My barriers are: When someone speaks very slow, uninterested subject, and what bother me the most is when she doesn't listen when l talk. Alex, l learned so much from you. I really appreciate your videos.
"Giving [oneself] permission to focus on the big picture" is a very very interesting way to frame it. I've never thought about that as being as important as the other things. It's a big revelation - big enough it may take a while to sink in. Thank you.
Alex has a way of dropping those into the conversation. Those "think on it and it'll hit later" morsels of wisdom. I love this brother and what he's doing in the communication space.
Thank you for this. I came just found your page and have found your tips helpful. I realised I miss things when I am spoken too. I came on youtube to look for a place to learn how to listen and found this page. I will practice all I have learnt and track my progress.
HI coach. I'm excited to watch this video. Although I have not yet watched it I know I need this. I want to see if you touch on a few things I know I struggle with and that is.... I sometimes can't force myself to be interested in what someone is talking about. Especially if I know it's gonna be garbage that I just don't want to hear. Also I sometimes get distracted easily. I love watching your channel and most of the time I can't wait for you to post. More times than not you help me realize my own flaws and I am grateful. Some Things have helped me in my marriage. So a word of encouragement is your helping more people than you may know. 😊.
I'm guilty of all that you said. I just had a thought I am a truck driver and I spend most of my time alone. Sometimes I spend days without talking to anyone at all. Well except my wife. She calls me about 5pm almost every day. Coach you may have once again help me discover something. I think for me is... Isolation is my contributing factor. My idea of the solution is to reach out to elderly and people who have been or is isolated and practice what your preaching. Typing this out coach helps me realize that every one needs to be heard. Thanks again coach for helping me open more doors for my personal growth. As I heard you once say... Chef's kiss to you that was good stuff.
It’s hard to be a good listener with all the barriers you mentioned. I too have a passive way of hearing people and not listening to details. Another problem I have is some people interrupting me and when I raise the volume of my voice I still get interrupted! These videos are helpful though, 😊
You pegged me in two areas, Alex. Preoccupation and Rebuttal Tendency. The preoccupation is nuanced, like the your own example... Usually thinking ahead a thought or two or over-listening to tone or watching body language cues. I miss critical details and often fumble my replies when it becomes my turn, at times being unable to filter or order my sentences in a cohesive manner. They're all fighting for first priority. In the back of my mind, I think that I'm try to have a quick response in order to avoid "dead air" or to help drive the conversation and/or keep it fluid. I need to let go more and just let more conversations flow naturally, perhaps? Your thoughts?
Thanks for sharing. Aside from the tips in this video, there are 3 more videos coming in this series over the next 3 weeks. My advice is to take one tip from each video and put it into practice as soon as possible. If you only watch the videos, but don't practice the skills, then it won't help you. The next video on Active Listening gives very concrete tips.
Appreciate the video. Rebuttal tendency is a real challenge for me, especially as a non-native speaker (but fluent in English). Not only do i formulate the questions in my head, but i also think about how to ask them in a constructive way to get more meaningful discussions. And that's all happening while the presentation or discussion is ongoing. I often ended up asking them toward the end of the meeting, which is much less effective. Are there any daily exercises i can do to improve this?
Write the questions down in a "parking lot" as quickly as possible and return to listening to reduce your distractions. It might seem less effective to ask them at the end, but unless the speaker invites questions in the middle, that's the best place to ask questions.
How do you get that pause in? I feel like I’m surrounded by people who want to talk so badly my options are to jump in or to be silent. Love the video!
Pausing is easy during a one-on-one conversation. In a group, it's not always possible to pause for too long. I have a video called How to Speak Up in Groups that explains how to jump in to a group conversation. But this video I just posted is about listening, it's not about how to jump in.
You don’t listen at all. You’re still using white slide backgrounds when it blinds me. I told you it hurt my eyes in the last video and you said you’d look into it.
I did! I considered your feedback and I made the background _gray_ this time. If you compare the last video about Transition Statements to this one, you'll see proof that I made the background darker. But I must tell you that you're the only person to ever complain in the 8 years I've been posting videos about the slide background color. I also checked around the internet and other channels' videos and the most common background color I see is plain white. Either way, I did make the background gray and not white based on your feedback.
Listening doesn't mean that the other person obeys what you want. I read that he even did a lot just for you. It would be nice to acknowledge him for that to show him that you've listened.
Take a free class and download free resources at my website: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
My barriers are: When someone speaks very slow, uninterested subject, and what bother me the most is when she doesn't listen when l talk. Alex, l learned so much from you. I really appreciate your videos.
Thanks for sharing!
Tremendously underrated video. Superb information and answers to why one fails at actual active listening. ✊🏿
"Giving [oneself] permission to focus on the big picture" is a very very interesting way to frame it. I've never thought about that as being as important as the other things. It's a big revelation - big enough it may take a while to sink in. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Alex has a way of dropping those into the conversation. Those "think on it and it'll hit later" morsels of wisdom. I love this brother and what he's doing in the communication space.
Thank you for this. I came just found your page and have found your tips helpful. I realised I miss things when I am spoken too. I came on youtube to look for a place to learn how to listen and found this page. I will practice all I have learnt and track my progress.
HI coach. I'm excited to watch this video. Although I have not yet watched it I know I need this. I want to see if you touch on a few things I know I struggle with and that is.... I sometimes can't force myself to be interested in what someone is talking about. Especially if I know it's gonna be garbage that I just don't want to hear. Also I sometimes get distracted easily. I love watching your channel and most of the time I can't wait for you to post. More times than not you help me realize my own flaws and I am grateful. Some Things have helped me in my marriage. So a word of encouragement is your helping more people than you may know. 😊.
Thanks Sir. God bless you too.
The ending summary was great. It helped me summarize what I heard.
Thank you for the feedback!
I like your content so much it is really helpful and easy to understand . I have more than one of it
I'm guilty of all that you said. I just had a thought I am a truck driver and I spend most of my time alone. Sometimes I spend days without talking to anyone at all. Well except my wife. She calls me about 5pm almost every day. Coach you may have once again help me discover something. I think for me is... Isolation is my contributing factor. My idea of the solution is to reach out to elderly and people who have been or is isolated and practice what your preaching. Typing this out coach helps me realize that every one needs to be heard. Thanks again coach for helping me open more doors for my personal growth. As I heard you once say... Chef's kiss to you that was good stuff.
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad the video was helpful.
It’s hard to be a good listener with all the barriers you mentioned. I too have a passive way of hearing people and not listening to details.
Another problem I have is some people interrupting me and when I raise the volume of my voice I still get interrupted!
These videos are helpful though, 😊
Thank you so much Coach. I just came across your channel and subscribe already, like and still watching.
❤ thanks a lot sir
Thanks sir. Love from Bangladesh
Excellent information!
I’m a rebuttal expert. Glad you pointed this out.
Glad it was helpful!
Always great skills, tank you for the vídeo
Good information.
You pegged me in two areas, Alex. Preoccupation and Rebuttal Tendency. The preoccupation is nuanced, like the your own example... Usually thinking ahead a thought or two or over-listening to tone or watching body language cues. I miss critical details and often fumble my replies when it becomes my turn, at times being unable to filter or order my sentences in a cohesive manner. They're all fighting for first priority. In the back of my mind, I think that I'm try to have a quick response in order to avoid "dead air" or to help drive the conversation and/or keep it fluid. I need to let go more and just let more conversations flow naturally, perhaps? Your thoughts?
Thanks for sharing. Aside from the tips in this video, there are 3 more videos coming in this series over the next 3 weeks. My advice is to take one tip from each video and put it into practice as soon as possible. If you only watch the videos, but don't practice the skills, then it won't help you. The next video on Active Listening gives very concrete tips.
Appreciate the video. Rebuttal tendency is a real challenge for me, especially as a non-native speaker (but fluent in English). Not only do i formulate the questions in my head, but i also think about how to ask them in a constructive way to get more meaningful discussions. And that's all happening while the presentation or discussion is ongoing. I often ended up asking them toward the end of the meeting, which is much less effective. Are there any daily exercises i can do to improve this?
Write the questions down in a "parking lot" as quickly as possible and return to listening to reduce your distractions. It might seem less effective to ask them at the end, but unless the speaker invites questions in the middle, that's the best place to ask questions.
So good! Tx
Glad you enjoyed it!
How do you get that pause in? I feel like I’m surrounded by people who want to talk so badly my options are to jump in or to be silent.
Love the video!
Pausing is easy during a one-on-one conversation. In a group, it's not always possible to pause for too long. I have a video called How to Speak Up in Groups that explains how to jump in to a group conversation. But this video I just posted is about listening, it's not about how to jump in.
Preoccupation......
Rebuttal
How do i be more engaging towards the conversation and make them talk more ?
I give specific tips on this in Part 2 (active listening) and Part 4 (empathetic listening). Those will be posted in the coming weeks.
@@alexanderlyon yess I'm thrilled to learn more !
You don’t listen at all. You’re still using white slide backgrounds when it blinds me. I told you it hurt my eyes in the last video and you said you’d look into it.
I did! I considered your feedback and I made the background _gray_ this time. If you compare the last video about Transition Statements to this one, you'll see proof that I made the background darker. But I must tell you that you're the only person to ever complain in the 8 years I've been posting videos about the slide background color. I also checked around the internet and other channels' videos and the most common background color I see is plain white. Either way, I did make the background gray and not white based on your feedback.
Listening doesn't mean that the other person obeys what you want. I read that he even did a lot just for you. It would be nice to acknowledge him for that to show him that you've listened.