Deranged Woman Freaks When She Can't Date OP
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
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Deranged woman goes nuts, primo D&D horror story material. why won't you rail me.
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Hey! What do you think about the new editing style? This can be the new usual content if the crabs approve.
Trying not to overproduce it, but I feel the visual aspect has been leaving a lot to be desired.
Please tell a story about a good dnd game next time please
It’s cute! Those claws are now even more lively than before- keep up the good work :D
i think it would be nice if you could maybe round the corners of the reddit post's text, or just reformat it entirely to have a transparent background so we can see the ocean.
I'm feeling it. A few cuts here and there to a silent clip to help accentuate or add humor to the delivery of the story will always be welcome from me. I'm not looking at the screen the entire time, but it's at least always in the corner of my eye so I didn't miss any of the edits in this one. I like it, Crab King!
I like that you included the reddit post heading
Okay, but "I would rather slay a dragon than slay p*ssy" is a *fantastic* statement! If I wasn't married I'd get that on a t-shirt.
I mean, I won't tell your wife if you don't
The airhorn after kills me
I mean, if your wife is okay with it and laughs at the joke, do it! There's a reason people get shirts like that.
First step: make two shirts
Second step: give your partner one
Third setp:???
Fourth step: profit
Pfft id probably still get it now an im married 10 years.
Gotta love the irony of someone playing a literal sex cultist accusing someone else of making the fetish character.
That's vvoman logic for ya. And a textbook case of projecting.
@@smithsmith1956 Generalization much
@@goodluckgorsky3413 Well, the sky is blue. However, it can be red, orange, pink, and even green during sunrise/sunset. But, it is generally blue. Generalizations are as such because they are generally true. Exceptions need not be named. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
@@smithsmith1956 that’s definitely not “woman logic,” that’s “manipulative narc logic”
@@smithsmith1956 And women aren't generally that illogical, so it's a failed and incorrect generalization, which is the problem.
OP: *Makes a gay character that is trying to get over the death of their lover in a natural way
Jade: "YoU'rE fEtIsHiZiNg BeInG gAy"
Imagine accusing somebody of fetishizing *anything*, while you're the type of player who uses Charm Person as a date-rape drug.
Regular player: /exists/
That player: "I seduce regular player!"
Regular player: "I'm flattered, but not interested."
That player: /tries harder/
Regular: "Dude, my character is married!"
That player: "YoU'rE jUsT tRyInG tO fEtIsHiZe MaRrIaGe!"
GM: "Get out of my home, and *DON'T* come back."
@@nanowarehare Imagine accusing someone of fetishizing anything, while also playing as a fetishist.
It's crazy because how was the person fetishizing anything when their Paladin was actively with no one at the time
I hate to say it, but the words "home-brew [anything]" are just so rife in cringe that it isn't worth allowing.
"I would rather slay a dragon than slay pussy."
That is unironically the funniest line I've heard in one of these horror stories
That is my new motto
Asexual here; stealing this if you don't mind.
Stealing this
As a 3.5E vet, I almost guarantee you that spell he cast (twice) was *Polymorph Any Object.* 100 cubic feet per level of sand into glass, then cast again for solid glass into *molten* glass. RAW *Polymorph Any Object* was completely broken. You could turn a pebble into a star for 20 minutes, completely destroying whatever planet you were on, for an 8th-level spell slot with no costly material components.
The math seems a bit off even for a level 20 character though. 100,000 orcs ankle deep (~0.5ft) in sand is going to need waaay more cu-feet of spell to work. But still it's a fun conclusion.
Edit: Actually I guess he could just polymorph the top layer only and cause the glass to be expanded far beyond the original size of the grain of sand so that it would still end up with them embedded in the glass rather than pushed aside by the transformation. Interesting application actually.
@@femsplainer twas goblins and most of them had been killed at that point.
@@femsplainerto be fair, as a dm i also would've ignored calculations and rules there. The rules are not law, they are guidelines on how to make the game a bit more unpredictable (and fair). But what counts in the end is the fun and the memories. And that was definetely achieved here.
Seems perfectly balanced
Transmute sand to glass, from the sandstorm book, two 10ft cubes per level. They only mentioned they were super high level in the story. That could be 20 to some people, that could be 40 to others. But going with a caster level 20, would be 40 10 ft cubes. So 80 squares on a mat.
"Stealing your own pants without noticing" sounds like a reference to Kingdom of Loathing, where you need to do just that in an early game quest if you're a thief-oriented class.
I like how that was revamped into an encounter later on and not just a character dialogue.
Holy smokes i haven't heard that name in fifteen years
Ah, or in DAI when Sera steals their breeches
@@Ir0nPike look up west of loathing
West of Loathing, all I can think about is the dialogue when you dig around in spitoons. 😂
"Foolish Lich, I'M FORKLIFT CERTIFIED!!"
I was expecting a JoJo moment. Still found the story hilarious.
_This is the song, written for the train chase_
_This is the chase, Rocky and Ken_
_He TRIIIIEED to kill me with a forklift!_
Jade: "Babe, stop trying to get over your lover in a healthy way and f^*! me"
OP: "No, go to horny jail *bonk*"
Love the videos as always!
Paladin: BEGON HAROLOT! A knight of purity shall never succumb to your advances!
"Nah, it's cool. I'm just not interested."
There was no Bonk,. that was the problem.
No, she bonked herself.
Protip. DO NOT represent neuro-divergence or mental illness with D&D mechanics. Leave that purely to roleplay, *if* your players even wanna bring it up.
Yes! I just said the same somewhere in this comment section. This hero gets it!
Knew a kobold rogue who had depression (both in and out of the game), made the session slow down to a grinding halt (and would get angry because the party would try to “help” them), would run away from the party, being the lone wolf and stuff.
@@Randomdudefromtheinternet That's a pretty bad case of Spotlightitus.
@@Randomdudefromtheinternet that's sad I hope they get help for it. It does hurt to feel those ways.
Then how exactly am I supposed to play my schizophrenia bard/warlock with synesthia?
As someone on the spectrum, thank you for calling out Autism Speaks as a stinky and bad organization. They need to be called out more and more until they just plain stop.
This is just a personal anecdote but Autism Speaks helped me a lot when I first got diagnosed. They got me in touch with a lot of psychiatrists and therapists when I was finding it really hard to find some. I do agree that the organization as a whole sucks but I think there is a little bit of grey involved. If you need help after getting diagnosed their hotline is amazing to call and can really get you the help you need by pointing you in the direction of people who specialize in Autism. As for some of their messaging and overall leadership I have heard bad things but won't comment any further
I’m kinda curious about why Autism Speaks is bad? Haven’t heard much about them but every time I’ve seen someone talk about them it’s just saying they’re a bad organisation.
@@dafuzzbear7711 They give Autism a really bad name through there promotional material and even in some of there advice. They make autism seem extreme and scary when it really isn't.
@@dafuzzbear7711 (Initial part of the comment deleted, as the youtuber I mentioned turned out to be a massive plagiarist and terrible person)
The TLDR though:
1) Autism Speaks views Autism *extremely* negatively. Not as a condition to work around, but as a terrible disease to be "fixed" at any cost, and portray it as such. Which leads to...
2) They've supported really bad experiments on Autistic people. Specifically, they supported the Judge Rotenberg Center, which used shock therapy, not as a last-ditch effort under sedatives to affect the brain...But rather to "Discipline" the kids under their care.
3) They have no autistic people on their board, and some of the people they've hired to speak for them have been really bad. Including one woman who literally said, on camera, that she had considered murder-suiciding her autistic daughter... *while her daughter was in earshot*
@@AegixDrakan Jesus that sounds completely messed up. I’ll definitely watch that video soon as well. Thanks for informing me
Acererak: "You cannot defeat me!"
The party: "I know. But he can."
(Forklift noises)
Im just imagining some "Walmart forklift operator" in a safety vest and hard hat casually appearing above the lich and looking around while saying "Figures..." as he falls with the lift and the lich towards the lava.
The barbarian: I am now forklift certified!!
HAHA! YOU FOOLS, I AM NOW, FORK (pause) LIFT CERTIFIED, HHAHAHAHAHA- NO WAIT NO-
Sonic 2 Dark Story Fandub is a 11/10
@@Perdix64 Yes my brother
"this is the song written for the train chase, this is the chase Rocky and Ken. He tried to kill me with a forklift"
15:28 Acerak: "Oh, you're approaching me? Instead of running away, you decide to get closer?"
Monk: "I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer!"
Barbarian: FORKLIFTO DA!
Barbarian was a jojobro allright.
the forklift comes with a built in piano (begins playing giornos theme)
I Love this Story
Okay I have to......
Is that a JoJo reference!?
That last story made my eyes watery, it was so fun and the wishes OP had for his old party members was just so pure. This is why I love D&D!
Good that I wasn't the only one, that was a really badass ending!
3.5 book sandstorm spell, transmute sand to glass. Not sure what spell to make it boil.
My dad was into dnd. I sometimes imagine he had adventures like this
Me too.
Her: "I play a straight character"
Other Players: "Oh, so you're fetishizing straight people then?"
eh, it might be
half of everything going on in a tabletop group might be people working through their fetishes in a slightly safer social circle
I've played in enough groups at this point to realize this is something that happens fairly often until you winnow the group down to a group of decent, sane regulars (which can take some time)
and Im proud of it
Charm person? That makes you treat them like a close friend and makes you more open to suggestions as such. It doesn't change who you are as a person and doesn't make it so you can be convinced to do things you would 100% never do.
Also, F@%k anyone for basically trying to date rape/drug someone elses character. I don't understand why anyone can think this is okay.
Because its fantasy and despite actual people with actual feelings being on the other side of the characters nothing actually matters /s
Well in this case it is female on male and society thinks that is okay for messed up reason.
Yup. It is for this very same reason that the philter of love is worded Very Carefully
Yeah like I wish humanityw as better and people had common sense to see that no matter whos the attacked and who's the victim, THIS KIND OF SHIT SHOULD NOT HAPPEN
@@bluebay1031of this is some toxic mentality. Doesn't matter that this is fantasy, this was a problem with a player sexually harassing another player.
As someone who's bi but in a hetro relationship it really struck a chord with me when the girl claimed he was fetishizing gay people.
Same
How can a straight man fetishize gay guys to start with?
In a good or a bad way? I personally think it's a little silly to think that's fetishizing.
Fuckin’ Same! She is too and her shitty parents try to use our relationship to prove we aren’t pan.
what id say is fetishizing is the percy jackson comunity its fucking disgusting a 14 and 16 year old
Critcrab: This next one is a story I think ND crabs can relate to.
Me: *Thumbs-up*
Critcrab: "Mechanically speaking, it meant I had a -1 to intelligence"
Me: *pause* Should be a -1 to wisdom or charisma. *unpause*
Critcrab: To quote a commenter: "As someone on the spectrum, if it lowered charisma or wisdom"
Me: 😂
ive never played dnd, but i am on spectrum, and if i were to do this i would make it +1 int, -1 charisma, then disadvantage to speech related checks but advantage against ones made against you.
and i would also *ask the players if they’re okay with it* instead of waving my hand and saying skadoo skadism you now have autism
@@kathrineici9811 Ok, as an Aspie myself, that largely checks out with my lived experience. XD
Don't forget the, pick 3 objects/creatures/subjects you are interested in. And when they appear/become relevant roll a wisdom saving throw to not forget what you were doing at that particular moment/break you concentration spell.
We are all too self aware
I literally had this exact thing lmao
"Steal his own pants without noticing, and succeeded it" cracked me up. Holy hell.
9:32 whoohoo! My girlfriend and her son are autistic and we cheered when we saw your "Autism Speaks is Stinky and Bad"! Thank you for reading this story and commenting on how disabilities are not handled well, not only in games but even by some people who are supposed to be helping and supportive.
Virgin Seductress: "WHY ISN´T THIS PALADIN FALLING FOR ME?!"
Chad Paladin: "I´m GAAAAY"
Other Chad Paladin responses
"My devotion is to god."
"My love is reserved for my holy brothers."
"Milady I'm into swords not wenches."
@@rorrim0 even more chad paladin responses
"THERE CAN BE ONLY LIGHT!"
"Machine... I will cut you down, break you apart, splay the gore of your profane form across the STARS! I will grind you down until the very SPARKS CRY FOR MERCY! My hands shall RELISH ENDING YOU... HERE! AND! NOW!"
"Twice!? Beaten by an object... Twice! I've only known the taste of victory, but this taste... Is- Is this my blood? Haha- I've never known such... Such... relief..? I- I need some time to think... We will meet again, machine. May your woes be many... and your days few."
"Machine, I know you're here. I can smell the insolent stench of your bloodstained hands. I await you down below. Come to me."
As someone with autism, I died in the inside when the Dm decided to lower intelligence for autism. That's just horrible and reminded me all the times people called me the r slur or degrade my intelligence when they found out I was on the spectrum. Maybe lower charisma would make more sense, but still. Autism can be a learning disability to some, but that does not equal to stupid. I felt so bad for the OP
@@anjafrohlich1170 Exactly.
Wisdom for me. I have been told that my "quirkiness" is charming. Meanwhile my insight is absolute dogshit.
@@dentistdamsel1345 Yeah, depends on the person I guess. For me, I'm usually pretty awkward and quiet, but I notice small things and can usually tell if someone is lying to me quite easily. Then again, my therapist said that was anxiety-
"Autism" being a double edged trait would be much better if they were a better DM.
Like maybe giving them advantage at certain knowledge checks and disadvantage at some social perception checks?
In any case it would have to be something discussed between the player and the DM while MAKING the character. Autism is not a debuff to give to people lol
Honestly, what DM should have done was just make it do psychic damage. He didn't need to do "autism beam" or whatever. Ot sounds like it probably was malicious. Most of the time, we make our characters to be a fantasy, some interesting, unique character. Just because, for example, I have a severe injury to my arm, doesn't mean any character I make should have a disadvantage for it. The character is the character and the player is the player. DM literally decided to make this person's character on the spectrum because OP was in real life, the timing was too coincidental that it wasn't malicious. That is a special kind of jerk move. It's like using a person's own personal issues and trying to throw it in his face by making it into a disadvantage in the game. The depression one irked me too, as someone who suffers depression, having it shoved in your face like that is just clearly an attempt to be insulting.
With the second story, I found myself wondering. The OP had IRL autism. I'm wondering if the fighter was/had been suicidal IRL. The DM of that group seemed like he could have been turning what he viewed as the players' IRL "weaknesses" into their character's issues. It's a really dirty thing to do, but as we all know, some people just want to watch the world burn.
the fact that the fighter already had left the discord basically immediately makes me think you might be on to something here
@@davidhodgson1011 Yeah, hopefully the fighter's player is okay then, considering we don't know what happened to them after.
It's funny in a cosmic sort of way, but not something you spring on people
That last one. The hourglass (and its awesome symbolism), the failed attempts to.. die.. the wholesome teacher. Epic.
I can't see "Mr. J" without imagining the Joker DMing a DnD game, which sounds awesome considering the literally insane things he would come up with.
Now I can’t not imagine Joker running a game in Arkham Asylum for all the other well known crooks.
@@MagusAgrippa8 "Harvey, for the last time, you have to roll a die, not flip a coin!"
"Oh look, Pam's a druid. Again. Shocking."
"Look, Bats, can't you just wait until Sunday to return me? I only broke out so I can have another week to work on this puzzle. Nygma just took one look at my last one, and the party just waltzed right through it!" (Robin helps him out on the ride back to Arkham.)
@@roonilwazlib9877 I...never knew how much I needed this as a story in my life, I can see it, and I love it. Wonder if anyone clever out there has any awesome D&D fanfics where something like this is going on.🤔
@@roonilwazlib9877which Robin?
@@jsb6975.ah.crapbasketsprobably Greyson
We had a game where one of our players was a gay barbarian. No one knew this about the character and the DM had a female siren try to seduce us with her song. As we all fail the DC the barbarian asks "is this magic compulsion based on my desires, or not" DM says "it makes her appear to be the most beautiful woman you ever witnessed". The barbarian goes "so being gay this spell doesn't work on me?" DM goes "is your character gay?" barbarian replies "right here in my backstory I provided" DM looks and says "I totally overlooked that..... Well damn, guess your immune..... But next time it makes you see your deepest desire!"
Funniest gotcha we ever pulled on the DM.
Love that. It reminds me of the scotsman from samurai jack.
It's nice the DM didn't back peddle and screw over the barbarian. When I first started as a DM in 3e I made the mistake of allowing the party to get powerful artifacts I made up. One was an orb that when shaken (3 times a day) could alter the basic properties of flame. It could make a flame hotter, colder and even grow or shrink. As I'm sure you can imagine that got over powered really fast. Being who I am I wasn't going to just take it away from them so I bit the bullet and just went with it. Learned a lesson in that campaign. They ended up going epic and slaying the gods of the world to give the people true freedom, people still tell of their legend.
@@atheist101 Username checks out haha
Honestly that third story was hilarious, but I love stories about creative players
Same
Jade saying, "I cast Charm Person" sent me into a big YIKES. I don't care if it's a fictional tabletop game--that's coercion!
I instinctively gave a thumb-up to the screen when the next part was read about the DM actually knowing how to handle the spell.
That's a rufie in the drink 😕
No pvp
Charm Person and other things that remove player agency is a big no no. you use it on NPCs. Basically flirt with the DM, not the other players.
I mean, if it's some kind of adult-themed gathering where people have all agreed that this kind of thing (degrees of mind control or similar influence, etc.) is part of the experience, and they're all on board with it, that's one thing. But it's definitely something to not just pull out of one's butt in a random regular RP session, and even if it's part of the RP, it's also important to keep a clear line drawn between in-character and out-of-character dynamics of control. The players all still need to have agency over whether their character has and can potentially lose agency.
The second story reminds me of something a friend from my local gaming club told me recently. She was part of a Savage Worlds game that, at the time, she'd confided in me was upsetting her but didn't explain why. A couple years later she explains, and turns out the GM had given her -2 to all her stats...because she was a woman?
She just kept dying and failing at everything because of the shitty stats and I feel awful that she had to put up with that.
Just utterly insane. That's just the tip of the iceberg with that GM.
Me, aware of how fujoshis are perhaps THE fetishizing bunch: oh, alright.
Also, the execution of the "I'm gay" card was a great as the twist in ParaNorman.
Me, a self-aware fujoshi that would never throw a fit like Jade did: Oof. I like that twist, too.
@@laineydoodles9297 Fair enough, I just got the bad front on fujoshis.
As someone who DM'd ToA, hearing how people dealt with Acererak in their own ways is amazing.
Funny thing is, they actually messed up. Acererak doesn't make for an exit when he decides to leave. Once he's taken about half his HP in damage, he decides you're not worth it and just teleports out, because naturally the only person allowed to teleport in Acererak's dungeons is Acererak.
@@InsanoRider777 I think that DM doesn't understand Legendary actions. I don't think Acererak can cast 4 spells each turn.
@@Satsujinki1973 DM's prerogative.
@@InsanoRider777 Also depends how they DM Acererak. If random adventurer bullshit has snapped the last straw on the camel's back, yeah I could believe he stayed to try and kill him.
@@gorvarhadgarson5227 Nah, it's better that the DM doesn't understand Legendary actions. Because your version is a bad DM looking to TPK the party.
6:20
No, you've been TRYING to seduce him. And even if he had been straight, he might have STANDARDS
As someone who has Asperger’s and ADD, that sickens me. Ya don’t do that to someone who’s on the spectrum
As someone who has Asperger's, you don't do that to anyone, ever, it's horrible for anyone.
As someone with the same, I concur. The mechanics the DM put behind it speak volumes about how the DM views autism, it's as sickening as it is uninformed.
@@Fatespinner agreed
@@WolforNuva if anything having Autism should boost stats
Exactly. I hate being instantly labeled as "dumb" when i mention it.
That final story was neat. What a way to celebrate a friendship and send everyone off on their way - even against the most terrible situations, all odds against you, think your way out and trust in your friends. Respect, that was lovely.
D&D 3.5 has a spell called Transmute Sand to Glass, from the Sandstorm sourcebook (a book all about desert play). As for the second thing, there's a lot of possible effects that could have done that part. Weird that all the goblins failed their Reflex saves to avoid being stuck, though. Seems the DM might have been slow-rolled into not realizing there was a Reflex save involved.
you're the mvp dude, i was looking for a comment on how that could've happened and you're the only one i saw so fr thank you.
i will now use this info for evil >:3
There were thousands of goblins; literally impossible to do save rolls for all of them in the time they had.
I'll be honest: a Mindflayer casting "Autism Beam" sounds like it'd be hilarious if everyone played it right
I feel like it would be really cool if you check it with the group first
Yeah it would be kind of funny.
@@JohnAddams411 nah, that's the kind of thing where you gotta know your group very well before you spring it on them, comedy requires an element of surprise. Definitely NOT for a group early in the adventure.
Jokes inside the community are always better than outside.
“He hits you with the autism beam, you now have advantage on checks about bread at the cost of wanting to talk about it all the time, and have disadvantage on concentration saves if your shirt has a scratchy tag.”
@@nomisunrider6472 that’s amazing, now I wanna run a character who got hit by the autism beam lol
I love crit crabs unapologetic rage when it comes to any discrimination - the crab is super well informed on a lot of issues and always makes me feel safe listening to channel content. 🦀
Extra points for the extra jokes and editing that have been in the videos recently
This crab is more informed than a dictionary is with words bro-
He has been very harsh towards people who might be Autistic in stories though, just not said to be so.
@@wannabehistorian371 bru that’s not the point, the point is for whatever reason this persons behaviour was unacceptable and should not have happened, as someone who personally met and made friends with an autistic individual, I can say that their behaviour, like a normal person, may vary. Sometimes you can’t even tell someone has autism, someone at my school, who I’m not good friends with, but still “meh” friends with also had autism. I personally don’t talk to them much but my point here is that all the autistic people I have encountered are never this bad, and the one I’m close to was only ever this bad when someone offended something close to them, though that was 7 years ago now.
My point is don’t blame their behaviour on the possible chance of having autism. It isn’t fair on autistic people in my opinion, I understand if you ignore this, but please understand that autism isn’t the cause of acting this irrationally (as shown in video).
@@Jinginator I’m Autistic myself. And as you said Autism varies. Some are unluckier than others and are very noticeable.
Starting with a good horror story then ending with a glory story makes me feel good.
Please do it again.
Skip to 1:19
Hero
If George Takei, a gay man, can play a straight character on Star Trek, then I, a straight man, should be able to play a gay knight in D&D.
Roleplaying is not just a useful method of exploring identity, it's also an effective tool for improving empathy. In addition to being a fun pastime, RPGs are also a form of collective storytelling. If authors, playwrights, and screenwriters only wrote characters that were just like them, fiction would be extremely boring.
Fun story: I, a straight cis male, played LGBT+ characters on more than one occasion.
One was gay and the other demi. Thing Is, I knew that playing a certain way would fall In either fetichization or stereotype, so I just played the guys normally who just so happen to like other boys.
Now, I'm playing a female character and following the same principle.
It's not that hard to play people outside your gender or sexuality, guys.
Amen to that. Some people also just can’t accept that you’re playing a character, like you always need to play what you are
*points to myself* Straight female, currently playing a male Human Paladin who's not only bisexual but Polyamorous as well. He has not officially revealed this to the party in-character yet, but he has talked lovingly about his wife and kissed his male partner when he thought nobody was looking recently.
And then you find out one of your other members is a part of a church who has to kill all gay people coviently
And that right there is how you do representation properly. Best way to write/play an LGBT+ character is just have it be there as a part of the character but not the focus of them.
Last Cleric/Bard I played was a Demisexual. Had been with both women and men.
Didn't come up until people asked about his old troupe where he talked about how his swordsmanship is based off of him mimicking his old lover's.
Fun stuff. I'm straight btw. Just thought it'd be fun.
As fun as it is to hear the D&D horror stories, I gotta say I’m really loving these videos that have more uplifting tales to tell! Keep it up critcrab!
I find it hilarious and ironically hypocritical in the first story. Lil miss Glass Ego talks about fetishizing LGBT+ but fails to see that she was fetishizing herself sexually assaulting an uninterested man. Either that or she sees that what she was doing was an exception which I would find more believable.
Ok, that last bit with the monk/wizard sitting atop a throne. Has to one of the most badass mental images I've had in a minute! Reminds me of my old half-elf monk that fought an image of Asura in a glass box for over 200 hundred years.
"Roleplaying an LGBT person is fetishizing."
Is it? I often play Lesbians (Am one myself), and I go between Cis women and Transwomen characters (Am trans myself). I'm far and away not fetishizing myself, I'm just playing someone I can identify with... like my Half-Orc Half-Eladrin, Autistic (I am too), Transwoman. They're just better if you identify with them.
Okay so I want to know how in a world of magic like dnd can your character be trans? Like how does that work when they can find a potion that will let them become a woman 100% internally and externally
If you're trans and lesbian then aren't you just straight?
@@michaelkeha They're... a woman. And then, they're still a woman. A magic potion is irrelevant to playing a trans character, and so is the setting of "a world of magic like dnd". They're just playing a trans woman because that's what they've decided to play.
@@Xyphyri no cause with a magic potion it's your 100% a woman then you drink it and now your 100% a man or vice versa as in every fiber of your being flips over it removes the trans part of the equation realistically as you don't transition you just are now it's like how a combat wheelchair makes very little sense in a world where coming back from the dead is within the realm of healing magic and not to mention the numerous levitation and or flying spells
@@michaelkeha you don't have to have surgery or take hormones to be transgender
On one hand, that's gross and scummy and counterdicts why people rp
On the other,
**R A Y O F A U T I S M**
With the right group and consent beforehand, it could be great.
Spell description you hit your enemy with a blast of autistic energy causing the enemy to take 0d6 psychic damage and become Q U I R K Y
Okay, first the "Why won't you ravish me" story, now someone using an actual neurological issue as a spell mechanic...
For fucks sake, just play FATAL if that's the kinda game you want!
A fitting punishment, considering how nightmarish the *system itself* is in that game, let alone the style and content.
8:55 - I'm convinced that a large chunk of people, particularly online, think "autistic" is just the new P.C. way to say the R-word.
The way some people use it, yeah.
4:56
BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, that was the best line i've heard in months, SERIOUSLY!
David, realizing what sand can make when heated up: I’m about to do what some may call a “big gamer move”
“It is important to recognize when you are in “the good old days” It can be bittersweet remembering old campaigns, sometimes regretting, not appreciating them in their time. I am guilty of that personally, but the only cure for it is going out and making new memories.”
Dude, you just made a gawdamn life qoute right there. I am writing that down and going to be mulling that over in my noggin for a bit. I might need to get the gang together again after my master's program is finished.
Thanks for the wisdom oh crab king of the sea, may your claws never quiver as you keep telling your tales.
I'm already embroidering that on a pillow.
8:10 As a person on the autism spectrum, there are 4 things said that hurts us on a deep, personal level:
- "You do a great job hiding it!"
- "You don't look/act autistic."
- "Don't let your autism get on your way."
- "Don't use your autism as an excuse!" (When you're explaining missing on social cues or don't understanding what a person meant)
Please don't do this. We try our hardest to fit In and be as close to normal as possible, hearing these things makes us feel that we don't belong, you know?
As an autistic person i like strawberry jam
Please remember, these responses are human reactions. People are not trying to hurt you, they are just saying the only thing they know how. Usually when someone says something like this, their intention is support and empathy, not harm (except the last one ofc). Remember, autism is not common and most people go their whole lives without interacting with someone on the spectrum. What I'm trying to say here is, yes, I agree, people need more education on the subject so they can say and do things with better understanding, but you yourself must also remember that most people are on your side. It's human nature to want to help and support.
This issue exists with all minority groups and what the world needs is more patience and understanding from all sides :)
@@Xorthis Well, In one case a person, my DM, was a multiple offender, even after I stated that these statements were harmful.
But you're right.
I’ve seen the latter used by other Autistic people though.
If you don't mind the question: What would be an acceptable response/reaction? I figure going "cool" is kind of awkward. It's hard to find something nice to say.
I realize D&D players aren’t known for getting lots and lots of sex, but maybe it’s because so many of us apparently don’t get the whole “consent” thing.
It really does feel like an unfortunate commonality sometimes. **Turns to glare 18 years into the past at the DM that forced my character into a marriage to a good-aligned succubus when he found out I really didn't have any interest in sex**
@@AegixDrakan Was she a cuddle Succubus at least? Since she was a good aligned one
@@vanaak9070 A Cuddlebus?
"Id rather slay dragons than slay pussy" has to be the best one liner of all time!!!
OP: *gay character*
Jade: "Sex sex sex sex sex!"
OP: "Sorry, gay char."
Jade: "You're fetishizing LGBTQ people!"
Me: "She's been fetishizing his character like she's been fetishizing the whole damned campaign..."
As someone with autism, I like trying to play non-autistic characters, even if I'm a bit awkward at it, because its fantasy and I can escape my disabilities and whatnot in those worlds. Sure, if the character is MEANT to be me, I'll probably give them at least one of my "Big Three" of autism, anxiety, or depression, but if they're not me, I'm extremely likely to avoid that for the sake of playing a happier person than I am. I'd probably just break down crying if someone forced me to make my character autistic, especially if that caused my character to be mistreated or demeaned when they weren't being treated as such before.
Unless its important, I genuinely just don't bring up mental illness and just play a character how I want.
Though this is in part because Im not sure I could play a neurotypical character even if I tried.
Exactly, this would be such a horrible experience. Especially coming from someone you consider a friend.
I mean, I would argue everyone's (and forgive me using this word, it isn't aimed at people with autism) weird in one way or the other. Everyone's got issues, and how big or small those issues are are just weighted against the people they're around and the situations they're in. My point is humans are strange. Logical in one hand, emotional and unreasonable on the other. If I ever met someone who wasn't awkward to some extent, I would find that awkward in itself if that makes sense. My point is simply that being awkward shouldn't be something you worry about generally but especially in D&D. And I'm not saying this as advice or something, as I wouldn't presume to do so. I just think that most of use worry about this, when in reality the person next to you is probably worrying about it as well and paying more attention to what they think makes themselves look bad, and not paying attention to you. We're all our worst critics. And finally, if there's one thing we should all learn from these stories is that the types of people who go out of there way to point out flaws in others, are the ones that always lose in the end.
The final story was grand! 100 grand of smelted creatures, and the empty throne was perfect. GG!
those last two stories were glorious and i loved them so much. it's always funny to watch cringe unfold in these stories, but it's just absolute serotonin to see wholesome and/or epic tales about happier, non-cringe D&D campaigns
One time (like 13 years ago) my brother ran a campaign where he gave male characters +1 to Str and Con, and -1 to Wis and Cha. Female characters got +1 to Dex and Cha, and -1 to Str and Int. Kinda felt a little similar to the whole "autism gives stat penalties" thing in this video.
-1 to intelligence?!! WHAT?!!
"Excuse me my humor is a load bearing coping mechanism" is my go to when someone comes at me for joking about my own autistic ass. Like, bruh.
Imagine having a player confident enough to tell your group about their autism, then responding with giving them an intelligence penalty in the same session
Tf was the DM thinking
Pfff, all my players are skinny, even the dudes. And they're not drinkers, nor do they practice any combat sport so I'll just fucking give them strength and constitution penalties as well as take away proficiency from non simple weapons and adding a fumble chance. Just because the players can't do any of that irl. While we're at it, why not take away magic too?
Good fucking god above some people are stupid. If I could outpace more than, say, a level 2 barbarian irl why would I play dnd instead of going adventuring myself?
Like, don't get me wrong, I would adore playing or dming a campaign where people play themselves after they get stats based on performance exams. But that would be a huge event.
My humor is fucked up, and I laughed. It obsured as fuck
incredibly maidenless behavior
DM should give themselves an intelligence penalty because jesus
Could've at least asked the player on how autism affects him, if you really want to give your PC autism. Or heck, research!
Name a more iconic duo? easy. CritCrab and us viewers.
🦀🤝🦀
Rolling for persuasion and nat1?
@@phantompop3192 rolling for stupid things and nat 20
@@rowanheyd1200 Rolling to jump to the moon.
The story on beating up Acererak was hilarious. I can imagine after the monk knocked off his jaw it just turned into a junior high school fight of giving his a epic wedgie and pushing him around.
Yikes
Creepy women need to be called out, like, every time
Also finally. An autistic player that isn't viewed as negative.
EDIT: OH CRAP I didn't realize tge second story wtf
This one made me think I would love to hear more story videos of people having rly wholesome and blessed TTRPG interactions and stories they rly cherish and hold dear too!
at 14:00 someone should've yelled *ROLLA DOLLA!!!* like Dio from JOJO bizarre adventure XD
For all my MST3K fan friends here... "He tried to kill me with a forklift!" "Huzzah!"
I was looking for this!
"This is the team, at the final battle. This is the lich, casting his speeeeells. Just try to kill him with a forklift!"
I am a Cis Straight Man who has played multiple D&D Characters across the LGBTQ+ spectrum. I've played these characters alongside LGBTQ+ players with absolutely no issue or repercussion. Their sexuality is never a blatant character trait or an attempt at fetishizing the community. If anything, it has helped me better understand and relate to the community. It has helped educate me a lot on issues that I never even noticed before. If I get something wrong, I'm corrected and educated even further.
I'll never understand why some people take such a huge issue with it.
Same, it basicly boils down to who the crap cares about a person's sexuality let them be.
The issues i have now is people using their sexuality to invalidate others, and ranting about if person doesnt get with me then they are xxxphobic
I miss the days when people's sexuality didn't have to come up in everything.
@@billyboy8534 Romantic subplots are inevitable.
The problem is only there when people try to play LGBTQ+ characters with fetish or jokes in mind.
That can really become a problem if they have trouble being educated whenever they do something bad with the character
@Billy Boy You mean the days when straight people could do whatever the hell they wanted while gay people had to hide and come up with literal secret codes to find a relationship because simply saying "I'm gay" could get them beaten to death behind a dumpster? Because that's what happened is those days you miss so much, people suffered in silence so you could happily pretend it didn't exist.
At 7:10 “...when he activates his trap card.“
And suddenly the paladin had to change clothes.
I had a gay character once. had him for about 2 years and his sexuality didn't really come into play until one day. 2 of the players Kenny and Rachel gradually figured it out. Rachel was confused because up until now she assumed he was straight...and then Kenny slowly walks her into, "he swings for the other team". The look of shock and surprise on her face was priceless. It was a huge reveal to her. She was kind of anti/phobic at the moment and I told her, in character, "I'm still me and I would fight and die for you and all of my friends".
Charming spells should be considered a form of PVP. If you ban PVP in your games, ban those spells from being used against players. I allow PVP in my games as long as both players involved are in agreement, and that extends to spell effects.
Edit: more clear wording.
Having a character even partially inspired by slaneesh is just the biggest red flag I can imagine
Exception: the rest of the party is a Khorne, Tzeentch, and Nurgle inspired character.
Eeh, that depends.
Playing a Slaaneshi for the sex? Definitely.
Playing a Slaaneshi for the perfection of self, be it in whom they are or what they're skilled as? Not so much.
I have been in this party, I was the nurgle guy. I converted the slaaneshi cultist by vomiting on his face when he asked me about "the word of father nurgle" I was surprised he gave up so easily.
@@Wenzel368 he "loved" it
Why ? The player just has to be aware of his character's toxicity and play within other players' boundaries
First time commenter, thanks for the videos Crab. I started DMing for the first time recently and I looked up some videos for inspiration. After 2-3 of your videos later, I subscribed!
Thanks! I remember when I first started DMing. Best of luck on this new adventure!
Dude, i want to help OP of the last story find his old party again and go back to adventuring, even if long distance or whatever.
I can't stand the fact that their characters are still in that cave, frozen in time while cheering the monk/wizard when they could be out in their imaginary world killing more goblins.
role playing is also a helpful tool for someone to come to terms with the issues they might have with other kinds of people.
One thing I've seen you do a few times is add chapters to the description, which also breaks up the play bar in the video itself when you provide those timestamps. I really like and appreciate when vids with multiple focus or talking points provide that. Idk why, it just feels nice to have that there lol. Any reason you don't do it for all of them?
Good question. Honestly I'm just lazy sometimes. However I plan on doing it in every video in the near future.
Here’s my own story of using sheer buffs and numbers to bring a npc back to life without using any sort of reviving magic or spare the dying.
Beloved Npc gets shanked in the gut by a mysterious shadow, and a shadow pops out of his slumped body, we fight and kill the shadow.
My bard sprints over to the body furiously tearing a piece of string off her dress, using her little teifling claw nails to poke holes around the wound and rolls a total over 20 to stitch up the wounds on the corpse. Throws a healing word at it, Dm says that it starts to mend, but very slowly. Druid rushes over to body after Bards urging. Druid has proficiency with medicine. Druids player asks dm if they can preform cpr on the body, as it’s within three minutes of its death. Dm says yes, but it’ll be an extremely high dc( in a you can try, but it probably won’t work kinda way). I give the Druid bardic inspiration, the Druid gives themselves guidance, and in total, Druid rolls over a 30. Dm describes a shallow breath returning to the body, after hearing the breaking of ribs, from the intensity. Druid gives a cure wounds, and color returns to the former corpse.
Those last two glory-stories were a nice pallet-cleanser after hearing so many horror stories today.
The forklift story was very relatable as I've seen so many players weaponise utility or joke powers/items in my games. I remember once giving the players some healing insense to allow them to regain more HP when resting (back in the days before a long rest was a total heal). The intention was to allow them to compensate for their limited healing abilities between encounters without giving them an extra combat heal. This was also back in the days when healing damaged undead so this incense quickly got repurposed as mustard gas when the party encountered a bunch of zombies and wraiths controlled by an undead/aberration-hybrid.
23:03 they did it they beat dungeons and dragons
Hey CritCrab. Long time listener, first time caller. I wanted to thank you for your channel. I suffer from anxiety, and I always look for content that can make me laugh and feel calm. And that's always my experience when I come here. I usually listen to a story or two before work because it lightens my mood. So yeah. Thank you. :-)
Damn that last campaign, that ending, I never played DnD but if my final session with my group was like that, I could cry at the end.
3rd Story reminded me of how a simple filler quest of finding bandits lead to the party creating a circus and the DM was just losing it the entire night.
My partner is autistic and he is the smartest and wised person I know. He’s so knowledgable, most of our labels genius and inventors had autism. It would have been more accurate to lower charisma score but even then that’s not nessarily true. My partner is an actor and musician professional. Whenever I’ve DM, the only thing I do is make his character non spell caster or I decided the spells for him as he’s very slow and struggles making choices. So I give him option for situations which he can choose from (he asked me to do this to help him, he is capable and has started learning and researching to maybe true running a one shot).
It really gets to me that people treat him as lesser for something most people wouldn’t know.
Being panromantic and on the spectrum, I am glad both people had the courage to leave those groups.
The second story is why I fear telling people I’m autistic. (People that I don’t trust to tell) because I fear they would see me really different than how they used to see me. They would treat me different, and I don’t want that. I want to be treated normally.
My stance is if I'm not trying to explain something about myself, other's don't need to know. If I am though, I'm including enough extra info that if the it usually won't be an issue. And finally, if it is still an issue, I've got zero problem going separate ways.
Okay, with that 2nd story, I barely got into it, though I have to say that I was pissed when he made the disadvantages a -1 to intelligence and made it harder to do spells with components
I also have Autism, and while yes it took years of patience from my parents and other people and personal practice to become relatively normal, that was insulting, I would've been fine with a -1 to charisma and some stuff like persuasion since that makes more sense, yes it's a learning disability, though it only makes things slower to learn, not make them a idiot, plus there's the thing of social cues being tougher, so that's why I suggested the Charisma disadvantage, that DM stepped way too far and started digging their own grave
In my head I feel like lowering Charisma/Wisdom, but giving them bonuses in areas that are of high interest to the character and/or maybe something made up like "Unique insight" to get bonuses in Wisdom/Charisma where some characters would otherwise not have that bonus could make sense. I dunno, I still don't know much about DnD
Autism doesn't even have to be accompanied by a learning disability. And as you said, even if the person with autism has a learning disability, they aren't dumb and can accomplish what they desire as much as anyone else. Lowering int for autism is just BS as much as daily save for offing for depression. The DM has some very skewed view on neurodivergent people and mental illnesses.
@@arwenandarielragnarok9287 I feel like a daily roll for Depression should just reduce the amount of uses you have for abilities/turn something that recharges on short rest to recharging on long rest to simulate the loss of energy/motivation. I don't understand why the DM would immediately jump to a roll for the character offing themselves.
@@Slendysis Thats admittedly a unique idea that I do like and makes sense
Autism is NOT a learning disability. Some autistic people also have learning difficulties but they're not synonymous. Understanding the social cues used by allistic people is difficult when your brain just isn't wired the same way but much of that would be significantly alleviated if allistic people stopped trying to force autistic people to conform and 'act normal' and started actually making even 1/10 of the effort they expect autistic people to put in every bloody day.
So two humor stories, one horror story, and one "going out in style" story. Nice mix
I mean, I can get little miss fetish's anger at having lost so much time pursuing her character's goals in the wrong place without anyone bothering to tell her. It could be at least mildly infuriating even for the most virtuously driven player... But then you have her shitty way of dealing with it. Not even the shitty goal itself, which, hey, if everyone in the table rolls with it, that's their prerogative. But trying to force it? Trying to shift the blame to the other party, and making it as if they were not just bad players for it, but bad *people*? Inexcusable. Now, the appareent undercurrent of "couldn't he at least nail me out of pity?" that her comment about everyone knowing her mission gives off is hilarious though; honey, I don't think your goddess would consider that an acceptable replacement for actual corruption...
The second story was... weird, to say the least. The DM's decision (which it was, even if the effects table was created beforehand and the rolls weren't "reinterpreted", because ultimately he *made* the table like that, and he chose to roll with it even after knowing a player was on the spectrum) was mean and offensive at worst, and horribly tasteless at best. Not to mention the prior comments on their autism, which were quite tactless too.
Thank goodness the third and fourth story were there as palate cleansers.
As someone on the spectrum:
Intelligence is LITERALLY the only thing I got going for me.
I can't live a normal life, have a job or even fucking live by myself without someone literally checking every week on me. And if my GF wasn'T the most amazing, supportive and understanding person, I would also not have anyone to love me, because family is just a word to me...
Intelligence is LITERALLY the only thing I got going for me. And now he just gives that char -1 intelligence??? WTF???
Lower wisdom. It doesn'T come naturally... same with charisma... but INTELLIGENCE???
Fun to hear these, but makes me thankful! I've been playing for over 30 years & never had these issues. Playing with the same group all this time, 4 hours every Friday night! I play with mature adults who understand this is a game in which you work together! They never behave as murder hobbos, never steal from one another, never plot against each other. Regardless of class, race, or alignment, we understand the negative effects on the session this bull shit can have! Players who act like those in these stories, should stick with video games!! This is D&D!
"Well, why wouldn't he [fug my OC]? I've been seducing him this entire campa- ohhh........"
Using an ability to force a player into a romantic encounter is r*pe.
The fact that so many people don't understand this really worries me. For all the criticisms of JK Rowling's books, I really liked that she actually put this into one of the last HP novels. A situation where someone was brainwashed for years using love potions, and the horrible effects it had.
Of course they left that out of the movies, because I guess we can't ruin people's "romantic ideals" about love potions -.-
Wow there are a lot of horror stories about this type of stuff...
But on a lighter note if I may use a quote from a joke song "He tired to kill me with a forklift!!!"
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this joke!
@@sagesaria You are welcome.
10:30 - I'm gonna send this to my DM and see if he can use this as BBEG for his homebrew campaign, in which I play a leonin Paladin who believes potions of healing cause autism, and is on a noble quest to find the edge of the totally flat earth.
Even disregarding the paladin being gay, Jade doesn't understand the concept of preference. I like women, it does not mean I want to lay with any woman I see. Some I don't even want to get to know, Jade being one of them.
not gonna lie that last story brought genuine tears of happiness to me ... so freakin good
Who needs magic weapons when you can just bring a forklift 🤣🤣🤣
Forklifts never die. They only go missing in action.
I love how most of the video i mostly pay attention to the wet sand and the waves in the backround, Just hoping to god that the wet sand becomes completely dry before the waves make it more wet again
DM in the TOA story has my respect for creating a Road Rolla spell and allowing his party to use it