The Dungeon Master isn't your enemy
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- Your D&D Dungeon Master may play your enemies, but they aren't your enemy. Or at least... they shouldn't be! Today I tackle the hot topic of "adversarial DMs" and discuss how to find that sweet spot in the middle of brutality and softness.
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I think one of my things about "the DM plays literally all the enemies" is that "the DM also plays literally all the friends; family; allies; acquaintances; quest givers; witnesses to events; animals/plants/corpses that the party wants to talk to; random characters that will never be seen again but aren't adversarial; the goblin bookseller in the goblin market that everyone takes a liking to; the aasimar's angelic guide; the cleric's deity; the paladin's deity if they want to do that sort of thing, too, for story reasons; mentors; trainers; faction leaders..."
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@@lillianmonet5952 Aw! Thanks. This made me smile! :)
You're absolutely right!!
@@GinnyDi Thank you, Ginny!
Talking magic items with gruff yet loveable personalities...
As a DM, I can confirm that I am not my player's enemy. Nor are they mine. Instead, we are collaborating on an interactive experience fighting the TRUE enemy...
My dice
Mood
Dude, my party was like level 6 or 7 and I rolled 48 damage on a Cone of Cold i sent at them. Of course, this was the only roll I did publically so i couldn't fudge it at all.
It's best not to think of your dice as the enemy (because they'll know). More like a fellow story teller who sometimes know better than you what would work best for the story. Dice work in mysterious ways.
uhh jep the dice can really change the outcome of a battle.
but jep here i just let it happen, my players know if they have to run. :)
P R E A C H !
lol! "it's a lot like kink, honestly, the pain is only ok when everyone has consented to it."
;-; I thought she said cake
I'm getting to know Ginny. I had a .... "she just said that?!? Damn!" moment.
It's true though. Communication is key in both cases.
Please do not assume you know anything more about me from that line than "Ginny is an adult woman who doesn't live under a rock" 😅
Very true. The safety tools in BDSM circles are very similar to those in tabletop roleplay. Everyone wants an intense and provocative experience, but as a result, if something goes wrong things can get ugly quickly unless there's efficient and open communication.
I’ve played in some sadistic games and have met DM’s that literally use terms like “winning” in regards to a TPK and I’m like “Wow dude you won a competition where you have infinite resources and absolute control of the rules.”
Yeah, joke’s gonna be on them when somebody else in the group buys the Dungeon Master’s Guide and nobody plays with them again.
@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick me, I'm that guy who brought the DMG way back in 3.5 because I couldn't stand DM sadism.
@@seansteele6532 And was the joke on them?
@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick Oh shit I guess it was.
@@seansteele6532 Heeeeeeeell yeah.
I know a group that did an adversarial game where it was like “hey everybody, lets make crazy powerful characters so I can try to kill them with this ridiculous dungeon!”
PCvsDM was the explicit goal of the game, so there was none of the DMvsPlayer nonsense. It sounded like a lot of fun
Yeah but that was clearly communicated at the start and the players were on board. Honestly yeah that does sound like fun. Also sounds like experienced players.
The two most important rules of DnD are "be nice to each other" and "please just communicate like adults".
Insert joke about telling a bunch of socially maladjusted neckbeards to be nice to each other and to communicate like adults.
_Be excellent to each other and…_
_PARTY ON DUDES!!!_
Error me and the rest of my party are all 14
@@CricketsTavern Heyo, same!
problem is, a large percentage of DnDers are folks who are loners and introverts who don't have strong social skills. Major misconnect.
So far the most “brutal” thing my DM has done is leave us on cliffhangers. XD
The most brutal thing my has done is cancelling a campaign, since he had like 5 ongoing ones and it was too much for him hah. It was a small group of me, another player and the dm. I obviously understand and respect his decision, but I'm still a little sad since me and the girl are usually quite shy players, and it only being the two of us made for very fun roleplay with both of us interacting more! Hopefully, we can have another campaign sometime in the future.
My DM has done that so much, ha! Although there was one time that the players freaked out and demanded the session keep going once: my half-elf fighter's missing Dad showed up unexpectedly, looked my character dead in the eye, and said, "You should be dead." Then DM said, "And that's where we'll end things for now" and we basically howled in dismay ("WHAAAAT?" "No!!!" "You can't just leave it there!" "WHAT IS GOING ON?!"), and got another hour of play.
Few things make my GM heart smile more than when I can see a good cliff hanger towards the end of the session
@@yarnpenguin Our last session had to be cut short due to real life interference so it was designed to end on a cliffhanger. I was still shouting “How dare you!” With my DM’s response: “I know, I’m a monster.”
My character and one of her party members got stuck with a 100k gold debt to Orzhov (we’re playing in Ravnica) originally with the deadline being 50% paid in 6 months or a guild transfer request is put in for my character, who is in Boros, to be switched to Orzhov (both other party members are in Orzhov). Then some shenanigans are pulled by the Orzhov pontiff we’re indebted to and the deadline is decreased to a week. As we leave, trying to figure out how the fuck we’re supposed to pay 50K in a week, one of our NPC allies shows up and is like “oh hey how would you like to help me raid an abandoned Orzhov vault?”
@@Boundwithflame23 Oh my gosssshhhhhhh! That's a heck of a cliffhanger!
DMs play all the enemies. They also play all the frens. And all the animals.
Do you the Dm's play the ferns and plants 😁
Aww
@@corvacks8924 I mean... Yeah... The player that cast "speak with plants/trees" will hear the Dm play a fern
@@corvacks8924 So you have not heard of the spell "Speak with plants"? :)
@@corvacks8924 Henry Crabgrass has entered the chat.
I was once an adversarial DM. Thinking about how I went about it haunts me and keeps me up to this day; because we had a really good table, a good campaign, and my DMing skills were pretty good, and I just threw that all away by acting like the enemy. I ruined that table and campaign for those players and it makes me want to cry.
All we can do is learn from our mistakes and do better in the future.
Indeed! Good luck on that, man!
The fact that you learned from this mistake and are unlikely to repeat it means there's a lot of hope for you. I bet you're much better at it next time you DM.
For sure. I used to be a probblem player in some ways. Hogged the spotlight, tried to wargame with the other player characters as well as my own, that kind of thing. It's definitely a learning curve sometimes but the important part is that we accept and take responsibility for that I think.
@@lepthymo What's wargaming?
@@DJROCKSTAZ Playing DnD like chess and trying to make the best possible move every turn to win the encounters. Wargaming is actually a valid way to play if everyone's on the same page, the problem was mostly telling others what their "correct" moves were.
"The Dice is the enemy."
The Lazy DM said it right. As a DM, work with characters to make an epic story and make the dice the enemy. Root for your players, set them up for success, create tension SO they will excel and be epic.
I wouldn't call dice the enemy. Dice are the facilitator. Unlike you and the other players, the Dice has no bias. No preference for how they want the game to go.
I currently DM Curse of Strahd for a group of friends and I have to say... I love keeping them on their toes. I love making them second-guess what they think they know, and I have no issue with giving them a TPK if they're not being smart.
That being said, I also tend to check in with them OOC before doing something that could actually be troublesome for them. I recently replaced all spider type monsters with other things of similar CR because two of them have severe arachnofobia and were worried about seeing images of spiders as enemy art. I also have one player who plays a Vistana, so I chat with her regularly about the level of xenofobia the Barovian NPCs are giving her and if it feels okay to her.
You are absolutely right that there is a way to strike a balance where you can make them absolutely paranoid about everything they come across without actually touching on any IRL issues.
😄 DM'ing CoS right now too and one of my players is severely arachnophobic as well and yup. They're all centipedes now. (which I personally am MORE freaked out by, but no real phobia there.)
Honestly though when Wizards announced they were redoing Curse of Strahd because of made-up xenophobia issues within it regarding the Vistana I cringed so hard. Nothing was wrong with the original book, I feel like it's glorified these days if you can somehow find non issues and then "fix" them.
@@MeepOfFaith I would argue that they definitely weren't made up for quite a few people. Reading through the book for the first time I cringed hard at their portrayal. The Romani have endured a lot over the years, and though their story is not familiar to most Americans, it hurt to read and was the first thing I changed. (This was before WotC did anything on their end.)
I understand it wouldn't have bothered a lot or maybe even most Americans, but it just felt so icky to me reading it.
I also don't think they were being malicious in their portrayal at all, it's just not something on most American's radars.
@@johnathanrhoades7751 While icky, I thought it made sense. I wanted a dark, grim, gruesome world where there was a deep sense of sorrow instilled within people. That way, any sense of hope would shine through even brighter and feel more special. I totally understand toning it down for some players, but also I see why some people like it the way it was. Exploring the darker side of humanity, in my personal opinion, helps us understand why some people act the way they do and provides a perspective needed to be able to give them the empathy they need to even consider changing for the better. That's even if we don't necessarily agree with the reasoning behind their thoughts or actions. Although, exploring such topics is definitely not something that everyone is ready for and should 100% be disclosed beforehand to make sure everyone is willing to do so.
Note: I'm the son of a first generation immigrant to the southern US, I know very much how nasty xenophobia can be and how difficult it can make people's lives.
I've been playing D&D for 30+ years, and running games for 25. I'm happy with this 'new wave' of empathetic game play. I want to be the DM that presents a story. And my current group is happy with that. 😊
Yeah, that older dm condemning empathetic dms who makes their players feel like heroes is nuts; the whole point of the game is the the characters to do heroic stuff.
Playing a campaign where everyone stays home, looks both ways before crossing the road, and goes to bed at a decent time is just insanely boring.
Yup, another 30+ year D&D player here. I’m loving the ‘new wave’ of “D&D is for everyone” gameplay.
Your opinion doesn't negate the opinions of those who disagree with you.
@@timreynolds4785
And that's fine. You seem to think that I'd take offense to a differing opinion. I don't. Play how you want. I'm just a goblin on the internet.
My DM basically lied to us in session 0. "You're gonna be part of an adventure company!" We get arrested and shipped off to a completely different organization not because of our actions in game, but because that's where he wanted the story to go, and now we spend most of our time wandering around cities and towns looking for clues to figure out what the hell the plot is
"Don't be a jerk..." still love that the endless ability to talk about this but as a DM it is perfect to self reflect and make sure that the game and real life act in harmony and not is conflict. It is an unavoidable pairing that both will effect each other. As they should. DnD like any game has emotional connection in millions of ways. DM's know yourself, know your players, and meld expectations, your session zero needs to either be your first or last session. Thanks Ginny and keep your candor high.
I DM'd the first few quests for my current group. For our session zero, one of my primary discussion points was "What do you all want out of this: lore, killing things, etc."
But her demands will force her to be a jerk. The moment someone says or does something that offends someone she likes at the table, she will abuse her power as the DM and punish that player's character. I can guarantee it. This type always does.
It's like the way they say they're against gatekeeping...but they really just don't want people to have to know anything about the game. They're fine gatekeeping based on who you voted for in the last election, or whether or not you go to church, etc. It's not about being kind to people. It's about social control and punishing the opposing tribe.
People are forgetting the immortal words of Matthew Mercer huh?
"Don't forget to love each other."
There is also the Wheaton Dictum: “Don’t be a dick.”
No, they aren't forgetting Mercer's words. Many of them think Mercer is the personification of the "problem." Some people would rather the game die under their terms than thrive while evolving. To them, anything or any one that advocates a play style they do not approve of is an enemy. In my experience, they are a small, pitiful group whose screams reach farther than their actual influence.
I think I'm gonna start DMing a game for the first time, and a lot of this stuff helps bridge the gap from player to DM!
Do it! One thing I highly suggest is asking your players what they thought of each session after it ended. If there's any issues they can be addressed right away, if they really enjoyed something maybe you can incorporate that into future sessions. Start with an adventure module and just build off of what's there.
there is no gap, the DM is a player.
If the PCs do something unexpected use it
as long as everyone has fun it was good enough
Ginny dear, please don't rely on the RUclips robots for validation as a person, they are terrible judges of character!
We love your videos and they all help us to improve as a community. Keep being awesome :]
I am sure a lot of the guys I played with 30 years ago (yep, it was just guys) would scoff at the the ways of the current generation of gamers, but I love what you all have done with our game! Thanks for keeping it alive and creating an environment that welcomed me back.
My group was just guys 25 years ago, too. Seems like there's a lot more women in the community over the last few years, and honestly I welcome it.
"Stress has finally broken my mind."
Same, Wizard Ginny. Same.
Aaaah, I can't believe I not only enjoy watching your ads, but look forward to them! They're hilarious! The: "And now.... A Word From Our Sponsors!" just makes me excited lol
Yeah they're so good she should be payed for them lol
I've been playing since 1979, and DMing since 1983. And I just learned something from Ginny Di. Good job, kid! Session zero. I wish I'd thought of that.
Hey that's great, man. Hope your game is going well! :)
Ginny di: why not be nice
D&D community: how dare you
2.7K likes to 21 dislikes and you think the 21 people are the community? Why try and create division where none exists?
"nice" doesn't mean the same thing to everyone, aaand, honestly? I don't trust her definition of "nice" to be anything I'd want to deal with as a PC.
She seems like exactly the kind of DM, and adult, who prioritizes being sensitive over being responsible.
@@NTLBagpuss Right? I see red flags in her message, and i didnt down vote her video; because table top should be anarcic and player based by virtue of its design. I dont like the cultural trend she represents, but people aren't trends.
@@IggyTthunders I think there is a difference between being sensitive and being sensible. And I think being responsible also means being sensible. Making sure your players have fun with a game should be a priority for the DM and if being 'nice' means I check up on my friend who I know has arachnophobia if she is comfortable with me introducing spiders as opponents in a game, I don't see the problem. It's the least I can do to make sure she enjoys the game as much as I do
@@IggyTthunders my guy I don't think she's saying that dms should just let characters be invincible and kill everything in one hit after rolling an nat 1. Nice and mean aren't binary it's a spectrum
I’m DMing my best friends. I’ve come to realise that they have a bunch of backup characters that they can’t wait to play once their current ones eat it, but I’m a big softy who can’t let anyone die in my game.
Love how you always reinforce the true meaning of D&D, getting together and having fun.
I've seen DMs who were having trouble grasping the idea that their PLAYERS are not their enemies who only want to ruin their awesome game by derailing their plot, creating loonie characters, breaking rules and not showing up on game sessions.
Maybe that will be ginny's next video....
Honestly, I think almost everything from this video applies to that circumstance just as well. Are you taking out personal beef on the DM in-game? Are you thinking about whether or not other players (including the DM) are having fun? Are you trying to "win" or do you have a collaborative mindset? I was addressing the common question of adversarial DMs, but I think the principle of the entire video works just as well for adversarial players.
@@GinnyDi that is a fair point I suppose. I'm the DM in most groups. And I frequently find that I'm trying to a good job, but at least one player is literally determined to sabotage everything I say/do. Granted, I end up adapting anyway, but it does make it quite frustrating occasionally, and sometimes other players are not having fun because of the saboteur.
The more common thing though, is one of the players is always a rules lawyer, sometimes that's helpful, other times it causes arguments.
Not to mention players can totally do a lot of those things without realizing they're in any way a problem, or even knowing we're doing them! (Sorry DM who had to wait two more weeks for his big reveal scene because my character got suspicious of a side character and went after them when they disappeared in the middle of the night. You adapted great, didn't tip your hand except for "hang on I need a map for this", and I honestly thought that was an expected response from my character/ the next plot hook!)
Hey youtube robots, this lady has value as a person.
Yeah, definitely! I am engaged in this content with my eyes and ears, because I am a human person too!
Preach!!!
Ha!
And yes.
I’ve played two dnd campaigns with two dms. One I’m about to to finish and there has been no character death, however there is lasting consequences due to our crit table. Two characters have lost limbs but we worked it into the story. We’ve had inner party conflict, betrayals, and great rp moments. The other I got tpked at level 1 from a stupid multi hit robot arms. This was from a module as well. I was exicited for my air genesi find his genie father but it ended up fizzling out. My friend was a bastard child of a famous wizard that never met their dad. I think that allowing a tpk in the first session is adversarial and wasted potential. I prefer the more easygoing dm that fudges dice to make a better story.
absolutely agree, [spoilers for the second session of fantasy high] in fantasy high, two of the characters were killed in the first encounter and the DM brought them back magically. it really should be done more because allowing barely used interesting characters to go to waste due to level 1 frailty just sucks
I have no problem with TPK a party of level 1, or any other level. It just makes for more story telling challenges. So, the sole goblin captain got lucky and TPK'd 5 1st level adventurers. No problem. Now the players wake up incorporeal and must complete a quest on the ethereal plane to find their bodies. Or go to the tried and true 'you wake up with no gear bound and hobbled. A sneering goblinoid head towers 2 and half feet above your head as the cruel lick of a tiny whip is felt on your calf.' Now the adventure has changed to a jail break.
The point is a TPK is not a cut and dried affair. There are many shades of gray for failure to take on. There is a big caveat here though: the DM inexperienced at improvising can have a hard time dealing out those shades of gray.
A word from a long time DM. Sometimes players go in cocky and think nothing bad will happen to them. Now am I supposed to whiff a standard encounter to save a group of over confident adventures? No. The unspoken rule is I am not out to kill them provided they do not act the fool (unless they are playing a fool). If they fight everything to the death then they will never be offered surrender if they are loosing. Those are my thoughts. I strive to have a entertaining story telling session with people I enjoy hanging out with. But I do play the monsters they way they should be. A group of kobilds would not fight a group of 3rd level players, but ambush them and snipe them till their goals met (make the players go away, take their stuff, delay them so their famlies can get away, etc.)
@@lucymariposa Not to mention that sooooooooooo much of the characters’ characterization was changed for the better after that.
Would Kristen question the validity of her god if she didn’t die, and see that Helio looked kinda like a date rapist?
Would Gorgug be as self-conscious going on if he was able to successfully fight off his first encounter, something that would probably make him more confident?
Would Arthur Aegfort have been the engine of chaos that he is if he wasn’t the kind of guy who’d immediately shoot himself and a coworker to resurrect the kids?
Would Ayda Aegfort even exist if it wasn’t implied that somebody would have needed to have sex with a Phoenix to have it lay an egg?
All of these things required these characters dying, AND being resurrected. And they’re pivotal features of the entire story.
@@josemhernandez1974 so here is my problem. As a DM I want the challenges to be fair and winnable for the players, otherwise what's the point? I can kill them at any time by going "boom, ancient dragon breath weapon." If I'm trying to be fair, I need to telegraph that the fight is too much for them to handle at their current level in a way that isn't metagaming. Sooooo, what are some good ways to do that?
Also, my players are new, so as players they might not be able to judge that an enemy or group of enemies is more than they can handle, so I've been sticking to Skyrim-Rules where nothing you fight can kill you unless you do a stupid or are unlucky (not saying I cheat to avoid killing them, just that everything they face is killable).
Lol, I love when players find loopholes! It keeps me on my feet!
Owe ya a beer. Not long ago I had a seminal encounter planned that starred a fire elemental that fell through a planar rift. Turned out one of the characters could talk to it. That fire elemental has made a couple cameos since then. I had to improvise the rest of the night, but so what, that was a cool way around a huge combat that was meant to be super hard.
I love the idea of magic spirits waiting for wizards to fuck up their homework to leap into their potions and try to sell them something.
Most important job of the DM is making sure everyone (including themselves) is having fun.
that´s the most important job for everyone on the table
Potentially a hot take: I like having a DM that doesn't challenge me very much. As Long As that's not the only kind of play I get out of dnd.
I play in three games, and in one, I can be a chaotic little bastard gremlin, and I'm not challenged, and I Like that, because I don't otherwise get to feel all that free, much less play a pyromaniac pirate arcane trickster who's learning how to care for others from her companions.
I also play in two other games seperate from that where I am Challenged, and my actions have consequences, and it's a sobering experience that I really like.
But those are two very different experiences, and it's okay to want the former in your DnD diet.
I'm my mind, the cardinal rule of rpgs is that everyone involved to be enjoying themselves. Depending on the people and the time, that can vary a lot, which is fine.
Yeah- it's fun to have a hijinks-filled campaign where you can play a crazy character who makes the bad decisions you never would IRL and *mostly* get away with it. Or you can skip overthinking your plans because you will probably be able to handle it if it turns out to be a bad plan. If you're in a lower stakes game you're more likely to fight a dragon, and dammit fighting a dragon is fun! Also saves 2 hours of discussion on whether and how to circumvent or strategize around said dragon.
Agreed a mix is key though- D&D is significantly different from video games because you can fail! In a video game you reload or try the exact same mission again until you succeed. One of my favorite D&D moments ever was the first time I ever lost a fight in an RPG setting. The fight was lost, the BBEG left with the slaves we were trying to free, collapsing his escape tunnel behind him, and we ended up tracking them to the city to find the buyers and getting mixed up in organized crime rivalries there- it was awesome. It's something I've only ever experienced in tabletop and it's part of the appeal. But both styles have a place. The game I mentioned also sometimes suffers from plan paralysis because our characters are out of their depth. But the victories feel so good!
@@persephoneunderground845 So I play a halfling rogue who isn't good at dealing with people, and that's my hijinks game where I don't have to think, and I can't say it's my favorite bc they're all my favorite.
The middle ground game I'm in I play a changeling rogue that does have consequences for my actions but also its not as much Work to think and plan in that game, you know?
But what I refer to as my Feast of a dnd game? I play a knowledge cleric Vedalken and we just fought a dragon. And the party won, but it was supposed to be a big thing for them to help. .... They were unconscious for most of it. And my DM is so good at leaning into what that means for my character too!
For sure. Slice of life, character driven stuff is great.
Some years back when I was dming two different groups each week I was also home brewing everything we played. One group would cake walk through an adventure while the other almost tpked in the same adventure. I started taking a party of npcs and running them through an adventure before any players ever played it thereby identifying any potential trouble spots, as well as how to play my monsters better. This was an excellent way to balance the scenario out. It's all about the players having fun in my opinion. Good video, thanks.
“Make sure you are subscribed so the RUclips robots know I have value as a person” I’m sure it was a joke, but it just stuck out to me. I hope you are doing well and are not deal with self worth issues due to RUclips/Instagram algorithms. You are value-able for a million reasons outside of what you make. You are a person who has intrinsic value. I’m sure I’ve over read the simple statement, but I wanted to put that out.
That was very kind of you, I'm sure Ginny appreciates it. ♥️
Like you’re saying, so much of respecting other folks’ feelings is managing expectations. Humans can deal with pretty much anything better if they can mentally prepare for it. But if we’re taken off guard, we shut down and go into defense mode.
Although. a whole campaign about how death has gone missing from the pantheon of gods and no one/nothing dies would be a cool story 🤔🤔🤔
Players would have to find some very creative ways to beat enemies. And going unconscious in battle could still be really bad if the enemy wants to eat you or something- so the tension doesn't have to go away!
Oh man.. I'd love to play a campaign like that now that I'm thinking of it.
I actually read a book once where this one character made this incredible noble final stand and had this awesome meaningful death, and then in the next chapter, they were like "Oh, she's not dead. Death is on strike." And Death was basically a teenage girl who was upset that nobody liked her and refused to do her job because of it. It was...odd... but I think the concept could be interesting if it was the main plot of a story and not a convenient complication that comes up right after one of the main characters dies, leaving me to wonder if the author just changed her mind about killing that person off but didn't want to go back and rewrite it. Lol.
This is such an interesting idea! What would happen to players when they fail their death saves? You could take that so many cool directions!!
@@GinnyDi Maybe it's a system like "Exhaustion" where they have more and more debuffs when they come-to? Loss of spell slots or ability uses/charges for the day? 🤔
My husband was running a Ravenloft campaign where we couldn't permanently die because there was a prophecy about us, but each of us, any time we died, came back slightly less human. Our rogue was turning into a specter, our cleric was turning into a werewolf, My sorceress was turning into some kind of like...fire thing? Not sure exactly what, but I think an Efreet. I only died once, and the effect was that I left burning embers in my footsteps. (What? Sometimes you just gotta be the "I CAST FIREBALL!!!" guy 😉 ), and our ranger was turning into a zombie lord. We had another person in the party, but he never died, so we don't know what he would have turned into. Sadly, the campaign fell victim to adult schedules, and we never finished it, but I thought it was cool because while death wasn't permanent, so we didn't lose our characters that we'd worked hard to build and develop, there were still stakes and death wasn't meaningless.
as someone who had a dm that was _so_ bad he stole my character sheet because i brought up how much he railroaded and put a stop to _anything_ the players tried to do because we'd 'ruin' his story.... yeah. Yeah.
That one is easy to fix. Let him/her know you would rather wait for the novel to be published than play act the draft.
Ah the "My story" DMs who should be writing a book instead. My DMing motto is "It's my world. It's the Player Character's story"
@@tsstahl Well I mean I got kicked out after he stole my character sheet so that isn't my problem anymore, he lost a decent chunk of his players when it became public knowledge that he, again, blocked and stole a player's character sheet for trying to talk like _adults_ about problems in the campaign. He was a pretty terrible DM all around, so I really doubt the corpse of the campaign missing most of it's parts lasted much longer.
@@Logan_Baron Oh yeah absolutely, I started DM-ing shortly after he kicked me out and that's been my motto from day one. Besides, why else would you have the players create backstories if they as a character don't matter whatsoever?
I knew a DM who seemed to love making character players' life miserable, with far out of our control events. We played like 3 or 4 games with him and never tried again.
We realised later that Mister "very experienced DM" was never mastering any game with any of the other roleplayers we knew. I think it was a hint...
been there with the sadistic DMs. had one that went so far as to point and laugh at the players when their character dropped to zero and said I couldn't roll for my character (he was going to do it instead) because I rolled high to often and literally every square in a multi floor dungeon was trapped. took multiple multi hour sessions to walk down the hallway.
Ginny, I see the work you're putting into your channel and just wanted you to know its noticed and appreciated! The production value of your skits and also the thought put into videos like this. They're awesome!
I had a DM that kept people's character sheets when they killed the player's characters as a trophy.
He was not a good DM and he played favourites with his housemate in a pretty embarrassing and blatant way.
completely normal, not sociopathic behavior at all, nope. Wow.
Holy shit.
My experience as a DM:
On one hand, I've had a fellow DM tell me that my campaigns were too easy, that I didn't challenge the players enough and that I let their characters become too powerful.
On the other, after DMing a one-shot adventure for a group of players, one of that awarded me the moniker of "Tim the Killer DM."
I guess there's no way to keep everyone happy all the time.
Obviously you can't make everyone happy in 1 attempt, just like there is not one singular exercise regiment that will get everyone to their uniquely desired outcome. The soccer mom, the marathon runner, and the bodybuilder are unlikely to all reach for the same dumbbell weight, so why would DnD groups always reach for the same difficulty? (I find analogy to exercise basics to be the most universally intuitive when applicable.)
It's an easy trap to fall into, thinking that the DM is out to get you. The other side is that while the DM is the voice of your enemies, they're also the voice of your allies, at least the NPC ones. They might be jerks as the baddies, but they're also usually pretty nice as the goodies (hopefully), and it's important to remember that.
"Every table is different and wants different things"
This is such an important concept that some DMs and players overlook
I feel bad for your friend who got turned off from the game because of poor DM conflict resolution. D&D is and should be for everyone to enjoy, and the fact that a prospective player was turned off from the game because of a bad experience breaks my heart.
I'm very lucky that I've only ever played with players who are also really great people to be around in general, and I've never had any issues differentiating between my in-universe DM persona (the guy who controls the bad guys, as well as friendly NPCs and the world itself) and me (their *friend*) out of game. My players can always come to me if they have issues or need extra safety tools, and they've done so very many times.
It's sad that not every table has a DM that can ride the line in a way that makes a game that's fun or safe for everyone, nor players mature enough to act within expectations.
I hope everyone eventually finds a table where they feel good playing D&D.
The beginning made me think of that one moment in good omens where there’s like the line of “what did he say?” “Oh he told them to be nice to each other” or something like that
I have to say, as a DM who has run games for many years my favorite thing about your videos is that some of them are perfect for new players, I admit I skip some of them, but a lot of them are amazing even for DM's who have been playing for a long time. You have a fun and well put together way of saying things I have been trying to tell players for years, and my point never came across. All I have to do is put one of your videos in front of them and they just get it. Thank you for the work you do!
“Yea death is okay.” *Me being the dumbest of ass and getting myself near constantly in peril*
I play a chaotic stupid (yes that is my allignement) fighter: I had the sword of kas in my possesion, and some NPC made a ritual for me to talk to Kas (at least the part of him in the sword). Being the idiot and not inclined to sign any agreements with him, i foolishly attacked him.
another time, we were investigating a rebellious group of elves in a city. Being an elf myself, i stooled into the neighborhood in question, into the tavern and loudly asked the barkeeper if he knew anything about the group.
safe to say, my other elvish companion who was with me, wasnt thrilled at all and quickly shut my mouth.
6:24 YES! I can't exaggerate how much I agree with this. There are a lot of RPG Horror Stories that end with the DM or party getting back at a problem player with an ingame thing. Sure, I think that's fun for the story, but in practice it is much better to sort this stuff out IRL. In game stuff doesn't hold nearly as much weight and if a problem player is confrontational, that can just boil the things over.
I got my GM a d60 while I was on vacation... He said he can make larger random encounter charts now. I now feel scared
Did you like find it in a gift shop?
Hehe, yeah
@@vain7680 lol, what was the gift shop called because my grubby little dice goblin hands need a d60 now.
Into the Wind. It's in Pearl Street but you can just grab one online
@@vain7680 yeah but the probably overpriced p r e s t i g e
Thank you for being a proponent for positivity! This is really helpful information.
A challenging aspect I've had is creating emotional stories with my players. Because I play with my friends, and I care about them, hitting emotional beats that are somber or infuriating sometimes has them expressing that emotion in real life. Basically because they're really into the roleplay I fear that I've actually made them sad or angry (which they always assure me I haven't).
On the other hand, one of the most painful things a player can do to their DM is sign on for a campaign and then play several games before ghosting the DM.
Something that's really helped me as a DM is after every session, I send each individual player a text asking how they'd rate the session (1-10), the reason for their rating, and I ask them a short, session-relevant bonus question. They only need to take like a minute or few to respond to it, nothing big. It lets me know where my players are at, and although they'd usually give me a response I was expecting, there were a few times where they'd say something I hadn't thought about, and I'd be enlightened about something I was doing right/wrong with that group.
Speaking as a former DM I absolutely LOVED it when my players outsmarted me. I just want them to have fun.
I've been playing for almost 20 years and I have to say I LOVE the new community that's been growing the last several years. I went through hell just for a place at the table as a young woman. No one should have to go through what I did just to play.
Great points all around! I tell my players that the point of the game is for everyone to have fun and that is a shared responsibility. Also I constantly tell myself that if I can even be half as good of a dm as Matthew Mercer then I'm doing well. Remember to love each other and have fun! Lastly I hope the sponsors appreciate the thought and talent that go into the add spots!
I'm the newbie and the one that introduced the concept of consent and trigger safety questions in our session 0s. They all loved it and really appreciated the concept which shows a lot, and they've praised the hell out of my introductions and research into the game. They've been at it for years and its been a fun experience.
all hail Ginny Di, queen of common sense :P
0:30 one dm I had was literally this... Lol. Was the worst. My current dm is all for story telling and deep roleplay, it's so much more fun. Nice to build a story together. He doesn't want us to die, but he doesn't go easy either. Adds a challenge but makes me and the other players use our brains ahah
I've been playing since 1982, and GMing pretty much since the beginning. Playing with the same people, too (with others coming and going over the years). I constantly put the characters in peril, to challenge them. But my players know that I WANT them to succeed. I'm PROUD of them when they overcome a really tough situation I've presented them with.
Gotta say how much I enjoy your videos! Informative, useful, fun -- you even make the commercial breaks great to watch! Thanks for putting so much time and effort into the flavor and details!
In my experience as both a player and a DM, I've always viewed the DM's role as such: They aren't TRYING to kill the party. They just want to get as close as possible to killing the party!
"most people don't want to ban death"
My DM: has Tomb of Annihilation amount of death in his games "Exactly"
This is the first time I've seen that link to Safety Tools, and I just want to say that the entire folder is awesome! I wish I'd had something like that when I first started playing/DMing. Thanks so much, Ginny!
A general rule of thumb I follow is that setting the players one step back should be accompanied by the opportunity for two leaps forward, if the players pick some poison berries and get poisoned then now they can identify those berries and use them to refine a poison.
Or as someone on another channel puts it "Don't forget to love each other." oh and never forget Life, like time, is a wired soup.
I've been through all kinds of games, and I"ve noticed that a lot of the times the DM tends to be WAY too soft. I can tell that they fudge rolls. Really? That monster rolled a 1 three times in a row? My current DM is making our campaign deadly, and i'm loving it.
I suppose the most important thing is talking to the players and decide what kind of game you would like to play together
Sounds like you found a group that's just your style. :)
Let me tell ya something, as a DM when we say we roled a 1 we roled a 1. If you wanna fudge your roll to not hit a PC you choose one or two numbers under the AC and ask the player "does X hit your character?" and after the response you said "damm so close!" or something like that.
I think the best part of the popularity right now is that everyone can find a game that suits what they want - very much like mentioned in the video here.
I know people who treat DnD like an action rpg where they want to minmax their characters and loot is important. For them being soft isn't an option, they want the "game" to offer challenge to test their "skills". And that's fine if that's what everyone at the table wants.
About two months ago my party was up against 3 Marileths(sp?). They get six attacks. Every round it seemed like there was a nat 1 or two. On the first attack of one of them, I rolled 6d20 and yes, 3 of them came up nat 1.
Two or three characters dropped, but the party has a life cleric and kept sending them back into the ranks. We all had a blast over the two sessions that combat took.
This is something my group discuss a lot, as two of us come from the 'bad old days' where there were a lot more games out there with a Player Vs DM mentality. To preface, not all (maybe even most) groups were like this, but there were enough to have a definite impact on the way we play.
Players would hide things on their sheet, not reveal character weaknesses for fear that the DM would lean on them to make their characters act in destructive ways ("so, are you going to lose your powers because you betrayed your childhood friend or are you going to help the necromancer solidify his powerbase and probably fall afterwards"). It also led to a slew of powergaming, in the "I have to plan in case the DM is trying to kill me" sense.
Meanwhile, DMs would design encounters around the weaknesses of the players, or just to mess with individual players. "Sorry, this dungeon is filled with monsters immune to fire damage, fire mage who told me their concept months ago."
Anyway, the revitalisation of the hobby that came with the newbies who started because of Critical Role, Stranger Things, Adventure Zone, and others was really useful, as:
1. Critical Role was a really good example of collaborative storytelling, and
2. New players weren't stuck with the old mindsets.
Anyway, this was a ramble, but I highly recommend keeping a line of communication open with your DMs and other players so you can all get the most out of the story as you can. Glad to have all of the newbies on board, they've done great things for the hobby.
Old timer here. Quit playing in the early 1990s when it seemed like every session we had devolved into a bunch of nerds squabbling with each other. Started again last year to introduce my kids to the game. I’m having a lot more fun now than I did back then, largely due to the resources available. This includes the “soft” skill tools available to DMs. I really enjoy the collaborative storytelling approach and wish I’d known about it when I played before.
Our GM is my Dad and that makes things super weird for me. He's a great GM tho, always wants us to have fun and is very patient when our campaign is doing bullshit again.
0:39 LMAO I thought 'This isn't Ginny Di's "Best Friends" Race'
Thanks for another super insightful video. Maybe at base the most important thing to remember is to simply communicate and speak up if something isn't working for you in your game.
I love your considerations about people’s comfort levels. My DM did this for us and it has made our games so fun and everyone is having a great time.
I'm not always agree with Ginny's statements, but i like this one.
The most fun I had in DnD is when the players or the DM were able to surprise another, often spectacularly ruining some careful plan.
In this way, I think it's nice when players and DM play "against" each other (not as PCs vs enemies, but as participants themselves).
Like players using creative ways to circumvent a puzzle or a tough fight, or DM creating a small obstacle that may turn our elaborate strategy into a clusterfk...
Best recurring line in my current game "hang on, my character wants to try something stupid". Has led to some awesome surprises and twists. E.g. paladin character standing up in a shape shifter bar, taking her aasimar winged form and calling them all infidels to distract the crowd from important plot stuff the rest of the party was escaping with. (Stupid like unwise, rather than boring).
Thank you for addressing the problem of people trying to find in-game solutions to out of game problems. It can be a surprisingly common mindset, but my impression is that it has gotten better.
I really loved this video. I found your points really well articulated and you've put into such thoughtful words a lot of the instincts I also have around this topic. Awesome stuff.
Eye of newt... oh, yeah, I wouldn't want mustard seeds in my... floating face either.
The last time I was this early, we were still playing first edition
I love your wholesome videos. It's nice having someone out there reminding everyone this is a game meant to enjoy. Thanks for the video
I’m gonna be a dm for the first time this summer, and to prepare I’ve been binging your videos. This video makes me think of some of my favorite moments in games with my forever-dms: when my character was in mortal peril! I had earned it with my own choices, and now I had to live with the consequences, or think of a way to prevail against all odds!
Ginny: "I think D&D is better when it's more fun and less awful."
Neckbeard Misogynists: "HOW DARE YOU!"
"I don't play dnd to have "fun" I play it to have fun." Something I heard a stereotypical neckbeard-looking fellow say at my LGS and I just kind of turned around like "what?!"
hi, i'm 52 and i have a beard. i've been playing dnd since the late 1980s. however, i don't think i'm a misogynist. i play to enjoy myself and enjoy playing the game with my friends. i run games to help players play the characters they want and be heroes if they want to be. but i would also run a game to ensure that choices have consequences. i hope i run some good games!
@@gamefreak3072 did he mean that he played dnd to only have fun HIMSELF?
@@rantdmc Not everyone with a beard is "a neckbeard". It sounds like you play the kinds of games Ginny is advocating.
@@michaelmccall2687 i hope so! the tongue in cheek point i was making is that it isn't just "older players" or people who started playing a generation ago have the attitude that Ginny has an issue with, and some older players are just as motivated to produce the most enjoyable challenging, exhilarating game most probably dream about playing
But he literally plays ALL THE ENEMIES?
Jk. Good DMs aren’t evil, but that doesn’t mean they should make it easy.
"yeah, its fine. I'll do all the bad guy stuff so the story can happen"- Brennan Lee Mulligan
... and all the allies?
The GM is also all of the allies as well, people forget that. The GM isn't the enemy but an arbiter.
You should watch the video, I say something pretty similar 😜
@@GinnyDi hi Ginny! I watched the video and I completely agree with you! I’d like to clarify that the first part was a joke that I anticipated was going to be said, lol.
Ginny's considerations are awesome! Roleplaying games creates a connection to one's psyche, and thus, can be a tool to understand each other. These tips to run good games should be taken to life, in relationships, work, etc. They are really valuable.
Great discussion video. As with almost everything in life, 'it depends' is the answer. There's always nuance and opinion.
My wife recently called me a "mean DM" because of the arc we are going through. We've been playing the same (first for the players) campaign for 3ish years, level 18 PCs now, and this is the first truly resourceful and powerful enemy they've had to deal with. They made an enemy of a high power wizard and have bitten off more than they can chew.
After having a discussion, it turns out the players just don't feel like they have a plan or know what to do, even as players. I haven't pulled back on the power or aggression of the wizard, but I have upped the support and advice from friendly NPCs, as well as having some meta game talk here and there on things that their characters would know by now that they might not realize as players.
As an "old" player that's been playing for more than 20 years, I will say that I left the D&D community because that mindset lacking empathy was so prevalent. There were a lot of other systems that were significantly more focused on communal story telling than war gaming, and I found other players with similar goals in those systems after finding no one with similar tastes for nearly a decade in 3rd, 3.5, and 4th.
I think 5E did a very good job of encouraging non-combat scenarios, and I think Critical Role and other live play shows really helped to popularize story and character driven games over combat driven games. Anyway, I'm very thankful for this new wave of players, it's made D&D a game I want to play again.
I used to hate the idea of safety tools until I realized I was using one for a long time; I literally just asked my players at the start of a campaign (if they were new to my group), to fill out a little form of topics they didn't want in their game and how dark I could go.
I think the main thing that turns me off is that the name, and some of the suggestions (stuff like green, yellow, & red cards), feels really kiddish to me. I think I literally had cards like that in kindergarden, so it's hard for me, as a grown man, to sit there and hand out color-coded cards to people and not feel stupid. That, on top of the name itself, is the main thing that turned me off despite not realizing I was already using one version of it. I want my players to have that little piece of paper I signed off on that has all the things they don't want involved in a game, I guess I just don't want to call them "Safety tools".
Loved this video! Thanks for the content!
I do love that so much of your message for all these videos is "be nice to each other and have fun playing this game" .... Gary Gygax once said/wrote that the DM only wins if the Players win, but even then only if they had a good adventure doing it.
Adversarial DMs only work in wargame styles when a dm is focused on a good fight as opposed to just winning
I am a painfully empathetic person and I really struggle with challenging my players in combat. I try to psych my self up to play tuff and smart enimies but it always feels like I'm being unfair in the moment and I end up holding back without meaning or wanting to.
My players have picked up on this and they think it's sweet but they are confused why combat never feels hard even though characters often get close to death.
I'm the "too nice" DM, please help.
Hmm…maybe use your own empathy to your advantage. Look at every combat encounter through the perspective of the enemy NPCs.
If you’re sending bandits after your party, think about how close they would all be to each other, or about what would motivate them to live lives of crime.
If your villain is a maniacal sorcerer who’s trying to raise an army of the dead, think about how frustrated they would be that their ambitions were being meddled with, and about how much time and energy would have needed to go into their schemes.
If you’re invested in the goals of the NPCs as well as the PCs then combat isn’t just you, the DM, trying to challenge your players, it’s a narrative struggles with stakes that you can identify with.
And that way, you wouldn’t need to worry about playing unfairly as much, because any mechanically stressful things that happen in the game wouldn’t feel as bad, since they’d be informed by deliberate character decisions.
Just be careful not to get TOO invested, or else you’d be too scared to run combat at all, and then we’d be back where we started.
@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick Thanks this is helpful
@@napdogs No problem, dude.
"Stress has finally broken my mind."
I feel ya.
Little story from my table to show why the safety tools can really help:
We are currently playing Curse of Strahd, it is my first full campaign for both me, the DM, as such and for my players.
We've all been friends for about 2 decades now but only recently gotten into D&D.
We are having a blast. The game goes super smooth, everyone's invested and having tons of fun - my players keep mentioning DnD was the bright light that got us through the pandemic so far and I fullheartedly agree.
Now for safety tools: We all thought we really know each other, but with this being a horror-themed campaign and me knowing that one of my players is not a big fan of horror I thought it wise to really make sure everyone is comfy at my table. So we had our session zero where I also asked about triggers and boundaries. Nobody could come up with any, so I just made sure to remind them every once in a while that they can always come to me in-between games with anything they have on their minds, and kept the ritual of asking what they liked most and least at the end of each session. After half a year I did a questionaire for them and asked again about triggers and limits. And, Io and behold! One player used it to ask me to avoid any gaslighting or other forms of manipulation. I would have NEVER expected this from her, knowing her tastes in movies, literature, her own writing and her playing so far, so it came as a real surprise. And GOOD that she brought it up because I really had planned to play Strahd in a VERY manipulative, gas-lighty, dick-ish way. So I approached her and we discussed the issue. I tried to avoid spoilers yet made sure I really understood what would make her uncomfy and what we could both do to make her feel safe. Learning more about the root of her problem with gaslighting it was very easy for me to understand WHY she set it as a limit, and we figured out ways that should allow us to touch on that theme with her still feeling comfortable. (Basically: we will keep communicating!) I also introduced the X-card the next session and even although we never had to use it that very player came up after the game to thank me for this and my communication with her in general, again. So: the way we played has not changed much at all, I did not scrap anything I'd planned because of this. BUT my player feels safe at my table and she trusts me - maybe enough to, with her consent given in advance, even push her boundaries in the future in a safe way. This makes me really, really happy and adds a lot to the game and our friendship!
Ginny, if you haven't, I really recommend reading Jon Peterson's book, The Elusive Shift. It's a history of early D&D/the development of "role-playing" as a concept. The whole dichotomy you're discussing has been argued about ever since the 70s!
Right. I cant agree more. There's this weird idea that it comes from newer gamers.
I'll have to check out this book, but you're absolutely right. Back in the day, there were some super-adversarial DMs, but also "Monty Haul" DMs who were overly generous with treasure and basically never provided real challenges to the players. A lot more of the latter than the former, too, and most were trying for that happy middle.
Maybe, just maybe, there are some people who don’t want to play the tabletop RPG version of a From Software game. Some campaigns could get away with not requiring roles for small and/or narratively potent actions.
And what does that has to do with finding a balance, a group that suits you or being nice? Because that is what Ginni is saying...
So far, my campaign highlights have been with clutch nat 20's. A fellow player once persuaded an enemy and his posse to turn around and go away. My DM's face was priceless, he was so ready for combat; we all got a good laugh, including him.
My DM also got really excited about a class character I broached for my PC's family, and he wanted to build for his overarching plot. I finally met this unique character, and it was such a great experience to RP with my DM bc of our mutual appreciation of this collaboration.
I continue to be surprised by the attention to detail in Ginny’s videos. Even the ads.
"Boring easy games" is litterally how I DM or write my games.
We need a lot more of "Boring easy games" in my opinions.
(Not a critic or an attack. Just a through)
I still don’t understand why “don’t be a jerk” and “don’t try to police other peoples’ games” is such controversial advice.
A few days ago, a thread of Ginny’s tweets about how people can play D&D however they want because it’s a game (specifically the “if I want to play a pretty elf with no hit points and shitty spells” ones) were posted on r/dndmemes. I noticed that a lot of dudes were in the comments of the post doing the exact things she was talking about in the tweets, basically all of them saying “I agree with you but also you’re playing suboptimally and that’s not okay.” I made a comment remarking as much, and that they should quit proving her point. Someone responded to me by insinuating that I was trying to silence other people’s freedom of expression by telling them to stop trying to control other people’s freedom of expression :/
RPG gatekeepers are the worst, basically. Keep doing what you do.
Everytime i watch a video like this of yours all i can think is how cool it would be to be in one of your games, either with you as a DM or as a player. Would be such an awesome experience.
I honestly was so shocked when I first learned about safety tools. I was amazed that someone had even thought to do that and I loved that there were so so many different kinds of safety tools. Unfortunately, I learned about them after a DM accidentally made a quest that ended in an eerily similar way to a traumatic event that had happened to me only a year prior. To be clear, the DM didn't know all the details of the event beforehand and it was an event I told them about, but we didn't talk about it much. It completely ruined the session for me, though, and I wished that that DM was a little more conscious about safety tools.