Ren wrote this song after his friend, Joe Hughes, committed suicide at the age of 19 by jumping off the Menai bridge at around 3 a.m. on the 28th December 2010. His body was never recovered. 💔
@shireeni8665 This is an interesting question to me. When Knox Hill asked him specifically if he'd written a song about losing Joe, Ren said no. He said the only song he'd written was Freckled Angels, which was a tribute to Joe. (This is before he wrote the end of Suicide, which he did after that interview) Also, when he first wrote this song, he played it on IG, and started crying, then said "that last verse is about my friend who isn't here anymore" and showed Joe's picture. Which makes me feel this song was about the many traumas he was/had been experiencing, one of which was the loss of Joe. It would be interesting to hear Ren comment on this song.
@@LoutTsu I caught an interview somewhere where Ren was talking about the song Suicide. Apparently it was finished and ready to drop, but he felt it needed more and sat down and wrote the last verse. In doing so he realised he was carrying unresolved issues about Joe and the longer term effects of his grief. I wonder if this song was part of his internal therapy process.
I have conversations with my husband all the time. He died 5 years ago, 1 month after his 39th birthday. Horrible motorcycle accident that happened right in front of our oldest son and his best friend. He was showing off because he knew we were watching...worst day of my life. I took turns cussing him out and God for taking him, leaving me and 3 kids alone. I already suffer from bipolar disorder as well as a Degenerative spine disorder, and after 5 surgeries I had to stop working. I do see him, in what may be hallucinations, and when I started dating a former marine, he let me know that he was not good for me. I found that out for myself a few months later when he became abusive. Maybe I'm crazy, but he's always around. I like the things you talk about. I have been jumping around from 1 psychiatrist after another, counselors, rehab for opiate addiction....etc so you say alot I've heard, but some new things. It's very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for helping explain the ways that grief, anxiety, and trauma can really impact who we feel we are and the way we interact with the world on a much larger scale than many people realise. I can't remember which Ren songs you have seen yet, but Crutch, Heretic, and Seven Sins all detail different health/mh aspects of his experience. Crutch (video description important) explored his fears of losing his relationships with others if he lost himself, which is common to many in psychological distress.
This song is so moving as so many of Ren's songs are. His voice and Chinchilla's voice are just so gut wrenchingly powerful. I've never experienced someone vocalizing grief in such a raw and accurate way. I love how haunting the vocalizations are at the beginning. It's like foreshadowing. I also feel like he may be making a loose literary reference to The Tell-tale Heart with the bodies breathing in the floor. That manifestation of guilty feelings. I've noticed some Orwell, Vonnegut, and Steinbeck references in some of his other songs, which I really appreciate.
OK, so memories are an auditory experience? I "hear" my mother telling me to mind my table manners all the time, she died many years ago. I "hear" my friends who died (often at night), when I wonder what they would have thought about something which happened in my day. Once again, I presumed that was memory? Ed to add, Would love to hear your thoughts on Chinchilla's song *1:5. ( trots off to see if you have already covered it.....)
It's so powerful and impactful, but that's Ren Gill for you. Multiple emotional Kung-fu kicks to the ribs... but in a good way, lol. This guy is something else.
Excellent reaction," Over the hills and the valleys below and it follows me home" reminds me of Winston Churchill's Black Dog that followed him (his description of his depression). I see it as when someone you were very close to dies the you that was dies too and now you need to find a new you minus that person. Not only death but the break up of a relationship or particularly the parent left with an empty nest that needs to redefine themselves and find a new raison d'être.
I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and I struggle with anxiety and dissociation but I noticed the 5 senses thing works but I do it differently. I use my favorite things like perfumes, lotions, favorite drink/snack and I knit a lot and always use the same soft yarn with beautiful colors. So it's like my senses are all covered in a cozy blanket. I always try to recommend that because I've seen a lot of people try the 5 senses where its like "look around, what do you see or smell" and it's almost like a rush thing instead of "I know exactly what my 5 senses NEED to relax".
I have experienced auditory hallucinations a handful of times, due to hearing loss and tinnitus. I will hear perfectly, every note, every word of a song. It will be something I recognize, something I've heard before, but not something I'm intimately connected to that I should be able to hear every word and note. It's like my brain records something and plays it back to me later. This usually happens when I'm sick, or have a headache, and trying to rest in silence. I've read that it's my brain compensating for the hearing loss
It’s pure grief and a reaction to the disconnect of your loved one being ….gone. It’s a personal hell….and nothing can comfort or touch your painful disbelief…. We can’t rewind……though we crave it…..forever more.
Really enjoyed your thoughts on the lyrics and also love how much you enjoy the music as well. Another great piece for a psychological discussion is an older one titled Crutch. Thanks for sharing ❤
I'm so glad you reacted to this! You are very well spoken, and I like your unique point of view on this song. For your next Ren reaction, I am requesting Loco or Seven Sins! Both cover the topic of when Ren felt like he was going insane.
Thanks for your sensitive and informative reaction. I strongly suggest Ren's Crutch for your next Ren reaction. Its so beautiful and i wrecks me every time I watch it. Loco and Seven Sins are great, too.
Please react to Chinchillas latest song 1:5 live. Incredible lyrics, very vulnerable, powerful. Her voice is exquisite!! We all just want to be loved. " Do you really only love me at a ratio of 1 to 5. Love me once, I love you back 5 times."
Because of my Autism combined with ADHD, I often work on 0 sleep some times. But NSDR have helped me out the last few months. Still very hard for me, but still very useful even if I just manage a tiny bit from time too time. Very recommended
There is another type of auditory hallucination that is external. I experience auditory pareidolia. A quick definition from the web - "Auditory pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon where the mind perceives familiar patterns in random sounds. Examples include hearing intelligible voices or noises in meaningless background noise and hearing words or music that are not actually present in the sounds being heard." So, for me, fans are the BIGGEST culprit when I am overtired (it doesn't happen if I get good sleep and sometimes appliance motors will do it too if I'm really overtired). More often than not, what I hear is what sounds like a tv going in another room. It sounds like people talking, but low, maybe a word pops out here and there but otherwise it is indecipherable low murmuring. Other times it will sound like distant music. Now I *know* it is the fan and if I focus, it goes back to just being a fan noise. But the minute I stop focusing it flips back to a conversation or music. It can keep me awake, so I end up shutting off the fan even if I really want it on because I'm hot. I just share in case anyone else out there experiences this and doesn't know it has a name!
Love this one! I feel often like I've forgotten how to be me but not so much as a struggle with identity but because I'm chronically ill. I go through stages when I'm really unwell and it upends everything and I have to kind of start over with who I am with this illness. Some of the stuff they say in this song reminds me of things I've thought and felt when extremely sick and reality gets skewed. That's usually with fever but not always. It's a bizarre feeling. This one hit hard today as I just got out of the hospital again. Every time I wonder if this is the time I'll die and I have to face my mortality again. I bounce back emotionally after a week or two usually but it leaves its scars each time.
This song just releases all the good chemicals in the brain hey, I love that it scratches the itch in my brain. Recently situations have been cropping up that I've been having 20 min to 2 solid hours of being absolutely lost in it & I'm not scared of them anymore, been dealing with them for 30 years, but these just really got me. No matter what tool in my armoury against it it was just making it worse in a way. I couldn't even eat at all cos I would often spew. Set off QUITE the fibro flare as well. My teeth are crumbling & I need them out but even making the appointment to get xrays etc is enough to set me off. It's not good cos I've had 2 really bad dentist experiences & it's now really affecting my health. I can only eat things I can cut up into small bits. But the fear is so real I have no idea how to navigate it & I've got everyone in my multidisciplinary team is trying to help me through but yeah it's a big deal. I also haven't had a general anaesthetic so that scares me so much as well. I have no idea how, if I get through all the steps, to walk through those doors. Like it breaks my brain & the body goes wild
I'm an atheist, but that "hallelujah" part hits hard because it's just beautiful. I even listen to gospel music. If the music makes me *feel* and is transcendental for me, it's all I need. Beautiful music is beautiful music regardless of my disbelief of the subject matter.
Awsome reaction! (just subscribed) I have a sugestion for some more positive music that also deal with "stuff". I suggest "Lawrence" either "Don't loose sight" or "I'm confident that I'm insecure". Highly suggest the acoustic-ish versions... Looking forward to your reaction.
Hi Syl! Do you think you can lose this trust of the world during the course of your life, or do you think it always stems from childhood? I do discuss these things with my therapist, but would be interesting to hear your perspective on it.
10:28 yes, if you’re feeling anxious you are in control. Theoretically, what you are saying makes sense. Try and calm yourself. But how are you supposed to do this in a moment, where you get that control ripped away like a bandaid by mother? From one moment to the next, the intensity makes your breath stop? You are literally incapable of having a thought?
Is it possible then that if a person can have a close connection with a significant other or a parent that the visual hallucination of seeing them after they passed away could be what a "ghost" is?
Try Ren and Sam Tompkins Earned it Mans world ✌️Thank you....is self like the analogy of a singular or more tribal language or linguistics maybe for the greater good ,wow i just felt like i had a fantastic session going to listen now to Heavenly Farther (live version)👍👍..bon iver Heavenly Father (live) amazing.....Must check out The Big Push Swan song
Thanks Dr Syl. For something different, I think there’s a lot to be analysed in Prof’s song “Tough Boy (Live from the Gallery)”. Prof (who recently did a track with Ren) grew up in the US public housing system, with a BPD Dad who literally burnt his house down when he got mad one day. Given your learnedness around childhood trauma, I think you’re uniquely placed to give a worthy reaction/breakdown of it. ruclips.net/video/kfbXaAOVqwQ/видео.htmlsi=KUHbkWYNdoCG3Yht. Maybe do a double feature with that and “Flower Boy (Live from Powderhorn Suites)” which talks to the relationships with the women in his family. It’s powerful stuff from an artist who is traditionally known for his goofy/party rap.
i think this was written from joes perspective as he struggled and was unable to get professional help although he tried. the lyrics make complete sense then
IMO he’s talking about grief ….not schizophrenia…. whilst dealing with his undiagnosed Lyme disease…..and consequential fallout of the trauma of losing a loved one, that possibly ( in his mind ) could’ve been avoided. He is not to blame….. Joe would’ve done it anyway…. he was batting his own demons….but we continue to torture ourselves with “what ifs “…….
Please talk about carbon monoxide poisoning.. inhaling charcoal brickets has been a popular method of suicide in South Korea as well as other Asian countries like Japan, China. My favorite actor died by suicide last year, he burnt charcoal bricket inside his car.
Bon iver piece ,Heavenly Father,is no comparison to this…..sorry,I disagree with you. REN and Chinchilla are the real ,profound,human guttural reaction to despair in a musical piece.
Ren wrote this song after his friend, Joe Hughes, committed suicide at the age of 19 by jumping off the Menai bridge at around 3 a.m. on the 28th December 2010. His body was never recovered. 💔
@shireeni8665 This is an interesting question to me. When Knox Hill asked him specifically if he'd written a song about losing Joe, Ren said no. He said the only song he'd written was Freckled Angels, which was a tribute to Joe. (This is before he wrote the end of Suicide, which he did after that interview) Also, when he first wrote this song, he played it on IG, and started crying, then said "that last verse is about my friend who isn't here anymore" and showed Joe's picture. Which makes me feel this song was about the many traumas he was/had been experiencing, one of which was the loss of Joe. It would be interesting to hear Ren comment on this song.
@@LoutTsu I caught an interview somewhere where Ren was talking about the song Suicide. Apparently it was finished and ready to drop, but he felt it needed more and sat down and wrote the last verse. In doing so he realised he was carrying unresolved issues about Joe and the longer term effects of his grief. I wonder if this song was part of his internal therapy process.
Amazing reaction and analysis
These videos and the community i see discussing mental health in your videos give me such hope and reassurance that im not alone.
I have conversations with my husband all the time. He died 5 years ago, 1 month after his 39th birthday. Horrible motorcycle accident that happened right in front of our oldest son and his best friend. He was showing off because he knew we were watching...worst day of my life. I took turns cussing him out and God for taking him, leaving me and 3 kids alone. I already suffer from bipolar disorder as well as a Degenerative spine disorder, and after 5 surgeries I had to stop working. I do see him, in what may be hallucinations, and when I started dating a former marine, he let me know that he was not good for me. I found that out for myself a few months later when he became abusive. Maybe I'm crazy, but he's always around. I like the things you talk about. I have been jumping around from 1 psychiatrist after another, counselors, rehab for opiate addiction....etc so you say alot I've heard, but some new things. It's very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for helping explain the ways that grief, anxiety, and trauma can really impact who we feel we are and the way we interact with the world on a much larger scale than many people realise.
I can't remember which Ren songs you have seen yet, but Crutch, Heretic, and Seven Sins all detail different health/mh aspects of his experience. Crutch (video description important) explored his fears of losing his relationships with others if he lost himself, which is common to many in psychological distress.
Yes! We need Crutch
Dr syl and ren making me cry. In this moment I don’t know how to be me, but I want to try
You are not alone dear human ❤ trying is all you need to do x
This song is so moving as so many of Ren's songs are. His voice and Chinchilla's voice are just so gut wrenchingly powerful. I've never experienced someone vocalizing grief in such a raw and accurate way. I love how haunting the vocalizations are at the beginning. It's like foreshadowing. I also feel like he may be making a loose literary reference to The Tell-tale Heart with the bodies breathing in the floor. That manifestation of guilty feelings. I've noticed some Orwell, Vonnegut, and Steinbeck references in some of his other songs, which I really appreciate.
Ren and Chinchilla also went busking when they were recording these. It's great too.
OK, so memories are an auditory experience? I "hear" my mother telling me to mind my table manners all the time, she died many years ago. I "hear" my friends who died (often at night), when I wonder what they would have thought about something which happened in my day. Once again, I presumed that was memory?
Ed to add, Would love to hear your thoughts on Chinchilla's song *1:5. ( trots off to see if you have already covered it.....)
It's so powerful and impactful, but that's Ren Gill for you. Multiple emotional Kung-fu kicks to the ribs... but in a good way, lol. This guy is something else.
Chinchilla- 1:5 (live)
Excellent reaction," Over the hills and the valleys below and it follows me home" reminds me of Winston Churchill's Black Dog that followed him (his description of his depression). I see it as when someone you were very close to dies the you that was dies too and now you need to find a new you minus that person. Not only death but the break up of a relationship or particularly the parent left with an empty nest that needs to redefine themselves and find a new raison d'être.
I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and I struggle with anxiety and dissociation but I noticed the 5 senses thing works but I do it differently. I use my favorite things like perfumes, lotions, favorite drink/snack and I knit a lot and always use the same soft yarn with beautiful colors. So it's like my senses are all covered in a cozy blanket. I always try to recommend that because I've seen a lot of people try the 5 senses where its like "look around, what do you see or smell" and it's almost like a rush thing instead of "I know exactly what my 5 senses NEED to relax".
Please do Chinchilla 1:5 live it's amazing.
I have experienced auditory hallucinations a handful of times, due to hearing loss and tinnitus. I will hear perfectly, every note, every word of a song. It will be something I recognize, something I've heard before, but not something I'm intimately connected to that I should be able to hear every word and note. It's like my brain records something and plays it back to me later. This usually happens when I'm sick, or have a headache, and trying to rest in silence. I've read that it's my brain compensating for the hearing loss
It’s pure grief and a reaction to the disconnect of your loved one being ….gone.
It’s a personal hell….and nothing can comfort or touch your painful disbelief….
We can’t rewind……though we crave it…..forever more.
Thanks Dr syl! This is my fav ren and chinny collab. It just resonates with me so much 😊💜
Really enjoyed your thoughts on the lyrics and also love how much you enjoy the music as well. Another great piece for a psychological discussion is an older one titled Crutch. Thanks for sharing ❤
I always learn when I watch your reactions. Thank you for your critique and song suggestions. I love how you feel the music. ❤❤ Have a super day!
I'm so glad you reacted to this! You are very well spoken, and I like your unique point of view on this song. For your next Ren reaction, I am requesting Loco or Seven Sins! Both cover the topic of when Ren felt like he was going insane.
The emotion on your face, WOW! Yes, it is that moving.
Thanks for your sensitive and informative reaction. I strongly suggest Ren's Crutch for your next Ren reaction. Its so beautiful and i wrecks me every time I watch it. Loco and Seven Sins are great, too.
"Omg this is sending it, so beautiful🧚♀️ 😊" 😂 obsessed
Yeah!!! Such an amazing artist! Soooo glad you covered this song. Its a masterpiece. ❤
Please react to Chinchillas latest song 1:5 live. Incredible lyrics, very vulnerable, powerful. Her voice is exquisite!! We all just want to be loved.
" Do you really only love me at a ratio of 1 to 5. Love me once, I love you back 5 times."
I'd love to see you do more of Chinchilla's music. Little Girl Gone, is especially powerful for a particular aspect of trauma.
Because of my Autism combined with ADHD, I often work on 0 sleep some times. But NSDR have helped me out the last few months. Still very hard for me, but still very useful even if I just manage a tiny bit from time too time. Very recommended
Fantastic reaction ❤ I thoroughly enjoy the way you break down the lyrics. Very insightful.
There is another type of auditory hallucination that is external. I experience auditory pareidolia. A quick definition from the web - "Auditory pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon where the mind perceives familiar patterns in random sounds. Examples include hearing intelligible voices or noises in meaningless background noise and hearing words or music that are not actually present in the sounds being heard."
So, for me, fans are the BIGGEST culprit when I am overtired (it doesn't happen if I get good sleep and sometimes appliance motors will do it too if I'm really overtired). More often than not, what I hear is what sounds like a tv going in another room. It sounds like people talking, but low, maybe a word pops out here and there but otherwise it is indecipherable low murmuring. Other times it will sound like distant music. Now I *know* it is the fan and if I focus, it goes back to just being a fan noise. But the minute I stop focusing it flips back to a conversation or music. It can keep me awake, so I end up shutting off the fan even if I really want it on because I'm hot. I just share in case anyone else out there experiences this and doesn't know it has a name!
Pareidolia is an illusion not a hallucination ;)
@@DrSyl Ah! Thank you. That is good to know. :)
Love this one! I feel often like I've forgotten how to be me but not so much as a struggle with identity but because I'm chronically ill. I go through stages when I'm really unwell and it upends everything and I have to kind of start over with who I am with this illness. Some of the stuff they say in this song reminds me of things I've thought and felt when extremely sick and reality gets skewed. That's usually with fever but not always. It's a bizarre feeling. This one hit hard today as I just got out of the hospital again. Every time I wonder if this is the time I'll die and I have to face my mortality again. I bounce back emotionally after a week or two usually but it leaves its scars each time.
Great reaction to this gem...🖤👌🏼
So glad your coming back to the Ren Videos. Seen your reactions to them all, and even the Diazepam one, now this one.. Cant wait :D
Superb reaction to this heart & soul reacher from two phenomenal artists 👏👏👏
Great reaction subbing! Been on the Ren rollercoaster for about a year or more! Ren is really special!!!
This song just releases all the good chemicals in the brain hey, I love that it scratches the itch in my brain.
Recently situations have been cropping up that I've been having 20 min to 2 solid hours of being absolutely lost in it & I'm not scared of them anymore, been dealing with them for 30 years, but these just really got me. No matter what tool in my armoury against it it was just making it worse in a way. I couldn't even eat at all cos I would often spew. Set off QUITE the fibro flare as well. My teeth are crumbling & I need them out but even making the appointment to get xrays etc is enough to set me off. It's not good cos I've had 2 really bad dentist experiences & it's now really affecting my health. I can only eat things I can cut up into small bits. But the fear is so real I have no idea how to navigate it & I've got everyone in my multidisciplinary team is trying to help me through but yeah it's a big deal. I also haven't had a general anaesthetic so that scares me so much as well. I have no idea how, if I get through all the steps, to walk through those doors. Like it breaks my brain & the body goes wild
please do ren's song for joe
I'm an atheist, but that "hallelujah" part hits hard because it's just beautiful. I even listen to gospel music. If the music makes me *feel* and is transcendental for me, it's all I need. Beautiful music is beautiful music regardless of my disbelief of the subject matter.
Agreed same here ❤
Great reaction thank you ❤
Another song along a similar thread is Happy by NF
Awsome reaction! (just subscribed) I have a sugestion for some more positive music that also deal with "stuff". I suggest "Lawrence" either "Don't loose sight" or "I'm confident that I'm insecure". Highly suggest the acoustic-ish versions... Looking forward to your reaction.
Hi Syl!
Do you think you can lose this trust of the world during the course of your life, or do you think it always stems from childhood? I do discuss these things with my therapist, but would be interesting to hear your perspective on it.
10:28 yes, if you’re feeling anxious you are in control. Theoretically, what you are saying makes sense. Try and calm yourself. But how are you supposed to do this in a moment, where you get that control ripped away like a bandaid by mother? From one moment to the next, the intensity makes your breath stop? You are literally incapable of having a thought?
Thank you for your reaction. Your reactions are educational. I'd like you to react to Kintsugi by Lana del Rey and to Ethel Cain
Is it possible then that if a person can have a close connection with a significant other or a parent that the visual hallucination of seeing them after they passed away could be what a "ghost" is?
❤❤❤
Try Ren and Sam Tompkins Earned it Mans world ✌️Thank you....is self like the analogy of a singular or more tribal language or linguistics maybe for the greater good ,wow i just felt like i had a fantastic session going to listen now to Heavenly Farther (live version)👍👍..bon iver Heavenly Father (live) amazing.....Must check out The Big Push Swan song
Thanks Dr Syl. For something different, I think there’s a lot to be analysed in Prof’s song “Tough Boy (Live from the Gallery)”. Prof (who recently did a track with Ren) grew up in the US public housing system, with a BPD Dad who literally burnt his house down when he got mad one day. Given your learnedness around childhood trauma, I think you’re uniquely placed to give a worthy reaction/breakdown of it. ruclips.net/video/kfbXaAOVqwQ/видео.htmlsi=KUHbkWYNdoCG3Yht.
Maybe do a double feature with that and “Flower Boy (Live from Powderhorn Suites)” which talks to the relationships with the women in his family. It’s powerful stuff from an artist who is traditionally known for his goofy/party rap.
i think this was written from joes perspective as he struggled and was unable to get professional help although he tried. the lyrics make complete sense then
❤️🔥
Can you do outlines by ren and chinchilla?
Already done!
I'm 60 we had no breathing techniques it was trial by fire as everyone calls you attention seeking and drama queen😢😅
you always record with the most snazzy outfits on dr. syl.
@drsyl hey 👋 can you do rejection to Donnie Darko - so cool
IMO he’s talking about grief ….not schizophrenia….
whilst dealing with his undiagnosed Lyme disease…..and consequential fallout of the trauma of losing a loved one,
that possibly ( in his mind ) could’ve been avoided.
He is not to blame….. Joe would’ve done it anyway…. he was batting his own demons….but we continue to
torture ourselves with “what ifs “…….
It not like I can just go switch something on hahaha omg imagine paralysis
Just switch on relaxing music hahahahah
Your Psychiatrist must be a Saint 🤣
Eighteenth!
THE RENEGADES ARE ALREADY ON TO YOU!!😂😂😂
Please talk about carbon monoxide poisoning.. inhaling charcoal brickets has been a popular method of suicide in South Korea as well as other Asian countries like Japan, China. My favorite actor died by suicide last year, he burnt charcoal bricket inside his car.
Hmmm....
......... goodness gracious.... lol 😂🤣
Bon iver piece ,Heavenly Father,is no comparison to this…..sorry,I disagree with you.
REN and Chinchilla are the real ,profound,human guttural reaction to despair in a musical piece.
❤❤❤