Narcissist Manipulation or Too Much Affection? | HEATED Debate on "Love Bombing"
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- Опубликовано: 24 авг 2024
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Everything Mel said made sense and they wanted to be fake confused so bad
@@DeeRGshe answered, they chose not to listen for understanding..they just wanted to respond
A lack of empathy will have you confused every time.
yea you need to rewatch it.🤣🤣 she definitely didn’t answer their question
@@DeeRGshe did but hard to hear with everyone interrupting her.
The difference between love bombing and applying pressure or courting is INTENTION. Also it’s the amount of pressure being applied/what the act of service is. Why y’all grown ass people act so freaking slow?!?
The issue is if the relationship ends people retroactively going back and saying they were love bombed
You don’t know you’ve been lovebombed until you realize that you’re with an abuser. There’s no confusion on whether or not you lovebomb if you don’t abuse people. If you’re not abusive, it doesn’t apply to you. Being kind and going above and beyond for your partner and then breaking up is not the same. Someone putting on a front and acting like they’re romantic and showing abusive behavior later is what we are talking about. Some people can be aggressive upfront, others may show some signs but ALSO do the gift giving or promises or fake sweetness or whatever so it is manipulative.
A lot of people and I think women and men have used love to gain a position or benefit from a person and was never sincere,,,😢 that's what is called love bombing 💣😢
I don't think it's always an act. I don't think every abuser is this sinister mastermind planning their abuse from day one. It's more likely that over time or after series of events things just change and people become a piece of shit. The obsession that we are calling "love bombing" can be very very real in the abusers mind and then later when things aren't perfect anymore, the abuse can start.
Great way to make me understand thanks
Yes. Intent always matters
@@nahfammmm354nah. Love bombing is manipulation. If you are not manipulating, it's not lovebombing. So if someone is lovebombing, they absolutely are aware.
Omg yall killing me with the fake shit... Love bombing is when a sneaky mf giving u stuff to get something then switch up when they get what they want.. Its like a yes man for the box
Love bombing is simply selling a dream of a committed relationship to someone without having any intention of being in a committed relationship and not disclosing it.
Well said and simple
7:04 This is silly and not complicated. Love bombing is when a person after very short period of time (4-5 dates) tells you that they love you without even really knowing you.
It’s an effort to break down your emotional and mental defenses. If you have a daughter, stop being silly and educate yourself.
The point is u don’t know if someone is genuine. Someone can genuinely feel that way. U don’t know until after the abuse
Joe explained it perfectly. I was hoping Melissa did lol. It's definitely a tactic people use to control you. Gifts, money, compliments etc. in exchange for your energy and time, or whatever other motives they may have. They won't tell you these motives but if you don't comply they will resent you for it or drop you like a hot potato. It's a really weird and cringy manipulative tactic.
That doesn't make it lovebombing though. A lot of people are emotionally immature and don't deal with rejection well. I've dealt with women who were incredibly clingy, bought me clothes, video games, car stuff, started talking about the future, etc. The moment I tried to slow things down or change our dynamic they would get nasty out of nowhere and now we're in a huge argument. I don't consider that lovebombing though. Lovebombing [to me] was always the person who starts saying "I love you" one week in. When I first started hearing the term 5-6 years ago that was all it meant. Just over the top displays of affection that don't correlate to real life experience. It was never about manipulation. I get that terms evolve but the way it's being used now is too nebulous to be quantifiable.
Crazy thing is they are using the tactic on multiple women at the same time!!!!! That’s where the disappearing don’t make since or phones are turned off, and they always have an excuse for it
The missing piece of your assessment is when in the relationship is this person doing this
Fuck it, extort his ass 😂 he want it, Pun intended
Love bombing sounds like a excuse for things not working out 😂🤦🏽♂️
It's literally a common tactic by abusers, simple to understand. Ya'll gotta get their info from more reliable sources than these dummies, they explained the shit all wrong.
You typically don’t use the term love bombing unless you are referring to an abusive situation. Love bombing is used alongside the narcissistic abuse cycle terminology, which is idealize (love bomb), devalue, and discard. So the way that they are using it in this clip is out of context
Where Mel messed up was one, not saying that actions determine if its manipulation; and two, saying only abusive men do it. She's already lost her point with those two.
How you know it’s live bombing is when the love stops and the abuse begins. It’s not even that hard to understand.
It's not that hard at all
I know and this is why you can’t watch them all the time because lord they miss the mark sometimes
Honestly I think all these new terms are creating more issues 🤦🏿♂️because they created and thrown around for every little thing other then the actual meaning.
@@rillaaa5740you might be too dumb if your complicated by the addition of terminology
@@rillaaa5740 that’s true but them acting like this isn’t a real thing is crazy
There is no argument in the definition of love bombing. You cannot differentiate unless that person says they are bombing you.
Not true.
A lot of people and I think women and men have used love to gain a position or benefit from a person and was never sincere,,,😢 that's what is called love bombing 💣😢
Everybody on this panel is waaaaay to grown to have discussed this topic in this manner. Love-bombing is a tactic used by abuser in an effort to deceive and manipulate to make it easier to abuse someone is some way. Parents can love-bomb children. It is not just in romantic relationships. Ish should have done better research. The concept isnt complicated. Honestly, narcissist act willfully obtuse in regard to things that describe their abusive behavior. Love-bombing usually happens in cycles and is repeated throughout the course of the relationship. Hope Ish isn't telling on himelf...
I think the problem is, the guys seem to think only women are "love-bombed." While apparently this was brought to their attention by claims from women, men are "love-bombed" but because you all think women are crazy and unstable, you accept it until you can't and you cannot understand why she just doesn't go away no matter what you do. If you have ever said to yourself, "Sometimes she/he is so sweet and we have a good time but then he/she switches," that person is probably love-bombing you. It normally does not happen in the early stages. Also, it is not that the person is not into you, its just they use people. Narcisisst are not necessarily intentionally calculating.
I was just about to say its not just men that do it
Let's be fair females are selfish they don't love bomb,
You said all that, just to be wrong. Men don't even call this stuff love bombing. Women made this shtt up, like every other LOVE NOVEL, FANTASY BASED idea of love and romance😂😂🙄
@@lets_play_a_game268 I apologize someone hurt you so much that you cannot see when a woman is on your side. Find peace. Be blessed. 🙏
The real problem is people are using these buzz words to describe ordinary behavior or for other issues. Including this response it’s too vague life is not black and white
Nah it's called abuse plain and simple.
A lot of people and I think women and men have used love to gain a position or benefit from a person and was never sincere,,,😢 that's what is called love bombing 💣😢
Manipulative people will sometimes use love bombing as a tactic to reel you in. Then show you their true colors later like abusers, rapists, cheaters, etc. It’s something that can only be recognized in hindsight. These dudes only believe in their perspective they completely miss the point
Facts my LAST EX did that...draw me in just to reveal dey was a NARCISSISTIC DRUG ADDICT with TERRIBLE MOOD SWINGS smdfh lol 😅
It can be recognized before that if you pay attention to their actual character rather than the facade. If you it was too late by the time you figured it out, then you weren't paying attention or you allowed things to move too fast.
The guys can be so dense at times I don’t know how Mel does it smh
Yeah, I was surprised too.
Loud ignorance fr
THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! DID YOU HEAR THAT SHIT SHE WAS SAYING!!! HOLY FUCKIN
It was frustrating to watch the entire cast being determined on not understanding what Melissa was saying, when we know that all of them did.
If they like you, it doesn’t matter what you do.
If they don’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do.
I'm team Mel, the guys overreacted. The whole point is showering someone then ghosting and dipping on them - just look up the definition.
I'll give Joe a point on knowing the difference but again, you'll probably be able to tell.
They sometimes do this. They listen to her to disagree. I heard her from the get.
@@big1neofc you do
Love bombing is introducing a person to a relationship standard you dont plan on maintaining. Then using it against them when they complaining you are no longer doing those things.
Ish is wrong, the term it's not applied to showing affection. It's applied to people who basically contrast showing love with abusive behavior so the affection and love they show literally just functions to reel you back into the abuse. Istg this dude Ish be so confidently ignorant is crazy.
The guys weren't really listening to what the definition is. They kept trying to relate it to a man courting a woman. It's not that. People that love bomb usually end up being extremely possessive, controlling and abusive.
Them making this a woman man thing is crazy when mad women be love bombing as well. It’s definitely not exclusive to men.
Queenzflip said it’s crazy before even hearing the definition lol why we so ignorant?
Love Bombing is when a person fills a person with acts of love, then turn around and ghosts them, or mistreats them to get the woman to think of him in confusion, which makes her think about him non stop. It's a manipulative tactic pickup artists most commonly use. I believe that tactic is in the art of seduction. Which is just ONE tactic. Mel just broad in her explanation, but still accurate.
A lot of people and I think women and men have used love to gain a position or benefit from a person and was never sincere,,,😢 that's what is called love bombing 💣😢
How was Mel’s definition broad? She clearly pointed out that love bombing, in most cases, leads to some sort of physical or psychological abuse - I don’t think that’s broad at all.
Also, if the rest of the panel would just CHILL OUT and allow her to speak, she could actually get her full thought out.
@@SapphicSteph Regardless of her being cut off, they were left with Mel's explanation, which I expressed was accurate but too broad for them to understand. People need more examples so they can understand, like a person eventually showing their true colors, showing that wasn't who they were...
@@NiaWillis-theQueen And the way to tell is by eventually seeing them treat you different, because if that's the case, then everyone love bombs. People putting their best foot forward isnt necessarily love Bombing. People just get complacent, and stop putting effort towards their relationship...
If someone beats you, then buys you gifts to keep you from leaving and/or reporting them, that's love bombing
Or someone who cheated giving over the top gifts to keep them around.
Thats abuse
No if they buying u all this shit then shit on u when they get the box or ur heart that's love bombing
Thats control/abuse, not love bombing
@@Ichsukatanukait’s both
Melissa was the wrong person to have this conversation. She can't get a point across to save her damn life
Women lovebomb too, it's not just men.
This is where you need 1 more girl. This wasn’t hard to understand lol
Trashing Mel is the entire goal of this show lol
I wish there was a more intelligent educated male
Perspective on this show. It’s literally all the same type dudes being slow together. Making black men look simple
It’s the ultimate intent, if he/she is buying, gifting, “loving” with the intent to isolate you from your friends/family, to intentionally be able to verbally, mentally, or physically abuse you for some sense of control, then love bombing most likely was their tactic in the beginning.
Mel got an excuse for EVERYTHING when it comes to women's 😂
Love bombing is simply someone telling you that they love you within a week of knowing them.
All the other things will follow. But when someone is genuinely interested they're not falling in love with you within a week or the same day that they met you. That's impossible
Do y’all really think love bombing isn’t a real thing or is this just jokes? Also love bombing isn’t gender exclusive
These conversations really aren’t for everybody. If you aren’t familiar with Cluster B personality traits and that whole topic then a lot of this stuff is just beyond your comprehension. Someone who is overly affectionate not because it’s their love language and their mature, but because it’s a front to appear like a loving, affectionate person is love bombing. In reality all that love and affection was just a ploy to make you feel secure because you provide “narcissistic supply”. Once you stop feeding their supply, they no longer give you their love or affections. You really gotta have an understanding of what’s called Cluster B personality types to even begin to understand the nuances of this topic. As a man who knows about this stuff it’s frustrating listening to these guys cause they really don’t know wtf they talking about and this topic is soooo serious if you understand mental health and Cluster B types.
Doesnt mean shit
This is the part of podcasting I loathe. It’s sometimes painful to listen to uninformed opinions.
Facts, they really drop the ball when talking about serious subjects like this.
I think Mel’s hesitation also served as some “gatcha” moment when she was just trying to collect her thoughts. There’s no reason for the men to feel like “here’s something else we can’t do”. If you aren’t a manipulative person, it doesn’t apply to you. You can tell when you’re being loved bomb, once you start realizing you’re dealing with a crazy person and see patterns that’s it’s not genuine. I don’t get how yall can be so dense sometimes, as soon as it’s a topic that can effect men’s pride or something, yall just go kinda stupid on us. Topic is not that hard to understand.
You mean cluster fucked😂😂
It’s only love bombing if the woman don’t get what she want out the relationship, that’s when everything gets called some type of manipulation
Just came back to finish, Mel did a terrible job of articulating her point, I understood what she meant to say cause I knew what the term actually meant but if she just took 5 seconds to word herself correctly it would come out more concise
Basically what it sounds like Mel was trying to say was love bombing is more of an unhealthy obsession with the person that causes you to neglect your other responsibilities, and/or you’re trying to keep the relationship or keep her from leaving so you all of a sudden out of nowhere start going above and beyond what you normally would in an effort to keep the person. They might feel bad for leaving if you always buying them shit or whatever.
Cult leaders (religious and/or political), pimps, drug dealers, scam artists all use a form of "lovebombing"; promise you the world, entice you with a piece of it, then take you for what you're worth.
If you're up on game; you're less likely to get caught up.
Both sexes do it, so it's not about putting blame and on just dudes.
Love Bombing also occurs fresh off an argument or breakup and the partner attempts to overcompensate with love and affection after messing up to manipulate their partner as if they've changed but the affection is usually short lived.
Does a woman having sex with her partner rather than apologizing for something wrong that she did count as love bombing?
So the honeymoon phase is gone. Everything is a manipulation now. Yeah, whatever…..
It clearly went over your head
It's not that at all, stop getting your info from dummies like Ish. Love bombing is a tactic used by abusive people to keep you and continously abuse you. They characterized as simple courtship because they're ignorant.
@@mrspgrewmaybe you should elaborate?
Yeah she explained it incorrectly
i love that i’ve been married for 20 years and pray that it last 100 more. it’s weird out there
Too weird. I pray your union remains blessed.
Most people who have been loved bombed don’t realize until after the fact the FIRST time and you never fall for it again. Love bombing is very specific and not genuine. This is when discernment comes into play.
Its not that hard to grasp but when youre are narcisist then.....
To Mel's point, lovebombing is very strategic. It's often done in a calculated manner coupled with clear tactics of abuse to wear down and control the victim. Lovebombing has a distinct pattern to it e.g. lovebomb, abuse, lovebomb, abuse etc with the "love" part gradually reducing and the abuse increasing.
I see Meylissa's frustration with this dynamic however she set the tone for the way they handle her.
I think theyre hung up on gifts, love bombing could be just words and actions of affection that happen too early to be real
Soooo when women show "interest" in men specifically for meals, dates, trips, bills being paid, gifts... what we call that? Ohhhh iight......
it’s called being manipulative and they could also be love bombing if they are talking you up, telling you how amazing you are and making it seem like you have a future just to ghost you. Women can lovebomb, men can lovebomb, parents can lovebomb, siblings can lovebomb. It’s a very messed up tactic. You should research it a little more.
Ppl will make up anything to avoid accountability
that part
Ish, Ice and ESPECIALLY QueenzFlip don’t understand a word she’s saying. She’s making perfect sense. Mel explained it for all the dummies. She’s very well spoken. Bc when a bunch of outspoken me scream over you, she still proved her point. That was impressive!
The dictionary calls it manipulation, I’ma call it manipulation.
Usually you know you're lovebombed once it's over because you were too enamored to see it. You probably had a friend who tried to tell you you're being lovebombed. And women can lovebomb men too.
For once I understood Mel, she went to Zanzibar with the explanation but I understood and appreciated her point of view. The discussion
was GOLD!!!!
Mel did an absolute horrible job explaining but everybody just dumb to the topic and definition. Joe was the closest to having a ok explanation.
Look at Joe explaining it correctly!!!! Lovebombers move fast!!!!!!
This is really not that complex lol I think they are just choosing to not understand & Mel did a terrible job explaining.
lol as a man I gotta agree. They thinkin about the man that all of a sudden stop liking you but I think she’s referring to people that had the intent to manipulate before hand
Love bombing has been around and obviously these guys got their resources on the matter from social media. Y’all sound like typical dudes who just talk to talk. Do REAL research on the matter before speaking on it! 🙄
sound like some shit women use to leave a good dude and not feel like shit about it... remember guys, its all your fault
So y'all just gonna ignore the second half of the definition. Let's define nuance...
They mistaking love bombing and affection. It’s wild.
A love-bomber is a narcissist like Joe. This ish is real because I had a brother in-law who did this. Basically, they treat you really good to draw you in then give you the bare minimum only to treat you like complete shit so they can rewire you to be satisfied with simple shit as simple as saying “your hair looks nice” which to her would feel like the equivalent of receiving a wedding ring.
Mel did a good job in the explanation
They smart but they slow …narcissist love bomb with the intent of pulling the rug from under you then that turns into a trauma bond…imagine you found your soulmate and the turn out to be soulless demon
Had Deja vu this whole segment
Can y'all tell Mel that women love bomb too?
She made no sense and I'm here for it 😂😂😂😂😂😂
grown ass men who can’t critically think; just get offended and start yelling. then when Mel tries to explain (not all that well), they crack jokes on her and do a bunch of bullshit, ANYTHING but actively listen. shit kinda sad to watch honestly
That shit courtship not love bomb lol
That's not what they're referring to
No, courtship is genuine
Pulling up in a lamb truck to a beautiful woman that lives in section 8 would be love bombing right?
Mel defined this so poorly that this entire segment is them debating over nonsense
Right! I’m like THE ABUSE! She don’t know how to talk to men…
Joe said it best, the person NEVER liked you. & you can tell if the person genuinely likes you or if the person doesn’t like you but NEEDS you. They give signs. I think often times men of women be in too deep they don’t SEE it.
Mel applied “Love Bombing” to men only and that’s the problem, because it’s not a gender specific trait/behavior. Neither is narcissism, but I digress.
I have a different take. Men can lovebomb because they geniunely care about the girl, but once they see the girl isn't really into them or was manipulating them the whole time because of what they could get, then the man wakes up and backs off. He didn't love bomb her, he really cared at first but he just realized after awhile that she wasn't deserving of his efforts and he takes back his energy.
Classic case of “Damm if you do, Damm if you don’t” 😬
Y’all missing the main point, which is the intention is to manipulate the person. If your intention isn’t to manipulate the person then gift giving may just be your love language. But showering a person with gifts just to be abusive later and then shower them with gifts again IS a tactic that abusers use to keep their victims in tow.
Watching a bunch of old out of touch men think the term Love Bombing is new is really funny to me. They treating Mel like she crazy and aren’t listening to the point of abusers use it
SM is so trash. People have nothing else better to do than to start fires for which they will sell water to put out. The crazy part is, if we really cared and looked out for each other none of this "advice" would be necessary. I hope I will never be in a situation where my friends and family have failed me to the point I would rely on a stranger to do what psychologists can't even do, analyze, and even go as far as attributing psychological disorders to individuals they've never met. And to make it even more profound, I would trust them to do so without a degree.
"The concept of love bombing has gained cultural prominence in recent years; however, little peer-reviewed research exists on the phenomenon specifically."
via Psychology Today (which routinely has folks with M.D.s put their name to articles.)
If the relationship last it’s just a nice guy. If the relationship fails they’ve been love bombed.
I understand you Mel! We Scorpios are just misunderstood sometimes but they got it lol
If you only see it from the male😊 perspective you think these guys are right. BUT ANY MANY MARRIED MAN IN A DEAD BEDROOM KNOWS THEY'VE BEEN LOVE BOMBED
Nah Mel all that sounds like some made up BS
INTENT Mel, INTENT!
only women complicate things so easily
Love bombing is when your dating/ talking to someone and within 3 days they're telling you they love you. By week 1 they're talking about matching tattoos and last names. Red flag on the field. Versus knowing someone might be someone you want to your future partner, the relationship developed gradually by both parties.
Everybody in their room is old and out of touch.
Love bombing came out in 2018 with gaslighting and toxic.
The answer was clear. Women live in a fantasy world, once that fantasy is over. They come up with a word to belittle the pain.
Week 2? Uplift your whole life based off of 2 weeks of knowing me. Is it her fault for jumping on the grenade or his for throwing it?
-Love bomb
Mel made no sense!! Everyone is studying the word “narcissism” so much that that’s the only thing that they can understand, and now every new relationship theory or concept is fertilized by the word “narcissism.”
This is the dumbest idea ever. If the person is interested in you, then it’s a problem- it’s lovebombing. If the person isn’t interested, then it’s a problem. What the hell do you want?
Humans have to stop parroting ideas because it’s a trendy topic or idea. If you’re not studying the root of a word, don’t cite it as a fact.
She dont believe in love at 1st sight, but WOMEN THE ONE'S WHO MADE UP slogans like that😂😂
We understand Melissa
They were ridiculous 😒
How do they think abusers lure the person???
It seems like they totally discredited ppl who have been in abusive relationships.
When probably more than half the time they were love bombed.
She not explaining it properly! I'm not sure she even know what it is to explain it!
Love bombing is while he is love bombing, he is at the same time lowering yourself esteem, taking control over your life, meshing himself into your relationships and family and begin to turn emotionally, mentally, physically and financially abusive!
From my personal experience, the only clear way that you can tell that someone is using love bombing as a tactic is when that person begins to disrespect and talk down to you after a certain point, and they won’t employ that tactic until they think that you’re completely consumed with them and them only.
Once the disrespect begins, get the fuck out of there and CUT ALL TIES!
wtf is ice wearing on his feet 😂😂😂
Lmfao - when Joe got up 😂
Why is it so hard to understand? “Hey girl. I wanna give you the world”. Proceeds to give her the world. Then when you got her and she lives in your house. Drives your car, now you hold all these things over her head if she goes to visit her father. Or you start hitting her but she can’t go nowhere cause she lives in your house and doesn’t work anymore. That is an extreme case. But it’s simple. They making it complicated for no reason.
The simple explanation of love bombing = the bait & switch.
Mel is hard to love she gotta relax, she think everyone is out to get her she needs a chill pill how she going to find love like that
The definition Ice gave wasn't even the full definition lmao. 🙄
I sometimes wonder what Mel would be like if she had another female energy to bounce off. Sometimes, it looks like she's getting smothered by the guys. It's all fun n jokes, but it would be good to really hear what's inside her head she takes the backfoot a lot with these guys lol