For women in pursuit of motherhood and a career | Irene Mora | TED Institute
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- Опубликовано: 7 янв 2018
- Irene Mora credits her own ambition and drive to her mother, the successful CEO of a multinational company. From her unique childhood -- hopping around the world and being exposed to new environments -- Mora learned valuable skills that later informed and helped her excel in business, including adaptability, authenticity and independence. Mora encourages mothers to pursue a family and a career -- their kids may just thank them for it.
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I understand the desire to build a career, make money, be successful and always move to the next level professionally. To some extend, I’m driven by this same ambition. But I also know how it feels to be the only kid in school that is not picked up on time or who doesn’t have lunch packed for them. That’s why I strongly believe in moderation. Sometimes adults get too absorbed with their own objectives and put themselves first, above family’s needs. To some extend that is understandable because having children doesn’t mean and shouldn’t mean that you as an individual disappear, but sometimes people’s pursuit of career success becomes almost an obsession and the children’s needs aren’t taken into consideration anymore. Beware of extremes in life…. They hardly bring any good.
Thank you for confirming that no matter what children will always love their mothers and never judge them for professional choices they make.
My mom was 36 when my parents adopted me, and she quickly realized that motherhood wasn't for her. She later told me 'I was too smart to just sit at home'. She was a teacher and that job took all of her energy- even on weekends she had to do work. She was stressed out all the time and I was an afterthought. She has no idea who I am as a person. I was put in daycare before and after school until I was 10, and then after that I have been completely on my own after school and you can just imagine all the things I got myself into without supervision or care. I'd never have children AND a job.
❤️ I feel your words. My mom was also a teacher. They have nothing left for their own kids often times it seems after work.
Same. Until they came home very late and talked about work and drank.
Some people have to work and provide for kids. The cost of living is expensive. It’s a luxury to stay home these days :(
I work because I have to. I have 5 children including a set of twins. I have earned a bachelor's and masters degree while being a mother and wife. I remember bringing blankets and pillows to the computer lab so my daughter could sleep at my feet while I completed school work. I had a full time job. Training for my current career took me away to another state for 6 months. My eldest and only child at the time, turned out okay because I had a village. Some days i went to my mother's and my siblings would entertain her while I studied for a test in my mom's bedroom. Her grandmother watched her during evenings while I attended night classes. She didn't always have me, but she had so much love and fun with other family members. But, all my down time, was devoted to her. Today, those small sacrfices in the beginning, afforded me to have a career with weekends off, ample paid leave to attend school events, and the income to afford extra curricular activities and eventually pay for her college tuition. Lifting us out of poverty, which plagued generations before me, afforded me the ability to be more present for her later in the end without sacrificing income. I can take days off work and get paid for it. I began as a single mother determined not to live in poverty. I did eventually marry, but was already in my career and decided to stay. I have it all. I still cook dinner, I still clean house, still did yard work, went to all her games. Im STILL a homemaker, I just happen to work. I was engaged and very present in the years that mattered (school age). The greater sacrifices were made at an age that she barely remembers (pre k to 2nd grade). We have a very close relationship. Motherhood is about perspective. Selflessness and service to your children. My kids have the life I never had. My mom wasn't present. AND we were poor. Taking off work was impossible because it meant no pay. And she was already receiving low pay. We struggled. She was often too tired, too stressed and underpaid. Our relationship wasn't great. We both worked but had very different outcomes. I STILL work, with 4 children at home and 1 in college. 22,14,9, 5 (twins). My eldest cheered...I lugged myself and strollers after work with her siblings to all of her games. My sons both play basketball, I lugged twin girls in strollers to every game. And we attend church on Sundays regularly. I even sing in a traveling community choir and learned to play piano at 40...lol. You CAN have it all. ❤❤❤.
as a mum with career I wish I would love this video but no. We are talking about motherhood AND career in this talk but I only heard about career, I do believe there’s a line that you can draw to maximise both sides. Unless the speaker is encouraging working mothers to be never home for their kids.
And for Irene’s situation where her mum is never home and dad’s also working, does it mean that she took care of herself since born or she was one of the privileged ones that have nannies to take care of her? This is just not applicable to most of the working moms which are not CEOs.
Finally to Irene, don’t live under the shadow as “your mum’s daughter”. You didn’t get to choose which country to move to or when to move when you were young, but you can choose to speak in a ted talk about yourself instead of about being your mum’s daughter. You have a beautiful soul and very positive perspective of life, that is gold ❤
I needed to hear this as a mom thinking of a better career. Thanks!
She sounds like someone who had a full time nanny and idolizes an image more than the person. Giving someone your time is love.
It's very difficult to have both and be good at both at the same time. We women are just humans not superwoman. But we get judged whatever we choose. If we are educated and end up stay at home mothers friends judge us saying is it all you do? You are throwing all out the window. When we work full time we are judged because we don't spend enough time with our kids. It's a very difficult topic and I'm not sure what is best. I just remember as a child I always needed my mum at home. When she started part time jobs I was really unhappy that a stranger was takinging care of us. Fundamentally I think it's important for mothers to be with their children, that's how nature is. Choosing a big career with small kids I still think it's selfish à bit if she lives in different cities etc. I felt the girl at Ted talk was proud of her mum but sad that she wasn't her priority.
I am strong proponent of independent women but I feel pity for the infants who are left in the hands of daycare who in million years can never give love and attention like mother.
I think it is OK if mothers take 3~4 years break for their little ones .
You'll get judged for a lot of things no matter what gender u are. There will always be that one person who does such things about anything we do..we can't shut ALL the peoples mouth up..we can to some..but not all...if we are gonna do that we'll only have time for that only....as long as we know whatever we are doing is correct..we should be wise enough to ignore what that person is saying...and see the big picture..and plan our way ahead in the correct way.
I think this is a more practical way to deal with this judging issue...this have always helped me in my life.
I have to disagree with what you have said as a child of a stay at home who didn't have the option to be a career despite finding so much joy in teaching, It makes me sad that mom never got the support to pursue that. and to talk about your point of always needing your mum? well most stay at home mom aren't just catering to the child. A large part of their responsibilities is taking care of the home. I got equal amount of love and attention from mom and dad, the only difference? that while my dad was busy working, my mom was busy working AT HOME. thus the question isn't that if women can balance, the question is if their partners are ready to take half the responsibility at home, if a mother has to work and then come home AND do house chores alone of course she wont have the time for her child. It a balancing act which is not just de\pendent on the mother but also the father. we need to bring the MEN into the conversation as well. I disagree with your hypothesis that she was sad that she wasn't her mum's priority, i think she got all the love and attention she needed from her father. HE STEPPED UP. THAT WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS
I find it discouraging that people in the comments are preoccupied with diagnosing the speaker's secret childhood trauma. It's clear that she is European in origin, maybe Spanish or French with a very good naturalized English accent, and European women just express themselves differently. They're not obnoxiously bubbly like United States women.
Yea those fun bubbly women...how obnoxious...lol
Studies show that when the mom is away from her kids more than 30 hours a week then the mental health of the kids suffer but you can still be the CEO of a company working less than 30 hours a week. I do!
Thank you for sharing your story! Many times I felt guilty and asked myself if I was not failing my son.
I would pray that I have a daughter like you whenever I become a mother...!! Cheers to you for taking such a positive perspective and being able to look at the true love of your Mom beyond everything else.. !!
She sounds like someone who had a full time nanny and idolizes an image more than the person.
This is beautiful. A reminder is always needed when you forget. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thank you for this. I need this at this very moment. We need to meet your mother!
There is no way of knowing how much of Irene's talk is "making it right" so it won't hurt, and justifying her mom in order to feel good, and how much it is actually viable; no way to test how she would have been if mom was more physically and affectionately present. Sometimes declaring loudly "I am fine" is a call for help. In my parenting talks, there is almost always someone who raises their hand to say, "I was spanked and I am fine." Is he actually as 'fine' as he would have been without the spanking? And, is 'fine' good enough? At the same time it also depends on Irene's father who she mentions too briefly and who also worked... and so maybe a wonderful baby sitter?... In addition, we don't know about her birth and early years when babies do need constant holding, touching, breastfeeding and, yes, mother's full time bodily touch presence for optimal development. We all like to say that we turned out good and our parents did well, but sometimes we do so simply repeating what our parents tell us (to justify themselves), because we seek their approval and to feel better and not confront the pain. The value of this talk, from my perspective of working with thousands of families, worldwide, is that humans are resilient and can be raised in many ways, so we can be at peace with reality and not add anxiety to imperfect situations. However, that does not mean that all these different ways are equally optimal for the children. We can never know how Irene would have felt if she grew up more in her loving mother's arms.
Naomi Aldort Parenting Guidance It did bother me her mother’s answer to her mistake on the ballet clothes. I would personally apologize and admit that I made a mistake, explain the circumstances and promise that it won’t happen next time; this is what I do with my children; it teaches them that humans are not perfect, to assume responsibility, and to forgive, and also that parents are imperfect just like they are. I’ve noticed that my oldest respects me more this way and when he makes a mistake he imitates this behavior.
Naomi Aldort Parenting Guidance i like u
I agree with you generally. However, I do not with your final statement.
Or maybe she just sees the folly of making herself an everlasting victim like most western psychologists tell people to be and like you want her to be. I can never understand this push for people to continuously dwell on the negatives in their past and project everything else from that point. It is that ideology which makes you insist that this young woman somehow isn't as well turned out as she says she is. I honestly believe that this ideology is behind the high rates of suicide in the Western countries. People are constantly encouraged to dwell on a past they had little or no control over and allow it to dictate their whole existence as against accepting that the past is gone and unchangeable and now we muclst Bury it and move on to new things within our control.
I was thinking the same thoughts. Saying "I'm better off having an absent mother" is a fallacy. There is nothing to compare it to. The only study comparison she shared was basically, working mothers make working daughters. Full-time mothers make full-time mother daughters. Not much of a shocker there. Values a generally transferred from parent to child.
Ooooh this touched me so much! I feel you! I have a mother, who raised 7 children (and lost 2 babies) and she went to a foreign country to start a big business. Unfortunately I felt lonely a lot and for years, I often did not know, when she would come home. That was hard and ai still struggle with selfworth. Anyways, today I am so proud of her, she is such a powerhouse and we even started making business together. I wanted to buy rental properties and she completely jumped on the idea and also bought some and helps me a lot with it. I am 33, turning 34 very soon and I wonder, if I can do the same and make it better - persuing my career as a musician and someday become a mother. I buy rentals, because I want more freedom to be there for my future family.
One of my sisters broke up with my mother and is blaming her for everything bad in her life. It breaks my heart. I think at some point in life we have to forgive and see the good things and the power in our parents.
Thank you for this talk! 🙏
It’s good that she helped with your business but I think having your mother there for you is so important as well. I don’t know, it’s like us women have so many responsibilities I don’t know how we’re supposed to balance them all. I just hope I find a guy who is financially stable enough for me to work only part time while I raise the kids
Thank you for sharing, i am a architect and its very difficult balancing motherhood and my career.
I am the daughter of a similar mother, I am sooooo proud of my mom and always knew she loves me so much, she knows me, and that she can do anything. Now I study architecture and civil engineering. You got this! Just love them.
@@singwings Good for you and with both of those degree's, you'll be unstoppable ❤️💕❤️
@@rachelg6413 Doing what you do will show your kids how to launch. Just love them and tell them. ☺️
@@singwings Thanks you. Your so encouraging ❤️💕❤️
I needed to hear this. 🥲 Onward to be a better mom!
Wow, this was beautiful, inspiring and filled with love. This touched me so much.
Thank you so much!
My mother was working all the time, and never once did I felt loved or like she had the time to help me out with anything. Maybe some people disagree with Irene Mora, but to me this sounds amazing.
I'm sure each case in unique.
Thank you for the wonderful message, I found it so encouraging ❤ exactly what I needed to hear 👌🏻 - Jill
Great TEDx! - Flip it to test opens my mind-set. Thank you Kirsten!
like many say here, yes it is a touching speech because she's obviously speaking from the heart. However I believe that if her mother would have not made her career her priority that this daughter would have appreciated so much. I'm sure if asked if she would have preferred for her mother to be there in person instead of in spirit. I have a hard time believing that you "turned out ok" after being labeled " the motherless child". I think this woman is forgiving and kind and tries to make the best of her situation but really why do so many women do this where they choose their careers over the raising of their children. Is it because this is considered " success" ? Why can't raising your children be a success, why is it not enough ?
Where do you come from sir......do you have problems in understanding english or the misogyny in you makes you deaf
Fantastic speach! Thank you!
She give the energy of that she was a victim of abuse. She looks traumatised.
My thoughts exactly.
I am glad you focused so much on the positive.
The sacrifice that she made, shows.
Positive mind but broken heart.
When she is talking about her mother working in paris and going back to madrid only on weekends, immediately after saying that statment, she presses her lips together. What one does when talking about a painful memory . 7:31
@@Nabiyeni100 Yes, she's internally sad... And doesn't realize how traumatized she is yet. Super sad situation
Dope story should do another one
Bravo to you Irene and to your family ! I love your speech !
Touched
This is very touching and I love Ms Mora's candor.
I enjoyed this thank you
Me ha encantado Irene. Enhorabuena y felicita a tu madre también.
Virtual mom.
08:25 "my aunt showed up" 🤦 since when a relatives' help has become proper upbringing? Ok, if it is should every busy mother have a sister in touch with your kid??
She talks about her experience which could be fit to a tiny small percentage of people
I think she looks and sounds incredibly sad and defensive
I know for a fact that if aia give up my career to be a mother and I end up not working at all and just staying home, I will hate my life and resent my children. I need to have both especially - a means of income to contribute at home and do the things I want to do career-wise. Being a SAHM has never been an option for me. I see what it has done to all the women in my life and none of them are better for it. I respect SAHM and advice anyone to do what feels right for them but, giving up my career to be a mother doesn't feel right for me. I will always prioritize my family and will do that as I keep building my career, whatever that may be
sorry but this sounds like a terrible childhood. And she said it herself she was a motherless child..
Can someone show me how to find a transcript for this video?
You can just click on the 3 dots under the video and choose open transcript. I hope this helps!
Forgive me but your body language is saying pretty much the opposite and that you might be trying to justify your experience and her priorities with your words. I wish you well sister, but you seem hurt.
I felt that too
Yes. Traumatized. She'll understand after some good therapy.
Like si has llegado aqui por la entrevista a Belen Garijo, su madre en El Pais Semanal.
Beautiful
I love this!!!!
Just a lie she's trying to convince herself.
I get the feeling Irene isn't completely honest, she spent the entire talk justifying how her mother lived her life, but talked little herself and her sister.
Yes. She is trying to convince herself that she has not been impacted by how her mother chased after her career. She actually spend time researching to find evidence to convince herself that she is okey with her childhood.
Or maybe the story was about her mom and if true doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for others the same applies to if the dad is working all the time which can be another point of why woman shouldn’t feel more self conscious about working long hours cause it’s the same if a man works long hours just it’s expected by society so we don’t say your a bad dad but a lot do to woman
You know us kids just want a strong relationship with our mother. But the career can get in the way. So why she’s working on her career the kid is getting older without any connection to that mother.
Career mothers are diamonds 💎 👏 ❤
Actually, past 5-years-old if a child only has one parent it's definitely better for it to be the father. Look it up. It's probably why she turned out so good! LOL!
she is trying to sell the idea as better than taking on full time motherhood. just stop.
At the end of the day who raised the child? That’s the biggest problem society schools friends etc because mothers choosing career over a family! Why make family if ur not gonna be a mother?!!! I kind u not u have father playing they roles as father providing for his kids and u got the mother playing the same role as the father last time I check a mother raise the child not the provider when did the mother become the father? I really don’t like this public schools teach kids the same stuff honestly should be teaching boys how to be a men and husband a father and teach girls to be women wife’s and mothers
She looks sad to me. 😞
Well, she is obviously crying at the end and we have no way of knowing if she is simply moved by love to her mom, or if saying these words triggered the longing that hurts. The human mind will go through elaborate hoops to justify and avoid pain.
I disagree , working mom out of home can't balnce between motherhood and career , motherhood is more important ❤❤
Mommy made a robot
Personally I disagree, I don't think it's ideal for mothers to work that much, I think the primary focus should be the family and not their career, but I still loved hearing her perspective! It's evident her mother loved her very much and taught her so much.
Your body language is telling us another story.
Very sad TED talk. After some good therapy, she'll understand. These definitely weren't words of wisdom.
She basically is doing the laugh until you cry dance...
Sounds like a fantasy.
Ok that’s great. But now your options for male partners is very limited.
I guess...
Women could have like 3 or 4 children and after they grow up a little, they start taking care of each other. Would have to kinda put off work for some years. And, to be honest, don't go for career if possible unless you're actually passionate about it. You would be drained if you're pursuing career only for money.
Invite someone that this setup did not work, to know the other side. Could be a worthy insight.
To be honest i dont buy this
is anybody else just staring at her legs?
Sure, read the whole talk through, why not... why learn it, right? I mean, why learn to speak in public before speaking in public... this is, by far, the worse TED talk I've ever seen. 10:29 and I couldn't resist more than 3:40...
i can hear in her voice such composure and confidence and understanding of herself and the world she is part of and the gift of ... ye i cant bs any more than that