I wonder instead of feeling shameful about how your trip ended, if you could change your mindset to be proud that A) You went on the trip. You did it. No matter how you came home, you went on the trip. And B) Although you didn’t come home the way you’d planned, you did make it home, and you can trust yourself to take care of yourself even when things feel hard, and even if that doesn’t look the way you or others expected it to. Sending you lots of positive vibes. If you couldn’t tell by my 3 separate comments I really related to this entire video. Even the 3pm slump.
I would feel proud that not only did you get through 90% of the trip successfully, but when you had a panic attack, you figured out a solution. You adapted and accommodated yourself.
You are a truly lovely person. Thinking through the emotional rollercoaster of your frightening and demoralizing experience on the plane, you recognize that as a result of this painful event, that you can more fully empathize with your sister's challenges. Your kindness is uplifting. As always, you inspire me to take better care of myself, and to forgive myself when I fall short of my short term goals.
It’s interesting that the panic attack happened on the way back. Maybe you could discuss with your therapist (if you have one), what triggered you on the way back that was different from the initial two flights. Something must have triggered you and if you can discover what that is, hopefully you can have the resources next time to combat it or spot your triggers. Awareness helps. The fact that you were able to go on two flights without a problem is huge, which means you could do it again. Don’t be too hard on yourself. P.S. Lookup RUclipsr Elyse Myers, she has several heartfelt videos where she struggles with her agoraphobia and she is so relatable and funny, like you, she did not develop her panic issues until a few years ago. The self talk she uses with herself is really kind without being cheesy. I highly recommend (plus she’s hilarious!)
Love that your family is so supportive and accommodating and not shaming. Amazing. So what impact has your relationship with Steven had on your mental health and recovery? He seems extremely lovely and caring ❤️
It sounds like you did incredibly well and I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful right now! For me, my fear of flying and panic episodes made sense after I got my Autism/ADHD diagnosis. For me, it was actually environmental overwhelm which I hadn’t considered before and flying got easier once I understood that
I hope this doesnt sound trite or unsupportive, but i found what helped me when life changed with flying, (i had previously loved flying). I use over the ear noise cancelling head . I also get seats towards the front of the plane and aisle seat only. I also started little things (you may call them superstitious, but hey they work) like tapping the outside of the plane as i board. I also have a mental thing i do. Now dont laugh, but i hear jean luc picard from star trek in my head saying shields up, engage and make it so, which gives me this sense of control. It has now worked for years and i can fly without issue. It took me a number of years and flights to get here, but i kept telling myself i would not let my anxiety or fear control my life. I wish you the best.
Love you Bea! Proud of you for getting through as many parts of that journey as you did (you should be proud too!!) and hope being back in your own space has you feeling better soon 🩷
Bea I also have a horrible fear of planes and I think it's less a fear of flying and more a fear of not being able to get out of the plane if I need to, exactly like you said (a loss of control I suppose) -- but I will without fail have a panic attack if I travel specifically on planes. I am so so proud of you! It is disheartening when anxiety and fear feel like they have more control over you and you do of them, but they do not define you -- thank you for sharing this video, it makes me feel less alone and I hope talking things out helped you too! We are all just trying to be human for the first time!!
Bea please try to celebrate the positive steps that you took ❤. Plus the great memories you shared helping your Grandma get to visit her sister!!! You are a blessing to others
Hey bea, I used to struggle with panic disorder to a pretty extreme degree for a few years. Whenever I would have some time without having a panic attack and then get another, it felt a lot like having a “relapse” so I can really relate to some of what you are saying. Keep reminding yourself that just like with any growth journey, the path is non-linear. One situation does not undo all the progress you have made so far. Show yourself extra grace, love, and comfort while you take the time you need to process that situation. There is a path forward! Much love ❤
I wouldn’t be able to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks I’ve had for my whole life almost if I wasn’t taking a daily medication! So missy…. you are doing so well with what you can do and doing it unmedicated!
Panic is a real bastard to deal with Bea. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You didn't do badly, you are just dealing with a really crushing experience.
I've missed several vids so am behind but I definitely understand the setback you may feel - you did do the challenge though! You did the scary thing and also have support for the way back which is wonderful! Also, you're raising chickens?!?!?! Gurl, you're caring for many in that household!
That your mom, grammy and aunt agreed to the roadtrip shows how serious your anxiety is. And besides you don’t have to explain yourself. You are loved. We dont care about anything but your wellbeing ♥️ here for tea with bea
at the phase of celebrating small wins only as well. quit my job early this year cause my mental health took a nose dive and have been taking baby ant steps since. sending you big hugs from across the globe.
it’s something you will beat because you are not letting it stop you from putting your gram’s needs first. as a girl who gets horribly sick from planes I truly understand, I know it’s hard not to look at the one failure instead of the previous successes but that’s what you achieved before you gave in, be proud you deserve it. ❤
Hi! I recently found your channel and been catching up as I’m bed bound with a broken ankle. I really appreciate your candor about challenges in life and mental health, as well as your lighter side! I’m looking forward to joining you on the journey from now on!
For me, emotional fatigue can trigger anxiety and panic. Maybe by the trip home you had spent all your available spoons hon and that's ok. Not so long ago the idea of the whole trip would have been a trigger so the fact that you got all the way there on a plane and spent the time visiting on the trip is a huge win! You just have to give yourself credit for the things you do accomplish and not just focus on the setbacks. The majority of the trip was a win! ❤
Dearest Bea--you did not fail...you changed course, friend. When a sailboat is headed toward a destination and a storm hits, it must change course. Getting to the destination later than planned is not a failure--it's safe. I understand being embarrassed, you're human after all. But seriously, you came up with a different plan, got yourself unstuck, and you're processing. As someone who also struggles with panic attacks and due to CPTSD is often in freeze mode, I hope you're able to see the strength and growth that change of course was. :^) Oh, and YES on libraries!!!!! You can stream movies with them too!
Panic attack solidarity 💗✊🏾 All you can do is keep trying & remembering that in reality, you’re actually safe. Thanks for sharing how you’re doing Bea ❤
Girl, are you taking a Valium 20 minutes before you get on the plane? Game changer and perfectly reasonable in the circumstances. Good on you for trying though - it's impressive. Save the bad feelings for things you can control.
I deal with the same sort of anxiety. Maybe looking at it like you had just hit your limit for being away from home at the time of flying home. Every trip you will have a different threshold and that's OK. Unfortunately it's not predictable, but give yourself some grace and be proud that you did what you did ❤️
Bea- just the same as you, two years ago I experienced the same thing due to a huge life event. And suddenly I couldn’t go into shops or really leave the house and same as you I’ve been taking those small steps to leave and be in those ‘trapped’ environments. The best thing for me has been building my confidence… so get another small win! Go on a train ride on your own or spend a day away from home in a coffee shop far away! You can do this! We can’t let it win, it’s not you!! Love from England x
So proud of you Bea! Hopefully you guys were able to make the most of your car trip back and made some memories there too. With time, I am sure you will be able to look back at the situ and examine with new clarity. In the meantime, glad to hear you are keeping busy & giving yourself grace!
11:29 ouch. Tennis elbow. I had that for about 6 months and I know what you mean about not being able to lift small things. I finally healed and now I have a new injury in my leg. Yay. But working out through it. 😫
Been there, done that in regards to panic attacks. Mine were for any reason or no reason -- for several years. What finally seemed to help me were meditation and some supplements. Every body and brain is different, but this is what helped me. I started taking magnesium citrate twice a day, B complex (high potency) and Omega 3 supplements (I use Barleans liquid in Orange, which is tasty AF.). Please don't beat yourself up about the panic attack. I've been there. I once flew to Chicago, then couldn't get on the next plane and had to come back home. I get it. p.s. also 4-6-8 breathing can sometimes help me. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold my breath for 6, exhale for 8.
I had literally the exact same thing happen to me about 6 years ago now. Got a “fun” fear of planes, traveling, sitting in traffic, heights, and everything. What helped me recover was coming to terms with that it was ok to have panic and focusing on not trying to avoid panic but more how to cope with life with panic and putting myself first. Took one full year to not have daily panic attacks after the initial major episode and then another two or three of me accepting my new reality. but I’m basically back to normal now and living a way healthier life than what caused my panic to start in the first place. You can do it!!! It’s so hard but possible to feel better. Especially when you’re brave and continuing challenging the panic like you’re doing. Sending lots of positive vibes. You’re the first person I’ve come across describing basically exactly what I survived through. ❤
I also want to mention that with severe panic disorder - there’s not always a trigger for the panic. At least for me I’m never going to find the magic key to avoid panic. My brain learned a horrible coping strategy during the initial episode and now having a panic attack is as easy as pie. If I’m stressed enough- I’ll have a panic attack over literally anything for no reason. Once I realized that it got so much easier. I need to keep my stress low and know I’m safe even if a panic attack happens and that my day isn’t ruined. For me it was such a freeing thought. I don’t know if this is helpful but figured I’d share in case it helps someone else to read.
You did great for such a big trip! You are getting stronger, and that is a huge win! On another note, I had tennis elbow a long time ago and my chiropractor was able to adjust the tendons in my elbow and wrist which helped it go away, sounds like that’s what you accidentally did.
I totally understand! I’m so with you! All we can do is the best we can do! Be proud of yourself. I wouldn’t have made it on the plane at all! Ignore the ignorant with their opinions no one asked for!!❤
I hear you, I get you. I can relate to & believe you. Now, enjoy some fresh vegetables & be proud of all you've accomplished since starting your channel. ❤
My husband has to do the squeezing and popping of my arms/wrists as well, I have Ehler-danlos syndrome which causes subluxed joints and dislocations. Several other things you have mentioned over the years has made me think you might want to consider getting tested. Symptoms and comorbidities are POTS, IBS, Gastroparesis, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue. There also seems to be a correlation with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and AUHD. EDS is for the most part is autosomal dominant so one parent will have it as well but it is a spectrum and can be mild to sever within the same family.
Im 4 YEARS PANIC FREE and want you to know it's possible, and that it sounds like you're doing everything right! Personally, I definitely needed a combination of medication, therapy, self administered CBT, and mostly just a ton of awareness of learning what my triggers were. I propose examining my case In the event that my surprising triggers are similar to any of your own - I was so surprised to find out what my triggers actually were and when I did they were able to stop right away - holding your breath or tensing your stomach and body when you're anxious, actually puts pressure on your vagus nerve. I had been subliminally tensing up and slightly hunching over, which compacts down And slowly builds And builds into that nerve-compression-based anxiety that finally actually hits! When it was driving I found that it would always happen after I was singing along a lot to music to try to distract myself from the panic, Not realizing that I was compressing my Vagus nerve even more, And then also making myself short of breath by essentially giving myself an ab workout while driving. When I stopped doing that consciously (And I didn't have to give up singing. I just had to remain really upright, And conscious of my breathing, which you should be anyway if you're singing!), The driving panic subsided and every successful trip became another notch in the belt which finally just became my normal experience again. Another thing that was subconsciously getting to me that I didn't realize (And of course I was also undiagnosed autistic and maybe that has something to do with it too but) That actually having a bra or anything putting pressure around my rib cage was actually building that unnoticeable anxiety that eventually built into panic. At the very worst time, after a giant panic-induced breakdown in a bathtub in a hotel in Chicago where myself and my friend were trying to have a vacation ( But you know... all the things you just said That make it hard), she suggested I take my bra off to lessen the panic and help me breathe better so I did, And from that point on except for special occasions, I only wear the like Hanes very basic sports bras like three sizes too big on purpose so that they're nice and loose and kind of just hold my boobies like a bralette made out of absorbent t-shirt. They're really thin and super comfy. Once I was conscious of my vagus nerve compression and stopped doing that in all sorts of situations, I found that my panic was almost completely controllable. Obviously, so much of panic attack is just being reminded of a similar experience that you've already panicked about before, So it becomes about identifying and recognizing your triggers In the moment, And then getting really conscious about all of the ways you combat it! Sit up straight, shoulders back to open up your rib cage a little bit, do box breaths to get that back under control, And or any exercises you have for that already. If it doesn't help you, maybe someone else will still happen across it and it'll work for them too! I had gotten to the point of complete agoraphobia because everything was so bad every time I tried to leave the house. I'm completely back to pre-panic self now.
I'm really sorry that you see this as a loss. I really see all the flights you too successfully as a net win. It makes sense that the end of a journey is hardest. It's emotional, you're probably physically and mentally tired. I would forgive you if it was up to me.
You should consider some wild flowers and grass for your garden so it doesn't look so dry. Find what the wild species from your area are and get a few of those. They spread and grow quickly. They are basically weeds, like dandelion. But are great for the environment, attract tons of bees and butterflies, they restock the soil with nutrients and the best: little to almost no maintenance
Try accepting and working through these feelings. They seem debilitating, but it's actually quite helpful to face them. Also, you were incredibly brave. The fact that you are actively working on getting better and actually got on that plane in the first place, is incredibly brave and strong. Do not undermine the wins. You did something you wouldn't even have considered when it was bad bad. Give yourself grace. You wouldn't judge someone else in your position. You did incredible!
Panic attacks are uncontrollable. I used to have them. I hope you hear this from my comment and others that you shouldn't be ashamed. You are seeking help, you're doing your best, and your trip was mostly successful. You are nearly there, you're just not all the way there YET. Turn those negatives into positives. It will help you see the situation in a whole new light. Retrain that brain. Love you and sending you love. ❤
I have done nothing with my life for a while. I avoid lots. You got on a plane twice,you got off once. The math says a bigger numerical success. You got in the gym and did some exercise. Sounds like progress to me. Best of luck!
Bea, have you seen there is such a thing as egg aprons? You must get one! 🐔 Sending love from another Colorado native that is also terrified of flying ❤
People who have mean things to say about your journey just don't get what it's actually like. Being heavier makes everything in life just a little bit harder. It increases the amount of inflammation in your body, and also the human body doesn't like to shrink, so your brain starts to play tricks on you. I changed my eating habits this summer to work on some issues I was having with inflammation, and since I was being more intentional about my food choices and cutting sweets, I lost about twenty five lbs, which was great, even if it wasn't the goal. But then my brain started playing tricks on me, trying to convince me to eat trash I don't even actually like. And even though I kept my eating habits consistent for the past 4 months, I lost 22 lbs in July and August, and have lost exactly 2 lbs in September and October. All to say, the human body isn't as simple as the calories in/calories out people like to pretend it is. They're smug... and punchable.
Hey gurl! Honestly I think you did awesome prepping and going on an amazing trip with the gorlz. No trip ever happens without something making it epic. Flat tires in Albuquerqe, water pipes freezing, someone breaking a whole freaking door lol. Honestly remember the good bits and laugh when you can about the epic bits (it does take time) You had a great trip with people that love you and that you love. You are amazing! Also I wanna dive head first into your squishmallow pile like a pile of leaves.... I may have to either buy me some mallow pets or just pile up all the pillows in the house... What can I get away with ... lol
Panic attacks are beyond description. Xanax did help me but I was always afraid of using it too much or too often. Fortunately I haven’t had a PA for a few years, now. I definitely understand the pain!
Isn't it funny what triggers anxiety/fears in different people? I could fly in a plane everyday of the week. But clean where wolf spiders are present?!?!? Girl, I could not!!! I would have to have a spider killer person there with me!!!
Im with you girl i have narcolepsy and atm high anxiety,i feel like rubbish,i feel no joy,my stomach is very sensitive all the time like iv got a bug,and my narcolepsy leaves me with no energy tired all the time and massive weight gain even tho i barely eat anything.i literally just exisit. Your not alone.
But did you find any spiders??? You were far more productive than I have been lately as far as cleaning and getting back on track! I'm sorry you had a small setback but I know will find your balance again. Rooting for you! Maybe start doing therapy again in case you had stopped during your trip?
You made a memory.....you had a road trip instead. I call that "self love". When something doesn't feel right....no need to force it, lean in and let go.
Bea this is really personal to ask but when you had your panic episodes were you on ADHD meds? I ask because I tried Adderall for the first time last November and 3 weeks into taking it I had a massive panic attack out of nowhere for no clear reason. I literally thought I was dying and went by ambulance to the ER. And although I would’ve considered myself an overthinker who was sometimes anxious before that episode, that panic attack was completely out of pocket for me. Since then (so almost a year now) I’ve been having high anxiety and panic attacks for no clear reason. I went to my GP who sent me to a cardiologist and I’ve had tons of tests - everything comes back normal. I stopped taking Adderall immediately after the first panic attack and haven’t taken anything since, but now I can’t even tolerate caffeine when I used to drink 2-3 coffees a day. The only thing that changed was I tried medicating my ADHD for the first time in my life. Sorry again for asking a question about your health but hearing what you said at the beginning of this video sounded similar to what I went through, and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on and what to do.
Girl, you didn’t fail! Not even close. I tell myself that too - it’s a problem I’m working on. But objectively I can say that you did a great job! Just as all the other comments are saying ❤
Hey Bee! I know it feels like a disappointment to have to leave that plane. It probably felt awkward and shamefilled in addition to the anxiety itself. It’s quite okay to distract and numb with audiobooks and mindless activities. The acute yucky feeling will pass after a few days. But I suggest you challenge the idea that the trip was a fail. You went, lived in a different place, with other routines, with other people, supporting your loved ones, and went home again. As you said, part of you know that you did not fail. It’s just that your feelings have «fun» telling you that you did. I’m not sure what they get out of it, I’m pretty sure they are jerks 😅 All this to say, this random stranger on the internet is really proud of you!
I love you because we have the same problems 💕 I love watching all your videos, it’s like watching me. I love how you solve problems. Thank you for your advice
1/2 c of white vinegar in the fabric softener compartment will take the mildew smell right our of your laundry and washer. The squish-mallow cleaning was very entertaining and satisfying. Good to see you back.
Now that you've discovered the library, you should get several library cards! Oftentimes you can get them for big cities in your state, ex all California residents can get San Francisco library cards. I've got probably half a dozen. It makes it so you almost never have to wait on holds and it's great!
Maybe your body and soul need a break for a while. You will definitely bounce back. Maybe not all at once, but slowly. It can be discouraging - but try not to let it upset you too much (easy to say - I know). Thx for being here with us Bea. Really appreciate your sharing. Hugs from Toronto 🇨🇦
I’m sorry to hear about the panic episodes you’ve started experiencing😬👎 That is hard. I hope you figure it out❤️ I love listening to «the ramblings of a crazy person” tho, as you called it😄 It is relatable and I don’t feel as alone 🥴😄❤️
Don't take the plane panic as a failure. You made it through the whole trip there. Probably it was all just a bit too much when you got to the point of traveling back home. Our energy and focus is not endless, unfortunately. We are just simple, panicky humans ❤
I've noticed around 25/30 women have this panic/anxiety. I did myself way back when. I believe it's tied to hormones. Knowledge is your best bet. Read up on the subject, that's what I did. No pills ever helped me and it was pretty bad. I also had a toddler to take care of. I felt like I was going crazy... meditation helped me a lot. We just have to learn coping skills and that we will get through it. It's temporary 😊 I wish you the best. You're going to be just fine ..also your, chickens are beautiful ❤️
I am sorry that you went through your panic attack, I know how that feels, and to feel embarrassed in front of everyone must not have helped. I am scared of everything. I am curious, though, that if you feel that your diet consists of probably a lot of gluten and carbs, if that affected your bodies and brain chemistry? You had mentioned before that you felt better when eating better body and mind. I eat like crap most of the time, so It probably doesn't help my ptsd and depression and anxiety.
If it happened the other way around (car to Arkansas, plane to come home) would you be feeling differently? You still would have done the same things :)
I have no clue if this is true, but I wonder if the off track eatinf you did on your trip might have contributed to the anxiety about flying back home. Just a thought I had. Regardless, you got on a plane at some point, and that's amazing!
I’ve noticed you have hypermobility in a few of your workout videos, really common among people with adhd and autism. Sounds like you may have subluxated your shoulder. Drs aren’t really trained in muscular skeletal issues. A physio with experience in hypermobility would be the best option.
I wonder instead of feeling shameful about how your trip ended, if you could change your mindset to be proud that A) You went on the trip. You did it. No matter how you came home, you went on the trip. And B) Although you didn’t come home the way you’d planned, you did make it home, and you can trust yourself to take care of yourself even when things feel hard, and even if that doesn’t look the way you or others expected it to. Sending you lots of positive vibes. If you couldn’t tell by my 3 separate comments I really related to this entire video. Even the 3pm slump.
I would feel proud that not only did you get through 90% of the trip successfully, but when you had a panic attack, you figured out a solution. You adapted and accommodated yourself.
Yes!!
I check in regularly to see if you're okay, but don't take that as pressure to post content. We care, but we understand.
I feel like this community is the most adorable non demanding bunch of people and i love it so much
You are a truly lovely person. Thinking through the emotional rollercoaster of your frightening and demoralizing experience on the plane, you recognize that as a result of this painful event, that you can more fully empathize with your sister's challenges. Your kindness is uplifting. As always, you inspire me to take better care of myself, and to forgive myself when I fall short of my short term goals.
It’s interesting that the panic attack happened on the way back. Maybe you could discuss with your therapist (if you have one), what triggered you on the way back that was different from the initial two flights. Something must have triggered you and if you can discover what that is, hopefully you can have the resources next time to combat it or spot your triggers. Awareness helps. The fact that you were able to go on two flights without a problem is huge, which means you could do it again. Don’t be too hard on yourself. P.S. Lookup RUclipsr Elyse Myers, she has several heartfelt videos where she struggles with her agoraphobia and she is so relatable and funny, like you, she did not develop her panic issues until a few years ago. The self talk she uses with herself is really kind without being cheesy. I highly recommend (plus she’s hilarious!)
Love that your family is so supportive and accommodating and not shaming. Amazing.
So what impact has your relationship with Steven had on your mental health and recovery? He seems extremely lovely and caring ❤️
It sounds like you did incredibly well and I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful right now! For me, my fear of flying and panic episodes made sense after I got my Autism/ADHD diagnosis. For me, it was actually environmental overwhelm which I hadn’t considered before and flying got easier once I understood that
I hope this doesnt sound trite or unsupportive, but i found what helped me when life changed with flying, (i had previously loved flying). I use over the ear noise cancelling head . I also get seats towards the front of the plane and aisle seat only. I also started little things (you may call them superstitious, but hey they work) like tapping the outside of the plane as i board. I also have a mental thing i do. Now dont laugh, but i hear jean luc picard from star trek in my head saying shields up, engage and make it so, which gives me this sense of control. It has now worked for years and i can fly without issue. It took me a number of years and flights to get here, but i kept telling myself i would not let my anxiety or fear control my life. I wish you the best.
Makes sense. You've attached a ritual that signals safety to your brain. Let Captain Picard handle this, you can stand down, brain.
You did great for such a big trip! You are getting stronger, and that is a huge win!
Love you Bea! Proud of you for getting through as many parts of that journey as you did (you should be proud too!!) and hope being back in your own space has you feeling better soon 🩷
Bea I also have a horrible fear of planes and I think it's less a fear of flying and more a fear of not being able to get out of the plane if I need to, exactly like you said (a loss of control I suppose) -- but I will without fail have a panic attack if I travel specifically on planes. I am so so proud of you! It is disheartening when anxiety and fear feel like they have more control over you and you do of them, but they do not define you -- thank you for sharing this video, it makes me feel less alone and I hope talking things out helped you too! We are all just trying to be human for the first time!!
Bea please try to celebrate the positive steps that you took ❤. Plus the great memories you shared helping your Grandma get to visit her sister!!! You are a blessing to others
Hey bea, I used to struggle with panic disorder to a pretty extreme degree for a few years. Whenever I would have some time without having a panic attack and then get another, it felt a lot like having a “relapse” so I can really relate to some of what you are saying. Keep reminding yourself that just like with any growth journey, the path is non-linear. One situation does not undo all the progress you have made so far. Show yourself extra grace, love, and comfort while you take the time you need to process that situation. There is a path forward! Much love ❤
Steven that's not a meal that's an ingredient 😂❤
You’re great, thank you for your videos, they’ve helped my get through a lot
Be kind to yourself. You keep getting back up and that is amazing!
I wouldn’t be able to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks I’ve had for my whole life almost if I wasn’t taking a daily medication! So missy…. you are doing so well with what you can do and doing it unmedicated!
Perhaps medication would help Bea, but she seems determined to be her own doctor.
Panic is a real bastard to deal with Bea. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You didn't do badly, you are just dealing with a really crushing experience.
I've missed several vids so am behind but I definitely understand the setback you may feel - you did do the challenge though! You did the scary thing and also have support for the way back which is wonderful!
Also, you're raising chickens?!?!?! Gurl, you're caring for many in that household!
Also, I rarely enjoy myself on trips because I'm always worried about the return trip. I get the return being the challenge.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I completely understand the disappointment. I've been there myself. I'm glad to see you're doing well now 😊
That your mom, grammy and aunt agreed to the roadtrip shows how serious your anxiety is. And besides you don’t have to explain yourself. You are loved. We dont care about anything but your wellbeing ♥️ here for tea with bea
at the phase of celebrating small wins only as well. quit my job early this year cause my mental health took a nose dive and have been taking baby ant steps since. sending you big hugs from across the globe.
it’s something you will beat because you are not letting it stop you from putting your gram’s needs first. as a girl who gets horribly sick from planes I truly understand, I know it’s hard not to look at the one failure instead of the previous successes but that’s what you achieved before you gave in, be proud you deserve it. ❤
Hi! I recently found your channel and been catching up as I’m bed bound with a broken ankle. I really appreciate your candor about challenges in life and mental health, as well as your lighter side! I’m looking forward to joining you on the journey from now on!
For me, emotional fatigue can trigger anxiety and panic. Maybe by the trip home you had spent all your available spoons hon and that's ok. Not so long ago the idea of the whole trip would have been a trigger so the fact that you got all the way there on a plane and spent the time visiting on the trip is a huge win! You just have to give yourself credit for the things you do accomplish and not just focus on the setbacks. The majority of the trip was a win! ❤
Dearest Bea--you did not fail...you changed course, friend. When a sailboat is headed toward a destination and a storm hits, it must change course. Getting to the destination later than planned is not a failure--it's safe. I understand being embarrassed, you're human after all. But seriously, you came up with a different plan, got yourself unstuck, and you're processing. As someone who also struggles with panic attacks and due to CPTSD is often in freeze mode, I hope you're able to see the strength and growth that change of course was. :^) Oh, and YES on libraries!!!!! You can stream movies with them too!
I have anxiety walking outside in my neighborhood. Fear someone is talking about me. I can go over to my friends house and walk for 3 miles.
Panic attack solidarity 💗✊🏾 All you can do is keep trying & remembering that in reality, you’re actually safe. Thanks for sharing how you’re doing Bea ❤
Girl, are you taking a Valium 20 minutes before you get on the plane? Game changer and perfectly reasonable in the circumstances. Good on you for trying though - it's impressive. Save the bad feelings for things you can control.
I deal with the same sort of anxiety. Maybe looking at it like you had just hit your limit for being away from home at the time of flying home. Every trip you will have a different threshold and that's OK. Unfortunately it's not predictable, but give yourself some grace and be proud that you did what you did ❤️
you always get back up, and that's admirable and im so here for it. ❤
Libby and Kanopy are the two best apps available through your library 💕 📚 📺 💕 Good to see you Bea!
Always glad to see you've posted. Have anxiety and panic issues myself. I'll will just chug along with you. ❤
Bea- just the same as you, two years ago I experienced the same thing due to a huge life event. And suddenly I couldn’t go into shops or really leave the house and same as you I’ve been taking those small steps to leave and be in those ‘trapped’ environments. The best thing for me has been building my confidence… so get another small win! Go on a train ride on your own or spend a day away from home in a coffee shop far away! You can do this! We can’t let it win, it’s not you!! Love from England x
So proud of you Bea! Hopefully you guys were able to make the most of your car trip back and made some memories there too.
With time, I am sure you will be able to look back at the situ and examine with new clarity. In the meantime, glad to hear you are keeping busy & giving yourself grace!
11:29 ouch.
Tennis elbow. I had that for about 6 months and I know what you mean about not being able to lift small things. I finally healed and now I have a new injury in my leg. Yay. But working out through it. 😫
Tennis elbow sucks. I'm currently dealing with it. Not being able to lift weights is getting to me.
Been there, done that in regards to panic attacks. Mine were for any reason or no reason -- for several years. What finally seemed to help me were meditation and some supplements. Every body and brain is different, but this is what helped me. I started taking magnesium citrate twice a day, B complex (high potency) and Omega 3 supplements (I use Barleans liquid in Orange, which is tasty AF.). Please don't beat yourself up about the panic attack. I've been there. I once flew to Chicago, then couldn't get on the next plane and had to come back home. I get it. p.s. also 4-6-8 breathing can sometimes help me. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold my breath for 6, exhale for 8.
I had literally the exact same thing happen to me about 6 years ago now. Got a “fun” fear of planes, traveling, sitting in traffic, heights, and everything.
What helped me recover was coming to terms with that it was ok to have panic and focusing on not trying to avoid panic but more how to cope with life with panic and putting myself first. Took one full year to not have daily panic attacks after the initial major episode and then another two or three of me accepting my new reality. but I’m basically back to normal now and living a way healthier life than what caused my panic to start in the first place.
You can do it!!! It’s so hard but possible to feel better. Especially when you’re brave and continuing challenging the panic like you’re doing. Sending lots of positive vibes. You’re the first person I’ve come across describing basically exactly what I survived through. ❤
I also want to mention that with severe panic disorder - there’s not always a trigger for the panic.
At least for me I’m never going to find the magic key to avoid panic. My brain learned a horrible coping strategy during the initial episode and now having a panic attack is as easy as pie. If I’m stressed enough- I’ll have a panic attack over literally anything for no reason.
Once I realized that it got so much easier. I need to keep my stress low and know I’m safe even if a panic attack happens and that my day isn’t ruined.
For me it was such a freeing thought. I don’t know if this is helpful but figured I’d share in case it helps someone else to read.
If Stevie hadn’t already shown his face to camera Garfield would be his censor 😂❤
Please don't let the haters win, we love who you are, your honesty is so refreshing and I always look for a new BEE video 😁💪❣️
You did great for such a big trip! You are getting stronger, and that is a huge win! On another note, I had tennis elbow a long time ago and my chiropractor was able to adjust the tendons in my elbow and wrist which helped it go away, sounds like that’s what you accidentally did.
Always happy to see updates. Good bad or indifferent. We all support you ! ❤
Compare yourself only to yourself! Progress is good and no one is living your life but you.
I've never clicked a video so fast , glad to hear from you bea❤❤❤ do what you gotta do, we will always be here for you
I totally understand! I’m so with you!
All we can do is the best we can do!
Be proud of yourself. I wouldn’t have made it on the plane at all!
Ignore the ignorant with their opinions no one asked for!!❤
I hear you, I get you. I can relate to & believe you. Now, enjoy some fresh vegetables & be proud of all you've accomplished since starting your channel. ❤
My husband has to do the squeezing and popping of my arms/wrists as well, I have Ehler-danlos syndrome which causes subluxed joints and dislocations. Several other things you have mentioned over the years has made me think you might want to consider getting tested. Symptoms and comorbidities are POTS, IBS, Gastroparesis, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue. There also seems to be a correlation with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and AUHD. EDS is for the most part is autosomal dominant so one parent will have it as well but it is a spectrum and can be mild to sever within the same family.
Im 4 YEARS PANIC FREE and want you to know it's possible, and that it sounds like you're doing everything right!
Personally, I definitely needed a combination of medication, therapy, self administered CBT, and mostly just a ton of awareness of learning what my triggers were.
I propose examining my case In the event that my surprising triggers are similar to any of your own - I was so surprised to find out what my triggers actually were and when I did they were able to stop right away - holding your breath or tensing your stomach and body when you're anxious, actually puts pressure on your vagus nerve. I had been subliminally tensing up and slightly hunching over, which compacts down And slowly builds And builds into that nerve-compression-based anxiety that finally actually hits! When it was driving I found that it would always happen after I was singing along a lot to music to try to distract myself from the panic, Not realizing that I was compressing my Vagus nerve even more, And then also making myself short of breath by essentially giving myself an ab workout while driving. When I stopped doing that consciously (And I didn't have to give up singing. I just had to remain really upright, And conscious of my breathing, which you should be anyway if you're singing!), The driving panic subsided and every successful trip became another notch in the belt which finally just became my normal experience again.
Another thing that was subconsciously getting to me that I didn't realize (And of course I was also undiagnosed autistic and maybe that has something to do with it too but) That actually having a bra or anything putting pressure around my rib cage was actually building that unnoticeable anxiety that eventually built into panic. At the very worst time, after a giant panic-induced breakdown in a bathtub in a hotel in Chicago where myself and my friend were trying to have a vacation ( But you know... all the things you just said That make it hard), she suggested I take my bra off to lessen the panic and help me breathe better so I did, And from that point on except for special occasions, I only wear the like Hanes very basic sports bras like three sizes too big on purpose so that they're nice and loose and kind of just hold my boobies like a bralette made out of absorbent t-shirt. They're really thin and super comfy.
Once I was conscious of my vagus nerve compression and stopped doing that in all sorts of situations, I found that my panic was almost completely controllable. Obviously, so much of panic attack is just being reminded of a similar experience that you've already panicked about before, So it becomes about identifying and recognizing your triggers In the moment, And then getting really conscious about all of the ways you combat it! Sit up straight, shoulders back to open up your rib cage a little bit, do box breaths to get that back under control, And or any exercises you have for that already.
If it doesn't help you, maybe someone else will still happen across it and it'll work for them too! I had gotten to the point of complete agoraphobia because everything was so bad every time I tried to leave the house. I'm completely back to pre-panic self now.
We love you Bea. Thank you for sharing yourself with us ☺️
I'm really sorry that you see this as a loss. I really see all the flights you too successfully as a net win. It makes sense that the end of a journey is hardest. It's emotional, you're probably physically and mentally tired. I would forgive you if it was up to me.
You should consider some wild flowers and grass for your garden so it doesn't look so dry. Find what the wild species from your area are and get a few of those. They spread and grow quickly. They are basically weeds, like dandelion. But are great for the environment, attract tons of bees and butterflies, they restock the soil with nutrients and the best: little to almost no maintenance
Try accepting and working through these feelings. They seem debilitating, but it's actually quite helpful to face them.
Also, you were incredibly brave. The fact that you are actively working on getting better and actually got on that plane in the first place, is incredibly brave and strong. Do not undermine the wins. You did something you wouldn't even have considered when it was bad bad.
Give yourself grace. You wouldn't judge someone else in your position. You did incredible!
Hang in there Bea. Take care, we understand and support you. 🌻
Panic attacks are uncontrollable. I used to have them. I hope you hear this from my comment and others that you shouldn't be ashamed. You are seeking help, you're doing your best, and your trip was mostly successful. You are nearly there, you're just not all the way there YET. Turn those negatives into positives. It will help you see the situation in a whole new light. Retrain that brain.
Love you and sending you love. ❤
I have done nothing with my life for a while. I avoid lots. You got on a plane twice,you got off once. The math says a bigger numerical success. You got in the gym and did some exercise. Sounds like progress to me. Best of luck!
I also get mild anxiety when traveling, and I just did a 14hr+ flight! Success looks different to everyone
so amazed that you've gone from having one cat to having a whole ass chicken farm?!?! YASSS
Bea, have you seen there is such a thing as egg aprons? You must get one! 🐔 Sending love from another Colorado native that is also terrified of flying ❤
People who have mean things to say about your journey just don't get what it's actually like. Being heavier makes everything in life just a little bit harder. It increases the amount of inflammation in your body, and also the human body doesn't like to shrink, so your brain starts to play tricks on you.
I changed my eating habits this summer to work on some issues I was having with inflammation, and since I was being more intentional about my food choices and cutting sweets, I lost about twenty five lbs, which was great, even if it wasn't the goal. But then my brain started playing tricks on me, trying to convince me to eat trash I don't even actually like. And even though I kept my eating habits consistent for the past 4 months, I lost 22 lbs in July and August, and have lost exactly 2 lbs in September and October.
All to say, the human body isn't as simple as the calories in/calories out people like to pretend it is.
They're smug... and punchable.
Take care Bea! 💜🩵💜
Your videos mean so much to me.
😢 happy to watch but sad you’re upset.
Hey gurl! Honestly I think you did awesome prepping and going on an amazing trip with the gorlz. No trip ever happens without something making it epic. Flat tires in Albuquerqe, water pipes freezing, someone breaking a whole freaking door lol. Honestly remember the good bits and laugh when you can about the epic bits (it does take time) You had a great trip with people that love you and that you love. You are amazing! Also I wanna dive head first into your squishmallow pile like a pile of leaves.... I may have to either buy me some mallow pets or just pile up all the pillows in the house... What can I get away with ... lol
Panic attacks are beyond description. Xanax did help me but I was always afraid of using it too much or too often. Fortunately I haven’t had a PA for a few years, now. I definitely understand the pain!
Isn't it funny what triggers anxiety/fears in different people? I could fly in a plane everyday of the week. But clean where wolf spiders are present?!?!? Girl, I could not!!! I would have to have a spider killer person there with me!!!
You should try EMDR around the anxiety
Im with you girl i have narcolepsy and atm high anxiety,i feel like rubbish,i feel no joy,my stomach is very sensitive all the time like iv got a bug,and my narcolepsy leaves me with no energy tired all the time and massive weight gain even tho i barely eat anything.i literally just exisit. Your not alone.
But did you find any spiders??? You were far more productive than I have been lately as far as cleaning and getting back on track! I'm sorry you had a small setback but I know will find your balance again. Rooting for you! Maybe start doing therapy again in case you had stopped during your trip?
You made a memory.....you had a road trip instead. I call that "self love". When something doesn't feel right....no need to force it, lean in and let go.
Bea this is really personal to ask but when you had your panic episodes were you on ADHD meds? I ask because I tried Adderall for the first time last November and 3 weeks into taking it I had a massive panic attack out of nowhere for no clear reason. I literally thought I was dying and went by ambulance to the ER. And although I would’ve considered myself an overthinker who was sometimes anxious before that episode, that panic attack was completely out of pocket for me. Since then (so almost a year now) I’ve been having high anxiety and panic attacks for no clear reason. I went to my GP who sent me to a cardiologist and I’ve had tons of tests - everything comes back normal. I stopped taking Adderall immediately after the first panic attack and haven’t taken anything since, but now I can’t even tolerate caffeine when I used to drink 2-3 coffees a day. The only thing that changed was I tried medicating my ADHD for the first time in my life. Sorry again for asking a question about your health but hearing what you said at the beginning of this video sounded similar to what I went through, and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on and what to do.
Also, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I never understood real anxiety until this happened. It is horrible.
Girl, you didn’t fail! Not even close.
I tell myself that too - it’s a problem I’m working on. But objectively I can say that you did a great job! Just as all the other comments are saying ❤
I love your hair that length.
Hey Bee! I know it feels like a disappointment to have to leave that plane. It probably felt awkward and shamefilled in addition to the anxiety itself. It’s quite okay to distract and numb with audiobooks and mindless activities. The acute yucky feeling will pass after a few days. But I suggest you challenge the idea that the trip was a fail.
You went, lived in a different place, with other routines, with other people, supporting your loved ones, and went home again. As you said, part of you know that you did not fail. It’s just that your feelings have «fun» telling you that you did. I’m not sure what they get out of it, I’m pretty sure they are jerks 😅
All this to say, this random stranger on the internet is really proud of you!
I love you because we have the same problems 💕 I love watching all your videos, it’s like watching me. I love how you solve problems. Thank you for your advice
Just keep swimming, girl you got this ❤
1/2 c of white vinegar in the fabric softener compartment will take the mildew smell right our of your laundry and washer. The squish-mallow cleaning was very entertaining and satisfying. Good to see you back.
Now that you've discovered the library, you should get several library cards! Oftentimes you can get them for big cities in your state, ex all California residents can get San Francisco library cards. I've got probably half a dozen. It makes it so you almost never have to wait on holds and it's great!
I live in the south and can get salads pretty much everywhere, it's a choice to eat vegetables slathered in cheese sauce.
Keep moving forward, you are doing life at your speed. 🤗
We love you Bea
Anxiety really sucks.
Maybe your body and soul need a break for a while. You will definitely bounce back. Maybe not all at once, but slowly. It can be discouraging - but try not to let it upset you too much (easy to say - I know). Thx for being here with us Bea. Really appreciate your sharing. Hugs from Toronto 🇨🇦
I’m sorry to hear about the panic episodes you’ve started experiencing😬👎 That is hard.
I hope you figure it out❤️
I love listening to «the ramblings of a crazy person” tho, as you called it😄
It is relatable and I don’t feel as alone 🥴😄❤️
Aaliyah would be so proud of you for dusting yourself off and trying again (if in a different way). Good job getting home, however it happened.
Don't take the plane panic as a failure. You made it through the whole trip there.
Probably it was all just a bit too much when you got to the point of traveling back home. Our energy and focus is not endless, unfortunately. We are just simple, panicky humans ❤
Great seeing the Ladies aka chickens ❤.
Sounds like you had a nursemaid’s elbow. It’s more common in children. It sounds like it was reduced by whatever Steven did.
I've noticed around 25/30 women have this panic/anxiety. I did myself way back when. I believe it's tied to hormones.
Knowledge is your best bet. Read up on the subject, that's what I did. No pills ever helped me and it was pretty bad. I also had a toddler to take care of. I felt like I was going crazy... meditation helped me a lot. We just have to learn coping skills and that we will get through it. It's temporary 😊 I wish you the best. You're going to be just fine ..also your, chickens are beautiful ❤️
I am sorry that you went through your panic attack, I know how that feels, and to feel embarrassed in front of everyone must not have helped. I am scared of everything. I am curious, though, that if you feel that your diet consists of probably a lot of gluten and carbs, if that affected your bodies and brain chemistry? You had mentioned before that you felt better when eating better body and mind. I eat like crap most of the time, so It probably doesn't help my ptsd and depression and anxiety.
Missed you! ❤
If it happened the other way around (car to Arkansas, plane to come home) would you be feeling differently? You still would have done the same things :)
Are you hypermobile, Bea?
I have no clue if this is true, but I wonder if the off track eatinf you did on your trip might have contributed to the anxiety about flying back home. Just a thought I had. Regardless, you got on a plane at some point, and that's amazing!
I’ve noticed you have hypermobility in a few of your workout videos, really common among people with adhd and autism.
Sounds like you may have subluxated your shoulder. Drs aren’t really trained in muscular skeletal issues. A physio with experience in hypermobility would be the best option.
I’m 8th 😂!!!!
Missed you Bea!!
You need an egg apron. ❤
Red is your color
💚💚💚🦕🦕🦕 you're an inspiration to me
Bea❤ I missed you
💛💛💛