living w/ my parents at 29...❤️🩹 healing diaries ep.2
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2024
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having grown up with a lot of judgment and expectations from my Chinese parents, I had mixed feelings about moving back in with them at 29 years old, after quitting my job, with no plans for the future.
however, what could have ended in tears and fights turned out to be a peaceful time to nest, as I realized my parents love my unconditionally, and it should not be taken for granted.
In this vlog, I'll take you through a day in my life living with my parents, and my journey of healing from childhood trauma as well as recent stresses.
i'm so grateful to have a home I can always come back to.
sending love as always. hope you find peace on your healing journey too✨
xx,
Evelyn
🔖 CHAPTERS
00:00 intro + morning routine
01:15 first German class!!
02:55 room tour
05:38 finding comfort at home
07:35 healing my relationship with parents
09:52 my therapy routine
10:52 dealing with guilt
14:14 what's next
☕️ SUPPORT
i quit my job to make content for you full time:)
buy me a coffee here: ko-fi.com/tapiocapress
...so you have more videos to watch, and I don't have to sell my soul to corporate (again)
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💌 RESOURCES (for healing)
BOOKS
the origins of you by Vienna Pharaon - amzn.to/3wc6BAx
the body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk - amzn.to/44kJ1OS
no bad parts by Richard Schwartz - amzn.to/3xTWmBw
PODCASTS
tara brach - open.spotify.com/show/37McjD0...
raising good humans - open.spotify.com/show/2NCujIi...
OTHER
self compassion - self-compassion.org/
👀WATCH MORE
last time I spent time w/ parents - • life in China | reconn...
@cupofjasmien healing her relationship w/ parents - • Healing My Relationshi...
why i quit my job - • Quitting My Job Diarie...
why i decided to move back in w/ my parents - • moving back in w/ my p...
🎵 MUSIC
Epidemic Sound (1st month free) share.epidemicsound.com/o2pwcw
🙋🏻♀️ HELLO
Hi, I’m Evelyn✨
➭ how old are you? 29 (born in 1994)
➭ where do you live? China (for now), moving to Berlin🇩🇪
➭ what's your MBTI? INFP
➭ what was your job before you quit? consultant/program manager
✨ SUBSCRIBE
on this channel I share my life as a recent corporate drop out, going on a journey of growth and self-discovery to (hopefully) figure out what I want to do, and where I want to be. Grateful to have you here:)
FTC: this video is sponsored by Lingoda. some of the links are affiliate links meaning I earn a small commission if you make a purchase through them, but it doesn't cost you any extra. thanks so much for your support!
Edited with Gling AI: bit.ly/46bGeYv
#lingoda #vlog #dayinthelife
Guilt and shame are not just an Asian thing. My parents are both gone now and I have many regrets and guilt over many circumstances. I'm in my 50's and I'm still learning. So grateful for many blessings. I enjoy your vlogs and wish you luck on all your adventures. Peace 🕊️
Asian dude in SoCal here. In my 30's and still live with my parents. Not married, no kids. Rent here is crazy high and fast ever increasing. I plan to live with them as long as I could and then maybe move to a cheaper state or just live out of my car. With my income I just cannot afford to live in the states :(
It’s nice to see the younger generation have better life than their parents generation. It means that people have more freedom, more options and more opportunities. It’s a good thing. I am proud of you! 👍
Omg! I died 😂 when the grandma walked into your shot. Definitely did not give a f@#$!
I completely relate your feelings of guilt. As an African kid growing up in the US I struggled living up to the expectations of living the life that my immigrant mother deemed successful. Until I found myself burnt out, severely depressed and suicidal because I came to realize that I was living a lie and I didn't know myself. That's when I decided to start living my life for me. I've structured my life in a way where I can take long breaks from work to use that time to travel. Whereas my mother is in her late 60s and all she's ever known is work. As much as I struggle with the guilt and constant judgement for the way I've chosen to live my life, the happiness I feel and freedom I have to be myself is so worth it.
I am going through the same thing
Don't be a coward and help your mother, no excuses, fragile human
I feel your parents value the cafe and movie experience as time spent with their daughter, rather than enjoying the experience by itself. In the longer span of life going forward cafe and movies are going to be meaningless, but those time they spent with you trying to understand you better will be treasured for sure.
I love all the elderly intermissions - no fucks given. I appreciate your ability to describe how you feel very much, and the way you fearlessly face it. Looking forward to the next vlog. xxx
That guilty talk section is …. So relatable 😢😢😢
I've been a silent viewer & subscriber for awhile but wanted to let you know I relate to so much of what you're going through! Also a millennial first gen immigrant here trying to figure out what I want and deal with the guilt of living a different kind of life from my parents. But really agree that despite me and my parents' differences in mindset and values and past hurt from our relationship, as I get older I'm beginning to understand them more as humans, and cherish the unconditional love that makes us family ❤
Take care Evelyn. You are a good daughter, don't worry. You bring your parents' out sometimes and enjoy life. That's wonderful.
Bruh that popcorn explosion was wild😂😂. Also the elderly people walking into frame unknowingly actually adds to the quiet hometown video feeling that people can just walk around carefree and unaware. Same as my hometown haha
life, a continuous stream of words, dashes onward, unbroken, as we fumble to insert commas and parentheses. Yet time, an impatient editor, lingers for no one. And then, we reach the final punctuation mark: the period. author...unknown. all the best!
this video was so motivating. Last year, I was 29.. and I WISHED me and my boyfriend could move back in with his parents because our finances weren't the greatest and on top of that.. we were pregnant.. we weren't able to move back in with them, and thankfully everything is great now but just know, it's okay to move back with your parents, or even get a roommate to have access to making your future goals come true!
I relate to you about the guilt situation, I feel guilty ever since I went to college to study, but I was uncertain what I wanted to do for my life in the future, nor do I know what type of job do I want to do forever? But I studied anyway for the sake of my mom who kept pestering me to not 'waste time'. I felt like my life is a ticking time bomb. I haven't had the chance to explore what I really like, what I'm good at and what I enjoy doing so at that time of my life, I felt so guilty for just studying in college because I knew for certain once I graduated it might be 'wasted' their money. But, these thoughts aren't true at all, it was just my mind and behaviour having that habit to think I have to have it all together by this certain age, having to be in top daily performance and not complain when you dislike something, I just felt like there was no boundary between serving others healthily vs serving others to the point you're depressed but you have to surpress those sad emotions because you were taught since young that others comes first and that is the right thing to do and if you think about yourself for one second before others you are guilty and bad. So, it kind of produce this mindset of me to just care for others first, because now (I'm still working on it) if I care about myself I feel selfish and guilty. It took me awhile to realize that wasn't the case, and I deserve self-care time too, it just hit me that my environment and the culture around me never bother to educate me on that part of my life, nor did they ever made it feel welcoming to be part of my life. Thank you for this video though, it was nice to know someone out there was going through the same feelings with similar scenarios in life, it makes me feel less alone and somehow it comforts me, to know that I am not alone with this feeling felt nice.
i feel you on the self-care time, most of my childhood was lived on survival mode that it never occured to me, i should take care of me, and it was almost seen as selfish thing to do. its comforting taking care of ourselves too
it's a blessing that you can live with your parents, you shouldn't feel guilty. That's what family is for, to help eachother. Enjoy your parents while they're here, life is short ❤
:') this is so heartwarming to watch, and im so happy that you are able to spend this time with your parents! sending u all the love for your beijing adventures!
this was so beautiful. im so happy you and your parents are healing together
I'm tearing up (happy tears) for you! Wish you a great time with your parents before your departure to Berlin
Hi, I’m usually just a lurker but I still want to say that your journey is inspiring me to do more introspection. I never felt so understood (I have a similar background as you) and as a 23 year old with immigrant parents who had a lot of expectations growing up I’m just starting to see myself as an individual. Thank you for documenting your life and inspiring many other people.
it's crazy how grateful we feel when we come back to our roots, it's like we finally realize all the things we took for granted
I can't tell you how deeply this resonates.
I've been watching the Cdrama Best Choice Ever, and it was focused on family relationship between adult children and parents, it was especially focused on Mother-daughter dynamic ! I think you will love it !
I’m following with you through this whole journey !! I’m also 29 & just moved back in with my parents in March due to a traumatic situation I was in so I appreciate you for doing this !! & I have a LOT of the same feelings that you have about moving back in with them. I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to really “start over” & get back to myself & they have been always been the biggest blessing in my life. Thank youuuu❤
I love this series so much! It really puts perspective on how different our life paths can be from our expectations but also the fact that there's nothing wrong with that, because we're exactly where we need to be at whatever point of our lives we're in. Wishing you the best to come!
I love your approach to moving to a different country and actually learning their language. It's not that popular. I think it's a great start and will definitely impact your living experience there!
feeling of guilt before parents is definitely not just a thing of Asian kids. I so resonate with all the things you shared about. Thank you for sharing this❤
I love this so much 🥺 My favorite kind of vlogs where it's just talking about whatever and vibing around the neighborhood 😁 Wishing you the best of luck! + Very relatable situation you're going through!
Enjoyed every bit of this video! Your courage to film outdoor with grandma grandpa passing by inspires me!!!
it's so nice you're connecting with your parents this way. i know that feeling of guilt very well. but i think you shouldn't feel guilty at all, you're so thoughtful towards your parents and yourself!
also i can't wait for your vlogs from berlin, i live in germany :)) i wish you all the best
I see so much of myself in you, like we are going through the same things and I'm so glad I found your channel, I'm really excited to see what comes next for you! I hope everything goes well for you, sending you lots of love 🫶🏻
Your videos are incredibly comforting to me❤️ I appreciate how open you are with your journey- it’s helping me with mine as well. Looking forward to your next vlog!
I can relate to you so much. You are like a soulfriend to me in the interwebs. Please share more about your thoughts and thank you for being vulnerable.
I definitely feel the guilt thing a lot! Ever since moving to the US and making a life for myself, I often feel guilty splurging on trips and things because I feel like my mom deserves that money instead. It’s definitely something I’m working through in therapy 😅
Awesome vlog! It's funny how you are explaining something really interesting and get random people just interrupting the flow !
I can relate to you in some parts. Latin American parents are a lot like Asian parents. In my case, I'm working as a PM, trying my best to be a good professional and build a nice life for myself and people around me but it seems that my parents will always be disappointed in me no matter what I do. It's never enough for them and I know that even if I become super try hard again and get a better job that pays more even if I get burnout, I know even there it won't be enough and there'll be something else they think I must reach. I've been slowly healing and learning not to live by anyone's expectations and follow my own dreams even if they change, even if they don't make sense for anyone else. It's hard because I feel, well... guilty, of course and it's hard for me to feel like I'm doing the right thing when I know they feel it's not enough and that I could do better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts while you go through this journey. Good luck!
I can relate to so much of what you’ve said! So happy you’re on the right path for you and you’re giving yourself grace!
OMG I am gonna cry at the end!!!! The content is so relatable ❤❤❤
I relate to what you said so much !
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts on this. I can't wait to see you grow on this journey ☺️
great vlog, Evelyn! 🤩thanks for taking us with you around Shenyang - enjoy this time with your parents and focus on what will come next! 🌻
Just moved back to Beijing from my parents house a few days ago. I can totally relate to your words about guilt and healing as a 20 something Asian girl. You must be a kind person to be able to put down those feelings into words.
I always love your vlogs Evelyn! It's amazing and endearing to see you share your feelings with us, and to see how both you and your parents are stretching and catching up to each other. 💗✨ That's some real healing and growth.
I'm also inspired by your therapy routine and always inspired by your life organizing tactics! Sending much love! 💖
I feel like as part of getting older I started to relate to my parents (and grandparents!) in a completely different way. I'm in my early 30s now, which is also the age from which I kinda remember my parents living life and doing stuff 😂 (my mum was 30 when she had my little sister). So now whatever hardship I'm going through, I start to remember something similar my parents/grannies absolutely must have gone through. However, as a child I could only sense that there was something major there that either I can't understand from a child's pov or they're not telling me. These days I'm processing my memories of seeing all the adults around me figuring life out, I get to ask them as many questions as I can while I can, which also enriched our bond. That's the most satisfying and educating part of my personal discovery, to be honest.
Thank you for this video, it helps me knowing there are more of us! Soon I'm going to Germany to live with my mom for a few weeks, we are really close and spend a lot of time together, but despite that I always feel like a stranger in my hometown. I'm fairly sure that's because of a difficult youth, my mixed cultural identity & living abroad for over 12 years by now. Memories from my teens creep up to me the moment I arrive at the airport. I wish to change that for myself but also so that my mom would feel like I truly appreciate being there! Your video gave me a bit of comfort and encouragement :) Lots of luck to you & feel free to hit me up if you make it to Germany!
can you share more about the visa application process for moving to germany?
really get it when you said about being guilt having / doing nice thing when your parents couldnt experience the same tg. Lets try our best to be treat them nicely while they're still around tho it can be challenging
videos r getting better n better！！
I really enjoyed this video. Heartfelt, honest and raw. It’s really inspiring to see this, Evelyn
This was such a beautiful and healing video ❤
Really appreciate your introspective attitude and views on life. Looking forward to the Beijing vlog!
fun journey!!! much love
wowowow - i moved back in with my mom and stepdad at 28 and then lockdown hit and i was there til i was 30.. it will have its ups and downs and sidewayses but you’re already doing the “right” things - continue to take care of yourself! i’m a new subscriber and i’m loving your content!!
Thank you for showing us a slice of your life😊
thank you for posting ❤❤
This is a such healing episode. As a Chinese fob who grew up in China, I struggled the most is the relationship with my mom. It is hard to forgive when the bandage is ripped off over and over every time when I interact with her. Hearing you say these words made me feel stronger and more resilient.
also did you read 韩寒 where you were teen...? just wondering
I just signed up for the Lingoda sprint for German as well! Super excited in making my plans to move more real
love your energy ❤❤❤❤
New subscriber here.🤗 I’ve moved back home twice before I created the life I wanted. You’ve got this!💞
the grandma coming so close to the camera, imagine she would've just snatched it :'D that would be my biggest fear when vlogging in public.
I also can relate so much to feeling different from everyone else because I've been abroad so much during my life.
P.S. good luck with learning German. And I hope you like it here in Germany.
Evelyn, I'm so happy to hear things are going well thus far being back at home. Also, can we talk about how the popcorn was made?! I did not know that was how it was done .
I'm 30 I've lived with my parents on and off for the past 5 years.
It's been going well and they don't have a time frame for me to leave
I'm super busy so I'm hardly home and I'm able to save a ton of money and put some money in my parents hands
Life is good
Just wanna say I love this video and your sharings 🩵
You’re doing so well! Do not feel guilty at all
I loved this video 💕 thanks for keeping in the random pedestrians 😂✌🏽
hi sis, welcome back to home. please give my respects to ur beloved mom and dad.
i like your vlog, more nature and nice story telling skill, love! keep going. be your nature and chilling self, we love it!
seated for the moving to germany vlog with doodoo for reference (i also want to take my cat when i move)
wishing you well ❤ it’s always comforting to be back home and i’m glad you’re having a nice time
Woahh the kitty will be learning one more language soon :D
thank you 👍 I wish you the best
I love your videos ❤❤❤
How can you be soooo nonchalant when vlogging or filming in public? I hope to be as confident as you are. Hehe
That walking in front of the camera seemed purposeful 😂 love that person
👍🏼 Ich wünsche Dir viel Erfolg und Glück in Deutschland, Du bist herzlich willkommen. Es ist mutig solch einen Schritt zu gehen 🍀
Omg! I must attracted you over to Beijing somehow🎉 been meaning to write to you and express my gratitude for a while now. Sending you lots of love and you will get my mail soon😊
Love 💗💗
I discovered ur chanal a 2 hours ago
And i Love u ur voice vlogs ❤❤❤❤🎉 i feel Peace
Being asian, I definitely relate to your explanation of guilt. It's definitely an Asian parent thing.
I got so excited at the shots of Ireland like OMG i live there 😂
I'm currently living alone at my parents house.. and i kinda missing of the moment when i live with my parent.. (they moved to our hometown)
That lady right infront of your camera was such an icon 😂
Welcome home
Beautiful ❤
Hello, you were near Hou Hai lake ? Many time I was there, so nice place, so nice remembers. Hope this year I will be able to go there again.
the comedic timing of people walking in front of your camera 😂
I also have to say healing with other people comes from communication. I’m sure the open and honest communication y’all had these couple weeks def helped
why berlin? what are you going to do right there?
❤❤❤
I feel like there isn’t such a thing as your parents’ house in the Chinese mindset per se. Because it’s always our house. As a 42 years old who moved to the States when I was 16, I never would thought my parents’s house is just their house. Maybe I am just old school. However my parents would never consider our house as theirs for some reason. Just wanna share this interesting thought. Best wishes from Seattle…
Holy mother 😮 I must live under a *rock* !!
What you say about the book “Origins of You” at around @8:00
I’ve literally been trying to convince everyone i meet that human behavior exists in patters that we’re not aware of.
I mostly get rebuffed for talking about something I shouldn’t be expected to know anything about because I’ve never read books like these or any kind of self awareness/self improvement type material. I’m not particularly interested in consuming this kind of content either but I have started to come across little snippets of it like through vlogs like yours.
Point is, this is one of my theories that I’ve been trying to convince everyone I meet of. It’s one of the theories I’ve discovered that helped me heal from clinical Depression all on my own and it’s helping my husband heal from some of his old wounds through the practice of becoming more aware of his patterns, etc. and the realization you discovered about not being defined by your parents’ expectations, etc at @9:50 is also part of my theory called Evolved Empathy. Through that theory, not only are we all responsible for our own healing but it’s not possible to blame anyone else for our traumas to the extent that everyone is damaged or unhealed in so many ways and it is impossible for us to know to what extent.
My Evolved Empathy Theory doesn’t mean that we can’t hold people accountable for hurting others in serious ways. It’s a theory that, when practiced, puts us on path of detriggering ourselves from the traumas caused by others.
Anyway, that freaked me out that there’s a book about this. Most of the people I try to convince are very involved in consuming this kind of content so I’m surprised they haven’t encountered this book and I will definitely be recommending it ❤
I’m a new *subscriber* (~a week old) and I really love the pace and creativity of your vlogs. Your personality. ✨
can you talk more about your experience in the us and why exactly you left?
The issue you have with your dresser turned work desktop is my problem at my parents’ home too 😭
Adorei o vlog e as reflexões. Estou com 27 anos e tenho vivenciado algumas coisas que você está sentindo, como dormir na casa do meu pai depois de tantos anos desde que saí da casa dele pela última vez e fui morar com minha avó e depois com minha mãe e agora morando "sozinha" com meu namorado. E foi tranquilo, não me senti assustada, apenas previamente. Anotei o livro que você citou e vou deixar um que talvez você goste que se chama "O livro que você gostaria que seus pais tivessem lido: (e seus filhos ficarão gratos por você ler)", sim o título é enorme e eu li especialmente porque quero ser mãe um dia mas acredito muito que mesmo que você não queira, a gente acaba entendendo por que nossos pais agiam da forma da agiram e por que eu ajo da forma que ajo sobre algumas coisas. Espero que goste.
看你的視頻讓我非常的放鬆
your new watermark is👌
when are you moving to Berlin? Let's do a collab once you get here 😄🚀
Viel Erfolg beim Deutsch lernen! Wann ziehst du nach Deutschland? Liebe Grüsse Susanne
Hi Evelyn! new subscriber here - I wonder what your plans are in Berlin?Will you be studying or working as a RUclipsr?
This is just a comment to send you some love across the globe. ❤
Learning German - ouch - good luck - follow a Vietnamese blogger who lives in Germany with her bf and her videos about learning German is hilarious - like u - uuu - uuu - uuuhh
My home language is a Dutch dialect with Germanic roots but we have a far simpler grammar like no use of neutral or gender variants of words :).
I think mental health is the most important thing in life but as a man, i think we internalise all the negative things a lot more because quite frankly noone wants to hear it and noone cares. It's sad but true, as men we just need to suck it up and deal with whatever. I'm glad you have a way to deal with whatever hardships you face and i hope it works out well for you and that you have a happy and fulfilling future 😊
In the 5:29 you can see how it is to try to make friends in these days 😢
Evelyn, im so happy that you can do what you like to do. I am very different with you and found that what you do is irresponsible. At your age, you dont work, you dont pay any expenses and still live with your parents is something that I cant think or . why did you left your job at the first place. I mean no offense, I am just trying to understand the way you think of this life.