Thank you so much. It is so incredibly hard to find any information (let alone treatment) for PTSD (or...complex PTSD) when you're not a veteran. People think that because you haven't been to war, you can't have it! "That's not a trivial part of the population." - And we need help. I wish I could find a doctor, therapist, anyone, like these two!
Her comment about how her ability to trust has been compromised really resonated with me. Being deathly afraid of your primary caregiver during your formative years permanently damages your nervous system. Our child selves are supposed to be flooded with oxytocin from blissful bonding, not adrenalin from abject terror.
C-PTSD sucks big time, I've had it for 13 years. My brain makes new traumatic events all the time. A simple social event where I may of second guessed something I said, and my mind would make it into a trauma. I could be talking to someone and they would say something that would relate to that event and all of a sudden I would have this feeling of humiliation and that image would reoccur in my mind, I would gasp and the person would look at me like I was crazy, which in turn would create another embarrassment to store in my brain. By now, the only memories that come into my head are negative ones. I have to focus on dreams and goals just to get a good mental image. I HATE that I have C-PTSD
Oh my word, you are the 1st person I've ever heard speak on the subject of losing trust in the mother! You are so right, I hated my mother more for not protecting me than I hated my stepfather who was raping me. And for the lady who spoke about our world being abnormal (paraphrasing) from the beginning so if your life has been even somewhat "normal", we are apples and oranges. She understands, you are my people, I need you 💯
This almost made me cry while watching this. I also suffer from Severe and Chronic PTSD, and identify with the symptoms of Complex PTSD. A lot of times I have to remind myself that it is my PTSD that is making me feel like NO ONE is able to be trusted, even those who I once trusted, and have never done anything to cause me to distrust them. I have to remind myself that those people are safe and it is okay to allow them into my life. My traumatic stress lasted for a total of five years with the last three to four months being filled with sexual and physical abuse , along with the mental abuse from which I went through at the hands of a person as well as the family court system and the Child Protection system who victimizes good parents who are victims of false reporting.
I'm so glad this is coming to the fore now, that it will be known about, that there may come a day when actual treatment is available instead of pill shoving. I have suffered since childhood, I'm 50 now. Trauma piled on trauma piled on distrust piled on blame. I know it's too late for any real healing for me, but my hope is for children today and in the future - the children I worked with in fact. I wore myself out, quite literally, trying to find a way to be a Real Person. I thank the people seeking answers on this from the bottom of my heart.
4... A Parent who simply lacks empathy doesn't seem to be abusive, nor do they experience being abusive, but the child may experience trauma when the parent doesn't connect with them. Esp. repeatedly or constantly. And esp. when the child is hurt, afraid or angry about something that happened. If there is no parent who will draw near and connect to that child when they are experiencing pain, the ENTIRE UNIVERSE is a cruel and hostile place and the child is too small to protect themself...
Excellent description. I have tried for years to explain my PTSD to mental health professi onals and was not getting the validation that I believe(d) I needed. I started investigating and reading about complex PTSD and the pieces of the puzzle appeared. Now I have the job of putting the puzzle together.
That is very good advice. If someone will take the time to learn what PTSD is and that it is not a choice, it is the result of trauma, then they can begin to walk a road together. If the partner doesn't take the time or interest in it, there will be difficulty that will be difficult to overcome together. If a partner to the person with PTSD will see love and TRUST as healing, there will be healing. TRUST is everything to a person suffering from chronic/complex PTSD.
I agree with your assessment that relationships will always be difficult for people with PTSD. The best that one can hope for is to meet someone with similar dynamics who is psychologically aware and able to communicate their challenges and inner turmoil/fear to their partner. Real healing is possible over many years if someone is willing and able to do the work with you. But first you have to get away from the people who invalidate you and are unable to understand what you are going thru. : )
I was abused by my step grandfather for 10yrs on top of being physically and mentally abused by my parents which becoming an adult I got in an abusive relationship which that lasted for 10yrs I’m just now trying to live life but it’s hard everyday and going out in public by itself is extremely hard not to mention trying to work that’s basically impossible hopefully I get my disability soon 😢 to anyone who is going through these things reach out there is help
Wnat if we have had both, and a 7 ACE score? I'm repeatedly in new PTSD situations beyond my control . It's made me a mess at 50, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Since so many debunkers like to point out that two children living in the same family will not develop the same disorder THEREFORE the external behavior did not cause the problem... it is important to understand the role of the subject. It is not correct to BLAME the subject or say that it is the FAULT of the subject. That's just dumb. Blaming the victim is a form of betrayal trauma which only makes the whole thing worse...
I struggled to find EMDR therapy, but finally did. It's about 30+ miles away. Waiting on a callback to see if they accept my insurance... ANYTHING is better than the unabated symptoms.
C-PTSD is what i had and have, after at least 16 years of constant parental narcissistic abuse without any hinderance of others. The symptoms match me perfectly.
My sister struggles with this . My mother is a narcissist father was alcoholic to cope with his wife’s abuse . We all suffer in different ways . It’s sad to know others suffer the same .sending you love
A good relationship will always include those qualities, I think. If a partner has no interest in knowing you on a deeper level then that isn't much of a relationship, IMO. In order to gain your trust they have to know what hurts you, what is triggering and make an honest effort not to purposely hurt you. This can be really difficult to find for people w/CPTSD because we tend to be attracted to and attract people with whom we can struggle in a similar way that we did with whoever hurt us. : (
3... People are different, and they get to developmental levels of agency or identity at different ages. They also have different experiences of the same family. The location of trauma may seem like a target person such as a parent, but it is closer to reality to say that it is the relationship between the subject and the target person...
I called a crisis line today bc I was an fn mess, over the top. She started with the" find something to focus on, look for 5 things". I said I'm way past being able to focus on that. 0-60 is how my brain works, it doesn't slow down to look for 5 things 🤦
Been with cptds I guess most of my life. I suppose coming out of childhood traumas that’s not surprising. It breaks my heart. I hate it. & I hate myself. It wears you down. And no therapy has helped. Well now I know therapists don’t even admit to it.. I guess unless you get a good one.
5... That is enuf 2 activate the PTSD dynamic. Constant surges of adrenaline/cortisol & all those other stress chemicals as well as perpetually calling upon brain structures which R still forming or not yet formed 2 perform functions which R only supposed 2 last a few minutes 2 a few hours, tops, will do damage 2 the entire body & brain eventually. The person will prolly never develop healthy patterns of relating because the physical systems & the sense of self never had a chance form properly.
1:52 I realize that everyone wants to be able to quantify the disorder by looking at the causes, that's not necessarily how it works nor is it the most helpful. Disruption of the Maternal/Child dyad can arise thru many causes, but the part that activates it is what happens inside the subject...
There is nothing out there for us. Since I'm now completely disabled by this, I rely on public assistance. Public health care and public mental health care is a complete joke. In fact, I experience it as only an exacerbation of the problem. And with few exceptions, it also seems intentional. But that may just be the disorder talking. :'-(
Keep searching for a good therapist that will listen. I've been in therapy on and off for 30 years. I can count on one hand the exceptional therapists I've had that have helped me. I'm seeing one now ❤
Uhm, I'm sorry, but it sounds like this woman's experiences are very real and valid, and the whole point is for people to understand others who suffer from PTSD. This video is for informational purposes, and thus clarity was stressed. One doesn't have to be a utter and complete wreck 24/7 in order to have PTSD. One does NOT have to look or act a certain way to have PTSD. This video is a summary, not even 5 minutes long, how do expect an in-depth evaluation in that time?
If you even read this...Dr. Ochberg, is there REALLY a NON-OFFENDING PARENT? I think NOT! Please explain to me how this can be so? From where I sit and understand this DOES NOT EXIST! My mother was the steamroller and my father the pavement and neither could understand or even give a health crap about the other. I have had some seriously backsliding answers from my sperm donor father. What a pitiful couple to have created 7 children! 7 good children! My father left and never looked back. What a PITIFUL MAN! Now 36 years after MY encountering him at my sister's wedding did I see what a SHAM is WAS and WAS! THERE IS ALWAYS AN OFFENDING PARENT!!! TAKE THIS FROM ME AN ABUSED CHILD!!!!!! I ask that you rethink your words from 6 years ago. Achh! Oy Vey!
Thank you for posting these insights. Though more manageable, I have struggled with PTSD or something like this for most of my life (/watch?v=6nWLaFxNZ2U).
Thank you so much. It is so incredibly hard to find any information (let alone treatment) for PTSD (or...complex PTSD) when you're not a veteran. People think that because you haven't been to war, you can't have it!
"That's not a trivial part of the population." - And we need help. I wish I could find a doctor, therapist, anyone, like these two!
Her comment about how her ability to trust has been compromised really resonated with me. Being deathly afraid of your primary caregiver during your formative years permanently damages your nervous system. Our child selves are supposed to be flooded with oxytocin from blissful bonding, not adrenalin from abject terror.
Yes, every minute of every day of my childhood was hell
C-PTSD sucks big time, I've had it for 13 years. My brain makes new traumatic events all the time. A simple social event where I may of second guessed something I said, and my mind would make it into a trauma. I could be talking to someone and they would say something that would relate to that event and all of a sudden I would have this feeling of humiliation and that image would reoccur in my mind, I would gasp and the person would look at me like I was crazy, which in turn would create another embarrassment to store in my brain. By now, the only memories that come into my head are negative ones. I have to focus on dreams and goals just to get a good mental image. I HATE that I have C-PTSD
+Devine 100 That's a really good description. Thank you for sharing.
this is trippy but I do the same reactions as u. I have c PTSD and borderline personality.
Have you heard of Rapid Resoultion Therapy? I'm trying it next week bc it's one of those rare therapies that is supposed to eliminate ptsd...
Oh my word, you are the 1st person I've ever heard speak on the subject of losing trust in the mother! You are so right, I hated my mother more for not protecting me than I hated my stepfather who was raping me. And for the lady who spoke about our world being abnormal (paraphrasing) from the beginning so if your life has been even somewhat "normal", we are apples and oranges. She understands, you are my people, I need you 💯
This almost made me cry while watching this. I also suffer from Severe and Chronic PTSD, and identify with the symptoms of Complex PTSD. A lot of times I have to remind myself that it is my PTSD that is making me feel like NO ONE is able to be trusted, even those who I once trusted, and have never done anything to cause me to distrust them. I have to remind myself that those people are safe and it is okay to allow them into my life. My traumatic stress lasted for a total of five years with the last three to four months being filled with sexual and physical abuse , along with the mental abuse from which I went through at the hands of a person as well as the family court system and the Child Protection system who victimizes good parents who are victims of false reporting.
I'm so glad this is coming to the fore now, that it will be known about, that there may come a day when actual treatment is available instead of pill shoving. I have suffered since childhood, I'm 50 now. Trauma piled on trauma piled on distrust piled on blame. I know it's too late for any real healing for me, but my hope is for children today and in the future - the children I worked with in fact. I wore myself out, quite literally, trying to find a way to be a Real Person. I thank the people seeking answers on this from the bottom of my heart.
I've always wanted to to be a Real Person ❤
4...
A Parent who simply lacks empathy doesn't seem to be abusive, nor do they experience being abusive, but the child may experience trauma when the parent doesn't connect with them. Esp. repeatedly or constantly. And esp. when the child is hurt, afraid or angry about something that happened. If there is no parent who will draw near and connect to that child when they are experiencing pain, the ENTIRE UNIVERSE is a cruel and hostile place and the child is too small to protect themself...
Excellent description. I have tried for years to explain my PTSD to mental health professi onals and was not getting the validation that I believe(d) I needed. I started investigating and reading about complex PTSD and the pieces of the puzzle appeared. Now I have the job of putting the puzzle together.
That is very good advice. If someone will take the time to learn what PTSD is and that it is not a choice, it is the result of trauma, then they can begin to walk a road together. If the partner doesn't take the time or interest in it, there will be difficulty that will be difficult to overcome together. If a partner to the person with PTSD will see love and TRUST as healing, there will be healing. TRUST is everything to a person suffering from chronic/complex PTSD.
I agree with your assessment that relationships will always be difficult for people with PTSD. The best that one can hope for is to meet someone with similar dynamics who is psychologically aware and able to communicate their challenges and inner turmoil/fear to their partner. Real healing is possible over many years if someone is willing and able to do the work with you. But first you have to get away from the people who invalidate you and are unable to understand what you are going thru. : )
Good to put a face to the book! I have "No Comfort Zone" and it is a real comfort to me because I can identify with so much! I'm thankful for that!
I was abused by my step grandfather for 10yrs on top of being physically and mentally abused by my parents which becoming an adult I got in an abusive relationship which that lasted for 10yrs I’m just now trying to live life but it’s hard everyday and going out in public by itself is extremely hard not to mention trying to work that’s basically impossible hopefully I get my disability soon 😢 to anyone who is going through these things reach out there is help
Wnat if we have had both, and a 7 ACE score? I'm repeatedly in new PTSD situations beyond my control . It's made me a mess at 50, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Since so many debunkers like to point out that two children living in the same family will not develop the same disorder THEREFORE the external behavior did not cause the problem... it is important to understand the role of the subject. It is not correct to BLAME the subject or say that it is the FAULT of the subject. That's just dumb. Blaming the victim is a form of betrayal trauma which only makes the whole thing worse...
EMDR helped me tremendously
I struggled to find EMDR therapy, but finally did. It's about 30+ miles away.
Waiting on a callback to see if they accept my insurance... ANYTHING is better than the unabated symptoms.
C-PTSD is what i had and have, after at least 16 years of constant parental narcissistic abuse without any hinderance of others. The symptoms match me perfectly.
same here
My sister struggles with this . My mother is a narcissist father was alcoholic to cope with his wife’s abuse . We all suffer in different ways . It’s sad to know others suffer the same .sending you love
I totally agree with you. We do need help! Surviving is one part but I want more out of life. Have you found any resources that you could recommend?
A good relationship will always include those qualities, I think. If a partner has no interest in knowing you on a deeper level then that isn't much of a relationship, IMO. In order to gain your trust they have to know what hurts you, what is triggering and make an honest effort not to purposely hurt you. This can be really difficult to find for people w/CPTSD because we tend to be attracted to and attract people with whom we can struggle in a similar way that we did with whoever hurt us. : (
3...
People are different, and they get to developmental levels of agency or identity at different ages. They also have different experiences of the same family. The location of trauma may seem like a target person such as a parent, but it is closer to reality to say that it is the relationship between the subject and the target person...
Thank you. You are so right about trust.
Yuuuuuup. I have no self-comforting ability. When I'm knocked down, I can't get up. I am completely disabled.
I called a crisis line today bc I was an fn mess, over the top. She started with the" find something to focus on, look for 5 things". I said I'm way past being able to focus on that. 0-60 is how my brain works, it doesn't slow down to look for 5 things 🤦
Pete Walker's book on CPTSD helped me.
Thanks Marla
Been with cptds I guess most of my life. I suppose coming out of childhood traumas that’s not surprising. It breaks my heart. I hate it. & I hate myself. It wears you down. And no therapy has helped. Well now I know therapists don’t even admit to it.. I guess unless you get a good one.
5...
That is enuf 2 activate the PTSD dynamic. Constant surges of adrenaline/cortisol & all those other stress chemicals as well as perpetually calling upon brain structures which R still forming or not yet formed 2 perform functions which R only supposed 2 last a few minutes 2 a few hours, tops, will do damage 2 the entire body & brain eventually. The person will prolly never develop healthy patterns of relating because the physical systems & the sense of self never had a chance form properly.
I have had complex ptsd for years, I live by myself. Life is shit
1:52
I realize that everyone wants to be able to quantify the disorder by looking at the causes, that's not necessarily how it works nor is it the most helpful. Disruption of the Maternal/Child dyad can arise thru many causes, but the part that activates it is what happens inside the subject...
Thank you!
There is nothing out there for us. Since I'm now completely disabled by this, I rely on public assistance. Public health care and public mental health care is a complete joke. In fact, I experience it as only an exacerbation of the problem. And with few exceptions, it also seems intentional.
But that may just be the disorder talking.
:'-(
Keep searching for a good therapist that will listen. I've been in therapy on and off for 30 years. I can count on one hand the exceptional therapists I've had that have helped me. I'm seeing one now ❤
Why would you worry about not trusting. Not trusting is good..
Uhm, I'm sorry, but it sounds like this woman's experiences are very real and valid, and the whole point is for people to understand others who suffer from PTSD. This video is for informational purposes, and thus clarity was stressed. One doesn't have to be a utter and complete wreck 24/7 in order to have PTSD. One does NOT have to look or act a certain way to have PTSD. This video is a summary, not even 5 minutes long, how do expect an in-depth evaluation in that time?
Complex ptsd: it shouldn’t be only during the childhood. Isn’t it?
💯💯💯
not crazy just different
I have chronically complex ptsd i reckon then
💖
THX FOR THE VIDEO
BUT HONESTLY
YOU NEVER LEARN TO LIVE WITH SEVERE PTSD
If you even read this...Dr. Ochberg, is there REALLY a NON-OFFENDING PARENT? I think NOT! Please explain to me how this can be so? From where I sit and understand this DOES NOT EXIST! My mother was the steamroller and my father the pavement and neither could understand or even give a health crap about the other. I have had some seriously backsliding answers from my sperm donor father. What a pitiful couple to have created 7 children! 7 good children! My father left and never looked back. What a PITIFUL MAN! Now 36 years after MY encountering him at my sister's wedding did I see what a SHAM is WAS and WAS! THERE IS ALWAYS AN OFFENDING PARENT!!! TAKE THIS FROM ME AN ABUSED CHILD!!!!!! I ask that you rethink your words from 6 years ago. Achh! Oy Vey!
before watching I believe I have complex
This man should have a halo
Yuuuuuuup!
yep complex but mine all above.
Thank you for posting these insights. Though more manageable, I have struggled with PTSD or something like this for most of my life (/watch?v=6nWLaFxNZ2U).
This audio give my ears pain
At least someone finds it funny. Thanks a shitload, doc.
Sarcasm will get you far!
NOT!