I have borderline personality disorder and have been once diagnosed as schizoid personality disorder. I tried to share my affection to my parents in a love letter when I was four years old; it just said,”I love you both even though life is blank. She saved it I found it as an adult and just remembered thinking, nothing had really changed.
Prof Sam Vaknin you have changed my life what you bring to light is mind numbing but the understanding has brought home 30 years of experiencing Which left me baffled beyond belief. please know you reach people in ways that cannot be described. Thankyou Sir.
Sam Vaknin, I am eternally grateful for everything I learned and continue to learn from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving me from myself and the people around me.
I think the best way to describe what the emptiness feels like, is to compare it to the feeling of loss when your spouse or SO dies. That feeling that there is a part of you missing after they're gone. Only it never goes away. And you didn't have any memories of it ever being filled. It's just that sense of never being complete. It's extremely uncomfortable. It's painful not necessarily physically painful, but painful in your soul. It's like you never feel good. You feel hollow. You don't feel like you have any valuable substance.
That's a relatable analogy of what it must feel like. Are you speculating or speaking from first-hand experience as a self-awareness narcissist or borderline?
All I can say is thank you Professor for making this channel! Your lectures validate all of my understanding and experiences growing up in a dysfunctional, mentally and physically abusive family. Narc mom, dad & step-dad. I'm eternally grateful. The truth is truly freeing!
Bordelines and narcissists are traumatized meets traumatized. Funny how we are so attracted to one another and yet our relationship with one another is doomed from the start
It's bc the BPD is the missing part of the NPD and vice versa. subconsciously, we are desperately trying to individuate. But we are trying to do it through another person.
My sister is diagnosed with bpd. I asked her the question "who are you?" she responded by describing herself in roles as it was her only understanding of who she is. Unfortunately, this was also delusional as her concept of how she should "perform" in these roles was wildly off the mark. She seems confused when I have challenged some of her "normality" and looked at me with the blankness of a small child who is in a world they don't understand but it's a genuine blankness, an absence, she actually doesn't understand herself or the very dysfunctional world she created for herself. It doesn't help that my father is just as dysfunctional. He isn't diagnosed but he should be! I soon realised there's not much hope for her and I'm sick of their game playing. I'm now ostracised and estranged because I challenge them too much. But it is very sad to see.
32:15 “Exhausted by their own self-investment”. That’s a great quote. I was diagnosed Level 1 ASD almost a year ago, but I feel like I’ve developed some schizoid adaptations in high school and now into college. My social energy pretty much entirely comes from within myself. I have a hard time showing genuine interest in what people are talking about if it doesn’t relate to what I am currently thinking about or one of my interests. I am always thinking about my response, or doing metacognition in relation to what the person said rather than just listening to their words. The only guaranteed way for me to show genuine interest in conversation is if I start it myself, which I don’t like to do that often. These things make me feel like I “don’t care” about others sometimes, but that isn’t true.
I remember having a conversation with a covert narcissist once, they were being entitled talking about why a certain person wasn't doing "enough work" to earn their approval.. I tried to explain the simple concept of everyone having their own character and personality and that every individual operate in a their own specific way and that we are not the same, some people are able to allow and accept things that other people won't and IT'S NORMAL. they were looking at me as if I was an alien they didn't understand what I was saying.. they were silent the whole time I was talking and just looking at me with their empty eyes and when I finished talking they said with a very quit voice "yeah I know"
Hey Sam. I met your look alike today in the grocery store in Winter Springs Florida. We were waiting at the fish counter and I said " You look like Sam Vaknin" and we took some time finding your photo on line and we all laughed at the stunning resemblance. It was fun. Hope you are doing well Sam.
Prof. Vaknin, if narcissists are mentally ill, what are the legal implications when they commit a serious crime (physical assault or murder). Mental illness implies somewhat a reduction of responsibility, but narcissists can be fully aware of their bad deeds. Indeed in prison settings when surrounded by psycopaths and hardened criminals, they cease to behave narcissistically out of self preservation. So it seems they know what they are doing and with whom they can or cannot get away with. They alter their behaviour accordingly and that's a choice.
Thank you Professor. Indeed they are not. Which brings to another point: where is the threshold of responsibility when mental illness is at play in a crime situation. But this is a topic for another day, I guess.
Wow this is amazingly explained I felt that this friend of mine wants to be me wants to know what I know, like what I like he has no personality just an empty shell interesting now I understand 🙏😊
Thanks to Sam Vaknin, I now have the language to describe the mess of the life I live. I believe that I am the product of a narcissist mother, and covert borderline father. What a mess! Anyhow before I discovered Sam Vaknin channel, I had this idea of myself as a black hole. My life had completely imploded, and I was left with nothing but myself and a space in the woods. That's when I saw the metaphor of a black hole fitted me perfectly. I try keep myself and other people in the nebulous cloud far away from the core. If they get closer, there's this planet in orbit I've called spectrum. This chases most people away. If you get closer there's the scary chaos of the event horizon, where if you are foolish enough to venture further you are absorbed and spat out at the same time..
I do feel less and less able to connect with my fellow human beings. In my youth I did try self discovery through psychedelic underground music scenes... Not exactly professional therapy, but it did offer insights, though brought me to a suicidal funk for a while...
What can I do about this blackhole? I went through the shame (I was torturing half of a year), pain, anxiety and etc. But still the black hole is a problem, I need somehow to regulate it when it comes, because it is devastating.
I'm not sure if there's any way to feel better. I do think that it can be made exponentially worse by comparing yourself to those who were able to separate and individuate as children. The baseline of life for all of us is a state of suffering. Just know you're not alone. We're all on this crazy ride called life together. Even those who feel more fully put together will one day be dust too.
@@enoch6977 Thank you. Well, now I've realised that my inner critic prohibits the voice of life, especially to share the things that make me feel full of life. Sounds strange, but i feel like I've got banned for cheerfullness) Also, I have triggered at some tips about the self-worth regulation in the internet and devaluated it. This made me much better) Sorry, if my language is bad, I'm russian.
So I have a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia w bpd yet the bpd was diagnosed many many years before the schizophrenia. I am wondering if it’s just plain schizophrenia I have bc my empathy levels r high and I don’t have many of the markers of bpd although I struggle w anger issues from the paranoia. It’s distressing to have been called a psychopath due to the schizophrenia from ppl who don’t understand that I shut down get overwhelmed easily and slip into a world of my own yet desire to have normal relations w friends, family etc. I can come across as a narcissistic personality which is all very confusing. I’ve lived in a very confusing lonely and dark place for most my life. And it’s hell to be social which led to substance use for many years etc. but I believe God can get you thru anything.
Hello professor Vaknin. Do you have a video about how the public perceives the covert narcissist? Most people can tell something is off but they don't have the words for it. The ones in the environment are enchanted by his kindness and purity of course. Thank you for your teachings.
I think it may be a spectrum from damaged but redeemable to schizoid, to psychotic to utterly evil. Ive found it to be like wrestling with a ghost or shapeshifter. Just run!
Dr I’m super attracted to borderline women because they just have so much color to bring into my life how do I hold on to them once I have them? They are so precious and I just want to make sure they’re safe and secure with me but can’t seem to get it right.
Interesting that you said at one point that all three are in a sense "schizoid" disorders. Would that perhaps mean that schizoid personality disorder proper is really a particular "defense" mechanism (I'm guessing this usage) for the schizoid core? One amongst the three possible? This brings up a different question: are these the only disorders that have schizoid cores? I'd be very curious to know!
Sam, thanks for this insight. I have a couple of questions if time and priority may permit 1. Can schizoid be considered as a spectrum (e.g. bpd - covert bpd - narcissist)? 2. Are you saying that there is no hope for a schizoid to heal and manifest normal relationships? (e.g. could the schizoid play out the childhood identity development process at a later life stage?)
I realize that you will probably take this with offense and i completely submit to your expertise and knowledge on these personalities but how are you so sure that these disorders are forever unfixable? -with love from a borderline
Do most narcissists and borderline adapt a schizoid solution at some point in their lives? I remember a video by Professor Vaknin on the 3 phases of the borderline romantic relationships, and in the third phase, with all else failing some borderlines will choose the schizoid solution and become the cat ladies of ere.
![Kumamoto Masters Japan 2024 | Gregoria Mariska Tunjung (INA) [5] vs. Akane Yamaguchi (JPN) [2] | F](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EIjZybhsWqA/mqdefault.jpg)
How does this man not have a million views. His understanding is so uncanny and surreal
Ask RUclips.
@@samvaknin Your channel has over 78 million views as of today. Half of them were me rewatching and listening to the BPD playlist.
I have borderline personality disorder and have been once diagnosed as schizoid personality disorder. I tried to share my affection to my parents in a love letter when I was four years old; it just said,”I love you both even though life is blank. She saved it I found it as an adult and just remembered thinking, nothing had really changed.
Love you beautiful angel 🖤
Prof Sam Vaknin you have changed my life what you bring to light is mind numbing but the understanding has brought home 30 years of experiencing Which left me baffled beyond belief. please know you reach people in ways that cannot be described. Thankyou Sir.
Baffling beyond belief indeed...
Sam Vaknin, I am eternally grateful for everything I learned and continue to learn from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving me from myself and the people around me.
You can communicate with a narcissist/ borderline, and watch them decide, in real time, who they will be when they reply.
I think the best way to describe what the emptiness feels like, is to compare it to the feeling of loss when your spouse or SO dies. That feeling that there is a part of you missing after they're gone. Only it never goes away. And you didn't have any memories of it ever being filled. It's just that sense of never being complete.
It's extremely uncomfortable. It's painful not necessarily physically painful, but painful in your soul. It's like you never feel good. You feel hollow. You don't feel like you have any valuable substance.
The very last sentence seems like a really good way to describe the blank.
That's a relatable analogy of what it must feel like. Are you speculating or speaking from first-hand experience as a self-awareness narcissist or borderline?
Very good explaination!
All I can say is thank you Professor for making this channel! Your lectures validate all of my understanding and experiences growing up in a dysfunctional, mentally and physically abusive family. Narc mom, dad & step-dad. I'm eternally grateful. The truth is truly freeing!
Bordelines and narcissists are traumatized meets traumatized. Funny how we are so attracted to one another and yet our relationship with one another is doomed from the start
Trauma Bonding. Who else would be better to play and replay traumatic events with? Only another drama trained 'talent'. Sad but true. 🎭
It's bc the BPD is the missing part of the NPD and vice versa. subconsciously, we are desperately trying to individuate. But we are trying to do it through another person.
My sister is diagnosed with bpd. I asked her the question "who are you?" she responded by describing herself in roles as it was her only understanding of who she is. Unfortunately, this was also delusional as her concept of how she should "perform" in these roles was wildly off the mark.
She seems confused when I have challenged some of her "normality" and looked at me with the blankness of a small child who is in a world they don't understand but it's a genuine blankness, an absence, she actually doesn't understand herself or the very dysfunctional world she created for herself.
It doesn't help that my father is just as dysfunctional. He isn't diagnosed but he should be!
I soon realised there's not much hope for her and I'm sick of their game playing. I'm now ostracised and estranged because I challenge them too much.
But it is very sad to see.
Who are you? Stranger please tell me about yourself. I don't have an answer to the question, so I'd like to see someone who does.
Simply Wow 💫! Professor Vaknin, well done
Amazing & erudite discussion on the Schzoid. Thank you!!! Esp the difference between superiority and grandiosity was interesting
32:15 “Exhausted by their own self-investment”. That’s a great quote. I was diagnosed Level 1 ASD almost a year ago, but I feel like I’ve developed some schizoid adaptations in high school and now into college. My social energy pretty much entirely comes from within myself. I have a hard time showing genuine interest in what people are talking about if it doesn’t relate to what I am currently thinking about or one of my interests. I am always thinking about my response, or doing metacognition in relation to what the person said rather than just listening to their words. The only guaranteed way for me to show genuine interest in conversation is if I start it myself, which I don’t like to do that often. These things make me feel like I “don’t care” about others sometimes, but that isn’t true.
I can relate...
I remember having a conversation with a covert narcissist once, they were being entitled talking about why a certain person wasn't doing "enough work" to earn their approval.. I tried to explain the simple concept of everyone having their own character and personality and that every individual operate in a their own specific way and that we are not the same, some people are able to allow and accept things that other people won't and IT'S NORMAL. they were looking at me as if I was an alien they didn't understand what I was saying.. they were silent the whole time I was talking and just looking at me with their empty eyes and when I finished talking they said with a very quit voice "yeah I know"
maybe the guy the narc was talking about really was lazy? We don't need to 'psychologize' everything, right?
The narcissist painted me as the narcissist. My heart is full and always is. I am free, not them.
Hahah same.. the narcissist has gone into full explanation as to how and why I'm the victim & narcissist
This video is so well done!!
I would love a full video on schizophrenia if you have the time and energy professor. Ive been watching you for years and i would love your insight!
Search the channel for “psychosis” and for “psychotic”.
Very interesting. I knew someone like this. I went no contact.
Very insightful.
Ur the Best Professor Sam, Always right on target🎯
As above so below, right !
Very comprehensive explanation of a rather complex dynamic. Thank you!
Thank you for your continued effort towards helping people x
Hey Sam. I met your look alike today in the grocery store in Winter Springs Florida. We were waiting at the fish counter and I said " You look like Sam Vaknin" and we took some time finding your photo on line and we all laughed at the stunning resemblance. It was fun. Hope you are doing well Sam.
Appreciate this detailed explanation and analogies. Thank you.
Prof. Vaknin, if narcissists are mentally ill, what are the legal implications when they commit a serious crime (physical assault or murder). Mental illness implies somewhat a reduction of responsibility, but narcissists can be fully aware of their bad deeds. Indeed in prison settings when surrounded by psycopaths and hardened criminals, they cease to behave narcissistically out of self preservation. So it seems they know what they are doing and with whom they can or cannot get away with. They alter their behaviour accordingly and that's a choice.
Narcissists should NOT be held criminally not guilty by reason of insanity.
Thank you Professor. Indeed they are not. Which brings to another point: where is the threshold of responsibility when mental illness is at play in a crime situation. But this is a topic for another day, I guess.
Wow this is amazingly explained
I felt that this friend of mine wants to be me wants to know what I know, like what I like he has no personality just an empty shell interesting now I understand 🙏😊
Recalls the title being and nothingness. In movie network, Chayefsky called it shrieking nothingness. I call it empty, screaming madness.
It seems like it’s the inner child desperately crying for existence, not allowed to exist :( must be horrible
Thanks to Sam Vaknin, I now have the language to describe the mess of the life I live.
I believe that I am the product of a narcissist mother, and covert borderline father. What a mess!
Anyhow before I discovered Sam Vaknin channel, I had this idea of myself as a black hole.
My life had completely imploded, and I was left with nothing but myself and a space in the woods.
That's when I saw the metaphor of a black hole fitted me perfectly.
I try keep myself and other people in the nebulous cloud far away from the core. If they get closer, there's this planet in orbit I've called spectrum. This chases most people away. If you get closer there's the scary chaos of the event horizon, where if you are foolish enough to venture further you are absorbed and spat out at the same time..
I do feel less and less able to connect with my fellow human beings.
In my youth I did try self discovery through psychedelic underground music scenes... Not exactly professional therapy, but it did offer insights, though brought me to a suicidal funk for a while...
It's a case of: the lights are on but nobody's home
What can I do about this blackhole?
I went through the shame (I was torturing half of a year), pain, anxiety and etc. But still the black hole is a problem, I need somehow to regulate it when it comes, because it is devastating.
I'm not sure if there's any way to feel better. I do think that it can be made exponentially worse by comparing yourself to those who were able to separate and individuate as children. The baseline of life for all of us is a state of suffering.
Just know you're not alone. We're all on this crazy ride called life together. Even those who feel more fully put together will one day be dust too.
@@enoch6977 Thank you. Well, now I've realised that my inner critic prohibits the voice of life, especially to share the things that make me feel full of life. Sounds strange, but i feel like I've got banned for cheerfullness)
Also, I have triggered at some tips about the self-worth regulation in the internet and devaluated it. This made me much better)
Sorry, if my language is bad, I'm russian.
So I have a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia w bpd yet the bpd was diagnosed many many years before the schizophrenia. I am wondering if it’s just plain schizophrenia I have bc my empathy levels r high and I don’t have many of the markers of bpd although I struggle w anger issues from the paranoia. It’s distressing to have been called a psychopath due to the schizophrenia from ppl who don’t understand that I shut down get overwhelmed easily and slip into a world of my own yet desire to have normal relations w friends, family etc. I can come across as a narcissistic personality which is all very confusing. I’ve lived in a very confusing lonely and dark place for most my life. And it’s hell to be social which led to substance use for many years etc. but I believe God can get you thru anything.
I will be publishing this month a video about switching in DID which may begin to address your question.
@@samvakninthank you
Hello professor Vaknin.
Do you have a video about how the public perceives the covert narcissist? Most people can tell something is off but they don't have the words for it. The ones in the environment are enchanted by his kindness and purity of course.
Thank you for your teachings.
Search the channel for "uncanny".
I've had that feeling at a job interview. Turned out the guy was a psychopath with several complaints against him by customers and ex employees.
I think it may be a spectrum from damaged but redeemable to schizoid, to psychotic to utterly evil. Ive found it to be like wrestling with a ghost or shapeshifter. Just run!
Dr I’m super attracted to borderline women because they just have so much color to bring into my life how do I hold on to them once I have them? They are so precious and I just want to make sure they’re safe and secure with me but can’t seem to get it right.
Search the BPD playlist.
Interesting that you said at one point that all three are in a sense "schizoid" disorders. Would that perhaps mean that schizoid personality disorder proper is really a particular "defense" mechanism (I'm guessing this usage) for the schizoid core? One amongst the three possible?
This brings up a different question: are these the only disorders that have schizoid cores? I'd be very curious to know!
Search the comorbidities playlist.
Sam, thanks for this insight. I have a couple of questions if time and priority may permit
1. Can schizoid be considered as a spectrum (e.g. bpd - covert bpd - narcissist)?
2. Are you saying that there is no hope for a schizoid to heal and manifest normal relationships? (e.g. could the schizoid play out the childhood identity development process at a later life stage?)
Yes and no.
I realize that you will probably take this with offense and i completely submit to your expertise and knowledge on these personalities but how are you so sure that these disorders are forever unfixable?
-with love from a borderline
The only offense is that you don’t do your homework. Search the therapies and the BPD playlists.
What differentiates the narcissist's escape to their inner world from the Stoic's inner citadel or the Buddhist's detachment?
The narcissist's inversion is the consequence of fragility, shame, and vulnerability.
Do most narcissists and borderline adapt a schizoid solution at some point in their lives? I remember a video by Professor Vaknin on the 3 phases of the borderline romantic relationships, and in the third phase, with all else failing some borderlines will choose the schizoid solution and become the cat ladies of ere.
Yes.
Your knowledge...
Not me watching this with a borderline diagnosis like 😬🫣