How Self Forgiveness Leads to Light, Love and a Joyful Life! | Eileen Timmins | TEDxOakParkWomen
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- Опубликовано: 11 дек 2017
- Eileen Timmins, Ph.D. is on a mission to shine the light to women on how they can forgive themselves. How? By sharing her own story with women to prioritize forgiveness as a way of life with self-love, health, and joy to live a life full of light fulfillment. Eileen is an author, artist, professor, life coach, labyrinth builder and board member. She is the founder of Aingilin, LLC (which means little angel in Gaelic), and lives and works by Marshall Goldsmith’s credo:“If you aren’t opening doors for people, you are closing them!” She’s been opening doors as a senior global Human Resources executive for seventeen years to drive creative innovation, solve business challenges and lead global talent management for companies in the tech, finance and non-profit space. Eileen serves on the Board of Directors of the Friends of Prentice, at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. She has her Ph.D.,in Business and Organizational Management, and a MS in Organizational Development. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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I will not cry over mistakes made anymore.
I don't think that crying has to be bad but getting clean with yourself and moving on is important.
I Don't Even Have Tears Sometimes, But I Agonize Still the Yet.
Crying is a good release, & can often feel euphoric after crying.. better out than in~
I forgive myself for mistakes made that can never be taken back. I forgive myself because I love myself, and trust myself to be better. Not just for me, but for my child and husband as well. I loved this Ted talk.
Thank you!
I wish I had your strength
You are an inspiration and I'm doing the same for myself. God bless you and your family on your journey
Thank you for this comment because I needed to say this to myself.
This is One of My Hardest Battles I Ever Fought in my Life...Especially When You Have Hurt People You Love, That Possibly May Never Forgive You ...But I Am Trusting With God All Things Are Possible.
I will LET GO of my past and the mistakes I made, then! It’s behind me.
Hope you do
Please pray for me to forgive myself recently i did something its eating me
you are not alone in your journey
Hope u are in a better space
Hope you're feeling better
I’ll send you something more useful than prayers - positivity (sorry, atheist 😂) : everyone makes mistakes since we’re human and all that. Make things right, apologize to the people you hurt, forgive yourself and keep working on self love 💖
I forgive myself. For mistakes made as a parent, as a wife and financial mistakes.
You are not alone in your journey!
I was always under the impression that forgiveness must be given to you, someone can forgive me but I have no right to forgive myself. I hold on to my past with anger and sadness and can't let go. Simply forgiving with words isn't enough. I wish letting go could be so easy. Maybe it is, maybe it works for some but for people that have been abused physically and emotionally it's not a walk in the park. Maybe some day I can forgive myself and others. Thanks for this speech, even if marginally it has helped. :)
I've been thru same as u and feel exact same way
Sending light and love to you!
I understand. I am digging in for this for myself. It's a process and one have to educate themselves and go to the root causes of the abuse misbehavior attitude mistakes etc.
And allow the feelings to feel.
Than it will be easy. Hopefully.
try to help people who you've hurted, try to solve your mistaks with them, and then ask for forgiveness from them and tell them that you're sorry, so sorry, and bear in your mind that everyone of us has his life experience, and life is in progress and we must move forward.
I agree. This is the reason why I don't want to have kids. It's not good being a human
the hardest thing on earth i've ever experienced is forgiving myself. I can't stop blaming myself for the damage that had been done to my body. it really is heavy...
Same, i easily forgive others for all the hurt and pain and their mistakes, but somehow can't forgive myself. I keep beating myself up for things I've done even if i know I didn't know better and hence I couldn't be better. Not forgiving myself caused so much harm to my mental health, body and other relationships I had with my friends and family. I finally am realizing how important it was to forgive myself in order to heal myself and give myself the happiness and peace that I and my people deserve 🙏
Thankyou to this Ted talk I have realized the root problem of my guilt issues
Thank you for this offering. It is super challenging to release the hurts and harm you have done when you believe you are supposed to punish yourself to show you care. It is a sick and counter productive thought. It is something I am working through right now. Im trying to figure out where that thought process and behavior began. It's almost like I want someone to pity me and feel sorry for me. I am not my mistakes. I am not my past.
I see what you mean Greg. I think some of us tend to do this with ourselves from a young age, and we naturalice the fact that everything is always our fault or our responsibility, it has to do also sometimes with the people thas surround us, who don't feel responsable and prefer not to take charge. Then we grow up and as life and mistakes happen, as they will to everyone else we tend to take all that baggage with us. It's a lot for just one human being to endure.
What you say rings true for me. We can not afford to feel sorry for ourselves. We realise our mistakes and we move forward into a better future.
Just Greg this is me. I am currently in the process of forgiving myself. I’ve done something very bad to someone who I really cared about. I cannot take back the past but I can learn to forgive my past mistakes and move on with life
👌😮
Im finding it so difficult to forgive myself. I was a toxic person in my last relationship. I know its not 100% my fault, it was a lot of my trauma projecting, but how do I not take accountability? I made so many mistakes and I see them clear as day and all I could think is how he did not deserve that type of treatment. Why couldn't I realize what I was doing when I was doing it? I was completely irrational and acted through fear. I do not want to identify with my past because I know it was all the unresolved issues inside me that came out as hurtful things during my relationship. Its like suddenly he became my past and I took it all out on him. I didn't see him for who he was but as this image of a connection I had with the past and I expected him to understand and change the wrongs I had been through. I know people go through things to learn and grow. I know this experience is something Im going to remember for the rest of my life because it truly is a turning point and Ive come to so many different realizations, not just of my mistakes but of why I have certain tendency and how I can move forward to make real change inside me. It just hurts because this was the first person I ever felt a real connection with and I hurt him so deeply, he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I need to forgive myself and understand I had no control over myself and what's done is done. Also, learning to let go of childhood trauma and hurt and pain Ive been through and understanding I am more than those things. I am no longer identifying with the negative things that have happen to me. I want nothing more than to heal and to forgive myself. I will. I know this time I will and it all starts with self love. Pouring 100% of my own water onto myself and finally helping myself grow, because too often have I been preoccupied with everything and everyone else but myself.
Hope you get better plz forgive yourself
thankyou for your story and complete honesty. I so understand you and your pain even i have not lived your story of your past. But i understand your story of the present as this is what i am living now. My girl friend and i went through the same experiences as you and your partner and she has left me for another person .But i cannot let her go as i love her even though she has hurt me a lot i understand where her pain is coming from. I am lucky that i am much older than her and have had a lot of teachings and life experiences to understand what truly drives my ex wife so i am able to forgive more easily but as we are from different cultures and languages then communication is often difficult. I am trying now trying to teach my ex wife and help her to understand and let go of her past.
your words are exactly what i know she feels but hasn't been able to express and put into words so i am grateful for and i will get her to read your story and i believe it will help her a lot
and help us to be together again.
thankyou from the bottom of my heart .I hope that you are reunited again with your man. If you want and believe enough then i think the universe always delivers....
This is my same exact story. Did you ever end of forgiving urself? It’s hurting me so bad and I’m just scared I won’t ever able to do so.
@@natalyny1569 Honestly, I have forgiven myself. Although, it is true when they say that healing is not linear. It does get easier, but the most important step is putting yourself first and knowing YOU ARE WORTHY of moving forward. I have come a long way since the day I wrote this. I really did learn how to let go and no longer hold these things on my shoulder ever day. The memories dont erase but I dont think about it nearly as much or feel anywhere close to the emotions I was feeling. Here's what I did: First of all, what has helped me with my anxiety was the Wim Hof breathing technique. = Meditating, simply 10 minutes a day was my first turning point. Positive affirmations, and even if I dont feel it, positive self talk, no longer giving in to the negative thoughts, eventually it feels right. Eating right and exercise. Journaling and remembering who I am, and the activities that make me feel good about myself. Also, knowing my experience was a learning and growing experience. Changing subconsious actions and behaviors is difficult BUT if you really feel bad about the mistakes and want to make a deep lasting change you need to remind yourself EVERYDAY! Even when you feel like you've got a grip of yourself, you need to keep reminding yourself. Subconscious behaviors are imbedded and need to be dug up and replaced with new ones. Remember these behaviors have had years of conditioning so you must condition yourself out of it. How long that takes, I dont know, Im still working on it. I see all the things that happened in this relationship and I also see how I don't act this way just with romantic partners, but with pretty much all relationships in my life. I am able to work and change with other people and hope that it prepares me for the next person that comes along. But honestly, you dont have to be perfect. As long as you aren't harming someone the right person would understand. Im not saying its ok, because obviously we've felt remorse for our actions, but at the same time. If you apologies and are sincere and the other person chooses to walk away, that person simply isn't right for you. Its a hard pill to swallow but its true. I know there's a lot of things I didn't understand until after we officially walked away from each other. To be honest, I dont think I would have learned or understood what was really happening if we had stayed in the on and off again cycle we were in. So, although it hurt that just shows me that this is exactly how things are supposed to be. But yeah, I know its not easy but everyone is capable of change. Work hard. Stay determined and at the end of the day, everything we go through in life, as long as we stay positive and learn from them males us better stronger people. Keep your head up. :)
@@laurenfernandez2166 thank you so much for this. Thank you for your growth and words. I was/is like you and ur ex and he felt and did the same as your ex. Reading your growth and advice will help me along my road. Your journey is beautiful. Thank you so much for being like me and having the identical journey as I did. I can’t wait to be where you are one day and be better and more healed.
I can totally confirm this. I did self forgiving without I even knew that it would actually help me out of depression and anxiety two years ago. Now I'm mentally much much stable and always grateful for whatever happened in my life.
I feel guilty for my past, I’m 21 and I have high dreams of influencing others and inspiring with my creativity. But I’m having so much trouble forgiving myself and pursuing anything because there are negative perceptions of me that I feel will literally destroy my life. And the amount of people who think I’m a terrible person is a small one but I identify with this constant past version of me. So I’ve been stuck for months not trying anything.
Awesome talk! Important issue! If we can forgive others we must learn to forgive self. None are perfect. We make mistakes daily. I forgive myself for past present and future mistakes. I am growing daily and have so much more to learn. Be at peace! Light and love to all who read my post!
That's a medicine we all need.
I thought I was alone in my self-hatred for the wrongs of my past.. It's been 14 years that I've been punishing myself. I feel guilt, regret, and, shame for the way I treated the ones who did and loved me the most. I keep thinking I need their forgiveness before I can move on. That's not possible though because their dead. I miss them so much and wish I had been better.
We are told by God in The Bible that the thing we must practice is
Love. Loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, & strength( our whole being) & loving others as our selves.
We are to also live ourselves. It takes time to learn how to love well & it takes the God of the Universe to teach this.
I feel like a mistake I made changed me for the worse, like I'm no longer who I was before I made it. I wasted myself away, and might have screwed up a couple of other things in the process
Even people I would never speak to again, I would hope they forgive themselves for what they’ve done to me. I am trying to forgive myself too.
Thank you. Awesome speech.
May we all succeed in forgiving ourself.
May God bless everyone who's reading this :)
its so hard when youve hurt others deeply. bit we all deserve forgiveness
Her talk is self forgive ness is gifting your self release from bondage of people who caused you hurt n pain. Great talk.inspiring. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
I forgive myself for mistakes made as a friend, a former wife and most recently as a daughter. I was reminded that I am human and that humans make mistakes. And that I can never judge another person.
Thank you so much for this talk and sharing your story with us. And to anyone reading this, please remember that you are NOT your past, and you are so much MORE than your mistakes. I try to tell myself this as often as I can and I feel such peace inside just knowing that there are other people out there who are on this journey of forgiveness too. 🙏
thank you
i woke up after this
Yay
Let's see if I do
Can’t forgive myself yet I hope one day I can bc I can’t take this anymore
Michelle Navarro I wish you luck! Maybe, you can try reducing the severity first.
it can be a long process, I carried shame with me for a very long time and just recently startet to resolve it, I knew that I had a problem with it pretty much all the way tho. One thing that helped me is to think about me and treat myself more as a friend. For example I wouldn't beat up a friend for doing something awkward or shame them for past mistakes. I would forgive them, so seeing myself in this light it helped me to forgive myself. For example I never had a relationship and I fixated on that to much, I wouldn'T care if a friend of mine never had an relationship. I realized only I have a problem with it so there is no reason to hold on to it.
You wrote that 8 months ago, have things changed for you?
Try, OCD and Anxiety. On RUclips he really helped me.
same❤
I watched this video today and since the beginning of it, i could feel that it was sent by the universe for me. I needed to hear this today ❤ thank you!
If you need to see any other forgiveness videos, I release weekly forgiveness videos n my channel too! Lovely to see your comment! Shaun
Your hurt and pain inflicted on others must be owned. Reach down into the deepest wells of your being and see all the nastiness and hatred collected all your life. Be willing to surrender the most important possessions, people or abilities for God's forgiveness. Cast out all the nastiness and hate out. Now there is room for unconditional love, the kind without dysfunction. Now you can properly offer apology to those you have hurt without expecting acceptance. Love yourself! This is atonement.
Life changing. This freed something in my I care not to attempt to put into words. Thank you beautiful soul eillen. Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for helping me. Love and light xx
Love and light back thank you1
The pain of how love ones were lost, it was a good point that those people we loved and lost would have forgiven us and would want us to forgive ourselves, they knew we loved them and they loved us, humans make mistakes and need to learn self forgiveness
i pray that i can get over mistakes and forgive myself
The difference between fake and real forgiveness is profound
This is absolutely right! Indulge in self-love with forgiveness and self-compassion, learned it at RoundGlass meditation session.
Thank you
I pray that everyone reading this knows God loves you. He covers you with an Amazing undeserving Grace. Ask him for your forgiveness and you shall receive. You are not your mistakes, you are not what they say you are. You are what God says you are. You are a child of the most high God who was beautifully and wonderfully made. God loves you and has forgiven you now forgive yourself and heal in the name of the almighty Christ Jesus Amen❤
Philippians 3:13-14 KJV
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
False prophet alert.
Best one I’ve heard on self forgiveness. Thank you
The best one? Have you seen my other videos? Shaun
A truly valuable talk Eileen . Well done .I have now learnt to forgive the consultant who refused a second opinion of a biopsy of my .wife's lymph node. He went ahead and treated her with Chemo and Radiotherapy for a rare viral illness which was misdiagnosed . She later developed pancreatic cancer and left me to heaven..It brings tears to my eyes and I feel I should have stood my ground and insisted for a second opinion. May my beloved wife forgive the harm and the hurt.. Forgiveness brings healing , peace and joy.
A very wise woman once gave me some great advice
Tysm! This video changed my life! ❤❤❤
I cried with hope thinking that the next self-forgiveness gift goes to me, thank you
This experience is possible without hearing voices. I believe that this was Eileen speaking to herself in the voice of her mother because she felt the need to be forgiven by her mother.
I have no doubt her Mother spoke to her.
Nice thing is she actually says how. Good job there!
Forgive myself.🙏🏻❤
This talk is so underrated. It is really amazing ❤️❤️
صح
I'm grieving over a loved one & am trying to forgive myself for mistakes I made. It's so hard, it's like part of your mind is working against you & trying to make u feel bad & guilty. I'm working on it, though. This was a great Ted talk.
Thank you so much, you have greatly help me to FORGIVE myself. I feel good about it.Forgiveness is THE KEY TO HEALING whether its our body ,soul, and spirit, As a Christian I need to forgive others too. Thanks.
Thank you!
How did you forgive yourself...I am dying with guilt
Thank u for this. Just saying the words “I forgive myself” - I could feel a sense of relief. I didn’t realize I was holding on to this resentment towards myself. Now I see it and will work towards fully forgiving myself.
U are a light in a dark world. Thank u so very much u beautiful soul and woman.
Powerful message! I needed this! 🙏🏼
Very therapeutic talk...liberating...God bless her...for sharing and showing us the light
Thank you so much, you beautiful soul!
Thank you for this beautiful message!
Thanks eileen for sharing your journey
Thank you!
The problem i have with self forgiveness or just forgiveness in general is wondering whether or not it works and whether you really heal from it. But also at times wondering if some people who hurt you really deserve it.
Thank you for sharing ! Very inspiring and helpful .
Thank you! Very generous of you!
I had a moment to change my kids and my life in a positive way and did not react and lost the opportunity I felt so guilty and have to forgive myself
I will forgive myself when I make mistakes
I know someone out there needs this: Listen to "I am Light" by India Arie. It has helped me on my self-forgiveness journey.
I saw this at the right time, thank you.
Very well said Thankyou for sharing ✨🙏🏾✨
Thank You so much for sharing Your experience 🫶
Thank you so much
Thank you!
My feeling of guilt, shame and loss is now all-consuming and ruining my life. I want out. I want to die.
General Waste Keep on going dear. I know it’s hard and you may not see it right now, but things will get better. Talk to a family member or friend. If no one is nearby, please call the suicide hotline. You have a lot to offer, and life can get better. I pray for you.
I know that it's hard to forgive yourself. I still blame myself for things that I've done, said or even thought of in the past. But, please, trust me, when you try to see the bright sides of things, when you stop being hard on yourself, when you forgive yourself, when you love yourself and accept the fact that you're human and make mistakes, life is worthwhile, it is worth the pain and the sadness. As Jasmine has said, talk to someone like a friend, family member or psychologist or call the suicide hotline. Know that your life MATTERS. That YOU MATTER. That people CARE. All the best.
Hey, don’t think like that. Things might feel rough sometimes, I have felt like you myself. However, I promise things will get better over time as you learn to forgive yourself. Almost everyone have done things they regret but know that all that is in the past. Focus on the present and your future! There is also help that you can get if you feel too overwhelming.
Thanks all. I am still missing the person I lost but am not suicidal now. Down, but not out. If only I had a chance to put things right. I hope you're all doing well.
@@MikeJackson690 I can't forgive myself either, regardless of what she says. I know how you feel.
Thank you for this. ❤️💖
This is great..thank you.
loved this!
No one on this Earth will love you more than you love yourself. Be intentional.
Spot on!
I love this... ❤️
Thank you!
powerful words.
FORGIVENESS means LET GO to me
Thank you God bless
Thank you ❤️
Thank you!
The BEST way to live is not to care about anyone in that way if someone dies cheats leaves hates or back stabs you can think whatever and move forward...
That's how you'll end up a lone. lonely Ness will leave u depressed and sad. thought I would be happy being alone and not worrying about anybody, then I got what I wanted. after while it lead me to a dark place, I'm still looking for the light. Wish I wasn't alone
@@hvacwork-zd5ph That's your story it works for me and I reject all you say because when you have Jesus you have everything....I'd rather be alone then be around pretencious people
It's good you have a close relationship with God. Even Jesus Christ had his mother and Friends he didn't do anything alone. I know it's just my story, but be careful lonely can turn into something else.
@@hvacwork-zd5ph again I reject all you say because God doesn't work like that....he sometimes keeps people alone to work on them and their weaknesses like he did Elijah Moses John...he wants us to be strong and rely totally on him...because he is the ONLY consistent...you need to learn alot about god and the bible...yes you can fellowship which is what Jesus did too but he did alot alone pray fast and connect with god...we must put our faith in god no one else to help us as no one is immortal...
But in the end no matter what he came back 2 friends and family.his relationships were more important than him being alone
Wonderful talk
Thank you!
Thank you for this talk. It brought tears in my eyes. I hope I could forgive myself
Thank you!
I understand what you are saying but I don’t know how to do any of these things. I have a backpack full of hurt and I don’t know how to set it down. While it is slowly crushing me, I don’t know how to let it go. Something has got to give. I have been waiting/hoping for a moment of clarity and understanding, although I am not sure that will ever come. I hope it happens someday.
God bless you❤️
Yes and codependent!
Beautiful!
Awesome! 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
💚❤ Thank you ❤💚
This lazy helped me a lot. I need to forgive myself. And move on.
Yes, John, well articulated....and a question or resolution I am not able to find peace of mind about....struggling to "accept" and forgive......It just doesn't make sense....yet??? "John Hughes 1 hour ago It is one thing to forgive what was in the past, another to forgive in the present. How does one, after torture and torment, forgive for something that very likely will happen in the future? "
🧡love
You are phenomenal
Thank you!
Thank you so much for this. I’m ready to do the work of self forgiveness ❤️
How are you getting on with this?
May Allah Blessings be upon you thanks for the Advice sister
Thank you!
I love it nice
I forgive myself for not learning to these tests.
That was good
Thank you!
Light love joyful
For some mistakes, for example involving doing whatever possible to keep 2 dogs away from a abuser; it does not seem to make sense that that person should forgive themselves and move on??? I mean, move on to continue to abuse or neglect the dogs once the court ruled to return the dogs to her!!! Not all mistakes have the same weight of severity. UGH! Still working on sorting out all this forgiveness stuff. Cheers from Atlantic Canada during covid.
It is one thing to forgive what was in the past, another to forgive in the present. How does one, after torture and torment, forgive for something that very likely will happen in the future?
@@johnhughes6437 Yes, John, well articulated....and a question or resolution I am not able to find peace of mind about....struggling to "accept" and forgive......It just doesn't make sense....yet??? "John Hughes 1 hour ago It is one thing to forgive what was in the past, another to forgive in the present. How does one, after torture and torment, forgive for something that very likely will happen in the future? "
Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.
The problem is, you can't REALLY forgive yourself until somebody else enables you to. you can try to forgive yourself all you want but if there is no one there to witness you forgiving yourself then it basically didn't happen.
That's not true at all, you can self forgive yourself and free yourself from the things you have done and no one has to enable you or be there when it happens
Forgiveness is a choice!! No matter what type of forgiveness it is
@@AnointedVessel40 😩👏🏾👏🏾
Does she have a book?
If we forgive others god forgive us
Likewise if we forgive ourself god forgive us.
She's sweet.
Thank you!
what if you have kids by that "past"
Even if she went to see her mother once her mother is in a coma， Mother is unconscious， the mother highly likely not be able to feel her presence. She beat herself up because the grief of mother died，Not because she's wrong. She needs to blame something for her mother died， So she can find a justice for the death. It's easy to see as an outsider. I don't think I can forgive myself for the mistake I made.
Which brings up my next point ladies, and gentlemen; DON'T SMOKE CRACK!
How does self forgiveness help the person you hurt
It won't help the other person, it helps you...
If you go to that person and try to make it right and if they don't then God saw that you tried to make it right and he honors that
Then you free yourself and move forward