Oh my God, yes. You just WANT to give him the benefit of the doubt, as both the character and the Bo Burnham we “know”, and the movie slaps you in the face with it - as it should!
All of the men in the movie are played by guys who are beloved by the public and thus far has taken only roles of lovable characters. It was a conscious decision of the director to play with our sense of safety and trust.
Thought you'd be interested to hear the UK has their own 'promising young woman' case of Ellie Wilson. An incredibly strong young woman who was a uni of Glasgow athlete when she was raped by her boyfriend at the time. After she took it upon herself to gather evidence (including an audio recording of him admitting to rape) and took it to the police he was allowed to re enroll at another prestigious university. He's been found guilty and given 5 years but she has to live with it forever.
@syd4sh0rt I'm absolutely floored by her determination and sense of justice. She now works campaigning and is a spokesperson to young women. She's a stronger person than me as she gave up her anonymity to engage with the media and as a result has been spammed with pornography and claims thatthese videos are of her assault. It's awful she's had to become her own protector and advocate.
I will never understand why the punishment for things like rape is so small. Murder has a life sentence. Assault is something people have to live with for the rest of their lives even if they heal. But the perpetrator who has traumatized someone else in such a terrible way only gets a sentence that's one year more than a bachelor's degree??? Are the lawmakers being mostly men affecting the way it's treated? I mean, much has been said about how men view sex as far less important than women. So do they just not see rape is _that_ bad??😢
I think the fact she’s called Cassandra is interesting too, as in Greek myth Cassandra was a woman cursed to tell the truth but never believed. Her name symbolises the system she’s trying to fight against, where women come forward and aren’t believed. Also I noticed that from when Cassie meets Ryan until she finds out about what he did, she wears exclusively pink and he wears blue, as if they’re playing at a perfect gender role relationship, which seems to signal it’s some kind of facade. She wears blue when she confronts him, and he’s in white (the color worn most by people actually complicit, like the white wedding, Madison, the lawyer).
Men forgive themselves for things they consider "mistakes", but for us is a life long event than changes everything. I wish i could writte all the things that your video made me think, but english is not my first languaje and i suck at writing. This was really funny and a great analysis!
THANK YOU!! i'm so glad you enjoyed it and you're so right! a moment of reckless behavior for them represents a bigger issue in the world at large. thank you for sharing
People make it easier to separate men’s actions with their character while they commit terrible crimes against everyone through their brother hood, father hood or husband thus in those areas he is good. It is also seen in movies but the story is very different for women. Cause she can’t be a mother and a political leader that kills people. Neither are acceptable but why is it specifically different or one sex?!
Yeah, I get the sense that the punishment for things like assault is so lax because some men are too empathetic to the perpetrators. It's like on some level they think they're capable of the same thing, so they take pity on them. Meanwhile the actual victims are left to deal with the traumatic events.
I had the same thought when the lawyer broke down begging for Cassie's forgiveness. It ate at him so badly his life is genuinely in shambles, which puts into contrast what Al or Ryan looks like, who are guilty ONLY when their nerves are struck, who expressed/said how guilty they are but _as you said_ forgive themselves so they can move on with their life. Totally forgot the r*pist name is Al, not Adam
One small comment... your English is much better than some native speakers and your writing absolutely does NOT suck. LOL I have faith in you and your abilities.
WHEN YOU MENTIONED HER CLOTHES BEING GIRLY AND CHILDISH WHEN RYAN THE PEDIATRICIAN NOTICED HER, I GASPED, I KID YOU NOT!!! I NEVER MADE THE CONNECTION OH MY GOD?! SO CLEVER OMG!
I know I always realised her clothes tended to be childlike or at least youthful in a way where she’s hanging on to her childhood which makes sense with the trauma she’s been going through, but never put that with the fact Ryan works with kids like ew yeah what she’s wearing when he first runs into her gives a gross connotation
the scene was also so impactful because you begin to come to terms with the idea that Cassie abandoning her revenge tactics and moving forward with a "nice guy" is the appropriate closure for her ,, but his involvement with the assault immediately pushes you on to her side 100% because it justifies her motive: that the essence of ppl never changes if they do not accept responsibility.
I also noticed at 17:40 when he finally lets his facade slip Cassie notices a drawing on his wall of a little blonde girl with braids in her hair wearing pink, holding his hand while he’s taller and wearing blue. Which resembled their relationship, and was something he prized, had on his wall, and looked at every day. Whether that paints him in a predatory light or in a light that he puts himself on a pedestal and considers himself a savior. Both or either could be true 🤷🏽♀️
There's an old case I just heard about where a woman was being stalked and harrassed by someone but every time the police came over they found no evidence and so they started saying she was doind it all herself.shw moved to a new city, changed her name- but he found her and when she called the police they didn't believe her because of the police from her old town. Her ex just happened to be a cop…. Yeah the woman died, tied up in a field and the police STILL said that she did it to herself.
@@RED-my9hl I don't remember unfortunately - and I was foingbsck through my history to see if I could find it but I think it was in a big compilation of cases video I was watching
Even tho I do believe someone had murdered her. I feel like the fact that she had a history of not being able to prove certain ppl in her life existed n she had admitted to knowing who her alleged stalker was but didn’t wanna reveal his identity gave reason to believe that she may or may not have been making it all up. Given those reasons along w the fact that she also may have had some type of bpd made her the perfect victim sadly
Ryan's complicity made me feel so much revulsion when I first watched that I had to pause at the reveal and just pace around my room. I truly believe that if Ryan was at the bachelor party at the end of the film - if he walked into the room after what Al did - then he would have gone along with the plan to hide the evidence. He would have "gone along" as far as it took him because it would have been easier than confrontation and easier than going the route that could change the comfort of blind acceptance.
I remember feeling something was off during a scene with Ryan early on, where he was persuading Cassie to go out with him. I think he was trying to assure her that she'd be in control and they'll go at her pace, using a word like "boundaries". The way he said it seemed kind of unnatural compared to the rest of his dialogue, like he learned it and then used it as a keyword. I guess this is one of the things that hint at him being a type of "nice guy" who spouts feminist talking points to get girls to like and trust him
wow you made such amazing points in this!!! that point about men choosing to remain friends and tolerate abusers is so extremely true, along with thinking theyre absolved of guilt either because they didn't do the act or because they "matured" as a person. this vid was so well done ty for making it!!
On the flip side is the avalanche of men who support their children alienating cheating moms, cutting off cheating sisters and daughters (family) and in cahoots with exes that feel their female relatives hurt to exact abuse and revenge on said female relatives. It's as if women mUsT bE hElD aCcOuNtAbLe but men are in a mental health crisis and really need support.
Tbf, women too associate themselves with women who are shitty people (not mild shitty), so this behaviour is sort of gender neutral. We also do this partly due to networking, not wanting drama all the time or not burning bridges through the association. But what kind of association is what matters I think. Yes I know this person is shitty but ive known them for years or they are someone I know through someone so it's awkward not to say hello when I bump into them vs I'm celebrating their birthday or being their best man/maid of honor at their wedding.
@@akshayde @akshayde Sure, almost everything one gender does will exist in another gender. But this is specifically an instance talking about a man who continues to give time to other people who have done horrible actions on a regular basis, not just someone they bump into every once in a while. There's a stark difference between drama and choosing not to associate with someone who has done something morally wrong
@@bot4u oh i agree.. I commented on my reply that I didn't read the comment I was replying to properly. I think i missed where it said 'abusive'. There is a difference between being shitty and being abusive..or atleast abusive in the kind of context we are talking about.
There was something about the Cody Ko allegations that even as time has passed, I can’t stop thinking about the situation. I think this video addresses the things that I haven’t been able to articulate. How being friends or in a relationship with a man is a liability. I think about Cody’s wife a lot.
Years ago, I met Cody Ko at work IRL when he was an engineer/social media star. I didn’t get a good vibe. The best way I could put it was that he had a good veneer, but there was something dead behind the eyes. I remember distinctly how everyone in the room lauded and put him on a pedestal given his rise in public popularity/social cache. People at the company spoke of him like he had a lore about him, yet I ran quietly from him anytime it was just him and myself like in a break room or elevator. I felt relieved when he exited the company so I wouldn’t be forced to feel this strange circle of adoration around him that I wasn’t overtly participating within. This was also when Tana M. was at the pinnacle of her own influence online, pre TanaCon. I never put the two together, but all the fallout makes sense to me now. It goes along with this duality of good smart guy veneer/bad guy behind the scenes. A woman needs to be supported in leaning into her gut feelings, and not shame naive younger women who trust older guys who appear nice at first.
Can't imagine how unsettling that was to go through, especially when you were in close proximity to him before he got exposed. You're so right about women and our gut feelings, because that's a survival instinct! Especially in a society that clearly leaves women vulnerable and exposed to danger.
This whioe film is about hindsight. You're right, all the signs are there and watching it a second time, i felt almost guilty for not noticing them. I'm sure thats deliberate
The bar is in hell. So often you find people who feels so genuinely good, people you admire and have such a good time with. I'm talking the kinds of people that make you smile and think "They're cool/chill as fuck and I feel an authentic connection with you as a person" Only for them to code-switch into the most heinous bs the second you catch them around a particular group of asshole friends of theirs. And it'll be so fucking alarming when you see it, because it makes seemingly no sense to you at the time that they would even act that way let alone cherish people who you know to be absolutely fucking horrid. The whiplash of trying to reconcile these parts of someone you enjoyed and realizing "Wait I think you might be awful". It almost feels like experiencing a form of betrayal and loss all at once. Not to mention the deep seated unconscious denial you get when they themselves don't seemingly exhibit the horrid behavior, but they enjoy people who do. They say all the right things, but they'll downplay how bad those horrid people are. "Ah those guys are just crazy. They're rowdy, but..." Yknow? That shit is hard to clock and deal with in real life until you really see it, but it's even harder to reconcile online with people like creators who you will never really know anything about no matter how much info is shared. This is an issue I run into scarily frequently. Oddly enough this exact situation occured literally with the second best friend I had ever made in my life. After the first moved away (Deja I remember you fondly even if my memories from that time have faded), I ended up being bestest buds with a little boy in my kindergarten class. We were inseparable and he was always a genuine delight to everyone (peers amd staff), then an older boy transfered from out of state and it all went to shit from there. Imagine the concerningly toxic bad behavior that people like to write off in young boys and that was the two of them. Immediately when faced with the option of a fellow boy he changed his entire tune, it was so sad.
It is kinda scary to trust men. But it's tiring and probably not healthy to go around fearing men. Some men can walk around seeming normal and kind because they don't think they have wrong opinions, or if they're seemingly nice people, then (usually misogynistic, bigoted) stances are things that they are the least willing to reevaluate or shake on, probably because they were raised with them and those views are still traditional and culturally backed worldwide. On the other hand, I do believe that there are a lot of men that start out genuine and caring, but all people crave to be accepted. And when they hang around other men, their views and opinions shift to match
oh man you paint the picture perfectly with your words, and capture the exact feeling. when you ALREADY have trust issues and spend the extra time and discernment to make sure someone is good and they pass. they’re sweet, thoughtful, respectful. then out of nowhere it switches, it could be because of another person or just with time.. rude, nasty, gross.. your stomach just fucking turns, the switch up is that disgusting. it’s impossible to not blame yourself because you were already looking out for it!! that was literally your whole job! it really makes the world feel scary when youre the only one who can protect yourself but it’s not good enough
Very good commentary! I subscribed right away. The flag that made me bug when watching the movie was the fact that he tried again after the first meeting despite her clear message of "I am not interested" aka spitting in his coffee. I think a good person would take the rejection and just move on so I was surprised but not shocked by the twist.
@@akshayde maybe you would, but I actually really wouldn't. I say what I mean and mean what I say, so when I say no I really mean no. So when a man takes a no and turns it into "try again later" I'm always creeped out by it. Spitting in his coffee is not a maybe, it's a no.
@@akshayde that s what makes it brillant. You find it charming because it's bo burnham, because you are used to the kind of romantic comedies he plays in, because our culture doesn't value women consent. IRL it is creepy. Genuine good guys takes no for an answer. That s a clear sign that he is not.
I love this video, I remember watching the movie for the first time and seeing some of the red flags you mention, particularly him being kinda rude when they met, the joke, and that he's friends with all the other guys, and I remember discarding them since I thought, "well he's nice", "well, she feels better now” and is like in real life we make so many excuses for harming behavior just because the bar is in effing underworld
See, Something About The Scene When It Shows Her Outfit While Meeting Ryan Felt Very… Lolita-esque To Me??? I Dunno For Sure What Specifically It Is, But It’s Hitting That Niche For Me.
The cinematography! The camera pans over her body which can seem like an ordinary establishing shot, but within the context of the implications of Ryan being attracted to her in this fit, it is reminiscent of the sexualizing gaze found in the cinematography of Lolita, same slow pans…
You cooked then proceeded to eat😌 all jokes aside you're commenting on something that will always continue to be relevant whether or not you think the movie has died down. Even some men in my life subconsciously think this way and don't realise until I have to bring it up and remind them how privileged they are to even have such thoughts and behave the way they behave. But I'm always shut down with "not all men" and "you know men get SA'd too right???" Nobody is disagreeing with that, but why is that always the rebuttal to end the conversation and not hear what needs to be said?
Loved it, I don't think we shoul ever stop talking about this movie. he's very acertive and easy to understand, without having ANY explicit rape scenes, wich is how that type of movie should be done. Thank you for your take, i watched it twice but i still didn't caught up to half the stuff you mentioned. Just a little unsolicited advice here; next time, try matching the clips volumes to your own. Just something that i pay attention for no reason lol. Anyways, that's a great video!
when Cassie and Ryan first meet, the book she's reading is called "Careful How You Go" and the "careful" is the most prominent feature of the cover. tiny detail but I thought it was an interesting easter egg, another detail/red flag about Ryan that you're unlikely to catch on the first watch
This is an awesome video, Promising Young Woman is one of those movies that really made me think about my behaviour as a man, and after watching it I decided to take more of a proactive approach towards which friendships I keep and what kind of people I want to support. I ended up cutting off my best friend since highschool because of his own behaviour and I’m really glad you were able to really question the complicities of men in general when it comed to power imbalances and SA. There’s a really interesting book I’m slowly working through now called Complicities: A theory for subjectivity in the psychological humanities by Natasha Distiller that you might find really interesting. It’s focused on the idea of the complicities of people who benefit from white supremacist systems of oppression, especially white liberals. Maybe there’s some kind of parallel that could be drawn across all power hierarchies in society. Cheers again for the really compelling and thoughtful watch. Your channel really deserves to blow up, and I’m excited to see what else you talk about.
my sister is in a relationship with a guy I’m friends with, but his childhood friend puts a pretty big strain on their relationship. Someone’s gotta go.
Girl yess, even the man I started dating made me think they were different persons with their friends and not in big bad ways but enough to be a complice of shit talk or normalice prostitution and I fear it comes with any man of past generations
I really should’ve left my ex right away when I experienced how his friend group acts and how he acts around them. It was truly disappointing that I stuck around for a couple months despite my initial frustration with their behaviors. 😒
Surprised you didn’t talk about the USE of red flags, like the flag in the background when Ryan leads Cassie to his apartment, or the one red lamp above Cassie’s head when she’s on the little get together with (that girl who’s name I forgot played by Alison Brie. I think maybe Madison.)
the disappointment women feel when a man inevitably reveals his inner predatory misogyny or his complacency toward other men’s unacceptable behavior is fucking devastating
I'm gonna be dead honest, I would've been more surprised if he WASN'T there. I didn't catch everything you did, but I will say that the fact that he was still friends/in contact with those guys even after what happened, whether he'd been there or not, was enough of a red flag for me.
Hello Syd!! I am so happy to have found your channel. I have been afraid to watch this film. But my therapist said I need to cry so maybe I will this weekend. Horror bestie and I are old crones and we don't watch movies with SA as we can't handle it. Every so often we watch Ms. 45 and enjoy revenge fantasies. I'm so thankful younger people are 1. Rejecting heteronormative patriarchal gender roles and 2. Confronting the horror of gender-based assaults. We can't move forward to peace together until we can have solidarity with men- and I can't do that until they stop harming us. I'm struggling to love men while also constantly being discouraged by their behavior as a group. It's like how do we call them brother and work towards a better future when they are f%%&ing r#%^ing kids, relations and family friends or just women/femmes they consider disposable. It feels overwhelming when it's society and our close folks being dangersome. ❤❤❤❤❤ your channel and I look forward to more!!!
@@screaminmeani HI!! i'm so glad you enjoyed the video! i totally understand being hesitant about watching it, so many movies make light of the horrors we face. it's frustrating, but i think emerald did a great job of finding nuance as she approached this subject. i'm also glad to see more young women speak up when it comes to injustice!! thank you so much for sharing this message, it means a lot!!
@@screaminmeani i also recommend that if you do watch the movie, you follow it up by watching interviews from the director and lead actress!! they have such interesting insight!! take care of yourself
14:20 that "coming back to his apt." scene was a HUGE red flag to. me like I saw him being a bad guy too from a MILEEE away!!! im so happy you're like corroborating me .. also #DEPORTCODYKO
Such a great analysis! I feel like men tend to defend each other's actions because they have done or thought something similar and they do not want to be seen as being "just as bad as them" or the same as them. It's a reflection of themselves and they do not want to expose that.
Thank you so much for this video. It's the first time I've watched a video of yours and I loved it. As one of sadly many victims of SA, I want to say: you nailed it. Especially when you asked why would anyone want to keep in contact with people who behave like this. Who a person's friends are tell a lot about them. I know I have learned that leason. Anyway, good job. I'm definitely suscribing, love ❤
@@filmflashforwards thank you for this comment and for subscribing!! i hate that you've had to experience that pain, i hope you're healing beautifully!
A thoughtful and articulate video. I've only watched this movie once and I didn't notice the red flags. Maybe I should watch it again. Also, when the Cody Ko situation unfolded, my mind immediately went to this movie. I was like "this is literally Promising Young Woman all over again".
I just got out of a relationship like this. At the beginning, he seemed so sweet, and others around me told me he was a “nice guy”; quite literally those words. Now that I’m out of that relationship I can see so clearly how he was a wolf in sheeps clothing. It makes me so sick to know I said I love you to someone who has said and done horrible things to other women and myself.
sydd i havent even watching promising young woman but your analysis was so entertaining n well thought out! especially within linking it to cody kos complicity! love the format of cross referencing with media n real events, in neeeed more of ur vids plsss
I think the only thing this video is missing is a wider retrospect on this being human thing not just a male thing even though it’s highlighted in men due to the patriarchy. We defend our actions (or in ryan’s case lack their of) as a way to live with them, but we are given the chance to makeup for them. Often people’s ego is in the way of their betterment of self and coming clean. When you are in a place of profound privilege you often are given a chance to change but are never forced to do so. Ryans will meet another girl, a girl who blind to him and his mistakes, and never have to face the consequences of being complicit in the assault. that’s how the world turns.
promising young woman is my favorite movie of all time and u made such amazing points in this!! this whole plot line of the movie so often gets skipped and it makes me so frustrated bc its such an important and CRUCIAL part of the movie and how the viewer will percieve its end. thank you for this video!!
Super thoughtful and interesting, thanks for making this video! Definitely makes me think, it does feel almost impossible to find a decent guy who's not even a tiny bit complicit. I had a male friend at work once that I really liked, he was super nice and caring and just gave off great vibes. One time he made a comment about 'jokes' people would make in a group chat he was in that would prompt people to respond 'your honour this is a joke and not based on real events' (after an awful group rape case in Northern Ireland that involved huge amounts of group chat texts to be publicised - the four men were found innocent). I called my friend out then and there on what kind of jokes his friends would be making that would prompt such a response and he just backtracked and waved it off, but I never forgot it. He was in a ten plus year relationship and two years later at a party that his partner wasn't at, he was dancing extremely flirtily with a young woman, at least ten years younger than him, who had recently started at the office. I don't think he was a criminally bad guy or anything (although who knows) but I definitely now think he was probably complicit in ways and for sure didn't entirely respect women, or his relationship. Have we just resigned ourselves to some level of complictness in men at this point?
Absolutely agree on your observations and sadly know too much about this from personal experience i.e. so his friend did horrible sh*t but he's still friends with the guy then turns out the guy is also capable of that stuff and thinks that same sh*t is ok the whole "benefit of the doubt" or "well he's not THAT guy" really is dangerous. The friend someone keeps is also a place to look for red flags who we choose as our friends says a lot no matter if they act nice or seem sweet if their friends are terrible people you got to wonder.
hope i'm not overstepping boundaries (especially considering the video topic) but you have a really cute look and that immediately stood out to me so i wanted to leave that compliment. you also come across so charismatically on camera, your voice is amazing. thank you for talking about these important topics in such an approachable way! wish you all the best
The biggest red flag for me was trying to lure her back to his apartment on their first date, while making it seem coincidental in that oh so cringy way.
There was an awful case in norther ireland where the judge and court made the case so messy they used the thong she wore on the night as evidence and passed it around as some kind of "gotcha" that she couldn't have been raped of she was wearing a thong, therfore she "wanted" it. Trust no man. Strangers are dangerous and terrifying but the most likely person to assault you is a loved one. Stay safe out there and make sure you have a support network and safety net ❤
I'm only just past the intro so far, but I wanted to say that I'm really glad you decided to discuss this topic despite your doubts. For us women, it's a topic that's always lingering in our minds in one way or another, even after the headlines have moved on. So I think it's really important that we keep talking about it, not just for the sake of awareness but to make it less taboo, help survivors feel more comfortable sharing, bring perpetrators to justice & support each other
I saw Ryan's intentions from 10 miles away. Edit: I just thought about how the song that plays when Ryan enters the coffee shop is "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" by Cigarettes After Sex. It is such a cutesy song, and it really is misleading and a clever placement in the scene.
I have never seen promising young woman before, only heard of it. However this video was so insightful and so well done the parallels you drew to real life was so shockingly similar. Really really great video!!
The algorithm has truly gifted today in recommending this video and your channel🙏💜 such a great commentary, it’s so important to understand the context behind a piece of media like Promising Young Woman. I love the movie so much and it’s more than just that, it showcased what many women experience in real life and exposes men for the complicit creatures MANY of them are. Tying it back to the Cody Ko situation - how he’s choosing to defend someone who filmed s*xu*l *ss*ult - gives one example and that was a higher-profile instance. Excellent commentary, following for more!💜
i'm new to you syd and im sure this video wasnt like youre manifesto or anything so maybe it will sound exaggerated, but i genuinely think this is one of the best video essays (or just, yk, videos) ive seen in a very long time. there were several things you said that actually hit me in my core. i wish i could force feed this clip to every man in my life.
AHHHHHH!! this is so nice 💗 THANK YOU?? ngl part of me is telling myself "you might've peaked here sister" BUT if this is the best thing i ever do on this channel it was so worth it to be able to have such an important conversation 🤧 more content is coming soon!! i can only hope that whatever i do gets at least one person looking at their world a little differently
Tw for sa ofc// Man this video was peakk, the connections were delivered so perfectly you were blowing my minddd!! and yeah even before knowing Ryan’s character, his hints do take you aback and you think to yourself … what was that. But the film seemingly brushes it off and so does Cassie, so you forgive and acclimate YOUR behavior and boundaries to allow the romanticization of Ryan to continue… at least that’s what I did. this movie had me sick to my stomach scrambling to recall everything I could about the few guys I am friends with and wondering what they might be hiding. Also because there was a study I saw that asked men in different states if a WHOLEE list abusive sex acts made them horny and if they would partake. there was always at least a few “yes”’s on Every. Single. One. Regardless of state of mind. I believe the list included seemingly innocuous things, such as inflicting pain during consensual sex, to truly vile heinous revolting acts such as bestiality, pedophilia, and r*pe. I can’t remember though if the variable studied was not-horny vs horny, or sober vs drunk……
AN AMAZING VIDEO!! Never seen or heard of you before but this was absolutely amazing and I love you. Especially that last bit “what else don’t we know about Cody Ko?” LIKE YOWZA! Very impressive writing, delivery, EVERYTHING. I am subscribing!!!
Thank you so much for this video, especially for your insight about why a guy would say or do something “romantic” immediately before doing something heinous (around 11:06).
Almost every woman has been as'saulted by a man AND YET..... Very few people seem to know any men who commit these as'saults. Kinda sus, huh 🤔 For far too many, complicity is the comfortable route - people don't like admitting ugly truths that inconvenience them (i.e., having to call out and change who they associate with). It's foul.
It's generally because women are attracted to evil men and continually associate with them despite obvious red flags. Most men don't know anyone who's assaulted someone else. You are who you choose to associate with.
New sub. Thank you for reminding me how excellent that movie is. My first time watching it made me wish I was back in a media analysis class where I could write a whole dang essay on it 😭
hi amazing video, I just wanted to share that the radio rebel clip is perfect in the beginning. I used to teach teenagers and when I would ask them to think about things I would CONSTANTLY reference this,,,none of them knew what I was talking about.
i just watched this movie for the first time at 2 am and i immediately went searching for a good essay about it. this video hit on the exact things i couldnt stop thinking about.
oh my god immediately subscribed. Loved this analysis even though it was revolting to think about. I don't think it was a reach that you were saying the first guy on the bed was doing things that, in his head, were unselfish while literally committing sexual assault on what to all he knew was an unconscious girl. Which is the worst part. They can do enough mental gymnastics to feel heroic. To feel "chemistry" with a girl that can't stay upright. Makes me want to actually throw up.
i'm so glad this video was recommended to me - your content is my exact niche, especially this video! not only am i a huge fan of promising young woman, but i was also a pretty big fan of cody ko up until everything came out about him. it's embarrassing to admit, but i was kind of devastated. eventually tho, i was just disgusted by the awful situation with tana as well as his continued friendship with colby. i vaguely remember hearing rumors years ago that cody and tana dated at some point, but i could never find anything to confirm the validity of those claims. however, i was completely unaware of his friend, colby. and when i watched videos and read articles about what he had done, it immediately reminded me of what happened to nina in promising young woman. after a while, i had to stop thinking about it bc i was just infuriated and feeling very cynical about the world. i'm so glad you decided to release this video even though people have stopped covering the topic as much. you did a wonderful breakdown of the movie and the comparison between both topics was so well executed. not to mention, i love ur sense of humor and editing, it's right up my alley. i don't usually comment on videos and this has been such a long one lol, but i just wanted to let you know what an amazing job you did. can't wait to watch more of ur vids!
Really great analysis!! This is one of my favorite movies of the last five years. When you lay out the details about Ryan still being in contact with the guys from college, how Cassie was dressed when he first hit on her, how he just kind of led her to his apartment at the end of their date... Yes! Obviously these are supposed to be clues that he's not as good as he thinks he is. I have loved watching this movie in mixed company because the women almost always say "I knew it!" at the Ryan reveal and the men are always defensive and confused.
amazing video & analysis! so much foreshadowing no one is talking about with ryan. when he calls cassie a fucking failure at the end he uses the exact same tone he used when he asks her on a date calling her a miserable asshole. guys always leave you like they found you. keep up the great content 🩷💅🏽💁🏽♀️
I'm not a drinker. (Probably has something to do with having my life getting turned upside down by a drunk driver when I was just a baby.) So, whenever I attended a party and was handed a cup, I'd let people see me take a couple of sips, and as soon as nobody was watching, I dumped it down the sink and just acted drunk. There are too many times things have gotten outta hand and I don't wanna be out of it when it hits the fan! I told my daughter about this, and I've learned that she took it to heart! She refuses to drink at parties and keeps her wits about her, so that she isn't caught off guard and taken advantage of by anyone. I never expected that! My story was mainly about how everyone thought that I was drunk, so they thought that I was trippin' for no reason when I caught my 12-year-old sister with a cigarette! They were all, "You're drunk! Leave her alone!" and I was yelling, "I poured it down the sink! My little sister is not smoking cigarettes while I'm around! What is wrong with you guys?!"
Finally some good fucking media analysis. This movie is one of those that just sticks to me and rattles around in my brain. There's something about it that even years later I just cannot shake. It does such a masterful job of revealing the ills of rape culture and the patriarchy in ways that aren't always immediately obvious in real life. When this movie first came out a lot of the reactions I saw to it in left-leaning/feminist circles were pretty negative because I think people really wanted it to be a cut-and-dry revenge story where Cassie kills every rapist and "wins". But I think the movie we got is so much more impactful. The parallels you drew between the movie and the Cody Ko situation highlight how well this movie holds up a mirror to the audience, makes us see details in our own lives and experiences that we'd rather look away from. This movie is a difficult watch for me, but I really appreciated your take on it and you pointed out a lot of things that I never noticed in my two viewings. Looking forward to your next video!
Kinda surprised you didn’t mention that he goes back ask her out again after she gave him a fake number. It’s played as cute banter but if someone did that irl it’d be creepy! It’s weird and uncomfortable when guys ensure that you give them your real number. Girls give fake numbers for a reason! His awkward charm is very disarming though so it doesn’t seem weird when he does it
I agree with everything that you said, amazing video! Men do change. They do make horrific mistakes and redeem themselves. Cancelling people only makes matters worse because when someone is cancelled, ostracised from society, what motivation do they have to change? Redemption and forgiveness are so important
Great movie, and I love the connection that you made here. Its so obvious and honestly? Has given me so much more appreciation for the movie. Some moments in the movie felt a little "unreal" but now it's like oh. Okay. So that's how it is.
incredible video!! your point about expecting some amount of complicity from men really hit, it's always something in the back of my mind with my male friends. especially as a POC with white male friends 🙃
I could be rewriting history for myself here, but tbh I always thought Bo Burnham's character was creepy and I knew something would happen. But tbh I also just dislike Bo Burnham and feel like we're gonna be heavily disappointed by him someday soon.
i love ur edits lol i agree sooooo hard i've actually not been surprised when shit came out about him. i watched his newer videos for some months and i liked them but even those were sometimes sus when it came to weather he'd stand up for and take the perspective of a woman in situations, and trust me the older ones are worse for example the one where he visits corinna kopf and reads out all the sexist comments on her insta saying stuff like "well that ones just a fact, even i would've written that" and she says stuff like "but look there are x other pictures show them the other ones" and he goes "those are boring" and about leechman? he showed this video around to a couple of guys on campus ( "not everyone" ) - cody being quite tight with him back then... i mean guess who saw this video too probably right theres even an interview from 2021 or so, where he says himself that in college he's done some shit he isnt proud of today and that old friends had said to him back then that they dont recognize him.
Fantastic video!! Very good observations, I didn't even catch the girlish clothes connection- god. I absolutely hate people who go 'oh X is problematic? I always had a feeling' so I'll specify that when the news came out about Cody Ko, I was in fact surprised- I did not predict it at all. But, I wasn't exactly surprised. Idk If it's because I never watched Cody Ko when I was young, instead I checked out his Girl Defined video when I was an adult and I did not end up finishing it. The whole video was super misogynistic- Rachel Oates also noticed this and got backlash for pointing it out a few years ago, but the entire video is a lot of "This preachy woman just needs a good boning so she'll stop whining" but hidden behind vague wording. I absolutely understand why people trusted him, I myself have been disappointed by creators I loved, but I think it brings up another facet of this. When women *do* see the red flags, often times other women end up convincing her she's wrong. I know that I for sure have been one of those women going "what? You're just misunderstanding him" only to be proven violently wrong later. I don't think this is at all a gendered occurrence, men do it just as much (see: comment sections under alpha podcast grifters) but this video is specifically about spotting nice guys, so I think it's maybe necessary to not just work on our ability to spot red flags, but our willingness to see them at all. Idk! Just my two cents, first video I've seen of yours and looking forward to what comes next!
Holy bleep, so glad I clicked on this. I've watched Promising Young Women several times and I never caught on to the "pink" flags described. You're a revelation, easy subscribe. =]
Loved the video! Thinking about how (I really want to say most men, but really, it's always men) men are able to never fully own their mistakes and push their wrongdoings onto women, it makes me feel scared of getting close to another man. I'm a woman who has problems being comfortable in the company of men, and talking to them, so it really makes me wanna just not interact with men, because you truly never know them. Whether it's unfunny or "dark humour" jokes, downplaying women's experiences or how they behave (talk "too much", they cry "easily", they're "emotional" and not "logical" (although men being logical is not it; not taking into cosnideration the humane emotions when thinking about a problem is not logical, and that "logical" solution is not the best solution either because of that)), or almost (?) shielding their friends who are "good men" but they harrased women when drunk, or sober, or cat-called women. It's always men, and I feel like you never really know a man fully, which makes me feel depressed, not gonna lie.
i really enjoyed your video and this analysis!! this is the first video ive seen from ur channel and i subscribed :) but yeah i really appreciated everything you had to say and it really resonated with me. i think bringing "promising young woman" into this analysis was really smart and well done.
amazing thought process! I never connected the dots and the film was gut-wrenching, I never saw it again. I will try to watch it again and hopefully catch what you mentioned.
HI EVERYONE!! i'm really enjoying reading everyone's comments and insight!! just wanted to say thank you for watching
also casting bo burnham as ryan was genius. everyone knows him as the anxious, funny, sarcastic comedian. it made us trust his character immediately.
Oh my God, yes. You just WANT to give him the benefit of the doubt, as both the character and the Bo Burnham we “know”, and the movie slaps you in the face with it - as it should!
All of the men in the movie are played by guys who are beloved by the public and thus far has taken only roles of lovable characters. It was a conscious decision of the director to play with our sense of safety and trust.
@@berlineczkaexactly!
Unlike our fav lawyer Tyler Perry
Made me worried immediately I’ve know guys like that who stayed silent on horrible things that happened to girls I hung out with
Thought you'd be interested to hear the UK has their own 'promising young woman' case of Ellie Wilson. An incredibly strong young woman who was a uni of Glasgow athlete when she was raped by her boyfriend at the time. After she took it upon herself to gather evidence (including an audio recording of him admitting to rape) and took it to the police he was allowed to re enroll at another prestigious university. He's been found guilty and given 5 years but she has to live with it forever.
@@gmc5618 that's awful and beyond frustrating, i hate that women are expected to be their only advocates in situations like this
@syd4sh0rt I'm absolutely floored by her determination and sense of justice. She now works campaigning and is a spokesperson to young women. She's a stronger person than me as she gave up her anonymity to engage with the media and as a result has been spammed with pornography and claims thatthese videos are of her assault. It's awful she's had to become her own protector and advocate.
@@syd4sh0rtIt’s either that or mattress girl, very little in between. But remembering the other end of the spectrum hurts the narrative..
Just 5 years!!???
I will never understand why the punishment for things like rape is so small. Murder has a life sentence. Assault is something people have to live with for the rest of their lives even if they heal. But the perpetrator who has traumatized someone else in such a terrible way only gets a sentence that's one year more than a bachelor's degree???
Are the lawmakers being mostly men affecting the way it's treated? I mean, much has been said about how men view sex as far less important than women. So do they just not see rape is _that_ bad??😢
I think the fact she’s called Cassandra is interesting too, as in Greek myth Cassandra was a woman cursed to tell the truth but never believed. Her name symbolises the system she’s trying to fight against, where women come forward and aren’t believed. Also I noticed that from when Cassie meets Ryan until she finds out about what he did, she wears exclusively pink and he wears blue, as if they’re playing at a perfect gender role relationship, which seems to signal it’s some kind of facade. She wears blue when she confronts him, and he’s in white (the color worn most by people actually complicit, like the white wedding, Madison, the lawyer).
and he feigns innocence, white symbolizing purity
Fun fact! The film makers actually addressed the Cassandra thing in an interview and admitted it was intentional
@@IAmButASimpleFool that’s so cool, I didn’t know that
this is a briliant observation
Men forgive themselves for things they consider "mistakes", but for us is a life long event than changes everything.
I wish i could writte all the things that your video made me think, but english is not my first languaje and i suck at writing.
This was really funny and a great analysis!
THANK YOU!! i'm so glad you enjoyed it and you're so right! a moment of reckless behavior for them represents a bigger issue in the world at large. thank you for sharing
People make it easier to separate men’s actions with their character while they commit terrible crimes against everyone through their brother hood, father hood or husband thus in those areas he is good. It is also seen in movies but the story is very different for women. Cause she can’t be a mother and a political leader that kills people. Neither are acceptable but why is it specifically different or one sex?!
Yeah, I get the sense that the punishment for things like assault is so lax because some men are too empathetic to the perpetrators. It's like on some level they think they're capable of the same thing, so they take pity on them. Meanwhile the actual victims are left to deal with the traumatic events.
I had the same thought when the lawyer broke down begging for Cassie's forgiveness. It ate at him so badly his life is genuinely in shambles, which puts into contrast what Al or Ryan looks like, who are guilty ONLY when their nerves are struck, who expressed/said how guilty they are but _as you said_ forgive themselves so they can move on with their life.
Totally forgot the r*pist name is Al, not Adam
One small comment... your English is much better than some native speakers and your writing absolutely does NOT suck. LOL I have faith in you and your abilities.
WHEN YOU MENTIONED HER CLOTHES BEING GIRLY AND CHILDISH WHEN RYAN THE PEDIATRICIAN NOTICED HER, I GASPED, I KID YOU NOT!!! I NEVER MADE THE CONNECTION OH MY GOD?! SO CLEVER OMG!
The way I screamed "the blood of Jesus" after reading this comment. That's so true. It needs a rewatch
I know I always realised her clothes tended to be childlike or at least youthful in a way where she’s hanging on to her childhood which makes sense with the trauma she’s been going through, but never put that with the fact Ryan works with kids like ew yeah what she’s wearing when he first runs into her gives a gross connotation
Yes it's so bad the predatory gaze has been so normalized we don't see it.
@@yegraim crying 😭 this is the most Nigerian comment ever (im not Nigerian nor do i live in Africa but im african and i can tell)
@@crashh-course you're right. I'm Nigerian and live in Nigeria 😭
the scene was also so impactful because you begin to come to terms with the idea that Cassie abandoning her revenge tactics and moving forward with a "nice guy" is the appropriate closure for her ,, but his involvement with the assault immediately pushes you on to her side 100% because it justifies her motive: that the essence of ppl never changes if they do not accept responsibility.
I also noticed at 17:40 when he finally lets his facade slip Cassie notices a drawing on his wall of a little blonde girl with braids in her hair wearing pink, holding his hand while he’s taller and wearing blue.
Which resembled their relationship, and was something he prized, had on his wall, and looked at every day.
Whether that paints him in a predatory light or in a light that he puts himself on a pedestal and considers himself a savior. Both or either could be true 🤷🏽♀️
The thing that always stands out to me in that scene is, he never asks for forgiveness, he TELLS Cassie that she has to forgive him.
There's an old case I just heard about where a woman was being stalked and harrassed by someone but every time the police came over they found no evidence and so they started saying she was doind it all herself.shw moved to a new city, changed her name- but he found her and when she called the police they didn't believe her because of the police from her old town. Her ex just happened to be a cop…. Yeah the woman died, tied up in a field and the police STILL said that she did it to herself.
What's her name?
@@RED-my9hl I don't remember unfortunately - and I was foingbsck through my history to see if I could find it but I think it was in a big compilation of cases video I was watching
@@DeerGypsyDutch yes! Yes it was her- from BC. What a strange case hey?? Do you think she made it all up, or were the cops completely inept!
Even tho I do believe someone had murdered her. I feel like the fact that she had a history of not being able to prove certain ppl in her life existed n she had admitted to knowing who her alleged stalker was but didn’t wanna reveal his identity gave reason to believe that she may or may not have been making it all up. Given those reasons along w the fact that she also may have had some type of bpd made her the perfect victim sadly
Ryan's complicity made me feel so much revulsion when I first watched that I had to pause at the reveal and just pace around my room. I truly believe that if Ryan was at the bachelor party at the end of the film - if he walked into the room after what Al did - then he would have gone along with the plan to hide the evidence. He would have "gone along" as far as it took him because it would have been easier than confrontation and easier than going the route that could change the comfort of blind acceptance.
Always better to be lonely and smart rather than a second rate accomplice to horrible friends and their deplorable actions
I remember feeling something was off during a scene with Ryan early on, where he was persuading Cassie to go out with him. I think he was trying to assure her that she'd be in control and they'll go at her pace, using a word like "boundaries". The way he said it seemed kind of unnatural compared to the rest of his dialogue, like he learned it and then used it as a keyword. I guess this is one of the things that hint at him being a type of "nice guy" who spouts feminist talking points to get girls to like and trust him
wow you made such amazing points in this!!! that point about men choosing to remain friends and tolerate abusers is so extremely true, along with thinking theyre absolved of guilt either because they didn't do the act or because they "matured" as a person. this vid was so well done ty for making it!!
On the flip side is the avalanche of men who support their children alienating cheating moms, cutting off cheating sisters and daughters (family) and in cahoots with exes that feel their female relatives hurt to exact abuse and revenge on said female relatives.
It's as if women mUsT bE hElD aCcOuNtAbLe but men are in a mental health crisis and really need support.
Tbf, women too associate themselves with women who are shitty people (not mild shitty), so this behaviour is sort of gender neutral. We also do this partly due to networking, not wanting drama all the time or not burning bridges through the association. But what kind of association is what matters I think. Yes I know this person is shitty but ive known them for years or they are someone I know through someone so it's awkward not to say hello when I bump into them vs I'm celebrating their birthday or being their best man/maid of honor at their wedding.
@@akshayde @akshayde Sure, almost everything one gender does will exist in another gender. But this is specifically an instance talking about a man who continues to give time to other people who have done horrible actions on a regular basis, not just someone they bump into every once in a while. There's a stark difference between drama and choosing not to associate with someone who has done something morally wrong
@@chiyowee2721 yes of course. I think i didnt read your comment properly and skipped the word 'abusers'. That changes the context for sure.
@@bot4u oh i agree.. I commented on my reply that I didn't read the comment I was replying to properly. I think i missed where it said 'abusive'. There is a difference between being shitty and being abusive..or atleast abusive in the kind of context we are talking about.
There was something about the Cody Ko allegations that even as time has passed, I can’t stop thinking about the situation. I think this video addresses the things that I haven’t been able to articulate. How being friends or in a relationship with a man is a liability. I think about Cody’s wife a lot.
me too. ugh.
It is this exact reason it is so difficult to even be friends with men much less date them…Even the best guy I know has questionable friends
same
Years ago, I met Cody Ko at work IRL when he was an engineer/social media star. I didn’t get a good vibe. The best way I could put it was that he had a good veneer, but there was something dead behind the eyes. I remember distinctly how everyone in the room lauded and put him on a pedestal given his rise in public popularity/social cache. People at the company spoke of him like he had a lore about him, yet I ran quietly from him anytime it was just him and myself like in a break room or elevator. I felt relieved when he exited the company so I wouldn’t be forced to feel this strange circle of adoration around him that I wasn’t overtly participating within. This was also when Tana M. was at the pinnacle of her own influence online, pre TanaCon. I never put the two together, but all the fallout makes sense to me now. It goes along with this duality of good smart guy veneer/bad guy behind the scenes. A woman needs to be supported in leaning into her gut feelings, and not shame naive younger women who trust older guys who appear nice at first.
Can't imagine how unsettling that was to go through, especially when you were in close proximity to him before he got exposed. You're so right about women and our gut feelings, because that's a survival instinct! Especially in a society that clearly leaves women vulnerable and exposed to danger.
Yeah, no one who sided against Amber Heard is a good person.
This whioe film is about hindsight. You're right, all the signs are there and watching it a second time, i felt almost guilty for not noticing them. I'm sure thats deliberate
The bar is in hell. So often you find people who feels so genuinely good, people you admire and have such a good time with. I'm talking the kinds of people that make you smile and think "They're cool/chill as fuck and I feel an authentic connection with you as a person" Only for them to code-switch into the most heinous bs the second you catch them around a particular group of asshole friends of theirs. And it'll be so fucking alarming when you see it, because it makes seemingly no sense to you at the time that they would even act that way let alone cherish people who you know to be absolutely fucking horrid.
The whiplash of trying to reconcile these parts of someone you enjoyed and realizing "Wait I think you might be awful". It almost feels like experiencing a form of betrayal and loss all at once. Not to mention the deep seated unconscious denial you get when they themselves don't seemingly exhibit the horrid behavior, but they enjoy people who do. They say all the right things, but they'll downplay how bad those horrid people are. "Ah those guys are just crazy. They're rowdy, but..." Yknow?
That shit is hard to clock and deal with in real life until you really see it, but it's even harder to reconcile online with people like creators who you will never really know anything about no matter how much info is shared.
This is an issue I run into scarily frequently. Oddly enough this exact situation occured literally with the second best friend I had ever made in my life. After the first moved away (Deja I remember you fondly even if my memories from that time have faded), I ended up being bestest buds with a little boy in my kindergarten class. We were inseparable and he was always a genuine delight to everyone (peers amd staff), then an older boy transfered from out of state and it all went to shit from there. Imagine the concerningly toxic bad behavior that people like to write off in young boys and that was the two of them. Immediately when faced with the option of a fellow boy he changed his entire tune, it was so sad.
It is kinda scary to trust men. But it's tiring and probably not healthy to go around fearing men. Some men can walk around seeming normal and kind because they don't think they have wrong opinions, or if they're seemingly nice people, then (usually misogynistic, bigoted) stances are things that they are the least willing to reevaluate or shake on, probably because they were raised with them and those views are still traditional and culturally backed worldwide.
On the other hand, I do believe that there are a lot of men that start out genuine and caring, but all people crave to be accepted. And when they hang around other men, their views and opinions shift to match
Men ruin each other
oh man you paint the picture perfectly with your words, and capture the exact feeling. when you ALREADY have trust issues and spend the extra time and discernment to make sure someone is good and they pass. they’re sweet, thoughtful, respectful. then out of nowhere it switches, it could be because of another person or just with time.. rude, nasty, gross.. your stomach just fucking turns, the switch up is that disgusting. it’s impossible to not blame yourself because you were already looking out for it!! that was literally your whole job! it really makes the world feel scary when youre the only one who can protect yourself but it’s not good enough
Very good commentary! I subscribed right away.
The flag that made me bug when watching the movie was the fact that he tried again after the first meeting despite her clear message of "I am not interested" aka spitting in his coffee. I think a good person would take the rejection and just move on so I was surprised but not shocked by the twist.
@@josettelachaussette HEY! glad to hear it! that one also gave me the ick :/
Same! Her editing is killing me 😂
Umm that one is a bit reachy though. If Ryan wasn't revealed to be an accomplice and was a genuine good guy, you would find that interaction charming.
@@akshayde maybe you would, but I actually really wouldn't. I say what I mean and mean what I say, so when I say no I really mean no. So when a man takes a no and turns it into "try again later" I'm always creeped out by it. Spitting in his coffee is not a maybe, it's a no.
@@akshayde that s what makes it brillant. You find it charming because it's bo burnham, because you are used to the kind of romantic comedies he plays in, because our culture doesn't value women consent. IRL it is creepy. Genuine good guys takes no for an answer. That s a clear sign that he is not.
I love this video, I remember watching the movie for the first time and seeing some of the red flags you mention, particularly him being kinda rude when they met, the joke, and that he's friends with all the other guys, and I remember discarding them since I thought, "well he's nice", "well, she feels better now” and is like in real life we make so many excuses for harming behavior just because the bar is in effing underworld
See, Something About The Scene When It Shows Her Outfit While Meeting Ryan Felt Very… Lolita-esque To Me??? I Dunno For Sure What Specifically It Is, But It’s Hitting That Niche For Me.
Yes I thought the same.
The cinematography! The camera pans over her body which can seem like an ordinary establishing shot, but within the context of the implications of Ryan being attracted to her in this fit, it is reminiscent of the sexualizing gaze found in the cinematography of Lolita, same slow pans…
She ate, your honor.
This movie was a wake up call for victims to be aware of red flags. Thanks for making this video ❤️
You cooked then proceeded to eat😌 all jokes aside you're commenting on something that will always continue to be relevant whether or not you think the movie has died down. Even some men in my life subconsciously think this way and don't realise until I have to bring it up and remind them how privileged they are to even have such thoughts and behave the way they behave. But I'm always shut down with "not all men" and "you know men get SA'd too right???" Nobody is disagreeing with that, but why is that always the rebuttal to end the conversation and not hear what needs to be said?
@@bcray2548 EXACTTTLLYYYY!! i'm so glad you liked the video, thank you for sharing this!!
Loved it, I don't think we shoul ever stop talking about this movie. he's very acertive and easy to understand, without having ANY explicit rape scenes, wich is how that type of movie should be done. Thank you for your take, i watched it twice but i still didn't caught up to half the stuff you mentioned. Just a little unsolicited advice here; next time, try matching the clips volumes to your own. Just something that i pay attention for no reason lol. Anyways, that's a great video!
thank you!! i've been trying to get better at editing and that was one thing i kept forgetting as i went along!!
@@syd4sh0rt keep up the good work bby 🫶🏼
when Cassie and Ryan first meet, the book she's reading is called "Careful How You Go" and the "careful" is the most prominent feature of the cover. tiny detail but I thought it was an interesting easter egg, another detail/red flag about Ryan that you're unlikely to catch on the first watch
This is an awesome video, Promising Young Woman is one of those movies that really made me think about my behaviour as a man, and after watching it I decided to take more of a proactive approach towards which friendships I keep and what kind of people I want to support. I ended up cutting off my best friend since highschool because of his own behaviour and I’m really glad you were able to really question the complicities of men in general when it comed to power imbalances and SA. There’s a really interesting book I’m slowly working through now called Complicities: A theory for subjectivity in the psychological humanities by Natasha Distiller that you might find really interesting. It’s focused on the idea of the complicities of people who benefit from white supremacist systems of oppression, especially white liberals. Maybe there’s some kind of parallel that could be drawn across all power hierarchies in society. Cheers again for the really compelling and thoughtful watch. Your channel really deserves to blow up, and I’m excited to see what else you talk about.
It must not have been easy to cut off your best friend, but I'd like to thank you for being genuine and a literal example of 'not all men'
Thanks for the book rec too! It’s definitely gonna be on my research radar.
my sister is in a relationship with a guy I’m friends with, but his childhood friend puts a pretty big strain on their relationship. Someone’s gotta go.
man, i give you a lot of credit for making that kind of difficult decision! its not easy but it is admirable! good for you!
Oh. My. God. I have NEVERRR made the connection of Mulligan's character being dressed in a childish outfit and Ryan being a PEDIATRICIAN. HOLY SSHIIII
Girl yess, even the man I started dating made me think they were different persons with their friends and not in big bad ways but enough to be a complice of shit talk or normalice prostitution and I fear it comes with any man of past generations
I really should’ve left my ex right away when I experienced how his friend group acts and how he acts around them. It was truly disappointing that I stuck around for a couple months despite my initial frustration with their behaviors. 😒
Surprised you didn’t talk about the USE of red flags, like the flag in the background when Ryan leads Cassie to his apartment, or the one red lamp above Cassie’s head when she’s on the little get together with (that girl who’s name I forgot played by Alison Brie. I think maybe Madison.)
DUDE I WAS LITERALLY SAYING HOW SIMILAR THE SITUATION IS TO THE MOVIE. BRO.
the disappointment women feel when a man inevitably reveals his inner predatory misogyny or his complacency toward other men’s unacceptable behavior is fucking devastating
I'm gonna be dead honest, I would've been more surprised if he WASN'T there. I didn't catch everything you did, but I will say that the fact that he was still friends/in contact with those guys even after what happened, whether he'd been there or not, was enough of a red flag for me.
That wouldnt have been a red flag in my early 20s but it would definitely be one today!
SUCH a genius connection !! love a good dig into the particularities/niches of misogyny
Hello Syd!!
I am so happy to have found your channel. I have been afraid to watch this film. But my therapist said I need to cry so maybe I will this weekend. Horror bestie and I are old crones and we don't watch movies with SA as we can't handle it. Every so often we watch Ms. 45 and enjoy revenge fantasies.
I'm so thankful younger people are 1. Rejecting heteronormative patriarchal gender roles and 2. Confronting the horror of gender-based assaults. We can't move forward to peace together until we can have solidarity with men- and I can't do that until they stop harming us. I'm struggling to love men while also constantly being discouraged by their behavior as a group.
It's like how do we call them brother and work towards a better future when they are f%%&ing r#%^ing kids, relations and family friends or just women/femmes they consider disposable.
It feels overwhelming when it's society and our close folks being dangersome.
❤❤❤❤❤ your channel and I look forward to more!!!
@@screaminmeani HI!! i'm so glad you enjoyed the video! i totally understand being hesitant about watching it, so many movies make light of the horrors we face. it's frustrating, but i think emerald did a great job of finding nuance as she approached this subject. i'm also glad to see more young women speak up when it comes to injustice!! thank you so much for sharing this message, it means a lot!!
@@screaminmeani i also recommend that if you do watch the movie, you follow it up by watching interviews from the director and lead actress!! they have such interesting insight!! take care of yourself
14:20 that "coming back to his apt." scene was a HUGE red flag to. me like I saw him being a bad guy too from a MILEEE away!!! im so happy you're like corroborating me .. also #DEPORTCODYKO
Such a great analysis! I feel like men tend to defend each other's actions because they have done or thought something similar and they do not want to be seen as being "just as bad as them" or the same as them. It's a reflection of themselves and they do not want to expose that.
Thank you so much for this video. It's the first time I've watched a video of yours and I loved it. As one of sadly many victims of SA, I want to say: you nailed it. Especially when you asked why would anyone want to keep in contact with people who behave like this. Who a person's friends are tell a lot about them. I know I have learned that leason. Anyway, good job. I'm definitely suscribing, love ❤
@@filmflashforwards thank you for this comment and for subscribing!! i hate that you've had to experience that pain, i hope you're healing beautifully!
@@syd4sh0rt ❤️
A thoughtful and articulate video. I've only watched this movie once and I didn't notice the red flags. Maybe I should watch it again. Also, when the Cody Ko situation unfolded, my mind immediately went to this movie. I was like "this is literally Promising Young Woman all over again".
omg promising young woman and cody-discussion in one video?!! day made!
12:55 I’m listening to this while cleaning my apartment, but when I tell you my head *whipped* around here… 😅😅😅 (love the video btw)
I just got out of a relationship like this. At the beginning, he seemed so sweet, and others around me told me he was a “nice guy”; quite literally those words. Now that I’m out of that relationship I can see so clearly how he was a wolf in sheeps clothing. It makes me so sick to know I said I love you to someone who has said and done horrible things to other women and myself.
sydd i havent even watching promising young woman but your analysis was so entertaining n well thought out! especially within linking it to cody kos complicity! love the format of cross referencing with media n real events, in neeeed more of ur vids plsss
HELLOOOO!!! thank you so much for commenting!! more content is definitely coming your way my friend 💗
I think the only thing this video is missing is a wider retrospect on this being human thing not just a male thing even though it’s highlighted in men due to the patriarchy. We defend our actions (or in ryan’s case lack their of) as a way to live with them, but we are given the chance to makeup for them. Often people’s ego is in the way of their betterment of self and coming clean. When you are in a place of profound privilege you often are given a chance to change but are never forced to do so. Ryans will meet another girl, a girl who blind to him and his mistakes, and never have to face the consequences of being complicit in the assault. that’s how the world turns.
so true!! this is even something that's touched on in the movie with madison's character and the dean!! thanks for this
Your smile is so vibrant and contagious I subscribed immediately!
@@jazzminforrestall406 THANK YOU!! 🤧🤧 that is so kind 🥹
@@syd4sh0rt it's really genuine and sweet!
promising young woman is my favorite movie of all time and u made such amazing points in this!! this whole plot line of the movie so often gets skipped and it makes me so frustrated bc its such an important and CRUCIAL part of the movie and how the viewer will percieve its end. thank you for this video!!
Super thoughtful and interesting, thanks for making this video!
Definitely makes me think, it does feel almost impossible to find a decent guy who's not even a tiny bit complicit.
I had a male friend at work once that I really liked, he was super nice and caring and just gave off great vibes. One time he made a comment about 'jokes' people would make in a group chat he was in that would prompt people to respond 'your honour this is a joke and not based on real events' (after an awful group rape case in Northern Ireland that involved huge amounts of group chat texts to be publicised - the four men were found innocent). I called my friend out then and there on what kind of jokes his friends would be making that would prompt such a response and he just backtracked and waved it off, but I never forgot it.
He was in a ten plus year relationship and two years later at a party that his partner wasn't at, he was dancing extremely flirtily with a young woman, at least ten years younger than him, who had recently started at the office. I don't think he was a criminally bad guy or anything (although who knows) but I definitely now think he was probably complicit in ways and for sure didn't entirely respect women, or his relationship.
Have we just resigned ourselves to some level of complictness in men at this point?
Absolutely agree on your observations and sadly know too much about this from personal experience i.e. so his friend did horrible sh*t but he's still friends with the guy then turns out the guy is also capable of that stuff and thinks that same sh*t is ok the whole "benefit of the doubt" or "well he's not THAT guy" really is dangerous. The friend someone keeps is also a place to look for red flags who we choose as our friends says a lot no matter if they act nice or seem sweet if their friends are terrible people you got to wonder.
i hope you’ll make more vids covering serious topics like this, you express yourself so eloquently!!
@@antoinettemaraisgauthier thank you so much!! this is sooo encouraging, you have no idea.. i'll 100% make more content like this!!
Grieving the end of this video essay and having to go back to everything else on youtube 😩
Not all men, but somehow always a man.
Why'd you edit your comment, it used to say black men? Gross either way.
hope i'm not overstepping boundaries (especially considering the video topic) but you have a really cute look and that immediately stood out to me so i wanted to leave that compliment. you also come across so charismatically on camera, your voice is amazing. thank you for talking about these important topics in such an approachable way! wish you all the best
that is SO sweet!! thank you so much, and i wish YOU the best as well 💗
this is an absolute fantastic video, loved your analysis. absolutely horrified at the parallels to the cody ko situation you expertly brought up
The biggest red flag for me was trying to lure her back to his apartment on their first date, while making it seem coincidental in that oh so cringy way.
This video really called me out for accepting male complicity and made me extremely uncomfortable. Thank you for this wake up call ❤ So needed
You really made me watch a 22min video essay of a movie ive never seen, well done!
16:00 absolutely every person I've ever met who likes "dark" humour tends to defend racist, sexism, ext.
There was an awful case in norther ireland where the judge and court made the case so messy they used the thong she wore on the night as evidence and passed it around as some kind of "gotcha" that she couldn't have been raped of she was wearing a thong, therfore she "wanted" it.
Trust no man. Strangers are dangerous and terrifying but the most likely person to assault you is a loved one. Stay safe out there and make sure you have a support network and safety net ❤
I'm only just past the intro so far, but I wanted to say that I'm really glad you decided to discuss this topic despite your doubts. For us women, it's a topic that's always lingering in our minds in one way or another, even after the headlines have moved on. So I think it's really important that we keep talking about it, not just for the sake of awareness but to make it less taboo, help survivors feel more comfortable sharing, bring perpetrators to justice & support each other
When everything with Cody Ko came out, I immediately thought about this movie and the guy he friends with.
I saw Ryan's intentions from 10 miles away.
Edit: I just thought about how the song that plays when Ryan enters the coffee shop is "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" by Cigarettes After Sex. It is such a cutesy song, and it really is misleading and a clever placement in the scene.
I have never seen promising young woman before, only heard of it. However this video was so insightful and so well done the parallels you drew to real life was so shockingly similar. Really really great video!!
The algorithm has truly gifted today in recommending this video and your channel🙏💜 such a great commentary, it’s so important to understand the context behind a piece of media like Promising Young Woman. I love the movie so much and it’s more than just that, it showcased what many women experience in real life and exposes men for the complicit creatures MANY of them are. Tying it back to the Cody Ko situation - how he’s choosing to defend someone who filmed s*xu*l *ss*ult - gives one example and that was a higher-profile instance. Excellent commentary, following for more!💜
i'm new to you syd and im sure this video wasnt like youre manifesto or anything so maybe it will sound exaggerated, but i genuinely think this is one of the best video essays (or just, yk, videos) ive seen in a very long time. there were several things you said that actually hit me in my core. i wish i could force feed this clip to every man in my life.
your****
AHHHHHH!! this is so nice 💗 THANK YOU?? ngl part of me is telling myself "you might've peaked here sister" BUT if this is the best thing i ever do on this channel it was so worth it to be able to have such an important conversation 🤧 more content is coming soon!! i can only hope that whatever i do gets at least one person looking at their world a little differently
@@syd4sh0rt youre so welcome! and youve got my attention
Tw for sa ofc//
Man this video was peakk, the connections were delivered so perfectly you were blowing my minddd!! and yeah even before knowing Ryan’s character, his hints do take you aback and you think to yourself … what was that. But the film seemingly brushes it off and so does Cassie, so you forgive and acclimate YOUR behavior and boundaries to allow the romanticization of Ryan to continue… at least that’s what I did. this movie had me sick to my stomach scrambling to recall everything I could about the few guys I am friends with and wondering what they might be hiding. Also because there was a study I saw that asked men in different states if a WHOLEE list abusive sex acts made them horny and if they would partake. there was always at least a few “yes”’s on Every. Single. One. Regardless of state of mind. I believe the list included seemingly innocuous things, such as inflicting pain during consensual sex, to truly vile heinous revolting acts such as bestiality, pedophilia, and r*pe. I can’t remember though if the variable studied was not-horny vs horny, or sober vs drunk……
AN AMAZING VIDEO!! Never seen or heard of you before but this was absolutely amazing and I love you. Especially that last bit “what else don’t we know about Cody Ko?” LIKE YOWZA! Very impressive writing, delivery, EVERYTHING. I am subscribing!!!
AHHHHHHHH THANK YOUUUUUUU 💗💗
Thank you so much for this video, especially for your insight about why a guy would say or do something “romantic” immediately before doing something heinous (around 11:06).
Almost every woman has been as'saulted by a man AND YET..... Very few people seem to know any men who commit these as'saults. Kinda sus, huh 🤔 For far too many, complicity is the comfortable route - people don't like admitting ugly truths that inconvenience them (i.e., having to call out and change who they associate with). It's foul.
It's generally because women are attracted to evil men and continually associate with them despite obvious red flags. Most men don't know anyone who's assaulted someone else.
You are who you choose to associate with.
New sub. Thank you for reminding me how excellent that movie is. My first time watching it made me wish I was back in a media analysis class where I could write a whole dang essay on it 😭
Subscribed!! Love this movie and LOVE your analysis. In depth, intelligent and insightful. I can’t believe your channel isn’t bigger miss ma’am
YES! i had this movie in my head for days for some reason
hi amazing video, I just wanted to share that the radio rebel clip is perfect in the beginning. I used to teach teenagers and when I would ask them to think about things I would CONSTANTLY reference this,,,none of them knew what I was talking about.
It’s like even the good ones aren’t entirely sure why it’s not cool to have a beer with the monsters. Men…They really do piss me off sometimes.
getting this video tattooed on my back you at this up. the being friends and having relationships with men feeling like a liability is so real
for those who don't know, Cody Ko dated a 17 year old girl while he was in his 20s. she's not a content creator or influencer
i just watched this movie for the first time at 2 am and i immediately went searching for a good essay about it. this video hit on the exact things i couldnt stop thinking about.
Absolutely LOVE the editing and the memes.
Thank you so much for helping me better understand what is already one of my favorite films in recent years. This means a lot. I truly appreciate it.
oh my god immediately subscribed. Loved this analysis even though it was revolting to think about. I don't think it was a reach that you were saying the first guy on the bed was doing things that, in his head, were unselfish while literally committing sexual assault on what to all he knew was an unconscious girl. Which is the worst part. They can do enough mental gymnastics to feel heroic. To feel "chemistry" with a girl that can't stay upright. Makes me want to actually throw up.
i'm so glad this video was recommended to me - your content is my exact niche, especially this video! not only am i a huge fan of promising young woman, but i was also a pretty big fan of cody ko up until everything came out about him. it's embarrassing to admit, but i was kind of devastated. eventually tho, i was just disgusted by the awful situation with tana as well as his continued friendship with colby. i vaguely remember hearing rumors years ago that cody and tana dated at some point, but i could never find anything to confirm the validity of those claims. however, i was completely unaware of his friend, colby. and when i watched videos and read articles about what he had done, it immediately reminded me of what happened to nina in promising young woman. after a while, i had to stop thinking about it bc i was just infuriated and feeling very cynical about the world. i'm so glad you decided to release this video even though people have stopped covering the topic as much. you did a wonderful breakdown of the movie and the comparison between both topics was so well executed. not to mention, i love ur sense of humor and editing, it's right up my alley. i don't usually comment on videos and this has been such a long one lol, but i just wanted to let you know what an amazing job you did. can't wait to watch more of ur vids!
thank you so much for commenting!! i'm SO excited to make more content and i'm glad you'll be around to see it!! 💗💗
Really great analysis!! This is one of my favorite movies of the last five years. When you lay out the details about Ryan still being in contact with the guys from college, how Cassie was dressed when he first hit on her, how he just kind of led her to his apartment at the end of their date... Yes! Obviously these are supposed to be clues that he's not as good as he thinks he is.
I have loved watching this movie in mixed company because the women almost always say "I knew it!" at the Ryan reveal and the men are always defensive and confused.
amazing video & analysis! so much foreshadowing no one is talking about with ryan. when he calls cassie a fucking failure at the end he uses the exact same tone he used when he asks her on a date calling her a miserable asshole. guys always leave you like they found you.
keep up the great content 🩷💅🏽💁🏽♀️
I'm not a drinker. (Probably has something to do with having my life getting turned upside down by a drunk driver when I was just a baby.) So, whenever I attended a party and was handed a cup, I'd let people see me take a couple of sips, and as soon as nobody was watching, I dumped it down the sink and just acted drunk. There are too many times things have gotten outta hand and I don't wanna be out of it when it hits the fan!
I told my daughter about this, and I've learned that she took it to heart! She refuses to drink at parties and keeps her wits about her, so that she isn't caught off guard and taken advantage of by anyone. I never expected that! My story was mainly about how everyone thought that I was drunk, so they thought that I was trippin' for no reason when I caught my 12-year-old sister with a cigarette! They were all, "You're drunk! Leave her alone!" and I was yelling, "I poured it down the sink! My little sister is not smoking cigarettes while I'm around! What is wrong with you guys?!"
Finally some good fucking media analysis. This movie is one of those that just sticks to me and rattles around in my brain. There's something about it that even years later I just cannot shake. It does such a masterful job of revealing the ills of rape culture and the patriarchy in ways that aren't always immediately obvious in real life. When this movie first came out a lot of the reactions I saw to it in left-leaning/feminist circles were pretty negative because I think people really wanted it to be a cut-and-dry revenge story where Cassie kills every rapist and "wins". But I think the movie we got is so much more impactful. The parallels you drew between the movie and the Cody Ko situation highlight how well this movie holds up a mirror to the audience, makes us see details in our own lives and experiences that we'd rather look away from. This movie is a difficult watch for me, but I really appreciated your take on it and you pointed out a lot of things that I never noticed in my two viewings. Looking forward to your next video!
Kinda surprised you didn’t mention that he goes back ask her out again after she gave him a fake number. It’s played as cute banter but if someone did that irl it’d be creepy! It’s weird and uncomfortable when guys ensure that you give them your real number. Girls give fake numbers for a reason! His awkward charm is very disarming though so it doesn’t seem weird when he does it
I have got to rewatch this, I'm sure there's loads to pick up on the second time through
I agree with everything that you said, amazing video! Men do change. They do make horrific mistakes and redeem themselves. Cancelling people only makes matters worse because when someone is cancelled, ostracised from society, what motivation do they have to change? Redemption and forgiveness are so important
Great movie, and I love the connection that you made here. Its so obvious and honestly? Has given me so much more appreciation for the movie. Some moments in the movie felt a little "unreal" but now it's like oh. Okay. So that's how it is.
incredible video!! your point about expecting some amount of complicity from men really hit, it's always something in the back of my mind with my male friends. especially as a POC with white male friends 🙃
Should they be thinking that about you too given your race and gender?
"the bar is so low it's touching the floor" 🤯
I could be rewriting history for myself here, but tbh I always thought Bo Burnham's character was creepy and I knew something would happen. But tbh I also just dislike Bo Burnham and feel like we're gonna be heavily disappointed by him someday soon.
i love ur edits lol
i agree sooooo hard i've actually not been surprised when shit came out about him. i watched his newer videos for some months and i liked them but even those were sometimes sus when it came to weather he'd stand up for and take the perspective of a woman in situations, and trust me the older ones are worse
for example the one where he visits corinna kopf and reads out all the sexist comments on her insta saying stuff like "well that ones just a fact, even i would've written that" and she says stuff like "but look there are x other pictures show them the other ones" and he goes "those are boring"
and about leechman? he showed this video around to a couple of guys on campus ( "not everyone" ) - cody being quite tight with him back then... i mean guess who saw this video too probably right
theres even an interview from 2021 or so, where he says himself that in college he's done some shit he isnt proud of today and that old friends had said to him back then that they dont recognize him.
I haven’t seen this movie, but because of your analysis I am very intrigued. Thanks Syd!
lol fully in the same situation (graduation and job applications) but at least you've managed to make this masterpieceeeee
Fantastic video!! Very good observations, I didn't even catch the girlish clothes connection- god. I absolutely hate people who go 'oh X is problematic? I always had a feeling' so I'll specify that when the news came out about Cody Ko, I was in fact surprised- I did not predict it at all. But, I wasn't exactly surprised. Idk If it's because I never watched Cody Ko when I was young, instead I checked out his Girl Defined video when I was an adult and I did not end up finishing it. The whole video was super misogynistic- Rachel Oates also noticed this and got backlash for pointing it out a few years ago, but the entire video is a lot of "This preachy woman just needs a good boning so she'll stop whining" but hidden behind vague wording. I absolutely understand why people trusted him, I myself have been disappointed by creators I loved, but I think it brings up another facet of this.
When women *do* see the red flags, often times other women end up convincing her she's wrong. I know that I for sure have been one of those women going "what? You're just misunderstanding him" only to be proven violently wrong later. I don't think this is at all a gendered occurrence, men do it just as much (see: comment sections under alpha podcast grifters) but this video is specifically about spotting nice guys, so I think it's maybe necessary to not just work on our ability to spot red flags, but our willingness to see them at all. Idk! Just my two cents, first video I've seen of yours and looking forward to what comes next!
Holy bleep, so glad I clicked on this. I've watched Promising Young Women several times and I never caught on to the "pink" flags described. You're a revelation, easy subscribe. =]
Loved the video! Thinking about how (I really want to say most men, but really, it's always men) men are able to never fully own their mistakes and push their wrongdoings onto women, it makes me feel scared of getting close to another man. I'm a woman who has problems being comfortable in the company of men, and talking to them, so it really makes me wanna just not interact with men, because you truly never know them. Whether it's unfunny or "dark humour" jokes, downplaying women's experiences or how they behave (talk "too much", they cry "easily", they're "emotional" and not "logical" (although men being logical is not it; not taking into cosnideration the humane emotions when thinking about a problem is not logical, and that "logical" solution is not the best solution either because of that)), or almost (?) shielding their friends who are "good men" but they harrased women when drunk, or sober, or cat-called women. It's always men, and I feel like you never really know a man fully, which makes me feel depressed, not gonna lie.
This analysis is amazing. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I will be recommending it to everyone
This is such an incredible video!! I can’t believe you’re such a small channel ❤ so glad to have found you
Loved this analysis - very thoughtful and considered.
i really enjoyed your video and this analysis!! this is the first video ive seen from ur channel and i subscribed :) but yeah i really appreciated everything you had to say and it really resonated with me. i think bringing "promising young woman" into this analysis was really smart and well done.
What an intelligent take holy shit this was mind blowing
amazing thought process! I never connected the dots and the film was gut-wrenching, I never saw it again. I will try to watch it again and hopefully catch what you mentioned.