How do I deal with a bully, without becoming a thug? | Scilla Elworthy | TEDxExeter
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2012
- In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.
Наука
I am a bullying survivor. I was bitter and angry for a long time. I am finally learning how to take that poison and use what I have been through to become a better person.
Living a good life is the best reward.
Taking action against harassment is better otherwise it moves on to the next person.
For what is worth today, it was not OK what happened to you. No one deserves to be treated that way.
I hope you can heal from this. I too was bullied at school. Sending u light and love 🌟💜
I was never bullied in school, but now in the work place . Makes me withdraw and feel sad inside. Like I don’t matter , but thank God my home life is great !
When my daughter was in high school she was bullied by a thuggish young girl and I went to the school administration and told them the next time this girl bothered my daughter I would press criminal charges and sue the school. That girl was suspend and never seen in the school again. That's how you deal with bullies.
Was it a private or public school?
Which country?
Thank you.
Smart solution.
Donald Mosher good job !!! Amazing !!!!
Haha, my mother said if I was bullied I earned it and she had much less work with it than you!
Lmao
Bullies use violence in 3 ways
1. Political violence to intididate
2. Physical violence to terrorize
3. Mental/Emotional violence to undermine
Sergy Biju hey you nailed it with your description
true
Sergy Biju iiib
Sergy Biju i
Some just enjoy what they are doing, face it.
Dr. King preached non violence. Jesus preached non violence. Bruce Lee said you must fight without fighting. Violence only brings about more violence. I am only for using violence in cases of self defense. As Brother Malcolm said, I don’t call it violence when it’s used in self defense. I call it intelligence.
They murdered MLK
Agree fully. Even Teddy Roosevelt said "Speak softly, but carry a big stick."
Dr Gene Sharp was a Harvard professor who spent his life studying nonviolent civil disobedience and resistance. His work has inspired a few liberation movements, including the Arab Spring.
Dr. King was gunned down. Jesus was tortured and crucified. Bruce Lee was murdered. Just because we make martyrs of them doesn’t mean their methods were effective. I don’t want what happened to them to happen to me. Their killers walked free and suffered no repercussions for their actions.
@@JacquelynJoyce dwiiiohqm jjWhehessswfssolove I just t❤😊❤cassvqzhw😢😅❤😅❤😊😊😊😊😊😊😅❤😅❤😅❤😅😅❤😅😅😅😅😅❤😅❤❤😅😅Phew😅❤😅😮😅😅❤😅😅😅❤❤t rrwr werewer and tthe ❤❤ as 😅Ty of your team and professional 😅❤iyttyyi😅😅❤t
From what I've read in the comments this lady must live in lala land. What DOES work against a bully is a beat down.
For example; my son was being bullied by a boy named Cody in kindergarten. He told the teacher and the teacher told Cody to not hit my son. Did that work? No. When the teacher wasn't looking, Cody hit my son. She never disciplined Cody because she never saw Cody hit him. I was dealing with a child who didn't want to go to school. Every Monday morning he told me his stomach hurt. I didn't believe my son so I pressed for what is really going on. He told me about Cody. I was mad. I told my son that the next time Cody hit him to rear his arm back and hit Cody in the stomach as hard as he could. He did. Of course the teacher saw that. Asked my son why he hit Cody. He told her because my daddy told me to. Then she called me wanting a meeting tween me, her, and the principal. I explained to her why I told my son to do that and since she couldn't protect my son from a bully I gave him permission to protect himself. Then I hung up on her. The Bullying Stopped and my son never had that problem in school again!
I was that child who was bullied throughout school for having a stutter, being small and dyslexic. My teachers "never saw" that violence that was inflicted upon me almost daily. One day in middle school, I had enough. I knew I would be hit and kicked as had happened so many times. I fought back. I wasn't big and strong, I didn't win the fight either. But I had sharp elbows and kness - and by this time, I could take a punch. I fought to a draw. I was bloody, so was the bully. I got suspended from school for fighting. My Dad took time off work and took me fishing. Upon returning to school, I wasn't bullied again. They didn't want to pick on someone who would fight back. I haven't had to fight now for over 40 years. But I know if I have to, I can.
Well done... my mother told me not to hit first, but if they hit you, make sure they don't get up. Works well.💪
In the end of the day, we spend billions on a defence force. We aren't doing that because we are thugs, we do it to protect our children, our elderly, our civilization. There are very dangerous people out there.
@Dungeon Maker I'm sorry you didn't have someone in your corner for you
Yes, you must stand up for yourself. If you can do it without violence that is ideal. But sometimes the only way to end bullying is to give it right back. Bullies won't attack a person who will give it right back.
I get bullied all the time. it makes me feel I can't see the hope of my life. bully never allows you stay in any comfortable situation physically and mentally. I'll try as much as I can to fight back the bully. it might makes me look desperate, ugly and uncool, but i'll keep trying until I feel powerful and confident for being who I am. I want the freedom and respect.
TheKay830, I was bullied quite a bit. Knowing that my bully walked away unscathed, made me feel hopeless. Let's hope our bullies mess with the wrong person. Stay strong.
Hoping your bully mess with the wrong person be wrong person yourself stay strong boys work on yourself
You got your head straight about it, where most don't. That is the most important part. This is coming from someone fighting pretty regularly most of my life including bouncing rank bars for 10 years. With bullies its never the win or the loss, that matters its if your head is straight.
I hope the bullying has gotten better for you! Remember that their words are not reality and that you are loved, wonderful, and smart! I pray that you have a wonderful day and safety 😊💖
I go to the forums talking about disabled kids and sometimes bullying comes up. People are still giving this advice. They say they kid should just walk away. This DOES work. This works if the bullied one walks away, walks off campus, walks home,and never comes back. Then it works. I did this when I was sixteen so I should know.. I was also then a high school drop out.
Exterminate Bullies only way is slap in the face .
I appreciate your comment. Some of these tips work for some, but not for everyone. What advice would you give?
Force against force definitely works when a group collectively resolves to stand up and be stronger than the bully.
dev1lsadv0cate agreed, that the keywords. WORK TOGETHER!!
You always must stand against bullies and harassment.
My neighbour is one of these...he dn respect boundaries...when I tried to speak to him about piling his snow on my side, he flipped out, calling me names and ramped up the bullying..
it never ends...he's very much like a little kid...I'm prepared with the evidence if my basement floods...
I want to know why no one likes the bully at work and they see the pain and trouble they cause , but yet they say nothing and hang out with the bully. Smh
b/c it is clear its part of the culture other wise he wouldn't still be there
because they're afraid of the bully, and they know that old cliche' that says "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." So they hope for the best and to one degree or the other, they "join 'em."
The title of this talk is wrong. It should be "How do I deal with violence without becoming a thug?" The philosophy she espouses will only work on people who are actually decent but who only know of violence as the only way to deal with things. They will not work on real bullies. Every day, there is someone who just lets the bully have his or her way, with no retaliation and placid acceptance-the real bully loves this. It will not stop the bullying and it will not leave the victim unscathed.
A real bully would have put a bullet through that Lt Colonel's head as he knelt down (I suspect that this soldier saw that the mob were merely angry, not actual bullies).
I am disappointed, because the question deserves to be answered. I agree that answering violence with non-violence will dissipate non-violence, but it is not true that non-violence against a bully will make the bullying stop.
true. nonviolence movements only work because it leverages the moral fear of participants in oppression and delegitimizes repressive policies of violence -- would nonviolence have worked in Auschwitz? Absolutely not. There are limits to every strategy.
I just wish there as an answer to the question of how to deal with bullies without having to "outbully" the bully.
But sometimes I am afraid there is no answer... that the only way to deal with bullies is to become the bully, to shift power to the oppressed and become the oppressor.
I doubt that people purposely go out and say "I will bully"... it's more, I think, a reaction of their self-perceived powerlessness to feel power. So letting the bully just have their way is not only risky (a real bully would have put a bullet through that colonel's head, the way the Nazi's did... or even those young bullies who killed their schoolmates) but it perpetuates the system. Either way, it is an unacceptable solution.
I'm still looking for answers.
Gryphon Hall When someone enjoys bullying like that, becoming the bully yourself is not gonna feel or end up right imho, also the bully has probably had a lifelong experience of getting their way, so it can be hard to 'outsmart' them, I think sometimes the best thing to do is to just get away asap and cut your losses. Later, when you've distanced yourself enough, you can add the bully to your prayer or meditation practice, and wish them love and peace when you're ready, it's obviously what the bully cannot find. And if they get what they 'want' through bullying, they will not end up feeling fullfilled. They will only fuel their emptiness this way. But for some people, it takes a lifetime or more to realize this. Yep, each has their own path to walk.
Whatsfordinner That's well and good if you _can_ walk away. But what if you can't walk away?
But what about bullies in your class for the entire term? Do you leave the classroom? What reason do you give the teacher? What if the only proof is your word against theirs? Do you demand to be put in another class? What if there's just another bully there? What do you do at the lunch table, then?
What about bullies in the workplace? What if the bully is your boss? Do you resign? Is that an option if you have a family to feed?
The advice given in this talk is very good... but only _when_ dealing with angry, bitter people... but no, not with bullies. Like you said, they're used to getting their way. Capitulating like this only gives them the message that they are justified in their expectations.
Yes, you don't become a thug if you do what this speaker says you should do... but you won't be much of anything else except metaphorical doormat and punching bag. Might be edifying to the soul to some, but that's not quite the answer people are looking for.
In school, I think you should talk to your parents to change school. It sounds like capitulating perhaps, but it's not if you do it for yourself, give yourself a break, you deserve it. It's quite empowering, and it's good to distance yourself from the feelings of the bully, their power games are then their business, none of your concern anymore.
The same goes for the workplace, get out asap, read empowering motivational books if that helps, but you will find other ways to feed your family. Don't become dependent on pills or doctors to get you through more days in a sickening environment, that will surely lead to feelings of entrapment and depression, get out regardless of what anyone thinks!!!
This lecture is in no way based in reality. Ms. Elworthy has lead an incredibly sheltered life within the walls of academia, in my opinion. Rainbows and unicorns.
Erik Sturdevant >>> Her tactic is to bore them to death. When they hear her talk they think it´s a priest beginning to preach.
Yes she's lucky to never met someone who is really violent and wants to hurt someone.
@@andrzejsamorzewski146 To be serious though I don´t think she´s the typical person to be beaten up by thugs who will then brag about it to get prestige and respect from their "companions"
Well she might be the rainbow-warrior.
"Why Dr. Priscilla Elworthy Was Selected for the 20th Niwano Peace Prize" (PDF). Niwano Peace Foundation. 2003. Archived from the original (PDF) on 3 December 2013. Retrieved 15 September 2012.
Just a feel-good speech with fluffy language. I would have like to have been given an example and instruction practically on a day to day basis on how to deal with bullies, what she said "opening our hearts" is not specific enough, it's fluffy.
Stop mentoring the bullied to be passive doormats.
Forgiveness is the only hope. "Passive doormats" is an illusion.
I couldn't agree more. Not responding to bullies emboldens them.
@@shaunclubberlang2887 I disagree; reacting to a bullie's tactics, allowing them to rile a reaction out of you is what emboldeneds them.
@@marlonbrando223 No bully has ever been emboldened after encountering me. More like terrified. More like wondering why they chose the life path they did. Trust me on this. When a bully's target fights back ferociously, It shocks the life out of them. Bullies choose their victims carefully; they expect them to be doormats. Being a doormat is what emboldens them. Choking the life out of them when they expected an easy target is no fun for them. Oh and yes, I did become a thug. But I'd choose that path again, rather than being a victim.
@@shaunclubberlang2887 love it! I became a thug too whatever they want to call me as long as am free. For long time I have been the passive doormate but it's not working. Those people have a very huge issue of self confidence. They have to find someone else now.
How to deal with RUclips comment section bullies?
don't scroll down.
its a lovely lady but yes, she lives in the world full of rainbow and unicorns.
Do voluntary work in Africa and say that about the people you worked with after you come back :3
🤭😂
You can't counter a bully without being a thug because the thugs are directed by creatures beneath either of these. This wisdom has been provided without benefit of whatever the good lady has to say.
Thank E for the reminder of how far we are from peace and awareness of what reality is beyond what we think it is. She is still in touch with her natural state of Being, the state we were all in touch with before we were taught to compete, criticize, condemn and complain. I'm grateful to be in this world of insanity. It is the only one we have and eventually we will all be aware of what is real and true beyond what we were taught and are teaching now; that peace begins with and depends on each of us individually. Finally, I am grateful the person who offered me these words of wisdom I freely share now.. We don't have to attend every fight to which we are invited.
This comment section is extreme. It seems to me that I have just watched a completely different video than the majority of the commentors. She is not talking about Steve the psychopath that makes your work day a living hell, she is talking about the institutionalized oppression that exist under many dictatorships and that non-violent protest can be more efficient in those cases since the people that mediate that oppression is not inherently evil. I do not think that non-violence is always the answer, but sometimes the path that contradict intuition is the right path to go.
Well then, she should have called the talk Institutionalized Opression. Not Bullying.
@@whotelakecity2001 Agree with endless 100% - she should use the language properly and be precise in the title of her talk. Then she would not be misunderstood. I think she did not know what she wanted to talk about herself, and ended up putting square pegs in a round hole (the title of her talk).
I agree that 'bullying' is a hot button word and a poor title. Her talk addressed institutional forces not the interpersonal traumas of bullying. I liked her 3am tea and talk to your fear child but if your family finds you sipping tea and talking to your inner child's fears calls will be made to some kind of institution.
Judging by the talk, she was using the word “bully” to describe strongman political regimes, not the more conventional use around neighborhood or schoolyard bullies or individual sociopaths.
What a fine speaker you are. I enjoyed your talk! Very inspiring and motivational! I loved it ! Thanks!
So what if a bully comes to my house, sets it on fire, kills my family and steals my washing machine? What should my response be? Talk to the bully and search for "human connection?" And what if there's 140 million of them?
I had been bullied since my childhood so i became a thug but since a few years i have become a shy person and i am driffting into depression
And some individual psychopaths should be considered no different then hard core murderers for their Lack of conscience.
same...
making the bully acctually realise that he is one is the crucial part in my opinion...
You need to get some counseling
Tirth Patel I read your story, sorry to here, but you know what, the individuals that bullied you were weak , depressed & hurting inside cause someone one bullied them, so in return they inflicted that pain on you, prayer changes things, I’ve been through it as well, May the lord almighty continue to bless you & your future in JESUS name, stay strong & always be encouraged 💯💯‼️‼️
The book she references towards the end is "From Dictatorship to Democracy" by Gene Sharp, if you want to look it up.
Teaching children and adults tools to defend themselves, strengthen their confidence, and reinforce that they are supported, are all critical to a healthy environment and developing healthy relationships.
🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓This woman means well. Never love something or someone more than yourself. Always practice self defense by preparing yourself to deal with the adversaries you come up against whether its internal or external and if you need help, get IT!! Don't live in fear and silence. If none violence works use it, if self defense works use it, develop a tool box that deals with bullying. Use some of the steps she mentioned, and develop your own. Stop being wimps!🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
it's funny cause I tell myself abused people later become abusers. As I find myself tired of being mentally and physically abused eveytime it often doesn't get better. But hearing others stories let's me know I'm not alone no matter what it seems like.
Brilliant thoughts from wisdom and experience. I saw someone highly sensitive being so vulnerable end up with ptsd but improved by the patience of Job
From the person without PHD: There is simple rule- first one to get angry looses.
More than its direct effect on bullies, the primary value of non-violent activism may be it's transforming effect on members of society and non-violent activists themselves. If the long arc of history bends toward justice (MLK), growing numbers of people acting beyond retaliatory instincts may be the decisive evolutionary force for peace and justice in human civilization. Indeed, individual sociopaths and psychopaths who victimize other individuals are a different matter than systemic political and economic bullying. I'm thinking such individual sickos should be incarcerated for as long as their pathological tendencies persist, including leaders of oppressive political and economic regimes.
Yes. It is ignoring reality a form of denial to permit these demonds to run amok.
This talk strikes me as the usual abstraction that can only be spoken by those who have mostly lived a secure and privileged life. They have a distance from violence that affords them this sort of intellectualized musing about being "peaceful" at the end of a gun barrel. Her story about the American who silenced the violent crowd is a rare thing, not the norm.
Let the police force or military deal with the worst...people like this lady should work on other fronts, such as improving economics, education, infrastructure, etc.
There will always be violence in the human experience. The best we can do is strengthen the conditions in the world for the weak and good people. Strong and healthy environments will be able to contain and neutralize the negative contribution of violent bullies. They will likely always be part of the human race.
Verity ni
Like protect children against violence
I were be bully badly in workplace. This lady yelled and shouted me with humiliating words. In the past, she spread rumour and joined with her clique group to bully only soft, kind and gentle people. I use avoid and distant strategies. It never help much and she still hunt me. At last, I did formal report about her to workplace. Problem is bully had no heart.
humans are social creatures so there has always been a need for leaders (people like the lady with the students) the clarity with wich they look at things makes them reliable and so we evolved to understand and give way to these people as what they do will lead to better circumstances for everyone, at least that is how i see things
I feel that today only a few people will talk instead of raising their rage and using violence. And yes, it's true that violence is the key of hatred.
This is brilliant. This is what this century will strive toward and achieve.
Keep dreaming.
the number 1 thing imo though is to just avoid them where possible... If you cant do that then stand up to them, but be prepared.
Ex Hippy. It oozes out of her. Sometimes you have to fight for your freedom or rights.
One of the real ppl here in the realm. This is such a great talk I remember from 2012.
She offers some good, noble, imperfect ideas and at the same time she triggers a lot of psychological pain of many of us. I am sure that was not her intention. She didn't offer a complete and detailed solution for all problems related to bullying and that is ok. She tried her best and should not be shamed and blamed, but rather offered some suggestions for improvement.
Reading through the comment section I realised that there are people feeling very offended by this speech. There are situations when a physical interference has to take place. When someone is in a state of a horrible rage non-violence in terms of zero physical contact might fail completely. When an angry small child is taking a peace of wood in her / his hand and hits another small child with it what should I do as an adult to help them? The best response from my point of view would be by saying stop very loudly and to physically interfere by getting this peace of wood out of the hand of the child. Was it a non-violent or violent response?
So called psychopaths and sociopaths are like very small children in my eyes because their capacity for compassion is underdeveloped and might stay very limited due to some anomalies in their brains. Understanding the way our brains work by using scientific methods and reason should help to make better choices when we choose our future leaders. There are no leaders without followers. Would you like to have a two year old boss?
I can see some people connecting this talk to feminism or female gender in general. I guess it's because violence is culturally seen as masculine while non-violence is seen as feminine. This is a point where I can see at least some men getting offended a lot. I understand it since specifically male suffering is still being ignored a lot. When a war starts male humans are the one to be sacrificed first. Male children abused by their female mothers are still not seen as much as victims as wives abused by their husbands. This is a tragedy. Not all see it this way. Compassion towards specifically male suffering is needed as much as compassion towards specifically female suffering or suffering of those individuals whose gender is different from strictly female and strictly male.
Shaming and blaming isn't a good way even so it can bring some relief for a little while. Listening carefully with compassion and a willingness to understand is a good approach which will not work in a state of physically violent escalation or while dealing with psychopaths and sociopaths since their brains might be permanently damaged. I hope one day we will find a way to treat our enemies in such a way that no permanent damage is caused on any sides and a chance for a future peaceful solution is remained.
Beautiful message.... Well said.
"i tried to be silent, the solution was violence"
When I was young, I endured bullying for six years. After that time, I have become afraid to interact with people. Due to my mental health issues, I’m even unable to work.
I have this bully in high school three years ago this bully was called Stephanie I remember that she was the teachers favourite student she thought she was better than everyone . she kept hurting people then she got to me she pushed me , called me insecure ,she kicked me ,she punched me and all those horrible things one day I got super mad so I decided to call her mean popular girl so after a while she told the teacher I got in trouble I tried telling her that but she did not let me talk all she said was you need to not do that it is rediculous so then my friends heard this and did not talk to me they thought I was horrible so I told them what happened and they told the teacher every thing I was so happy they did that because all I wanted was my friends always support me in anything !!
in my humble opinion, fighting violence with non violence is good only if you do not care too much of your own life...
This was 2012, now look back 2019. Violent fascism is now on the rise, let's discuss
the weird mouth squishing sounds are horrible.
Agree...
It’s nervousness...a bottle of water would have been a very kind and compassionate gift. Good for her for powering through. If I were hosting a speaker, I would make a care packet for them including lozenges and Room temperature bottled water‼️😃
Yesssss!! Omg i cant stand it. Makes my skin crawl.
Drives me crazy too. Dry mouth. Agree to the water suggestions below.
Omg I thought I was the only one!!!!!
11years after this talk; increasing income differential, concentration of assets in the hands of fewer and fewer (with more narcissistic &/or sociopathic behaviors/actions at the top 0.1%), and workers in the lower, working class suffering more.
Decrease in democracies.
U.S. support of corporate monopolies appears to be growing.
There are more people showing non-violent courage, and mobilizing workers. I do hope we are able to sway the courts and politicians to get back on board with taking the power away for companies to form powerful monopolies.
It was FW de Klerk who decided to release Mr. Mandela from prison after he had a dream from God on the way forward. He followed his dream no matter what anyone else said and after telling Mr. Mandela his vision they became best of friends and both had the realisation that peace is the answer. Great leaders are not just by chance, God was the inspiration for change a peace.
Violence is not bad per se. At the right time, in the right place, it is even a must. No freedom without violence, as peace is only a period in between wars. Said but true.
Seeing this talk eight years after it was given, it would be interesting to go over that list of nations that she said have gotten rid of dictators (~12:40) -- and look at what they have NOW. And to pursue that, WHY they have the rulers they currently do.
Extremely important and informational!
The courtesy clap at the end was ridiculously polite at best.
I'm really comforted by the comments I'm reading. Turning the other cheek might work in some cases but it would not have worked against the Nazis and it doesn't work against terrorists who murder in cold blood. Boundaries need to be set to match the situation. I think the attraction to this video is the title. People who defend don't want to be the bully... rest assured, if you're worried about being a thug when you're defending yourself or others, you're already in the state of mind of caring for others and not wanting to sink down to the level of the bullies.
I did like her definition at the beginning: “How oppression works: Bullies use violence in three ways: they use political violence to intimidate, physical violence to terrorize, and mental or emotional violence to undermine.”
Thank you.God bless you.
Bullies are actually cowards
YES! We know this from experience as well! Often just facing them & showing you are not afraid will do the job, but we must be ready to fight if we absolutely have to. Fighting isn't always physical, by the way.
@@brianvaughan2624 Yes.
You have to punk a Bully, it's all they know, anything else like being diplomatic is just game on for them
Interesante tema, gracias por compartir. estoy de acuerdo no a la violencia
But I'm not going to go into how I do it because it would take a very long time to write it all down.
What a wonderful speaker with a important message. However she goes around the outcomes by starting with herself. There really are some real psychopaths in the world, and I really believe you cannot turn the other cheek to these culprits. The world is not always a decent place. We need some real answers-------------
Self Esteem comes in the form of feeling your fist on the face of your bully.
Meditation gives you self awareness.
How to have awerness?
I have been bullied all my life. Right now, my residence is at risk unless I comply with the owner.
Thank you, I am grateful miss scilla.
OMG, does she have a powerful message! Thank you SO much!
I think the key is _master the psyche of the opponent_ . If we know what the opponent fear about, we can handle them.
But to know what do they fear of, is the difficult part.
What if they do not have fear, but are pathological? Bullies, narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths are neurologically dysregulated: it's not about fear for them. That's why peacemaking efforts do not work with them: they are internally driven to harm. They are not well.
Thank you Scilla that was beautiful ♥
Only if they are very disciplined and morally strong, otherwise they just end up becoming the bully, which doesn't resolve the situation, it just reverses the positions.
Very interesting question. Thanks.
I sense that this approach of hers, even in the title it self, pulls a person towards a self-righteous type of being in the world, where any aggression will tend to be repressed and some aggression needs to be there: sometimes you have to go to war to prove you are for peace. Abusive people will lap up passivity in a target. They will even lap up simply if the target umms and ahhs, because they are preoccupied with not being abusive themselves and are therefore suffering from unconscious SHAME for a trait, that the abuser then takes total advantage of ...and in fact, accusing the victim of something they do with abandon themselves, is precisely what abusers are all about!!!
A lot of ZEN goes into dealing with these sorts of issues. Likewise, you don't want to be too prepared, you've got to be in the moment and respond intuitively. ...Having a script for dealing with abusers won't work for the most part. ...I think the solution has got to involve working on deeply held and largely unconscious beliefs of self worth. ..This might sound like a major chore, but it is like doing work to then be able to act in the moment and act well when you're faced with aggression.
It's important, I think to work on undoing any messages or thoughts of being unworthy, and undeserving of dignity and respect. Undoing any beliefs of conditional self worth. Perhaps doing exercises like Inner Child Work, Focusing (to get in touch with deep feelings that point to what are in fact our unconscious beliefs which are what really run most of the show) are some ways to work on these inner beliefs. ...This way, in the moment when abuse is taking place, a person can be ready to act in accordance with their belief that they are worth something irrespective of whether or not they may have met some external standard. It's important to get rid of shame based thinking period, in fact, and conditional self worth beliefs with it.
If you're into spirituality, I read in a book that the spiritual lesson behind abuse is about self worth. ...Most likely even those with true self worth also get bullied, at least some of the time, but it has got to be easier to deal with and put into perspective when one is approaching the world from a place of solid foundation.
The Aung Sung Kyii is actually only applies if the soldiers are young, scared & inexperienced. It doesn't apply for experienced soldiers who has killed many people.
When there are fear, people can do unimaginable things.
fear is a major player between 2014 and 2023
Never turn the other cheek. Never take the high road. Always take the low road. The road that leads to the beat down. The one that comes from YOUR fist.....to the bully's face.
You can only deal with a bully in a non-violent way if you gain leverage. Gaining leverage can be done by organizing large groups of people and putting pressure on that bully. When it comes to direct violence with guns it might be possible to slowly come closer and turn their guns down as an individual ... But with systemic , top-down long term opression you need to work towards leverage. You can't do that on your own from what i've seen throughout history.
The best speech on this subject started with "There are three types of people..."
Which r? Curious 😊
@@mrs.fredburrell5181 just watch Team America: World Police!
The premise which this talk is based on is not true - Nelson Mandela and the ANC knew they would never be taken seriously unless they could prove they could meet government force with a force of their own - they tried Gandhi's method of passive resistance and it didn't work - people were being butchered in the streets and the government didn't care - it only works if the government cares - South Africa at that point was totally inhumane and so they formed the military wing of the ANC - at which point they started getting funding from other governments outside South Africa etc....The conflict in South Africa against its own people was finally resolved through talks initiated by Nelson whilst in prison but while simultaneously refusing to disarm the military wing of the ANC or change blockades on trade with South Africa - as he knew very well he would be unable to discuss anything with the government if he did = no bargaining power.
I don't understand why this person is using Nelson as an example of passive resistance working? He didn't like violence and believed that it was never a good thing but also recognised that sometimes in order to defeat violence, one strategy is to show that the job is not going to be an easy one for the bully - that the bully will meet a force also and eventually be worn down by it. Stopping them. I wish people who have never actually personally experienced bullying and resolved it themselves would stop lecturing others. It's the blind leading the blind. And I'm sick of it.
The Bully never gets worn down by it.
Unless I have encountered psychopath bullying.
Same with I dia. It wasn't Gandhi who got India Independence. Subash Chandra Boss's military group was the reason British talked with Gandhi and saved their face. Still, they left irresponsibly leaving earlier than planned and hence leavinb without enough force to deal with the partition and caused 2 million deaths.
The only thing a bully understands is force period.
You can humiliate them in the case of psychological and emotional bullying. Effective they are paranoid superstitious things childish minds heavily dependant on external approval.
no one sees eye to eye on everything. Maybe you get something differant out of this then i do. But i think of the story of the boy who took a gun away from another student on the bus and got suspended for "being involved in an incident where a gun was present"
This is, with lack of better (or real) words "pussification of the world"
If it's not what she meant, it's sure as hell what she said.
Brave kid. Who said non-violence is easy though?
You know I've never got any bullies drawing up but other kids did now I'm in a bowling program and I'm the one who started it because all I really had to do was make the volume to stand up there being a bully and learn how to be nice what is very hard to do but it works they do it in a nice way and he'd rather kids how to do it and now and over 10000 schools are kids that know how to do that and there are a lot of kids that don't have to deal with bullies no longer.
BRILLIANT TALK BRILLIANT LADY W/MASSIVE HEART!!
THANK U
got five minutes in... had to stop. not because of her "extreme use of non violence" but her mic is too sensitive and is picking the subtle smack and swallows of her mouth. A personal tick of mine... can't stand it. nope. sorry lady, bye!
Same with me.... can´t stand it either.... (although I listen to this anyway..)
I love the hope being expressed, here. She identifies a great need.
I do not disagree with the path. As someone educated in psychopaths, I agree with her talk as STEPS along the path.
However, what she is describing is engagement with front line staff who are least likely to be psychopaths. They may disengage in the face of their own demise- for a time until the top honchos who are incharge do not mind sacrificing their lives before they realize the ODDS of numbers of population, numbers of armaments and losing FACE for themselves.
Allow continued arming of militaries at your own peril. This thing must be short circuited by PULLING THE PLUG.
People still have to be willing to die. WE can at this moment decide how many of us it will be.
She is brilliant. What a wise woman!
She quotes Peace Direct and Gene Sharp's book From Dictators to Democracy.
Gaslighting ~ A form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents or deception ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
This psychology term is derived from Patrick Hamilton's 1938 play Gaslight, about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane.
Someone get her a glass of water for goodness sake.
.
I'm a student from grade 8 someone made fake account on me and he followed all bad personalities on name of mine while school saw my account what should I do????😭😭😭😭😭😭no one helps no one loves me😭😭😭
Amazingly inspirational! Makes me think that trere is hope to end dictatorship in my homeland
scillia does have a point. you can't beat violence with violence because it escalates further. it's through dialogue. Control your fear by showing no signs of fear. By showing no fear clearly shows the enemy they cannot intimidate you! Bullying turned me into a thug and this is how I fought back but could never win, as my confrontations only escalated further. After watching this video I will now use the power of speech and negotiations to tackle bullying at work. thank you for your advice scilla (RESPECT)
A very interesting question we have here 🤔
** Psychopathy is built INTO the economic system of capitalism - in can show up in any other large diversified group of course (large group means hierarchy and that means outsourcing and delegating of empathy, compassion, responsibility, ethical considerations - and often commons sense on top of that).
But with capitalism psychopathy (psychopathic behavior !!) MUST show up and on the highest most influental levels. (The Military Industrial Surveillance Complex is expression of the economic system, "War is a racket" Smedley Butler the highly decorated war hero, recognized that approx 100 years ago. Sure there is some ideology involved as well, but in the end ideology has a LOT to do with the economy, who gets what share of the pie).
The base of capitalism is the pursuit of PROFIT - the individual advantage. The whole system is built around that one guiding principle. (Costs are externalized: health of workers, pollution of the environment, damage to consumers, financial fraud like with Enron on the GFC, leaking oil pipelines that are left leaking as long as possible - it cost less if they wait for the inevitable large spill - and THEN it is not maintainance, no ! then the insurance will pay for it. Or a car company tolerates deadly bugs in their cars. It is cheaper, or better regarding the marketing strategy !!, to buy off the families of the unecessarily killed people later.
Within the context "profit above all - the rest will play out and take care of itself" - these unethical Actions make perfectly sense.
And the people on the top making those decisions DO have advantages, financially, they and their families are safe and they captured the political and justice system enough that they will not go to prison. So if they can do double think (humans are good in deceiving themselves) they will slumber peacefully and enjoy their security, influence, and wealth - while other people suffer the consequences.
On the other hand standing up against the "system" or blowing the whistle is a thankless task and can leave you exhausted, jobless, broke, in lawsuits - and on the blacklist to be never hired again. Or maybe being killed if you step on really powerful toes.
And correlating a man or women who defends themselves to a “thug” is beyond close minded and ignorant. Any ladies out there who agree with her, is a women who killed a man trying to rape her a thug, should she have used a more “nonviolent means.”?
Why don’t the North Koreans have a nonviolent revolution?
Thankyou for mentioning Syria. 💔😢
Addressing the comments, she doesn't disapprove retaliation. She's urging you not to become a bully in the process. Fight for something noble but not to become the same people you fought against.
I have this girl that is a bully at work you cant reason with her and the manager don't do anything about her because he want to know what is going on with the group and she is a thug
What has she done now in Burma??
13:00 notice she never said gadiffi libya
you are brilliant..lady
radha
Non-violence encourages other ways of responding.
And the most cowardly bullies recruit others in covert, criminal courses of conduct.
Oh this again. I do understand the wisdom of non-violence or passive resistance and I do understand that violence begets violence and the methodologies mentioned in this video can (and do) be effective for many situations but NOT ALWAYS! When you face a bully you don't have to become a thug but you could become a hero. You could choose not to react but to preserve justice and defend the weak when needed. Deny the bully a 'good fight' but save the smaller kids who are no match for the bully. I detest violence but I know that the sword must rise and fall if justice is to be served. Most of the times wisdom does nothing to calm the bully down. You can't give flowers to someone pointing a gun at you and trust in not getting shot in the head. That may work once or twice but it's enough for it to fail just once. When tanks are rolling down the street you can't depend on songs and flowers and wise words to defend your democracy. You have to do it yourself.
Correct. You cannot reason with a bully. You cannot reason with a violent aggressor because they cannot be reasoned with. The only thing you can do is destroy them before they destroy you. You can only reason with a bully if they have some respect for you.
Just gold