Hey Erica, gay man here. I want to thank you for making such a raw, candid video about your experience being trans. It's stuff like this that makes allies out of people, not parades and cancel culture. I just want to make a few statements - 1) dont ever, not ever, dismiss your own pain because "it could be worse". That's part of depression. Sorrow is a biological process, and that biological process can be triggered by even white, middle class Americans. Depression is depression, regardless of what's caused it. Its depression that tells you "you shouldn't be so sad, you're weak". Have you ever tried group support or a class for depression? I took one in rehab. It was more effective for treating my depression than any therapy or pill ive ever taken. I HIGHLY recommend it. 2) being trans in this era i would imagine grows harder and harder every day. People are ignorant, and it leads them to being cruel, without realizing. Sometimes they're intentionally cruel, just for fun, esp with the rise of reactionary and troll politics, and social media. I feel this even as a gay Canadian - a fairly progressive country, as my society slowly but surely turns against us (from being very friendly previously). I can only hope the rising popularity of right-wing hate is a temporary thing, enabled worldwide by an era of loud, fucked up american politics. Failing that, we need to stick together - all of us who fall outside of the traditional heteronormative roles. (I hate that term, but its unfortunately true) 3) do your family know about your gender dysphoria? I know they know you're trans - but do they really know the pain you're in? Have you ever like... sat down, and cried your eyes out with them over it? I grew up in a really conservative christian environment. I was sexually exploited by a church member, who would make me pray for forgiveness after. I was a confused, depressed, self-hating gay. When i came out to my parents (after a semester of enlightening "world religions" class) my mom told me she was worried I'd turn into a pedophile. It was pretty jarring, after what I'd been through. But it was ignorance, not malice. I came out to them as a last-ditch attempt before ending my life. I didnt want them to wonder why, so i told them i was gay, and i told them how much i was struggle with it. I THINK the knowledge of how much pain i was in, and how close i was to death, really put things into perspective for them, and they worked really hard to escape their religious programming, and focus on my happiness. My mom still prayed for god to "fix" me for years (i only learned this after the fact), but i had sufferred other things in my youth, and i think they just knew i would end up dead if they rejected me. We had to work the kinks out. They said some ignorant things, my mom especially. But i educated her, and she educated herself, because she had no choice. They're my biggest supporters now. I dont know your family situation, and i dont want to be presumptuous, but... I hope you're being honest with your parents about how much pain you're in, and i hope you're giving them the chance to understand, even if it means educating against some pretty ignorant beliefs. Its hard. But it was worth it for me. 4) i really can't recommend a peer support group enough. It is a huge comfort to have that sense of communal struggle and community, and you take it forward even if you later end up leaving the group. My youth experiences and depression led me to addiction, and nothing helped me better in those struggles than finding a group of people struggling with the same thing, and getting some education about it. 5) i was with a black man for 7 years. We were almost married. And his experience, in my ignorant, conservative part of Canada, is that trans people get way more societal rejection than black people. He didn't have much perspective as a job-seeker, but just in general "how society looks at you", he felt more comfortable being black than he ever did wearing women's clothes. I say that because its not healthy to dismiss your own experiences for the benefit of another minority. Its true that there is institutionalized racism in America. But you're trans, not black. And i think there is value in acknowledging your own experience, and fighting for justice for your own self, rather than looking at another minority and thinking "they have it worse, i should just shut up." Focus on you, girl. You have it rough. Sending love from Canada. I hope you find your way. ❤ E - just wanted to add, re: job. You should see if theres any govt-funded career counselling program in your area. I have one, in my small town, poorest province in canada. They would have contacts and would be able to help give you a leg forward. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
Hi Erica! I'm a physics student at OSU and just found your channel today but your condensed matter video was extremely informative and I'm looking forward to more of your content. I'm really happy to see LGBTQ representation in this space.
I relate. Im gen z this is what I do. I live with my parents and in my room I dance dress myself how I want give myself gender euphoria and I sometimes go out with friends. So maybe you could do the same. Like my parents still dead name me but to me is like whatever I'm still being me and using their resources and having fun. So my suggestion is find your local lgbt people you can hangout with and or online and with your circumstances plan a way to get what you want.
Im sorry dude. I think you're intelligent. You can learn to love yourself as God made you. Feeling feminine is OK. Nothing wrong with that. There's no changing facts, I'm sorry.
I live in California so we have informed consent clinics but I can’t go to them while living with parents and can’t move out cause nobody will hire me :(
Hey Erica, gay man here. I want to thank you for making such a raw, candid video about your experience being trans. It's stuff like this that makes allies out of people, not parades and cancel culture. I just want to make a few statements -
1) dont ever, not ever, dismiss your own pain because "it could be worse". That's part of depression. Sorrow is a biological process, and that biological process can be triggered by even white, middle class Americans. Depression is depression, regardless of what's caused it. Its depression that tells you "you shouldn't be so sad, you're weak". Have you ever tried group support or a class for depression? I took one in rehab. It was more effective for treating my depression than any therapy or pill ive ever taken. I HIGHLY recommend it.
2) being trans in this era i would imagine grows harder and harder every day. People are ignorant, and it leads them to being cruel, without realizing. Sometimes they're intentionally cruel, just for fun, esp with the rise of reactionary and troll politics, and social media. I feel this even as a gay Canadian - a fairly progressive country, as my society slowly but surely turns against us (from being very friendly previously). I can only hope the rising popularity of right-wing hate is a temporary thing, enabled worldwide by an era of loud, fucked up american politics. Failing that, we need to stick together - all of us who fall outside of the traditional heteronormative roles. (I hate that term, but its unfortunately true)
3) do your family know about your gender dysphoria? I know they know you're trans - but do they really know the pain you're in? Have you ever like... sat down, and cried your eyes out with them over it? I grew up in a really conservative christian environment. I was sexually exploited by a church member, who would make me pray for forgiveness after. I was a confused, depressed, self-hating gay. When i came out to my parents (after a semester of enlightening "world religions" class) my mom told me she was worried I'd turn into a pedophile. It was pretty jarring, after what I'd been through. But it was ignorance, not malice. I came out to them as a last-ditch attempt before ending my life. I didnt want them to wonder why, so i told them i was gay, and i told them how much i was struggle with it. I THINK the knowledge of how much pain i was in, and how close i was to death, really put things into perspective for them, and they worked really hard to escape their religious programming, and focus on my happiness. My mom still prayed for god to "fix" me for years (i only learned this after the fact), but i had sufferred other things in my youth, and i think they just knew i would end up dead if they rejected me. We had to work the kinks out. They said some ignorant things, my mom especially. But i educated her, and she educated herself, because she had no choice. They're my biggest supporters now. I dont know your family situation, and i dont want to be presumptuous, but... I hope you're being honest with your parents about how much pain you're in, and i hope you're giving them the chance to understand, even if it means educating against some pretty ignorant beliefs. Its hard. But it was worth it for me.
4) i really can't recommend a peer support group enough. It is a huge comfort to have that sense of communal struggle and community, and you take it forward even if you later end up leaving the group. My youth experiences and depression led me to addiction, and nothing helped me better in those struggles than finding a group of people struggling with the same thing, and getting some education about it.
5) i was with a black man for 7 years. We were almost married. And his experience, in my ignorant, conservative part of Canada, is that trans people get way more societal rejection than black people. He didn't have much perspective as a job-seeker, but just in general "how society looks at you", he felt more comfortable being black than he ever did wearing women's clothes. I say that because its not healthy to dismiss your own experiences for the benefit of another minority. Its true that there is institutionalized racism in America. But you're trans, not black. And i think there is value in acknowledging your own experience, and fighting for justice for your own self, rather than looking at another minority and thinking "they have it worse, i should just shut up." Focus on you, girl. You have it rough.
Sending love from Canada. I hope you find your way. ❤
E - just wanted to add, re: job. You should see if theres any govt-funded career counselling program in your area. I have one, in my small town, poorest province in canada. They would have contacts and would be able to help give you a leg forward. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
Hi Erica! I'm a physics student at OSU and just found your channel today but your condensed matter video was extremely informative and I'm looking forward to more of your content. I'm really happy to see LGBTQ representation in this space.
I relate. Im gen z this is what I do. I live with my parents and in my room I dance dress myself how I want give myself gender euphoria and I sometimes go out with friends. So maybe you could do the same. Like my parents still dead name me but to me is like whatever I'm still being me and using their resources and having fun. So my suggestion is find your local lgbt people you can hangout with and or online and with your circumstances plan a way to get what you want.
Yeah that’s sort of an option but can be a little difficult too in my current situation. I should try some local LGBT orgs I guess
Hi Erica, you say you don't feel you pass but you do, you look masc AF. Take care
MTF not FTM lol but thanks none the less for trying to be encouraging
@@EricaCalman Sorry, I was going by your name thinking you were female. Foot in mouth. I hope it all works out well for you either way.
Im sorry dude. I think you're intelligent. You can learn to love yourself as God made you. Feeling feminine is OK. Nothing wrong with that.
There's no changing facts, I'm sorry.
Move to New Zealand, any doctor will give you HRT here. Hope you are okay. Stay strong.
I live in California so we have informed consent clinics but I can’t go to them while living with parents and can’t move out cause nobody will hire me :(
@@EricaCalman you would be able to get a job easy here because you are qualified. Do what makes you happy.