Ask Nick - My BFF Flirts With My Husband | The Viall Files w/ Nick Viall
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We’re back to answer your burning questions about the world of dating and relationships. Before getting to our callers, we talk about read receipts with romantic partners, and read an email from a listener who is harboring resentment toward her mom’s friend, who tried to set her up with a nurse while her mother was passing away. We then get our latest Breakup Song of the Week submission.
Our first caller has a best friend that is constantly flirting with her husband, both in front of her and when she’s not around. We discuss how she can put an end to the physical advances and commentary surrounding looks and attraction. Our second caller is wondering if she should forgive her father figure who lied to her family, split up with her mom, and is quickly dating someone new. After losing her biological father and step father earlier in life, she’s wondering if it’s worth keeping him in her life albeit under different circumstances. Our final caller split from her boyfriend but is still best friends with his sister. However, she’s been uninvited from birthday parties and family events because of the break up. How does she remain close with her friend if they won’t allow her in the same room as her ex?
“You can have a relationship with someone you’re angry with.”
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Completely completely completely disagree about the mom’s deathbed story. As someone whose mom died from cancer, I would be absolutely livid if one of her friends said that to me in the hospital while my mom was dying. No freakin way. If you come into one of the most difficult moments a family will ever experience, please have some decorum and show some respect and reverence for what they’re going through.
Also completely disagree
I also completely disagreed with Nick and scoffed when he said he nailed his response.
nick doesn’t know how to give advice on grief that was complete shit and i always hold my tongue but this was my breaking point with mansplaining
Same! I don’t think I’ve ever left a RUclips comment but this take sent me!
Not nick just completely invalidating the woman's feelings who just lost her mom and didn't want to be set up on a date at her moms funeral... god forbid. She should just stop being so sensitive? You can tell he hasn't lost a parent. As someone who lost their mom, I completely understand.
Lol thanks Nick for letting us know there is literally no space in which it is NOT OK for “well-intentioned” folks to be tryna find us a husband! That daughter was not wrong about her family friend. Most people don't have bad intentions, that doesn't mean they all need a place in our lives. What about letting go of relationships that don't serve us? If this was a family friend that admittedly no one felt super-comfortable around in the first place, I don't understand why we wouldn't validate her uneasiness and give her grace in exiting that relation, rather that throwing around words like overreacting and sensitive, literal no-nos in grief counseling.
nick, you’re getting too much into the hypothetical. i believe moms friend should’ve backed off.
I normally agree wholeheartedly with Nick's takes, but in the case of death, there's such nuance with how each individual processes that tragic journey and you need to be very sensitive while journeying alongside someone. I believe if you are on the same "level" of grief (let's say siblings who are equally close to a parent) there can be time for lightheartedness to break up the tension and tragedy of death - maybe to say to a sister something along the lines of "well one brightside to today is that mom's nurse is cute" etc. But although this person was a closer family friend, they cannot possibly be grieving in the same way as this person's daughter, and it feels highly inappropriate to be matchmaking at a time like that. Maybe a light-hearted comment about the cute nurse would be ok, but I think it has to be balanced very carefully while walking with someone who is grieving and processing the death of a close loved one. As a nurse, I've watched many people pass, and watched many families and members of families grieve in such unique ways. Some need some lighthearted humour, and some don't. It's important to read the room, and I think this friend should have done a better job at that, when this daughter clearly wanted less joking and lighthearted matchmaking and wanted support and solidarity.
agreeeed- nicks take here is SO wacky
1000000%. It’s a wildly inappropriate comment to make while a young woman is watching her mom die
I don’t think Nick invalidated any of that. I think his point is that as valid as her pov is, the other person’s grieving is valid too. Was it in appropriate? Yes. But was it ill-intentioned? No. She doesn’t have to forgive her mother’s friend. That’s okay. But in life we’re going to face a lot of uncertain shit, and this woman seems to care. Why push away any person who cares for you in this cold cruel world? Even if there was a disagreement or tension, it’s valid, but it didn’t come from a place of maliciousness.
@@samanthamitchell1194 I by no means think she shouldn't forgive the friend. And I don't believe the friend had ill-intent - I'm just saying I certainly think it's justified and also important to have a conversation and describe how it made her feel as a potential learning opportunity for this friend in the future.
@@samanthamitchell1194 "Intent" and "impact" are different. As a google therapist, Nick should know this
Caller w the dad issues: not everyone gets a dad. Even fewer get the father they need. Sometimes you need to face the fact that you don’t have a dad. It’s not up to you to find a father and ‘making it work out’. See people for who they are.
Laughably terrible take on the deathbead question. Nick has some deficiencies in the social skills department
Nick loves to criticize other people for displaying a lack of empathy and life experience, but here his own total lack of perspective is on full display. Nick, the fact that you've been lucky enough to have never experienced this sort of loss doesn't excuse this incredibly obtuse take on the daughter's feelings towards her late mother's friend.
The friend didn't give the daughter space to grieve the end of her mother's life. Plain and simple. She has every right to feel hurt, offended, even angry about this - and frankly, the friend's intentions don't matter here. When will we finally realize that the effects of your actions are more important than the intentions behind them? To the person who wrote in: I am deeply sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your feelings were not validated in this space.
My current boyfriend and I don’t have read receipts on for each other and it’s actually really refreshing. As someone whose last relationship was toxic and jealous, I find not having read receipts is a barrier that helps me be patient with my partner and understand that responding to texts isn’t usually the most pressing issue. I’ve also been through a lot of therapy and healing so I think just being in a better headspace and healthy relationship may have changed my outlook as well.
Regarding the texting segment, my friend once said this to me: “you guys are trying to date, not become pen pals.”
I have read receipts on for everyone. I occasionally mark as unread if I’m busy because it changes it to delivered. I don’t do this because of power, I do this because seeing my unread messages is a reminder to respond later.
Caller 1 why would you want a “friend” that blatantly is disrespecting you infront of your face ridiculous get rid of her
I hate people having their read receipts on SO much.
1. Leads me to checking if they’ve read my texts yet.
2. You KNOW people will intentionally not open a text because of their read receipts being on.
Yes! Like it will be days later and they still haven’t read it. As if anyone is really going to think they really haven’t seen the text you sent them yet.
A short AND in depth quiz? Wowee, they are some magicians at this vitamin company.
I agree that the friend’s comments came from a place of love and care. I disagree that this fact is super relevant when the daughter is grieving her mom’s death in a hospital - the onus is on tje mom’s friend to read the room and be a little kinder. That being said, I think the daughter both has the right to be angry and resentful AND might benefit from talking through it with the mom’s friend and try to rekindle that relationship, if she has stories or cares in ways that could be a support. But if she never liked the mom’s friend, maybe there’s more to it idk.
A couple of weeks ago, my grandmother passed away, and one of my dad’s cousins came up to me at the cremation and joked that my grandmother had had a great life and the only thing she worried about was the fact that I was still single. It wasn’t funny, and while I’m sure that the uncle was trying to connect and be funny, he didn’t say I’m sorry EVER and the comment about my singleness was one of two comments he made the whole day (the other was when he commented on my having gained weight). I’m sure he was grieving (he was quite close to my grandma), but I’m pretty sure I still have a right to be mad. I walked away in the moment and didn’t really feel the need to maintain that relationship. I feel like we’re allowed to expect empathy and kindness from others.
Caller 1’s friends misgivings are not being thin or wearing a crop top, that’s the callers insecurities- but her behavior needs to be addressed. Caller 3- why are you even asking the question?? You just said he’s a liar etc, why keep a relationship??? It’s over.
I love this podcast. Its really been getting me through long workdays. Thank you so much guys!
Maybe you and her could set up separate times to celebrate birthdays etc. I was just thinking how uncomfortable I would be around my ex and his girlfriend especially if I still have feelings for him. Maybe you and him just need more time to heal and be away from each other. Just an idea. You could plan special things together so you wouldn’t have to be around him. It might help you to move on faster.❤
I think the texting thing is a very generational issue, expectations around “fast” or “slow” replies are very different for early twenties people rn and I think thats somewhat justified
Read receipts off. I don’t need a stalker or people over thinking why I didn’t respond right away/ That being said it gives me anxiety often not to respond to a text within a day or a couple hours if it’s someone I know.
To the third caller: your friend is in a VERY awkward spot. I’ve been in that same spot 4 times with my siblings ex’s. I was even one of the groomsmen for my sisters ex at his wedding. He will not be a part of my wedding, because that’s not possible with the current relationship between him and my sister. I know what I’m talking about when I say that the tension is 100% coming from your ex, not from your friend worrying about how your ex will feel.
I think the toughest part of having friendships with ex’s siblings is typically due to the ex. Your friend isn’t uncomfortable having you around and you aren’t uncomfortable being around, but your ex is likely VERY uncomfortable with you two still being friends. That’s how my siblings are at least, and it makes it impossible to ever spend time with siblings and the friends at the same time. I’d recommend instead of trying to be included in events like family birthday celebrations, find a way to have your own birthday celebration with that friend. It sadly means that the friendship has to be kind of private, but the only other option is for you to confront your ex and smooth things over enough to where he feels comfortable having you around, and that seems like a much bigger stretch.
Tldr: it’s not your friend who’s to blame for not having you around. If you ever want to be able to spend time with your friend and the family, you need to confront the ex, not the friend and her family. If you can’t get over that tension with your ex, then it’s not gonna be possible to be best friends with his sister. She can come celebrate you, but you will NEVER be able to go celebrate her when your ex is present.
I have no idea what read receipts are? Lol, when I read it, it’s read.
It a function that shows that a text message was seen and ignored by the person who will backstab you at some point in their life
i have read receipts on for mom and dad and they do too. everyone else are off. safety and because they might ask important questions/say important things so they want to know if i at least read it.
read receipts on til i dieeeeeeee
I have my read receipts off. I don’t like hearing “you left me on read”. Most of the time I respond when I want to. I have a tendency to read messages while I’m at work and respond at a later time.
Sounds Ike kaitlyn
Texting a lot through the day and expecting replies right away is annoying, just call if its important
I don’t agree with how the friend acts around the her husband, but I do disagree with the crop top thing. Noting that your friend is thinner than you and wears crop tops purely for attention sounds like an insecurity on the caller’s end. Just because someone has a slimmer body shape than you doesn’t mean they want attention, and you don’t necessarily have to be thin to wear a crop top. Crop tops have been trending for a while now, even men are starting to wear them. I don’t think we should judge people on their body size or for following fashion trends. I like to dress a bit on the sexier side and I do it because I like it, not for attention of men. When I was in the military I had to wear baggy OCPs and when I have the opportunity to go out more now I like to dress up more sexy and feminine for ME.
LMAO 27:54
I think the caller is overreacting, she’s not really flirting. The caller is just insecure.
the "she's thinner than me" comment seemed like the caller has some inner reflection to do on whether she's just hating on her friend
She is not over reacting, the friend knows what she is doing, this is not a great friend obviously
@@mangoesandgrapes3073 Yeah when the caller said "my friend wears crop tops out. It's like she's looking for attention." I was like oof let her wear what she wants.
Totally agree about the friend of deceased mother who tried to hook her up with the nurse. She 💯 was trying to lighten the mood. Maybe it wasn’t received well but she obviously wasn’t trying to upset her & cares about her if she wrote a letter checking on her after the passing of her mother.
I gotta agree with Nick regarding the death bed situation. I don’t think the whole “romcom” thing was the best thing to say regarding this, however, I do this the friend was saying it out of pure love & genuinely wanted to see her friends beloved daughter that live will continue to go on. I cannot say I would be mad @ my moms friends if she were to do this.
❤❤
Amanda is really annoying and ruins the show for me
Someone missed the "if you don't have anything nice to say" talk lol!
@@glittering_trash_ your username suites you very well glad you chose it ☺️
Amanda is a gem ❤
LOL wtf I did not expect to read this while scrolling through the comments.
Hard disagree on the deathbed take. It’s not a romcom so even imaging that fantasy doesn’t have any traction on the real situation: she knows her mother is dying. She is by her side day and night not to miss a song moment of the life left. I have been there. If she says it was offensive and bothersome for a lady to be insisting on a meet cute during that time then it was. Holy I would have asked her to have a word in the hallway and clocked her. She was not overly sensitive or overreacting, as Nick said everyone deals w death differently. I generally agree w his dating advice but hospice/preparation for death I think he was off base, verging on mansplaining grief to this woman. Ugh.
I interpret it as disrespect towards the mom--that was no friend of hers if her mind was on setting up her daughter with the nurse--bizarre
👏
100% agree. Nope..read the room
Completely agree with you. She has every right to be resentful that that woman put her in that position at THE MOST inappropriate time
That is not a friend, caller is right, she is obviously doing something strange and why is the friend always commenting about the husband...
bigger question why are you friends?
A “I’m so sorry for your loss” before going into the worst advice ever would have made your take a little more bearable.
The gleeful “I hit that advice out of the park 😄” at the end also wasn’t a great look. I know he didn’t intend to come across that way. But oof.
It's almost like he is a fallible human being; the ABSOLUTE nerve!!
Nick is right that the friend had good intentions. That doesn’t excuse the impact. Impact > intent. If the email author is reading this, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. You have every right to feel how you want. You don’t owe her a response at all. You can always respond a few months later if it feels right. If you do want to respond, I think it’s fair to be honest. Something like “thank you for loving my mom. I’m having a hard time with her passing. I was hurt by your insistence I talk with the nurse. My hurt may be misguided in my grief, I’m sure you meant well.” And see how she reacts perhaps?
If your BFF can't respect your marriage boundaries then it's time you find new friends. Your BFF and her husband need to work on their marriage instead of creating problems in yours.
Not a fan of read receipts 😅 feels like a power trip
Im hearing tye "bf" one "flirting" as I type now.
What?!!!! I dont even kind of understand and would just barricade in protection.
She really said "'stroke" your husbands hand again'! Stroke!!!
The friend of the mom who passed. Actually Ive seen this type of thing.
To me people are just truly different. Like its about just loving the variety of people that exist.
"Stroke"!!!!!.....mannnnnn. no. No. Not at all. Not ok. Well none of this is ok that Im hearing. Its truly dark..Like really🕊
"I have a want for consistent father figure"-100% of all people.
I mean its easy to say when you see it from a 3rd person view, but people that are like:"Do i continue to try make someone who has disappointed me again and again, the person i want them to be for me?" its just such a strange thing many people can't seem to accept that some people will never be who you want them to be.
I’m with Nick on Read Receipts - nothing is more irritating than people who get angry that you didn’t immediately call or text back 🙄 land lines and answering machines have some great perks.
The girl with the friend who is maybe unhappy with her marriage needs to have some boundaries set. First don't tell your personal information anymore. Stop hanging out without the kids. Hopefully she isn't acting this way with kids around.
I actually don't think the caller needs to sit her friend down and say "Hey are you happy?" I would stop drinking with these friends. And being lonely isn't an excuse to make rude remarks. She's either very young and is looking for validation from another man. I really would want to distance myself from this couple and keep it to play dates for the kids.
Yeah! I don’t understand how the caller is still even talking to this so called “friend”. It’s so sad to hear when other people don’t have healthy boundaries and are taken advantage of/let others walk all over them. This friend sounds like the typical toxic friend that likes to feel superior and who would totally backstab anybody to get what she wanted. The fact that this “friend” doesn’t have other female friends speaks volumes.
Wow - last caller. You are not over the brother. You’re still comparing yourself to his ex, still paying attention to whether he talks about you. Be honest with yourself.
I really appreciate when you took the time to talk about grief. my husband died a year and a half ago and I feel like I'm the only one that keeps his memory alive. it's exhausting doing it alone, but if you get past the pain it's a wonderful thing.
I have my read receipts on for everyone, I turn them off for specific people
sameeee lol
I also feel like the sister should never be put in the middle because really none of this was her doing. Just my opinion.😊
And you also have to think about the fact that it’s her wedding it’s her special day. Do what’s best for her to have a beautiful day and not worry about conflicts at her wedding! Maybe you could go on a girls trip instead after the wedding or celebrate in a different way. Nick’s advice is also very good. I wish you well.❤
I’m an old lady and I have never used read receipts on texts!
Re: the death bed email, I wonder if part of the disconnect between Nick and the audience is that when you are raised female, you deal with this kind of thing ALL THE TIME from older adults, especially women. And it's always annoying / embarrassing /awkward--I'm willing to bet less than 1% of the time it ever results in a match, even at the best of times. So when dealing with a death it might just be extra obnoxious. I don't think men deal with this on the same level, so my guess is Nick is a bit unaware of this being A Thing. It just ties into the expectations around women and girls needing to be "coupled up" and "settle down." I've dealt with similar situations with my own mom countless times. Of course, I don't think it's a "fireable" offense, unless there's more to why the daughter dislikes this friend. So I agree that the daughter should consider letting it go to reconnect, because it's honestly a common thing older women do to younger women. Even if it's kind of problematic, I don't think it makes the friend a bad person. I don't agree with the people commenting saying the daughter should cut her off over it, especially since people can be weird about death
Read receipts on!
The last call really hit home for me. My “best friend” and I met through another group of ppl who got toxic and I had to cut them out. Long story short, I was the mature one, they are bullies, yet my friend is the worst at setting boundaries and holding ppl accountable. So I told her I will not be attending her wedding reception cuz im not gonna put myself in another situation to be around people who go out of their way to make me feel like garbage
Nick I agree with you on the first email. Different Strokes for different folks.
I agree with nicks take on the male nurse/mothers friend.. maybe she didn’t quite read the room well enough but I don’t see that as a fireable offense especially considering all the nuances to death.. we can’t expect everyone to react exactly the same as us