Yeah, I imagine a lot of white viewers wouldn’t see Shake this way and just say “he likes what he likes,” but there’s this real internalized oppression
I just love Deepti, I wish I would have seen more women (or any) like her on TV growing up. And her mum supporting her and telling her she's proud of her was also great to see. Anyone who has watched the finale knows what I mean 💕
Yes! It was so nice to see mothers who support their daughters. I was even proud of Shake’s mom for reminding him of Deepti’s worth, that she deserves someone who loves her completely.
100% I was clapping and talking really loud when Deepti's mom was so supportive! "I love her mom! What a good mom!" It must be such an odd situation and have so many pressures. I think it really showed that her mom believed she deserves better. It sounds like a DUH for a mom to do, but there are lots that don't so that really affected me.
Bollywood is one of the largest film industries in the world trust me she saw lots of women like her on tv growing up. She is great amazing well adjusted woman with an extremely rich culture.
Shake is a dud. Yeah, he’s a veterinarian. But it just goes to show you can check all the superficial boxes and miss the boxes that turn one in to a genuinely empathetic human being. Deeps is awesome and deserved better this season.
He's so worried about how he looks he doesn't even know what he likes, beyond the fact that he feels safe looking 'cool'. He even tried to look like he wasn't a superficial person, but I think he's afraid of where that would actually lead him.
I must agree with you. His comment about not being able to be intimate with Deepti because he feels like he is with his aunt was incredibly telling. Even his mother tells him that Deepti deserves someone who will cherish her. I am glad she turned him down in the end. The way he handles that shows just how shallow he really is.
I just want to mention that it took me a year and a half to figure out that in the pods, they aren’t actually talking to each other through that glowy opaque window but through normal earpieces. I always thought the windows were acoustically transparent or maybe there were speakers in there that would amplify their voices to each other. But it’s all completely cosmetic, even the architecture that makes the pods face each other! And I feel kind of stupid now 🙈😅
I read that they do use speakers and they make sure they don't hear other pods talking. In the Japan one, we saw the earpieces but I never saw earpieces in the US version. I think they just use speakers. But yea I thought they cud just hear each other through the wall ahahah
@@crazywhirlwind Yes, exactly, in the Japanese version they talked about the earpieces and even about whether they face the window when they talk or not. I didn’t see earpieces in the US version either, but I guess that’s just clever camerawork and editing. For the production, it makes more sense than speakers, because it’s much easier to get good audio this way. (Btw: I like the interiors of the pods in the Japanese version much more)
amen! i have recently started dating again and i find that men do not ask me questions. i get tired of carrying the conversation. i know all men are not like this but when you find one that actually knows the art of conversation it is refreshing. i have tried to get men to step up and i will ask if they have any questions after carrying the conversation and they say "no." then they are surprised when i do not want to go out again.
This was one of my HUGE pet peeves in dating. I remember I was trying so hard to keep the convo going in one of my dates and a lull in the convo came and I, involuntary, utterned an "uhh" and HIS ONLY RESPONSE WAS "uhh... what? 😃" like wtf, can you ask one question about me? and the worst part is these guys always think we have so much "chemistry" like no you just enjoyed all the validation you got from me asking questions about your boring shit. 😩
Yes, this is a THING. I don't know if they just think I should be grateful for a crumb of attention or if they just legit don't have any curiosity in general but it's very common.
Narcissistic men? Or are men just more selfish, self absorbed and lazy now, knowing there are lots of other matches to talk to you when you leave. Men have regressed so far it's tragic. Don't settle for crumbs ladies
Yes!! I've felt that way and have unmatched or stopped talking with men bc the conversation sucks. I'll ask them a question and they give a one word response or they ask no questions. I've had several men message me saying "Good morning Beautiful" but the conversation never progresses to a natural conversation. It's funny how much time some men will spend on their appearance or obtaining material objects, yet do not have the ability to carry a conversation. I was talking with one guy (in his 30s) and he asked what I wanted to know about him to determine if I wanted to date and I explained that it's not purely a matter of asking questions, but also it's about spending time with the person as well and seeing each other in various situations.
Im a British Indian 1st Generation female here. Ive dated all races and all skin tones. Shake is the archetype of an Indian immigrant 1st generation male, I've seen a few times. Inherent male inferiority and an excessive need to feel cool probably to avoid the victimisation of his past. I can also say that growing up, sexuality was so prohibited and taboo even talking to men in the wider family or their friends at events was prohibited and then suddenly you get to 21 and you are supposed to interact romantically with people you were strictly forbidden from even hanging out or getting to know. It's a dilemma of sexual shame and perhaps for him, he only feels free to be sexual with different race women because there is no childhood conditioning?. Ironically when he first saw Deepti and was around her, I also saw an ease of physicality between them and a genuine tactile compatibility. There did appear physical attraction. If he'd been utterly physically repulsed he wouldn't have kissed her and grabbed her bum!!! What Shake is encountering is childhood wounds and trauma and an immigrant colonial dilemma (as many of the African American ladies have commented on here) about being in a colourist hierarchy where you are constantly trying to climb at the top. Im sure that other immigrants of all cultures experience this but for Shake in particular, he outwardly vocalised his inner trauma and then projected in to Deepty which was crass and cruel to her, a woman he bared his soul to days before. Also he looks to have quite avoidant based attachment tendencies meaning he will withdraw as he feels intimacy is drawing close so he further distanced himself from Deepti by repeating often (almost to convince himself) that he wasn't physically attracted. He's very wounded and regardless of what women he might be attracted to, he screams needing to look at himself and developing self acceptance. Deepti is very gorgeous in all respects and naturally pretty. She won't be single for long I bet at all!.
You have some amazing insight! I'm Sri Lankan and I see this in South Asian men of all ages who travel abroad to study/work as well. It's sad to see our repressed inferiority complexes around white folks, and I have to occasionally force myself to work past it as well. It takes a lot of self reflection to get through our brown trauma. Loved reading your thoughts on this, so succinctly said
Such an interesting perspective. He certainly seems to suffer from some kind of trauma. The way he distances himself, almost dissociating from the situation as Deepti comes closer to him further on, it seems not “natural”, he is triggered and then those dysfunctional behaviors and statments just come up in him.
Indian living in North America here! The thing that gets me about Shake is how much he directly hits the south-asian-american man trope. The not-so-subtle white proximity/colorblind/gender trope approaches that I see a lot in the extended community around me triggers the strawman in me so much ugh. It's not his fault at all but I know too many men like him that I'm not very fond of 🤷♀️
yeah I thought it was a red flag too that the cultural similarity is what got Deep into him - it's like she jumped on the first opportunity to find an indian guy open to dating tbh. she had only dated blondes too but her response makes me think it wasn't necessarily by choice. and she was hoping his reason wasn't by choice either.
I'm not Indian, but I've known plenty of Indian, Black, Hispanic, Arabic men who love white women (especially blondes) and have a negative association with women from their own culture/race. I've seen some of these men allow white women to disrespect them (verbal, emotional, physical abuse) that I doubt they would've accepted from women of their own race.
@@chembiz I agree with you fully, it's sadly often (definitely not always though,) about deeprooted and subconscious or unresolved self hate/ inferiority complex or internalised racism
Shake should definitely leave Indian women alone. I don't see that ending well. Possible emotional abuse even longterm. His self hate is projected on his Indian female partner. He should marry a white woman.
When I think of opposites attracting, it’s normally a personality thing, not necessarily views and beliefs. I see a lot of relationships around me where one partner is more extroverted and excitable and the other is more mellow. Those differences tend to compliment one another
I say the same, opposites may attract when it comes to personality, but successful relationships are based on having the same values. I once read that there are 4 boxes that must be checked: money, sex, religion and children/family.
I think a better way I've found of explaining "opposites attract" is to say that what's actually good for a relationship is being complementary, not opposite. Complementary implies that you may have a lot in common, but in certain ways you are a mirror image of the other, so you are strong where they're weak and vice-versa. There's some things it's not only helpful but pretty essential to have in common in a relationship (like moral values, ideas of how you want to live out your futures), but other things (like personality traits) where it can be beneficial to a relationship to that you're completely different. What I tend to find works in terms of personality is if a couple shares a lot of positive personality traits but is opposite on their personality flaws, so those flaws turn into compensating strengths. So one of my best friends and her husband, for example, both have a lot of interests and values in common, but she hates long-term planning and is late to everything, and he's an over-planner who can get kind of anxious and rigid. Their relationship works both because they have the foundation of shared values and interests and life goals, but also because of their complementary differences. She's made him a lot looser and willing to adapt if a wrench gets thrown in his plans, and he makes sure she eats things besides rice and beans because it's what's "quickest and easiest" and actually files her taxes on time.
I think that Shake assumed all the other guys asked physical questions and was shocked when they didn’t. He had to backtrack fast on that strategy and rely on the easiest explanation for why he was like that. I’m also pretty surprised other cast didn’t ask about physical things more often on camera.
Shake went on a podcast and *claimed* that Iyanna asked him questions about his height and the other men's height, but take that with a grain of salt cause I'm not sure just how reliable Abhishek is lmfao
In this episode, you are so going through the motions that I did with Shake. I went from "ugh" to "oh OK maybe he's introspective now and realising and this is good" and then changing again. I can't wait to go through the same journey but with your videos and have all my reasons for my feelings about him articulated in a way that I couldn't explain or describe myself. Also your love is blind s1 episodes came at an amazing time for me when I'd recently left a really verbally abusive 3.5 year relationship and with a combination of my own therapy and your videos, I learned a lot about red flags and where I had made sacrifices that I shouldn't have and i wanted to say thank you for your expertise and sharing that with the world
Im addicted to your videos, I dont even watch the shows, I just watch you, I learn so much!! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us all!! You are a blessing!!
Me, too. It seems Dr. Honda stalls a lot with uploading this season's analyses. :( Maybe he's more interested in 90 day fiance - which I'm not following. Hope he continues with regular LIB uploads soon.
When my husband and I decided to get married I told him that I wanted us both to propose to each other. I’m so glad that I had the experience of giving my husband the happy and touching moment of having someone you love do something special and profess their want to be together forever. Mutually proposing was a lovely experience for both of us. I would recommend to anyone! I feel it’s so unfair that usually only women get to have this wonderful experience. But I also wanted to say that I don’t think proposals should ever be a total surprise or shock. I really think that deciding to get married should be spoken about and seriously considered and shouldn’t be an in the moment pressured decision!
@@mintcola we discussed getting married and then each proposed separately before we knew we’d want to start planning the wedding ☺️ he proposed on Christmas and I proposed on our anniversary!
I hope you’ll review Love is Blind Japan- so sweet & wholesome, and I feel like they’re not as psychologically warped as we are! Same concept but so different - would enjoy your take on the cultural differences.
I think it would be super interesting to do a study between Love is Blind US, Brazil and Japan. The format is the same but each culture is so different, therefore as viewers we can see differences like first kisses, view of divorce, meeting the family etc.
Adding to the chorus, as an American living in Japan (and married to a Japanese woman), really want to see Dr. Honda analyze the Japan edition. Realize it may put him out of his comfort zone but would be fascinating, especially looking at the pretty obvious differences between the American and Japanese editions.
Just watched the finale and oooh!! Thank goodness I know Dr. Kirk said not to spoil stuff in the comments so, I'll say no more! Now I can't wait for the reunion episode haha
Thank God u didnt spoil it! I was gna watch later today. But I have predictions! I just can't see any couple here working. Not like the first season. Btw, does anyone else think this season was kinda rushed? Esp the moments in the pods. I felt like 1st season we got to know the cast more and got to see their connections better 😒
@@crazywhirlwind yes! And idk why because it's the same about of episodes, but this season felt so superficial. Like I didn't really care if any of them ended up together lol
Would love to watch your take on the Japanese edition of Love Is Blind. I found it to seem more genuine and thoughtful in a lot of ways and less edited for drama.
Well, there was that scene in s1 where Giannina does troll Damian for a second when he proposes to her, just so she could propose back haha. Maybe a little cruel on her part but it was in her character, too.
Yeah. I’ve dated a lot of men and VERY rarely do they ask me questions, and when they do, those are the ones who stand out to me and make me want to keep seeing them. Moreover these days men just treat women like “yeah I guess I’ll hang out with you, I don’t have anything better to do” instead of really wanting to connect and meet someone who they may want to share a life with. It’s sad and I’m really over it. I don’t offer information about myself without being promoted so those dates literally suck the life out of me. I hate people who just talk about themselves.
the story about you and your wife is so cute! my husband left me his number, and asked me out first but I brought up becoming a real relationship first, and I also said I love you first. I broached the topic of marriage first as well, though he did propose
Hi Dr. Honda. Love your videos. As a person of color who has spent over a decade feeling ignored by various men of color because I am not white (many have explicitly stated racial preference as their reasoning), I would love if you would spend a little more time investigating the psychology of racial preferences in dating. I often interpret some degree of internalized racism and white supremacy. I try to name this when I see it as a way of dismantling these systems of oppression and I wonder what you think about this. Not to label anyone as racist for being attracted to certain physical features, but do you think Shake's fixation on dating blonde white women and aversion to dating Indian women may stem in part from internalized racism and white supremacy?
I can't get enough of these uploads- thank you Dr Honda! I wish more people watched your videos alongside reality tv shows, there's a lot that can be learned and gained which viewers I find often overlook
Same ! This is the only way I can watch reality TV. Reality TV can be incredibly toxic so watching these shows through Dr. Honda allows me to be an active viewer of the show with out the heighten countertransference.
DOC WAS SOOOOOOO WRONG. Kelly and Jessica in the same season left their male partners because they didn't match to their past preferences. Kelly wanted a body builder and Jessica wanted older and taller. DEEPTHI IS NO EXCEPTION. The only reason Shake is a villian is because he was trying but he could see she, like him, prefered blondes. He saw she couldn't get to that point no matter what he tried unlike Mark and Kenny who got dragged on only to be left at the alter. She is no different than them... she would have said no at the altar and neither were surprised. Her phrasing, "I choose myself", is a powerful and odd phrase that fully indicates that truth. Not defending Shake in a way but I am not feeling DEEPTHI was a victim. DIAMOND was a victim when she got thrown the B word. Shake just saw the truth that Kenny didn't see.... the women due to their preferences couldn't see it being intimate. I understand Jessica miscalculation with Mark and didn't see he was ready for a family and kids which he had by the 2nd reunion. However, I won't give DEEPTHI the pass that everyone else is giving her. Her phrase "I choose myself " is in par with Kelly especially.. they both have their preferences and wouldn't compromise their preferences for the guys on the show.
@@nicholasm9148 We all have our preferences but Its how we communicate that. Deepti prefered white guys but she didnt let shake feel less of person bcuz he wasnt her preference. We may not prefer someone but we must always respect.
Shake is one of the reasons I only watched the first two episodes of this season. Him asking women about their physiques should be prohibited. The whole point of the show is not to know who you are talking to. Ughhh.
he is the only one that does that, aside from the other couples maybe asking small ethnicity questions about each other, but overall Shake is the only one who does this
Ive really seen growth in his process..he isnt fully there yet..but i feel like he was really trying his best to go into the depths of his thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns..and his best wasnt a good enough match with Deepti. Wishing both a partner who loves them to the fullest
Me and my now husband came to a mutual agreement that we wanted to be married to each other and even picked out rings together. But he still wanted to propose in a traditional way and make it special for me. We took a trip to Disneyland, and I knew he was gonna propose to me that day, I just didn't know where or when. He proposed in the landing bay. he tried to give me a romantic kiss and tried to dip me, but he lost his balance, dropped me then landed on top of me...all in from of a guy that worked there dressed as Kylo Ren. I made a funny little comic about it and we still laugh about it 😆
In Love is blind Brazil, Nanda was the one who proposed :) Maybe the first and only female who did? I also like how on the Brazil version, at the end the officiant says: "In an act of equality; the wife may now kiss her husband." (I believe it is usually: you may now kiss the bride)
At 2:44 -5:42 When Shake was talking to her he didn't seem genuine to me because he looked like he was kinda bored whilst talking to Deepti and his tone sounded super bored. He looked like he was saying what he thinks people want to hear/what he thinks she wants to hear rather than what he really thinks; I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not with his backstory and I don't know how it really was for him growing up but something in my gut tells me he was lying during that time.
I really wished they had vetted the participants more this season (and by the sounds of it, next season). Shake has issues that someone else should not have had to deal with.
Hi Dr. Honda, if you have the bandwidth, I would love if you reviewed Love is Blind Japan. I found the relationship dynamics really interesting. Also, as a Japanese man, I hope you could share some light on some cultural differences, I didn't pick up on some things in that series right away because it took me a couple episodes sometimes to understand different people's point of view because the way things were expressed aren't the same as in American culture.
I asked my husband out on our first date. I initiated the first kiss. He asked me to move in, but I said “so are we gonna get married or not?” & 3 months later we were married & expecting. I absolutely love our story & he tells everyone ♥️
There's one that asked me out. In the week leading up to the date, I kept trying to start conversations. All I got in return were memes and gym selfies. I put an end to that. My time's too precious.
Deepti really was the leader of her own chariot. Not once did her integrity slip 💫 Where I think Shake is coming from, I’d imagine he’s been rejected plenty of times in romance and now he’s trying to play his own set of cards by rejecting and undermining women 💁🏻♀️ he’s not a supermodel himself so how can he expect to receive the same?
I love shake because of the amount of times he said "vibey cenote". I thought I was being quite racist by thinking he was alot like Tom Haverford until that scene, it's just exactly what Tom would say.
@@callmekells802 cenote is a natural pool/ sinkhole found in Mexican and all over the world. Vibey = vibes. Shake combines both words to sound cool when deepti and him went to swim in one when they were in mexico.
i hope that we can get to a place as a society where we don't mistreat or ridicule overweight people while also acknowledging that obesity IS unhealthy. personally i don't see how the two contradict. i have a friend who's a smoker and i know (and she knows) that her habit of smoking is unhealthy but it doesn't make me think less of her as a person. and with my other friend who is very overweight it's exactly the same! i don't have to pretend their behaviours won't negativity impact their health in order to love and accept my friends.
I agree for most parts, but to add to that, I think most obese people are aware of the health issues that come with it, as well as smokers know it's not healthy to smoke. So I don't see why anyone else (apart from health care professionals) should even aknowledge it?
A woman choosing their husband is much more common in pre-contact Native American cultures. When I learned about the process and tradition it made a lot of sense to me. I think it would be beneficial all around if we were to embrace female empowerment in that way.
How interesting....in India too, centuries ago it was very common for women to choose their husband out of a group of men...this process was called Swayamvar which literally means ‘self chosen husband’
Subscribed... I love your content and the fact that you provide general psychology information away from your comments about the show. Helps in giving a wider prospective.
Love your perspective and I think you're correct. Off subject on yt look up 'love is blind rules' and the 1st video that should pop up is the rules of season 2 cast and the dos and donts.... makes it easier to understand how things and feelings can change from episode to episode
Please talk about your wife more (if you're both ok with that)!! I love getting your takes on these couples and others, but getting the little glimpse of how you view your wife is so sweet and inspiring for my own relationship
Last year we had Gigi who was the one who wanted to go down on one knee and ask the guy to marry her!! I loved that and was hoping someone would do that this time too. Fascinating hearing you pull apart these couples as it’s so unusual how they meet. In a weird way it gives us an understanding into arranged marriages and why they can work?
Dr Kirk!! Please react to Love is Blind Japan! I'd love to see you talk about that show and maybe explain some of the cultural significance I might be missing (if you notice anything at all)
Thank you for everything you do Dr. Honda! I hope it's okay to post this here, but I (and people I know) would LOVE to see your opinions on Tammy Slatton from 1000 Pound Sisters. Also one day, Whitney Way Thore from My Big Fat Fabulous Life. Though I don't know how you have time to do all that you do lol, I bet you would find a lot of material from these two.
You talk about preference, which is all well and fine, but I think it would be helpful to discuss internalized colonialism and racism that drives poc to reject potential partners of their own race. Shake seems to have internalized racism to the point where he is disgusted by women in his own race.
Basically there are 2 types of people 1. Those who view others as objects to be used and discarded as they are useful or not. If they are useful to the persons agenda, then they are going to stick around. If not, then not. 2. Those who view others as human beings worthy of respect and should be appreciated for their unique gifts and abilities.
You provided some insight into what Shake may have been experiencing that for me, painted some new colous of appreciate for some aspects of his conversations. I was one of the people who understood why he asked about physical aspects even though that wasn't the point of the show. I was glad when it seemed like he cut that out. I think he has the potential to be a really good dude but perhaps his pride is just bigger than that potential because the other things he did were really suspect.
dr. honda! pls watch love is blind: japan! I would love to see your perspective on the difference of culture between the japanese version and american version of love is blind
I wasn't brought up in a Rom Com environment and marriage proposals weren't normalised in my family or group of friends. So I've never seen them as real life things. I was surprised to hear you proposed to your wife. Maybe we are outliers but I don't know anyone who got married through an actual proposal as opposed to a general discussion and agreement. I can't even remember how I ended up married when I was young. But it seems unnatural to make a formal declaration on such an important life decision. I mean you wouldn't say to your beloved : "I propose that we buy a house. Do you accept or reject my proposal?", "I propose that we go to Europe for a holiday this year. Please accept my proposal." Just generally seems a weird way to communicate. I do see this proposing idea is widespread in culture though. I was watching a rerun of Scrubs with my son and there were scenes about a woman trying to get her boyfriend to propose and I tried to explain to my son that isn't how real life works. If she wants to get married she should just talk to him about it or ask him. My partner walked into the room and I said, "James, will you marry me?" He looked stunned and said "Do you want to get married? I didn't think you were into marriage." I back-tracked fast: "Of course I don't want to get married, I was just making a point that I could ask you first if I wanted a wedding". Major fail as my son ran out of the room in embarrassment.
Most people, at least in my generation, talk about marriage & future together plans first before ever proposing. Proposing out of no where would be really uncommon & seen as kind of strange. But people generally still like the tradition of proposing & making a memorable moment out of it.
My husband and I discussed getting married beforehand, and then he proposed maybe 6 months later when I wasn't expecting it. You're right in regard to the media though, TV and movies always made it look spontaneous which is a bit foolish. The whole 'filming' of a proposal for social media irks me personally but each to their own! Whatever makes them happy.
@@LK-rt9cb Yes, that's a perfect way to describe it - an atheist looking in at the rituals as curiosities but nothing to do with real life. They are mostly harmless, I guess :)
Really?! You don't know ANYONE who had a proposal?! I don't know anyone who didn't! It's not an out of nowhere surprise...you've discussed it and both know you want to. Basically, everyone knows the answer will yes. It just makes it official. Where are you from? Perhaps it's a cultural thing?
@@carr0760 Well, I haven't done an exhaustive survey but no one I know has ever talked about making or receiving a proposal of marriage. That's right, not one. Maybe they've kept it secret and I've never thought to ask but they all seem to get married without it. The latest one being my niece this month who said she and her boyfriend had decided to get married next year and could I come. Totally normal scenario. I would have been shocked if she said "Josh proposed to me and I accepted" as if she had stepped off a movie set. I am not from America so it could be a cultural thing.
Listening to you talking about how more women should ask men to marry them instead of waiting to be asked is interesting. I am Irish and the 29th of February it’s traditional that a woman can ask a man to marry her. The movie Leap Year is about it. Society doesn’t frown on it and woman are often asked if they proposed to someone on this day. It’s funny because when I was watching the show I wondered if any of the woman would propose and now you are talking about it 😊
I asked my partner out - and I've had one or two people act like that's a bad thing, like the fact that I as the woman asked him out meant he wasn't interested. We've been together for 5 years, his response to me asking him to be my boyfriend was "yeah, I thought I already was!" I asked because I wanted that certainty and that verbal confirmation. The idea that it should always be the man asking the question is very outdated
I was a little surprised and disappointed to hear you describe your own family’s Japanese dishes as “weird”, when so many non-asian folks already do enough ridiculing and expressing disgust for asian foods they’re not familiar with and have not/would not consider trying. Nothing weird with anyone’s cultural food, just unfamiliar.
Funnily enough in Australia, it's completely the reverse. it's typical for a man and woman going out to discuss getting married and agree to get married and then a man at some point will make an official proposal, generally even the ring has been chosen mutually, or by the woman, and then the man would give her the ring... and funnily enough in a shop the opposite happens. people walk in and wait for someone to come up to you and never go up to the sales person or ask questions (except 'pushy' types like me) different Downunder lol
As a cis female, I proposed to my cis male partner. I felt a tiny regret and realized it was from societal cues telling me I was missing out on something rather than actually wanting something. 10/10 would do again!
As a racial minority myself, I knew Shake had a bad case of internalized oppression almost immediately. And it played out the entire time as he expressed his preference for blonde women specifically (the white ideal), his distaste for women who are Indian, and his history of running away from his own culture. This is a common thing in non-white communities so we know when we see it. But it's almost shocking to see how many white people are not only unaware of this but go as far as deny that it's true. Please remember that unless you know what people are talking about, you are only speaking from your own limited perspective. I keep hearing, "He just likes what he likes." Think about it this way: Do white men and women ever express feeling repelled by the members of their own race in intimate settings? Do you ever hear them express that dating members from their race makes them feel like they're dating their relatives? Or that they grew up not wanting to be white and were ashamed of it because they grew up watching white people portrayed as ugly, stupid, and having an "absurd" culture? NO! No you don't! And the kicker is that you'll see gorgeous women of color get rejected for ANY woman with white skin and blonde hair. You'll see gorgeous Asian and Indian men get rejected by women who end up with just about any white dude.
I mean why is that white peoples fault though? Why are we blamed for everything? Y'all are choosing to do that. I can understand you saying this is a thing that happens and that you see it as an issue and that makes sense. What I don't appreciate is saying it's all white people's fault it's happening. I feel like if it is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with let's find solutions instead of just saying white people are oppressors.
Agree completaly with proposal. Also first time I hear it’s common for men not to ask women questions; I have met so many men on dates who didn’t ask me almost any questions (I lived in Poland and England) but I never knew it’s common. They mostly talked about themselves. Most of these men wanted to see me again after 1st date but I wasn’t willing. Some wanted to be in relationship after few dates but I often suspected it’s because of my look, because they know nothing about me. I don’t feel they have known me at all. I even saved numbers to some men with a remark: “never asking questions” on my phone.
I hope this isn't a *spoiler* but if it is I'm going to put it at the bottom I think it was absolutely atrocious how shake and shayne were joking about "needing 5 shots and turning off the lights" for shake to be intimate with Deeps. I was horrified and disgusted. Also the Reddit/producer comments about Shane's *alleged* cocaine use mid filming told me everything I needed to know haha
I proposed to my husband and didn’t even get down on one knee! If he was going to propose, I didn’t like the idea of getting on one knee either. We discussed marriage ahead of time. We had been together for 7 years at that point and knew it was just an issue of timing to get married. It was spontaneous because I felt so romantic and wordy that day, and the wordy part was unusual for me. We didn’t have a ring, and we ended up picking one together. The center stone was in the family, and I picked out a new setting. One of my friends picked out her ring together with her husband, and he surprised her with the bow and when of the proposal. Another of my friends talked ahead with her husband about the kind of ring she wanted, accidentally found out her husband had bought the ring, and got surprised on the proposal.
I proposed to my husband. I’d even asked him months earlier if he minded if I was the one to propose. I was excited to do it. I felt a lot of judgment from people at the time.
*sorry it’s long. I figured it was better than writing a couple lol*. I’ mean Shake does for sure come off as super superficial in some of the episodes and he just expresses his feelings of love for her as more as best friend that could grow into something more and he doesn’t have that intense attraction or lust towards her. I find it surprising he was hated for being for that. He was being honest about his feelings I guess the not telling her on screen part maybe is what got everyone mad? Nick and Danielle Im more surprised that people dont have contempt for them??! When Nick talks to Danielle it just gives me such a creepy vibe, like he always leaving something out of the conversation. I’m not sure what it is, the way he starts a sentence, the cadence of his voice seems like he has something else deeper on his mind, don’t want to say nefarious but it’s like he stops himself short. I really saw it the very last episode. Shayne, Natalie and Shaina for sure. I can understand that. Something about him reminded me of my ex. well definitively it was when he could barely tell Shaina the truth she already knew about Natalie being his GF. And she had to coax/coddle it out of him then he threw a tantrum and he pretend cried. And the energy and anger he had definitely gave me unpredictably vibes which made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable watching and if you haven’t seen all the episodes yet There’s some key words that Natalie uses that make definitely make me feel sure about what little I saw on camera. She definitely saw his mask slip behind the scenes. She says as soon as she was with her dad she knew, bc she felt safe and secure and that’s not what it was being with Shayne. And the way she also coddles him as well so he doesn’t flip out. She said she felt exhausted. I’m sure all the contestants did. But I just have a feeling it’s not the same kind, as her and Shayne. Love how they edited it to make him look so wounded by her jokes, that were mostly brought on from him being constantly needing to be reassured and complimented. Yeah I mean they could seem very hash taken out of context but she was matching his level of dickhead. Lol I don’t understand why the American version makes them go fully to the wedding either if they’re not trying to be married. At least the Japanese version most people would walk away before they even got that far to not bring their families into it and get their hopes up. I think that’s better.
Idk where I heard this quote, probably on tumblr when I was still a teenager or something😅 but it goes - 'when you look at someone through rose tinted spectacles, red flags just look like flags'
I would very much love a podcast about the sexism and history of proposals and marriages. This has been a topic that has been in the back of my mind and it influenced me to possibly not have a wedding ceremony and celebration at all. The practise of a father walking his daughter down the aisle to give away is slightly ick in the 21st century. I would like to hear more about what you and Humberto has to say. I really enjoy and appreciate your content. 💙
Thank you Dr Honda! I too wish more women would propose. I did. My sister in law is banging on about engagement and it frustrates me because she never proposes even though she wants to get married.
I disagree about men initiating the proposal being sexist. I think there would be a lot of rejected proposals if women initiated. From my own experience and from those I’ve seen around me, it seems as though the woman is certain of who she wants to marry and that she is ready for marriage long before the man is. If I had proposed to my husband, I would’ve proposed after 1 year of college and probably scared him off as opposed to waiting for him to propose 5 years into dating Edit: I guess our proposal was more mutual because he “officially” proposed 4 days before we got married 🤣 but I think my point still stands that if I had officially proposed after our first year, he wouldn’t have been ready. Around 4.5 years together, it was a mutual decision that we were both ready and had no fears to take it to the next step
I proposed to my husband (not on one knee tho) and people do have issues with that, even tho we don’t and it makes perfect sense in our relationship. My husband did not feel emasculated - he was actually grateful he did not have to plan something and pick a ring. He hates making wrong decisions and I hate surprises.
Why do people have issues?! It’s your relationship. I proposed to my husband as well and did not get down on one knee, as I did not want to beg. If he were to have proposed I would have asked him not to get on a knee either. My husband didn’t feel emasculated either. In fact, it was spontaneous on the top of the mountain and on the way up, I discussed with him whether he thought I was stealing his thunder.
There was so introspection there on his part . He said all those things cus he probably realized no one else t Deepti showed interest in him which would mean that he wouldn’t be allowed to cont on the show . So he tried to clean up the mess with her so she chooses him .
You're going to get a kick out of this one. I ended up marrying my own race, though, that wasn't the plan. We ordered my ring and when it came, I would wear it all over then put it back before he got home from work. Then the SF Giants won the world series, and I wanted to wear my ring and take pics and he had to work, so he left and I went to the parade and wore my ring. When he got home I confessed. We got in an argument. He was so hurt and I felt so bad. He went into the bedroom, and I thought he was out back smoking. Then 30 mins later, he called me in there and boy I thought I was going to get it, verbally. Instead, he proposed! It couldn't have been more perfect, because I would NEVER have guessed it would have happened after that argument. Lol.
Hey! Could you please do these reactions for the show "back with the ex" (Australian reality show on Netflix)? I was watching it today and found myself wondering what your take would be on it :)
My husband is American and he wanted to marry a foreigner (me) so he gets more exposed to a foreign culture. His only requirement in dating was a non-American woman. And I think he really enjoys learning how I do things differently.
The self hate is SO REAL with Shake! It's really sad to watch.
True
Right its actually cringy and disgusting
Yeah, I imagine a lot of white viewers wouldn’t see Shake this way and just say “he likes what he likes,” but there’s this real internalized oppression
@@abandonablesnowman 100%
1000%
I just love Deepti, I wish I would have seen more women (or any) like her on TV growing up.
And her mum supporting her and telling her she's proud of her was also great to see.
Anyone who has watched the finale knows what I mean 💕
Yes! It was so nice to see mothers who support their daughters. I was even proud of Shake’s mom for reminding him of Deepti’s worth, that she deserves someone who loves her completely.
100%
I was clapping and talking really loud when Deepti's mom was so supportive! "I love her mom! What a good mom!" It must be such an odd situation and have so many pressures. I think it really showed that her mom believed she deserves better. It sounds like a DUH for a mom to do, but there are lots that don't so that really affected me.
That scene was the only time I cried during this show. Deepti is such a beautiful, strong person.
Bollywood is one of the largest film industries in the world trust me she saw lots of women like her on tv growing up. She is great amazing well adjusted woman with an extremely rich culture.
Shake is a dud. Yeah, he’s a veterinarian. But it just goes to show you can check all the superficial boxes and miss the boxes that turn one in to a genuinely empathetic human being.
Deeps is awesome and deserved better this season.
he is disconnected...
That’s it!
Deepti deserves the world and more!
He's so worried about how he looks he doesn't even know what he likes, beyond the fact that he feels safe looking 'cool'. He even tried to look like he wasn't a superficial person, but I think he's afraid of where that would actually lead him.
I must agree with you. His comment about not being able to be intimate with Deepti because he feels like he is with his aunt was incredibly telling. Even his mother tells him that Deepti deserves someone who will cherish her. I am glad she turned him down in the end. The way he handles that shows just how shallow he really is.
I just want to mention that it took me a year and a half to figure out that in the pods, they aren’t actually talking to each other through that glowy opaque window but through normal earpieces. I always thought the windows were acoustically transparent or maybe there were speakers in there that would amplify their voices to each other. But it’s all completely cosmetic, even the architecture that makes the pods face each other! And I feel kind of stupid now 🙈😅
I read that they do use speakers and they make sure they don't hear other pods talking. In the Japan one, we saw the earpieces but I never saw earpieces in the US version. I think they just use speakers. But yea I thought they cud just hear each other through the wall ahahah
Honestly, I thought the same thing 😂. It’s the glowy opaque window that threw me off lol.
@@crazywhirlwind Yes, exactly, in the Japanese version they talked about the earpieces and even about whether they face the window when they talk or not. I didn’t see earpieces in the US version either, but I guess that’s just clever camerawork and editing. For the production, it makes more sense than speakers, because it’s much easier to get good audio this way.
(Btw: I like the interiors of the pods in the Japanese version much more)
@@Daijxo kinda like a glory hole? 👀
@@laceyunderall22 hahaha never realized my typo until your comment. Glowy not glory but I think it still fits within the context of love is blind lol.
amen! i have recently started dating again and i find that men do not ask me questions. i get tired of carrying the conversation. i know all men are not like this but when you find one that actually knows the art of conversation it is refreshing. i have tried to get men to step up and i will ask if they have any questions after carrying the conversation and they say "no." then they are surprised when i do not want to go out again.
This was one of my HUGE pet peeves in dating. I remember I was trying so hard to keep the convo going in one of my dates and a lull in the convo came and I, involuntary, utterned an "uhh" and HIS ONLY RESPONSE WAS "uhh... what? 😃" like wtf, can you ask one question about me? and the worst part is these guys always think we have so much "chemistry" like no you just enjoyed all the validation you got from me asking questions about your boring shit. 😩
Yes, this is a THING. I don't know if they just think I should be grateful for a crumb of attention or if they just legit don't have any curiosity in general but it's very common.
I hate this the most. Its so frustrating.
Narcissistic men? Or are men just more selfish, self absorbed and lazy now, knowing there are lots of other matches to talk to you when you leave. Men have regressed so far it's tragic. Don't settle for crumbs ladies
Yes!! I've felt that way and have unmatched or stopped talking with men bc the conversation sucks. I'll ask them a question and they give a one word response or they ask no questions. I've had several men message me saying "Good morning Beautiful" but the conversation never progresses to a natural conversation. It's funny how much time some men will spend on their appearance or obtaining material objects, yet do not have the ability to carry a conversation. I was talking with one guy (in his 30s) and he asked what I wanted to know about him to determine if I wanted to date and I explained that it's not purely a matter of asking questions, but also it's about spending time with the person as well and seeing each other in various situations.
Im a British Indian 1st Generation female here. Ive dated all races and all skin tones. Shake is the archetype of an Indian immigrant 1st generation male, I've seen a few times. Inherent male inferiority and an excessive need to feel cool probably to avoid the victimisation of his past. I can also say that growing up, sexuality was so prohibited and taboo even talking to men in the wider family or their friends at events was prohibited and then suddenly you get to 21 and you are supposed to interact romantically with people you were strictly forbidden from even hanging out or getting to know. It's a dilemma of sexual shame and perhaps for him, he only feels free to be sexual with different race women because there is no childhood conditioning?. Ironically when he first saw Deepti and was around her, I also saw an ease of physicality between them and a genuine tactile compatibility. There did appear physical attraction. If he'd been utterly physically repulsed he wouldn't have kissed her and grabbed her bum!!! What Shake is encountering is childhood wounds and trauma and an immigrant colonial dilemma (as many of the African American ladies have commented on here) about being in a colourist hierarchy where you are constantly trying to climb at the top. Im sure that other immigrants of all cultures experience this but for Shake in particular, he outwardly vocalised his inner trauma and then projected in to Deepty which was crass and cruel to her, a woman he bared his soul to days before. Also he looks to have quite avoidant based attachment tendencies meaning he will withdraw as he feels intimacy is drawing close so he further distanced himself from Deepti by repeating often (almost to convince himself) that he wasn't physically attracted. He's very wounded and regardless of what women he might be attracted to, he screams needing to look at himself and developing self acceptance. Deepti is very gorgeous in all respects and naturally pretty. She won't be single for long I bet at all!.
You have some amazing insight! I'm Sri Lankan and I see this in South Asian men of all ages who travel abroad to study/work as well. It's sad to see our repressed inferiority complexes around white folks, and I have to occasionally force myself to work past it as well. It takes a lot of self reflection to get through our brown trauma. Loved reading your thoughts on this, so succinctly said
@@sanguivoir6923 thanks 😊 🙏
Well saidt
Such an interesting perspective. He certainly seems to suffer from some kind of trauma. The way he distances himself, almost dissociating from the situation as Deepti comes closer to him further on, it seems not “natural”, he is triggered and then those dysfunctional behaviors and statments just come up in him.
This is a really insightful comment and it really gave me a lot to think about as someone who came from a very different background
Indian living in North America here! The thing that gets me about Shake is how much he directly hits the south-asian-american man trope. The not-so-subtle white proximity/colorblind/gender trope approaches that I see a lot in the extended community around me triggers the strawman in me so much ugh. It's not his fault at all but I know too many men like him that I'm not very fond of 🤷♀️
yeah I thought it was a red flag too that the cultural similarity is what got Deep into him - it's like she jumped on the first opportunity to find an indian guy open to dating tbh. she had only dated blondes too but her response makes me think it wasn't necessarily by choice. and she was hoping his reason wasn't by choice either.
I'm not Indian, but I've known plenty of Indian, Black, Hispanic, Arabic men who love white women (especially blondes) and have a negative association with women from their own culture/race. I've seen some of these men allow white women to disrespect them (verbal, emotional, physical abuse) that I doubt they would've accepted from women of their own race.
@@chembiz I agree with you fully, it's sadly often (definitely not always though,) about deeprooted and subconscious or unresolved self hate/ inferiority complex or internalised racism
@@chembiz came here to say this.
Shake should definitely leave Indian women alone. I don't see that ending well. Possible emotional abuse even longterm. His self hate is projected on his Indian female partner. He should marry a white woman.
When I think of opposites attracting, it’s normally a personality thing, not necessarily views and beliefs. I see a lot of relationships around me where one partner is more extroverted and excitable and the other is more mellow. Those differences tend to compliment one another
I say the same, opposites may attract when it comes to personality, but successful relationships are based on having the same values. I once read that there are 4 boxes that must be checked: money, sex, religion and children/family.
Right, opposites attracting shouldn’t imply one person is level and normal and the other isn’t great with empathy lol
I agree, my partner and i have the same values, just opposite personalities
I think a better way I've found of explaining "opposites attract" is to say that what's actually good for a relationship is being complementary, not opposite. Complementary implies that you may have a lot in common, but in certain ways you are a mirror image of the other, so you are strong where they're weak and vice-versa. There's some things it's not only helpful but pretty essential to have in common in a relationship (like moral values, ideas of how you want to live out your futures), but other things (like personality traits) where it can be beneficial to a relationship to that you're completely different. What I tend to find works in terms of personality is if a couple shares a lot of positive personality traits but is opposite on their personality flaws, so those flaws turn into compensating strengths. So one of my best friends and her husband, for example, both have a lot of interests and values in common, but she hates long-term planning and is late to everything, and he's an over-planner who can get kind of anxious and rigid. Their relationship works both because they have the foundation of shared values and interests and life goals, but also because of their complementary differences. She's made him a lot looser and willing to adapt if a wrench gets thrown in his plans, and he makes sure she eats things besides rice and beans because it's what's "quickest and easiest" and actually files her taxes on time.
My hypothesis is that he determined that she is up to his physical standards and feigned vulnerability to win her over. He's manipulative
I think that Shake assumed all the other guys asked physical questions and was shocked when they didn’t. He had to backtrack fast on that strategy and rely on the easiest explanation for why he was like that.
I’m also pretty surprised other cast didn’t ask about physical things more often on camera.
Shake went on a podcast and *claimed* that Iyanna asked him questions about his height and the other men's height, but take that with a grain of salt cause I'm not sure just how reliable Abhishek is lmfao
In this episode, you are so going through the motions that I did with Shake. I went from "ugh" to "oh OK maybe he's introspective now and realising and this is good" and then changing again.
I can't wait to go through the same journey but with your videos and have all my reasons for my feelings about him articulated in a way that I couldn't explain or describe myself.
Also your love is blind s1 episodes came at an amazing time for me when I'd recently left a really verbally abusive 3.5 year relationship and with a combination of my own therapy and your videos, I learned a lot about red flags and where I had made sacrifices that I shouldn't have and i wanted to say thank you for your expertise and sharing that with the world
Deepti is amazing. She gave him a chance to prove himself and he failed.
Would love to hear your proposal story if you ever felt like sharing it Dr. Honda!
Im addicted to your videos, I dont even watch the shows, I just watch you, I learn so much!! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us all!! You are a blessing!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE finish this series 🙏🙏🙏 I've been checking every day for the next one
Me, too. It seems Dr. Honda stalls a lot with uploading this season's analyses. :( Maybe he's more interested in 90 day fiance - which I'm not following. Hope he continues with regular LIB uploads soon.
When my husband and I decided to get married I told him that I wanted us both to propose to each other. I’m so glad that I had the experience of giving my husband the happy and touching moment of having someone you love do something special and profess their want to be together forever. Mutually proposing was a lovely experience for both of us. I would recommend to anyone! I feel it’s so unfair that usually only women get to have this wonderful experience.
But I also wanted to say that I don’t think proposals should ever be a total surprise or shock. I really think that deciding to get married should be spoken about and seriously considered and shouldn’t be an in the moment pressured decision!
That's sounds beautiful. Sometimes I think about being the one to propose also. How did you propose to one another? Same time or separately?
@@mintcola we discussed getting married and then each proposed separately before we knew we’d want to start planning the wedding ☺️ he proposed on Christmas and I proposed on our anniversary!
I cannot wait for you to review the "weddings" episode.
I hope you’ll review Love is Blind Japan- so sweet & wholesome, and I feel like they’re not as psychologically warped as we are! Same concept but so different - would enjoy your take on the cultural differences.
I agree!! I actually watched the whole season and it was so different to watch. Couldn't bring myself to finish Love is Blind 2 later nxnxnd
I think it would be super interesting to do a study between Love is Blind US, Brazil and Japan. The format is the same but each culture is so different, therefore as viewers we can see differences like first kisses, view of divorce, meeting the family etc.
Yes! I so want to hear his thoughts on it
Adding to the chorus, as an American living in Japan (and married to a Japanese woman), really want to see Dr. Honda analyze the Japan edition. Realize it may put him out of his comfort zone but would be fascinating, especially looking at the pretty obvious differences between the American and Japanese editions.
shake is surprisingly one of the more average personalities on this show, that just shows how insanely the show devolves
they cant conrol anyone's ego, not the first with issues to go on this show but he is a mess
watched the finale and loved it!!! nearly bought tears to my eyes!
Dr. Honda: They seem to have genuine physical chemistry
Me: I can't wait for you to get to the Mexico vacation
Just watched the finale and oooh!! Thank goodness I know Dr. Kirk said not to spoil stuff in the comments so, I'll say no more! Now I can't wait for the reunion episode haha
I was just about to say, I cannot WAIT for him to see the finale!
I am so relieved for Natalie!
Thank God u didnt spoil it! I was gna watch later today. But I have predictions! I just can't see any couple here working. Not like the first season.
Btw, does anyone else think this season was kinda rushed? Esp the moments in the pods. I felt like 1st season we got to know the cast more and got to see their connections better 😒
@@crazywhirlwind yes! And idk why because it's the same about of episodes, but this season felt so superficial. Like I didn't really care if any of them ended up together lol
Came here to say exactly that! :)
Would love to watch your take on the Japanese edition of Love Is Blind. I found it to seem more genuine and thoughtful in a lot of ways and less edited for drama.
Well, there was that scene in s1 where Giannina does troll Damian for a second when he proposes to her, just so she could propose back haha. Maybe a little cruel on her part but it was in her character, too.
Yeah. I’ve dated a lot of men and VERY rarely do they ask me questions, and when they do, those are the ones who stand out to me and make me want to keep seeing them. Moreover these days men just treat women like “yeah I guess I’ll hang out with you, I don’t have anything better to do” instead of really wanting to connect and meet someone who they may want to share a life with. It’s sad and I’m really over it. I don’t offer information about myself without being promoted so those dates literally suck the life out of me. I hate people who just talk about themselves.
the story about you and your wife is so cute! my husband left me his number, and asked me out first but I brought up becoming a real relationship first, and I also said I love you first. I broached the topic of marriage first as well, though he did propose
Hi Dr. Honda. Love your videos. As a person of color who has spent over a decade feeling ignored by various men of color because I am not white (many have explicitly stated racial preference as their reasoning), I would love if you would spend a little more time investigating the psychology of racial preferences in dating. I often interpret some degree of internalized racism and white supremacy. I try to name this when I see it as a way of dismantling these systems of oppression and I wonder what you think about this. Not to label anyone as racist for being attracted to certain physical features, but do you think Shake's fixation on dating blonde white women and aversion to dating Indian women may stem in part from internalized racism and white supremacy?
Hi Dr Honda, wondering if you'll react to the Japan version of Love is Blind. I've found it to be so different to this one!
Agreed! I honestly prefer that one to the American version
Same and indeed at all!
Not so fast on the redemption arc! The only guy I like this season is Sal.
Me too.
I like Jerritt too.
@akplmn Yeahhh i have a feeling he's a secret fck boy playing the nice guy
Same
Same, minus the singing.
I can't get enough of these uploads- thank you Dr Honda! I wish more people watched your videos alongside reality tv shows, there's a lot that can be learned and gained which viewers I find often overlook
Same!! It makes watching these shows worth it!
Same ! This is the only way I can watch reality TV. Reality TV can be incredibly toxic so watching these shows through Dr. Honda allows me to be an active viewer of the show with out the heighten countertransference.
I feel the same!
DOC WAS SOOOOOOO WRONG. Kelly and Jessica in the same season left their male partners because they didn't match to their past preferences. Kelly wanted a body builder and Jessica wanted older and taller. DEEPTHI IS NO EXCEPTION. The only reason Shake is a villian is because he was trying but he could see she, like him, prefered blondes. He saw she couldn't get to that point no matter what he tried unlike Mark and Kenny who got dragged on only to be left at the alter. She is no different than them... she would have said no at the altar and neither were surprised. Her phrasing, "I choose myself", is a powerful and odd phrase that fully indicates that truth. Not defending Shake in a way but I am not feeling DEEPTHI was a victim. DIAMOND was a victim when she got thrown the B word. Shake just saw the truth that Kenny didn't see.... the women due to their preferences couldn't see it being intimate. I understand Jessica miscalculation with Mark and didn't see he was ready for a family and kids which he had by the 2nd reunion. However, I won't give DEEPTHI the pass that everyone else is giving her. Her phrase "I choose myself " is in par with Kelly especially.. they both have their preferences and wouldn't compromise their preferences for the guys on the show.
@@nicholasm9148 We all have our preferences but Its how we communicate that. Deepti prefered white guys but she didnt let shake feel less of person bcuz he wasnt her preference. We may not prefer someone but we must always respect.
Deepti is my favorite of everyone on the show.
Shake is one of the reasons I only watched the first two episodes of this season. Him asking women about their physiques should be prohibited. The whole point of the show is not to know who you are talking to. Ughhh.
he is the only one that does that, aside from the other couples maybe asking small ethnicity questions about each other, but overall Shake is the only one who does this
Ive really seen growth in his process..he isnt fully there yet..but i feel like he was really trying his best to go into the depths of his thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns..and his best wasnt a good enough match with Deepti. Wishing both a partner who loves them to the fullest
Me and my now husband came to a mutual agreement that we wanted to be married to each other and even picked out rings together. But he still wanted to propose in a traditional way and make it special for me.
We took a trip to Disneyland, and I knew he was gonna propose to me that day, I just didn't know where or when.
He proposed in the landing bay. he tried to give me a romantic kiss and tried to dip me, but he lost his balance, dropped me then landed on top of me...all in from of a guy that worked there dressed as Kylo Ren.
I made a funny little comic about it and we still laugh about it 😆
In Love is blind Brazil, Nanda was the one who proposed :) Maybe the first and only female who did?
I also like how on the Brazil version, at the end the officiant says: "In an act of equality; the wife may now kiss her husband." (I believe it is usually: you may now kiss the bride)
Giannina proposed to Damien in season 1 of Love is Blind.
@@anncokafor She did but only after he had already proposed halfway if not fully. So it may still count? I am unsure myself.
I'm obsessed with this channel now
I've connected with people on an emotional level and not a physical level .... it is what it is ...
i love a feminist king, kirk, i love you man
At 2:44 -5:42 When Shake was talking to her he didn't seem genuine to me because he looked like he was kinda bored whilst talking to Deepti and his tone sounded super bored. He looked like he was saying what he thinks people want to hear/what he thinks she wants to hear rather than what he really thinks; I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not with his backstory and I don't know how it really was for him growing up but something in my gut tells me he was lying during that time.
Well that reunion today showed it ALLLLL 😂
I really wished they had vetted the participants more this season (and by the sounds of it, next season). Shake has issues that someone else should not have had to deal with.
Hi Dr. Honda, if you have the bandwidth, I would love if you reviewed Love is Blind Japan. I found the relationship dynamics really interesting. Also, as a Japanese man, I hope you could share some light on some cultural differences, I didn't pick up on some things in that series right away because it took me a couple episodes sometimes to understand different people's point of view because the way things were expressed aren't the same as in American culture.
27:57
Dr Honda: "They seem to have genuine physically chemistry"
Me: 😬
I asked my husband out on our first date. I initiated the first kiss. He asked me to move in, but I said “so are we gonna get married or not?” & 3 months later we were married & expecting. I absolutely love our story & he tells everyone ♥️
I love your reactions to this show, Dr. Honda!
Another great video!! I cant wait for the next episodes. Love is Blind Japan also exists if you’re interested.
There's one that asked me out. In the week leading up to the date, I kept trying to start conversations. All I got in return were memes and gym selfies. I put an end to that. My time's too precious.
Deepti really was the leader of her own chariot. Not once did her integrity slip 💫 Where I think Shake is coming from, I’d imagine he’s been rejected plenty of times in romance and now he’s trying to play his own set of cards by rejecting and undermining women 💁🏻♀️ he’s not a supermodel himself so how can he expect to receive the same?
After watching Love is Blind - US Brazil and Japan version, I can say dating is so fascinating in different cultures!
lol so true!! I couldnt finish watching the Japanese one. It was a little too culturally different for me. The Brazil one was funny thou.
I love shake because of the amount of times he said "vibey cenote". I thought I was being quite racist by thinking he was alot like Tom Haverford until that scene, it's just exactly what Tom would say.
Omg my friend and I both picked up on the Tom Haverford similarities. Particularly the episode where we got to see his house. Very Tom.
What is vibey cenote?
@@callmekells802 cenote is a natural pool/ sinkhole found in Mexican and all over the world.
Vibey = vibes.
Shake combines both words to sound cool when deepti and him went to swim in one when they were in mexico.
@@Joyhtx thank you! Where I am from a cenote means $100 bill! Thanks for clarification!
@@callmekells802 no wonder u were thrown off 😂 . Where are u from?
i hope that we can get to a place as a society where we don't mistreat or ridicule overweight people while also acknowledging that obesity IS unhealthy. personally i don't see how the two contradict. i have a friend who's a smoker and i know (and she knows) that her habit of smoking is unhealthy but it doesn't make me think less of her as a person. and with my other friend who is very overweight it's exactly the same! i don't have to pretend their behaviours won't negativity impact their health in order to love and accept my friends.
I agree for most parts, but to add to that, I think most obese people are aware of the health issues that come with it, as well as smokers know it's not healthy to smoke. So I don't see why anyone else (apart from health care professionals) should even aknowledge it?
@@44kni my point exactly
A woman choosing their husband is much more common in pre-contact Native American cultures. When I learned about the process and tradition it made a lot of sense to me. I think it would be beneficial all around if we were to embrace female empowerment in that way.
How interesting....in India too, centuries ago it was very common for women to choose their husband out of a group of men...this process was called Swayamvar which literally means ‘self chosen husband’
You should review Love is Blind Japan. It's SO much better.
Subscribed... I love your content and the fact that you provide general psychology information away from your comments about the show. Helps in giving a wider prospective.
the thing with these people is they all want a partner so bad that they are seeming to ignore all red flags just to get married.
Well they are on a marriage dating show
yaass, very badly
Love your perspective and I think you're correct.
Off subject on yt look up 'love is blind rules' and the 1st video that should pop up is the rules of season 2 cast and the dos and donts.... makes it easier to understand how things and feelings can change from episode to episode
Please talk about your wife more (if you're both ok with that)!! I love getting your takes on these couples and others, but getting the little glimpse of how you view your wife is so sweet and inspiring for my own relationship
Last year we had Gigi who was the one who wanted to go down on one knee and ask the guy to marry her!! I loved that and was hoping someone would do that this time too. Fascinating hearing you pull apart these couples as it’s so unusual how they meet. In a weird way it gives us an understanding into arranged marriages and why they can work?
Dr Kirk!! Please react to Love is Blind Japan! I'd love to see you talk about that show and maybe explain some of the cultural significance I might be missing (if you notice anything at all)
Thank you for everything you do Dr. Honda! I hope it's okay to post this here, but I (and people I know) would LOVE to see your opinions on Tammy Slatton from 1000 Pound Sisters. Also one day, Whitney Way Thore from My Big Fat Fabulous Life. Though I don't know how you have time to do all that you do lol, I bet you would find a lot of material from these two.
You talk about preference, which is all well and fine, but I think it would be helpful to discuss internalized colonialism and racism that drives poc to reject potential partners of their own race. Shake seems to have internalized racism to the point where he is disgusted by women in his own race.
Basically there are 2 types of people
1. Those who view others as objects to be used and discarded as they are useful or not. If they are useful to the persons agenda, then they are going to stick around. If not, then not.
2. Those who view others as human beings worthy of respect and should be appreciated for their unique gifts and abilities.
Can you touch on Jarrette? Deepti and Shake’s relationship also involved race issues
You provided some insight into what Shake may have been experiencing that for me, painted some new colous of appreciate for some aspects of his conversations. I was one of the people who understood why he asked about physical aspects even though that wasn't the point of the show. I was glad when it seemed like he cut that out. I think he has the potential to be a really good dude but perhaps his pride is just bigger than that potential because the other things he did were really suspect.
dr. honda! pls watch love is blind: japan!
I would love to see your perspective on the difference of culture between the japanese version and american version of love is blind
Could Shake's shock that he was the only one asking questions be attributed to his experiences living with the "tool", Shane?
say what are u saying about Shane?
I wasn't brought up in a Rom Com environment and marriage proposals weren't normalised in my family or group of friends. So I've never seen them as real life things. I was surprised to hear you proposed to your wife. Maybe we are outliers but I don't know anyone who got married through an actual proposal as opposed to a general discussion and agreement. I can't even remember how I ended up married when I was young. But it seems unnatural to make a formal declaration on such an important life decision. I mean you wouldn't say to your beloved : "I propose that we buy a house. Do you accept or reject my proposal?", "I propose that we go to Europe for a holiday this year. Please accept my proposal." Just generally seems a weird way to communicate.
I do see this proposing idea is widespread in culture though. I was watching a rerun of Scrubs with my son and there were scenes about a woman trying to get her boyfriend to propose and I tried to explain to my son that isn't how real life works. If she wants to get married she should just talk to him about it or ask him. My partner walked into the room and I said, "James, will you marry me?" He looked stunned and said "Do you want to get married? I didn't think you were into marriage." I back-tracked fast: "Of course I don't want to get married, I was just making a point that I could ask you first if I wanted a wedding". Major fail as my son ran out of the room in embarrassment.
Most people, at least in my generation, talk about marriage & future together plans first before ever proposing. Proposing out of no where would be really uncommon & seen as kind of strange. But people generally still like the tradition of proposing & making a memorable moment out of it.
My husband and I discussed getting married beforehand, and then he proposed maybe 6 months later when I wasn't expecting it. You're right in regard to the media though, TV and movies always made it look spontaneous which is a bit foolish. The whole 'filming' of a proposal for social media irks me personally but each to their own! Whatever makes them happy.
@@LK-rt9cb Yes, that's a perfect way to describe it - an atheist looking in at the rituals as curiosities but nothing to do with real life. They are mostly harmless, I guess :)
Really?! You don't know ANYONE who had a proposal?!
I don't know anyone who didn't!
It's not an out of nowhere surprise...you've discussed it and both know you want to. Basically, everyone knows the answer will yes. It just makes it official.
Where are you from? Perhaps it's a cultural thing?
@@carr0760 Well, I haven't done an exhaustive survey but no one I know has ever talked about making or receiving a proposal of marriage. That's right, not one. Maybe they've kept it secret and I've never thought to ask but they all seem to get married without it. The latest one being my niece this month who said she and her boyfriend had decided to get married next year and could I come. Totally normal scenario. I would have been shocked if she said "Josh proposed to me and I accepted" as if she had stepped off a movie set. I am not from America so it could be a cultural thing.
I think when Shake said “why am i the one to ask these questions” he means like who is he to ask those questions like he recognized it’s not his place
Lol juuuuuust wait until the reunion show 💀
I can't wait to see reaction on the reunion episode
Listening to you talking about how more women should ask men to marry them instead of waiting to be asked is interesting. I am Irish and the 29th of February it’s traditional that a woman can ask a man to marry her. The movie Leap Year is about it. Society doesn’t frown on it and woman are often asked if they proposed to someone on this day. It’s funny because when I was watching the show I wondered if any of the woman would propose and now you are talking about it 😊
With my girl friends, after dating we always talk about whether the date partner asked any questions. And if they didn’t , it’s a clear no.
I asked my partner out - and I've had one or two people act like that's a bad thing, like the fact that I as the woman asked him out meant he wasn't interested. We've been together for 5 years, his response to me asking him to be my boyfriend was "yeah, I thought I already was!" I asked because I wanted that certainty and that verbal confirmation. The idea that it should always be the man asking the question is very outdated
Just a comment: I was so happy to see in the Legally Blonde Musical, Elle Woods proposed at the end!! We need more of that!
I was a little surprised and disappointed to hear you describe your own family’s Japanese dishes as “weird”, when so many non-asian folks already do enough ridiculing and expressing disgust for asian foods they’re not familiar with and have not/would not consider trying. Nothing weird with anyone’s cultural food, just unfamiliar.
I love hearing about the relationship between you and your wife in relation to these...actually, any situatiions!
Funnily enough in Australia, it's completely the reverse. it's typical for a man and woman going out to discuss getting married and agree to get married and then a man at some point will make an official proposal, generally even the ring has been chosen mutually, or by the woman, and then the man would give her the ring... and funnily enough in a shop the opposite happens. people walk in and wait for someone to come up to you and never go up to the sales person or ask questions (except 'pushy' types like me) different Downunder lol
As a cis female, I proposed to my cis male partner. I felt a tiny regret and realized it was from societal cues telling me I was missing out on something rather than actually wanting something. 10/10 would do again!
As a racial minority myself, I knew Shake had a bad case of internalized oppression almost immediately. And it played out the entire time as he expressed his preference for blonde women specifically (the white ideal), his distaste for women who are Indian, and his history of running away from his own culture. This is a common thing in non-white communities so we know when we see it. But it's almost shocking to see how many white people are not only unaware of this but go as far as deny that it's true. Please remember that unless you know what people are talking about, you are only speaking from your own limited perspective. I keep hearing, "He just likes what he likes." Think about it this way: Do white men and women ever express feeling repelled by the members of their own race in intimate settings? Do you ever hear them express that dating members from their race makes them feel like they're dating their relatives? Or that they grew up not wanting to be white and were ashamed of it because they grew up watching white people portrayed as ugly, stupid, and having an "absurd" culture? NO! No you don't! And the kicker is that you'll see gorgeous women of color get rejected for ANY woman with white skin and blonde hair. You'll see gorgeous Asian and Indian men get rejected by women who end up with just about any white dude.
I mean why is that white peoples fault though? Why are we blamed for everything? Y'all are choosing to do that. I can understand you saying this is a thing that happens and that you see it as an issue and that makes sense. What I don't appreciate is saying it's all white people's fault it's happening. I feel like if it is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with let's find solutions instead of just saying white people are oppressors.
Agree completaly with proposal.
Also first time I hear it’s common for men not to ask women questions; I have met so many men on dates who didn’t ask me almost any questions (I lived in Poland and England) but I never knew it’s common. They mostly talked about themselves. Most of these men wanted to see me again after 1st date but I wasn’t willing. Some wanted to be in relationship after few dates but I often suspected it’s because of my look, because they know nothing about me. I don’t feel they have known me at all.
I even saved numbers to some men with a remark: “never asking questions” on my phone.
I was so shocked she accepted his proposal 🤯 Shake was easy to not like
I hope this isn't a *spoiler* but if it is I'm going to put it at the bottom
I think it was absolutely atrocious how shake and shayne were joking about "needing 5 shots and turning off the lights" for shake to be intimate with Deeps. I was horrified and disgusted. Also the Reddit/producer comments about Shane's *alleged* cocaine use mid filming told me everything I needed to know haha
I love hearing you talk about your wife ❤️
I proposed to my husband and didn’t even get down on one knee! If he was going to propose, I didn’t like the idea of getting on one knee either. We discussed marriage ahead of time. We had been together for 7 years at that point and knew it was just an issue of timing to get married. It was spontaneous because I felt so romantic and wordy that day, and the wordy part was unusual for me. We didn’t have a ring, and we ended up picking one together. The center stone was in the family, and I picked out a new setting. One of my friends picked out her ring together with her husband, and he surprised her with the bow and when of the proposal. Another of my friends talked ahead with her husband about the kind of ring she wanted, accidentally found out her husband had bought the ring, and got surprised on the proposal.
I proposed to my husband. I’d even asked him months earlier if he minded if I was the one to propose. I was excited to do it. I felt a lot of judgment from people at the time.
I def think the producers force them together no doubt!
*sorry it’s long. I figured it was better than writing a couple lol*.
I’ mean Shake does for sure come off as super superficial in some of the episodes and he just expresses his feelings of love for her as more as best friend that could grow into something more and he doesn’t have that intense attraction or lust towards her. I find it surprising he was hated for being for that. He was being honest about his feelings I guess the not telling her on screen part maybe is what got everyone mad?
Nick and Danielle Im more surprised that people dont have contempt for them??! When Nick talks to Danielle it just gives me such a creepy vibe, like he always leaving something out of the conversation. I’m not sure what it is, the way he starts a sentence, the cadence of his voice seems like he has something else deeper on his mind, don’t want to say nefarious but it’s like he stops himself short. I really saw it the very last episode.
Shayne, Natalie and Shaina for sure. I can understand that. Something about him reminded me of my ex. well definitively it was when he could barely tell Shaina the truth she already knew about Natalie being his GF. And she had to coax/coddle it out of him then he threw a tantrum and he pretend cried. And the energy and anger he had definitely gave me unpredictably vibes which made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable watching and if you haven’t seen all the episodes yet
There’s some key words that Natalie uses that make definitely make me feel sure about what little I saw on camera. She definitely saw his mask slip behind the scenes. She says as soon as she was with her dad she knew, bc she felt safe and secure and that’s not what it was being with Shayne. And the way she also coddles him as well so he doesn’t flip out. She said she felt exhausted. I’m sure all the contestants did. But I just have a feeling it’s not the same kind, as her and Shayne.
Love how they edited it to make him look so wounded by her jokes, that were mostly brought on from him being constantly needing to be reassured and complimented. Yeah I mean they could seem very hash taken out of context but she was matching his level of dickhead. Lol
I don’t understand why the American version makes them go fully to the wedding either if they’re not trying to be married. At least the Japanese version most people would walk away before they even got that far to not bring their families into it and get their hopes up. I think that’s better.
I once dated a guy for 9 mos before I realized that he had never asked about anything that was important to me. Maybe 🚩 were a diff color then🤣
Idk where I heard this quote, probably on tumblr when I was still a teenager or something😅 but it goes - 'when you look at someone through rose tinted spectacles, red flags just look like flags'
Not a red flag. Chill the f out and don't be so heavy... ironically; being ultra heavy can also push people away. 9 months is not a long time.
@@attila_the_hunk9685 9 mos is a long time to ask someone you're dating about their family.🤣
@@adjjal love it
Oh, pleas do a whole series on the history of marriage!!
I appreciate your digression on proposals. I proposed to my husband and it was an amazing and romantic moment!
I would very much love a podcast about the sexism and history of proposals and marriages. This has been a topic that has been in the back of my mind and it influenced me to possibly not have a wedding ceremony and celebration at all. The practise of a father walking his daughter down the aisle to give away is slightly ick in the 21st century. I would like to hear more about what you and Humberto has to say. I really enjoy and appreciate your content. 💙
Thank you Dr Honda! I too wish more women would propose. I did. My sister in law is banging on about engagement and it frustrates me because she never proposes even though she wants to get married.
I disagree about men initiating the proposal being sexist. I think there would be a lot of rejected proposals if women initiated. From my own experience and from those I’ve seen around me, it seems as though the woman is certain of who she wants to marry and that she is ready for marriage long before the man is. If I had proposed to my husband, I would’ve proposed after 1 year of college and probably scared him off as opposed to waiting for him to propose 5 years into dating
Edit: I guess our proposal was more mutual because he “officially” proposed 4 days before we got married 🤣 but I think my point still stands that if I had officially proposed after our first year, he wouldn’t have been ready. Around 4.5 years together, it was a mutual decision that we were both ready and had no fears to take it to the next step
I proposed to my husband (not on one knee tho) and people do have issues with that, even tho we don’t and it makes perfect sense in our relationship. My husband did not feel emasculated - he was actually grateful he did not have to plan something and pick a ring. He hates making wrong decisions and I hate surprises.
Why do people have issues?! It’s your relationship. I proposed to my husband as well and did not get down on one knee, as I did not want to beg. If he were to have proposed I would have asked him not to get on a knee either. My husband didn’t feel emasculated either. In fact, it was spontaneous on the top of the mountain and on the way up, I discussed with him whether he thought I was stealing his thunder.
There was so introspection there on his part . He said all those things cus he probably realized no one else t Deepti showed interest in him which would mean that he wouldn’t be allowed to cont on the show . So he tried to clean up the mess with her so she chooses him .
Wait are you not covering Jarrett and Iyana?
3/2 Edit - turns out I just had to be patient! Lol love these vids.
You're going to get a kick out of this one. I ended up marrying my own race, though, that wasn't the plan. We ordered my ring and when it came, I would wear it all over then put it back before he got home from work. Then the SF Giants won the world series, and I wanted to wear my ring and take pics and he had to work, so he left and I went to the parade and wore my ring. When he got home I confessed. We got in an argument. He was so hurt and I felt so bad. He went into the bedroom, and I thought he was out back smoking. Then 30 mins later, he called me in there and boy I thought I was going to get it, verbally. Instead, he proposed! It couldn't have been more perfect, because I would NEVER have guessed it would have happened after that argument. Lol.
Hey! Could you please do these reactions for the show "back with the ex" (Australian reality show on Netflix)? I was watching it today and found myself wondering what your take would be on it :)
I don’t get how everyone is just now getting into it. I watched it a year ago but finally it’s caught up with people
Shake reminds me of Tom Haverford from Parks & Rec.
My husband is American and he wanted to marry a foreigner (me) so he gets more exposed to a foreign culture. His only requirement in dating was a non-American woman. And I think he really enjoys learning how I do things differently.