My Interview on NPR: I Kissed Dating Goodbye | Joshua Harris
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- My interview with Rachel Martin from NPR’s Weekend Edition Sunday about the process of reevaluating I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
For NPR interview and transcript: www.npr.org/201...
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Your book was a positive impact on me and my college friends. Through it and other godly people in our lives we lived those principles and today we are all married and raising a godly family. Now my daughter is 17 and we have taught her the same principles as she embarks on her own journey. I am always grateful for the path we took back then and how God truly guided us to the love of our lives.
I think you communicated really well Josh! I am one of those people whom your book affected positively, I think. It mostly gave me grounds to stand on as a 14 year old girl who knew wasn't allowed to date until she was 18 but didn't have her own personal convictions. As I got older I think there was a group of us (particularly at my church body) who pendulum swung too far in the direction of not dating that we overly committed when we shouldn't have in some ways. Even if now my parents and I think differently than we did then I think your book was more helpful to me than not. =)
Thanks for sharing this, Bekka.
I noticed the same problem too. In fact, I still see it. A simple date is viewed as something way more serious than it actually should be. It's not just your church body i'm afraid. You should check out "courtship in crisis" by Thomas Umstattd jr , and for a more balanced view on how to date and have morals, check out "true love dates" by debra fileta.
The best selling book held back many potential Christians for having meaningful relationships.
The purity movement has hamstrung many the same way wide spread sexuality has. NO ONE HAS A FAMILY. WOMEN THROW AWAY PRIME CHILD BEARING YEARS.
Both paths can have the same ends.
Josh, for me I read the book and I think I took most good ideas you presented in it as a young writer. It really encouraged me on my decision to live in abstinence and helping ladies who got my way understand it was the best as way to live as Christians, that expression of our sexuality was an expression reserved for marriage...
Now, Harris believes you should just do whatever you want.
You’re a really humble honest and courageous guy. I don’t think you need to fully blame yourself for how much people lived their lives by your book. You wrote it at the time with the most you knew and best you could do then.. no ones perfect and if people based their entire live lives and decisions on just your book, that’s on them as well. In my humble opinion ... :)
It's impressive to me that you are so open about going through this process. I think a lot of people wouldn't have the humility to go back 20 years and open something they wrote up for critique, with the intent of learning/growing. Here's hoping the responses show the same respect/humility, even if individual experiences weren't good.
I'm hoping God will use this process to help me figure out some stuff and also somehow help others.
Now, Harris is full out embracing sodomy.
Of your videos, this has been my favorite one. I think the final interview cut was even-handed and kept the overall "aura" of your comments clear. Let's face it, it takes courage and humility to do what you are doing. I have really been wondering, since you have teenagers, how have you attempted to invest in your kids thinking about dating and relationships? I know you want to be open to those who have been hurt because of your book, while at the same time, you are on the ground NOW leading YOUR kids. Your convictions and thoughts are being displayed to your children because you are hopeful for some desired outcome. As a dad of teenagers myself, I juggle the reality of wanting my kids to know grace and wisdom in making decisions, while at the same time, wanting to just lock them up until they are 21. There is nothing like parenting that can cause you to question everything. That is especially true when things do not go well for one of your kids--my wife and I have experienced that in some big ways this year. Today, my granddaughter turns four months old. The whole journey has caused me to ask: where did I go wrong? what could I have done different? Did I do the right things and my kid just decide to reject it all? It seems to me that the challenge is always rightly applying what we think we believe.
Really appreciate your comment, Rodney. Thank you so much for watching and giving this feedback.
Thank you so much Joshua for writing the book! I'm currently in the middle of reading it and loving it so far. We need people like you in this world who are not afraid to tell the truth that is based on the Bible.
Praying for you and this whole process.
Thanks so much for your prayers.
I plan to do additional videos about my process of reevaluating the message and impact of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, but in this video, in which I do an interview with Rachel Martin of NPR, I share a little about the journey I'm on. It's really long (20 min...sorry!) because it includes raw footage of some of the interview as well as the 5 minute edited show that they aired. Since I recorded this back in July I've begun to receive stories from people about how my book effected them both negatively and positively. You can read those and share your own at www.joshharris.com
Thank you, glad to hear it, and glad you're open to the fact your book had unintended consequences for the people who read it, and the people who tried to take anyone on a date that had read it.
Thanks for watching and giving feedback, Kenny. I'm sorry for any negative impact my book had on you.
I totally get your comment but when are people going to take responsibility for their choices?
brandie Hanna so true everyone wants to blame someone for their own decisions and life at the end of the day God can and should use you in singleness and marriage i honestly think this book is a fantastic evaluation on the whole dating getting married process excellent writing from Josuha harris on the topics people do not apply their own wisdom to their lives and instead want to stigmatise this book. its silly if people want to take the principles too far and go extreme with what was said they have obviously missed the point. The main message i got from the book is that you must not start something you cant commit too. Men take liberties and so do women, we must respect eachother and honour each other thankyou for the book just read it & i enjoyed it!
Humility works wonders for me. Even if the theory harmed folks, you had good intentions.
I'm glad this video was 'long' because it meant I could eat my breakfast whilst I listened! (I live in England by the way)
Anyway, I read your book when I was about 15/16 & I'm now 26. I remember loving the book because I found your style of writing easy to read & relatable. I have a vivid memory of reading it on holiday in Wales & wanting to stay inside & keep reading it rather than do anything else! :) I re-read it many times & I recommended it to my friends + my older sister who was in a relationship & I don't think she appreciated it as much as me!
It's tricky to say how much the book shaped my choices because there wasn't a lot of guys around in the churches I was in anyway!... But the principles of the book made a lot of sense to me.
I've only had 2 relationships in my life (with guys I mean) & unfortunately I wouldn't say either have been the best examples of how a relationship should be. I guess that shows you can have solid teaching on these things when young & still screw up! But people misread your books if they think they teach that you have to be perfect because I know you're 100% about grace too. Though of course, that's not a license to continue to sin.
I definitely don't think you should feel bad about your book because you wrote it, I believe, under God's guidance. Also you were only 21! So don't be too hard on yourself, you were doing your best & it DID help a lot of people.
I'm going to end this super long message by saying I still completely agree with the principle in your book which says 'Intimacy is the reward of commitment'. That is a pearl of wisdom I think & can actually be applied to all kinds of relationships not just romantic ones :)
Really honored that you would take the time to watch and then leave a thoughtful comment. Thank you! And hope breakfast was delicious!
why do people put the blame on Josh?! I know the blame game has been going on since the beginning of time but people NEED to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions! I kissed dating goodbye helped a lot of people and btw the book is STILL helping many Christians today as they continue to read his book!
I have read books of Josh and I kissed dating goodbye was a great one. Some people just did not understand the book. The principles are biblical and the guidance of the Holy Spirit is necessary as you will tend to take it literally. I was already growing in my relationship with Jesus when I read the book in college. It had helped me so much in the way I view love and the way I protect my future husband’s purity. I would just like to thank you Josh for writing this book as it had impressed Jesus’ unconditional love for me even more.
I live in Colombia and i read your book when i was 21 years old, 17 yeras ago. In that point your book gave me a lot of principles that i think that are good, and help to take the dates more serious, after i read your second book "Dile si al Cortejo" and i thik that i learn the correct way lo trus love. Your Book is not a danger is only doesn´t use it like a law or cahnge the bible for the Book. But today I am a young Pastor with my wife and now i say that your book are awesome till. That help me to take correct decisions. And finally i think that this generation need principles like your book talk. Thank for your ministry and hearth
Regardless of what people say, I loved the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” There was a whole lot of Godly wisdom in that book and would still recommend the book to others, even if the author is reconsidering what he wrote.
I think you just need to update the book and qualify some things and use the maturity you've gained through the years. I really enjoyed the authenticity you were writing from. I can feel the struggle of a 21 year old trying to live your life better than you did before. I can't believe people used it as a rule book rather than a guide line. Even in the book you said people had to look to the word of God.
great video Josh...constant change is here to stay !!!!.....great to see food involved at the end ! had to watch it all the way thru just to check!.......:>)
Sorry you had to watch the whole thing to catch the Korean bulgogi. That is good stuff!
Korean bulgogi?????
such a blessing! please keep sharing and teaching more about your book, we love it and get so blessed through it, lots of greetings from germany
How was anyone damaged by following the principals of the book? Someone didn’t go to her prom was the only thing specifically mentioned.
Big deal. Why do Americans think that they have to do everything the culture does, as if it’s a good idea to throw teens a senior party designed for couples,?
If missing prom helped her stay pure, that’s a small price to pay.
The book helped me examine my intentions in relationships and I wish I’d had it sooner; It would’ve saved me a lot of heart ache. In hindsight I would be happy to trade my prom experiences in for purity.
i was only 19 when i heard you on the James Dawbson Focus on the family show , it did impact my life must addmit , i cant say negatively because we are ultimately affected by our own character rathwr than someone elses opinion, no crying over spilled milk
You mean Dr. James Dobson?
I read the book way back when I was in college and I want to read it over and over again. It helped me a lot not only for dating purposes but most especially in my life as a Christian. I have recommended the book to other teenager Christians and hopefuly and it will be helpful to them. I also read the Boy Meets Girl, Not Even a Hint and your latest book (Sorry I forgot the Title).
Thank You so much!
May God Bless you and use you more to help other Christians grow.
Josh i love the way God restore his glory back to you
He may walk away from God, but God will never walk away from him!
I recognized truth when I read your book several years ago. I thought it illustrated the Christian perspective in contrast to the world's perspective and opened the door to the leading of the Holy Spirit in this major area of the pursuit of God's will in the Christian's life.
Josh, your openness is incredible! I think writers going back and reflecting on the content is very helpful for both the mind and soul. Would you ever consider publishing the book again, but with your edits and "notes in the margins" included? I think that it would be cool to see in the mind of the writer like that... but then again it could be extremely messy, and probably only weird ppl like me would enjoy it! haha!
In all seriousness, though, I'll certainly pray God meets you during your reflecting. That He will give you more wisdom about His perfect design and understanding others in this world.
Thank you for the suggestion and for your prayers. I don't know where all this is headed but believe God is in the process. Thanks for watching.
Josh, I still support what you stood for your book "Boy Meets Girl" in 2001. I don't think I read this one. I still believe in abstinence before marriage. What you wrote has influenced so many people for good, especially those who really want to remain pure and pleasing to the Lord. I read it through a friend while in Nebraska. Times have changed but the Lord never changes - neither does His Word. We cheer you on especially now that you have been in the valley of decision. May the Lord reveal to you the many people around the world who have been silently supporting you (I'm from and in Africa). Please reconsider your decision and may the Lord fully restore you back in the faith of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We are desperately praying for the restoration of your family as well. All the best and God bless you.
I totally get people who took things negatively but on the flip side we have choices to make.If someone wrote a book on 'the only way to get to heaven' and it didn't work for,you yes the the author has some responsibility but there was no gun pointing to your head saying to do exactly what it says.so we need to take responsibility for our choices!
i still dont read the book but then i come acrosss through speech given by some pastor....n i m really touch wit the speech....n i do hope dat this will change ma life....thank u @joshua....God blessed you.....m from India again in one corner of a small tiny village thank u
I liked the book. I had the opposite experience as a young man with women pushing themselves on me and me having no defense. It was the era of the beginning of "free love" and that approach caused me to lose respect for women. The result was I lost desire to ever marry. I wish I had "courted" instead of "dated". This book would have helped me a lot had I been able to read it as a young man.
Josh, wish we could have heard Rachel's questions. Guess I need to look it up on NPR. Appreciate you being vulnerable here.
This is interesting, I read the book a few years ago when I was single in university. And I made a youtube video about it and someone who watched it asked for the book so I posted it to them.
If you now feel some of the book you don't fully agree with would you not recommend reading it?/have you stopped selling it?
I read various books about love and after reading your book I still dated, but I guess I am different to some because I never casually dated I always dated with intention to find a partner for life, I've never just been messing someone around.
Different people find different things work also, some might say don't think of it and actively look at people for a relationship/don't eye people up, but then again if I hadn't actively used a dating website I wouldn't have met my partner.
Maybe also not being christian also altered my reading of your book, I took what I wanted from it but didn't take it as rules I had to follow if I didn't want to, and if I didn't want to it wouldn't interact with my faith/lack of.
Hey btw its interesting your in Vancouver now! So am I.
That was a really interesting video. I think they did a great job. I've had my ass kicked on NPR before. I'm sure you've thought about all this but be really careful WHAT you listen to in terms of feedback. I'm sure you got that advice when the book was released and you can listen to all sorts of positive feedback and turn yourself into a god but it goes both ways. We're just men. Some things we were not meant to hear. Many will look to leaders for validation EVEN if they disagree. It's a lose/lose. We can not fill the role of a earthly father that wasn't around or a heavenly father that's not being turned to.
I do think it's great and admirable and all that that you're taking time to (re) consider the process and impact of that work but we're learning that taking on more than our fair share of responsibility can be very damaging for people too. Hope that helps. Meant to be an encouragement. I hate long comments filled with advice from strangers. I liked your book because it made me not feel as crazy and alone. Of course, I turned it into a judgmental hammer to smash everyone else around me. I would have done that with a candy bar too because that was what I did back then. I'm thankful you took the time to share those ideas then though. - Ben
one idea I just thought about is you could have someone you trust pre screen all the feedback and summarize or cherry pick. Just an idea.
Good insight, Ben. Thanks for taking the time to share it. Your channel is seriously one of my favorites on RUclips. I feel like you guys are using this platform creatively to influence and engage people. I'm inspired! I'd love to connect sometime.
yeah. I was just thinking we'd love to connect too. Ironically we just had someone give us the same *advice* I posted here about some videos/flak we're going through. I think I might implement it myself. Let me know if you have any ideas RE connecting. We'll probably be in the northwest in August and could so something in person at that point but something intermediate and digital could work if it would be beneficial. I'd love to bounce some vid ideas back and forth with you cause I know you've been investing on that platform. - Ben
Yeah, let's definitely connect before August...but it would be fun to meet in person then, too. I'll DM you my contact info on Instagram.
DESAPOINTED
DESAPOINTED
DESAPOINTED so much josh harris
I would add that I think that dating has it's place and that it could exist as a stage before courting. Dating in my humble opinion should be spending time with someone of the opposite sex but not allowing for too much intimacy to take root. Intimacy between a man and a woman best belongs in marriage. Marriage has existed for thousands of years. Why? To provide the context for the man - woman relationship. The problem with dating today is that people allow premature intimacy to bond them together without commitment and the result is wasted emotion, wasted time, wasted life as relationships come and go. Women in particular who date one guy for years can wind up alone and lonely as they grow older, while men look to younger women to "date". Someone commented that if she gets sick and dies the one holding her hand if she is lucky is her latest boyfriend. When two people date for years, their history together evaporates when they split. So i would argue that dating should be a sorting process to decide who to court. Courting should be about seriously inquiring about whether this man and woman really want to be together and whether they can fulfill each others needs, but without all the dopamine surges that premature intimacy brings clouding the judgement. When they commit and say "I do" then the physical intimacy can begin to bond them together. Premature intimacy is putting the cart before the horse, and is all about getting not giving which is the essence of true love.
I was glad there was also a book called Boy meets girl. It made I kissed dating goodbye, make sense. Unfortunately no dutch translation (reason: too american, I was told), a pity.. so don't forget your second book. ;)
I don't think the book gives guilt but make us realize the having someone to date must go on a Godly direction and not on our own ways
Your book affected positively as well and probably you are getting the point about that particular part where the words are written like it was a formula that many others have to obey it. I love you are having a humble heart to listen, but you should not repent for something you wrote in your own words. Maybe that's a good lesson for writers.. they are unveiling their own thought as intellectual property and the job of the reader is just to decide to know the author of the book and decide to honor the point of view or just reject it and keep going in searching for another perspective that could satisfy their beliefs. I'm still single and my best friend got a little sad when I let him read my book, but he passed away, we never ended up in a relationship and I guess I was in a season where I wanted to be more stable to dream for marriage and I still believe it's the desire of God to see him working in a miracle, by making a couple to meet each other and then pursue a family.. but so far I don't know how this will happen in my singles over 30.. and not anymore young to be distracted by not serious guys.
I can dig. thanks for sharing. there's some wrestling I am doing having lived a life that has had consequences for other people.. being honest about your well intentioned past is difficult. It's a special kind of rawness.
Thanks, Aaron. Really appreciate it.
I find it interesting you're reflecting years later. I'm in a similar place. When I was 16 I read the book and pretty much accepted it all on face value. Now, as a young adult pursuing someone, I'm reflecting on which parts are practical and from God. I'll be keeping an eye out for where you go with this. Can I look forward to blog posts, videos? How will you be sharing your findings/thoughts?
But it was that girls choice not to go to prom. I believed in the philosophy of that book and still went to Christian dances.
Josh, you shouldn’t have to apologize for a bunch of controlling parents that took your book and turned it into propaganda. What happened with your book simply shows the flaw in trying to control massive church organization. If a Shepard doesn’t notice that one of his sheep are missing then his flock is to big.
Your book has helped me soooo much Mr. Harris! Even though I did not come from the background of several broken relationships, I struggled (and sometimes still do!) with infatuation and other problems that your book helped me to understand the root too. The reason that your book was relevant to me was because it was based on the word of God! People looking at it from this perspective I think will find it useful. Oh! and by the way, your book also inspired me to write a poem that won third place in a contest for a Christian youth magazine. So thank you soo much for writing this book which I believe is still relevant today because you based it on God's word!
I'm not sure why but the audio is about 2 seconds off from the the video. (as in they're not synchronized - the audio comes before the video. Delayed visuals.) Is this just me?
I'm experiencing the same thing.
Hmmm...it's working for me. Maybe try reducing the quality. Sorry about that!
Okay, I think the problem is when you play it in HD...so reduce the quality to 720p60 or below and see if it works. So sorry!
I absolutely loved the book. A book I definitely recommend.
Josh is no longer a Christian. Why? Whether you are a Christian or an atheist, you should know the evidence for your beliefs. You should read the books of Christian apologists and read the books of skeptic counter-apologists. You cannot claim to be truly informed if you have only read the arguments of one side. Here are my book recommendations:
Christian:
--"The Resurrection of the Son of God" by NT Wright
--"The Death of the Messiah" by Raymond Brown
Skeptic:
--"Misquoting Jesus" by Bart Ehrman
--"The Outsider Test for Faith" by John Loftus
And remember, belief should be based on evidence, not warm, fuzzy feelings.
Now that you're finally willing to take an objective look at the flaws in what you wrote 20 years ago, take the next obvious step and open your eyes to the even more glaring flaws abundant in religion. Freeing yourself from the prison of self-imposed ignorance and from denial of reality is one of the most liberating, rewarding and worthwhile things a person can do.
You look very sad, i am sorry for you, Joshua.
I just want to say that Jesus loves you Joshua! Pray that God draws you to him!
How would you provide for your kids josh?
Just as Eve lied in the garden telling the snake "we were told not to TOUCH it"
These well meaning overberances are, STILL LIES.
You are not the only person who has written a book that has had a negative impact in "some" lives. All Christians are personally responsible to pray and get direction in implementing any information. One Book that has had a negative impact in 2 generations!!@@ Is Dr. Spock book on parenting. I read that before I had children, and he talked about not spanking children! Talk about destruction! And the false narrative that is love. You know the scriptures. Totally against it.
These two ladies offer a helpful sanity check.
ruclips.net/video/Voz-0hkU_jw/видео.html
This book never displayed a formula or did not come across as this is the way it should be! if anyone actually read the book it clearly states on page 205 The various ways in which God brings men and women together, like the unique designs of snowflakes, are never quite the same." I agree with most of the principals in this book i do believe age/maturity contributes as to how you can navigate towards a God honouring courtship stage and that one on one interaction is necessary at times to ask key questions that wouldnt be suitable in a group setting other than that Josuha no need to apologise. The same knife used to cut up vegetables can also be a weapon in the wrong hands a person without wisdom can easily mis interpret the revelations in the book or hurt another thats not the authors fault its lack of wisdom from the reader and manipulation too. personally i would of loved to have read this book 5 years ago but God prompted me to read it just now thankyou for this book
What I am learning is that it's about a personal walk with Jesus Christ. I read your book and found it weeding out the true ones from the false. Did I Kiss dating goodbye? No.
We...and I need to take my own advice I am giving to you. These books are to offer help. I am learning...read the WORD of God and work out your own salvation. We all want to follow someone. Jesus said, "follow ME!"
What I find sad are the "christians" jumping on the bandwagon to beat down a work...a book, not the Bible, to help them. Satan is having a field day. Where is the love of God if we are constantly getting on our platforms to slice and dice people because we are the theological expert. If I dont have love, I have nothing.
Joshua Harris,
I am currently reading your book & for is amazing. It’s been ministering to me in a wonderful way. I am taking what’s for me. but I wanted to let you know that towards the negative comments you receive because of the book can show you lack of relashionship people have with the Holy Spirit. We take in information as we can be open minded, JESUS left us the Holy Spirit to guide us to the truth. Maybe people don’t have the same revelation the Holy Spirit was ministering to you that’s why it cause them to take radical decisions. Just like people read the Bible & often make radical decisions, and make up false doctrine , but They shouldn’t blame God for what he wrote because only he knows best. Therefore, God, yourself and The people he decides to reveal himself through the book you wrote know what the Holy Spirit was ministering to you at those moments and as long as it made an positive impact in your life then stay firm into what you believe and what God put in your heart. God bless you!
are you really the author of that book? I've found you for a long time.
if you are not going to speak the truth and the sound doctrine you better not speak, false prophet
This guy makes the book out to be more than what it was, has he not read some philosophical books? They are so much better of a read his book.
It was come short in tge Garden of eden And God Restored it throught Christ the son of the living God not Jesus the 41stGeneration
Hello I must say the book was really good but not its not for ages
hi joshua.
just because people disagree doesnt mean they are right. sometimes following God meets opposition. u added concepts that were true to the bible such as sexual purity, and God wants people pure. u were just enlightened and wanting to express that idea...and people benefited from it. not all will benefit though and u dont have to please everybody. if they are offended by what is 'true' then they are upset with Jesus , not you.
its sad knowing that u gave up so much just because you went to that school which oppened up point of views that were worldly. its like u have opened urself too much to the point of being closed down for repairs. trying to please the haters, hopefully did not spark this.
eternity is far better than pleasing people. to have some of your readers blame you for what u have written is somewhat concerning more on their part rather than yours for they can choose to do whats right and pray together as a couple and seek counceling rather than bantering and ruining your own personak life and relation with God- the being you were once so passionate about.
i feel bad... because from listening to some of your videos u started to think it was all ur fault... self pitty and starting to question God's law and things He stood for... why? cause of what they viewed? dont get lost in their views because that wont save u. i underatand trying to broaden one's curiosity but sometimes the bible itself is enough because it's the essebtials. i hope that your indulgence in overthinking about ur book doesnt make u stumble. because from that moment, just seeing how things oanned out, it started slipping when u started doubting what u wrote. dont forgt , it was never about u. u were and are as am i as any other chriatian ( that trullybwants to please God) was meant tp be a tool used for Him. wash ur hands clean by coming before God, not others. hoping and praying for the best. dont make it right for them. make it right for God.
what camera you using?
I'm currently reading your book for a project im working on, and so far i've disagreed with something on almost every page. If you want, i could send it to you with my hand written notes in it, I don't have the best handwriting, but it might be some helpful input for you from the perspective of a guy who's 31 and hasn't been in a dating relationship longer than a date or two, largely because of views expressed in your book.
Also, I think "true love dates" by debra fileta is a far better book with a lot healthier advice by someone who's a bit more qualified than you were. Also, have you read "courtship in crisis" ?
Thanks for the offer. If you're able to easily pass on your notes that would be great. If it's easier just to give basic summaries (so you don't have to scan every page) that would be even better.
I just finishes Courtship in Crisis and am reading Debra's book next. A lot of great insight in both.
ok will do! after all this is 2016 and information is easy to transfer :) I'll let you know when i'm ready.
Id also like to know your viewpoints Kenny
Alright, here’s the short short version of my thoughts. A friend and I are working on some videos where we discuss the book in deeper detail, using specific examples from the book to try to help some of the people that are stuck in a rut of singleness caused by this book and others like it. So I’ll post a link to those once we finally get them all filmed, edited, and uploaded.
In my opinion, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” was written by a young man struggling to make sense of a lot of things he really did not understand very well, while proposing a solution which was in many ways just as broken as the system he was bashing and considered irredeemable. I belive that Joshua Harris meant well when he wrote it, but good intentions sometimes just don’t go the distance.
As I read the book, I saw things that had I been a younger person, I very well may have been hurt by. Actually there’s a good chance I have been hurt by those ideas through trying to deal with these ideas “in the wild”. There are many examples of what I would consider spiritual abuse , fear mongering, double standards, man bashing, and acting like young adults are essentially helpless babies. Then ideas that things that God built into us so we would seek a mate in the first place are somehow sinful. Not to mention there was the idea that one day “the one” just shows up in your life and you fall in love and that’s it. It doesn’t always work like that. Especially when young single Christians segregate themselves in the name of being “holy and pure”.
There was some good in it too. There was about a chapter (chapter 8) on God’s forgiveness that I thought was very well written. Most of the rest in the book that I thought was good could be summarized in 2 sentences:
1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
2. Treat members of the opposite sex as if you’re not going to marry them, and how you would want your future spouse to have been treated.
I found it very irritating that throughout the book, dating was bashed as irredeemable and worldly. Dating can and is done by people with morals too. Books like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” have made dating a taboo in Christian circles resulting in a lot of single people, this is a problem I personally am working to change.
“I Kissed Dating Goodbye” is a book I in many ways love to hate. I love it because it’s a look into a guys head that’s in the process of figuring things out and trying to be the best possible version of him, and I hate it because of the damage it has contributed to. It was by no means the only book on the subject , and it is “courtship lite” compared to the “courtship” described by Bill Gothard and his contemporaries , which I was taught at my church growing up.
I’m excited for what Joshua Harris might have in store for the next book, I think it’d be absolutely amazing if he could do some kind of collaboration with Debra Fileta or Thomas Umstattd jr. I think that would go a long way in both repairing some damage done, preventing it from the next generation, while still encouraging people to be the best possible versions of themselves while going on lots of fun dinner dates at the same time.
Also, that's awesome Joshua Harris! I.K.D.G. is referenced in one of my favorite paragraphs of "True Love Dates" (lower part of page 20 to be exact). I'm stoked.
Might the review of your change of mind be to give you a platform and reason to seperate from your wife
I am glad that he’s taking a self-introspective look at the himself and the book. Because we are human and we can be wrong especially at 21 years old.
But I am not sure he should take responsibility for how people have applied the book and how it has been misused. For example, I don’t think he should take responsibility for someone not going to the prom because of his book because it never says to do that.
Jesus loves you, hun.
Idealists can’t land permanently.
I'm a conservative evangelical homeschool mom with young adult children already and have seen your book used to force and destroy teenagers hearts during crucial years of training. I really pray that you move forward revising that book QUICK to avoid more harm. It's been out that word of an inexperienced 21 year old for SO long already and you are the only one who can fix it. You are in my prayers.
Luzmarina Barrero Wow.
I’m just going to say. Go Fuck yourself. I didn’t like you back then. I don’t like you now. You were full of shit back then and your full of shit now. You wanna know how to think differently. Get a real Job. Work in the real world and get the fuck out of Church.
The book is good, but come on one-on-one dating is NOT a bad thing. That is what us adults do. I think I can handle dating that way-we are not kids
Setting standards too high is the problem why many stay single for so long. They think thy are always doing something wrong and won't let anyone go into a relationship with them. They become too sensitive and picky
Chapter 7 says a girl wanted to be a virgin until she married, but she Gavin in right before their 2 year anniversary....um yeah. Why was she Not married yet after 2 years?I took a Christian concealing class and the teacher said if your not married or have a wedding planned after a year 95% of the time it's because your either having sex or your insecure
If a women calls me her friend or introduces me as her friend then that tells me she has NO interest in a relationship. I won't ask a girl out if she calls me a friend.
And going out on dates and getting romantic is healthy even if it doesn't work out. You don't just wait for mrs right to come along. You ask girls out for coffee coffee and get to know each other. I will NEVER have interest in a women if she only wants to date with a group of people like I need to be babysat. And let's not miss the point that us men think about sex every 20 seconds. Its Human to do that. God designed us to need intimacy.
Religious dirtbag
He left Christianity
It's so sad that Christian's ruin their lives over a man made religion. Theism is false. Wake up and experience real truth beauty and wisdom. The holy spirit your feeling is identical to the delusion scientologists, Muslims and Hindus feel as well. When you realize all religions are man made you stop allowing your thoughts to be made by iron age men, and you become the author of your own thoughts. You will be amazed how smart and clever you are. Sure religion is an easy sell when you have problems in life, that's how these churches get you to give your life to whatever god. But Christian's aren't happy, many of them have life long struggles manufactured by their peers and they create unnecessary limitations on themselves. Free your mind and you will see this from a bird eye. Unwash your brain and it will feel fifty times better than what the fake holy spirit feels like. Any former Christian or muslim will tell you.
Josh, I can't believe even in your utter failure, you find ways to monetize your utter and complete failure. Do you hear your extreme lisp? I say respectfully of course, your inability to accept your gay tendencies at age 20, your shame and self hatred caused you to write a book, and make millions of dollars, while your words paralyzed a generation of young men and women from moving forward with real life. Listen to how gay you actually are.