Dating Advice for Adults With Autism
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- A program in Calgary is helping adults with autism learn social skills to navigate the world of dating.
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"not everyone nice to you wants to date you". I think even neurotypicals need this reminder myself included LOL
on God man these females be giving mixed signals like a broken antenna
BUT then who wants to date you????
"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!" comes to mind
Yeah that's literally for everyone haha
Oh, my gosh! I remember being so nervous that night when they filmed us during our date because of the interview. Being with Duncan (the amazing, handsome guy I was with who's also my boyfriend) is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I feel extremely lucky to have been dating him for over the past 3 years! ❤️😍☺️
I still find my voice cringe-worthy when I was talking though. I really don't like how it sounds. 😖
Hey, it's great to see that you found eachother and got into a relationship! I wish you two the best.
Most peopple actually don't like their voice when hearing it from a video/recorder. You'll probably get used to it after a while though.
You're cute together, btw. I'm happy for you.
Congratulations to you both. You make a great couple. Best of luck to you! :)
Brittany Morrison The best wishes in the world, also is not easy to speak in front of a camera and a crew. :3
Brittany Morrison im so jelly
I'm autistic and I've been watching millions of dating advice videos, and I still haven't got a clue.
Brooklyn Daniel same.
@Jane lane i have ASD too and heres a tip, just go in... take for example a subject you really like and use it to start a conversation, if you are having a hard time doing it, get a "wingman" just to start a conversation and be clear that you are on the spectrum , if you cant get a "wingman" buddy to help you, start by text, its so unusual that people tend to get along and its easier to get the conversation going, the thing is there is prejudice, and in dating/relationships people tend to aclimate to their S.O so if someone would like you, or to go on date with you, they dont care about you having trouble talking back to them or starting a conversation, being yourself as weird as you may appear is allways the best answer if you want a S.O as for dating for other reasons... i cant help im romantic but im asexual. idk if it may help someone, as its mostly encouragement text, but go for it, and im not kiding a neuro typical wingman DOES HELP A LOT.
Brooklyn Daniel Just be attractive, that’s all it takes.
best advice i've had for dating is to focus internally.... make YOU your partner for however long it takes. be your best self... if you are focused on building value within yourself, someone deserving of you will take notice.
Poor guy hope you get through it I have it too man aspergers.
This makes me feel so lucky. I have moderate autism and I'm incredibly blessed to have someone to share my life with. He has autism too, as well as ADHD, epilepsy, mild learning difficulties and other complex needs. We both need 24hr care, and we do it for each other. He completes me :)
Odd question, but are you homosexual? I don't want to sound offense, but through my research I have sort of found the M/M relationships work better than M/F. Regardless, good for you.
Thank you so muhc for sharing!
This makes me so happy. This should be a class in every US high school.
I'm autistic too. It was hard. I learned how to be social and how to dress by working in night clubs. Not the healthy way like this.
Yeah right Gothic. I call bs on you. You aren't autistic. You are just saying that to reach to a certain demographic of only fns. I call bs on you!
There should be classes for all students regarding relationships, and how to navigate them, not just students on the spectrum.
@@taras3702 This!
I wish all of them the best of luck and happiness. I am autistic myself and have had quite a few relationships in my life that taught me many things about other people and myself. I've been heartbroken and I've been happy. I'm currently in a relationship now and so far it's going ok
wow :D
Life on Tutorial mode.
Why the hell isn't this being taught in the states. I wish more programs like this existed.
*****
these programs do not exist in NY. Trying to find programs like these are scarce.
Toatally agree! It should be mandatory for schools to teach this so these people can get the most out of life!
Kaufmancab51 bec they don't care about people mainly it's pathetic
me too homie; I for one am doomed
jack bran They don't care about Israel.
Never began for non-NTcels :(
Beyond brutal
Fr that is the biggest disability you can as an incel,plus being sub5
@@alas6260 Truly I can't even make friends to cope despite our issues being relatable.
@@IntentionallyBiased who? Black Bill? I don't know anyone named Bill
It is never too late. I lost my virginity at 27 and didn't actually ask a girl out until just a month or so ago, when I was 33. She said yes but the date didn't go too well. This may not be appropriate for most folks on the spectrum but I went to a strip club alone just a few weeks ago. This was HUGE for me. I used to have severe touch aversion but having a cute girl on my lap not only did not trigger me, I actually found the sensuality and intimacy enjoyable. I still struggle to socialize but I take it one day at a time. It would be nice to find someone also on the spectrum but others like me are few and far between in my small town. I may not be the only one here, but people like me keep the way we are on the down-low here. Not exactly the most enlightened place.
damn, that's awesome!! do you still go to these clubs till these days, in 2022?
You need a big jar of phenibut. Trust me, game changer
@@shannonricelewis6016 Why?
This is the most amazing thing. They are such amazing teachers/helpers. My heart melted a little!!!
I am an older aspie, recently widowed, wife lost battle with cancer Dec 7, 2015. It is the will of my late wife that I go on with my life, if I find another romance go for it.
Damn, sorry dude, that sucks. I hope you can recover.
thank you so much
Indeed, try being 70 homosexual with ASD and very well adapted single and hoping, good luck huh? And good luck to you sir.
healthmusic I'm sorry for your loss. I've got Aspergers too and dating was a drag before I got married.
Sending you good thoughts. My husband passed 2 years ago, I am an aspie too and dating seems like climbing Everest.
I’ve been struggling and searching for answers to this ever since elementary school. I’m 24 now, and I’m absolutely speechless.
I’m also on the spectrum and dating is so hard. I don’t have as much trouble making friends as some of the guys in this video (though that’s certainly something I’ve had to learn) but the world of dating is so foreign to me. My friends often struggle to understand that I just don’t get any of it and how someone kinda needs to spell out to me how to do it.
Who else tried to watch the video but they couldn't because it made them anxious so they just read the comments?
4:10 "Not everyone that is nice to you is flirting with you." Ok, can I just... This is some very good advice for people with autism, but I feel that it seriously needs to be taught in school so EVERYONE can be aware of that simple fact. I don't know if it's because my very probable Asperger's syndrome (I haven't yet been officially diagnosed) is causing me to accidentally send the wrong signals and preventing me to notice when my behavior is being mistakenly interpreted as flirting, but I keep finding myself in very awkward situations all because I'm generally nice to people and like to smile. It's extremely frustrating when you clearly tell someone that you aren't interested in that way and yet what you say doesn't matter at all, because apparently, not being a rude brute makes it perfectly obvious that you're just playing hard to get. If so many neurotypical people get this all wrong, just imagine how impossibly confusing this is to people on the spectrum, for whom basic interaction is already so challenging. I think I might greatly benefit from a class on how to efficiently let people down.
Faunatik Very valid and great point.
Shufei I was this same way, too. So, I decided to ignore them if unsure what their true intentions or actions are and to then just be bold and make the move to ask the guy out if I want a partner. That way, I know then the intentions easier of the other person. Plus, I get to have a relationship when I am ready, that way, not unpleasantly taken off guard.
I'm mildly autistic and I've had girls flirting with me but I never notice it in the moment. I usually reflect on the situation afterwards and think "ohhh maybe they were flirting with me". Still don't know how to respond to flirting, though.
I'm not sure what you're trying to say exactly. But it is understood that men generally misinterpret casual friendliness for flirting, whilst women misunderstand flirting for casual friendliness. That is because men tend to over rate themselves and women under rate. Note this applies to neurotypicals.
Is there not a dating service for people who are autistic, through which to circumvent the unnecessary games that one must play to meet someone? There is a danger that putting on a false self to sell oneself to someone starts things on a foundation of deception.
Robert Vincelette There is. It's called Match.com.
You know what, that was entirely in poor taste. I definitely didn't think that comment through. My bad.
Richard Williams It wasn’t in poor taste.
Google 33secrets to dating mastery
There is an aspie site actually. I forgot the name..
About to turn 33 and sadly I've involuntarily never had a single romantic relationship in my entire life. I wish there was a program like this available when I was younger, because it's too late.
James Trout Maybe take the idea to your local community services. Show them this video.
33 is so young. My 56 year old coworker is planning to get married to the woman of his dreams next year. You have plenty of time.
it's never too late, buddy. you got this. also please don't listen to anyone who talks about the "dating market" they typically aren't very successful with romantic relationships
nothing's too late, my friends uncle got married at 62 his last relationship was when he was 16 (he's not been diagnosed with anything but he has a lot of social problems and lived essentially like a shut in)
its never too late friend!! we are in this together!! the autistic community has your back ;D
Paul, God bless him, doesn't elaborate and I can't stop. I hear myself going on and on, but I just can't turn it off.
It is so over, mang.
@Mr. DymeHero NTpill destroyed me
I'm 24 and never thought I would get a girlfriend, my social skills are terrible. I'm so shy and awkward. Recently I met a girl who I'm now in a relationship with for the first time. I couldn't believe she wants to be in a relationship with me. It's difficult because I feel awkward when we do romantic things, especially touching eachother and flirting but it's a challenge I am proud to be taking. For anyone, whatever your age, it is possible. We've all heard this advice so many times before but ignored it, but what worked for me is joining a group and getting to know people with similar interests as me. Good luck.
very nice, are things still going well?
@@xxxCrackerJack501xxx Thanks for asking. I had a good relationship, but eventually it ended. I'm going on a date tomorrow... well we didn't actually say it's a date, but I'm meeting her for dinner so I think it is 😅
My social skills are still bad and I'm still awkward at flirting and touching.
@@brandon3872 Sorry to hear that first relationship didn't workout, don't worry though you'll find someone right, I wish you luck on your date :)
I still keep trying too after a lot of heartbreak, I recommend trying to turn any awkwardness into humor. Jokes/laughter can go a long way it's helped me a lot with social situations in the past, the current girl I'm seeing is actually autistic too and I found it's really nice having someone who knows what it's like not thinking the same way everyone else does
It's all over for these guys.
stop it
stop it
Bruh
Not for the top hat guy. That is a man of culture!
This program sounds amazing and is so important for social emotional health!
''So achingly honest, without game or guile'' Such a fabulous way to conclude the video. These traits are near impossible to find among normal people.
Awwwww how sweet I myself feel I may have slight autism as I don't really have many friends and I have social anxiety I feel I am in most cases being excluded for being different which as a result causes me to suffer depression and anxiety however I am not letting it avoid me have a share of living the life. I have a job and also studying again😊 I don't want to be in my elderly stage and regretting the things I did not do because of my individuality that is holding me back.
Luke Allan you might have Aspergers/bipolar. It's a common combination and can be managed.
It is touching to watch these sweet young people. I hope they each find someone good.
I'm 48 and probably as Aspie. I've had several relationships and two marriages. A lot of acquaintances, but I've been afraid to develop deeper friendships with women. I've just this past seven months started focusing on building friendships with other women, as well as seeking out volunteer opportunities. Social skills are still difficult for me, but I'm trying. I would like to date again -- and I've had several male FRIENDS -- but I'm picky and there just aren't that many quality, good looking, intelligent, healthy AND available men in my area. My target age range to date is from 44 to 53.
When my neighbour told me to stop stalking people on Facebook, I thought about how to tell the differences between befriending and being creepy, although it is easier to talk to guys instead of girls, and I'm a guy.
That guy in the top hat lmao 😂😂😂
Autistic Abe Lincoln.
I thought Abe Lincoln was dead
I'm Autistic and female but I don't see the point of dating. I would rather be alone than try to understand rules that don't make sense. When I was in high school I made the mistake of thinking that someone liked me when they were actually just being friendly. They actually though I was weird and told me they didn't want to see me again or have anything to do with me. I felt crushed but it helped me realize that I'm just not meant to be with people in that way. I'm almost 30 now and don't plan on dating at this point. I'm too old to care.
I'm not functioning enough to live independently or work so I don't think I could make another person happy anyway.
This program looks amazing. I wish there were something like it
im not autistic but a loner i am
i never had friends so i never socialized with people
i have the social skills of a autistic person (nonexistence)
slowly im understanding and chaing my life
my life changes every year physically and mentally
As a "NT" let me tell you.. Dating is tough in general. To anyone out there on the spectrum, please realize there is someone out there for you, waiting for you to enter their life. Please stay positive, be true to yourself, practice strengthening your weaknesses(we all have them) and don't ever give up
I have tried for years I had one date after I graduated high school. The date went well but she called me a freak on snap months later. I have tried but never had a date after.
There isn't someone for everyone, it is pure cope.
i'm 22 and i haven't found someone i had plenty relationships that went okay i guess. but i experince heavily mood swings and depression now soo i haven't been dating for some time.
I wish their was a support group like this in my city.
What about girls cuz I'm a girl and I need advice
I don't knoooooooooow! Where you're going...or when you're coming hooooooooome! I left the keys under the mat to our front dooooooooor! One last chance to hold you close, I don't knoooooow where you're going!
One problem I see a lot with people these days is dating way above your league. Ive dated women above my league and got heart broken because they found better men,
Well, although I’ve never dated, I’m only interested in girls out of my league. I’m not at all interested even in average-looking girls.
The program do learn me to connect more with people but it almost feel
Like there forcing me do more
I always challenged myself like
With my weight gain and lose
And testing social skills to
A point I don’t feel alone no more
Like sitting down in the open in the garden I deal with being myself
And not hiding in a mirror
When I was a child I would sit any where but I always feel like shut down
And learn my self to cut my emotions out when I saw none sitting next to me
I did feel hurt but didn’t show it
I do feel that people watching me every time I stare in front of me
I not perfect but in my mind I am perfect and control the most stuff
How I feel how I walk and be free
But now I see because I pray to
God to help me with one wish
I like being different. There is nothing wrong with them, they’re intelligent.
In my country, I was only diagnosed at age 35. I'll be 38 this week. Nobody cared enough to even try to do something like this for people like me where I'm from. That's the USA for a Native American woman. I have been married for nearly 9 years though, and my husband is learning more about Asperger and helping every step of the way. By US standards, I'm relatively lucky
Well I'm not autistic but Iam quite shy
@HBOX1000 No, autistic people can be shy, but many are also loud and outgoing
l'm 41. Never had a date. Autistic. l don't like social gatherings at all as l can't be bothered with small talk. Women sense something wrong. l never speak to women and haven't for 20 years. l spend all my time in thai boxing now. When l tell people about me? They are shocked because they say l am handsome etc etc. Basically, people like me are f.....d
Well. That'll be me in 21 years...
I can understand what the point of this is but all it seems to be doing is explicitly training them to mask in a situation where it is extremely dangerous to do so for the sake of a relationship
2:50 This part about lack of elaborate asnwers totally clicked with me. People come to me and ask "Hey how's your borther doing?" and i just say "Well, he's doing fine" and the other person just keeps expecting the rest of my answer even though i don't anything else to say. I have no idea what else i'm supposed to say.
I didn't even think it was weird, everyone is like that up here in Scandinavia lol
Love that guys hat.
Its over for these GUYS
This should be available to all austistic people. I know a 15 year old boy who just raped a 5 year old little girl and got away with it. Even blaming her and saying that she raped him. He comes from a family who allowed him to masturbate openly and put his semon on family members. Programs like these are so important because so many "guardians" don't know what the hell they're doing.
Ashley Boyd that's a damn lie that shit never happen
A story that big ought to receive news coverage. Give me a link to prove that you're not bullshitting.
Citation needed
Ashley Boyd attention seeking little girl.
Ashley Boyd I'm happy Ash and Serena will end up together at the end 😍.
i wish i can find a place like that for my son out here in Myrtle Beach!!!!
Heart warming - my guess is once in a relationship they would be a wonderful partner.
cope
as a autistic person, i'm very happy and proud that someone could overcome it
Dating was a drag. Now that I'm married, it's less stressful. I've got Aspergers and he's ADHD.
I think everyone needs to be taught to date
"A small chat"
I cannot😨
Starting to feel like I'm autistic xP
He doesnt have to be with someone else on the spectrum.
aw girl at the end was so wholesome
Why don't we have this in California? I could have used this!
That top hat should get that guy a date.
Nothing here for women I think it’s better to learn from drama classes and watching lots of people in social situations over time you can learn
Seriously!! I was hoping for something as a woman with late diagnosis!
We dont have kind of support in south yorkshire england im struggling be understood , to get the extra help i need to get in a stable job instead temp jobs ive had up and down never mind dating
sim_ tastic vids I’m from South Yorkshire, too! I could also do with some support, to be honest. I hope something comes up at some point.
It over
Never began for them
How do you know
Maybe
Wow what an awesome program :) I think we as people should also walk towards and be more open towards those who don't know how to socialize naturally. The more we try that the better they will get 👍🙌.
Bessy Habtom That is true. Most people who haven't talked to me might think I'm shy and quiet (which I sometimes can be), but if you approach me first or show interest first, most of the time, that's all it takes. I'm not adept at initializing and maintaining conversations unless I know their topics.
Well this explains all my short term relationships
These are my dudes!!! so much inspiration!!
I'm very happy for all of them!
I'm 18, might get a good first job, have low levels of autism. gradurating from highschool in 4 months. and still single.
Brendan Mehling Good luck, my friend. I'm 20 & have been out for 3 years. I should probably socialize more; in all honesty, I'm holding myself back.
Huzaifa Ahmed Well i am not interested of having boyfriend, i better live alone and spend time with friends. :)
That’s okay, Brendan. I’m neurotypical and I’m turning twenty in a few days, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Try to enjoy the single life and don’t let it affect your self-esteem. :)
Thanks guys. I’m Planing on going to Lincoln electric to lean how to weld, plus working at a manufacturing plant for now
Wonderful. I did similar work in England. I hope to do the same again.
this seems like a great program, i wish it existed in brazil so i could learn these social skills to finally get a girlfriend xD i love this girl, i just dont know how to talk go her more naturally without paralyzing and panicking 💀 lol
There was a time when I was working at my job my coworkers told me that another coworker had feelings for me. I assumed that they were pranking me and that no one would ever have feelings for someone like me.
They told me to go ask her out on a date and I was really paranoid and afraid that if I go ask her out on a date she was going to get upset and think that I’m stocking her and call the police on me that and reject me.
I obviously held the first part to myself but I told the coworkers that I did not think they were telling me the truth and that they were making it up.
Lo and behold I did what they suggested that I do and I went and asked out the girl and instead of asking her out on a serious date all I said to the girl was this would you like to go out and get some coffee just friends one day in the future and just as I expected I got the response of no, which Since I was expecting it so badly I showed a little or no emotion and I simply told the coworkers that I was right that they tricked me.
When I asked the girl why she rejected me she surprised me by telling me that it was because of my negativity not because she was not interested. I was not negative to her when I asked her out but she must’ve got wind of how I reacted to the coworkers news that she had feelings for me as no one has ever shown interest in me and everyone had rejected me the past which I always anticipated regardless
I don't talk much and I am happy with myself
i recently got into a relationship and i find our conversations running dry. so any advice to get a fun conversation going and staying.
i have not told a girl she looks nice/great
i would not know how to say it
Its like learning how to mask
I wish there was a program like this in my area
Awwwweee. The couple on the date. 😘😘😘.
I would love to have this dude's job!
I am 18 and i have pdd i remember how it was going on my first date
Amazing, seeing the end of this nice video, noticing the side profile of all these nice young people ~~~> why is everyone in beginning stages of kyphosis (slumped, forward head posture)??
my cousin is 20 and he’s never talked to anybody or had a girlfriend. closest interaction was him stalking a group of girls in senior year and got the cops on him. any help
He Sounds strange
The couple at the end is so cute.
I've been kind of lucky to have a relationship or two...they didn't work and it was because of me. Lack of understanding, and saying something wrong were the two main factors there...which is why I've decided to remain single. I will never be able to find someone who can get me and all my quirks, and I can never be the right person for anyone, because of my quirks. Not looking for sympathy, it's just the way it is.
6:32 Absolutely right, eye contact is so essential for the culture of the US but what's the difference between eye contact and staring? How does a woman know that? Even the littlest bit of following and staring can make a woman believe that you're a Stalker or a Rapist when that wasn't even your intention. I know, I'm autistic and I learned the hard way.
TBrusk Versace Well autistic girls get the same thing from neurotypical guys as well.
There'll be no sunlight if I lose you baby! And there'll be no clear skies if I lose you baby! And just like the clouds my eyes will do the same! If you walk away, every day it'll rain, rain, raaaaaiiin! Ooooooooh.....ooooooooh.....
9:37 oh crap i relate to that so hard. Is amazing how NOW i want to date BUT when i was in school i was invited to a date 1 time but ignored her haha. And then there was another girl that was shy but she was trying to hit on me lol. I'm going straight into hell.
It seems like adults with autism are big kids, adults with a youthful attitude, they're basically a Toys R us kid. I wish them the best of luck.
While having impaired communication can lead to learning difficulties, their intelligence isn't directly impacted. If you see them as kids, understand that it's only personality-wise. Some people may take offense at this, but being an autistic person myself, I can see where you're coming from since lack of exposure can lead to nativity.
+*John Doe*
It's widely recognized that those of us on the spectrum lag with regards to emotional development. In a lot of ways I can see in myself that I'm still a kid. Years of life experience and an above average IQ, but the *EQ*...that's something else entirely.
Bloodsport1 picked up on something valid.
I feel that when I make eye contact I stare too much or not at all
Awesome. Good luck to everyone.
What if you're a type of guy whose interests are extremely different from others?
DaSynth lets pls bring up these interests
Try something new.
You don't have to share the same interests as your partner, but it helps connect you. Try to find a group for people with that interest, or try telling people about your interest. I know it's not much help, I've had similar advice before. Just keep trying.
I know my girlfriend uses my problem against me . I know she doesn't love me . I don't know how to deal with being a person I don't know what she wants or what she means .I started hitting myself to make everything calm . She is pregnant now and I can't take care of myself now I have to learn to take care of a baby
THANK YOU SO MUCH T_T I AM. LOWKEY CRYING MYSELF...................
4:36............. :'(
I want something like that for me as a 42 year old man
I don’t fear I just get easy
Shut down because I always feel
Like my talent could not help anyone
On a selfish way so I keep it to my self
When I in crowed public I use
Shopping windows to see or just
Set my hand in a fist to focus on it
So I can focus my brain on more stuff
*ahem* overrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
What would it take to do produce a video going through this program
Outstanding
awesome program
The mom touched on not talking, not elaborating. "Fine, ok, nothing, work, school" how do you deal with that in dating? I've dated on the spectrum multi times and if I try to ask them to elaborate "what'd you do" "how was that" "whatd they say" they would just shrink away and/or scream and cry and I'm like umm wait what I'm just trying to have a back and forth conversation. How do you explain you are trying to talk more with someone on the spectrum? I've tried and they just tell me they don't wanna talk and don't wanna learn how. How can you be happy by saying "fine ok" and otherwise being completely silent with your partner for hours or days on end?
that's the best part
But why would I want to date? Sounds like a waste of time.
Nekros sounds like you're too insecure
TheRyanDudeMan Nope. Just not neurotypical.
Nekros So, you think just because you might have had one bad experience that it's a complete waste of time? My gf always makes even tne worst of days my best, it's not as much as a waste of time as you think it is
TheRyanDudeMan Bad experience? I think you're projecting your own insecurities here.
I just don't see the fun in having another person invade my privacy.
Nekros Nope, haven't had a single bad one, that depends on the person. My gf is fine with me not sharing certain things with her. She respects my privacy and I respect hers
2:10 Hey he's got a HIM Shirt!
Ok, I was in retail business for half a century, learned "the language", necessary to make/keep customers, make a living, yet most friendships ended soon from mostly bored fatigue or missing cues bad timing, simply can't maintain relationships of any kind, except for maybe dogs/goats :) Dating advice ~ DON'T ~ not worth mental preparations, brake in precious routines, anxiety with likely betrayals/being used, better to rent it, learn to accept solitude guilt free!
Learning how to elaborate, won't be as simple as becoming less shy for that guy. because autistic people like me, and him have language impairments that make it almost impossible to elaborate on things and express ourselves even if we're trying our hardest to. I feel like I will never be able to express myself or elaborate on things I'm just too autistic😢