The worst mega tank Germany ever designed - The P1000 Ratte

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  • Опубликовано: 18 ноя 2024
  • ИгрыИгры

Комментарии • 1,1 тыс.

  • @SquireComedy
    @SquireComedy  3 года назад +1283

    Thanks everyone for sharing this around, means a great deal. RUclips these days probably doesn't look to kindly on this kind of content, so It's a real word of mouth game. Actually whilst I'm here, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank every single one of your for continuing to watch our stuff. It never ceases to amaze me, and I'm truly very grateful. Have a lovely week - Olly and Bill

    • @PotatoLover66
      @PotatoLover66 3 года назад +14

      Have a wonderful week yourself, Sir.

    • @NostalgicGamerRickOShay
      @NostalgicGamerRickOShay 3 года назад +3

      Upload to Rumble. You will find much more welcome there.

    • @slavvodkaman9359
      @slavvodkaman9359 3 года назад +6

      Have a good week TOVARISCH squire!

    • @youdontneedtoknow6621
      @youdontneedtoknow6621 3 года назад +5

      You rival black adder in historic comedy

    • @Bobalini1
      @Bobalini1 3 года назад +2

      gotta be honest m8, I'd quite literally NEVER heard of HoI4 OR your channel until a few days ago, but this must be 6th or so video I've watched already! I love how you incorporate true history references into the jokes despite HoI seemingly be a "build-your-own history" game and the props/costumes are ON POINT. Heck, the little details in the sound design are also impressive! Glad to see good humor with good quality. You guys are great actors, too! I know the whole "Brittish accent on a German character" is a running joke now, but the acting really sells it

  • @junkyardjoe1419
    @junkyardjoe1419 3 года назад +3061

    I love how he argued back about the realism of the tank when he was just trying to buy time away from the front. A true nitpicker to the very end.

    • @fulcrum2951
      @fulcrum2951 3 года назад +96

      I have a feeling most weapons designers in Germany during the war are doing that

    • @sleepyspartan1367
      @sleepyspartan1367 3 года назад +54

      To be fair, what better way to buy time? Like instead of relying him coming up with ideas, just say "but the way there is an issue with that."

    • @deleteduser3455
      @deleteduser3455 3 года назад +8

      I like how he just leaves at the end

    • @jamesricker3997
      @jamesricker3997 3 года назад +35

      That was the true purpose of Germany's wonder weapons.
      It prevented Irreplaceable engineers from being drafted, given a semi reliable Luger and trying to persuade the Soviets not to enter Germany

    • @andrustrei5548
      @andrustrei5548 3 года назад +3

      And plus it was red army idea to but Bombardier on dogs now go learn history

  • @slicelikeice968
    @slicelikeice968 3 года назад +1301

    “I have a bit of a loaded schedule”
    Please. Stop now. I can’t handle this…😂

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +245

      If you keep watching, we'll keep writing this krupp.

    • @EmbeddedWithin
      @EmbeddedWithin 3 года назад +14

      @@SquireComedy I will squire i will

    • @stinkymonke3622
      @stinkymonke3622 2 года назад +2

      Dont worry, he'll stop soon

    • @Nerobyrne
      @Nerobyrne 2 года назад +4

      @@stinkymonke3622 "please kill me"
      "Sorry, only got one bullet"

  • @dclark142002
    @dclark142002 3 года назад +1266

    As the P.1000 Ratte ground inexorably eastward, the crew wondered whether they were getting closer to Moscow...or if continental drift was moving them further away...

    • @TheArklyte
      @TheArklyte 3 года назад +170

      "Hey, Ivan, wasn't that building on different side of the street last winter?"

    • @antongonist8294
      @antongonist8294 2 года назад +10

      You do know Germany and Russia are on the same continental plate right?

    • @antongonist8294
      @antongonist8294 2 года назад +6

      @estadiofifa10lol 1 Yes a very poorly executed one.

    • @thepreacher7399
      @thepreacher7399 2 года назад +18

      @@antongonist8294 It was executed well, you just aren't very bright.

    • @antongonist8294
      @antongonist8294 2 года назад +2

      @@thepreacher7399 I am not very bright? But I am not the one who thinks the countries are on different plates.

  • @packee8052
    @packee8052 3 года назад +2273

    "Could you make it go 180 degrees? "
    "Alright, we'll look into it."
    "Same, if all goes according to plan. "

    • @dakufaust
      @dakufaust 3 года назад +61

      best line

    • @sicksixgamer2694
      @sicksixgamer2694 3 года назад +38

      Best line of the whole skit. Fucking genius writing.

    • @CAP198462
      @CAP198462 3 года назад +14

      You know, I actually missed that one. One thing for it, watch the video again.

    • @ragerancher
      @ragerancher 3 года назад +3

      Missed that the first time :D

    • @cartercoffman1021
      @cartercoffman1021 2 года назад +3

      I missed that the first few times(every time until I saw this comment.).

  • @Prauwlet213
    @Prauwlet213 3 года назад +2755

    "we've got no steel"
    literally my hoi4 experience

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +527

      Rubber for me. Gosh I love me those 109's.

    • @AlreadyTakenTag
      @AlreadyTakenTag 3 года назад +128

      You guys have resources?
      Me and my zero resources as Yemen (don't ask how I got there) are jealous.
      I don't even have factories to use those any of those zero resources.

    • @kaltaron1284
      @kaltaron1284 3 года назад +67

      @@AlreadyTakenTag At least nothing goes to waste.

    • @michazadkowski8516
      @michazadkowski8516 3 года назад +6

      Oil for me

    • @Prauwlet213
      @Prauwlet213 3 года назад +34

      @@AlreadyTakenTag bro, as yemen i had to invade saudi arabia JUST SO I COULD GET FUEL.

  • @slicelikeice968
    @slicelikeice968 3 года назад +791

    “Did you bring the petrol?”
    Oh, so relatable

    • @josharmstrong8813
      @josharmstrong8813 3 года назад +64

      The 1940s edition of did you bring the sugar

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +136

      We love an unintentionally topical joke.

    • @hermannabt8361
      @hermannabt8361 3 года назад +3

      We've all been there.

    • @AdamTheVox
      @AdamTheVox 3 года назад +3

      Well, yeah, we all have been there.. thing is that uk is there right now :D hardly any fuel to be found

    • @itsjohndell
      @itsjohndell 3 года назад +1

      I'm a Yank but I got the reference, lol. Good one.

  • @nanolog522
    @nanolog522 3 года назад +448

    „One ton for every year of the Reich!“
    „I thought you wanted a heavy tank?“
    Amazing.

    • @B-52H
      @B-52H 2 года назад +14

      12 tons a pretty good light tank

  • @kittenmittenkitten
    @kittenmittenkitten 3 года назад +751

    "The Bismark? What a load of Krupp that turned out to be." deserves a like for that pun alone.

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +106

      Hahah!
      Sometimes, I don't know if they're funny or utterly rubbish. In this case, it was both.

    • @danielrobertson2154
      @danielrobertson2154 3 года назад +5

      @@SquireComedy all the best ones are.

    • @WinOrBinGamingReviews
      @WinOrBinGamingReviews 3 года назад +2

      Loved that too. Very clever

    • @ukaszwalczak1154
      @ukaszwalczak1154 3 года назад +4

      How ironic, he actually turned out BETTER then the Ratte.

    • @unclelarry8842
      @unclelarry8842 2 года назад

      Lol imagine losing to a bunch of slow-ass outdated biplanes.

  • @redshirt0479
    @redshirt0479 3 года назад +552

    Always great to see one of these pop up
    "The guns of a heavy cruiser"
    Ooo, was that burn intentional? Calling the fast battleship _Gneisenau_ just a 'heavy cruiser' to make fun of her relatively small bore main guns...
    Talk about hitting below the armor belt.

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +134

      Haha, indeed. And nice.

    • @molybdaen11
      @molybdaen11 3 года назад +13

      Well, it was a battlecruiser. Designed more for speed then for armor.
      There were very few true battleships in WW2.

    • @IgnoredAdviceProductions
      @IgnoredAdviceProductions 3 года назад +27

      @@molybdaen11 uh....wat? There were quite a few battleships, what are you talking about?

    • @molybdaen11
      @molybdaen11 3 года назад +10

      @@IgnoredAdviceProductions By name maybe.
      But by design most of them followed the "speed is armor" doctrine.
      A true battleship would be able to take damage and cause damage likewise.
      Have you seen Drafniels channel? He goes into deep with this.

    • @IgnoredAdviceProductions
      @IgnoredAdviceProductions 3 года назад +25

      @@molybdaen11 Fast battleships don't forego the armor though, but ok. Many treaty and post treaty battleships are better armored than their WW1 contemporaries. Your opinion on treaty and post-treaty battleships seems skewed.

  • @Gravity_studioss
    @Gravity_studioss 3 года назад +660

    Amazing once again. The first 14 seconds had me laughing already

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +85

      Thank you very much, that means a great bloody deal.

    • @Gravity_studioss
      @Gravity_studioss 3 года назад +10

      @@SquireComedy Your'e welcome!

  • @CharliMorganMusic
    @CharliMorganMusic 3 года назад +1026

    "Designed" is a bad word. More than likely, it was some engineers memeing on Hitler's increasingly ridiculous wonder weapon demands. Like, "Bruh, look at this shit. It won't even move. Fifty bucks he wants it."

    • @Phantom-bh5ru
      @Phantom-bh5ru 3 года назад +62

      its engine had enough horsepower to move at 40 kph

    • @no_4259
      @no_4259 3 года назад +148

      It’s literally the equivalent of people making meme tanks in Sprocket.

    • @VineFynn
      @VineFynn 3 года назад +101

      That or inventing reasons not to get conscripted

    • @martabakcoding7784
      @martabakcoding7784 3 года назад +50

      @@VineFynn literally become an engineer without actually building a thing

    • @apex_blue
      @apex_blue 3 года назад +32

      @@Phantom-bh5ru yeah but the engine is probably very unreliable and second and most important the transmission

  • @Mangos1021
    @Mangos1021 3 года назад +131

    "Do you want an iron cross?"
    Accurately depicts Germany just giving out iron cross' like lollipops to a kid at a doctor appointment.

    • @shockwave6213
      @shockwave6213 2 года назад +5

      Yeah, but look at the sheer number of Medals of Honor, Silver Stars and Bronze Stars we gave out in WW2.

    • @Aredel
      @Aredel 2 года назад +18

      ​@@shockwave6213 Quite frankly, every man who made the landing on D-Day deserves a Medal of Honor.

    • @mandowarrior123
      @mandowarrior123 2 года назад +1

      @@Aredel you're rather debasing the currency there.

  • @JP12345
    @JP12345 3 года назад +1254

    "1 ton for every year of the Reich"
    "I thought you said you wanted a heavy tank"
    Better than all of comedy on Netflix

    • @Nerobyrne
      @Nerobyrne 2 года назад +10

      I see the Zippo tanks have arrived because he got majorly roasted

    • @tyrant-den884
      @tyrant-den884 Год назад

      I thought you were trying to give them a compliment.

  • @eduarddodu1973
    @eduarddodu1973 3 года назад +220

    Squire your the best, your acting is incredibly good and the only RUclipsr to make even sponsors worth watching, keep up the great work

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +41

      Thanks Klaus! Now...back to the front!

    • @rajko_
      @rajko_ 3 года назад

      Mapman does great sponsor

  • @lunokhod3937
    @lunokhod3937 3 года назад +349

    the jokes per minuite are almost as high as the rounds per minuite on the incoming red army's PPSHs

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +98

      You wait till our stockpile of puns runs dry. We'll be reduced to musket fire.

    • @Thecodytree
      @Thecodytree 3 года назад +28

      @@SquireComedy that’s still 2-3 per minute :D

    • @theflock4916
      @theflock4916 3 года назад +4

      And the one scared SS Machinegunner on the MG42.

    • @Sue_Me_Too
      @Sue_Me_Too 2 года назад

      That's a lot of jokes!

  • @theraindog9141
    @theraindog9141 3 года назад +58

    The "Blackadder Goes Forth" is strong in this one

  • @destroyer_fletcher7415
    @destroyer_fletcher7415 3 года назад +39

    “The front line is up the stairs”
    That sounds like something I’d say during a Nerf Fight

  • @sheepwars2959
    @sheepwars2959 3 года назад +162

    I have to say, this has to be one of your best written sketches. I don't think we ever had so many dark jokes. And ''See ya later ethnic hater'' had me laughing. Great job guys!

    • @babyyoda3497
      @babyyoda3497 2 года назад +1

      Maus is a scary name tho😂

    • @Whydidimakethisa
      @Whydidimakethisa Год назад

      I don’t know, naming your tank after a small rodent doesn’t seem menacing…
      How is this relevant to this comment exactly?

  • @hi_-bz7wf
    @hi_-bz7wf 3 года назад +152

    They should've just used Churchills. Nothing short of an is-2 could penetrate one and they would never get caught without infantry support because it couldn't outrun them.
    These videos are always entertaining thanks for taking the time to make them.

    • @truekhmer7292
      @truekhmer7292 3 года назад +12

      Pretty sure a:
      Panther
      Tiger
      88mm flak 36/37/41
      128mm flak
      75mm PaK 40/41/42
      128 PaK 44
      King Tiger
      Jagdtiger
      Nashorn
      Sturer Emil
      Dicker Max
      Waffentrager
      Brumbar
      Jagdpanther
      Elephant
      Maus
      Sturmtiger
      Could easily penetrate the Churchill’s armour form battle distance without too many issues, also I’m counting only the German side because if we consider all possible weapons, including planes, from all belligerents the list would be way too long.

    • @hi_-bz7wf
      @hi_-bz7wf 3 года назад +4

      @@truekhmer7292 I'm suggesting that the Germans should have used them.

    • @Charlietolemy
      @Charlietolemy 3 года назад +8

      @@hi_-bz7wf won't the soviet 122mm just go straight through though?
      The is-2, is-1, kv85, t-34 85, isu152 etc

    • @rebelgaming1.5.14
      @rebelgaming1.5.14 3 года назад +7

      @@Charlietolemy They had a surprisingly bad Penetration capability due to their two-piece ammunition system. The IS-2 and its other variants with a 122mm gun were more used as support vehicles for infantry pushes, using High Explosive shells against fortifications and entrenched positions. Nothing really came of Anti-Armor capabilities until the 122mm D-25 came into service. The D-25 was used on Late-Production IS-2s, the IS-3, the ISU-122, and later the IS-8/T-10. The 130mm was the go-to AT gun for Russia in the late war however.

    • @hi_-bz7wf
      @hi_-bz7wf 3 года назад

      @@Charlietolemy That's why I said nothing short of an is-2 could penetrate it. The 152mm could probably penetrate it too.

  • @SJstackinbodys
    @SJstackinbodys 3 года назад +360

    Germany makes mega tank
    Allied artillery: "FIRST ONE TO LAND TEN HITS GETS 10 BUUUCKS!!!"
    Allied air power: "WAIT I SAW IT FIRST I SAW IT FIRST"

    • @apex_blue
      @apex_blue 3 года назад +57

      P-47’s: MINE MINE MINE…

    • @tanith117
      @tanith117 3 года назад +58

      Allied Infantry: Wait for it... Wait for it... There! The Transmission broke, Charge!

    • @SJstackinbodys
      @SJstackinbodys 3 года назад +20

      @@tanith117( for my origonal starwars battle front fans)
      The ratte: *drives 4 feet*
      The final drive: "although im leaving
      .........may the force be with you"

    • @zacklp3844
      @zacklp3844 2 года назад +15

      B-17G: BOMBS AWAY!

    • @JLL_29
      @JLL_29 2 года назад +6

      B-22 Superfortress with the Little Boy:
      Oops! Wrong country!
      Or was it... ?

  • @flamethrowerproductions123
    @flamethrowerproductions123 3 года назад +41

    The fact that Squire and Bill can play different people in the same scene, but still be completely different people entirely speaks lengths of their acting abilities

  • @Bubuchga
    @Bubuchga 3 года назад +164

    My favorite line was;
    “Can you make it go 180*s?”
    “Yea we’ll look into it.”
    “Same, if all goes according to plan.”
    Subtle yet hilarious 😂

    • @Sue_Me_Too
      @Sue_Me_Too 2 года назад

      Considering the sketch opened with him French kissing a PPK I don't think it's all that subtle...

  • @HunterKillerSub
    @HunterKillerSub 3 года назад +97

    Love the fact that Generation war is in the background. Hilarious skit as usual 😂!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +42

      Love the fact somebody got that.
      Such a brilliant series.

    • @Boragath
      @Boragath 3 года назад +3

      Thank god im not the only one

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 3 года назад +2

      THAT'S what was playing!? Fun bit of trivia, that.

  • @infamousfalcon588
    @infamousfalcon588 3 года назад +35

    "Show-time", these ads are a skit worth watching by themselves. Even the ads continue into the next video! That's dedication right there. I really enjoy your videos!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +9

      Thanks mate, that means a great deal.

  • @Logarithm906
    @Logarithm906 3 года назад +57

    My goodness you had some real gigglers in this one...
    "can you make it go 180 degrees?"
    "we'll look into it"
    "same! If all goes to plan"

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +8

      I could write village pantomimes at this rate.

    • @TheArgieH
      @TheArgieH 3 года назад +1

      @@SquireComedy OH NO YOU COULDN'T!

  • @Sc0tt_e
    @Sc0tt_e 3 года назад +37

    Can we just appreciate how the sponsor sketches are actually worth watching

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +6

      Cheers for that, Scott.

    • @Sc0tt_e
      @Sc0tt_e 3 года назад +2

      @@SquireComedy appreciate it sir

  • @roo1234
    @roo1234 3 года назад +49

    World of Tanks should put the Ratte in the game for April Fools next year and have a massive battle between it and contemporary allied tank.

    • @molybdaen11
      @molybdaen11 3 года назад +11

      As well as the entire air force i suppose .

    • @yosefvonhansom2921
      @yosefvonhansom2921 3 года назад +3

      That would've been better than that WT E-100 event

    • @VineFynn
      @VineFynn 3 года назад +6

      Should be the target for an easy warthunder air mission

    • @fiery_gamerz
      @fiery_gamerz 2 года назад

      1 P1000 vs 3 KV6

  • @molybdaen11
    @molybdaen11 3 года назад +130

    Actually, the sovjets experiemented with dogs as bombs.
    So far it worked, the dogs searched out the tanks and the bombs magnetic detonator worked too.
    Sadly they had no german tanks to train with, so the dogs searched for sovjet ones...
    The project was canceled.

    • @bthsr7113
      @bthsr7113 3 года назад +6

      I'll see your Soviet anti tank dogs and raise you American incendiary bats.

    • @zamecksaryja
      @zamecksaryja 3 года назад +2

      @@bthsr7113 🤣🤣 the hangers on fire.

    • @ДмитроПрищепа-д3я
      @ДмитроПрищепа-д3я 3 года назад +16

      According to some german reports and orders, these dogs actually worked sometimes. Tank crews were ordered to shoot any approaching dog because it was hard to spot if it has a bomb strapped on or not.

    • @molybdaen11
      @molybdaen11 3 года назад +3

      @@ДмитроПрищепа-д3я Really now? That's new.
      I thought the only success with animals as weapons were the pigeons with hot coal on they tail.

    • @ДмитроПрищепа-д3я
      @ДмитроПрищепа-д3я 3 года назад +19

      @@molybdaen11 they worked, but it wasn't really worth it considering possible friendly fire and the time it takes to train the dogs, compared to almost no results. During the entire battle of Kursk AT dogs only destroyed around 12 tanks(Zaloga, Steve. The Red Army of the Great Patriotic War, 1941-45. Oxford, UNITED KINGDOM: Osprey Publishing. 1989. pp. 43.)

  • @brandonk8948
    @brandonk8948 3 года назад +154

    By the gods Squire, you invoke my inner ancestral roots every time I watch one of your cheeky British humor skits.
    Love from an American
    YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAW ;)

  • @elevenseven9540
    @elevenseven9540 3 года назад +30

    Literally shooting themselves in the foot with those new downward facing barrels… next level humor!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +5

      Hahah! Thanks dude!

    • @elevenseven9540
      @elevenseven9540 3 года назад

      @Squire Thank you for the quality content good sir! Keep up the excellent work as always! Cheers!

    • @fiery_gamerz
      @fiery_gamerz 2 года назад

      I get the joke, but it was used to shoot around corners

    • @TheDennys21
      @TheDennys21 Год назад

      They were just beating around the bush, or shooting around it, that is.

  • @Franktamas
    @Franktamas 3 года назад +157

    History geek here:
    - The Ratte('s plan) is from 1942 summer.
    - Anti tank dogs were the soviets plan originally. They worked marvelously and destroyed nomerous T-34 tanks. (Yes their own.)
    - Cornershot firing weapons are still under development today.
    - The Me 163 Comet was the fastest and one of the most agile interceptor of the time, with a rate of climb value the couldn't be achieved even by most of the Korean War Jets. (Even early Vietnam.)
    - You need a tank ace? Otto Carius. He was nominated to be the leader of the first E-100 'squadron', and lived 'til 2015.
    - The Gneisenau was a Scharnhorst class battleship or battlecruiser and not a heavy cruiser.

    • @E.hexzor
      @E.hexzor 3 года назад +7

      There was also the scharnhorst-class cruiser consisting of Scharnhorst and Gneisenau cruisers

    • @kaltaron1284
      @kaltaron1284 3 года назад +22

      Thanks for saving me the trouble.
      The Comet did have the problem that fuelling was dangerous and was only done directly before launch so reaction times weren't that good. And "landing" with fuel left wasn't recommended. Good thing it only had fuel for a few minutes. IIRC most of them were lost to either enemy ground attacks or technical failures. They were a cool concept but never had any great impact.
      The designation of the Scharnhorst is a bit difficult. It was intended to be a battleship with 38cm guns (some guns the Ratte was supposed to get) but only got 28cm guns which means that other navies regarded her as more of a battlecruiser. (That and her good speed.)
      And when it comes to stupid ideas the Monster tops the Ratte easily. I mean it's a Dora railway gun (remember 800mm gun) without the need for rails but horribly slow and would use up fuel like crazy.
      Both projects never went further than paper designs and sketches. The Nazis were crazy but not that crazy.
      We do have vehicles now that meet the dimensions of those vehicles like digging machines.

    • @karlgerat2731
      @karlgerat2731 3 года назад +26

      The Comet is pretty fast...at killing the pilot...
      To be fair, the things got a damn rocket engine, so its pretty different from cold war era jets. Also, the range of Comet was utter garbage, and once you’re out of fuel, you’re essentially left with a glider, that has got to « land » on skids, without damaging itself. Also, building an aircraft with a rocket engine might have worked if it wasn’t put into combat in the very late war, when Germany was desperately out of fuel and running out of resources. Add dodgy construction and poor quality control, and you’ve got a questionable aircraft that was too little to late, and could do nothing to help shift the tide of Germany’s non existent air supremacy in 1945.
      Anyway, don’t take this too seriously. Cheers!

    • @GreyWolfLeaderTW
      @GreyWolfLeaderTW 3 года назад +12

      The Scharnhorst-Class Warships don't really fit the definition of either Battleship or Battlecruiser. Their 11" guns straddled the line between 8" guns of Heavy Cruisers and the 14"-16" of proper Battleships.
      Yet they don't have the heavy guns of Battlecruisers, which were in line with Battleships, typically over 14" in size.
      Their max speed was more in line with Heavy Cruisers & Battlecruisers (over 30 knots) rather than Battleships (typically 30 knots and under).
      Yet their armor was ridiculously thick and strong for a Heavy Cruiser or Battlecruiser, up to 13.8" belt armor and 14" turret armor, which is more in light with proper battleships.
      The German classification for these oversized Heavy Cruisers was "Panzerschiff" (Armored Ship, similar to the older "Armored Cruiser" term for heavily armored Cruisers of the pre-Dreadnought era).

    • @kaltaron1284
      @kaltaron1284 3 года назад

      @@GreyWolfLeaderTW I guess we can say that she was planned as a battleship (with proper 380mm guns) and turned out to be something else.

  • @tmatt7129
    @tmatt7129 3 года назад +55

    Germany: So we're going to build the biggest scariest tanks the world will ever see
    Also Germany: Lets name them after tiny rodents.

  • @BastuGubbar
    @BastuGubbar 3 года назад +8

    ''alright we'll look into it''
    ''same, if all goes to plan''
    that is so genius it took me a while.

  • @Big_E_Soul_Fragment
    @Big_E_Soul_Fragment 3 года назад +72

    Ah yes, the Ratte. We we're so close in getting a real land battleship!

    • @Dreagostini
      @Dreagostini 3 года назад +7

      *were
      And yes. Prime target for atillery spotters and aircraft. :D

    • @SJstackinbodys
      @SJstackinbodys 3 года назад +4

      Allied artillery: FIRST ONE TO LAND TEN SHELLS ON THE BIG SLOW DUMB TARGETS GETS TEN BUUCKS!!!

    • @Nachtsider
      @Nachtsider 3 года назад +2

      @@Dreagostini Indeed. A squadron of rocket-armed Hawker Typhoons or P-47 Thunderbolts would have turned that thing into scrap metal.

    • @Dreagostini
      @Dreagostini 3 года назад +2

      @@Nachtsider I'd like that.

    • @MrGMoney1944
      @MrGMoney1944 3 года назад +1

      @@Nachtsider No I'm sure the not 40mm AA defenses strapped to the top, the lack of a good radar, and the lack of a proximity fuse would have no impact of the effectiveness of the AA on top of the tank. I DARE SAY WE MASS PRODUCE THEM TO STEM THE ALLIED BOMBING CAMPAIGN!

  • @amig-2143
    @amig-2143 3 года назад +24

    “Hans, we need better transmission!”
    “More armor, you say?”
    “Nien! better transmission!”
    “Bigger kannon, you say?”
    “Goddamnit Hans..”
    “Oh! Battleship kannon!”
    “Ja Hans….Ja.”

  • @MagicalGeekMV
    @MagicalGeekMV 3 года назад +38

    I love how the red army soldier just accepts the pistol

    • @jediknight1294
      @jediknight1294 3 года назад +4

      Free ppk and honestly better than trying to find a mosin

    • @AKUJIVALDO
      @AKUJIVALDO Год назад

      Yeah, not checking for wristwatch or pocket watch destroyed all immersion.

  • @nottherealpaulsmith
    @nottherealpaulsmith 2 года назад +9

    "What's Michael Wittmann doing these days?"
    "He's been, uh, very dismantled..."
    Oof, that joke hurt more than the Sherman tank shell that one-shotted his Tiger.

  • @highjumpstudios2384
    @highjumpstudios2384 3 года назад +22

    Squire acting as a very skittish fritz had me guessing if they'd finally gotten a third person to act.

  • @devinunderwood9535
    @devinunderwood9535 3 года назад +8

    As a history teacher (and a time-to-time gamer) your videos are always a pleasure to watch. Your humour never fails to get a laugh from both me and my students as we pick out all of the references in each video. Keep up the fantastic work!

  • @joaoonda
    @joaoonda 3 года назад +11

    "Oh, the Bismarck! What a lot of KRUPP that turned out to be!" Man, i Laughed so hard listening to that! :D

  • @inisipisTV
    @inisipisTV 3 года назад +10

    This guy is such a great writer. Been reading "Mien Easy Time", an absolute page- turner.

  • @elitely6748
    @elitely6748 3 года назад +20

    ALl our dreams are for Squire to make a feature length historical comedy.
    Like Life of Brian or some Mel Gibson movie!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +7

      Kickstarter project or what? :D

    • @wilberwhateley7569
      @wilberwhateley7569 2 года назад

      A historical comedy about the the German-Soviet conflict? Sign me up!

  • @jaed64abfsm36
    @jaed64abfsm36 3 года назад +46

    An inquisitive, muffled, _‘Come in?’_ Lolz.

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +12

      Hard to talk with a big barrel in your mouth.

    • @Jilve69
      @Jilve69 3 года назад +4

      @@SquireComedy sure is, i have experience with these things

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +4

      @@Jilve69 Easy lads. Easy.

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 3 года назад +3

      Wouldn't that be a "muzzled" 'Come in?'

    • @jediknight1294
      @jediknight1294 3 года назад

      @@SquireComedy 7.65 is a large calibre? That... explains a lot about Adolf

  • @ProfessorPotatoPhD
    @ProfessorPotatoPhD 3 года назад +7

    "It's just up the stairs, first door to your left"
    That exchange was glorious! Thank you guys for existing

  • @ResonantRTS
    @ResonantRTS 3 года назад +5

    These are getting better and better

  • @102ndsmirnov7
    @102ndsmirnov7 3 года назад +8

    From the funny WT skits to proper Monty Python level. Lucky to have been there to witness it

  • @benferris6472
    @benferris6472 Год назад +2

    I love the way they just hand random soldiers iron crosses when their nervous looking

  • @starvingpeoplecantcomplain
    @starvingpeoplecantcomplain 2 года назад +6

    The Anti-tank dogs where actually used by the Sovjets, and it turned out to be a blast for them.

    • @AKUJIVALDO
      @AKUJIVALDO Год назад

      They were hoisted up by their own petards LOL

  • @Dromaeosaurs
    @Dromaeosaurs 3 года назад +5

    - "A ton for every year of the Reich!"
    - "I thought you said you wanted a heavy tank!"

  • @paddary5471
    @paddary5471 3 года назад +3

    The 'Allo Allo' reference was perfect to see. Good old Officer Crabtree

  • @daslynnter9841
    @daslynnter9841 3 года назад +5

    "Looking into it"
    "Strap our men to the bomb"
    "Causing quite a stir"
    "No more fuel so losses are down"
    Bro you cant have those back to back like that im dying

  • @MrJob91
    @MrJob91 3 года назад +9

    wow the amount of effort and writing that must have gone into this. Great result dough!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +2

      Thanks, Job. They can take hundreds of man hours, but It's a laugh. :)

  • @EzioAuditore
    @EzioAuditore 2 года назад +2

    Imagine having to drive that thing all the way to stalingrad just to have it completely break down 50 miles from the city and in 1946

  • @eldorados_lost_searcher
    @eldorados_lost_searcher 3 года назад +4

    The Iron Cross bit was hilarious to me, both as a consolation prize, and also demonstrating how common they became toward the end of the war.

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 3 года назад

      Also a good way to cover up the fact that your cast is somewhat... limited.

    • @wilberwhateley7569
      @wilberwhateley7569 2 года назад +2

      Also fitting as the last time Hitler was seen in public he was handing them out to some volksturm defenders - mostly old guys and kids that were deluded enough to think they could take the Red Army in a straight-up fight.

    • @vasownedv1548
      @vasownedv1548 2 года назад

      @@wilberwhateley7569 alot of germans where forced esp the kids

  • @lsbc9666
    @lsbc9666 Год назад +1

    "The enemy can't flank us If there are no roads to flank us on." genius level strats.

  • @CygnusTheSilly
    @CygnusTheSilly 3 года назад +12

    It hasn't even been a month since the last upload
    Now the question is what thing replaced Squire and when

  • @thedoctorairsoft6813
    @thedoctorairsoft6813 3 года назад +7

    Fun fact that pistol is the Walther PPK, the same style of pistol Hitler used to kill himself with,
    True story

    • @molybdaen11
      @molybdaen11 3 года назад

      They keep telling that, but is there any proof?
      I guess it would not matter anymore :)

    • @thedoctorairsoft6813
      @thedoctorairsoft6813 3 года назад

      @@molybdaen11 Uh, He shot himself with a Walther PPK

    • @inisipisTV
      @inisipisTV 3 года назад

      @@molybdaen11 - It is well known that Hitler have two Walther PPK as his personal side-arm. Hitlers personal body-guard who survived the war stated it in his memoirs as he enters Hitler's room one pistol is by the table in front of Eva Braun which she didn't use and one is by Hitler's hand.

  • @harrydarwin1874
    @harrydarwin1874 3 года назад +4

    Did you….. did you say ‘what a load of Krupp that turned out to be!’ 😂😂😂
    Love it!

  • @Bobalini1
    @Bobalini1 3 года назад +1

    6:20 "Woow... you're crazy...." "...what?"
    The suddenly laxed delivery of the "what" really gets me here

  • @RorieMcGuffie
    @RorieMcGuffie 3 года назад +3

    The muffled come in, perfection

  • @panzerkommandant4761
    @panzerkommandant4761 3 года назад +2

    3:38 I was watching this video and I was so happy that they mentioned the most famous tank ace (micheal Wittmann) I thought I would never hear that name again I’m so happyyyy

  • @teslo8020
    @teslo8020 3 года назад +6

    Wow. Your sketches have gone from good to great over this (wow, year or two of them?????). I can’t support with money, but I want you to know these really make my day. o7

  • @arned432
    @arned432 2 года назад +1

    The Me 163 (airplane on board) was powered by ROCKED and actually made the pilots look like a space crew (or blast furnace operator) but is still made and operated.

  • @mrcrunchies8688
    @mrcrunchies8688 3 года назад +6

    Woah! They designed a tank based off your mom dude. That's impressive

  • @TomGayler
    @TomGayler 5 месяцев назад +1

    Never thought I would hear a German officer with a broad Norfolk accent.

  • @slicelikeice968
    @slicelikeice968 3 года назад +7

    Perfection as always. A bloody fine show I say.

  • @Sosig593
    @Sosig593 2 года назад

    this is one of my absolute favourite if not my absolute favourite Squire skit, it's so good

  • @inasapostle13thapostleofthe12
    @inasapostle13thapostleofthe12 3 года назад +30

    Brilliant as always xD

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +11

      Thank you very much!

    • @Auga-j6k
      @Auga-j6k 3 года назад

      @@SquireComedy loving it where do you get the uniforms

    • @Auga-j6k
      @Auga-j6k 3 года назад

      @@SquireComedy just wondering

    • @PetarJovanovic993
      @PetarJovanovic993 3 года назад +2

      @@Auga-j6k Asking for a friend?

    • @Auga-j6k
      @Auga-j6k 3 года назад

      @@PetarJovanovic993 yeah

  • @PLUMMITE
    @PLUMMITE 3 года назад +1

    That little drawing of the Me-163 is perfect

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад

      Thank God I went to Uni to do art. Only took me the better part of an hour to get the basic shape recognisable.

  • @TheSgruby
    @TheSgruby 3 года назад +18

    That's how German tank program looks according to memories of German generals. Franz Halder would be proud :P.

  • @christophergruske5403
    @christophergruske5403 3 года назад +1

    You can actually do a rollercoadter barrel. Mat from demolitian ranch tested that quite thoroughly. 180 degree turned Barrel was one of the simplest that worked.

  • @Adlumairsoft
    @Adlumairsoft 2 года назад +4

    last time i checked the soviets tried the antitank suicide dog... with desaster at that due to them being traind with Diesel tanks and the german tanks all had petrol engines so yeah... Doggo did a 180° into thier own lines and caused "red on red"

    • @shadowlord1418
      @shadowlord1418 2 года назад

      Teach them for being so mean to dogs

    • @ericferguson9989
      @ericferguson9989 2 года назад

      The British experimented with trained sea lions against U Boats. They tossed fish from the decks of submarines. Turns out the sea lions developed a preference for British submersibles ( no doubt after trying to get fish from a U Boat only to be told "Verpiss Haupt.")

  • @artemshevtsov6062
    @artemshevtsov6062 3 года назад +1

    I love that “generation war” audio clip at 0:06

  • @maleforfromlegendofspyro8256
    @maleforfromlegendofspyro8256 3 года назад +4

    This channel makes the funniest history videos change my mind.

  • @DoomEB
    @DoomEB 2 года назад +2

    Moustache man: Can you make the barrel turn 180°?
    - Yeah sure, we'll look into it!
    Moustache man with suicidal thoughts: Yeah me too, if all goes to plan...

  • @specialone3046
    @specialone3046 3 года назад +3

    The best RUclipsr in the history of RUclips

  • @Tanker000
    @Tanker000 3 года назад +2

    P-1000 "transmission brakes with one move"

  • @goldgamercommenting2990
    @goldgamercommenting2990 3 года назад +4

    Squire there is a mod on war thunder that has the landkruiser p.1000 ratte tank that you can play as
    It’s really effective in battle

    • @sergeantsharkseant
      @sergeantsharkseant 3 года назад +1

      Mostly because Artillerie in the arguably meaning isn’t really in the game

    • @goldgamercommenting2990
      @goldgamercommenting2990 2 года назад +1

      @@sergeantsharkseant it’s not available in pvp games
      Only in Scenarios so… yeah
      At least it’s op as hell
      Also I’m talking about a mod so do agree without mods, it’s not in the game

  • @McCbobbish
    @McCbobbish Год назад +2

    I wish they'd built it cuz it'd have been a massive waste of resources that would have made the nazis lose faster and we'd have a really cool museum exhibit somewhere

  • @bankerduck4925
    @bankerduck4925 3 года назад +3

    The jokes in this are wonderfully smart. Really amazing video!

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +1

      Thanks mate, bloody glad you think so!

  • @kentlindal5422
    @kentlindal5422 3 года назад +2

    You know I love the Axis' flair for naval terminology.
    Germany: "Gnisenau (A battleship) is a cruiser."
    Japan: *sinks an American destroyer* "We sank an American cruiser.

  • @GaldirEonai
    @GaldirEonai 3 года назад +5

    "See you later, ethnic hater" broke me.

    • @Mangos1021
      @Mangos1021 3 года назад

      Yeah my favorite one

  • @blackdiamond-cj2yb
    @blackdiamond-cj2yb 3 года назад +1

    This will be me using the new tank designer in hoi4

  • @OlmoVonHabsurg
    @OlmoVonHabsurg 3 года назад +3

    Thank you for uploading, making Mondays more bearable :)

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching mate, It's our pleasure.

  • @reginaldscot165
    @reginaldscot165 3 года назад +2

    This is easily the best and funniest video you guys have done so far. Well done on the constant improvement! Congratulations and keep it up! 😁

  • @hansmeier3530
    @hansmeier3530 3 года назад +3

    Did you really use a voiceline of the sergeant from Generation war (when they try to capture a soviet mg position) for your clip?…I AL LOVING IT

  • @VayleGW
    @VayleGW 3 года назад

    one of the best things about Squire is that the sponsor "ads" are just as entertaining as the actual video.

  • @SonsOfLorgar
    @SonsOfLorgar 3 года назад +3

    Ummm, about that steel, I'm afraid we made ball bearings out of most of it and sold it all to the Tommies and Yanks when you stopped paying in gold, also, why did some of the bullion have teeth in them?
    -Some Swedish diplomat probably...

  • @owenseaborne3517
    @owenseaborne3517 3 года назад +2

    I honestly preferred this world war 2 sketch over the gaming videos. Look forward to seeing more

  • @olimara1647
    @olimara1647 3 года назад +5

    Not only was the rocket interceptor explosive, the fuel was also corrosive and had to be contained in easily broken glass pipes! Many pilots were reduced to a soup like homogenate.

  • @Dargesh890
    @Dargesh890 3 года назад +2

    So many great puns in this. You guys keep coming up with the best stuff

  • @MausOfTheHouse
    @MausOfTheHouse 3 года назад +5

    You're incorrect. I am the worst tank.

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  3 года назад +4

      Let me guess, you want your own video?

    • @naveednawwaf
      @naveednawwaf 3 года назад

      hah, don't drop your hopes. You remember "How British won the war"?

    • @MausOfTheHouse
      @MausOfTheHouse 3 года назад +3

      @@SquireComedy I was going to talk you into it, but yes, that's correct.

  • @jackmurray1466
    @jackmurray1466 3 года назад +1

    crazy how i just binged squire last night

  • @justyouraveragefurryhunter226
    @justyouraveragefurryhunter226 3 года назад +5

    0:11 what is it with germans and eating guns?

  • @the8bitclicker_193
    @the8bitclicker_193 3 года назад +1

    German engineers were playing Sprocket before Sprocket even existed

  • @fisherguy8529
    @fisherguy8529 3 года назад +4

    You know, I still think given enough resources and time, the nazi could've easily pull off the P.1000, not saying they should but they definetly could.

    • @sergeantsharkseant
      @sergeantsharkseant 3 года назад

      Well as the Nazis loosing is a good thing I guess they should
      Have ?

    • @DIEGhostfish
      @DIEGhostfish 3 года назад

      @@sergeantsharkseant Reminds me of some plans that at least partly went through to ransom out jews with trucks. Sure the Nazis might think they want them, but it's just more fuel burned.

    • @scoobydoo313
      @scoobydoo313 2 года назад

      they could've, but why would they have?

    • @UBFR
      @UBFR 2 года назад

      @@scoobydoo313 it would also be a target practice for most allied bombers

    • @scoobydoo313
      @scoobydoo313 2 года назад

      @@UBFR exactly, and even if the landkreuzer had enough AA firepower to shoot down all allied bombers trying to go after it, there still would be nothing to stop the heavy artillery and anti-tank focusfire.

  • @pop5678eye
    @pop5678eye 3 месяца назад

    Real life often writes the best gags. One can look up that even the curved rifle barrel was a real proposal.

  • @tnt2835
    @tnt2835 3 года назад +4

    were do you get the uniforms from?

  • @haloharley15
    @haloharley15 3 года назад +2

    I've always wondered what the conversation must sound like between a prop company and someone looking for Nazi era uniforms.
    "No, no. It's for a video, I'm not a fan"