I'm a stranger, just this week coming out of a 6 month court case. I was in jail for a night and managed to end up in local news. I had a full 180 happen in my life because of it. I was in college as a freshman, failing 4/5 classes, not doing my homework, playing video games. I should have waited a year, or dropped out. I'm now in online courses, finding my feet. I've known what I've wanted to do since I was a kid, designing roller coasters. I had an engineering job when I was 17, and I hated it. It made me start to consider myself as a teacher other than an engineer. I was in college for the wrong thing, and I wasn't ready to go anyways. There isn't a time line that you have to follow in life. There's standards that are set for us. This day in age is brutal, we are in a loop. What we do in said loop is what really defines us. Having a full time job, being a student, being a parent, it's all part of our cycles. That thought used to eat at me, being stuck in a pattern. I wanted to break out of it whenever I caught myself in one. I became so hyper-fixated on patterns that it made me isolate myself internally from everyone around me. I still feel this effect a year or two later. I found out through my case, I have OCD. It's a type of OCD that makes me have impulsive and rather intrusive thoughts. I've shifted my values so strongly that I don't feel like I even blink the same. I see the world with new eyes, and I look forward to changing my eyes more and more. The questioning that we ask ourselves about our past can only do so much for us. It can be answered to a degree but almost always we know the answer because of where we are now. Most things are connected, if you had kept in school can probably relate to another thing that happened in your life. Maybe a friend, that wasn't fit for you at the time had to leave your life. There's a lot of possible similes that can be found with leaving college. I was forced to, and I had to face the possibility that I would never be allowed back into one. I got lucky enough that my record clears in a year, and I can go back to being a normal kid again. I haven't changed anything that I do in my life, I've only adjusted how I do it. Those little shifts really do build up monumentally, habits can't be changed in a day. I think finding your use isn't really possible. There's 8 billion people alive, and we all don't really have a main use. We all have a drive behind us though, that fire of passion comes from somewhere in all of us and that is what our real battle is. Riding that dragon can be one hell of a fight sometimes but man when we control it is it euphoric. Take for instance the old women thanking you, that gives you passion for what you're doing. Being a delivery driver doesn't have to be your end all do all, but what you do in it will greatly contribute to your next dragon ride. Keep looking at what's ahead, but don't forget what you learned.
As someone who was there with you when you left school, let me say this: you have no way of knowing if it would have been better. Its very possible. Then again, it may have been so bad for you that the "steady money" wasn't worth it. Making rent is important but so is actually having a life in the place you're renting. Groceries are necessary but so is feeding your soul. Also, everyone is struggling financially right now. Literally everyone. Even people who did "everything right". I love you and am fully behind you no matter what
I'm a stranger, just this week coming out of a 6 month court case. I was in jail for a night and managed to end up in local news. I had a full 180 happen in my life because of it. I was in college as a freshman, failing 4/5 classes, not doing my homework, playing video games. I should have waited a year, or dropped out. I'm now in online courses, finding my feet. I've known what I've wanted to do since I was a kid, designing roller coasters. I had an engineering job when I was 17, and I hated it. It made me start to consider myself as a teacher other than an engineer. I was in college for the wrong thing, and I wasn't ready to go anyways. There isn't a time line that you have to follow in life. There's standards that are set for us. This day in age is brutal, we are in a loop. What we do in said loop is what really defines us. Having a full time job, being a student, being a parent, it's all part of our cycles. That thought used to eat at me, being stuck in a pattern. I wanted to break out of it whenever I caught myself in one. I became so hyper-fixated on patterns that it made me isolate myself internally from everyone around me. I still feel this effect a year or two later. I found out through my case, I have OCD. It's a type of OCD that makes me have impulsive and rather intrusive thoughts. I've shifted my values so strongly that I don't feel like I even blink the same. I see the world with new eyes, and I look forward to changing my eyes more and more. The questioning that we ask ourselves about our past can only do so much for us. It can be answered to a degree but almost always we know the answer because of where we are now. Most things are connected, if you had kept in school can probably relate to another thing that happened in your life. Maybe a friend, that wasn't fit for you at the time had to leave your life. There's a lot of possible similes that can be found with leaving college. I was forced to, and I had to face the possibility that I would never be allowed back into one. I got lucky enough that my record clears in a year, and I can go back to being a normal kid again. I haven't changed anything that I do in my life, I've only adjusted how I do it. Those little shifts really do build up monumentally, habits can't be changed in a day. I think finding your use isn't really possible. There's 8 billion people alive, and we all don't really have a main use. We all have a drive behind us though, that fire of passion comes from somewhere in all of us and that is what our real battle is. Riding that dragon can be one hell of a fight sometimes but man when we control it is it euphoric. Take for instance the old women thanking you, that gives you passion for what you're doing. Being a delivery driver doesn't have to be your end all do all, but what you do in it will greatly contribute to your next dragon ride. Keep looking at what's ahead, but don't forget what you learned.
As someone who was there with you when you left school, let me say this: you have no way of knowing if it would have been better. Its very possible. Then again, it may have been so bad for you that the "steady money" wasn't worth it. Making rent is important but so is actually having a life in the place you're renting. Groceries are necessary but so is feeding your soul. Also, everyone is struggling financially right now. Literally everyone. Even people who did "everything right". I love you and am fully behind you no matter what