What to do when you offend someone | Lambers Fisher | TEDxMinneapolis
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- Lambers Fisher focuses on four relationship strengthening principles and the multicultural awareness related to the inevitability of offense in interpersonal communication and relationships.
Lambers Fisher, MS, LMFT, MDiv, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and renowned national speaker, but also a relationship strategist. With two decades of experience, Lambers expertly counsels diverse individuals, couples, and families, fostering positive, shame-free, and empowering relationships. His award-winning book, "Diversity in Clinical Practice," and transformative 'Diversity Made Simple' training have empowered over 15,000 professionals nationwide, enhancing their cultural competence. Lambers' impactful work amplifies understanding, competence, and confidence in serving diverse needs. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
You can't know everything about someone, because they are changing and evolving everyday. Thank you very much, you're the better.
And so are you, at the same time!
That's it, right there! Thank you!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
04:00 🤔 *When you unintentionally offend someone, resist shock and accept the inevitability of offense. Understand what made it offensive and work to reduce the likelihood of repeating it.*
06:30 🧠 *Accept the inevitability of ignorance. Instead of justifying lack of knowledge, use it as an opportunity to reduce ignorance, increase knowledge, and avoid future offenses.*
08:31 🤝 *Embrace the inevitability of misunderstanding in relationships. Resist defensive reactions; consider if you've reminded someone of a past hurt, and reassure them that you are not the threat they fear you to be.*
10:51 💬 *When reassuring a hurt person, verbal acknowledgement is crucial, but it should be followed by meaningful behavioral change. Demonstrate commitment through actions, making the future better than their hurtful past.*
Thanks for the confirmation that these key takeaways were clearly communicated. I hope they resonate with all who listen!!!
Beyond the great insights provided by Mr. Fisher, I am very impressed by his style of presentation. Engaging, evocative and captivating!
I was going to say the same - very engaging! I feel like I would listen to him teach me anything, and I really can't recall ever thinking that about anyone. Elocution, pace, style, just really quite perfect. What a gift.
Thank you! 😊
The topic of this talk is extremely important in today’s world and I really appreciate Lambers commitment to it from a perspective of empathy. That commitment is so clear through the careful writing and superb delivery of this talk. I don’t know if you will ever see this but I just want to say bloody well done. You make the delivery of a Tedtalk like this look seamless, effortless. This is truly a masterclass in oratory skills and your advice on the subject is beautiful, universally applicable and will make the world a better place with every individual who takes the time to listen to and truly comprehend what you have said. Just wow. 👏👏👏👏
Thank you so much for this encouragement. It is great to hear that the delivery not only only didn't takeaway from the message, but it enhanced it as well. Even though it's only a few minutes of time, I hope it indeed does contribute to the overall goal of healthier interactions everywhere!!!
Mr. Fisher, could you pleaae do a talk on how we can reconcile with our fellow citizens in such a polarized time as ours?
I do appreciate the opportunities I have had to train and equip leaders in education, politics, and law enforcement to accomplish just that. We'll see if the opportunity arises for me to do such on a broader scale. Thanks for the encouragement! 😊
this is one of the better Ted talks I've seen in recent memory
Thank you! 😊
Some people know they lack knowledge but rather assume instead
Wth does that mean? lol
Straight outta Minneapolis. This brother knows. His temperament and emotional cadence represents how most of are raised in the cities.
Thank you! 😊
I love this so much!!! No one will ever be perfect nor will they get along with everyone but I think it is incredibly valuable to really SEE each other and be emotionally invested in each other's wellbeing. It is always easy to accuse people of being too sensitive or paranoid, but far too few people are willing to look at themselves and ask why they aren't willing to care for these sensitivities and understand the paranoia.
Although far too uncommon, I am hopeful that a new trend of honest self-reflection (without shame and self-depreciation) is possible! It starts one positive interaction at a time! Thanks!
Amazing, simply amazing, I have never had to replay a TedTalk so many times, value in every line
That is awesome to hear! Thanks!😊
Wow, Lambers that was beautifully, concise, and meaningfully presented information that anyone can use to change their own personal response to the common context of offense. Good to see you on TedX!!
Thank you! 😊
Awesome content + impactful delivery (sounds like spoken poetry to me) = Top notch output! Thank you Mr Fisher!
Thank you! 😊
This is so good, Lambers! Cheering you on, my friend. Your message is going to help many!
Thanks, Terry! 😁
This is excellent, thank you !
Thank you! 😊
Well done such a great topic and delivery!
Thanks, Zinet! 😁
This was great!!! I will share this with love ones👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you! 😊
01:13 🌐 Living in fear of unintentional offenses hinders positive interactions; there's a need for a different approach.
03:30 🔄 Inevitability of offense: Understanding that everyone, at some point, will offend others due to subjective interpretations.
06:38 🤔 Embracing ignorance: Acknowledging that no one knows everything, fostering a continuous learning mindset.
09:31 🔄 Inevitability of misunderstanding: Accepting that even with good intentions, miscommunication may occur.
11:12 🤝 Reassurance matters: Reassuring hurt individuals requires acknowledging limitations, verbal assurance, and meaningful behavioral change.
12:00 🚫 Living without fear: Accept the inevitability of offense, make efforts to reduce frequency, and strengthen relationships.
You've got the essence right there! Thank you! 😊
Bravo 👏🏽 Thank you 🙏🏼 Great job. I’m glad I got to listen to your wise advice words of wisdom. Gracias 🙏🏼
Thank you! 😊
If I offend someone in my work, I tell them that I have a complaint department, it takes complaints very seriously, and it is ran by a woman named Helen Waite, so I ask them to please go to Helen Waite.
Thanks for sharing your go-to strategy. Glad I could offer an alternative to add to your tool box alongside it!😊
You can’t know everything about someone because they are changing and evolving everyday, and so are you, there is work involved to be able to understand each other and work together to know this new person you didn’t know before when the walls come down between each other you can get to know each other
Excellent Takeaway! 😊
*Thank You* Mr. Fisher - Great mission and lovely voice!
Thank you! 😊
Magnificent- this is really powerful.
Can you do the same for the person who has been offended? How can someone navigate that and discover if the offense was unintentional and trust csn be rebuilt?
I have no idea how anyone could create that and much less how someone could communicate it. But you managed to navigate this topic that I didn’t think could be done.
i think what you can do when someone offends you is telling how what the other person said, made you feel.
if you tell them clearly, without "counterattacking" that what they said hurt you, you are giving them a chance to realize the impact of their words and clarify their intentions.
in the case that they still insist on what they said is right as is and you are wrong to be offended, you'll know that they don't respect you.
Very educative. Thank you
Thank you! 😊
stellar presentation on a very important topic!
Amazing information, this is such helpful information. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.
Great talk!
That was so good. So insightful and straight to the point. Does he have a youtube channel? I would subscribe immediately to his relationship channel or podcast.
Way to go, Lambers!!
Thanks, Cara! 😁
This is video is wonderfully aligned with DBT principle of dialectical thinking.
Thank you! & Exactly!!! 😉
Amen 🙏 Thank you 😊
Thank you! 😊
Getting offended is a choice.
Indeed it can be, and yet there are many who feel like it's unavoidable. I hope this message can reduce the need for both.
Amazing concept
Thank you! 😊
It kind of extenuating circumstance depends upon the topic and the subsequent stance and opinion found therein.
Absolutely! Every response must be personalized to the circumstance. This merely provides a guiding principle to build upon and customize as needed.
This was really insightful👏
Thank you! 😊
@@lambersfishermft definitely looked up you other videos and material too.👍👍 Thank You! & God Bless You
Sounds smooth and well spoken but while this talk delved into possible causes of offenses ,I don't feel like I came out with a lot of concrete advice about" what to do when you offend someone ,".
Thanks for the feedback. I have found that while not specific to certain circumstances, these principles have the potential to significantly impact personal and professional relationships in a variety of circumstances, laying the foundation for relationship repair that would indeed be more specific, concrete, and lasting over time.
Awesome!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥
❤️☀️🌙thank you
Thank you! 😊
I offend a lot of people and straight up don't care.
You’re either playing offense or defense.
In many ways, yes. But hopefully, we can be playing on the same team with a shared healthy goal -- or at least with a mutual respect for our opponent.
Nobody offends anybody; people choose offense, usually because they've heard something true that goes against their narrative and/or belief system.
While there are unfortunately many people who do indeed choose offense, there are many who don't want to be offended but don't know how to avoid it. This message will hopefully help reduce the amount of offensive circumstances that need to be avoided at all.
@@lambersfishermft If one does not want to be offended, then choose not to be. Ask questions, enter into a dialogue, have a conversation about the subject. This is the way adults do it normally.
@@RealIllumin I very much like all of those strategies. I also know that for many, the instantaneous intense feeling of the need to protect oneself from a perceived threat often gets in the way of (or at least delays) the use of these great skills. If we all learn how to reduce that instant response (which often has devastating consequences), then we can indeed get to that shared healthy dialogue of which you speak. Unfortunately, it's not normal or common for everyone... yet. But I believe it can be!
@@RealIlluminthis is not really how emotions work. if you have grown up in a stable environment where you could chose to avoid those who'd try to hurt you, you may be better at 'choosing not to be offended'; but the more your limits have been breached throughout your life the harder it is to do so
Are you offended because it's true OR are you offended because it's not true?
Usually both😅
Interestingly, I find that it's not until one's offense is acknowledged and addressed that the answer to this question can be freely given. True or not true, it's in both parties' interest to offer reassurance of shared value.
I generally laugh when people are offended by me.
1/16/24
This is all elementary.
For many it is. And yet many others have not had the pleasure of these principles being modeled for them as they have been for you. With your head start, I hope you're able to set a great example for those around you to follow. 😊
Only in America 🙄
I can honestly say that I once thought that as well, but having had the pleasure of international professionals attend my virtual trainings, I have learned that these struggles abound in other countries as well. Relationships require work everywhere! 😊
🍿
Folks know me they been told what to think about me
Those folk get f'd
I appreciate your honest self-awareness!
The yapping is crazy
TRUMPISM Rx? I wonder if this great idea might help us to overcome Trumpism
Talking to Trumpsters may seem impossible, and this barrier may lead to Trump 2.
(Perhaps Lambers can encourage Democrats to search for Trumpism solutions, now>
TNX MCH
No matter our political leanings, healthy interactions and decision-making across-the-aisle can only occur when we all learn to own our preferences and needs, accept that others may have differing needs, and learn to communicate them in ways that show consideration for the wellbeing of everyone, rather than a select few.
Jordan Peterson aproves this Ted
I am grateful that this message can benefit anyone and strengthen relationships no matter our backgrounds, views, and beliefs 😊