Agree. I was walking from first grade, biking from third (as it was a close elementary school) and taking public transport to highschool from the 5th. I am very sure it is the same in Finland.
Nothing teaches you to deal with the unexpected like commuting as a child does. Elementary school was always close enough to walk, so I only had to do that starting 5th grade, but it could be an experience. Especially that one day everything broke down and my 45 minute commute by bus and streetcar turned into walking. Fortunately I was a teenager by then and family lived by close enough that I could get there and get out a call to be picked up. In elementary school I only had issues once where a stupid big dog blocked first the one way, then had moved to plan B by the time I got there and I took WAY too long to think of plan C.^
Yep, I took public bus when I was about 10 years old in the UK, before that, I didn't need the bus as I was at a school that was closer, about a mile from where I lived, so I walked it, it was normal and it was more or less the same for a lot of other kids I knew.
To put it this way: Yes, we have crazy people too. But for the most part we have people who, without hesitation, will risk their own lives to protect other people's children. Because “social responsibility” still applies in Germany
I have a 6 y/o son. hes walking to and back from school alone. he actually was the one with starting the process walking back home alone because he felt ready. at that point he was 1 month in first grade. i also allow him to go play outside with his friends, as long as hes not going further away than his school for distance. obviously i helped him with homework much more in the beginning. but never to a point where he didnt had to do anything. we encourage kids to think on their own. and why its important to do so. thats why most parents only had to ask ther grade schoolers if they have any homework. they will answer honest and start working on their own. i only check when hes done or help when he asks about his task. usually a simple explanation is enough, sometimes i will sit beside him and do it together. another point is his ''allowence'' or ''pocket money''. he gets 2 euros per week and can decide what he wants to spend it on. this way they learn early on- on how to handle money. edit: we live in a big city and not in a village
in my case my german parents would interfere less and less in my life as i got older. for example, as a toddler you don't go anywhere on your own, at age 5 i was allowed to go to the bakery down the street to get breakfast on sunday mornings because i didn't have to cross a street or anything dangerous like that, at age 6 i started school and was only brought there for maybe a week or two before i went on my own with two friends and could go to friends who lived nearby on my own, at age 8 i didn't have to go with friends to school and could go to friends that lived far enough away that i needed a bike, at age 10 i started secondary school so i needed to take the subway everyday on my own and was allowed to go pretty much anywhere with friends as long as i told my parents where i was going and when i'd be back, my curfew was pushed back more and more and as a teenager i didn't need to tell my parents where i was anymore, just who i was with and when i'd be back. at 18 i had complete freedom and didn't need to tell them anything except maybe if i'd be eating with them or not. another example would be homework, when i first started school my parents would make sure i did them everyday to establish a habit, as a teenager the would remind me but not check if i actually did them, when i was like 15 and older they didn't even remind me anymore, it was my own responsibility to do them and if i didn't i'd have to deal with the consequences myself. i personally think this kind of parenting makes sense, you can't force someone to be happy and successful, give your child the tools and the emotional support they need and allow them to make their own decisions even if you personally think it's the wrong decision, especially as they get older. to me it often seems like american parents don't treat their children as their own person. let them live their own lives.
Sometimes 3 year olds go alone... it depends on the neighborhood. It's normal here in my residential area. Smaller ones, i.e. under 3, also travel with older siblings. In the village it is usually normal for 4 year olds to be found alone. I don't know where it still exists, but I now know adults who went to kindergarten on their own when they were 4 years old.
Freedom also comes with responsibility. In the USA, children are seen more as property; the fact that they have their own rights, which are sometimes above those of their parents, is seen less. UN children's rights have only not been ratified by the USA. In some US states, child marriage is possible, and I'm not talking about 16-year-olds, but children. Only the consent of the parents is required. This is the Middle Ages, or the 4th world.
Imho, helicopter parenting leads to dependent kids with low self-esteem and low problem solving skills. To become strong, healthy, self-reliant adults, kids must be able to make their own experiences and mistakes - on their own - and face the natural consequences, both good and bad. Also, childhood should be the most joyful and happy time in our life, and I just don’t think it’s a happy childhood if you have parents who are constantly helicoptering around you, making the schedule for you, tearing at you and keeping you from all "evil".
I also feel that puts too much pressure on kids at a time when life is supposed to be fun. Personally, I think it's better to let kids go out and explore, make their own mistakes and learn from them, you're more likely to turn out better when becoming an adult for it, but I do understand that in the US being far less safe compared to the EU, parents probably wouldn't feel comfortable with that. But as a kid growing up in the UK, I'm grateful for the freedoms I had back then to go out, explore, learn and make my own mistakes.
When i was six and started school, my mother went there with me for the very first day, and after that i always went there just with my friend who lived in the house behind us and was in the same class. We were also playing outside all the time as kids, even in the next wood that was maybe 1 km away from our home. But hey .. kids in the US, before Reagan, also had that kind of life : The Dangers Gen X Faced! ruclips.net/video/pPkaJenLJFc/видео.html
I grew up in a subdivision of a big city that actually used to be a village. There were farmers with cattle, pigs, chickens, ducks, and geese (they were fierce creatures). The streets were narrow with one car per 5-10 minutes. But the high street with shops, a brewery, the streetcar line, and semis was just a corner away. My mother half of the time didn't know where I was or with which kids I played and I wasn't even in school yet. I walked to elementary school - it would have been just a 5-minute walk but until had collected all my friends it was more like half an hour. My parents walked with me on the first day and that was it. From 5th grade on I had to take the tram to school, again my father showed me the way once and then it was me in my own. It was 10 minutes to the station where I met a classmate, then 20 minutes on the tram, and another 10 minutes to walk to the school in the city center. From 8th grade, I rode my bicycle from April to October in rain and shine - 9 kms one direction. It was quicker (20-25 minutes instead of 40-45 minutes) and cheaper as I didn't have to buy a monthly ticket and had an additional 15-32 DM to my 20 DM monthly allowance (pocket money) as my parents gave me the money for the ticket regardless of whether I bought a ticket or not). I often did homework while riding the tram home (like reading or multiple-choice exercises or learning vocabs). When I got home I immediately started my other homework (essays, math, esp. geometry) until my mom had lunch ready. Because of my arrival time varying depending on which tram I caught she always started finishing when I was already home. After lunch and homework, I was free to go to see my friends. She told me when to be back and most of the time it was "be home before the streetlights come on". I slacked in school in grades 8-10 a bit. E.g. I wrote my German essays on the tram to school. They were a little bit short for my teacher's liking, but as my grades were okay he only gave me the side-eye when they were less than half a page. Nonetheless, I was best in my class in grade 8. I always had an intrinsic desire to learn and be curious about the world. My parents didn't hover over me because they didn't need to. I tried the same with my kids, esp. as my in-laws were helicoptering over my husband when he still was a kid, he then had a very rebellious phase that almost cost him his high school diploma. They tended to helicopter over my kids too until I told them quits. I always tried to meet them at their level, give them freedom combined with responsibility, let them try different sports and other activities on their own accord, and let them choose their profession. One of them is in his last year at university, and the other is in an apprenticeship. They are happy and healthy - and that's all that counts.
If you want a deeper dive, there's a 44-minute video of a talk a mother that spent a lot of time in Germany held in front of (other?) Google employees after coming back to the US going deeper into it. "Raising Self-Reliant Children | Sara Zaske | Talks at Google" Montana isn't wrong, but as she pointed out, she's got a teenager perspective watching those little kids.
I grew up pretty much in the German countryside. When I was a teen, I had the clear understatement with my parents that I would do anything to come as close to home as I could. From there, they would pick me up at any time of day and no matter how far from home that was. Of course, I was not going to abuse that, and I never did. However, it was a good thing to know that if all goes wrong, I just need access to a telephone (that was before mobile phones were a thing) and I would be picked up. Usually, when I went out to parties, I did organize to spend the night at a friend's place who lived in walkable or public transport distance to the party location. My parents knew then that I would not come home and didn't have to worry (much).
When I was a kid growing up in the UK, I took it for granted the amount of freedom I had to explore and it was all normal. When I was around 10-12, I must have travelled around 10 miles from where I live on my own or with friends, and not once did my parents or I have to worry about myself, it was normal. I also had a free school bus pass which allowed me to use public busses for free, but it also allowed me to use it at other times beside going to school, I also remember that school was around 3 miles away, always travelled there by myself. This was all normal for us and it wasn't just me, most other kids I knew were the same, and it seems like Germany and probably other European countries are not that different. My only main condition I had from my parents is that if it's a school day the next day, I home by 10pm, 11PM at the latest, but on other days that were not a school night, I could stay out later just as long as I phone home to let my parents know where I am, not once did my parents or me worry about my safety. All this was normal and I didn't think anything of it when I was a kid, but looking back now and seeing how American kids are raised, it makes me grateful for the freedoms I had as a kid to go out and explore much further out from where I live. The playground thing and being scared, that's a good one lol, the only time I've ever been scared at a playground was on a roundabout where my friend was spinning it around like crazy when I was on it, I remember holding on for dear life as the geForce were trying to fling me off, which if I did let go, I probably would have gone flying lol, anyway, playgrounds, I've never known them to be safe but I can understand from an American that sees European playgrounds, it must be a bit of a culture shock to them. Anyway, pretty much everything she said about Germany, is more or less the same as the UK when I was growing up as a kid. I also do agree with the independence of kids, I learned a lot more thanks to being able to run my life how I want and to make my own mistakes in life, and ideally, you want to make mistakes at a young age so you learn from them before becoming an adult, and honestly, I think that helps you to become more responsibly as an adult, basically, don't overprotect your kids and allow them to explore and make their own mistakes, they will likely turn out better for it, whereas in the US, you get a sense that kids don't get to do any of that until they become an adult, which for me is missing out on a big part of your life. But to be fair, I do understand why it's like that in the US, safety is far worse in the US compared to EU countries.
About the playgrounds. They are designed to be somewhat dangerous. This way, kids learn to take adequate risks, they get to know their capabilities and how to push them. It's a huge developmental step mentally and and physically. And if the kids hurt themselves, the typical German reaction would be "you're fine. Get up and walk it off" 😂 Lots of German parenting is just about independence, really. Let them make mistakes and figure it out. As parents, honestly, we can tell our children to do or not do things, but they only really learn is through experience. We will guide, but not push. Example: my daughter (11) begged me to enroll her in a certain school. Fine. Once she got there, I kept telling her she needed to study more, which -surprise- she didn't. I sat back and watched and once she got her first bad grade, she was devastated and confused. Guess what? That day she started studying. She would've hated studying and done extremely bad, had I forced her to study earlier. Obviously, everyone's parenting differently, but yes, generally in Germany it's much more of an independent, hands off approach.
I think you misunderstand "the party at home" part! And 16 is the legal drinking age for beer and wine, so you let your children party (drink) at home, so you have at least a little bit of control of the situation ;) And usually you pick up your kids at 2 am, when they drink and/or get wasted or no busses drive anymore or savety concerns. Sometimes its not your home the kids are drinking and at 18 they can go to every club they want! She said she was 17 at that time and being 17 in Germany may differ a little bit from being 17 in the US! ;)
16th birthday party in Germany means you can legally buy and drink beer and wine without parental supervision (thats age of 14 :D). Of course, a birthday party is then celebrated with crates of beer. I doubt US parents would support this. :D
Hm. For me "helicopter parent" has a definite negative connotation. Taking care and watching over your children, should be a given as a parent. But if it becomes excessive and unnecessary, and you decide everything for your child, then you are a helicopter parent.
If the education would be expensive, and if they would be big differences in the universities in Germany and if there would be no other option than to study, may be German parents would also hover over the kids, to get a good study at a good university and almost with a scholarship.
Я родилась в России и позже переехала в Германию. Я росла в то время когда дети с первого класса ходили сами в школу и на все дополнительные кружки. После школы все дети играли во дворах и возвращались домой только когда мама звала вечером кушать. Когда у меня появился брат я сначала отвозила его на автобусе в детский сад а потом ехала в школу. Так как мама работала по сменам и не было возможности нас провожать. И вообще у детей было намного больше свободы и одновременно ответственности за свои действия. Когда переехала в Германию в 15 лет очень удивилась как тут с детьми сюсюкаются. Но получается есть ещё больший контроль/ забота
Helicopter parenting is not good parenting. Born in 67, I had much more freedom than children do today. In the evenings, I and my 4 siblings were counted and checked for wounds. Children of helicopter parents suddenly arrive at university and go completely berserk without any self-control. Self-control, self-confidence = being aware of yourself, not to be confused with egotism and narcissism! @ MY Merry Messy Life made great videos about this.
Yes great channel! The vids are a bit longer, but you should definitely look into it, Giobozz. They show actual first hand footage too, not like just 2 pictures. Another great channel to react to with different (and in-debth) topics would be "TypeAshton" (former "BlackForestFamily")
Counted and checked for wounds 😂 I get it (typical German parenting pretty my), but written out like that, it sounds hilarious. It kinda sounds like your parents saw you once a day and didn't even know your names. "Yeah well, kid 2 broke his arm. Wonder what he's doing now."
my parents never picked me up from a club when i was 16/17 years old and im a girl but my dad always asked me if i have enough money to take a taxi back home (if not he gave me some money for the taxi) just for the case none of my friends can drive a car anymore
Not that different from Germany here in the Netherland; maybe even a bit more freedom. Children from about 5-6 years old learn to play unattended and from the moment they learned to ride a bicycle they are quite free and become very independent very soon.
I think helicopter parenting is bad parenting. Children need the opportunity to make their own experiences in life and learn from them. If they are constantly monitored and fussed over, they turn into insecure adults who can't handle anything on their own.
I don't think it works like that. 1+1=2. My parents were the opposite of helicopter parents. My brother is very capable and Sure of himself. I on the other hand developed an anxiety disorder, can't do anything by myself and get overwhelmed easily. We grew up the exact same way. 🤷🏻 If it was that easy you would only have to follow a certain method of raising children and they would all turn out great. I sure would have benefitted from parents who'd be a little more helicoptering. Because I was too scared to do anything by myself and so I never did anything out of fear. And now I don't know how to do things.
Sure, every child is different, but I think a healthy middleground between helicoptering and neglect is generally a good way to bring up children. Either extreme will not do the kids good, even if some are lucky to turn out well regardless. That's just my opinion of course
I am not a fan of helikopter parenting, because the kid must learn by himself do the right thing. Otherwise they more likely to dont do it later by himself and without the influence of their parents
Our life has an End, right? So think of that! I'm a German and I think the goal of parenting must be that your Child must be an own controlled Person. This Person need's no One without the one who felled in Love to. I don't want a child who lives in the age of 20,30 or 40 with me in my house. What is wen the Day come and I'm dead what is then with my child??? So raise to be yourself!
Have kids in the US also 16th birthday partys in their house when the parents are also there and where the normal present you get from the people who come is a bottle of whiskey, vodka, gin .. or whatever ? At least that was totally normal when i grew up (born 1964) even though official you need to be 18 for "hard stuff" and only beer and wine is allowed at 16, nobody really gave a shit about that.
Germany is easy in "who pays for it" - if there is a Sign " Betreten Verboten" or "Eltern haften für Ihre Kinder" ! If you would be hurt, it is your fault.. and you pay for it.
I don't know where she lived but where i grew up i've never heard of anyone being picked up from the club at 2am. :D :D but i'm in my 30s so maybe times have changed.
I'm in my 30s as well. My parents definitly picked us up. So did the parents of all my friends. So did the parents of all my classmates. 🤷🏻 South Germany.
In my 30's as well. I never got picked up. It was always "too bad. You better be home by 6am, no matter how." Luckily we have night busses on the weekends especially for party goers, but still. I remember I was out during the week once, so no busses at night. I had to walk home for 1.5 hrs. On a bright note, I was pretty much sober by the time I got home 😂
i think its wrong to push anyone in whatever even if they wantet it at first suporting their decitions yes but not pushing desicions can change they are children u know they still grow and figure things out and if i ha da child and it would stop being interestet in its faorit sports or hobbys or start becoming worse at school in the first place i would be worried and ask them out if everything is ok the last thing a teanager needs is an over ambitioned parent who compleatly ignores problems and pusches sucess this does not create sucsess only broken adults
you'd be surprised but one of the favorite pass time of Germans is suing each other. From google: While I know of no index kept for the most frivolous lawsuit-happy nations of the world due to its obvious problems, the most litigious country is Germany with 123 lawsuits filed per 1000 (the U.S. comes in at 75 per 1000), and the least is Japan, with 23 lawsuits per 1000.
But the number of law suits has a lot to do with the efficience. The courts really move fast here in most cases (it seems slowly for a German but it is not really true at all). That's at least a big advantage for corporations that very often try to file law suits in Germany, just to get a quick decision. And I also know about a law suit in Belgium that lasted for nearly 20 years (three intances) because one side could delay and delay and delay - in a way that would never have been possible in Germany.
I took public transportation on my own from 3rd grade up. The most normal thing in the world!
Agree. I was walking from first grade, biking from third (as it was a close elementary school) and taking public transport to highschool from the 5th. I am very sure it is the same in Finland.
Yes, Europe is much safer for children than the US
Nothing teaches you to deal with the unexpected like commuting as a child does. Elementary school was always close enough to walk, so I only had to do that starting 5th grade, but it could be an experience.
Especially that one day everything broke down and my 45 minute commute by bus and streetcar turned into walking. Fortunately I was a teenager by then and family lived by close enough that I could get there and get out a call to be picked up.
In elementary school I only had issues once where a stupid big dog blocked first the one way, then had moved to plan B by the time I got there and I took WAY too long to think of plan C.^
Yep, I took public bus when I was about 10 years old in the UK, before that, I didn't need the bus as I was at a school that was closer, about a mile from where I lived, so I walked it, it was normal and it was more or less the same for a lot of other kids I knew.
To put it this way: Yes, we have crazy people too. But for the most part we have people who, without hesitation, will risk their own lives to protect other people's children. Because “social responsibility” still applies in Germany
I have a 6 y/o son. hes walking to and back from school alone. he actually was the one with starting the process walking back home alone because he felt ready. at that point he was 1 month in first grade. i also allow him to go play outside with his friends, as long as hes not going further away than his school for distance. obviously i helped him with homework much more in the beginning. but never to a point where he didnt had to do anything. we encourage kids to think on their own. and why its important to do so. thats why most parents only had to ask ther grade schoolers if they have any homework. they will answer honest and start working on their own. i only check when hes done or help when he asks about his task. usually a simple explanation is enough, sometimes i will sit beside him and do it together.
another point is his ''allowence'' or ''pocket money''. he gets 2 euros per week and can decide what he wants to spend it on. this way they learn early on- on how to handle money.
edit: we live in a big city and not in a village
@NathiiRainbow
Same with our son. We live on a village.
in my case my german parents would interfere less and less in my life as i got older. for example, as a toddler you don't go anywhere on your own, at age 5 i was allowed to go to the bakery down the street to get breakfast on sunday mornings because i didn't have to cross a street or anything dangerous like that, at age 6 i started school and was only brought there for maybe a week or two before i went on my own with two friends and could go to friends who lived nearby on my own, at age 8 i didn't have to go with friends to school and could go to friends that lived far enough away that i needed a bike, at age 10 i started secondary school so i needed to take the subway everyday on my own and was allowed to go pretty much anywhere with friends as long as i told my parents where i was going and when i'd be back, my curfew was pushed back more and more and as a teenager i didn't need to tell my parents where i was anymore, just who i was with and when i'd be back. at 18 i had complete freedom and didn't need to tell them anything except maybe if i'd be eating with them or not. another example would be homework, when i first started school my parents would make sure i did them everyday to establish a habit, as a teenager the would remind me but not check if i actually did them, when i was like 15 and older they didn't even remind me anymore, it was my own responsibility to do them and if i didn't i'd have to deal with the consequences myself.
i personally think this kind of parenting makes sense, you can't force someone to be happy and successful, give your child the tools and the emotional support they need and allow them to make their own decisions even if you personally think it's the wrong decision, especially as they get older. to me it often seems like american parents don't treat their children as their own person. let them live their own lives.
Sometimes 3 year olds go alone... it depends on the neighborhood. It's normal here in my residential area. Smaller ones, i.e. under 3, also travel with older siblings.
In the village it is usually normal for 4 year olds to be found alone. I don't know where it still exists, but I now know adults who went to kindergarten on their own when they were 4 years old.
Freedom also comes with responsibility.
In the USA, children are seen more as property; the fact that they have their own rights, which are sometimes above those of their parents, is seen less. UN children's rights have only not been ratified by the USA. In some US states, child marriage is possible, and I'm not talking about 16-year-olds, but children. Only the consent of the parents is required. This is the Middle Ages, or the 4th world.
Imho, helicopter parenting leads to dependent kids with low self-esteem and low problem solving skills. To become strong, healthy, self-reliant adults, kids must be able to make their own experiences and mistakes - on their own - and face the natural consequences, both good and bad.
Also, childhood should be the most joyful and happy time in our life, and I just don’t think it’s a happy childhood if you have parents who are constantly helicoptering around you, making the schedule for you, tearing at you and keeping you from all "evil".
I also feel that puts too much pressure on kids at a time when life is supposed to be fun.
Personally, I think it's better to let kids go out and explore, make their own mistakes and learn from them, you're more likely to turn out better when becoming an adult for it, but I do understand that in the US being far less safe compared to the EU, parents probably wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
But as a kid growing up in the UK, I'm grateful for the freedoms I had back then to go out, explore, learn and make my own mistakes.
And children that are afraid of everything.
When i was six and started school, my mother went there with me for the very first day, and after that i always went there just with my friend who lived in the house behind us and was in the same class.
We were also playing outside all the time as kids, even in the next wood that was maybe 1 km away from our home.
But hey .. kids in the US, before Reagan, also had that kind of life :
The Dangers Gen X Faced!
ruclips.net/video/pPkaJenLJFc/видео.html
I grew up in a subdivision of a big city that actually used to be a village. There were farmers with cattle, pigs, chickens, ducks, and geese (they were fierce creatures). The streets were narrow with one car per 5-10 minutes. But the high street with shops, a brewery, the streetcar line, and semis was just a corner away. My mother half of the time didn't know where I was or with which kids I played and I wasn't even in school yet.
I walked to elementary school - it would have been just a 5-minute walk but until had collected all my friends it was more like half an hour. My parents walked with me on the first day and that was it. From 5th grade on I had to take the tram to school, again my father showed me the way once and then it was me in my own. It was 10 minutes to the station where I met a classmate, then 20 minutes on the tram, and another 10 minutes to walk to the school in the city center. From 8th grade, I rode my bicycle from April to October in rain and shine - 9 kms one direction. It was quicker (20-25 minutes instead of 40-45 minutes) and cheaper as I didn't have to buy a monthly ticket and had an additional 15-32 DM to my 20 DM monthly allowance (pocket money) as my parents gave me the money for the ticket regardless of whether I bought a ticket or not).
I often did homework while riding the tram home (like reading or multiple-choice exercises or learning vocabs). When I got home I immediately started my other homework (essays, math, esp. geometry) until my mom had lunch ready. Because of my arrival time varying depending on which tram I caught she always started finishing when I was already home. After lunch and homework, I was free to go to see my friends. She told me when to be back and most of the time it was "be home before the streetlights come on". I slacked in school in grades 8-10 a bit. E.g. I wrote my German essays on the tram to school. They were a little bit short for my teacher's liking, but as my grades were okay he only gave me the side-eye when they were less than half a page. Nonetheless, I was best in my class in grade 8.
I always had an intrinsic desire to learn and be curious about the world. My parents didn't hover over me because they didn't need to. I tried the same with my kids, esp. as my in-laws were helicoptering over my husband when he still was a kid, he then had a very rebellious phase that almost cost him his high school diploma. They tended to helicopter over my kids too until I told them quits. I always tried to meet them at their level, give them freedom combined with responsibility, let them try different sports and other activities on their own accord, and let them choose their profession. One of them is in his last year at university, and the other is in an apprenticeship. They are happy and healthy - and that's all that counts.
If you want a deeper dive, there's a 44-minute video of a talk a mother that spent a lot of time in Germany held in front of (other?) Google employees after coming back to the US going deeper into it.
"Raising Self-Reliant Children | Sara Zaske | Talks at Google"
Montana isn't wrong, but as she pointed out, she's got a teenager perspective watching those little kids.
it´s great.
She is a writer, ane wrote a book about it..
Great suggestion
thanks! like your content a lot!
I grew up pretty much in the German countryside.
When I was a teen, I had the clear understatement with my parents that I would do anything to come as close to home as I could. From there, they would pick me up at any time of day and no matter how far from home that was.
Of course, I was not going to abuse that, and I never did. However, it was a good thing to know that if all goes wrong, I just need access to a telephone (that was before mobile phones were a thing) and I would be picked up. Usually, when I went out to parties, I did organize to spend the night at a friend's place who lived in walkable or public transport distance to the party location. My parents knew then that I would not come home and didn't have to worry (much).
Yeah, you don't want your kid to do something stupid/dangerous, like walk home drunk along a overland road where everybody is speeding.
When I was a kid growing up in the UK, I took it for granted the amount of freedom I had to explore and it was all normal.
When I was around 10-12, I must have travelled around 10 miles from where I live on my own or with friends, and not once did my parents or I have to worry about myself, it was normal.
I also had a free school bus pass which allowed me to use public busses for free, but it also allowed me to use it at other times beside going to school, I also remember that school was around 3 miles away, always travelled there by myself.
This was all normal for us and it wasn't just me, most other kids I knew were the same, and it seems like Germany and probably other European countries are not that different.
My only main condition I had from my parents is that if it's a school day the next day, I home by 10pm, 11PM at the latest, but on other days that were not a school night, I could stay out later just as long as I phone home to let my parents know where I am, not once did my parents or me worry about my safety.
All this was normal and I didn't think anything of it when I was a kid, but looking back now and seeing how American kids are raised, it makes me grateful for the freedoms I had as a kid to go out and explore much further out from where I live.
The playground thing and being scared, that's a good one lol, the only time I've ever been scared at a playground was on a roundabout where my friend was spinning it around like crazy when I was on it, I remember holding on for dear life as the geForce were trying to fling me off, which if I did let go, I probably would have gone flying lol, anyway, playgrounds, I've never known them to be safe but I can understand from an American that sees European playgrounds, it must be a bit of a culture shock to them.
Anyway, pretty much everything she said about Germany, is more or less the same as the UK when I was growing up as a kid.
I also do agree with the independence of kids, I learned a lot more thanks to being able to run my life how I want and to make my own mistakes in life, and ideally, you want to make mistakes at a young age so you learn from them before becoming an adult, and honestly, I think that helps you to become more responsibly as an adult, basically, don't overprotect your kids and allow them to explore and make their own mistakes, they will likely turn out better for it, whereas in the US, you get a sense that kids don't get to do any of that until they become an adult, which for me is missing out on a big part of your life.
But to be fair, I do understand why it's like that in the US, safety is far worse in the US compared to EU countries.
I drove every day in the third grade 30min with public transportation and than walk another 15min thru the city and its totaly normal here :D
About the playgrounds. They are designed to be somewhat dangerous. This way, kids learn to take adequate risks, they get to know their capabilities and how to push them. It's a huge developmental step mentally and and physically. And if the kids hurt themselves, the typical German reaction would be "you're fine. Get up and walk it off" 😂
Lots of German parenting is just about independence, really. Let them make mistakes and figure it out. As parents, honestly, we can tell our children to do or not do things, but they only really learn is through experience. We will guide, but not push. Example: my daughter (11) begged me to enroll her in a certain school. Fine. Once she got there, I kept telling her she needed to study more, which -surprise- she didn't. I sat back and watched and once she got her first bad grade, she was devastated and confused. Guess what? That day she started studying. She would've hated studying and done extremely bad, had I forced her to study earlier.
Obviously, everyone's parenting differently, but yes, generally in Germany it's much more of an independent, hands off approach.
I think you misunderstand "the party at home" part! And 16 is the legal drinking age for beer and wine, so you let your children party (drink) at home, so you have at least a little bit of control of the situation ;) And usually you pick up your kids at 2 am, when they drink and/or get wasted or no busses drive anymore or savety concerns. Sometimes its not your home the kids are drinking and at 18 they can go to every club they want! She said she was 17 at that time and being 17 in Germany may differ a little bit from being 17 in the US! ;)
16th birthday party in Germany means you can legally buy and drink beer and wine without parental supervision (thats age of 14 :D). Of course, a birthday party is then celebrated with crates of beer. I doubt US parents would support this. :D
Hm. For me "helicopter parent" has a definite negative connotation. Taking care and watching over your children, should be a given as a parent. But if it becomes excessive and unnecessary, and you decide everything for your child, then you are a helicopter parent.
If the education would be expensive, and if they would be big differences in the universities in Germany and if there would be no other option than to study, may be German parents would also hover over the kids, to get a good study at a good university and almost with a scholarship.
Я родилась в России и позже переехала в Германию. Я росла в то время когда дети с первого класса ходили сами в школу и на все дополнительные кружки. После школы все дети играли во дворах и возвращались домой только когда мама звала вечером кушать. Когда у меня появился брат я сначала отвозила его на автобусе в детский сад а потом ехала в школу. Так как мама работала по сменам и не было возможности нас провожать. И вообще у детей было намного больше свободы и одновременно ответственности за свои действия. Когда переехала в Германию в 15 лет очень удивилась как тут с детьми сюсюкаются. Но получается есть ещё больший контроль/ забота
Another good video about parenting in Germany vs in the US from the viewpoint of a mother: ruclips.net/video/pWHbwC3B1xQ/видео.html
👍
children learn from trial and error and then know that it hurts when you do stupid things
Im From a big City in Germany and from the 2th Gradt, to the 4th Grade i take the Public Transport to got to School or back
Helicopter parenting is not good parenting. Born in 67, I had much more freedom than children do today. In the evenings, I and my 4 siblings were counted and checked for wounds. Children of helicopter parents suddenly arrive at university and go completely berserk without any self-control. Self-control, self-confidence = being aware of yourself, not to be confused with egotism and narcissism!
@ MY Merry Messy Life made great videos about this.
Yes great channel! The vids are a bit longer, but you should definitely look into it, Giobozz.
They show actual first hand footage too, not like just 2 pictures.
Another great channel to react to with different (and in-debth) topics would be "TypeAshton" (former "BlackForestFamily")
Counted and checked for wounds 😂 I get it (typical German parenting pretty my), but written out like that, it sounds hilarious. It kinda sounds like your parents saw you once a day and didn't even know your names. "Yeah well, kid 2 broke his arm. Wonder what he's doing now."
my parents never picked me up from a club when i was 16/17 years old and im a girl but my dad always asked me if i have enough money to take a taxi back home (if not he gave me some money for the taxi) just for the case none of my friends can drive a car anymore
Not that different from Germany here in the Netherland; maybe even a bit more freedom.
Children from about 5-6 years old learn to play unattended and from the moment they learned to ride a bicycle they are quite free and become very independent very soon.
I think helicopter parenting is bad parenting. Children need the opportunity to make their own experiences in life and learn from them. If they are constantly monitored and fussed over, they turn into insecure adults who can't handle anything on their own.
I don't think it works like that. 1+1=2. My parents were the opposite of helicopter parents. My brother is very capable and Sure of himself. I on the other hand developed an anxiety disorder, can't do anything by myself and get overwhelmed easily. We grew up the exact same way. 🤷🏻 If it was that easy you would only have to follow a certain method of raising children and they would all turn out great. I sure would have benefitted from parents who'd be a little more helicoptering. Because I was too scared to do anything by myself and so I never did anything out of fear. And now I don't know how to do things.
Sure, every child is different, but I think a healthy middleground between helicoptering and neglect is generally a good way to bring up children. Either extreme will not do the kids good, even if some are lucky to turn out well regardless. That's just my opinion of course
I am not a fan of helikopter parenting, because the kid must learn by himself do the right thing. Otherwise they more likely to dont do it later by himself and without the influence of their parents
Our life has an End, right? So think of that! I'm a German and I think the goal of parenting must be that your Child must be an own controlled Person. This Person need's no One without the one who felled in Love to. I don't want a child who lives in the age of 20,30 or 40 with me in my house. What is wen the Day come and I'm dead what is then with my child??? So raise to be yourself!
A normal German adult keeps an eye on smaller school children on the bus. it is an unconscious thing.
Have kids in the US also 16th birthday partys in their house when the parents are also there and where the normal present you get from the people who come is a bottle of whiskey, vodka, gin .. or whatever ?
At least that was totally normal when i grew up (born 1964) even though official you need to be 18 for "hard stuff" and only beer and wine is allowed at 16, nobody really gave a shit about that.
Germany is easy in "who pays for it" - if there is a Sign " Betreten Verboten" or "Eltern haften für Ihre Kinder" ! If you would be hurt, it is your fault.. and you pay for it.
American Parents control their Childrens education because it's soooo expensive. It's that easy😉
I don't know where she lived but where i grew up i've never heard of anyone being picked up from the club at 2am. :D :D but i'm in my 30s so maybe times have changed.
😆
I'm in my 30s too and it was definitely a thing when I was a teenager! Usually parents would take turns to bring me and my friends home
I'm in my 30s as well. My parents definitly picked us up. So did the parents of all my friends. So did the parents of all my classmates. 🤷🏻 South Germany.
In my 30's as well. I never got picked up. It was always "too bad. You better be home by 6am, no matter how." Luckily we have night busses on the weekends especially for party goers, but still. I remember I was out during the week once, so no busses at night. I had to walk home for 1.5 hrs. On a bright note, I was pretty much sober by the time I got home 😂
i think its wrong to push anyone in whatever even if they wantet it at first
suporting their decitions yes but not pushing
desicions can change they are children u know they still grow and figure things out and if i ha da child and it would stop being interestet in its faorit sports or hobbys or start becoming worse at school in the first place i would be worried and ask them out if everything is ok
the last thing a teanager needs is an over ambitioned parent who compleatly ignores problems and pusches sucess
this does not create sucsess only broken adults
No Germany is the same as Belgium you have to be in reach of the eye sorry
you'd be surprised but one of the favorite pass time of Germans is suing each other. From google: While I know of no index kept for the most frivolous lawsuit-happy nations of the world due to its obvious problems, the most litigious country is Germany with 123 lawsuits filed per 1000 (the U.S. comes in at 75 per 1000), and the least is Japan, with 23 lawsuits per 1000.
But the number of law suits has a lot to do with the efficience. The courts really move fast here in most cases (it seems slowly for a German but it is not really true at all). That's at least a big advantage for corporations that very often try to file law suits in Germany, just to get a quick decision. And I also know about a law suit in Belgium that lasted for nearly 20 years (three intances) because one side could delay and delay and delay - in a way that would never have been possible in Germany.