Doing THESE 3 Things Push Good Men Away | Do THIS Instead
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
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Out of the norm, but my Soulmate and I actually met while he was married. We both fell in love in those couple minutes. As soon as my guy pal said "That's _______'s husband.", I was so disappointed and it hurt!!!!
He filed for divorce about 5 months later after 15 years marriage, kids, for all you mentioned. He pursued me during the divorce. One day, after he said he was divorced for 2 weeks, we were together for almost 12 years and married, until he passed away.
No dating "rules", no games, chase, all the crap.
Like the movies, pure magic. Never had one issue with the ex, and we lived in the same town. Good things happen.
Red flag that he has not healed from his past yet, needs healing before entering another relationship.
Yes, it's a human thing.
Indeed. The past is prologue. History. Choose you. ♥️
@@sherriflemming3218q
It's not your responsibility to walk on eggshells because they don't do their own work.. Don't let them rely on you for their healing, you'll never succeed 🙏😔💔
Ps we love you Jonathon ❣️🙏 thx for all you do, bought your self love book 🥰 III
Jonathon you're the bomb. ♥️
We all need to provide for ourselves. Financial independence is empowerment. Disciplined spending and disciplined savings. Always be your own sugar mama.😁
Money management skills.
Indeed
This is why I'm still single one year after my divorce from a man that turned out to be abusive verbally and physically restraining and unfaithful. We were only married 7 months so yeah I'm still single and healing. I say I'm about 80% there 🙂
You handled that contentious conversation very well. I wouldn't have given her as much time, wasn't worth it.
Awe... thank you 😊
Kudos to Rachel, Jill and Harlow for showing us the vastly different ways pain and loss can manifest. For me, I see 3 women that showed up to grow and overcome their weaknesses, challenges and trauma. Jonathon, I felt you showed a lot of grace and patience tonight 😊
Towards the end, my patience was thin... thank you 😊
Jonathon, handled that conflict resolution intervention really well. Kudos.
@@sherriflemming3218 I was having a hard time with it... I didn't like being accused as a liar. 😕
@@JonathonAslay I understand that. You were speaking your truth from facts and knowledge. Well done! 👍. I find with people who aren't listening, stop talking works, sometimes. And revisit the issue after they've calmed down. De escalation is challenging.
@@JonathonAslay I find that people who label our thoughts, facts, feelings as 'your reality' are not fully tuned in to feelings, as they are coming from the limitations of sheer judgment and condescension.
Jonathon, this was one of your best videos ever. On so many levels. Such important and thought-provoking insights. I also want to share with you how masterfully, diplomatically, professionally, patiently you navigated that challenging Hot Seat situation (I won’t call it a dialogue, as you were not being heard or validated.) As a therapist, I watched you with awe, recognizing the challenges of that call and how beautifully you set your boundaries without anger, or getting into a power struggle. As a therapist this is something I try to teach my clients all the time. You are truly so gifted at what you do, and I want to tell you how much I appreciate you! 🤗
WOW!!! Thank you, Dina, Much appreciated. Let's just say, I was biting my tongue. YIKES! lol
I know, but you were so incredible. I’ve watched it twice it was so perfect!
@@dinalubin6498 WOW, now you've made my day. :)
That made mine too, thank you!! 🤗
Great live tonight. If a man told me a story about his ex cheating (the scenario you are sharing at the beginning of the view), I WOULD RUN LIKE FOREST GUMP. I have done too much work on myself to be around a man stuck in fear and the past pain who has done no work to the heal. Heal yourself.
Yes, and sadly, many women have the same story they tell men. Healing is needed.
Jennifer 👍♥️
@@JonathonAslay very true I know women like this as well. I meant to say that having Jill on was lovely - I really like her vibe. You handled the other situation really well and patient :)
@@jenniferl1908 thank you. 🙏
Wow. VERY well put. Way to map the growth stages through pain into setting yourself free from past lessons, wiping pain from the present ~ grieve, get it all out, process, grow... to see yourself as someone who's learned from that experience ... to give yourself & the new relationship a positive clean slate.
Exactly!
A therapist is worse than a partner. I adored my therapist and she handled me so badly at the end and I was crushed by what she said to me. My heart was broken and it took me 3 years to heal from the therapy, but I got there in the end and now am full of love have learned to be kind to myself.
Therapists can be life saviours. I am really sorry you had a bad experience with one.. you deserved so much better. But I swear many therapists are amazing.
I feel that
So sorry for your experience. Many times you can find a bad match, like with anything else. Maybe try talk therapy with someone else to help. Prayers to you 🙏
I like the hot seat because I want your perspective 🙏💗
I had not previously considered that I need to forgive myself for choosing to have a relationship with a man who turned out to be wrong for me. Self-forgiveness is an issue my counselor told me to ponder in a different area of my life, but it is also resonates heartily with my inability to get back into dating, let alone actually have a relationship with a new man. I’m not the same person I was in that bad relationship so long ago. I have to find a way to forgive myself. Thank you for giving me something new and meaningful to ponder ❤
My pleasure 🙏
I have a contentious relationship with my ex husband. It’s ongoing because he’s constantly taking my back to court because he won’t let the relationship go. I don’t think it means my future relationships are doomed to fail because it’s ongoing. I’ve moved past it, I feel neutrally toward him despite how abusive he is to this day, but unfortunately he’s toxic and I have to deal with him. I think it’s most important to be able to wall yourself off from people like that so they don’t get to live rent free indefinitely and impact new relationships.
I am now in a state of gratitude for the 17 years of life I shared with my husband. I now know that I grew as a person and am much more empathetic, patient, kind and brave after having him in my life.
By the way, I just started working "home alone" two months ago, and I can definitely relate to the feeling of isolation you described. I have faith that completing the inner work you introduced me to will help mend my "broken picket"! 😆 🤣 😂 😹
Thank you 😊
Jill, ❤ your energy and input! Thank you for coming on the podcast! Your very brave to show your vulnerability! I'm also a widower. Best wishes on your journey!❤❤❤❤!
Thank you so much!
@@JonathonAslay ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏
Such an interesting episode and quodos is to you, Jill and Rachel.
Totally agree! Apologize for venting! Because I’m actually thankful for what I’ve learned! No anger with what’s over!
So many women won’t have kids bc they’re clocks Will run out due to non committal men.
Let that one sink in. We are destroying ourselves!!!!!!
I’m doing lots of self work trying to fix my marriage and make it work but I keep running into your videos, I’m not dating and married but I still enjoy your energy and what you bring to the table. RUclips has a funny algorithm 😂
You got this!
The topic covered today did resonate, did sink in deeply. Thank you
There is no reason to rehash the old story or relationship. You need to have enough self-love to recognize the good that there was and the bad that there was, but you don’t need to tell other people about it you need to be grateful for what you had, and to know that you’re strong enough to move on That the person wasn’t the right person for you !! don’t be bitter don’t be mad don’t be resentful just have gratitude in your heart and forgiveness for the person that hurt /disappointed you. And hope that they find peace in their life especially if you were married for many years and have children together. This is very important. Being a martyr is the worst attribute in anyone can have. A total turn off!!
1:00 I think it's hilarious Harlow has argumentative and attacking attachment style, if that style exist. Jill has good manners, and intelligent style of communication
Jonathon, l ❤ the quote "you forgive for yourself not the other person". Some will never know l forgave them. I try to be button proof.l believe you should let people be who they are unless there's abuse. ❤❤❤❤ your spirit and podcast!
Exactly!
@@JonathonAslay ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏
This question has made me wonder my entire adult life: does a relationship have a "sell-by" date? Can a relationship simply end because there is no new energy? Not because of arguments, infidelity, addictions, financial issues, etc.? Can the relationship just get "worn out"?
Yes, all the learning is complete...
@@JonathonAslay to her question, what does that mean when you’ve learned what you need to learn?
@@sylviasessentials there's no way to learn everything in one lifetime
Well, Harlow made sure everyone knew the lovely Jill has a business!
15:10 😅 I feel attacked haha Yes, that's so me and the pattern I try to break. In my mind I know that's bs, but in my heart I still go back to that thinking.
Jonathan, thank you for today's video. The Livestream was interesting and lively. My thoughts: I'm reading THE UNTETHERED SOUL from your recommended reading list. Highly recommend, thought provoking and on point. Whatever disturbs us blocks our heart energy center.
Exactly
Very good impact. When you are full of negative feelings, you can't heal others
Exactly 😍
Women can't heal because the man is always trying to come back.
Don't let them back in , ever!
I arranged to meet a guy for a coffee at his favourite suburb hangout, & got there late because 4 different things went wrong on way plus time management/numbers is not my strong point. I was 17 minutes late after running quite a distance and i spent 45 minutes walking around, expecting he'd just gone off to his favourite bookshop. No message on my phone asking if i and my family were okay (i had child he didn't).
Instead, he called the dating agency at 9am Monday morning to complain loud and long that i had been late...
They pressured me big time to call him with a grovelling apology, but i insisted no and eventually said we're not compatible.
I need someone less aggressive, entitled and self focussed. I felt I'd dodged a bullet.
Whether or not you personally know the person in the box, what matters is the sincerity of the question, and even if that person is a known personality, he/she comes as a viewer guest who wants to find an enlightening answer to whatever related concerns he/she might have in relation to our topic
There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s the truth. My mother used to say this all the time and I have just recently gotten it. I look at my failures as an opportunity to learn, and do better in my future relationships.
Yes...
Hope you're ok Jonathan. Just saw this.... woa. You handled that well when she came at you. 👍🏼
Your honesty is very refreshing
So good Jonathon !!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😘
Thank you for this excellent episode. I think it is one of your best!
Wow, thank you!
Everyone NEEDS advice from time to time. Even, COACHES, THERAPISTS etc. I don’t think the woman who came in was looking to building her business. I liked the question she asked and I definitely need to know how to turn down men after a few dates when things just aren’t in alignment. Thanks Jonathan for bringing her to the hot seat.
She did it on her own...
Hi Johnathan, this has to be the best talk you’ve given so far, in my opinion. I resonate with you. Thank you for all your advice, it’s helped me understand a lot of things that what I’ve been doing and thinking has been okay.
Wow, thank you
Hi Jonathan could you please do an in depth show on the mechanism of recovery through gratitude.
Love how you just say it straight with a side of compassion. Great work 🎉🎉❤
Will do...
Jill, I appreciated your questions as I have recently struggled with the same.
??Question??Im 52 was married 27 years,met a wonderful guy ,he was married 7years divorced and stayed with his ex 30 plus years tried to make it work.He loves me to tbe moon and back...me I'm afraid to let go and love him,the chemistry is there,but im so fearful of letting go.Weve been dating since August..no icings on the cake yet.He is telling me when im ready.Im afraid i will not ever be,Ive met his kids and grandkids we get along great....why cant i let go of my fear i might be hurt again?Maybe im not wanting as serious as he wants?I dont know.Hes a good person.
Good conversation with Jill, these are things Ive been questioning as well.
Thanks
Oh jeez, Harlow take a chill pill.
Greatest video ❤. Hugs to you Jonathon ❤❤🌹
Your tough love is perfect and necessary
This topic is soooooooo good! Thank You!!!
Glad you think so!
Another high value session. So helpful to me. Thanks!
So glad!
Jonathon, I have watched many of your videos and this is the one I have found to be singularly helpful and informative- thank you so much 🙏
Glad it was helpful!
Haha my father was a fighter pilot. So true. He was a master in it. And stuffing. So I learnt it well, since I was diagnosed with adhd at 48. Now I know why I am able to control my impulses so well, I had an excellent teacher. But, there was no communication. It was by guessing, by silence, by music, bc he played amazing emotional passionate songs on violin. Imagine the contradiction….😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing...
Yes..always good…👏👏👏
Thank you so much ❤️ Jonathan I'm so blessed to find you 🙏 Jonathan I'm so happy because of you be blessed 🙌
Thanks!
Awe... thank you 😊
If dating a man who mentions something negative about his ex, what is a good response? Should I go deeper and ask “ and how did you heal from that?” Or mention what worked for me when I was in pain?
Ironic that heroine is also a dangerous, addictive drug 🤯
Jill is so beautiful and smart! She should have no trouble in love 💖 Keep up the amazing work, Jonathan!❤️
Getting out thoughts to work through it sounds like the other person serves as a therapist. In my opinion, there has to be discernment about what thoughts are shared.
I agree it’s fine to text/email someone if one has never met in person or got together 3 times or less.
THanks, Jonathon. This is the thing I was vaguely wanting to "work" on (a little) right now.
Jonathan I need your guidance re this guy I met over two months ago that the past two weeks is barely communicating. The energy connection was way beyond I expected. Never met a man like him in my life. I’m 70 and he’s 66 years old. I can feel he most likely will end up what we had but I need to hear that from him.
If someone experienced pain, disgust or fear in their relationship they must take some accountability for themselves for staying in it. It’s not about them, it’s about you.
Think about the positive aspects of the relationship and congratulate yourself for experience and having strength to leave.
Put the past in the past😐Hey we chose these men!! We need to look in the mirror. And let it go
Exactly
Yes resonating😊
So glad!
The Science Of Getting Rich - Kenny Weiss podcast
The Relationship Between Trauma And High Achievement - Kenny Weiss podcast
Why are you suggesting those?
@@JonathonAslay They're interesting as many people have assumptions.
Sometimes we have to defend ourselves for no good reason
If you're hurting, take some time and don't seek another relationship right away.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGIVE TO HEAL. DO THE RESEARCH.
Forgiveness can mean... giving love to the wound.
WITHOUT FORGIVENESS YOU WILL HAVE BITTERNESS IN YOUR HEART AND will use all caps when writing a comment. Not to mention the other ways in which the wrong someone else has done will grow into something else.. even if it’s just a part of your heart hardening and dying. Why allow someone else’s BS to become your own. That is essentially what you do when you don’t forgive. And forgiveness isn’t condoning what they’ve done or even accepting them. Not forgiving someone who’ve wronged you is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die.
You have some valid points but even if you would never even want to be in the same room as the person you forgive it doesn’t necessarily mean you want them to die. I only say this because true forgiveness is divine ESPECIALLY if they don’t deserve or are not even asking for forgiveness. Just as people turn to a higher power when dealing with addiction it can be the way to the path of forgiveness that has everything to do with the healing of self. Our personal healing can still happen EVEN if the other person escapes JUSTICE. I have not had to do this while still engaging in the relationship but I have had the higher power ( Jesus) change my heart. It probably helped not to stay too isolated and even ask for friends to listen as long as you listen back. I say this to say that it serves no one to stay in victim mode and to learn that we do have some responsibility in guarding our own heart. That is WHY vetting is so important. There is no point in putting yourself out there so to speak for a mismatch or for someone who is not ready or wanting the same things because I have learned from past experience that timing matters as well no matter how much the couple likes one another. There has to be room for growth in the relationship as nothing stays stagnant nor should it.
Forgive Accept Grow … I like this!
Thanks...
I am in this situation. However I'm an option. He is best friends and trauma connected to her so I'm feeling as tho I'm in a relationship with them both. He doesn't make effort with me any longer and then they are hanging out talking more so. I don't feel he has not healed. Red flag is all he talks about his ex and available to her.... We are in a long distance relationship so this doesn't help. It's going on 9 mos. But we are distant and disconnected Moreso now. I feel we are going end and it makes me sad I have deep feelings for him it hurts!
I understand
Hi Jonathan my suggestion is to disable audio thing so the rest of us don’t need to hear about things that are not related to dating advises like the last person were questioning about who ask what questions
It doesn’t matter, we are here to exchange’s questions and answers so we can learn from others too. So I agreed with you I just think that was unnecessary hearing one person arguing with you 😅 and you lost your cool for a second 😎
Noted
Question
Dear Jonathon, (such a great video/ lessons🙏🏼❣️)
Why do some of us go back for more pain over and over again even when we know not to?
If you get stung by a bee, you avoid the hive but
I forget the sting and go for the honey only to be stung again and again.. Feeling very foolish 😢💔🙏🐝
Yes, exactly
What is the picture behind Rachel it looks very interesting. Is she an artist ??
Harlow abused the 'hot seat' you handled it very well Johnathan
Thank you 😊
Couldn't find book link... Please help.
I’m not trying to take Harlow’s side per se but frankly I also thought it was kind of strange for Jill being a professional relationship coach to not be able to answer such a basic question as the one she was asking Jonathon. That did seem a little strange for me too. I like Jill and her work but her question seemed too basic coming from someone in her line of work as if she had no idea how to tell her date that she wasn’t interested in him.
Omg did both
Harlow broke the #1, "to be civil and respectful". This was interesting, and good on Jill and Jonathan for not taking Harlow's bait. The mute was fantastic, and imo should be considered permanent.
How insufferable Harlow was to listen to. Harlow seems to think herself the reigning authority on Jonathan's channel. How very entitled she behaved. I'm sensing Harlow has no clue why she has bad luck with men. My sense is, if she is that confrontational, she has no clue how toxic a personality she is. Yuck, just yuck!
Up until Harlow, the talk was great and some great advice including Jill's question. Regarding that, I am respectful, clear and don't spend too much time on it. Just rip the bandaid off, and not think to hard about it. The other party should always be prepared for rejection, and to accept it gracefully, as should you as well.
Hurt people lash out. I have compassion for her pain. ❤️
Yeah it's his fault he's not worth anything
So what are the 3 things?
Pain, Disgust and Fear
🎯
I wanna see a Jonathon 1v1 vs Harlow, he would do well as a radio host getting into fights laying down the smack 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂👏👏👏
Why so upset???? 😭😭😭
I don't like fighting 😌
Upset ?
He handled that Harlow contention so well 🙏🏾
@@JonathonAslay(I mean Harlow)
❤
"Hot seat"... Ya but she's forgetting to respect herself, her time her interest etc she needs to read your book Johnathan Self Love,, 'love others as yourself AND love yourself as much as others'
Thank you 😊
Jonathan, the blue pill does not work for everyone. Depends on what is causing his ED.
Yes, that's true...
Good on you with Harlow situation👍
That was awkward... thank you 😊
@@JonathonAslay i could tell & felt for you, i think we all did...I'm an Aussie & don't like good people talked to like that so i would probably have lost my cool at her myself 🤨 but you kept me in check. Thank you for the video/videos & keep doing you Jonathon 😊
With all due respect…Harlow is creepy
To the viewer lady you are disrespectful to come to his show and try to tell him what to do! My question for you is did you can do a better job them him?
👍
You have to love the internet! It's the only place where the most ridiculous things are argued about. Who cares why the woman came on the show. My God people need to CHILL!!!
Interesting yes this could bleed
Should I give it a chance if he lives 2 hours away from me if I can't drive to him?
Please list the pros and cons...
Please list the pros and cons...
Never. You deserve better. Life is hard enough without dealing with logistics. You want someone who's going to be there for you on a daily basis... If there is distance you cannot quickly learn if they are going to be there for you. If you're sick. If you've had a hard day at work... will he cook dinner for you?
Why start things off with distance which is a barrier and when you see each other will be like vacation. It won't be like real life.
Also long distance means that a lot of men are able to live a double life and they don't have to worry about being accountable or a woman depending on them on a daily basis because of the way that distance benefits them. Many men who do distance with women have other women in their life or are living a double life in my experience..
@@sugarmaplehill Agree. A hundred percent 👍. Long distance, the odds are not in your favor. Proximity creates continuity and continuity can build trust. Wanda, you deserve better. Abundance is in the city. where you live. ♥️. It's raining great men! The Weather Girls.
Wonderful content Jonathon.
Know yourself, and heal yourself. 🙏 I haven't ever felt that way. ". I need someone to love me to feel good about myself."
I found even 45 min is too far
Lol 1:02:06
Harlow, why don't you just ask your question? Instead, you mind other people 's business?
Wow, this woman is annoying, not sure why he has to justify his guests.
What do you mean by justify?
Ohh my goodness - caller I’m so sorry for your pain, but you sound very insecure. 1:06:57
Jonathon,
You’re live stream is getting some whacky and controlling people, Harlow. Lady, get a life and this is not your RUclips channel! 😂😂
This channel is for relationship guidance. 🙏🏼💙
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼‼️
Thank you
Thanks!
WOW, Thank you.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGIVE TO HEAL. DO THE RESEARCH.
"Forgiveness means letting go of resentments that keep us tied to the wrong committed against us. It means to heal and move forward with life without allowing anger, hurt or unproductive rumination to waste too much of our mental or emotional energy." ~ This according to research.
@@JonathonAslayI agree with you.
@@sism3028 thanks