Am I Lazy, Stupid, Messy, Flaky? ADHD
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2018
- Hello brains and hearts!
ADHD can be challenging enough, but the stigma surrounding it can sometimes be worse. We're labeled "lazy," "stupid," "messy," "flaky," and a lot more - sometimes by people we respect. Sometimes we label ourselves. What it all comes down to is "shame."
When everyone around you is doubting you, it's really hard not to doubt yourself. Here's how to cope.
(spoiler: sometimes one of the best tools we have is each other)
LINKS!
2018 International Conference on ADHD
bit.ly/2NqXAar
Get tickets for the 2018 International Conference here! (I'm speaking on Sunday!)
bit.ly/2QDJoNt
If you're in Auckland, New Zealand on October 13, 2018, come see me speak for ADHD Awareness Day!
bit.ly/2Nt4qMq
Get your tickets here!
bit.ly/NZADHD2018
Visit our forums!
forums.howtoadhd.com
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Facebook: / howtoadhd
Twitter: / howtoadhd
Support us on Patreon: / howtoadhd
Connect with other ADHD brains and hearts on our forums:
forums.howtoadhd.com
WE WROTE A SONG!!
Get the “The Fish Song” on...
...iTunes: bit.ly/fishsongitunes
...Google Music: bit.ly/fishsonggp
...Amazon: bit.ly/fishsongamazon
"The Show Must Be Go”, “Carefree”, “Life of Riley”, “Bittersweet”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
creativecommons.org/licenses/b...
“The Future Begins Today”
by Brett Van Donsel
"What if I'm just lazy?" I'm starting to really think I might have ADHD, and that one thought is mt biggest thing against talking about it. Not every symptom I feel or to the extreme it seems that most people with ADHD do, so, what if I'm just lazy? I'm scared to seek out diagnosis, because what if there is no issue, and I'm just lazy and a bit fidgety. I'm scared to be wrong, because then it's going to make me feel like I'm just looking for attention and trying to make myself feel "special". I'm so scared of the chance that I'm wrong, that it almost feels like it can outweigh the benefits of being right...
UPDATE: 6 months later, I finally got an official adhd diagnosis!!! :D I was right, and it feels really good to truly know what's going on with me :)
There are quite a dew adhd support boards and subreddits where these kinds of discussions and questions come up a lot and since we've all been where you are(this is a bit late though so maybe this isn't still the case???) There's a lot of wonderful people willing to lend an war, give advice and just be supportive. Have you read Driven to Distraction by Dr. Ned Halliwell by any chance? If not, I highlt reccomend reading it. Since the Doc has ADHD jimself, the book is written in a way that is easily digestible for someone who has or may have ADHD. And I'm willing to listen if you want to talk, vent, whatever. I know I'm a rando from the internet, but I've totally been where you are, and still have moments like that and if I can help anyone find their way even just by listening I'm down for it. Before my diagnosis I just always wanted to know what was "wrong" with me and wished so badly for someone who knew about this struggle could talk to me or listen to me. Fair warning, as you can see, I ramble, but my offer stands. Let me know if you want to tall okay? Stay safe and be kind to yourself.
Don't be afraid to seek diagnosis. The clarity that comes with understanding your mind and your struggle is the greatest gift in the world. As a side note, a lot of us experienced the same doubt in seeking a diagnosis, and speaking personally, you are the strongest authority on your own mind
Oh god exactly same
Honestly? Go for it! The worst thing that can happen is the Doctor saying that you're okay, and you know you're not. Hearing what you had say makes me think that whatever Doctor you go to will get you started on you're own recovery journey. Even if it might not be "ADHD"! It is something, you deserve to find out what it is.
Big mood!!!!
I always get told I'm lazy, disorganised, unable to prioritise and that I lack self discipline. It's so disheartening and difficult not to believe it.
My old boss used to get upset at my desk at work being all over the shop. He used to say to me constantly "untidy desk = untidy mind" once i got diagnosed i used to think back to that and laugh and think to myself "you have no idea" :P
You need to find your North Star
What they're saying is not true. People saying that just want to write it off as something simple because it's easier to wrap their head around. They can't or wont understand the complexity of ADHD. I'd wager to say because we have ADHD we work harder because we have trouble managing and staying on task while keeping focus. I struggle with the same comments. Their comments and beliefs say more about them than it does about you.
Yesss, i was told my whole life that i was very very smart and think faster than anyone else but refuses to apply myself. it gets worse when I was put in the smarter class with teachers that expect and is used to quiet student, who pay complete attention on them
Bink Bink I get you bro
"What if I'm just lazy?"-God yes, this came up in therapy recently. I expressed to my therapist just how unhappy (very mildly put) I am with myself for not being able to tidy up my place even on a two-day weekend with basically nothing else to do.
And she told me, that I am clearly *not* lazy, because I obviously really *want* to tidy my place desperately enough that it makes me truly unhappy I can't figure out how to pull it off and make myself do it.
Me: "... oh." o.0
Because it never even occurred to me to think about it that way around.
exactly.. i have the same thing with school stuff.. i need to get something to study but i am having a ton of trouble with it making me feel worthless or lazy.. because where others just make the step to start working i'm just sitting there not understanding what to do or where to start.. often just bailing in the end because i just can't figure it out and to avoid being seen as dumb or annoying i won't ask for help
I have those thoughts and this help me see things in a different light.
You summarized my life
I feel this so intensely oml. I'm with you
❤
I cried so much when I watched this, I really need to talk to my parents so I can get a diagnosis
Hope you got it figured out! I just got diagnosed and im 35!! Game changer for me. Sure wish I got it sorted when I was young
Hey I'm in the same boat
I just figure it out that maybe I have ADHD and I am 37. I was searching how to cope with my son and I found out that I am maybe in the same boat as him. Before I thought that ADHD is just being hyperactive and not focused but I see that is much more. Starting hundred new tasks and finishing almost none-me, not able to focus when I am in group of people which are chating-me, trying to do something but being interrupted by some other task and another and...-also me.
i feel like everyone will tell me it's just me being a teenager. i relate, but deep down i tell myself I'm normal, just lazy and moody, oversensitive (i always cry when i get into an argument) and gosh idk what to do
@@devilsabyss dont work girl I'm in the same situation as you rn 😔
I'm not crying, something got inside my eye
The dust in this video is insane........
Yeah I think I got a beach in my eyes
Damn, someone is cutting onions again
Yeah I just have allergies
Me too, there’s definitely some dust here
Someone once told my wife (speaking of me), "He has always been lazy." I was working three jobs at the time. Perception is NOT REALITY, Brains! Another blessing, Jessica! Thanks.
Oh.. I have been lazy and messy.. I am also sometimes working 3 jobs, usually 2 xd never thought about that I clearly can't be lazy if I'm working 3 jobs and raising a kid xd
I’ve just realised I’m in the same boat. I work as a musician and so I assumed that because I love my work, I’m not working hard. But I work 40+ hours a week, during the day and anti social hours. I barely have an evening to myself and have to slot in seeing my friends and boyfriend. And yet I still think I’m just lazy. It’s crazy how comparing yourself to the world can stop you from actually seeing reality.
"afraid to seek a diagnosis because what if it's just them"
I feel called out.
I need to figure out how to get a diagnosis and start treatment but it's just so overwhelming idk how to begin.
Google for a local psychiatrist that's taking patients (they usually say so on their websites). Call them, or if that's too difficult (it was for me), email them with a simple message-- "I think I have ADHD, I'd like to be evaluated." They should tell you what you have to do from there.
Something like this can seem like a really big thing to tackle, so I hope the breakdown helps!
ME FREAKING TOO. I cried to my mom on the phone for an hour today and she said “McKinley, you need to go seek out medical help, they can help you. No matter what they say you may or may not have. You have to do what’s best for you. You know your body and brain best.”
@@Mckinley-mick Top tier mom-ing right there
@@mooglew1705 when push comes to shove, she’s definitely there for me.
@@Mckinley-mick lucky! My parents dont believe in things like ADHD, depression, anxiety so im too scared to even tell them bcos I know they won't believe me
“Lazy” is a trigger word for me. I try my hardest to be the best I can be.
It is for me too. I feel for you ♥️
Same :(
I feel the same
your hardest is not good enough
Same
Ouch, when you started putting those labels on the screen, my heart literally got hurt. * sigh *
Leonor Morais It’s not who you are.
@@MDWLRK7 aw, that's so sweet. Thank you!
I'm sorry *hugs* I know it's painful. I'm hoping by calling attention to it, people will understand how hurtful these labels can be
aw, thank you for the hug!
Aww yes it definitely hurt
This was my issue so much as a kid. I could play video games for hours and hyperfocus. Then it came time to do homework and it's like my brain decided it can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time. In addition, the homework seemed so much harder than it actually was.
Same here like I didn’t know i had ADHD until my mom said that me and my little brother have ADHD and she does too
Me too
This is exactly me. I'm so scared to go to a doctor because I'm afraid that they will just say that I'm not trying hard enough or I'm just lazy.
How do you guys cope this and stay productive/focused?
Yes man. And it’s sooo hard to break the habit.
“What if I’m just lazy?....” - ouch, that hits close to home... it’s a relief to know it’s not just me.
"You're not even trying." "Yes I am!" "Then try harder."
After 30+ years of feeling inept and broken, and finally realizing that ADHD is the likely cause and *finally* being able to get myself to talk to my doctor about a very likely diagnosis has already made my life make a lot more sense. For so long, I attributed things to my bipolar diagnosis, depression, anxiety, but even with those conditions being treated, I was still floundering.
Naturally, I ended up binging this channel and other forums, and listening to you talk about ADHD has helped SO MUCH. Hearing and reading so many experiences that reflect my own has given me a sense of self-understanding and acceptance that I've never had before. So many of the How to ADHD videos hit so close to home that I cried several times. Even though I'm struggling with feeling like I've lost so much time, I'm finally having hope.
Thank you so much for everything you do.
Diagnosed at 32 so I feel you, you are enough, there is time
Im 32 not diagnosed. Everytime i go to the doctors i get so overwhelmed and cry and just cant even think. I try to talk myself down. And the few times i have stayed the doctor wouldn't even see me because i refused to take birth control. But with these videos im seeing some light in the tunnels. Thank you
I feel this. I wasn't diagnosed til I was 34. I went my entire life thinking I was broken. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Why did I have try so darn hard to make life work. I finally got a diagnosis after having an incorrect diagnosis 22 years. I have the right meds and I am learning to manage my life.
@@nakeeshatower3214 if you are in the states, Try a med manager at a behavioral health doc office. They are nurse practitioners. They are much kinder than a doc or psychiatrist.
Over 40 here and have had a similar experience, a similar sense of sadness about lost potential (It’s hard), and a strong hope that things can improve now that the root issue is in the open. Let’s keep the hope alive, keep moving, remember self forgiveness, and make the next days and years fulfilling (rather than “productive.”) ✨
About a month ago, my brother took his own life. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and learned how to cope & manage my symptoms. My brother had many of the symptoms, but refused to see anyone about it. He had failed his first year of college, and continued to have school problems throughout the next few years. In his backpack, we found several tests where he had gotten really bad grades (one was only 3 correct out of 24 questions). Part of me will forever wonder if he also had ADHD. The stigma of possibly being diagnosed with ADHD was enough that he never tried to get any help or treatment. Apparently in the past few weeks he had said that he felt worthless, that he "couldn't do anything right" and "wasn't good for anything". I don't know where I'm going with this, but I think the story speaks for itself.
I am so sorry
The tribe will listen. You opened up about it, that's not easy. To me, It shows you are hurt but strong. Love to your family.
The community is sending much love and strength to you. Writing is a good way to process what happened. We unfortunately cannot change the past, but we can make the future better and brighter. Look forward when you are ready, stay strong and get help if needed. We all feel with you.
Sending my love to you. I sadly know how your brother felt and many others do. Hate to think of people like your brother who don’t make it and how that’s not even enough to have people understand and educate themselves. You’re incredibly strong for sharing this.
I’m so sorry.. wish you all the strenght.
I am so so glad I found this channel. So much of the stuff here describes me, and are things that I had just accepted as flaws in my character. I never understood what ADHD was and so never considered it until learning more about it this year at age 35.
Ayo it's Dan Bull!
Good to hear, Mr. Bull. Always loved your videos. Glad you're getting some better understanding of this. I'm just starting too.
2:33
This made me start sobbing. Ive been struggling all my life with these kind of symtoms then i discovered ADHD, i relate to them all but im too scared to get diagnosed because i keep doubting it, ive been questioning my self saying "Im probably just lazy, its my fault" for years now. I just wish i had the courage to get help.
Professional Fangirl Just do itttt! I’ve been battling with myself for the last 2 or 3 years on whether or not I have it or it’s just laziness and also because I would do research and then forget about it entirely. I finally called and made an appointment with a psychologist for next week. No matter what happens, you at least owe it to yourself to get checked. I had to think about it in the sense that its physical pain ( which it is when trying to do work etc ) and you go to the doctor or hospital when you’re hurting so why wouldn’t you go and get your brain checked out? You got this ! ❤️
I literally got diagnosed today and kept asking my mum and my friends over and over "what if I'm just bad at life and they say I don't have it" before my appointment. Their answer was the same across the board even though I asked them completely independently: then at least you'll know and you can look at what else might be causing the problems. It doesn't mean there isn't anything
Same. But I have spoken to my parents and they think that I don’t have it. And later today I’ll have to tell them about my many missed homeworks(due to ADHD) and my detention for missed homework’s.
When I’m literally watching your videos to procrastinate sleep but I’m being blessed with knowledge!
me too i learn sm
Same! Just realised it's 3am! Oops!
SAME
Same
when im watching her videos to procrastinate studying LOL
You have changed my life. I was so isolated and angry and after finding your RUclips channel I felt so inspired. My therapist said “what made your diagnosis click to you?” And I started to say “there’s this amazing RUclips channel...” she said “oh Jessica McCabe?” I got to the point where I was suicidal. Thank you for saving me 💋💋💋
I'm so happy you're alive person on the internet. This made my week, this comment. You're gonna do great things with your life. :)
Gosh you are so loved, thank you for sharing your story so we have someone to relate to
Julia Brunsman had the same effect on me
its been 3 years julia, hope your doing great. are you ok?
l had thoughts of unaliving myself for ages because I couldn't be a "real woman" aka tidy, organized, quieter, etc. I am so glad now I didn't go through with it and kept looking for an answer, even though I was ridiculed for obsessing etc.
Jessica McCabe, you have changed the life of this Ph.D. student. Unfortunately, I was born and brought up in a country where ADHD or any kind of mental health issue is unrecognized and a stigma. People only get the diagnosis of mental health issues, when they are running naked through the streets. The best help you get from the society is telling you to "man up"! When I first discovered your channel, my first thought was that this person was speaking about my daily struggles. After discovering your channel, I went to see a counselor and my first session with a psychiatrist would be in the next month. I might be an undiagnosed ADHD person or I might be just a lazy Ph.D. student, but your suggestion on the coping mechanisms is the lighthouse of my life. Thanks a lot for showing me the way to not only survive but also to thrive
Farzana are you from Bangladesh?
"Unfortunately, I was born and brought up in a country where ADHD or any kind of mental health issue is unrecognized and a stigma."
Always happy to see a fellow American.
@@economicist2011 lmao
economicist2011 I get that you’re trying to make a joke and lighten the mood, but now’s not the time man...
@@irelyndhenry1176 oh come on, he didn't make fun of her... Anyway, sarcasm isn't for everbody...
My gma called me lazy today. She doesn’t realize how frustrated I am that my life isn’t organized, that I can’t make decisions, that I can’t start or accomplish goals. This is really affecting my life and it’s depressing me. I hate when ppl aren’t understanding and when ppl say ADHD is all in your head.
You arent alone...I feel the same way and I try to do everything I can to motivate myself. I feel stuck and broken. It flippin sucks
@@shadowprovesunshine there needs to be mentors who are successful in life and have ADHD to show the way to those who are still on the path of learning to cope
especially when people dont understand that invisible barrier of trying to organize yourself enough mentally to do what you need to do
Actually tell them that their right, that it is in your head, Sarcastically and let them know it's a Neurological disorder, our brains are wired differently, and us Addhders struggle day in and day out. It has effected and took over my life, and I still feel misunderstood til this day and I'm 45
It isn’t my fault, but it is my responsibility. That’s a great mantra to have!
"What if I'm just lazy?" is something I expressed to my doctor over and over again as we discussed the possibility of an anxiety disorder or adhd diagnosis. I imagine I'm not the first person to have asked this because she was incredibly patient and understanding, and it changed my life. Thanks for reminding me about this, I needed to hear it right now.
Recently a new kid came into our school. I had the honor of showing him the ropes at our school. But while doing that I noticed he acted slightly different than everyone else in the class. Later I realized he had ADHD. So I talked to him about it and he said it was true. So thanks to you’re amazing videos I’m understanding my new best friend better! 😁 Thanks!
wow this just made me tear up a bit. thank you
I find it interesting to see old comments. As an update, we’re now sophomores in high school and we are still best friends!
@@alexwagner5722 poggers
@@alexwagner5722 that’s so sweet 🥺
@@alexwagner5722 ur amazing. I wish I had someone like you when I was at school.
I'm not saying it's 4am and I'm watching this instead of sleeping so I can be up in 4 hours for an online class I need to sit to pass my teacher training...at all...
I could feel her pain when she went from funny to serious the moment she started talking about what bad words normal people say to adhd people.
The story of my (our) goddamn lives, diagnosed or not...
Well, I am disorganized, and a procrastinator. But I don't want to be! I want to be organized!!
I want to finish my work on time!!
I embraced checklists and note-taking systems to manage this. You have to experiment to see what exactly works for you, but here's my routine: To manage deadline stress, as soon as a school/work assignment comes in, I break it up into quantifiable tasks and pieces and put them on a schedule. I just tell myself, "If I just do this piece today, I succeed." It helped so much. Afterward, my reward is letting my brain run wild with whatever distractions it needs. The real struggle is long-term goals that are hard to quantify, as it's too easy to never get started.
@@Therstrium exactly
This channel has helped me so much. All my life I've felt alone. Even when I was diagnosed as a kid, when I got home my dad freaked out on me saying that ADHD doesn't exist and that I'm just not doing good enough. My mom would smack my hand when she saw me fidget. peers never really liked me because I was just that weird kid who knows a lot . Everyone always expected that I would get straight A's, but everyone was always shocked and looked down on me when I told them that I sucked at school. I always believed I was just a bad student, friend, brother, and son. I felt alone. But I found this channel and it helped me so much. It helped me find coping mechanisms, and most importantly, it made me feel welcome.
I had simular experiences. I feel you
💕
I shed a tear listening to this. I can't tell you how much I have blamed myself. It's gotten to the point where I felt like giving up on all my dreams and settling for less. I know I truly want to work hard and be more productive. I always try and end up doing good and then somewhere along the way, I procrastinate for hours or even days and I begin to wonder how I fell off. Thank you for this channel.
hope you're doing better now
I'm 39 and was just diagnosed last year. You are so right! I was terrified, what if I didn't have ADHD.
Every video you upload I realize how much ADHD really effects me. Thank you for this video Jess!!!
thanks for watching! *hugs* how's school going??
@@HowtoADHD*hugs!!!* it's going pretty good!! I only have on teacher that slightly stresses me out from how fast he does everything, but the rest of my teachers are nice and chill! I think I have mostly As, and I think two B's? It's going great!!
omg that's great!!! Your mom must be so proud :D
@@HowtoADHD she is :D (she also says hi!!)
Joodles Noodles samr
Watching this at 3am cos I’ve been playing the Sims for 8 hours 😭😭😭 This is too true.
Omg hahaha the SIMS used to be my hyperfocus too. One time I could barely leave the house *to get the new version of the SIMS* 😂
This was legit me last night/this morning... Played the sims 4 until 2am 🤣 Went to my phone thinking its going to be " A little past 12" my hyperfocus was in impressive form last night.
90% of my childhood was just playing TS3, so honestly same! xD Used to play for like 12 hours at a time, it's so addictive!
watching since 5 am because my sleep schedule has never been right.
Are you me? This happens to me more often than average people.
Y'all, I never cry. I don't like to.
4 minutes in & I had to pause the video cause I couldn't see it anymore.
Thank you, Jessica ❤
This is the first How to ADHD video I've seen where I can actually say, yep. Manly tears. I definitely understood why - they hit home every time - but this one had an even bigger impact.
I don't have a diagnosis. But the more I watch and relate to these videos, the more I know I need to try. The guilt and shame I've had as a result of not even being able to understand why I struggled with things like studying, laundry, dishes, tidiness has given me crippling anxiety. That, at least, I have a diagnosis for.
Watching these really does feel a lot like coming home...I never realised people could actually understand this.
I had my adhd test this week waiting for results which I should have in a month or so
It's not too much of an overstatement to say that my life can be divided into the pre-McCabe and post-McCabe periods.
Letting go of the shame and self-destructive anger has been life changing for me.
Keep doing what you're doing. It's so important to raise awareness of this.
Thank you for this. My mom has ADHD and she always felt so bad about herself for not having her life together how other moms did. The house was messy, we were always late to appointments and school. I loved her of course but even I was a bratty teen towards her because I didn't even really know what ADHD was. After her diagnosis, the first thing we decided to do was spend one day every weekend cleaning her house, because she couldn't do it alone. Now she upkeeps the cleanliness without me being there and focuses longer with her meds. She's accomplishing goals she's been wanting to do for a decade. And instead of feeling annoyed with her, I wanted to help. How it should be, offering help.
I haven't been diagnosed yet because my chronic depression makes doctors focus on that, your videos encourage me to continue with medication and therapy to finally have an answer for a life of "failure". Knowing my mom has ADHD and that it can be passed down helps me feel less ashamed of questioning if I have it. Especially because my depression very well could have started because of feeling so bad about being messy and failing classes due to struggling with homework. All those little fights in my family over it did stack up, and being born sensitive, it led to having BPD because my family didn't know how to help, or that a problem existed. That led to self harming, hospitals, etc. The whole time, I hated myself for having so much potential and not getting anything done. Maybe if someone had noticed earlier, my relationship with my dad wouldn't have been strained from all the fighting over bad grades, a messy house, etc.
Thanks for showing us that it's okay to question why we struggle so much and that other people's accusations of "laziness" and "not good enough" don't define what we feel. My mom could have started thriving 20 years ago if someone had felt any sympathy to her struggles.
Your videos helped her understand that she's not a failure and that's enough added confidence to see a therapist and begin a path to stability. They also help the support group understand better and change perceptions. You're doing amazing work by making these and touch so many more lives that you know. (:
You are an amazing helper to your mother! It’s so nice to hear you are supporting her. I hope your own problems will get clearer to you also. It’s okay to struggle with tasks, even if you’re not sure if you have adhd yet. Life sometimes is just hard. I wish you a lot of strength and love with all the things you are going through.
And I hope that you will get answers for yourself in time that explain all the struggles with school etc that you have been through.
Elf
ruclips.net/video/e_IomNZ2Tak/видео.html
Love this, its great to see the perspective of a child. Im a mom of 3 and so many tasks are a struggle. I talk to them and try to educate them, along with always making efforts to cope.
Thanks and you are awesome
I felt like I wrote this as I read it. Wow! So so many similarities to my own life and my mom's too. Just wow. Thank you for sharing so openly. I appreciate it more than even I realized at first.
The coughing at the "secret projects" legit scared me bc I'm watching this with headphones late at night
sameee 😭
I was sitting close to a window and for a sec. thought someone was “ahem’ing” at me from outside. 😅😱😬
The sad thing is that the rest of the world makes it wrong to be hyper or "too much".
I saw a Ted talk where a speaker argued that adhd does not cause anxiety or depression, rather the way people are treated and the expectations that are placed on them is what causes the self esteem issues.
Thank you thank you thank you. I dont know what to say I am so happy you made this. My mom always say that everything Is my fault she says dont you dare blame your adhd you can change. I hate myself because I feel like a failure. I loved this and I am trying to work things out. My biggest struggle is anything social and it is hard on me too not just my family.
omg I'm so so sorry she says that :/ that's so inaccurate, would she be willing to learn more about it? sounds like it comes from lack of understanding
I think we all know how you feel, because at some point things got tough for all of us & having ADHD makes it that little bit harder to push through.
Keep your chin up, stay positive, and when you're ready, go back to fighting to achieve whatever you want as hard as possible. Keep your goals in mind, what you want, and with the help from this awesome channels advice, you will achieve anything you set out to. Socialising is probably my biggest weakness too btw, I worry way too much about what others think of me, but by doing the above, i'm happier, and can be myself around others rather than sit in silence.
Work hard on ignoring these opinions from her or anyone else (they don't understand it for ignorance on the subject - so don't believe in them nor hate them), just learn to ignore them on this subject. Get close to people who understand you and stick with them and in time things will get better!!! Always have in mind that this is a process with many ups and downs, so don't get discouraged when times are rough. Do what you gotta do, always carry on!
Yeah my uncle says ADHD is fake and that im just lazy and that I'll fail at life
How to ADHD i have tried many times to explain but It never works so I have just started apologizing and feeling bad and also I take meds I dont feel like they are to help me at all more to help my parents I dont know what to do I am not in therapy or have friends Honestly I will probebly just have to bare it
Strange how perfect the timing of this video was. Thanks for this!
You have no idea of the immensity of help, understanding and compassion your videos offer...
Cannot THANK YOU enough for the amazing inner and outer work you have put!
Thank you so much for being specific about what you like about the videos, it’s encouraging 🤗 *hugs!*
"What if I'm just lazy?"
I never comment on anything, but I just had to.
Thank you, I've never felt so understood. Throughout my whole life I let myself believe that I was the problem. I thought every. single. symptom. of adhd was a personality trait of mine.
I internalized every single one of those labels and it's still really hard to let go, but with medication and content like yours, life has been significantly better.
And you know what? So what if you are lazy? We are allowed to have flaws! Doesn’t make you less worthy even if you are lazy! 🥰
I recently got diagnosed with adhd (literally a few weeks ago) after years of doubting if I was just lazy and pathetic or if it was rly something...biological. I almost cancelled my diagnosis appt and quite frankly, even after having been diagnosed and having the relief of it, I’ve still been struggling with believing that it’s real and I’m not just a personality mistake. this video is incredibly timely and said everything I needed to hear. love your content and love everything you do. thank you, from a brand new brain xx
Honestly your videos have swayed my life for the better I've started standing up for myself, asking for accommodations and telling my teachers when I'm struggling, I stopped seeing my adhd as a bad thing. I have adhd and disgraphya. Sometime my teachers have let me reduce a test combing both into one accommodation, but I dont use it as an excuse, I do do test outside the classroom for my own good. A lot of people have told me that my accommodations is me using my adhd as an excuse
Awww this makes me so so happy
KarateKat15 ruclips.net/video/e_IomNZ2Tak/видео.html
They’re not an excuse congratulations for speaking up and asking for the accommodations you needed to cope. When you’re diagnosed later in life you don’t have the supports you need or the opportunities to do this.
5:10 headphone warning! Made me jump out of my skin how it seemed to come from behind the camera and behind the headphones!
OMFG YOU LITERALLY DESCRIBED MY LIFE.. THIS IS SO MOTIVATING TO WATCH
Jessica... can you do one about gifted people with ADHD with advice and stuff?
I like that idea! :)
what kind of advice? :)
How to ADHD. Hmmm. Play to your strengths, expect a late diagnosis, erm... don’t know. I think you could tell us a thing or two.
Nice to have you back producing content btw. And hi to Edward.
Gifted?
hmm doing a video on twice exceptional would be a good idea! Thank you!
Hello.
When I went to a psychiatrist, he said It is just because I have read about it on an Internet. However I am diagnosed with depression and am undergoing it's treatment but I actually feel am standing no where after 6 months of depression medicines as my real problem of inattention disorganisation forgetfullness and procrastination and many more things are still untouched.
Thank you Jessica. You help me a lot with your videos cause the place I stay mental illness is a taboo. I am still in search of a doctor who would help me :)
Where do you live?
@@paddaboi_ Probably India
@@sanskarpathak561 well his name does look Indian but there's alot of Indians outside of India that's why I asked
@@paddaboi_ her name is Indian, but she also mentioned the fact that "mental illness is a taboo"
That makes me pretty certain that she's Indian
@@sanskarpathak561 mental illness is a taboo everywhere
i keep getting told that i am lazy or forgetful and spacey because i "don't care" even though i am trying my hardest. im not self diagnosing myself with adhd but i've been struggling with a lot of the things you mentioned in this video. this helped me understand a lot more about adhd, thank you.
I teared up during this. I really really *really* want to talk to someone about this, someone who is experienced and well-versed in ADHD. I’m so tired and so scared of thinking that my inability to do things is just because of me. That I am lazy and not disciplined. I just want to figure it out and get it over with but I don’t know how to bring it up
I wish I could have seen these videos when I was younger, I was so ashamed and felt so much guilt when I was a child about my failures and I told myself daily how stupid I was and that I would never get ahead. Now that I am older I am learning more about my adhd and these videos help me and so many others thank you!
I shame myself because I feel I do many things well like diet and exercise, but I still struggle so much with ADHD. Just hearing someone say that struggle is normal and needing more than meds is normal too is very empowering. I am a PhD student and its hard to see others succeed with less effort. Thank you for your videos, this community helps me stay strong.
I feel you on this! I'm a grad student as well and it's so frustrating sometimes when your peers can just get an assignment done, yet it takes me a whole day to read ONE article.
I'm trying to understand my boyfriend more, I've been doing research, you have helped alot. I didn't know words like 'lazy'resonated like that.
Thank you so much for your videos
Thank you for doing this for him. He's lucky to have you.
That's so sweet of you
This hurt my heart. I got choked up. I've felt this my whole life.
Thanks to your channel and others, I got evaluated and diagnosed with combination ADHD and have started my treatment this week. Thank you so much for the insight and the reassurance that I'm not alone, lazy, helpless, or useless.
It’s like you read my mind and post these videos when I need them most. I know that’s not true, but I just - really needed this. Thank you.
I've fought myself to do jobs that at the moment seem difficult. The difficulty level changes from moment to moment. I can fix something easily one day and three days later that same job seems too difficult. My job feels like this too often. I'm constantly fighting me, but I find the longer I hold off the higher the anxiety. So I dive in and just do it. Once done then I feel so much better. However, I live with that fear of messing up, which leads to having to get things perfect on the first try, then feeling like a failure if something goes wrong, but not able to stop because the jobs not done. Determined to get it right, I work through the night and the pattern repeats. No sleep, pushing myself, and never accepting good enough. It's also hard for people around me, because they feel judged for giving up or not working hard, but I don't judge. I have high standards for me and if I don't meet my goals I'm mad at me ...nothing to do with you.
I know iam late ,but this is legit me ,I always forced myself so hard to be normal that no one really knows I can't read properly .iam just too afraid to mess things up because that's what all I did childhood and I'm super critical about my mistakes ,I should probably change but is that even possible
@@shoto1338 sure. Change is always possible, but it's hard and the older we get the harder it is. If you're typing on a computer and it shows you've made spelling or grammatical errors. Then watch how they suggest you change your sentence around. Maybe get a easy level activity book to try out and relearn. I'm sure you could improve. Trying to keep the types of speech clear is challenging but practice you may find yourself understanding more than you knew you could. My downfall to reading is finding the main idea. I always think everything is important. I can never understand poetry. I think it's pretty but hardly ever get what it means, but I try.
i cried watching this video. it finally made me feel seen. although i’m not formally diagnosed, this truly made me feel understood, i can’t thank you enough.
I discovered your channel 2 days ago and have watched most of your videos. I cannot stop tearing up and choking with every video. Year of shame, guilt, and anger finally make sense to me. I'm still not diagnosed, but I feel a huge sense of relief just flooding over with every video you've made. Much love
Remember brains, ADHD is not an excuse! An excuse is what you use to justify your actions and claim victimhood having "no power" in the situation. That's a self-righteous mindset (I was right, but just didn't have the power to change the outcome). Remember to take responsibility for your actions and know that growth begins at admitting when you make a mistake - that is the essence of humility. Much love, Your Fellow Brain.
Thank you so much for this! I'm 41, and have struggled with ADD non hyperactive my whole life. Internalizing these labels really resonated with me, and I always thought it was my fault and if only I tried harder to be more disciplined. I'm hoping to finally get some relief from the symptoms and be able to function as a normal adult.
Did meds work for you?
Your videos have helped me make sense out of some really big challenges over the last couple of months. Thank you for explaining things in a way that makes sense. The days are getting easier.
I watch this video regularly. Thank you for making these videos. They help me overcome my shame and fear of failure in everyday tasks I was too afraid to try.
I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I really just want to thank you. You’ve provided so much information that really has impacted my life in such a positive way it’s hard to express. When I diagnosed from my psychiatrist (who actually had ADHD) and after going in for anxiety, she recommended the channel. I never knew anything about it before. I’ve been able to at least partially take back my life, but even more (although I can’t say I’m completely over it, I still have a lot of work on it to do) I don’t blame myself nearly as much. Before my diagnosis I actually thought I was just naturally born to be a lazy, careless, disorganized, emotional, insensitive jerk that would never get better no matter what I did because they just were too entitled to put in enough effort. My entire life it seemed like everyone around me was telling me to try harder, or stop crying, or stop being lazy. Not to mention I had trouble keeping friends for more than a year, heck even that was sometimes a stretch. I even got to a place where I was thinking “If there’s nothing I can do what’s the point of carrying on. It’s so painful to try any harder, and if I’m really this bad out of nature I probably can’t change. Is life even worth it.” Seriously I can’t really express how much educating people on this can change someone’s life for the better. Never stop doing this, and never forget that you’ve helped so many people.
I love you so much thank you for helping me understand my brain
thanks for watching!!!
These type of videos you make always make me cry. It’s so relatable. I doubted that my ADHD was real for years because peers told me I didn’t really have it or that anyone could get a diagnosis of they wanted one. They said it was unfair that I used medication and got extra time on tests. Thank you so much for speaking about this!
This is so true. I internalized these negative emotions for my entire educational & professional life. And having others who don’t understand reenforce those emotions when they are frustrated with us is so hurtful. Thank you for this video.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD two days ago and started medication yesterday.
This may seem trivial to people who don't have ADHD, but at 06:57 when you said "Bye brains!" I actually got misty-eyed.
I've been watching your videos for about 10 months and just realised this was the first time I've ever sat through one of your videos without going through the comments 15 seconds in, missing most of what you're saying and opening a new video halfway through..
I even liked the video around the 3 minute mark and went back watching the rest of it!
This legitimately feels like a superpower =D
I never thought of it like part of a ADHD symptom but the fact that i cant "just" watch a RUclips video but have to pause several times, open up another browser window to Wikipedia and miss half of what's been said or do/work on something completely different on the side just makes so much sense now. thank you!
omg I thought I was the only one. paused the video, texted back friends I totally forgot about, booked a train ticket, then went back to the video, to the comment section, and back to finish listening to it ;D
Ooh, new haircut??? Love it!
Also, I've been really struggling with this topic too. So glad you made a vid!
Nix uses #BrainDetailDetection
It's super effective! ;)
This explains so much of things I only just noticed I did in the past several years. I never had many issues as a kid, but I definitely have a lot of problems now, as an adult, to the point where I can't even finish a book most of the time when I used to be such an avid reader. So glad I found you. You have already been such a big help and I've only watched a few videos.
i just wanted to say, watching your channel has helped me so much. I am 22 years old, ive been called these labels my entire life, and it wasnt until this year that i even considered the possibility that i might have ADHD. I knew I wasnt lazy, one of the things I am able to hyperfocus on is going to the gym, and I am known for working very hard and pushing my boundaries in that regard, but I have always struggled to work a job. I hated feeling tied down, and restricted to one area for most of the day. I would often forget certain tasks I needed to do, and my boss's would get very frustrated with me. It seemed so easy to everyone else to just show up and be there for most of the day. Your channel was what helped educate me enough that I was able to articulate exactly how I feel to my psyche, and I was fortunate enough to get the help I needed.
Sometimes I want to run to you and give you a humongous hug! You have no idea how you have save my life. When suicidal thoughts came ocasionally around, that face of yours doing any of your funny & silly expressions, help me a lot to remember that I'm not alone. Thank you for existing!
Jessica, I don't know what I would do without you. THANK YOU!
Ok real talk, that story about your husband in the car really hit me in the feels. I found this video by typing "ADHD or lazy." I'm about to get checked for it, but part of me has always been worrying that I was the problem the whole time. All the doubts and anxieties you described are exactly what I'm feeling right now. Thanks for breaking that down, this video is exactly what I needed.
OK, now I’m just flat-out sobbing 😭 Wow-just discovered yr channel a few minutes ago ... and feel already chunks of tension falling away as I recognize a “tribe” of ADHD folks for the very first time. Thank you for normalizing these emotional experiences & responses ... I didn’t realize till now that I had felt so alone. Deeply relieved new subscriber here ✨
Thank you. You don’t know how much I needed to hear these words. My life has been crazy for the few months. I have been working hard to manage this gift we have for the I want. It hasn’t been easy. But more so lately these feels of “not being good enough” or feeling like people see me as lazy, a guy with his head in the clouds, or some one with potential but wastes his effort. These things have been so loud in the back of my mind. Even when I succeed, the success brings this feeling of dread that it won’t last. That everybody is right about me.
Thank you for starting this channel up. Thank you for staying strong and helping all these brain and hearts. You are doing an amazing job on training and encouraging all of us who watch.
Have fun on your trips! Can’t wait to hear about what happens!
Your videos are helping me coping with my adhd sooo much! I have anxiety, since I've been emotionally abused over years....but your videos....everything starts to make sense and it's like a puzzle piece fitting. Thank you!
each video I watch on this channel brings me closer to tears, because I've never heard anything more relatable that it makes me want to cry
You are saving people’s lives with this channel. Thank you do much for this. You have helped me do much mentally and emotionally with this channel
Awesome capturing of how I feel. One of my favorite videos yet of yours. Keep them coming and thank you!
I'm so happy I found this channel, before I found it I didnt know anything about my ADHD and now I swear I learn something new and sometimes that honestly makes me feel so much better about myself and my ADHD Brain ♡
I was diagnosed when I was young, but I never realized how much of my behavior could be attributed to my ADHD. I always thought it was just my reason for having trouble focusing and my extra energy.
When I found one of your videos yesterday, I was both blown away and extremely emotional. I've been binge watching your channel ever since
I've been through a lot of what was mentioned here. It's nice being noticed for once and not being told I'm lazy... So thank you
Just got help for this. I’m so thankful for my wife who understood my condition and helped so much. I’m 33 and had a very bad time getting through life. Last Thursday was my first day with medication. It was the most amazing thing to see how much this really helps! Thank you for all your videos, your channel is the only ADHD safe haven I’ve found so far. It’s amazing how much anxiety disappears when you can think too.
One of the things that helped me the most is reading and talking to other people with ADHD. Knowing that your peers have the same issues helps to normalise things a bit. Thank you for doing all of this!
Thanks so much for this video. I think this is the second How to ADHD video that brought me to tears.
I am watching this through crying eyes… This answers so many questions and at 38, I finally met with a psychiatrist this week to help me. I’ve had anxiety and depression for years with extremely impulsive actions amongst other things. I appreciate all of your videos and you have me the courage to seek assistance. I appreciate you! 🙏🏾
Thank YOU and all of the ADHDers who share their experience and making me feel understood, felt, heard, and not alone. This is beyond precious to me.
That's incredible! I can't believe you got invited to be the closing speaker - you're going to help sooo many people!! - I can't wait to see what you do in the future
Thank you so much for this video Jessica! The question you opened this up with is one I struggle with daily and since I was diagnosed at 18, and haven’t had people to walk me through what it means to have ADHD, I’ve never really known the answer. This video was actually really encouraging and helpful. Thanks so much!
the way i’m crying rn😭so thankful i’ve found this channel
I’m so thankful I found your channel. Man did I ever need this.
You're videos were the turning point for me. My shame went away for the first time in my life even though I had known about my ADD since I was 9. Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!
I have tears in my eyes while watching this right now!
I’m still waiting for my diagnosis, but I’m scared that they will tell me it’s just me I’m just lazy and need to try harder, that I’m just messy and need to take the time to tidy that and I’m just a unorganised 😢 discovering the ADHD community has made me feel so much better about myself and that it’s not just me.
Sitting here working on my Bujo (which I got from one of your videos) and loving/living for your videos. I put you in my thankfulness jar today... so thank you - for being you and helping me be the most genuine me! ❤️
Thank you so much for existing ! I wish are you that RUclips channel existed like this when I was younger. I know it didn’t, but you know now that there are kids out there who can find this channel and be empowered, and encouraged, it is just so beautiful. I wish I had that when I was a kid. Love what you’re doing please keep it up.
I was diagnosed as a child, but I've never thought about how adhd could be connected to a lot of the questions we ask ourselves like "why cant I find motivation to do ....?" This channel is amazing and I'm so glad I've found it!
Omg I'm so weird I literally hugged my laptop screen when you said "or if you live in New Zealand." Because I live in New Zealand and no one talks about New Zealand 😂😂😂 ❤❤❤
This is one of the first full length videos I’ve watched without stopping or having to reply. My brain usually lasts about 4 minutes before it wonders off. I love that this video is from 4 years ago, but yet it’s still so relevant.
Also I’m from New Zealand and totally love that you called us out 😊😊
4:10 “Knowing you’re not alone is healing, and that’s what is magical about this community!” Love this! So well put and oh so true! 👏🏻👏🏻
Hello Jessica, just saw your ted talk!! Thanks for supporting members of ADHD🙂, Can you please make a video suggesting books for reference to cope up with ADHD condition.🙂
Huge Thank you 💖 I really needed a video like this in my life right now :)
I recently discovered your videos and now I actually play them in the background to help me get things done, especially when the meds wear off