Victoria(yawning angrily): "TO SURVIVE THE NEXT HOUR, YOU HAVE ONLY TWO OPTIONS: GIVE ME MY COFFEE OR LEAVE." Space Pirates: "'Coffee'?? What's 'coffee'?" Victoria smiles sweetly: "Wrong answer." - sounds of stabbing and crunching ensues.
Various half-asleep responses I've given to people who have asked me how I take my coffee: - Black, bitter, and soulless. Just like me. - Seriously. _Very_ seriously. - *looking inside my newly-filled coffee mug* I must stare into the abyss... - Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity. (the person I was talking to didn't understand that reference and thought I was insane) - Brew it strong enough so that I can pour it in my gas tank if I run out. - *holding out empty mug* The coffee or your soul. I do not care which right now.
"90W140" (That is a viscosity of oil used in manual transmissions and rear end differentials. No quite molasses, but close). It has gotten a "huh" and a blank star from many a truck-stop waitress.
"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."
@@erikmckoul2478 they probably saw the wisdom in Jurassic Park and recognized that some things should stay extinct, and resurrecting dinosaurs would be awesome.
@@eXpriest So you’re saying that if we had the means to, it would be our responsibility to resurrect hawk sized dragonflies, car sized centipedes, head sized spiders, deadly disease, aquatic arthropods twice as long as a man is tall, and snakes the size of tyrannosaurus?
@@syrathdouglas1244 Disease no, everything else yes. That said you should still understand extinct disease, for instance the one that wiped out 90% of hominids, if only so you could combat similar variants in the future.
That's first story touched more than a few of my heartstrings. Thank you for reading a story to give me all the warm fuzzy tear-inducing feelings i needed to pick me up after a day of soul draining work.
If you wake a human who is addicted to coffee have coffee ready if you don't have coffee ready don't prevent the human from getting said coffee if you do your not waking up
*In the first story, we're like Pangu The Giant from Chinese Mythology. From our dying flesh, new lifeforms will born. They shall carry on our legacy and reach for the stars above.*
Ouch, the feels on the first one. Second. Do NOT mess with the caffeine source, or those who are in need of it, for they will eat you if you get in the way.
Yea lesson learned, if a human didn't have coffee, they get terrifyingly cranky. With addition, the longer it takes to acquire it, the more scary a human gets.
@@Warrior-Of-Virtue if you don’t think about all the services that government provides While I am not happy with the corporate dominance our government has become, contract enforcement, defense and roads are services not available in a pro-profit format
In Final Fantasy 4 (2 NA) Cid's wrenches were particularly lethal compared to other weapons when thrown by Edge. Never really understood why, but I'll always remember being shocked by those numbers.
Victoria is what I presume a less cranky coffee addict since I would have just beaten up the pirates aswell and forced them to pay up for disturbing me without the coffee and then made their captain make me a coffee as recompense to just drive it home or more likely just beaten them all up and get the pirate ship and get my own coffee when I'm done. For nobody wakes up a caffeine addict without their preferred caffeinated beverages. And I'm sure any form of galactic law or form of conduct would have added a law to stipulate that. Not to mention I'm sure whatever intergalactic insurance company that would exist would file it as an exception for their losses would most likely be large if they didn't.
I used to drink coffee in huge amounts, but then in my late 20's I developed an ulcer, and then a few years later, very, very, high blood pressure as well. When my doctor called me on the phone and said, I am very, very, concerned about your blood pressure Those 2 very's made think woah this is bad! Those required me to give it up totally. Oh and cholesteral that suddenly was through the roof as well. Think several hundred points above high. For a few years I was on non caffeinated coffee, but even that bothered my ulcer, so I gave that up as well. Haven't had coffee for about 40 years or more now.
The first story reminds me of a manga were 5 kids save humanity by learning to talk to animals and androids, but one kid wants to end all life. Edit: The manga is called Animal Land or Dōbutsu no Kuni, "Country of the Animals"
Note don’t wake humans without at least some kind of drink with caffeine in it and not just a pinch of caffeine but so much we should be bouncing off the walls 🤣
Ooh those pirates woke up a monster and she gave them a beating for the unforgivable sin of waking a person up before having coffee morning coffee for that matter and this is a lady the top it off all I have to say about that is boy do those pirates poke the bear so to speak and she decided to have lunch as it is so commonly apparents because we all are monsters when we don't have our morning coffee and in that regards I totally agree those pirates should have been respectful but they chose to wake someone up and a woman at that I do not want to know what happens if it was a guy because then that ship would have become scrap metal I guess if she just went and gave them a few bloody noses and a few other things then welp they were stupid enough to board a ship with a human on it go figure I guess? I don't know why but when you think about it when people wake someone up before their morning coffee they're just asking to get it and I mean it's like it makes you think seriously are you trying to play chicken with a semi truck or a train because that's what you're doing so play at your own risk boys!
Heirs of humanity has a huge huge huge plothole....why not just clone new humans after they are at a safe place? I mean they have the tech obviously....
Because the Unmaker Plague unraveled the human genome, so a cloned human would still suffer from it, but the other Great Apes were apparently unaffected by the plague.
@@DeathsHood that still doesn't compute. Just plot armor. Right this second we have stored DNA files from all over the world on multiple places and not just samples but hard data you can literally rebuild it. It doesn't stand to scrutiny in the least.
@@chaddts It's an HSO story written by an amateur on reddit and you expect an ad-hoc "humans went extinct" explanation to be absolutely airtight? By your apparent standards, literally no event short of instantaneous, catastrophic obliteration could kill humanity, but that doesn't lend itself well to a story about humanity passing the torch before tragically dying out. You must be a *_JOY_* to talk to about sci-fi in general.
@@DeathsHood you could simply say they didn't want to be ressurected....their are a number of ways to get around this issue. But this is a plot hole period. And its too obvious it ruins enjoyment. Like a movie with time travel involved. Its too easy to find the issues. I can ignore warp speed or ftl that. But certain things are just glaringly at the forefront they ruin any enjoyment.
Wait. A monster from the depths of hell wearing fluffy bunny slippers and a ratty XL teeshirt... So, you've met my ex wife? Say Hi from me when you see her. 😚
Vic: "You woke me up without coffee..."
Pirates: "Yes, and?"
Vic: "My disappointment is immeasurable and your day is ruined..."
And will be ruined, forevermore
Victoria(yawning angrily): "TO SURVIVE THE NEXT HOUR, YOU HAVE ONLY TWO OPTIONS: GIVE ME MY COFFEE OR LEAVE."
Space Pirates: "'Coffee'?? What's 'coffee'?"
Victoria smiles sweetly: "Wrong answer." - sounds of stabbing and crunching ensues.
Various half-asleep responses I've given to people who have asked me how I take my coffee:
- Black, bitter, and soulless. Just like me.
- Seriously. _Very_ seriously.
- *looking inside my newly-filled coffee mug* I must stare into the abyss...
- Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity. (the person I was talking to didn't understand that reference and thought I was insane)
- Brew it strong enough so that I can pour it in my gas tank if I run out.
- *holding out empty mug* The coffee or your soul. I do not care which right now.
"90W140" (That is a viscosity of oil used in manual transmissions and rear end differentials. No quite molasses, but close). It has gotten a "huh" and a blank star from many a truck-stop waitress.
"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."
nice modified dune reference.
@@mr.e6289 A pleasure to hear from a possible mentat. Keep being OP!
Nice
He who controls the pumpkin spice latte controls the universe.
🤣
But in the end humanity did make it to the stars because of it's children....for the androids and uplifted primates are humanity now
I'm surprised that they didn't try to make humans I mean they have our genetic code if they have all our information.
@@erikmckoul2478 they probably saw the wisdom in Jurassic Park and recognized that some things should stay extinct, and resurrecting dinosaurs would be awesome.
@@themoagoddess1820 That's horseshit, if you have the power to resurrect life you have the responsibility to do so.
@@eXpriest So you’re saying that if we had the means to, it would be our responsibility to resurrect hawk sized dragonflies, car sized centipedes, head sized spiders, deadly disease, aquatic arthropods twice as long as a man is tall, and snakes the size of tyrannosaurus?
@@syrathdouglas1244 Disease no, everything else yes. That said you should still understand extinct disease, for instance the one that wiped out 90% of hominids, if only so you could combat similar variants in the future.
That's first story touched more than a few of my heartstrings.
Thank you for reading a story to give me all the warm fuzzy tear-inducing feelings i needed to pick me up after a day of soul draining work.
glad you enjoyed it
If you wake a human who is addicted to coffee have coffee ready if you don't have coffee ready don't prevent the human from getting said coffee if you do your not waking up
*In the first story, we're like Pangu The Giant from Chinese Mythology. From our dying flesh, new lifeforms will born. They shall carry on our legacy and reach for the stars above.*
Or that Giant from Norse myth whose name I'm blanking on right now.
@@hunterv9983 You mean Ymir?
@@theinquisitorisamage1653
That's it. Thanks!
Ouch, the feels on the first one.
Second. Do NOT mess with the caffeine source, or those who are in need of it, for they will eat you if you get in the way.
Blood for the blood God. Skulls for the skull throne. Tribute to the algorithm!
For the algorithm
Humanity will not go quietly into oblivion!
Pirates.... ya done goofed.
Yea lesson learned, if a human didn't have coffee, they get terrifyingly cranky. With addition, the longer it takes to acquire it, the more scary a human gets.
true
You are never safe until the coffee mug is empty
Even then, how many mugs must they consume
A few times over.
The first one actually brought me to tears, it was amazing.
That 2nd one is a perfect indication of why you should not allow yourself to be addicted to coffee
You can try to keep me away from my morning coffee.
Keyword: try.
Hey. You have a typo. You accidentally typed the word not.
To be fair, Coffee is healthier than alcohol and tobacco.
I have a firm policy at work " No coffee, No workee"
Tea has as much caffeine as coffee depending on the roast since the darker the roast the less caffeine is in it
Two very upstanding stories, thank you for the reading Argo
a pleasure
Calling taxes piracy. Truer words were never spoken.
:breaks window,
"taxation is theft!"
refuses to elaborate further,
leaves.
@@henrypaleveda7760 Well it is. The Government takes your money practically at gun point and you don't even have a say in what it's used for.
@@Warrior-Of-Virtue if you don’t think about all the services that government provides
While I am not happy with the corporate dominance our government has become, contract enforcement, defense and roads are services not available in a pro-profit format
@@robertbemis9800 And most of those services had historically been provided by the private economy. Including defense and roads.
@@Warrior-Of-Virtue that was the point in that post
im warning you we have 4 sleeping humans aboard and were out of coffee! pirate captain: fair enough ill find another ship, safe travels!
lol
😂😂😂😂❤👍
I turned into a monster if I don’t have my morning coffee. Coffee for the coffee god.
Organic and synthetic life, together, are unstoppable.
yarp
Caesar: Primates Androids Together Strong.
In Final Fantasy 4 (2 NA) Cid's wrenches were particularly lethal compared to other weapons when thrown by Edge. Never really understood why, but I'll always remember being shocked by those numbers.
Now I want coffee.
Oh yea, gotta have that coffee if everyone expects to live to breakfast!
That first story sounds like an epic prologue to some grand trilogy.
1st story:: Humans make Humans 2
2nd story: *Doom music plays*
Yeah, waking up someone trough his sleep is crime against humanity. Peace was never an option
Victoria is what I presume a less cranky coffee addict since I would have just beaten up the pirates aswell and forced them to pay up for disturbing me without the coffee and then made their captain make me a coffee as recompense to just drive it home or more likely just beaten them all up and get the pirate ship and get my own coffee when I'm done.
For nobody wakes up a caffeine addict without their preferred caffeinated beverages. And I'm sure any form of galactic law or form of conduct would have added a law to stipulate that. Not to mention I'm sure whatever intergalactic insurance company that would exist would file it as an exception for their losses would most likely be large if they didn't.
Rodentians call Skirls round heads....how they love pretty skirl girl round head fluffy tails!
Are you have stroek
how it chews to gum 5 feels. sense your stimulate
Bad things happen to people who don't have a refreshing cup of Wilken's Coffee.
yarp
I used to drink coffee in huge amounts, but then in my late 20's I developed an ulcer, and then a few years later, very, very, high blood pressure as well.
When my doctor called me on the phone and said, I am very, very, concerned about your blood pressure
Those 2 very's made think woah this is bad!
Those required me to give it up totally.
Oh and cholesteral that suddenly was through the roof as well.
Think several hundred points above high.
For a few years I was on non caffeinated coffee, but even that bothered my ulcer, so I gave that up as well.
Haven't had coffee for about 40 years or more now.
They woke her without coffee.... they have to die... she was killing them in her jammies... 😄
LOL, Victoria: "I'm a monster before my coffee." LOL, the pirates have just had a first encounter with humans.
Coffee and dogs in space are my absolute favorites
Good thing the pirates didn't break the coffee maker... we've all seen how that ends.
You have awoken me in a pour mood. Coffee or your blood. Choose!
For the algorithm & coffe!
Also really liked the first one! :)
For the algorithm
damn those nanite swarms!
I wish I had more coffee this morning
To Agro and the Algorithm!!!
For the algorithm
Victoria, meet those pirates.
Pirates, meet your Doom, AKA Victoria.
Coffee is Life. Coffee is Civilization.
She dragged those pirates down to Brazil
Victoria has Janeway energy
That first one hit hard.
The first story reminds me of a manga were 5 kids save humanity by learning to talk to animals and androids, but one kid wants to end all life.
Edit: The manga is called Animal Land or Dōbutsu no Kuni, "Country of the Animals"
me a non coffee or tea drinker. They woke me up without a cold monster.
I have thought the first story was going to be a monkey vs robot song reference.
Note don’t wake humans without at least some kind of drink with caffeine in it and not just a pinch of caffeine but so much we should be bouncing off the walls 🤣
1st story; planet of the apes...n droids.
2nd story; dont talk to me before I have my coffee - ryan george.
For the Algorithm the story and the voice
A comment to appease the algorithm and help the channel.
I want coffee now....
Bless the Squerril
For the algorithm
Literal Chills
Excellent as always!
glad you enjoyed
For the algorithm and the narrator.
For the algorithm
Victoria kinda reminds me of my first Wife. Not a good idea to look at her too hard before the coffee was ready.
There is no f*****king morning, before coffee! FTA!
if (self.coffeesDrank >= 1) {
morningRoutine();
}
else {
coffee.make();
}
For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!
For the algorithm
The first story really similar to the plot of NIER
There was a fair number of similar stories written during the golden age of SciFi.
The squirrels stuck in your throat seems to be making you nutty.
Yeah, I know a few people like Victoria...
My Sr Sgt's all told me that I run on caffeine, nicotine, and bad intentions. Hell, I was just happy to be out of the cage.
I’m also a different person before coffee
I, coffee, need, function.
ditto
F.A.S.A. For Agro Squerril Again!
For the algorithm
Hi
ROFLMAO!!! That's perfect!
:)
keeper going
kept going
My name is Victoria Montoys.
You have awoken me without coffee.
Prepare to die.
neat
:)
Story 2, 7:28
Ooh those pirates woke up a monster and she gave them a beating for the unforgivable sin of waking a person up before having coffee morning coffee for that matter and this is a lady the top it off all I have to say about that is boy do those pirates poke the bear so to speak and she decided to have lunch as it is so commonly apparents because we all are monsters when we don't have our morning coffee and in that regards I totally agree those pirates should have been respectful but they chose to wake someone up and a woman at that I do not want to know what happens if it was a guy because then that ship would have become scrap metal I guess if she just went and gave them a few bloody noses and a few other things then welp they were stupid enough to board a ship with a human on it go figure I guess?
I don't know why but when you think about it when people wake someone up before their morning coffee they're just asking to get it and I mean it's like it makes you think seriously are you trying to play chicken with a semi truck or a train because that's what you're doing so play at your own risk boys!
hello : )
hey there
Bob the dragon
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
…. Why are you eating a squirrel?
me not knwo , it just happens
@@AgroSquerril one of life’s great mysteries then?
@@AmbroseBoaBowie that it is
first story Yawn but hmmmm we are in a depopulation crunch without end
179th, 9 January 2024
Heirs of humanity has a huge huge huge plothole....why not just clone new humans after they are at a safe place? I mean they have the tech obviously....
Because the Unmaker Plague unraveled the human genome, so a cloned human would still suffer from it, but the other Great Apes were apparently unaffected by the plague.
@@DeathsHood that still doesn't compute. Just plot armor. Right this second we have stored DNA files from all over the world on multiple places and not just samples but hard data you can literally rebuild it. It doesn't stand to scrutiny in the least.
@@chaddts It's an HSO story written by an amateur on reddit and you expect an ad-hoc "humans went extinct" explanation to be absolutely airtight?
By your apparent standards, literally no event short of instantaneous, catastrophic obliteration could kill humanity, but that doesn't lend itself well to a story about humanity passing the torch before tragically dying out.
You must be a *_JOY_* to talk to about sci-fi in general.
@@DeathsHood you could simply say they didn't want to be ressurected....their are a number of ways to get around this issue. But this is a plot hole period. And its too obvious it ruins enjoyment. Like a movie with time travel involved. Its too easy to find the issues. I can ignore warp speed or ftl that. But certain things are just glaringly at the forefront they ruin any enjoyment.
@@chaddts I reiterate: A *_JOY_* to talk to about sci-fi.
Wait. A monster from the depths of hell wearing fluffy bunny slippers and a ratty XL teeshirt... So, you've met my ex wife?
Say Hi from me when you see her. 😚
F.T.A !
for the algorithm
ok sure ... but why not uplift the corvids!!!
I am suspecting you live in a park.
could very well be
:)
:)
You pronounced Hyztz's name several different ways
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm