My grandpa just told me that I couldn't be a good mother if I would raise children with another women (and other queerphobic stuff I don't want to repeat). I immediately went to your channel to feel better. Thank you so much for showing me how wrong my grandfather is❤
Sorry about what your granpa said. Imma watch this video now. It’s very timely as the right to parent is under serious scrutiny by the WEF right now. Homophobia in parents is something that looks likely to cause biological parents to lose their parental responsibilities in the not too distant future.
@@mk-middlegrey0645 ❤️ My wife and I raised our daughter, so I was speaking from experience. She’s 28 now, so it’s not like having 2 Moms is a new thing.
@@supernova622 idk what it's like in america but in the Uk small children don't usually do competitive swimming. I think competitive football starts when you're 5 or 6, most other competitive sport is for teenagers. In this video they're talking about the choices they're making for him as a young child, that he's not being forced to do ballet but does it because he wants to. A lot of parents do sign their daughters up to do ballet just because they think girls should do ballet, it's not competitive, just a class. I think in general children should get to learn the sports they want to learn, but swimming is a life skill for safety. Learning to swim is different from learning how to play football or do ballet dancing.
@@maeannengo4908 Some children in the UK get swimming as part of their school PE, but it depends on the school. Some schools have a swimming pool and are joined onto a community sports centre, so the pool is used for school PE during school hours and is open to the community at other times. For schools that don't have swimming pools, parents usually need to pay for their children to have swimming lessons outside of school time.
I once showed a picture of my cat on my phone to a toddler I hadn't realised was raised with zero screens. The little one was fascinated. Kept following me around after that asking for more kitty pictures. Not sure he realized it could be used for something else but he seemed very fond of the cat pictures machine 😂
Our son is like that. We allow looking at photos and family videos, he knows that I play music from the phone and send the robot vacuum from it and that we call/ face time with people on occasion. That's it. If he sees someone use the phone he requests some song or pictures. He saw one video of a baby gorilla that's been a pandors box and now sometimes he requests it but ye :D
My dads first phrase he mastered as a toddler was "sticky hands", because he despises the feeling of unclean hands. He has grown up to be a very capable, balanced person who loves being outdoors and camping (used to be a scout) and spending time in his workshop etc. He also relies on a variety of gloves, toiletries and cleaning supplies for these activities. What I'm saying is: Rupert might just find a passion for "dirty" things when he figures out what he needs to still be comfortable in such settings 😊
That's so gorgeous 🥰 I think there would be so many.parents relieved to hear this story, it's a classic in terms of raising children with respect and in-tact self esteem
this is a great point! sometimes sensory issues keep us from doing certain things, but there are frequently work-arounds and accommodations we can make. i hated finger-painting as a child for sensory reasons but excelled with other art activities and materials.
We flew from Australia to the UK with our daughter who was 2yr4m and we didn’t use the iPad with her or anything. Sooo many ppl said “oh yeah but it’s different coz she’s a girls so more able to sit calmly and do craft and other activities”. I resent that!! No! It’s because that’s how we’ve parented her! We’ve worked hard to foster her brain and her skills and her interaction with the world. She’s 9 now and obviously has technology and it’s fine! She’s well traveled, well adjusted, and an amazing young person. ❤ you both are doing amazing! xx
Ugh, I hate when people make little kids behavior out to be a gendered thing. Kids have a lot fewer differences than people think they do. Especially prepubescent, when there's almost no differences.
My parents moved me and my sister the other way (UK to Aus) in 2005. I was 4, my sister was 7. I'm autistic and adhd, and my sister is adhd. We made it without an iPad. Putting a screen in front of your kid is laziness. There are other ways to entertain a child, and im glad (at least some of) the kids are alright. All the negative press around school-age kids is worrying :/
@@waffles3629 Tangent here but that clicked things for me why I don't think my family personally struggled with gender expectations. I grow up with a sister just a year younger than me and another sister after 7 years and us three having quite obvious individual personalities from one another. Aside from my mom and dad never shying us away from "boy" interests and toys.
The actually following up with it yourself is hard though. And if broken habitually, it teaches the child to not believe you in the long run about anything else.
I know it’s a US tv show and it’s old, but Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood is really wholesome and was purposely filmed without lots of cut scenes to keep kids from getting overstimulated. He talks a lot about feelings and social interactions. It’s feel-good tv for sure! (I will say he does cover some more difficult concepts though like divorce, gun violence, etc. but in child-friendly ways. Very early on in the show’s run he even talked about assassination after Robert Kennedy was assassinated. But mainly to explain to kids why their parents were upset.) The songs from the show are great too. “It’s You I Like” is very wholesome.
We love mister Roger’s! I would recommend viewing episodes first because some of it is influenced by the time it was made in (there’s a song about girls and boys being born as girls and boys and always staying that way and how only girls can be mommies and only boys can be daddies)
While I don't remember specifics, I do remember country walks being *miserable* as a small child. You're just the wrong height. You can't see the pretty views, the waterfalls are loud and everything smells of sheep poo because you're closer to the ground, and like you both said, it's cold, wet, and muddy and it's impossible to be comfortable. I'm glad there's no forcing these activities with Rupert!
I guess it depends on the child because I remember them as exactly the reverse; a lot of my earliest memories are enjoying family walks and hikes. As you rightly say however, if a child isn't enjoying something, then there's no sense in forcing them. At the end of the day we're all gloriously different and the joy of watching small people grow is finding out what *they* like ☺️
I think a lot of it depends on a) the weather and b) the company! Jessie and Claude seem much more ... emotionally regulated parents than mine! That probably helps mitigate the sogginess and the sheep poo@@Picklescape
When my brother and I were really little, my parents had hiking specific child carrying backpacks to put us in (mid 90s). We would be able to sort of wander in safe areas occasionally as went. I don't really remember being in them, just sort of vagueness around seeing everything from an adult's height, and I remember seeing pictures of us in those backpacks. I think it allowed me to appreciate nature and be involved, but not get tired. I always enjoyed hiking growing up, and I still enjoy it as an adult although admittedly I don't do it as much anymore. I was one of those kids that liked playing in mud, my brother not so much and he likes trail running now.
@@Picklescape Same, hiking has always been a great activity. When we were very young our parents would tell us stories on hikes, then later my sister and I played together while hiking, and after a short grumpy teen phase we started just having conversations and that's how it has remained. I maintain that hiking is one of the best contexts for all _talking_ activities, you have time just with each other, no distraction, no audience, and you don't have to look each other in the eyes while doing it.
I feel like Toy Story is a good one to show to older children, as it would ve helpful to discuss feelings around jealousy or envy. I never thought the character Andy was overly rough with his toys, just very enthusiastic and really engaged with his imaginative play. ❤
I think that sanitizing the content that your kid consumes to an extreme degree is not good. As long as something is appropriate for children, as in it doesn't contain violence, sexual activity, gore, it's not excessively scary or dark, etc, I wouldn't veto it. Your kid should not be getting their central life values from movies or tv shows anyway. That's your job as a parent. And whether we like it or not, bad things and conflict exist in real life so no point in trying to shelter kids from it forever.
I'm 25 and my mother STILL touches me without permission so I'm bloody glad your kid doesn't have to live with that. I love this channel you're such wonderful role-models.
Same, it's so nice to see. I'm close in age to you and yeah, my parents still think they can do whatever they want. My father learned the hard way, and by that I mean didn't actually learn, to not hug me without asking, and especially don't hug me after I said no. I was going into a panic attack, he tried to hug me, I stopped him, and he walked away. Only to "surprise" me with a hug from behind because "I know you want one even if you say you don't" only to be surprised when I reflexively punched him. He blamed me for it, apparently it was my fault because I didn't tell him why he shouldn't hug me.
I am struggling with the same thing. It isnt the touching that bothers me as much as the lack of my concent, just like what Rupert was upset about. I know my mum is a good mum, all things considered, but she definitly has that mentality of "i gave birth to this person, therefor i have special prevligies over them"
@@waffles3629 Good for you! He should be proud you have such a good reflex for self defense. TBH I feel like everyone with these icky touchy parents should go to Aikido classes and make sure their parents learn respect (without getting hurt; Aikido teaches you how to redirect your opponent's own energy to send them away from you.)
@@barbarianvee thanks. He tried to punish me, I packed my bags and drove home once I had sufficiently recovered from the panic attack in order to be able to safely drive. Like dude, I'm not a little kid, you aren't in charge of my life. He demanded an apology, I flipped him off. Several people have learned the hard way not to touch me without permission.
Rupert watches movies the same way I do. Although I might watch all the way through the first time, but after that I will skip over anything I don’t like, or end the movie early when I decide it’s done 😂 I’ve done this even as a kid, we had (audio) cassette tapes of classic Disney movies, and I would sit by my little cassette player and rewind and skip all the way through Bambi, Lion King etc to not listen to the scary music or the sad bits. What I’m saying is, Rupert, I see you. Enjoy movies your way, buddy.
We went in with a parenting style: treat our kids like human beings. They're not objects, they're not "problems", they're not possessions: They're people. Small people. Who need assistance in getting to be big people, at which point our job is done. And they've grown up to be pretty decent people, who are tolerant where tolerance is appropriate, which does not include right-wing a-holes or the patriarchy. People always commented on how well behaved they were. We never used any physical punishment, it isn't necessary if you treat the child as an actual person, and give them all the experiences they need to live in society. (I certainly broke the cycle on that one...) One of the biggest jokes though, is that my wife and I never needed to discuss things to agree. Our kids soon learned that trying to get a different decision out of the other parent was impossible - we always said the same things. Oh how we laughed.
That’s something invaluable man, you and your spouse being a rock-solid team, my parents were the same, me and my brother could never get away with our nonsense because both of them, although divorced, were a team against us 😅
I was never blessed to have children, but I have been richly blessed to have infants becoming adults in my life. (I’m 74 now.) Among them my godson who was also raised in a Montessori home where I was blessed to live with them for nearly all of the first three years of his life. Until this very day our love is powerful, constant and joyful. I am bisexual. I also have a goddaughter who is the child of two lesbians. I was there at her birth and was the first to hold her due to complications with her birth mother. Oh my. How we love each other! The most significant fact about love that I have learned in my life is that love has no biological connection. Love has no gender. Love has no sexuality. I spent 20 years in relationships with women. Now I have been married to my husband for 25 years. Although I was never blessed with my own children, I have had life-long relationships with several of them. The absolutely most SHOCKING thing I was confronted with regarding infants, toddlers, children is that they are COMPLETELY themselves!! ALWAYS. As adults we may fondly say, “Just like her mother!” Or, “She loves to swim, just like her uncle.” Those comments may be made because we selectively choose to identify them in those ways. But the harsh unrelenting truth is that every living individual is absolutely unique. Suck it up.
There is so much joy when your interests and successes are acknowledged as your own ; I commend you for celebrating younger people's individuality. That said, sharing interests with a family member is great and you should totally enthuse them with it.
Ballet teacher here! Basic ballet education training starts at 3-years. If you want to teach younger you have to do early years training which is additional. Many teachers don’t take on the additional early years training as it’s a lot more anatomy & development (plus things like potty training come into play). I’m so glad Rupert is enjoying ballet!
That’s interesting! I started taking ballet classes at three. My mom told me that the teacher usually wouldn’t take students under 3 and a half, and she had to talk her into giving me a chance because I wouldn’t shut up about how much I wanted to try it. I danced until I was 14, it was such a wonderful part of my childhood!
Isn't ballet at a young age hugely damaging to the body is you do it for real? Like, your joints are just weird for the rest of your life no matter what you do?
@ Ballet ages 3-5 is more about teaching them about balance & coordination, musicality etc. Ages 5-12 is learning technique & vocabulary before the really intense work begins after that. Pointe work generally doesn’t begin until secondary school age due to the impact on the body and is only done under the strict supervision of a teacher. Hope that helps!
It is so beautiful and valuable that Rupert can communicate his feelings in such a concise way (at 2 1/2 no less!) I know the adults I grew up around would have found this supremely annoying because it “makes their live more difficult”. But people shouldn’t have kids with the sole intention of fitting them into their lives easily. You aren’t raising your child so that your day runs smoothly. You’re raising him so that in 10,15,20 years he can approach a friend or partner and say “I feel ____ because of _____” and that’s invaluable! There are grown adults who can’t do it now because they never learned it from the people in their lives. Exhibit A that you are great parents!❤
Yeah, I'm the oldest child and I can definitely see the shift in parenting from my generation to my youngest sister. My sister is more emotionally communicative especially to my mom who is now an active listener. I still haven't unlearn the holding back myself though. 😅
Just a small perspective. We have been successful in limited our 2.5 years tablet use to only travel days. They are most interested in watch movies (since that is limited at home). They understand that the tablet and games are a special event for travel. All I am saying that while it might be a slipper slope you can put up barriers along the slopes.
Sometimes technology is good for children, such as Children with Autism. (My 6 year old has ASD.) But luckily for us, our boy LOVES reading, building lego, drawing and imaginative play, so its all balanced. There's a place for all. My boy loves learning games on his kindle fire. Thats what we use ours for.
So glad I've had you two as an example for my relationship and future parenting. I hope you know the positive impact you've made on young lesbians all around the world. ❤️
I terrorised my parents by playing Pooh’s Heffalump over and over again for months, alternated with some Barney & Friends dvd. I could narrate all of that by memory when I was at school, my poor teachers
Maybe you could do a video on "Gentle parenting" as a concept cause I think there is some confusion about what it means as a theory vs how it is depicted on tiktok and social media. I love the montessori method videos you have done and before researching more I thought gentle parenting was in the same vein but it definitely seems more directed than people are making it out to be.
The other thing with tablets etc. is that they are not just for watching programs or playing games. There are a lot of simple apps/computer programs aimed at children that you can use for other things. For instance, going through creative processes like music composition, storyboarding and executing animations, coding, editing videos etc. There are apps that can be used for everyday things such as schedule planning and communication and so forth. So when you do eventually introduce more regular or independent technology use, it won't necessarily even be for watching programs and films. Imagine sitting with him to draw a storyboard together of whatever he wants and then opening the app to turn it into an animation (and even record your own dialogue) vs sitting and watching a film. You'd be able to associate technology with creativity or function rather than passive entertainment. Well, possibly you know that already, but it's nice to think about. As a primary teacher, it's really fun seeing the students become skilled at using technology to realise their vision in various ways.
If I ever have kids one day, I want to raise them like you've raised Rupert. It's so important for kids (and all people) to have bodily autonomy, learn to self soothe, not be forced to pursue someone else's ideas for them and instead allow them to pursue their own interests, etc. It seems like you've done an amazing job of raising a little person and I'm not British so I don't use this word really but I feel like Rupert is a very dapper lad.
I work in a forest kindergarten and the children love it. You get your clothes dirty every day so it would definitely not nice for Rupert but all the children enjoy it so much. I always say the concept isn’t for everyone but I wouldn’t wanna do anything else.
If there is something that having four children has taught me it’s that they are all individuals. You might end up with a toy basher. You never know. 😀 It’s always exciting to meet a new person.
I love these videos, it really solidifies, the parenting style I wish I could have had, and I will 100% try to give that to my own child! As an autistic I think Montessori sounds really good, my mom told me she wanted me to go to a school by another name (I don't remember the name but it sounded much like Montessori in some ways) and when she told about the principles I was taken aback at how nice it sounded, how much it fitted me and how sad I was to not have had that. But I hope I can raise my child different, and be able to see what kind of environment suits them when the time comes for education
The American Academy of Pediatrics has been recommending for years "No screens before 2 years old." There are several reasons I don't remember off the top of my head, but I do recall that studies have shown that they don't learn language from the screen, only from real humans, images change too quickly and there's too much stimuli, AND the interactions with their parents are FAR more nurturing and important and THAT's what they miss out on. You are absolutely doing the right thing, and although I don't want to be judgy, either, it is such a sad state of affairs that so many parents use the screens/pad, and I shudder to think what will be the result when this generation is adults. We've already seen so many social struggles, loneliness, depression, anxiety, with the young adults now that only had TV and video games when they were little, no smart phones and pads, just a "Gameboy"--and a handheld "computer" came along when they were teens. Now that they are starting as babies . . .
This is so amazing to watch. This seems like such a ringing endorsement of your parenting techniques. your toddler literally has more emotional intelligence than most grown ass adults
I played tennis from age 4/5! Tennis is very well structured for young ones, very well defined stages, and the balls and court size change as the kids develop further skills. They start off with a very soft sponge ball that’s a bit bigger than a regular tennis ball, lots of throwing and catching, games, and developing hand-eye coordination. I stopped at about 12 for a variety of reasons, but still really enjoy the sport, and it’s made me able to pick up other racket sports fairly easily. Live tennis events (excluding Wimbledon) are also often very accessible price wise. I would definitely recommend it if Rupert has expressed an interest, many clubs hold “open days” where you can meet the staff and learn about what sessions they offer, and try out some activities!
I love this style of parenting! This is exactly how I started out my journey... but my son showed me that this does not work on every child. He can communicate his feelings and voice his opinions, he is so intelligent and also empathetic - but he doesn't feel the need to please or cooperate. He's very comfortable toeing the line and will gladly just deal with the consequences of his behavior. So I have had to parent him very differently than I was prepared to. I never wanted to believe that it was also up to the child but I have been proven wrong... Good on you for living up to your ideals!
Haha we are one of those forest school families 😂 Juniper goes to forest school nursery, but they do have a big inside area called the cabin full of books and toys etc, and it's a free flow with the children choosing where they want to be all day. Juniper spends 90% of the day outside, even when it was -5 degrees, and they were begging her to go in and get warm 😂 she only chooses to go in for food so they gave her 3 extra snacks those days just to get her inside at regular intervals 😂
Warning: my teen child, who also was not raised watching commercial TV now blames me for not understanding jokes or references with his friends. 😮 Didn’t see that coming! Also, he has now discovered fast food (which I had managed to keep him ignorant of). Great job with all you’re doing with Rupert, just know it may last forever.❤
I was raised similarly, and (speaking as someone in their mid 20s now) it was definitely for the best! I got sick of the comparative greasiness of fast food after a few years of trying it as a teenager, and now avoid it where possible. The novelty wears off, I think. As for the media references, it really does stop mattering after a while. Either you catch up on the things you "missed" on your own, or your friends introduce you to it (which can be a good time in itself).
I love meeting people who haven't watched huge referential pieces of media, because it means I can be their introduction to it. Watching Mean Girls with my girlfriend is one of my favorite memories. When the movie ended she was like "I understand so many references now!" 😂 Point being they'll survive! And maybe even make great friends while catching up.
@@gaildahlas Oh no, the part about fast food is very much not true in my experience. I was also raised without any of that and slowly started trying it out as a teenager and now I eat way too much of it anyway. There are just people who are going to have problems with food, no matter how you raise them, and people who won't. No matter how you raise them. If my parents had had endless amounts of sweets available at all times, everybody would now say that that's clearly the reason for my sugar addiction. If they had forbidden all sweets completely, that would be the reason. If they had used sweet treats as rewards for achievement or good behaviour, then it would be that. They didn't do any of those, they just gave me pocket money and allowed me to spend it on anything, including sweets (and fast food). I think sometimes people overestimate how much they can steer a child's life with their parenting, I don't think it would have changed a thing if they had done anything differently regarding food.
I love that you’re doing the Montessori method in at least some aspects along with putting him in a Montessori school! I went to a Montessori school for many years and it was one of the most beneficial experiences I’ve ever had!
I really like your approach to digital media and how you want to keep it family focused, that it’s something you do together. I just think that’s really nice and if I had a kid I’d want to do the same. When I was little when had the one family desktop (tower and all). And I remember playing educational games on it, which I loved. My parents were very intentional about how long my brother and I were allowed to play on it. My parents definitely encouraged us to do a variety of activities (it was the late 90s and early 2000s though, so I’m sure it is a bit different today). Anyway, I think no screens before 2 is a good goal and I very much enjoyed this video🙂
This made me feel more normal because I was wondering how you could possibly keep up zero screen time 😆 my daughter was a toddler during the lockdown so Cbeebies was an absolutely lifesaver tbh. These days she gets a bit of TV before school and a bit of TV or games after school. I worry that it's too much but it's about what I had growing up and she seems to get on well with it. She is good at stopping and sometimes will choose to do playing or crafting instead anyway. I find the real difficulty comes when she hangs out with other kids who have unlimited screen time (especially if they have unrestricted RUclips and stuff that my kid doesn't have). My daughter will end up sitting watching with them and then become really cranky and it's hard to get her away from it. Would love to hear any tips for that situation! I've tried talking to her but with not much success, and I don't want to tell other kids what to do or make their parents think I'm judging them 😅
I think what you're going for with electronics and battery-run toys is that they are very 'directed' and don't leave much scope for originality or finding out. They are quite limited in that way, and games played on a screen are even more limited; even on-screen puzzles don't let you sort the pieces or try them various ways, the way they fit is already pre-dictated by the screen so there's less finding out to be done. And most battery-operated toys only have one 'right' way that they can work and you can't improvise or be creative in any way
I really do always love watching the two of you talk and laugh together! 💜 I think y’all are doing a great job parenting Rupert in a kind and thoughtful manner!
We made it to 7 years old before our son got a tablet and it is totally Pandora's box! We enjoyed the films Planes and Cars as they had little to no peril. Dog Squad also very popular in our house. x
two and a half? I remember when the twins were born how time simultaneously went slowly and disappeared instantly. Didn't expect that to happen with your kid too....
I love this perspective on screens, it's very much the way that we approach it as well. We do have a tablet, but it's only used for watching shows when we may not have other options, like on a long car ride. We didn't get it until about 3 and there's plenty of times she'd rather be doing absolutely anything else than watching the tablet. We watch tv in the living room, but it's all of us together, it's not an individual activity. When I'm shopping for new clothes for her, I involve her in it, which is usually on the computer or my phone.
You are doing wonderfully and I enjoyed your video. I'm a mother of two and you will do great. The biggest thing I have learned with two you just have to readjust like you have done with your 1st. He doesn't enjoy nature so you don't you it as much and you focus on what he enjoys for example. For my two (28 months and 2 months) Im just going with the flow.😊
I'm new to your channel and love all the videos I've watched so far. I really love that you don't show your child's face on social media. I feel like thats a great tiny security barrier you have. Well done ladies.
My parents screen stuff was one thing I quite liked , I had a Nokia from yr 5, and tablet from year 5 and was only allowed that at home , then I got laptop for secondary and smartphone at 14 Also ceebies CBbc only and I love the ceebies shoes that I had (abbey and teal and octonaufhts , my sister had sharha and duck which is amazing, and also horrible histories)
I think it's so cool that he's watching Nature shows like Save Our Wildlife! 😊 ❤ Thank you for sharing. You're awesome, inspiring parents. As an aunt, I feel it's quite a huge deal to raise a new human who (still) depends on you 24/7. I hope you can give yourselves slack when you need it. Your (body and mind) wellbeing is extremely important, also for the young growing human. Btw he sounds so polite and nice, well done... 💠
I actually had a dream recently that Rupert got his face into a video and I was very shocked 😂 I'm also surprisingly invested in Rupert becoming a ballet dancer when he grows up just because it would just be a great story
A lot of these will probably have to change as he grows older. My parents were both traumatized by sports/PE as children and vowed to never force us into it, and then suddenly it became medically necessary for me to do sports and they had to do it after all. I yelled and cried and sulked (I was like 11) and they had to make me do it anyway, and it was the correct thing to do, I'm thankful now.
I’m glad you you put Barbie before ken. When we play card games it’s always jack, king, queen. The queen has top rank. Your episodes always have great content and are important to us. Thank you.
My sister started letting my nephew watch peppa pig when he was very sick and he got super addicted. Last time I was there he was so moody and didn’t want to play with me and even said he wants me to go away Yesterday I was there to visit again and my sister said she slowly reduced peppa time to one episode a day (10? Minutes I think) and we were building a tent, playing in the ball pit, throwing balls around, climbing and jumping around his room. It was sooo different. Its so important for grownups and kids to reduce screen time. I have been sick as well and haven’t been able to go to the gym in a while so naturally I spend more time after work relaxing with some RUclips or doomscrolling on reels or TikToks. Mentally its honestly not good and i really can’t wait to go back to the gym to feel healthier and more energised also within my mind.
I used to dress ny child in more neutral clothing when she was a baby, now is all out the window she's a princess and it's a struggle to wear "play dresses" vs "costumes"
Claudia's accidentally holding hands with a stranger, and getting lost in the mall seemingly purposefully by the mom to see how one would react to it (Me and my middle sister allegedly did well: didn't panic/cry, we scoured the crowd but didn't significantly move places, etc. My youngest sister, however, bawled that we basically used the volume to locate her. And the thing is, it was a total accident and it was a small enclosed grocery store), is so relatable! I don't think it's an Asian thing because I've never heard anyone with same experience here in the Philippines.
I've actually heard a lot of parents say from our generation take your kids back to your TV. So little bear. Sesame Street. Little Einsteins is about 20 years old but even that. Shows that did not have excessively bright constantly moving colors. And shows it focused either on learning or just being a good person
We were very strict about no screen time when my son was little but now we've relaxed a bit and use it as a tool he gets to watch his animal program when Mommy who is currently pregnant needs to nap. And for situations that we have not been able to avoid but are unrealistic for him to maintain behavior in. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've put a program on for my son on my phone The biggest time was while he was in the ER, and the other three were due to circumstances at a restaurant for dinner past his bedtime and he just could not be human. And we noticed that our son has a much better attention span and is much more interested in playing when we're out and about then his peers who have iPads, avoiding those as long as possible
In my home, my screen philosophy is almost the exact opposite, but it has similar results. My kids have almost “unlimited” access to screens. I say almost, as I do have everyone turn off devices a little while before bed time to reduce the impact the light can have on sleep. However, they also have toys, games, craft supplies, a yard, family they can hang out with, ect. Because screens are just one of many options and they aren’t treated as something precious that has to be earned or limited, my kids choose them sometimes, but are quite often doing something else. Rather than tracking how much screen time they engage in, I do the opposite and pay attention to everything else: are they spending time with friends, reading, playing outside, going to activities, engaging with the family, doing a variety of things that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling life? The answer is yes, so I don’t worry about how they spend the remainder of their free time. My kids are older, but we had an iPad from the time my teen was 1, and as of yet it hasn’t limited their development. That said, I respect the choice not to use screens and have a similar philosophy regarding TV on in the house, mostly because it’s noisy and distracting for me 😅. However, I think it’s interesting how wildly different approaches can be used to achieve similar outcomes. Most often my kids choose hands on activities and are regularly making something or reading. Even when I’ve noticed my kid has been on their phone for a while and inquire what they are up to, it’s often reading a novel. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
When I was 15 my mom said how she loves that I’m starting to develop a personality and have likes and dislikes… mam, I’ve had them for the last 14 years, you just chose to ignore them!
I am a bit shocked (in a good way, like very surprised) that I found like I want to start treating myself as you both treat your son! This video is oddly inspiring for me
We did screen-free until 2 but gave in on flights once kiddo was big enough to kick the screen on (at which point we gave them the flight tracker for a while, until they figured out how to do their own thing). At now 11, we went on a flight last week with items pre-loaded on an tablet for the first time. We really didn't feel the need before (or even now, but kiddo begged).
Oh and an unexpected benefit: kiddo had some health scares very young, and had very small veins so taking blood samples is a struggle. That was the only time we used screen time and it helped SO much because it was a completely new experience.
While my friend who I was nanny for (and thus beholden to the parenting style of when caring for her toddler) didn't do Montessori and we didn't know a lot of these newer ideas quite yet, there were some stimularities between her style and your style in certain regards that I think are notable in how they share intent and have similar goals and effects, and I find that fascinating. For example, where we are, we did need to be able to physically redirect her from a place or situation against her will sometimes (e.g. if a scorpion gets in the house - I used toys and pictures to teach her to tell us if she sees them and not to touch), but we still needed her to learn consent and to tell people if she didn't want to be touched and if they didn't listen to tell someone else. Since she sometimes liked tickling and sometimes didn't (and I despise being tickled) we used that as a thing to teach her with. If she said "stop" or "no" even non-seriously, we stopped, pulled our hands away, and froze in place like freeze tag. If she said "more!" or "want tickle!" we would confirm she wanted it and when she said "yes" we would tickle her again. If she was tickling us and we said to stop and she didn't, would would repeat it more firmly, we would turn away and stop reacting like we were unhappy, get up and walk away, gently move her hand away, or tell one of the other people in the house, who would come and tell her we didn't like that. Soon it became like red light green light but with tickles with yes/no or more/stop. As she got older we used that to extend to other things like touching kitty's tail ("that hiss is kitty saying "no, don't touch") This way she knew that even children and animals had to be listened to if they said to stop, and if people didn't, that was weird and mean. We did a lot more screen time, but she was a single mom working exhausting hours with a live-in nanny working in exchange for a place to stay and we were doing what we could. But we did make sure that tv shows were educational and/or used the imagination and were age-appropriate (heck, I was learning life skills from some of them). She also got to watch us / "help" us play video games but we used them in not exactly usual ways, like using mods to make Skyrim all non- hostile and going out exploring and gathering flowers and looking at dragons. Basically using it for booting imagination. I made her a fake computer out of a small cardboard box so she could practice her letters and "typing" while we used our real computer to do some essential task. If I had to sweep, she got the little broom and I got the big one. She had some noisy toys but they were put out of reach at times or only we knew how to turn them on. Her favorite for a long time was this oversized Christmas train I have, not because it made noise, but because she could put blocks and dinosaurs and crayons on/in the cars and drive it around the living room on the track. But time with mom was mostly mom-led because mom had less time to spare, but also mom knew what she loved to do at certain times so she was doing what she wanted anyhow. Time with me was mostly quasi-child-led. In other words, "here are 2-3 things we can do right now, what do you want to do?" because too many options tended to overwhelm her. I was also using play to start teaching her things sneakily younger than she might normally know them, not so much so she could know them early but so when she learned them properly she would have a basis for the information in the back of her brain. Also, we roleplayed new scenarios before facing them (like me taking her to the doctor for her 2 year shots because her mom couldn't) and they went so much more smoothly. And it sounds like while what we did worked out better than what my parents did, what you are doing sounds even better, and I love to hear how it is going, even though I will never have my own kids. 😊
I was also a kid who HATED being sticky or dirty, including being sweaty while doing sports. As an adult I still hate it, lol. I don't really mind getting my hands dirty while cooking or baking because I know I'm able to wash my hands any time I want. I do still dislike sports, but I'm very happy to cheer on my friends from underneath the shade of an umbrella when they invite me to a game!
I think the one thing my mum forced me and my sister to do sport wise was learn to swim like pretty okay which i think was important. It was always clear that the goal was can swim well enough and after that we could stop.
With our first we did no screen time (other than the occasional family video call) until almost 2, and then the pandemic and we gave up. Our second got a lot more screen time only because big sister got some. We did try to mostly do screen time while little sister napped, even still now that little sister is 2.5. The big one also has her own tablet, but she gets pretty strict time limits on it. We do have days where we let them both watch a lot more screen stuff than we'd like, but we also have days where there are no screens on in the house. I think that balance is really helpful for us to feel good about making sure we have other habits and other experiences, but not getting down on ourselves when we're just too tired for much else!
I (as a girl) loved doing anything that got me dirty! Re-planting potts, cooking, playing with sand, being in the woods! All of it! Oh and I tried eating everything too. One of my favourite things was to drink out of puddles! I was the opposite of a germphobe.
We're going to disney next week (!!!) with our almost two year old and have introduced her to characters in the Little Golden Books! Highly recommend! They have them for all the disney movies and our little bookworm is OBSESSED! Your screen free family trip to disney movie definitely gave me so much reassurance we're not crazy bringing our screen free toddler to DisneyWorld!
..icy water for messy outdoor activities just sound really badly planned. My siblings and I went to nurserys and early schools that went with the attitude that 'there is no bad weather only bad clothing' (swedish kinda-sorta proverb) and had outdoor activities every day, sometimes multiple times a day. But they were very short activities when it was wet or cold outside, and was just outside the nursery or a short walk from the school at a childs pace so that everyone could get warmed up and clean when you got in. Everyone had at least one change of clothing stashed there in their own little baskets, so if you got too wet or too dirty you just went inside and changed clothes. They had multiple big dryer cupboards for outdoor clothing and shoes. Good winter outerwear, rain jackets, rain boots and little water waders was required equipment. I just remembered that we also had little waterproof rain mittens. Outdoors is only fun when you are not freezing, and little children freeze easily.
Happy Birthday, Jessica! Enjoy Malaysia and your family and adventures! It's been fun listening to your descriptions of Rupert and it got my Myers-Briggs brain going. He sounds like right now he's an ISFJ. I obviously don't know your child and it doesn't matter at the end of the day, but it's fun to think about!
0:42 The gesture that Claudia made right after Jessie said "we're going to Malaysia" looks like the ASL sign for Malaysia, which I think comes from the Malaysian sign for Malaysia. How do you sign it in BSL or SSE?
a wonderful video as always, but i especially want to mention how lovely it is to read the comments here, with people sharing all of their thoughts and stories in such thoughtful, kind ways. i know the internet; i know there are certainly plenty of horrible comments we the audience don't see, but every video you post, i always feel so much community. everyone here genuinely cares about you and claudia and rupert, and we love these updates even if we don't personally relate to the subject because we all want happiness for your family. congratulations on meeting so many of your parenting goals, and for doing it so that rupert has the best life he possibly can. you are setting him up for success by surrounding him with love and creativity, nurturing his interests, and instilling in him a sense of bodily autonomy and respect for others, and we are so lucky to get to be on the sidelines cheering you all on!
Yes, don't open the Pandora's box of screens until you feel its time. We didn't get mt daughter own screen until she was 6 but we dont take it out or use it in the car unless the car journey is more than 2 hours. When we go out to eat we talk or just stuff to hang out as a family.
Woody does have bad behavior, but he also gets called out for it. The movie shows the natural consequences of his behavior. Frozen on the other hand, shows a man seducing a woman with lies and planning to kill her sister, just to gain power.
Re: the first fourty minutes of Frozen omg. My oldest daughter was really into How to Train Your Dragon, but she really couldn't sit through one movie all in one go at age 2-3 (which is reasonable), so instead we watched the movie once in multiple days, and then she discovered the "Dreamworks Holiday Specials" which contained a 40 minute special about a made-up winter holiday called... Snoggletog, I believe? And we watched that several times a week for months. It was like a movie, with all the same characters, but the entire story was over, beginning-middle-end, in 40 minutes. Amazing. She freaking LOVED that special. My wife and I were like "NOT THE SNOGGLETOG SPECIAL AGAIN" by the third month.
I like this new parenting style. I would like to say that teaching virtue names can be useful vocabulary. Gentle, kind, assertive, etc. sorry i do not have a useful resource to point you to but i think they’re out there.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
"I can do anything when I'm a man"
I can see he felt the kenergy.
My grandpa just told me that I couldn't be a good mother if I would raise children with another women (and other queerphobic stuff I don't want to repeat). I immediately went to your channel to feel better. Thank you so much for showing me how wrong my grandfather is❤
No offense to your grandpa, but he is wrong. You can very much be a good mother with another woman. ❤
@@jennifers5560 Thank you for saying that I really needed that right now
You can be an absolutely wonderful mother alongside another woman. I am so sorry you have to deal with those hateful comments
Sorry about what your granpa said. Imma watch this video now. It’s very timely as the right to parent is under serious scrutiny by the WEF right now. Homophobia in parents is something that looks likely to cause biological parents to lose their parental responsibilities in the not too distant future.
@@mk-middlegrey0645 ❤️ My wife and I raised our daughter, so I was speaking from experience. She’s 28 now, so it’s not like having 2 Moms is a new thing.
I think the one exception to "will you force your child to do sports" is probably swimming lessons, because that's a life skill and about safety
Taking swimming lessons isn't really like joining the swim team tho. One is for learning to do a thing, the other is for competitively doing the thing
@@supernova622 idk what it's like in america but in the Uk small children don't usually do competitive swimming. I think competitive football starts when you're 5 or 6, most other competitive sport is for teenagers.
In this video they're talking about the choices they're making for him as a young child, that he's not being forced to do ballet but does it because he wants to. A lot of parents do sign their daughters up to do ballet just because they think girls should do ballet, it's not competitive, just a class. I think in general children should get to learn the sports they want to learn, but swimming is a life skill for safety. Learning to swim is different from learning how to play football or do ballet dancing.
In Japan, usually swimming class is mandatory part of PE so even children can swim to save their own life or be able to float while waiting for rescue
@@maeannengo4908 Some children in the UK get swimming as part of their school PE, but it depends on the school. Some schools have a swimming pool and are joined onto a community sports centre, so the pool is used for school PE during school hours and is open to the community at other times.
For schools that don't have swimming pools, parents usually need to pay for their children to have swimming lessons outside of school time.
I would definitely enroll my kids in ballet for coordination. And swim for safety. Not for e them to perform or compete though.
I once showed a picture of my cat on my phone to a toddler I hadn't realised was raised with zero screens. The little one was fascinated. Kept following me around after that asking for more kitty pictures. Not sure he realized it could be used for something else but he seemed very fond of the cat pictures machine 😂
That's so cute.
So cute! 😂
Our son is like that. We allow looking at photos and family videos, he knows that I play music from the phone and send the robot vacuum from it and that we call/ face time with people on occasion.
That's it. If he sees someone use the phone he requests some song or pictures.
He saw one video of a baby gorilla that's been a pandors box and now sometimes he requests it but ye :D
My dads first phrase he mastered as a toddler was "sticky hands", because he despises the feeling of unclean hands. He has grown up to be a very capable, balanced person who loves being outdoors and camping (used to be a scout) and spending time in his workshop etc. He also relies on a variety of gloves, toiletries and cleaning supplies for these activities. What I'm saying is: Rupert might just find a passion for "dirty" things when he figures out what he needs to still be comfortable in such settings 😊
That's so gorgeous 🥰 I think there would be so many.parents relieved to hear this story, it's a classic in terms of raising children with respect and in-tact self esteem
this is a great point! sometimes sensory issues keep us from doing certain things, but there are frequently work-arounds and accommodations we can make. i hated finger-painting as a child for sensory reasons but excelled with other art activities and materials.
We flew from Australia to the UK with our daughter who was 2yr4m and we didn’t use the iPad with her or anything. Sooo many ppl said “oh yeah but it’s different coz she’s a girls so more able to sit calmly and do craft and other activities”. I resent that!! No! It’s because that’s how we’ve parented her! We’ve worked hard to foster her brain and her skills and her interaction with the world. She’s 9 now and obviously has technology and it’s fine! She’s well traveled, well adjusted, and an amazing young person. ❤ you both are doing amazing! xx
Ugh, I hate when people make little kids behavior out to be a gendered thing. Kids have a lot fewer differences than people think they do. Especially prepubescent, when there's almost no differences.
My parents moved me and my sister the other way (UK to Aus) in 2005. I was 4, my sister was 7. I'm autistic and adhd, and my sister is adhd. We made it without an iPad. Putting a screen in front of your kid is laziness. There are other ways to entertain a child, and im glad (at least some of) the kids are alright. All the negative press around school-age kids is worrying :/
@@waffles3629 Tangent here but that clicked things for me why I don't think my family personally struggled with gender expectations. I grow up with a sister just a year younger than me and another sister after 7 years and us three having quite obvious individual personalities from one another. Aside from my mom and dad never shying us away from "boy" interests and toys.
@@cheesecakelasagna what a lovely tangent. And exactly, everyone is different with different personalities and interests.
We have a one year old, but our screen time rule is that its always a family activity. That way its “we’re done watching tv” not “YOU’RE done”.
Just an FYI. Current pediatric guideline is no screen time under 18 months old unless it's a videocall.
The actually following up with it yourself is hard though. And if broken habitually, it teaches the child to not believe you in the long run about anything else.
I know it’s a US tv show and it’s old, but Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood is really wholesome and was purposely filmed without lots of cut scenes to keep kids from getting overstimulated. He talks a lot about feelings and social interactions. It’s feel-good tv for sure! (I will say he does cover some more difficult concepts though like divorce, gun violence, etc. but in child-friendly ways. Very early on in the show’s run he even talked about assassination after Robert Kennedy was assassinated. But mainly to explain to kids why their parents were upset.) The songs from the show are great too. “It’s You I Like” is very wholesome.
We love mister Roger’s! I would recommend viewing episodes first because some of it is influenced by the time it was made in (there’s a song about girls and boys being born as girls and boys and always staying that way and how only girls can be mommies and only boys can be daddies)
While I don't remember specifics, I do remember country walks being *miserable* as a small child. You're just the wrong height. You can't see the pretty views, the waterfalls are loud and everything smells of sheep poo because you're closer to the ground, and like you both said, it's cold, wet, and muddy and it's impossible to be comfortable. I'm glad there's no forcing these activities with Rupert!
I guess it depends on the child because I remember them as exactly the reverse; a lot of my earliest memories are enjoying family walks and hikes. As you rightly say however, if a child isn't enjoying something, then there's no sense in forcing them. At the end of the day we're all gloriously different and the joy of watching small people grow is finding out what *they* like ☺️
I think a lot of it depends on a) the weather and b) the company! Jessie and Claude seem much more ... emotionally regulated parents than mine! That probably helps mitigate the sogginess and the sheep poo@@Picklescape
@@CorinnePritchard that is very true!
When my brother and I were really little, my parents had hiking specific child carrying backpacks to put us in (mid 90s). We would be able to sort of wander in safe areas occasionally as went. I don't really remember being in them, just sort of vagueness around seeing everything from an adult's height, and I remember seeing pictures of us in those backpacks. I think it allowed me to appreciate nature and be involved, but not get tired. I always enjoyed hiking growing up, and I still enjoy it as an adult although admittedly I don't do it as much anymore. I was one of those kids that liked playing in mud, my brother not so much and he likes trail running now.
@@Picklescape Same, hiking has always been a great activity. When we were very young our parents would tell us stories on hikes, then later my sister and I played together while hiking, and after a short grumpy teen phase we started just having conversations and that's how it has remained. I maintain that hiking is one of the best contexts for all _talking_ activities, you have time just with each other, no distraction, no audience, and you don't have to look each other in the eyes while doing it.
I feel like Toy Story is a good one to show to older children, as it would ve helpful to discuss feelings around jealousy or envy. I never thought the character Andy was overly rough with his toys, just very enthusiastic and really engaged with his imaginative play. ❤
I think that sanitizing the content that your kid consumes to an extreme degree is not good.
As long as something is appropriate for children, as in it doesn't contain violence, sexual activity, gore, it's not excessively scary or dark, etc, I wouldn't veto it. Your kid should not be getting their central life values from movies or tv shows anyway. That's your job as a parent. And whether we like it or not, bad things and conflict exist in real life so no point in trying to shelter kids from it forever.
I'm 25 and my mother STILL touches me without permission so I'm bloody glad your kid doesn't have to live with that. I love this channel you're such wonderful role-models.
Same, it's so nice to see. I'm close in age to you and yeah, my parents still think they can do whatever they want. My father learned the hard way, and by that I mean didn't actually learn, to not hug me without asking, and especially don't hug me after I said no. I was going into a panic attack, he tried to hug me, I stopped him, and he walked away. Only to "surprise" me with a hug from behind because "I know you want one even if you say you don't" only to be surprised when I reflexively punched him. He blamed me for it, apparently it was my fault because I didn't tell him why he shouldn't hug me.
I am struggling with the same thing. It isnt the touching that bothers me as much as the lack of my concent, just like what Rupert was upset about. I know my mum is a good mum, all things considered, but she definitly has that mentality of "i gave birth to this person, therefor i have special prevligies over them"
@@waffles3629 Good for you! He should be proud you have such a good reflex for self defense. TBH I feel like everyone with these icky touchy parents should go to Aikido classes and make sure their parents learn respect (without getting hurt; Aikido teaches you how to redirect your opponent's own energy to send them away from you.)
@@barbarianvee thanks. He tried to punish me, I packed my bags and drove home once I had sufficiently recovered from the panic attack in order to be able to safely drive. Like dude, I'm not a little kid, you aren't in charge of my life. He demanded an apology, I flipped him off. Several people have learned the hard way not to touch me without permission.
Rupert watches movies the same way I do. Although I might watch all the way through the first time, but after that I will skip over anything I don’t like, or end the movie early when I decide it’s done 😂
I’ve done this even as a kid, we had (audio) cassette tapes of classic Disney movies, and I would sit by my little cassette player and rewind and skip all the way through Bambi, Lion King etc to not listen to the scary music or the sad bits.
What I’m saying is, Rupert, I see you. Enjoy movies your way, buddy.
We went in with a parenting style: treat our kids like human beings. They're not objects, they're not "problems", they're not possessions: They're people. Small people. Who need assistance in getting to be big people, at which point our job is done. And they've grown up to be pretty decent people, who are tolerant where tolerance is appropriate, which does not include right-wing a-holes or the patriarchy.
People always commented on how well behaved they were. We never used any physical punishment, it isn't necessary if you treat the child as an actual person, and give them all the experiences they need to live in society. (I certainly broke the cycle on that one...)
One of the biggest jokes though, is that my wife and I never needed to discuss things to agree. Our kids soon learned that trying to get a different decision out of the other parent was impossible - we always said the same things. Oh how we laughed.
Tangent here but I'm obsessed with your username! 🧑🎤
That’s something invaluable man, you and your spouse being a rock-solid team, my parents were the same, me and my brother could never get away with our nonsense because both of them, although divorced, were a team against us 😅
I was never blessed to have children, but I have been richly blessed to have infants becoming adults in my life. (I’m 74 now.) Among them my godson who was also raised in a Montessori home where I was blessed to live with them for nearly all of the first three years of his life. Until this very day our love is powerful, constant and joyful.
I am bisexual. I also have a goddaughter who is the child of two lesbians. I was there at her birth and was the first to hold her due to complications with her birth mother. Oh my. How we love each other!
The most significant fact about love that I have learned in my life is that love has no biological connection. Love has no gender. Love has no sexuality. I spent 20 years in relationships with women. Now I have been married to my husband for 25 years.
Although I was never blessed with my own children, I have had life-long relationships with several of them.
The absolutely most SHOCKING thing I was confronted with regarding infants, toddlers, children is that they are COMPLETELY themselves!! ALWAYS. As adults we may fondly say, “Just like her mother!” Or, “She loves to swim, just like her uncle.” Those comments may be made because we selectively choose to identify them in those ways. But the harsh unrelenting truth is that every living individual is absolutely unique. Suck it up.
you’re so wise i love everything you said ❤
There is so much joy when your interests and successes are acknowledged as your own ; I commend you for celebrating younger people's individuality. That said, sharing interests with a family member is great and you should totally enthuse them with it.
Ballet teacher here! Basic ballet education training starts at 3-years. If you want to teach younger you have to do early years training which is additional. Many teachers don’t take on the additional early years training as it’s a lot more anatomy & development (plus things like potty training come into play). I’m so glad Rupert is enjoying ballet!
I think that I would enroll my kid in that because coordination is not my strong suit and the earlier the better.
That’s interesting! I started taking ballet classes at three. My mom told me that the teacher usually wouldn’t take students under 3 and a half, and she had to talk her into giving me a chance because I wouldn’t shut up about how much I wanted to try it. I danced until I was 14, it was such a wonderful part of my childhood!
Isn't ballet at a young age hugely damaging to the body is you do it for real? Like, your joints are just weird for the rest of your life no matter what you do?
@ Ballet ages 3-5 is more about teaching them about balance & coordination, musicality etc. Ages 5-12 is learning technique & vocabulary before the really intense work begins after that. Pointe work generally doesn’t begin until secondary school age due to the impact on the body and is only done under the strict supervision of a teacher. Hope that helps!
It is so beautiful and valuable that Rupert can communicate his feelings in such a concise way (at 2 1/2 no less!) I know the adults I grew up around would have found this supremely annoying because it “makes their live more difficult”. But people shouldn’t have kids with the sole intention of fitting them into their lives easily. You aren’t raising your child so that your day runs smoothly. You’re raising him so that in 10,15,20 years he can approach a friend or partner and say “I feel ____ because of _____” and that’s invaluable! There are grown adults who can’t do it now because they never learned it from the people in their lives. Exhibit A that you are great parents!❤
Yeah, I'm the oldest child and I can definitely see the shift in parenting from my generation to my youngest sister. My sister is more emotionally communicative especially to my mom who is now an active listener. I still haven't unlearn the holding back myself though. 😅
Just a small perspective. We have been successful in limited our 2.5 years tablet use to only travel days. They are most interested in watch movies (since that is limited at home). They understand that the tablet and games are a special event for travel. All I am saying that while it might be a slipper slope you can put up barriers along the slopes.
Sometimes technology is good for children, such as Children with Autism. (My 6 year old has ASD.) But luckily for us, our boy LOVES reading, building lego, drawing and imaginative play, so its all balanced. There's a place for all. My boy loves learning games on his kindle fire. Thats what we use ours for.
Having a toddler who can vocalize their emotions is so fantastic. truly what a wonderful environment your home must be for him.
he sounds like such a polite wee lad thats utterly adorable
So glad I've had you two as an example for my relationship and future parenting. I hope you know the positive impact you've made on young lesbians all around the world. ❤️
Glad that Rupert has the same media habits as me - just rewatching the same things over and over again 😂
All kids do that. All of them. (Also some adults apparently 😃)
They are so comfortable with the familiar. And if they get upset or manic, they can sometimes calm themselves with the 23rd time watching Frozen.
I terrorised my parents by playing Pooh’s Heffalump over and over again for months, alternated with some Barney & Friends dvd. I could narrate all of that by memory when I was at school, my poor teachers
Maybe you could do a video on "Gentle parenting" as a concept cause I think there is some confusion about what it means as a theory vs how it is depicted on tiktok and social media. I love the montessori method videos you have done and before researching more I thought gentle parenting was in the same vein but it definitely seems more directed than people are making it out to be.
The other thing with tablets etc. is that they are not just for watching programs or playing games. There are a lot of simple apps/computer programs aimed at children that you can use for other things. For instance, going through creative processes like music composition, storyboarding and executing animations, coding, editing videos etc. There are apps that can be used for everyday things such as schedule planning and communication and so forth. So when you do eventually introduce more regular or independent technology use, it won't necessarily even be for watching programs and films. Imagine sitting with him to draw a storyboard together of whatever he wants and then opening the app to turn it into an animation (and even record your own dialogue) vs sitting and watching a film.
You'd be able to associate technology with creativity or function rather than passive entertainment.
Well, possibly you know that already, but it's nice to think about. As a primary teacher, it's really fun seeing the students become skilled at using technology to realise their vision in various ways.
Im still watching this, but i love that hes so emotionally aware and helps Claudia remember to ground herself 💖 thats just so sweet 💖💖💖
I love that he has the language to express his feelings at such a young age, that's so valuable.
I can’t talk with my parents about stuff. I’m glad you’re raising Rupert in a great way!
Jessica's face the more films Claudia remembered she'd watched with Rupert was a picture!😅
Yes, it seemed like it was new information to her. 😀
If I ever have kids one day, I want to raise them like you've raised Rupert. It's so important for kids (and all people) to have bodily autonomy, learn to self soothe, not be forced to pursue someone else's ideas for them and instead allow them to pursue their own interests, etc. It seems like you've done an amazing job of raising a little person and I'm not British so I don't use this word really but I feel like Rupert is a very dapper lad.
I work in a forest kindergarten and the children love it. You get your clothes dirty every day so it would definitely not nice for Rupert but all the children enjoy it so much. I always say the concept isn’t for everyone but I wouldn’t wanna do anything else.
Rupert sounds like the most adorable and interesting kid. I think is great how you embrace all his little quirks
It tickles me so much that Rupert tells on one parent to the other parents 😅
Rupert is a beautiful example of excellent parenting. Kudos to you both, and thank you for “teaching” so many others what good parenting looks like
If there is something that having four children has taught me it’s that they are all individuals. You might end up with a toy basher. You never know. 😀 It’s always exciting to meet a new person.
I love these videos, it really solidifies, the parenting style I wish I could have had, and I will 100% try to give that to my own child!
As an autistic I think Montessori sounds really good, my mom told me she wanted me to go to a school by another name (I don't remember the name but it sounded much like Montessori in some ways) and when she told about the principles I was taken aback at how nice it sounded, how much it fitted me and how sad I was to not have had that.
But I hope I can raise my child different, and be able to see what kind of environment suits them when the time comes for education
The American Academy of Pediatrics has been recommending for years "No screens before 2 years old." There are several reasons I don't remember off the top of my head, but I do recall that studies have shown that they don't learn language from the screen, only from real humans, images change too quickly and there's too much stimuli, AND the interactions with their parents are FAR more nurturing and important and THAT's what they miss out on. You are absolutely doing the right thing, and although I don't want to be judgy, either, it is such a sad state of affairs that so many parents use the screens/pad, and I shudder to think what will be the result when this generation is adults. We've already seen so many social struggles, loneliness, depression, anxiety, with the young adults now that only had TV and video games when they were little, no smart phones and pads, just a "Gameboy"--and a handheld "computer" came along when they were teens. Now that they are starting as babies . . .
This is so amazing to watch. This seems like such a ringing endorsement of your parenting techniques. your toddler literally has more emotional intelligence than most grown ass adults
I played tennis from age 4/5! Tennis is very well structured for young ones, very well defined stages, and the balls and court size change as the kids develop further skills. They start off with a very soft sponge ball that’s a bit bigger than a regular tennis ball, lots of throwing and catching, games, and developing hand-eye coordination. I stopped at about 12 for a variety of reasons, but still really enjoy the sport, and it’s made me able to pick up other racket sports fairly easily. Live tennis events (excluding Wimbledon) are also often very accessible price wise. I would definitely recommend it if Rupert has expressed an interest, many clubs hold “open days” where you can meet the staff and learn about what sessions they offer, and try out some activities!
I love this style of parenting! This is exactly how I started out my journey... but my son showed me that this does not work on every child. He can communicate his feelings and voice his opinions, he is so intelligent and also empathetic - but he doesn't feel the need to please or cooperate. He's very comfortable toeing the line and will gladly just deal with the consequences of his behavior. So I have had to parent him very differently than I was prepared to. I never wanted to believe that it was also up to the child but I have been proven wrong...
Good on you for living up to your ideals!
Haha we are one of those forest school families 😂 Juniper goes to forest school nursery, but they do have a big inside area called the cabin full of books and toys etc, and it's a free flow with the children choosing where they want to be all day. Juniper spends 90% of the day outside, even when it was -5 degrees, and they were begging her to go in and get warm 😂 she only chooses to go in for food so they gave her 3 extra snacks those days just to get her inside at regular intervals 😂
Warning: my teen child, who also was not raised watching commercial TV now blames me for not understanding jokes or references with his friends. 😮 Didn’t see that coming! Also, he has now discovered fast food (which I had managed to keep him ignorant of). Great job with all you’re doing with Rupert, just know it may last forever.❤
I no TV till 12....so many missed references - they'll live 😂
I was raised similarly, and (speaking as someone in their mid 20s now) it was definitely for the best!
I got sick of the comparative greasiness of fast food after a few years of trying it as a teenager, and now avoid it where possible. The novelty wears off, I think.
As for the media references, it really does stop mattering after a while. Either you catch up on the things you "missed" on your own, or your friends introduce you to it (which can be a good time in itself).
I love meeting people who haven't watched huge referential pieces of media, because it means I can be their introduction to it. Watching Mean Girls with my girlfriend is one of my favorite memories. When the movie ended she was like "I understand so many references now!" 😂
Point being they'll survive! And maybe even make great friends while catching up.
@@gaildahlas Oh no, the part about fast food is very much not true in my experience. I was also raised without any of that and slowly started trying it out as a teenager and now I eat way too much of it anyway.
There are just people who are going to have problems with food, no matter how you raise them, and people who won't. No matter how you raise them.
If my parents had had endless amounts of sweets available at all times, everybody would now say that that's clearly the reason for my sugar addiction. If they had forbidden all sweets completely, that would be the reason. If they had used sweet treats as rewards for achievement or good behaviour, then it would be that. They didn't do any of those, they just gave me pocket money and allowed me to spend it on anything, including sweets (and fast food). I think sometimes people overestimate how much they can steer a child's life with their parenting, I don't think it would have changed a thing if they had done anything differently regarding food.
You are both such wonderful, loving parents. You are fantastic role models for all parents. ❤
I love that you’re doing the Montessori method in at least some aspects along with putting him in a Montessori school! I went to a Montessori school for many years and it was one of the most beneficial experiences I’ve ever had!
I really like your approach to digital media and how you want to keep it family focused, that it’s something you do together. I just think that’s really nice and if I had a kid I’d want to do the same. When I was little when had the one family desktop (tower and all). And I remember playing educational games on it, which I loved. My parents were very intentional about how long my brother and I were allowed to play on it. My parents definitely encouraged us to do a variety of activities (it was the late 90s and early 2000s though, so I’m sure it is a bit different today). Anyway, I think no screens before 2 is a good goal and I very much enjoyed this video🙂
This made me feel more normal because I was wondering how you could possibly keep up zero screen time 😆 my daughter was a toddler during the lockdown so Cbeebies was an absolutely lifesaver tbh. These days she gets a bit of TV before school and a bit of TV or games after school. I worry that it's too much but it's about what I had growing up and she seems to get on well with it. She is good at stopping and sometimes will choose to do playing or crafting instead anyway.
I find the real difficulty comes when she hangs out with other kids who have unlimited screen time (especially if they have unrestricted RUclips and stuff that my kid doesn't have). My daughter will end up sitting watching with them and then become really cranky and it's hard to get her away from it. Would love to hear any tips for that situation! I've tried talking to her but with not much success, and I don't want to tell other kids what to do or make their parents think I'm judging them 😅
Being outdoors is all about the equipment. Which can be pricey but makes the experience worth it.
Im autistic and I like your channel to do learning of lots of new things and I like the colour yellow and deers too 🎉
I think what you're going for with electronics and battery-run toys is that they are very 'directed' and don't leave much scope for originality or finding out. They are quite limited in that way, and games played on a screen are even more limited; even on-screen puzzles don't let you sort the pieces or try them various ways, the way they fit is already pre-dictated by the screen so there's less finding out to be done. And most battery-operated toys only have one 'right' way that they can work and you can't improvise or be creative in any way
I really do always love watching the two of you talk and laugh together! 💜 I think y’all are doing a great job parenting Rupert in a kind and thoughtful manner!
We made it to 7 years old before our son got a tablet and it is totally Pandora's box! We enjoyed the films Planes and Cars as they had little to no peril. Dog Squad also very popular in our house. x
i love your parenting content so much! it's really guiding the way i want to parent in the future, so thank you both endlessly 💙
You both give me so much hope for the future of humanity 😭
two and a half? I remember when the twins were born how time simultaneously went slowly and disappeared instantly. Didn't expect that to happen with your kid too....
I love this perspective on screens, it's very much the way that we approach it as well. We do have a tablet, but it's only used for watching shows when we may not have other options, like on a long car ride. We didn't get it until about 3 and there's plenty of times she'd rather be doing absolutely anything else than watching the tablet. We watch tv in the living room, but it's all of us together, it's not an individual activity. When I'm shopping for new clothes for her, I involve her in it, which is usually on the computer or my phone.
You are doing wonderfully and I enjoyed your video. I'm a mother of two and you will do great. The biggest thing I have learned with two you just have to readjust like you have done with your 1st. He doesn't enjoy nature so you don't you it as much and you focus on what he enjoys for example. For my two (28 months and 2 months) Im just going with the flow.😊
I'm new to your channel and love all the videos I've watched so far. I really love that you don't show your child's face on social media. I feel like thats a great tiny security barrier you have. Well done ladies.
I love your genuine hi's Claudia! 😊
Also love Jessica's intros, but the main reason I watch you guys is because your so real ❤
My parents screen stuff was one thing I quite liked , I had a Nokia from yr 5, and tablet from year 5 and was only allowed that at home , then I got laptop for secondary and smartphone at 14
Also ceebies CBbc only and I love the ceebies shoes that I had (abbey and teal and octonaufhts , my sister had sharha and duck which is amazing, and also horrible histories)
(18 currently it was quite recently)
I'd love to see a video with parenting and pregnancy/baby books you read when you were expecting and as new mums that you'd recommend!
I think it's so cool that he's watching Nature shows like Save Our Wildlife! 😊
❤ Thank you for sharing. You're awesome, inspiring parents.
As an aunt, I feel it's quite a huge deal to raise a new human who (still) depends on you 24/7. I hope you can give yourselves slack when you need it. Your (body and mind) wellbeing is extremely important, also for the young growing human. Btw he sounds so polite and nice, well done... 💠
I actually had a dream recently that Rupert got his face into a video and I was very shocked 😂
I'm also surprisingly invested in Rupert becoming a ballet dancer when he grows up just because it would just be a great story
A lot of these will probably have to change as he grows older. My parents were both traumatized by sports/PE as children and vowed to never force us into it, and then suddenly it became medically necessary for me to do sports and they had to do it after all. I yelled and cried and sulked (I was like 11) and they had to make me do it anyway, and it was the correct thing to do, I'm thankful now.
I’m glad you you put Barbie before ken. When we play card games it’s always jack, king, queen. The queen has top rank. Your episodes always have great content and are important to us. Thank you.
My sister started letting my nephew watch peppa pig when he was very sick and he got super addicted. Last time I was there he was so moody and didn’t want to play with me and even said he wants me to go away
Yesterday I was there to visit again and my sister said she slowly reduced peppa time to one episode a day (10? Minutes I think) and we were building a tent, playing in the ball pit, throwing balls around, climbing and jumping around his room. It was sooo different. Its so important for grownups and kids to reduce screen time. I have been sick as well and haven’t been able to go to the gym in a while so naturally I spend more time after work relaxing with some RUclips or doomscrolling on reels or TikToks. Mentally its honestly not good and i really can’t wait to go back to the gym to feel healthier and more energised also within my mind.
I enjoyed your parenting stories with Rupert. 😊 Hope all of you have a fun trip to Malaysia with your family and friends. ❤️
he sounds so EXTREMELY ADORABLE!!!!
Octonauts is pretty good, I've actually learned more than a little from it, it's so earnest
I fully gave a hug to a stranger thinking it was my mom and asked for something
I used to dress ny child in more neutral clothing when she was a baby, now is all out the window she's a princess and it's a struggle to wear "play dresses" vs "costumes"
I don't allow noisy toys cuz they're annoying to me. Lol sorry kid
Claudia's accidentally holding hands with a stranger, and getting lost in the mall seemingly purposefully by the mom to see how one would react to it (Me and my middle sister allegedly did well: didn't panic/cry, we scoured the crowd but didn't significantly move places, etc. My youngest sister, however, bawled that we basically used the volume to locate her. And the thing is, it was a total accident and it was a small enclosed grocery store), is so relatable! I don't think it's an Asian thing because I've never heard anyone with same experience here in the Philippines.
I've actually heard a lot of parents say from our generation take your kids back to your TV. So little bear. Sesame Street. Little Einsteins is about 20 years old but even that. Shows that did not have excessively bright constantly moving colors. And shows it focused either on learning or just being a good person
We were very strict about no screen time when my son was little but now we've relaxed a bit and use it as a tool he gets to watch his animal program when Mommy who is currently pregnant needs to nap. And for situations that we have not been able to avoid but are unrealistic for him to maintain behavior in. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've put a program on for my son on my phone The biggest time was while he was in the ER, and the other three were due to circumstances at a restaurant for dinner past his bedtime and he just could not be human.
And we noticed that our son has a much better attention span and is much more interested in playing when we're out and about then his peers who have iPads, avoiding those as long as possible
In my home, my screen philosophy is almost the exact opposite, but it has similar results. My kids have almost “unlimited” access to screens. I say almost, as I do have everyone turn off devices a little while before bed time to reduce the impact the light can have on sleep. However, they also have toys, games, craft supplies, a yard, family they can hang out with, ect. Because screens are just one of many options and they aren’t treated as something precious that has to be earned or limited, my kids choose them sometimes, but are quite often doing something else.
Rather than tracking how much screen time they engage in, I do the opposite and pay attention to everything else: are they spending time with friends, reading, playing outside, going to activities, engaging with the family, doing a variety of things that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling life? The answer is yes, so I don’t worry about how they spend the remainder of their free time. My kids are older, but we had an iPad from the time my teen was 1, and as of yet it hasn’t limited their development.
That said, I respect the choice not to use screens and have a similar philosophy regarding TV on in the house, mostly because it’s noisy and distracting for me 😅. However, I think it’s interesting how wildly different approaches can be used to achieve similar outcomes. Most often my kids choose hands on activities and are regularly making something or reading. Even when I’ve noticed my kid has been on their phone for a while and inquire what they are up to, it’s often reading a novel. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Enjy the Vacation to Malaysia. Hope Rupert and y'all enjoy being with Family and Friends.
When I was 15 my mom said how she loves that I’m starting to develop a personality and have likes and dislikes… mam, I’ve had them for the last 14 years, you just chose to ignore them!
I love the idea that she genuinely thought you didn’t have a personality, or opinions on anything for the first 14 YEARS of your life 🤣 I’m so sorry
I am a bit shocked (in a good way, like very surprised) that I found like I want to start treating myself as you both treat your son! This video is oddly inspiring for me
We did screen-free until 2 but gave in on flights once kiddo was big enough to kick the screen on (at which point we gave them the flight tracker for a while, until they figured out how to do their own thing). At now 11, we went on a flight last week with items pre-loaded on an tablet for the first time. We really didn't feel the need before (or even now, but kiddo begged).
Oh and an unexpected benefit: kiddo had some health scares very young, and had very small veins so taking blood samples is a struggle. That was the only time we used screen time and it helped SO much because it was a completely new experience.
While my friend who I was nanny for (and thus beholden to the parenting style of when caring for her toddler) didn't do Montessori and we didn't know a lot of these newer ideas quite yet, there were some stimularities between her style and your style in certain regards that I think are notable in how they share intent and have similar goals and effects, and I find that fascinating.
For example, where we are, we did need to be able to physically redirect her from a place or situation against her will sometimes (e.g. if a scorpion gets in the house - I used toys and pictures to teach her to tell us if she sees them and not to touch), but we still needed her to learn consent and to tell people if she didn't want to be touched and if they didn't listen to tell someone else. Since she sometimes liked tickling and sometimes didn't (and I despise being tickled) we used that as a thing to teach her with. If she said "stop" or "no" even non-seriously, we stopped, pulled our hands away, and froze in place like freeze tag. If she said "more!" or "want tickle!" we would confirm she wanted it and when she said "yes" we would tickle her again. If she was tickling us and we said to stop and she didn't, would would repeat it more firmly, we would turn away and stop reacting like we were unhappy, get up and walk away, gently move her hand away, or tell one of the other people in the house, who would come and tell her we didn't like that. Soon it became like red light green light but with tickles with yes/no or more/stop. As she got older we used that to extend to other things like touching kitty's tail ("that hiss is kitty saying "no, don't touch")
This way she knew that even children and animals had to be listened to if they said to stop, and if people didn't, that was weird and mean.
We did a lot more screen time, but she was a single mom working exhausting hours with a live-in nanny working in exchange for a place to stay and we were doing what we could. But we did make sure that tv shows were educational and/or used the imagination and were age-appropriate (heck, I was learning life skills from some of them). She also got to watch us / "help" us play video games but we used them in not exactly usual ways, like using mods to make Skyrim all non- hostile and going out exploring and gathering flowers and looking at dragons. Basically using it for booting imagination. I made her a fake computer out of a small cardboard box so she could practice her letters and "typing" while we used our real computer to do some essential task. If I had to sweep, she got the little broom and I got the big one. She had some noisy toys but they were put out of reach at times or only we knew how to turn them on. Her favorite for a long time was this oversized Christmas train I have, not because it made noise, but because she could put blocks and dinosaurs and crayons on/in the cars and drive it around the living room on the track.
But time with mom was mostly mom-led because mom had less time to spare, but also mom knew what she loved to do at certain times so she was doing what she wanted anyhow. Time with me was mostly quasi-child-led. In other words, "here are 2-3 things we can do right now, what do you want to do?" because too many options tended to overwhelm her.
I was also using play to start teaching her things sneakily younger than she might normally know them, not so much so she could know them early but so when she learned them properly she would have a basis for the information in the back of her brain. Also, we roleplayed new scenarios before facing them (like me taking her to the doctor for her 2 year shots because her mom couldn't) and they went so much more smoothly.
And it sounds like while what we did worked out better than what my parents did, what you are doing sounds even better, and I love to hear how it is going, even though I will never have my own kids. 😊
I'd love an update on Rupert and Claudia learning to sign ❤
26:35 That is so relatable, I'm 25 and I sometimes avoid movie scenes or TV episodes with the most conflict. 😆
I was also a kid who HATED being sticky or dirty, including being sweaty while doing sports. As an adult I still hate it, lol. I don't really mind getting my hands dirty while cooking or baking because I know I'm able to wash my hands any time I want. I do still dislike sports, but I'm very happy to cheer on my friends from underneath the shade of an umbrella when they invite me to a game!
I think the one thing my mum forced me and my sister to do sport wise was learn to swim like pretty okay which i think was important. It was always clear that the goal was can swim well enough and after that we could stop.
13:08 - 13:38 beautifully said Claudia ❤️
With our first we did no screen time (other than the occasional family video call) until almost 2, and then the pandemic and we gave up. Our second got a lot more screen time only because big sister got some. We did try to mostly do screen time while little sister napped, even still now that little sister is 2.5. The big one also has her own tablet, but she gets pretty strict time limits on it. We do have days where we let them both watch a lot more screen stuff than we'd like, but we also have days where there are no screens on in the house.
I think that balance is really helpful for us to feel good about making sure we have other habits and other experiences, but not getting down on ourselves when we're just too tired for much else!
Rupert sounds like THE cutest kid ever! bless 😊
Omg he sounds so sweet, y’all are doing awesome
I (as a girl) loved doing anything that got me dirty! Re-planting potts, cooking, playing with sand, being in the woods! All of it! Oh and I tried eating everything too. One of my favourite things was to drink out of puddles! I was the opposite of a germphobe.
We're going to disney next week (!!!) with our almost two year old and have introduced her to characters in the Little Golden Books! Highly recommend! They have them for all the disney movies and our little bookworm is OBSESSED! Your screen free family trip to disney movie definitely gave me so much reassurance we're not crazy bringing our screen free toddler to DisneyWorld!
Loved that video !! So nice to see the evolution
..icy water for messy outdoor activities just sound really badly planned. My siblings and I went to nurserys and early schools that went with the attitude that 'there is no bad weather only bad clothing' (swedish kinda-sorta proverb) and had outdoor activities every day, sometimes multiple times a day. But they were very short activities when it was wet or cold outside, and was just outside the nursery or a short walk from the school at a childs pace so that everyone could get warmed up and clean when you got in. Everyone had at least one change of clothing stashed there in their own little baskets, so if you got too wet or too dirty you just went inside and changed clothes. They had multiple big dryer cupboards for outdoor clothing and shoes. Good winter outerwear, rain jackets, rain boots and little water waders was required equipment. I just remembered that we also had little waterproof rain mittens.
Outdoors is only fun when you are not freezing, and little children freeze easily.
Happy Birthday, Jessica! Enjoy Malaysia and your family and adventures!
It's been fun listening to your descriptions of Rupert and it got my Myers-Briggs brain going. He sounds like right now he's an ISFJ. I obviously don't know your child and it doesn't matter at the end of the day, but it's fun to think about!
0:42 The gesture that Claudia made right after Jessie said "we're going to Malaysia" looks like the ASL sign for Malaysia, which I think comes from the Malaysian sign for Malaysia. How do you sign it in BSL or SSE?
Thank you for this video! I'd love to hear how Jessica and Rupert are getting along with BSL, if you feel like sharing 😊
a wonderful video as always, but i especially want to mention how lovely it is to read the comments here, with people sharing all of their thoughts and stories in such thoughtful, kind ways. i know the internet; i know there are certainly plenty of horrible comments we the audience don't see, but every video you post, i always feel so much community. everyone here genuinely cares about you and claudia and rupert, and we love these updates even if we don't personally relate to the subject because we all want happiness for your family. congratulations on meeting so many of your parenting goals, and for doing it so that rupert has the best life he possibly can. you are setting him up for success by surrounding him with love and creativity, nurturing his interests, and instilling in him a sense of bodily autonomy and respect for others, and we are so lucky to get to be on the sidelines cheering you all on!
Yes, don't open the Pandora's box of screens until you feel its time. We didn't get mt daughter own screen until she was 6 but we dont take it out or use it in the car unless the car journey is more than 2 hours. When we go out to eat we talk or just stuff to hang out as a family.
Woody does have bad behavior, but he also gets called out for it. The movie shows the natural consequences of his behavior.
Frozen on the other hand, shows a man seducing a woman with lies and planning to kill her sister, just to gain power.
Although he's obviously the villain so that behavior is not cast in a good light
....the man in Frozen is literally executed for his actions
Thank you! Well wishes!!!
You learn to handle the weather better when you are outdoor alot. Also you learn to wear clothing that works better.
Re: the first fourty minutes of Frozen omg. My oldest daughter was really into How to Train Your Dragon, but she really couldn't sit through one movie all in one go at age 2-3 (which is reasonable), so instead we watched the movie once in multiple days, and then she discovered the "Dreamworks Holiday Specials" which contained a 40 minute special about a made-up winter holiday called... Snoggletog, I believe? And we watched that several times a week for months. It was like a movie, with all the same characters, but the entire story was over, beginning-middle-end, in 40 minutes. Amazing. She freaking LOVED that special. My wife and I were like "NOT THE SNOGGLETOG SPECIAL AGAIN" by the third month.
I LOVE Jessica's scandalized reaction to Ken before barbie --
Icon.
I like this new parenting style. I would like to say that teaching virtue names can be useful vocabulary. Gentle, kind, assertive, etc. sorry i do not have a useful resource to point you to but i think they’re out there.
Lovely! This couple/family are lovely 💙