I was 34 when I was diagnosed. I had moved from New Mexico to Texas. I got a job as a Med/Surg nurse and the hospital required a physical. I found a new PCP and then I was delighted to find out he sat on the board of the hospital where I would be working and he treated his own patients when they were hospitalized and he and I would be working together. Fast forward 3 and a half months and I was back in his office to have him look at a rash. He asked me why I didn't list my ADHD meds on my med list. I laughed and said "You've been working too many hours Doc, I don't have ADHD". He looked at me shocked, and said, "You absolutely have ADHD" He began asking me questions...How often do you lose things? How often are you late? Do you consider yourself forgetful?....he went through a few dozen questions, and then he started me on my journey of healing. All of the things I beat myself up for had a CAUSE. My "depression", which really felt like paralysis, was actually Executive Dysfunction. My procrastination, my disorganization, nights I couldn't get to sleep and mornings I couldn't wake up.... ADHD. Once I really poured myself into getting help, I found out that the tricks I had developed to study, the timers I set to get me on task....these weren't things other people had to do. The blessing in this was when I saw my own daughter silently suffering, I was able to recognize her struggle and get her help immediately. My dad was an amazing doctor. My mom was the best teacher. They never dreamed I had ADHD because I was a straight A student. I was the "good" kid who could entertain myself quietly for hours, and I was the opposite of hyperactive.....luckily, I loved to learn and I was hyperfocusing on the things that interested me. I also had a huge fear of failure and never wanted to disappoint my parents. Thank you for making this video.
Your post could have been written by me .. I had to turn away in acknowledgment, gratitude and shock that my habits weren’t done by others … thank you for your post .. what meds do you take ? Thank you 😊
I'm 72 and just now learning about how to deal with my ADHD. I am noticing that some of the coping mechanisms are things that I have instinctively taught myself over the years. I appreciate the tools that she teaches us in this video! The other videos that I have watched about ADHD have shown me what the symptoms are but don't teach me tools for dealing with it.
It's like I'm realizing more of my self identification. I literally have a panic when I face this thought that its not going to be perfect 😕 so I literally don't do it. People have told me there is no way I'm a perfectionist because I have ADHD. Thank you for not making me feel like I just don't care but I know I care too much and avoid so I don't disappoint people.
@@KarriSimone I've got ADHD and it's been they are since I was a young child I guess but I really have an addressed it until recently... anyway. If you want to talk about it sometime you can text me
I’m yet to be diagnosed with ADHD but definitely have struggled with perfectionism and procrastination all my life… I often can’t get the assignments perfect so don’t hand them and drop out of the course…
I was diagnosed age 39. I was a junior doctor but had repeated episodes of depression and very severe imposter syndrome. I was constantly anxious and exhausted. No one spotted my adhd, this was a decade ago so it just wasn't on anyone's radar, especially in an adult woman. I internalised it as my own failures and weaknesses. I barely made it through medical school and felt like I wasn't good enough. Eventually I completely decompensated and left medicine after my partner died, and spiralled into drug addiction. I'm now in recovery from drugs and am on medication for ADHD. The diagnosis changed my life, and I am working to reframe my negative thiughts such as blaming myself for my "failures", and I realise that ADHD burnout due to my perfectionism and intense masking was the cause of my depression and burnout while working as doctor. I am nervous about getting my life back on track in a new career (I want to work in public health and health education) as my perfectionism is still an issue, and it has led to paralysis and stagnation for years now. I am so scared that I will fail, and I can't break down the steps I will need to take to achieve my dreams. After starting medication, it actually got worse as for thr first time in years, I felt like I could potentially achieve my goals. That was terrifying.. so I have been avoiding it. I do the same with social interactions, im terrified of being a bad friend like I was when I was undiagnosed (I know this is a harsh assessment but it's how I feel, I would constantly drop off the map, or overpromise the let people down.) I "solved" this by not even trying to have social interactions or friendships for many yeats. I am keen to change this as I am very lonely and really miss my friends, but my perfectionism and past "failures" have led to extreme avoidance and paralysis. I've never watched a video that spoke to me as much as this did! Thank you so much, I understand myself a bit better now, which is a big step towards self compassion and meaningful change.
I hear you. I'm 40, managed to derail my life gradually although I'm an expert in my field. socially isolated myself because of shame and negative thought spirals. now on my way to own my adhd, get help, get diagnosed, do what I have within my reach.
This was useful. I would never have called myself a perfectionist but once again - because I didn't understand what it really meant. One thing I didn't agree with was the advice to 'eat the frog'. I just listened to another ADDITUDE webinar where the speaker categorically said that 'eat the frog' does not work for people with ADHD. It certainly doesn't for me. Trying to tackle the biggest job first is usually too big a hurdle to get over which means nothing gets done. Far better to break everything down, do small things, and tackle the bigger thing when I've built some momentum.
For me eating the frog does work, even though i didn't remember that tip, but still do it i found out, that when I have much to do I dont get the biggest thing / frog done, unless get up one morning and start with it.
I had heard eating the frog was about doing the most undesirable first, so that everything that came after "tasted better" not necessarily the biggest task. I have heard that as how to eat an elephant, one bite at a time - hope that helps if it adds any clarity 💙
Did this woman have a crystal ball into my mind? I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 48 and have been exploring what that means but, wow, this video describes me eerily well.
I had the same thought 😆 She gets my brain! This video was enlightening and right on target for what I needed. Lawrence, 48 is a long time to unknowingly have ADHD! I don’t know what I would have done without treatment growing up.
@@beahappy1today It’s the same for me. Diagnosed at 52. I’m in a critical state in my life trying to build a totally different mindset and skill set. I spent most of my life using procrastination and adrenaline to get things done. At 50 in the midst of menopause, with chronic stress and sleep deprivation due to insomnia, stress and overwork that stopped working. My life quickly started going downhill with memory, focus, concentration issues kicking in on top of that. Many women are diagnosed when menopause starts because estrogen actually helps us compensate for many adhd symptoms. My doctor said I was high functioning, or rather I accommodated and worked around my adhd problems. Without the estrogen the symptoms were front and center.
@@universaltruth2025 I’m more hyperfocused but learning now that the co-symptoms are essentially the same. Insomnia is a big one and I’ve had trouble sleeping literally since I was 5 years old or younger. I remember sneaking snacks into bed as a toddler because I couldn’t sleep. In elementary school I hid under the covers with a flashlight and read. My dad would check on us and tell me to go to sleep when he’d catch me. I recently started HRT pellets and it’s helping. I’m also learning that childhood trauma can basically make adhd even more problematic as we develop many coping skills at a young age and due to trauma can develop the wrong skills when there’s no one there to protect us and teach us differently. My mother remarried after divorcing my Dad and my Stepdad was physically abusive towards my mother and we would often find ourselves in the middle of it. She left him but we develop certain coping skills very early on and mine were warped as a result of being in that environment. I’m trying to sort that out but it’s a tough journey. I still have no real rush due to lack of adrenaline so I’m procrastinating beyond deadlines. Hoping they get the hormones balanced soon. I also have thyroid problems so it’s tricky. On the plus side the HRT has given me increased energy so at least I can get up early or stay up late to get things done when I need to for work. But fatigue and lack of motivation is a daily battle. I got off of Ambien years ago. Not sure I could manage with sleeping pills now as anything I take other than Vyvanse (and even that has to be at a certain dose) will put me in an emotionally blunted state making lack of motivation even worse. When you feel nothing you literally do nothing except hyperfocus on everything else except what you need to focus on. I can only hope that doctors are helping young girls and women more now and less women will have to reach 50 before getting the help they need to navigate life more easily. I spent years misdiagnosed with bipolar when it was actually ADHD. Wishing you well. ♥️
Eating the frog first doesn't work for many with ADHD, because we just don't do anything. For many of us it's more effective to do the simple things or the things were more interested in so that we build momentum
There are some great tips in here. I've recently dropped the "Eat the frog first" mentality though and it's made a huge difference as it was major factor leading to task paralysis. Now I pick an easy, often unrelated task first. One that I know I'll finish quickly. That small win motivates me to start tackling the bigger project I keep putting off.
when you mentioned the importance of imagining myself doing those things, I think it's a negative thing for me. It's like tricking my brain into thinking that now I don't have to physically do it, now that I went through all the process in my head. Great video though, keep up with the great content. ❤
I got through 28 minutes before a TEMU ad with pictures popped up and I ended up looking at cool products for an hour. Thought it was 20 minutes, but nope. A full hour. 😅
Aa someone with ADHD, if you have ADHD and struggle it with starting (task initiation)... NEVER eat the frog (first) !!! Start with something easy and as you get into the flow start tackling your harder tasks. (but don't save them for the end obviously)
Thank you, I did it once and was shocked and couldn't get other things done during that day or the days after, now procrastinating on cleaning my room and practicing drawing 😢
This is seriously helpful and probably neuro-typical people already knew these things their entire lives. I wish we had appropriate help while growing up. Everything, our entire lives might have come out better than it did.
I tried to the body double thru Focusmate for the first time today and I loved it! It really help me tackle the piles of laundry that have been so daunting! There were a few times I got distracted and then I remembered I had a goal to meet and got back on task. Looking forward to using this more in the future! Thank you!!
OMG 😳 wow I can relate to this. I have ADHD and dyslexia. Have. Masters and have this tendency and it has led to burnout. Procrastinating explanation is so true. Feeling inadequate in early learning days made me feel I was last in everything and I need to give it all just to pass as average.
this is me i couldnt have put it better myself 🤧 ". Feeling inadequate in early learning days made me feel I was last in everything and I need to give it all just to pass as average."
I was doing house work and forgot what I was listening to and thought, "Man that sounds like me!". Then I realised it was. Adhd is like being another species
This deserves way more views. You are describing me at work and I can’t believe how accurate this is. Thank you so much! This is going to help me at work and will probably be life changing.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40 just after my child was born while I was going up for tenure. While I've been in treatment for it since then, only in the last year or so have I really started to become aware of my perfectionism. Thanks for this lecture on the topic. It's helped me better understand myself and provided some techniques to attempt.
Thank you for this. I have lost out on many opportunities because of this need for perfectionism. If anything, the discussion played down, but not by much, how impactful and damaging this facet is.
I was diagnosed at 44. The only thing that helped me getting my life out of chaos and despair was daily medidation. I rate it as effective as medication in my case. There are immediate benefits too but it offers slower permanent improvements (concentratioon emotional control ...) which take consistent application for a couple months. Try it if u havent. Turned my life around for sure.
I have ADHD and am a perfectionist. I don’t think I feel the pressure of perfectionism to prove myself to other people, though. My family abused me growing up by constantly putting me down and gaslighting me. They would constantly tell me as a child what a failure I would be in life. I would never have a career, marriage, etc. because I’m just such a horrible person. I feel that my perfectionism comes from me wanting to prove to myself that what they said about me is not true and that I can actually far exceed their low expectations of me. I was always at the top of my class, straight A’s, etc. without ever having to study at all. I learned to read when I was 3, and I don’t know my IQ but my mother was basically a case study for a mental hospital because she had such a crazy high IQ as a child (she also has ADHD). Maybe I am subconsciously people-pleasing but I feel that for me I am trying to beat down those abusive projections hanging over me. On a lighter note - before I had to do a presentation once in college, I recorded myself doing it so that I could practice and see what id need to improve. This actually really helped because I realized what I was nervous about wasn’t true - I sounded good, I didn’t look awkward, and the information was we presented. This gave me more confidence for the presentation because if I hadn’t seen myself do it already, I would have been insecure about how I looked/sounded and whether my presentation was good. And yes, even though I was at the top of my class and a 4.0 in college, I worried every time I took a test or did a presentation that I would somehow just mess the whole thing up and get a 0. It’s like I had the imposter syndrome about my own intelligence, and I honestly still do. But I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging about having a high IQ which is what everyone things as soon as you bring it up. It actually has made my life a lot harder I think.
I think I am in the same category.. aced my school was top of class, graduated with a very good GPA from college.. but now as I an adult I am finding it difficult to start simple task that most people find not that challenging… I am a perfectionist, I procrastinate, an I worry too much about how people view me sometimes to the point of being people-pleaser.
Abuse from childhood can cause complex post traumatic stress disorder. Many of the symptoms v similar to those of adhd. So you may have a double dose from the adhd itself and from cptsd. Two really good people on yt to learn more about cptsd are Richard Grannon and Patrick Teahan
every single sentence spoke to me. I've been diagnosed since childhood but am still learning how it impacts me. some strategies I knew and some were new to me. I work with children and we use the positive approach model to increase their self esteem and chances of success but not once have I thought to use it on myself. thank you!
I found this really helpful thank you! I'm awaiting my ADHD assessment at the age of 54. My son has ADHD and our difficulties overlap. I got my self esteem by doing well at sciences in secondary school after struggling at primary school and have really pushed myself too hard to do well. Struggles that I've had have led me to procrastinate get anxious and avoid tasks!
This is so helpful. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 38yo. I am definitely a perfectionist; I hate and love this about myself. Learning to see myself from a different light. Thank you for this video. Incredibly thankful for people like you who are helping us understand ourselves better. 😢❤😅😊
Okay, so I'm halfway though this lecture and I have some issues with her language. "No one is ever in the mood to work all the time" is exactly the kind of dismissive language people with ADHD will hear all the time, and it's a generalized kind of advice that doesn't take into account the specific, non-negotiable obstacles that people with ADHD have to work around. Controlling your environment, and the conditions, are EXACTLY what some of us need to do to give ourselves a fighting chance to succeed. This is trying to apply a mindset change instead of a functional coping strategy. Library is too crowded and distracting? Learn the hours when it's quiet. Too tired to work? Learn when you're the most functional in the day and get the difficult stuff done at that time. "Eat the frog first" is great for neurotypicals, but taking on smaller tasks first to build momentum, and get a starting dose of dopamine, is an effective coping strategy when you just don't have enough dopamine in your brain to make it through the big task yet. You have ADHD, you have to do things differently. Your success depends on your understanding of your condition as much as it does on your mindset. There is some helpful advice in this talk, but I have my doubts about it's provable effectiveness, and the language used.
I feel like you knew more about me than I knew about me!! Everything was spot on . I got half way but will be finishing it an di got tons of screen shots. I appreciate the slides with the words as well and not just you talking def helped a lot !
I’m 55 and still don’t have the diagnosis of ADHD yet, I have been diagnosed with lupus and BPD, I got 96% on an exam but when I got home my dad asked what happened to the other 4% I knew nothing was ever going to be good enough for him
I was diagnosed this year and I still sometimes don't believe that I have ADHD, and I think having a perfectionism mindset of not measuring up to what my mind has of ADHD has led me to some very bad mental habits. Why think that I can do well and let myself build up the expectation? Always let myself have incredibly low bars because it felt more attainable. ☹️ This year has been a very big learning curve to take care of myself and learn that it's OK to be me.
Thank you so much for this video and your way of explaining things. I’m almost 45 and just now started college and have been having some issues with studying, remembering and focusing and someone suggested I may have ADHD and Anxiety and after watching this video it definitely clarifies it! Thank you! I lost focus after about 10 minutes of this video so I’ll have to rewatch it a few times.
I keep handing in my assignments late because I keep trying to make them perfect. My teacher had said that my assignments are very insightful, the only problem is not handing in the assignments on time.
I consistently hear a quote in my head saying "Are you afraid to fail or are you afraid of success?" I used to believed it was failure only but the truth is being successful and not maintaining is sometimes a bigger fear.
Isn’t the fear of success just another version of failure? Kind of like pride and self hatred? “I am afraid to succeed because, if I do, then I will have a steeper fall if I fail later.” 🤔
THANK YOU Dr Robbins for the deep dive and detailed precise action points on this subject that drives me crazy as I attempt to create a late life professional career. This video is one of several CHADD videos I've zoned in on and watched this am. Fantastic info presented quickly and concisely with those wonderful Powerpoint points and time stamp prompts. My favorite videos I've seen in a long time! 66 YO widowed female diagnosed recently after 30yo son was clinically diagnosed. A "teledoc" practice I found agrees that with regular reporting BP I'm a good candidate for medication. Out of pocket I can't afford Vyvanse - the medication that's literally changed my son's life and gives me a quiet, under-the-radar productive, happy day that my generic Adderall doesn't (no insurance for Tx or Rx).
I'm trying to get diagnosed, but because my grades were good before my burnout/depression, the doctor thinks I just have residual symptoms from depression. I have always struggled with motivation. I get easily interested and excited about new things, but often hyperfocus on details and then my energy runs out and I never finish anything without deadlines. I had many common symptoms of inattentive ADHD as a child, but the DIVA-5 sadly focuses on outward symptoms. I also experienced childhood trauma, so it could be that, ADHD or both. I was a reserved kid, but often got very talkative with friends, not understanding social rules about when to speak and small talk. But to every adult I was a well behaved smart kid, who just daydreamed often. I have worked on my perfectionism for a while, but I feel like it is natural to me to be detail oriented and go with the flow. I have tried many studying methods now in uni, but the best for me is just read through things, and not get stuck. As a perfectionist it is hard to not google every thought I get during studying. I have also started to just write essays without meticulous planning, because if I plan too much I get bored. This is still a journey, but next I'm trying to desensitize myself to failing!
Thank you so much! The tools and information are very helpful for me. I am 52 and got diagnosed only two days ago. This is a journey I can now approach with understanding. 😊
I would so come see you, if I lived in that area! Thank you for this, Sooooo many women suffer in all areas of life in mid life! We either fail,or overachieve to compensate, there is no middle unless we have a Dr like yourself! Thanks for all the great info.
It seems there's an overlap with OCPD / OCD in some cases. I wonder if in years to come, we'll find out they're more related than we currently understand.
@ T H . Interesting point. I saw somewhere recently the suggestion that the OCD may be operating not externally, but in the mind. Ordering and re-ordering ideas. That was a BIG AHA! for me. Yes !!!! Best regards
Yup! I think OCPD develops as a measure to regain control over all the things you don't notice and getting constantly criticised for things you do wrong that you didn't even realise you did.
Oof, thank you for this video! My colleague actually mentioned the other day that perfectionism can be related to ADHD. I've recognized a lot of the listed things regarding to ADHD/ADD. Interesting to learn about this.
We're glad this video got your interest. You can find more on adult ADHD at chadd.org/for-adults/overview/ or give us a call, 866-200-8098 M-T 1-5 PM ET.
Me, having anxiety because this is hitting home so much LOL I was just diagnosed with ADHD last year at age 46. So much makes sense now. My psychiatrist and I have been working on treating me for severe anxiety for so many years. I am realizing that a lot of my anxiety has come from ADHD and not understanding it. My mother has OCD so I didn't think I was a perfectionist. But I am a perfectionist when it comes to social interactions and work. I love being aware of these things now because that means I have a place to work from. And it gives me confidence knowing that I can work on something tangible
I am convinced I have AUDHD and perfectionism. Kind of imposter. But I am fine with it. I like to be alone after being in crowded places. I always felt myself different. And after a lot of failures my self esteem was below zero. I am Improving gradually. I am fulltime mother by the way and I do it well. Since I educate myself I understand myself a lot better. And coop with the way I am. Thanks for this information 👍
I am blown away. This is so me. I know I have potential and talent but somehow I never start or complete things. It’s almost like I can’t and it scares me. I was thinking I had a defeatist mind set
Those of you who can't listen, I suggest you listen to video while doing a mind numbing task...washing dishes, sorting papers, picking toys or folding laundry. Also a suggestion is to do your online window shopping. I actually need to do something else besides just listen...some folks knit. Keeps their hands busy but mind can just listen. Another thought is to read the transcript by the description BUT the accuracy of transcript is dependent on the ai program which interpreted the speech.
I’m best friends with my husband, we love and are attracted to each other but when it comes to intimacy, I get so in my head. It takes a lot for me to enjoy it. I’m very critical of every thing he does. I try not to be but feel so much anxiety in my body. I often end up crying cause I can’t “ do it right” he’s not judging me at all but somehow I am judging myself. I get mad that I can’t enjoy it and tense up more. Is this a common thing for people with adhd? I don’t want to stay stuck in this but am hoping I’m not alone.
Hey, definitely not alone. I’m divorced now, but I had the same problem when I was married. I think mine was a combination of adhd/perfectionism/previous sexual abuse. I wish I could give you a silver bullet, but I can’t. It helps to admit that you’re feeling anxious and breathe through it together, sometimes having the assurance from your partner helps with the performance anxiety. Another really good option would be couples or sex therapy. This is a very common thing for women because abuse is so rampant so having a professional help walk you guys through it might help. I know it’s hard, for me I would try so many things to “get in the mood” since my ex was extremely critical if I wasn’t. I even resorted to trying to fake excitement just to avoid the criticism or disappointing him. I’m glad this doesn’t seem to be your experience, I just wanted to share some of mine so you know that your feelings and struggles are valid ❤️. Best wishes
Perchance do you have any other videos or resources focused on strategies for research faculty with ADHD? I was intrigued by the mention at ca. 25:40 example of the professor using FocusMate.
I was 10 when I was diagnosed and I think that it actually made things worse for me. Being diagnosed and medicated that early just magnified the already existing inferiority complex. The medication took a part of my personality that I have desperately been searching for. I still haven’t completely grasped it at 35..I used to be a productive perfectionist but since i was diagnosed it turned into paralysis as a result of being extremely self conscious. I can remember being a willing and eager student but I slowly started to hate learning. I felt like I had been diagnosed with mental retardation. Idk why. I say this to say; maybe being diagnosed later in life isn’t such a bad thing.
Due to the nature of my job I have been unable to try out alot of things, also I tend to be forgetful of things so I went to the hospital and I was asked to conduct some tests. When the doctors told me I had ADHD, and meeting Dr Iyhere after all these so called treatments, my life has been quite difficult.
For Perfectionists, it's a tragic self-fulfilling prophecy: By worrying about failure, our worry causes us to underperform. Whereas, if we were more carefree and had more confidence, our performance would better align with the high standards we set for ourselves.
It does kind if rub me wrong that I got this video suggested to me after rewatching a fellow adhd person explaining why the eat the frog mentality is a neurotypical kind of advice being forced onto brains that don't really function that way. I also wished that people suggested other things than "mindfulness" and "meditation." Literally half the time I'm having a serious issue with something not being perfect, it's a fully "present moment" issue and the problem is often the physical sensation of my body in that second of time. Being even more mindful of the thing that is causing me distress by focusing even more on how my body feels only makes me spiral, and meditation in general makes me itchy--body, mind, and soul. The only times I feel anything remotely similar to "meditative" is when I'm doing physical activities like running or other aerobic movements, playing a musical instrument while in the zone, or being hyoerfocused on something. When I try to meditate following the methods always presented I genuinely get agitated and feel aggressive. It is not comforting, comfortable, and usually just creates additional physical and mental stress. But when I voice this concern to meditation being constantly thrust on me I get treated like I'm just a child throwing a temper tantrum and not an adult trying to explain their physical and mental state.
Each person is different and if you ADHD with a hyperactive/impulsive presentation, exercise can be very helpful. Here is more information chadd.org/?s=exercise
I know you made this video long ago but I recently out that I have ADHD. Searched and this video was one of the first ones. I realized I have perfectionism. Now recently iv been super stressed, lost my position at work because I have made several mistakes in the last month. This stimed from an event in my home life that has made it hard to concentrate. Those harsh things I say to my self has made it's way out and iv started letting it run out on my teen kids. They have been disrespectful and don't want to do their chores and on top it all I have OCD so the mess I see is much more than what they see and it's a trigger for me. Is there any advice you can give me? I'm currently now a single mom of 5 and I'm losing hours at work because I don't want to take them to work to sit in the break room because I feel embarrassed by their actions while we are there so I can't afford a therapist right now.
By looking at the definition of adhd we could than conclude that every single object that is very well designed and perfectly manufactured is the product of an adhd mind but I really don't it is. Some people have a inner sense of aesthetic beauty,proportions ,elegance and attention to details. This human quality applies to objects but not exclusevely .
I've been diagnosed ADHD but I'm not driven except that my work needs to be flawless I wonder because I want consistent life that maybe I might be autistic I don't like things being different. I get distracted and forget where I left off I have to leave cues for myself to remember to finish what I started I get the way you describe this procrastinating and depression. I'm there. I can't ever be good enough. I also have a criminal record and can't seem to raise myself above anything beyond just a basic job. I feel like my entire life is destroyed. I'm trying to figure out how to get past this
Oh, how wrong you can be. . . This video "is perfect!" : - ) I finally found the video that I've been searching for. You explain the root cause of perfectionism and ADHD perfectly. Thank you so much!
What if you don't know how to get started during that time you're using focus mate? For me the next time I have to be even more structured and more structured with a usual spiral into just giving up.
This is me entirely. Several times a day I have to stop everything and have a heart to heart with myself. If I don’t, I end up restricting and restricting until I inevitably explode and become a potato for three days. 🥔
🎯 **Perfectionism Overview** 🎯 1️⃣ Perfectionism: Good or Bad? It's aiming for super high standards but can be a pain sometimes. 2️⃣ Signs: Quick to spot flaws, harsh on mistakes, and delay stuff fearing failure. 3️⃣ Upsides: Can drive you forward, but the downside? Fear-based perfectionism brings procrastination, rigid thinking, and kills creativity. 4️⃣ Types: There's rigid (linked to self-worth) and adaptive (high standards but chill if you slip). 5️⃣ Impact: Perfectionism messes with your head, so recognizing it's crucial for your mental health. 6️⃣ Fix: Set doable goals, see tasks as manageable chunks, and start with baby steps. 7️⃣ Solution: Get to know yourself, be kind, and celebrate what makes you, you. 8️⃣ Tackle: Picture yourself winning, speak kindly to yourself, and ask for what you need. 9️⃣ Shift: Catch negative thoughts, swap them with positive ones. 🔟 Motivate: Reward yourself after tasks, stick to a plan, and know when it's perfectionism or ADHD kicking in.
I'm finding out that I have a lot of symptoms including huge attention deficit, not sure how much is ADHD and how much is from B-12 Methylcobalamine deficiency specifically and iron deficiency. Watch this video in case it might help you or someone you love. I've been getting Methylcobalamine injections lately and took a slow iron vitamin yesterday and finally got some stuff done. Which is a miracle for me. DIAGNOSING AND TREATING VITAMIN B-12 DEFICIENCY. That title exactly. Don't DON'T take anything with cyanocobalamin in it. The video explains how it makes things worse for a lot of people. Also research whether iron is good for you or not. It's not good for everyone.
What do you mean celebrate your own success? Is that something people do? Unironically? Isn't success the least you should do to be good enough? Do I have ADHD?
Were they any tips given on dealing with avoidance procrastination as described here at 12:15. The problem was outlined well, but I may have missed it.
I was 34 when I was diagnosed. I had moved from New Mexico to Texas. I got a job as a Med/Surg nurse and the hospital required a physical. I found a new PCP and then I was delighted to find out he sat on the board of the hospital where I would be working and he treated his own patients when they were hospitalized and he and I would be working together. Fast forward 3 and a half months and I was back in his office to have him look at a rash. He asked me why I didn't list my ADHD meds on my med list. I laughed and said "You've been working too many hours Doc, I don't have ADHD". He looked at me shocked, and said, "You absolutely have ADHD" He began asking me questions...How often do you lose things? How often are you late? Do you consider yourself forgetful?....he went through a few dozen questions, and then he started me on my journey of healing. All of the things I beat myself up for had a CAUSE. My "depression", which really felt like paralysis, was actually Executive Dysfunction. My procrastination, my disorganization, nights I couldn't get to sleep and mornings I couldn't wake up.... ADHD. Once I really poured myself into getting help, I found out that the tricks I had developed to study, the timers I set to get me on task....these weren't things other people had to do. The blessing in this was when I saw my own daughter silently suffering, I was able to recognize her struggle and get her help immediately. My dad was an amazing doctor. My mom was the best teacher. They never dreamed I had ADHD because I was a straight A student. I was the "good" kid who could entertain myself quietly for hours, and I was the opposite of hyperactive.....luckily, I loved to learn and I was hyperfocusing on the things that interested me. I also had a huge fear of failure and never wanted to disappoint my parents. Thank you for making this video.
Your post could have been written by me .. I had to turn away in acknowledgment, gratitude and shock that my habits weren’t done by others … thank you for your post .. what meds do you take ? Thank you 😊
@@nicolenicole319 me too.
What does PCP stand for ? I need to be diagnosed. Does your PCP work over the phone or online etc ? The one who could tell you had ADHD ?
@@debbiedebbie9473 Primary Care Physician
I'm 72 and just now learning about how to deal with my ADHD. I am noticing that some of the coping mechanisms are things that I have instinctively taught myself over the years. I appreciate the tools that she teaches us in this video! The other videos that I have watched about ADHD have shown me what the symptoms are but don't teach me tools for dealing with it.
It's like I'm realizing more of my self identification. I literally have a panic when I face this thought that its not going to be perfect 😕 so I literally don't do it. People have told me there is no way I'm a perfectionist because I have ADHD. Thank you for not making me feel like I just don't care but I know I care too much and avoid so I don't disappoint people.
I have the same problem, when I feel like it won’t be perfect, I have no motivation to do it.
I got frusrated having this ADHD , but with the use of dr imenherbal on RUclips herbal remedy , i have been able to get rid of ADHD
You need someone that supports you sometimes it just takes encouragement from a loved one to break that barrier of doubting yourself
😊 so true👍.......
@@KarriSimone I've got ADHD and it's been they are since I was a young child I guess but I really have an addressed it until recently... anyway. If you want to talk about it sometime you can text me
I’m yet to be diagnosed with ADHD but definitely have struggled with perfectionism and procrastination all my life… I often can’t get the assignments perfect so don’t hand them and drop out of the course…
I was diagnosed age 39. I was a junior doctor but had repeated episodes of depression and very severe imposter syndrome. I was constantly anxious and exhausted. No one spotted my adhd, this was a decade ago so it just wasn't on anyone's radar, especially in an adult woman.
I internalised it as my own failures and weaknesses. I barely made it through medical school and felt like I wasn't good enough. Eventually I completely decompensated and left medicine after my partner died, and spiralled into drug addiction.
I'm now in recovery from drugs and am on medication for ADHD. The diagnosis changed my life, and I am working to reframe my negative thiughts such as blaming myself for my "failures", and I realise that ADHD burnout due to my perfectionism and intense masking was the cause of my depression and burnout while working as doctor.
I am nervous about getting my life back on track in a new career (I want to work in public health and health education) as my perfectionism is still an issue, and it has led to paralysis and stagnation for years now. I am so scared that I will fail, and I can't break down the steps I will need to take to achieve my dreams. After starting medication, it actually got worse as for thr first time in years, I felt like I could potentially achieve my goals. That was terrifying.. so I have been avoiding it.
I do the same with social interactions, im terrified of being a bad friend like I was when I was undiagnosed (I know this is a harsh assessment but it's how I feel, I would constantly drop off the map, or overpromise the let people down.)
I "solved" this by not even trying to have social interactions or friendships for many yeats. I am keen to change this as I am very lonely and really miss my friends, but my perfectionism and past "failures" have led to extreme avoidance and paralysis.
I've never watched a video that spoke to me as much as this did! Thank you so much, I understand myself a bit better now, which is a big step towards self compassion and meaningful change.
I hear you. I'm 40, managed to derail my life gradually although I'm an expert in my field. socially isolated myself because of shame and negative thought spirals. now on my way to own my adhd, get help, get diagnosed, do what I have within my reach.
Keep going!! you will make it!
What type of person specifically deals with this diagnosis? I was raised in a family that was very anti-therapy, so I'm not even sure where to start.
Psychiatrist @@bbtank3000
This was useful. I would never have called myself a perfectionist but once again - because I didn't understand what it really meant. One thing I didn't agree with was the advice to 'eat the frog'. I just listened to another ADDITUDE webinar where the speaker categorically said that 'eat the frog' does not work for people with ADHD. It certainly doesn't for me. Trying to tackle the biggest job first is usually too big a hurdle to get over which means nothing gets done. Far better to break everything down, do small things, and tackle the bigger thing when I've built some momentum.
For me eating the frog does work, even though i didn't remember that tip, but still do it i found out, that when I have much to do I dont get the biggest thing / frog done, unless get up one morning and start with it.
I had heard eating the frog was about doing the most undesirable first, so that everything that came after "tasted better" not necessarily the biggest task. I have heard that as how to eat an elephant, one bite at a time - hope that helps if it adds any clarity 💙
Did this woman have a crystal ball into my mind? I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 48 and have been exploring what that means but, wow, this video describes me eerily well.
I had the same thought 😆 She gets my brain! This video was enlightening and right on target for what I needed. Lawrence, 48 is a long time to unknowingly have ADHD! I don’t know what I would have done without treatment growing up.
@@beahappy1today It’s the same for me. Diagnosed at 52. I’m in a critical state in my life trying to build a totally different mindset and skill set. I spent most of my life using procrastination and adrenaline to get things done. At 50 in the midst of menopause, with chronic stress and sleep deprivation due to insomnia, stress and overwork that stopped working. My life quickly started going downhill with memory, focus, concentration issues kicking in on top of that. Many women are diagnosed when menopause starts because estrogen actually helps us compensate for many adhd symptoms. My doctor said I was high functioning, or rather I accommodated and worked around my adhd problems. Without the estrogen the symptoms were front and center.
@@jaeshasway omg-I resonate with your story….so much! TY for sharing!
@@universaltruth2025 I’m more hyperfocused but learning now that the co-symptoms are essentially the same. Insomnia is a big one and I’ve had trouble sleeping literally since I was 5 years old or younger. I remember sneaking snacks into bed as a toddler because I couldn’t sleep. In elementary school I hid under the covers with a flashlight and read. My dad would check on us and tell me to go to sleep when he’d catch me. I recently started HRT pellets and it’s helping. I’m also learning that childhood trauma can basically make adhd even more problematic as we develop many coping skills at a young age and due to trauma can develop the wrong skills when there’s no one there to protect us and teach us differently. My mother remarried after divorcing my Dad and my Stepdad was physically abusive towards my mother and we would often find ourselves in the middle of it. She left him but we develop certain coping skills very early on and mine were warped as a result of being in that environment. I’m trying to sort that out but it’s a tough journey. I still have no real rush due to lack of adrenaline so I’m procrastinating beyond deadlines. Hoping they get the hormones balanced soon. I also have thyroid problems so it’s tricky. On the plus side the HRT has given me increased energy so at least I can get up early or stay up late to get things done when I need to for work. But fatigue and lack of motivation is a daily battle. I got off of Ambien years ago. Not sure I could manage with sleeping pills now as anything I take other than Vyvanse (and even that has to be at a certain dose) will put me in an emotionally blunted state making lack of motivation even worse. When you feel nothing you literally do nothing except hyperfocus on everything else except what you need to focus on. I can only hope that doctors are helping young girls and women more now and less women will have to reach 50 before getting the help they need to navigate life more easily. I spent years misdiagnosed with bipolar when it was actually ADHD. Wishing you well. ♥️
@@flowersunshinemtn Hope you’re doing well. ♥️
Eating the frog first doesn't work for many with ADHD, because we just don't do anything. For many of us it's more effective to do the simple things or the things were more interested in so that we build momentum
There are some great tips in here.
I've recently dropped the "Eat the frog first" mentality though and it's made a huge difference as it was major factor leading to task paralysis. Now I pick an easy, often unrelated task first. One that I know I'll finish quickly. That small win motivates me to start tackling the bigger project I keep putting off.
“Just B you because No One else can” 💛
Dr Abraham Lowe “Lower Your standards, Your Performance Will Rise”
This video brought me to tears. I relate to everything she said. It makes sense of my whole life.
when you mentioned the importance of imagining myself doing those things, I think it's a negative thing for me. It's like tricking my brain into thinking that now I don't have to physically do it, now that I went through all the process in my head.
Great video though, keep up with the great content. ❤
I got through 28 minutes before a TEMU ad with pictures popped up and I ended up looking at cool products for an hour. Thought it was 20 minutes, but nope. A full hour. 😅
Those ads are so distracting! If you have Google chrome, you can block those pop ups.
Aa someone with ADHD, if you have ADHD and struggle it with starting (task initiation)...
NEVER eat the frog (first) !!!
Start with something easy and as you get into the flow start tackling your harder tasks. (but don't save them for the end obviously)
Thank you, I did it once and was shocked and couldn't get other things done during that day or the days after, now procrastinating on cleaning my room and practicing drawing 😢
Dude this is me. That maladaptive perfectionism is holding me back. I'm glad I can clearly hear and see it laid before me. Thank you 🙏🏿
33:11 Good advice, resources can change, and "you did the best you could at the time".
This is kind of long, especially for those of us with ADHD. I'll probably watch it in 5 - 10 minute segments. Thank you for the information ❣️
I just need to read the title ! Lol
I sped up the playback speed, and also put on the subtitles.
I got frusrated having this ADHD , but with the use of dr imenherbal on RUclips herbal remedy , i have been able to get rid of ADHD
@@kriskerr1316 same!!😂 I do that with every RUclips video!
I listen to these on 1.25 or 1.5 while walking!! Cannot otherwise, but if I'm moving I digest the info very well
This is seriously helpful and probably neuro-typical people already knew these things their entire lives. I wish we had appropriate help while growing up. Everything, our entire lives might have come out better than it did.
I tried to the body double thru Focusmate for the first time today and I loved it! It really help me tackle the piles of laundry that have been so daunting! There were a few times I got distracted and then I remembered I had a goal to meet and got back on task. Looking forward to using this more in the future! Thank you!!
I have all those flaws. Thank you so much, I can finally identify the root cause of many of my problems.
OMG 😳 wow I can relate to this. I have ADHD and dyslexia. Have. Masters and have this tendency and it has led to burnout. Procrastinating explanation is so true. Feeling inadequate in early learning days made me feel I was last in everything and I need to give it all just to pass as average.
this is me i couldnt have put it better myself 🤧 ". Feeling inadequate in early learning days made me feel I was last in everything and I need to give it all just to pass as average."
5 min in and this is me!!! 55 yrs old and recently diagnosed. Happy to have found this channel!
I found out about lifelong ADHD when I was 51 years old, and I am still learning about how to live purposefully with my condition 🥰
I was doing house work and forgot what I was listening to and thought, "Man that sounds like me!". Then I realised it was. Adhd is like being another species
This deserves way more views. You are describing me at work and I can’t believe how accurate this is. Thank you so much! This is going to help me at work and will probably be life changing.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40 just after my child was born while I was going up for tenure. While I've been in treatment for it since then, only in the last year or so have I really started to become aware of my perfectionism. Thanks for this lecture on the topic. It's helped me better understand myself and provided some techniques to attempt.
GO YOU for getting tenure!!! ❤️
@@cocotulle23 It was about 11 or 12 years ago, but thank you :)
Thank you for this. I have lost out on many opportunities because of this need for perfectionism. If anything, the discussion played down, but not by much, how impactful and damaging this facet is.
I was diagnosed at 44. The only thing that helped me getting my life out of chaos and despair was daily medidation. I rate it as effective as medication in my case. There are immediate benefits too but it offers slower permanent improvements (concentratioon emotional control ...) which take consistent application for a couple months. Try it if u havent. Turned my life around for sure.
I was 40 when I was diagnosed. Put alot of clarity into my life however as the years have gone on and the stress compiled - it amplifies.
Let us know if we can provide any additional resources or information that will be helpful.
Right now, I’m trying to do two small projects that have to do with using my phone but instead I’m watching this video on ADHD lol and it’s 12:30 AM
All this explains all my struggles through my life and I just turned 51💥
wow!! great advice. I have struggled with this for so long. I like how you say to set a timer for 10 and just start on that task..........
I have ADHD and am a perfectionist. I don’t think I feel the pressure of perfectionism to prove myself to other people, though. My family abused me growing up by constantly putting me down and gaslighting me. They would constantly tell me as a child what a failure I would be in life. I would never have a career, marriage, etc. because I’m just such a horrible person. I feel that my perfectionism comes from me wanting to prove to myself that what they said about me is not true and that I can actually far exceed their low expectations of me. I was always at the top of my class, straight A’s, etc. without ever having to study at all. I learned to read when I was 3, and I don’t know my IQ but my mother was basically a case study for a mental hospital because she had such a crazy high IQ as a child (she also has ADHD). Maybe I am subconsciously people-pleasing but I feel that for me I am trying to beat down those abusive projections hanging over me.
On a lighter note - before I had to do a presentation once in college, I recorded myself doing it so that I could practice and see what id need to improve. This actually really helped because I realized what I was nervous about wasn’t true - I sounded good, I didn’t look awkward, and the information was we presented. This gave me more confidence for the presentation because if I hadn’t seen myself do it already, I would have been insecure about how I looked/sounded and whether my presentation was good. And yes, even though I was at the top of my class and a 4.0 in college, I worried every time I took a test or did a presentation that I would somehow just mess the whole thing up and get a 0. It’s like I had the imposter syndrome about my own intelligence, and I honestly still do. But I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging about having a high IQ which is what everyone things as soon as you bring it up. It actually has made my life a lot harder I think.
I think I am in the same category.. aced my school was top of class, graduated with a very good GPA from college.. but now as I an adult I am finding it difficult to start simple task that most people find not that challenging… I am a perfectionist, I procrastinate, an I worry too much about how people view me sometimes to the point of being people-pleaser.
@@QutaibaX me too! The only thing that helps me is to just force myself to start doing something without thinking about it
Abuse from childhood can cause complex post traumatic stress disorder. Many of the symptoms v similar to those of adhd. So you may have a double dose from the adhd itself and from cptsd. Two really good people on yt to learn more about cptsd are Richard Grannon and Patrick Teahan
every single sentence spoke to me. I've been diagnosed since childhood but am still learning how it impacts me. some strategies I knew and some were new to me. I work with children and we use the positive approach model to increase their self esteem and chances of success but not once have I thought to use it on myself. thank you!
I found this really helpful thank you!
I'm awaiting my ADHD assessment at the age of 54. My son has ADHD and our difficulties overlap. I got my self esteem by doing well at sciences in secondary school after struggling at primary school and have really pushed myself too hard to do well. Struggles that I've had have led me to procrastinate get anxious and avoid tasks!
This is so helpful. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 38yo.
I am definitely a perfectionist; I hate and love this about myself.
Learning to see myself from a different light. Thank you for this video. Incredibly thankful for people like you who are helping us understand ourselves better. 😢❤😅😊
We're glad that you found it helpful!
Okay, so I'm halfway though this lecture and I have some issues with her language. "No one is ever in the mood to work all the time" is exactly the kind of dismissive language people with ADHD will hear all the time, and it's a generalized kind of advice that doesn't take into account the specific, non-negotiable obstacles that people with ADHD have to work around. Controlling your environment, and the conditions, are EXACTLY what some of us need to do to give ourselves a fighting chance to succeed. This is trying to apply a mindset change instead of a functional coping strategy. Library is too crowded and distracting? Learn the hours when it's quiet. Too tired to work? Learn when you're the most functional in the day and get the difficult stuff done at that time.
"Eat the frog first" is great for neurotypicals, but taking on smaller tasks first to build momentum, and get a starting dose of dopamine, is an effective coping strategy when you just don't have enough dopamine in your brain to make it through the big task yet.
You have ADHD, you have to do things differently. Your success depends on your understanding of your condition as much as it does on your mindset. There is some helpful advice in this talk, but I have my doubts about it's provable effectiveness, and the language used.
My god I've just signed up for Focus Mate and it's just amazing!! I've finished my translation without any distractions. Wish I'd known sooner!!!
Tremendously helpful. Thank you - this is a resource I'll keep returning to.
I feel like you knew more about me than I knew about me!! Everything was spot on .
I got half way but will be finishing it an di got tons of screen shots.
I appreciate the slides with the words as well and not just you talking def helped a lot !
I’m 55 and still don’t have the diagnosis of ADHD yet, I have been diagnosed with lupus and BPD, I got 96% on an exam but when I got home my dad asked what happened to the other 4% I knew nothing was ever going to be good enough for him
I was diagnosed this year and I still sometimes don't believe that I have ADHD, and I think having a perfectionism mindset of not measuring up to what my mind has of ADHD has led me to some very bad mental habits.
Why think that I can do well and let myself build up the expectation? Always let myself have incredibly low bars because it felt more attainable. ☹️
This year has been a very big learning curve to take care of myself and learn that it's OK to be me.
Thankyou for being open I was hopeless until now.
I found this presentation so helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this video and your way of explaining things. I’m almost 45 and just now started college and have been having some issues with studying, remembering and focusing and someone suggested I may have ADHD and Anxiety and after watching this video it definitely clarifies it! Thank you! I lost focus after about 10 minutes of this video so I’ll have to rewatch it a few times.
Thank you so much for this beautiful talk. It touched me deeply.
I keep handing in my assignments late because I keep trying to make them perfect. My teacher had said that my assignments are very insightful, the only problem is not handing in the assignments on time.
"fear of failure" but what about fear of success‽ Any thoughts on that?
I remember being a kid and the first time I feared the success I had achieved...why??
Exactly! Nobody speak about that!
I consistently hear a quote in my head saying "Are you afraid to fail or are you afraid of success?" I used to believed it was failure only but the truth is being successful and not maintaining is sometimes a bigger fear.
Isn’t the fear of success just another version of failure? Kind of like pride and self hatred? “I am afraid to succeed because, if I do, then I will have a steeper fall if I fail later.” 🤔
You called me out with my own stuff and i need to learn how to call myself out. Its hard but i need to start. Thank you for this.
"Productive Procrastination" was a new learned term for me. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
THANK YOU Dr Robbins for the deep dive and detailed precise action points on this subject that drives me crazy as I attempt to create a late life professional career. This video is one of several CHADD videos I've zoned in on and watched this am. Fantastic info presented quickly and concisely with those wonderful Powerpoint points and time stamp prompts. My favorite videos I've seen in a long time!
66 YO widowed female diagnosed recently after 30yo son was clinically diagnosed. A "teledoc" practice I found agrees that with regular reporting BP I'm a good candidate for medication. Out of pocket I can't afford Vyvanse - the medication that's literally changed my son's life and gives me a quiet, under-the-radar productive, happy day that my generic Adderall doesn't (no insurance for Tx or Rx).
I'm trying to get diagnosed, but because my grades were good before my burnout/depression, the doctor thinks I just have residual symptoms from depression. I have always struggled with motivation. I get easily interested and excited about new things, but often hyperfocus on details and then my energy runs out and I never finish anything without deadlines. I had many common symptoms of inattentive ADHD as a child, but the DIVA-5 sadly focuses on outward symptoms. I also experienced childhood trauma, so it could be that, ADHD or both. I was a reserved kid, but often got very talkative with friends, not understanding social rules about when to speak and small talk. But to every adult I was a well behaved smart kid, who just daydreamed often.
I have worked on my perfectionism for a while, but I feel like it is natural to me to be detail oriented and go with the flow. I have tried many studying methods now in uni, but the best for me is just read through things, and not get stuck. As a perfectionist it is hard to not google every thought I get during studying. I have also started to just write essays without meticulous planning, because if I plan too much I get bored. This is still a journey, but next I'm trying to desensitize myself to failing!
Such a good video. But god how difficult it is to go through one hour with ADHD! I now went to the beginning and trying to take notes 😅
Thank you so much! The tools and information are very helpful for me. I am 52 and got diagnosed only two days ago. This is a journey I can now approach with understanding.
😊
Excellent presentation. Thank you.
I would so come see you, if I lived in that area! Thank you for this, Sooooo many women suffer in all areas of life in mid life!
We either fail,or overachieve to compensate, there is no middle unless we have a Dr like yourself! Thanks for all the great info.
It seems there's an overlap with OCPD / OCD in some cases. I wonder if in years to come, we'll find out they're more related than we currently understand.
@ T H . Interesting point. I saw somewhere recently the suggestion that the OCD may be operating not externally, but in the mind. Ordering and re-ordering ideas. That was a BIG AHA! for me.
Yes !!!! Best regards
Yup! I think OCPD develops as a measure to regain control over all the things you don't notice and getting constantly criticised for things you do wrong that you didn't even realise you did.
Oof, thank you for this video! My colleague actually mentioned the other day that perfectionism can be related to ADHD. I've recognized a lot of the listed things regarding to ADHD/ADD. Interesting to learn about this.
We're glad this video got your interest. You can find more on adult ADHD at chadd.org/for-adults/overview/ or give us a call, 866-200-8098 M-T 1-5 PM ET.
This was an excellent presentation. Thank you.
This is ridiculously helpful. Thank you!
Me, having anxiety because this is hitting home so much LOL I was just diagnosed with ADHD last year at age 46. So much makes sense now. My psychiatrist and I have been working on treating me for severe anxiety for so many years. I am realizing that a lot of my anxiety has come from ADHD and not understanding it. My mother has OCD so I didn't think I was a perfectionist. But I am a perfectionist when it comes to social interactions and work. I love being aware of these things now because that means I have a place to work from. And it gives me confidence knowing that I can work on something tangible
I am convinced I have AUDHD and perfectionism. Kind of imposter. But I am fine with it. I like to be alone after being in crowded places. I always felt myself different. And after a lot of failures my self esteem was below zero. I am Improving gradually. I am fulltime mother by the way and I do it well. Since I educate myself I understand myself a lot better. And coop with the way I am. Thanks for this information 👍
Well that was intense. Thank you for keeping it consice and without filler. I hate filler.
Such an amazing lecture.. I learned some very helpful tips here ❤
A brutally relatable analysis. Thank you.
I am blown away. This is so me. I know I have potential and talent but somehow I never start or complete things. It’s almost like I can’t and it scares me. I was thinking I had a defeatist mind set
Those of you who can't listen, I suggest you listen to video while doing a mind numbing task...washing dishes, sorting papers, picking toys or folding laundry. Also a suggestion is to do your online window shopping. I actually need to do something else besides just listen...some folks knit. Keeps their hands busy but mind can just listen. Another thought is to read the transcript by the description BUT the accuracy of transcript is dependent on the ai program which interpreted the speech.
Thank you for sharing these great suggestions! The information provided is important and helpful!
I’m best friends with my husband, we love and are attracted to each other but when it comes to intimacy, I get so in my head. It takes a lot for me to enjoy it. I’m very critical of every thing he does. I try not to be but feel so much anxiety in my body. I often end up crying cause I can’t “ do it right” he’s not judging me at all but somehow I am judging myself. I get mad that I can’t enjoy it and tense up more. Is this a common thing for people with adhd? I don’t want to stay stuck in this but am hoping I’m not alone.
Hey, definitely not alone. I’m divorced now, but I had the same problem when I was married. I think mine was a combination of adhd/perfectionism/previous sexual abuse. I wish I could give you a silver bullet, but I can’t. It helps to admit that you’re feeling anxious and breathe through it together, sometimes having the assurance from your partner helps with the performance anxiety. Another really good option would be couples or sex therapy. This is a very common thing for women because abuse is so rampant so having a professional help walk you guys through it might help.
I know it’s hard, for me I would try so many things to “get in the mood” since my ex was extremely critical if I wasn’t. I even resorted to trying to fake excitement just to avoid the criticism or disappointing him. I’m glad this doesn’t seem to be your experience, I just wanted to share some of mine so you know that your feelings and struggles are valid ❤️. Best wishes
omg... I AM LIKE THIS
i just got diagnosed... im so sad, but this video helped me so much... thank you
Very helpful. I qualify. Viewing your talk really felt like salve for my soul. Thank you.
I do this with txting even, I have to go back and correct it and sometimes get overwhelmed and just give up. Then people think I’m ignoring them.
Perchance do you have any other videos or resources focused on strategies for research faculty with ADHD? I was intrigued by the mention at ca. 25:40 example of the professor using FocusMate.
Great information! Thanks for the work you do.
Thanks a lot, Carol. Is there any chance you can share the slides?
I am listening on the background as I do my chores and light work 😂 that’s adhd for older women for you. Very informative thank you
I was 10 when I was diagnosed and I think that it actually made things worse for me. Being diagnosed and medicated that early just magnified the already existing inferiority complex. The medication took a part of my personality that I have desperately been searching for. I still haven’t completely grasped it at 35..I used to be a productive perfectionist but since i was diagnosed it turned into paralysis as a result of being extremely self conscious. I can remember being a willing and eager student but I slowly started to hate learning. I felt like I had been diagnosed with mental retardation. Idk why.
I say this to say; maybe being diagnosed later in life isn’t such a bad thing.
Thank you very much for this video. ❤️
Glad it was helpful!
Avoiding commitments without medication is the hardest thing ever I swear.
This is quite something and needs to be watched and listened to over and over again.
Due to the nature of my job I have been unable to try out alot of things, also I tend to be forgetful of things so I went to the hospital and I was asked to conduct some tests. When the doctors told me I had ADHD, and meeting Dr Iyhere after all these so called treatments, my life has been quite difficult.
Thank, very clarifying!
For Perfectionists, it's a tragic self-fulfilling prophecy:
By worrying about failure, our worry causes us to underperform. Whereas, if we were more carefree and had more confidence, our performance would better align with the high standards we set for ourselves.
Very helpful lecture. Thank you
i would really appreciate having access to the ppt slides of these presentations, please.
You can just take screen shots : ) I did....
It does kind if rub me wrong that I got this video suggested to me after rewatching a fellow adhd person explaining why the eat the frog mentality is a neurotypical kind of advice being forced onto brains that don't really function that way.
I also wished that people suggested other things than "mindfulness" and "meditation." Literally half the time I'm having a serious issue with something not being perfect, it's a fully "present moment" issue and the problem is often the physical sensation of my body in that second of time. Being even more mindful of the thing that is causing me distress by focusing even more on how my body feels only makes me spiral, and meditation in general makes me itchy--body, mind, and soul. The only times I feel anything remotely similar to "meditative" is when I'm doing physical activities like running or other aerobic movements, playing a musical instrument while in the zone, or being hyoerfocused on something. When I try to meditate following the methods always presented I genuinely get agitated and feel aggressive. It is not comforting, comfortable, and usually just creates additional physical and mental stress. But when I voice this concern to meditation being constantly thrust on me I get treated like I'm just a child throwing a temper tantrum and not an adult trying to explain their physical and mental state.
Each person is different and if you ADHD with a hyperactive/impulsive presentation, exercise can be very helpful. Here is more information chadd.org/?s=exercise
Thank you for this. It explains a lot 🙏🏼 xx
10:17 the thought of... if I fail at being perfect then I at least did good enough
I know you made this video long ago but I recently out that I have ADHD. Searched and this video was one of the first ones. I realized I have perfectionism. Now recently iv been super stressed, lost my position at work because I have made several mistakes in the last month. This stimed from an event in my home life that has made it hard to concentrate. Those harsh things I say to my self has made it's way out and iv started letting it run out on my teen kids. They have been disrespectful and don't want to do their chores and on top it all I have OCD so the mess I see is much more than what they see and it's a trigger for me. Is there any advice you can give me? I'm currently now a single mom of 5 and I'm losing hours at work because I don't want to take them to work to sit in the break room because I feel embarrassed by their actions while we are there so I can't afford a therapist right now.
Thanks so much for this!!!
By looking at the definition of adhd we could than conclude that every single object that is very well designed and perfectly manufactured is the product of an adhd mind but I really don't it is. Some people have a inner sense of aesthetic beauty,proportions ,elegance and attention to details. This human quality applies to objects but not exclusevely .
I've been diagnosed ADHD but I'm not driven except that my work needs to be flawless
I wonder because I want consistent life that maybe I might be autistic
I don't like things being different.
I get distracted and forget where I left off
I have to leave cues for myself to remember to finish what I started
I get the way you describe this procrastinating and depression.
I'm there.
I can't ever be good enough.
I also have a criminal record and can't seem to raise myself above anything beyond just a basic job.
I feel like my entire life is destroyed.
I'm trying to figure out how to get past this
Oh, how wrong you can be. . . This video "is perfect!" : - ) I finally found the video that I've been searching for. You explain the root cause of perfectionism and ADHD perfectly. Thank you so much!
What if you don't know how to get started during that time you're using focus mate? For me the next time I have to be even more structured and more structured with a usual spiral into just giving up.
This is me entirely. Several times a day I have to stop everything and have a heart to heart with myself. If I don’t, I end up restricting and restricting until I inevitably explode and become a potato for three days. 🥔
🎯 **Perfectionism Overview** 🎯
1️⃣ Perfectionism: Good or Bad? It's aiming for super high standards but can be a pain sometimes.
2️⃣ Signs: Quick to spot flaws, harsh on mistakes, and delay stuff fearing failure.
3️⃣ Upsides: Can drive you forward, but the downside? Fear-based perfectionism brings procrastination, rigid thinking, and kills creativity.
4️⃣ Types: There's rigid (linked to self-worth) and adaptive (high standards but chill if you slip).
5️⃣ Impact: Perfectionism messes with your head, so recognizing it's crucial for your mental health.
6️⃣ Fix: Set doable goals, see tasks as manageable chunks, and start with baby steps.
7️⃣ Solution: Get to know yourself, be kind, and celebrate what makes you, you.
8️⃣ Tackle: Picture yourself winning, speak kindly to yourself, and ask for what you need.
9️⃣ Shift: Catch negative thoughts, swap them with positive ones.
🔟 Motivate: Reward yourself after tasks, stick to a plan, and know when it's perfectionism or ADHD kicking in.
This is great thank you
Thank you for this 🙏🌈 so helpful ❤️
Oh, that's my problem. I'm like jesuit to myself and others, especially those whom I value. I just can't stand crying.
I'm finding out that I have a lot of symptoms including huge attention deficit, not sure how much is ADHD and how much is from B-12 Methylcobalamine deficiency specifically and iron deficiency. Watch this video in case it might help you or someone you love. I've been getting Methylcobalamine injections lately and took a slow iron vitamin yesterday and finally got some stuff done. Which is a miracle for me. DIAGNOSING AND TREATING VITAMIN B-12 DEFICIENCY.
That title exactly.
Don't DON'T take anything with cyanocobalamin in it. The video explains how it makes things worse for a lot of people. Also research whether iron is good for you or not. It's not good for everyone.
What do you mean celebrate your own success? Is that something people do? Unironically? Isn't success the least you should do to be good enough? Do I have ADHD?
I am finally understanding everything.
Were they any tips given on dealing with avoidance procrastination as described here at 12:15. The problem was outlined well, but I may have missed it.