3 hours of looking in a mirror. I really appreciate your detailed and honest breakdown of BPD. I get so sick of sugarcoated videos from American psychs that won’t talk about the heavy stuff. It’s nice to finally be completely understood
For a very long time I felt that there were two of me at the same time. At each fork in the road I wanted simultaneously to go left and right. Knowing now the relationship between trauma, dissociation and personality it feels as though someone has put into words what I could not. I am so very grateful. Thank you.
@@chrysewymer9009 I have around 5 different voices. It changes multiple times a day depending on whom I speak to. It's eerie how I sound like completely different people, i have no idea what my default normal voice is. Never questioned if I have bpd until this video.. great
@@74palms I *seriously* mirror people and will feel my voice changing to sound like different friends or family. It's such a weird feeling, and I always wonder what people think from the outside because no one has ever mentioned it
Is extreme right and wrong the logo colours of Collins dictionary? Some tripe about the oxygenated and deoxygenated veins, doesn’t look too dissimilar to the wonderful story of the human body, by ‘an unknown author’; I mean, who puts a picture of a galleon in the front of a science book and a picture of a modern holy trinity as the opening logo? Is it a narrative of people taking the wrong fork in the road and deciding to fashion themselves as alcoholic beverages, priests and holy ghosts? If only I could fit into my father’s Masonic apron and cotton gloves, I’ll have a look and see what else is hiding in his suitcase…gaffa tape?, old tights? Garot? In fact Carey’s seen that character hanging around outside of her bedroom window when she was 13, sitting on the wall and getting his leather gloves out of his suitcase whilst staring at her window; or maybe he was looking for my sister. I bet he recognises himself on the gramma phone.
Hello Sam! I don't know if you read this or not, but I still wanted to tell you, thanks to your videos I was able to understand myself a little better. Unfortunately I don't have the resources to pay for therapy and your videos helped me a lot to mentalize myself, thank you for all the information you provide!
He said when he looks in the mirror, no one is there. How could that be since he had robbed me of My identity and kept it; undermining, gas lighting, shape-shifting, withdrawing until I was a shell of myself. Even when he died, with me by his side, it was like I never existed.
I am divorcing a Covert Narcissist he has emptied out our savings and checking and used me for his green card!I want to thank you for helping me get through the drama he has put my kids (My kids none with him)ten years pure hell.I filed over a year ago he changed the locks on me and has his next female in our home!My kids are not able to get there clothing or anything else he never shows up for divorce court on zoom!It has been a living nightmare thank you again for your videos I never knew what a Narcissist was until you made me aware what I was dealing with.Thank you please keep making your videos.Sincerely Linda
You know the good doctor is a self confessed narcissist too right, he cares about your plight as much as your husband I would imagine, and does not do this for thanks, he does it to showboat, he's like the Narc whistleblower, I will pay homage to his ego though, and admit he is a clever guy. No offense Sam.
@@markcampbell1795But do Sam’s professings add up? Could you read a transcription of his words and say he’s a narcissist (or anything at all)? Is he helping educating people with research based teachings?
@@markcampbell1795I don’t care why he does it. The man has worked his ass off and studied and researched and made some sense out of all of this nonsense in ways classical psychologist do not can not or will not. Maybe his disturbance gives him greater insight.
What a glorious gift on this lazy Saturday afternoon. I have something to feed my mind and it happens to be a comprehensive discussion on borderline personality disorder from the master on the subject l. Thanks Dr. Vaknin!
I think that I've watched this video lesson at least three (3) times. Is impressive the way in which Professor Vaknin dismantles the pathology of these personality disorders while at the same time set the boundaries that differentiate them. This lecture is not less than a Masterpiece on the subject.
Cbt and dbt for a aware borderline is a great mental tool. It can essentially rewire the bdp brain. You can avoid reactive patterns by avoiding perilous situations. I have much less severe traits after intensuve long term therapy.
@@cosmingurau your forever healing its lifelong no quick fix. I have to use self cognitive behavioral exercises daily forever and mood regulation. is a something i monitor regularly i have to "check myself" to make sure im not slipping back into to negative patterns. I do alot of meditations on youtube daily. I battle with depression but i combat this with walking my three dogs alot in park outside.fresh air. Good luck it does work! but it takes studying cbt a few years you can access these materials free at getfreehelp freecbt skills into google! And they are free download the pdfs. They actually help good luck ✌
I have BPD. I already had a bit more than two years of therapy although I am better, I am still not stable. I will hopefully start DBT and EMDR soon. I hope a year will be enough. I'm so done with that
Like a good book, I couldn’t put my phone down and stop listening! You are 100% correct and accurate throughout the entire video. Thank you for spreading truth, knowledge, and awareness ❤
I was diagnosed with BPD after i had a mental breakdown after my husband left me. I was in the UK and put into a mental health faciity for 30 days. All the staff loved me and even had me descalate drama between patients. They said i was okay. But i wasnt. I hid. I even created an alter. I became vegan and exercised all the time. Like wtf? Eventually toward the end of my stay i started smuggling alcohol. I came from a 3rd world coutry. So i had to leave after the divorce. There is no help here. I have to self medicate to get through after a bit. Im good for a few weeks but something small can throw me off. I hate my life so much. I use to be such a beautiful soul..now i feel sick to even look at my face. I have no one. No relationships. And all i wish for is to have help. I will die in this country. So i drink myself everyday. That keeps me not face reality. My poor parents. They don't deserve this.
Don't say that about yourself. I feel the same way about myself as a BPD. You have been conditioned to think that way about yourself due to your surroundings. I was abused by a malignant narcissist, was raped, saw a murder, had a sociopathic wart latch on to me and copy everything I do wanting me to die in the end, and none of it registered as dangerous when it happened. I thought it was just every day life. Well it isn't. And all that shit sucks. But you don't deserve to feel this way. DBT helped me so much. And I go to 2 therapists and a breathwork healer. But this DBT workbook is only $15 and it can really help if you can't get what you need in your country. Please take care of yourself. I've done terrible things to get attention because I needed help and was afraid to ask and then put faith in what felt normal because I didn't feel like I needed to exist anymore (narcissistic folks love borderlines and vice versa. Honey we don't need those babies unless they ain't gonna start shit to try and be us) You are not alone www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582_nodl?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153654506728389310&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032942&hvtargid=pla-818602319988&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=79033899111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153654506728389310&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032942&hvtargid=pla-818602319988&dplnkId=94b6f169-aa79-416f-b447-444a05c1e1ef
I was excited to discover your channel yesterday! Ive been diagnosed for years but admittedly, I’ve not had it explained in this way. Finding groups locally to participate in for therapy has been very difficult to find. I’m usually Told that my diagnosis excludes me from joining due to fear I’ll destroy their group.
Interesting. I do fit the lone wolf masculine borderline type very well. I didn't know that was a thing. I think of myself as having a strong sense of morality and justice, so it hurts to hear that I'm also a transient psychopath. I never entertained such a horrible idea before, but I have to admit that it makes some sense. There's a persistent internal war in me. I'm fighting with everything I have to keep the demon at bay, because I hate it, it's wrong, it's evil, but it keeps emerging in times of extreme distress. Maybe the strategy is wrong, it shouldn't be fought, it should be integrated. It's just trying to protect me, very badly and wrongly, but I believe it doesn't have ill intent.
I feel very similar. Masculine, lone wolf. The psychopath comment really hit me 😂 I grew up with an idealized self as someone emotionless and high in morals. The ideal had to be completely opposite from my abusive mother… But I’m constantly at war with my evil, emotionally unregulated, affection-seeking true self which is much like hers. My emotionless ideal has definitely helped me keep my explosive emotions contained more often, as opposed to my more social borderline friends who would attack anyone, anytime, as I would normally withdraw and punish myself instead, in my youth. I do think I’ve gotten slightly better over the years due to journaling, meds, therapy and now, Sam Vaknin. Hope to keep developing.
I have a psychopathic self state and that surprised me. I do go long periods of time as a lone Wolf. I'm okay with going on holiday. As long as I'm teaching that person a lesson...3 alters. I get that.yes those 3 things trigger me. Thank you Sam I was really surprised when that happened to me and someone else
I been diagnosed with bpd and been looking on the research about it for quite a while but this is a piece of gem for me thank dr. Sam vaknin this makes my days of suffering quite understandable
Always good to watch your videos Professor. My recent self discovery- most men with shoulder length hair were raised by their mothers. Jason mamoa Keanu Reeves and a few other people I know.
Boys want a woman in a relationship that acts like their mother and girls like their fathers a mirror reflection of childhood family relations. Borderline and narcissist parenthood’s set a marker for how they think they should be treated. Princess personality, women that like to be treated badly because of a verbally abusive or aggressive father. Perception of how different cultures act in their families is interesting from the black stereo type of hard love get your own to very emotional Hispanic culture of doing everything for your kids.
This is so unbelievably profound and I wish I could shake your hand sir. Thank you for providing some kind of light into my darkness, that is so far in fiction, that it borders on the fringe of what is reality. It’s been unidentifiable until a slip up she’s made and then doing some research to identify patterns. It’s harrowing to come to the realisation this is actually going on though.
This is DEEP and you feel sorry for these ppl...can they really help something that they don't even understand or know? And I wonder if this means that this is why we (the sick) don't learn from things we go thru... Because the emotion and feelings don't last so we can't really remember the feeling of the experience. Like almost dying do to reckless driving or continuously hanging with someone that is dangerous to us physically.
Thank you for this insight, this was the missing piece which adds everything together. As someone with bpd I always asked myself how can one doctor see a comorbid ocpd. While another would see aspd traits. Since these two are the opposite ends of a spectrum. That explains how I can be a conscientious student and employee. And at the same time be aggressive, reckless and constantly come into conflict with the law. It all makes sense now.
Dear Sam, and anyone who might knows! Ive just learned about SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory) online and I would like to ask if this concept somehow has relation to mental disorders it looks like they dont have object constancy just like people with personality disorders. Id like to know more about it, but I couldn't find any work or even reliable opinion on this. Thank you 🙏
This was hard to watch. I wonder now if she is BPD, or NPD, or psychopath. She is grandiose, dripping with conceit, but I think that is to hide her true self. She mirrored me, so I guess I fell in love with myself though I thought I loved her. I was with her 11 years, but I never truly knew her until I got out and stopped lying to myself.. trying all that time to get back to the golden period when all she offered at the end were breadcrumbs to keep me in.
Can more than one self states be in the driver seat at the same time? I have not heard you mention this yet, but I have a friend that I believe has this and I have witnessed him talk to me in a psychopathic state and be in a histrionic state texting at the same time.
Whenever I hear about the decline in symptoms for people with BPD later in life, I wonder how much of it has is associated with avoidance. Including children they may have growing up and leaving, or not. For 8 years I practiced avoidance, and not knowing what I had (BPD), I thought I was over it all and healthy. Soon as I got involved with someone again, BPD back. Now it is affecting me in regard to my children, because they are teenagers. I just want to get to where they are grown, grieve for whatever it is that I must have imagined should have been different or whatever and then do whatever the hell I want. And I wonder if this is how it is that BPD is suddenly cured for some, because while I have believed it to be gone a number of times, oh was I so wrong.
@@TM-et7wi yes, Mother Nature is a b****, and I didn’t know I had a disorder or that I was reacting to triggers that were already deeply embedded at that point, and much more so, by this point in life. So, I foolishly had been open to a new relationship back then, not out of loneliness so much as ignorance. I don’t have an impulse to find a partner for the sake of having a partner and never have, and in fact, without triggers, I’m very much like someone who is schizoid. What I DO have, now, is the knowledge that I have a personality disorder, and it isn’t going away. I didn’t know that before I met him or before I had my kids or I would have stayed away.
Can you please explain the past where you say the older people get and the Higher the Empathy the lower the ability to decipher what others emotions are? I’m confused by this.
Professor. AT 2:29:30 of your lecture you stated something that brought my attention and a question. You said "approach is always follow by avoidance regardless of your behavior (BPD partner). Question..When you're speaking about approach, are you referring to the efforts done by the BPD's partner and avoidance as the response from the BPD individual? Thanks so very much for your great exposition on this subject.
Outstanding lecture!! Thanks Professor! Just one question. In the case of the BPD 2and Psychopath women, when she adopts the alter ego as a coping mechanism to handle or tolerate abandonment, for how long usually this person gets hocked with this unrealistic personality of her? Thanks again!!
@@samvaknin I know a lady which adopted a grandiose persona that lasted some three weeks and aroused more acutely when encountering the person she broke up with (a good friend of mine). I witnessed the odd behavior and it was like watching a person you've never met before. It was quite spooky.
I’m confused about one thing. In some clips, it’s claimed that BPD diagnoses are split about 50/50 between men and women. In other clips, it is claimed women make up the majority of BPD diagnoses. Are there statistics for this one way or the other?
Hi Sam! I found a music artist called Royal and The Serpent. I think you would find joy out of psychoanalyzing her song lyrics. Her music is PD’s come to fruition, it’s beautiful. Please let me know what you think!
Dr. Vaknin, How sensitive is the threshold from NPD to Borderline switching, it’s amazing how the NPD can function in public without people noticing the defect.
1:49:30 their added empathy probably leads to (incorrect) projection. Which I’ve encountered from mothers in law who on occasion shower me with sympathy for wholly incorrect reasons; it’s a difficult gift horse to look in the mouth.
Sex releases feel good hormones so if the person perpetually always feel empty sad bad inside then sex is a relief to finally be liked for something meaningful ad enjoyable. But right after the act is over is when the emptiness returns so there needs to be constant sex with new people because the old people might know they were hurt so it's always better to get with someone new to fill the void. The new sex partner provides relief from the pain of past sex partners rejected or abandonment. If one was sexaually abused as a child then sex becomes a part of the personality in which it is used to regulate negative feelings of self.
Sam,is it possible for a borderline personality coupled with limerence tendencies individual to switch to permanent psychopathic estate and prolonged depersonalization episodes after a couple of intense trauma experiences?
With narcissism the child’s “potential self” dies and the child puts on a false self. You mentioned BPD being called “a failed narcissist”. Does a BPD child’s potential self die like the NPD child’s does? If so what becomes of their identity if they don’t take on a false self like the narcissist does?
"if he still loves me after all this, then he really loves me"
Wow. Yes. The exact unconscious process repeated over and over.
Epic. Epic behavior.
This logic has trapped me in 2 violent marriages. It takes knowing what it is to change it.
Not fat. Not old. We love you just as you are, prof. Sam Vaknin. Thank you for all you do. ❤
He made this BPD persons day. The shame I feel from yesterday/years seems somewhat explained/validated. Damn I wouldn't wish this on my enemy.
3 hours of looking in a mirror. I really appreciate your detailed and honest breakdown of BPD. I get so sick of sugarcoated videos from American psychs that won’t talk about the heavy stuff. It’s nice to finally be completely understood
Im man with BPD nothing sweet about this state of mind
This is probably the most comprehensive pieces of information regarding BPD to ever be put online. Thank you for this wonderful gift prof. ❤
I can’t wait to watch.
@@christielee1840 Please do enjoy! don't forget to take notes! the mind sucks at keeping info lol
I agree, after a traumatic discard following a 6 year relationship, I've taken a deeeep dive. This is so scary.
Having myself some red wine and watching these lectures are as satisfying to me as is new supply to narcs 😂
For a very long time I felt that there were two of me at the same time. At each fork in the road I wanted simultaneously to go left and right. Knowing now the relationship between trauma, dissociation and personality it feels as though someone has put into words what I could not. I am so very grateful. Thank you.
Do you ever notice your voice changing? I'm really suspicious I have covert borderline, and I can actually hear my voice change at certain times
@@chrysewymer9009 I have around 5 different voices. It changes multiple times a day depending on whom I speak to. It's eerie how I sound like completely different people, i have no idea what my default normal voice is. Never questioned if I have bpd until this video.. great
@@74palms I *seriously* mirror people and will feel my voice changing to sound like different friends or family. It's such a weird feeling, and I always wonder what people think from the outside because no one has ever mentioned it
Is extreme right and wrong the logo colours of Collins dictionary? Some tripe about the oxygenated and deoxygenated veins, doesn’t look too dissimilar to the wonderful story of the human body, by ‘an unknown author’; I mean, who puts a picture of a galleon in the front of a science book and a picture of a modern holy trinity as the opening logo?
Is it a narrative of people taking the wrong fork in the road and deciding to fashion themselves as alcoholic beverages, priests and holy ghosts? If only I could fit into my father’s Masonic apron and cotton gloves, I’ll have a look and see what else is hiding in his suitcase…gaffa tape?, old tights? Garot? In fact Carey’s seen that character hanging around outside of her bedroom window when she was 13, sitting on the wall and getting his leather gloves out of his suitcase whilst staring at her window; or maybe he was looking for my sister. I bet he recognises himself on the gramma phone.
Wow, that was the most personalized message I’ve ever heard anyone convey regarding the struggles of being in love with a borderline
as a borderline
Hello Sam! I don't know if you read this or not, but I still wanted to tell you, thanks to your videos I was able to understand myself a little better. Unfortunately I don't have the resources to pay for therapy and your videos helped me a lot to mentalize myself, thank you for all the information you provide!
He said when he looks in the mirror, no one is there. How could that be since he had robbed me of My identity and kept it; undermining, gas lighting, shape-shifting, withdrawing until I was a shell of myself. Even when he died, with me by his side, it was like I never existed.
I am divorcing a Covert Narcissist he has emptied out our savings and checking and used me for his green card!I want to thank you for helping me get through the drama he has put my kids (My kids none with him)ten years pure hell.I filed over a year ago he changed the locks on me and has his next female in our home!My kids are not able to get there clothing or anything else he never shows up for divorce court on zoom!It has been a living nightmare thank you again for your videos I never knew what a Narcissist was until you made me aware what I was dealing with.Thank you please keep making your videos.Sincerely Linda
You know the good doctor is a self confessed narcissist too right, he cares about your plight as much as your husband I would imagine, and does not do this for thanks, he does it to showboat, he's like the Narc whistleblower, I will pay homage to his ego though, and admit he is a clever guy. No offense Sam.
I sure hope you and your children are ok now, God guide you.
@@markcampbell1795But do Sam’s professings add up? Could you read a transcription of his words and say he’s a narcissist (or anything at all)? Is he helping educating people with research based teachings?
Me too he changed everything for me. We love him!
@@markcampbell1795I don’t care why he does it. The man has worked his ass off and studied and researched and made some sense out of all of this nonsense in ways classical psychologist do not can not or will not. Maybe his disturbance gives him greater insight.
What a glorious gift on this lazy Saturday afternoon. I have something to feed my mind and it happens to be a comprehensive discussion on borderline personality disorder from the master on the subject l. Thanks Dr. Vaknin!
Nobody asked, everyone needed.
Thank you prof. Vaknin !!
some asked but yes def needed.
I've never found such a comprehensive guide to my condition online before. Thank you.
This video makes me want to cry. I didn’t deserve the childhood I had
I think that I've watched this video lesson at least three (3) times. Is impressive the way in which Professor Vaknin dismantles the pathology of these personality disorders while at the same time set the boundaries that differentiate them. This lecture is not less than a Masterpiece on the subject.
Haven't found anybody else who can deliver such information on the topic
Cbt and dbt for a aware borderline is a great mental tool. It can essentially rewire the bdp brain. You can avoid reactive patterns by avoiding perilous situations. I have much less severe traits after intensuve long term therapy.
Any updates on therapies and hope for these identity types?
When you say "long term", we're talking how long?
@@cosmingurau your forever healing its lifelong no quick fix. I have to use self cognitive behavioral exercises daily forever and mood regulation. is a something i monitor regularly i have to "check myself" to make sure im not slipping back into to negative patterns. I do alot of meditations on youtube daily. I battle with depression but i combat this with walking my three dogs alot in park outside.fresh air. Good luck it does work! but it takes studying cbt a few years you can access these materials free at getfreehelp freecbt skills into google! And they are free download the pdfs. They actually help good luck ✌
I have BPD. I already had a bit more than two years of therapy although I am better, I am still not stable. I will hopefully start DBT and EMDR soon. I hope a year will be enough. I'm so done with that
The rest of your life "long"..... You fight and you keep improving forever.
You are an unmatched professor. Unmatched descriptive analysis
You always help me ground and relax. I love to smoke weed and dissect my personality disorder with you
Best comment. 😎🌿
me too 😂
Wow...that takes bravery. You must be prepared to be very honest with yourself to do that. Bravo!
yup
Last 6 months of my life. So hard to hear at first but oh so empowering. A self aware borderline is a danger to society
Like a good book, I couldn’t put my phone down and stop listening! You are 100% correct and accurate throughout the entire video. Thank you for spreading truth, knowledge, and awareness ❤
You’re a genius. I’ve learned so much from your videos. Thank you.
I was diagnosed with BPD after i had a mental breakdown after my husband left me. I was in the UK and put into a mental health faciity for 30 days. All the staff loved me and even had me descalate drama between patients. They said i was okay. But i wasnt. I hid. I even created an alter. I became vegan and exercised all the time. Like wtf? Eventually toward the end of my stay i started smuggling alcohol. I came from a 3rd world coutry. So i had to leave after the divorce. There is no help here. I have to self medicate to get through after a bit. Im good for a few weeks but something small can throw me off. I hate my life so much. I use to be such a beautiful soul..now i feel sick to even look at my face. I have no one. No relationships. And all i wish for is to have help. I will die in this country. So i drink myself everyday. That keeps me not face reality. My poor parents. They don't deserve this.
Don't say that about yourself. I feel the same way about myself as a BPD. You have been conditioned to think that way about yourself due to your surroundings. I was abused by a malignant narcissist, was raped, saw a murder, had a sociopathic wart latch on to me and copy everything I do wanting me to die in the end, and none of it registered as dangerous when it happened. I thought it was just every day life. Well it isn't. And all that shit sucks. But you don't deserve to feel this way. DBT helped me so much. And I go to 2 therapists and a breathwork healer. But this DBT workbook is only $15 and it can really help if you can't get what you need in your country. Please take care of yourself. I've done terrible things to get attention because I needed help and was afraid to ask and then put faith in what felt normal because I didn't feel like I needed to exist anymore (narcissistic folks love borderlines and vice versa. Honey we don't need those babies unless they ain't gonna start shit to try and be us) You are not alone www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582_nodl?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153654506728389310&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032942&hvtargid=pla-818602319988&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=79033899111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153654506728389310&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032942&hvtargid=pla-818602319988&dplnkId=94b6f169-aa79-416f-b447-444a05c1e1ef
You are more than who you were. You are more than who you are.
This world needs you.
I was excited to discover your channel yesterday! Ive been diagnosed for years but admittedly, I’ve not had it explained in this way. Finding groups locally to participate in for therapy has been very difficult to find. I’m usually Told that my diagnosis excludes me from joining due to fear I’ll destroy their group.
Eating my breakfast in my car after yoga class. Thanks for entertaining me this beautiful Saturday morning in Southern California!
That makes sense because I have been through a lot of cursive and controlling behavior from childhood and into adulthood.
Words can't express the importance of this video
Thank you, so much, Sam Vaknin, for so much info about Borderline.
Finally clarity ...
🌹
Apparently you are as useful as the Sun!!! Such a gift. Thank you Sam.
I so desperately wish I could visit you in person as this describes me to a scary extent, love watching your videos and learning more about myself.
These first two videos of the characterization of the personality are incredible it’s what I’ve been trying to put words to for 10 years.
Interesting. I do fit the lone wolf masculine borderline type very well. I didn't know that was a thing. I think of myself as having a strong sense of morality and justice, so it hurts to hear that I'm also a transient psychopath. I never entertained such a horrible idea before, but I have to admit that it makes some sense. There's a persistent internal war in me. I'm fighting with everything I have to keep the demon at bay, because I hate it, it's wrong, it's evil, but it keeps emerging in times of extreme distress. Maybe the strategy is wrong, it shouldn't be fought, it should be integrated. It's just trying to protect me, very badly and wrongly, but I believe it doesn't have ill intent.
I feel very similar. Masculine, lone wolf. The psychopath comment really hit me 😂 I grew up with an idealized self as someone emotionless and high in morals. The ideal had to be completely opposite from my abusive mother… But I’m constantly at war with my evil, emotionally unregulated, affection-seeking true self which is much like hers. My emotionless ideal has definitely helped me keep my explosive emotions contained more often, as opposed to my more social borderline friends who would attack anyone, anytime, as I would normally withdraw and punish myself instead, in my youth. I do think I’ve gotten slightly better over the years due to journaling, meds, therapy and now, Sam Vaknin. Hope to keep developing.
Well said
I know exactly how you feel, I could have written that myself.
Just started my masters in psych. u r spot on accurate!
Amazing. Had to watch this in doses. Job well done!
I have a psychopathic self state and that surprised me. I do go long periods of time as a lone Wolf. I'm okay with going on holiday. As long as I'm teaching that person a lesson...3 alters. I get that.yes those 3 things trigger me. Thank you Sam I was really surprised when that happened to me and someone else
The last 30 minutes of this video was shocking for me because I have never seen anyone describe me so well.
I been diagnosed with bpd and been looking on the research about it for quite a while but this is a piece of gem for me thank dr. Sam vaknin this makes my days of suffering quite understandable
Always good to watch your videos Professor.
My recent self discovery- most men with shoulder length hair were raised by their mothers. Jason mamoa Keanu Reeves and a few other people I know.
Boys want a woman in a relationship that acts like their mother and girls like their fathers a mirror reflection of childhood family relations. Borderline and narcissist parenthood’s set a marker for how they think they should be treated. Princess personality, women that like to be treated badly because of a verbally abusive or aggressive father. Perception of how different cultures act in their families is interesting from the black stereo type of hard love get your own to very emotional Hispanic culture of doing everything for your kids.
You are absolutely brilliant! I am working on my thesis soon, I am getting so many ideas from your videos. Thank you for doing these
Presumably you will credit the source of these ideas.
this is my life every day
You are the best
The closest one gets to living a horror movie.
WOW 😮😢💔
This is so unbelievably profound and I wish I could shake your hand sir.
Thank you for providing some kind of light into my darkness, that is so far in fiction, that it borders on the fringe of what is reality.
It’s been unidentifiable until a slip up she’s made and then doing some research to identify patterns.
It’s harrowing to come to the realisation this is actually going on though.
Thank you for giving me so much clarity🙏🙏🙏🙏
This is DEEP and you feel sorry for these ppl...can they really help something that they don't even understand or know? And I wonder if this means that this is why we (the sick) don't learn from things we go thru... Because the emotion and feelings don't last so we can't really remember the feeling of the experience. Like almost dying do to reckless driving or continuously hanging with someone that is dangerous to us physically.
Thank you for this insight, this was the missing piece which adds everything together. As someone with bpd I always asked myself how can one doctor see a comorbid ocpd. While another would see aspd traits. Since these two are the opposite ends of a spectrum. That explains how I can be a conscientious student and employee. And at the same time be aggressive, reckless and constantly come into conflict with the law. It all makes sense now.
As a male with bpd the beginning was a bit stunning
Thank you Sam❤❤❤
Finally Closure !
It’s a beautiful day!
T Hank you for studying this. I am finding your work most helpful. I appreciate you😊😊
When you said full cluster B, and understand completely
Thankyou. This is helping me alot. ❤
Learn a lot from you.👍👍
Amazing info, i will be discussing some key points with my psychiatrist!!
Dear Sam, and anyone who might knows! Ive just learned about SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory) online and I would like to ask if this concept somehow has relation to mental disorders it looks like they dont have object constancy just like people with personality disorders. Id like to know more about it, but I couldn't find any work or even reliable opinion on this. Thank you 🙏
Dr. Daniel Fox has a great video on BPD/PTSD memory loss, I think it might answer your questions!
So the borderline is “at war with her self”
Whatever you said professor, it’s me 😢
Отлично выглядите, Сэм!!! Всё моложе и моложе.
Он в начале сказал, что это подборка более ранних видео. Но интересный мужчина, я согласна 😉
Thanks Sam. Your intro made me laugh.
And me going out in the sun! ☀️❤️🙂
Is it normal that borderlines question constantly whether they are narcissistic?
Yes.
Thank you Sam for solutions.
We love you Sam, ❤❤❤
This was hard to watch. I wonder now if she is BPD, or NPD, or psychopath. She is grandiose, dripping with conceit, but I think that is to hide her true self. She mirrored me, so I guess I fell in love with myself though I thought I loved her. I was with her 11 years, but I never truly knew her until I got out and stopped lying to myself.. trying all that time to get back to the golden period when all she offered at the end were breadcrumbs to keep me in.
Npd for sure. 🙃
Thank you for helping to understand myself
Can more than one self states be in the driver seat at the same time? I have not heard you mention this yet, but I have a friend that I believe has this and I have witnessed him talk to me in a psychopathic state and be in a histrionic state texting at the same time.
Watch the video about IPAM.
Whenever I hear about the decline in symptoms for people with BPD later in life, I wonder how much of it has is associated with avoidance. Including children they may have growing up and leaving, or not.
For 8 years I practiced avoidance, and not knowing what I had (BPD), I thought I was over it all and healthy.
Soon as I got involved with someone again, BPD back. Now it is affecting me in regard to my children, because they are teenagers.
I just want to get to where they are grown, grieve for whatever it is that I must have imagined should have been different or whatever and then do whatever the hell I want. And I wonder if this is how it is that BPD is suddenly cured for some, because while I have believed it to be gone a number of times, oh was I so wrong.
You left that avoidance and found a partner and had kids for a reason. Once the kids are gone, the impulse from loneliness might come back
@@TM-et7wi yes, Mother Nature is a b****, and I didn’t know I had a disorder or that I was reacting to triggers that were already deeply embedded at that point, and much more so, by this point in life. So, I foolishly had been open to a new relationship back then, not out of loneliness so much as ignorance. I don’t have an impulse to find a partner for the sake of having a partner and never have, and in fact, without triggers, I’m very much like someone who is schizoid. What I DO have, now, is the knowledge that I have a personality disorder, and it isn’t going away. I didn’t know that before I met him or before I had my kids or I would have stayed away.
Tomato hurricane 😂 (sounded like it for a second)
1:39:30
Great vid!!
Can you please explain the past where you say the older people get and the Higher the Empathy the lower the ability to decipher what others emotions are?
I’m confused by this.
55:01-55:10 is sooooooo on point 😫
I am a complex creature
Sam, have you ever watched fight club? This is the most comprehensive interpretation of that movie.
Professor. AT 2:29:30 of your lecture you stated something that brought my attention and a question. You said "approach is always follow by avoidance regardless of your behavior (BPD partner). Question..When you're speaking about approach, are you referring to the efforts done by the BPD's partner and avoidance as the response from the BPD individual? Thanks so very much for your great exposition on this subject.
No. The same person.
@@samvaknin thanks.
Don't date a borderline. Let's have fun!
Love,
A Borderline ❤💃💋
who came out tonight was it Jekle or was it Hyde?😊
Shoshanim, I love you ❤️
Outstanding lecture!! Thanks Professor! Just one question. In the case of the BPD 2and Psychopath women, when she adopts the alter ego as a coping mechanism to handle or tolerate abandonment, for how long usually this person gets hocked with this unrealistic personality of her? Thanks again!!
A few hours to a few days.
@@samvaknin Thanks!!
@@samvaknin I know a lady which adopted a grandiose persona that lasted some three weeks and aroused more acutely when encountering the person she broke up with (a good friend of mine). I witnessed the odd behavior and it was like watching a person you've never met before. It was quite spooky.
I’m confused about one thing. In some clips, it’s claimed that BPD diagnoses are split about 50/50 between men and women. In other clips, it is claimed women make up the majority of BPD diagnoses. Are there statistics for this one way or the other?
Half of all borderlines are men, nowadays. Half of all narcissists are women.
Thank you for confirming/clarifying!
Hi Sam! I found a music artist called Royal and The Serpent. I think you would find joy out of psychoanalyzing her song lyrics. Her music is PD’s come to fruition, it’s beautiful. Please let me know what you think!
Dr. Vaknin, How sensitive is the threshold from NPD to Borderline switching, it’s amazing how the NPD can function in public without people noticing the defect.
Search the channel for “mortif”.
Sorry for urelated comment but omg, your laugh is so damn cute 😂
I wish I knew this about myself before
Very interesting
You are very smart
1:49:30 their added empathy probably leads to (incorrect) projection. Which I’ve encountered from mothers in law who on occasion shower me with sympathy for wholly incorrect reasons; it’s a difficult gift horse to look in the mouth.
So this is the problem , how do I tell my Friend that she’s having BPD & seek treatment ?
Run! If u beleive in living a life of peace.
Stop trying to diagnose your friend. Take her to get checked. You are not a doctor. The last thing a BPD wants is your unwarranted opinion
Has anyone figured out why it’s sex that’s so commonly used to regulate?
Sex releases feel good hormones so if the person perpetually always feel empty sad bad inside then sex is a relief to finally be liked for something meaningful ad enjoyable. But right after the act is over is when the emptiness returns so there needs to be constant sex with new people because the old people might know they were hurt so it's always better to get with someone new to fill the void. The new sex partner provides relief from the pain of past sex partners rejected or abandonment. If one was sexaually abused as a child then sex becomes a part of the personality in which it is used to regulate negative feelings of self.
How long can they stay in one self state? Can it be long term?
Yes.
@samvaknin What causes them to transition back?
Great videos, by the way, I am slowly making my way through them.
@@saltycrackerss855 Watch my video on IPAM.
This one?
ruclips.net/video/YTfpJ3RHf7g/видео.htmlsi=rBzw5HY2LVo1xOFf
WHERE is Minnie???? 😮
In the dishwasher hopefully lol
Sam,is it possible for a borderline personality coupled with limerence tendencies individual to switch to permanent psychopathic estate and prolonged depersonalization episodes after a couple of intense trauma experiences?
No.
Can you please point to videos on how to heal/overcome the borderline disorder
Search the BPD playlist.
With narcissism the child’s “potential self” dies and the child puts on a false self. You mentioned BPD being called “a failed narcissist”. Does a BPD child’s potential self die like the NPD child’s does? If so what becomes of their identity if they don’t take on a false self like the narcissist does?
Search the BPD playlist. Borderlines have a False Self but fulfills different roles and co-exists with the True Self.
If out of site out of mind how and why does hoovering start?
Search the channel.
Totally agree
Hello Sam
How can stop approach/avoidance cycles?
Search the therapies playlist.
Will you marry me 😍
I WISH my Dr. would diagnose me with DID… He still thinks there’s nothing wrong with my personality and self states. Just my mood and outlook.
Seen
old fat guys rules ❤🎉🎉🎉🎉
Weird flex but I want you to study me and my brain. How do I add myself to your database
Eeehh i am a lone wolf.. lol
But im not narcissistic..