Coercive Control of Men: Deborah Powney
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Men are victims of coercive control by women as frequently as women are victims of coercion by men. Men experience a particular form of coercive control through threats to deprive them of contact with their children by women making application to the family court. This can be described as legal and administrative abuse. Economic coercion is also common as a result of women taking control of finances. Cultural factors seem to lead to men often failing to recognise that they are subject to coercive control and Deborah discusses how this pattern of behaviour is best described, defined and recognised. Deborah describes the research and its results and discusses its significance and how it should influence understanding, education, training and policy about domestic abuse.
Deborah Powney (of UCLan) recently published 'Male Victims of Coercive Control' :
www.mankind.or...
which she undertook along with her co-authors; Professor Nicola Graham-Kevan of Lancaster University and ManKind Initiative.
Twitter:
@Deborah70539758
@UCLanresearch
I am a man who has been at the receiving end of this, and most of the rest of the excellent videos on this channel.
Enough of me. Thanks to all 3 of you. It is utterly refreshing to hear two intelligent and Informed women shining a bright light in this. It must not be easy against the gynocentric system. And such wonderful balanced approach from Sir, too. Thanks again. I am available to participate in surveys and due to unemployment would like to assist you in any way I can.
Thank you for your kind words Mark. Much appreciated. If you could spread the word encouraging people to subscribe to this channel that would be helpful. Jill
I am going through this now... I felt like I was going insane, my wife had me questioning what was indisputably reality.. ... I had to get therapy.... Then within two sessions of therapy, my therapist was telling me my wife's reaction before I could... And had it shown to me that my wife had been subjecting me to extreme narcissistic abuse, prying on my empathetic efforts and desires to be a better man and husband... To manipulate herself into a position of power and control when I lived in fear of my life and my job to keep her happy. Honestly it was the divine intervention of God himself that got me out of it.
I’ve been here. The system is absolutely geared to ignore men. Last year I was charged with this. The cps then dropped things on day 1 of trial. I then told police what she did and was told by police that I was manipulative for reporting it
We work with both males and females who are abusers. She said: she had stabbed him in the leg; blood everywhere. In trying to stop her from doing worse in the struggle they both slipped on his blood. In falling his finger nail nicked her face, equivalent of a small shaving nick, she said. Fortunately the neighbours had heard the fight and called the police, otherwise he would have bled out, she said. Despite her protests that it was all her fault they were both arrested. In some cases she "starts something." He reacts. In the courts when he tries to explain the reasons for his behaviours it is referred to as "partner blaming," and the explanation is thus negated.
There is a profound sense of powerlessness when one is on the receiving end of coercive control. When the offending parent holds absolute control, backed by the state, over the most crucial aspect of your life, your relationship with your own child; it becomes tremendously difficult to hold on to any sense of your own agency and competence in life as a credible, self-governing adult.
"Those three are: Use of children, economic and legal & administrative abuse." So Parental Alienation then. It strikes me that the expectations of "modern" women and the perception of entitlement that women project and expect of men is partly to blame for female perpetration in coercive control. I have a hunch there is a massive cover up combined with deep denial of female toxicity and female perpetrators.
Great idea for an app too!
Thank you raising this subject. Keep up the effort to get more sweetness around this subject.
I am going through this now and it’s torture. My ex called the Police on routine collections to our child and even though, the Police did not understand why they were being called out, it’s still humiliating, while the child is upset and confused. When I contacted the Police about being hit in the face and overhearing discussions about making false accusations and getting the Police involved, they were not interested. Me collecting the child on a day when the mother does not object then calls the Police - two Police cars turning up within minutes. Even the Police officers were shaking whilst discussing what happened and seeing me shaking.
The Police could be more supportive and delays with the case might have completely undermined the potential for a prosecution. Severe impact on day-to-day life, especially if you have been isolated as a consequence of the coercive control, are completely overlooked, so the Police tends to rely on assault or physical threats as an actus reus for coercive control, it seems to me. It does not seem to matter when you are driven into debt, out of employment, into various health condition linked to anxiety. If you are not disabled, you are luckier. I checked the CPS guidance about coercive control and I can confidently say that the Police would not pursue a lot of cases that would fall under the offence.
I was coerced into paying almost all the rent, council tax, car insurances, holidays, etc, while she kept her wages, child maintenance and all other income. For several months, since the casual conversation about not being able to accept her total control anymore, I could not see or speak to my own child whom I used to live with and spent all my free time with. No one seems to care, including the school and social services and they don’t really want to get involved or have you collect the child. Even the Policeman who took my possessions (including passport and work computer) out of our former family home months after not having my clothes or personal items suggested that it’s better if he did not ask my ex if I could spend some time with my six year old son or take him to the park. What have I done or been accused of? Nothing. Why did the Police get involved? They don’t know and I don’t know. She did not want me to see the child, maybe and she wanted to humiliate and punish me as always when not submitting to her total and constant control. Were there any arguments? No, but no one seems to care. It’s so wicked and mad that you remain confused and traumatised for life by these psychological abuse technics.
I don’t speculate what it would be like if a man started smearing a woman to friends and family; and whether at any stage, people would start questioning that if the other party was so abusive (unsubstantiated abuse, mainly just quietly talking or walking in the house), then why the Police did not charge? If I am controlling her through the child, why is it me who cannot see him at all?! It seems that women can easily convince others that a man is abusive and no one asks how and to what extent. Maybe then people would realise the absurdity of calling a victim the abuser. I was being called abusive when simply quietly talking back to her shouting “stop shouting!”. Or why is she blocking contact altogether regardless of any perceived or real concerns and why is she limiting contact with everyone who could ask questions? These abusive and evil individuals hide behind their false victimhood and the whole society let them destroy the lives of their children, the children’s fathers and that side of the family. This is so wrong and distressing; and I don’t know how anyone can think that it’s in any way acceptable or helping anyone.
It is soul-destroying having to go to court just to be part of your child’s life, whilst you are treated like nothing, even as a victim. I have been struggling to complete the C1A as all these emotional and psychological technics are so sophisticated that I know it will be extremely difficult to explain how as an educated, skilled person with plenty of safeguarding experience, I could easily become the personal slave to an abusive woman and that the humble surface of her is just as deceiving as the crazy-making conversations and years of moving goalposts that result in me being blamed for everything.
For those who are in a similar situation - look after yourselves and keep your faith, you are doing it for your children. Try to recover, so you can be here for your children and save your sanity; and stand up again and again, regardless of how humiliating, soul-destroying and infuriating the abuse or the aftermath can be. Don’t pick up bad habits and seek support from family, friends and professionals. You are probably better off without those who believed false accusations about you, anyway. God bless you all!
Your story is relatable on every level. I am going through very similar. In order to succeed in proving your innocence of DV and her implacable hostility and malicious behaviour you need to draw on much research and sources from legal to social to psychological to medical, and document everything. Courts seem to like and side with simple explanations (man=abuser til he proves otherwise) but sadly you, like many, are asking the court by way of defense to false allegations to accept that she is quasi-evil. Sounds like histrionic NPD / bipolar disorder. Watch Amy Baker, Craig Childress, Sam Vaknin for an understanding. Cafcas (uk) still don’t understand the deep and nuanced disorders but I understand generally results have improved a little for men over last 10 years. How on earth these courts can sit through these painful cases based on lies, day in, day out, is beyond my understanding. In my case legal and administrative abuse by her is obvious. And the use of children by spiteful mothers to isolate and break the father of their children is savage, and nothing less than child abuse. Lie detectors in court are needed, along with a suite of sanctions against those that are proven to have brought false allegations to court. I don’t think that would happen in the UK given our victim culture. Good luck everyone going through this and remember you are not alone, this sickness in our society has many victims (male and female).
Absolutely brilliant video containing passion and some much needed common sense
Yes Phil. Deborah is always a great contributor to the podcasts. Jill
@@hearthetruththeonrecordpod4430 @10:13 ''it is set up to be a gendered issue. And it is not''
Actually, what you are discussing IS a gendered issue. It is a gendered issue for men. What is happening to men is due to societal attitudes towards men that have to be addressed and changed before we can see any positive change on a legal front
WHAM! CRUNCH! SMASH! POWney! A superb expose of what so many of us have experienced, and experienced being disbelieved. Thanks to all.
Legal and administrative abuse! Absolutely I have had that for two years. Ex can use legal aid solicitors, the police outside organisations by playing the victim. Thankfully it’s known how Machiavellian she is now but it took a while for services to catch up. I suspect a lot of men commit suicide because of legal and administrative abuse.
Oh yes, abusers exist among men and women! My mother is a covert narcissist with BPD, OCD, with extreme paranoia. To my father and us four children she was pure control and terror! She triangulated everyone against everyone, lied, gaslighted, our closet was locked, we were given "Käthe Kruse" clothes while still in puberty, pocket money never came because I had never been good, TV was forbidden, badmouthed our friends, she behaved so arrogantly and kindly venomous when she wanted them to voluntarily not visit us a second time. She manipulated my father mainly through pity ploy, he had to do everything for her and always be there for her because she had to suffer children because of him, he had to make us breakfast and beat us up. My father was not allowed to give me positive attention! Then she gave me too small clothes and laughed at me because I was so tall and flat. I never forget, I was in my mid-thirties at the time and had no clue what coercive control was when I said to her, "How could you stay with a man who beats your children?" She replied, almost relieved, "You're right," because she had never taken criticism before. I thought about her answer for a long time, years.... She was glad that I had not - yet - understood that she was the power behind everything, including the beatings! I went no contact years ego 😁
I've gone through this as a woman. Definitely not a gender issue but a behavioural one. Funny how the women focused coercive control webinars fail to acknowledge parental alienation as a part of it. Maybe that's an indication that women are more likely to use the kids like that. May the world open their eyes to the behaviours and not the genders and finally end this human nightmare so many of us endure
It is a shame that this is not published on The Conversation, a academic website that claims Academic Rigour based on research and facts.
I can't thank you enough
Pleased it’s been helpful. Jill
In my experience the police were not interested.
Can someone in the government please listen to this woman she’s telling you something really important
Typo, awareness
Thank you thank you thank you. I am terrified of her using the kids against me. Marry me or I take the kids away, now , she wants a divorce and using the system to take my kids away again, and yes, finances she wants.
Coercion & Control is the Normal pattern by which females control relationships with those who surround them including adult males & other females!