When I heard "Lesbians of varying abilities" all I could think was one of you was a better lesbian than the other and had to pause the video and laugh for a while
Something people miss is an interable relationship doesn't always stay that way. I've been disabled for quite a while and my wife 'put up with me' then 18 months ago she started to have really bad back pain. Late last year she was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine and even though it has now been successfully removed she has residual health problems. Now we help each other along. You never know what life will throw at you in the future, it's about supporting the other person.
edmondse yeah, I’m classified as disabled, but my physical disability doesn’t really effect me much, my girlfriend struggles a lot more with her disability (NEAD), basically she faints all the time, between 3-30+ times a day and feels so bad after, as well as other things, so the majority of the time, we function as an interabled relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t, my disability has caused fluctuating chronic pain, and causes ocular migraines, it changes the dynamic for us a bit, and it’s an area of disability and relationships that is rarely talked about.
I guess the all relationships should, not only 'interable' ones, as you said who knows what happens in the future. It's probably easier to understand for people with disabilities that you might be all fine and one day you suddenly not...
edmondse - I know where you are coming from because my relationship had been interable for 29 wonderful years. But, like your wife, my wife developed cancer in 2008 and I was just able enough then to help her through surgery, chemotherapy and Radiotherapy. She was cancer free up to January 2019 when she developed heart failure. They fixed that and she is stable with that health issue. However during the scans she had at the time they discovered her breast cancer had returned and was in her spine. They gave her all kinds of drug therapy that we believed would give her as long as possible with me. Unfortunately one drug nearly killed her and she can't have anymore chemotherapy. She is taking Tamoxifen and her scans show her cancer is stable, but the whole thing has left her with residual health problems, some serious like her memory is shot! She has chronic fatigue also. We still love each other after 33.5 years together and, like you and your wife, we help each other as much as possible. I am unable to walk and am in a wheelchair. I suffer excruciating pain on a daily basis. Drugs don't touch the pain but I want to be there for her as much as possible. Some days she will come in after taking our little dog for a half hour walk and I can tell from her face that she needs to rest so we both spend the day in bed. I can only sit upright for around 4 hours before my pain tells me I can't do anymore so I make sure my wife goes to bed with me and we both sleep until dinner time which can be at any time after 9 pm. We have sat in front of the TV at 11.30 pm eating our evening meal many times!! Who cares! There is only the two of us and we can please ourselves. I just wanted to let you know that I understand everything you say and I can also fill in the gaps because we are living with cancer and both of us are now disabled. If one of you is disabled and needs help daily then it should be considered as you both age the fit one of the couple can also become ill and it's then tough going for both. Sending hugs and support to you both. xxx
Yeah my girlfriend is disabled, and I thought I was perfectly healthy... until she pointed out that I had way too many headaches for it to be considered "normal"... then I started having joint pain and body aches all the time for seemingly no reason... and now my doctor thinks I could have rheumatoid arthritis, but I haven't been diagnosed yet.
Hey there Jessica and Claudia ❤️ Bit of a depressing way to start a comment but, one of my best friends/ housemate/ more than a friend/ etc passed away last year but I just needed to tell you how much your videos meant to her. She had severe depression, anxiety, bpd, as well as diabetes and chronic fatigue and chronic pain. Getting out of bed and going outside for her were momentous tasks most days, but we used to lie in bed together and watch your videos. She would rave about your vida all the damn time and it was adorable, and you showed her the kind of life she could have despite her long list of ailments. Her fashion sense was pretty much the same as yours - make up on point, fabulous fancy dresses and bows and honestly she was beautiful. I love your videos, and I think you and Claudia are both great, but I am always dithering between unsubbing and then subbing again because you remind me so much of her that it's really hard to watch, with you and Claudia I feel like I'm seeing a parallel world of what could have been. Sending you both so much love for this stressful lockdown time, and I promise that I will come back to your videos again one day when my headspace is better ❤️ I just needed to tell you that your videos meant so. damn. much. to her ❤️
I love that you share your struggles as a married couple. It’s not the “happily ever after” in fairy tales. It takes communication, respect, and effort from both parties to make it work, and you two are a beautiful example of that. Much love and be well.
This is so wonderfully relatable 😅 I especially liked the "please talk to me about things when they're not currently happening" advice. My wife & I learned early that this leads to much better communication than putting someone on the back foot.
Thank you for this video! I have a tendency to elevate youtube couples (especially you two) in that I think they're #goals, even though you're still people. Hearing you talk about how you occasionally have difficulties with balancing one another's needs reminds me that even couples that seem perfect need to work at their relationship.
I indeed am gorgeous ! My fiancé has peripheral neuropathy and pain due to chemo and i have EDS and co. We don’t feel different from other couples. I feel so blessed to have someone who understands me and knows how i feel when I’m in pain.
I'm gorgeous! Also I think the question about the other interabled couple on youtube was about Squirmy and Grubs! Shane from their channel is actually writing a book about the stories of interabled couples that he has interviewed! It would be awesome if you guys virtually collabed with them!!!
Haha I love that placard! I live in California, and my husband is disabled. My favorite place to use it is in San Francisco, and Santa Cruz. We don't have to pay for parking, or anything! I think the only thing I really hate about it is the awful comments I get from some people about it. Because I'm a woman, people think I should be with someone who can take care of me, instead of the other way around. It makes me so mad, because I'm a very independent woman, and even if I had an abled husband, I would still be working, and not cooking! Lol. I'm glad at least my family understands, because almost half of them have some type of disability. But I wish people would stop judging, and realize even disabled people deserve to find happiness, and love. I'm perfectly happy with our relationship, and we will be together for 10 years, married 6 this year!
I'm in my first interabled relationship. I am the disabled one and my husband is VERY understanding when I am unable to do things. Granted I don't always tell him how much pain I'm feeling because I worry about sounding like I'm complaining to much. I have migraines, mental issues and missing 1/4 of my left leg. I was amputated at 30 so I have only been an amputee for 9 years. I hate not working but my husband loves it because as he says he never has to worry about things not getting done, sometimes way later than I'd like them to, around the house and he has a "chauffer" for anywhere he wants to go. I feel that my past boyfriends would never be able to handle everything that is "wrong" with me now.
I thought the most obvious advantage was that it's easier to spend time together because Jessica is home rather than at a traditional job. I am definitely seeing that as one advantage of the shelter in place orders. I see a lot more of my roommates now. Moving nights and craft days are more common. 😃
I have really enjoyed watching your videos, and work as an employment consultant for adults with developmental and intellectual disabilities. Personally I have fallen into this strange category of having a chronic illness which most of the time I can function as a normal person, but then I'll have bouts of feeling super terrible for a few days to few weeks. I wouldn't particularly label myself as "disabled", but definitely in the "mostly able" bodied category. I don't know if anyone else has struggled or thought about this topic very often?
I think that you both are fabulous & amazing. I know what it’s like to be in pain as i suffer with fibromyalgia , on a daily basis some days i can just about cope & other days i can’t I also get pain in my legs from where i had major knee surgery 4 years ago on 1 leg & 3 years ago on the opposite leg . On top of that i suffer with depression & anxiety, ptsd & top of all of that i’m also a pre op transgender lesbian woman. I should have had my surgery on 17th April but due to Covid 19 then my Surgery got postponed (cancelled) by the hospital that i was due to be having it done at in Brighton. Now i just have to wait again although i know it will be ok & i will get it done .
Hello everyone. This is unrelated to this specific video but I'm having a bit of trouble and I thought where better to seek advice than on Jessica's channel. I'm currently on lockdown with my family. I normally live alone and I'm happy that way but I came here with them bc I knew it was going to be a long time. The thing is, I have anxiety and although I don't consider it a disability, it is pretty debilitating for me. It gives me insomnia so I'm pretty tired all the time and the anxiety itself makes my energy levels quite low sometimes. Sometimes just getting through the day trying not to feel depressed is more than enough for me. It used to be much worse and since it all stemmed from a pretty traumatic period of my life I had a few years ago, and I've been working on getting better and learning to live at my own pace, I'm pretty happy and proud of myself. The thing is, my family knows I have this problem, and my mum and dad understand, but my sisters don't. They're 18 and 24 and I'm 31. Over the past weeks I've feel absolutely misunderstood. I've heard them rant to my parents about how annoying it is that I complain of being tired when I "do nothing all day" (I'm working part time from home now and I cook many of the meals!). They've said, to them and to my face, that "you're tired bc you want to be tired. You'll never have energy if all you ever do is complain and not get off your ass and just do stuff" (eyeroll, I know) I usually tend to ignore them bc I know they're wrong and they just don't understand the situation or make any effort to empathise. The thing is sometimes the incomprehension, the lack of empathy, just destroy me. I feel a constant (mis)judgement of my personality and policing of my behaviour, my schedules, my activities, etc. especially by my 24 yo sister. Yes, I'm older than her and yes I have my parents' support, but they're getting older and I don't like getting them involved in certain things for their own benefit. And it seems as though the one who yells the most is the one who "wins" everytime, and that's not me haha I know that lockdown will end and that I won't have this problem when I live on my own and I can do things my own way but I feel really sad when I think about the future and the possibility of my sisters ever understanding and empathising with me... I was just wondering, does anybody have a similar situation? Could you please give me some advice on how to handle this or some words of encouragement? Thank you very much, lots of love from Spain :) Leonor
I found out recently that there is actually 3 different types: extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. Ambiverts are pretty much confident introverts. They can enjoy socializing, but also greatly appreciate their alone time.
@@pignippleful shy and outgoing are not introversion and extroversion, they are just possible outcomes. introversion and extroversion lie in the fact of whether you gain energy from being around people, or whether it tires you out
My interabled relationship started with both of us being able bodied and ended with me being in a wheelchair. He didn't take the change particularly well. He would get super offended when we couldn't cuddle because he would dislocate my ribs or hips, and would get upset if I was mad that he never opened doors the way I could get through them. (Like opening the door while standing in the door way. We had been together for 7 years and he only started to open doors like that when I got my chair.) I ended up dumping him because of long distance issues but the longer I look back the more obvious it was that my disability threw a huge wrench in his willingness to be with me. No matter though, I'm holding out hope for a lovely lady who will braid my hair if my arms don't work and I will shower her with baked goods for all the days they do!
You're better off without them. A truly good partner understands and tries to help you overcome your disabilities issues the best they can. I was partially disabled when I met my husband 15 years ago and over time have had 11 surgeries (disabling my arms and making my knee bad), several injuries, migraines, etc. Then my mental health diagnosises finally happened at 32 and so it's a lot to deal with but he's been super supportive. I know people who tell me they'd have left me in a heartbeat, which just makes me more grateful for my husband as a partner.
This video made me laugh SO MUCH- i often forget that I'm in an interabled relationship? I'm disabled, and my girlfriend isn't (we get a LOT of strange looks on the street, being an interabled, interracial, lesbian couple where we both dress a little eccentric). We're both VERY introverted, so I'm sure she loves getting to use me as an excuse to go home and take a nap together rather than interact with people (which I am 100% down for)
'When I first met you I thought you were a bit of a joke tbh' - I almost choked on my tea laughing, thanks for that! You both look gorgeous in this video btw!
I think it is not meant to be rude. If they know a person is deaf and they themselves don‘t know sign language... then of course they address the companion first.
Mrs. Jones I think it’s to avoid conflicts like if someone is deaf or can’t speak it would be awkward to talk to them and not knowing, or if they can’t talk right now or are in pain
Mrs. Jones Adults, absolutely! But children? Would I be rude addressing their carer/parent/guardian? Just trying to do my best in a crazy complicated world... Thank you if you take the time to respond 😊
I am disabled with a personality a lot more like Claudia. I have a sweatshirt that says, “I’m sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” Lol It’s very me.
I'm severely chronically ill and I have no control over many issues I deal with, so it makes it almost impossible to keep any scheduled plans... And extremely painful when successful in doing so... I'm late often, and it's not because I'm not punctual, it's because I can't predict what my body will do today and I can't help when things go wrong. I'm just not physically able much of the time. Anyway... I'd love a shirt like that. Whether it's the full truth or not, if it's still true then that's enough for me. I'm late often enough that I'd be glad to give people some ideas. If people don't take my daily struggle seriously, that's their failure anyway - I'd like to make them think twice. And it would be self-serving, since if they don't believe how sick I am then by default the statement would be true anyway. If they believe it's true, then it's true. And if they don't believe it's true, sometimes it still would be true. Amazing functionality behind it
Even though I’m not in a relationship I was my mom’s caregiver for over 10 years & people talking to me instead of my mom drove us nuts. “What’s her pain level today?” “So what’s she her for today?” I’d normally redirect to her politely. My favorite was when she’d get annoyed and inform them I’m just back up memory if needed I’d fill in the gaps.
To me, the term inter-abled very much includes couples where both partners are disabled, because quite likely they have different disabilities. This is the case in my relationship - both disabled but in drastically different ways.
This applies to me as well! I have chronic pain and chronic illnesses and my beau/partner is autistic. It's really fascinating to learn how we've each learnt how to navigate life and need assistance from other people.
Yeah, my partner has significantly more difficulty from her disability than I do from mine, most of the time we function as an interabled couple, where occasionally I need help too. But even able people need help sometimes too
I'm the super messed up disabled person in my relationship (keep getting hurt and getting new diagnosises) and my husband is mostly able bodied but does deal with sciatica, hip popping, and a crooked back/pain from whenever he works a lot.
Very true, and I am in the same relationship where I have VERY different disabilities than my husband, and he copes with things I simply cannot (not so much the reverse, as he is an extreme extrovert like you said you are, Jessica!).
Am I gorgeous? I - I don't know. Maybe, one day, someone will tell me. Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia ... and for answering my question. I completely understand where Claudia is coming from in regards to feeling frustrated. Having seen the pain my brother endured during his bout with cancer ( and related complications), all I could think was I would switch places with him in a heartbeat. "Just give him the treatment and let me take the pain." - that's what I constantly thought. I grew frustrated, not at my brother, rather at the illness and what it was doing to him ( fyi, he ultimately beat the disease and is now cancer free). And I also agree with Claudia about communicating with doctors. It was far better for me to explain what my brother was feeling than through, say, an interpreter ( he's deaf). He can speak, but in the state he was in at the time, it was more beneficial coming from me. Again, thank you for sharing your responses - and for brightening my day. For the record: I have and will never think of you, Jessica, as silly or weird due to how you dress or act. Truth be told, first time I saw a thumbnail for the first video I watched of yours, I thought - Wow! That is a beautiful woman. Absolutely true. And still is, more so than ever before. Take care, you two! Wishing you all the best. Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
Lol. Well, to be fair, if you went on a date with someone for the first time and they showed up looking like they just stepped out of 1945 into the restaurant, you might think they're lovely but you'd still have questions. :) Also, I'm glad your brother recovered.
Jessica, your face when Claudia said "like when we're at dinner and you're not in pain." I can see you thinking ," But I really am in pain and I just don't say anything" I know that look and feeling. *Sigh* even my good days are so painful even with meds. I even have dreams where I am in pain. I've had to take a long train journey with a long-lasting migraine, once. It's was a day and a half going up the coast of CA. It was beautiful but it was way to much. I've learned I need someone who can help me with the things. P.s. the parking is pretty good and not having to wait so long at the airport.
And how long have they been together and she still makes comments like that and had to put that in a video online...which mentally hurts to post it online!!
@@RenukaDhinakaran To be fair, once you've had chronic pain for a while you tend to learn you're going to be in pain for life so you get used to it and gain pain tolerance. I have "pain days", "rollercoaster days" (where pain dwindles off and on), "good" days where pain level is like a 3 or 4, etc. And being in a family full of chronic pain/disabilities, we all understand that you never escape the pain but it's not wrong to say "when you're better/not in pain" because it can mean "when you're having a good day".
I tell everyone that I'm with that if you take me with you on outings we all get all the good parking spaces and guilt-free rides on the elevator! 😂 And that doctors listen to the abled-bodied person in the room is why my mom goes to all of my appointments with me. Plus I'm so desensitized that she gets angry and upset for me and make sure that the doctor is doing their job
Same here with the appointments, whenever I have my mum with me at doctor's she gets angry on my behalf and she remembers all the things we've been wanting to talk about since I'm like "ok cool thanks for your two minutes doctor, I'm not struggling at all right now hahah good bye" a lot of the time :D
TheCozyWitch I think part of it might be that sometimes people will fake illness/pain to get prescription drugs and just having someone else verify helps convince them?? Still not ok though...
Annonimoose Q I mean, it also depends on the person and circumstance. There’s a pretty long running history of lgbtq people and minorities being treated less favorably others, particularly women. It’s really well reflected in the highest demographic affected by the opioid crisis in America.
I'm polyamorous (1 fiance, 1 partner) - both me and my fiance are disabled so it means me, my fiance, my partner, and my partner's partner can go to events and only pay for 2 of us :')
Polyamorous high five! ❤ I have a wife and two girlfriends myself, of which one is disabled. Her being one of my girlfriends. Technically I'm also disabled, but since my disability is neurological, it doesn't really show that much. Unless I forget my meds. In which case it shows A LOT. But since I'm physically able-bodied, I feel that I can't call myself disabled, even though that is an entirely accurate description of my limitations.
I wonder if also part of Claudia's success in getting doctors or officials to listen to her is just good old fashioned sexism. While any specific label would be pointless here, I think its safe to say she is more of a "tomboy" or has more "masculine" characteristics than Jessica in how she chooses to interact with the world. Its very possible that in addition to any able-ism at play, or reaction to the vivaciousness of Jessica's personality or appearance, that Claudia's getting a bit of patriarchal privilege in those rooms as well. :) just a thought
this is such a bad take. gender non-conforming women still face misogyny - if not more so. it's like saying butch lesbians don't experience sexism which is simply offensive
@@annaequare I dont think its going that far. It's not that they dont experience sexism (they CERTAINLY do), but that the more extremely feminine you present the more sexist people (not all people) will treat you like a ditz and bimbo. Gender non conforming also get the short end of the stick, but that doesnt detract from the sexism present in extremely feminine presenting people
@@annaequare i think it depends on the situation, like if a butch woman went to a pub to watch a football match with all of "the blokes", men would probably not bat an eye. if a femme, girly woman did that she would 100% get looks of "wtf is she doing here?
@@evelynkrull5268 "feminine presenting people" is very vague as it includes men, e.g. flamboyant gay boys. do you honestly think what they experience is sexism and not straight up homophobia? cause i don't sexist people don't start taking me more seriously as a professional when i present myself masculine (which i tend to do), cause they still can see that im a woman. but they sure as hell try to punish me for not being girly enough so in this case i really think jessica is experencing ableism and the fact that claudia is a bit more assertive and not in constant pain helps
@@annaequare man it sucks that you've had those experiences. Mine had been opposite, but that doesnt invalidate your experience. I believe a lot of homophobia has a basis in sexism. They are very interwoven due to the rigid acceptable gender lines made by society. Theres a lot of intersectionality here.
“I sometimes react to Jessica’s problems with anger because I can’t do anything to make it better.” I know this feeling of frustration...and you know, inside, you’re making it worse by getting angry which is just more frustrating and, worse, you know your partner is in no position to help right now, and you totally get that and you totally don’t want them to feel like now they have to help you, so you try to bottle it in and tell yourself “I can deal with this later”....it can be a very lonely feeling. As you’re no doubt already aware, experience lends ideas on how to cope with this, but it is probably one of the rougher personal challenges and takes a lot of practice to get right. But, back to benefits... all that practice tends to make one that much better at coping with helplessness while still being an emotional support to those you care about. Which, I have found, is a very useful skill :)
As Tomboyish and anti-make up, as I am, "vintage" and subtle gothic styles are probably my favourite looks. I'd love to look like Jessica, but I could never. The effort is too much for me.
You can get yourself jewelry and clothes with similar designs. No effort involved yet you still look like you dressed up. I've got dresses, overalls, pants, shorts, skirts, tights, and all sorts of clothes that look fancy but all I gotta do is slip them on. My jewelry is all set up for me to view and decide if it's a must for my outfits. I have makeup and sometimes put it on, but mostly make do with my tattooed eyeliner on. My glasses are goth and vintage styles. And, I have lots of hair scrunchies/barrettes as well as lots of cool converse, vans, and boots. Kinda hard to spend a lot of time dressing up when I've had 11 surgeries and I literally have to force my arms to touch my face, hair, or just move to get dressed. Yet people think I put in tons of effort.
I remember when I saw a video from this channel for the first time Jessica gave me this impression of being this intimidating, almost scary lady, a sort of old Hollywood femme fatale (sorry for the cliché)! I have watched many many more videos now and she is such a sweet and amicable person, my first impression was so wrong! Loved this video, I really appreciate your content ❤️
Being almost blind my fashion sense does end up making me the odd one in the room often but at least people notice I’m there. I don’t see peoples faces and don’t do the whole eye contact thing so yeah i need something to remind people i exist and if thats looking like a cyber goth then thats what it takes.
You two are perfect together. I don't think either of you are angels, but your are really nice people and a lovely couple. The vintage style is different, but quite nice and pretty. Jessica pulls it off so nicely. Enjoy your break and have a nice time together.
My hair looks gorgeous today. I don't own a camera, so take my word for it. Ah, the wild things we do for love (in our teens and early 20s, which horrify us in our 30s). *sigh*
I once had a friend tell me that she was happy I said I was too tired to go out after dinner, cutting the night short, because she didn't want to go anywhere afterwards! 😂
The part about doctors not taking your seriously is something I really struggled with. In the past I've always gone by myself, because I have this dumb fear that if I went in with my partner the doctor would think he was like, controlling or something? I don't know, it's just a weird hang up I have - and when i was by myself the doctors were always super dismissive, and it seemed like they never took me seriously. But last time I went to finally get my shit sorted, i decided that i will take him in with me because he's 1) a man (because we all know doctors - even female ones - have an unconscious bias against women) and 2) not the person who is sick, so they likely wont think he's exaggerating. And wouldn't you know it? For the first time in about 7 years, a doctor actually took me seriously. I could be a coincidence, but what's more likely? that the one time i took my husband, i happened to get the one good doctor at my surgery? Or they actually believed me because HE backed me up?
SuperSimoholic I’ve experienced this myself. My husbands an EMT so we have our routine down for when I have to go to the ER because I feel so bad for him spending all day at work in and out of the hospital and then coming with me to be at the hospital again for who knows how long. One of the things I deal with because of my illness is chronic pain and often times get treated as an addict even though I’m not. Last year I had my colon removed and about two weeks after I was up in the middle of the night vomiting uncontrollably. I kept trying to go to bed because I was so tired but couldn’t stop. My husband took me straight to the ER, got me a wheelchair because I couldn’t even stand and now realize I was in and out of consciousness. When I saw the ER doctor, she was super dismissive and like, humoring me(?). She said they would do some tests, a little blood work, maybe give me an IV but NO PAIN MEDICATION and send me home. I’ve never seen my husband been so helicopter towards me. I was still vomiting and he had me throwing up in a basin instead of the bag so the doctor could see something was wrong and insisted that this was serious. He was right; turns out I had a bowel obstruction. As soon as the results came back I got an IV so fast, some pain meds and had an NG tube placed before I knew it. She was so ready to send me home. After all that, I was only in the hospital for a few days which felt way too short. I followed up with my gastro a little bit later and he was so pist that they sent me home that quickly and told me to go back. I explained how dismissive they were so he wrote me a note and also called in the hospital because they would for sure take him seriously. I was met with the same initial hesitation, told I wouldn’t get pain medication (both times I did not ask) and kind of an annoyance since my doctor did call like he said he would and they had to keep me ... I wound up getting a second obstruction which probably wouldn’t have happened if they kept me for an appropriate amount of time initially. It was unbelievable... at least that’s what I want to say but I know at the same time, it’s not 😕. It happens way too often.
I'm an able bodied person, however I do have a past cancer diagnosis, and my parents are both nurses. Growing up, by mom (or sometimes dad) would always be there with me at doctors visits. Because they're nurses they could throw out some medical terminology and hold themselves confidently and I never felt dismissed - and I was kind of constantly sick with sinus infections etc. After living on my own as an adult, and having to go into doctors visits alone I can't tell you the amount of times I've felt dismissed and looked down on. (Especially when I've gone in with colorful hair and a septum piercing. Sometimes I will hide my piercing at first just because I don't want to deal with that initial instant judgement). I HATE my primary care provider, she's so dismissive, but it's such a hassle to try to find a different one that I actually like, so I just go into Urgent Care usually - which does mean I'm always seeing someone different and they're also often dismissive but usually still somewhat helpful. (I had chest pain, that I thought was more muscular or some thing, and the doctor could not look more like he thought I was full of shit, but he still had me get an EKG just in case). I live in the US.
See I’m the exact opposite since I’ve been disabled from birth I always had at least one of my parents with me for years and years but once I turned 17? 18? (epileptic memory problems lol) I was on my own (expect at the end of my cardiology and even that has changed to going completely alone) so I was understandably nervous (thanks anxiety) to go it alone but it’s been alright. I only miss my parents being there because they 100% know my complex medical history (especially dates)
One ex-partner of mine accused me of being over dramatic and getting migraines on purpose to get out of things. I wish I had broken that relationship off sooner.
As a teenager with a chronic illness I worry that friends or future partners will end up resenting me for missing/making them miss events and things, and just generally being sort of a bummer sometimes. Seeing the two of you makes me feel a whole lot better about what my life will be like.💛
Oh god I hate parking in Brighton on a motorbike, it was hell I ended up in a bus lane so got fined... fun times, I hope your vegan/veggie place has reopened after the fire though, also trying to escape from Brighton was also hell, please put some sign posts around or something, my sat have kept redirecting me so I was looking for a petrol station for like an hour redlining :P
When Claudia said she thinks knowing Jessica has made her a better person because she became better educated about disability and chronic illness, I immediately thought of “For Good” from Wicked.
You two are the sweetest couple I've come across on RUclips. And I love the contrast of colourful bubbly Jessica and monotone serious Claudia. It's perfect! Also, I think Claudia is my spirit-lesbian the more I see her in these videos. A no nonsense lady, just getting to the point... I love it.
This, and part one, have possibly been the most useful videos on the subject of living with disabilities and those who live with people who live with disabilities. (Look, I know that was a very clumsy sentence, but once I'd started I just couldn't stop... sorry.) Thank you.
Dear Jessica, I think that your taste in clothes and accessories is perfect. You have an absolute skill in that regard. It's not a skill that I have [I dress fine. Where as you have a gift] That's ok because I have other skills.Don't ever change. Hugs, Alison.
My friends and co-workers are used to me slumping over too (yay, narcolepsy!). They usually just poke me til I wake up (I've trained my dog to do it too).
I never thought at Claudia as an angel or with some fetish about disabilities, just because I think that Jessica has an amazing personality and she actually might be a delight to be around.
OMG JESS AND CLAUDIA WHERE IN MEXICO?... ah.. oh no i thought you've come to oaxaca mexico but you went to the restaurant on london... D= come to my city, Oaxaca (wahaca) in mexico if you can is pretty.
Hi confident introvert, I’m the opposite, a lazy extrovert. how ya doin? 😂 I NEEED company, I love being around people, but like...come to me, please 😂
My husband and I get 'rockstar parking' as I have a blue badge (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, Autism and more). Free parking, close to the shops makes our lives SO much easier (and mine, less painful)
![My wife is not an angel // Part 1 [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-s9GaEha2Nw/mqdefault.jpg)
![My wife is not an angel // Part 1 [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![Can you tell if a disabled person is 'faking'? (yes, Jameela Jamil) [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OBC3zNZx7Dg/mqdefault.jpg)
When I heard "Lesbians of varying abilities" all I could think was one of you was a better lesbian than the other and had to pause the video and laugh for a while
LOL What does a "better lesbian" mean anyway?! XD
@@PixieGiggles33 For me it sounds like «better 😏 lesbians»
Voilà~ sorry I have a dirty mind 🙈
@@murufufufufuuu8209 Your comment, followed by your name works...just...so well. It's just perfect.
this really made me chuckle 😂
@@PixieGiggles33 improved scrabble capabilities
Something people miss is an interable relationship doesn't always stay that way. I've been disabled for quite a while and my wife 'put up with me' then 18 months ago she started to have really bad back pain. Late last year she was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine and even though it has now been successfully removed she has residual health problems. Now we help each other along. You never know what life will throw at you in the future, it's about supporting the other person.
edmondse yeah, I’m classified as disabled, but my physical disability doesn’t really effect me much, my girlfriend struggles a lot more with her disability (NEAD), basically she faints all the time, between 3-30+ times a day and feels so bad after, as well as other things, so the majority of the time, we function as an interabled relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t, my disability has caused fluctuating chronic pain, and causes ocular migraines, it changes the dynamic for us a bit, and it’s an area of disability and relationships that is rarely talked about.
I guess the all relationships should, not only 'interable' ones, as you said who knows what happens in the future. It's probably easier to understand for people with disabilities that you might be all fine and one day you suddenly not...
edmondse - I know where you are coming from because my relationship had been interable for 29 wonderful years. But, like your wife, my wife developed cancer in 2008 and I was just able enough then to help her through surgery, chemotherapy and Radiotherapy. She was cancer free up to January 2019 when she developed heart failure. They fixed that and she is stable with that health issue. However during the scans she had at the time they discovered her breast cancer had returned and was in her spine. They gave her all kinds of drug therapy that we believed would give her as long as possible with me. Unfortunately one drug nearly killed her and she can't have anymore chemotherapy. She is taking Tamoxifen and her scans show her cancer is stable, but the whole thing has left her with residual health problems, some serious like her memory is shot! She has chronic fatigue also. We still love each other after 33.5 years together and, like you and your wife, we help each other as much as possible. I am unable to walk and am in a wheelchair. I suffer excruciating pain on a daily basis. Drugs don't touch the pain but I want to be there for her as much as possible. Some days she will come in after taking our little dog for a half hour walk and I can tell from her face that she needs to rest so we both spend the day in bed. I can only sit upright for around 4 hours before my pain tells me I can't do anymore so I make sure my wife goes to bed with me and we both sleep until dinner time which can be at any time after 9 pm. We have sat in front of the TV at 11.30 pm eating our evening meal many times!! Who cares! There is only the two of us and we can please ourselves.
I just wanted to let you know that I understand everything you say and I can also fill in the gaps because we are living with cancer and both of us are now disabled. If one of you is disabled and needs help daily then it should be considered as you both age the fit one of the couple can also become ill and it's then tough going for both. Sending hugs and support to you both. xxx
Yeah my girlfriend is disabled, and I thought I was perfectly healthy... until she pointed out that I had way too many headaches for it to be considered "normal"... then I started having joint pain and body aches all the time for seemingly no reason... and now my doctor thinks I could have rheumatoid arthritis, but I haven't been diagnosed yet.
we're all humans and our bodies can fail at any point. People need to understand that. Hence the "through sickness and health" in a marriage vow.
Hey there Jessica and Claudia ❤️
Bit of a depressing way to start a comment but, one of my best friends/ housemate/ more than a friend/ etc passed away last year but I just needed to tell you how much your videos meant to her. She had severe depression, anxiety, bpd, as well as diabetes and chronic fatigue and chronic pain. Getting out of bed and going outside for her were momentous tasks most days, but we used to lie in bed together and watch your videos. She would rave about your vida all the damn time and it was adorable, and you showed her the kind of life she could have despite her long list of ailments. Her fashion sense was pretty much the same as yours - make up on point, fabulous fancy dresses and bows and honestly she was beautiful.
I love your videos, and I think you and Claudia are both great, but I am always dithering between unsubbing and then subbing again because you remind me so much of her that it's really hard to watch, with you and Claudia I feel like I'm seeing a parallel world of what could have been.
Sending you both so much love for this stressful lockdown time, and I promise that I will come back to your videos again one day when my headspace is better ❤️ I just needed to tell you that your videos meant so. damn. much. to her ❤️
I love that you share your struggles as a married couple. It’s not the “happily ever after” in fairy tales. It takes communication, respect, and effort from both parties to make it work, and you two are a beautiful example of that. Much love and be well.
The parking comment was really funny. Laughed my ass out and just started the video.
This is so wonderfully relatable 😅
I especially liked the "please talk to me about things when they're not currently happening" advice. My wife & I learned early that this leads to much better communication than putting someone on the back foot.
Thank you for this video! I have a tendency to elevate youtube couples (especially you two) in that I think they're #goals, even though you're still people. Hearing you talk about how you occasionally have difficulties with balancing one another's needs reminds me that even couples that seem perfect need to work at their relationship.
Jessica calling me stunningly gorgeous was just what I needed today
I indeed am gorgeous !
My fiancé has peripheral neuropathy and pain due to chemo and i have EDS and co. We don’t feel different from other couples. I feel so blessed to have someone who understands me and knows how i feel when I’m in pain.
In the doctor's office, having someone with you (who knows you and your condition) is VERY helpful in getting effective care.
thank you for this. you two give me hope. enjoy your little break.
Great video Jessica! Hope you and Claudia have a good break and maybe get to watch some Grey’s Anatomy!
Clothing can be our armour and just lift us up to express our happiest selves when we don’t feel all quite there.
I really enjoy watching your videos!
I'm gorgeous! Also I think the question about the other interabled couple on youtube was about Squirmy and Grubs! Shane from their channel is actually writing a book about the stories of interabled couples that he has interviewed! It would be awesome if you guys virtually collabed with them!!!
Holly Rizer that is who I was thinking of when I asked the question, yes. Shanes’s book “Strangers assume my girlfriend is my nurse” is quite funny.
Such a lovely video!
Haha I love that placard! I live in California, and my husband is disabled. My favorite place to use it is in San Francisco, and Santa Cruz. We don't have to pay for parking, or anything! I think the only thing I really hate about it is the awful comments I get from some people about it. Because I'm a woman, people think I should be with someone who can take care of me, instead of the other way around. It makes me so mad, because I'm a very independent woman, and even if I had an abled husband, I would still be working, and not cooking! Lol. I'm glad at least my family understands, because almost half of them have some type of disability. But I wish people would stop judging, and realize even disabled people deserve to find happiness, and love. I'm perfectly happy with our relationship, and we will be together for 10 years, married 6 this year!
I'm in my first interabled relationship. I am the disabled one and my husband is VERY understanding when I am unable to do things. Granted I don't always tell him how much pain I'm feeling because I worry about sounding like I'm complaining to much. I have migraines, mental issues and missing 1/4 of my left leg. I was amputated at 30 so I have only been an amputee for 9 years. I hate not working but my husband loves it because as he says he never has to worry about things not getting done, sometimes way later than I'd like them to, around the house and he has a "chauffer" for anywhere he wants to go. I feel that my past boyfriends would never be able to handle everything that is "wrong" with me now.
I thought the most obvious advantage was that it's easier to spend time together because Jessica is home rather than at a traditional job. I am definitely seeing that as one advantage of the shelter in place orders. I see a lot more of my roommates now. Moving nights and craft days are more common. 😃
I did indeed reach the end, but the gorgeous ones are you two
I have really enjoyed watching your videos, and work as an employment consultant for adults with developmental and intellectual disabilities. Personally I have fallen into this strange category of having a chronic illness which most of the time I can function as a normal person, but then I'll have bouts of feeling super terrible for a few days to few weeks. I wouldn't particularly label myself as "disabled", but definitely in the "mostly able" bodied category. I don't know if anyone else has struggled or thought about this topic very often?
I think that you both are fabulous & amazing.
I know what it’s like to be in pain as i suffer with fibromyalgia , on a daily basis some days i can just about cope & other days i can’t
I also get pain in my legs from where i had major knee surgery 4 years ago on 1 leg & 3 years ago on the opposite leg .
On top of that i suffer with depression & anxiety, ptsd & top of all of that i’m also a pre op transgender lesbian woman.
I should have had my surgery on 17th April but due to Covid 19 then my Surgery got postponed (cancelled) by the hospital that i was due to be having it done at in Brighton.
Now i just have to wait again although i know it will be ok & i will get it done .
A huge "felt cute, might delete later" mood atm, so yes, I too am Gorgeous!
I'm definitely not gorgeous, but you two are!! Xxx
Hello everyone. This is unrelated to this specific video but I'm having a bit of trouble and I thought where better to seek advice than on Jessica's channel.
I'm currently on lockdown with my family. I normally live alone and I'm happy that way but I came here with them bc I knew it was going to be a long time. The thing is, I have anxiety and although I don't consider it a disability, it is pretty debilitating for me. It gives me insomnia so I'm pretty tired all the time and the anxiety itself makes my energy levels quite low sometimes. Sometimes just getting through the day trying not to feel depressed is more than enough for me.
It used to be much worse and since it all stemmed from a pretty traumatic period of my life I had a few years ago, and I've been working on getting better and learning to live at my own pace, I'm pretty happy and proud of myself.
The thing is, my family knows I have this problem, and my mum and dad understand, but my sisters don't. They're 18 and 24 and I'm 31. Over the past weeks I've feel absolutely misunderstood. I've heard them rant to my parents about how annoying it is that I complain of being tired when I "do nothing all day" (I'm working part time from home now and I cook many of the meals!). They've said, to them and to my face, that "you're tired bc you want to be tired. You'll never have energy if all you ever do is complain and not get off your ass and just do stuff"
(eyeroll, I know)
I usually tend to ignore them bc I know they're wrong and they just don't understand the situation or make any effort to empathise. The thing is sometimes the incomprehension, the lack of empathy, just destroy me. I feel a constant (mis)judgement of my personality and policing of my behaviour, my schedules, my activities, etc. especially by my 24 yo sister.
Yes, I'm older than her and yes I have my parents' support, but they're getting older and I don't like getting them involved in certain things for their own benefit. And it seems as though the one who yells the most is the one who "wins" everytime, and that's not me haha
I know that lockdown will end and that I won't have this problem when I live on my own and I can do things my own way but I feel really sad when I think about the future and the possibility of my sisters ever understanding and empathising with me...
I was just wondering, does anybody have a similar situation? Could you please give me some advice on how to handle this or some words of encouragement?
Thank you very much, lots of love from Spain :)
Leonor
You are both so damn funny oh my goodness
Can you do a Little Womens 1949 hair tutorial.
I adore you both!
Definitely gorgeous :)
I am gorgeous.
Omg I AM gorgeous 🥰😍🥰 thanks!
I’m apparently gorgeous, and curious about what fell down at the end of the video.
At what point do you think it's fair for someone to use the label "disabled"?
Claudia admitting she thought Jessica was a bit of a joke with her fashion at first... I live for these truths.
"Yeah, there's like a name for it, isn't there?"
"There is, but I have memory loss."
😂
Meeeee
#relatable
when claudia said shes a confident introvert that was so relatable
I *wish* that was relatable. :/
I found out recently that there is actually 3 different types: extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. Ambiverts are pretty much confident introverts. They can enjoy socializing, but also greatly appreciate their alone time.
MissErikaWoods yeah I must be a ambiverts
@@pignippleful i'm not an ambivert, you can be introvert and confident - introversion doesn't automatically equal timidness or uncertainty
@@pignippleful shy and outgoing are not introversion and extroversion, they are just possible outcomes. introversion and extroversion lie in the fact of whether you gain energy from being around people, or whether it tires you out
My interabled relationship started with both of us being able bodied and ended with me being in a wheelchair. He didn't take the change particularly well. He would get super offended when we couldn't cuddle because he would dislocate my ribs or hips, and would get upset if I was mad that he never opened doors the way I could get through them. (Like opening the door while standing in the door way. We had been together for 7 years and he only started to open doors like that when I got my chair.) I ended up dumping him because of long distance issues but the longer I look back the more obvious it was that my disability threw a huge wrench in his willingness to be with me. No matter though, I'm holding out hope for a lovely lady who will braid my hair if my arms don't work and I will shower her with baked goods for all the days they do!
You're better off without them. A truly good partner understands and tries to help you overcome your disabilities issues the best they can. I was partially disabled when I met my husband 15 years ago and over time have had 11 surgeries (disabling my arms and making my knee bad), several injuries, migraines, etc. Then my mental health diagnosises finally happened at 32 and so it's a lot to deal with but he's been super supportive. I know people who tell me they'd have left me in a heartbeat, which just makes me more grateful for my husband as a partner.
This video made me laugh SO MUCH- i often forget that I'm in an interabled relationship? I'm disabled, and my girlfriend isn't (we get a LOT of strange looks on the street, being an interabled, interracial, lesbian couple where we both dress a little eccentric). We're both VERY introverted, so I'm sure she loves getting to use me as an excuse to go home and take a nap together rather than interact with people (which I am 100% down for)
That sounds so lovely
denny viber thats an adorable combo lol
I was wondering why there weren’t any comments and realized you posted it 10 seconds ago lol. Quarantine has me refreshing my RUclips a whole lot
you made me realize I did same thing, lol
Alyssa Anne same
@AND ANDREY ISN'T HERE off topic but newsies is great
Jodie Plews i heard newsies and was summoned
'When I first met you I thought you were a bit of a joke tbh' - I almost choked on my tea laughing, thanks for that! You both look gorgeous in this video btw!
@@Hannah-wh3vo Ditto. I'm usually not oversensitive but still.
That was kind of ouch, tbh
If my partner said that to me I would burst into tears. Harsh!
It made me kinda sad ngl :c
To each their own, Jessica seemed to be fine. :)
"I don't like people" What a mood, Claudia XD
The thing when people address the disabled person's companion, friend, family member, etc... instead of that person is really disrespectful to me.
Yep! When me and my partner were looking for a flat, one realtor even skipped shaking hands with me x.x
I think it is not meant to be rude. If they know a person is deaf and they themselves don‘t know sign language... then of course they address the companion first.
Mrs. Jones I think it’s to avoid conflicts like if someone is deaf or can’t speak it would be awkward to talk to them and not knowing, or if they can’t talk right now or are in pain
Mrs. Jones Adults, absolutely! But children? Would I be rude addressing their carer/parent/guardian? Just trying to do my best in a crazy complicated world... Thank you if you take the time to respond 😊
Especially if it’s pretty obvious that their disability doesn’t affect their ability to communicate...
I am disabled with a personality a lot more like Claudia. I have a sweatshirt that says, “I’m sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” Lol It’s very me.
I'm severely chronically ill and I have no control over many issues I deal with, so it makes it almost impossible to keep any scheduled plans... And extremely painful when successful in doing so... I'm late often, and it's not because I'm not punctual, it's because I can't predict what my body will do today and I can't help when things go wrong. I'm just not physically able much of the time.
Anyway... I'd love a shirt like that. Whether it's the full truth or not, if it's still true then that's enough for me. I'm late often enough that I'd be glad to give people some ideas. If people don't take my daily struggle seriously, that's their failure anyway - I'd like to make them think twice. And it would be self-serving, since if they don't believe how sick I am then by default the statement would be true anyway. If they believe it's true, then it's true. And if they don't believe it's true, sometimes it still would be true. Amazing functionality behind it
That’s great - totally me, and also might cheer me up when people can’t understand that when I say I’ll be there if I can, that’s exactly what I mean
Even though I’m not in a relationship I was my mom’s caregiver for over 10 years & people talking to me instead of my mom drove us nuts. “What’s her pain level today?” “So what’s she her for today?” I’d normally redirect to her politely. My favorite was when she’d get annoyed and inform them I’m just back up memory if needed I’d fill in the gaps.
Doctors used to do this to my grandmother when my dad would take her to the doctor. He would just say, “why are you asking me?”
To me, the term inter-abled very much includes couples where both partners are disabled, because quite likely they have different disabilities. This is the case in my relationship - both disabled but in drastically different ways.
This applies to me as well! I have chronic pain and chronic illnesses and my beau/partner is autistic. It's really fascinating to learn how we've each learnt how to navigate life and need assistance from other people.
Yeah, my partner has significantly more difficulty from her disability than I do from mine, most of the time we function as an interabled couple, where occasionally I need help too. But even able people need help sometimes too
I'm the super messed up disabled person in my relationship (keep getting hurt and getting new diagnosises) and my husband is mostly able bodied but does deal with sciatica, hip popping, and a crooked back/pain from whenever he works a lot.
Very true, and I am in the same relationship where I have VERY different disabilities than my husband, and he copes with things I simply cannot (not so much the reverse, as he is an extreme extrovert like you said you are, Jessica!).
Am I gorgeous? I - I don't know. Maybe, one day, someone will tell me.
Thank you for the video, Jessica and Claudia ... and for answering my question.
I completely understand where Claudia is coming from in regards to feeling frustrated. Having seen the pain my brother endured during his bout with cancer ( and related complications), all I could think was I would switch places with him in a heartbeat. "Just give him the treatment and let me take the pain." - that's what I constantly thought. I grew frustrated, not at my brother, rather at the illness and what it was doing to him ( fyi, he ultimately beat the disease and is now cancer free). And I also agree with Claudia about communicating with doctors. It was far better for me to explain what my brother was feeling than through, say, an interpreter ( he's deaf). He can speak, but in the state he was in at the time, it was more beneficial coming from me.
Again, thank you for sharing your responses - and for brightening my day. For the record: I have and will never think of you, Jessica, as silly or weird due to how you dress or act. Truth be told, first time I saw a thumbnail for the first video I watched of yours, I thought - Wow! That is a beautiful woman. Absolutely true. And still is, more so than ever before.
Take care, you two! Wishing you all the best. Lovely as always 👍🤟💝
Lol. Well, to be fair, if you went on a date with someone for the first time and they showed up looking like they just stepped out of 1945 into the restaurant, you might think they're lovely but you'd still have questions. :)
Also, I'm glad your brother recovered.
@@xzonia1 Thank you for your kind words about my brother. And yes, I would have questions - but all from a good place and all positive ❤
@@richardvelez3151 ❤
Thank you always for your comments, really glad to read your brother recovered. Lots of love xx
Jessica, your face when Claudia said "like when we're at dinner and you're not in pain." I can see you thinking ," But I really am in pain and I just don't say anything" I know that look and feeling. *Sigh* even my good days are so painful even with meds. I even have dreams where I am in pain. I've had to take a long train journey with a long-lasting migraine, once. It's was a day and a half going up the coast of CA. It was beautiful but it was way to much. I've learned I need someone who can help me with the things. P.s. the parking is pretty good and not having to wait so long at the airport.
This was exactly my thought, I could see the 'theres a time I'm not in pain...' moment
@@edmondse me too. "chronic pain, you don't get it until you get it."
And how long have they been together and she still makes comments like that and had to put that in a video online...which mentally hurts to post it online!!
This was my first thought when I heard that! My husband now never says things like "when you are better" or "when you are not in pain".
@@RenukaDhinakaran To be fair, once you've had chronic pain for a while you tend to learn you're going to be in pain for life so you get used to it and gain pain tolerance. I have "pain days", "rollercoaster days" (where pain dwindles off and on), "good" days where pain level is like a 3 or 4, etc. And being in a family full of chronic pain/disabilities, we all understand that you never escape the pain but it's not wrong to say "when you're better/not in pain" because it can mean "when you're having a good day".
I love that Claudia still makes space for her problems and can say "yes, but it is about me right now"
I tell everyone that I'm with that if you take me with you on outings we all get all the good parking spaces and guilt-free rides on the elevator! 😂 And that doctors listen to the abled-bodied person in the room is why my mom goes to all of my appointments with me. Plus I'm so desensitized that she gets angry and upset for me and make sure that the doctor is doing their job
Same here with the appointments, whenever I have my mum with me at doctor's she gets angry on my behalf and she remembers all the things we've been wanting to talk about since I'm like "ok cool thanks for your two minutes doctor, I'm not struggling at all right now hahah good bye" a lot of the time :D
Boggles my mind how a doctor won't listen to their own patient 🤔🤔🙃
TheCozyWitch I think part of it might be that sometimes people will fake illness/pain to get prescription drugs and just having someone else verify helps convince them?? Still not ok though...
@@annonimooseq1246 your definitely right, still so upsetting how doctors would assume the worst first
Annonimoose Q I mean, it also depends on the person and circumstance. There’s a pretty long running history of lgbtq people and minorities being treated less favorably others, particularly women. It’s really well reflected in the highest demographic affected by the opioid crisis in America.
I’m so glad to hear the Clara gets rid of any comments that might upset you both ❤️ neither of you deserve to have to deal with that.
Clara is the loveliest.
I'm polyamorous (1 fiance, 1 partner) - both me and my fiance are disabled so it means me, my fiance, my partner, and my partner's partner can go to events and only pay for 2 of us :')
Clever.
2 for 1!
Polyamorous high five! ❤ I have a wife and two girlfriends myself, of which one is disabled. Her being one of my girlfriends. Technically I'm also disabled, but since my disability is neurological, it doesn't really show that much. Unless I forget my meds. In which case it shows A LOT. But since I'm physically able-bodied, I feel that I can't call myself disabled, even though that is an entirely accurate description of my limitations.
Another advantage: Claudia gets to hear that lovely voice all the time. I could listen to an audiobook of theirs all day. 😁
I frequently tell people they need to take me with them if they're going anywhere good, "You'll get great parking!" 😂
I wonder if also part of Claudia's success in getting doctors or officials to listen to her is just good old fashioned sexism. While any specific label would be pointless here, I think its safe to say she is more of a "tomboy" or has more "masculine" characteristics than Jessica in how she chooses to interact with the world. Its very possible that in addition to any able-ism at play, or reaction to the vivaciousness of Jessica's personality or appearance, that Claudia's getting a bit of patriarchal privilege in those rooms as well. :) just a thought
this is such a bad take. gender non-conforming women still face misogyny - if not more so. it's like saying butch lesbians don't experience sexism which is simply offensive
@@annaequare I dont think its going that far. It's not that they dont experience sexism (they CERTAINLY do), but that the more extremely feminine you present the more sexist people (not all people) will treat you like a ditz and bimbo.
Gender non conforming also get the short end of the stick, but that doesnt detract from the sexism present in extremely feminine presenting people
@@annaequare i think it depends on the situation, like if a butch woman went to a pub to watch a football match with all of "the blokes", men would probably not bat an eye. if a femme, girly woman did that she would 100% get looks of "wtf is she doing here?
@@evelynkrull5268 "feminine presenting people" is very vague as it includes men, e.g. flamboyant gay boys. do you honestly think what they experience is sexism and not straight up homophobia? cause i don't
sexist people don't start taking me more seriously as a professional when i present myself masculine (which i tend to do), cause they still can see that im a woman. but they sure as hell try to punish me for not being girly enough
so in this case i really think jessica is experencing ableism and the fact that claudia is a bit more assertive and not in constant pain helps
@@annaequare man it sucks that you've had those experiences. Mine had been opposite, but that doesnt invalidate your experience.
I believe a lot of homophobia has a basis in sexism. They are very interwoven due to the rigid acceptable gender lines made by society. Theres a lot of intersectionality here.
25% of this video is Claudia roasting Jessica and I want that in my life?
Okay I haven't stopped laughing. Claudia is a complete clown on this one 😄😄😄
Never been here this early. Hi everyone🤗 hope you’re all doing well ❤️
Claudia, your honesty has me literally laughing out loud! Even though you’ve just told us you never read comments.
“I sometimes react to Jessica’s problems with anger because I can’t do anything to make it better.” I know this feeling of frustration...and you know, inside, you’re making it worse by getting angry which is just more frustrating and, worse, you know your partner is in no position to help right now, and you totally get that and you totally don’t want them to feel like now they have to help you, so you try to bottle it in and tell yourself “I can deal with this later”....it can be a very lonely feeling.
As you’re no doubt already aware, experience lends ideas on how to cope with this, but it is probably one of the rougher personal challenges and takes a lot of practice to get right.
But, back to benefits... all that practice tends to make one that much better at coping with helplessness while still being an emotional support to those you care about. Which, I have found, is a very useful skill :)
*They are the reason why I still believe in love*
Gorgeous?.... Hmmmm... I would say I have good looking eyes... ironically they don’t see very well. Lol🤓
As Tomboyish and anti-make up, as I am, "vintage" and subtle gothic styles are probably my favourite looks. I'd love to look like Jessica, but I could never. The effort is too much for me.
You can get yourself jewelry and clothes with similar designs. No effort involved yet you still look like you dressed up. I've got dresses, overalls, pants, shorts, skirts, tights, and all sorts of clothes that look fancy but all I gotta do is slip them on. My jewelry is all set up for me to view and decide if it's a must for my outfits. I have makeup and sometimes put it on, but mostly make do with my tattooed eyeliner on. My glasses are goth and vintage styles. And, I have lots of hair scrunchies/barrettes as well as lots of cool converse, vans, and boots. Kinda hard to spend a lot of time dressing up when I've had 11 surgeries and I literally have to force my arms to touch my face, hair, or just move to get dressed. Yet people think I put in tons of effort.
I just found you again and became more excited when I seen you had a wife omg eeek *Gay Panic*
Dressing bold to distract from the disability is my M.O. Purple hair helps.
I remember when I saw a video from this channel for the first time Jessica gave me this impression of being this intimidating, almost scary lady, a sort of old Hollywood femme fatale (sorry for the cliché)! I have watched many many more videos now and she is such a sweet and amicable person, my first impression was so wrong! Loved this video, I really appreciate your content ❤️
Being almost blind my fashion sense does end up making me the odd one in the room often but at least people notice I’m there. I don’t see peoples faces and don’t do the whole eye contact thing so yeah i need something to remind people i exist and if thats looking like a cyber goth then thats what it takes.
Love it!
Love the real talk. Pluses and challenges in every relationship! Also, I very much enjoy Jessica's aesthetic. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Omg, I just found out I'm stunningly gorgeous and I am surrounded by stunningly gorgeous people. How you dooin? 😉
You two are perfect together. I don't think either of you are angels, but your are really nice people and a lovely couple. The vintage style is different, but quite nice and pretty. Jessica pulls it off so nicely. Enjoy your break and have a nice time together.
My hair looks gorgeous today. I don't own a camera, so take my word for it.
Ah, the wild things we do for love (in our teens and early 20s, which horrify us in our 30s). *sigh*
I once had a friend tell me that she was happy I said I was too tired to go out after dinner, cutting the night short, because she didn't want to go anywhere afterwards! 😂
Wow!!!! I'm stunningly gorgeous! :')
Jessica: would you like more Jessie and Claud videos?
Me- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Oh and your wrist weakness totally adds to your vintage aesthetic 😂. Love you two!!
The part about doctors not taking your seriously is something I really struggled with. In the past I've always gone by myself, because I have this dumb fear that if I went in with my partner the doctor would think he was like, controlling or something? I don't know, it's just a weird hang up I have - and when i was by myself the doctors were always super dismissive, and it seemed like they never took me seriously.
But last time I went to finally get my shit sorted, i decided that i will take him in with me because he's 1) a man (because we all know doctors - even female ones - have an unconscious bias against women) and 2) not the person who is sick, so they likely wont think he's exaggerating.
And wouldn't you know it? For the first time in about 7 years, a doctor actually took me seriously. I could be a coincidence, but what's more likely? that the one time i took my husband, i happened to get the one good doctor at my surgery? Or they actually believed me because HE backed me up?
SuperSimoholic I’ve experienced this myself. My husbands an EMT so we have our routine down for when I have to go to the ER because I feel so bad for him spending all day at work in and out of the hospital and then coming with me to be at the hospital again for who knows how long. One of the things I deal with because of my illness is chronic pain and often times get treated as an addict even though I’m not. Last year I had my colon removed and about two weeks after I was up in the middle of the night vomiting uncontrollably. I kept trying to go to bed because I was so tired but couldn’t stop. My husband took me straight to the ER, got me a wheelchair because I couldn’t even stand and now realize I was in and out of consciousness. When I saw the ER doctor, she was super dismissive and like, humoring me(?). She said they would do some tests, a little blood work, maybe give me an IV but NO PAIN MEDICATION and send me home. I’ve never seen my husband been so helicopter towards me. I was still vomiting and he had me throwing up in a basin instead of the bag so the doctor could see something was wrong and insisted that this was serious. He was right; turns out I had a bowel obstruction. As soon as the results came back I got an IV so fast, some pain meds and had an NG tube placed before I knew it. She was so ready to send me home. After all that, I was only in the hospital for a few days which felt way too short. I followed up with my gastro a little bit later and he was so pist that they sent me home that quickly and told me to go back. I explained how dismissive they were so he wrote me a note and also called in the hospital because they would for sure take him seriously. I was met with the same initial hesitation, told I wouldn’t get pain medication (both times I did not ask) and kind of an annoyance since my doctor did call like he said he would and they had to keep me ... I wound up getting a second obstruction which probably wouldn’t have happened if they kept me for an appropriate amount of time initially. It was unbelievable... at least that’s what I want to say but I know at the same time, it’s not 😕. It happens way too often.
@@carolinamurtha3102 I don't know if this ridiculously common situation, is more frustrating or sad. 🤦🏻♀️
I'm an able bodied person, however I do have a past cancer diagnosis, and my parents are both nurses. Growing up, by mom (or sometimes dad) would always be there with me at doctors visits. Because they're nurses they could throw out some medical terminology and hold themselves confidently and I never felt dismissed - and I was kind of constantly sick with sinus infections etc. After living on my own as an adult, and having to go into doctors visits alone I can't tell you the amount of times I've felt dismissed and looked down on. (Especially when I've gone in with colorful hair and a septum piercing. Sometimes I will hide my piercing at first just because I don't want to deal with that initial instant judgement). I HATE my primary care provider, she's so dismissive, but it's such a hassle to try to find a different one that I actually like, so I just go into Urgent Care usually - which does mean I'm always seeing someone different and they're also often dismissive but usually still somewhat helpful. (I had chest pain, that I thought was more muscular or some thing, and the doctor could not look more like he thought I was full of shit, but he still had me get an EKG just in case). I live in the US.
So recognize this!
See I’m the exact opposite since I’ve been disabled from birth I always had at least one of my parents with me for years and years but once I turned 17? 18? (epileptic memory problems lol) I was on my own (expect at the end of my cardiology and even that has changed to going completely alone) so I was understandably nervous (thanks anxiety) to go it alone but it’s been alright. I only miss my parents being there because they 100% know my complex medical history (especially dates)
One ex-partner of mine accused me of being over dramatic and getting migraines on purpose to get out of things. I wish I had broken that relationship off sooner.
As a teenager with a chronic illness I worry that friends or future partners will end up resenting me for missing/making them miss events and things, and just generally being sort of a bummer sometimes. Seeing the two of you makes me feel a whole lot better about what my life will be like.💛
From now on I shall refer to myself as a confident introvert 😌
Oh god I hate parking in Brighton on a motorbike, it was hell I ended up in a bus lane so got fined... fun times, I hope your vegan/veggie place has reopened after the fire though, also trying to escape from Brighton was also hell, please put some sign posts around or something, my sat have kept redirecting me so I was looking for a petrol station for like an hour redlining :P
You two are utterly hilarious together. I love Claudia's impressions of herself in public situations. xD
So since Claudia doesn't read the comments... I am afraid of dentistry. ;;
Am i the only one that wants to know if Claudia has ever dealt with a medical emergency at her work (like an asthma attack)????
Gorgeous... no. But my "don't have the energy to dry my hair" braids look super cute this morning.
When Claudia said she thinks knowing Jessica has made her a better person because she became better educated about disability and chronic illness, I immediately thought of “For Good” from Wicked.
I would NEVER describe your look as "silly." You look fabulous and you own it!
You two are the sweetest couple I've come across on RUclips. And I love the contrast of colourful bubbly Jessica and monotone serious Claudia. It's perfect! Also, I think Claudia is my spirit-lesbian the more I see her in these videos. A no nonsense lady, just getting to the point... I love it.
"If you enjoy lesbians if varying ability"
*smashing the like button*
Driving perks....oh you two! Lovely video!
This, and part one, have possibly been the most useful videos on the subject of living with disabilities and those who live with people who live with disabilities. (Look, I know that was a very clumsy sentence, but once I'd started I just couldn't stop... sorry.) Thank you.
Can you make a video were you answer questions from your comment section thank you❤️
Jessica: you are stunningly gorgeous
..... anyone else get profoundly moved when complemented by a pretty woman even indirectly? same
Dear Jessica, I think that your taste in clothes and accessories is perfect. You have an absolute skill in that regard. It's not a skill that I have [I dress fine. Where as you have a gift] That's ok because I have other skills.Don't ever change. Hugs, Alison.
cool name!
My friends and co-workers are used to me slumping over too (yay, narcolepsy!). They usually just poke me til I wake up (I've trained my dog to do it too).
Are you ok Jessica? I feel like there's something wrong
I never thought at Claudia as an angel or with some fetish about disabilities, just because I think that Jessica has an amazing personality and she actually might be a delight to be around.
More videos with Jessica and Claudia would be awesome 😎! Also it would be delightful to see the house when it’s done.
OMG JESS AND CLAUDIA WHERE IN MEXICO?... ah.. oh no i thought you've come to oaxaca mexico but you went to the restaurant on london... D= come to my city, Oaxaca (wahaca) in mexico if you can is pretty.
Hi confident introvert, I’m the opposite, a lazy extrovert. how ya doin? 😂 I NEEED company, I love being around people, but like...come to me, please 😂
Between 12:30 and 12:50 they were so cute that I had to replay this part, because .... well THE CUTENESS
My husband and I get 'rockstar parking' as I have a blue badge (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, Autism and more). Free parking, close to the shops makes our lives SO much easier (and mine, less painful)