Are "black girls less innocent"? Adultification explained | Khadija Mbowe
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
- Head to www.squarespace.com/khadijambowe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code KHADIJAMBOWE
Time Stamps:
Shoutout to Squarepace 0:00
The Hunger Games 1:27
Intro 5:11
The construction of childhood 9:19
Adultification 13:19
The myth of the "loose/fast" girl 18:57
The s*xual abuse to prison pipeline 23:45
Adultification on Black women 27:46
Ma'Khia Bryant's story + Final thoughts 36:22
Credits ft. my brothers 48:21
Links to my references
drive.google.com/file/d/1C6Wz...
Scholarly papers folder
drive.google.com/drive/folder...
The day rue "became" Black
• The Day Rue "Became" B...
--------------------------
Where to find me
Instagram @khadija.mbowe
Patreon: / khadijambowe
Website: www.khadijambowe.com/
Booking inquiries: hello@khadijambowe.com
Tiktok: @khadijonmustard
If you wanna donate to the charity of the month on PayPal, click the icon on my banner!
Video Watermark artwork @ddthewizard
--------------------------
--------------------------
Priscilla & Maddy’s links
Maddy Lines- Fact-checker (www.madelinelines.com/)
Priscilla Menezes- Assistant researcher ( / priscillathefairy )
CC's- Raúl Alcázar - CapsuleCaptions contact@capsulecaptions.com
Continued education and Support
LandBack
landback.org/
Anarchism and the Black Revolution
theanarchistlibrary.org/libra...
19 organizations supporting Black Canadians
www.ellecanada.com/culture/so...
174 Ways to Donate in Support of Black Lives and Communities of Color
nymag.com/strategist/article/...
15 indigenous Human rights organizations to follow
www.humanrightscareers.com/is...
8 Organizations to Donate to Right Now to Support the AAPI Community
www.housebeautiful.com/lifest...
Organizations to Support in the Fight Against Asian Hate
www.harpersbazaar.com/culture...
12 Organizations for People with Disabilities You Should Know
www.diversitybestpractices.co...
Stop Asian Hate
stopaapihate.org/safetytipsen...
Transgender Resources
www.glaad.org/transgender/res...
Donate to LGBTQ Charities
www.canadahelps.org/en/explor...
Human rights watch on Israel- Palestine
www.hrw.org/report/2021/04/27...
@stopaapihate @decolonizemyself @alokvmenon @blackwomeninopera @latinosinopera @stopasianhate @melissablake81 @aapiwomenlead @colorismhealing @asian4asianantiracism @wheelchair_rapunzel @hateisavirus @indigenouspeoplesmovement @southasians4blacklives @shooglet @seedingsovereignty @marclamonthill @subhi.taha @roaming.pencil @pmrsofficial
this one is just fun @hotmessbian
1.) CC’s will be available for this in a few days!
2.) Charity for May/June: @pmrsofficial
3.) If you became a patron AFTER June 15th your name will appear in the vids mid July (I got ahead of my editing schedule)
4.) Small channel shoutouts for June:
F.D Signifire
/ @fdsignifire
For the love of nerd
/ fortheloveofnerd
Lowercase lena
/ lowercase léna
Coffee to go
/ @enfleuri
Flora Nwakobi
/ floranwakobi
SHOLAYY
/ @_sholisco_
1.) CC’s will be available for this in a few days!
2.) Charity for May/June: @pmrsofficial
3.) If you became a patron AFTER June 18th your name will appear in the vids mid July (I got ahead of my editing schedule)
4.) Small channel shoutouts for June:
F.D Signifire
ruclips.net/channel/UCgi2u-lGY-2i2ubLsUr6FbQ
For the love of nerd
m.ruclips.net/user/ForTheLoveOfNerdvideos
Lowercase lena
ruclips.net/channel/UC0mS3yZEhsnxrGYPvca-T5A
Coffee to go
ruclips.net/channel/UC3JEQ1es274uTC6KqJHNEQA
Flora Nwakobi
ruclips.net/user/FloraNwakobi
SHOLAYY
ruclips.net/channel/UC8okh0MqjJgfTT_xqnEkUtQ
Just a note. The title card says Shoutout to Audible? I know this doesn't matter just thought I'd tell you if it was a mistake.
Excuseeee meee youre wolof ? Thats so rare to see peers in thereee that feels greaaat
Congrats on 300k!!! We're a growing family of nieces, nephews and nibblings ❤️❤️
Will your indepth analysis and review of Buck Breaking be next week then? Have you seen any of the Hidden Colors documentaries? Anyhow...can't wait.
This fits too well, just check the video out if you like (it's 2 minutes, with subtitles): www.wantedinmilan.com/news/statue-of-indro-montanelli-at-center-of-black-lives-matter-controversy.html
Rue was canonically a dark-skinned Black girl. She reminded Katniss of Prim because of her innocence, not her appearance.
Exactly. I will never understand how people didn't feel the resemblance between Rue and Prim simply because of skin color. And those who are delusional about her being white in the books.
I specifically remember her being described (I’ve always been the type to pay attention to how characters are described cause I love imagining them) so I assumed everyone knew she was black, so when I heard people saying this stuff, I was so frustrated.
The movie acc whitewashed her by making her lighter-skinned and played by a biracial girl and whiteys STILL complained. 🤦🏾♀️
Which proves that people refuse to acknowledge the humanity in black peoples. Because she reminded her of prim because of her sense as a little dark skin black girl is something that a lot of people in this society refused to even allow themselves to attempt to comprehend.
She was more mischievous though, but still in an innocent and childlike way. I think it may have made here seem even more innocent actually 😄
Rue was actually meant to be dark skinned, the actress is light skinned and white people are still pissed lmao🙄
Not just light-skinned, she got a whole white daddy 🤸🏿♀️
@@kennedyjojackson1202 exactly
Middle school me even had a problem when reading the book and knowing she was black and living in the “agricultural” sector. Like the author made an obvious point to slavery I’m surprised people didn’t pick up on it…
light skins and mixed people go through racism too
@@loliwinxedits6095 nobody said they didn't, what we're talking about is black woman and dark-skinned erasure, the role of Rue could've been given to a full black, dark-skinned girl rather than a half-white lightskinned girl. It's harmful to constantly erase full black women and dark-skinned women from our own narratives, lives, and struggles. We know biracial black people face racism, duh. But Rue is a full black dark-skinned girl facing oppression, and to delete her from her own Racism is problematic
I have a niece who is 12 years old and 5’10” I had to actively and consciously stopped myself at a barbecue last month she said auntie will you fix me a plate I was quickly about to say “girl you’re taller than me, fix your own plate” I stopped myself and said I know that she wants to receive love and so I asked her what kind of salad and what kind of food does she want on her plate. it was a very clear thought to me how quickly I was about to diminish her need for care in that moment!
You were self aware in that moment and that’s truly admirable
That’s amazing, continue to keep that in mid shell always remember you being there for her!
uhhhh....to be honest, I don't think denying her that plate, something she can easily fix herself, would have been an automatic "diminish" of love perse. I can understand if it was an instance like where she wanted to talk to you about something intimate, like maybe she wanted to ask you about sex or something, and you immediately thinking to bash and yell at her, instead of calmly talking to her about it. But this is a plate of food, that she can easily get. Let's try making a clear distinction between showing love and taking care of their needs, and possibly spoiling them and teaching them they don't have to do things for themselves.
Not saying you were spoiling her in that instance though.
@@sandygonsalves4646 I think the OP's reaction being based on how grown her niece looked, not her actual age is what we need to take note of. The OP realised that she had a reaction based on that, and took steps to correct it. I applaud her.
And that's on growth. We love that for you 👏🏻 but also good on you as an aunty
As a Black Man who has spent the last 4 years attempting to undo my own toxicity, I subscribed and I’m gonna share this with a bunch of other brothas.
F frrfrrffr f
Mr
my favorite comment! goodluck
My bruda 🤝🏿
Hey king I think you dropped this 👑
Ayee
This is what I'm talking about!!
I love how this channel takes a more academic approach.
I've also been learning more about problems unique to black men and unlearning what I've seen in media thru Dr t hasan Johnson's vids
At the end the day all I want is for more black people to At least understand and respect each other
And to do that we have to edu ourselves and what made us the way we are today
Victim blaming is a time-honored practice among oppressors.
This.
A little louder please?
So true
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
PREACH IT, TINA!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I remember how my middle school white science teacher treated the only black girl in class. He would tell her once a week in FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS that she had terrible posture, despite me having the same exact body posture. He kept telling her to pay attention, even though the white boys in class would literally be playing games on their iPads and stuff.
When she complained about this white boy in class throwing paper balls at her, he didn’t believe her until I corroborated it. Even at that age I could tell the teacher was holding her to an adultified standard compared to the rest of us.
Thank you for giving us the tools / vocabulary to describe these things.
I remember when I was acting up in class in elementary and my friend who was black laughed a little bit and got sent outside. I was scared of my teacher so I didn’t buck up and go outside myself but I remember being so confused as to what she did to get sent out of the class.
I have a sleeping disorder, and my white teachers in middle school would often use this as an excuse to be blatantly physically and verbally abusive. One time my teacher to a large wooden meter stick and slammed inches away from my head, and would go out of their way to publicly embarrass me in front of the whole class. One time when I was eleven, I came late to my gym class, and one of the assistant teachers said that I could just read in the study room, since I couldn’t find my class and it was the last period, she then proceeded to ask she could have a quick talk, then guided me into a small room, and screamed at me into I was sobbing telling me there was something wrong with me. Now looking back at my entire middle school experience I know a lot of my teachers where just racist and ableist.
I would get in trouble for such unreasonable things, like having my book open during class cause I didn’t have a bookmark, going to the bathroom for to long when I was feeling sick and nauseous, a washing my face in the classroom sink instead of the bathroom, all of these things would then lead into huge arguments with my teachers for no reason.
I used to literally have nightmares about some of my teachers and have tons of anxiety about returning to school over the summer, because of stuff like this
my issue is when this happens why wont our parents stand up for us....seee God knew not to give me kids id be PRISON
@@sirenthomas4595 I don't know about her parents but I know my parents would double in on the abuse. Nobody thought to link my asocial behavior to my depression, untreated scoliosis, or any of the sudden unwanted attention I've been receiving since I turned 9. Being parentified added to the discipline as they themselves have seen me as an adult that "should already know better".
@@isa-morena I'm 51 now with grown children and a grandchild. I STILL praise God for having parents who did NOT play. I was mistreated several times in school by racist teachers. My mother was a beast when they messed with me. And when I was with my Daddy, he would rush to the school to set them straight in a hot second. Eventually, they realized they'd better leave me alone because I was smart AND had involved, protective parents. More children need that support. We also need to rid our school systems of these racist jackasses who make life hell for kids. And we need to require better education for the teachers and then pay them really well so they can adequately and professionally teach our children with compassion and decency.
My white male OBGYN told me to “deal with it” when I told him I was having chronic pain in my breast. My black female OBGYN tried finding me solutions.
😯😯😯 what kind of doctor is that 🤔 😳
About the Hunger Games:
In the books and show, Rue comes from District 11, whose residents are mostly black. It's a farming district. It's essentially run as a slave plantation with farmers working long hours in unbearable heat and being flogged or executed for minor offenses, and in the films its residents are even shown dressed in fashions reminiscent of the Antebellum South. Though it's about as poor and remote as District 12, the book demonstrates its residents as being treated worse than District 12 residents, who are mostly described as white. It's a pretty obvious portrayal of racism in the Hunger Games universe. It's not a "race-blind" dystopia, as many YA settings are, and District 11 shows that living under fascism only exacerbates existing oppressive systems.
District 11 ends up being the one of the first districts in Panem to rise up, first after Rue is killed in the Hunger Games, and then later after an elderly black man is murdered by Peacekeepers (cops) for saluting Katniss and Peeta as they give an obligatory victory speech. This results in the entire district rising up once again, becoming one of the first places to successfully overthrow the Peacekeepers.
My point is, Rue being black isn't just incidental. If she hadn't been black, it would have weakened the entire District 11 plotline. Her death, the death of a young black girl, is not only tragic as the loss of any innocent human life is tragic. It's part of a bigger story of black girls being treated as disposable, and a community of enslaved black people standing up in opposition to this.
That’s what I thought. I thought that whole thing made it more powerful. I did not read the books so I didn’t know it actually did run that deep. But honestly the movies did a good job of suggesting all that. Like good on them. I was so surprised to just now learn that people were actually upset because they imagined Rue to be white (just because of the absurdity of it; racism itself doesn’t surprise me). And now to learn this I’m thinking even more those commenters didn’t even read the books and were just being outright racist to be racist. That yes, it was simply less sad to them when she died because she was black and many got mad because they were being asked to feel things for a black child. Wtf. I just don’t understand what goes through some peoples’ minds.
Exactly!
if they were that concerned about “book accuracy” not only should they have been okay with the casting of rue they should’ve also wanted a different cast for most of district 12. like from the description in the books i always pictured Katniss and most of district 12 as east asian.
@@liamross340 to me i saw her as more of a native american character
I just read this and teared up
When you talk about black girls who are victims of grooming but aren’t perceived as such because of adultification, it reminds me of Aaliyah and how she was a victim at 15 but wasn’t perceived as such until the Me Too movement and a documentary came out about her a*user.
Aaliyah needs justice
And it's so insidious because it's not just other races that do this to us, it's our own people. I can't tell you how many people I have talked to justify it by saying she was "basically grown", all so they could listen to R-kellys music. It's sick.
@@jazzb3371 Frrrr!!!!!!
@@christelleilmet3601 She does
YEP! Growing up in Little Rock, Arkansas it was pretty much the norm for Black girls to have boyfriends that were 10+ years older than they were. They would come to pick them up after school and shit. No one would look at this fucking damn near thirty year old dude sleeping with a 16-17 year old child but would have all of the judgement for the child when they popped up pregnant by these ephebos. SMDH!
Black girls deserve more love, empathy and support especially during a crises issue.
True and they don't even get the same -_-
Fr
Black boys get all that
@@PrincessYonna1thats.. a broad statement :D
@@PrincessYonna1 They really don't. 😐
I can’t remember ever thinking rue wasn’t black. If that ruins it for you, you’re just racist. She was a good casting choice. If we wanna talk casting choices, I think Katniss could have been native.
Agreed, although Rue was supposed to have dark brown skin, not light brown like Amandla Stenberg. And she’s biracial, not black, so the casting could have been better.
I didn't care about the casting per se and Rue was always black in my brain. But yeah I was a little surprised about Katniss because I always saw her in my head as native, andean, southeast asian mix haha
THANK YOU!! I thought I was the only one who thought Katniss’s casting as off. I was so surprised to see a white lead, honestly. From the book’s description I thought she’d have indigenous features, or “Italian-white” if anything. You know, with darker eyes and hair? Nothing against Jennifer Lawrence, but her physical characteristics don’t match the book’s.
to be honest I imagined her as West Asian/Indian but I could totally see how she could be black based on how she was described
i always thought it was obvious that rue wouldnt be a blonde white girl living in district 11, based on the imagery that was used in the book. idk why some people were so surprised that she was black
I'll never forget how viciously racist people were towards the little girl who played Annie in the reboot. The way people tore into her and exposed to far too much ugliness the world has to offer at suchhhh a young age is just so heart breaking and sad.
@@sm1purplmurderedme583oh bffr!
@@sm1purplmurderedme583it literally had so many plot holes 🥱
Tell me about it she’s my little sisters cousin :,)))) our family was pissed
@@aritheaquarius7635oh wow
I’m really sitting over here googling these 9 year old racist tweets and reading how “fans” who clearly didn’t pay attention to the book they apparently read , try to justify said tweets …is there any fandom that’s not racist
@ TheNyc Cowboy no no there is not 🙃
No, no particular fandom can ever be safe, because there's always gonna be an asshole or two.
its crazy because some tried to justify it by saying that the description of Rue as a black girl was too brief, and yet they managed to remember the brief descriptions of all the other characters.
I read the book (thanks regular 11th grade literature 😗 (actually legit I don't have the patience to read anything on my own and somehow got past advanced classes by reading sparknotes so reading it together as a class was nice haha) ) before seeing the movie and remember they CLEARLY described Rue as a little black girl who reminded Katniss of her sister because of how innocent and adorable she was. Years later I'm shocked knowing people apparently read past that? Ignored that?! It's maddening and heartbreaking knowing the actress eventually read those horrible comments especially at her age 😥
@@srnabooz ikr! It seems like in any other book turned movie, if the actor who's chosen for a character described as white/not described as having any set skin color has any sort of color, then people throw a fit. Here the character was described as black and cast as black (although I think she was described as having a deeper complexion while her actress was on the lighter side) aaand people still complained 😒
as a little black (shapely) gal, I remember hearing GROWN MEN comment about my body, and how they would say I had "cake" and I only now realized how wrong this was, and how the women who were supposed to be protecting me growing up should have called out these GROWN MEN, and not putting the responsibility on me: a child, and telling me to cover up.
shit happened to me too. men really think a girl's body indicates their level of maturity. it's gross and pedophilic and people just act like "oh it's just a part of life" bc young girls, esp black girls, just need to 'grow up'
Right, I had the same experience. Just because my chest developed faster than others I was being fast. 🙃
It is so gross what men get away with. I changed my route of walking in town to avoid an area that was a hang out for catcalling creeps.
I remember I was in 8th grade and some grown man followed me into a corner store when I was walking to my aunts house after school. He basically tried to corner me telling me I'm a doll and how cute I was asking if he could get my number on some weirdo shizz I'm wearing my school uniform with a book bag on like some of these men honestly don't care how old you are its just gross. Eventually some workers and the store owner peeped what was goin on so they told the guy to leave telling him I don't want anything to do with him also telling him to not ever come back. Another time I had a grown man get out his car demanding that I get in I ran far as I could that was so scary.
@@mammoneymelon Right? I used to be insecure about the fact that I’m curvy and have naturally bigger thighs and butt, esp in high school, and some men clearly sexualized my body when I was in my teens. I am South Asian (Indian) and went to school with mostly South Asians and East Asians, and only some girls were curvy like me so I was self-conscious about it. I sometimes felt guilty for having a curvy body like there was something wrong with that, like it was my fault those men saw my body that way.
The Rue situation showed the lack of comprehensive skills people have and overall racism. In the book she is described to be a darker complexion than Prim. She was small, big eyes, and overall innocent. Rue being a child and playful energy; brought out the protective big sister in the main characyer. To say a black girl can't be similar to a white girl says alot about these people.
I'm thinking about the neuroscience of how memories work, that we pull up the memory and each time it changes a bit. I expect the plain description was rewritten because people see innocence as a white attribute... has me thinking about the brainwashing of racism making people forget reality 😵
As a black Caribbean woman, growing up in a hot tropical island, I remember being a young girl walking around the house in my home pants (aka shorts) and being told there was a man coming over and that I had to put long pants on. I remember being catcalled at 11 or 12 because I developed faster than other girls my age. I remember being groomed by men. I didn’t understand why these things were happening, but as someone who grew up with A LOT of insecurities, I remember feeling excited by the prospect of being desired. As I learned about s**ual assault and predatory behaviour as a teenager, I started noticing that men would not catcall me when my mother was around and I wondered why my parents would allow certain men in our house if they even thought there was a chance they were ill-intended. As I got even older, I started questioning when I stopped feeling free in my body, and why older men and women felt so comfortable commenting on my weight and figure. The quest to feel free in my own body is still ongoing but hopefully, I have a lot of time to figure it out.
American guy here, i can tell you why your family did most of what you mentioned
Protection not just physically but your image as well
Most families what their daughters to marry off well in order to do that they need to push the image that their child is a "good girl" to prospecting men. If you have a history of walking around the house with near nothing on, letting your cleavage (or any significant amount of skin for that matter) show in public places, or things like that you'll be seen as a "low value" woman with limited opportunities both financially and in marriage.
Hey i admit it sucks for you but humans have been like this for thousands of years a this point
@@almalone3282 thanks for the input but we know why. It's been deeply rooted in us, that's why it fucks us up. She mentioned wondering why some of what her parents were doing when she was a kid/young. We learn quickly what our bodies are worth, that's the issue.
@@almalone3282 I don't ever comment negatively in YT comment sections, but this is one of the most useless, dismissive replies I've ever read. You could have stopped at 'American guy here' and you would've contributed the same amount to the discussion.
'Humans have been like this for thousands of years' does not change a thing. The trauma has been felt for thousands of years, even before we had words to describe the things we were feeling. We've just only recently (relative to human history) found the words to express what it is and why it hurts.
You don't protect UNDERAGE GIRLS by forcing them to dress differently to comfort the OLDER MEN around them who can't mind their fucking business. The value of a girl should not vary on whether or not pedophiles can keep their jaws shut. You protect underage girls by calling out the men that objectify them for existing. No underage girl, or woman for that matter should have to be concerned about whether or not she's palatable to a spouse every time she does something.
Please rewatch the video you've just commented under, if you ever even watched it at all.
As a fellow Caribbean girl who has withstood horrible comments and looks from men (some of whom have been my own relatives) no matter if I'm wearing shorts or sweatpants, I send you all of my strength and love in your journey to finding freedom in your own body. You are amazing and beautiful and strong and I hope the words of those disgusting men no longer weigh on you.
@@wovencopper1059 Honestly I think you misunderstood what he was saying. He’s explaining why the parents might have done that and it’s been done for thousands of years. Does that mean he agrees with it? No! You can make a statement explaining something without agreeing with it! Example: ‘People are hesitant at the Covid vaccine because they don’t know what’s in it.’ Just because I said this does not mean *I* am hesitant to get the vaccine it just means I’m explaining why some are. Hope that helps.
I peeped the backlash as it happened having actually read the books and Rue's description is (from the wiki): ""And most hauntingly, a twelve-year-old girl from District 11. She has dark brown skin and eyes, but other than that, she's very like Prim in size and demeanor."
I guess black erasure is so deep even DARK BROWN SKIN PICKING COTTON is about a white person's struggle...
Yep 😂🙄
Granted, I didn’t remember that either but I also wasn’t like…surprised. I mean…did people somehow miss that this was set in post-apocalyptic America? Frankly, more of the main characters should have been black or biracial.
@@sophiejones7727
There was controversy over district 12, they were arguments made that Katniss was bi/multiracial. Fyi...I really recommend looking into it.
apparently to the racists 'dark brown skin' equals slightly tan 🙄
As someone who loved the books, I thought Rue was casted perfectly. She was great and she fit the innocent playfulness of the 12/13 yr old, while still managing to show that even a kid could be brave (since she rescued katniss and survived for quite sometime).
From what I remember district 11 is suppose to be in what we know as the South, and the description to how 11's citizen were treated was very brutal. While 12 had the riskier jobs, 11 had the harshest treatment. Most districts had a look to them, 1+2 were white, usually blonde, colored eyes, the fishing district had tan beach types, 11 (which is the harvesting district) was the black district, 12 was the mixed/miscellaneous district.
11 experiences daily instances of police brutality, the movies didn't go into it past when Rue died and the elder man held up the symbol which started a riot.
Lastly. Anytime katniss describes a character she meets from 11, she's always described them as being black. People who complained about Rue being black either never read the books or dumb or racist.
As a muslim/arab raised woman with three older brothers, as soon as I turned 11/12 I was expected to help my mother clean, cook, buy groceries and clothing for my brothers, do laundry, etc. while also not allowed to wear shorts, sleeveless and cropped clothing (in my own house!!). It was exhausting to have to be treated as an adult in terms of the responsibilities asked of me in our household and being told that my body was a sexual object just because I was existing as a 12 girl while also being constantly told that I was being overdramatic, sensitive or just generally not have my opinions being taken seriously by my family members for the same damn reason. This video definitely has me reflecting on that sort of stuff and how messed up it was (I'm 20 now!).
I totally understand. I'm so glad you are here to heal. In my late 50s and trauma started 5-6yrs old I can get only confirmation. Go on and live your best life you're perfect.🥰
@@Neo.Jordon Women shouldn’t have to cook and clean for a man. Both men and women need to learn those skills. Women work and make money just like men do, therefore men need to learn homemaking. If a dude expects to marry me so I can be a domestic he’s mistaken.
that’s so fucked up dawg :( ur gorgeous btw
As an African-Arab Muslim I totally get the having to cover up and being seen as a young woman early on because that was exactly how it is for me .I was lucky to not have to help with housework until my teens, which is fair. However I did grow up in my homecountry so this was a collective ecperience with all my peers so it was not seen as something out of the norm. What irked me was the power and dominion random strangers would have on you. I was told to cover up when I was 12 years old and walking on the street. As a teen we learned that what you wear and how you act will dictate your respectabilty in society. This was not the same outlook on our male counterparts as they were allowed to be children well into their teens until society puts expectations of adult behaviour.
I dont know if it was a good or a bad way to grow up however I know I will give my own children especially girls longer time as just children.
@@Neo.Jordon You want likes?
as a young asian girl, my mother transitioned from praising me for my 'prudishness' to almost instantly scolding me for it as soon as I got a little older. she used to love the fact that I wasn't interested in boys at all and the fact that I was so uninterested and inexperienced in my body, but now she's suddenly pushing straight cis-womanhood on me. I can only imagine how it is when intersected with blackness and the complexities of that!
Growing up as a black girl was rough when I look back on it. I never knew why, but it always felt like no one was there for me when I needed it as a child. I remember one of my worst adultification experiences other than my childhood assault. I will never forget this one since it was my first allergic reaction to peanuts back in six grade. Instead of calling 911 or my mother right away, my after school care providers assumed a lot about me. I was a tomboy and hung out with the guys a lot. Even would clean out the sports closet alone with one of my close guy friends we talked to each other about a lot of things (this seems like it isn't important, but trust me it is) we were always wrestling and competing in sports because I was the type of little girl who knew I could do whatever a boy could do. I got off the bus one day trying to reach a bathroom since I knew something was wrong. I accidentally ate the wrong kind of chocolate candy from a project I made. The one I had was filled with peanut butter instead of having mint. I didn't realize until my body started reacting that I was sick. I had never eaten peanut or any kind of nut in my life I couldn't stand the smell of any of them. I ended up constantly throwing up once reaching the front door of the YWCA (yes there is a sister counterpart to the YMCA). The adults stood by and watched me puke my guts out never bothering to ask me what could be possibly wrong. I sat there still throwing up wondering why my mother was not there yet to help me. Looking back what makes the story worse is when they finally did ask me after smugly watching my pain and agony for God only knows how long. They questioned me about a pregnancy I knew nothing about. Confused as any child would and should be by our society standards, I had to tell grown adults I'm 10. They acted shocked about my age as if that wasn't recorded in their systems. I had been sitting there dying. Yes, I could of died that evening all due to two white women and a black man who didn't bother to check on what was going on, since they were so sure I was a "fast" black teenager. Turns out I'm severely allergic to nuts. Not once did these people think a black girl needed medical attention even a fake pregnancy in their minds didn't warrant the need to contact parents or 911. I had gone through the worst of my allergic reaction before I was given medical attention at an emergency room that my mother had to drive me too. I had to be out of school to recover the next day. Also if anybody is wondering my mother was a teacher who worked at a school that was less than 10 minutes away she would of been there if she was alerted.
Even if their assumption about you was right and you were pregnant, the fact that they didn't offer you any assistence is disgusting.What is wrong with some people?
Ikr
Oh my goodness that is horrific, I hope you're doing okay now. Those people should be fired
reading this makes me so angry. esp their smugness which is really just superiority
Wow I’m really sorry you went through that. That’s really messed up how they mentioned pregnancy. You were literally a child!!
"Some of y'all need to be checkin your husbands instead of these little girls, but y'all don't want to hear that." "Leave children alone."
Preach!
Great video. You spoke truth in a way I could not.
Also, you are glowing in this video.
Black girls are forced to be conscious of our bodies as sexual objects and possible victims of violence early on. I had experiences with racism as a young child like kids asking why I didn’t act like a “black girl” and walked with my hips swaying dramatically or being sassy etc. I was always treated harshly for acting like a child and making childhood mistakes. I couldn’t just be a child. I started to act loud and aggressive because people told me that was what I should be like but it’s so different from my true personality.
Racist adults wouldn’t not be racist towards you just because you’re a child. I ended be extremely conscious of how I was perceived by others and feeling like I had to act older and be more responsible in situations my white peers wouldn’t even think about being anything other than themselves.
Is the loudness and aggressiveness also self protection, because you don't have any other kind?
Dumfries Spearhead Kind of I guess. If I acted aggressive I couldn’t be hurt by others by making myself the aggressor. It was a kind of self protection in a way. I’m really actually quite introverted but I was told so often at my PWI elementary school that I really started to believe that I must act like that. That my real personality was actually wrong. So basically it was like having an identity crisis at the age of nine.
@@solarmoth4628 wait same. Like it took me so long to embrace my introvert ness bc I was told that it was wrong since I’m a black girl and especially dark skin.
Same thing happens to me she I’m 16 rn🙁
Same thing happened to me… after I was sexually assaulted my ex had the nerve to say I was fast ( I didn’t even know what fast meant at the time) and after that everything went downhill. A bunch of his friends would bully me and I couldn’t stand up for myself because I was so anti social. I lost a bunch of my friends one even told the whole school about the assault and made it out to be consensual so she could be friends with my ex. I was being sabotaged by a lot of guys when I tried to move on a find a new bf. Eventually I ended up doing a lot of things with guys that I regret ( even though I never had sex) I still did a lot of other things because for once I wanted to feel in control of my own self and I genuinely felt like I was taking power back for myself even though I wasn’t… that’s just not who I am though I’m just some nerd who likes to play video games and read all day but because if that and my own anxiousness I feel like I’m not known as that person. I always say to myself if I had just stayed away from him I would have friends and things would be good…
"you're not protecting young girls from abuse by policing their bodies and mannerisms" OMG I highly agree with this
As a Latina and a teacher or recently found out that the spicy Latina stereotype actually contributes to teenage Latinas having the highest rates of eating disorders.
This idea of the overly passionate, hyper the sexual, and desirable Latina woman as a prize affects how young girls see themselves and their worth.
And as a teacher I try to constantly check myself and my biases.
Because I know what it’s like to be traumatized by a teacher. And I hope that there are more people in my profession who are willing to check themselves and put in the work.
“Some of y’all need to be checking your husbands” yep. It is ALWAYS the adult’s fault.
It kinda is
@@Evaniise thats what she means
@@Julia-oe9xl I'm sorry, I'm just used to seeing ignorant people who think it's the children's fault so I read it wrong.
@@Evaniise its okay i had to read it twice as well haha i just thought id clarify
Started my period when I was 9. Clearly wasn’t my fault but I looked much older than I was when I was just a baby. I had SO MANY older women call me fast, girls in school would start rumors about me being fast, my friends parents would stop us from hanging out because I was “fast”... and I had a purity ring until I was 14.. finally gave it up bc I got called names all the time anyways so I just didn’t have any self esteem. It was horrible.
I’ve come into my femininity now and I’m happily and safely married but the overthinking about how I look has stayed with me forever. Let kids be kids!
I got mine at 10 and my mother didn’t even realize. She said I was nasty for not wiping right. Thankfully I had my godmother who had me check and helped me. My mother told EVERYONE! Then my aunties and older cousin kept telling me I was woman... at 10. It’s crazy now that I think back on it
@@aliyahharmon9045 I'm so sorry that your mom said that to you and didn't support you through that. You were only a baby!😭😭😭
The purity ring seems such a weird and creepy concept to me, tbh. It's not your parents' business whether or not you choose to remain a virgin until marriage and it's wrong to ask girls to make such a promise before they really know what it is they're actually promising with that ring. Sorry about your experience with early onset puberty. It seems unfair that some children experience it so soon, at an age where you'd much prefer to eat a worm over kissing another kid. The reaction of society to early onset puberty should really change. Just because a kid looks older doesn't mean they're mentally there.
Neither of my friends believed me when I told them I started my period at 10 😭😭
I was 9 also when mine started. Got all the names that people felt they had the right to call me even if they didn't know me. It was terrible I still battle to this day.
I'm from Puerto Rico and the adultification hits so hard. Since I was the poorest and the darkest and curviest from my father's side of the family, my father always told me to not be loose or fast, I could barely have male friends around him. My family always told that I was "precos" (that I developed faster), that I should be careful of "no abrir las piernas". I felt so much shame about my body for such a long time.
Also I'm not black, so when I say that I was the darkest it's because my cousin are very white passing though they are Puertorrican.
@@arianavega360 I’m mixed with black and Spanish, but Hispanic go through similar experiences.
@@arianavega360 I’m sorry you had to go through that :(
I cried during your video because you made me remember all the micro-aggressions received in all my growth, I specify that I am an Italian black girl my stepmother is white, I am 20 years old and I have never spoken to another black person and I am not I've never been around black people, I live in a very small village. it was liberating to understand all my feelings and to know that I was not exaggerated but that it also happens to others, grazie ❤❤❤❤❤
🥺 sending love
What about your real mother where is she???
@@akanjisekoni Why do you think you can ask such personal information of a total stranger and why do you need to know that?
we see you girlie, your pain is real. i'm sorry you've been forced to deal with it all alone
The adultification of black girls also makes me think to how little girls are perceived, whenever someone posts a picture of a black girl in a mommy and me type of photo or a photo of her in a more “adult” outfit everyone is always in the comments either calling them to “grown”, however when little white girls are dressed the same, people see it as cute because she’s playing pretend.
This is also used as an excuse whenever seggsual attention is thrown these girls way people always blame their mother for letting them look too grown.
They'll have an 8-year-old white girl decked out in hoochie heels with dyed hair and it's called self-expression. But, let a black girl not want the ends of her hair bumped, and she's fast. Like, gimme a break.
toddlers and tiaras shit- 5-10 year olds are ALWAYS very obviously portrayed as children dressing up. The kind of outfits and performances their moms have them do can be so gross and mature for anyone under 18, and yet people think that's fine, for some reason? I cannot recall any of the episodes featured any non white children at all...
@Kennedy Thedford that guts me. Absolutely makes my heart sink. I think I'm a bit biased, in the opposite direction. I've been dying my hair since my early teens. Just today, at work (I work at a grocery store), I saw an absolutely adorable girl with bright blue box braids. I have bright pink hair, I'm 31. I told her, her hair was very pretty, and gave her stickers, like I give every kid. I can't imagine seeing a girl like her as anything other than a blue haired princess. For real though, I want to curb stomp the balls of anyone who would hurt girls and young women.
no child in "adult" clothes is cute. dont care if theyre white, blue, green. society as a whole has a problem with the concept of "children."
@@tdbaker3564 white girls can do the most and still be seen as children. A black girl wearing straight hair is sexualised. There’s a DIFFERENCE. There’s nothing ‘adult’ about STRAIGHT hair
Omg yess, black girls are adultified not only by WS but also within our own community. I remember being in school, I had majority black teachers and while many other black kids wouldve died for the experience it was mostly horrible for me. In my experience my black teachers pushed this cynicism that "nobody in this world cares about you" type of mentality as a form of tough love. I was going through a hard time in life and I was Suez- cidal due to a traumatic childhood. As an adult I understand what they were trying to say, but the way they talked to me was like I was an adult, rather than a child suffering through my childhood.
EXACTLY !!! they forget breaking a child young wont help them deal with racism better...
@@sirenthomas4595 they’re only doing what they learned. No one taught them how to show love and compassion because “that’s white”
@@SynFlowers why would that be a white thing?
@@SynFlowers but they got all that smoke for the chick at applebees or their coworker whose racist but eff the child huh :(....our community gotta do better.
I need Suez-cidal on a shirt
being black and female there are several existing stereotypes
1 - we are aggressive
2 - we are super sexual
3 - violent and hard to handle
4 - we click our tongues and roll our eyes
note that in some countries this list could go on without end.
there is the American perception of the typical black female and then the east Asian version and best belief both versions are a combination of all listed above and even more and it pisses me off so much.
I went on a trip, I will not state where, but granted that I wasn't a party person and I was usually quite mainly because I am introverted and find the ideal day to be one lazing away at home sleeping in bed, people were under the assumption that I was shy around new people or quiet because i must have been raised by white people. People there asked me all sorts of annoying questions like how come my boyfriend isn't with me and where are the children and how I get my hair real curly and in a way I felt like people were finding round about ways to say my body is vulgar just because I got some cleavage and butt, not even a fraction of what my mother actually has.
How can my body be vulgar in an oversized coat and jeans worn to cover as much as possible.
"What?!"
I don't even have a boyfriend...In fact I have never even dated anyone
Like honestly WTF?!!!
*sigh*
Age never mattered and twitter is proof of the publicly known truth.
Don't forget "we are masculine."
I know this video is about adultifying young black girls, and I can't agree more with the points you've made, but you touched on the subject of Healthcare and really that needs its own video. I am black, a bit over weight and a mom of 2. I began to have serious pain in my chest and abdomen and could not keep any foods down. I got my tubes tied so not pregnant. I went to what I considered a great hospital and was admitted after quite the wait. Over the course of 4 days, many test and 2 attempts to discharge me I had to request to speak to hospital legal to file a complaint. It wasn't until I made that request that my pain was taken seriously. I had to have my gall bladder removed. It wasn't a hard thing to figure out. The doctors on call just didn't believe that I was in as much pain as I said and didn't want to perform expensive tests on someone obviously faking. I had an entirely different set of doctors and nurses handling my care after I filed the complaint. I figure the hospital didn't want to be seen as racist so they got their act together. But I had to sit in pain, on IV fluids for 4 days before they did.
That’s horrible! But it jibes with the experiences of many Black women seeking health care.
And it’s not as if hospital administrators are unaware of the issue; there have been multiple studies published in respected journals that highlight it and urge implicit bias training for practitioners.
I'm sitting here right now with multiple herniated discs on my spine right now. My lawyer threatened me to take a thousand dollar settlement for my workman comp case, I have been denied disability and I have to practically beg for refills on my pain meds every month. They will only allow me tramadol and they barely want to give me that I got injured on the job repeatedly and when my body finally gave out I've been treated like I did something wrong for not continue to try and force my body to continue working.
@Lakeesha I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Society is such ass
@@Leena-tr7yq When you are a part of the working class and get hurt on the job, the elite treat you like trash and will throw you away like garbage.
And how many times have doctors given painkillers to an addict BECAUSE they were black and didn't want to be seen as a racist?
You would whine about that too wouldn't you?
You think white people don't have the same problem? 250,000 UNARMED Americans are killed every year due to medical mistakes being made.
SO WHY NOT HOLD MEDICAL STAFF TO THE SAME STANDARD AS POLICE?
At least 25,000 killed would be UNARMED BLACKS. *So where are the RIOTS and LOOTING of hospitals and clinics EVERYTIME an UNARMED black patient dies?*
*Why not demand EVERY EMT, Nurses, Doctors, Technicians and Pharmacists involved in their treatment lose their license, be fired and be prosecuted for murder?*
If just a handful of medical staff involved in the killing of an Unarmed blacks and HOW LONG before NOBODY would treat a black? You couldn't
buy a band aid. There is an accident with both blacks and whites, they whites will be taken by ambulance for treatment. What happens to the blacks?
You won't demand Medical Staff be held to the same standard as doctors because WHO will treat you and risk losing their family and spending the rest of their life
in jail?
Remember in CHAZ where multiple EMT and their supervisor REFUSED to go in and treat a wounded black teen? They wouldn't go in because the Cops weren't being allowed
in (BLM was cleaning up the evidence) allowing a black teen to die. WHY NO RIOTS demanding CHAZ security and BLM who kept Police out not face murder charges?
GEORGE FLOYD? This was BULL. The Police called for medical help BEFORE they got him out of the vehicle and on the ground. They called again when they got
him on the ground. FUN FACT *a fire station was LESS than half a mile down the road from where Floyd was being held down.* They should have been there in 2 or 3 minutes.
Officer Chauvin weighed 140 lbs.so he was putting LESS weight on Floyds shoulder than an average Black woman would. Would they have charged a black female officer for
holding down Floyd? Medical staff should be there in just a couple of minutes and you have blacks who could attack at any minute. *The EMT testified when they eventually picked up FLOYD they drove away from the crowd before treating him.* Did they put off responding so THEY wouldn't be blamed for what happened?
In Baltimore black activists DEMANDED that Police stop over patrolling in black neighborhoods. Since then a hundred more blacks (compared to before Freddie Gray) have died
every year. How many more rapes, robberies, assaults and shootings have happened than before Freddie Gray? It is ALL WORTH IT if one Police officer doesn't get fired or prosecuted.
Your video is seriously making me think about cases like “surviving r-Kelly”. Why? Because I feel like the reason no one really cared about these girls is because although young, they were black. They were looked at as women that “knew what they were doing”, and regardless of how we may feel about some of the people who spoke up - the truth of the matter is these girls were not seen as innocent(s), but maybe they would have been if they weren’t black.
Even after the documentary & allegations against R.Kelly people's still victim blaming those girls.
@@beewest5704 very true
100 Percent if those girls had been white R Kelly would have been immediately investigated and thrown in jail. Those girls deserved better and everyone knew and no one cared
In the documentary one of the jurors alluded to feeling this way. He said “I did not like the way they dress...The womens, I just dont believe them...I disregarded all that they say.” Edit: it was honestly one of the most disturbing things i heard in that documentary.
@@MySeasideRendezvous NO CAP! He would've been serving for the past twenty years and counting now.
Honestly I hate having to be a strong black woman, now I hate how I was always called 'mature for my age'. As a child I lapped it up, but now I recognize how much trauma there was behind it. I also have gaps in my memories from childhood and the things I remember are not pleasant. I was just a kid staying quiet to avoid drawing attention to myself, because attention never had good outcomes. As a mother I had to train myself out of learned responses and let my little black girl be a child.
Same, sis. I used to lap up "compliments" about how my mom didn't have to worry about me because I wasn't "fast". I now see that as one of the thousand cuts that killed who I was supposed to be.
Fr. I’m 16 and teachers at school always say that I’m mature for my age. ( I’ve been hearing that since I was 5.) To let y’all know I’m really quiet and really tall (5’11) I’ve been tall all throughout my life. It’s so annoying, and ppl are surprised that I’m a quiet person, I’m pretty sure it has to do with me being Black, they except me to be “loud” and “talktive.”😑🤦🏿♀️
Omfg YES!! I had to go through that same stuff in my childhood, constantly sheltering myself and even picking up a very "not like other girls" mentality in middle school to keep up with that "good mature black girl" image that was put on me so early on. Now my family is surprised when I end up not having very good social skills and near crippling anxiety at 18 🥴
@@zoeywhite4683 oh my gosh we're the same except I'm 19 now.
I feel like adultification also applies when talking about social class. When I was younger I noticed that kids from richer families were seen as more frivolous and childish and the kids in poorer families were seen as more mature.
Well give them the privilege of not having to take on responsibilities until they’re ready to. Poverty often forces young children to take on adult rules because the adults around them cannot afford to properly take care of them
Okay so I am Latina, and I have ALWAYS been looked at by older men. I developed “early” at the age of 12 BUT I was still looked at by adults when I was 7/8 years old or younger. In Mexico it was extremely prevalent. I “looked different” because I am lighter in skin tone and have “a body.” Because of my hips and other “adult like features” I was perceived as “ready.” Assuming I would be able to understand adult dynamics/topics within the genre.The way things are typically handled in Hispanic culture (at least just few encounters) males get everything they want, and are practically babied and women serve regardless of age (groomed to do so). My own cousin in Mexico told me he loved me (not in a family way). A man selling seashell necklaces/bracelets on the beach had given me “free things,” smiling looking me up and down. I was 9 but could feel the lust/yearning they had towards me. “Lighter skin” is “better” ( that’s utter bull shit). My, now ex, primary care doctor Who had seen me since birth ,and when I got older he started grabbing my ass and lightly spanking me “playfully,” DURING my younger brothers appointment. He even asked my mom to have sexual relations outside of a professional setting (she said no of course). So Disgusting. While on a marching band trip, all of the band moms hated me. Claiming I was a “whore, slut, rude”, you name it. I didn’t do anything; like legit. I didn’t speak to anyone and addressed everyone in a respectful manor. When I actually was being pulled around by my bf at the time (I wasn’t able to talk, have a say, and of course was a trophy). The mom’s mean mugged me the whole trip, as well as when I wore my bathing suit I felt their intense disapproval . I’m considered the “ideal” standard of beauty in my culture mainly because of my light skin tone and silhouette. The girls in Mexico sent negative energy and glares my way. A few people in my family disliked me because of it (mainly the skin tone). They assumed I thought I was better than everyone else, assumed to be loose even though I’m just sitting down eating a bbq plate at the family gathering. Always saying I’m going to be “crazy” (if you know what I mean). My a***r was someone in my family and whispered into my ear “I don’t understand why someone hasn’t touched you like this before” I was 12. ldk if I went off topic, but that is just the tip of the iceberg of being sexualized and isolated for existing as a Hispanic/Latina woman . “Oh you’re going to have a big butt” a comment I received at the age of 7/8 years old. I constantly got in trouble and sent home or to the principles office for wearing skirts or jeans, exposed shoulders, anything“too tight” meanwhile no one else I knew got in trouble like that. I didn’t understand why it happened so often. Of course others went through it too but I knew I had frequent flightier miles for my apparent crimes against humanity 😒Then stepping up to take care of my younger sister and provided her with female care I.e. tampons/pads, self care,using the little money I earned when I was 16. Currently trying to assist raise my younger brother since my mom died from afar. It’s a whole shit. Those are things some at the top of head, but it’s never ending events. I hope this sheds some light on at least one Hispanic/Latina’s side of things (with the few experiences mentioned).
omg 😦 i’m speechless. you’re brave for sharing this and what you went through isn’t your fault it all. have you considered therapy to unpack all of this? this is crazy and i feel for you. 💗 sending love.
I had the same experience I’m Mexican and it’s accepted and covered up a lot. 😢❤sending love
Mexican here as well, and yeah, this pretty much describes the experience of a girl growing up in Mexico.
Grandma making a scene about your big butt at age 8, mother calling you disgusting for not wearing a bra while alone in your room in pjs, being called precocious for reading a booklet on puberty (I had my period a few months later, mom hadn't said a word about it before I read on my own), older cousins and uncles being perverted or worse, and aunts being rude because you're supposed to act like their maid. Most recently, never going out without earbuds, because that way I can't hear if someone makes weird comments when I pass them.
All checks out, our society does indeed suck.
Honestly adults treat children horribly in general. It's sick. Then you add a marginalized identity and it gets so much worse.
People assume children that are like 2 are acting out of malice and like... No they aren't
People need to stop being cruel to kids like seriously
People are treated badly as children, they repeat what they grew up with their own children, and the cycle continues.
It always saddens me to see that children are never seen as the clean slates they or having their personhood treated as not real :(
This is so true. A lot of parents even see their children as more of a "toy". For example, all these mothers who play dress up with their daughters by flaunting them around in inappropriate clothing. They treat them like Barbie dolls
That explains why I constantly hear and see the "Terrible Twos".
I have a family member who keeps getting mad her 7 year old plays video games all day. The truth is she wants him doing this so she doesn't have to pay attention to him and deep down she feels guilty, I think. (She's also a Trump supporter)
I see parents do this a lot - make their kids responsible for stuff that's actually the parent's responsibility.
Still waiting for more young black teen girl characters in the media ⏱
Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts on Netflix
It's an animated show were the main cast is all POC, as are most of the humans, presents racism and homophobia in metaphors and has a gay main character.
Also is a mutant post-apocalypse
Luz is Afro Latina from the owl house and Anne from amphibia is black oh and Harper from secrets of sulphur springs is black too. So it’s getting better but I hope we can have more shows to represent us. And a lot of shows from Disney and nick and Cartoon Network are coming out with shows that stars a black or minority lead. :)
@@mikaylakaylaa umm no she definitely got some melanin in her. Maybe she is half Asian but most people who watched the show thought that she was black including me. But she is definitely not fully Asian with that beautiful puffy hair and brown skin. She is probably Blasin. you are probably getting her voice actor confused with her.
@@emmahollow8898 Luz is definitely not Afro-Latina, she’s just Latina. She has short straight hair, Eurocentric features and brown skin. I don’t know where you got the idea that she’s Afro-Latina /gen
@@Cottagewh0re sorry she is Dominican idk why I thought she was Afro Latina
I was a “later bloomer” than most of my friends (of several races and ethnicities), so well into my late teens I was still mistaken for preadolescent.
And yet...
When I was about fourteen, a white woman assumed that I was the mother of the just-learning-to-walk relative I was keeping an eye on for a few minutes. She’d plucked him up without asking (we were attending a program at a community centre where my grandma was the director), cuddled him for a bit, then said, “Want to go back to Mommy?” as she handed him to me.
I didn’t yet know about the concept of the adultification of Black girls, but I already knew that people seemed to think that we tended to be more promiscuous than other girls. So, after I got over my momentary shock, I got angry.
Unfortunately, having been raised in a seriously religious family, I didn’t think that I was allowed to express that anger because its source was an adult’s comments. Instead, I feigned confusion, saying (in a babyish voice), “Mommy? I’m only a kid. Why do you think I’m his mommy?”
She smiled nervously and sputtered a bit before saying, “Oh, well, I just meant that you were watching him.”
And that’s when my anger started to overcome my training to always be respectful of elders. I said, “But why would you call me ‘Mommy’? It doesn’t make sense for a little kid to be his mommy!”
She sputtered some more, her smile getting really shaky.
I started to go in for the kill with, “You know, just because I’m Bla-” And at that moment, I felt my grandmother’s hand on my shoulder.
Grandma said, “[TeaOli], while don’t you and [Relative] go play with the other CHILDREN?”
My grandmother never told me what she said to that woman after I left, but a couple of days later she explained to me that I, as a Black girl, should be prepared for similar encounters in the future. That, no, it wasn’t fair, but that I shouldn’t let other people’s ignorance hurt me. It was okay to get angry about such moments, but I shouldn’t let them overwhelm me or keep me from enjoying kids’ events like the one we’d been attending when that woman decided that a short, skinny Black girl with a baby-face and a flat chest was the obvious choice for being another Black kid’s mother.
Grandma didn’t even chastise me for almost raising my voice to an adult. (Grandma knew that was where I was heading, and that’s why she intervened when she did.)
You got a good grandma 💕💕💕 happy for you but also sad you had to experience that
Black people victim mentality.
I feel like adultification can also hinder your perceived intellectual age as you actually become an adult. It’s like you try to relive a childhood or childhood experiences you didn’t get to have because of age suppression
This -
Literally I’m about to be 18 in a about a month, but when I’m with people I feel really safe with (mostly my bf) I love to act like a child and sometimes it’s on purpose but most time I find I do it not on purpose, it’s just my minds most comfortable state to be in. And growing up as the second oldest who had to take the role of oldest child and second parent, I never actually got to act like a kid when I was 7, 10, 14. Also the adults around me put so much responsibility on me as a kid at the age of 10 because I was the (honorary) “oldest” and because I was a “girl” so even when I wanted to be a child as a child it felt wrong.
Twitter "Why's Rue black?!"
Me:"Because the f*cking book said so!"
But seriously...How do people at least not realize that the stuff they put out there was racist? I mean, they were upset because a character was black? That's just racism in it's simplest form. I remember the whole "controversy" when it happened, and admittedly I had a lot to learn about systemic racism, but even then I couldn't help but think "Really? Do you realize how racist you sound? Also didn't the book literally say she was black?"
As a white woman aspiring to one day be a teacher, I am so glad I found out about the treatment black girls tend to face in school. I am trying to learn all I can about the injustices by teachers towards students so that I can avoid them and be as good of a teacher as I can be because from the moment I began to be like "yo, wait...racism is kind of a thing...imagine that" I was just kinda like okay so this is obviously systematic which means it's in everything, including school. Knowledge is power people.
I wish more teachers did this. 👏 I had so many racist teachers growing up that were "politely racist" rather than outwardly racist and I didn't realize the effect it had on me and my fellow POC classmates until I was already gone. So important to educate yourself on how to be anti-racist as an educator. I wish there were more anti-racist trainings for teachers/professors.
Congrats! With this type of attitude you will become an amazing teacher who will touch the lives of many children bkuz u truly care about ‘them’ n not their race!!!!👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌❤️❤️❤️
I hope you never become a teacher. You treat students as individuals. Knowledge is power? Here is some.
Affirmative Action for 3 generations has made it LEGAL TO DISCRIMINATE against white males, what if this was any other race?
There is no end in sight for our sons or grandsons because blacks and women believe in white male superiority so they won't allow
Affirmative Action to end.
Men and boys who broke no laws but have to give up spots in college, jobs and promotions to less qualified blacks and women.
But this systematic racism and sexism is OK because it benefits women and blacks?
Being so limited we started businesses. NOW governments are passing laws giving preference to women, blacks
and other minority owned businesses for contracts. *SO ANYONE BUT WHITE MALE RUN BUSINESSES are given preference and this is LEGAL?*
Women and blacks WHINE and now governments are threatening great white owned businesses they have to put blacks and women in charge.
*If these women and blacks were SO DAM GOOD why not just build your own great businesses?* But too few can and then ONLY when you
don't have to compete fairly against white males.
Google graduation rates by race. MOST BLACKS WHO START COLLEGE FAIL TO GRADUATE. They took spots from more qualified
white men and wasted them. Think those blacks who didn't graduate aren't saddled with student loans and other debt? Where are the hundreds
of HISTORIC WHITE COLLEGES & UNIVERSITIES so we don't have to put up with black culture? WHERE ARE THE WHITE MALE ONLY SCHOLARSHIPS
to help poor white male students? Women and every other race can have scholarships just for them but NOT white males in a country white men built?
Before you WHINE about slavery, the Moors invaded S Europe in 711 AD, occupied Spain for 800 years and sent millions of whites (2X as many women as men)
to be slaves in Africa. WTF happened to what should have been hundreds of millions or BILLIONS of white slaves and their descendants in Africa? The white slave trade
to Africa ran for more than 800 years BEFORE the African slave trade to America. If they hadn't sent so many millions of Europeans (and mostly women)
to be slaves in Africa we would not have needed African slaves for workers. Poor Europeans would have provided all the labor we needed.
Did you know blacks kill whites at 10X the rate whites kill blacks but Liberals and blacks make sure it isn't talked about?
Blacks at 1/5th the population of whites kill over twice as many whites as whites kill blacks. 5x2=10 www.usnews.com/dims4/USNEWS/0b7f032/2147483647/resize/970x/quality/85/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.beam.usnews.com%2Fc0%2F9d%2F02f99d3240a5954bc5c688f0cddc%2F160929-interracialkillings-graphic.png
@@mgheichert okay.
@@mgheichert okay racists
When I suddenly hit puberty, adults started to ask me to change my shirt. I remember once asking why, and this woman looked disgusted and said, "you know why!" I was thirteen! I actually didn't! To this day I feel like a rebel whenever I wear spaghetti straps, and look good doing it too.
Love it
I appreciate that my dad patiently explained “there’s nothing wrong with how you’re dressed, but that creep over there has been staring at you, so maybe next time we’re out wear a bra.” I was 12 and cheerily twinning my dad in a grey t-shirt and olive shorts at the library, definitely didn’t notice until he pointed out that there was someone openly staring at my chest. In fact I think my dad and brothers protected me from creeps constantly as a teenager. I was adultified enough by my parents to deal with their emotional problems, I’m glad that I was safe in this regard.
In Brazil we have the "novinha" (young girl) culture. It's very common to see men and women to s3xualize underage girls and forget they're CHILDREN and even if they simulate sensuality, they don't understand it and are not able to consent. And after that, they're blamed when they express their wishes and wants as adults. We also have a phare here that goes "vai dar trabalho", which applies to both girls and boys and means the kid is going to draw a lot of attention and date a lot when they get older. It's a very common thing in our culture, despite how amount of money the kid's family has. But, of course, it's way worse to the kids on the lower economic class (this expression sounds awful but I do not know what the correct term in English is, please let me know).
This has been changing, thankfully. Women are more aware of this and protecting the younger generations.
My mom told me I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts around my step father and brother when I was a teen. My step father then went off on me about wearing shorts outside during the summertime while I was hanging with my friends. He later touched me when I was 15.
It's not your fault. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
:( that pos
I'm so sorry my love . You didn't deserve that .
It wasn't your fault
😠🔪
As a northern african who is amazigh (indigenous to that region) and half black, I was constantly expected to act like an adult when I wasn't even 10 but cover all of my body not to "distract" grown ass men around me.
It was TRAUMATIZING to the point where today, I'm 25, i slut-shame myself for wearing a crop top.
I thought you said half amazing 😂
Same, it's very difficult to wear clothes that even a little bit revealing without feeling like, "Oh people are going to judge me" because of it
And around my family I dress like an Aunty
Ahh that’s rough, thank you for sharing your experience. I’m South Asian (Indian) and my parents are quite traditional so I’ve felt similarly about wearing shorts and tank tops growing up. I felt shamed for wanting to buy crop tops and bikinis were out of the question. It might not be to the same degree as you but I think I feel where you’re coming from. I’m 24 and I’ve been embracing wearing short and less clothing the last few years, as I’ve been unlearning the bs about less clothing equaling less value as a girl/woman.
I'm so sorry 😔 I hope you realize that it ain't you fault. I have been there already I have been SA at a young age because I took care of my siblings and have to act mature now I'm in a comfortable foster home where I'm treated like someone and not an object.even now I'm still scared.
Hell... that whole thing about how black children during slavery didn't have childhoods and weren't considered children. That was a gut punch. It's horrific to think about, but important to realize.
@@welfare_king Lol, chose aggression today, huh? Work wasn't all I was referring to. Higher rate of rape, abuse, and murder for black children, because when you're considered an object, you don't get the same rights and considerations that other children do.
@@welfare_king I wonder if you'd be this blatantly racist in public, or if it's just on the internet where you have anonymity. "Probably" is a weak argument. Stop trying to downplay the suffering of black people just because you don't like them.
Reading comprehension must be REALLLY lacking in schools if they couldn’t tell from the book that Rue was Black.
As someone who works with children. I'm extremely protective over them I have noticed the difference between how students are treated to the point where I have to step in. I know as a brown latinx women, I was expected to grow up so fast and have expectations that my white passing cousins did not experience. I was always told as a teen I'd get pregnant at a young age. That just really fucked me up. They would be surprised that at 13 I still try and play with my dolls. So please be kind to the kids. Don't do what you've experienced as a kid.
De verdad! I remember how differently they treated my sibling because they were darker and had developed an hourglass figure. We were still girls wanting to ride our bikes, play in mud, and play with our dolls but the amount of abuse they faced on a daily basis had forced them to shell themselves. Being a few years younger I'd soon face the same type of abuse but never to such an extent with such a fervent and racist degree. Little girls should never feel such hate, especially these added abuses thrown at black girls.
As an educator and a brown latinx woman as well, I couldn’t agree more! Well said!!
34:30 as a Black woman whose experienced severe trauma in her childhood, from the age of 5-18 I had an issue where I would wet the bed every single night, and would go to (white male) doctors who would tell me nothing is (medically) wrong with my vagina, and I need to just “fix it”, “get over it”, “limit drinks at night”. When going to therapists about these issues with trauma they would deny that anything is wrong with me, and rage if I were to mention my PTSD, denying me of having PTSD, and telling me to “get my act together” and yada yada. For those who are actually able to get therapy for these things, I am happy for you, but I truly envy you. After seven different therapists in my lifetime, I never got to have that. I’ve even had a white female doctor tell me, in response to telling her that I was depressed, that, “but you’re so pretty?” As an adult I’ve had to re-mother myself, heal myself, be still with myself, and although it’s beautiful and it’s important, I really wish I could have had the opportunity to be heard as a child instead of blamed. 🤷🏾♀️
I am so sorry to hear. Are there any blk female therapists in your area? Finding one could probably help with getting more understanding/sympathy.
I ended up valueless because I couldn't have children. For years doctors ignored me when I begged for help with my painful, long periods. At age 35 I had no choice but to have a hysterectomy.
All those therapists need to be f***ing fired. No therapist should EVER take ANY patient lightly.
...still need to watch the video, just been browsing comments and saw this and it just set me off... heat wave isn't helping with that.
@@powespjays I've been trying to talk to doctors for years about my period but I'm still ignored, dismissed or just straight up berated like always (even though I'm 26), so im gonna just have to deal with it and hope I won't have to get surgery for it later.
@@powespjays Don't ever call yourself valueless.
Tw/: discussion of s3xual harassment
Hi young black girl here, I recently came across this video and can I just say from the bottom of my heart thank you. I always felt like I was being treated as so much older than I actually am because of the fact that I am a girl but also being a black girl I realized that people saw me differently than other white girls my age. When I would walk the streets they’d always say they assumed I was 16 when I was wearing my elementary school uniform and was only 12-13 years old. I was even given a very very inappropriate and uncomfortable nickname by my uncle that I didn’t realize was so disgusting until I got older and could see how weird it was(the nickname in question being “sexual chocolate” which I used to think was just him saying I was pretty but now realize it was very disgusting and wrong for him to call me that)
As a child I was often praised for being sweet and innocent while other girls my age were mocked and shamed for being too “fast” and and it honestly sickens me how grown adults would blame us for the harassment we would face from other GROWN ADULTS. I get so angry thinking about how our innocence is treated as something that was never there instead of something that is often times stolen from us time and time again.
I still am not able to come to terms just yet that the childhood I am an experiencing right now is being stolen from me as I type this. Thank you so much for this video, it’s soo good to see that someone understands and believe me and realizes how harmful it is to young girls my age. And though you probably will never see this, thank you so much Khadija you have no idea how much this means to me. ☺️
- A 15 year old black girl who is trying her best
I'm old enough to be your mom, and I have a brother. I don't have kids, but if he was gonna call my daughter something like that I'd be chasing him out of the house with a cast iron skillet. I'm so sorry everyone let you down so bad on that. That's really vile, especially since you're only fifteen now. What the actual hell.
i'm so sorry sweetie, you deserve better. childhood is lifelong, i'll tell you that. your inner child will always reside in your mind, as hurt as it may be from being treated so poorly. please be careful online, i was your age when i had been in a relationship with a grown man for 3 years over skype, and i truly ever don't want that for anyone. even if someone seems nice, friendly, and like they care about you, they could always have motives beyond taking care of you. at your age, you ought to be dating within a year or two or your own age. 14-16, and 16 is a BIG maybe/probably not. your best is good enough, your best is perfect. just so long as you don't give up, you'll be okay, darling, i promise.
This video makes me feel comfortable talking about something that happened when I was in grade 9. for some context, I’m black and I have a slim thick body. I got in trouble for wearing sport shorts that were apparently too short, but there was another white girl who was wearing shorts that were even shorter than mine, but she didn’t get into any trouble and that just goes to show how black girls are punished for the way their bodies naturally are
I'm whiter than sour cream, but I've gotten doses of this because these titties don't stop. I've been called out for being vulgar and "showing off" in tips I could wear to a damn job interview. I can only imagine how bad it is with race dumped onto the pile.
i'm not black, i'm white, but i had that kind of thing happen all the time. teachers made me wear my winter coat all day one time, because i'd worn a tanktop with straps that were too thin. i know for a fact other girls wore very similar tanktops, but they were never confronted or forced to wear their winter coats all day. i was singled out because my boobs had already grown in and they were HUGE. i was maybe 12.
When I was a preteen due to early puberty I couldn't go outside without adult supervision men that were old enough to be my father would make inappropriate remarks and lick their lips at me I couldn't go outside without adult supervision. This caused me to have body image issues.
Soo true. They used to follow me home. 10 blocks of slow walking... It was truly disturbing/ horrific.
Damn. The fact that we all have the same childhood experiences saddens and comforts me at the same time. As a preteen I seriously thought something was wrong with me, only to find out this disturbing "norm".
@@MrSexydivas True. It's one of the reasons I'm not having kids.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that sounds so so horrible. I wish you nothing but happiness and love.
That happens to me and my sister and we’re both minors (I’m 14 she’s 17) 😕😕 we got followed once by this twenty-something old man
The tweet about the belief that an innocent girl must be blonde hit me hard. During confinement I played videos games, vocals and once will waiting for more members to play the game we decide to guess how we look... And they all thought I was a blonde, small, white, blue eyes girl... Because I have a high pitch voice that look like a child voice (my opinion and the opinion of the peoples that I played vocals with).
Which I found really weird... and then they told me that I must look innocent because my voice sound innocent... At that time I didn't know why but I realized there was something very wrong about those beliefs... And today thanks to you I saw the light.
Felt a lot better after watching this as a young black girl who's been getting called fast since 10 for having a period. "Uncle x is coming over, put pants on." You're right!! They do need to check their husbands, I was a child, why are they looking at me that way?
It put a lot of feelings I didn't know how to describe into words, so thank you. This was beautiful.
Whenever she brings up the fact that we canadians are just as guilty or racist/sexist acts as Americans are, i shudder. Im not used to people acknowledging it, but at the same time, im so glad she brings it up. Its important, and needs to be said + addressed. Thank you my queen✨👑
To all my fellow black women and women of color, if you are triggered by anything in this video (like me), give yourself the grace to pause and know that you are not alone and your experiences (at least in this comment section) are viably seen. I was sexually harassed throughout my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood (by both kids my age and adults) and it traumatized me severely and made me hate the body I had. So, this video really reminded that those experiences of mines were not just a me thing, but unfortunately a global issue for many of us.
Khadija, again you for creating honest content that always touches me; thank you, Queen. Because I recognize that while you are talking about this information, you have and are affected by it. #protectblackgirls #protectblackwomen #protectgirlsofcolor #protectwomenofcolor
Thank you for the reminder to pause. I think I'll come back to this video later when I'm not in tears lmao 😅😂
The Jamaican term for fast or loose is 'force ripe'. In which it is metaphorically a fruit or flower that is young that has been forced to ripen instead of ripening naturally. Girls who are adultified at a young age and display adult like characteristics are considered this term.
Who is doing the "forcing" though?
@Gabriell Creue it was the same term in Barbados when I was growing up but now they just say fast.
So close to the point yet so far. I hate these fucking mental gymnastics.
This just makes me feel sick. My dad's Jamaican but I've never heard this term being used before. People be quick to label, no-one is thinking about the girl in these situations. If a young girl is acting inappropriately - WHY? It's not normal, something is happening to that child 😢
Same terminology used in GT "yuh play yuh lil and forceripe" ....it's so annoying 🙄🙄🙄🙄
In 2016, there was a girl named Amy Joyner-Francis who died at 16 years old after getting into a fight with another girl because she had a heart condition that couldn't take being in a fight. This girl basically planned the fight, had her cronies filmed it, and when they realized she was dying they fled the scene. She got a couple of months in juvie and that was it. I honestly think that the "punishment", such as it was, would have been a helluva lot more severe if Amy had been white instead of black.
It’s actually been studied that the punishment of the person who commits assault or any violent crime is actually determined more by the race of the victim than the accused. Meaning that when a white victim is presented, people give harsher punishments more often.
I haven't finished the video but the part where you talked about how moms will try to control their daughter's bodies and try to make them feel guilty for something they can't control... Wow. I'm a biracial black girl and my body started developing when i was 12, and since then i been sexualised by older men a lot. My mom, who is white, always blamed me for the attention because of the way i dressed and used to say awful things about me, and even humiliated me once because i was wearing a "provocative dress" in front of my uncle, who is a predator by the way. I used to be really confident about my body, maybe for the wrong reasons and i know i was doing a lot for a 13 year old, but having my own mom calling me names and telling me i needed to stop being so provocative with my clothing made me fall into a headspace where i can't show my sexuality because i feel like i'm doing something wrong. I'm almost 18 and i'm trying to gain my confidence back but it's really hard. I feel like i had to deal with men's and my mom's opinions on my body since a very young age which makes me very aware of my behavior. I basically lost the opportunity of having a normal childhood for something that wasn't my fault. Thank you for your videos!
Im sorry..
I grew up in a household with a very angry emotionally abusive father who made me feel stupid and completely inadequate at every turn. Although they got divorced when I was eight, by 5th grade the school notified my mother that I was showing signs of severe depression and withdrawal. I was super shy super introverted and thought of myself as pretty much nothing. By 14 I had discovered alcohol marijuana and it started having sex with boys, most of them 18 or over. When it was discovered that this was going on, instead of anyone recognizing that I was a deeply sad person with a horrible sense of self-esteem, I was yelled at and told that there was something wrong with me and I was a terrible horrible s***** person. I didn't get help, I got criticism and got to feel that I was the only messed up one in my family. It took me years and years and years to even recognize how badly I was screwed up and try to get help, and I have struggled with depression and substance abuse my entire life. Maybe if someone wasn't blaming a 14-year-old girl instead of wondering what was making her do these things my life would have turned out better. That's some anger I get to deal with too. I'm a white woman. I can't imagine how much worse it is for people who aren't white and middle class
Omg I hope you're better now and you got the help you needed nobody should have to go through yhat.🌸😊😊
Hope your doing good. People should have questioned those who were 18 and older. It's f-up how people always blame the girl in situations like this.
Your story is my story 😭
Yeah that's horrible, an 18+ person with a 14yo is predatory and yet they blamed you. Sorry that happened
Thanks for not blocking out those Twitter names. I wonder how they feel about those tweets now.
The same
Option 1 the same, if not proud of their bigotry, Option 2 outcasts
As someone from India with a feminine body, I was instilled with intense dysmorphia. I was too big, too curvy, too sexual. Even today my parents dress me up in clothes that actively age me down because I would lead the adult men into sin or something stupid. And I still struggle with that conditioning.
Are you a muslim? I hear such things in the muslim community....like if a man gets turned on....its actually the girls fault that she led him to sin....and therefore they wear hijab and niqab and burqa and all.
I'm Nigerian and I remember being sexualised because my boobs grew faster and bigger than most girls in primary school. This made me feel rant self conscious about them and I would always curry up and wear turtle necks, try to bind them, LITERALLY DO ANYTHING to hide them and pray I would be flat chested. My mum never really told us to cover up unless we wore really short skirts and shorts which were definitely not appropriate for our age. Like I would police how I dressed to avoid unwanted attention. But growing up in an African household my mum did teach us to cook and clean and always harped on about us being presentable young women and being slim and looking beautiful in order to find a husband which kinda annoyed but as I grew up realised the importance of my femininity but not necessarily to get a husband.
Yeah, it's nice to be capable! All these boys raised to have women do everything are sunk if they don't get a wife, but you're fine without a husband. 😂
I believe that young girls are “adultified” especially POC girls. I was 14 when I was tasked with cooking and cleaning for my family because my mom had a job as a home health aid. For reference I had a older and a younger brother and my dad was home at a regular basis. But I still had to wash his clothes, make him breakfast/lunch/dinner. And clean afterwards on top of it. Now granted I am white so I don’t feel I had it as bad as some stories I hear from waaaayyy to many poc woman.
research parentification, they're similar but parentification is specifically a form of abuse where kids have to take up the role of a parent
what dusty GROWN MAN has his daughter wash his clothes for him im sorry WTF ...Dad and Mom wrong af
Girls are expected to be "more mature" than boys by society at large regardless of race. In the case of the adultification of black girls, this cumulates with the fact that for various reasons (history, growth and development rates, stereotypes, etc) black children, both boys and girls, are often perceived as older than they are.
@@foo335 no not only poc girls + black girls fit into the category of poc girls. savvy?
No girls are not adultified only POCs are regardless of gender
In my humble opinion black women policing black girls bodies is a remnant of colonization. I feel like at that time it was probably important to try to appear as young and innocent as possible in an effort to keep massa off your daughter. What were they gonna do, hold the overseer accountable, tell a white man what he should and should not be doing? It’s sad that it had to be like that but I definitely agree it’s a generational curse that needs to be broken!!!! Let these kids be kids 🌸
I don't know if it's all bc of colonization. muslim girls face the same problems, but countries like saudi arabia, iran or turkey have not been colonialized as much as some african countries.
@@liste302 true but in Muslim countries I would think it’s about the religious subjugation of women of all ages, but I didn’t study that specifically.
That’s a very interesting perspective and it makes a lot of sense.
@@themightyquin7499 the first comment sounds like a discredit to black girls. Why can't this subject not just stay on black girls and not another race of girls or their religion. We're not talking about Muslim girls damnnnnm
@@godssexychild9562 I’ve noticed this happens a lot when talking about problems black woman face specifically …
I really thought I was a strong, independent black woman and was so proud about it until I crashed and burned because i was so tired
I live in the city where Ma'Khia Bryant was shot. One of the big missteps was our mayor (and subsequently news outlets) calling her a "young woman", and I saw SO many posts on IG accompanying the news that had to remind people of her girlhood because so many people automatically seemed to forget and in turn victim blame. She was a CHILD. The classmates who spoke at her vigil were CHILDREN who lost their friend at an incredibly young age. I know that I and many others have our biases, conscious and subconscious, but it's important to talk and learn about things like adultification because it helps challenge them so that our actions reflect the dignity and respect everyone, and especially children, deserve.
I'm an south-east asian afab person and i had a lot of trauma growing up (neglect, s*xual abuse, etc) and it all forced me to grow up really fast. Being from an asian family, they saw my maturity as an asset and something they could be proud of instead of seeing it as a red flag. They didn't know about the abuse and assumed they raised me right. I was smart, independent, (and oh so very important in a filipino family) light skinned. My family saw the quiet, mature kid I was and assumed they raised me right. That I was the perfect kid.
As a black woman (barely im 19 bro), I felt that the character of the independant strong black woman was very much romanticized and pushed on me at a young age. Like I had no idea what I wanted to do, what I was passionate about, what would make me happy but I knew I desired....or moreso HAD TO be independant, needing no help from ANYONE. Even now I really struggle with these feelings of asking for help or the natural need to be dependant sometimes. I havent asked for help in years (even in acknowledging I need help in therapy I set it up myself and just told my family this is what Im doing now) and feeling dependant on someone (even my parents who...kinda have that responsibility) makes me feel weak and like Im not living up to the expectations beaten into me
Watch none of this make sense but in essence intersectioning identities (in my case of a pan black woman) is hard asf
I totally understand
I totally understand you! You make so much sense and you are very valid. I'm also a 19 year old Black woman and I've had to realize these things in myself ❤️
@@kah023 ur just kid. Teens are mot men/women
Yeah hyper independence is also a trauma response 😩
Thank you for sharing this. As a white man, this was all new to me and gave me a lot to think about. I also want to thank you for including Canada in your video essay because most Canadians feel smugly superior to the US and prefer to stay blind to racism here
Totally agree, a lot of people believe that "uwu Canadians are so nice!!!!" and remain completely oblivious to all the evil things that white Canadians do to minority ethnic groups. And I'm also glad to see more white people being aware of things like this, we all need to do our part to support Black women.
The one Rue comment that stuck out the most was the one that was basically saying "I thought she was going to be innocent and cute, not black" which is....just such a fkn bizarre thing to say. I totally see why that attitude needed a deeper dive. Amazing video as usual!
Havent watched this whole thing yet but title remind me of when I was younger and obviously developing mental health issues and all the adults around me would always just call me “so brave and strong” I didn’t need you to tell me I’m strong and brave I am a kid I need therapy I need someone paying attention to my emotional development..
Strong Black Woman trope at it again
👁👄👁
I'm sure you really are brave and strong, but I don't think we should have to be all the time, yanno?
@@magnificloud absolutely, constantly being told that I was strong and brave instead of actually getting the help I needed did nothing but hurt me even more and make me suppress those feelings and push them down and ignore them because “ I was strong enough” and “I was brave enough” but in reality I was just a little girl
@@neptunethaplanet5074 urgh! I think the worst part about those kinds of stereotypes is that they're framed as positive, and then used to withhold rights and benefits from us in the future. There are girls out there who might live their whole damn lives thinking they're too strong and brave to ask for help. It's debilitating!
@@magnificloud THIS!!!!!
Yh
Your point about young girls being policed so that creepy adults can feel better👏👏
She did that! We harm children to protect adults who should no better but choose to be ignorant
I was a counselor for two years in a low income neighborhood and I noticed that the girl children who appeared more "mature" were children who had to babysit or were left to care for themselves at home. Their parents were usually busy working and would be annoyed with their children wanting attention from them as they "worked all day". The girl children tended to get upset more and act out. The boys however, seemed to maintain their childlike behavior a lot more and when meeting their parents, they either had both parents who cared for them, or a single mother who babied their son and treated them like children. How I combated this was allowing them to express themselves verbally, and reminded them that it's ok to feel that way and allow them to revert back to childhood through games, books, movies etc, even if for a couple hours. A lot of these children just want to be acknowledged and loved. If you don't allow them to be children, they're going to do whatever it takes to survive or at least what their idea of survival is. Which may or may not be detrimental to their mental health in the future as they grow into actual adults.
“You’re asking children to make accommodations for adults who know better.” This!!! 🙌🏾
Just in regard to the intro... my cousin's young kid looks a LOT like the actress who played Rue. It destroys my heart to think people do not think she's adorable and pretty? Like... she is just cute and looks perfectly sweet and innocent?? WTF people
I remember thinking Rue was the cutest little thing when I was younger and was really shocked to find out that she was a year older than me. She just has a sweet little baby face and if your cousin’s kid looks anything like her then she must be a beauty
I think I've experienced adultification before. When I was as young as 14, White women specifically were always assuming my younger sisters (we have a 10 and 11 year age gap respectively) were my daughters.
Admittedly, this could have been a simple mistake or I could have "looked grown" to them. Or they could have assumed that because I was a Black girl with two little girls with me that they were automatically my children and not my sisters or my cousins or even just two girls I was babysitting. Either way, it's always bothered me because it's really between me looking old enough to be somebody's mama and assumptions based on my race that Black girls "start when we're young" or something like that.
I have the same issue! I’m not even 18 yet and I have 4 younger siblings and on multiple occasions I’ve been mistaken as their mother. 😪.
This has happened to me and it makes me scratch my head because I’m 32 right now and I’m often mistaken for being 25. This was happening to me between the ages of 15 to 19 So I had to look like a baby. I remember one time it was me and my dad and my youngest brother somebody told me and him that our kid was cute and I looked so grossed out because I was 15 & flat next to this almost 40 year old man.
I'm mixed race white and Asian, I've been mistaken for my dad's wife when I was 15. Didn't really know what to make of it
Latina, here I remember being 12 years old with my Mom and my little cousin who was with us at the grocery store and a white woman told me to watch my son a couple of times. I also remember being told by my Mom to be careful with white men because they might think I’m older than what I really am. Sadly I was hit on by white men when I was a pre-teen and as a teenager these men where all over 30 and some in there 50’s.
That happened to me once, but I didn’t “look grown” to most people. I was fourteen at the time and frequently mistaken for being a nine- or ten-year-old. But the woman immediately assumed that I was the mother. From her reaction when I asked her why, I was pretty sure that it was a race thing. My grandmother intervened before I could discuss that with the (white) woman, though.
I would be surprised if your experiences weren’t similarly due to the way non-Black people often perceive us.
So glad you did a video essay on this topic. I was just discussing the sexualization of young Black girls and villainization of young Black men. People always view Black children as older, more dangerous and more sexual than their white counterparts of the same age. This can only lead to the dehumanization and brutalization of young Black boys and girls.
Trying to turn literal children into adults is beyond gross
Being Jewish and Moroccan, I was very much parentafied even in relation too my older brothers. I was catcalled for the first time at age 11. And the reason it was so hard to come forward about my assault is because all of society told me being sexualized was normal to the point that I didn’t even realize anything was wrong. I think the way little girls are raised is disgusting. And I think ppl need to stop telling kids they are mature and basically grown up as a compliment.
i'm so sorry you went through that, hope you're alright... and you're right! we have to struggle with sexual assault since we're CHILDREN and people keep acting like that's normal
@@iasmimluiza1914 plus all of media portrays young girls to be sex symbols.... then wonders why young women are harassed by old men on the street. also i am doing much better thank you for your well wishes :)
Girl same. I'm also Moroccan and I feel your pain. For me my parents are Christians and are too "protective", I remember getting approached by two drunk guys last year who were creepy as hell, but because I'm a "little girl", I dont know what that is. But then they say I'm an adult who should know how to take care of her little brothers. I started doing the dishes at the age of 7, which has haunted me for ever since now I do all the household chores. My dad literally says if you want to go here do the dishes or clean this or that.
I did not expect this but parts of this video resonated deeply with me. I may be white but as an immigrant girl that grew up with a single mom I was called so mature for my age so so often. Also my mom expected me to do all the chores and stuff. A lot of the adults in my life at the time praised me for how mature I was. Looking back a lot of the time I was treated more like an adult and less like a child by said adults. I don't know why and if this was because of my background or something else, but this still affects me to this day. I can definitely relate to this feeling of not quite having a childhood because of that. The thought that black girls are victims of adultification on a grander scale is just horrifying. To go through that on an individual level is traumatizing enough, but being treated that way by society is just cruel. These are children and children deserve a childhood always. Especially black girls. Tbh I think girls in general (black girls especially) are seen faster as adults in general to a certain degree tbh. Girls are always praised for how mature they are in comparison to boys, expected to babysit their younger siblings do chores etc. Thank you for this interesting video.
what you're describing seems more like parentification, maybe you could do some research on it? (not being passive aggressive, just want to help bc i've gone through that)
@@mammoneymelon that may be, I think that adultification is kinda a form of that tho. Or that parentification is a specific form of adultification, you know. And I also sometimes get the feeling that some of those adults were thinking of me as more adult because of my background (immigrant girl without a father) because this was also done by people who were not part of my family.
Edit especially men for that matter
@@xylypotatohead3947 yeah, parentification is a type of adultification
and it totally wouldn't be surprising if people who knew your background assumed you were "more grown", unfortunately immigrant kids and kids with single parents are seen by society as "more mature" even if they're still a kid
Ahhh….this triggered my fundamentalist Christian upbringing so hard, I started to tear up and had to pause the video. I was taught that women were the fall of ‘mankind’ and that we did this through our naturally evil sexuality, that the pain of childhood was the punishment for this, and that only a man could control me correctly and keep me on a ‘Godly’ path. The fact that I could even be sexual or give birth was evidence of evil. Any temptation was my fault, I wasn’t being modest enough. It was never the mans fault. At 23:23 I had to take a breath, because I was starting to hear grown men in southern accents telling me what my body meant and how the world was ruined through it……I think I am over it, but I am never really over it. It got so deep, I was taught to hate that I was female before I could possibly know what being female was.
You’re very strong for being able to share your story, I hope you can heal from all that rhetoric..
@@itscosmicnerd 🙏
I know this may sound insensitive but that’s not true. Yes men are supposed to rule over us, but they have to do it in a kind and respecting way, showing us love and affection. It’s a partnership between the two, so that it can lead to pleasing God together. Men, or just people in general, abusing their right over you or others is not biblical and it’s wrong.
@@racheal4186 …..one more thing, if your ‘God’ is all knowing love and perfection, why make Earth and hell, why not not just make heaven? Does ‘he’ not have the power to do that? Or is it that he likes to watch humans abuse each other? He sees everything, right? That is what you all think, all powerful, therefore ‘he’ must love watching the abusive show down here, right? ‘He’ created it right? ‘He’ knows all, right? ‘He’ knew their would be war, rape, famine, etc etc. Could ‘he’ have not made a different world or different choices?
@@TheBookofBeasts Hell was made for Satan after his rebellion against heaven. Remember he brought down a third of the angels with him. In the garden, God had given Adam and Eve clear instructions and they disobeyed them, they chose evil rather than good. We have to be given the option to not choose God to be able to choose Him or else we will just be robots, that’s why the devil is still allowed power to roam and somewhat control the earth. He gave them free will
Growing up in a latino community, girls were low key shamed for getting their periods earlier? And oh gosh the quinceneras are so weird sometimes. There's a huge emphasis on becoming a woman and remaining "pure" until the dad hands his daughter off to another man..
The viewpoint of “how a lady should act” is shame used as violence. It makes me think of J from Tea with Queen & J Podcast and why she says “I am not a lady/do not include me in ladies, that shit is violent”.
Yes, I thought them as well!
I am from Columbus Ohio. Thank you for bringing more attention to the tragic murder of Ma'Khia Bryant. It broke my heart seeing grown ass people trying to justify her murder. Columbus PD and our police in general are terrible bullies.
I can remember a deacon at my church when I was like 13-14 taking me aside and insisting that I needed to "Take Care" of my older brother and look out for him, he was 16-17. I didn't back talk him or anything, because he was a deacon, but even back then I thought it was pretty ridiculous that he was basically telling me that my OLDER brother was some responsibility I had to take on simply by virtue of being a girl.
I could tell that was the implication. The whole, black men need black women to look out for them thing that gets put out. Silent and supportive but do nothing for yourself. Like, how many people actually know that Black Lives Matter was started by women.
That last one was one of the most vile things I have ever seen. The complete and utter bullying of a CHILD just because she’s black….disgusting
This is slightly off-topic, but .. for me personally adultification in itself wasn't the main problem, in the sense that I believe it fostered many qualities I like about myself, which I probably wouldn't have developed otherwise. But the fact that I was given adult responsibilities AND being denied adult agency, screwed me up more than anything, because the world didn't make sense to me at all as a result.
Other people, mainly parents and extended family, but also teachers and people at church, got to choose which "mode" of mine suited their needs at any time. If they needed my hard work, responsibility, reliability and thoroughness, which in a way they all groomed into me ("good girl, your parents must be proud" etc.), they appealed to me as an adult. If I said no, or made some reasonable demand (like do the on a schedule that suits me) or asked too many questions, they dismissed me as a child.
I didn't understand all that as a child. All I saw was that there were two sets of rules applied to me, but I could never figure out or anticipate, which set was applied when and why. As a child with autism (back then undiagnosed), that totally f*cked me up, and I was confused and angry and felt helpless all the time.
Your childhood sounds a lot like mine and I was identified with autism earlier this year as well.
I follow a psychologist's channel and this issue often comes up: he calls it *_parentification_* . It's what happens when children are forced to deal with adult realities, such as raising their siblings or taking care of their parents.
adultification is different from parentification
@@mammoneymelon Yes, agreed! I meant to amend my comment to specify I realize the 2 are different, but Khadija discusses both concepts, so I was chiming in on this one. :)
What’s the name of their channel??
@@princessn2275 "Psychology in Seattle" Covers a lot of interesting topics.
Since Khadijah asked, this is also definitely a problem in Hispanic/Latin communities, just not to this extent. I’ve seen Latina girls portrayed as drug dealers and pregnant in high school so many times, even as a kid. I got my first catcall 2 weeks after my mom bought me my first bralette. I was nine at the time. I was hit on for the first time at eleven. And I was 12 the first time I rejected a guy and he persisted. There’s also a really big lack of representation for us Latina girls in most mainstream media. I love Marvel movies and comics, but so far there have only been 2 latin characters that have names in the MCU, both of them are men. While on an emotional level I really related to and loved characters like Wiccan and Patriot in the comics, I didn’t see a Latina girl I could identify with until America Chavez. I’ve always been really nerdy but since most of the representations of me I saw were limited to Dora, my grandma’s telenovelas, and drug dealing teen moms, I never really saw myself in the media until shows like One Day at a Time and the Owl House portrayed Latina nerds like me. Even then, I didn’t get to see those characters until _after_ I went through an identify crisis due to all the stereotypes I saw growing up. Thank goodness, I’ve never seen an instance of people complaining that a character is Hispanic or claiming their death is less sad because they are. Though I wouldn’t really be surprised if it did. _And_ all of this was/is happening in a mostly Latin/Hispanic town, where the support system was definitely there for me, but it was kind of hard to go there for help when all I saw when there was a Latina girl on TV was a stereotype
As a Latina who grew up in a very catholic household i definitely can relate to the “loose/fast girl” myth of blaming the girls instead of the men and the adultification of young girls. Many latinas are thought to think that we should be the caregivers, the cleaners, the cooks, and etc at young ages forcing us to row up faster while our male counterparts are thought to be macho (i could go on abt how toxic machismo is). i can relate to the adultification of young girls on a personal level, many latinas are looked down upon by family members and others if you begin puberty at an “early” age and are objectified for something they can’t control. glad you talked abt this
glad you have a supporting partner ❤🏳️🌈
The crazy thing is that Suzanne Collins always intended for Rue to be black. Hunger Games is based of our current society as well as how history can repeat itself. It's about social economics, racism, sexisim and class. The capitol, District 1,2 and 3 are all white. District 11 is agriculture and has a prominently black population.
The books are made to provoke since they are made to highlight how our society works.
This is articulating something that I observed a lot while attending majority black & brown schools as a young white girl. It's uncomfortable to think back on how despite my undiagnosed ADHD and traumatic home environment, I had teachers who were willing to see the best in me. And, that I knew to manipulate that to some extent. Does not feel great to realize that I was grasping at whatever straws I could to survive, and that included the white girl fragility card in a way that my peers could not. And when I had beef with said peers, I could appeal to a sense of innocence that they could not.
I'm gonna be Thinking abt this for a bit.
Thank you for speaking on Black trans girls too. I was invalidated from a young age and as I got a little older and eventually transitioned, add hyper sexualized to the bunch and being blamed for whatever happened to me lol 💁🏾♀️
Me too. 😞 I´m sorry that happened to you.
@@zoeywhite4683 I’m sorry what happened to you as well 😢 we simply deserve better!
The book literally described rue as black lol did they even read the book?
About growing up a little faster bc being the older sibling: that's a real thing. I'm commenting as the younger sister, but I always have this same talk with my older sister. Our memories about our childhoods are different, she felt that she grew up faster than I when we compare. And we were raised by the same pair of people. It's a very interesting and real phenomenon.
This reminds me of this thing that was going around people wishing that starfire was white because she’s a beautiful,sexy,and slim thick character. People can’t except that black people can act/look positive because every where you look racism against black people are taught