Why Am I Always Seeking Attention - with JP Sears
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2016
- Why Am I Always Seeking Attention - with JP Sears
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Why do you always seek attention? And when you get it, why do you still not feel satisfied? I share my delusional thoughts on this common element of the human condition.
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I was emotionally neglected as a child/teen. Nobody paid me much mind or attention and when they did it was mostly critical or abusive. So I paid myself attention, soothed myself, reinforced my good qualities, built skills and fostered hobbies and held out olive branches for other ignored people. Stumbled a lot, tried to squeeze into social spaces i didnt fit in. Learned my lesson through some very cruel rejections. Now i just do my own thing, built my own table so I will never have to beg for a seat.
😥😥 Your words pierces my heart because I am also a neglected child & teenager & right now, I am experiencing a rejection to perform my skill - not because I don't work hard but because of misunderstanding & maybe because of other's insecurity. I felt so bad & lonely I need to cure this pain right now, maybe by giving attention to other people like you & me. Do you have a website or portfolio?
@@meahtoday Don't let other people get in the way of you accomplishing goals you have set for yourself. If people are insecure that is something they need to fix themselves and has nothing to do with you. If you can resolve a misunderstanding it's worth a try but sometimes people don't want a resolution, sometimes they just want to be mad at you. If that's the case it's best to let it go and find another route to your destination. Rejection hurts, and it can take time to build that confidence back after someone rejects us in some way. The best thing we can do is remind ourselves we are worthy on the regular and that not everyone will reject who we are and what we have to offer. Positive self talk generates positive life habits and attracts other positive minded people into our orbit. Don't give up, and dont fall into the mind trap of believing everyone will reject you based on prior experiences. If we don't ask at all, the answer will always be no.
@@Pompomeranian7 Thank you so much for your quick reply. You're right about positive self-talk. Now I'm trying to focus my mind away from the person who rejected me. Perhaps he really has something to fix on himself & I believe I deserve a better opportunity than this. It's just sad that I cannot run away from this person because I am in a group in which he is one of the managers & I cannot just leave that group. We will still see each other almost everyday & watch another person doing the thing without me. Trying to resolve the issue is next to impossible so I really need to have a tough focusing technique. I'm listening to other psychologists now.
Had a similar childhood and it made me somewhat cold, reclusive and a loner.
@@blablableh724 😖😖 This is not to give you unsolicited advice but these are the words I tell myself: People like us need to put ourselves out there. If I have two or three people who ignored or rejected me, then the rest of the world is for me to explore.
Anyways, for update: the tide goes another way. I posted my sadness on social media where my concerned person is connected to me, but I didn't mentioned any name. I only said I'm sad & felt misunderstood. The next time I met this person, he treated me very nicely. It seems he read my post. It seems he just really misunderstood me as being arrogant that made him treat me in a salty way. Well, this is just my theory but the most important thing is that I learned that he recognizes my skills.
The lesson is that we really have to express more about what we want others to see about us. Display more. Communicate more, even if indirectly. The people who are really like us (like me) will notice it.
I hope you will feel better too & get what you desire.
People love/need attention. And if it can not be obtained through accomplishments or talent it will be demanded through extreme clothing, hair styles, tattoos, or outrageous opinions. It is far easier to get negative attention than positive.
This comment just opened my eyes. Thank you!
And what tf is the cure for attention seeking? Getting to the root cause? Like if I'm abused in my childhood and thus need attention, what do I do about it?
I am by no means an expert and don't like to comment, but your post kinda hit me in the feels, especially since no one replied. I think the first step is to attend to yourself. As an example, there was a point in time where I was so focused on getting attention from other people that I wasn't paying attention to myself. Focus on yourself and maybe take up volunteering. I think everyone wants to feel valued one way or another, but people want to give value as well. Everyone has their own definition of that. All of that being said, I'm still not very good at this, but I think my life is much better from trying. I seriously recommend counseling if you aren't already in it.
well i kinda agree, i've Autism and idk about that
thats so interesting. So you think attention is the root cause of mental instability/being emotional?
"Searching for attention from outside will never result in enough of it because it is not addressed directly from inside." 👌🏼 love it
To stop feeling needy, simply change your paradigm of yourself. See yourself as the provider!
I've always been the provider lol
You will be just changing one problem with another, lmao.
Its not that simple, honey.❤
I agree with @captainowl. To be the provider is dangerous when you are in lack or want .
Exactly, and every single human being is a potential provider of something valuable, and by "every single human being" I mean EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING: men, women, children, elders, disabled, etc.
for me i love getting attention from strangers especially for my looks
but i realized its unhealthy for me so i am tryng fixing it
My ex struggled with something similar, and it really damaged our relationship because she wasn't able to commit long term
I loved this . I recently have been working on becoming more self aware and as I started to pay attention I noticed how much energy I use up just focusing on others and trying to please them and be the center of attention ... I feel confident only when others are talking to me or about me and I became so disgusted and disheartened so I came home and began to research what I’ve been experiencing, since I hit puberty really. Found this video after reading a few articles and I feel so much peace now ... I was bullied from a really young age all the way up until I turned 15 and it really caused some damage but I’m working through it now and people like you have helped me learn to laugh at myself and at the world but still learn from it and everyone around . Thanks !!
That is so cool. I'm really glad it helped. I thought he was going to may fun of people for neighbors needy. But I think he understands.
Same
I become sad many times for no reason that I would know. Today I was working (I am cleaning and I am alone) and I suddenly felt like I need hugs.... I need attention... I was listening romantic music and I was thinking like I want to hug..In reallity I don't want a relationship. I am acitually running from it.. All the time. So I want it on one hand, on the other hand I feel deep down that there's so chance that it could work with anybody.I felt like a child who is crying to get attention and in reallity I cried a lot as a child.the sad reallity is there's no one to love me. To show me love. To give me love. Nobody around me is lovable. Even my best friend is a bit cold.I don't get it..I am fucked up.....Thanks for anyone who took their time to read this and I hope that one comment will help me understand the situation and help me what to do...and ironically thanks for your attention :-)
love yourself first, give yourself all the love and attention you need from others to yourself
I am facing the exact same thing today.. I am ruining my studies because of it.
I feel like you, but as others said love yourself, if you don't know how to do that type "self-compassion" on the internet, you might find lots of stuff. After that I invite you to think, because most of times it's not that people don't love us, it's just we can't feel their love or warmth because we don't love ourselves. With patience and love, through many years, you may provide yourself that love you miss and start slowly to see sparkles of warmth from your friends, starting with gratitude. Of course there are also bad people, but give them time to be known, don't rush to judge them. Keep it up!
I almost cried reading this bc I feel it so much, like I'm unloveable and I have no one.
My heart truly hurts for all of you and for me, as we are in the same boat. My best suggestion is to find a trusted friend, therapist, or even write in a journal, and pour out all these feelings. Cry, become vulnerable and truly honest. Then, start the process of rebuilding yourself with as much self-love and acceptance talk as you can, as often as you can. I believe this can/will work. I'm still at the beginning of my journey and may always be on this journey, but any growth in self-worth is worth whatever effort I have to put in. I have to believe this, otherwise I fear what I will be or become if I don't. If I could, I would give you all the biggest and longest hug and tell you that you are heard, you matter, you are special. Now time to do this for myself. Much love and blessings to you all!
I’m going through an identity crisis😂
Uwu me too babygrill luv
Same
HOLY SHIT SAME OMFG
I look at it like this. If a drug (wide definition: any mood altering substance or activity) doesn't work (doesn't fix the condition...never get enough...always want more), then it's the wrong drug for you. Or as Eric Hoffer once said, "You can never get enough of what you don't really need." We all need attention, validation, and recognition...but we also need meaningful work, love and trust in our intimate relationships, a sense of purpose and value to our community. If one thing is substituted for another, it will not do the trick and you will be left feeling empty. This is they psyche's way of saying, "That's not it, keep looking."
wow thank you for sharing. very insightful
Thanks. ;~)
I agree with you. Although just like drugs, you have to go off them completely to stop wanting them. In other words, if you want to get off the attention drug the best way you can do that is by avoiding attention all together.
I think a week break from the source of the attention (partner, social media, etc) is good enough to "refresh" or "reset" that need.
Holy shit, we are witnessing history here folks. An intelligent, carefully worded, grammatically correct, on topic comment on RUclips.
I would agree that taking a break, or at least toning it down, is a good idea...as is putting your energy into finding out what you're really wanting and moving towards that. The former reduces the size and intensity of the hunger and temptation...and the later takes its fuel away...
Thank you for addressing my feelings. It helped a lot. I started to feel huge anxiety about not knowing what's really going on inside me.
love, validation, acceptance, approval, safety - inner child who was abused when i was a kid
This one is easy. Have children. You'll get all the attention you ever dreamed of.
IT'S A TRAP!!!
Thats a lie.
Precisely, you better don't need that need. Is a very demanding need - a trap! Stay with wathever but no needy kids needed! 😭
I don't think GoodResident was judging anybody, he/she was making an observation and expressing their point of view. It may be that some readers identify themselves with having been procreated or having procreated under those circumstances and instead of reflecting on their own actions or that of their genitores, they attack the commentator. Katsottavia ended their comment with a smile which interestingly aggregates to the way they express their anger and self-righteousness. Could that be the same anger they feel for their parents or their grandparents? Or perhaps the anger which they feel for themselves for knowing they created a life out of wanting someone to love them a little bit. Continuing from the most significant comment, could this be why some people say "I want my own child" when suggested with the option of adoption? Does this highlight a nasty human trait that "I suffered without love, you will need to suffer too." and does this explain the terrible suffering of people in this planet such as the British not helping as other countries people running from wars?
Its funny how a comment that proberly was supposed to be semi funny resulted in a political debate involving British refugee politics. I dont know if i should laugh or cry. Anyway i am off to improve my kundalini
Namaste self righteous bastards
The timing of when I discovered your channel is simply amazing..
I just recently started thinking about the very same topics you talk about, and you manage to be funny as hell at the same time.
You're awesome, JP.
The auto focus is going crazy in this video. The background is almost pulsing in varying degrees of unfocused space.
Whoa. It is!
Ack I can't unsee it
i think its just you, because on my end it doesnt/
Now I can't unsee it! 🤣
JP, your videos are helping me through a hard time in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting them.
Hi Jp, I came to the same conclusion, I tried to shut myself out for a long time, try to be comfortable alone and without seeking for attention, I thought perhaps if I really leant to love myself then that love connected with the universe would be enough, but then I found out that was a way to avoid people, avoid facing that need and that fear, after all that time lost in China, I found out that what I was missing was accepting myself and realising we are worth something by just being, we don't need someone or something else to define our worth but I'm still here, struggling, I made progress, but it's a difficult path the one I chose
***** well a friend told me life doesn't have to be that hard, it can sound hysterically simple but we choose the life we want to lead. We also attract people in our lives depending on the frequency we vibrate, so we can't blame it on others if we bump into people who will feed from our energy if we have a bleeding heart. We still have to put ourselves out there, and the key would be instead of reenacting the same play over and over, to learn from that experience, and reflect on why those people come into our lives. Avoiding is also hiding, if we truly accept ourselves and others then we won't be that affected at least when the unavoidable outcome comes to light. I think we know each other better than we are willing to understand, but as humans we tend to paint people in a different light, but deep down we ought to know what they are like, with a sharp intuition. Nevertheless that won't matter, we will still want the wrong people if we haven't overvome a certain aspect in ourselves
+GoodResident
Know the feeling.
Yet, I get needy on his videos, though. 😉
@@Yugamxo very well articulated
looking for the "children in Africa could have eaten that attention" comments
Woooow 😂😂😂😂, i'm a north african myself but this comment killed me, no joke
😂😂🤣😂😂👌👌
Hahahahah
Me: *watching from Africa*
Brilliant! Sometimes, I haven't a clue what you are talking about, yet it all makes sense!
havent had a clue why you can't spell still makes sense
@@dauntewalker2888 cant spell what
Haven't a clue is a thing
*I NEVER SEEK ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
evvvvvvvvvvvvvvbvvveeeeeererrrrrrrrŕrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!°
You are right now
@@colombianitta101 hahahahaha
In the name of justice
@@colombianitta101 that was the joke with all the exclamation marks and bold typing.
As I work towards reducing the influence of the ego within I see that my need for external attention is also reduced. Calmer and quieter and with more serenity I feel the light within shining brighter and brighter. Now I can sit on my own with my eyes closed and feel like my need for attention is completely met.
What do you mean by this?
Explain whoa
Always feel more connected with my compassionate heart after watching your more serious videos
This is also me...I recently just realized my abandonment issues and became aware of how I act on them and scrapping the surface of those feelings. So thank you again for posting videos like this.
I'm always confused if he's being serious or not
if hes wearing the headband he isnt serious.
Ezekiel Finuma Really? never knew that
Therefore you need some need for knowledge's needy attention. 😂
At first I just saw the funny videos, but then I saw his Q and A videos, I believe there is two, and in one of them he says he is a counselor, and from what I've seen so far he seems to know what he is talking about.
my attention span was not good on this video
So you need more "attention" to span with. 🤭
Pitrak Onal boo
You hit home with this teaching, thank you SO much JP
JP Sears is my internet sensei man. Always coming with the questions that matter.
"...just don't tell me I said that..." I was laughing so much from that I had to jump back to listen to what I missed.
"Some of us are so needy that we need to not be needy." [head explodes]
I believe all of your videos say something honest in a humorous and satirical way. But I appreciate how you put the mask aside for a moment to address this, or I missed the point and I'm an equine's glutes.
I think we view brokenness in a truly broken way. Deep within we are without. We need. That is the instigation of connection, but seeing that lacking we often withdraw to conceal where we lack. Concealing our need is the truly broken characteristic. I would even say acknowledging need is not enough, we need to be comfortable with it, and even love that about ourselves...if it is a healthy need in healthy proportion. We need love. We need truth and meaning. Often, however, we want immediate physical connection and to be right, more.
Thank you JP. This opened my eyes to questions and a side of myself that I had never really given any thought to.
Hi JP, I came across your channel a few days ago with your "how to become gluten intolerant" video and thought it was very funny. I have not had a complete view of what the content of your videos, but I was surprised at this one, it was a very well articulated way to describe ones needs and how we tend to hide them from other people and ourselves. I'm one of those so needy needy lucky ones, and now, because of your video you've made me think about how could I overcome the sensation that I need to be self sufficient, and make more connections with people. Thank you so much for answering people's questions 🌸
Just subscribed. This video clarified so much. My need is to explain. When I was little and did something that in the adults comprehension was wrong, but in my 7 year old mind had an explanation, I was told shut up I don't want to hear it. This was due to, in the adults mind it was an excuse I was thriving to give, but no...in my 7 year old mind it was a reason an explanation. To this day I literally feel panic when I can't explain why..what..or how. Your video calmed that anxiety... Thank you
You just made me realise I have the same need for a slightly different reason
I think that having the insight to ask the question in the first place is an excellent thing.
You're a gift to humanity. Namasté
Hi JP! Thank you for uncovering the mystery of neediness. I agree that humans need to feel valued. Giving or receiving attention does not necessarily = feeling valued. I will be asking myself today what makes me feel valued?
What makes humans in general feel valued?
we love you JP, you are extremely valuable.
I value you for your opinion, honesty and need to be needed.
What stood out for me Personally or was highlighted in your video is my need not to be needed but at the same I crave it too (Go figure, that I should attract really needy people in my life). Love when the unconscious becomes concious.
I think I shall ponder on that one this Rainy Saturday, winters morning.
Wishing you an Awesome Weekend Dear JP
Oz?
acmeopinion factory Yes, Melbourne (Geelong) Infact :)
+Love Always i was gonna say aus as well hahaha. damn Melbourne
My hometown. :-D
Nobody NEEDS attention. It's a self-contracted desire.
Dude, you are the KING of sarcasm! Loved it.
Very well said JP!!! I love this kind of self awareness stuff!
You've just explained my life to me, JP.
Yes JP. You Got It!!!
I truly appreciate you!!!
I appreciate your honesty here. Sometimes you can come off as an elitist or condescending whether or not you mean it but with this video, I really appreciate your assessment of your own needs for value and attention.
I'm so happy to find this video.
I like to be alone with my thoughts sometimes to have a look at my "demons". Recently i discovered this new one related to the attention i crave sometimes, but i couldn't grasp how it looked like until now.
Thanks to you, it's presence to me is very clear, and that (as you said) is one of the first steps to calm him down.
I think he would like to go to the karaoke, so we could amaze everyone with our skills, and with our good taste in music.
You are very valued, sir! I value your ability to make me see things clearly. 🙂
This is very comforting to hear. Thank you ❤
This is exactly what I needed today.
Jp, you are such an intellectual...it took me about a minute of watching to realize this was not one of your clever parodies...and I agree with your point of view...absolutely love your channel...you are a sharp person!
I'm always confused if this is satire or not
I think it is AND it isnt .
Id have to agree with you one this one.. he still makes some of it funny though.
The headband is usually the give away. That and if he is acting like a jerk/crazy person (for the satire).
Same here man! This JP guy acts in the "serious" videos exactly the same way he does in the "fun" videos! I feel super confused - I'm not even sure if he learned yoga for any other reason than to make fun of it.
Oh - I think JP might 'suffer' from a little "Foot-in-Mouth-Disease"** aka a naturally quirky and irrepressible sense of humour! But you all raise a good point :-) I think that the more Ultra Spiritual videos he makes, the less seriously he is able to take himself sometimes (of course I could be mistaken).
**I recognize some of the symptoms. They include a tendency to make slightly inappropriate comments - both on the Internet and in RL. JP's clearly more amusing, though...
I like the progression into a single shot video. keep up the good work
JP: you are brilliant and hysterical all at the same time. I love you! Also: this is my first you tube comment EVER and I am 30 years old, so therefore an aging millennial and I want you to feel special about this 😂. Keep on making the hysterical videos you do complimented with your life-important messages. All the best, Kate Arcangeli
Wow thank you!!!!
Welcome to the internet.
+JP also I work for KeHE Distributors and have met Stephen from Better Body Foods and it appears they sponsor you! He is one hysterical guy!!!! I met him at our food show and we talked for an hour about all the hilariousness of the grocery retail industry. Good times.
Oh wow, its such a smart observation and honest acceptance. I think it describes my thoughts in a better way actually. Its interesting only aware& clarify your need could make you feel better. Awesome video
JP!!! I've just discovered your channel and you have already become a character in my mind, a foil to my thoughts, in my dream i had a conversation with my idea of you.. were a perfect reflection to beliefs I have held on to as true, and showed me the fallacy in them... it was too awesome... it such a clever and non judgemental cheeky way... wow...
Thank you for you simple explanation on why I feel this way. Im very aware of the need and at times I feel an overwhelming need but I self monitor but just lately I feel more needy and I’m trying to understand why
Nice. I like the honesty and insight.
I love how empowering you are
Wow it's really helpful. Thank you!!!
Thanks JP for the informative and positive video. I need to find a balance of not being too needy and always seeking the Attention of others even though I have some legitimate reasons
I value you JP!
Thanks JP! Great talk!
Love your videos and this gave me some food for thought. Thank you
thank you jp.
When I was growing up I was an only child and I remember my mom coming home and immediately going to her room or leaving right after. A lot of times she didn't even care if there was dinner or what I thought or said.
The most common phrase I heard was "Shut up" and "Quit acting stupid."
It didn't matter if I was angry or crying, she always gave a cold shoulder.
That is one thing I know that led me to craving attention, I never got any as a child. :(
This is fantastic. Thanks.
Well done JP. Quality original content.
my need is for you to please turn off auto focus. watch plant on left.
its a ultra spiritual side effect ...
its a ultra spiritual side effect ...
thanks for sharing
Could you make one about how to get offended by everything all the time?
Good stuff, keep it coming
Thank you
Well done explaining unexplainable things 😊
Wow , you read my mind , I need to feel valued!!!! Enjoyed your video thankyou xx
Thanx for not making being human a problem
Thank you! I love the funny videos and the insightful ones too. I actually need both in my life
Always Seek Respect, not Attention-*it lasts longer*
Thank you.
Once I decided to give my heart to god, my need for attention and the void that I felt was fulfilled.
Authentic and helpful 💯🙏
wow... this was made in just one shot... actually amazing....
Love you! This was helpful
Your closing thoughts are always the most deep and confrontational of the whole video 😆
wow, this was a very serious and deep video JP.
+AwakenWithJP .. I do like your hmmm pauses 😀 am enjoying listening to your version of life's "tapestries' it suits the way I think and am practicing your insights, helps ✨
Hi jp, ty so much for this excellent video, you hit the nail right on the head and your absolutely right, only insecurity would self doubt warrant this behavior, strong self confident people know there enough and don’t seek attention whatsoever, ty so much for your help, regards, Bob,
I love your honesty :o Thank you JP :)
The need to feel valued is so true. I think it’s why my depression was exacerbated to the extreme when I was unemployed
I can never tell if he's being serious or not
Me too.
The non-serious ones tend to be labeled "ultra-spiritual".
and he wears the headband with a purple flower.
That too. ;~)
I don't think he's ever serious, 🤔 But he's always hilarious!
Great food for thought
Your videos portray so many things I'm thinking. I would love to see you dissect the psychology of "the customer is always right" or how people freak out because of silly things like getting pickles on their cheeseburger when they asked for none. You know, the entitlement the general public feels.
thank you.
really appreciate jp he os more real than any other people who say the samething really grateful
Thsnk you.
Woooow.. Thank you so much J.P. for that good food for thoughts! It really brought me more for my 80% ;)
I like this dude.
liking the new style JP
The whole accepting youre own shortcomings part is very important
Your lens is too much of a perfectionist :)
wow! great video....
Cool vids man, am not sure how people can not tell the difference between your satirical posts and your serious ones, keep it up
IKR IM SO CONFUSED
Hi JP, i really enjoy your videos, you have a very simple and clear way of expressing abstract concepts and opinions. Also, this videos make me see that i am not alone in this kind of feelings or behaviors; and although it is a fallacious reasoning, it is quite comforting. I would really like to see a video about how to deal with melancholy. I tend to percive the thigs that happens to me through this emotion and it's quite frustrating. Recently my girlfriend broke up with me, and three years of happy memories turned suddenly into melancholic memories. Thank you very much, and sory for my bad english.
You have great insight and also funny at the same time
It's reached reached a point where I know that clicking on your video yields about a 50% chance of satire, and 50% chance of wise, deep, legit advice....Regardless, there's a 100% chance that I'll watch and appreciate!
You have a beautiful house, JP. :)