"Mommy, What's a Donor?" How to Talk to Your Egg Donor Child
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- Опубликовано: 13 июн 2012
- Once upon a time there was an egg donor.....What will your personal family story include when it's time to talk to your very own egg donor child? Helane S. Rosenberg, Ph.D., the first mom to ever receive a donor egg in New Jersey and her lovely daughter, Allegra Heart Epstein share their personal story with you in this moving video, taken at IVF NJ. This "How-To" video was made possible by an educational grant from Attain Fertility and is first in a series.
such of beautiful relationship between mom and daughter.
Thank you for making these videos. My sister was a donor. We come from a very poor family with lots of children, and we didn't have the best start in life. My sister became an egg donor to pay for college. She's very smart and a creative type who never wants to have children of her own. She saw it as a win/win to be able to help a couple who wants children, and also support her dreams as an artist. It was hard for me at first, because I felt like I wouldn't know my nieces and nephews. And I had lots of feelings like that. I realized they were my feelings however, and actually turned to genealogy research to deal with them. Discovering my own ancestors, made me see egg donation in a different perspective. Just like how I may share a lot of my DNA with people I've never met in my family tree, that's what my sister is to the donor children. She's an ancestor they don't know that they share DNA with.
I also have the privilege of being the Godfather of my best friend's son. I couldn't love him more even if we shared DNA.
My last concern was how donor children would feel about the situation. And these videos reassure me they are just fine.
Están mal, todos buscan a su madre y familia. ¿De verdad crees que la naturaleza es un juego y no el orden y la ley
does not even matter if she "looks" like her or not...it is all about love.
Glad we could help! Good luck to you both.
Well, I'm definitely going to take this video into consideration for the long run. I believe it covers some of the crucial point of such a delicate talk between parents and DE children. I would be so glad to have a talk like this in future! I hope we will achieve success with DE treatment in Biotexcom clinic where we are now. Donor egg matching program completed. So many things are still ahead but my inner voice just keeps saying it will work out this time! Also a plenty of time to think it over and over. Thanks for sharing!
What a great approach on both mother's and daughter's part! All this sincerity so touching and comforting at the same time. I'm in this stage of considering ED IVF and still facing a small dilemma. Please consider epigenetics and search info about how Ed babies get a big amount of traits while being in the womb of the receiver even for next generations❤️
You both are wonderful women. Truly. I was deeply touched by this video.
This is just wonderful. Thank you Allegra and Helane for sharing your story. Our clients often worry about how to talk to their children about egg donation. This helps.
egg donation like any other type of whatever donation is an act of good will and mercy. i can't understand those people who blame egg donors and those who use them. no one is to judge. the reasons for this are very serious.
I am an egg donor baby. My mother teaches at a community college, and one of her older students actually used the same donor as her!!!
Una chiflada jugando.
How sad!
❤❤❤ thank you for this such a great video
Thank you so much.
I think this is a great video , honest & loving.
Everyone has the right to an opinion & choice but if you only true option is egg donation to have a family nobody should be discriminated or judged for their choice.
The most important part is that the child is loved, the people growing them up are their parents.
But I believe both parent should get some counselling before hand just to understand this part of the journey. The child will find out one day & better from the parents than strangers, my opinion.
In the end if a child is loved that's the most important part of this choice.
Rather than a natural birth into a drug , violent , abusive family environment this upping girl is a very lucky young lady with a loving mum.
Well said
I don’t think counselling is necessary if you are open and loving with the child, and if you have good family and / or friends supporting you. Honesty the best policy! But agree with your other points.
Love this!
Thank you, very useful! It's too early but in 10 years I will have that kind of conversation with my son. I went in Ukraine and had ICSI on DE, all my family and friends knew this. And I'm not hiding it when people ask me
El niño tiene derecho a saber quién es su madre. La buscará por tierra, mar y aire. La naturaleza pone los óvulos dentro del cuerpo, para que nadie pueda separar a madre e hijo.
Did you have it yet?
The is great! I can only fall pregnant thro ivf using a donnor egg and this is very useful! Ty so much x
Necia.
Interesting she waited until their children were 3 1/2... while you can talk to them since birth really. Some of the things the mother says reminds me of what adoptive parents say. She's not an adoptive mother. This surprises me a lot.
I am donor who used IVF NJ in the late 90’s.
I’m looking for a way to make contact to give medical information to the family. Is there a way to provide information to the family if the child/children don’t want to find me?
I'm really glad that allegra mother told her everything's here life. all adoption children should have to right the they should know there past life or eveything.
Yuden Rong she's not adopted
@A A no, it wasnt. The egg was sold. You cannot adopt a child that doesnt exist.
A donor conceived child is not an adopted child. That's how it is.
@A A again, donor conceived children ARE NOT THE SAME AS ADOPTED CHILDREN. look it up, go speak with them, hear what they have to say before trying to force your missguided assumptions onto them and trying to tell them what they are (when they know themselves they are not adopted children)
@@deekinsella7268 You're splitting hairs.
@naia-gl2nf no, I'm not. Embryo adoption, egg or sperm donation and open/closed adoptions are all different.
How do you talk to neighbor's children - nicely? To our own - in manner of bringing up? Try both. Actually I don't get it why it should differ? In biotexcom clinic we were asked one good question - won't you love this child? Ask yourself.
And the other side of the coin is donor conceived people saying their biological mother or father just gave them away and how they feel cheap/unwanted bcuz of that.
It gets worse. In some cases eggs are taken with out consent. The biological parents is hurt the most.
And its basicaly lies and so deeply untrue of what actually transpired... There are always kids that are ungrateful .. no mater the conception... the conception story is an excuse to be a brat..
@@nobylindz1594 get some help.
@@salserokorsou do you even know what donors do? They dont abandon jack shit.. that is prime juicy crap that you wrote
@@nobylindz1594 come one ... how can you take this comment seriously??? This is just the only way this poor guy has to get attention
a very sweet and intelligent young lady.some advice are really helpful. i have a nephew conceived using donor egg in biotexcom clinic in 2015. his parents decided to keep this in secret. btw, he looks very much like his mother
Your relatives' decision to keep their son's DE origins a secret from him is morally wrong. Not only is this couple morally wrong, they are stupid. Given the almost daily advances in ancestry DNA matching plus medical care tailored to individual's DNA markers, their dirty little secret will most surely come to light - probably sooner than later. The idea that this boy looks like his mother is a typical fairytale made up story that selfish adults tell about the children they bought. I feel bad for your nephew.
How horrible that his selfish parents are not being honest with their child.People like that shouldn't go through with this.
Where's Nathaniel?
Running away
La gente no dice nada a esa chica, saben que es mercancía, para juego de una chiflada.
She's beautiful...they got their "designer" baby for sure.
Awful comment. This was the only way this woman could get pregnant. This is not about ‘designer babies’.
So true
So she choose a tall ,biond when she is short ?@@MsChitterchat
You're clearly a disgusting human
Esta niña crecerá y buscará a sus padres. Qué tristeza, niños solos, sin familia.
Why tell them period? This has been my biggest fear when the child finds out and asks; “who is my mother”??? No not disclosing
They’ll very likely resent you when they find out. Best to tell them. You are their mother
Because they deserve to know and not telling them is selfish. It's not about your, its about them.
I hope you have a change of heart if you really have done this..
With DNA now they will know,cant hid it
A 'donor' is a biological mother/father.
I watched your video and cried. I used donor eggs in 2006 and had twins and I regret my decision everyday. I realized I was not their mother, simply a gestational carrier. Now I have to pretend everyday to care as a mother would. You may think me cruel, but it's a living hell. No one (except hubby) knows my dirty little secret. A friend found by accident a few years ago, and I totally panicked. Had to cut off all communication and hope she did not blackmail me. Donor egg is not for everyone. I know that now but it's too late. It's more like adoption and they will all eventually go looking for their real mother. I hope I am dead before they find out because I cannot face the shame and failure. A warning to women-think really hard about donor eggs. They are not your children, they are your husband's.
How sad for you to not love the babies you carried for 9 months.. Disgusting actually.. I do hope for their sake they leave you one day..millions would kill for beautiful babies (donor egg and all) to have as their own. Your comment sickened me!!
Allison Raia this woman is being honest in how she felt with her experience. How dare you shame her you nasty bitch.
I hope that she managed to see a kind therapist who helped her with her feelings. You can't help your feelings, but you can respond to them in a healthy way.
Your crazy
Give them to a loving mother then sick
No es su hija. Comprar óvulos no hace madre. Esa chica tendrá que buscar a su madre y familia.
Over the course of her lifetime, this young woman may have quite different ideas concerning her egg donor origins. In this video she is a teenager - very much under the control of her mother who is a professional coordinator for egg donation at an IVF clinic. As Allegra grows up, moves out of her family home towards independence, joins her life to a partner, decides if she wants to have children herself, becomes a mother - her ideas about being a DE person will evolve. For many DE people, this evolution involves the pain of finally confronting the profound loss that is being cut off from your genetic family. Where does your beautiful blond hair come from, Allegra? Who decided this has to be a mystery - a mystery for your whole life? That sounds like something out of a fairy tale. This is your real life - not a fairy tale. You deserve to know the truth of your genetic origins. You may or may not want to meet your egg donor but the option to do so should be yours. Anonymous gamete donation is ethically wrong.
Sooo Soo true. I bet she may be saying this to make her mom Happy and not feel bad, but on the other side of mind, she wants to know where did her pretty Blondy hair come from
What was your great great great great grandmother like? And how has she influenced your life? Does knowing her eyes were brown, green, or blue change you as a person? I understand your thought process, but think it comes from a different place. There's are positives and negatives to both types of donations.
CR Trystate Allegra very well may have gotten her hair color from her father. She very well may look just like him
sorry, but a donnor is a person who donated just a cell. That's it and it's great but is not part of the family. And this loved child is who she is not because of the color of her hair but because the love, education and respect she got from her family. These pilars don't come from genes.
As she grows up she and is fortunate enough to have kids ( funny how you would assume its so easy) of her own she will prob have a few friends that cannot conceive at which point she will donate her own eggs in the most selfless act of love and compassion since she already displays it here fir her mom. About her genetics she will prob do a dna test and find some fun stuff like where her ancestors lived circa 500 years ago which will put her ahead of most people when thinking about their origins and also will bring no real benefit to her since we are all very interconnected geneticaly . Since she was raised to have a heart of gold she will see people for who they are not by the color of their hair, eyes, genetics, nationality nor hopefully status.