This is why at work if something NEEDS to be done I do it right away because if I don't it won't get done. Now that I'm on summer break it's like I don't do shit all day even though I know I have things to do. FYI I was out of toilet paper and TOOTHPASTE for like 2 or 3 days before I got more lol. I was using napkins and cut open the toothpaste tube to get by. Oh and I'll go like 3 months PAST my oil change before I get one lol
Frank James I noticed that you pull the bed covers over the pillows without tucking them in, I stopped making my bed because I only have one pillow in my bedroom and thought I’d have to get my other pillow or it would look stupid, so I just didn’t do it.
@@merelinden1 and all the rest of us-- as Dave Super Powers aptly names us-- "sloppy chaotic freak-os" 😁. I just figured out this way of babysitting the grandchores! I'm actually ENFP, so here commences hardcore NeTe: I started using a combo of checklists and a reward chart (aka ""gold star sticker" chart 😋). This is what I've been doing: --Record ONLY the high order specific thing I need to do (i.e. buy groceries for the week, get an oil change). --Before starting to work on anything, decide what thing I really WANT to do but is not an Se/Si garbage task that I obvi don't want to do. I treat myself like a child and tell myself I only get to do that thing when, and ONLY when I complete all my Se/Si tasks. --Get working and persevere through the bajillion little things popping up while doing the tasks on my list. --When done suffering through the tasks, REJOICE in whatever way I chose. (Yesterday I bought myself new cheap earrings. Wheee! 🎉) --Record success. I use the app Habit, and I'm kind of addicted. I love the color scheme. In true Ne fashion, I have done this for less than 24 hours and already feel 100% confident that this process is fool-proof, but you know... at least my car got the oil change this weekend. I did check out Dave Super Powers because of FJ's recommendation, and it's been game changing.
Wow @Amica Mea Stuff. I just got done with 2 major tasks but 50 billion smaller ones. All the while thinking about this new piece of self-knowledge. I have come to see that my frustration with LIFE is largely due to my distractibility when doing major tasks. So thinking about changing my life becomes a big headache due to all the little tasks that have to be done just to get one big f'ing thing done. How can I even think about going back to school at my age when it will set a whole city of dominos into action that there is no way I can control and that I don't even want to see! OMG. I really like your babysitting technique and I love that you are so confident because I can see that it really is fool-proof! LOL I have slowly come to understand this stuff and I am grateful that others seem to be getting it quicker. I am just too old for this shit. Damn. Let me just live my life from one grand chore to the next. Stop getting in my way, pettiness! ;o
Drinking water is also hard for me. Drinking enough in gerneral is hard, I don't understand how your supposed to drink 8 glasses of water or anything a day
Okay so I havr a habit of commenting on your videos before I watch it completely, becuse I don't want to forget what I want to comment on at the time. But got close to the end and completely agree with the part about not trusting people becsuse of what's going to come from it, or blow up in your face, but unfortunately I learned a very hard lesson, to ignoring or putting people off in my life. I had a good friend that I hadn't really hung out with since he got married, (I haf figured his wife wasn't very fond of me.) He messaged me a couple of times telling me he was lonely and wanted to meet up or come over to see me. At the time I was in my head a lot about my situation in life and with my own relationship and didn't want meeting up with him to csuse more problems for me. He ended up commiting suicide a few months later, and I was devistated. Still pissed off at myself for putting him off, till I felt better about intrracting with him. I promised myself from now on, if a friend tells me they're lonely and wants my attention, I will give it, no matter what.
I used to struggle with this a lot as well. I think I'm drinking about enough now, but when I don't constantly see it in front of me, I simply forget it.
Life is sensory overload. I'm here but I'm not present. I nod while ppl make small talk while I'm replaying a conversation from 3 weeks ago or some concept.
I’m INFP but I have these same issues. Don’t get much done because of anticipating all the possible things to deal with that could go wrong. My mantra “ Why does everything have to be so hard.”?
I go back and forth between intj and infj, I hope I stay in this mid-point. I think and feel like I am at the pinnacle or archway of wisdom...between the pillars of knowing and understanding.
I'm an INTJ and I can totally relate to this. I spend hours planning and dreaming about my future, doing all of the research for it, and set super detailed plans for almost everything that I have to do, but I just can't ever actually get started on, like, my chem homework. (Or maybe I'm just lazy. lmao)
Trouble getting started? (Raises hand) been there! Try saying to yourself I’m only gonna work for 2 minutes or 5 minutes or go for 30 minutes if you feel like that’s something you can handle/makes sense for you. If you’re waiting on laundry and you would rather scroll through social media for ten minutes and do HW for 20 minutes. Excellent! Just set a timer! And don’t go off that timer! I have ADHD so having structure is vital for me to get things done. The pomodoro technique works pretty well. But I prefer to work 30-45 minutes at the most with a 10-20 minutes break in between. It gives me time to engage my brain fully while allowing my brain enough time to relax. I get things done and I get my reward like video games or reading a chapter of a book I like, do a fun quiz to figure out what pair of socks you are (hint: I’m tube socks), or whatever. Having a routine and providing a reward is crucial. If you know all this and it isn’t helpful, I apologize. But I hope you find something that helps! All the best!
"somebody just take care of the stupid crap for me." You nailed it! Fellow INFJ here. I've actually spent hundreds of hours in my mind trying to invent a solution to this problem.
its called , 'an assistant', business people figured this out ages ago. lol don't re-invent the wheel, look on fivver and git chu one! As a wife, I can also say they used to be known as 'a wife', but every wife needed one too, and there just weren't enough to go around! Now they have simply gone professional and can make good money doin things for individuals and families and businesses that we used to do for free for the people we love!
@@novaricos Given that most people can't afford an assistant, the "solution" I've been pondering is more comprehensive. It's a break from the status quo of the way most people typically live by introducing an alternative to the standard neighborhood. The vision: a new model of intentional community designed to better accommodate our increasingly fragmented lives and the unique challenges of the times we live in.
just create a multi-purpose robot with neutral networks to do your tasks for you, and after planning everything procrastinate and avoid actually making it.
@@supertrampfan1 Your idea seems great! I surely hope you will carry on with that plan and one day I will be able to benefit from that (INTJ/INTP here, who almost had a nervous breakdown for almost every day of this year because of the admin tasks from my work that I felt intimidating and so I procrastinated them to no end, until they all became terrible monsters that would prevent me from doing anything - especially relaxing)
Ni is showing you all the possible problems. Ni is associated with prediction, pattern recognition, perspectives. You're NI dominant; that's why you see it so clearly. Inferior Se is more about sensory flooding. Feeling overwhelmed by too much sensory input, like a crowded mall, a beautiful sight, or too many people talking at once. Not the problem here. Weak Te is causing your stress. Te is associated with organization and planning. I can relate to the substance of your problem, but not the locus of it. The same avoidance you show towards organizational hurdles, is mirrored by the INTJ avoidance of social situations. Because Ni predicts all the little problems we will have, and which cause us stress. But what causes that stress is different. INTJs aren't sweating over tubes of toothpaste (always keep a backup tube) or ebay (use paper, not fabric). INTJs plan around those hurdles like an NBA player dribbling a basketball. For INTJ, it's weak Fe that causes us to avoid social situations, just like you avoid solving Te-based problems. The interesting thing about both INFJ and INTJs, is that we can often experience serious stress about a problem that doesn't even exist yet. Very few types will understand this about Ni doms. It's like you are literally living in the future.
As an INTJ, i think you hit the point full on. If I go to a party, I get sensory overflow and have to reset in an empty corner from time to time. That is Se. But the Ni / Te combination is like you said: Ni analyses the situation and plans ahead and Te is for the realising. Simply put: If I build something, i am now ordering parts that they are there when I need them and I even plan the building sequence ahead that there is enough time between being able to get the specifics and delivery without any delays. And we have a problem if we cannot find that optimal sequence of future events ("problems that doesn't even exist yet"). On the plus side: It is very, very rare that something occurs in reality what we doesn't have thought of. So, that is a fundamental difference between INTJs and INFJs. The question is: Are INFJs able to handle people (Ni + Fe) the same way INTJs handle physical things?
I say thee nay haha this is true my hubby is intj and I’m infj. We both show our stress thru immature Se. Food, videos, thrills, alcohol too my hubby but I got him off it due to becoming overt rude with me and deciding on his own seeing me cry was too much for him didn’t wanna be an ahole, tho he wasn’t an alcoholic just every time he’d drink he’d binge and end up cranky rude and farty. He hated that in himself. That’s how I knew he was in the grip of Se-he had realized he needs to channel His weak Se differently to like sthg else. Now execution wise he is on top of things...contingency plans for everything. Me I don’t think like that. I’m not efficient and contingency planned like him. I’ve improved for him just get started on something and don’t think, then I can continue daily or weekly. We have a system where anything we r out of I put it on sticky notes. I make groceries online so that I don’t miss anything or get distracted at the store. We bought a house and my mom is ISFJ. That taught me a lot growing up and it’s like a switch turned in my brain and I’m now becoming more like my mom even tho it can stress me-I just break cleaning in parts and not all for one day. However my intj also struggles with keeping momentum of trivial stuff to do at home that he takes care of like all the handyman and yard stuff. Half the time he just needs to get into Ni mode will be on alone time for hours daily it’s a necessity for him. but I understand bc he’s intj and he’s working all day and I’m quite independent as an infj just do my thing too but nearby to him lol from time to time cuddle breaks when I ask for them or he spontaneously gives them to me. Much like a kitty haha.
Dude exactly. Im budgeting my monthly paycheck for a job I don’t even have. It’s like Intj are so future oriented they forget that present but that awesome means INTJ are extremely goal oriented and motivated
Older INFJ here and I think the key to figuring out life IS living in the moment. Being engaged in what is going on and interacting with your world as much as possible. I like washing dishes by hand because that deep level of connection with the mundane task gives me some kind of serotonin and peace. I have slowly over the years brought more and more genuineness into my life with things I do. I drive a standard with manual windows because as an INFj it feels more connected. I feel more alive when I'm engaged with my vehicle by interacting with it more. I listen to vinyl records for this same reason. Not because I think they sound better, but because for some reason the deeper level of touching and engagement gives me a sense of peace and rightness with the universe. Think about that more, the word "engagement" in an interactive sense and try to make more of your daily activities more genuine and sensory to your body physically. We INFJ's love authenticness anyways. It bleeds over into objects and tasks in our life as well.
This resonated with me! I'm INTJ and I think I do the same with cooking. It relaxes me to be hands on in the kitchen, grounding me in a way. It pulls me out of my head and into the now. The same with working out at the gym.
Yes. I'm glad it's not just me feeling the same way. I was depressed for a long time before I knew how to deal with reality. and once I understood that what was holding me back from evolving as a person was precisely that difficult thing that I was neglecting, everything else became an "oh, so that was it". I'm not sure how it happened, but I started to enjoy the little things of the day. I like cleaning my room, because cleaning the floor and folding the sheets make me think beyond the object, and I find myself daydreaming, mulling over concepts as I do. and when I finish it is gratifying and everything is in its place. washing the dishes is also another task I do most often. eating has also become more interesting, even if I don't feel hungry, I've enjoyed feeling the flavors. of course all of this takes a lot of energy, but now I feel that my energy is completely wasted, and there is not something that is lost inside of me. some days are harder than others. some too procrastinate to get things done, and in others everything from the sensory world is needed to get more lost in my feelings and reflections. I understood the need to reconcile the now and the future, and finally, many things were done.
this is a really good way to work through weak Se. i use art(sketching and painting) and cooking or making things as a way to be more aware of reality at the moment. i have to constantly remind myself to be more present in the moment and engaging in activities that makes one engage with your senses more than they naturally do.
Crochet makes the connection for me, ultimately... washing dishes never a thing for me, baking sweets it was, but have people with diabetes at home so, that is an invitation for no more (in doing it so often). Connecting to the reality sometimes feels like a real pain in the ass😅💁🏻♀️😂 and when I tend to be in my ni...and there is a problem outside...the se going on a pilot for saving my ass is strange, goes like transform into an autobot and observing, not really understanding at first, that what you're watching and observing in that moment, the body is doing it for saving and protecting you...have you ever had an experience like that, anyone?
Holy shit, as an INFJ, the way he described the dealing with the issues of trying to sell a watch and being afraid to deal with new challenges was so relatable that I could have CRIED!!!
Mihailovna please don’t touch my desk. It looks disorganized but it is perfect in its own way. Organizing takes sooo much time out of my day. I have to plan each day and make lists. I never get as much done as I wanted to do.
Yeah, its always some unpleasant feeling..not that I don't want to go but like my inner conformist would rather prefer me to stay home. Just making myself to go there is the hardest part, later it becomes fun
I once got ready for a concert a month early. I get so anxious, I lose all sense of details, like looking at the ticket to see the month, day, and time.
The only way to overcome this (or manage) is to face it. Confront it. Learn that it’s not the end of the world and slowly you will become more comfortable.
Yeah and add corona. Going to the shop is even worse now. You have to remember to maskup everytime. I forget about the mask.and i am almost in the shop and have to walk back to the car.
This is why I simplified my life as much as possible..no car, almost no possessions, almost no worries, so I can focus on what matters to me as an INFJ
I also now know why people hire assistants and other people(sensors......) to do stuff for them. 😂🤑 I wanna make money...not to buy a bunch of sht, but to DO LESS sht. 😂🎉
Ugh...that's what always happens to me. I start to do something that should take like 20 minutes then it ends up taking a couple of hours instead. Its maddening
my mom used to get so frustrated with me when she'd put me to clean my room bc it would get more and more detailed. so instead of just folding my clothes into the dresser i'd have a tricket box i found in a back corner while i was trying to reorganize the drawer and there was a bigger mess than when i had started, lol
I used to do that. I discovered pomadoro. It's a simple thing. All you do is set a timer. Start small. Like 5 minutes. Do intervals and rest periods. Do whatever you can in that five minutes. Commercial cleaning... do housework during commercials on tv. It adds up and you see the difference. Especially if you photograph before and afters. Look up the fly lady.
Maddening. Totally. The fear swallows you up. I’m coming to accept that this is how my life works, so I can just say “I don’t want to stress from all this junk that’s gonna inevitably go wrong.” ............... Well, I was going to say that I’ve just learned to stop fearing all the things so much. But.... I’m gonna be honest, (because telling a generalized version of your life experience never *actually* helps anyone). I never would have learned this on my own. After one of my biggest freak-outs, I finally saw it was a problem, and I talked to God about the fear/anxiety that was taking over. I started thinking and thinking on Matthew chapter 6 how it talks about provision and life. Started handing over the responsibility of all the things I was fearing that I can’t control to God as they came up (by telling him that I was doing so and by trusting that he then *would* pick up what I gave over). I started reading Proverbs on fear and anxiety and reading a book about overcoming it. ...So... now I still have those fears come up just as frequently, but I can be brave... Because I have learned, have seen, have personally proven that God is watching over me. And have personally proven that Matthew 6 was right: everything else will fall into place if I pursue a relationship with Him and value what He does first. If someone doesn’t like what I had to say here, well, I don’t mind. People don’t have to all like what I say. And maybe I didn’t say it very well. But it is the truth, and I tried to saying it accurately because I really relate to this video. The truth in the Bible is my real and completely affective weapon against this controlling factor in my life (the inferior se symptoms talked about in the video). (And maybe this comment is so long that no one will read it anyway. 😝 So no biggie.)
I feel like I have got better at handling my inferior Se over the years (I'm in my mid-30s). The only advice I can give to INxJs is to learn to kind of "pounce" on the crappy little issues when they crop up. One of the worst things we can do is to ignore those problems for too long, because then it's like they grow into these insurmountable obstacles in our mind. Then we start to feel overwhelmed and depressed, like we are a victim of the circumstances, when really we could have controlled the circumstances by just jumping on the problem when it first happened. If you can learn to do that, then you won't give your mind the time to inflate and exaggerate things.
It's actually really fun to play with inferior Se and try learn to use sorting your surroundings/doing chores as a flow activity, like you're cleaning your space while reflecting on your inner world and clearing your thoughts. I got a habit of attaching an interesting inner experience to it so chores have become my quality Me-time, what
How do you pounce on it? I feel terrified when facing these inferior Se problems of mine. Ill tell myself ok lets do this, but once its time to perform I just get overwhelmed and I cower away. But I am no coward, how do you build that courage to face these things. Do you just build this "fuck it just do it" mentality is that it?
@@ayoubkhalil1 pretty much. Remember we have the exact same functions as estps but in reverse. Learn to build up a bit of fuck it. It really helps the infj, especially since we dont have a solid function to keep us grounded in our environment
@@bi00tch23 i agree with you. When I'm doing household chores, I listen to music because it helps me think about other things. Music takes me away from the current moment (doing chores) to my abstract land. Helps a lot. The downside is when I don't have music, I just can't move or do anything. I become paralysed and dependent. Also, my work is detail oriented, so I take breaks in between by stepping out of the office or building and taking a quick 10-15 min walk to refresh my mind. Whenever I get overwhelmed by the task, I just think about the big picture or purpose of what I'm doing.
INTJ here: I can relate; especially to the fear of missing information. For us, life is a chess board, and we are the ones who have the winning strategy, because we've spent nearly every waking moment of our lives making it. Our biggest fear us that we've missed something: that there is some detail that we've missed, some miniscule, meaningless piece of vanity, that will crash everything, as has happened before. It literally keeps us up at night, at least for me.
Also an INTJ and I felt this hard; for my Spanish oral exam, I found it very difficult and nerve-wracking to practice out loud in class where I was required to speak fluently spontaneously. I tend to repeat what I am going to say to avoid mistakes so when I do not have time to prepare, I short circuit. I stressed so much over that class in fear of embarrassing myself over such small mistakes, futilely attempting to preparing myself for something that demanded spontaneity. And even despite my stress, finding motivation to study and prepare was difficult that made me perform less-- I had a lingering belief that I would make a mistake no matter what I did. I experienced similar issues in my dance class a few years ago; these kinds of classes are the ones I perform worst in.
I’m an INTJ and I’ve always heard that INTJs are distinctly decisive which has always puzzled me since I’m very indecisive. This video helps me understand why and it’d because of inferior Se. I tunnel vision hard on my goals so when I have to make a small, insignificant decision I crumble. My mind has always existed somewhere far away from my physical self. It was easy for me to decide on a college but it took me five minutes to decide if I should eat my chili with a spoon or a fork because there were “too many factors”
Yeah we are like "Ugh, life is one thing after another; when can I relax and reflect??" And 'Se' doms are probably like "I'm glad life is one thing after another otherwise I'd be BORED!" (Correct me if I'm wrong. That's my impression though).
I married an ISTP, and he solved all the problems! Haha... He changes the engine oil , does grocery shopping, cooks, and washes dishes for me... I know I'm spoilt 😂 Disclaimer: Istp husband also complains a lot 😂😂😂
My husband is INFP and he doesn't want to do all the stuff like that. I struggle for doing all the homework -__- But he solved all the emotional problems, like he knows about the meaning of words or incidents, because I always ask about stuff like that 😂
Inferior sensing is absolutely living in dreamland. Seeing all the steps before taking them and not wanting to even begin. This is especially the case with mundane tasks like you have already iterated. Things are processed through my mind very quickly as well. On the other hand what I noticed is when I have control over my inferior sensing I become a driving force to bringing my inner world into reality. I can describe the experience as being mindful of the world (inner and outer) first and together. Also to have a willingness to admit one's ignorance for what it truly is, ego or unecessary pride.
I hate those busy-work tediously boring steps required to get my money-making hobbies or just get the basics of life done. I sew, bake, and am a graphic designer. Finally found ways to get those done without also performing the tedious business of sales; someone else gets that done now. And I gave up driving because I found it too tedious to maintain a vehicle. Found a stability job 2 blocks away from where I live - I'm now a part-time happy, low-commitment cashier for a small grocery store; found a place to live where all the utilities are paid and I get free internet. I moved to a state with no income tax, and to a small town where I can get anywhere I need within 8 minutes. 60 years old and I finally have everything I want! Had to wait until my offspring was settled into her new life, but there ya go.
Examples given by INFJs are so abstract and can only be truly understood by other INFJs. I love the way your mind works and how you seem to always put things in the right words, even though for an INFJ it always feels like there aren't enough accurate words to talk about your deepest self. Thank you for sharing yourself. It is wonderful to feel like I belong.
"all the stupid little things" so relatable. I thought there was something wrong with me that I struggle with such things as buying toothpaste on time, and feeling overwhelmed, low level anxiety, by the so many things that have to be done. All. The. Time. Everyday.
Margaret Winson you can actually use salt as a Very effective toothpaste- takes down the stresslevel so you can actually buy the darned thing also finding two or three favourite sorts of toothpaste is good so you can just autopilot any of those and dont have to deal with unfamiliar toothpaste =)
Hate Se. lol. I haven’t dusted my house in so long my shelves are getting fuzzy. That spider in the corner is fifth generation. And I just remembered I need some toothpaste.
I laughed so much watching this video because it’s so me 😂 Some of the things that have been helping me with this are: • having a daily routine • making checklists • setting alarms on my phone to remind me to eat food lol • practicing yoga and meditation every day - gets me more grounded in the physical ✌🏼✨
As a child I wondered if someone could invent a pill you could take that turns into a meal in your mouth, like Willy Wonka chocolate factory gum. I could keep playing and having fun, daydreaming and not have to make and then eat food and then clear up.. But then I remembered what happened to Violet and pudding-ugh. I don't want to be squeezed.
Yeah. I used to do all that (execept no meditation and aïkidoinstead of yoga) and it helped A LOT. Now, I'm trying to implant all these back into my life to get it back together.
I tried yoga and the physical part is fun but the emotional part doesn't do anything for me. Like I don't feel anything from breathing and closing my eyes... I heard some people even cry? I'm confused, it just boring for me. 💁
I swear, all of these videos are really eye opening for me but this one in particular blew my mind. Just filling my car up with gas is enough to throw off my entire day lol
I totally relate. Every day chores, tasks, LIFE, it all gives me anxiety for sure. Crippling anxiety. I think we give those distractions energy because we fear we will fail. I procrastinate to start new projects because I'm so perfectionist, I feel like I never get my shit done because of those anxieties, and fear of it not being good enough. And making things so perfect is exhausting. Also, when people see my work, will they get it, will it be what they wanted it to be? What if I spend so much time making everything perfect, and no body gets it. It's super hard for me to get past these fears/anxiety. I feel your pain brother! Love your videos btw! You're the best Frank!!
I feel you girl. I am your soul twin. Please tell me how you deal with it coz i feel Adulting is so impossible if we don't learn to manage this anxiety.
I was forced into the Adulting when I married an overgrown child, and had actual children. I had to do everything, schedules, meal planning, groceries, medical appointments, bills on time, just all of it, (for the whole family). I'm exhausted and not appreciated. Then they all betrayed me when I left the addict I was married too. I just want someone who will have my back, just ONE person, with endless patience and skills that I will never have. Add an 8 year legal battle and multiple moves and cyber crime on top of all that, oh, let's not forget the stalker. I really can't even get out of bed.
I just want to say how so on point your comment is, well said.👌 I definitely had these feelings when it came to writing essays in high school and college. I dread about the essay before I even start writing it because I know the feeling of exhaustion I'm going to have from trying to make it perfect. The result? Procrastination.
It gave me so much anxiety before I set up autopay. Somehow thinking about money stressed me out even if I have enough because I anticipate some form of human error interfering. Much better to leave it to the A.I.
try being tech phobic and not knowing how to work all the stuff - on top of everything else he's describing. Not fun. Yeah - nicer to just stay In My Head - argh..
Day to day things stress me out so much. I feel overwhelmed and anxious over the stupid crap you are talking about. I want the world to stop. I feel like I am constantly putting out fires like making a decision on home items, going to dr appointments, and buying new things when they break ugh. Etc. I prefer just listening to someone or talking about my random thought process lol. Just living day to day is very overwhelming. I have a system to get things done which works, but it is still overwhelming to keep dealing with stupid crap day to day. I want to feel less anxious about the day to day grind. I prefer work because it’s structured and I can listen to people abs discuss deep thoughts. I get to forget about all the random things it takes to live Day to day. I so understand how you see the big picture coming and feel fear knowing what will happen next. It really is never that simple. Getting those day to day baseballs thrown at you are brutal abs exhausting. Ugh. Lol I want to accept the day to day grind not have anxiety about it.
Ya the working every day seeing it already play out in my head makes me very exhausted already.. just thinking about so much to do 😅 I to struggle with anxiety and the world. Which my mom didnt want to believe I could drive which I'm working on now. And seems so overwhelming controlling a vehicle but I'm getting there...
It’s maintenance. I (INTJ) struggled SO HARD at the maintenance for years, but I had to become proactive at that stuff. Keep reminding myself, make lists, buy a lot of whatever (toothpaste, shampoo, milk, bread, water, cat litter, etc), plan way ahead of time. Otherwise I fall behind. I think this attitude has made me a bit ENTJ as well.
Inferior SE is like this for me: *Blocking the door with all the bags I need for work so I don't forget one *Putting the keys to my car on my lunch or w/e in the fridge so I don't forget it *Sticky notes taped onto my computer and phone so I remember things *Wearing my purse and keys all day like wedding rings (in the past this also included my laptop case when I had to teach in different rooms every day) *Randomly picking student names to make myself look at everyone and everywhere *Writing everything down for class so I don't forget what is going on myself all of a sudden in the middle of class *Driving around with things like tire inflator pumps all the time *Printing, drawing out, and studying maps before driving to a new location so I don't have to rely on in-the-moment GPS But I still catch myself leaving the oven on, missing deadlines for bills when I had the money by a few days, and using Dawn dish soap for a variety of things on a pinch.
I thought everyone had to have these strategies to get by, is it not ‘normal’? Despite all precautions still lose and forget important everyday ‘things’
This video brought on a mild anxiety attack but I laughed all the way through it! Listening to parts of this video was like listening to my own thought processes out loud. It was exhausting but funny. It's nice to know that someone else gets it! I have to go dodge baseballs now but thanks for putting this content out into the universe!
I had that and then he died. And I fell apert. So hung sticky notes on back of my door and forced myself to tackle the mundane extraverted jobs. I'm better now but would still rather be the original creator that is my strength.
Lists, man. The inferior Se function lifesaver. Also, my car started randomly leaking oil yesterday and I ignored it so I could go to the grocery store and now I think it's broken.
I have been doing the exact same thing... By the time it goes from my brain to my mouth, it never is quite right because I'm already thinking about what I should of said instead!
I think my favorite part about your videos is your complete and total willingness to admit to the things that I’m embarrassed to admit to myself. Haha. Everything in this video is relatable. I felt like I was getting anxiety when you started describing the eBay situation. If that were me I probably would have done some research on how much other people were selling it for, how much it was worth and then would have considered just taking it to the pawn shop. But, I’d never take it to the pawn shop because I’ve never taken anything to the pawn shop and I wouldn’t want to deal with the back and forth banter at the counter trying to get a decent amount of money for it. I’d get mad at myself for not just putting in the work to sell it online. Then, after all this overthinking about something so trivial, I’d sit on my couch and sulk about how I’m such a failure at the little things and I can’t believe I’ve made it this far in life 😂. How pathetic! But, I’d never show anyone that I’m like this or admit to it in person 🤔. I had a dream last night that I kept forgetting things. This seems like a recurring theme in my life. The times that I feel like I have everything in order in my life and that everything is perfect last for about 20 minutes. Then, out of nowhere, something pops up or I remember something that I forgot to do. Writing things down on a list helps out, but... even that can get taxing after awhile. Why can’t things just be easy?! 🤬 Great video!!
Sammy J / I can relate. The fact is, no matter how organized I am, things will pop up and freak me out. Frank is talking about going shopping, navigating eBay, going to an auto repair place.. I used to be at the top of my game, and guess what, the pop ups are WAY BIGGER.. and take a long time to resolve & RETURN to normal balance & comfort. ~ Through experience & time, I have learned to save my self & choose my battles carefully. ~ Because ultimately, what do I really control ? Nothing. ~ Each one of us, has the power to choose in the moment, what to do, what to think, how to self manage emotions, etc. That’s about it .. Do what you can & celebrate the small victories. That’s how I live ..and when the pop ups pop up, I go thru it as gracefully as I can..
BarbaraMerry Geng Thank you for this ❤️. I appreciate you saying, “Because ultimately what do I really control? Nothing.” That rings so true! Sometimes celebrating the small victories is really all we *can* do. I’m pretty good about hiding my anxieties and showing that I can get things under control. I mean, almost any problem can be solved when you think about it. We shouldn’t let the little things get to us. Easier said than done sometimes 😓.
Lol. You are not an incompetent piece of poo 💩! Yeah, we all feel this way (pathetic/worthless) sometimes. I just get upset when I feel like it could have been easily prevented. It's a never-ending cycle. My vacation was great! 😬 I was feeling burned out toward the end, though. I ended up snapping and feeling bad about it afterwards. It's really hard for me to deal with people becoming super emotional/irrational to the point that they can't even think straight. *Especially* when I can tell that someone is trying to guilt trip me for something that wasn't my fault... I swear, I'm a grumpy old woman on the inside! Hahaha, it's okay that you didn't post your video yet! No need to justify... Post it when you're ready! I know what you mean, though. You feel guilty because you said you were going to do something but didn't/couldn't. We're our own worst enemies 😅. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 25 is still young! I went through my crisis between the ages of 26-28 ;-). Except the crisis seems to keep recurring and I've just accepted it now. Yeah, turning 30 was depressing... mainly because my life is not where I thought it'd be. That isn't to say that things are bad. It's just.... ya know.... Having unrealistic expectations set for myself that I'll never live up to. *Rolling eyes* ... You feel dead inside? Lol. Girl, you better get that type of Se outta your system while you're still young! The older you get, the more frowned upon it is. :-/ Turn up and don't feel bad about it! It's still acceptable in your 20s! 🍸💃🏻
I try to compensate for the "running out of toothpaste" scenario, which means I end up with extra stockpiles of toothpaste that I inevitably forget I have and then still buy more toothpaste later.
This problem is what makes dissociation feel so tempting. But that is not helpful in the long run because then that's another problem on top of the list 😕
Omg your description of selling the watch slayed me - that was the best description of inferior sE that I have ever heard - 🙌🏻. I have found that getting out in nature on a regular basis has saved me from the baseballs!!!
65 yr-old INTJ. I relied for decades on the Keirsey/Bates book “Please Understand Me,” which preceded the newer work which has developed understanding of the cognitive function stacks. I am late to the game. One of your comments in this video was spot on for me, namely that my “aha moment” has been in realizing the implications of my inferior function being extraverted sensing. And why my poor ESFJ wife has been so frustrated with me all these years. Knowledge is power, so I can work on this during retirement. Thank you for your excellent videos.
I really am starting to feel better about myself with each video I watch Frank. It's good to know you're not alone in this battle. I feel detail oriented yet at the same time I can feel totally scattered. I see typos in things that make you wonder "what ever happened to proof reading." I find it in the news on tv, reading a synopsis on a book, the newspaper... ugh!!! And relationships, oh my gosh! I know everyone, including me, has faults, but it doesn't take me long, a couple of dates in, to realize what type of person you truly are going to be after "the new" wears off in the relationship....I'm sure some of you can do this also (men and women)...not just women. You catch wording, actions, looks, manners etc...hence, red flags. And the car issue. I can relate. I'm actually thinking of buying a second car, for back up, I guess. No real issues with current ride, yet always sensing that something is about to go awry with my car. I'm curious Frank.....do you or anyone watching have this thing .... "someone will enter my thoughts, maybe someone I haven't seen in awhile and bam, I run into them a few days later at a store etc. I've done this so long now, I start looking for that person to show up...and they do. If you can relate and shed some light on this. ..it would be great. Love your videos. Never stop. Thanks.
Jupp! Since ive been a child ive also known who is on the phone before it rings, its natural to me. Only discovered it because a friend saw me multiple times pick up the phone before it rang and say hi mom or a friends name ( NO set times for calls or Anything such) have several such gifts. If im just letting My mind relax and trust in My instincts and not try to explain why then I can handle things way better. Meditation makes it easier to shut out what needs to be shut out and observe and notice the rest with less chatter.
Me too. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I'll call them by another name. Then after feeling embarrassed and apologizing I'll end up meeting a person with that name.
A couple INTJ-related comments (no idea if this relates to INFJs, as well): You mention tips for improving ones use of extroverted sensing, and I actually have a little simple insight into that. Because INTJs are so goal-oriented, and logic-driven, all it takes is the individual realizing that their Se is something that can assist them in achieving their goals, and can assist them in their never-ending quest for greater knowledge. When you look at it as if it's a resource you already have, but have yet to use properly...it becomes easier to develop that inferior function, even if it's only a little. Also, there are some negative effects that come from having Se as your inferior function, particularly during times of stress. Turbulence in ones life can cause them to retreat into their inferior function. For INTJs (possibly INFJs, too), this results in behavior that is very strange for that type. They may dive, head first, into the sensory world. Overindulgence in sex, drugs/alcohol, shopping, gambling, and other sensory pleasures are all possible. We have to be careful when we go through this, as this can easily lead to an addiction.
I was so shocked and then relieved when YT channel Therapy in a Nutshell said something like, "You may have to recalibrate/check in with your body every few of minutes.” I was like, ”So often!?" But daily tasks really do elevate my stress responses, frequently, and it's been helpful to turn physical tasks into opportunities to focus on calming my fight, flight, freeze response. It's like permission to meditate because I'm getting stuff done. And, more importantly, I'm rewiring my brain against overwhelming anxiety through my body instead of getting stuck in a mind spiral. It's only been two weeks though.
This is why I’ve had a sticky note on my desk reminding me to call the dentist for months now 🙃 Also as a creative I think this can also manifest as a kind of extreme perfectionism and explains why I have a bunch of unfinished projects!
As a fellow INFJ I can totally relate. What also bugs me about my inferior Se is I’ll often get an idea to do something or feel inspired to do something and then I think about it a lot to a point that I never end up actually doing it because in my mind, I feel like it’s already done... do you experience that? If anyone in the comments section can relate and has any advice (beyond ‘well just make sure you do the thing’), please feel free to share :)
I hate to say this, but becoming more vigilant and training yourself to handle the stupid little things doesn't reduce the fear or stress, it just holds them to a somewhat constant level. Then, because of how we are, people see that we're doing such a 'good' job at coping that they start loading their own stupid crap on us...and we take it on. You can visualize the rest. The key lies somewhere else. Maybe in just not caring about the details. That's a skill I'm working on, but with only sketchy results so far - it's hard to fight your self.
INTJ here. Once when I was younger, I got this out of the blue, completely out of character, uncontrollable urge to just completely let go and live in the moment and do something fun so I let my friend (she had no license) drive my car for some practice and she ended up completely busting the front bumper off and all the while I was taking in everything in the moment and I regretted none of it in the beginning but after I came to my senses I had a manic meltdown. Another time, I completely forgot that I had a body and I also seemingly forgot that pain existed so I ended up exercising too hard one day and ended up getting rhabdomyolysis and almost died because my muscles were breaking up faster than they could repair themselves and thus leaked toxic cells into my kidneys, I had to have my kidney flushed out, my Se-grip is very violent
I've always struggled with an attention deficit, and I strongly feel that it's a direct result of my inferior Se. Those real world situations just always bored me so dang much that I couldn't focus on them. Makes me feel a lot better though to hear other INFJs or INTJs speak on this.
@MA C yep. Pretty much. Used to bother me more. Not so much now. If people misunderstand me, they aren't trying very hard. So I just keep kickin' it in my little bubble lol.
@MA C for sure. You can always tell who your people are. Quality over quantity. Got a handful of people who accept all my ridiculous quirks. That's all I need.
Hey Frank, Se inferior has its pros and cons. One pro is sensitive senses. I can detect sounds Se dominants don't notice sometimes and can have a stronger taste palate. But, the cons are way more as you stated. I found the following things helped me develop it more: taking photographs and taking into consideration the different aspects of photography; baking sweets is detailed and needs accuracy for a good result; listening to music without zoning out, setting two or three tasks to do within a day or a week according to priority so they don't pile up. Se is nice when enjoying the simple things in life. Best regards! Zee
I should listen to more music then 👀 I zone out pretty badly sometimes then I start to feel bad. I second making a list of priorities for a day or week. I did it for a couple of weeks before when I created my own planner and it worked wonderfully.
A strong palate is due to high Si. In fact, that's why SJs have existed through-out millennia, because they're in tune with their inner bodies that they knew whether food or water was poisoned.
As an INFJ, this was quite enlightening for me. :D I always thought the stuff you described was part of my depression, so it's actually quite relieving to hear that it's normal and not mental illness. In fact, it's extremely relieving!
Can't believe you sold a watch on eBay.That's amazing! I've been thinking of doing that for the past 5 years, but it sounds too stressful. Besides, I'm too busy buying toothpaste.
🤔 INFJ The way this has played out for me in relationships is that I may receive information which tells me that I need to set a boundary, have a difficult conversation, or just run for the hills... but I try to pretend that information doesn't exist so that I can prolong projecting my fantasy of the other person for as long as possible. When the hard truths accumulate and I can no longer ignore them, only then do I door slam the person. It almost seems like it is coming out of nowhere. This is why I have ended up dating an inordinate number of narcissists, liars and emotional abusers. Never again. Every other example you gave is spot on and very illuminating. Thank you.
Yeah, as an INTJ I can't say I have that fear. I have a fear that my analyses are wrong though, but not so much from lack of information as from lack of proper thinking.
I love this! I am a super detail-oriented person. I spot out inconsistencies very quick. I can recognize when I saw that number over there 30 minutes ago, which wasn't supposed to be over there, because it can't be in two places, but it is...which means something went wrong. I feel like I can do this for hours when in the right mindset and that it's actually a kind of fun brain exercise. And then suddenly a guy you've never seen before (let's call him Mike) walks in the office asking for a coworker who just stepped out. He gives you his name so you can let the other person know he stopped in to say hi, which seems easy enough to do. But upon telling your coworker, "Hey, Mike stopped by to say hi while you were out," you're met by this barrage of questions, "Which Mike? Did he give his last name? What did he look like? What color was his hair? Was he bald? Was he tall? Did he have glasses?" And you honestly can't answer a single question!!
Then you noticed there was no outro music today. I wonder what FJ was thinking right at the end of the video? It's like I can see the gears turning, but he didn't say whatever it was.
Story of my life 😅😓😭 INTJ here! Toothpaste, car, dentist... all very real scenarios in my life. I live very much in the future and I've been working on being more present... this is exactly why self help books stress me out because that's what they preach. Just read the Tao of Pooh and I'm like... I know I'm Owl and a little bit Rabbit.. and they are both portrayed as idiots 😂😭 Struggle is REAL.
The real key for me in getting past the "avoiding boring real life tasks" was realizing that if I tackled them earlier, the fewer complications I encountered while doing them. I learned that lesson the hard way, by ignoring my dental issues until they became exponentially more painful and exponentially more expensive. These things have to be done, so I try to make them as easy as possible. There's an added bonus in that I have much less of that anxiety that comes with knowing something is hanging over my head needs to be done and isn't.
You nailed this, Frank! Physical details are like this unknown little rascal that gets in the way. I get so frustrated & upset when simple tasks turn out to be more involved. It feels like you've been blindsided.
Se is an analytic function to determine where you are in a moment's time, and Ni is our inner GPS telling us where we can and/or should go. When the two work in harmony, you go from one small goal to the next until you reach your main goal. My advice from experience is to reward yourself a little each time you reach an Se goal. Then reward yourself a little more when you finish the next goal but slightly more. Repeat this until you reach your Ni desstination. Then you'll have a celebration better than all the previous rewards combined. Fear doesn't share a house with joy and happiness, therefore feed your Se accomplishments with joyful rewards and starve fear to death.
I'm stopping back by to let you know that I sent this video to my dad, who is ISTJ. He and I are best friends, and always have been. While we are EXTREMELY alike in many ways, we tend to get frustrated with each other's thought processes because of how different our functions are. Long story short, it's been frustrating to be on different pages for many years. I feel misunderstood, and stupid at times, when trying to relay my thoughts to him. I know that he watched this video in its entirety (that's how he is), and I know that it helped [in some way or another]. Thank you Frank! Cheers!
Having a mom with extraverted sensing as her secondary function, I learned so much from a young age how she handles the sensing details of life! I remember crying a lot when I don't expect a certain problem or response, but learned to remember and be careful not to let one thing lead up to another. She made me see how it's possible to overcome them (with her gentleness), so I think it might help to learn and get advice from sensing people! Two of my closest friends have dominant introverted sensing, and it's been so interesting learning from them. When they have moments of existential crisis, I help them by sharing what I've learned from my general view of things 😀
I just showed my husband the part about the watch going through the baseball analogy...you should have seen his face! He said that was a perfect explanation for how I view the challenges of life vs. how he views them. I mean wow you just nailed it for both of us.
I really need to appologise. I relate to every video and I am now actually scared to comment that all the time because it's kinda weird. I relate to this too. Stop reading my mind! Please. I want to escape this vortex that is Frank James lol! That's why I get depressed because I leave things, then it's so complicated trying to fix it, and often multiple things at once. Then once it's finally fixed I promise myself I will manage everything perfectly. Lasts two weeks. Then happens over again. Not details orientated though. Big picture orientated.
BarbaraMerry Geng I'm really beginning to wonder if I am 'on the spectrum" of autism or aspbergers or something. I feel completely incompetent, and there is no one left in my life. I've checked out some vids on the subject and I have a lot of the traits.
I am after a diagnosis of autism. What's interesting though is a lot of people feel this way. So is it really linked to Myers Briggs or is it a generational thing? Are we really just anxiety ridden people with a lack of self discipline and mental toughness? The thing is with life anything is possible. But at least we can figure out ways to manage better and improve. I've been really really tired and down lately too.
It's fun watching Frank's old videos where he blinks so much to process everything as he says it compared the more recent stuff where he's just quick-draw on everything. Mastery🔥🔥🔥
I still remember one of the most beautiful days of my life was during the summer of 2020, in Tenerife, Spain. Although I wasn´t into mbti back then, looking back on it I do think that its the day I activated my extraverted sensing. When it comes to the circumstances of that day, there was nothing special about it. It was just another summer day with my cousins by the beach, but my mentality was completely different. It was beautiful and one of the most enlightening days of my life. I don´t remember what exactly encouraged me to do it, but I had decided to take a break from social media and youtube as well as music because I was very certain I was unhealthily addicted to it. but in a matter of 2 days, I had already gotten used to it. I read a book instead, and what I realised was that my life quickly became so minimal and simple. Everything that life consisted of was reduced to a book, a calm beach, and my family. I do believe the setting helped a lot. It was this day that I realised that life is not to be taken too seriously. For a day, I genuinely stopped giving a fuck. In the sense of, "if im a piece of shit", so be it. It really does not matter." "if im not being productive, or doing something that is not related at all to my Ni goals, so be it." that day I did not think twice about how i behaved, spoke, appeared to others, or even what I did. I just went with the flow. I didn´t go through the day with that one Ni interest clouding my mind. I lived that day as if there was no tomorrow. Not in the sense that I lived it to the fullest, kind of the opposite. I didn´t succumb to any deep thoughts, goals, interests. I just did not care and just became open to whatever that one day had to offer. Life was so minimal, so simple, all a sudden. I was 17, but I felt like a 65 year old retired man. But the best part and the part that gets me emotional every time I think about that day was that I became the person I had been trying to become for years with my Ni the one day I stopped using Ni. I became a million times funnier than I already was, I would crack joke after joke like a comedy machine and make everybody laugh constantly. I was simply way more present and noticing the absurd in everything. I took charge of most group conversations that day, everything that came out of my mouth was smooth and natural, and life just generally felt smooth. I was my best self the day I stopped caring about being my best self. I cannot put into words just how much better I was that day. It may be hard to understand what I am saying, but essentially the tool i had been using for 4 years to improve myself, the tool that kept me hyper-focused on this self-improvement journey for so long, was the same tool that was ruining me (ni). The trick wasn´t in working harder and setting goals, it was in not caring and accepting it how it is. It wasn´t using your dominant function, it was in accepting your inferior. If you´re an Ni dom, you care too much. You may think you don´t, but you do. In this very deep, cognitive way you do. It´s what Ni is. It keeps you interested in this specific thing that isn´t here yet, and it makes you unwilling to accept anything that cannot be tied back to it. It makes you want to work towards something. You cannot stand the idea of doing something for no reason. You need meaning in everything. But the truth is, it is when you take a step back and suppress that Ni for at least a day and see life through a new lens that you become the best and most inspiring version of yourself. I did this by removing everything that my life consisted of from my life. I was not with my friends, my hobbies, my social media, my music, nothing. Just me, my family, and the beach. My Ni had no room to operate. It was a confusing but beautiful moment of self-discovery for me. I highly recommend you guys try this too. - INTJ
I get you mate. Personally, I got rid of numbers, statistics, time saving, efficiency tracking progress and all that sh*t. And after I felt what is like to be alive...
Thank you, Frank! I feel so much better about myself now. I really thought that I was either lazy or depressed or both. I was almost ashamed of myself. Now I know that whatever it is that stops me from getting things done in the external world is an objective part of my personality-not a character flaw or emotional illness. And I am not alone in how I struggle. I also have a detail-oriented job. I feel great pride and relief when I catch another's mistake. It is as if I am telling myself and everyone else, "See! I'm not so lame! I can serve a purpose in the 'real' world!"
INTJ here, and I can absolutely relate. I'm an excellent planner, but terrible at executing the plan and really with adulting in general. Autopay is my best friend because I just don't want to even think about doing my books. I don't think I went to the grocery store for 6 weeks after my ENFP sis moved out. And when I'm alone, I get into a level of sloth, seclusion, and lack of self-care that only an INTP could challenge. I also have a bad habit of ignoring things I know are important until they become a problem, but at least I always own up that it was my own damn fault.
I think, yeah, you get more detail-oriented because you're scared of making mistakes and omitting details because you think that missing something will mess things up. I really hate doing applications that require a lot of official documents because I'm always scared I miss something. I guess one way to develop Se is when something does go wrong or a detail goes missing, is to not get stuck on "I KNEW IT. I KNEW I WOULD MISS SOMETHING. I should have done this or that to prepare" but rather to learn to adapt in the moment and problem solve immediately.
Wow. You just made an excellent point around 11:15. CS Lewis, assumed to be an INTJ or INFJ, wrote a chapter in The Screwtape Letters that changed my life. It was about the importance of being "present" because it is in the present where God can actually meet you and fill you with joy-because the present is what is real. From that chapter, I was inspired to re-program my mind (which took months of effort but was well worth it) and eventually it became my natural mode of thinking to not let my mind runaway with hypothetical situations. So, for me, I derived great peace from learning how to be "present," as did CS Lewis, and we are both Se inferiors. You're onto something FJ!
Your an ESTP?!!! Can i ask whats it like to be you? (ex. Like your perspective in your world view) I just watched a video that says ESTPs and ISTPs have the same function stack in different order and are good with our inferiors..so I'm just a little curious.. And still learning how to identify ppl encountered throughout my life. I haven't learn to recognize these two yet.. So wanted to see if it was ok to ask Lol ~INFJ learning
I know what you mean jellybean, damn life getting in the way of my procrastination and avoidance 😜 thx for another great vlog. You should get that PO Box (in your own time, wouldn't want to rush you) so I can send you some toothpaste, you'll definitely need that if you're going to start dating again 💖 , and deodorant too if you're running low 🤣
I am an INTJ and I wanted to say thank you. To be able to listen to someone say the things that I feel as though they understand where it comes from was a surprisingly moving experience. So often I have spoken to people in my life and come away feeling like I am crazy because of the way they respond or don't respond, letting the conversation just... die. The notion of "missing information" hit particularly close to home and I think there are a great many missed opportunities in my life that I'll never get to revisit because I couldn't get out of my own way. So, thank you. This video gave me some much needed food for thought.
🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ ruclips.net/video/AwATt5_nXNM/видео.html ⭐
Frank James do you have a podcast?! I feel like it would be amazing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
This is why at work if something NEEDS to be done I do it right away because if I don't it won't get done. Now that I'm on summer break it's like I don't do shit all day even though I know I have things to do. FYI I was out of toilet paper and TOOTHPASTE for like 2 or 3 days before I got more lol. I was using napkins and cut open the toothpaste tube to get by.
Oh and I'll go like 3 months PAST my oil change before I get one lol
Frank James I noticed that you pull the bed covers over the pillows without tucking them in, I stopped making my bed because I only have one pillow in my bedroom and thought I’d have to get my other pillow or it would look stupid, so I just didn’t do it.
Join the military. An INFJ that gets the detail DRILLED into them can do amazing things!
U r on point,I struggle on day to day operations. I guess,wan to save the world .lol.
Being INFJ ,its difficult.
Thanks for view.
I heard a quote once: "the problem with life is, it's so...daily." yep.
I love this!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG yes!
Love it😆
UGHHHHHHHH
Wow exactly
Make a plan. We're good at that. Stick to the plan, that's the hard part.
Way too true
Story of my life. I've made 50 plans in the past 2 months.
Me.
Lots of plans zero doing... Story of my life
EXACTLY! I'm soo good at making plans, but it's hard to stick to them for more than a couple days! It feels too rigid. -ENFJ here.
I call it “grandchores “ when your chores somehow breed and beget more chores.
That's amazing. I often feel very detail disoriented 😋
It's overwhelming all the details. Lol
I love this 'grandchore" concept. Yes!!
@@merelinden1 and all the rest of us-- as Dave Super Powers aptly names us-- "sloppy chaotic freak-os" 😁. I just figured out this way of babysitting the grandchores! I'm actually ENFP, so here commences hardcore NeTe:
I started using a combo of checklists and a reward chart (aka ""gold star sticker" chart 😋). This is what I've been doing:
--Record ONLY the high order specific thing I need to do (i.e. buy groceries for the week, get an oil change).
--Before starting to work on anything, decide what thing I really WANT to do but is not an Se/Si garbage task that I obvi don't want to do. I treat myself like a child and tell myself I only get to do that thing when, and ONLY when I complete all my Se/Si tasks.
--Get working and persevere through the bajillion little things popping up while doing the tasks on my list.
--When done suffering through the tasks, REJOICE in whatever way I chose. (Yesterday I bought myself new cheap earrings. Wheee! 🎉)
--Record success. I use the app Habit, and I'm kind of addicted. I love the color scheme.
In true Ne fashion, I have done this for less than 24 hours and already feel 100% confident that this process is fool-proof, but you know... at least my car got the oil change this weekend.
I did check out Dave Super Powers because of FJ's recommendation, and it's been game changing.
Wow @Amica Mea Stuff. I just got done with 2 major tasks but 50 billion smaller ones. All the while thinking about this new piece of self-knowledge. I have come to see that my frustration with LIFE is largely due to my distractibility when doing major tasks. So thinking about changing my life becomes a big headache due to all the little tasks that have to be done just to get one big f'ing thing done. How can I even think about going back to school at my age when it will set a whole city of dominos into action that there is no way I can control and that I don't even want to see! OMG.
I really like your babysitting technique and I love that you are so confident because I can see that it really is fool-proof! LOL I have slowly come to understand this stuff and I am grateful that others seem to be getting it quicker. I am just too old for this shit. Damn. Let me just live my life from one grand chore to the next. Stop getting in my way, pettiness! ;o
As an INFJ, I have to remind myself every day: Life is not solved, but rather, managed.
Wooow so right...we can manage overwhelm or feeling lost but we dont have to know how to solve them immediatly❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Such good, sound advice.
For me it's netiher -INFP
That’s a good one
Ah so helpful
"Life is all just a bunch of stupid little things" - Frank James
Lol truth!
Yes
FOR REAL
Yes 🙌
But also it is a bunch of beautiful little things!
I drank water today
Drinking water is also hard for me. Drinking enough in gerneral is hard, I don't understand how your supposed to drink 8 glasses of water or anything a day
Okay so I havr a habit of commenting on your videos before I watch it completely, becuse I don't want to forget what I want to comment on at the time.
But got close to the end and completely agree with the part about not trusting people becsuse of what's going to come from it, or blow up in your face, but unfortunately I learned a very hard lesson, to ignoring or putting people off in my life. I had a good friend that I hadn't really hung out with since he got married, (I haf figured his wife wasn't very fond of me.) He messaged me a couple of times telling me he was lonely and wanted to meet up or come over to see me. At the time I was in my head a lot about my situation in life and with my own relationship and didn't want meeting up with him to csuse more problems for me. He ended up commiting suicide a few months later, and I was devistated. Still pissed off at myself for putting him off, till I felt better about intrracting with him. I promised myself from now on, if a friend tells me they're lonely and wants my attention, I will give it, no matter what.
I used to struggle with this a lot as well. I think I'm drinking about enough now, but when I don't constantly see it in front of me, I simply forget it.
@@leiasart4610 same here
Realized I put this in the wrong place...
Life is sensory overload. I'm here but I'm not present. I nod while ppl make small talk while I'm replaying a conversation from 3 weeks ago or some concept.
I’m INFP but I have these same issues. Don’t get much done because of anticipating all the possible things to deal with that could go wrong. My mantra “ Why does everything have to be so hard.”?
Yup, exactly.
Lol intuition is how I live
@@donajones5772 you have the same issues because these guys are also Infps..
That means youre an introvert with extroverted intuition. Congrats, mr. Infp/intp
My INTJ fix, I buy a years worth of toothpaste at a time.
I do this with toothpaste and toilet paper! Then after it runs out it'll take me a week (or 2) to buy more
But..what about when the year is over? Then you have to buy MORE.
Tried that, it starts tasting weird when it get‘s old.
I go back and forth between intj and infj, I hope I stay in this mid-point. I think and feel like I am at the pinnacle or archway of wisdom...between the pillars of knowing and understanding.
the last time I bought shampoo was 3 years ago. 15 liters
I'm an INTJ and I can totally relate to this. I spend hours planning and dreaming about my future, doing all of the research for it, and set super detailed plans for almost everything that I have to do, but I just can't ever actually get started on, like, my chem homework. (Or maybe I'm just lazy. lmao)
Trouble getting started? (Raises hand) been there! Try saying to yourself I’m only gonna work for 2 minutes or 5 minutes or go for 30 minutes if you feel like that’s something you can handle/makes sense for you. If you’re waiting on laundry and you would rather scroll through social media for ten minutes and do HW for 20 minutes. Excellent! Just set a timer! And don’t go off that timer! I have ADHD so having structure is vital for me to get things done. The pomodoro technique works pretty well. But I prefer to work 30-45 minutes at the most with a 10-20 minutes break in between. It gives me time to engage my brain fully while allowing my brain enough time to relax. I get things done and I get my reward like video games or reading a chapter of a book I like, do a fun quiz to figure out what pair of socks you are (hint: I’m tube socks), or whatever. Having a routine and providing a reward is crucial. If you know all this and it isn’t helpful, I apologize. But I hope you find something that helps! All the best!
I fantasize about the future a lot
@@jubilee2292 i have adhd and doing medication helps me clear my mind of distractions, also having a timer for work then a period of break.
Same!
yes i can totally relate to this as an intj aswell
"somebody just take care of the stupid crap for me." You nailed it! Fellow INFJ here. I've actually spent hundreds of hours in my mind trying to invent a solution to this problem.
Problems only exist when there are sensors to complain about it.
its called , 'an assistant', business people figured this out ages ago. lol don't re-invent the wheel, look on fivver and git chu one! As a wife, I can also say they used to be known as 'a wife', but every wife needed one too, and there just weren't enough to go around! Now they have simply gone professional and can make good money doin things for individuals and families and businesses that we used to do for free for the people we love!
@@novaricos Given that most people can't afford an assistant, the "solution" I've been pondering is more comprehensive. It's a break from the status quo of the way most people typically live by introducing an alternative to the standard neighborhood. The vision: a new model of intentional community designed to better accommodate our increasingly fragmented lives and the unique challenges of the times we live in.
just create a multi-purpose robot with neutral networks to do your tasks for you, and after planning everything procrastinate and avoid actually making it.
@@supertrampfan1 Your idea seems great! I surely hope you will carry on with that plan and one day I will be able to benefit from that (INTJ/INTP here, who almost had a nervous breakdown for almost every day of this year because of the admin tasks from my work that I felt intimidating and so I procrastinated them to no end, until they all became terrible monsters that would prevent me from doing anything - especially relaxing)
i put up notes because i never remember to do stuff. THEN I FORGET THE NOTES EXIST😂 they blend into the background and end up being ignored.
This comment is so me!!
I so relate 😅
I have sooo many lists in my phone & on paper. I even have an alarm on my phone to look at my lists!😂 So sad lol.
Same lmao! XD
SOO MEEE!! Or I even deceive myself and PRETEND some things don’t exist, even though I am quite aware of them.
Ni is showing you all the possible problems. Ni is associated with prediction, pattern recognition, perspectives. You're NI dominant; that's why you see it so clearly.
Inferior Se is more about sensory flooding. Feeling overwhelmed by too much sensory input, like a crowded mall, a beautiful sight, or too many people talking at once. Not the problem here.
Weak Te is causing your stress. Te is associated with organization and planning.
I can relate to the substance of your problem, but not the locus of it. The same avoidance you show towards organizational hurdles, is mirrored by the INTJ avoidance of social situations. Because Ni predicts all the little problems we will have, and which cause us stress. But what causes that stress is different. INTJs aren't sweating over tubes of toothpaste (always keep a backup tube) or ebay (use paper, not fabric). INTJs plan around those hurdles like an NBA player dribbling a basketball. For INTJ, it's weak Fe that causes us to avoid social situations, just like you avoid solving Te-based problems.
The interesting thing about both INFJ and INTJs, is that we can often experience serious stress about a problem that doesn't even exist yet. Very few types will understand this about Ni doms. It's like you are literally living in the future.
I think you maybe onto something here. I know an intj who is very much capable of handling his daily life, whereas I suffer as an infj
As an INTJ, i think you hit the point full on. If I go to a party, I get sensory overflow and have to reset in an empty corner from time to time. That is Se. But the Ni / Te combination is like you said: Ni analyses the situation and plans ahead and Te is for the realising. Simply put: If I build something, i am now ordering parts that they are there when I need them and I even plan the building sequence ahead that there is enough time between being able to get the specifics and delivery without any delays. And we have a problem if we cannot find that optimal sequence of future events ("problems that doesn't even exist yet"). On the plus side: It is very, very rare that something occurs in reality what we doesn't have thought of. So, that is a fundamental difference between INTJs and INFJs.
The question is: Are INFJs able to handle people (Ni + Fe) the same way INTJs handle physical things?
Your comment blew my mind. “It’s like you’re literally living in the future.” Thank you.
I say thee nay haha this is true my hubby is intj and I’m infj. We both show our stress thru immature Se. Food, videos, thrills, alcohol too my hubby but I got him off it due to becoming overt rude with me and deciding on his own seeing me cry was too much for him didn’t wanna be an ahole, tho he wasn’t an alcoholic just every time he’d drink he’d binge and end up cranky rude and farty. He hated that in himself. That’s how I knew he was in the grip of Se-he had realized he needs to channel His weak Se differently to like sthg else. Now execution wise he is on top of things...contingency plans for everything. Me I don’t think like that. I’m not efficient and contingency planned like him. I’ve improved for him just get started on something and don’t think, then I can continue daily or weekly. We have a system where anything we r out of I put it on sticky notes. I make groceries online so that I don’t miss anything or get distracted at the store. We bought a house and my mom is ISFJ. That taught me a lot growing up and it’s like a switch turned in my brain and I’m now becoming more like my mom even tho it can stress me-I just break cleaning in parts and not all for one day. However my intj also struggles with keeping momentum of trivial stuff to do at home that he takes care of like all the handyman and yard stuff. Half the time he just needs to get into Ni mode will be on alone time for hours daily it’s a necessity for him. but I understand bc he’s intj and he’s working all day and I’m quite independent as an infj just do my thing too but nearby to him lol from time to time cuddle breaks when I ask for them or he spontaneously gives them to me. Much like a kitty haha.
Dude exactly. Im budgeting my monthly paycheck for a job I don’t even have. It’s like Intj are so future oriented they forget that present but that awesome means INTJ are extremely goal oriented and motivated
" I'm not lazy, I just don't like working there's a difference ! "
EXACTLY!
Yeahhhhh ! My parents also call me a lazy but I forget to do the things
I will totally accept the label.
Hi, im INTP and im super lazy.
@@NoName-it8jj thissssssss
Umm it’s the same thing
Older INFJ here and I think the key to figuring out life IS living in the moment. Being engaged in what is going on and interacting with your world as much as possible. I like washing dishes by hand because that deep level of connection with the mundane task gives me some kind of serotonin and peace. I have slowly over the years brought more and more genuineness into my life with things I do. I drive a standard with manual windows because as an INFj it feels more connected. I feel more alive when I'm engaged with my vehicle by interacting with it more. I listen to vinyl records for this same reason. Not because I think they sound better, but because for some reason the deeper level of touching and engagement gives me a sense of peace and rightness with the universe. Think about that more, the word "engagement" in an interactive sense and try to make more of your daily activities more genuine and sensory to your body physically. We INFJ's love authenticness anyways. It bleeds over into objects and tasks in our life as well.
This resonated with me! I'm INTJ and I think I do the same with cooking. It relaxes me to be hands on in the kitchen, grounding me in a way. It pulls me out of my head and into the now. The same with working out at the gym.
Yes. I'm glad it's not just me feeling the same way. I was depressed for a long time before I knew how to deal with reality. and once I understood that what was holding me back from evolving as a person was precisely that difficult thing that I was neglecting, everything else became an "oh, so that was it". I'm not sure how it happened, but I started to enjoy the little things of the day. I like cleaning my room, because cleaning the floor and folding the sheets make me think beyond the object, and I find myself daydreaming, mulling over concepts as I do. and when I finish it is gratifying and everything is in its place. washing the dishes is also another task I do most often. eating has also become more interesting, even if I don't feel hungry, I've enjoyed feeling the flavors. of course all of this takes a lot of energy, but now I feel that my energy is completely wasted, and there is not something that is lost inside of me. some days are harder than others. some too procrastinate to get things done, and in others everything from the sensory world is needed to get more lost in my feelings and reflections. I understood the need to reconcile the now and the future, and finally, many things were done.
this is a really good way to work through weak Se. i use art(sketching and painting) and cooking or making things as a way to be more aware of reality at the moment. i have to constantly remind myself to be more present in the moment and engaging in activities that makes one engage with your senses more than they naturally do.
Crochet makes the connection for me, ultimately... washing dishes never a thing for me, baking sweets it was, but have people with diabetes at home so, that is an invitation for no more (in doing it so often). Connecting to the reality sometimes feels like a real pain in the ass😅💁🏻♀️😂 and when I tend to be in my ni...and there is a problem outside...the se going on a pilot for saving my ass is strange, goes like transform into an autobot and observing, not really understanding at first, that what you're watching and observing in that moment, the body is doing it for saving and protecting you...have you ever had an experience like that, anyone?
Very well said. Thank you ❤
Holy shit, as an INFJ, the way he described the dealing with the issues of trying to sell a watch and being afraid to deal with new challenges was so relatable that I could have CRIED!!!
It's so relatable.
My desk is ordered and clean but the rest of the house is falling apart... I still don't care about anything but my desk.
Mihailovna please don’t touch my desk. It looks disorganized but it is perfect in its own way. Organizing takes sooo much time out of my day. I have to plan each day and make lists. I never get as much done as I wanted to do.
Good 1
me too
Anyone else kind of scared of having Se-related fun? Like getting anxiety about going to an amusement park or to a concert?
Yeah, its always some unpleasant feeling..not that I don't want to go but like my inner conformist would rather prefer me to stay home. Just making myself to go there is the hardest part, later it becomes fun
I once got ready for a concert a month early. I get so anxious, I lose all sense of details, like looking at the ticket to see the month, day, and time.
The only way to overcome this (or manage) is to face it. Confront it. Learn that it’s not the end of the world and slowly you will become more comfortable.
Yep I am not outgoing with that stuff.
YES
Anyone can laugh when Frank says "I have no toothpaste and I have to get more, and that's so terrifying" but they have no idea
Yeah and add corona. Going to the shop is even worse now. You have to remember to maskup everytime.
I forget about the mask.and i am almost in the shop and have to walk back to the car.
This is why I simplified my life as much as possible..no car, almost no possessions, almost no worries, so I can focus on what matters to me as an INFJ
I also now know why people hire assistants and other people(sensors......) to do stuff for them. 😂🤑
I wanna make money...not to buy a bunch of sht, but to DO LESS sht. 😂🎉
Ugh...that's what always happens to me. I start to do something that should take like 20 minutes then it ends up taking a couple of hours instead. Its maddening
my mom used to get so frustrated with me when she'd put me to clean my room bc it would get more and more detailed. so instead of just folding my clothes into the dresser i'd have a tricket box i found in a back corner while i was trying to reorganize the drawer and there was a bigger mess than when i had started, lol
Pomadoro
Same issue, but I was diagnosed with ADD, when I was 37!
I used to do that. I discovered pomadoro. It's a simple thing. All you do is set a timer. Start small. Like 5 minutes. Do intervals and rest periods. Do whatever you can in that five minutes. Commercial cleaning... do housework during commercials on tv. It adds up and you see the difference. Especially if you photograph before and afters. Look up the fly lady.
Maddening. Totally. The fear swallows you up.
I’m coming to accept that this is how my life works, so I can just say “I don’t want to stress from all this junk that’s gonna inevitably go wrong.”
...............
Well, I was going to say that I’ve just learned to stop fearing all the things so much. But.... I’m gonna be honest, (because telling a generalized version of your life experience never *actually* helps anyone).
I never would have learned this on my own. After one of my biggest freak-outs, I finally saw it was a problem, and I talked to God about the fear/anxiety that was taking over. I started thinking and thinking on Matthew chapter 6 how it talks about provision and life. Started handing over the responsibility of all the things I was fearing that I can’t control to God as they came up (by telling him that I was doing so and by trusting that he then *would* pick up what I gave over). I started reading Proverbs on fear and anxiety and reading a book about overcoming it.
...So... now I still have those fears come up just as frequently, but I can be brave... Because I have learned, have seen, have personally proven that God is watching over me. And have personally proven that Matthew 6 was right: everything else will fall into place if I pursue a relationship with Him and value what He does first.
If someone doesn’t like what I had to say here, well, I don’t mind. People don’t have to all like what I say. And maybe I didn’t say it very well. But it is the truth, and I tried to saying it accurately because I really relate to this video. The truth in the Bible is my real and completely affective weapon against this controlling factor in my life (the inferior se symptoms talked about in the video).
(And maybe this comment is so long that no one will read it anyway. 😝 So no biggie.)
I feel like I have got better at handling my inferior Se over the years (I'm in my mid-30s). The only advice I can give to INxJs is to learn to kind of "pounce" on the crappy little issues when they crop up. One of the worst things we can do is to ignore those problems for too long, because then it's like they grow into these insurmountable obstacles in our mind. Then we start to feel overwhelmed and depressed, like we are a victim of the circumstances, when really we could have controlled the circumstances by just jumping on the problem when it first happened. If you can learn to do that, then you won't give your mind the time to inflate and exaggerate things.
It's actually really fun to play with inferior Se and try learn to use sorting your surroundings/doing chores as a flow activity, like you're cleaning your space while reflecting on your inner world and clearing your thoughts. I got a habit of attaching an interesting inner experience to it so chores have become my quality Me-time, what
Yes! I joke about burning shit down because it gets too overwhelming
How do you pounce on it? I feel terrified when facing these inferior Se problems of mine. Ill tell myself ok lets do this, but once its time to perform I just get overwhelmed and I cower away. But I am no coward, how do you build that courage to face these things. Do you just build this "fuck it just do it" mentality is that it?
@@ayoubkhalil1 pretty much. Remember we have the exact same functions as estps but in reverse. Learn to build up a bit of fuck it. It really helps the infj, especially since we dont have a solid function to keep us grounded in our environment
@@bi00tch23 i agree with you. When I'm doing household chores, I listen to music because it helps me think about other things. Music takes me away from the current moment (doing chores) to my abstract land. Helps a lot. The downside is when I don't have music, I just can't move or do anything. I become paralysed and dependent. Also, my work is detail oriented, so I take breaks in between by stepping out of the office or building and taking a quick 10-15 min walk to refresh my mind. Whenever I get overwhelmed by the task, I just think about the big picture or purpose of what I'm doing.
INTJ here: I can relate; especially to the fear of missing information. For us, life is a chess board, and we are the ones who have the winning strategy, because we've spent nearly every waking moment of our lives making it. Our biggest fear us that we've missed something: that there is some detail that we've missed, some miniscule, meaningless piece of vanity, that will crash everything, as has happened before. It literally keeps us up at night, at least for me.
Also INTJ and 100% same
Oh, you've put it into words! Wow, it's awesome seeing minds I can relate to.
Also an INTJ and I felt this hard; for my Spanish oral exam, I found it very difficult and nerve-wracking to practice out loud in class where I was required to speak fluently spontaneously. I tend to repeat what I am going to say to avoid mistakes so when I do not have time to prepare, I short circuit. I stressed so much over that class in fear of embarrassing myself over such small mistakes, futilely attempting to preparing myself for something that demanded spontaneity. And even despite my stress, finding motivation to study and prepare was difficult that made me perform less-- I had a lingering belief that I would make a mistake no matter what I did. I experienced similar issues in my dance class a few years ago; these kinds of classes are the ones I perform worst in.
Yes, I agree here. I’m an INTJ and I’ve described life as a chess board before, at least inwardly.
The last lines made me anxious.. Heavily relatable
I’m an INTJ and I’ve always heard that INTJs are distinctly decisive which has always puzzled me since I’m very indecisive. This video helps me understand why and it’d because of inferior Se. I tunnel vision hard on my goals so when I have to make a small, insignificant decision I crumble. My mind has always existed somewhere far away from my physical self. It was easy for me to decide on a college but it took me five minutes to decide if I should eat my chili with a spoon or a fork because there were “too many factors”
I realized that while I was even trying to watch this video my mind was wandering off. This is getting to be a serious problem 😂😂
Yeah we are like "Ugh, life is one thing after another; when can I relax and reflect??" And 'Se' doms are probably like "I'm glad life is one thing after another otherwise I'd be BORED!" (Correct me if I'm wrong. That's my impression though).
I married an ISTP, and he solved all the problems! Haha... He changes the engine oil , does grocery shopping, cooks, and washes dishes for me... I know I'm spoilt 😂
Disclaimer: Istp husband also complains a lot 😂😂😂
Does he have a brother...? 🤣😣 You lucky girl
😂😂😂
😂😂
My husband is INFP and he doesn't want to do all the stuff like that. I struggle for doing all the homework -__- But he solved all the emotional problems, like he knows about the meaning of words or incidents, because I always ask about stuff like that 😂
As an ISTP screw that, I guess I need to find another ISTP :P
Inferior sensing is absolutely living in dreamland. Seeing all the steps before taking them and not wanting to even begin. This is especially the case with mundane tasks like you have already iterated. Things are processed through my mind very quickly as well.
On the other hand what I noticed is when I have control over my inferior sensing I become a driving force to bringing my inner world into reality. I can describe the experience as being mindful of the world (inner and outer) first and together. Also to have a willingness to admit one's ignorance for what it truly is, ego or unecessary pride.
Love this...
Very insightfull and make more sense now
the first paragraph you wrote was very well explained and succinct. Thank you!
Great comment!
Finally learnt the reason why my procrastination has been incurable so far
Maybe try doing something that you actually WANT to do?
I hate those busy-work tediously boring steps required to get my money-making hobbies or just get the basics of life done. I sew, bake, and am a graphic designer. Finally found ways to get those done without also performing the tedious business of sales; someone else gets that done now. And I gave up driving because I found it too tedious to maintain a vehicle. Found a stability job 2 blocks away from where I live - I'm now a part-time happy, low-commitment cashier for a small grocery store; found a place to live where all the utilities are paid and I get free internet. I moved to a state with no income tax, and to a small town where I can get anywhere I need within 8 minutes. 60 years old and I finally have everything I want! Had to wait until my offspring was settled into her new life, but there ya go.
Oh yes. Please just somebody hire an assistant to do all my trivial stuff. I don‘t have time for this.
I fantasize about having a personal assistant all the time.
Sunset you could get so much shit done
When you started complaining about what you had to do to sell the watch i started getting anxious..
Lol same
Vanja K me too. Because I think the same way. Man.
Omg me too👀
As a Prospecting person, I try to think of all the steps as a fun, little game. Putting everything away afterwards is the hard part for me.
Perfect quote. "Life just feels like one damned thing after the other" OMG. The story of my life :)
Okay, so which one is it that's good for taking care of all the details? I need to find one of them to partner up with, lol!
Examples given by INFJs are so abstract and can only be truly understood by other INFJs. I love the way your mind works and how you seem to always put things in the right words, even though for an INFJ it always feels like there aren't enough accurate words to talk about your deepest self. Thank you for sharing yourself. It is wonderful to feel like I belong.
"all the stupid little things" so relatable. I thought there was something wrong with me that I struggle with such things as buying toothpaste on time, and feeling overwhelmed, low level anxiety, by the so many things that have to be done. All. The. Time. Everyday.
Cut the empty toothpaste tube in half to extract the dregs, then you can procrastinate a couple more days... yeah!
Margaret Winson you can actually use salt as a Very effective toothpaste- takes down the stresslevel so you can actually buy the darned thing also finding two or three favourite sorts of toothpaste is good so you can just autopilot any of those and dont have to deal with unfamiliar toothpaste =)
@@annarehbinder7540 or baking soda. Or both (my grandma used a combo baking soda & salt, she kept her teeth all her life, no dentures) 💖
I've done this MULTIPLE times! Lol
@Cherry Muse 😂🤣
You squeeze the tube between the door and the wall and you get the last of it out XD
Hate Se. lol. I haven’t dusted my house in so long my shelves are getting fuzzy. That spider in the corner is fifth generation. And I just remembered I need some toothpaste.
I feel so much better now. Thanks. This was funny. Freakin.
So i am not the only one who counts generations of spiders. That's a relief.
@@cssghostPLSe Inferior....yeah, we observe ponder perceive things around us. We just don't DO anything about it. 😂
I laughed so much watching this video because it’s so me 😂 Some of the things that have been helping me with this are:
• having a daily routine
• making checklists
• setting alarms on my phone to remind me to eat food lol
• practicing yoga and meditation every day - gets me more grounded in the physical
✌🏼✨
Sleepy Santosha I hate having to eat, it’s like a daily interruption
I agree with the yoga, it's definitely helped me to be more present and grounded in reality. 👍🏽
As a child I wondered if someone could invent a pill you could take that turns into a meal in your mouth, like Willy Wonka chocolate factory gum.
I could keep playing and having fun, daydreaming and not have to make and then eat food and then clear up..
But then I remembered what happened to Violet and pudding-ugh.
I don't want to be squeezed.
Yeah. I used to do all that (execept no meditation and aïkidoinstead of yoga) and it helped A LOT.
Now, I'm trying to implant all these back into my life to get it back together.
I tried yoga and the physical part is fun but the emotional part doesn't do anything for me. Like I don't feel anything from breathing and closing my eyes... I heard some people even cry? I'm confused, it just boring for me. 💁
I swear, all of these videos are really eye opening for me but this one in particular blew my mind. Just filling my car up with gas is enough to throw off my entire day lol
When you started to talk about selling the watch and all that it implied I started to feel physical discomfort. This is like my worst nightmare.
Oh my god, it's Hyurno!
I totally relate. Every day chores, tasks, LIFE, it all gives me anxiety for sure. Crippling anxiety. I think we give those distractions energy because we fear we will fail. I procrastinate to start new projects because I'm so perfectionist, I feel like I never get my shit done because of those anxieties, and fear of it not being good enough. And making things so perfect is exhausting. Also, when people see my work, will they get it, will it be what they wanted it to be? What if I spend so much time making everything perfect, and no body gets it. It's super hard for me to get past these fears/anxiety. I feel your pain brother!
Love your videos btw! You're the best Frank!!
I feel you girl. I am your soul twin. Please tell me how you deal with it coz i feel Adulting is so impossible if we don't learn to manage this anxiety.
Oh my goodness, my thoughts exactly! Trying to overcome and slow the overthinking down.....
I was forced into the Adulting when I married an overgrown child, and had actual children. I had to do everything, schedules, meal planning, groceries, medical appointments, bills on time, just all of it, (for the whole family). I'm exhausted and not appreciated. Then they all betrayed me when I left the addict I was married too. I just want someone who will have my back, just ONE person, with endless patience and skills that I will never have. Add an 8 year legal battle and multiple moves and cyber crime on top of all that, oh, let's not forget the stalker. I really can't even get out of bed.
I just want to say how so on point your comment is, well said.👌
I definitely had these feelings when it came to writing essays in high school and college. I dread about the essay before I even start writing it because I know the feeling of exhaustion I'm going to have from trying to make it perfect. The result? Procrastination.
@Mybiz YEEEESSSS! Helps big time lol
Life would be much more stressful without having autopay for bills.
Or LastPass! #lifesaver
It gave me so much anxiety before I set up autopay. Somehow thinking about money stressed me out even if I have enough because I anticipate some form of human error interfering. Much better to leave it to the A.I.
... I have autopay on a few things and never really appreciated it. WOW thanks for making me aware of this!
try being tech phobic and not knowing how to work all the stuff - on top of everything else he's describing. Not fun. Yeah - nicer to just stay In My Head - argh..
I love to pay my bills manually lol INTJ here
Day to day things stress me out so much. I feel overwhelmed and anxious over the stupid crap you are talking about. I want the world to stop. I feel like I am constantly putting out fires like making a decision on home items, going to dr appointments, and buying new things when they break ugh. Etc. I prefer just listening to someone or talking about my random thought process lol. Just living day to day is very overwhelming. I have a system to get things done which works, but it is still overwhelming to keep dealing with stupid crap day to day. I want to feel less anxious about the day to day grind. I prefer work because it’s structured and I can listen to people abs discuss deep thoughts. I get to forget about all the random things it takes to live Day to day. I so understand how you see the big picture coming and feel fear knowing what will happen next. It really is never that simple. Getting those day to day baseballs thrown at you are brutal abs exhausting. Ugh. Lol I want to accept the day to day grind not have anxiety about it.
Ya the working every day seeing it already play out in my head makes me very exhausted already.. just thinking about so much to do 😅 I to struggle with anxiety and the world. Which my mom didnt want to believe I could drive which I'm working on now. And seems so overwhelming controlling a vehicle but I'm getting there...
I wonder about going to school again what career I almost liked childcare but then I thought oh God everyday having to see the children ... nahh. .
These videos are my supplement for not having even one friend who gets me 😂 INFJ problems
It’s maintenance. I (INTJ) struggled SO HARD at the maintenance for years, but I had to become proactive at that stuff. Keep reminding myself, make lists, buy a lot of whatever (toothpaste, shampoo, milk, bread, water, cat litter, etc), plan way ahead of time. Otherwise I fall behind. I think this attitude has made me a bit ENTJ as well.
Inferior SE is like this for me:
*Blocking the door with all the bags I need for work so I don't forget one
*Putting the keys to my car on my lunch or w/e in the fridge so I don't forget it
*Sticky notes taped onto my computer and phone so I remember things
*Wearing my purse and keys all day like wedding rings (in the past this also included my laptop case when I had to teach in different rooms every day)
*Randomly picking student names to make myself look at everyone and everywhere
*Writing everything down for class so I don't forget what is going on myself all of a sudden in the middle of class
*Driving around with things like tire inflator pumps all the time
*Printing, drawing out, and studying maps before driving to a new location so I don't have to rely on in-the-moment GPS
But I still catch myself leaving the oven on, missing deadlines for bills when I had the money by a few days, and using Dawn dish soap for a variety of things on a pinch.
This is great! A lot of these things are spot on for me too! Glad to know I’m not alone! Lol
You're doing amazing !
I thought everyone had to have these strategies to get by, is it not ‘normal’? Despite all precautions still lose and forget important everyday ‘things’
I have bought and subsequently NEVER MAILED ... SOOOO many cards over the years...😮💨
“Commercial break”
*actually gets ad*
What kind of witchcraft is this?
I think RUclips puts the ads in when there is a break in him talking
This is so me. I finally found out why my parents are frustrated at me. Being the only INFJ child is hard!
INFJ ARMY!
Only INTJ child of ESFJ and ISTP parents here ahahah.
Yup. Intj child of esfj and istj parents here :) My brother is also an Intj though, but he's also an aspie so it's a different story.
Heyy you’re right! Infj minor here
Hey I'm an infj with an entj mother
This video brought on a mild anxiety attack but I laughed all the way through it! Listening to parts of this video was like listening to my own thought processes out loud. It was exhausting but funny. It's nice to know that someone else gets it! I have to go dodge baseballs now but thanks for putting this content out into the universe!
Oh same here! Exactly!!!!
I am so blessed to have met and married a man who takes care of all the little crap in my life. He's the exact right person for all my INFJ ways. ❤
I had that and then he died. And I fell apert. So hung sticky notes on back of my door and forced myself to tackle the mundane extraverted jobs. I'm better now but would still rather be the original creator that is my strength.
Lists, man. The inferior Se function lifesaver.
Also, my car started randomly leaking oil yesterday and I ignored it so I could go to the grocery store and now I think it's broken.
If I need to explain myself (my mind) to someone, I will show him your videos :)
I have been doing the exact same thing... By the time it goes from my brain to my mouth, it never is quite right because I'm already thinking about what I should of said instead!
I always have hard time putting my mind (thoughts) into words... and my ideas into reality. I just live in my head - most of the time :)
Same
I think my favorite part about your videos is your complete and total willingness to admit to the things that I’m embarrassed to admit to myself. Haha. Everything in this video is relatable. I felt like I was getting anxiety when you started describing the eBay situation. If that were me I probably would have done some research on how much other people were selling it for, how much it was worth and then would have considered just taking it to the pawn shop. But, I’d never take it to the pawn shop because I’ve never taken anything to the pawn shop and I wouldn’t want to deal with the back and forth banter at the counter trying to get a decent amount of money for it. I’d get mad at myself for not just putting in the work to sell it online. Then, after all this overthinking about something so trivial, I’d sit on my couch and sulk about how I’m such a failure at the little things and I can’t believe I’ve made it this far in life 😂. How pathetic! But, I’d never show anyone that I’m like this or admit to it in person 🤔.
I had a dream last night that I kept forgetting things. This seems like a recurring theme in my life. The times that I feel like I have everything in order in my life and that everything is perfect last for about 20 minutes. Then, out of nowhere, something pops up or I remember something that I forgot to do. Writing things down on a list helps out, but... even that can get taxing after awhile. Why can’t things just be easy?! 🤬 Great video!!
Sammy J / I can relate. The fact is, no matter how organized I am, things will pop up and freak me out. Frank is talking about going shopping, navigating eBay, going to an auto repair place.. I used to be at the top of my game, and guess what, the pop ups are WAY BIGGER.. and take a long time to resolve & RETURN to normal balance & comfort. ~ Through experience & time, I have learned to save my self & choose my battles carefully. ~ Because ultimately, what do I really control ? Nothing. ~ Each one of us, has the power to choose in the moment, what to do, what to think, how to self manage emotions, etc. That’s about it .. Do what you can & celebrate the small victories. That’s how I live ..and when the pop ups pop up, I go thru it as gracefully as I can..
BarbaraMerry Geng Thank you for this ❤️. I appreciate you saying, “Because ultimately what do I really control? Nothing.” That rings so true! Sometimes celebrating the small victories is really all we *can* do. I’m pretty good about hiding my anxieties and showing that I can get things under control. I mean, almost any problem can be solved when you think about it. We shouldn’t let the little things get to us. Easier said than done sometimes 😓.
but it's a good 20 minutes though, isn't it?
Frank James Absolutely. It’s very freeing. It never lasts, though. Just have to accept it, I guess! What else can ya do? 😏
Lol. You are not an incompetent piece of poo 💩! Yeah, we all feel this way (pathetic/worthless) sometimes. I just get upset when I feel like it could have been easily prevented. It's a never-ending cycle. My vacation was great! 😬 I was feeling burned out toward the end, though. I ended up snapping and feeling bad about it afterwards. It's really hard for me to deal with people becoming super emotional/irrational to the point that they can't even think straight. *Especially* when I can tell that someone is trying to guilt trip me for something that wasn't my fault... I swear, I'm a grumpy old woman on the inside!
Hahaha, it's okay that you didn't post your video yet! No need to justify... Post it when you're ready! I know what you mean, though. You feel guilty because you said you were going to do something but didn't/couldn't. We're our own worst enemies 😅. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 25 is still young! I went through my crisis between the ages of 26-28 ;-). Except the crisis seems to keep recurring and I've just accepted it now. Yeah, turning 30 was depressing... mainly because my life is not where I thought it'd be. That isn't to say that things are bad. It's just.... ya know.... Having unrealistic expectations set for myself that I'll never live up to. *Rolling eyes* ... You feel dead inside? Lol. Girl, you better get that type of Se outta your system while you're still young! The older you get, the more frowned upon it is. :-/ Turn up and don't feel bad about it! It's still acceptable in your 20s! 🍸💃🏻
I think we see the details and mistakes because we see the patterns so well, that everything that is not according to the pattern, sticks out.
I try to compensate for the "running out of toothpaste" scenario, which means I end up with extra stockpiles of toothpaste that I inevitably forget I have and then still buy more toothpaste later.
Is this why I avoid checking my mail and email all the time?
Until the gmail exploded 😂
It happened to me lol
This problem is what makes dissociation feel so tempting. But that is not helpful in the long run because then that's another problem on top of the list 😕
Spot onnnnn 😵
INTJ here, I can confirm his words.
Omg your description of selling the watch slayed me - that was the best description of inferior sE that I have ever heard - 🙌🏻. I have found that getting out in nature on a regular basis has saved me from the baseballs!!!
65 yr-old INTJ. I relied for decades on the Keirsey/Bates book “Please Understand Me,” which preceded the newer work which has developed understanding of the cognitive function stacks. I am late to the game. One of your comments in this video was spot on for me, namely that my “aha moment” has been in realizing the implications of my inferior function being extraverted sensing. And why my poor ESFJ wife has been so frustrated with me all these years. Knowledge is power, so I can work on this during retirement. Thank you for your excellent videos.
Realizing I’m an INFJ is realizing I have my work cut out for me as far as improvement goes
I really am starting to feel better about myself with each video I watch Frank. It's good to know you're not alone in this battle. I feel detail oriented yet at the same time I can feel totally scattered.
I see typos in things that make you wonder "what ever happened to proof reading." I find it in the news on tv, reading a synopsis on a book, the newspaper... ugh!!! And relationships, oh my gosh! I know everyone, including me, has faults, but it doesn't take me long, a couple of dates in, to realize what type of person you truly are going to be after "the new" wears off in the relationship....I'm sure some of you can do this also (men and women)...not just women. You catch wording, actions, looks, manners etc...hence, red flags. And the car issue. I can relate. I'm actually thinking of buying a second car, for back up, I guess. No real issues with current ride, yet always sensing that something is about to go awry with my car. I'm curious Frank.....do you or anyone watching have this thing .... "someone will enter my thoughts, maybe someone I haven't seen in awhile and bam, I run into them a few days later at a store etc. I've done this so long now, I start looking for that person to show up...and they do. If you can relate and shed some light on this. ..it would be great. Love your videos. Never stop. Thanks.
Me too! I'm on a Frank James binge today lol because it's like he's reading all infj people right in the core.
Jupp! Since ive been a child ive also known who is on the phone before it rings, its natural to me. Only discovered it because a friend saw me multiple times pick up the phone before it rang and say hi mom or a friends name ( NO set times for calls or Anything such) have several such gifts. If im just letting My mind relax and trust in My instincts and not try to explain why then I can handle things way better. Meditation makes it easier to shut out what needs to be shut out and observe and notice the rest with less chatter.
Me too. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I'll call them by another name. Then after feeling embarrassed and apologizing I'll end up meeting a person with that name.
A couple INTJ-related comments (no idea if this relates to INFJs, as well): You mention tips for improving ones use of extroverted sensing, and I actually have a little simple insight into that. Because INTJs are so goal-oriented, and logic-driven, all it takes is the individual realizing that their Se is something that can assist them in achieving their goals, and can assist them in their never-ending quest for greater knowledge. When you look at it as if it's a resource you already have, but have yet to use properly...it becomes easier to develop that inferior function, even if it's only a little.
Also, there are some negative effects that come from having Se as your inferior function, particularly during times of stress. Turbulence in ones life can cause them to retreat into their inferior function. For INTJs (possibly INFJs, too), this results in behavior that is very strange for that type. They may dive, head first, into the sensory world. Overindulgence in sex, drugs/alcohol, shopping, gambling, and other sensory pleasures are all possible. We have to be careful when we go through this, as this can easily lead to an addiction.
I was so shocked and then relieved when YT channel Therapy in a Nutshell said something like, "You may have to recalibrate/check in with your body every few of minutes.” I was like, ”So often!?" But daily tasks really do elevate my stress responses, frequently, and it's been helpful to turn physical tasks into opportunities to focus on calming my fight, flight, freeze response. It's like permission to meditate because I'm getting stuff done. And, more importantly, I'm rewiring my brain against overwhelming anxiety through my body instead of getting stuck in a mind spiral. It's only been two weeks though.
You are like speaking to the core of who I am with you INFJ videos!!!!
This is why I’ve had a sticky note on my desk reminding me to call the dentist for months now 🙃
Also as a creative I think this can also manifest as a kind of extreme perfectionism and explains why I have a bunch of unfinished projects!
As a fellow INFJ I can totally relate. What also bugs me about my inferior Se is I’ll often get an idea to do something or feel inspired to do something and then I think about it a lot to a point that I never end up actually doing it because in my mind, I feel like it’s already done... do you experience that? If anyone in the comments section can relate and has any advice (beyond ‘well just make sure you do the thing’), please feel free to share :)
Put it on a list and cross it only when's fully done.
It works 😊
I hate to say this, but becoming more vigilant and training yourself to handle the stupid little things doesn't reduce the fear or stress, it just holds them to a somewhat constant level. Then, because of how we are, people see that we're doing such a 'good' job at coping that they start loading their own stupid crap on us...and we take it on. You can visualize the rest. The key lies somewhere else. Maybe in just not caring about the details. That's a skill I'm working on, but with only sketchy results so far - it's hard to fight your self.
Ouch. Have you figured it out any further?
INTJ here. Once when I was younger, I got this out of the blue, completely out of character, uncontrollable urge to just completely let go and live in the moment and do something fun so I let my friend (she had no license) drive my car for some practice and she ended up completely busting the front bumper off and all the while I was taking in everything in the moment and I regretted none of it in the beginning but after I came to my senses I had a manic meltdown. Another time, I completely forgot that I had a body and I also seemingly forgot that pain existed so I ended up exercising too hard one day and ended up getting rhabdomyolysis and almost died because my muscles were breaking up faster than they could repair themselves and thus leaked toxic cells into my kidneys, I had to have my kidney flushed out, my Se-grip is very violent
There isn't enough thumb in the smash button to represent how much I relate to this.
I've always struggled with an attention deficit, and I strongly feel that it's a direct result of my inferior Se. Those real world situations just always bored me so dang much that I couldn't focus on them.
Makes me feel a lot better though to hear other INFJs or INTJs speak on this.
@MA C yep. Pretty much. Used to bother me more. Not so much now. If people misunderstand me, they aren't trying very hard. So I just keep kickin' it in my little bubble lol.
@MA C for sure. You can always tell who your people are. Quality over quantity. Got a handful of people who accept all my ridiculous quirks. That's all I need.
Why is this so me? 😂
@@eval4495 Lol, I'm sorry. It's tough, I know.
Hey Frank, Se inferior has its pros and cons. One pro is sensitive senses. I can detect sounds Se dominants don't notice sometimes and can have a stronger taste palate. But, the cons are way more as you stated.
I found the following things helped me develop it more: taking photographs and taking into consideration the different aspects of photography; baking sweets is detailed and needs accuracy for a good result; listening to music without zoning out, setting two or three tasks to do within a day or a week according to priority so they don't pile up. Se is nice when enjoying the simple things in life.
Best regards!
Zee
Good point, Zee, enjoying the simple things in life pretty much requires a healthy use of Se
I should listen to more music then 👀 I zone out pretty badly sometimes then I start to feel bad. I second making a list of priorities for a day or week. I did it for a couple of weeks before when I created my own planner and it worked wonderfully.
This is really helpful!! :))
Pros and Cons for Se
Nice introspect!!
A strong palate is due to high Si. In fact, that's why SJs have existed through-out millennia, because they're in tune with their inner bodies that they knew whether food or water was poisoned.
As an INFJ, this was quite enlightening for me. :D
I always thought the stuff you described was part of my depression, so it's actually quite relieving to hear that it's normal and not mental illness. In fact, it's extremely relieving!
Can't believe you sold a watch on eBay.That's amazing! I've been thinking of doing that for the past 5 years, but it sounds too stressful. Besides, I'm too busy buying toothpaste.
Right?! How many times have I made a list of "stuff to sell" ... 😬🫢
🤔
INFJ
The way this has played out for me in relationships is that I may receive information which tells me that I need to set a boundary, have a difficult conversation, or just run for the hills... but I try to pretend that information doesn't exist so that I can prolong projecting my fantasy of the other person for as long as possible.
When the hard truths accumulate and I can no longer ignore them, only then do I door slam the person. It almost seems like it is coming out of nowhere. This is why I have ended up dating an inordinate number of narcissists, liars and emotional abusers. Never again.
Every other example you gave is spot on and very illuminating. Thank you.
The INFJ's trickster function or blindspot is Te, so that may have something to do with the fear of missing information.
that is a good theory!
Yeah, as an INTJ I can't say I have that fear. I have a fear that my analyses are wrong though, but not so much from lack of information as from lack of proper thinking.
I love this! I am a super detail-oriented person. I spot out inconsistencies very quick. I can recognize when I saw that number over there 30 minutes ago, which wasn't supposed to be over there, because it can't be in two places, but it is...which means something went wrong. I feel like I can do this for hours when in the right mindset and that it's actually a kind of fun brain exercise.
And then suddenly a guy you've never seen before (let's call him Mike) walks in the office asking for a coworker who just stepped out. He gives you his name so you can let the other person know he stopped in to say hi, which seems easy enough to do. But upon telling your coworker, "Hey, Mike stopped by to say hi while you were out," you're met by this barrage of questions, "Which Mike? Did he give his last name? What did he look like? What color was his hair? Was he bald? Was he tall? Did he have glasses?" And you honestly can't answer a single question!!
Then you noticed there was no outro music today. I wonder what FJ was thinking right at the end of the video? It's like I can see the gears turning, but he didn't say whatever it was.
Wow that is 100% me. Although, they’d be lucky if I remembered that event with mike even happened.
Story of my life 😅😓😭
INTJ here! Toothpaste, car, dentist... all very real scenarios in my life.
I live very much in the future and I've been working on being more present... this is exactly why self help books stress me out because that's what they preach. Just read the Tao of Pooh and I'm like... I know I'm Owl and a little bit Rabbit.. and they are both portrayed as idiots 😂😭 Struggle is REAL.
I'm an infj, I hate washing the dishes so everytime I'm in or pass the kitchen I'll do one dish at a time.
The real key for me in getting past the "avoiding boring real life tasks" was realizing that if I tackled them earlier, the fewer complications I encountered while doing them. I learned that lesson the hard way, by ignoring my dental issues until they became exponentially more painful and exponentially more expensive. These things have to be done, so I try to make them as easy as possible. There's an added bonus in that I have much less of that anxiety that comes with knowing something is hanging over my head needs to be done and isn't.
I love this. I just always feel like they are SO DUMB. Like, why would I scrub a bathroom when I could be contemplating world peace? 😶😬😮💨😆
Real goal = Figure out how to make the MONEY to hire a staff 😂...
Se pops up again. Lol
You nailed this, Frank! Physical details are like this unknown little rascal that gets in the way. I get so frustrated & upset when simple tasks turn out to be more involved. It feels like you've been blindsided.
Jane Austen: “Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”
Fanny price 🙂
Austen was an INTJ. Makes total sense!
INTJ here - I am also a "connoisseur of human folly", like Jane Austen wrote.
Se is an analytic function to determine where you are in a moment's time, and Ni is our inner GPS telling us where we can and/or should go. When the two work in harmony, you go from one small goal to the next until you reach your main goal. My advice from experience is to reward yourself a little each time you reach an Se goal. Then reward yourself a little more when you finish the next goal but slightly more. Repeat this until you reach your Ni desstination. Then you'll have a celebration better than all the previous rewards combined. Fear doesn't share a house with joy and happiness, therefore feed your Se accomplishments with joyful rewards and starve fear to death.
I'm stopping back by to let you know that I sent this video to my dad, who is ISTJ. He and I are best friends, and always have been. While we are EXTREMELY alike in many ways, we tend to get frustrated with each other's thought processes because of how different our functions are. Long story short, it's been frustrating to be on different pages for many years. I feel misunderstood, and stupid at times, when trying to relay my thoughts to him. I know that he watched this video in its entirety (that's how he is), and I know that it helped [in some way or another]. Thank you Frank! Cheers!
The everyday drudgery of life. I do feel trapped a lot ☹️
Having a mom with extraverted sensing as her secondary function, I learned so much from a young age how she handles the sensing details of life! I remember crying a lot when I don't expect a certain problem or response, but learned to remember and be careful not to let one thing lead up to another. She made me see how it's possible to overcome them (with her gentleness), so I think it might help to learn and get advice from sensing people!
Two of my closest friends have dominant introverted sensing, and it's been so interesting learning from them. When they have moments of existential crisis, I help them by sharing what I've learned from my general view of things 😀
I just showed my husband the part about the watch going through the baseball analogy...you should have seen his face! He said that was a perfect explanation for how I view the challenges of life vs. how he views them. I mean wow you just nailed it for both of us.
what is ur husband’s type?
@@gimmelife3717 estp
@Carly aw it always nice to see that pairing exact opposites 🥰
Sometimes I forget I’m hungry then when I realize I’m hungry I eat so fast that I don’t realize how full I actually am then my tummy hurts :(
I really need to appologise. I relate to every video and I am now actually scared to comment that all the time because it's kinda weird. I relate to this too. Stop reading my mind! Please. I want to escape this vortex that is Frank James lol! That's why I get depressed because I leave things, then it's so complicated trying to fix it, and often multiple things at once. Then once it's finally fixed I promise myself I will manage everything perfectly. Lasts two weeks. Then happens over again. Not details orientated though. Big picture orientated.
TheRaGiTe / I have ADD, so I’m disoriented & distracted constantly ..
maybe I could make a video "why I don't like Michael Jackson" so you can have something to not relate to ;)
BarbaraMerry Geng I'm really beginning to wonder if I am 'on the spectrum" of autism or aspbergers or something. I feel completely incompetent, and there is no one left in my life. I've checked out some vids on the subject and I have a lot of the traits.
I am after a diagnosis of autism. What's interesting though is a lot of people feel this way. So is it really linked to Myers Briggs or is it a generational thing? Are we really just anxiety ridden people with a lack of self discipline and mental toughness? The thing is with life anything is possible. But at least we can figure out ways to manage better and improve. I've been really really tired and down lately too.
It's fun watching Frank's old videos where he blinks so much to process everything as he says it compared the more recent stuff where he's just quick-draw on everything. Mastery🔥🔥🔥
I still remember one of the most beautiful days of my life was during the summer of 2020, in Tenerife, Spain. Although I wasn´t into mbti back then, looking back on it I do think that its the day I activated my extraverted sensing. When it comes to the circumstances of that day, there was nothing special about it. It was just another summer day with my cousins by the beach, but my mentality was completely different. It was beautiful and one of the most enlightening days of my life.
I don´t remember what exactly encouraged me to do it, but I had decided to take a break from social media and youtube as well as music because I was very certain I was unhealthily addicted to it. but in a matter of 2 days, I had already gotten used to it. I read a book instead, and what I realised was that my life quickly became so minimal and simple. Everything that life consisted of was reduced to a book, a calm beach, and my family. I do believe the setting helped a lot. It was this day that I realised that life is not to be taken too seriously. For a day, I genuinely stopped giving a fuck. In the sense of, "if im a piece of shit", so be it. It really does not matter." "if im not being productive, or doing something that is not related at all to my Ni goals, so be it." that day I did not think twice about how i behaved, spoke, appeared to others, or even what I did. I just went with the flow. I didn´t go through the day with that one Ni interest clouding my mind. I lived that day as if there was no tomorrow. Not in the sense that I lived it to the fullest, kind of the opposite. I didn´t succumb to any deep thoughts, goals, interests. I just did not care and just became open to whatever that one day had to offer. Life was so minimal, so simple, all a sudden. I was 17, but I felt like a 65 year old retired man.
But the best part and the part that gets me emotional every time I think about that day was that I became the person I had been trying to become for years with my Ni the one day I stopped using Ni. I became a million times funnier than I already was, I would crack joke after joke like a comedy machine and make everybody laugh constantly. I was simply way more present and noticing the absurd in everything. I took charge of most group conversations that day, everything that came out of my mouth was smooth and natural, and life just generally felt smooth. I was my best self the day I stopped caring about being my best self. I cannot put into words just how much better I was that day. It may be hard to understand what I am saying, but essentially the tool i had been using for 4 years to improve myself, the tool that kept me hyper-focused on this self-improvement journey for so long, was the same tool that was ruining me (ni). The trick wasn´t in working harder and setting goals, it was in not caring and accepting it how it is. It wasn´t using your dominant function, it was in accepting your inferior.
If you´re an Ni dom, you care too much. You may think you don´t, but you do. In this very deep, cognitive way you do. It´s what Ni is. It keeps you interested in this specific thing that isn´t here yet, and it makes you unwilling to accept anything that cannot be tied back to it. It makes you want to work towards something. You cannot stand the idea of doing something for no reason. You need meaning in everything. But the truth is, it is when you take a step back and suppress that Ni for at least a day and see life through a new lens that you become the best and most inspiring version of yourself. I did this by removing everything that my life consisted of from my life. I was not with my friends, my hobbies, my social media, my music, nothing. Just me, my family, and the beach. My Ni had no room to operate. It was a confusing but beautiful moment of self-discovery for me. I highly recommend you guys try this too.
- INTJ
I love your comment 💖 I literally felt like you're speaking my thoughts, everything you said relates to me, thanks for sharing your experience here.
Why is something this “simple” so f’n hard‽ Brilliant insight that just blindsided me in a way that made something click. I’ll try. Thank you!
I get you mate. Personally, I got rid of numbers, statistics, time saving, efficiency tracking progress and all that sh*t. And after I felt what is like to be alive...
Thank you, Frank! I feel so much better about myself now. I really thought that I was either lazy or depressed or both. I was almost ashamed of myself. Now I know that whatever it is that stops me from getting things done in the external world is an objective part of my personality-not a character flaw or emotional illness. And I am not alone in how I struggle. I also have a detail-oriented job. I feel great pride and relief when I catch another's mistake. It is as if I am telling myself and everyone else, "See! I'm not so lame! I can serve a purpose in the 'real' world!"
INTJ here, and I can absolutely relate. I'm an excellent planner, but terrible at executing the plan and really with adulting in general. Autopay is my best friend because I just don't want to even think about doing my books. I don't think I went to the grocery store for 6 weeks after my ENFP sis moved out. And when I'm alone, I get into a level of sloth, seclusion, and lack of self-care that only an INTP could challenge.
I also have a bad habit of ignoring things I know are important until they become a problem, but at least I always own up that it was my own damn fault.
I think, yeah, you get more detail-oriented because you're scared of making mistakes and omitting details because you think that missing something will mess things up. I really hate doing applications that require a lot of official documents because I'm always scared I miss something.
I guess one way to develop Se is when something does go wrong or a detail goes missing, is to not get stuck on "I KNEW IT. I KNEW I WOULD MISS SOMETHING. I should have done this or that to prepare" but rather to learn to adapt in the moment and problem solve immediately.
Wow. You just made an excellent point around 11:15. CS Lewis, assumed to be an INTJ or INFJ, wrote a chapter in The Screwtape Letters that changed my life. It was about the importance of being "present" because it is in the present where God can actually meet you and fill you with joy-because the present is what is real. From that chapter, I was inspired to re-program my mind (which took months of effort but was well worth it) and eventually it became my natural mode of thinking to not let my mind runaway with hypothetical situations. So, for me, I derived great peace from learning how to be "present," as did CS Lewis, and we are both Se inferiors. You're onto something FJ!
It's so comforting to hear that other people live in low-level terror of all the details they might be missing.
As an estp I found this video informative and hilarious. You’re great!!
Yes...you sound like an ESTP! Full of robust energy and hmph...
Your an ESTP?!!! Can i ask whats it like to be you? (ex. Like your perspective in your world view) I just watched a video that says ESTPs and ISTPs have the same function stack in different order and are good with our inferiors..so I'm just a little curious.. And still learning how to identify ppl encountered throughout my life. I haven't learn to recognize these two yet.. So wanted to see if it was ok to ask Lol ~INFJ learning
Yes...i want to know an estps worldview too! You seem so exciting.
This explains my main problems in life.
I know what you mean jellybean, damn life getting in the way of my procrastination and avoidance 😜 thx for another great vlog. You should get that PO Box (in your own time, wouldn't want to rush you) so I can send you some toothpaste, you'll definitely need that if you're going to start dating again 💖 , and deodorant too if you're running low 🤣
oh crap don't remind me! xD
I am an INTJ and I wanted to say thank you. To be able to listen to someone say the things that I feel as though they understand where it comes from was a surprisingly moving experience. So often I have spoken to people in my life and come away feeling like I am crazy because of the way they respond or don't respond, letting the conversation just... die. The notion of "missing information" hit particularly close to home and I think there are a great many missed opportunities in my life that I'll never get to revisit because I couldn't get out of my own way. So, thank you. This video gave me some much needed food for thought.