Glacier, Aug 24 2024. Remembering when, giving it a proper sendoff 👋

Dedicated to the time I had with the one true love of my life. I lost her in a flurry of my own arrogance and outside influences and drama. I had never experienced that level of intensity, that strong of a connection, such bitter remorse when it all unraveled, and have resolved knowing that I never will again. The loving notes in my lunches, the loving ways she took care of me, the tears in her eyes during our most intimate moments - seemed to matter not to an inconsiderate idiot who’d convinced himself that he was the smartest, most guarded person in the world.
I betrayed her by denying her love, and I don’t blame her for wanting a better life for herself where she didn’t have to constantly convince someone of how much she so clearly and so obviously love(d) them.
There are two primary coward archetypes when it comes to relationships: those who are incapable of love and those who do not love well…
Both are equally deserving of one another.
It’s been around 6 years since I last saw her. I have no idea where she is now but, that somehow seems fitting…as our final moments together were demonstrative of my unwillingness to surrender to love and trust. It was all my fault, and there were no ‘right words’ to make up for it. I just hope that she is happy in her life beyond me, as I have also resolved to not try to reach out to her.
I recently went on a long motorcycle run, and standing amongst the majesty of Glacier National Park - it all came back to me. So, I attached an embroidered memento she’d sewn for me to my jacket in the same place she’d fashioned it to a suit jacket, and let it pour out over the valley below.
And there it will remain, both over my heart, and amongst those mountain peaks.
The way I see it: should my love of motorcycles be what takes me, my loved ones will know that I was doing something I love - whilst carrying around a piece of my endless love ⭕️♾️❤
There are no written rules in the game of life. Good and bad exists in everyone and everything. Those who believe they are somehow exempt from doing wrong are only fooling themselves. It is up to the individual to be (just) honest enough with themself to recognize whether their transgressions in life were honest mistakes, mere happenstance, a reaction to toxic behavior/circumstances, or demonstrative of a malicious undercurrent…and atone for them in no uncertain terms. Particularly when the raw, unfiltered version of what they did to another, or a striking resemblance of past dysfunctional relationships reveal them as the narcissist or sociopath of the story. Pride, or straight up ghosting the conscience, or social media meme nonsense will never be a proper substitute for being honest with one’s self, and latching on to these ideals will only guarantee an endless loop of faulty navigation and avoidable tragedies. Some roads must end. Most roads do not, and there will always be byways which inevitably present themselves along the way. All ferrying their own unique set of consequences. However, the unwritten guideline will forever remain the same: just keep going and life just may surprise you.