I had an experience with a colleague who shifted her position to move into my field of view while we were having a conversation. I would look to the side or at the floor to focus on the words she was saying, and suddenly she moved so she could look directly in my eyes. My brain was screaming “Don’t do that! You are being very aggressive.” but I am fortunate to have a strong filter and just tolerated the “aggression”. It took hours to re-center after that encounter.
Definitely. Personally find the more intimate the relationship I have with a person, the easier it is to maintain eye contact. I completely understand Claire's comment about men over-prolonging eye contact when flirting (especially when it's unwanted attention!). Not 100% sure whether that's autism or just social anxiety in my case, though.
Yeah, I've met some people who really take the whole eye-contact thing way too seriously. I've been accused of being slimy, deceptive, dishonest, devious... Experience has taught me that I can have it one of two ways - (1) look creepily into their eyes and completely miss the message, or (2) look away and have a slightly better chance of hearing and understanding what they are saying. I struggle with auditory learning anyway - I get so distracted by all the activity around me, so tuning in to what someone is saying, look them in the eye and retain what they are saying... pretty much impossible for me.
Yes, it's totally me. Eye contact is an eternal struggle, but neurotypical people are often very mean to me, because I don't stare at them straight to the eys. And it's also hard for me to figure it out their intentions if they don't clearly express them.
When i began my adhd meds eye contact became so much more comfortable. I can even keep my own gaze in a mirror which was the ultimate creep out in the past
Yes! I struggle more in making eye contact with others that I don’t trust or don’t know…but with everyone, even my husband, I will make my best attempts at eye contact but when I have hit my limit….I blink a lot, scrunch up my eyes and nose, and my eyes will begin to water…I always fight it so hard but it is so uncomfortable 😣
That was a deep sigh. I already commented this on another video but just incase people find this one first. I've taught myself to look at either the bridge of the noose or between the tip of the nose and the upper lip. I once worked in a corporate setting and used it for that a lot. I can't really do meetings they put me to sleep, so I always ask to send me the cliff notes in an email. That way I can avoid having to be in a meeting all together. I was paying attention to myself during this video and I noticed I also use the bridge of the nose thing for videos. Congrats on 4.9K only 90 more to go. 🎉🥳
@@WoodshedTheory No they never noticed. My therapist actual put down “doesn’t have a problem with eye contact”. After I told her where I was actually looking she said she hadn’t noticed and thought I was looking her in the eyes. I’ve had friends say the same they wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t told them.
When I watch videos, I rarely look into the presenters eyes. I generally look at the mouth to read the words, since my visual processing is better than my auditory processing. It is like having closed captions on. I can also read some nonverbal information from the facial expressions around the mouth. I once made a study of trying to understand why eye contact was important by looking into eyes while watching videos, and I couldn’t read anything from the eyes, since that is all I see when I do so. I clearly don’t have the ability to see the whole face when making eye contact. It is equally uncomfortable looking at video eyes as eyes in the real world, even without the dynamic response from the person in front of me.
I'm not yet diagnosed, been debating the pros/cons of whether I should pursue it or not, and I think I want to, but I got to make some phone calls and ask some questions (something else that's difficult for me). Anyway, I'm happy I found your video. I tend to look at people's mouths when they're talking. I'm not really lipreading, but it does help me follow along with what they're saying. When I talk, I tend to look away at something else. I try look at something that's close to their face at least, but even that can be tricky because if I catch a bit of eye contact, my mind goes blank for a brief moment and I lose track of my place in the conversation. It's been something I've struggled with as far back as I can remember.
When I came out in ‘89 a doctor told my mom that I didn’t look into her eyes so that’s how a doctor told my mom about it so that’s how I was born autism, autistic & I also have a learning disability while being born/growing up as an autistic person that I am
It can be just sensory overload so brain tells you to look elsewhere. See the brain picture at the page bottom -- link in the first reply to comment so hopefully youtube will not delete my comment :/
I think neurotypical people are unnaturally too alert. Just like in cultures such as France and the Middle East people greet strangers by kissing them on the cheek. It is unnatural and invasion of our personal space. Their national languages are also very different and complicated than other cultures which says something about them and how they have formed unnatural barriers. I remember watching funny footage of the leader Yasar Arafat kissing another world leader continuously on the cheeks. It was hilarious. Eye contact is the same thing. Nobody needs to gawk at another person through their eyes like a laser beam. Instead we as neurodivergent people rightfully like to read the emotions on people's faces if we get the chance by the movements of small facial muscles. We can do that when we are not observed and targeted with laser beams. I had to go and check to see if I really saw what I thought I had seen of Yasar Arafat. It is a lot worse. They actually greet each other by continuously kissing on the lips and not just the cheeks. That's neurotypicals for you lol 🤣
Wide pupils can indicate desire (prostitutes used to use belladonna tincture to dilate their pupils and look aroused) and narrow pupils often indicate anger or hostility. Drug use can often be gauged by pupils, too. Eye contact is also very useful to decide whether a smile is genuine or contrived. When women have crow-feet removed from the corner of their eyes it becomes impossible to read their mood. Eye contact is not at all overrated as a social aide. That autistic subjects have difficulty with it is truly a severe handicap.
![Natanael Cano - Amor Eterno [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EO4prCs6WpM/mqdefault.jpg)
I even struggle keeping eye contact with myself in the mirror! 😅
Word lol
I had an experience with a colleague who shifted her position to move into my field of view while we were having a conversation. I would look to the side or at the floor to focus on the words she was saying, and suddenly she moved so she could look directly in my eyes. My brain was screaming “Don’t do that! You are being very aggressive.” but I am fortunate to have a strong filter and just tolerated the “aggression”. It took hours to re-center after that encounter.
It can be difficult to help people understand
Yeah, I don't think I'd have been able to maintain the filter through such overt aggression.
People think we CANNOT make contact. We can! It is UNCOMFORTABLE for us. Great video topic!
I always thought it was weird - even when boys would try to flirt with me I was like dude why are you staring into my soul
Definitely. Personally find the more intimate the relationship I have with a person, the easier it is to maintain eye contact. I completely understand Claire's comment about men over-prolonging eye contact when flirting (especially when it's unwanted attention!). Not 100% sure whether that's autism or just social anxiety in my case, though.
Yeah, I've met some people who really take the whole eye-contact thing way too seriously. I've been accused of being slimy, deceptive, dishonest, devious... Experience has taught me that I can have it one of two ways - (1) look creepily into their eyes and completely miss the message, or (2) look away and have a slightly better chance of hearing and understanding what they are saying. I struggle with auditory learning anyway - I get so distracted by all the activity around me, so tuning in to what someone is saying, look them in the eye and retain what they are saying... pretty much impossible for me.
eye contact is difficult
Yes, it's totally me. Eye contact is an eternal struggle, but neurotypical people are often very mean to me, because I don't stare at them straight to the eys. And it's also hard for me to figure it out their intentions if they don't clearly express them.
I have learned better eye contact but gees it’s nicer to not have to do it!
@@WoodshedTheory I agree. Neurotypicals are so weird.
first seconds: such big eyes... I had to turn away... too much. It's like being sucked in into this ... void.
Hi Tobi, yes it was so intense! Was aiming to show how it feels to autistic people and I think it worked!
@@WoodshedTheory I am autistic myself...Thank you for making your videos...They help to gain a better understanding for our condition.
When i began my adhd meds eye contact became so much more comfortable. I can even keep my own gaze in a mirror which was the ultimate creep out in the past
interesting
Trying to make eye contact while having a conversation about eye contact with someone who just told you that you break eye contact a lot.
Hahahaha been there.
This is a great topic. It makes total sense. Thank you again for doing this.
thanks for being such a huge support system for me!
Makes lots of sense. Love your coffee cup.
Thank you, it's so fun!
Yes! I struggle more in making eye contact with others that I don’t trust or don’t know…but with everyone, even my husband, I will make my best attempts at eye contact but when I have hit my limit….I blink a lot, scrunch up my eyes and nose, and my eyes will begin to water…I always fight it so hard but it is so uncomfortable 😣
It’s so terrible 😢
That was a deep sigh. I already commented this on another video but just incase people find this one first. I've taught myself to look at either the bridge of the noose or between the tip of the nose and the upper lip. I once worked in a corporate setting and used it for that a lot. I can't really do meetings they put me to sleep, so I always ask to send me the cliff notes in an email. That way I can avoid having to be in a meeting all together. I was paying attention to myself during this video and I noticed I also use the bridge of the nose thing for videos. Congrats on 4.9K only 90 more to go. 🎉🥳
Was anyone every like... "do i have something on my lip?" lol
@@WoodshedTheory No they never noticed. My therapist actual put down “doesn’t have a problem with eye contact”. After I told her where I was actually looking she said she hadn’t noticed and thought I was looking her in the eyes. I’ve had friends say the same they wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t told them.
When I watch videos, I rarely look into the presenters eyes. I generally look at the mouth to read the words, since my visual processing is better than my auditory processing. It is like having closed captions on. I can also read some nonverbal information from the facial expressions around the mouth.
I once made a study of trying to understand why eye contact was important by looking into eyes while watching videos, and I couldn’t read anything from the eyes, since that is all I see when I do so. I clearly don’t have the ability to see the whole face when making eye contact. It is equally uncomfortable looking at video eyes as eyes in the real world, even without the dynamic response from the person in front of me.
Eye contact is hard for me too
Thank you for sharing. Very informative.
Thanks for watching!
I'm not yet diagnosed, been debating the pros/cons of whether I should pursue it or not, and I think I want to, but I got to make some phone calls and ask some questions (something else that's difficult for me). Anyway, I'm happy I found your video. I tend to look at people's mouths when they're talking. I'm not really lipreading, but it does help me follow along with what they're saying. When I talk, I tend to look away at something else. I try look at something that's close to their face at least, but even that can be tricky because if I catch a bit of eye contact, my mind goes blank for a brief moment and I lose track of my place in the conversation. It's been something I've struggled with as far back as I can remember.
Glad to have you here! I understand it is a tough choice to move ahead with the formal diagnosis
When I came out in ‘89 a doctor told my mom that I didn’t look into her eyes so that’s how a doctor told my mom about it so that’s how I was born autism, autistic & I also have a learning disability while being born/growing up as an autistic person that I am
This! 👏👏
Yezzzzz
It can be just sensory overload so brain tells you to look elsewhere. See the brain picture at the page bottom -- link in the first reply to comment so hopefully youtube will not delete my comment :/
tinyurlDOTcomSLASHeyecontac without T at the end
Hi Tomas it looks like it was deleted
@WoodshedTheory
I have sent you the link to the channel gmail
I think neurotypical people are unnaturally too alert. Just like in cultures such as France and the Middle East people greet strangers by kissing them on the cheek. It is unnatural and invasion of our personal space. Their national languages are also very different and complicated than other cultures which says something about them and how they have formed unnatural barriers. I remember watching funny footage of the leader Yasar Arafat kissing another world leader continuously on the cheeks. It was hilarious. Eye contact is the same thing. Nobody needs to gawk at another person through their eyes like a laser beam. Instead we as neurodivergent people rightfully like to read the emotions on people's faces if we get the chance by the movements of small facial muscles. We can do that when we are not observed and targeted with laser beams. I had to go and check to see if I really saw what I thought I had seen of Yasar Arafat. It is a lot worse. They actually greet each other by continuously kissing on the lips and not just the cheeks. That's neurotypicals for you lol 🤣
oh wow i would struggle with the kissing on the lips thing
@@WoodshedTheory Yes me too but the weirdest thing is they kiss the person of the same gender as them on the lips and it is not suppose to be sexual
yeah it is not, it's just a greeting@@murtazaarif6507
Eye contact is overrated anyway.
Wide pupils can indicate desire (prostitutes used to use belladonna tincture to dilate their pupils and look aroused) and narrow pupils often indicate anger or hostility. Drug use can often be gauged by pupils, too. Eye contact is also very useful to decide whether a smile is genuine or contrived. When women have crow-feet removed from the corner of their eyes it becomes impossible to read their mood. Eye contact is not at all overrated as a social aide. That autistic subjects have difficulty with it is truly a severe handicap.