I am reading between the lines on this call that the husband has probably tried to say "no more kids, I am struggling to provide" and she has not listened, so he did what he thought would resolve the situation. After six kids, fair enough call by him. And a way better call than what most men would do, which would be to walk out on the family. And as an aside, your comment says a lot more about you than you realise. Perhaps this thread will open your eyes your belief system is faulty.
@@davinasquirrel7672maybe the part about "says a lot more about you than you realize" might come across negatively. It did to me. I believe (it's just my opinion) that many, many men and women are under the impression that we side with our gender regardless the situation. That is false because emotionally mature people realize there's always two sides. I can't ever lump men into the "they are horrible, all of them are abusive" category just because I have had abusive relationships. Also, I was not in a place emotionally to know I don't need someone and that I don't have to tolerate abuse. I have two amazing son's, and a father, brother, etc that are good and treat women as they should. That's why I can't ever lump a gender together. We have to step back from the negativity hurt people spread that expands the gap in trusting and believing there is goodness out there and it's not rare. Everyone has to do their part on correcting ourselves when we fall back into mistrust and assumptions of others. I hope my comment doesn't come across in a negative fashion. Truly wanting all us to rewire our thinking and finger pointing, myself absolutely included. Have a wonderful day all.
Excellent response! It's her body to choose to not bear a child. And it's his life to choose not to father another child. Somehow, she held the belief that she alone could decide. No more children unless both mother and father want them.
"I always wanted to be a mother." - well she IS a mother of 6 children aged 2 - 13 years. And I bet there is some neglect and / or the older ones have to play parents to step in for her.
He didn’t go behind her back. He told her over and over, but she didn’t want to accept it. She has deeper issues than this. She has 6 kids, and she’s mad her husband doesn’t want more kids?
i agree. When i read the title i was expecting they were trying for their first child NOT freaking adding to the 6 kids they already have. This woman is out of control. She is selfish.
Yeah I don't get it either
She’s probably a woman who’s addicted to pregnancy and babies, once you have more than 4 kids, even with all the money in the world you cannot emotionally fulfil all the children. The older kids are probably caring for the younger kids, whilst mom works out how to have another one!
The father did the right thing to protect himself and his current kids.
I actually respect him and appreciate the ownership he took of that. He didn't want anymore kids, he told her and she refused. They have six kids damn it, how many more do you need. She talking 'bout she loves being a mother....great, be a mother to your damn six kids. Why do you need more.
@@sydcash1626😅
John really nailed this one. When you selfishly bring children into a broken marriage, it’s not about the marriage, it’s about you.
This is true. My wife and I just schedule an appointment with a counselor. I’d like to have more kids and she definitely wants more but I don’t want to pull the trigger given the state of our marriage. I think it would make the relationship worse and our children would suffer as a result.
Ooooooof this comment 🎯
Yeah, maybe, BUT...how many of us would not be here today if it weren't for dysfunctional marriages?! LOL!😂
She pretty much said that a couple of minutes in. Her life has been defined by having babies.
He was definitely a prop but so are the children. She has six children and still stating that her only goal in life was to be a mother? No, she means her goal is to be pregnant, she has several children to mother already, those poor children, so sad. She is Rusty to his Andrea. The God will get us through thing is disgraceful. Respect your husbands mental health, we all have limits and he reached his. I cannot imagine the burden and worry he carries.
This dude got a vasectomy for his kids. He knew that they could not financially or emotionally support any more kids and he made a decision for the family he already has.
It’s weird that he didn’t at least tell her
It would be different if they had no or only one kid, and it does seem like he tried to tell her.
If they didn't have many kids already and he stole the ability to have a kids within their marriage from her id definitely be against him, and I won't judge anyone for wanting more then 6 kids( birth rates in the West are in decline)but it's a huge responsibility, I have one kid and I think I could really only support 2 more without taking away from the ones I already had
He probably told her a 1000 times but didn't actually listen. She wanted an other baby and wouldn't take no for an answer.
I was the last of six kids. My mother had to return to work to make ends meet. My older sisters were not a replacement for mother, nor was it their job. I remember mom would scold or belittle me for not doing something she thought I was able (or knew) how to do. This woman needs to realize the more kids you have the less one on one attention each of them receives from her.
@@theinspiredgardener6434 I agree youngest of lets say more than ten here. Your sibling in my case some resented and mistreated me. I want people to understand your kids don't want to care for your kids. They will beat them ,lie about beating them and tell them to stay out of the way so basically having siblings raise their siblings is just a form of neglect and abuse in some situations.
I like John challenging her. This man did NOT want more kids after the latest surprise.
Something tells me he blames her for that surprise which sounds like she had taken responsibility for then he made sure she couldn’t do that again. I don’t blame him.
I think the last baby was not a surprise on her she planned it and he knows it so he took care that no longer ends up pregnant.
@@nectarzetlian9251 by him
This woman is a piece of work. I think she for sure let the sixth child happen. Her husband is in her way. I doubt this marriage will last unless she goes for some serious counselling.
Wondering if the ones he has now are all his. She might be upset because it'll be obvious if she gets pregnant now.
She clearly wasn't respecting or accepting when her husband addressed the fact that he didn't want more children. She just wanted her own way, and her husband clearly didn't trust her enough to use other birth control options. I'm betting he knew the other options she'd still have an "accidental pregnancy". I don't blame this guy one bit.
Baby No. 6 was already an "accidental pregnancy." She proved she could not be trusted.
He should have negotiated for a different option that doesn't result in pregnancy.
I’m guessing they already tried prevention her way and ended up with the last surprise. So he said we tried. It your way, now we try mine. I feel bad for this guy. I can’t imagine the stress.
did he respect her decision? He wanted his way much more than her.
@@stolen3moonit’s not her decision. Deciding to have a child should be 2 yeses. One no is a no. She already tricked him into one unwanted child. That’s the unforgivable betrayal.
Is he sole provider? That is a HUGE responsibility to carry. Financially, emotionally, all of it.
Then he should abstain from sex or keep sex within the infertile window, which is like 20 days out of the month. This is the problem with modern men: no self control, no objective morality.
@hiddenhand6973 some of us got wives who are literally only in the mood during their "fertile window"
@@hiddenhand6973 Why would you do that when you can get a vasectomy or use a condom?
@@hiddenhand6973it's pretty clear if the husband said "let me get a vasectomy or I'm literally never sleeping with you again, or we need to divorce", she'd be outraged he dared give her an ultimatum. If he tried to carefully navigate a sex schedule and she wasn't on board then she would initiate whenever she wanted, and if he refused, turn it into "what man doesn't want sex? Or do you think I'm ugly?". She loves being pregnant too much. Not the act of childbirth, but always having another on the way.
@@AllenAlchemyTTV you are projecting, you know none of that, 100 pure speculation to make yourself feel better about lying to a spouse. You will be held accountable on judgement day for being a liar.
His body, his choice! I love how brutally honest Dr Delony is being, lady needs to hear this
This was exactly my thought too.
More of us wish you made this choice
This poor man has so many people to take care of. He is at his limit. I applaud him for being responsible.
The problem is him not discussing prior to the procedure. That is definitely a breach of trust. If she wants more kids, she should divorce and find a new man who wants kids.
No man should be applauded for sterilizing himself. Weak and pathetic!
@@manifest2203he probably did and she ignored his whishes at least for a 5th or 6th time.
Exactly
@@manifest2203if she wants more than 6 kids than she should seek more counseling than this one conversation.
I almost died after my second son (bled out, coma for a week, 8 month recovery). My husband went out for a walk and came back with a vasectomy. I knew and empathized with what he had witnessed and realized that the call had been made. I totally appreciated it.
That’s the most beautiful thing I have ever heard a man do for his love omg
That was the right thing for him to do. How are you feeling now?? That's such a horrible ordeal.
I hope you guys have an amazing and happy marriage ❤ ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for the responses! I am now good and our kids are 6 and 7 💗 Married 13 years 💪 Thankful daily for my continued time with my family even when it’s hard. God bless!
Omg put a warning ⚠️ I'm light headed !
Poor guy. Imagine after 2 kids she was so mentally and physically exhausted and depressed juggling all her responsibilities, and then the husband comes along and says “I don’t care how you feel, deal with it, we’re having lots more”. Everybody would consider him a monster. That’s exactly how she’s acting towards her husband right now. He gave you SIX kids already!
The man would be more of a monster in that hypothetical scenario because it wouldn't be his body he would be risking, but otherwise yeah.
@@a.r.8954exactly but they can’t wrap their head around that horror 😂
Poor guy was probably having a hard enough time supporting 8 people and felt he was going to lose his mind with any more. She admits finances were tight. What did she expect him to do with more expenses? And she's already made her life revolve around her kids, which makes me think he is getting shortchanged.
@@a.r.8954so I assume he doesn’t risk his body everyday for work? That’s ignorant. No he isn’t carrying the baby but he damn well is working to provide. Ohhhh I forgot. That doesn’t count. That’s different. My bad.
@@Ckb5991Yeah, he's going to have to do the same thing with NO kids.
All that’s missing is gratitude for what she already has.
She started with that , you missed it
@@CynthiaErcanbrack-kv9qe Her attitude was not that of gratitude, despite saying she was grateful. True gratitude looks at what you have and is grateful, and not at what you lost to define you
The funny thing is..."Ohh I don't want to be a single mother of six Kids"...then why putt all that damn preassure on him, is cruel and selfish, the poor guy can't even have a second to even fart in peace, because he need to keep working none stop just to barely stay afloat, is not fair for him, the kids, anyone.
@@CynthiaErcanbrack-kv9qe she said a common saying, but completely lacks any gratitude in her heart
@@CynthiaErcanbrack-kv9qe she grateful for a man to deposit semen into her every 9 months. She only wants him for his body which is why she's against it
Lady, just because being a mother is all you want to be, it doesn’t mean all he wants to be is a father.
Yeah but hopefully that's found out before they get married and 6 kids in 😂
He might like being a father but not of 6+ kids!
He is already a father! Of SIX kids. In 2023
@@shachede6828 yes but being a parent is part of who he is, he’s not his entire being and it shouldn’t be, for anyone.
I love being a father but there are limits when trying to raise 6 kids and support the wife.
I’m on Team Husband. That is exactly what I would have done. I’m a woman and I am on the husband’s team.
Me too! This is one of these situations where 2 yes is ayes,but 1 yes is a no. I also told my husband after 2 pregnancies that I'm done having kids so if he wants more he needs to find a different wife. I went to get a hysterectomy. Luckily, he supported me, but if he didn't then it would probably have been the end of the marriage. You just can't compromise on wanting or not wanting (more) kids. But this woman already has 6. At some point enough is enough, right?
I would be but i think he couldve avoided the hurt and betrayal he caused his marriage by sitting her down and saying "i know we cant see eye to eye on this, but i love and respect you enough to tell you ive decided i want to do this. It my body and i think i am making the right decision. I want you to be in this 100% with me and support my decision, I love you" thats how if the roles were reversed a women would tell her husband. Not hide it and hope they never find out. That is complete betrayal to be blindsided. I think he had valid reasons to do it but not to hope she wouldnt find out.
She’s got enough kids to run her own small sit down restaurant
@Nathan_Bookwurm if your husband really really wanted more children you would really tell him go find another woman 😲
Me too. I feel like he told her several times that he couldn't handle having more children and She decided for the both of them that they would. Then I saw the title of this episode I assumed that the man got the vasectomy Before they had a child... or two... or three.
So her marriage has been struggling for years and she has no identity outside of motherhood. She needs therapy instead of using babies as a bandaid .
This!!!
Right. This is incredibly selfish behavior. And insulting to her current hoard of children that she doesn’t feel like a mom unless she has a newborn at all times.
Well put!
She took a beautiful thing to the extreme.
And she wanted to bring more kids into that situation.
“We are struggling financially, we should have more kids,” will never make sense to me
Money comes and goes. To sacrifice children for money is foolish. She can actually start an at home business but they would have to come together and truly address their finances which they are not doing. An irreversible sterilization is tragic for any marriage that is built on child rearing. She said she wasn't expecting it and I believe her because for her the marriage is based on family not their money problems.
@@louis-vd3urwith having kids, both partners need to agree. Either both say yes, or it’s a no. It’s unethical to bring children into the world you can’t afford to house, feed, otherwise care for especially when one or more of the parents don’t want that child.
She didn’t want kids, it’s just that her entire identity is being a mother, and it’s destroying their relationship. They have 6 kids for crying out loud. Their family is big enough
@@louis-vd3urHomie, they have SIX KIDS. If you want to run your finances into the ground to pop out more, that’s on you. The husband of the caller decided, for financial reasons or otherwise, that he had had enough. Good for him. Just because she wants more doesn’t mean he has to give them to her.
@@louis-vd3ur what a load of rubbish. She wasn't 'expecting it' purely because she chose not to listen about their financial issues AND his desire to not have any more children.
No it's ignorant as hell. The poor guy prob has to work 80hrs a week to just pay bills
To keep having kids on purpose that you can't afford is selfish AF. It means their needs will minimally be met at best. Dumb woman
Hey Girl, My wife is one of a family of 11, 3 brothers and 7 sisters. She comments that growing up the one thing she hungered for the most was intimate one-on-one time with her mom. But her mom was always too busy taking care of 11 kids so the loss of intimacy of individual relationships was the price her mom paid for having 11 kids. I pray that you can find intimacy to bless the 6 you have.
I'm sorry your wife went through that. Was she one of the older ones? If so I bet she was subject to parentification and drafted into being a junior mom. Or if she was one of the younger was likely raised by a sibling.
Brilliant insight
I could not see your whole message but I want to correct one thing. You said a lack of intimacy with her kids was the price her mom paid for having 11 kids, this is incorrect.....its the PRICE the "KIDS" paid. The KIDS PAID the price for the decisions there mom made.
I would like a big family but I think about this. 3 or 4 seems like plenty.
@@alwaysyouramanda Yeah. Ideally, have the first two kids 1-2yrs apart (so they can grow up in a similar age group). Then wait the minimum of 5yrs and figure out if you can handle having anymore (obviously, both parents decision needs to be aligned on this). If yes, then have another one or two
I hope this lady heard these words. Single with 6 kids and a broken family is no place to go.
She soon realised that would be awful. Tbh that’s where her husband has tried to stop their marriage going by doing what he did.
I love that - she didn’t get her way and he called that out. That’s 100% on point. 6 kids is enough, my goodness.
I want 10 kids!
@@roolyfe same, lol. And I would not even think about dating any man who wants anything less than 5. It is a sad situation, though. Women used to not be scrutinized for wanting an abundant amount of children and now a lot of kids is seen as a negative choice.
@@censaim very true
@@censaimthey are not scrutinizing her for wanting to have X amount of kids, but for having financial issues and struggling to provide for the 6 kids they already have and still wanting more. I assume Hubs is the only one providing, so he decided that this is the last one. I don’t blame him) Kids are very expensive)
@@roolyfecurious, do you have kids?
If I were her husband, I would have just been honest and said, "Six kids is enough. I'm getting a vasectomy. PERIOD."
Sounds to me like that's essentially what he did. She admits that he didn't actually go get a vasectomy without telling her. She knew, she just wasn't "there yet.
Agreed. His opinion didn't seem to matter. I don't think any of those kids were accidents. She let them all happen and he didn't want any more kids born without his agreement.
Exactly.
@wizzyb9761 no it doesn't sound like he did.
That’s pretty much what he did. It sounds like she’s a poorly regulated, immature, self absorbed person who has no consideration for anyone else but herself and her own wants needs and feelings.
Some theories:
1. She thinks having another baby will save the marriage.
2. She loves the attention of being pregnant and having a baby. When the babies get older, they’re not fun for her anymore so she pops out another.
3. She keeps popping out babies to distract herself from a crappy marriage.
4. She doesn’t want to be alone ever, so she keeps having them to ensure she’ll have a kid at home until she’s very old.
5. She is a control freak and loves having six kids to control. More kids = more control.
I feel like he doesnt trust her because she seems like the type to lie about birth control and be like “oops”
#5, correction: she doesn't love having six kids because she wants at least 8 probably.
Excellent observations.
All of the above but specially 2-5
@@secretaryofoffense7118Absolutely agree
All about control. She admitted she does not deal with things. "we looked at other options"? The ones she can control. Dr John nailed it. My way or no way.
She couldn’t conceive of not getting her way! There was a really weird moment where it was obvious that was an alien concept.
@@tethergobrrr- the ONE think she CANNOT conceive of…😅😅😅
@@hansonallie 👏😅
He recognized the best option to prevent more children. Why would she be resistant and then let it impact their intimacy. She is not being a good wife. She needs to have more respect for this man.
Those other options led to her "accidentally" getting pregnant again. That was probably the last straw
As a sole provider, he should get to decide how many children he can provide for. As the one giving birth, she should also be able to decide how many children she can give birth to. But when there’s a conflict between the 2, the one asking for more children without having the capacity to provide is unreasonable. She is completely unreasonable
That means abstaining from sex, not getting a vasectomy. Getting a vasectomy is a grave sin. He selfishly did what he wanted and betrayed his wife's trust. He should have sat down with her and talked this out and made a plan, not slink off to get snipped. Absolutely wrong.
@@hiddenhand6973his body his choice lol
@@hiddenhand6973 a married couple cannot abstain from sex. We have to realize that God also gives us wisdom. You can’t be almost homeless and having kids under “God said be fruitful and multiply “ you also have to be responsible. Have children who you can financially cater for.
he tried to be honest with her she didn’t want to hear it. She said their sixth was already an “oops” and they started having financial problems after the 4th. What more was he supposed to do? She would not have been satisfied (as she admitted) without being the one controlling how many kids they had. To top it off she doesn’t even earn. So if the man was to drop dead, she would be incredibly screwed.
@@hiddenhand6973 They did talk about it though, she didn't agree to the plan of capping it at 6 kids. Having kids is a two yes one no situation, if either person isn't on board, it shouldn't happen. It's 100% his right to control his fertility and body, just like it would be any woman's right to go on the pill or get an IUD.
15 years, 6 kids and a not so great marriage. As a woman, I do NOT blame him at all.
She was dead silent by the end! John checked her real quick. I think she came in thinking he would be on her side. Six kids is enough!
I think they cut her off the line at the end so that John can wrap up the call. Lol. That’s the only reason she went silent
I'm not sure we really have the right to tell her "six is enough', we want what we want, and we don't have all the facts, perhaps they were in agreement at some point on a 'number' and if he changed his mind, it was his OBLIGATION to come to her and discuss the entire. Zero kids might be ok for many, but to tell someone who wants more that 6 is enough, isn't a fair statement.
@@VLDI1961 I'm pretty sure he told her that he was done with having kids a long time ago before #4 or #5 came into picture. Obviously, she ignored him and probably went behind his back multiple times. It was only when #6 came in is when the Husband said he had no choice. Clearly, having a vasectomy was his choice and a responsible one because the wife is out-of-touch, clearly manipulative, and doesn't respect him. As Dr. Deloney said, "he's just a prop for her fantasy world." Prayers to the husband, he's clearly stressed out and needs support and prayers to the wife, she needs to check herself and get it together.
@@marckowtko4073 Hi Marc, I don't disagree with anything you said! I totally agree..... what I didn't agree with was the six is enough comment. We have one child and one was enough for us, we have friends who have 8 & 9 kids, personally I think they are nuts...lol.... but they wanted that many. So.... to tell someone 6 is enough, I found unfair. We can't put our beliefs on others. In this case, I do agree he likely 'heaved a heavy sigh' when 4 ,5 &/or 6 came along, I'm sure he'd previously said something to her, I also agree that her belief was that he would stay no matter what..... bad idea to think that! There was definitely a major breakdown in communication between them.... it's never just one sided. I hope they are able to work it out and move forward in repairing their marriage and family. It won't happen quickly, but it can happen.
*Correction: 6 kids is TOO MANY
Imagine if every woman on the planet had 6 kids. Look at India.
I hope she comes here and reads every comment.. and humbles herself. Team husband on this one! You are incredible, Dr. John!!!
Ouch. Let's go with team marriage, not team husband. For the marriage to work, she needs to work on listening to and empathizing with her husband. Team marriage should win here, not just husband vs wife.
@@JenWulfI don’t know. She sounds like a piece of work. She’s just wrong and controlling. And needs to know it. She’s not entitled to his sperm.
@@agricolaregs totally agree. AND the marriage is still greater than its parts and no victory comes out of breaking the team down into winners and losers.
Let's hope so
@@JenWulf It seems abusive and controlling. I wouldn’t advise a woman to stay in that type of relationship. I can’t advise a man to stay and remain abused either.
His body, his choice. His rights are just as important as a woman’s.
Couldn't hv said it better!
I agree
Good point!
This isn’t about whether his rights are as important as “a woman’s”. I don’t think any reasonable person would argue that they weren’t. But women who want to keep having kids after the financial and emotional breaking point usually don’t believe a woman has any right to bodily autonomy. So saying her husband’s rights are important as “a woman’s” would mean … nothing .. to her. 🤷🏼♀️
1000% agree, 6 kids is enough. She needs to come out of that mode
Wow John. You were SUPER honest and straight with this lady. Well done. Hope she finds her way in giving and taking vs a one way street.
It was something pretty good the way he handled it. When he busted it the "are you sure he isn't just a prop in the play where you build your story?"........silence........that's like Babe Ruth calling his shots type of chilling. Ha ha
This caller has so much to be thankful for. 6 healthy kids and the ability to stay home to take care of them is a very privileged life. I agree with what others have said that she needs to go to therapy. Having a child is a joint decision and he did what he had to do.
I like the way Delony challenged her. It was straight forward, but respectful.
Agree!
Can you imagine what he said when the show was over??!! Lol! I mean I’d be freakin dumbfounded and would need help coming back to reality!
@alritehamilton
unfortunately I think most people do not have much self awareness. she doesn't sound terrible, she reacted pretty well after a lot of what john said.
He is so supernaturally good at that. He never comes off as the enemy, always comes across as an ally in some way.
I knew a girl who literally said she wants to have 6 kids so they can "co-parent each other", and her husbamd has to be rich to support her kids, so that SHE WON'T BE LONELY EVER. This lady reminds me of her...
If she finds a husband with the same vision, there is nothing wrong with that!
@@carinthiamontana7069 There absolute is . She wants to make the older kids secondary parents . That's not fair on those kids .
@@carinthiamontana7069Having kids just to raise your other kids is unequivocally shitty. The kids that end up as parents 3 and 4 never asked to be made.
@@carinthiamontana7069 I agree with you on the husband part, but making children their own parents is not commendable
That's called "parentification," It's traumatic for kids forced to basically BE parents when their job is to be a child.
I give this about a 5% chance of working out. She didn't say she didn't want to lose her husband, she said she didn't want to be a single mom. Asking controlling people to unlearn their patterns is nearly impossible unless the fear of losing something or someone is vastly more important.
I get the feeling he's already mentally checked out, and she thinks popping out infinity more puppies is going to keep him around.
This "mom" sounds highly self centered. I suspect that the kids they already have are probably not emotionally fulfilled. The older ones are almost certainly parentified, as well.
@@doesnotFempute I know a family inwhich that exact thing happened. Oldest child, now an adult, is estranged from her family. There were plenty of signs she was stressed and unhappy - parents just *insisted* it was her role to parent her younger siblings.
Actually, marriage-wise, they'll be fine. He may have checked out of the marriage, but the Law will make sure he stays in. Because as bad as his life is now with his wife, it will be far worse if he divorces her and gets financially ruined, since he's the financial breadwinner with 6 kids.
She knows divorce isn't an option because there isn't another man who would take a single mother with 6 kids.
They'll begrudgingly figure out a way to move forward with their marriage since the alternative for both of them will be far worse.
This he’s 9/10 cheating most men have to be pushed to do this and all those damn kids ages insane after 3 he should’ve had one they struggling
@@helena3631mine was not pushed into cheating. That I'd ridiculous. He fed lust and lost. Which was extremely selfish. That I'd most cheaters. A small percentage feel pushed into but even then they had a choice.
They have 6 kids, she is being selfish. Shes mad she didnt get her way, she didnt listen to his opinion and feeling about not having more kids.
She should listen to her husband who’s making the money, he can’t afford more kids that’s just selfish in her apart
My guess? He was done after 2/3 kids and but she wanted more and had some “slip ups” with her birth control and after the 3rd “slip up” he decided to take matters into his own hands. I would love to hear his side
Exactly !
@@aelh123gosh I know some women who give advice - "forget" to take it until you make it. Some nerve!
Yes guaranteed she planned all the oops babies. And she's acting cute like she just doesn't understand how babies appear
I am proud of that man.
Yes. TWO parents need to be on board for bringing a child into the world. A GOOD mom wants a father for her children who is completely on board.
This one really has me irritated, lol. This woman is just ridiculous I’m sorry. Just based off this call alone, she seems so unbearable. It’s 100% only about her and what she wants. I really feel bad for the husband and I KNOW he feels completely stuck in this situation. Sounds like to me he’s the only real responsible one here. I absolutely LOVE how you handled this one, John. I think she was expecting this call to go a different direction.
Agreed. And as a daughter of a mother just like this, let me tell you, I also feel for the kids. She is manipulative, controlling and selfish and is probably a nightmare of a mother. 💔
@@AB-mx1deI can relate!
This one irritated me too. I want to slap this woman. LOL
But is he, tho? He doesn't sound responsible to me. He just finally got fed up and decided as John says to go nuclear. That's as messed up as her demanding more kids than he's prepared to parent. Kid after kid after kid after kid after kid after kid, and he keeps going along with it? He allows children to be brought into the world that it sounds like he didn't really want, without having a major conversation years ago?? Then he goes and does a stealth vasectomy? They both are in the wrong. They both should have worked together on parenthood issues and decisions. It's NOT ok to create multiple human beings with someone you aren't even on the same page with. These kids are who will suffer for it. I feel for these ppl, I don't mean to be unkind to them but they were very, very unwise and the children pay the price with parents like this. I know I sure did.
Yep....she expected to be coddled....
Thank your husband for finally taking a sensible decision. This woman is so unreasonable!!
Thank you for calling her out and not letting her deflect to "this is who I am". This woman's perspective is skewed. She hears what she wants to hear and nothing else. I'm sure he's been telling her for years.
Dagggg!! John hit her with some hard truth she probably was not expecting! "You can't wrap your head around that you didn't get your way....." WOWZER!
Yes! It's great he told her that.
A few thoughts crosses my mind.
1) she almost pitched a fit when John was honest with her
2) Pretty good guess the last surprise child was her not being honest about being on birth control.
No. 1 YES. No.2 YES
The moment Delony called her out she shutdown. No accountability.
@@djpuplex I noticed that too. Also, I'd bet way more of the six kids were "oops" kids, than just the last couple kids.
Yeah, I thought so too, the way she mumbled the "accident" part - she totally did it on purpose.
Right? This would make so much sense and explain why the husband got the vasectomy without her "permission".
Number six was a surprise, she wasn’t expecting to get pregnant, but she also can’t handle that her husband got a vasectomy after six children? After number four, she should probably have a better grasp on where babies come from since they’re apparently still a surprise. She should also call Dave and have him breakdown what it costs to support a family of 8 people. He told her he wanted a vasectomy, she wouldn’t agree to it so he likely didn’t trust that she wouldn’t have another case of whoopsie-daisies in 12-18 months and did the only thing he felt he could do. He doesn’t need permission. He gave her six children. SIX. If she feels unfulfilled as a parent at this point she needs to see a psychiatrist. If a man expected of his wife what she expects of him, people would call him a monster.
The gall of this caller.
I’m a woman and I 100% agree with every word- as do many in the comments. That man did not trust her after no. 6, perhaps even before. He probably suspected she skips the pill or did something to make their “other methods” not work. She seems duplicitous; if she’d agreed not to have more then why if she so vitriolic…
They have financial worries (huge ones, perhaps) and marriage issues for years, and she wants more kids? I think she may be mentally unwell, like she’s addicted to being pregnant.
The reason they’re probably not intimate is now… I reckon she likely withholds sex out of spite or resentment, because he was a sperm bank to her and now she doesn’t get what she wants out of having sex with him. She clearly views him as a puppet and invalidated him for years. Sad state of affairs.
And I will add that if he is the type to stay for the sake of the kids, she definitely loses all control now.
PREACH!!!!
Yeah she's selfish he has the hard job of providing for those six kids I'm sure that's not easy.
Absolutely agree your point of view
My mom wanted 6 kids. They never thought about how to love and provide for us. None of us had a good childhood and each of us is damaged in different ways to varying degrees. 😢
My parents had 3 and they were same. Never gave a thought to how we would fare with their raising us on chaos, poverty, lack of harmony, no health insurance. Don't even THINK about a college fund, that was a joke. There wasn't even money for basics quite often. I spent my jr high and early highschool days in the same secondhand clothes and for kids that age that circumstance is brutal. As soon as I was legally able to get a work permit I got a job and started buying my own NEW underwear, shoes and some clothes. I was resented for it. SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST NOT HAVE KIDS esp if they are not prepared to make their children's financial, health and educational needs a priority.
That is your parents. Not her. I had 7 and we were not rich but had a great life.
@@sakitoby1581your parents don't owe you college. My husband went into the military to get his. His parents were loving and kind but never did we think our parents were responsible for our college.
@@deniseowens1163 that's you. Not everyone is capable of being a good parent or cares to provide for the children they bring into the world.
@@deniseowens1163 And neither are you her...
When a woman says she wants more children there's NOTHING a guy can do...she will "forget to take the pill" or uuuppps contraception fails. I think she must be a stay at home mom because there's no way a working woman with 6 kids would want more. So selfish of her part to put her husband through this. Glad John set her straight.
She unilaterally decided that he doesn't get a say in the matter. He was feeling unheard & took matters into his own hands. Aside from condoms, this is the only other option for male birth control.
Condoms can be tampered with or dug out of the trash. No man is safe from a selfish woman
I have a feeling if he said “i want to wear condoms now” she’d FREAK. Id call it his only option besides abstinence.. which also would also affect the relationship severely.
And there's abstinence.
@@Fishoutayou obviously aren't married. Lol
@@travismccloskey9733 Actually I am. Lol.
Pulling the pin after 6 kids is completely reasonable. She is just mad she didnt get her way
There’s the issue of lying & going behind her back . . . If she wasn’t hearing him he needed to get a backbone & sit down & talk . . Not lie!
@@joygarrett8397exactly. Thats my problem with this. He shouldn't have lied.
@@joygarrett8397please, guarantee you he talked and she didn't listen. She already sounds unreasonable
@@anneshirley9560 I will bet my mortgage that he was very very vocal on his desires and she refused to listen
@@konye618listening to her, I agree.
Sounds like she’s violating him. Any man who would treat me the way she treated him would be considered abusive. She’s abusive.
Abuse takes away choice. He was not abused. He always had had choice.. He was treated badly but not abused.
Over drinking is alcohol abuse
Over procreation is also abuse reproductive abuse😊
@@blueseptember2174He most definitely was abused. His choice was taken away when she "unexpectedly" got pregnant again. That baby was fully intentional, just not on his end. I bet she told him that her birth control "failed" and I'm sure this isn't this first time the birth control didn't work. He felt the need to take matters into his own hands and that speaks VOLUMES.
@@MsLaRue he definitely didn't feel heard. But anytime you have sex you have the chance of getting pregnant so it's kind of a risk you take even with protection (although it sounds like they were using nfp which is not at all reliable). So unless you are raped(choice being taken away i.e abuse), there is that built in acknowledgement. He could've been abstinent or wore a condom also but he didn't. she didn't listen, so he got a vasectomy.
@@blueseptember2174 in marriage there is the expectation of trustworthiness. If they had agreed she's on birth control, you should be able to trust she takes care of it. They had several kids after the husband put his foot down regarding finances so they were most likely "surprise" babies, but the only one that was surprised was him. She knew what she was doing.
We had a surprise 3rd AND 4th baby thanks to old age and secondary fertility. I told my husband he would be sleeping in a different room if he didn’t get himself a vasectomy. He was more than happy to take care of business. I cannot imagine bringing another kid into a family where both parents aren’t COMPLETELY onboard.
I would LOVE to hear the husband’s side of this. I totally understand how he could have been feeling!❤
My husband and I started having kids later at life. After 10 years of infertility and numerous IVF transfers, we finally got our twins. We made peace that our twins would be our only kids. Ten months later we had a surprise pregnancy. We discussed birth control and he brought up getting a vasectomy. I struggled for a bit because I had been infertile for so long and now that I could get pregnant without medical intervention, I felt robbed that we were now done having kids. I also realized that my husband wouldn’t be able to handle more kids and that my body would have a hard time with another pregnancy at my age. Three under two is a lot! My baby is now two and we look forward to all of the adventures we will have without starting over with a new baby.
It’s very normal for women to grieve being done having kids. The gift of being able to create life and grow a baby inside our wombs is miraculous. Giving that up can be heartbreaking.
Marriage counseling sounds appropriate in this situation. Six is a lot and her youngest is still a toddler, she has a lot of years with her babies. Being a mom never ends.
It's interesting hearing other women's perspectives on being a mother. I'm not at all attached to the idea of being a mother or creating life.
You're right about the grief but we all need to move forward and accept reality. Not one person gets to skip that part (except addicts- but that's what they are where they are). So time to accept reality. Doesn't mean it's not hard but it is what's right.
@@blueseptember2174 Where did I suggest that we shouldn’t move forward and we don’t have to accept reality?
@@whatintheheck4692 you didn't. Sorry my comment made it seem like it. I was agreeing with you about grieving then just adding on to it in what the callers inevitable next step is realistically.
@@RepentImmediatelywe all have differing ideas about motherhood. Some women’s identities are tied to motherhood, others aren’t interested. Some are somewhere in the middle. I have two girls, but I knew that was it for me. I had no issues with permanent birth control. I love my children but I’m a mother, a career woman, and have so many other things I’m pursuing along with motherhood. This caller sounds like she doesn’t have a life outside of being a mom.
She didn’t get it. She was expecting John to get mad at her husband not call her out.
This is the type of woman that would keep having children, even though they can’t afford it, or dedicate the time that each child deserves. She is probably also the type of woman that would expect her older children to become parents to the younger ones because they will need to babysit and take care of the younger children.
It seems like she only counts "being a mother" is to have a little baby. The older kids are probably already parentified because she doesn't care about them as they grow older so somebody has to do the parenting for her.
John 100% took the husband’s side. The husband needed to voice his side more
Yeah, you bet he is busting himself working to feed and clothe and house 8 people in total.
Agree with John. Dude must pay for all those children
i bet the husband talked himself blue in the face and she stood her ground. i'm a woman and i think this woman is nuts and totally disrespectful of her family unit in favor of her own desires. crazy. she's treating that man like he's a bull
This lady fucking sucks.
If this was a deal breaker for her, they should have spoken about this before getting married. I am catholic and before I got married I warned my husband I would not take any kind of family planning but the natural way. He could take it or he could not marry me
Her anger and resentment is punishing him for daring to act without her "permission."
You're a couple. You don't go and have a vasectomy without both agreeing.
@@deniseowens1163Husband is the sole provider for the family. Don’t you think if you financially support the family you have final say over how many children you bring into the world?
@@deniseowens1163 absolutely false. I would say you don’t get one without having a discussion. You don’t have one without talking about it. There’s a difference between having a conversation and getting your way. She made it known how she feels about it. I’m 100% confident that he took her feelings and opinions, and into consideration. In the end, he disagreed and made the best decision for his health and his body.
A vasectomy is minor. It can be reversed. Sperm is 100% in tact and fine after. It can be used temporary so she can't get pregnant.I mean after 6 kids, maybe he wants to have sex without wearing protection? You know, some men can't ejaculate. So instead of her going through a major surgery to stop that, he took a minor surgery that is 100% reversible at any point.@@deniseowens1163
In marriage big decisions like that should be discussed. He betrayed her trust. I don't blame this woman for being hurt by that.
His body, his choice. Great advice John!
Actually, no, theyre married...its her body too and vice versa.
My thoughts exactly. It's HIS body. He didn't even need to talk to her about it. He did her a favor having a conversation at all after the second kid. Kids are expensive AF.
😂😅🤣
@@HeidisHereAndThere No, not how that works. He said he doesn't want more kids and she didn't respect that which led to him getting the vasectomy.
@@HeidisHereAndTherelol, um, I don’t think so. He was the responsible one here and did the right thing for the family. His wife is a little child that wants it all to go her way.
My ex and I agreed to 2 kids. After my 2nd pregnancy miscarried, I was comforted knowing we could try again. He promised me a second child, had a secret vasectomy, then strung me along for 14yrs. I thought (and he pretended) there was something wrong with me.
After I began menopause, he decided to trade me in for a 34yr old (he was 50 & I was 43).
If he didn't want another child, he should've said so and let me move on while I still had the chance. I will NEVER forgive him.
Do you believe your forgiveness is important to him?
Damn . . .
Well from the sounds of it, and I'm just being an impartial observer, he knew you would leave him if he didn't give you a second child (or make the effort to give you a second child). That's gotta sting for him knowing that if he didn't make the effort to have another child with you, even though yall agreed on it initially, that you would leave him, signaling that another child is more important to him than you. I'm not saying either is right or wrong but that's what I hear. That you would have left him in order to have another child. So he was desperate (at the time) to not lose you.
@@jameybobamey7343 Desperate not to lose her so he could find another woman later after lying to her for years. He is a f*cking a**hole
@@jameybobamey7343 No matter what the reason is, what he did was unconscionable and dishonest. To add insult to injury, he made her think that she was the reason why they couldn't get pregnant. I don't even know how you ever not be bitter over that. The only consolation is that karma will eventually come knocking at his door.
She should divorce him and find out how much fun it is to raise six kids on your own stop complaining that your husband actually put his foot down and said no more kids
He should be so lucky. She’s going to make him suffer for the rest of his life for disobeying her orders and trying to have some control over his own life. That’s what’s going to happen. I would bet on it.
He can’t afford child support and she knows it. She had that many children for different intentions I feel like. The poor man doesn’t have a choice over his own body.
So she says "finances were a challenge" and yet she wanted to have more kids???.
How does this make any sense???. She definitely needs some mental counseling
Finances being a challenge is "his" problem as far as she's concerned. He's the breadwinner and responsible for providing the life she has dreamed of.
@@michaelh2282 That's incredibly selfish and entitled.
I agree
I think she didn't take his feelings into consideration. She didn't even listen to him. He was overwhelmed and done. You are blessed with what you have. Some people don't even get married or have children. Count the blessings you have and build that with your husband. She needs to stop punishing him and take responsibility for her actions in this.
Feelings aren't a choice. What we choose to do (or not do) with them is.
Its amazing to hear them call out female toxicity
Also, if she knows their marriage has been in trouble for "quite some time", why does she keep wanting to crank out more babies? I don't understand this at all. I always wanted one or two more children, but didn't because the marriage became bad and he ended up cheating/walking out. It would have been selfish of me to have more babies just because I wanted more, knowing my husband was checked out. We don't aways get what we want.......
Dr John explained it. Her husband is basically a means to her delusions of grandeur. He was playing a role in her life to fulfill her wants. He's prob an anti-confrontational guy who never tells her no, and he felt like this was the only option. He knew if he brought it up she'd shut it down cause she wouldn't consider it, she's still having a hard time talking about it cause he went against her wants. It's probably the first time the husband has ever done anything against her will.
Exactly this! My exhusband began to check out WHILE I WAS PREGNANT! Our first year as parents was a nightmare. But he started to pressure me to try again when our son was 9 months old. I asked to wait until our son was a year at least before trying again.
Find out right before my sons first birthday that he had been meeting people from the internet and trying to meet people for intimacy.
So now I’m a divorced mother of 1, God was with me because I’m not a divorced mother of 2, and did not contract any STIs from his extramarital activities. Babies do not fix marriages!!!
@@sha2596 He wanted to keep you attached to him and undesirable for other men that's why he wanted to baby trap you. STI's can seriously affect babies health and even cost life and potentially yours too, he didn't care about it.
She said she loves being a mother. That means she only counts having babies as being a mother - she doesn't see that her older kids need a mother too. I bet the older kids are neglected by her and she just loves the attention she gets when she's pregnant and has a baby. The husband was the responsible one as he made it impossible for her to keep popping out surprise babies that are only a surprise to him, not her.
The kids are a substitute relationship. She controls every aspect of that relationship and there is no vulnerability in it for her. They grow up, have another - I would put money that she is Mom 100% of the time and doesn't make him or their relationship the priority - all about the kids.
He read her exactly right! She’s insane for being upset. Some people can’t even have kids and she has 6.
Kid 6 was a surprise ya right😂
My ex wife was insane like her. We had 5 kids, (she had 2, we had 3 together) and I pressed vasectomy she screamed at me she can get it elsewhere yada yada. Marriage was toxic, divorced and a few months after divorce she was pregnant with baby #6 with baby daddy #3. Its freakin embarrassing.
What on earth does it have to do with the fertility of other people?
She’s not insane. She does need therapy but insane is being mean especially when families are struggling. John handles this amazing and that’s why your not on the air lol no offense
@@godknowsimstupid7848oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I've never had any children, and at 51 years old, if I marry, I would _appreciate him_ having a vasectomy because I don't want to go through that now! Would I love any of his children as my own? Absolutely. Would I be open to adopting? Maybe so. I just don't want to go through that kind of pain now.
Men have reproductive rights, too.
You are exactly right.
“Is he a prop in the world you wanted to create” MY GOODNESS- that HIT LIKE A TRUCK. Sheesh, I can kinda see how this happened. They were stressed about money but her vision for a family was so important to her she wasn’t thinking about it. Men are always thinking about provision and working and he knew that more kids would STRESS him out. She was thinking that keeping the family going was super important, but she wasn’t looking at it from his perspective. So he did what he felt like he could do to stop this major stressor because his wife wasn’t hearing him. I pray she learns and truly forgives him and finds that a family of 8 is beautiful even if it’s not the life she always imagined in her head.
I caught a possessive vibe while listening to her explain everything at the beginning. Sometimes you have to compromise and 6 kids is enough. Versus more than that.
That is 80% of women lol. They want the perfect facebook postings to make thier "friends" jealous
@@fauxbro1983 most people want to put up a front on social media. I dont think that's solely a female problem.
@@fauxbro1983I don’t think this is a female issue, it’s a people issue. It just looks different with different genders. Selfishness manifests itself in the form of where people find their stability and identity, for her being a mom was her identifier. Men have these too, so we cannot become unreasonable and start talking about how this is majority of women because it’s not. Selfishness is not gender specific it’s human specific. Brokenness takes many forms. We cannot form bias from past trauma, we have to think reasonably.
I hope she forgives him for the secrecy … because I don’t see the marriage surviving if she doesn’t. Unfortunately for him, can’t force forgiveness.
He had a right to his feelings but the fact that he did it in secret, that’s a hard one to forget about and move on from.
Love when he said:: the problem is you didn’t have it your way!! 8:30
We are Catholic. We can use Natural Family Planning.
My husband can say “let’s stop. I can’t financially handle any more.” And I can also say “let’s stop, my body is done and I’m at my max.”
It’s respectful to the other to HONOR their position.
Yeah that’s like no birth control which is exactly what the church meant it to do🤦🏻♀️
@@judyperri9496: No, Natural Family Planning is very scientific and has been used by horse and dog breeders for years! It’s not Rhythm or Pulling Out ( both of which DONT work.) NFP also works when you WANT to conceive. Go look it up and educate yourself.
Not true Natural Family Planning can be as effective as the pill IF a few things are in place & no medical issues (irregular cycles)
That's not true. It needs education about the cycle and discipline from the couple and not every couple is willing to commit to that.
That’s not what the Catholic Church teaches. You should review your Catechism.
I have a cousin who has 10 kids. He wanted a vasectomy after 6, but his wife wouldn’t let him. They divorced before the 10th was a year old, and he got snipped a couple months later.
Thank you for honoring a male's feelings and perspective during a call. This is a breath of fresh air. I know the producers see the comments about the imbalance of response based on gender.
Plenty of women on here seem to actually be on Team Husband.
“Feelings are not truth tellers.” Wow! 🤯 People need to hear that statement and understand it and love it out!
I’m getting the sense that she stopped using birth control and didn’t tell him. When the caller quotes the husband as saying she also betrayed him, she didn’t push back.
Children should be wanted by BOTH PARENTS
I hope the husband hears this, it sounds like he may need to hear it… poor man!
She completely disregarded his needs and wishes.
This lady is selfish and blames him for their marital problems.
When he asked if her husband was just playing a part in what she thought her life should be… that was it exactly.
He was a sperm donor with a paycheck and it pissed her off that he had thoughts and feelings different than her own and he got tired of being ignored and did something drastic. Dr. John is right on here. If this was reversed, she’d be put on a pedestal for not wanting to be a baby machine. But because he doesn’t want to be a baby machine she feels betrayed?! No ma’am. He’s your husband, not a damn doll.
This same scenario played out in an Australian murder case. This guy met a woman and they had one kid and rhen another. He got fed up because he was the sole bread winner and didnt want anymore children, but she said she didnt care and kept trying to get pregnant again. So he left her and she killed him for messing up her life's plan.
🎯🎯🎯
You'd think she'd notice tight finances after so many kids. I'd ask her what she knows about the situation.
@@AnOriginalRUclipsr She did notice. She didn't care. In her universe, it was his duty to just make more money.
@@Theescapist_87ouch!
Wow, this was a powerful message!! Instead of getting validated, she got the truth! I hope she goes to her husband with vulnerability and empathy.
I also hope she goes get help to get her head screwed on right. She needs to apologize to him for ignoring his concerns and worries and putting all of financial responsibilities on him and him alone.
She needs to grow up. These children are real human beings with needs to be housed, fed and nurtured which she took no part in doing. I’d suggest they’d swap roles for a year. He stays home to take care of the kids. She goes out to work 2-3 jobs whatever to bring home enough money to feed those many mouths. Nah, you know I’m just kidding.
But I’m not kidding about the part she needs to grow up. Get plastic dolls to play mommy with if you have no real plan to provide and support for your children if God forbid something should happen to one of you. I don’t want to support your kids. I have mine. I planned and saved and waited.
The gall she has to demand more kids after half a dozen. The husband could have stopped at 2 and be done.
John nailed this one. Amazing response from him!
At least he was honest with her, he could have just kept it secret. I can guarantee 💯 that last baby was not a surprise to her she wanted to get pregnant again. I understand that huge maternal pull to have more babies but you have to be a grown up and consider all your other children and a husband that has a right to choose the size of your family also.
John her husband did not do anything crazy. He was trying to save his life and what was left of it. She’s abusive and needs to recognize it.
Not abusive(I've been in abuse okay 😅, not abuse). Controlling and manipulative sure. He always had a choice though. He could've done this sooner or refused sex if she didn't hear his reasoning.
@@blueseptember2174she is emotionally abusive; as a survivor of my emotionally abusive mother I can attest to this.
@@blueseptember2174she would have probably had more of a fit had he got it done sooner. Abuse is abuse, it comes in different forms.
@@blueseptember2174abuse comes in many forms; just because it didn't look like yours does not mean it wasn't there. I learned this after going to WEAVE once or twice after being in more than one abusive situation. Someone does not have to be raising a hand to or sexually violating someone to be abusive.
SHE IS EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE. YOU NEVER TAKE AWAY ANYBODYS BODILY AUTONOMY.
6 kids and she's mad he was responsible enough to get snipped? She's either detached from the reality of the cost of raising these kids, or she loves the attention she gets while pregnant. It's one thing to say, let's discuss one or two kids, but I think after four, one partner can officially put the brakes on the process and that's not line crossing.
She said it, her whole identity is being a mom. Not a wife, a friend, and a good partner. Just a mom
Agree 💯
@@earthringshe is already the momest mom that ever mommed with her 6 kids. She’s addicted to pregnancy/birth/newborns.
I think if they’re in agreement and can afford and support a larger family, it’s not as much about the number.
@madamesquide looks like she loves the period when she is nursing and changing diapers. Once they are a little bit older, they are not that funny.
Wow. Before he even started answering her question, I was just kind of blown away by what seemed to be an obvious case of “deafness” toward her husband. Getting that vasectomy behind her back was a last ditch effort. Seems obvious to me like this man has been trying to communicate to her for years that he doesn’t want more children and she keeps telling him “I’m not ready to stop having kids.” Yeah, but HE was. And she didn’t care enough. She was putting HER desire to POSSIBLY have more children, over his SURE desire not to. Getting that vasectomy behind her back was 100% an act of desperation. “She’s never going to HEAR me. She’s never going to really listen to me or care enough about how *I* feel. The only way I can get what I want is to do this behind her back, because she’s never going to really hear me.”
She already has six children. And if he wanted more than that too, then go for it. If they can afford to feed them and raise them and properly take care of them, have 12 for all I care. But if he doesn’t want to, why can’t she be happy with the ones she has? If they aren’t “enough” to make her happy, when her husband was SO desperate to stop having kids that he went and did this behind her back, there’s something wrong with HER.
This woman is gonna insist on adopting kids. Just watch. Her whole identity is a houseful of people and it will crush her poor husband. As a dude I feel bad for him.
Raleigh man I'm a woman and I feel absolutely terrible for this man! His wife is a witch!
Well, there is no Ooops with adoption, if he says no they will not get a kid. Moreover adoption takes long and is often expenisve. - she also admitted that there is some financial stress - so hey let's get two more kids.
As a woman I am disgusted by her.
Don't call her a witch... that insults witches who are lovely. She is a narcissist.
She is going to drive him out of the house and the marriage. He will still pay for those kids--and for her for a long time--but it will be well worth it.
Dr John was on fire with this one! So many good truth bombs
I feel like he was unheard and this was the only way he could be heard.
Exactly 💯
Lying? Try it some day - and good luck with that! 😂
Thank God he spoke on behalf of the husband. That’s so refreshing to hear.
Im so glad John was brave enough to tell her the truth. Especially as a man speaking to a woman. That was tough and I was afraid he would sugar coat it for her. She isnt seeing her husband as a human.
I couldn't imagine how much you would have to make to support 6 kids in this day in age
And she wants more!
250k each until college, that figure was from a few years ago so it's probably close to 300 now. Husband needed to earn 3 million just to raise the kids unless he drops dead from exhaustion.
@@kyleanuar9090 3 million? Lol, no that's excessive.
I wanted 5 kids, my husband was done after 4. I have PCOS, so having any kids is a miracle. I accepted my blessing of 4 and compromised. However, my husband was leary of a vasectomy and almost 4 years later we had a surprise none of us saw coming. He scheduled the vasectomy right after the birth. LOL
are you happier with 5 than 4 ?
a 4 year break was nice I'm sure
@@TimothyMcVay I'm happy with whatever God has in-store. I know that sounds cliche, but thats how I feel.
The husband knew since they previously talked about it that she would have said no. The man is tired, the 5th & 6th kid was a game changer. Good for him for wanting to take responsibility...kids are expensive and time consuming, I'm sure he loves his kids but enough was enough for him. She's pissed that he actually did something without asking her first which shows that she's controlling and doesn't respect his feelings.
Six kids and she wanted more? His body but not his choice because he’s married?
Since she found out he got snipped she has frozen the bedroom. She is 100% withholding. She wants to punish him for not bowing to her.
Crazy behavior. Agree 100%
Maybe it's not that serious. she is asking with genuine concern and wanting to find a way around this. weird flex. you're not wrong, she is the problem here; but it isn't that serious. She can fix this.
@@amyl3729it sounded to me like it was right after she found out that the bedroom went cold
They don't have ANY sex life if they have six freaking kids lmao
@sunnysidedown0451 you mean "they clearly have a sex life, they've got six frickin kids"?
I worked with a male nurse that would not condone birth limit or control. After 8 kids his wife said no more sex. They ended up divorced where he had to work 6-7 nights a week to afford the alimony and child support
He would've had to work anyway. Big deal. If he hadn't had a family he would've spent the money on some stupid material bullsh*t anyway.
@@BrassyBrunetteoh so you’re him
@@astrelf😂I love that all that person took from that story was "hE wAs gOnNa WoRk AnYwAY"..... Not how he blew up his marriage and put his kids through a divorce because of his rigid ideology.
Goes to show you in a relationship there can’t be a dictator. We have to bend and compromise.
What gives you the idea that he has to work 7 nights a week to pay for child support. No court can or will make him do that. Where we are, in California, BOTH parents are equally responsible for work, provide and support for the kids, even if she has full custody.
Having children without concrete planning on how to support them is irresponsible. You have to plan to the best of your ability for unforeseen events such as deaths, loosing jobs, illnesses, catastrophic events, divorce…
No court can force you to pay with the money you don’t have the ability to make.
OMG, I love Dr John. i love the way he walked her through this. The fact that he did this in such a short time is awesome. The real works is now up to her! Wish her the best at facing this.
Dr. John you really did nail this one! At first, I thought you were a little harsh but as the conversation unraveled I understood what was going on. Great wisdom! Hope their marriage works out.
Dang. John really called her out! He's spot on.
This call was handled so well. Well done Dr. JOHN.
I think she explained it best herself. She said “being a mother is my whole life”….
And that’s sad as heck, she needs to get an identity asap before she completely loses herself
I’m deeply grateful that my parents kept their passions and identities in my childhood, and I’m setting this example for my daughter.
It must be horrible for these six kids, to be used as a crutch for someone’s whole identity.
Yep, once those kids are old enough, they are going to be interested in going their own way....then she's faced with not knowing who she is without them. She needs to work on developing her identity outside of parenthood.
Exactly. She sounds like a child herself. Her emotional immaturity and lack of accountability and insight are pathetic. She's gonna screw up those kids if she doesn't get therapy and grow up. I wouldn't be surprised at all if that last baby was not actually an accident.
@@backtoasimplelife at that point she will be nagging her kids for grandchildren.... just like my mother didi. My mother never had an identity outside of raising kids. I told her this morning she best find a part time job and get a f-ing life.
I really like listening to him. So insightful. This one reminded me that we have the ability to stop in our tracks, and rewrite, redo the architecture of our life, at any time. We control, make and manifest our own realities.
She's stressing me out, I couldn't imagine being the husband.
I’m ready to pull my hair out with her moronic mentality.
I m a woman she is stressing me out lol
Me too!
Yup, same here.
Number 6 was a surprise 😵💫
I don’t believe her
Neither did he....evidently.
It was probably a surprise....to him.
Well was she supposed to be on birth control or not?
@@DrKrysRacquel I was wondering the same
Shout out to all the sensible ladies in the comments rightly calling this woman out on her selfish issues.
Thanks 👍🏻
It's only fair.
Selfish, controlling, manipulative people of either genda, should be called out, for what they are doing.
He's the sole breadwinner for 6 kids. I'm a woman and believe in bodily autonomy. And I also know what it's like to feel like you're treading water financially and going to a job you hate every day on top of it. So I feel for the guy.
We women do not automatically side with other women, particularly when they seem to be making bad choices. Yes sure, I do stick up for women most of the time, but not unconditionally. I am reading between the lines on this call that the husband has probably tried to say "no more kids, I am struggling to provide" and she has not listened, so he did what he thought would resolve the situation. After six kids, fair enough call by him. And a way better call than what most men would do, which would be to walk out on the family.
And as an aside, your comment says a lot more about you than you realise. Perhaps this thread will open your eyes your belief system is faulty.
To be fair, she is being incredibly unreasonable. Six kids, and that’s still not enough? How are they affording that in this economy.
@@davinasquirrel7672maybe the part about "says a lot more about you than you realize" might come across negatively. It did to me. I believe (it's just my opinion) that many, many men and women are under the impression that we side with our gender regardless the situation. That is false because emotionally mature people realize there's always two sides. I can't ever lump men into the "they are horrible, all of them are abusive" category just because I have had abusive relationships. Also, I was not in a place emotionally to know I don't need someone and that I don't have to tolerate abuse. I have two amazing son's, and a father, brother, etc that are good and treat women as they should. That's why I can't ever lump a gender together. We have to step back from the negativity hurt people spread that expands the gap in trusting and believing there is goodness out there and it's not rare. Everyone has to do their part on correcting ourselves when we fall back into mistrust and assumptions of others. I hope my comment doesn't come across in a negative fashion. Truly wanting all us to rewire our thinking and finger pointing, myself absolutely included. Have a wonderful day all.
Excellent response! It's her body to choose to not bear a child. And it's his life to choose not to father another child. Somehow, she held the belief that she alone could decide. No more children unless both mother and father want them.
"I always wanted to be a mother." - well she IS a mother of 6 children aged 2 - 13 years. And I bet there is some neglect and / or the older ones have to play parents to step in for her.