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I want friends, because they are fun sometimes. But they stop being fun at points and then I don't want friends, I want to be alone. Yup, I feel you. :)
Lol, aw man i can relate....Walking contradictions! Ever have ppl tell you how kind you are but bcuz you analyze urself and ur thoughts & actions everyday, deep down you feel like a self centered, narcissist...i personally take it one step further and get mad at myself for even thinking about it....i want friends but they have lots of shady decision making which translates to me not wanting to waste my time and makes friends... Wow.. I'm sorry i could've gotten to the point waaaaaaay quicker
I don't know that I want to be a "normal" person. I have resisted society's efforts to steer me into more acceptable patterns of thinking and behavior, and I'll try to stay "just me", even if that is less acceptable to others. I will agree that other nfj's do bring a feeling of relief that it was ok to be weirdly different from the majority. They give me a feeling of connection to our common "otherness." Also that the otherness is good, and not a terrible flaw.
I’m an INFJ. It’s about, “Don’t you know that we are nothing alike?” And they don’t know. Not really. We keep searching for someone to hang out with who thinks like we do. I still haven’t found that person. I struggle with small talk but now I get that people need to be heard even when we would rather talk about something profound. We hate seeing weakness in ourselves and that’s why we don’t depend on others emotionally. We don’t reach out to others as much as we should. People always come to us. We give great advice but people rarely take our advice. We don’t try to be a good friend, we just are a good friend. It’s genuine. The good comes through, but we are not trying to draw people to us. We don’t like excessive attention. We want people to put value in the truth we are sharing, not put value in us personally. That’s because we value the truth that other’s share. We hate liars and manipulators and we can spot them right away. People like us because we are different. We just don’t get that because we are searching for someone who is the same as us. My friends love how I spot things about others. They say I am initiative, laid back, and creative. They see me as sweet but I am not that sweet. I can emphasize and be kind to others but I don’t need people as much as other people do and I have no patience. I have a life goal that has nothing to do with money. I’m happy now because I finally found my life goal. That’s what it takes for an INFJ to understand themselves. Discovering our life goal = discovering our much sought after truth. We need a life goal and a purpose to be happy because we can see the big picture. This life is bigger than us. INFJ’s know that and so they are not haughty in their knowledge and their pursuits. Loved this video. Thanks!
I found Jesus. I saw so many miracles that I changed my life completely. I study Bible prophecy. I believe that we are living in the last days and I am waiting for Jesus to come back. I can actually feel the Holy Spirit inside me at times. It feels like a warm tingly energy. I usually feel it in my heart. I’ve only known one other person who has felt that energy. Maybe that’s the sixth sense that INFJ’s are said to feel. (I don’t know if the person was an INFJ or not.) I also have “just known” many things. I understand the Bible better than others for the most part because I see patterns that most people miss. My life is not empty anymore. I’m not very good about talking about my faith. I could say, “You need Jesus,” but like I said before...we are good at giving advice but most people won’t take our advice. People don’t want to change their life. I get that, but you asked and so I am sharing my journey. I also love poetry. I write children’s books. Being an author is all about having a platform and making yourself known. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to write. I sew and that’s fun. I used to work with children and that was very fulfilling but I quit teaching because I kept getting sick. I can be lazy and moody at times. I will probably write one more book and then begin a new goal. What can I say, Jesus is the only one who gets me. My faith makes me feel whole. Thanks for asking.
First of all, I read every word in the Bible-cover to cover. Most people haven’t. Like all INFJ’s, when we study something that we are really interested in, we study intensely. Pastors are not usually INFJ’s. They usually have a very limited knowledge of Bible prophecy because Bible prophecy is not what people want to hear. People just want to know generalities when they think of the future, not specifics. (We are saved, we are forgiven, God is love, etc., not anything complex.) I have studied Bible prophecy since I have been 19, on and off. I did a Bible study and showed up with 8 pages of notes to pass out. I realized when writing my notes that I was putting together some ideas that people have not even covered online. There is a huge community of people who study Bible prophecy online. Issac Newton had a theory about Bible prophecy. A lot of smart people through the ages have studied it. Everyone was of course overwhelmed with my notes because I gave them too much information. I have great discernment. When someone talks about the Bible, I am usually thinking...I like the first two things they said but the last thing makes no sense because it conflicts with x, y, z. I might write a book about Bible prophecy someday but if I do, nobody will read it. I am not a pastor after all, and my book will just get lost online. Still, I will probably do it just for me. So maybe I will write two more books, and then I will stop. Lol. When I’m in a Bible study with a pastor or church elder, I’m usually calling them on this or that (in the nicest possible way of course). I want to have a profound discussion with them but in reality, I am just making them uncomfortable, sigh.
The peculiar thing is that people are disappointed when you are not present at a social gathering, and yet when you are present, it's as if you go unnoticed most of the time (I find myself just drifting alone completely unintentionally while everyone else groups together talking loudly).
This is very true. INFJ here too. Im doing me at the gym and people come around me and workout in my vicinity- possibly its my energetic vibe. My friends and family are always upset with me when i cant make it to their party. I even go to a friends party and meet their friends and get invited all the time- im like ok ill go! Lol i think it boils to where we know ourselves very well, we are not needy for people like extroverts and at the most we are very independent. Yes we’re quite, not loud but very mysterious. People are curious about us INFJs. We live in a perfect world that no one can enter unless we let them. INFJs 🤘🏼
My bf told me yesterday "everybody loves you" and I thought "what why?" I feel terrible since I tend to disappoint and at times people can be burdensome I know my family misses me but I just enjoy creating and being in my own space. I love people if I could I would save 'em all and I would provide love and joy wherever I go but I become exhausted. It does feel nice to have people see me in a way I don't often see myself. You hit the nail on the head woman. Well said! 💖
Yeah we don't do well under pressure. This one time one of my closest friend told me that I'm the coolest person he has ever met and I smiled like an idiot but never asked him what's the reason and still wonder why he said that. I think it's better if we don't know why people like us for whatever reasons, because that way we won't know what they're expecting of us and we can just be ourselves. I'm not saying we always behave or act the way they like, but when we're aware, sometimes we might be forced to act or behave a certain way that they like.
When people give me a compliment, the FIRST place my mind goes to is "what do you want?". I know that this is a strange thought for most people, but for me it's just natural. Perhaps because I don't tend to compliment the same way as others. If I say something, it's because I stated a fact; good or bad, I speak with accuracy. Other people tend to exaggerate their compliments, or give them when they want to make someone feel good. I do it in an observational manner.
LMAO yes! "what do you want" that is always what I'm asking myself anytime someone is engaging me or talking to me, not just when they are flattering me or buttering me up which never works but it's funny to watch people try to get over on me as a "read their minds"
That JUST happened an hour ago with me and my friends on facebook! They were messeging me how they missed and loved me, I felt like, "how could they miss me? I've feeling left out of the conversation, and you all of sudden love and miss me? Why should I believe you? What proof?"
I don't know, I miss people sometimes. Although, for me to genuinely miss someone, they have to be someone that's special or becoming special to me. INFJ's can seem cold, but I think we do that to be cautious. I don't let just anyone into my personal life. You have to earn my trust, or I have to intuitively sense that you genuinely want to be a part of my life. Once I open up to someone, or if I'm voluntarily there to help you, I'm definitely a warm person.
Yes, I agree with the trust thing. I trust very few people. In fact, perhaps, two or three people at most. And even those, I am still cautious with. :)
I'm clod out of necessity. I simply do not have the energy to love everyone. or care about everyone. I fought this limitation my whole life but I realized that when my energy is low I get very distant from the world and I start shutting people out of my life that are just to cumbersome for me to deal with. by the time I'm not exhausted anymore I'm all alone again and I feel free and light but then I get lonely again and reach out to people trying to make friends again and the cycle repeats itself. My best friend is actually my cousin because he never gives me any shit for not calling or messaging. He get's how I am and he's cool with it. He's a total extravert with a zillion friends everywhere he goes. The man has never met a stranger in his life so he doesn't depend on me in that regard. That allows us to be very good friends.
Yes yes yes yes yes! It's truly baffling to me! I will even not show up to parties or events because I talk myself out if it by asking who would really want to hang out with me? Then I end up coming off as "I'm too cool for you". It's so interesting that others experience the same feelings!
fkn INFJ, you ARE too cool for everyone else =) Nah just kidding but honestly I have been told so many times that I am like the coolest person ever. I still can't figure out why people see me that way. It's certainly not how I see myself.
When people say they missed me , I’m there thinking what did you miss? Are you sure? Haha. It feels kinda cringy unless it’s somebody I consider really close saying it and I don’t normally know how to reply coz I hardly miss anyone that is not very close to me and saying I miss u back in such situations feels like someone pulling out my teeth so I just smile awkwardly
Hahaha!! Yup! That's us. Smiling awkwardly while people around us display feelings towards us. I usually say this, "Thank you so much for thinking so much of me. I'm so grateful." And that's that. I don't say I miss them back ever. Cos it's not true. And I don't want to lie to them.
So when you tell an INFJ you love them and they don't say it back, are they telling you the truth that they don't love you or are they uncomfortable saying it?
Same! I don't think I've messaged anyone that I miss them. But people often do then have to ofcourse say it back because you know.. People rarely have an impact on me since they take more from us like a good listener, an empath, easy going to hangout with while they don't really do any of these things as such. I can miss the fun times for sure but not the person.
Haha I totally get that. One thing that really gets under my skin is falseness. I can pick it a mile away. Then I get frustrated that other people don’t see it.
"Why would you want to hang out with me?" -> "What do you want?" 99% of the time, people have a personal agenda and they are interested in what you can give them. They want what you can provide, and rarely is it because they know your person. It can come across as fishing for compliments, I think, but really it stems from a place of cynical realism.
You are correct, it is not low self esteem. Not all INFJs wonder why people want to hang out with them. It may be the difference between INFJ-A (assertive) & INFJ-T (turbulence). People want to hang out because your authentic as an INFJ and care deeply, think deeply, and respect other (unless severe conflicting morality issue). Some people need the insight an INFJ has sometime, other more often. INFJ excel at para language (seeing and reading micro expression, body language, very slight changes in voice inflection). We are able to recognize subtleties para language and quickly build an idea on what's going on with a person (often correct). Our 4th functional stack or functional hierarchy is Extroverted Sensing which really allow us to hear, see pick up on thing. INFJs can tell when someone is conflicted and so many other emotions, and that what we are hard wire to do. Your a kind & unique person who genuinely cares about people (& often animals). People do see/sense this your tremendous empathy, authenticity, and depth of understanding which skyrockets over the years. Words that often describe INFJ: Empath Protector Confidant Learner (most INFJs continue learning formally & thru diligent self study thru the journey of life. Even as an INFJ, each INFJ (or other MBTI), is unique in comparison to other INFJs. From your presentation, I can tell you are kind, pensive, giving and probably understand many subjects on a deep level and want to share, not due to your own ego, but because your selfless in action. You care 🌞 You have a million dollar smile, thank you for sharing 😀
Wow, thank you so much for this lesson. I am learning so much because of all of the awesome comments you guys leave on my page. And thank you for the compliment. I appreciate the support. :)
I am a turbulent type I never miss anyone but I'm very liked amongst those who know me and always get this but never have I felt that way I'm way happier alone with no one who knows me bc I can be anyone anywhere doing anything and not care
turbulent types are the ones who question every word every facial expression, why did they say it that way? what does that mean? maybe their mad? maybe I'm sad? maybe they don't like me? caos...24/7
@@s.v.gadder1443 I used to be an INFJ assertive, but then experienced a traumatic event and now seem to veer turbulent. Each state brings gifts, imho, but I think I'd like to get back into the INFJ-A camp--the paranoia/anxiety I sometimes experience these days is exhausting!
Spot on! One thing we need to keep in mind is that we tend to not need outside validation like most people, and we may think that we are doing someone a favour by being honest, but they may interpret what we say, or do, as being rude, or disrespectful...I know I have, and later when I find out that I offended someone, I apologize, and am sincerely sorry for hurting their feelings, but to myself I'm thinking; "God, how do you get outta bed in the morning"? I wish the world understood us.
Love your name by the way!! Awesome! And thank you so much for watching. I believe it is our responsibility to make the world understand who we are. We are too complicated for them to do that on their own.
Haha! Exactly Grapes, can i call you Grapes? 😊 I am also very cynical in my head when it comes to people like that, cant think outside their head. If someone says something that could be interpreted in different ways, i got for the nicer one... if im wrong, they'll correct me and i can take it. No harm done to either of us.
Phone Myat RIGHT! It's like if I see you everyday for the rest of our lives, or if this is the last time we cross paths, It will NOT change how much I love you...I'm starting to think that the world has an incorrect perception about what love is.
I fell in love once years ago with a girl who I thought the world of, but it was unrequited. I think a trama bond happened to me. I've been alone ever since and it hurts like hell quite often. I've never thought I could love someone again and don't think I'm good enough anyways. Just recently I discovered that I'm the infj type and now realize that I'm not alone in being like this.
For me, this is like an issue of trust. Anyone who willingly invites me into their life without a trace of skepticism or apprehension strikes me as being frighteningly naive. I can't trust anybody who I am capable of fooling. And while I do not consciously try to deceive anyone, I do have a dark side and a strong sense of justice that can be vengeful and unforgiving. Because I can see inside myself so well, it is utterly bewildering (and uncomfortable) for me when someone else completely fails to see that. Like you said, it's not a self-esteem thing. I have no problem accepting that part of my personality, and I don't doubt that other people will also be able to accept it. What makes me apprehensive is when people seem unaware or attracted to this false image of me that I have no familiarity with. (In fact, when I encounter someone who _is_ able to see right through my outer facade, I find it insanely attractive.)
That last sentence...I very rarely find anyone who understands me, let alone understand me completely. It’s baffling when I find someone who does and I get completely attached to that person.
As an ENFP, we do see through you but the complexity and texture of your personality is highly attractive and it feels like we could never get to the end of it. Super INTERESTING!! And tantalizing!
I'm an INFJ, it happens to me all the time!! ahahaha It's like, we struggle to picture our own identity, I think. How can someone like us, when we haven't even got the full grasp of ourselves? We are chameleons, so we surf through so many colours and sometimes forget our own; so how can someone like us, if they haven't seen our true colour? Great video, thanks for sharing that!!
It feels like that for me with love. Sometimes it feels alien that people could possibly love me and with the genuine depths that I love them. It’s not a self esteem issue rather just feels foreign and inexplicable. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that feels/thinks these things.
one thing I have learned is that if one person can think it or feel it so can another. So if you can feel love for others, so too can others feel love for you. I get what you mean though, it always makes me pause and ask questions.
I have a friend that I have known for years, and every time we hang out...EVERYTIME, I feel like I'm going on a first date - I'm nervous, I'm thinking am I gonna have a good story, I'm thinking, when I get quiet and have nothing to say because I'm just enjoying the silence is she gonna be like..."you're weird, we're not friends anymore!" I have about 3 good friends I've known for 20+ years and I think all the time, 'why are they friends with me, what the heck am I brining to the table'. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks this way.
Soooooo true. I feel like I annoy/inconvenience a lot of people, sometimes, so at times I need to ask if I'm annoying/inconveniencing said people, which I think just ASKING that surprises them... xD
I'm the same age as you, and have felt that way my whole life. Alcoholic father in childhood as well, it's been rough. I have always wanted a girlfriend but I don't think I'm good enough, so no love for you(me).
44 also have CPTSD I have lived through and seen more than is healthy but you are not alone brother. They can beat us, they can abuse us, they can take their best shot but only we can allow them to break us. You are tougher than that when you dig deep.
One of the best things about being an INFJ to me is when I look online for insightful work about introspection and understanding myself and I'm bombarded with info and help from fellow INFJ's because of our serious want to positively enlighten others. I wouldn't want to be associated with any other type, thank you guys.
Boom Shikha Also it give me such great relief to hear how you don't really miss people but you still love them. There have been times where it's been so confusing because I'm so sensitive and loving on one hand, and I feel like a sociopath or like I'm autistic on the other. It's funny because I've explained the absence of missing someone the same way. That there's so much going on in my life and that missing people just isn't a thought that crosses my mind very often.
I know what you mean. It's normal for us, so that's just going to have to be good enough. We are not sociopaths, although it does feel like that sometimes. :P
Madeleine Sweeney I feel like the potential sociopathic tendencies of an INFJ are a defense mechanism because when we feel we FEEL. So we have to pick our battles when it comes to what we give emotion to because if we don't filter through what we feel, we end up feeling everything, which can be torturous to someone so sensitive to the emotions of others.
Being an INFJ empath who can't control it and my emotions I have always over analyse/privately study human emotions and behavior, people including my guy have gotten angry at me many times because they think I'm trying to judge them, even after explaining the real reason I do it they're still angry at me, all I want is to try and understand people better.
V Treadwell I've found myself in the middle of a dream many times, and realized that I was dreaming in the middle if the dream, and I'll start anylizing it while I'm having it.
I love this thread, i feel so normal now!!! I want to study something to do with people and what makes them tick.. i just cant decide what 😔 are we indecisive when it comes to making decisions that can shape our lives?
We think too fucking much. We procrastinate too much but when we begin the task, usually nothing but sickness or death will stop it from completion. Im so bad at accepting compliments, so whenever I ever big-up myself, people usually know that It's my sense of humor.
This is very recognizable! I totally said the "at first I didn't like you, but now you're one of the best people I know" thing a couple of times to people xD
I can relate. Usually people miss me and approach me first. And yup. They want to hangout with me more than i do. And people keep inviting me but i really dont want to. While im the type that i choose who to talk to and hangout. I love them but i dont want to spend time with them haha!! I want my own time and i will find my close friend if i want to. Which makes them so confused lol, only close friend understand how weird i am haha.
Yeah, I agree absolutely. I want my own time first and foremost. I want to be on my own all the time, and then sometimes occasionally very rarely I will go out and hang out with my friends. Very confusing indeed. :)
Idk how many people are on personalitycafe, but there's this thread on there, "send a hug to a user," and it surprised me when I was mentioned, even tho it was a fellow INFJ haha, but anyway, I literally said, "I'm always surprised to find out people like me. I always wonder why." Also, typically, I don't miss people til I see them or hear from them again. It's like I miss them in retrospect.
Thank you for saying "we don't miss people." I realised that I feel like this when I was younger and I was told it was not normal. It is not wise to verbalise it. Ppl think you are heartless, which is not true because, as you said, we still love them dearly. We can happily wait between meetings. But if someone is permanently removed I miss them so bad the pain still bleeds out my subconscious eg dreams etc long after I thought I was done grieving.
Oh! AAHH! You said the "I don't miss people"...YES!!!! I tell my boyfriend all the time, if I tell you I miss you, you'll know I really, really mean it! Somtimes, he'll be like "babe, I missed you today, did you miss me" and I have to be honest and say "No, I didn't miss you today, I was just to busy doing other stuff, and I just saw you on google chat yesterday, I'm sorry, but I love you!"...BUT sometimes we can be the same space like sitting right next to eachother, and I have this longing for him and I'll turn and say "I miss you sweet pea". It's weird, I'm weird...but someone loves me, LOL
I just discover this "INFJ" thing... And Watching this channel makes me feel like the little girl in the "No Rain" song by Blind Melon... It feels good to know am not the only "weirdo" out there...
I like being alone and having my space for creativity, learning/studying, Critically Thinking and analytically reasoning, people think I’m weird and I find I can’t relate to people, Then I thought about it, I realized that they are the weird ones and it’s not that I can’t relate to them, they’re the ones that can’t relate to me!🤷🏽♂️
Hahha!! Yes, no secrets anymore. If we didn't have all of these secrets, perhaps, we would be more open to the world and people. Thank you for watching!
This is pretty spot on except I’m not surprised when someone likes me not because I’m so self aware of my flaws but moreso because I’m totally unaware of people would perceive me. I’ve had a boss tell me that she understands why coworkers want to share information with me because of my personality and I was completely shocked. I can’t tell you how I present myself outwardly that encourages people to be drawn to me.
"socially awkward autistic people" lol TRUE This is so fun to watch XD I too don't get why people want to hang out with me, especially the elderly and the children and peers (okay, a lot of people). I don't see it? I do know how to have fun but I have a quiet demeanor, an observer type, and I'm SO serious when I'm focused on something, which is most of the time. I cannot NOT do something of my liking or I'll get extremely bored in a snap, I'd feel drowsy and would just rather sleep. I also have like an aura of really not wanting to be disturbed. I don't get it, I feel preoccupied to entertain someone (I never get rude though, esp. if they're not my immediate family), I don't speak much, maybe that's it? Arghh, why?? I wanna know, I haven't truly asked that to myself or them :p
I was today years old when I found out the 'not missing people' was an INFJ thing. I say, "I look forward to the next time we connect." Because, living in the moment... I am as happy with them away, as I am with Them the next time They are near. (My chosen Ones)
I think people like us because we are authentic and sincere, usually. I also find our goal oriented drive inspiring, since it's usually not fixed on concrete things. In a nutshell, we might be socially awkward and distant, but we are very beautiful despite that. + We are naturally very empathetic and people are always drawn to that because we all appreciate feeling understood, don't we?
Hi, Boom! So nice to hear this! Thank you!Embracing it now, after 43 years in complete darkness, feeling so much different without knowing why... It's still overwhelming for me to find out that there's more people like me :)What I don't understand, is why people are always saying how special and loveable and unique I am. They talk about my "good and deep energy", how warm and sweet and tender I am, and I find it really odd, because for me is just a natural thing and I am far from perfection. I should be a good company just as the rest of the people. But what I see, is that people feel kind of magnetized. And, yes, I feel so guilty for not miss people the way they show they miss me.
First of all, I do understand what you are trying to say but you are seeing it from the wrong angle. Never forget that you have the ability to sense, feel and deduce people's ulterior motives. You can tell when this person didn't really want to hang out with you specifically but is treating you like the default option. Almost as if the person they would have hang out with is unavailable and you're the stand in. Also people love to engage in superficial activities that we don't. So if you are, you''ll find yourself wondering why are you even there the whole time and get struck trying find that out without fully engaging. But the number one reason why we wonder why they hang out with us in particular is because we do not find them up to what we feel is good company. Basically, there are loads of people who are drawn to us who we do not genuinely connect with.
I'm so glad you dealt w this question!! My INFJ s are really very warm when I'm with them, but I'm usually the initiator of doing activities together. This makes me wonder if they don't like doing things with me. Now I understand! Happy ENFP here! 😁
I have felt that way all my life and have asked people what they saw as wrong with me because I don't fit in and never have. And it is weird when people like me and want to hang out with me. It's always surprising when I get a call, text, or email from a friend. In a nice way but unexpected. Because I feel like I'm the one always reaching out or many times not reaching out if that makes sense. And it's weird to find a whole community of people who think just like I do. You are a sun ray through the darkness Shikha, thank you for casting a light on what special people we are!
Good vid. I am 63 and at 10 I figured out that I was different, I had all of the same signs of INFJ that I still have to this day. Back then in 1966 the Dr just shrugged his shoulders and did not have any answers. Since then I have used it to my advantage. When you see the same person in a dream over and over you will meet them some day. I know things I have no reason to know, the things that you feel in a crowded area is nuts. Play with your gift and you might be shocked. We are different. Have a nice day.
Weird random thing. When you are in your chameleon mode. Great term for that btw. Do you ever get a "fuck" feeling when people want to hang out or talk more? But then you know in your heart it was a one night deal and you KNOW you will instantly get bored by those people. And then you get in this constant circle of trying to think of excuses to not want to hang out as to not hurt their feelings because you don't want them to know your true feelings? Not that they aren't kind or a good person. It's just your thinking and your energy are light years beyond theirs and they won't understand this.
Hahah!! Yeah, absolutely. That's the whole problem with the chameleon effect - that we end up making friendships and meeting partners that aren't truly our fit, because we basically lied to ourself and them, with our chameleon act. That's why I hate going into chameleon mode. :S
Wow, this really caught me off guard. I did not expect to find a video, where I agreed with 100% of what is being said, but I did. How is this even possible? Are people really this square? That we can be put into neat little boxes, called "personality type INFJ etc.", where we just agree on most things? I can't wrap my head around this. It seems so odd, that this could be the case. I have never seen or heard anyone's perspective, where I 100% agreed. As if the words being spoken, in the video, could be coming from myself. This makes me feel normal. But I am also mindblown, to the possibility that you can narrow people down to personality types, so accurately. This is new to me, but fascinating.
Sometimes I compare the Myers-Briggs indicator to the equivalent of beauty magazines; both give you reason to find faults within yourself if you dig deeply enough. As a result, we tag ourselves as being 'bad' or 'imperfect' while there are people in this world committing world-level crime exploits with supposedly nothing wrong with them except for making a 'wrong' or 'poor' decision. From my experience, I find the indicator at times more perpetrator neutral than it is victim facilitating.
I completely relate to this. I am always surprised when people say they like me, want to be friends, or etc. I thought it was just me. I think I feel this way because of how much I push myself to be as humanly perfect as possible while simultaneously seeing how imperfect I am. I dislike this about myself as an INFJ, and I try to give myself room to be imperfect and to be open to others who want to be in my life. I literally remind myself to open my energy and time up to others so they can be apart of my world.
LOL!! I am also an INFJ and I relate to the first concept of what you were saying about how when people say they want to hang out with you. LOL! I am honestly so oblivious about other people's impressions of me. So that when people say, "I really like you." My thought is, "why?" And, like you said, it's not about self-esteem at all. Maybe it's because we're so in our own heads that we're oblivious to the world around us, the people that our lives, we don't notice when people like us. LOL! I remember many years ago, my current guy best friend had a crush on me. Us INFJ"s are also, ironically, perceptive (contradictive to the above) and we can read others like a book. So, it was clear he had a crush on me - also, it was so obvious, anyone could see it. But anyways, I never figured out why... WHY?? And, of course, when I finally saw an opportune time to ask him, he denied it. He's an ENTP. I didn't learn until later on that ENTP's are good at being in denial about that stuff, lol! I don't know if I necessarily feel the same about missing people. There are certain people I miss - like the aforementioned best friend who currently lives in another state. I haven't seen him in over 4 years 😥. We talk every so often, and we are connected on social media. But it just isn't the same. There have been times when I've missed certain people. So, it might be different for different people. Extra question for the ENTP guys out there... If you have ever been attracted to an INFJ lady-friend... Why? What is it about her that you like so much? Like, genuinely, I do not understand.
I never realized these were another specifics of being an INFJ but I can totally agree to this - I thought it's just me being insecure (well, probably that too) but I always couldn't understand why would someone like me or would go to extra lenghts just to spend time with me. I adore my best friend, she's very kind, funny and quite outgoing so it's only natural she had quite a lot of other nice people in her circles. When she voiced it out that I'm her best friend, I was really surprised and couldn't believe and understand how I earned this title when she had so many other wonderful people around her. I still don't know lol. It's also totally true about missing people. When I part with my best friend (we live in different countries so we meet only a few times a year) I almost feel guilty seeing her all emotional. For me, rather than "omg, I don't wanna go, I'll miss you so much!!" it's more like "thank you, I had a lot of fun!! Till next time!" Thanks for this video, it was really interesting, definitely gonna check out more!
So great to hear that you resonated with this stuff. Yeah, it's not a self-esteem thing at all. It's just a mystery to us, why people would miss us and want to hang with us. I am always surprised when people say the same to me. I think, really, me?? Are you talking about me?? :P
Wow. I'm an American INFJ and I honestly thought there was something wrong with me that I don't miss people. That I was the only one. I went to undergrad 8 hours away from home, then moved to St. Kitts and now New Zealand for veterinary school. I don't tend to call my family often and have never gotten homesick. I had friends that would call family every day and would tell myself that I should call more, but then get wrapped up in my work and forget. I guess I just felt that I know I would see my family again in a few months and I like talking face to face more. In fact, I adopted two dogs in St. Kitts and couldn't bring them here. It was the hardest decision I've made and I miss them both every day. I was never really homesick until I left them with my mom. I still don't really miss my family, but I can't wait till I get back in October just to see my animals.
when one says that they want to hang with me I want to know their motives. I think they think we're so nice and think we are a doormat for them to THINK they are going to use me to boost their ego. Umm NOT
Infact if we're triggered we have the capability of making them question their whole personality in lieu of giving them an ego boost since we've analysed them long time ago. Although I try my best not to say a word when the person makes me angry. I make excuses or just ignore straight up if any manipulative / selfish person messages me to meet up.
I've never felt so normal in my life, your videos are a life book, again, thanks for sharing, it's astonishing how much your videos show me who I am. Thanks
I'm an INFJ and I love your videos. I can relate to a lot of the things you talk about. I also don't get why people want to hang out with me 😀 But they do want to hang out whith me and that is a good thing because I like people. Keep on the good work.
As an INFJ, I not only don't understand why people like me so much, but also why they come to the conclusion that our relationship is deeper than it is. People attempt to become part of my life, and act like we had this amazing spark, but I just don't feel it. Not that I don't like them - I like almost everyone I meet in some fashion - but nothing that says "I must have this person in my life!" Relationships are hard work and something I rarely put myself out there for unless I really feel it is worth the effort. There are a few people that I have a deep relationship with, and even then, they do not know all of me. I want people to know me, but I don't want people to know me... hard to explain. I can identify with not missing people; it makes me feel better to hear someone else say it because I often wonder if I'm a freak for not usually thinking about most people I haven't seen in a while. I could move and never speak to most people I know, and I would be totally okay with that. I will meet more people; there is no shortage of interesting folks to talk to, and I can have a friendly conversation with almost anyone. But I honestly like my own company best of all. I do hope that I can finally find a mate who is right for me, so that I don't end up a hermit who is dead for 3 weeks before anyone finds me, but I"m bad at romantic relationships, and I don't know why. Maybe because most everyone is phony.
Spot on ! 100% , everything you said. 1 million % blunt. I don't say things to hurt others. I used to go 6- 12 months with out talking to my family. Not because i don't care but its almost exhausting. I also don't hold attachments to things. Friends will call me a cutter because I can eliminate you from my existence quite easily. Life is exhausting 🙃 to have to explain it to others.
I Miss my mom & my son. I griefed for my uncle's death. I miss playing with kids, as I adore their innocence. Other than that I don't miss people. I thought it is just me 😂😂😂. I think we don't bring people so close , so fast, because it is painful to lose loved ones or be unable to defend them. That's why I hate it when a friend of mine wants me to consider her friends mine. I tell her no , I am the one in charge of choosing my friends and I hate it when others speak on my behalf. I think it is a conscious choice to let fewer people be so close . Especially with INFJs we feel deeply or feel almost nothing except general love for humanity.
I apologize, I am two years late to this broadcast, but I only realized this year that I am an INFJ, and what you are saying, I can truly relate to. keep up the good work, we INFJs are rooting for you.
This morning, the most amazing thing happened to me. I was laying on my bed and I heard some birds singing. Where I am from, I know each bird Cal but this one was different. When I looked out the window, I saw two birds, most likely migratory. I greeted them, and they answered me back, I said welcome, they responded. It brought me to what you said about everything loves us. I experienced it all the time. There's so much I can say but I will leave it for another time.
I can totally relate to the not missing the people who I love because I'm so busy in my own head. I'm not cold either, but it's like how you say, I don't miss them because I'll see them all eventually. I like people, but I don't miss people!
Yeah I feel the same exactly wow I can't show love and care despite that I see all love me Yeah I don't miss anyone I look like a bar of ice But no I'm a flame inside me
I love all your videos. Thanks to self control I always want to ask people what they see in me. When I was younger with lots of low self esteem barely looking at myself in the mirror sometimes and then you tell me you like me. I’ll just be confused. In my head I’m going I’m curious tell me why. And the easiest way to discombobulate me is to give me a compliment. I just want the ground to swallow me. A mentor helped me with this though. He told me you’ll wanna go into your head asking all kinds of questions but fight that and say thank you and trust me you can move on from that. Even now before the thank you a very surprised oh still manages to escape. Lol.
Sometimes I want friends but then I meet them and figure out they are narcissistic then I remember why I don't want friends! If I meet a really good person that wants to understand me and get to know me I keep them forever!🙂
You are so right. Almost all of my friends in the past and in the present sulked towards me because they said they were like not existing to me. But that's not what is the truth. The truth is I still regard them as my friends but I still really want to do many things... the random things in my head that need action because if not, they will explode. They don't feel I remember them. But I really do. I just still really prefer an alone time for myself.
So true. I think you nailed it when you said we don't understand it because we don't feel that way towards others. I have to be given a lot of free time & space to start missing someone and seek them out. I think thats why the constant bids for attention from ppl who like us make us feel like people always want something from us
This video makes so much sense to me... I literately think to myself when someone wants to hang out with me "Who would ever want to hang out with me?" "Why would they hang out with me?" "I'm just a quiet person, why?"
Miss you? What is that? Do you not know all the things that go on in my head? The million things I'm researching constantly trying to gain more knowledge...all the puzzle pieces I'm trying to put together? If you're someone I've door slammed, there is a reason I did it. Even if I wasn't busy I still would not miss someone who is unhealthy for me. I don't remember you yet alone miss you.
I think, because we're future-oriented thinkers, that we aren't hardwired to miss people. Our minds are constantly preoccupied like a to do list, checking it off then saying, okay that's done, what's next? I think we are hardwired to constantly evolve. Now, growing up, INFJs feel like aliens in our peer group, so we get use to being alone that by the time we mature, we become our own best friend, that just adds more to why its hard to miss people. My inner world is so rich, colorful, vibrant, and fascinating that I'm content with being alone. When I do miss someone, and reaching out hits resistance, a mini-door slam or I snap into not seeking approval...I naturally go back into my to do list mode, and my rich inner world comes online pushing away any missing thoughts. The primary way for me to cultivate a relationship is when someone adopts me, usually by an extrovert that's excited to show me new experiences...and I love that if we have similar IQs and maturity levels, ENTPs have that ability. Once an ENTP adopts me, I can't get enough of them, and I don't miss them, but I love to plan and do things with an ENTP or possibly an ENFP too.
You guys are so special. Though I'm an INFJ, people do not come up to me and associate with me and that can be ok and sometimes conflicting. The friends I have were all made upon myself who approached them first, initiating the first interaction.😅
5:18 I know what you're saying. I'm definitely the same way. I think part of it is that we INFJs don't like our time wasted, so wasting our time missing someone won't solve the problem. If we can't do anything about it, we don't wallow, we move on until we CAN do something about the situation. Plus we're just reserved.
You are so cool to watch! Big smile on my face n I'm chucking with you coz I soooo feel you😂... I'm just learning bout myself as INFJ n so grateful to hear others coz I've been all alone in my private hoooo hoooo🎉 world 😂🤣... Ty so much for being you n sharing it🙏🌹❤🎁✌🌈💞
If a friend is not around you but alive you dont really miss them but when you find out they died you cant get them out of your head. Thats at least an INTJ view which may be similar to INFJ.
I do "miss" people and what that mean is, I miss being around them or I miss that they make my happy(or whatever they make my feel), not the people themselves
I distinctly remember a boy in high school thinking I was perfect after first meeting me, and me telling him "It won't be long.. you'll see" I completely understand what you mean, and your videos bless me so much just by making me feel understood!
My friend posted that she missed me on Facebook and I was utterly taken aback...and then I was like, taken back that I guess I don’t really internalize how people feel about me when it’s not negative 😬
It’s crazy bc I’ve read up on how Myers Briggs isn’t as valid as like The Big Five personality bc of the lack of science behind it or the enneagram but then I listen to videos like this and I’m like there’s no way it’s not real. Regardless of science, you just described my life.
haha yes... sometimes i'll have those questions up in my mind...and sometimes i seem detached from the world (not easily contactable) but actually i'm in my own zone, like I sort of need it but i kind of wanna space out from everything every now and then
Have you come across people who mistake the sweet side of you to be extroverts and expect your regular company and eventually end up taking your time for granted?!
Boom Shikha of course they are!!! Honestly I wish more people could be INFJs because this advice is so helpful and INFJs are just so mysterious and hard to understand sometimes (:
Its cause we can easily get along with people when we do hang out but we don't find the need to hangout every day or all the time and even if we haven't seen our friends in a long time the friendship/bond is still in tact. I personally just like going to new places & doesn't matter who I meet I easily get along with people but I'm not stuck on the constant need or updates on friends etc & yea we are kinda oblivious to people missing us
Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤
How are you able to put this into words. I've tried in my head but it never felt right.
Every word Jst so true
I want friends but I don't want friends, does anyone else ever feel that way?
I want friends, because they are fun sometimes. But they stop being fun at points and then I don't want friends, I want to be alone. Yup, I feel you. :)
Leticia Castillo I feel that when people want to become close friend with me and I don't want that to happen.
Lol, aw man i can relate....Walking contradictions! Ever have ppl tell you how kind you are but bcuz you analyze urself and ur thoughts & actions everyday, deep down you feel like a self centered, narcissist...i personally take it one step further and get mad at myself for even thinking about it....i want friends but they have lots of shady decision making which translates to me not wanting to waste my time and makes friends... Wow.. I'm sorry i could've gotten to the point waaaaaaay quicker
YES.
Yes
She is so awesome. Other INFJs make me feel normal
:)
Me too! I "get" her, you and the other INFJs commenting! ^.^
me too.
Joshua Mack right ! I thought the same thing lol
I don't know that I want to be a "normal" person. I have resisted society's efforts to steer me into more acceptable patterns of thinking and behavior, and I'll try to stay "just me", even if that is less acceptable to others. I will agree that other nfj's do bring a feeling of relief that it was ok to be weirdly different from the majority. They give me a feeling of connection to our common "otherness." Also that the otherness is good, and not a terrible flaw.
I’m an INFJ. It’s about, “Don’t you know that we are nothing alike?” And they don’t know. Not really. We keep searching for someone to hang out with who thinks like we do. I still haven’t found that person. I struggle with small talk but now I get that people need to be heard even when we would rather talk about something profound. We hate seeing weakness in ourselves and that’s why we don’t depend on others emotionally. We don’t reach out to others as much as we should. People always come to us. We give great advice but people rarely take our advice. We don’t try to be a good friend, we just are a good friend. It’s genuine. The good comes through, but we are not trying to draw people to us. We don’t like excessive attention. We want people to put value in the truth we are sharing, not put value in us personally. That’s because we value the truth that other’s share. We hate liars and manipulators and we can spot them right away. People like us because we are different. We just don’t get that because we are searching for someone who is the same as us. My friends love how I spot things about others. They say I am initiative, laid back, and creative. They see me as sweet but I am not that sweet. I can emphasize and be kind to others but I don’t need people as much as other people do and I have no patience. I have a life goal that has nothing to do with money. I’m happy now because I finally found my life goal. That’s what it takes for an INFJ to understand themselves. Discovering our life goal = discovering our much sought after truth. We need a life goal and a purpose to be happy because we can see the big picture. This life is bigger than us. INFJ’s know that and so they are not haughty in their knowledge and their pursuits. Loved this video. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this insightful comment!! And for watching. :)
I agree with everything you said, you are so right. How did you find your meaning in life?
I found Jesus. I saw so many miracles that I changed my life completely. I study Bible prophecy. I believe that we are living in the last days and I am waiting for Jesus to come back. I can actually feel the Holy Spirit inside me at times. It feels like a warm tingly energy. I usually feel it in my heart. I’ve only known one other person who has felt that energy. Maybe that’s the sixth sense that INFJ’s are said to feel. (I don’t know if the person was an INFJ or not.) I also have “just known” many things. I understand the Bible better than others for the most part because I see patterns that most people miss. My life is not empty anymore. I’m not very good about talking about my faith. I could say, “You need Jesus,” but like I said before...we are good at giving advice but most people won’t take our advice. People don’t want to change their life. I get that, but you asked and so I am sharing my journey. I also love poetry. I write children’s books. Being an author is all about having a platform and making yourself known. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to write. I sew and that’s fun. I used to work with children and that was very fulfilling but I quit teaching because I kept getting sick. I can be lazy and moody at times. I will probably write one more book and then begin a new goal. What can I say, Jesus is the only one who gets me. My faith makes me feel whole. Thanks for asking.
First of all, I read every word in the Bible-cover to cover. Most people haven’t. Like all INFJ’s, when we study something that we are really interested in, we study intensely. Pastors are not usually INFJ’s. They usually have a very limited knowledge of Bible prophecy because Bible prophecy is not what people want to hear. People just want to know generalities when they think of the future, not specifics. (We are saved, we are forgiven, God is love, etc., not anything complex.) I have studied Bible prophecy since I have been 19, on and off. I did a Bible study and showed up with 8 pages of notes to pass out. I realized when writing my notes that I was putting together some ideas that people have not even covered online. There is a huge community of people who study Bible prophecy online. Issac Newton had a theory about Bible prophecy. A lot of smart people through the ages have studied it. Everyone was of course overwhelmed with my notes because I gave them too much information. I have great discernment. When someone talks about the Bible, I am usually thinking...I like the first two things they said but the last thing makes no sense because it conflicts with x, y, z. I might write a book about Bible prophecy someday but if I do, nobody will read it. I am not a pastor after all, and my book will just get lost online. Still, I will probably do it just for me. So maybe I will write two more books, and then I will stop. Lol. When I’m in a Bible study with a pastor or church elder, I’m usually calling them on this or that (in the nicest possible way of course). I want to have a profound discussion with them but in reality, I am just making them uncomfortable, sigh.
Hey Ayanna, this is such a great question. I am going to do a video on it soon. Stay tuned. :)
I've always felt guilty for not missing someone. I'm glad I'm not a sociopath lol
Hahaha! Yeah, I used to feel terrible about not missing people. Now I know it's fine. :)
Omg same!!!
😂
wow. update, turns out I'm an intp. oops
Me too. I've never really missed anyone and that made me feel like I wasn't normal. 😓
The peculiar thing is that people are disappointed when you are not present at a social gathering, and yet when you are present, it's as if you go unnoticed most of the time (I find myself just drifting alone completely unintentionally while everyone else groups together talking loudly).
Oh man!! This is such a good point. I'm always drifting alone as well, uncomfortable and annoyed. :)
when I go unnoticed I use this as a good time to leave.
I've totally been there, and it's why I don't like big parties.
We make ppl FEEL better. It's simply what we are great at. I think we need to practice making ourselves feel as good as we make others feel :-D
Agreed!! Absolutely agreed.
Understanding ourselves should be a great help in dealing with our differences and quirks.
that's so hard it's easier to make others happy
I can't believe I found people who are like me, I was about to go crazy. thanks you😭
You are soooo welcome!! And welcome to my YT channel. :)
Meee toooooo
hi from Minnesota :) I never thought I'd find so many people like me
im feeling safer now
Same here
This is very true. INFJ here too. Im doing me at the gym and people come around me and workout in my vicinity- possibly its my energetic vibe. My friends and family are always upset with me when i cant make it to their party. I even go to a friends party and meet their friends and get invited all the time- im like ok ill go! Lol i think it boils to where we know ourselves very well, we are not needy for people like extroverts and at the most we are very independent. Yes we’re quite, not loud but very mysterious. People are curious about us INFJs. We live in a perfect world that no one can enter unless we let them. INFJs 🤘🏼
Yes, mysterious is definitely a good word for us.. :)
I see it more like having a key to my heart and I only let those I truly trust in the gate.
motogp
They can't do this ,I guess it's just they way we are created.
My bf told me yesterday "everybody loves you" and I thought "what why?" I feel terrible since I tend to disappoint and at times people can be burdensome I know my family misses me but I just enjoy creating and being in my own space. I love people if I could I would save 'em all and I would provide love and joy wherever I go but I become exhausted. It does feel nice to have people see me in a way I don't often see myself. You hit the nail on the head woman. Well said! 💖
I'm so glad to hear that you found my video interesting. I welcome you to my channel. :)
Yeah we don't do well under pressure. This one time one of my closest friend told me that I'm the coolest person he has ever met and I smiled like an idiot but never asked him what's the reason and still wonder why he said that. I think it's better if we don't know why people like us for whatever reasons, because that way we won't know what they're expecting of us and we can just be ourselves. I'm not saying we always behave or act the way they like, but when we're aware, sometimes we might be forced to act or behave a certain way that they like.
When people give me a compliment, the FIRST place my mind goes to is "what do you want?". I know that this is a strange thought for most people, but for me it's just natural. Perhaps because I don't tend to compliment the same way as others. If I say something, it's because I stated a fact; good or bad, I speak with accuracy. Other people tend to exaggerate their compliments, or give them when they want to make someone feel good. I do it in an observational manner.
I know what you mean! 💯 💯 💯
LMAO yes! "what do you want" that is always what I'm asking myself anytime someone is engaging me or talking to me, not just when they are flattering me or buttering me up which never works but it's funny to watch people try to get over on me as a "read their minds"
That JUST happened an hour ago with me and my friends on facebook! They were messeging me how they missed and loved me, I felt like, "how could they miss me? I've feeling left out of the conversation, and you all of sudden love and miss me? Why should I believe you? What proof?"
YES!!
I don't know, I miss people sometimes. Although, for me to genuinely miss someone, they have to be someone that's special or becoming special to me. INFJ's can seem cold, but I think we do that to be cautious. I don't let just anyone into my personal life. You have to earn my trust, or I have to intuitively sense that you genuinely want to be a part of my life. Once I open up to someone, or if I'm voluntarily there to help you, I'm definitely a warm person.
Yes, I agree with the trust thing. I trust very few people. In fact, perhaps, two or three people at most. And even those, I am still cautious with. :)
Same here...
Absolutely we love the people deeply very deep which make it hard to love someone really really and miss him
But we love all generally
I feel that too!
I'm clod out of necessity. I simply do not have the energy to love everyone. or care about everyone. I fought this limitation my whole life but I realized that when my energy is low I get very distant from the world and I start shutting people out of my life that are just to cumbersome for me to deal with. by the time I'm not exhausted anymore I'm all alone again and I feel free and light but then I get lonely again and reach out to people trying to make friends again and the cycle repeats itself.
My best friend is actually my cousin because he never gives me any shit for not calling or messaging. He get's how I am and he's cool with it. He's a total extravert with a zillion friends everywhere he goes. The man has never met a stranger in his life so he doesn't depend on me in that regard. That allows us to be very good friends.
I don’t miss people either. For me it’s because I understand that the lack of their physical presence does not diminish the value they have.
Absolutely!! Well said. ❤🌻🌻❤
Yes yes yes yes yes! It's truly baffling to me! I will even not show up to parties or events because I talk myself out if it by asking who would really want to hang out with me? Then I end up coming off as "I'm too cool for you". It's so interesting that others experience the same feelings!
Hahaha!! Yes, we have all been there. :)
Me too
Mee too
fkn INFJ, you ARE too cool for everyone else =) Nah just kidding but honestly I have been told so many times that I am like the coolest person ever. I still can't figure out why people see me that way. It's certainly not how I see myself.
When people say they missed me , I’m there thinking what did you miss? Are you sure? Haha. It feels kinda cringy unless it’s somebody I consider really close saying it and I don’t normally know how to reply coz I hardly miss anyone that is not very close to me and saying I miss u back in such situations feels like someone pulling out my teeth so I just smile awkwardly
Hahaha!! Yup! That's us. Smiling awkwardly while people around us display feelings towards us. I usually say this, "Thank you so much for thinking so much of me. I'm so grateful." And that's that. I don't say I miss them back ever. Cos it's not true. And I don't want to lie to them.
So clear!
So when you tell an INFJ you love them and they don't say it back, are they telling you the truth that they don't love you or are they uncomfortable saying it?
Same! I don't think I've messaged anyone that I miss them. But people often do then have to ofcourse say it back because you know.. People rarely have an impact on me since they take more from us like a good listener, an empath, easy going to hangout with while they don't really do any of these things as such. I can miss the fun times for sure but not the person.
Haha I totally get that. One thing that really gets under my skin is falseness. I can pick it a mile away. Then I get frustrated that other people don’t see it.
"Why would you want to hang out with me?" -> "What do you want?" 99% of the time, people have a personal agenda and they are interested in what you can give them. They want what you can provide, and rarely is it because they know your person. It can come across as fishing for compliments, I think, but really it stems from a place of cynical realism.
Thanks for sharing!!
You are correct, it is not low self esteem. Not all INFJs wonder why people want to hang out with them. It may be the difference between INFJ-A (assertive) & INFJ-T (turbulence).
People want to hang out because your authentic as an INFJ and care deeply, think deeply, and respect other (unless severe conflicting morality issue). Some people need the insight an INFJ has sometime, other more often.
INFJ excel at para language (seeing and reading micro expression, body language, very slight changes in voice inflection). We are able to recognize subtleties para language and quickly build an idea on what's going on with a person (often correct). Our 4th functional stack or functional hierarchy is Extroverted Sensing which really allow us to hear, see pick up on thing.
INFJs can tell when someone is conflicted and so many other emotions, and that what we are hard wire to do.
Your a kind & unique person who genuinely cares about people (& often animals). People do see/sense this your tremendous empathy, authenticity, and depth of understanding which skyrockets over the years.
Words that often describe INFJ:
Empath
Protector
Confidant
Learner (most INFJs continue learning formally & thru diligent self study thru the journey of life.
Even as an INFJ, each INFJ (or other MBTI), is unique in comparison to other INFJs.
From your presentation, I can tell you are kind, pensive, giving and probably understand many subjects on a deep level and want to share, not due to your own ego, but because your selfless in action. You care 🌞
You have a million dollar smile, thank you for sharing 😀
Wow, thank you so much for this lesson. I am learning so much because of all of the awesome comments you guys leave on my page. And thank you for the compliment. I appreciate the support. :)
I tested out as an INFJ/T what does the T (turbulent) mean? I have not seen much on this.
I am a turbulent type I never miss anyone but I'm very liked amongst those who know me and always get this but never have I felt that way I'm way happier alone with no one who knows me bc I can be anyone anywhere doing anything and not care
turbulent types are the ones who question every word every facial expression, why did they say it that way? what does that mean? maybe their mad? maybe I'm sad? maybe they don't like me? caos...24/7
@@s.v.gadder1443 I used to be an INFJ assertive, but then experienced a traumatic event and now seem to veer turbulent. Each state brings gifts, imho, but I think I'd like to get back into the INFJ-A camp--the paranoia/anxiety I sometimes experience these days is exhausting!
Spot on! One thing we need to keep in mind is that we tend to not need outside validation like most people, and we may think that we are doing someone a favour by being honest, but they may interpret what we say, or do, as being rude, or disrespectful...I know I have, and later when I find out that I offended someone, I apologize, and am sincerely sorry for hurting their feelings, but to myself I'm thinking; "God, how do you get outta bed in the morning"? I wish the world understood us.
Love your name by the way!! Awesome! And thank you so much for watching. I believe it is our responsibility to make the world understand who we are. We are too complicated for them to do that on their own.
Haha! Exactly Grapes, can i call you Grapes? 😊
I am also very cynical in my head when it comes to people like that, cant think outside their head. If someone says something that could be interpreted in different ways, i got for the nicer one... if im wrong, they'll correct me and i can take it. No harm done to either of us.
This is one of the most truely familiar things I’ve heard. I can’t believe someone else had these same thoughts.
Thank you for watching!!! :)
its so true thai i don’t miss people, i love people
Phone Myat RIGHT! It's like if I see you everyday for the rest of our lives, or if this is the last time we cross paths, It will NOT change how much I love you...I'm starting to think that the world has an incorrect perception about what love is.
I fell in love once years ago with a girl who I thought the world of, but it was unrequited. I think a trama bond happened to me. I've been alone ever since and it hurts like hell quite often. I've never thought I could love someone again and don't think I'm good enough anyways.
Just recently I discovered that I'm the infj type and now realize that I'm not alone in being like this.
For me, this is like an issue of trust. Anyone who willingly invites me into their life without a trace of skepticism or apprehension strikes me as being frighteningly naive. I can't trust anybody who I am capable of fooling. And while I do not consciously try to deceive anyone, I do have a dark side and a strong sense of justice that can be vengeful and unforgiving. Because I can see inside myself so well, it is utterly bewildering (and uncomfortable) for me when someone else completely fails to see that.
Like you said, it's not a self-esteem thing. I have no problem accepting that part of my personality, and I don't doubt that other people will also be able to accept it. What makes me apprehensive is when people seem unaware or attracted to this false image of me that I have no familiarity with.
(In fact, when I encounter someone who _is_ able to see right through my outer facade, I find it insanely attractive.)
Oooh!! Yes, that last sentence. I am exactly the same..
That last sentence...I very rarely find anyone who understands me, let alone understand me completely. It’s baffling when I find someone who does and I get completely attached to that person.
Yes!!! That's so true. I never ever find someone who understands me, so if you even try a bit, I will be yours forever. :)
As an ENFP, we do see through you but the complexity and texture of your personality is highly attractive and it feels like we could never get to the end of it. Super INTERESTING!! And tantalizing!
I've had a lot of people just come over to me and start chatting, I love chatting with good people.
Yeah that makes absolute sense! :)
As an INFJ I can totally relate. I dont have any idea what about myself people like. I dont miss people either. 10/10 spitting truth.
Thanks for watching!!
I'm an INFJ, it happens to me all the time!! ahahaha
It's like, we struggle to picture our own identity, I think. How can someone like us, when we haven't even got the full grasp of ourselves? We are chameleons, so we surf through so many colours and sometimes forget our own; so how can someone like us, if they haven't seen our true colour? Great video, thanks for sharing that!!
YES!!!! Exactly. Thank you for watching. :)
It feels like that for me with love. Sometimes it feels alien that people could possibly love me and with the genuine depths that I love them. It’s not a self esteem issue rather just feels foreign and inexplicable. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that feels/thinks these things.
Yes, exactly!!!
one thing I have learned is that if one person can think it or feel it so can another. So if you can feel love for others, so too can others feel love for you. I get what you mean though, it always makes me pause and ask questions.
I have a friend that I have known for years, and every time we hang out...EVERYTIME, I feel like I'm going on a first date - I'm nervous, I'm thinking am I gonna have a good story, I'm thinking, when I get quiet and have nothing to say because I'm just enjoying the silence is she gonna be like..."you're weird, we're not friends anymore!" I have about 3 good friends I've known for 20+ years and I think all the time, 'why are they friends with me, what the heck am I brining to the table'. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks this way.
Hahaha!! Yes, I think that all the time. "Why are you friends with me??"
I think its because when we listen to people, they know we fully understand what theyre trying to say.
Yes!! Absolutely agreed. I can see that.
Soooooo true. I feel like I annoy/inconvenience a lot of people, sometimes, so at times I need to ask if I'm annoying/inconveniencing said people, which I think just ASKING that surprises them... xD
Hahahaa!! Yes, I know exactly what you mean. 😬😬😬😬
50 year old male INFJ who also suffers from cptsd thank you so much it's been so damn lonely.
Thanks for watching!!
I'm the same age as you, and have felt that way my whole life. Alcoholic father in childhood as well, it's been rough.
I have always wanted a girlfriend but I don't think I'm good enough, so no love for you(me).
44 also have CPTSD I have lived through and seen more than is healthy but you are not alone brother. They can beat us, they can abuse us, they can take their best shot but only we can allow them to break us. You are tougher than that when you dig deep.
@@TyJohnson Yes and thank you, my view is it has only made me stronger.
Yeah ...its scary how ppl is attracted to us at an instance ...its like they see a clear and clean energy....
Yeah, agreed! :)
sammy blake yes. I met this random girl once and she told me she loves my aura it's trusting, accommodating and peaceful, I calm her apparently. 🤷
I've been told i have a "white" aura and I'm very calming to be around. i don't understand but I'm thankful hahaha
Awe that is a good gift 💝
One of the best things about being an INFJ to me is when I look online for insightful work about introspection and understanding myself and I'm bombarded with info and help from fellow INFJ's because of our serious want to positively enlighten others. I wouldn't want to be associated with any other type, thank you guys.
Awwww!! Right back at you. And I totally agree. :)
Boom Shikha Also it give me such great relief to hear how you don't really miss people but you still love them. There have been times where it's been so confusing because I'm so sensitive and loving on one hand, and I feel like a sociopath or like I'm autistic on the other. It's funny because I've explained the absence of missing someone the same way. That there's so much going on in my life and that missing people just isn't a thought that crosses my mind very often.
I know what you mean. It's normal for us, so that's just going to have to be good enough. We are not sociopaths, although it does feel like that sometimes. :P
Im so glad you mentioned sociopaths. Ive thought that myself but i have so much compassion and empathy that it didn't make sense!
Madeleine Sweeney I feel like the potential sociopathic tendencies of an INFJ are a defense mechanism because when we feel we FEEL. So we have to pick our battles when it comes to what we give emotion to because if we don't filter through what we feel, we end up feeling everything, which can be torturous to someone so sensitive to the emotions of others.
Being an INFJ empath who can't control it and my emotions I have always over analyse/privately study human emotions and behavior, people including my guy have gotten angry at me many times because they think I'm trying to judge them, even after explaining the real reason I do it they're still angry at me, all I want is to try and understand people better.
Yeah I know what you mean. People are so interesting. It is a fascinating subject to me as well.
V Treadwell I've found myself in the middle of a dream many times, and realized that I was dreaming in the middle if the dream, and I'll start anylizing it while I'm having it.
I love this thread, i feel so normal now!!! I want to study something to do with people and what makes them tick.. i just cant decide what 😔 are we indecisive when it comes to making decisions that can shape our lives?
Madeleine Sweeney ...... Follow the clues.
@K droj I can truly relate with you.
We think too fucking much. We procrastinate too much but when we begin the task, usually nothing but sickness or death will stop it from completion. Im so bad at accepting compliments, so whenever I ever big-up myself, people usually know that It's my sense of humor.
Yeah, we do think too much. Hence, all of these videos. They are all me thinking out loud. :P
This is very recognizable! I totally said the "at first I didn't like you, but now you're one of the best people I know" thing a couple of times to people xD
Nice!!!
I can relate. Usually people miss me and approach me first. And yup. They want to hangout with me more than i do. And people keep inviting me but i really dont want to. While im the type that i choose who to talk to and hangout. I love them but i dont want to spend time with them haha!! I want my own time and i will find my close friend if i want to. Which makes them so confused lol, only close friend understand how weird i am haha.
Yeah, I agree absolutely. I want my own time first and foremost. I want to be on my own all the time, and then sometimes occasionally very rarely I will go out and hang out with my friends. Very confusing indeed. :)
Idk how many people are on personalitycafe, but there's this thread on there, "send a hug to a user," and it surprised me when I was mentioned, even tho it was a fellow INFJ haha, but anyway, I literally said, "I'm always surprised to find out people like me. I always wonder why." Also, typically, I don't miss people til I see them or hear from them again. It's like I miss them in retrospect.
Yeah, brilliantly put. We miss people in retrospect. I might have to use that. :)
“We miss them in retrospect” perfectly said.
Thank you for saying "we don't
miss people." I realised that I feel like this when I was younger and I was told it was not normal. It is not wise to verbalise it. Ppl think you are heartless, which is not true because, as you said, we still love them dearly. We can happily wait between meetings. But if someone is permanently removed I miss them so bad the pain still bleeds out my subconscious eg dreams etc long after I thought I was done grieving.
Yeah, we don't miss people, in the traditional sense. :)
Oh! AAHH! You said the "I don't miss people"...YES!!!! I tell my boyfriend all the time, if I tell you I miss you, you'll know I really, really mean it! Somtimes, he'll be like "babe, I missed you today, did you miss me" and I have to be honest and say "No, I didn't miss you today, I was just to busy doing other stuff, and I just saw you on google chat yesterday, I'm sorry, but I love you!"...BUT sometimes we can be the same space like sitting right next to eachother, and I have this longing for him and I'll turn and say "I miss you sweet pea". It's weird, I'm weird...but someone loves me, LOL
Yup!! I never ever miss people, but I say it out loud to them, because they expect to hear it. :P
I just discover this "INFJ" thing...
And Watching this channel makes me feel like the little girl in the "No Rain" song by Blind Melon... It feels good to know am not the only "weirdo" out there...
Welcome to the INFJ world! :)
I like being alone and having my space for creativity, learning/studying, Critically Thinking and analytically reasoning, people think I’m weird and I find I can’t relate to people,
Then I thought about it, I realized that they are the weird ones and it’s not that I can’t relate to them, they’re the ones that can’t relate to me!🤷🏽♂️
Great way to look at it! ❤️❤️
Boom Shika you give away all our secrets :-) Love your videos.
Hahha!! Yes, no secrets anymore. If we didn't have all of these secrets, perhaps, we would be more open to the world and people. Thank you for watching!
This is so true! Don't feel bad :)
Honesty can be our "downfall."
Yes, it truly can be. :) In one way and good in another way.
This is pretty spot on except I’m not surprised when someone likes me not because I’m so self aware of my flaws but moreso because I’m totally unaware of people would perceive me. I’ve had a boss tell me that she understands why coworkers want to share information with me because of my personality and I was completely shocked. I can’t tell you how I present myself outwardly that encourages people to be drawn to me.
Hahah!! I love it. Thanks for sharing.
"socially awkward autistic people" lol TRUE
This is so fun to watch XD
I too don't get why people want to hang out with me, especially the elderly and the children and peers (okay, a lot of people). I don't see it? I do know how to have fun but I have a quiet demeanor, an observer type, and I'm SO serious when I'm focused on something, which is most of the time. I cannot NOT do something of my liking or I'll get extremely bored in a snap, I'd feel drowsy and would just rather sleep. I also have like an aura of really not wanting to be disturbed. I don't get it, I feel preoccupied to entertain someone (I never get rude though, esp. if they're not my immediate family), I don't speak much, maybe that's it? Arghh, why?? I wanna know, I haven't truly asked that to myself or them :p
Hahahaha! :)
Btw your smile can light a room. Also I just love how young you have found these truths. I’m loving watching you grow too. In a mom kind of way
Awwww, that's so sweet!!
I was today years old when I found out the 'not missing people' was an INFJ thing. I say, "I look forward to the next time we connect." Because, living in the moment... I am as happy with them away, as I am with Them the next time They are near. (My chosen Ones)
Yes!!! :)
"We know who we really are" omg this video is a 100% RELATE. SERIOUSLY. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE CONNECTED WTH iloveyou 😂💕
Thank you so much for watching, and commenting!! I really appreciate the support. :) Hope you have a great day.
I think people like us because we are authentic and sincere, usually. I also find our goal oriented drive inspiring, since it's usually not fixed on concrete things. In a nutshell, we might be socially awkward and distant, but we are very beautiful despite that. + We are naturally very empathetic and people are always drawn to that because we all appreciate feeling understood, don't we?
Yes!!! I love this explanation. Thank you.
Hi, Boom! So nice to hear this! Thank you!Embracing it now, after 43 years in complete darkness, feeling so much different without knowing why... It's still overwhelming for me to find out that there's more people like me :)What I don't understand, is why people are always saying how special and loveable and unique I am. They talk about my "good and deep energy", how warm and sweet and tender I am, and I find it really odd, because for me is just a natural thing and I am far from perfection. I should be a good company just as the rest of the people. But what I see, is that people feel kind of magnetized.
And, yes, I feel so guilty for not miss people the way they show they miss me.
I'm so glad you relate to my videos. Thanks for sharing your story... :)
First of all, I do understand what you are trying to say but you are seeing it from the wrong angle. Never forget that you have the ability to sense, feel and deduce people's ulterior motives. You can tell when this person didn't really want to hang out with you specifically but is treating you like the default option. Almost as if the person they would have hang out with is unavailable and you're the stand in. Also people love to engage in superficial activities that we don't. So if you are, you''ll find yourself wondering why are you even there the whole time and get struck trying find that out without fully engaging. But the number one reason why we wonder why they hang out with us in particular is because we do not find them up to what we feel is good company. Basically, there are loads of people who are drawn to us who we do not genuinely connect with.
Great point!!
I'm so glad you dealt w this question!! My INFJ s are really very warm when I'm with them, but I'm usually the initiator of doing activities together. This makes me wonder if they don't like doing things with me. Now I understand! Happy ENFP here! 😁
You are absolutely welcome. ENFPs are awesome. :)
I have felt that way all my life and have asked people what they saw as wrong with me because I don't fit in and never have. And it is weird when people like me and want to hang out with me. It's always surprising when I get a call, text, or email from a friend. In a nice way but unexpected. Because I feel like I'm the one always reaching out or many times not reaching out if that makes sense. And it's weird to find a whole community of people who think just like I do. You are a sun ray through the darkness Shikha, thank you for casting a light on what special people we are!
Thank you for the support!
Good vid. I am 63 and at 10 I figured out that I was different, I had all of the same signs of INFJ that I still have to this day. Back then in 1966 the Dr just shrugged his shoulders and did not have any answers. Since then I have used it to my advantage. When you see the same person in a dream over and over you will meet them some day. I know things I have no reason to know, the things that you feel in a crowded area is nuts. Play with your gift and you might be shocked. We are different. Have a nice day.
Loveeeee it! Thank you so much for sharing this. :)
Weird random thing. When you are in your chameleon mode. Great term for that btw. Do you ever get a "fuck" feeling when people want to hang out or talk more? But then you know in your heart it was a one night deal and you KNOW you will instantly get bored by those people. And then you get in this constant circle of trying to think of excuses to not want to hang out as to not hurt their feelings because you don't want them to know your true feelings? Not that they aren't kind or a good person. It's just your thinking and your energy are light years beyond theirs and they won't understand this.
Hahah!! Yeah, absolutely. That's the whole problem with the chameleon effect - that we end up making friendships and meeting partners that aren't truly our fit, because we basically lied to ourself and them, with our chameleon act. That's why I hate going into chameleon mode. :S
Wow, this really caught me off guard. I did not expect to find a video, where I agreed with 100% of what is being said, but I did. How is this even possible?
Are people really this square? That we can be put into neat little boxes, called "personality type INFJ etc.", where we just agree on most things? I can't wrap my head around this. It seems so odd, that this could be the case.
I have never seen or heard anyone's perspective, where I 100% agreed. As if the words being spoken, in the video, could be coming from myself.
This makes me feel normal. But I am also mindblown, to the possibility that you can narrow people down to personality types, so accurately. This is new to me, but fascinating.
Thank you so much for watching. :)
Sometimes I compare the Myers-Briggs indicator to the equivalent of beauty magazines; both give you reason to find faults within yourself if you dig deeply enough. As a result, we tag ourselves as being 'bad' or 'imperfect' while there are people in this world committing world-level crime exploits with supposedly nothing wrong with them except for making a 'wrong' or 'poor' decision. From my experience, I find the indicator at times more perpetrator neutral than it is victim facilitating.
Thanks for sharing this insight! :)
I completely relate to this. I am always surprised when people say they like me, want to be friends, or etc. I thought it was just me. I think I feel this way because of how much I push myself to be as humanly perfect as possible while simultaneously seeing how imperfect I am. I dislike this about myself as an INFJ, and I try to give myself room to be imperfect and to be open to others who want to be in my life. I literally remind myself to open my energy and time up to others so they can be apart of my world.
Yes!!! Love it. ❤❤❤❤
LOL!! I am also an INFJ and I relate to the first concept of what you were saying about how when people say they want to hang out with you. LOL! I am honestly so oblivious about other people's impressions of me. So that when people say, "I really like you." My thought is, "why?" And, like you said, it's not about self-esteem at all. Maybe it's because we're so in our own heads that we're oblivious to the world around us, the people that our lives, we don't notice when people like us. LOL!
I remember many years ago, my current guy best friend had a crush on me. Us INFJ"s are also, ironically, perceptive (contradictive to the above) and we can read others like a book. So, it was clear he had a crush on me - also, it was so obvious, anyone could see it. But anyways, I never figured out why... WHY?? And, of course, when I finally saw an opportune time to ask him, he denied it. He's an ENTP. I didn't learn until later on that ENTP's are good at being in denial about that stuff, lol!
I don't know if I necessarily feel the same about missing people. There are certain people I miss - like the aforementioned best friend who currently lives in another state. I haven't seen him in over 4 years 😥. We talk every so often, and we are connected on social media. But it just isn't the same. There have been times when I've missed certain people. So, it might be different for different people.
Extra question for the ENTP guys out there... If you have ever been attracted to an INFJ lady-friend... Why? What is it about her that you like so much? Like, genuinely, I do not understand.
Hehehehe! You are so cute. ❤️ ❤️
I miss people. But not all of them. I noticed that I validate and appreciate people and listen deeply. People like that. I like that.
Thanks for sharing!!
I never realized these were another specifics of being an INFJ but I can totally agree to this - I thought it's just me being insecure (well, probably that too) but I always couldn't understand why would someone like me or would go to extra lenghts just to spend time with me.
I adore my best friend, she's very kind, funny and quite outgoing so it's only natural she had quite a lot of other nice people in her circles. When she voiced it out that I'm her best friend, I was really surprised and couldn't believe and understand how I earned this title when she had so many other wonderful people around her. I still don't know lol.
It's also totally true about missing people. When I part with my best friend (we live in different countries so we meet only a few times a year) I almost feel guilty seeing her all emotional. For me, rather than "omg, I don't wanna go, I'll miss you so much!!" it's more like "thank you, I had a lot of fun!! Till next time!"
Thanks for this video, it was really interesting, definitely gonna check out more!
So great to hear that you resonated with this stuff. Yeah, it's not a self-esteem thing at all. It's just a mystery to us, why people would miss us and want to hang with us. I am always surprised when people say the same to me. I think, really, me?? Are you talking about me?? :P
Wow. I'm an American INFJ and I honestly thought there was something wrong with me that I don't miss people. That I was the only one. I went to undergrad 8 hours away from home, then moved to St. Kitts and now New Zealand for veterinary school. I don't tend to call my family often and have never gotten homesick. I had friends that would call family every day and would tell myself that I should call more, but then get wrapped up in my work and forget. I guess I just felt that I know I would see my family again in a few months and I like talking face to face more. In fact, I adopted two dogs in St. Kitts and couldn't bring them here. It was the hardest decision I've made and I miss them both every day. I was never really homesick until I left them with my mom. I still don't really miss my family, but I can't wait till I get back in October just to see my animals.
Awesome, thanks for sharing! I can imagine you miss your dogs. I love my stray cats that come to visit me everyday.
when one says that they want to hang with me I want to know their motives. I think they think we're so nice and think we are a doormat for them to THINK they are going to use me to boost their ego. Umm NOT
Yes, exactly!!!
Infact if we're triggered we have the capability of making them question their whole personality in lieu of giving them an ego boost since we've analysed them long time ago. Although I try my best not to say a word when the person makes me angry. I make excuses or just ignore straight up if any manipulative / selfish person messages me to meet up.
I am somewhat leery of people possibly having an ulterior motive as well. Past negative experiences.
I've never felt so normal in my life, your videos are a life book, again, thanks for sharing, it's astonishing how much your videos show me who I am. Thanks
I'm soooo glad I could help. :)
I'm an INFJ and I love your videos. I can relate to a lot of the things you talk about. I also don't get why people want to hang out with me 😀 But they do want to hang out whith me and that is a good thing because I like people. Keep on the good work.
Yes, definitely a good thing that they want to hang with us. Even if it's a complete mystery. :) Thank you for watching!!
As an INFJ, I not only don't understand why people like me so much, but also why they come to the conclusion that our relationship is deeper than it is. People attempt to become part of my life, and act like we had this amazing spark, but I just don't feel it. Not that I don't like them - I like almost everyone I meet in some fashion - but nothing that says "I must have this person in my life!" Relationships are hard work and something I rarely put myself out there for unless I really feel it is worth the effort. There are a few people that I have a deep relationship with, and even then, they do not know all of me. I want people to know me, but I don't want people to know me... hard to explain. I can identify with not missing people; it makes me feel better to hear someone else say it because I often wonder if I'm a freak for not usually thinking about most people I haven't seen in a while. I could move and never speak to most people I know, and I would be totally okay with that. I will meet more people; there is no shortage of interesting folks to talk to, and I can have a friendly conversation with almost anyone. But I honestly like my own company best of all. I do hope that I can finally find a mate who is right for me, so that I don't end up a hermit who is dead for 3 weeks before anyone finds me, but I"m bad at romantic relationships, and I don't know why. Maybe because most everyone is phony.
Yes, I agree with your sentiments. Thank you for sharing. :)
Spot on ! 100% , everything you said. 1 million % blunt. I don't say things to hurt others. I used to go 6- 12 months with out talking to my family. Not because i don't care but its almost exhausting. I also don't hold attachments to things. Friends will call me a cutter because I can eliminate you from my existence quite easily.
Life is exhausting 🙃 to have to explain it to others.
Yes, indeed!
I don't get it either. Surprises me every time. I never thought so highly of myself to imagine that someone could like or miss me.
Thank you so much for watching, and commenting!! I really appreciate the support. :) Hope you have a great day.
I Miss my mom & my son. I griefed for my uncle's death. I miss playing with kids, as I adore their innocence. Other than that I don't miss people. I thought it is just me 😂😂😂. I think we don't bring people so close , so fast, because it is painful to lose loved ones or be unable to defend them. That's why I hate it when a friend of mine wants me to consider her friends mine. I tell her no , I am the one in charge of choosing my friends and I hate it when others speak on my behalf. I think it is a conscious choice to let fewer people be so close . Especially with INFJs we feel deeply or feel almost nothing except general love for humanity.
Yes!!! Thanks for sharing.
I apologize, I am two years late to this broadcast, but I only realized this year that I am an INFJ, and what you are saying, I can truly relate to. keep up the good work, we INFJs are rooting for you.
Welcome to the channel! :)
Thank you
This morning, the most amazing thing happened to me. I was laying on my bed and I heard some birds singing. Where I am from, I know each bird Cal but this one was different. When I looked out the window, I saw two birds, most likely migratory. I greeted them, and they answered me back, I said welcome, they responded. It brought me to what you said about everything loves us. I experienced it all the time.
There's so much I can say but I will leave it for another time.
I can totally relate to the not missing the people who I love because I'm so busy in my own head. I'm not cold either, but it's like how you say, I don't miss them because I'll see them all eventually. I like people, but I don't miss people!
Yes!!!
Yeah I feel the same exactly wow
I can't show love and care despite that I see all love me
Yeah I don't miss anyone
I look like a bar of ice
But no I'm a flame inside me
Awesome to hear that.
I love all your videos. Thanks to self control I always want to ask people what they see in me. When I was younger with lots of low self esteem barely looking at myself in the mirror sometimes and then you tell me you like me. I’ll just be confused. In my head I’m going I’m curious tell me why. And the easiest way to discombobulate me is to give me a compliment. I just want the ground to swallow me. A mentor helped me with this though. He told me you’ll wanna go into your head asking all kinds of questions but fight that and say thank you and trust me you can move on from that. Even now before the thank you a very surprised oh still manages to escape. Lol.
Thanks for sharing!
Your videos bring so much clarity in understanding my self more and more everyday. So glad i stumbled upon your page!
So happy to hear that!! 💙💙💙
I love this look at myself I'm just cracking up at this small journey this young lady is taking me on. Everyday is a lesson.
❤️❤️
Sometimes I want friends but then I meet them and figure out they are narcissistic then I remember why I don't want friends! If I meet a really good person that wants to understand me and get to know me I keep them forever!🙂
Thanks for sharing!
The best place for Therapy, having fun and getting connected for all INFJs :)
YES!!! :)
You are so right. Almost all of my friends in the past and in the present sulked towards me because they said they were like not existing to me. But that's not what is the truth. The truth is I still regard them as my friends but I still really want to do many things... the random things in my head that need action because if not, they will explode. They don't feel I remember them. But I really do. I just still really prefer an alone time for myself.
Yes, people are always offended so easily, I find. :S
So true. I think you nailed it when you said we don't understand it because we don't feel that way towards others. I have to be given a lot of free time & space to start missing someone and seek them out. I think thats why the constant bids for attention from ppl who like us make us feel like people always want something from us
Yes!! Very well put. Thanks for watching and commenting!
This video makes so much sense to me... I literately think to myself when someone wants to hang out with me "Who would ever want to hang out with me?" "Why would they hang out with me?" "I'm just a quiet person, why?"
Hahaah!! So exactly like all of us INFJs. :)
Miss you? What is that? Do you not know all the things that go on in my head? The million things I'm researching constantly trying to gain more knowledge...all the puzzle pieces I'm trying to put together? If you're someone I've door slammed, there is a reason I did it. Even if I wasn't busy I still would not miss someone who is unhealthy for me. I don't remember you yet alone miss you.
Yes, that's absolutely true!!!
I don’t miss people!!!! Oh boy! It takes guts and confidence to say that. People take me for evil when I tried to say that a couple of times.
Say it loud, say it proud. :)
I think, because we're future-oriented thinkers, that we aren't hardwired to miss people. Our minds are constantly preoccupied like a to do list, checking it off then saying, okay that's done, what's next? I think we are hardwired to constantly evolve. Now, growing up, INFJs feel like aliens in our peer group, so we get use to being alone that by the time we mature, we become our own best friend, that just adds more to why its hard to miss people. My inner world is so rich, colorful, vibrant, and fascinating that I'm content with being alone. When I do miss someone, and reaching out hits resistance, a mini-door slam or I snap into not seeking approval...I naturally go back into my to do list mode, and my rich inner world comes online pushing away any missing thoughts. The primary way for me to cultivate a relationship is when someone adopts me, usually by an extrovert that's excited to show me new experiences...and I love that if we have similar IQs and maturity levels, ENTPs have that ability. Once an ENTP adopts me, I can't get enough of them, and I don't miss them, but I love to plan and do things with an ENTP or possibly an ENFP too.
Interesting! Thanks for sharing. :)
Your videos really are helping me make sense of my life.
Awww, I'm so glad to hear that!!
I’m INFJ and I totally go thru the same process. I’m always sceptical about why people want my company!
Hahah!! Glad you could relate. :)
Wow! I totally feel the same way! I ask this question all the time too! I oddly don't miss people too i thought i was the only one!
Hahaha! NO, you are not the only one. :)
You guys are so special. Though I'm an INFJ, people do not come up to me and associate with me and that can be ok and sometimes conflicting. The friends I have were all made upon myself who approached them first, initiating the first interaction.😅
Fascinating. There are many different kinds of INFJs out there, and perhaps, you have stronger boundaries than me?
same. I don't understand why people like me either. I'm also happy someone else on this Earth understands the not missing people thing.
Thanks for watching! :)
5:18 I know what you're saying. I'm definitely the same way. I think part of it is that we INFJs don't like our time wasted, so wasting our time missing someone won't solve the problem. If we can't do anything about it, we don't wallow, we move on until we CAN do something about the situation. Plus we're just reserved.
Yes!!! This is a great point. We definitely do not want to waste our time wallowing in pity or hankering after someone. 🌻🌻🌻
You are so cool to watch! Big smile on my face n I'm chucking with you coz I soooo feel you😂... I'm just learning bout myself as INFJ n so grateful to hear others coz I've been all alone in my private hoooo hoooo🎉 world 😂🤣... Ty so much for being you n sharing it🙏🌹❤🎁✌🌈💞
Awww, thank you for the support and kind words. xx
If a friend is not around you but alive you dont really miss them but when you find out they died you cant get them out of your head. Thats at least an INTJ view which may be similar to INFJ.
Interesting. Yeah I would agree with that. You never know what you have until you lose it. 🤗🤗🤗
This resonates so massively! Thanks for sharing and helping me understand myself more!
You are absolutely welcome!!!
I do "miss" people and what that mean is, I miss being around them or I miss that they make my happy(or whatever they make my feel), not the people themselves
Interesting!!
I distinctly remember a boy in high school thinking I was perfect after first meeting me, and me telling him "It won't be long.. you'll see" I completely understand what you mean, and your videos bless me so much just by making me feel understood!
Bahahaha. We are so crazy. I love us. :)
My friend posted that she missed me on Facebook and I was utterly taken aback...and then I was like, taken back that I guess I don’t really internalize how people feel about me when it’s not negative 😬
Yeah!!
It’s crazy bc I’ve read up on how Myers Briggs isn’t as valid as like The Big Five personality bc of the lack of science behind it or the enneagram but then I listen to videos like this and I’m like there’s no way it’s not real. Regardless of science, you just described my life.
Yes!
haha yes... sometimes i'll have those questions up in my mind...and sometimes i seem detached from the world (not easily contactable) but actually i'm in my own zone, like I sort of need it but i kind of wanna space out from everything every now and then
Yes!!
Have you come across people who mistake the sweet side of you to be extroverts and expect your regular company and eventually end up taking your time for granted?!
Absolutely!! :)
I love you!! I'm an IFNJ and am so grateful that I can relate to you (: (you are so pretty by the way)
Thank you Grace!!! I'm so grateful that you are watching my videos. :) I really appreciate it.
Boom Shikha No problem, I love them, they have actually helped me!! (:
I am so glad.. Sometimes I wonder when I am doing them, if they are useful, but I'm glad to hear they are. :)
Boom Shikha of course they are!!! Honestly I wish more people could be INFJs because this advice is so helpful and INFJs are just so mysterious and hard to understand sometimes (:
Haahha!! No we are not that mysterious, but we are hard to understand, cos we are so difficult to pin down. We change so often. But thank you!!
Its cause we can easily get along with people when we do hang out but we don't find the need to hangout every day or all the time and even if we haven't seen our friends in a long time the friendship/bond is still in tact. I personally just like going to new places & doesn't matter who I meet I easily get along with people but I'm not stuck on the constant need or updates on friends etc & yea we are kinda oblivious to people missing us
Yup exactly!