HOW TO CALM A TODDLER IN MINUTES | Positive Discipline For Toddlers - SJ STRUM
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
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This video is the tips I use to calm down my toddler quickly but gently; it's sometimes hard as I want to react fast which sometimes isn't the best way; but when I remember to follow these steps it eases the tension right away and the more I do it the calmer she's been overall.
This style isn't for everyone, it's definitely a constant practise for me and one I really believe has transformed our house into a calm and positive place for us all.
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My Instagram: / sj_strum
I’m not even a parent but one day when I am -I’d love to raise my kids the same way you raise yours. It’s absolutely beautiful 🤍
Ahhh thank you Courtney - it's such a lovely thing to be mindful of parenting before having kids. xxx
I don’t have any children yet but I feel exactly the same! Love your attitude towards children’s points of view instead of seeing things as problems 💕
Ah you make me less scared to have kids and see it could be a happy calm experience and not always war lol 😅xoxooox
Same! :)
I have twin girls that are 21 months, and we have definitely started in on some big emotions. I love the phrase. "All emotions are valid, but all behaviors are not permissable."
Yes it's so helpful for me figuring out positive discipline - because I'm not permissive but I think this style is a perfect balance for me xx
I don’t even have kids...yet I watched this all the way through.
My 2 year old has been going bonkers this past week. I'm sitting at work crying, thinking of how I treated him while he threw his little fits. Thank you for sharing this. I have a renewed perspective and cant wait to try these techniques later today.
„Connecting not correcting“ sounds so positive. Hope I will be able to do that once I have a child/children.
It’s such a great thing for me to try to abide by; I don’t always get it right 😅 but I always know I’ve tried to be my best with them xxx
I think it makes more sense "connect to correct"... because the bad behavior is supposed to be corrected anyways, but in a more positive way.
We love Daniel Tiger, the songs about calming down really works for my son
It’s great isn’t it! Evelina loves it so much x
I don't think I could parent without Daniel Tiger
This time I will use Weedborn CBD products to heal myself.
Super helpful! I’m a nanny to nearly 3 year old twin boys and we have been having a lot of BIG emotions at the same time recently. I’m a big believer of not punishing them for having emotions. I think it’s so important for when they’re older to recognise these emotions within themselves and be able to go to someone for help if they need it. Really love the idea of the walk to the end of the road - I’ll have to use it when I’m back at work x
Your children seem so kind and lovely!! Especially in how they regard each other and you^^
Thank you so much; not always perfect here by any means!! but there’s always play and kindness at the heart of it xx
I’m using this for babysitting 😁 it’s difficult not being the mom because you did not raise them, and they usually have problems solved by just having mommy there. Learning slowly!
Never even thought of some of these. Definitely going to start introducing them to my 14 month old son as he gets a little older. Thank you!
Ah it’s so good to have up your sleeve; i always watched things for older kids so I was ready - thanks for watching Sophie xxx
I'm only 18 and probably won't get married for a long time, but that was super interesting
Wow that’s so amazing it’s really uplifting to see people being so intentional with their parenting
I really need this to because I have a 2 year old baby sister!!! And you are very-good at giving people advice
It’s like you knew I needed this! For miss 4. Thank you 🥰
It's because I needed it! ha ha! I always make these when I've had a tough week with something and Evelina has been so emotional lately - we'll get there!! Thanks so much for watching x
This video could not have come at a better time. I like that there is space to be firm as well as gentle and supportive.
Yes I’ve tried to find these techniques to be firm but kind and I think positive discipline does that so well xxx
I love these techniques! Will definitely try them when a dance student has a tantrum! Sorry to be cheeky just wondering if you remember where you got your bedside drawers from please? It’s exactly what I’m looking for! :) xx
Oh I honestly think they are bathroom ones we got years ago and moved next to her bed as we needed something mini. So bathroom cabinets might be a good place to look? These just have her PJ's and used to have nappies in, they've been perfect!
SJ Strum oh brilliant I never thought of that thank you so much :) xx
i work with 3 year olds and im definitely gonna use these tips 🥰
Ah that must be noisy!! But lovely - thanks so much for watching x
This video helped me a lot! I don’t have a child of my own but I do have to take care of my 2 year old brother for long periods of time, and as a 15 year old who doesn’t have experience with a toddler it can be frustrating. So this video helped me understand more thank you ^^
I love this video, SJ. I’m a teaching assistant (and parent) and there are a few practices here I could definitely use in the classroom.
I throughly enjoy and value all your gentle parenting content. You should start a podcast tackling different issues/listener questions - you’d e excellent. Like a British Janet Lansbury! x
I’d love to! I’ll have to get some qualified experts in to talk to as I haven’t studied anything I just read and read about it!! But I love the topic and it’s becoming so much more they way modern parents want to go xxx
Pure gold, as always! Thank you 😃
Thanks for watching Delphine xx
You have a lovely gentle realistic way of talking about this.
Thanks so much Madeleine xxxx
@@SJ_Strum You're welcome!
I love the cartoons " Daniel Tiger" what a great idea. Thanks 💖🙏
I’ve needed this video for so long now, thank you
I always love these videos. I’m not a parent but I enjoy gathering this information and learning before I have children. This way, I can implement these techniques immediately! Thanks SJ☺️
Oh yes I always loved reading about kids and childcare before I was a mum! Xxxx
Super interesting. Could you do a video about building your child’s resilience? Learning to be ok with things not going the way they thought/wanted. E.g losing at games etc. Great video! Will check out the other one now!
Oooh yes I'd love to do this - I'm planning one of self-esteem which is very similar about liking yourself even when you lose etc. x
SJ Strum that’s fantastic. I’m a Families worker but I’m also expecting my first baby so I’ve been binge watching your videos on parenting and baby names 🙈😂 keep making such fabulous content 💕
Oh SJ another fab video about gentle parenting, really needed these tips and tricks. You need to write a book. You should totally do a positive parenting podcast! I can’t see the name of the book you recommend and the link isn’t working which book is it? X
Ah sorry it’s “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” I have the audiobook and super helpful! Thanks so much; I’ll definitely expand and do more when the kids go back to childcare!!! Xxxxxxxx
My son is obsessed with blowing out candles so that blowing idea is so brilliant, I'm excited to try it to calm him down
You're such a beautiful mama!!! Thank you so much for your support.. have struggled in lockdown and this helps beyond words! Lots of love and good vibes xxx
I just stumbled across your videos and now I’m hooked. I have a four year old and I’ve never done these things with her before and I feel my relationship with her is broken beyond repair now. Is it possible that these techniques will help with a four year old? Is there hope for my relationship with my daughter?
Found this a really useful video - like the idea of calling the emotion a big feeling - will try it out. x
Ah thanks for watching Bex: it’s an emotional time isn’t it! Evelina really responds to Big Feelings vs me trying to over complicate it xxx
Nice job my friend. TFS. Stay connected 😊
Loved this SJ, so many helpful techniques that I'll definitely try with Marnie. Thank you x
Thanks Kate! It’s a fun age for the girls isn’t it!!! Xxxxx
Aaaww what a lovely video. Thank you so much. Will use these tips. Complete sense.
Love this blow out the candles technique - I will definitely use this. I have two little ones (5 and 2) and I find these tips so helpful. I've also made a few videos on my RUclips channel about some techniques that we use for tantrums. So many big emotions for such little ones! 🥰 Thanks for the fab video SJ 🙏 😊 Xx
Ah amazing I will head over and watch - it’s so good to help each other out with things that work. Xx
SJ Strum thats so kind thank you SJ. Hubby and I are definitely learning as we go and this time has been such a challenge but also such a gift to be able to spend more time with the kids. It really helps to have mummy friends who share info too. My NCT mummy friends have literally kept me sane! 😂 Xxx
Daniel Tiger is brilliant. We watch it a lot in our house. When you want to roar count to 4!
Brilliant video. We’re practicing this with our now 2 year old who is quite headstrong and fiery! 😂
It’s so good isn’t it!!! Glad it’s not just me who loves it! Xx
Thanks for this. I just stumbled across this video and it was the perfect time. I needed some inspo for helping my 2 & 4 yo girls through their big emotions. I love the line that all feelings are valid, but not all behaviours are permissible.
It's so helpful to me too; for myself as well!!!!
I never comment on any videos, I just love this so much, your videos are definitely helping me to start positive habits with my 15 month old. Thank you! xx
Ah thank you for watching Catherine and leaving a message, it's great to hear it's useful xx
Hi SJ, recently found your channel and I’m loving it! Due to have our first baby any day now and it’s so refreshing to see and hear your gentle parenting approach. Definitely something I’d like to work on as we grow as a family x
Ah congrats Lucy! It’s such a special time and so nice to go into motherhood knowing what kind of mum you want to be. I felt way calmer and in control knowing I had a “plan” xxxxx
First time seeing your page. Thank you! This will help! 💜
Have you ever read Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus? I'm a teacher and use it sometimes to help children understand why I sometimes have to say 'no' and also help them understand their stages of getting to a meltdown. It's also very funny which helps! They have to respond to the book by saying 'No' every time the pigeon asks to drive the bus. He goes through 5 stages which are evident in the pictures. So you can talk like 'are you at a 3 right now? Let's try and work back to a 2' and so on.
Ahhh that’s so funny as it’s my middle sons favourite book! 🥰🥰🧡
SJ Strum aw that’s lovely! I could never imagine Finn getting to a five!!
Lisa Campbell he loves it! I’ve actually never linked why he loves that story so much / but you’re so right x
A fantastic video, thank you! I really love the candle idea, definitely going to use that. 😊
I am really enjoying your content, super helpful. I was hoping you could help me understand how to get my 3 year old to sleep. Sorry if you have already covered this.
This is such an inspiration to me. I can't wait to put these techniques into practice. My partner feels it's a "namby-pamby" way and that parents should be firm and authoritative (he's a little old fashioned, perhaps haha) but I vastly disagree. Do you and your husband have different styles of parenting? X
A little bit for sure; but I’ve noticed the more I’m consistent he’s so on board. X
This is amazing, YOU are amazing! I have a 22 month old and a 5 month old and I really struggle to be patient and empathetic with my toddler when my baby is screaming 🙈
I’m definitely not the mum I planned on being, but I’m getting there - thank you! x
I have to tell you; when Evelina was born I found it so so so hard. I couldn’t think straight with a baby crying and she had colic so it happened everyday. I had to strip it back and make life the easiest it could be for me - sandwiches for kids tea in front of the tv while I rocked the baby and giving up bedtime stories for a while - they gain a sibling for life so our early struggles will be outweighed. It’s a hard pinch point moment for us - take it a week at a time not a day as the days can be hard but overall we get there xxx
SJ can you please do Polish baby names I would love it anyways Thankyou have a nice week:D
I love the candle tip and will try this. Thank you x
Very interesting video. Well presented and simple to understand/apply. I have a 3 years old and I’m currently 39 weeks pregnant with our second baby. I’ve been watching your baby names videos but had no idea you had gentle parent content as well. Happy I found it, keep those videos coming! 😊
Ah thanks Luisa! I really needed these strategies going from one to two kids myself and have found my second and third children have been so calm and it really helped me cope with my older one too. Thanks for watching xx
I've been watching for awhile and now I'm a new subscriber.🥰👏🏻 I work in a Womens Shelter and I practice the same positive and gentle methods with the children there with AMAZING results.👏🏻⚘ Loving your vlogs/ videos. Thank you for educating us all! Blessings!🤗
Wow what a wonderful place to work; I’d love to do something like that. Thanks so so much for watching xxx
Thank you for your gentle parenting content!!! It’s not natural to me, but I’m really working on growing for my girl. She’s almost 2.
Ah it’s definitely something I’m learning and practising all the time too; I get angry in the day and frustrated but having these techniques really helps me not to act on my feelings and go with theirs xxx
Your video's are wonderful please keep making them, I adore your parenting methods & apply them with my own 2 year old little boy x
Ah I will thanks Liz xx
I’m a pregnant mama of three girls but I never had to calm them down , they never screamed just because of our connection. They always knew that their identity is known and cherished!
That’s great xxx
Sounds like they are suppressing their feelings because they’re scared of you tbh
These are some very good strategies! Well done!
Thank you so much for these videos I’m getting so much from them! I’m really going to work on the patience thing with my almost 3 year old. I’m struggling at the minute as I have a 3 month old too and it’s hard he has to wait sometimes and it can easily escalate into a tantrum and I feel awful about it but these tips are brilliant! X
Oh yes I remember it so well; and the guilt I felt - I thought I was eroding my relationship with my oldest child as I was so focussed on the little one. But one thing that helped was looking at old photos or videos of my oldest when they were that age if you have some? Sitting and telling them all their own baby stories unlocks their feelings so much. I think it reminds them that they are so loved too xxx
SJ Strum oh the Mum guilt is strong! This is such a lovely idea I will defiantly do this with him, thank you! Xx
Hey sj really love all your parenting stuff ! I have 11 month old twins one of them is a battle to change there nappy and now they are starting to hit or hurt each other but they don't understand they are hurting each other how do you do gentle parebting with this age group ? Amd any tips gor the above issues thankyou
Hi SJ, I know you have done positive parenting videos for various ages but I wondered if you could do some
regarding those transitional ages/stages e.g. from toddler to nursery/reception age. Pre-teen to teen etc. Thank you
Oooh I’d love to research that! Thanks xxxx
Connecting not correcting. ❤️
Thank you so much for this series... It's really my favorite on your channel! I check regularly to see if you've added to it, so today I was really pleased to see a new video! The way you explain PD is so relatable and your presence is very reassuring. You're like my virtual mom mentor! Just wondering if you have any tips when the feeling storm goes on for a while. It happens occasionally with my 2 year old son and validating/waiting it out with him doesn't seem to help. Usually it coincides with being exhausted but it's really hard to reign it in with him. Thanks again!
Hey sarah: thanks so much for watching this. I’ve been thinking a bit about the low moods and I made a video about dealing with kids negativity you can watch as it’s something I come up against a lot too. Have you ever read about Love Languages? I’ve found it so helpful to understand my kids as individuals; it’s an online thing so you can take the test for your child and sometime they come out as needed touch, or my oldest child who is the most likely to feel things the longest is ‘acts of service’ so for him to feel better quicker he needs me to do little love bombs like set up his toys for him in a superhero village when he was little and now it’s make his favourite meal...it’s a really interesting quiz to take and might help xxxx
Just want to say thank you!
Ah thank you for watching and taking the time to send a message xxx
So useful had similar behaviour training at my primary school as a TA x
Ah really! That’s so interesting; It must be lovely to work inearly years x
I raise my daughter the same and have my own channel that’s inspired by you sj!!
Ah amazing!!! Going over to check it out :-) xxx
Im new and I've subscribed. Loved all of these ideas!
Thanks so much for watching and subscribing! x
Love this!! Thanks so much for sharing your methods, I will be using all of these! My little boy is 1&1/2 has only just started having meltdowns and before this video I was still unsure of how I'm going to handle them when they get really big. Thank you, thank you! 💕
Ah thank you MJ for watching xxx
Thank you SJ, I found this video so helpful, especially the clear examples.
We have 3 children 5 and under, and have been following the RIE approach to parenting, your gentle parenting videos compliment RIE beautifully. I can lose my ability to connect rather than correct and parent the way I want to sometimes, especially when I’m tired to navigating through a global pandemic! Do you ever find yourself going off piste with your parenting methods and if so, how do you help yourself regain where you want to be? If that makes sense! X
Omg yes all the time!!! Everyday!!! It’s really hard especially when there’s zero break from the kids at the moment and our own emotions aren’t always being met! I sometimes think being vulnerable in front of our children is okay; saying I’m feeling a bit blue today / shall we have a cosy day and literally taking a day off! And even acting out of character and raising my voice - it’s a balance - they know it’s not my normal and I’ll always apologise if I need to. But I don’t feel this is so so natural when we’ve been raised in an authoritative discipline way at school and everywhere / as long as I’ve tried my best I’m happy xxx
You're great, your kids are really lucky 😊
Ah thank you mara; it’s something I practise so much and I hope one day they remember a happy calm home xxxx
Thank you I needed to hear this.
I hope it's helped - thanks for watching xx
Brilliant Video
Hi. Im a new follower. Just found your channel & love the idea of gentle parenting. I have an 8 year old & 2 year old. My 8 year old gets angry & upset & i would like to be able to handle it better when he does. Xxx
Hi! Yes it's so hard especially the last few months we've all been under a lot of pressure with no break! These techniques work so so well with both my older boys, there's loads of topics in the playlist so do search my channel. xxxx
Great informative video !! I needed this Thank you 🙂💖
Thank you olive; xxx
How do you handle your kids big feelings in public?
Super helpful!! Really appreciate this! Thanks so much
Thanks SJ!!! ☺️☺️☺️☺️
Hi.. liked your video... Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with tantrums in a 15month old who can't really understand what we are saying fully. Most posts and books I read are advising after the age of 2. My LO is really throwing tantrums and will usually sob and lie on the floor wherever he is. Even outside. And won't let me pick him up. And he's heavy now!
Thank you for this helpful video.
Do you have any experience or advice on hitting? My usually calm 17 month old daughter has taken to hitting me, our cat and sometimes herself. When I tell her not to, or saying I won't let her hit us etc, she just has a meltdown! I can't seem to find a way to stop her or to get her to learn that it's not acceptable behaviour.
Any suggestions? Or do you know any resources that may help?
Thank you! X
Thank you 💖
Loved this, thank you. Could I ask for some advice on what to do if the child wants to be left alone and says go away? X
Hey Zoe; one of my children really needs alone time to calm down so I give him that then after a while I’ll go gently back and sit quietly nearby to show I’m there. But without pressure. I think it’s such a good trait - I really praise him for walking away when he’s angry as he’s found a way to calm down. You can also make a “sanctuary” for them - so you make it together and give it a fun happy name like “Mia’s Island” and fill it with relaxing things they love. Then when they’re angry you say “would it help you to go to Mia’s Island?” So it’s a special place; maybe even just a beanbag behind the sofa. I’ve read that works really well xxx
@@SJ_Strum Thank you so much. That's such a big help x x
Great tips, thank you! I just need a little bit more detail please! How would you resolve the situation further? You said when someone breaks something you say "I won't let you behave like that" and then what do you do next? That's the bit I struggle with. My toddler doesn't always seem to want to behave better when I say that. Could the consequence be to buy a new thing that they broke from their own pocket money? What if we don't practise pocket money or the child is young? I would appreciate any advice :)
Also, when toddler doesn't want to listen eg: go to bed or sing silly songs (with bad words in them) and I politely ask to sing something else or go to bed, I explain why I ask that numerous times and it doesn't work what do I do instead of raising my voice, get angry etc? What can I do that would actually work without them just ignoring what I say and do what they want to do anyway? Since I tried to introduce positive discipline I don't want to punish, I ask, I'm trying to be gentle but firm and yet when it doesn't work I feel like I'm being ignored, toddler isn't disciplined and behaviour seem to have worsen now... Any advice? I think I'm doing something wrong or it doesn't work for us.
@@julialewkowicz2336 the tough part is toddlers dont have as many words. You can try your best to explain to them why bed time is important or "when you sing bad words it makes my heart sad" but really I think this will be resolved with time as the kid gets more words.
Omg you're in Sweden??? I'm Swedish but live in Los Angeles, California! My son is Swedish-American, I'm struggling with keeping up my Swedish...How do you guys do the bilangual part in your family? xoxo
Ah we’re in England but my husband is Swedish! We do words for objects at home and speak Swedish when we are in Sweden / how do you find it? Xxx
My three-year-old he has been intentionally hurting himself. He just throws himself onto the floor or falls off the couch onto his head intentionally and I know he’s doing it out of frustration or for some certain type of attention, but i also not just attention because he does it even when we are giving him lots of attention. I don’t know how to stop doing this or what is causing it. Does anybody know?
Does this work for older children? My almost 5year old is a very sensitive little girl and often becomes frustrated/overwhelmed and this results in tears. I struggle with how to positively support her without getting frustrated.
I have a very sensitive older child who’s ten now; I’ve done so many videos on positive discipline so do have a scroll and see. Most of my videos are about older children and dealing with their negativity or anxiety; I hope it helps xxxxx
Does this work for slightly older children? Like 6-9 ?
Yes even better! I’ve got a whole playlist on my channel for older kids; dealing with negativity etc xxxxx
I actually made up two girl names, Madetty and Calvri. Please like if u would love to use these names♥️
Hi SJ, my son is 17 months old and he's taken to smacking and he laughs and thinks its funny, how would you deal with this? I don't know what to say as I tell him that hurt mummy and made me sad etc but he just thinks its all hilarious? Worried he will do it to another child when we can go back to playgroups etc? Thanks xx
Ah it's so upsetting when they hit - normally is it when you're playing together? The tips from positive discipline is to stop their arm and say very firmly "I won't let you smack" and also to show them how to touch you gentle and say 'we use gentle hands' and show a big positive smile. So at a very little age they see the contrast. They also say in positive discipline to say something like - 'you find it funny to smack mummy, because it makes a noise and mummy is surprised - but when you smack it hurts and the game has to end." I know it's a lot as he's 17 months, but in his simple language. So I 'end the game' but I don't leave. We do something else quietly and when they want to go back to that game I say 'yes let's play the puzzles but the game has to stop if there's hitting'. I know that's a long reply but hopefully something will stick out as right for you and him! x
@@SJ_Strum thankyou so much for taking the time to reply so thoughtfully and helpfully, i will try the gentle touch idea I feel like he will grasp that as he knows how to stroke the dog gently. Thankyou for the tips I will give them a go, he always does it when we are having a really fun game and its like he gets over excited and its such a shame. Thankyou again x
Will this work with teenagers?
I'm sure it will; I'm constantly adapting my parenting style so it's definitely a technique that keeps growing x
Don't they try to drag you out for the walk?!!🙂
If they hit, bite, scratch…they get 1 warning then they getting it right back. 🤷🏾♀️
Hopefully They don’t grow up to be pyromaniacs