Don't you love somebody telling you "it's not your place" to comment on something, when it's your close family/friends in a situation they willfully put you dead in the middle of? If they chose to involve you, then it's your place to speak.
Story 1: Stay out of other people's business? When the choices that others make has a major direct impact on your life, then YES, you should speak up. You need to get out now. They had already planned on YOU being the nanny/caregiver to an infant. This is before they even get pregnant. So they have basically planned the next 10+ years of your life.
She shouldn't of said anything. Just left. Yes her argument was valid. The truth is you have no control or say over what other grown adults do. You should only respond accordingly. She should of just said good luck with that and moved out. The brother no longer gets free housekeeping/nanny while she also pays 2/3rds of the bills. Right now my parents watch my nieces 3 yr old in their 70s and she is having twins atm. They watch the kid when daycare isn't open, he stays for around 6 hrs. a night when she has school, and they would watch him overnight if she has to work before daycare opens. She thought she was going to get the same consideration with newborn twins and a 3 yr old. They just asked her what is she going to do with the twins.
Last story. That’s straight up abuse. I’ll never understand allowing yourself to be treated like that. That OP thinks she’s remotely the a-hole amazes me.
God yes; OP should immediately file for a divorce; not only will she probably get as much help with the baby as she has been, but also one less person making a mess to clean up, and likely more money to support herself with through child support.
Ah, yes, a SAHM couldnt, at all, find 15 minutes in the entire day. Still, he is a bit of an asshole for complaining if this happens rarely. I myself am totally against SAHM/provider split. Best is when both parents work and split the child management & apply to kindergarden.
Agreed! The partner doesn’t get to “check out” and avoid being a parent. Not every time a baby cries do they need to be fed. OP isn’t selfish for taking a shower and she should NOT put up with him cursing at and calling her names/bad words/curse words. That would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Which side note - it actually was. Refuse to allow your partner to treat you like crap.
Am I really the only one thinking the husband in the last story isn't sleeping alone those nights away....?! His temper is short with his wife and kids because he would rather be with the side piece...
His temper is short because he is not used to dealing wih having his sleep interrupted. If he's worked this schedule since before the first child arrived, he's likely unfamiliar with how to handle a baby in the middle of his sleep cycle.
Last story. Called OP every name in the book?! Absolutely NTA. OP needs to have long, firm chat with hubs to make sure that behavior never happens again.
Last story, made me want to go and hug my husband. My first pregnancy he was contracting overseas, but was home for a month after I had our daughter, plus his parents came to help, as did my best friend. 2nd pregnancy he was here for, and he helped every chance he got. When our son woke us up, my husband would change him, allowing me to prepare for the feeding. When my son had to switch to formula, we took turns with changing, feeding and soothing him.
Story 1 - When it comes to child abuse, this is EVERYONE'S business. Period. I'm normally someone who doesn't get involved in someone's life decisions, but this woman is abusing/neglecting her child!!! OP needs to call CPS. OP had every right to do whatever she could to stop POS mother from creating another child that she would just abuse in the long run. I also LOATHE parents who love babies but hate being parents to older children. This reminds me of my SIL, too. She doesn't work, cook, clean, or care for her child. Her life's ambition is to find a man who will pay for her shit so she never has to work. It's a horrible situation for the children involved. My niece just moved in with us because her mom would forget to feed her. OP is NTA.
Story 1: considering their gameplan was to have you be a third parent I would say it is your business if they have another child, and you have a say. They're not doing you a favor you're doing them a favor by paying most of the house expenses, and you were right to remind your brother of the situation. Threatening to get them dis-owned by the family might have been much but I wouldn't apologize for anything else you said. But honestly maybe you should move out anyway, there making you do all the work because the one without a job is too lazy to do it herself. And if you stay they'll just for she went to taking care of the baby whatever you want to or not, maybe you should move out and tell them before they start trying so they're fully aware of the situation.
I definitely agree. OP should move even if she needs to move somewhere with roommates. But if she does, I hope she doesn’t let her father nor brother know where she lives to prevent SIL from dropping off any spawn at her place
Getting out is absolutely necessary. If op's dad thinks it's none of op's business then it shouldn't be a problem if op moves back in with mom and dad for a bit while op finds a place for themselves away from mom, dad and brother.
@@lsmith992 at this point I think she did it out of gratitude for them helping her in her time of need. Then I think she did it out of loyalty to help her brother. Now that she sees that SIL has dragged him into her insanity, I think she has woken up and will leave them to fend for themselves.
@@lsmith992 Her SIL said she should help them since they helped her in the 1st place but OP is doing alot more than helping them now.... Not only paying majority of their bills but also household chores.
Hopefully he realized what a jackass he was being at some point and apologized. Let's hope he isn't this incompetent at parenting the other kids. He may have been tired, stressed out and momentarily unreasonable, which is not an excuse, but if he recognises his mistake and fixes it, maybe we can eventually let OP keep him around. If he's this wrong all the time though, well, she may have to send him back to his mom to finish growing up.
If I were The Opie who's been parentified, I'd just keep paying the bills, but start weaponising incompetence. Meals? _"Yeah, tonight it's just PB&J, as I'm exhausted."_ Cleaning? _"Ugh, I'm so exhausted from making those samwiches, that I'll clean next week."_ Nannying? _"Hey, did you give Junior your jewelry to play with? Looks like he's eating it."_
Vasectomy reversal is insanely expensive. If they need you to live there because of financial reasons then they can't afford the reversal. I am about to get a vasectomy myself I JUST had my consultation and am fully aware of all the details.
We coslept with our son in a queen bed until he was ten due to his Autism and needing the closeness. The house we rented got sold out from under us and we had a month to find a new place. Well, we didn't find anything and had to move to an extended stay motel. We found a place to buy, got the loan, and stayed at the motel until we could move into the house. During this time, our son learned to sleep happily in a full bed and got his own room when we moved into the house.
Story 4, imagine openly admitting to being an active participant in the drama like that. You can hear who are the favourites in this family. Its disgusting. Just wait for in a couple of years "waaah reddit help me, why dont I ever get to see my son and his wife and child?!?!?!?"
Story 4: so you knew something was going to happen, watch that happen, butt kicked out the person that was insulted because you didn't want to hold your grandchild accountable for her actions? No wonder your son hate each other, one of them read the little demon for a daughter, and I can tell who's side you're on.
Yeah, if he truly loved his granddaughter, he'd make sure she'd get punished, instead of punishing the party not in the wrong. It's kind of how justice is supposed to work.
@@akl2k7 and pulled her aside as soon as he noticed where she sat herself and tell her, “ if you don’t behave, don’t expect anything from me in future.” And stick to his word. But as we all know favorites.
Yes, OP admits she's a lil shit stirrer but says she's also sweet; I'd bet everything she's sweet to those people who have authority over her and can place consequences on their actions; this isn't sweet, this is manipulative and Carla is a bully.
Story 1: there is a rare type of addiction involving pregnancy and babies. It's an addiction to the attention pregnancy brings and also lots of presents and handouts. "You're pregnant. Put your feet up and let me do your work for you." When I was pregnant my doctor wanted me to exercise. When I tried complete strangers would scold me and try to make me sit down "for the baby." I hated the attention, but some people crave it. There's even been reality TV shows about families that kept popping out kids. That's exactly how OP's SIL sounds. She doesn't like kids, but she has got to have a baby.
Yes , and there’s also a pregnancy hormones addiction.Some women who can’t stop having babies until nature stops them have been diagnosed with that strange addiction . They don’t feel well unless pregnant ...
OP needs to tell her brother & SIL that you are moving out in 60 days. Let brother know that you will not be loaning them money or taking care of their nonsense. Contact CPS if they do not step up and care for the child that is currently living with them right now.
The Post Divorce Boob Job- I can only assume that this financial arrangement was done OUTSIDE of the courts, but because your Ex wants to start dating, she needs to get rid of the kids several nights a week. Absolutely, get a lawyer AND REDEFINE THOSE FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS. SHE SHOULD PAY FOR HER OWN DEBTS! YOU should live in the house and maintain primary custody of your children. SHE MUST GET AN APARTMENT SHE CAN AFFORD. Demand she pay off HALF of the remaining debts, and you won't pay her anything in alimony. If she wants Alimony, she must take 75% of the debts. If she spent 45K on your salary, it's an easy guess: SHE WON'T BE AS RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR CHILDREN AS YOU WILL BE.
@@lunaticbz3594 Oh, he shouldn't be paying for ANYTHING of her's, because she ran up the debts; also, he will lose the equity in the home, because he will have to split the proceeds with her. You can bet your last dollar, SHE WON'T PAY OFF THE DEBTS WITH HER PORTION OF THE HOME SALE. I seriously doubt that a Divorce Court Judge would insist that all the debts be paid from the sale of the house, BEFORE they split what's left... which would be the ultimate answer. Maybe he should file for Bankruptcy, first, so that the Sale of the house will go 100% towards the debts, and he won't have a problem anymore. Then neither one of them would get much from the sale of the house, but he would use it in a financially responsible manner.
@@lunaticbz3594in some states you can’t be forced to sell a child’s home. So that might not be an option. But I’m sure a lawyer can figure something out.
If giving up the king size bed shouldn't that big of a deal for them then why is it a big deal that you give it up? You have 2 queen size beds in your room! And honestly, you shouldn't let your toddler run things. Of course you can accommodate them as much as you can but there is a limit as to how dar you should go. The limit is pressuring other people to also make consessions for YOUR kid.
Sounds like partner is just putting all the childcare on Op and forgot about the fact he is also the parent. I’d say dump him and sue him for child support. Don’t you just love partners who act like they don’t know anything on childcare? So they place it all in the hands of their partner, the women. Disgraceful
St 1- nta. Anyone adult who cries and locks themselves in a room is not an adult. You said all the right things. You are not required to care for someone else’s child. They dont help you, you help them.
My 3 year old refuses to sleep in his bed. Like wakes up screaming at 1am.. so he sleeps with me, and practices various forms of martial arts on me. And I have a king size bed. So it's not always doable. But yeah it's not dad's problem if his grand child sleeps wild.. but he's not the ass for deciding not to go, he's the ass for blaming his dad
Go to a credit councilor & see if they can help you reduce your debt. A consolidation loan might be something to look at too. I’d have an attorney take another look at all the agreements you made to see if it’s really legal
And if possible see another lawyer for a second opinion. On another note, I worry that his ex is going to use this as a means to turn his kids against him?
Story 1: Given the level of stress, financial strain, and exhaustion OP is under living with their brother and SIL, it'd be in their best interest to move out asap. Clearly, the SIL isn't going to start pulling her weight until she's forced to actually parent her own children and clean up around the house that her husband refuses to lift a finger for. If OP stays both their brother and SIL will continue their entitled rubbish. Story 2: How can OP possibly not fit a toddler and two adults in a queen sized bed? Story 3: That divorce is heavily set up to benefit the ex-wife and OP needs to seek good legal representation. Story 4: OP knew his granddaughter was going to purposefully try to stir up trouble for her own enjoyment, even if it hurt the other person, he watched it happen in real time, and yet he described his granddaughter as a "really sweet kid" kids who are sweet don't hurt other people for their enjoyment. What she did is cruel, and she did it knowing full-well her grandparents would choose her, because clearly they believe she's a "sweet kid" and can do no wrong. They need to pull their heads out of their asses and realise 'Carla' is a little shit who enjoys humiliating and hurting others aka a bully. 'Carla' is a bully. Story 5: NTA. The father also chose to become a parent when he was intimate without protection, he is equally responsible for all of their children, including the baby. So if the baby wakes up and mum isn't around, the very least he can do is pick his child up and soothe them, change them, and spend some time with them. Infancy doesn't last forever, it's stressful and exhausting but doesn't last very long. Also, if he genuinely hates being a dad to a baby there's a quick way to fix that, get the snip.
The guy that canceled his vacation because of the sizes of the bed is an ass. We vacation with our two kids a few times a year. When we book our rooms, we always get a room with double queens. My 2yo refuses to sleep in her travel bed and will not sleep in the same bed as her 10yo sister, so what do we do ? We take turns. My husband in one bed with a kid and me in the other bed with a kid. We trade kids every night because they each get jealous. Like the 10yo will get jealous if the 2yo is sleeping with me and she isn’t. It is a miserable nights sleep with both kids in the bed with me at the same time, so that’s how we work it and that works for us. Hubs and I can handle sleeping in separate beds for a few nights, no big deal. The big deal is making sure my kids are comfortable, get a good nights sleep and enjoy our family time together.
1. nta, because sil is already a neglectful parent, and because op is a part of their household and a huge part of their childcare plan. 2. controversial opinion here, but nta!! op is right that it would have been a simple concession that would have made it doable to travel with teh op’s toddler. also, op isn’t obligated to go on a vacation. 3. i’m going to say nah, because this is less of an aita situation and more of a legal settlement, work it out in court situation. 4. yes, yta for kicking your daughter in law out for having a fatphobic comment made about her!! fucking hell, man.
I’ll bet the brother will change his mind once he realizes the crapstorm that’s about to rain in his life…he literally had it easy with his sisters money and being their live in maid and nanny
#2 exactly, but even then, Op didn't demand the room. He made a request. They denied it, and circumstances dictate that the trip won't be worth it for him and his wife. OP wasn't being entitled nor ungrateful. He was grateful for the invite and even wanted to go, but the cost to him wasn't worth whatever benefit he got from it. The comments were acting as though OP was throwing a fit and being demanding. He wasn't. They are having an issue with their toddler. They tried to get an accommodation for the kid a d when thatbdidnt pan out, they canceled what would have been a miserable trip for them as they are allowed to do as adultsm
@@Mewse1203 I had the same thoughts as you. Op made a simple request, his parents rightfully denied and he just cancelled the trip without drama. It's the same as in weddings with special policies. You can ask for an exception and decide your next move based on the answer. As long as you don't make demands or throw a fit, everything is fine.
Story 2: I don't really get the YTA comments, OP didn't demand or throw a tantrum, she realized based on how old her son was that it was going to be inconvenient to go on the trip if they had to use queen beds. If anything, this is a NAH situation, OP asked, didn't get a reply for 5 days, and got overwhelmed so they decided to cancel, at the same time parents paid for the room and were fine not wanting to give up the big room. Honestly, my sister just had a baby and although my parents wanna take the little one on like a Disney cruise or something, they know it'll be better to wait a few years when they hopefully grow a little more out of the fussy potato phase. The toddler is 18 months, there's no reasoning with an 18 mo if they are upset.
I’m with you! The comment about “I slept with 2 toddlers and my husband”…good for them! My kid is a bloody baby octopus. I could not share a bed with him without being woken several times a night with a kick to the shin and a punch to the nose! The OP hasn’t made huge demands and backing out is reasonable if the holiday is going to be hell!
S3 OP needs a better lawyer cause damn, he is getting absolutely screwed!! I'd argue that they should sell off the house, which clears the mortgage, and they each get their share. OP can then use that to pay off the debts SHE stuck him with and find a place where he can have 50/50 custody. And she can figure out something for herself. Also, she's not gonna want to sell that house when the kids turn 19, so need to be prepared for that. OP in a different story, wife had 15yrs in a similar setup and did nothing, and now that OP is being called an AH for evicting her.
Mom is with the kids 24/7, because Hubby MUST get his sleep. OP, this is very simple. You move the Babie's belongings into the Master bedroom, AND YOUR HUSBAND'S BELONINGS INTO THE SMALLER BEDROOM. IF HE IS GOING TO INSIST HE SHOULD NOT BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY, THEN MAKE THAT A REALITY. Get an air matress for his room, and make him buy his own twin bed for that room. Your reasoning: YOU WILL NO LONGER ALLOW HIM TO EMOTIONALLY ABUSE YOU AND BLAIM YOU, BECAUSE THE BABY- HE MADE- DOESN'T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. HOW STUPID FOR HIM TO THINK YOU HAVE A REMOTE CONTROL ON THAT BABY TO MAKE IT CRY JUST TO WAKE HIM UP! WHEN HE IS AT HOME ON THE WEEKENDS HE SHOULD BE TAKING OVER FOR YOU, FOR A FEW HOURS! NOT WHINING THAT BABIES CRY IN THE NIGHT. Now for the reality check: he is weaponizing the children, as a means of punishing you. He sounds like he is ANGRY that the kids have trapped him in a place he doesn't want to be. That snarky remark about him not having the genitalia to feed the baby; HE'S TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT HIS FRUSTRATIONS, BECAUSE THAT LEVEL OF DISRESPECT DOES NOT COME FROM A VACUUM. Contact a lawyer and an accountant and get your exit strategy in place. Get your kid's birth certificates and your major paperwork gathered into a place only you know about. Remove all the important mementoes of your children from the home, and store them at your parent's place. Get copies of your income taxes, and/or his pay stubs for the last few years, because that is what you'll need for child support. Ask the lawyer to hire a private investigator to see if your husband is cheating, and if he is hiding assets. Now, you could suggest Family Counseling to help you two find better ways of interacting and communicating. That could be all that he needs to be the father he SHOULD be. You don't have a time frame on your exit strategy: that is something you need to keep ready, should you see the need to leave. When you do finally see the need to leave; SAY NOTHING TO HIM. Just get the kids and go. Leave instructions someplace in the home. If he ISN'T cheating, he will be soon, because that level of anger against his own children and wife, will provide him with the Motivation and Excuse to 'seek solace in the arms of a child free woman.'
The vacation story…I’m on the grandparents side, not because he paid, but because he already knows that larger bedroom will be the ONLY respit when your tiny family has taken over the rest of the condo!!! Think about it….
I love how everyone is calling him an asshole for deciding that it would be too stressful and not going, like what lol? How does that make him an asshole? Now they have the whole condo to themselves
@bigearedbandit7716 he is an AH because he threw a tantrum. Give us the big bed or we don't go. Those type of people are brats. HOPEFULLY the parents go NC. It's a power move on his side
@lalvarez5151 when did he throw a tantrum, he didn't demand the bed he just asked, the accommodations weren't worth it for a vacation and so they didn't go, you sound dumb
If she wants to go back to court fine, you share the debt now. Force the sale of the house use the money first to cover the debt and then split any way the court says
Holy cap, that divorce guy was so screwed over in the divorce. Everyone is saying get a better lawyer, and why I agree, i think he probably accepted that as not to drag out the divorce. The ex wife sounds like the type to do that. I say let it go to court and change things around, get a better deal this time. Also, someone please rescue that poor woman in the last story. My heart breaks for her.
So who would take care of the baby while OP and her brother are at work all day since lazy SIL sleeps all day? Newborns need constant care 24 hours a day.
Second story: OP did not ruin a nice vacation he safed his family from a stressful trip. Therew were just to many hurdels piling up, he did the smart thing. The parents are not inconvieniebced by this if I understand the "time share" concept correctly. He is not pressuring his parents he just decided not to travel.
Always interesting when you get a story on here where all the comments read get it wrong. Any parent not willing to give up their bedroom for one trip for the sake of their toddler grandchild is a shitty parent/grandparent.
Ok need to force the sale of the house and then the ex wife and OP can use the equity to pay off the debt that the ex racked up. Then split the remained and the ex can get apartment and so can OP.
Story 2: Should have let your wife make the post. You were completely reasonable, you asked and accepted no as an answer. You then canceled going on the trip for your part of the family because what's the point in going if you're just going to be tired and miserable the whole time? Saved money, get to be happy and well rested, don't have to fly with a toddler. Not sure why everybody is chewing your a$$ on this one. Not the AH.
The same logic can be applied to op's parents. The only real difference between the two is the sizes of the beds. In that case, the parents can just put the beds together and have a larger bed.
SIL and brother let you move in now they want to have a baby and she expects you to take care of the baby after your work…. Oh HELL NO!!!!! She wants a baby she needs to get off her LAZY ASS and be a mother to her own damn baby….. move out get your own place and then you’ll only have to clean for yourself and will have peace and quiet
I’m wondering if she really wants the baby because she knows she’s 💩 and feels like her husband will leave her so she needs to nail him down by having his baby. That woman seems so lazy that I’m surprised she didn’t ask OP to be their surrogate
I don't understand why people can't take a bath for days because they have a baby. I have children and took two baths a day. My husband was working off shore. Baby must sleep.
Story 2: NTA, ESH, or NAH, but definitely not YTA. No demands were made, no attitude was given. Parents also have the right to select the best accommodations. If that shallow analysis satisfies you, then cool, it’s NAH. HOWEVER, what extreme bedroom sports are grandma and grandpa going to miss out on by having 2 queens instead of a king? The ONLY difference between the rooms given is the beds, both have a connected bathroom. Now maybe the grandparents didn’t want them to come along, but if they did, why would they exchange fun times with a rested grandchild and two queen beds for a potential cranky brat and a king bed? If kid really would’ve slept fine with parents taking turns getting their own beds, then fine, but we have no reason to think that would happen based on the information given.
Divorce guy go back to court You got screwed by your lawyer You're paying way too much money for debts she ran up You paying her alimony insinuate you cheated on her
Last OP, your husband doesn't know how to soothe the baby? Was your husband involved in taking care of your first born who is now 3 years old? Definitely something fishy is going on. Yeah, I think hubby got a side piece too.
Partner is vile and needs to realise a father can soothe a child. Of course it would be nice to warn him earlier you needed to shower later. But he had a day off anyway. And he is meant to be a dad. What a vile human that he didnt even instinctively go to soothe his child!!
OP, what is wrong with you, having all these kids with NO HELP from the father! So what he has to drive, yet he refuses to help you when he has time off is INSANE! It's your fault for having more children KNOWING your partner is a useless POS!
The parents asked for a king bed, were told no and decided that was a deal breaker for them. They didn't complain or nag or yell or act entitled, the grandparents and their parents both made their choices. How is anybody an ahole here?
Because they couldn't find a way to make it work with TWO queen sized beds. When my grandmother babysat my sister and me, we made do with three in a double bed.
Nta. Sil is delusional. Tell them either you cook and clean or you pay. Both you wont do both. But no matter what you wont be taking care of the kid. Ppl who have kids taken away shouldnt be having more
He has multiple children he doesn't see but pays for She has one kid she doesn't take care of and another that's already been removed from the house? And they are trying to have another kid?
Story 1, if OP is paying 2/3rd of the bills then why is she staying there? She doesn't need to tell her brother and SIL what they "need to do," she needs to get her own place and GTFO. Ditch the needless confrontation.
Timeshare story: NTA OP is having an issue with his kid. He made a request to accomodare that issue which was denied. He then decided that as it was, the vacation wasn't worth it. A thing hes allowed to do. That makes him entitled and ungrateful? No. It means the cost didn't outweigh the benefits. OP didnt demand his parents give up the bed. He made a readonable request. There's no harm in asking. Dad said no so OP realized that this one time, the trip wasn't worth doing. What's the point of vacation if you're just gonna be miserable?
Move OP. You are not the nanny. You are paying 2 thirds of the bills, cleaning and taking care of your niece on top of working full time plus. Get Out.
Someone calling me every name in the book because I took a shower and "our" baby woke him up, I would've been out the door. So what exactly does he bring to this relationship? A paycheck and he can make babies? Get your tubes tied and stop popping out children with a "man" who thinks it's all about him because he brings home the money and you are useless. He has no respect for you. Show him he can have all the sleep he wants and needs by dumping him and getting alimony and child support. You questioning yourself for taking a shower shows you have no self esteem and he controls you. You didn't even argue back just let him cuss you out and say all of those things to you, you need a therapist.
I always wonder why women have more kids with men who don't help with parenting dues but then, complain that she couldn't shower in days. Like girl, the least that man could do is to hold the baby while you take a shower. She does not need a therapist, she needs a backbone and a divorce lawyer.
Sleepy parent story: husband needs to man the f**k up. From the time my kids were born to teens, I was in the military. I took nearly as many turns on baby duty as my wife. You know why? Because I am a father and that's what we do. Whether I was coming off 24hr duty, 12 hr duty, or any other duty, my kids needs always came before my own. That's what you sign up for becoming a parent.
Don't vacation with your parents. It's too much. Honestly, I don't understand traveling for vacations. You should live where you want to play, otherwise you are wasting your money.
Timeshare story: the commenter that said it’s just fine to co sleep in the queen size bed: well, since you’re such a mind reader, what else can you tell them about their lives that you know better than them. I really hate it when the response is “you’re wrong about the situation that you’re in that I know nothing about but assume I do because your experience must be exactly the same as mind”. This person’s problem solving abilities are nil.
Story 1: you need to move out. NTA. Story 2: if it's not a big deal to you, then why did you turn it into a big deal? Each parent sleeps in a queen bed and alternates who has the toddler in bed....so incredibly easy. You are most definitely TA.
Timeshare toddler story-he doesnt feel safe? The toddler doesnt feel safe in a crib while traveling? Did the toddler express this himself or is this your exuse to justifiy not doing any parenting? Just admit it, you dont want to put in the work and its easier to just give the kid his way and inconvenience others
Wow he really got bent over in the divorce. This would be a good example of why a lot of men are deciding to not marry, or insisting on a prenup if they do. Unless the mother is obviously unhinged, drug addicted and/or clearly unsuitable as a parent to the point that any judge would have no choice but to rule in favor of the father or they'd look incompetent. It's an open secret that men get reamed in family courts in the states. Edit: OP your husband has absolutely no respect for you. He sees you as an incubator and maid. If he cared about you or respected you as an equal he would have put his big boy pants on and taken care of HIS CHILD without protest. The accusation that you're weaponizing the baby is him really saying "How dare you expect me to give you a break, and wake up to care for the baby! That's not my job, I won't do it, and if you make me you're a bad lazy person. It's perfectly fine for you to be dirty and sleep deprived, remember who is superior in this relationship or I will verbally tear you apart." Either you set clear boundaries and expectations and he respects/follows them, or you should leave. Things will never get better and the way you're living isn't healthy or realistic in the long term. You will (if not already) get burnt out, and start to feel like you're losing your sanity never having time to yourself to unwind. You'll be unhappy and wound up so tight patience for anything will be non-existent. Resulting in everything blowing up. Take care of this now to avoid the inevitable blow up that will absolutely happen if you continue on this way.
I just had a baby 6weeks ago plus a talkative energetic 5year old son. Im a SAHM and my hubs working over 12hrs from 2.30pm till 5.30am or sometimes even later as a truck driver.And he work 6days a week.He still help me with our baby when he got home so i could take a long shower,make breakfast for him and lunch for our son. He never complain about his 3,4hrs of sleep before rushing back to work at noon. We both would be sleep deprived but we try to nap together with the baby for an hr or two before he left for work.
Your husband is a truck driver and you happily go along with him only having 3 to 4 hours of sleep!? Are you trying to kill your husband!? Does he have a large insurance policy? Why couldn't you just put the baby in another room and if it cries it cries.
@@shellbythesea12because you can’t leave an infant unattended. Babies eat a lot and frequently. They also soil themselves a lot. Self soothing in young infants has been shown to have negative affects on their health and only should be implemented once a baby become a toddler. She’s leaving him to watch over a baby that may not even cry, for maybe an hour so she can shower and cook FOR HIM and their other child. You’re not only irrational, but inconsiderate.
I just love people who claim OP is wrong for the timeshare story. "hey can you stay in the smaller room this one time bc we won't be able to get any real sleep otherwise." "No. Bc reasons." "Understandable. Sorry a vacation where I don't get any sleep doesn't found enjoyable. Have a nice trip." It was a simple ask. He recieved a simple no. The trip was no longer appealing so they cancelled. Would you guys have preferred he be miserable and make it the parents fault?
Don't you love somebody telling you "it's not your place" to comment on something, when it's your close family/friends in a situation they willfully put you dead in the middle of? If they chose to involve you, then it's your place to speak.
If the dad thinks OP is hard on them then he can move in and take on her responsibilities.
OP needs to move out ASAP. Don’t even give them a chance.
You're back on your feet and pulling the weight of not only yourself but theirs as well. Find a place of your own and leave them to their own devices.
Story 1: Stay out of other people's business? When the choices that others make has a major direct impact on your life, then YES, you should speak up. You need to get out now. They had already planned on YOU being the nanny/caregiver to an infant. This is before they even get pregnant. So they have basically planned the next 10+ years of your life.
She shouldn't of said anything. Just left. Yes her argument was valid. The truth is you have no control or say over what other grown adults do. You should only respond accordingly. She should of just said good luck with that and moved out. The brother no longer gets free housekeeping/nanny while she also pays 2/3rds of the bills. Right now my parents watch my nieces 3 yr old in their 70s and she is having twins atm. They watch the kid when daycare isn't open, he stays for around 6 hrs. a night when she has school, and they would watch him overnight if she has to work before daycare opens. She thought she was going to get the same consideration with newborn twins and a 3 yr old. They just asked her what is she going to do with the twins.
Last story. That’s straight up abuse. I’ll never understand allowing yourself to be treated like that. That OP thinks she’s remotely the a-hole amazes me.
God yes; OP should immediately file for a divorce; not only will she probably get as much help with the baby as she has been, but also one less person making a mess to clean up, and likely more money to support herself with through child support.
Ah, yes, a SAHM couldnt, at all, find 15 minutes in the entire day. Still, he is a bit of an asshole for complaining if this happens rarely. I myself am totally against SAHM/provider split. Best is when both parents work and split the child management & apply to kindergarden.
Last Story: NTA!! He would have slept quietly after I knocked his ass out!!
Agreed! The partner doesn’t get to “check out” and avoid being a parent. Not every time a baby cries do they need to be fed. OP isn’t selfish for taking a shower and she should NOT put up with him cursing at and calling her names/bad words/curse words. That would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Which side note - it actually was. Refuse to allow your partner to treat you like crap.
Am I really the only one thinking the husband in the last story isn't sleeping alone those nights away....?! His temper is short with his wife and kids because he would rather be with the side piece...
That's a very interesting point. Might be something to look into.
And that’s why he wants her at home with the kids at all times so she has no life outside of the home. He wants her exhausted and dependent on him
@@lorilancaster5917 i think you might be absolutely correct.
@@juliearmfield2634The 😊😊we need
His temper is short because he is not used to dealing wih having his sleep interrupted. If he's worked this schedule since before the first child arrived, he's likely unfamiliar with how to handle a baby in the middle of his sleep cycle.
Last story. Called OP every name in the book?! Absolutely NTA. OP needs to have long, firm chat with hubs to make sure that behavior never happens again.
Story #1: NTA!! I would have just went out, found a place and just moved out!! Your brother can really pick them!!
Exactly! Another simp who married a single mother and is feeling the consequences.
Last story, made me want to go and hug my husband. My first pregnancy he was contracting overseas, but was home for a month after I had our daughter, plus his parents came to help, as did my best friend. 2nd pregnancy he was here for, and he helped every chance he got. When our son woke us up, my husband would change him, allowing me to prepare for the feeding. When my son had to switch to formula, we took turns with changing, feeding and soothing him.
Story 1 - When it comes to child abuse, this is EVERYONE'S business. Period. I'm normally someone who doesn't get involved in someone's life decisions, but this woman is abusing/neglecting her child!!! OP needs to call CPS. OP had every right to do whatever she could to stop POS mother from creating another child that she would just abuse in the long run. I also LOATHE parents who love babies but hate being parents to older children. This reminds me of my SIL, too. She doesn't work, cook, clean, or care for her child. Her life's ambition is to find a man who will pay for her shit so she never has to work. It's a horrible situation for the children involved. My niece just moved in with us because her mom would forget to feed her. OP is NTA.
Story 1: considering their gameplan was to have you be a third parent I would say it is your business if they have another child, and you have a say. They're not doing you a favor you're doing them a favor by paying most of the house expenses, and you were right to remind your brother of the situation. Threatening to get them dis-owned by the family might have been much but I wouldn't apologize for anything else you said. But honestly maybe you should move out anyway, there making you do all the work because the one without a job is too lazy to do it herself. And if you stay they'll just for she went to taking care of the baby whatever you want to or not, maybe you should move out and tell them before they start trying so they're fully aware of the situation.
I definitely agree. OP should move even if she needs to move somewhere with roommates. But if she does, I hope she doesn’t let her father nor brother know where she lives to prevent SIL from dropping off any spawn at her place
Getting out is absolutely necessary. If op's dad thinks it's none of op's business then it shouldn't be a problem if op moves back in with mom and dad for a bit while op finds a place for themselves away from mom, dad and brother.
Why is she still working in the house as well as supporting them ?
@@lsmith992 at this point I think she did it out of gratitude for them helping her in her time of need. Then I think she did it out of loyalty to help her brother. Now that she sees that SIL has dragged him into her insanity, I think she has woken up and will leave them to fend for themselves.
@@lsmith992 Her SIL said she should help them since they helped her in the 1st place but OP is doing alot more than helping them now.... Not only paying majority of their bills but also household chores.
Last story...why do women make babies with men like this? Does he even like her?
Why have another kid when they can't manage the ones they have? Stupid!
Hopefully he realized what a jackass he was being at some point and apologized. Let's hope he isn't this incompetent at parenting the other kids. He may have been tired, stressed out and momentarily unreasonable, which is not an excuse, but if he recognises his mistake and fixes it, maybe we can eventually let OP keep him around. If he's this wrong all the time though, well, she may have to send him back to his mom to finish growing up.
3d Story. Gather all the records and papers together, keep copies and/or records of communications, 11:56 get an attorney, and go back to court.
If I were The Opie who's been parentified, I'd just keep paying the bills, but start weaponising incompetence.
Meals? _"Yeah, tonight it's just PB&J, as I'm exhausted."_
Cleaning? _"Ugh, I'm so exhausted from making those samwiches, that I'll clean next week."_
Nannying? _"Hey, did you give Junior your jewelry to play with? Looks like he's eating it."_
Story 1..OP’s absolutely not the idiot! She needs to move out and let the train wreak happen.
Vasectomy reversal is insanely expensive. If they need you to live there because of financial reasons then they can't afford the reversal. I am about to get a vasectomy myself I JUST had my consultation and am fully aware of all the details.
brother should just get her a reborn doll if a baby is all she wants
Yeah and if it's been longer than 5 years the odds of reversal is abysmal
We coslept with our son in a queen bed until he was ten due to his Autism and needing the closeness. The house we rented got sold out from under us and we had a month to find a new place. Well, we didn't find anything and had to move to an extended stay motel. We found a place to buy, got the loan, and stayed at the motel until we could move into the house. During this time, our son learned to sleep happily in a full bed and got his own room when we moved into the house.
Story 4: don't worry folks, brats like the OP's favorite granddaughter, usually have their big mouth bloodied sooner-or-later.
"So many red flags that Lenin just woke up..." Fantastic!😂
Story 4, imagine openly admitting to being an active participant in the drama like that. You can hear who are the favourites in this family. Its disgusting.
Just wait for in a couple of years "waaah reddit help me, why dont I ever get to see my son and his wife and child?!?!?!?"
With a side helping of "My granddaughter just robbed me blind and called me a stupid old cunt and her father laughed."
Story 4: so you knew something was going to happen, watch that happen, butt kicked out the person that was insulted because you didn't want to hold your grandchild accountable for her actions? No wonder your son hate each other, one of them read the little demon for a daughter, and I can tell who's side you're on.
I bet OP is the kind of guy who thinks things like Carla does is harmless until she targets him
Yeah, if he truly loved his granddaughter, he'd make sure she'd get punished, instead of punishing the party not in the wrong. It's kind of how justice is supposed to work.
@@akl2k7 and pulled her aside as soon as he noticed where she sat herself and tell her, “ if you don’t behave, don’t expect anything from me in future.” And stick to his word. But as we all know favorites.
Yes, OP admits she's a lil shit stirrer but says she's also sweet; I'd bet everything she's sweet to those people who have authority over her and can place consequences on their actions; this isn't sweet, this is manipulative and Carla is a bully.
Story 1: there is a rare type of addiction involving pregnancy and babies. It's an addiction to the attention pregnancy brings and also lots of presents and handouts. "You're pregnant. Put your feet up and let me do your work for you." When I was pregnant my doctor wanted me to exercise. When I tried complete strangers would scold me and try to make me sit down "for the baby." I hated the attention, but some people crave it. There's even been reality TV shows about families that kept popping out kids. That's exactly how OP's SIL sounds. She doesn't like kids, but she has got to have a baby.
Yes , and there’s also a pregnancy hormones addiction.Some women who can’t stop having babies until nature stops them have been diagnosed with that strange addiction . They don’t feel well unless pregnant ...
OP needs to tell her brother & SIL that you are moving out in 60 days. Let brother know that you will not be loaning them money or taking care of their nonsense. Contact CPS if they do not step up and care for the child that is currently living with them right now.
The Post Divorce Boob Job- I can only assume that this financial arrangement was done OUTSIDE of the courts, but because your Ex wants to start dating, she needs to get rid of the kids several nights a week.
Absolutely, get a lawyer AND REDEFINE THOSE FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS. SHE SHOULD PAY FOR HER OWN DEBTS!
YOU should live in the house and maintain primary custody of your children. SHE MUST GET AN APARTMENT SHE CAN AFFORD.
Demand she pay off HALF of the remaining debts, and you won't pay her anything in alimony. If she wants Alimony, she must take 75% of the debts.
If she spent 45K on your salary, it's an easy guess: SHE WON'T BE AS RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR CHILDREN AS YOU WILL BE.
I think there's a better solution. Sell the house the ex lives in. Use the money to buy a new house. Then he's only responsible for one mortgage.
@@lunaticbz3594 Oh, he shouldn't be paying for ANYTHING of her's, because she ran up the debts; also, he will lose the equity in the home, because he will have to split the proceeds with her. You can bet your last dollar, SHE WON'T PAY OFF THE DEBTS WITH HER PORTION OF THE HOME SALE.
I seriously doubt that a Divorce Court Judge would insist that all the debts be paid from the sale of the house, BEFORE they split what's left... which would be the ultimate answer.
Maybe he should file for Bankruptcy, first, so that the Sale of the house will go 100% towards the debts, and he won't have a problem anymore. Then neither one of them would get much from the sale of the house, but he would use it in a financially responsible manner.
@@lunaticbz3594in some states you can’t be forced to sell a child’s home. So that might not be an option. But I’m sure a lawyer can figure something out.
If giving up the king size bed shouldn't that big of a deal for them then why is it a big deal that you give it up? You have 2 queen size beds in your room! And honestly, you shouldn't let your toddler run things. Of course you can accommodate them as much as you can but there is a limit as to how dar you should go. The limit is pressuring other people to also make consessions for YOUR kid.
Couldn’t they have pushed the beds together? I agree with you that OP had options but chose the greedy route.
@@lorilancaster5917that was my thought too. Push the damn beds together!!
@@lorilancaster5917yeah that's what i was thinking "didn't he say two queens in other room..why they don't just pust those two together"
I would do that as well and just push then together that would make the bed wey bigger then a king
I'm not completely aware of American [I assume] bed sizes, but wouldn't 2 queen size beds be considerably larger than 1 king?
Sounds like partner is just putting all the childcare on Op and forgot about the fact he is also the parent. I’d say dump him and sue him for child support.
Don’t you just love partners who act like they don’t know anything on childcare? So they place it all in the hands of their partner, the women. Disgraceful
St 1- nta. Anyone adult who cries and locks themselves in a room is not an adult. You said all the right things. You are not required to care for someone else’s child. They dont help you, you help them.
My 3 year old refuses to sleep in his bed. Like wakes up screaming at 1am.. so he sleeps with me, and practices various forms of martial arts on me. And I have a king size bed. So it's not always doable. But yeah it's not dad's problem if his grand child sleeps wild.. but he's not the ass for deciding not to go, he's the ass for blaming his dad
He didn't blame his dad, he literally said its his timeshare and his decision
Its your job as a mother to teach him that youre absolutely incompetent
Go to a credit councilor & see if they can help you reduce your debt. A consolidation loan might be something to look at too. I’d have an attorney take another look at all the agreements you made to see if it’s really legal
And if possible see another lawyer for a second opinion. On another note, I worry that his ex is going to use this as a means to turn his kids against him?
Sibling feud story: if my cousin said something about my mothers weight I would turn that dinner party into a funeral 😊🔥
Last story... OP is a single mother, she just doesn't know it. Yet.
I don't think Carla is a very nice kid. I think she is a nasty bully.
Story 1: Given the level of stress, financial strain, and exhaustion OP is under living with their brother and SIL, it'd be in their best interest to move out asap. Clearly, the SIL isn't going to start pulling her weight until she's forced to actually parent her own children and clean up around the house that her husband refuses to lift a finger for. If OP stays both their brother and SIL will continue their entitled rubbish.
Story 2: How can OP possibly not fit a toddler and two adults in a queen sized bed?
Story 3: That divorce is heavily set up to benefit the ex-wife and OP needs to seek good legal representation.
Story 4: OP knew his granddaughter was going to purposefully try to stir up trouble for her own enjoyment, even if it hurt the other person, he watched it happen in real time, and yet he described his granddaughter as a "really sweet kid" kids who are sweet don't hurt other people for their enjoyment. What she did is cruel, and she did it knowing full-well her grandparents would choose her, because clearly they believe she's a "sweet kid" and can do no wrong. They need to pull their heads out of their asses and realise 'Carla' is a little shit who enjoys humiliating and hurting others aka a bully. 'Carla' is a bully.
Story 5: NTA. The father also chose to become a parent when he was intimate without protection, he is equally responsible for all of their children, including the baby. So if the baby wakes up and mum isn't around, the very least he can do is pick his child up and soothe them, change them, and spend some time with them. Infancy doesn't last forever, it's stressful and exhausting but doesn't last very long. Also, if he genuinely hates being a dad to a baby there's a quick way to fix that, get the snip.
The guy that canceled his vacation because of the sizes of the bed is an ass. We vacation with our two kids a few times a year. When we book our rooms, we always get a room with double queens. My 2yo refuses to sleep in her travel bed and will not sleep in the same bed as her 10yo sister, so what do we do ? We take turns. My husband in one bed with a kid and me in the other bed with a kid. We trade kids every night because they each get jealous. Like the 10yo will get jealous if the 2yo is sleeping with me and she isn’t. It is a miserable nights sleep with both kids in the bed with me at the same time, so that’s how we work it and that works for us. Hubs and I can handle sleeping in separate beds for a few nights, no big deal. The big deal is making sure my kids are comfortable, get a good nights sleep and enjoy our family time together.
Move out NOW & anonymously call CPS in two or three weeks.
Story 1 tell your dad to kick rocks, it is your business if they expect u to raise their kids. Tell grandpa to babysit, cook, clean etc.
1. nta, because sil is already a neglectful parent, and because op is a part of their household and a huge part of their childcare plan.
2. controversial opinion here, but nta!! op is right that it would have been a simple concession that would have made it doable to travel with teh op’s toddler. also, op isn’t obligated to go on a vacation.
3. i’m going to say nah, because this is less of an aita situation and more of a legal settlement, work it out in court situation.
4. yes, yta for kicking your daughter in law out for having a fatphobic comment made about her!! fucking hell, man.
I’ll bet the brother will change his mind once he realizes the crapstorm that’s about to rain in his life…he literally had it easy with his sisters money and being their live in maid and nanny
#2 exactly, but even then, Op didn't demand the room. He made a request. They denied it, and circumstances dictate that the trip won't be worth it for him and his wife. OP wasn't being entitled nor ungrateful. He was grateful for the invite and even wanted to go, but the cost to him wasn't worth whatever benefit he got from it.
The comments were acting as though OP was throwing a fit and being demanding. He wasn't. They are having an issue with their toddler. They tried to get an accommodation for the kid a d when thatbdidnt pan out, they canceled what would have been a miserable trip for them as they are allowed to do as adultsm
@@Mewse1203 I had the same thoughts as you. Op made a simple request, his parents rightfully denied and he just cancelled the trip without drama. It's the same as in weddings with special policies. You can ask for an exception and decide your next move based on the answer. As long as you don't make demands or throw a fit, everything is fine.
@@Mewse1203 exactly!!
1st Story.
We want another baby; you pay for it.
Ha! It's amazing how some people will cut their noses off to spite their faces.
sounds like it's time for a switch dad moves in with sil and brother and op moves in with mom
Story 2: I don't really get the YTA comments, OP didn't demand or throw a tantrum, she realized based on how old her son was that it was going to be inconvenient to go on the trip if they had to use queen beds. If anything, this is a NAH situation, OP asked, didn't get a reply for 5 days, and got overwhelmed so they decided to cancel, at the same time parents paid for the room and were fine not wanting to give up the big room. Honestly, my sister just had a baby and although my parents wanna take the little one on like a Disney cruise or something, they know it'll be better to wait a few years when they hopefully grow a little more out of the fussy potato phase. The toddler is 18 months, there's no reasoning with an 18 mo if they are upset.
I’m with you! The comment about “I slept with 2 toddlers and my husband”…good for them! My kid is a bloody baby octopus. I could not share a bed with him without being woken several times a night with a kick to the shin and a punch to the nose! The OP hasn’t made huge demands and backing out is reasonable if the holiday is going to be hell!
Why does a toddler run the show? Either sleep in the travel crib or don’t go.
@dcg590 I'm guessing you don't have kids or haven't really dealt with them. An 18 month old just doesn't do as ordered, even well-behaved ones.
Cancelling a trip because mommy didn't give you her big bed is an AH move
@@lalvarez5151 It wasn't the mom, but the dad. There were other things that made op feel like the trip wasn't worth it.
2- NTA take HER to court. How are you supose to live.
Lawyer,Lawyer.
Last Story: youve GOT to grow a spine
Thank you for another fantastic episode.
Yeah, we live for the drama this channel
S3 OP needs a better lawyer cause damn, he is getting absolutely screwed!!
I'd argue that they should sell off the house, which clears the mortgage, and they each get their share. OP can then use that to pay off the debts SHE stuck him with and find a place where he can have 50/50 custody. And she can figure out something for herself.
Also, she's not gonna want to sell that house when the kids turn 19, so need to be prepared for that. OP in a different story, wife had 15yrs in a similar setup and did nothing, and now that OP is being called an AH for evicting her.
Mom is with the kids 24/7, because Hubby MUST get his sleep. OP, this is very simple. You move the Babie's belongings into the Master bedroom, AND YOUR HUSBAND'S BELONINGS INTO THE SMALLER BEDROOM.
IF HE IS GOING TO INSIST HE SHOULD NOT BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY, THEN MAKE THAT A REALITY. Get an air matress for his room, and make him buy his own twin bed for that room.
Your reasoning: YOU WILL NO LONGER ALLOW HIM TO EMOTIONALLY ABUSE YOU AND BLAIM YOU, BECAUSE THE BABY- HE MADE- DOESN'T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. HOW STUPID FOR HIM TO THINK YOU HAVE A REMOTE CONTROL ON THAT BABY TO MAKE IT CRY JUST TO WAKE HIM UP! WHEN HE IS AT HOME ON THE WEEKENDS HE SHOULD BE TAKING OVER FOR YOU, FOR A FEW HOURS! NOT WHINING THAT BABIES CRY IN THE NIGHT.
Now for the reality check: he is weaponizing the children, as a means of punishing you. He sounds like he is ANGRY that the kids have trapped him in a place he doesn't want to be. That snarky remark about him not having the genitalia to feed the baby; HE'S TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT HIS FRUSTRATIONS, BECAUSE THAT LEVEL OF DISRESPECT DOES NOT COME FROM A VACUUM.
Contact a lawyer and an accountant and get your exit strategy in place. Get your kid's birth certificates and your major paperwork gathered into a place only you know about. Remove all the important mementoes of your children from the home, and store them at your parent's place. Get copies of your income taxes, and/or his pay stubs for the last few years, because that is what you'll need for child support. Ask the lawyer to hire a private investigator to see if your husband is cheating, and if he is hiding assets.
Now, you could suggest Family Counseling to help you two find better ways of interacting and communicating. That could be all that he needs to be the father he SHOULD be. You don't have a time frame on your exit strategy: that is something you need to keep ready, should you see the need to leave. When you do finally see the need to leave; SAY NOTHING TO HIM. Just get the kids and go. Leave instructions someplace in the home.
If he ISN'T cheating, he will be soon, because that level of anger against his own children and wife, will provide him with the Motivation and Excuse to 'seek solace in the arms of a child free woman.'
The vacation story…I’m on the grandparents side, not because he paid, but because he already knows that larger bedroom will be the ONLY respit when your tiny family has taken over the rest of the condo!!! Think about it….
I love how everyone is calling him an asshole for deciding that it would be too stressful and not going, like what lol? How does that make him an asshole? Now they have the whole condo to themselves
@bigearedbandit7716 he is an AH because he threw a tantrum. Give us the big bed or we don't go. Those type of people are brats. HOPEFULLY the parents go NC. It's a power move on his side
@lalvarez5151 when did he throw a tantrum, he didn't demand the bed he just asked, the accommodations weren't worth it for a vacation and so they didn't go, you sound dumb
If she wants to go back to court fine, you share the debt now. Force the sale of the house use the money first to cover the debt and then split any way the court says
Holy cap, that divorce guy was so screwed over in the divorce. Everyone is saying get a better lawyer, and why I agree, i think he probably accepted that as not to drag out the divorce. The ex wife sounds like the type to do that. I say let it go to court and change things around, get a better deal this time.
Also, someone please rescue that poor woman in the last story. My heart breaks for her.
So who would take care of the baby while OP and her brother are at work all day since lazy SIL sleeps all day? Newborns need constant care 24 hours a day.
Second story: OP did not ruin a nice vacation he safed his family from a stressful trip. Therew were just to many hurdels piling up, he did the smart thing. The parents are not inconvieniebced by this if I understand the "time share" concept correctly. He is not pressuring his parents he just decided not to travel.
Poor babies! Having to sleep in a queen bed! I feel so sorry for you!
First story - OP, NTI.
You are there to help yourself and your sibling, you are NOT there to be a slave.
Always interesting when you get a story on here where all the comments read get it wrong.
Any parent not willing to give up their bedroom for one trip for the sake of their toddler grandchild is a shitty parent/grandparent.
Ok need to force the sale of the house and then the ex wife and OP can use the equity to pay off the debt that the ex racked up. Then split the remained and the ex can get apartment and so can OP.
Story 2: Should have let your wife make the post. You were completely reasonable, you asked and accepted no as an answer. You then canceled going on the trip for your part of the family because what's the point in going if you're just going to be tired and miserable the whole time? Saved money, get to be happy and well rested, don't have to fly with a toddler. Not sure why everybody is chewing your a$$ on this one. Not the AH.
Those commenters should think about what they said next time parents go visit their grown, married children and demand the master bedroom.
Story 2 put the two beds together as a massive bed for your children & yourselves.
I was thinking that too. Unless the beds are nailed to the floor like in hotels, Op shouldn’t have a problem
The same logic can be applied to op's parents. The only real difference between the two is the sizes of the beds. In that case, the parents can just put the beds together and have a larger bed.
@@jedimasters1462why should they be the ones inconvenienced? It’s their place so to speak. Op and his household are guests
OP wasn't TA to ask about the bed. The parents were not TA to say no, and OP was not TA to not go.
SIL and brother let you move in now they want to have a baby and she expects you to take care of the baby after your work…. Oh HELL NO!!!!! She wants a baby she needs to get off her LAZY ASS and be a mother to her own damn baby….. move out get your own place and then you’ll only have to clean for yourself and will have peace and quiet
I’m wondering if she really wants the baby because she knows she’s 💩 and feels like her husband will leave her so she needs to nail him down by having his baby.
That woman seems so lazy that I’m surprised she didn’t ask OP to be their surrogate
I don't understand why people can't take a bath for days because they have a baby. I have children and took two baths a day. My husband was working off shore. Baby must sleep.
Story 1: The couple in question needs someone to tell them what they need to hear.
Story 2: NTA, ESH, or NAH, but definitely not YTA. No demands were made, no attitude was given. Parents also have the right to select the best accommodations. If that shallow analysis satisfies you, then cool, it’s NAH. HOWEVER, what extreme bedroom sports are grandma and grandpa going to miss out on by having 2 queens instead of a king? The ONLY difference between the rooms given is the beds, both have a connected bathroom. Now maybe the grandparents didn’t want them to come along, but if they did, why would they exchange fun times with a rested grandchild and two queen beds for a potential cranky brat and a king bed? If kid really would’ve slept fine with parents taking turns getting their own beds, then fine, but we have no reason to think that would happen based on the information given.
Divorce guy go back to court You got screwed by your lawyer You're paying way too much money for debts she ran up You paying her alimony insinuate you cheated on her
Last OP, your husband doesn't know how to soothe the baby? Was your husband involved in taking care of your first born who is now 3 years old? Definitely something fishy is going on. Yeah, I think hubby got a side piece too.
Let her go to court. I dont think you should have taken on all the debt!!
Divorce story, get a blood thirsty lawyer!
Partner is vile and needs to realise a father can soothe a child. Of course it would be nice to warn him earlier you needed to shower later. But he had a day off anyway. And he is meant to be a dad. What a vile human that he didnt even instinctively go to soothe his child!!
Last story: OP needs to get a divorce. Oh my God!! What a HORRIBLE husband.
Story #1 Brother needs a better wife. SIL wants a baby so bad, she can get one of those dolls and buy clothes for it.
Lololol so many red flags lenin woke up
OP, what is wrong with you, having all these kids with NO HELP from the father! So what he has to drive, yet he refuses to help you when he has time off is INSANE! It's your fault for having more children KNOWING your partner is a useless POS!
The parents asked for a king bed, were told no and decided that was a deal breaker for them. They didn't complain or nag or yell or act entitled, the grandparents and their parents both made their choices. How is anybody an ahole here?
Because they couldn't find a way to make it work with TWO queen sized beds. When my grandmother babysat my sister and me, we made do with three in a double bed.
It'd never ever occur to me to ask my parents for their master bedroom for no good reason.
Nta. Sil is delusional. Tell them either you cook and clean or you pay. Both you wont do both. But no matter what you wont be taking care of the kid. Ppl who have kids taken away shouldnt be having more
Hey last OP: GTFO OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. RUN. IT WON'T END WITH JUST YELLING.
He has multiple children he doesn't see but pays for
She has one kid she doesn't take care of and another that's already been removed from the house?
And they are trying to have another kid?
G-G-G-G-Giggity! Ohhhhh yeah!
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!
4- so the child is not his? Tell partner to man up.
Can't fit a toddler in a queen size bed?
2- toddler is your problem, not theirs. Train your child, geez
Story 1, if OP is paying 2/3rd of the bills then why is she staying there? She doesn't need to tell her brother and SIL what they "need to do," she needs to get her own place and GTFO. Ditch the needless confrontation.
the kicking out story, wait last week. How can a grown man be bullied by a young adult
.. but a grown woman's can now
Timeshare story: NTA OP is having an issue with his kid. He made a request to accomodare that issue which was denied. He then decided that as it was, the vacation wasn't worth it. A thing hes allowed to do. That makes him entitled and ungrateful? No. It means the cost didn't outweigh the benefits.
OP didnt demand his parents give up the bed. He made a readonable request. There's no harm in asking. Dad said no so OP realized that this one time, the trip wasn't worth doing.
What's the point of vacation if you're just gonna be miserable?
Could have pushed the beds together
Lol, grandfather thinks his gr and daughter is a sweet girl. When in reality she is not sweet at all.
Move OP. You are not the nanny. You are paying 2 thirds of the bills, cleaning and taking care of your niece on top of working full time plus. Get Out.
Someone calling me every name in the book because I took a shower and "our" baby woke him up, I would've been out the door. So what exactly does he bring to this relationship? A paycheck and he can make babies? Get your tubes tied and stop popping out children with a "man" who thinks it's all about him because he brings home the money and you are useless. He has no respect for you. Show him he can have all the sleep he wants and needs by dumping him and getting alimony and child support. You questioning yourself for taking a shower shows you have no self esteem and he controls you. You didn't even argue back just let him cuss you out and say all of those things to you, you need a therapist.
I always wonder why women have more kids with men who don't help with parenting dues but then, complain that she couldn't shower in days. Like girl, the least that man could do is to hold the baby while you take a shower. She does not need a therapist, she needs a backbone and a divorce lawyer.
Sleepy parent story: husband needs to man the f**k up. From the time my kids were born to teens, I was in the military. I took nearly as many turns on baby duty as my wife. You know why? Because I am a father and that's what we do. Whether I was coming off 24hr duty, 12 hr duty, or any other duty, my kids needs always came before my own. That's what you sign up for becoming a parent.
Your a good dad!👍🏾👌🏾
Don't vacation with your parents. It's too much. Honestly, I don't understand traveling for vacations. You should live where you want to play, otherwise you are wasting your money.
Timeshare story: the commenter that said it’s just fine to co sleep in the queen size bed: well, since you’re such a mind reader, what else can you tell them about their lives that you know better than them. I really hate it when the response is “you’re wrong about the situation that you’re in that I know nothing about but assume I do because your experience must be exactly the same as mind”. This person’s problem solving abilities are nil.
Crying baby: NTA. Sort out the husbands attitude with a frying pan and then a divorce. I am sick of hearing about "Weaponised whatever".
Story 1: OP leave. Worst parents ever!
Story 1: you need to move out. NTA.
Story 2: if it's not a big deal to you, then why did you turn it into a big deal? Each parent sleeps in a queen bed and alternates who has the toddler in bed....so incredibly easy. You are most definitely TA.
Asking your parents to give up the king sized bed because you refuse to get your toddler used to his pack n play bed? You are the parent, act like it.
Story 5: NTA
Timeshare toddler story-he doesnt feel safe? The toddler doesnt feel safe in a crib while traveling? Did the toddler express this himself or is this your exuse to justifiy not doing any parenting? Just admit it, you dont want to put in the work and its easier to just give the kid his way and inconvenience others
1: throw up the peace sign and he gone!! YTA 2 urself ifnu stay!! Grow a pair!! 4: YTA...c-word!!
Last story, get a P.I. Start recording hubbys tantrums & get some self respect
The first story. There is an old country and western song. She got the gold mine and I got the shaft. Sounds like you. Get a good lawyer!
Wow he really got bent over in the divorce. This would be a good example of why a lot of men are deciding to not marry, or insisting on a prenup if they do.
Unless the mother is obviously unhinged, drug addicted and/or clearly unsuitable as a parent to the point that any judge would have no choice but to rule in favor of the father or they'd look incompetent. It's an open secret that men get reamed in family courts in the states.
Edit:
OP your husband has absolutely no respect for you. He sees you as an incubator and maid. If he cared about you or respected you as an equal he would have put his big boy pants on and taken care of HIS CHILD without protest. The accusation that you're weaponizing the baby is him really saying
"How dare you expect me to give you a break, and wake up to care for the baby! That's not my job, I won't do it, and if you make me you're a bad lazy person. It's perfectly fine for you to be dirty and sleep deprived, remember who is superior in this relationship or I will verbally tear you apart."
Either you set clear boundaries and expectations and he respects/follows them, or you should leave. Things will never get better and the way you're living isn't healthy or realistic in the long term. You will (if not already) get burnt out, and start to feel like you're losing your sanity never having time to yourself to unwind. You'll be unhappy and wound up so tight patience for anything will be non-existent. Resulting in everything blowing up. Take care of this now to avoid the inevitable blow up that will absolutely happen if you continue on this way.
I just had a baby 6weeks ago plus a talkative energetic 5year old son.
Im a SAHM and my hubs working over 12hrs from 2.30pm till 5.30am or sometimes even later as a truck driver.And he work 6days a week.He still help me with our baby when he got home so i could take a long shower,make breakfast for him and lunch for our son.
He never complain about his 3,4hrs of sleep before rushing back to work at noon.
We both would be sleep deprived but we try to nap together with the baby for an hr or two before he left for work.
Your husband is a truck driver and you happily go along with him only having 3 to 4 hours of sleep!? Are you trying to kill your husband!? Does he have a large insurance policy? Why couldn't you just put the baby in another room and if it cries it cries.
@@shellbythesea12because you can’t leave an infant unattended. Babies eat a lot and frequently. They also soil themselves a lot. Self soothing in young infants has been shown to have negative affects on their health and only should be implemented once a baby become a toddler. She’s leaving him to watch over a baby that may not even cry, for maybe an hour so she can shower and cook FOR HIM and their other child. You’re not only irrational, but inconsiderate.
Story 1 NTA I'd be gone like the wind.
I just love people who claim OP is wrong for the timeshare story. "hey can you stay in the smaller room this one time bc we won't be able to get any real sleep otherwise." "No. Bc reasons." "Understandable. Sorry a vacation where I don't get any sleep doesn't found enjoyable. Have a nice trip."
It was a simple ask. He recieved a simple no. The trip was no longer appealing so they cancelled. Would you guys have preferred he be miserable and make it the parents fault?
Yeah and the parents should never ever invite OP and his family for any trips/vacation that THEY (the parents) will pay for.
@@chryssesandchaos don't invite people to vacations that you know they'll be miserable on.
It's a non issue
Oh so true that some women love babies but older children no. Relate to that absolutely. 🥺
My mom was like that.
@@cmorris9494 mine too! 🥺