Querida is sitting indoors in front of a staircase and white wall with a calendar hanging on the right. She is wearing a purple patterned top and signing her story.
Hi, my name is Querida “QT” for short. I’m from Portland, Oregon. My sobriety date is 01/15/2009. I was born into a world full of drugs and alcohol. Everyone in my family used drugs and drank alcohol. I started drinking really early - when I was 8-year-old. I smoked when I was 11, and used hard drugs when I was 12. I had dropped out of high school by the time I was 16. I went to bars when I was 16, 17, 18 years old. I tried to stop using drugs…but drugs wasn’t just recreational. (Shakes head) No. Drugs... They completely take over people’s lives. They take over who you are as a person, your life, your family, they damage your family, they destroy everything in their path. They destroy your jobs, your career. It’s a demon, truly. It’s not funny and definitely not something to mess around with at all. Alcohol is also a drug... to us. Some people are allergic to alcohol because our bodies doesn’t break down alcohol regularly like other people’s bodies does. Our bodies develop intense cravings for alcohol and our mind will keep telling us, “You need it. You need it.” It’s really hard for us to stop. I tried to stop using drugs when I was 16 or 17, but I didn’t realize that alcohol was also a drug. I switched to drinking and I drank very heavily. I went to bars almost every night. I failed college courses because I chose to go to parties instead of studying. I overslept and missed exams. I’ve had enough, I was so tired of that lifestyle. It might look fun on the outside, but it wasn’t. I was miserable. That life was black and white, so gloomy and dimmed, I was not happy at all. Every time I drank, my anger intensified. I reached a point where I became so sick and tired of it and I was done. I wanted help. When I was 19, I found a Deaf inpatient treatment program in Vancouver, Washington, and requested admission. I had a full-time job and was a full-time student, but I had to put them both on hold because I was miserably unhappy. AND I had tried to stop using drugs, but the mental obsession and the craving was so bad, the addiction was so strong that I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed to be in lockdown, so I asked for help and was admitted as an inpatient. That was by far the best choice I ever made, to be honest. The best choice ever because from there, I was able to rebuild my life from the ground and up. I was finally fixed right and my mind was fixed right. For instance, I used to think that I was men’s property, but I am not. Women deserve love and respect, right? Sometimes with bad childhood and experiences your thinking process gets all messed up. The counselors at the treatment program were wonderful and did an amazing job. After two months of treatment, they told me that it was time for me to go, but I was really scared and didn’t want to leave the treatment program. They reassured me that I was ready and encouraged me to go. When I left treatment, I was so scared about what I was going to do (laughing)…I remember grabbing onto my friends in recovery “What do I do? What do I do?” I would text them to ask them what they were doing and if they were going to a meeting, I would go with them. I went to meetings every day. That was the safest place for me after treatment. It really was the safest place. One year went by, two years, then three years. Life got SO much better and more colorful - you know, you could see beauty in anything. You know, in AA - I go to AA meetings. I do go to NA and different Anonymous meetings but I like the AA program the best, it fits me better. I tried the 12 Step program and did every suggestion they made. I just did it - and it has been worth it... totally worth it! I met the love of my life, my kids’ father. I had two kids with him. AA gave us so much hope. It gave us tools. It gave us everything we needed. I didn’t have much discipline nor education growing up, you know... I got straight A’s in school, yes, but I didn’t know how to live life in general, you know. And I grew up in AA - they raised me and taught me so much. The 12 Steps made me the changed person I am today. The 12 Steps show you the truth, they show you reality, and you get to choose between continuing with the same old way that you’ve been doing all this time, or you could make changes and try something new, and in the process, transform yourself into a better person. I chose the latter, and I’m forever grateful. I went through a lot of trauma when I was using drugs, then when I stopped - drugs and alcohol, they both are like temporary band aids for your wounds, grief, pain, and suffering. Those drugs are like band aids, but they only work for a short time. When they stop working, you need more, until those stop working, and then you get into a cycle of needing more, increasing the dose and needing more. When you stop using drugs, you have absolutely nothing to help you cope with your wounds and you are overwhelmed and lost. That’s where treatment programs comes in, to help you learn how to handle that. There is a huge difference from the day I walked into treatment and this day. AA gave us all the tools we need to know how to handle things, how to handle life, to face life on life’s terms. We can’t control life. We have to keep going, no matter what. Life will go on the way it will and we have to learn how to accept things as they are and just go on with life. For example, two years ago, my kids’ father passed away. He overdosed and died. And I was the one who found his body. That was such a traumatic thing to deal with. I went back to that miserable place where it felt like life was black and white again. I thought I would never laugh or smile or be happy again - it was very gloomy and sad - but, I did. I’m here today and I’m able to laugh and smile and be happy again. And THAT... AA gave me that. It’s all because of everything that AA gave me. If it were not for AA, I don’t know where I would be. I have two beautiful kids who have already lost their father. They cannot lose their mother. How do I make sure I stay clean and sober? I keep going to meetings and help other people who are dealing with alcoholism and addiction. We help each other out because we are the only people who can understand what it’s like. When they come in on their first day, whether sober or still high, this helps me remember what it was like being in that same position back then - and I don’t want to go back there again. It helps remind us where we came from and why we are still here today (nodding). It’s important to help other people and be in a position of service. Each and every one of the 12 steps are very important and keep doing them again and again. You don’t just go through them once. I’ve been sober for 10 years and I’ve probably done the 12 steps six times…1-12, over and over. It’s worth it because every time there’s always something new and you notice something different. You can improve things and you can change into an even better person every time you go through them. It’s beautiful. That’s definitely the best choice I ever made - getting clean and sober. Life is so beautiful on this side. Thank you for listening. Good bye!
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Querida is sitting indoors in front of a staircase and white wall with a calendar hanging on the right. She is wearing a purple patterned top and signing her story.
Hi, my name is Querida “QT” for short. I’m from Portland, Oregon. My sobriety date is 01/15/2009. I was born into a world full of drugs and alcohol. Everyone in my family used drugs and drank alcohol. I started drinking really early - when I was 8-year-old. I smoked when I was 11, and used hard drugs when I was 12. I had dropped out of high school by the time I was 16. I went to bars when I was 16, 17, 18 years old.
I tried to stop using drugs…but drugs wasn’t just recreational. (Shakes head) No. Drugs... They completely take over people’s lives. They take over who you are as a person, your life, your family, they damage your family, they destroy everything in their path. They destroy your jobs, your career. It’s a demon, truly. It’s not funny and definitely not something to mess around with at all. Alcohol is also a drug... to us. Some people are allergic to alcohol because our bodies doesn’t break down alcohol regularly like other people’s bodies does. Our bodies develop intense cravings for alcohol and our mind will keep telling us, “You need it. You need it.” It’s really hard for us to stop.
I tried to stop using drugs when I was 16 or 17, but I didn’t realize that alcohol was also a drug. I switched to drinking and I drank very heavily. I went to bars almost every night. I failed college courses because I chose to go to parties instead of studying. I overslept and missed exams. I’ve had enough, I was so tired of that lifestyle. It might look fun on the outside, but it wasn’t. I was miserable. That life was black and white, so gloomy and dimmed, I was not happy at all. Every time I drank, my anger intensified. I reached a point where I became so sick and tired of it and I was done. I wanted help.
When I was 19, I found a Deaf inpatient treatment program in Vancouver, Washington, and requested admission. I had a full-time job and was a full-time student, but I had to put them both on hold because I was miserably unhappy. AND I had tried to stop using drugs, but the mental obsession and the craving was so bad, the addiction was so strong that I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed to be in lockdown, so I asked for help and was admitted as an inpatient. That was by far the best choice I ever made, to be honest. The best choice ever because from there, I was able to rebuild my life from the ground and up.
I was finally fixed right and my mind was fixed right. For instance, I used to think that I was men’s property, but I am not. Women deserve love and respect, right? Sometimes with bad childhood and experiences your thinking process gets all messed up. The counselors at the treatment program were wonderful and did an amazing job. After two months of treatment, they told me that it was time for me to go, but I was really scared and didn’t want to leave the treatment program. They reassured me that I was ready and encouraged me to go.
When I left treatment, I was so scared about what I was going to do (laughing)…I remember grabbing onto my friends in recovery “What do I do? What do I do?” I would text them to ask them what they were doing and if they were going to a meeting, I would go with them. I went to meetings every day. That was the safest place for me after treatment. It really was the safest place.
One year went by, two years, then three years. Life got SO much better and more colorful - you know, you could see beauty in anything. You know, in AA - I go to AA meetings. I do go to NA and different Anonymous meetings but I like the AA program the best, it fits me better. I tried the 12 Step program and did every suggestion they made. I just did it - and it has been worth it... totally worth it!
I met the love of my life, my kids’ father. I had two kids with him. AA gave us so much hope. It gave us tools. It gave us everything we needed. I didn’t have much discipline nor education growing up, you know... I got straight A’s in school, yes, but I didn’t know how to live life in general, you know. And I grew up in AA - they raised me and taught me so much.
The 12 Steps made me the changed person I am today. The 12 Steps show you the truth, they show you reality, and you get to choose between continuing with the same old way that you’ve been doing all this time, or you could make changes and try something new, and in the process, transform yourself into a better person. I chose the latter, and I’m forever grateful.
I went through a lot of trauma when I was using drugs, then when I stopped - drugs and alcohol, they both are like temporary band aids for your wounds, grief, pain, and suffering. Those drugs are like band aids, but they only work for a short time. When they stop working, you need more, until those stop working, and then you get into a cycle of needing more, increasing the dose and needing more. When you stop using drugs, you have absolutely nothing to help you cope with your wounds and you are overwhelmed and lost. That’s where treatment programs comes in, to help you learn how to handle that.
There is a huge difference from the day I walked into treatment and this day. AA gave us all the tools we need to know how to handle things, how to handle life, to face life on life’s terms. We can’t control life. We have to keep going, no matter what. Life will go on the way it will and we have to learn how to accept things as they are and just go on with life. For example, two years ago, my kids’ father passed away. He overdosed and died. And I was the one who found his body.
That was such a traumatic thing to deal with. I went back to that miserable place where it felt like life was black and white again. I thought I would never laugh or smile or be happy again - it was very gloomy and sad - but, I did. I’m here today and I’m able to laugh and smile and be happy again. And THAT... AA gave me that. It’s all because of everything that AA gave me. If it were not for AA, I don’t know where I would be. I have two beautiful kids who have already lost their father. They cannot lose their mother.
How do I make sure I stay clean and sober? I keep going to meetings and help other people who are dealing with alcoholism and addiction. We help each other out because we are the only people who can understand what it’s like. When they come in on their first day, whether sober or still high, this helps me remember what it was like being in that same position back then - and I don’t want to go back there again. It helps remind us where we came from and why we are still here today (nodding).
It’s important to help other people and be in a position of service. Each and every one of the 12 steps are very important and keep doing them again and again. You don’t just go through them once. I’ve been sober for 10 years and I’ve probably done the 12 steps six times…1-12, over and over. It’s worth it because every time there’s always something new and you notice something different. You can improve things and you can change into an even better person every time you go through them. It’s beautiful. That’s definitely the best choice I ever made - getting clean and sober. Life is so beautiful on this side. Thank you for listening. Good bye!