Enforcing Boundaries! What to do and say
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- Опубликовано: 17 апр 2024
- While I know you don't always love confrontation this person is challenging you to finally learn how to stand up for yourself. Maybe it's not that extreme for you, maybe you just struggle with telling a person what you need. Maybe you fear the backlash that will come from telling a person what you think and feel. This week I want to share with you how I learn how to set boundaries with other people and give you specific situations I know you've been in and what to do in those situations.
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Let’s pray for whoever needs this. Thank you for these insights.
Unbelievable timing for me as always
I taught my kids to
Knock when a door is closed.
I have noticed that its often times better to not announce the consequences. It creates a type of ultimatum feeling amd although a boundarie can some sort of ultimatum, it all comes down to them respecting our requests.
-asked you not to call during work___just stop picking up the phone or block them momentairily.
-someone calling you names____ tell them you do not accept namecalling and walk away when they do it again.
-someone touching you inappropriate during a date____ let them know once and leave whenever they cross your boundarie a second time.
Its not about announcing but acting.
@zion367 EXACTLY no need to announce a damn thing just act..that's always been my motto!
@@traceylennon1204 I approached it from a different place the past few years and it has proven to me that it doesn't come from an empowered place. Often times when we announce consequences we do so because we hope that the other person will see the light and change their actions. That in itself is a subconcious form of manipulation and dependency.
And even more so... it triggers the narcissism in others even more. Like... aah, you said you were gonna do XYZ if I do ABC?? Okay, challenge accepted.
Anyway, just acting is the best approach from my experience.
It's a one sided conversation if you can't get a word in. Ok, have fun talking to yourself then, I'm out.✌
I noticed that the narcissistic people in my life would actively try to encourage defensive language and once I realised it I also knew it was a good way to identify toxic people because healthy people spoke calmly and objectively, but the narcissists would try to catch you off guard and use ambush style tactics to force you onto the losing streak. They would deliberately rush me because it made me more likely to become panicked and vulnerable and this would make it easy for them to get a win.
Very true…..narc sister always tries to set me up or bait me….. I see right thru her & love to completely ignore her attempts
Such an important video! It may seem simple for some but I just couldn't do it and understand fully before therapy. Ppl keep telling me: "And I think it's ok", "You are too sensitive", "Why do you restrict my actions?!" (I asked not to touch some things in my flat🙈). I just didn't know what to do with ppl that didn't really care about my feelings, personal space, etc.
Hi Sasha, how's your day going with you?
I enjoyed this video
Boundaries is important for my overall well being an serenity.
I think they are easier when dealing with Reasonable folks.
For the ones who take my boundaries an make it their mission to stab them in my back, I focus on Living my life an cut off communication with them.
Hard lesson to learn.
I’m Grateful for your willingness to help!!
Not easy when your immediate family is lead by a malignant narcissist. No contact is really the only option
Most definitely…..there is nothing good for you there….. I hope you find and nurture healthy relationships…..protect your mental health!!
It's really horrible how some people act towards me..ok its their character. But it still hurts me. Then I think cool you don't have any boundaries. If I set one, they don't care. So I do something wrong. This is extremely hard for me. Maybe I set them wrong. It almost always backfires. They scream they don't listen. I love to isolate but then I get lonely and depressed. Aaahhhh. Thank you for your help!!❤ Much ❤ from Germany
Maybe it's not because you set boundaries wrongly, but that you set them at all which makes them scream and don't listen. There are people who will always cut away at your boundaries: they feel your boundaries threaten their feeling of being in control. Like people who feel in a position of power never give up that power willingly. Next time you isolate, use that opportunity to make some new friends. Friends with absolutely no connection to them.
@@stephena1196 rightfully said! Thank you :)
@@animalliberationCLBB Gern geschehen.
Love this! As moms we tend to lack boundaries and need them/ be firm with them. Using this to co parent as well.
Sounds good. Doesn't work.
My ex narc Ignored everything & did what he dang pleased. They used to call it, Disneyland Dad. He ignored me and the kids for 10 yrs. After the divorce, they spent a weekend with him, every other weekend. When they got Home/with me, they were spazzy for a week. Then they calmed down & acted Normal, then it was time for them to go spend a weekend with him , & the cycle would happen all over again. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I like the way you explain❤
You're the best, thanks for sharing your advice.
Thank you ❤💯
Amen!!! Your videos have truly helped me navigate my thoughts and life, and I have learned information, that I didn't hear prior to hearing these videos. Thank you Mrs. Stefanie for using your wisdom and knowledge and experience to help others 🙏 😊
Thank you for the regular wisdom.
Regular wisdom? What does that even mean. Seems like a sarcastic unnecessary comment
Perfect timing ❤ ty Stephanie ❤
This is an amazing video. I actually just cut out somebody from my life because they can’t help themselves in terms of telling me what I need to do. It would be fine if they were giving me suggestions and when I said no thank you I know what’s best for me. They would leave it but they push and push and push and push and push and push and push and to be honest I’m just fucking sick of it. I brought this up to them before several times, and it doesn’t change. This person is not at the place where they know how to do any better so that’s it for me
Good for you for being strong and able to communicate. I’m going through something similar with my narc parents. It’s sooooo hard 🥲
@@kaynock1585 yeah, parents is very difficult. My mom has zero boundaries. Like none. And so I never learned them growing up. And now I have to literally physically remove myself from the space when she doesn’t stop doing something. Or I put down the phone and I tell her clearly that I’m not willing to talk about that or whatever. But she is the only mother I have and she’s old so I just don’t tell her about most things and I keep her in my life she’s old and at this point is pretty hard to change but I can change my behavior. This run I’ve had for years and she never used to do this before but in the last year we’ve had so many times but has where she thinks she can tell me what to do and it’s not just that she suggest things it’s that she will not take no for an answer she has to push me and push me and push me and push me to the point where I get so angry. I tell her clearly what she’s doing was wrong and she can’t see her role ever. She tries to make it seem like we should both share blame because I do that too. And we’ve never ever had that discussion about me doing it and she’s never said anything. So the fact that she’s deflecting and never accepting responsibility is what has just finally sent me over the edge. I’m 100% fine walking away from this friendship if she just can’t stop herself. We’re not at the same place obviously and I will not tolerate anybody do this the only people who have done that to me are my mother and my ex partner and I will not tolerate that in my life. sorry you’re going through something similar. I know how it feels. It sucks.
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Steph-a-Mom!!!!
Right on!
Right in time!!!!
“Ask (I did) & it is provided
YOU have!
For how you take care of
us
Thank you!
❤👏🏻✌🏻
It's quite the mystery on identifying non verbal boundary violations in terms of behavior
I think as a general rule if it is bad manners, then it is a violation of boundaries.
Thank you, Steph for this video! Very helpful.
Thanks for your information Stephanie, and have a Nice Day 😉👍
Thank you,so important. 🤍
Changed people, changes people.
Thanks, Stephanie.
I think this is a great video as I am dealing with both my mother and husband who are narcissists. They really frustrate the hell out of me. They will never admit or understand how they are. So now I have to learn how to deal with them and set my boundaries so I don’t work myself up. Thank you for the helping video. All the videos I’ve seen had made me aware of what a narcissist really is and to know it’s not me. So many years of questioning myself.
Thank you Stephanie💕yes I have learned to be careful and keep my calm and detach and in control🙏
Timing like always
Hey hey pretty lady!!!! Thank-you for the wonderful message!!!! xoxooxox Love it!!!!
Hi Stephanie. Awesome job on this video. All your videos have been so inspiring and comforting to watch. I’m going through a divorce and it’s a very complicated process because of my wife’s CPTSD. She had to leave me because our marriage itself was to triggering to her as a reminder of the Relationship trauma she survived before me. It’s so hard because it’s neither of our faults
Thank you ❤it’s ❤wonderfu❤l for opening our mines❤
I have an acquaintance who always happens to “forget” her wallet when we go out to eat. I’m not her sugar mama. I’d be happy to treat her if she says she doesn’t have enough money, but she manipulates me with “oops!, I don’t have $”. It’s so rude. I stopped hanging out with her. She just asked me to coffee or brunch. How do I say in a nice way “only if you don’t financially manipulate me bc I make more $ than you.”?
I told my brother that there are certain people i dont want to talk to in the family but he forces me to talk to them. I thought as a brother he would protect me. Its getting to the point where i want to get the cops involved because the family members are dangerous people and im scared.
I need this😢❤️🙏
Hi Susan, how's your day going with you?
One of the main things not mentioned here: before taking all the action, communicate the boundaries clearly and make sure they are understood + (IMPORTANT) make clear which specific action(s) did not fit those set boundaries. Only then can you reasonably expect respect and avoid reactions that result from uncertainty. Last, but not least, you have to also follow your own rules.
Recently I stopped visiting old friends when invited, as one of them has taken to attempting start arguments: during a Sci-Fi RPG he became enraged about the in game existence of faster than light travel, insisting that having to do lots of poetry at school somehow magically makes you good at writing essays, or erroneously insisting hikite is for power generation not pulling the opponent's arm down to more easily punch or throw them. It's happened every time the last few visits. My being calm and reasonable seems to make him worse. He isn't a stupid person, he must know he's being deliberately rude. It appears my being invited is so he can argue with me. It's bizarre. Any attempt of mine to explain which actions of his are unresaonable will just be used as an excuse for him to argue more. Anyway I declined the last invitation to visit and I've no intention of visiting them again.
I am just trying to think how to keep my calm because I have to see a person who runs after me every time and is trying to force me to be fish😅..or something😡
Great video, lots of good points made.
I especially liked the part @ about 19:31 where Coach says, "when you give yourself what it is that you need, you won't desperately need it from someone else," that is absolute sage advice right there 📠 💯
I do also just wanna point out that what she says in the beginning (@ 1:47) about having to leave jobs that aren't working for you anymore, that it kinda confirms to me what Orion Taraban says about how women treat [men in] relationships like men treat jobs... but honestly, it could be a two way street💁🏿♂️-the way either gender goes about it is always different, though imo.
😂😅🤣😂😅🤣😂😅🤣😂😅🤣😂😅😂🤣😅😂🤣😅😂🤣😅🤣 Awesome, I needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏
hlw mam no boundaries lack camnicution
Omg.. my boyfriend calls/text while at work … I have asked and he just does not get it!!! Its been 1 year and he still calks/text!!! He says, “I’m controlling “.
You are a normal person. And he probably is a jerk, and don't even know about it. Jerk hates normal people, they just can't handle them.
My dear… turn your phone off while you’re at work! That’s what adults do. Then enjoy the calls or texts he sends, after you leave work 😅
🤍
I'm Not a guy.
She creates a fortress around herself and no man, once he gets to know her, will stay. She would be a nightmare as a girlfriend! She will be single forever she will become old, crusty and elderly, and she will die, lonely, cat lady.
Ladies, single women keep women single. Keep going to this one for advice and you will never have a loving relationship.