How can I let myself cry?!? Website/YouTube Wednesday!
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I can't cry, no matter what I do. It doesn't matter what I do, talk about, or what triggers me my body just won't let me cry. Maybe I'll get one tear in my eye but then my body is like "nope, this isn't happening" and I just stop and shut down
same
Sometimes the rest of us could really use some of your "nope"
same
Oh my God finally someone else gets it. I feel like most people don't talk about this problem but it's so serious and painful. When you get one tear, you get so happy that you are finally starting to cry that it just stops. Either that, or your body just says "hell nah" and quits. It is so painful because it causes you to think that these feelings aren't important and severe enough to make you cry. It makes you feel like your pain is nothing compared to others.
me too and it sucks, i would do anything to cry.
I am the biggest on burying my emotions. I feel the out of control feeling when the emotions start coming out then I tend to stop them. My therapist never pushed me eventhough I told her I had a lot of emotions locked up in my closet inside, and that there were times I struggled to keep it closed... Now I don't see my therapist anymore just my checkup for my meds. Have considered seeing another therapist but I just feel like giving up.
Hi katie is it normal to get suicidal thoughts with out no warning and can you cry when you get suicidal thoughts.
I can cry out of empathy for others while watching sad movies, but I can't cry out of self-pity
I'm going to try that tonight tho, I'll have a beer, sit in my room, door locked, put some sad music on and try to push out some tears. Small steps lol
linguaphile me too and i hate myself for it
I don't cry while watching sad movies. Is there something wrong with me.
I realise this comment is years old but maybe for anyone else reading this. Maybe helpful. Try not framing it as self pity and look at this as self compassion.
@@brettd9126 Thank you...
I refuse to cry infrount of people because its my weakness, I feel like people are seeing that im not strong anymore. and what I do when im really upset but cant cry, I don't care, I get into this really bad mood where I just don't care about about anything anymore - its not a good place but I cant help it.
Same I don't like crying in front of people too not even family members
I understand you since i was a kid i couldnt cry in front someone no matter what and i now cant no matter how much i want
I know the feeling of going into that bad mood now i know there more like me and it realy relife me so thank you
Who else got used to the words
If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you a reason to cry
Cause those words are one of the reasons I can’t really cry anymore
Hello friend! I am so sorry you had to hear those words, I know it’s gotta be horrible and it must really suck to feel that way . Know that you’re not alone ! More power and love to you where’ve you may be ☺️
Oh my GOD. Yep, I’m not sure that’s what finally got me “stuck” but that’s exactly how it started
When I was a kid I hated when my brother shamed me for crying. Not only does it make you feel weak, it makes you feel like your feelings aren't important/ are wrong/don't have value. That's why when I'm nannying and babysitting... I just rub their back and let them cry when they stub a toe or skin a knee... I don't try to rush it or make them stop. I make sure they understand that I am understanding how they feel... Like for example "Ryan, I'm so sorry you fell and hurt your knee... I know it hurts a lot right now, but it will feel better soon" and then ill offer ice or a bandage... Whatever fits the situation... Usually once I just restate their feelings back to them.. They're fine... They feel soothed and are able to move on...I see parents tell their kids to suck it up and it just makes them cry harder.
I'm actually very proud of myself when I cry because I've been trying to do so for a while and lately I've been able to open up more and crying feels so great when I'm able to. :)
Dude, i just can't
Something bad happened and i cant
Please help
I haven't cried in 3 years and I'm terrified that if I cry now I would never stop.
hunter davis CRY
Absolutely feel this!
When I’m about to cry in session, I want to but I just can’t. And I usually end up biting a side of my mouth or my bottom lip (usually dry) or I fidget a lot and stare at one spot not looking at my therapist until it goes away.
The part about crying was really relevant to me and your advice was SO helpful. Great video, as usual. Thank you Kati :)
Crying .... I even have a hard time crying in front of my husband, and I trust him more than anyone in the world. To me, I worry about how I look while crying, and I also see it as a sign of weakness in myself (but I never even pass the thought if someone else were to cry). In my head, I know it's very therapeutic to cry, but that little voice in my mind from childhood hears my mom and the bullies calling me stupid and weak/a baby for crying.
Usually, I just hold it in and then go to the bathroom or my car and cry it all out. Then I sit there and try to get my eyes to stop being red and look normal again before I leave, so no one will know what I'd been doing, LOL!
I just want to say that when you made that joke by saying 'pun intended' it made me laugh and made my day :)
The reason I can’t let go of my past is because I became attached to the sadness and the fear. It makes me feel so comfortable. Anyone have any advice?
I’m sitting in the dark right now alone and I keep saying to myself, “Just cry. Do it right now... please.. just let it happen..” it’s not working at all..
bluejay • when you’re upset and you feel like you should be crying is when you might want to hold on to that feeling and escape to somewhere where you’re alone and make yourself cry over that, the more you’re able to make yourself cry the easier it gets to let yourself cry when it’s appropriate or when you want to
bluejay • Would not crying or holding back tears be considered a defense mechanism?
For me the best way is honestly just watching sad movies. Or reading sad books. because it's easy once you start and I don't even have to cry about my stuff, it could be about a character dying, it gets the feeling out either way
All I have to do to make myself cry is read or watch the hunger games(Rues death always makes me cry)
I'm so glad you talked about crying. I can't cry and I really need to. My treatment team can see me holding it back and I can feel it, it hurts and it's hard but I can't seem to let it go not even when alone. My abusers liked it when I cried and they hurt me worse so I get really scared to cry.....I'm trying to get myself to cry with safe people like my treatment or my partner but the most I manage is like a couple of tears......I don't think I can contain everything forever....I don't know what to do....
I used rubber bands to help me stop sh. I can see that it could be viewed as sh but I saw it to be better than cutting. I only ever used it when I was really upset and close to cutting (almost as a last resort). After 6 years of sh I have been clean for about 8 months (no rubber bands either) :)
I really wish I could have a psychologist like Kati :( I have tried every single one in my town and have found one who is okay but Katis YT videos are better than that therapie because he almost never talks...He just sits and listens and when I'm done he will wait for like an entire minute before saying anything (I know that's what they learn to do so the patient can add things or finds the courage to add a thought they are carefull about and things they don't like to say out loud because I study medicine so we have that training as well but jesus this annoys me so much...I want the psychologist to be like a friend I can go to and who chats with me about everything...not someone I talk at...Just like I really hate it when they say Time's up and want to get paid at the end of a session...I'd rather pay before the session and book 2 sessions so I can leave whenever I feel like I have told him what I wanted to say and not when he say's "time's up" (yea they phrase it differently but all I hear is "you paid for an hour so I agree to listen to you bs for 1 hour and then you leave no matter how deep in your problems we are at that point")
My mom died last year and I couldn't cry. The doctor sat us down on my birthday and told us she wasn't going to make it and my sister bawled and I just sat there completely numb not knowing what to do. I wasn't even able to be there for my sister or muster the words I love you to my mom before she died which is one of my biggest regrets. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. She died 4 days later. I had to later sit in isolation and think thoughts that would help me to cry and even then it wasn't that much.
Maybe a week before she died I went to have an energy healing session at a local reiki center. When she was done with the session she told me that during the session she had to back away because her throat started closing up and she couldn't breath and she started tearing up. She said that my throat chakra is blocked and I need to cry more. I already had a strong feeling that my throat chakra was blocked before going there because lately I had been having trouble putting my thought into words when I used to speak very eloquently. I think I also looked up the symptoms of a blocked throat beforehand and I definitely exhibit the majority of them. I've had chronic ear infections my whole life alternating in each ear every 2-3 months for as long as I can remember. Ear problems is a symptom of a blocked throat chakra for those who don't know.
I think my bodies purpose in causing these ear infections was to remind me to engage in life again. Since, having an ear infection in a big way disengages you from life (even more than I already was) because you can't hear or talk as well, it's my bodies way of reinforcing the want to engage again. I've lived a lot of my life disengaged because I was bullied when I was younger so that's probably where it comes from.
Anyway, I still haven't gotten in touch with my emotions and I'm actually scared for when I do because I know the process of purging out all the anger and sadness is a tough one. I've made an enemy of my emotions because that's what society has taught me (since I'm a guy) everyone deems being sensitive and emotional as a negative. As a result, I've lived most of my life in a place of anxiety (a symptom of not being in the present moment) and addicted to weed and cigarettes (daily) since I was 13 (I'm 23 now) as a way to cope. I now have OCD symptoms along with memory hoarding and dermatillomania to which I blame my long term use of marijuana on along with the worsening of my anxiety and depression. There's several reports that long term marijuana use can cause and worsen predisposed mental disorders.
I just wish there was some kind of shortcut to dealing with all this but the truth is you have to work for your happiness and for the most part it is an independent journey. But, I agree it's wise to ask for help as this a codependent universe. Some say psilocybin mushrooms and ayahuasca can help with this process but even then it's still you that is going to have to work through the things that come up when you do these substances. Suicide has crossed my mind pretty much every single day since 6th grade but I don't think I would ever consider it because of the effect it would have on the people I love. Anyway, I don't know what the point was in typing all this out but I appreciate these videos and wish everyone luck who is dealing with similar problems.
p o s s e s s e d b a b i e s this is literally my life i have the same "illnesses" as you, i started smoking and doing drugs at 13(i am 17 now) and my mom has been diagnosed with cancer and i really want to cry but i cant
If you were bullied no wonder you can't cry... This isn't about chakras, it's about a brain developing a coping mechanism that was suited for childhood conditions.. and one that is no longer helpful.
When she said identify where you store that emotion when u want to cry but can't, did anyone else automatically think 'no where' ?
choji manganime Would not crying or holding back tears be considered a defense mechanism?
Is it strange that I'll grieve for something for maybe five minutes, it'll still be in my head and I'll analyze like crazy, but I get over things very easily by using the numbing/ blocking away method. Is this bad?
I can't cry period!
it's just followed by a life time of bad
choices,bad luck and tragedy!
Must of the times I don't feel sad anymore I'm just too tired!
I'm sure I have mental illness of some sort.
sometimes I'm happy for months on end but still can't cry and on every year on March I get really depressed it's like timer I can't get out of.
I can't figure myself out.
Hello from the north (Canada). Thank you so much for your videos. I only discovered your channel a month ago and have watched almost every video. I really appreciate your honest, frank discussions of mental health matters. You have helped me open up more in therapy because i feel less ashamed of my issues (Complex PTSD). I still have a long way to go but i needed to say a big THANK YOU for everything you're doing :)
Haven’t cried in many years. I feel like I went through too much, saw too much. It changed me. No one taught me how to deal with emotions so I just stifled them completely. Now if I feel like crying my body automatically suppress the urge to cry. I unconsciously take a breath and it goes away. Tried letting it happen many times but nada :/
I guess I can't cry because for me crying means acknowledging my feelings & being there for myself, feeling sorry for myself. And approximately 6 years ago a teacher told me while I was crying during a test "enough of the self pity"
That journal topic blew my mind.
I am brand new to your channel! I think you are so genuine and give incredible advice:) Thank you for what you do. What do you do to take care of your emotional health and who do you confide in when you are down? I am curious in general about this because I am going to college for psychology and being an empathetic person, hearing others stories on a daily basis I'm sure can wear you down although it is also rewarding.
The "My girl" funeral scene is so far the only thing that can get the waterworks going. But only if it's just me. Any other time I just don't see a point. I don't know if it's part of my defense but I am not the go to person for a shoulder to cry on. I don't want to be "heartless" as my sister calls me. But I find people who cry annoying. I'll sort of check out when their around. Which is probably why I don't cry a lot myself. Since I now have to care for my niece who is 5. I've had to learn to adjust. But it hasn't been easy.
I can not cry at all or feel upset for situations I'm supposed to be upset about. I get these headaches like my head is filling up with my tears and when I eat the feeling of pressure from not being able to cry or feel sad goes away. This is honestly confusing and I'm very tired of it because I feel stuffed and filled with emotions that can't come out, I feel like I'm going to explode but I'm calm at the same time yet worried this is complicated.🤧🤕
What does it mean if I have a panic attack not long after I've started to cry when I talk to someone about my problems? This happened during my second session of therapy and it's happened other times before I started my therapy. I don't know why this happens, it confuses me and I really would like an explanation Kati. Please help me understand this.
Since u can't cry do u have compulsive habits
9:23 thank me l8r
I watch anime almost anything by Studio Ghibli. I will cry alone never with anyone. Clannad. canon. as well.
I don't think it is healthy to suppress the act of crying, but I do it, and end up with a runny nose. In theory, tears from the eyes are toxins from the brain. I don't think it is healthy to refuse from crying.
I’ve tried crying to movie but I find of automatically stuffs the tears in my stomach and I have no control over it, I don’t know how to fix it I can’t let it out, but I still feel good after a sad movie
I can't cry alone. It's hard and I want to cry so bad but every time I try I just stop. I only cry during anxiety attacks, and even then it's pretty rare. It's sometimes just a silent tear, but the rest is just a bad feeling. I'm pretty sure I have depression and I struggle with self harm that I have kept a secret. My past therapist got mad and stopped contacting my family, so now I've been 5+ weeks without any help and I feel myself slipping back into depression. Any tips on how I can get myself to cry? I feel it sometimes and it just goes away even when I try to get it out
Something stressed happened to me since last year of December, and it stressed the hell out of me till now. I kinda want to Cry, but i cant release it. and its kinda bug me, because my emotion is shallow,even my smallest mistake hurts. but now im struggling in my BIGGEST, STUPIDEST thing that I've done (i think), The hurts feel heavy all over my chest all day, that i want to commit suicide,
but I can't, i cant even cry even this is my hardest punch in the guts for me, i cant cry even this is a good time to do,
I can't cry even a smallest tear drop in my eye, thats enough.
I can't
but
I want too.
My therapist made the comment recently I'm not in touch with my emotions, and its ok to cry. At our last session she asked about a very sensitive topic, I just shut down and went numb. She said its ok to cry. I made the decision years ago I wouldn't cry in therapy. I can't see any benefit to it. Yes I was abused, crying about it won't change anything.
Hey Katie, so I am 16 and I don't know how to exactly word this, but I've never felt "normal". I go through highs where I make impulsive decisions that have gotten me in trouble. I guess in those times I'm just not thinking of the consequences. It's almost as if I'm on speed or something. And then I also go through depression where all I want to do is die. I know this sounds stupid but I hate it so much and it's so exhausting. When I get impulsive thoughts I have to use all my energy just to not give in. For example, I was in the kitchen and I was having a great day but I saw a kitchen knife and I immediately started obsessively thinking about just stabbing myself in the abdomen. I picked up the knife and felt like I was almost in a trance where I just was focusing on that. I had to through down the knife on the counter and run up to my room to stop myself. I have also had impulsive thoughts like that of jumping out my window or off the balcony. I think about suicide all of the time, weather impulsive or just a longing desire, but I can't take it anymore I just want to be normal! My therapist just thinks I'm an emotional person but he doesn't know I'm suicidal because I'm afraid my parents will find out. PLEASE HELP ME! I don't know who else to turn to. Even if you don't address this in your video could you message me? Sorry for the inconvenience
Hi. I just found your comment while randomly scrolling down this old video of Katie. But i hope things are looking better for you today and you're still in the game fighting life everyday with the rest of us?
I hope so :)
Hi u mentioned a lady on Tumblr... Are they on any other platform? Thank you
Would not crying or holding back tears be considered a defense mechanism?
This helped a lot .Thanks.♡
Thanks for the video, but sometimes sad movies just don't cut it. Or even funerals. Can you forget how to cry? I taught myself not to cry in elementary school because it made the bullying worse, so I've cried twice in the last 14 years (and to put this in a little perspective, six people in my family died and my mom got cancer), and the last time was six and a half years ago. Eventually cutting replaced crying, because you need that release somehow...I'd be happy to just be able to cry alone in an empty house with absolutely no fear of being caught, and still I can't.
The part about Crying in therapy is a big part of therapy it took me 13 therapist and 10 years to even begin to open up and I just for the first time ever cried in therapy and it was hard but felt so good so to say crying in therapy won't happy it will just give it time one thing I will say is when you are vonarable talk it out and let ur therapist know how u r feeling and one day crying will be ok
Just before I watched this video, I started crying. I saw this video in my suggestions, and I thought subconsiously that I should cry. So I did, but I was only able to "cry through my nostrils". I've been trying to get help, and results are taking quite some time, but what I mean by crying through my nostrils is suppressing tears from the eyes to the point that the nasal sinuse floods with tears that could have came out of the eyes.
For me personally the rubber band theory didn't work I was doing it until I had a bruise it was really bad so it hold myself I had to stop I'm sure it does work for some people though everyone is different
Thank you Kati x
Question No 4 is so very much myself :-( And the worst part about that is that my therapist wants to stopp our sessions cause he can't handle that during our sessions the only thing I do is talking about stuffs and not feeling them and showing my emotions. So recently he puts a lot of pressure on me: Either I'll cry in the next session or I'm not allowed to see him anymore. I really appreciated and liked him so far but because of his pressure somehow I'm starting to hate him, well not really hate but something like that. He just doesn't understand.
#katifaq #katiFAQ
(sry for annoying you the 4. time with that question but i really need an answer)
Hey Kati!
Please help me.
When im with my boyfriend i sometimes suddely get the urge to kill him by strangling him. I’d never do that because i love him so much and i feel totally guilty and ashamed and shocked because i think about killing the person i love the most.
But i can’t really stop these thoughts from coming up.
I can’t tell my therapist bcause my next appointment is in semptember, shes on vacation.
I don’t know what to do…
my urge to relapse and cut again grows and grows because i can't deal with it
bye
the journal topic was AMAZZZZINGGGG!:)
About the crying problem... I've tried watching sad movies, listening to sad songs, and thinking about sad things, but I still cannot cry. It may be because it's summer and I'm just too happy, but sometimes I just want to cry but can't :/
I clicked this vid.... and herd u saying Wednesday. ... And ya aaa!! it's wednesday
I'm pretty sure I cry a little too often :/ I'll cry for important things, scary things, stressful things, simple things, stupid things, unnecessary things. Especially when I am angry. When I am angry I don't even begin to look angry, I just bawl my eyes out right away. Is there any way I can somewhat control that so I can actually discuss the issue with the other party instead of just sitting there, crying frantically?
Hi Kati! What are your thoughts on ASMRs? The brain massage ones help me sleep sometimes, but I find the others odd. Thanks!
Believe it until life proves you wrong. Another way to see this ( at least to me) is I'm done looking for other hard things that are coming up in life. Like a big thing is when I'm worked up ( angry, sad, anxious, etc) and I start trying to prepare for the next big bad and honestly it's no where near as bad as the neglect, abuse, and homelessness that I've been through. Once I stopped looking for the big baddie thing to pop up in my life... They kinda stopped showing up. Sure, life still throws lemons and all that... But honestly I've taken off my rose colored glasses and red flags look red to me so I'm prepared whether I'm looking or not because of the things I've been through and the signs they've taught me to see and thus avoid. My past has made me strong and resilient and unshakable like a soldier so I guess it's easier for me to trust in my own abilities to handle the worst thing to happen to me.
I find it very hard to cry on my own, because I feel like I can't handle it alone. Not having someone else there to pick me up if I can't pull myself together anymore. The idea of crying alone scares the shit out of me. So what I do to learn to cry alone is I put an alarm for 30 minutes. If after 30 minutes I haven't been able to cry I stop and try again next time. I try to plan at least a weekly session if I didn't spontaniously cry that week, because I need the outlet of emotions on a regular basis to feel good the rest of the time.
I'm not in Recovery for eating disorders but I am in recovery for addiction and Rachel's thought provocation about how recovering from our distorted coping skills is the hardest thing in our lives to overcome. I will believe it and I don't feel like life can prove me wrong, if it tries I'll remember this difficult period in my life and know that I can make it through it.
I enjoy your videos even though I'm not in recovery for eating disorders or self harm I think a lot of your info can work for addiction as well.
Kati I really don't get it I was doing so well for a while all without a tharpist then today I am just having one of those days so nervous about moving next week and a new school next week I can drive myself crazy any advice ps don't worry about that no tharpist thing I'll find one after I move hope u had a wonderful summer
I don't cry often, like you said it only happens when all my defenses are gone. I really need to tap into(with the help of my therapist) my raw feelings I have, the ones I don't want to tell anyone about. It took almost a year for me to become conferrable enough to cry In front of my therapist/staff at my residential...
#katifaq i havent i have cried once this year and before that i dont even remember the last time... i get scared upset angry and frustrated at myself and the pressure builds up until i know i ned to release it and i really want to cry.. i need to cry! But i just cant... i watch sad movies and videos and i feel pressure building in my head and i try to make myself cry but nothing... i think opening up and being vulnerable will make me cry but nothing... so often i dont even feel any emotions in situations i know i should be angry or upset whatever but i cant even feel anything anymore.... how can i bresk this dry spell and release the pressure in tears of water thater that tears of blood from my self harm ive been struggling with for almost a year?? Thanks i love ur videos, they are the most positicve support videos i ever find myself watching....
I also think the rubberband technique etc can be really helpful! In DBT we told those things stress tolerance skills, and they help to give us a sense of suddenly snapping out of those thought circles and the high tension to then give us the ability to further do things against the urges until the tension is low enough for us to deal with the actual issue.
How can we help people who can't cry? I have fallen in love with a guy who struggles with letting go and I really want to help him feel safe to allow himself to show feelings, but I don't know how.
To the first question: I have heard from a dear friend who was affected by self-harm that she does not watch or even want to read or listen to how another self-harmed because it may tempt her to try that one out if it makes sense. :)
So I do think they should not be too detailed without a trigger warning! :)
thx for this ha bisky vid and i watch wolfs rain when i want to cry that anime is so funny but so sad its impossible to watch it and not cry
#KatiFAQ How do you diagnose selfharm? Is it once you do the act you're a selfharmer? There are diagnosis in print for ED but is there one for self harm? Thank you xx *****
Hi Kati,
Can you link to the tumblr you mentioned in question #3. Sounds like "calorique." Thank you!
I went and looked for it myself =)
caloriqe.tumblr.com/post/25268577513
Thank you! I looked too, but obviously not well enough! XO
Hey Kati, I tried to message you on fb, but it said you're not accepting messages at this time. Is there another way I can message you privately? Thank you
I don’t like the quote at the end of the video. It’s makes me feel worse because it makes me think things will get worse, no matter what. There will be no reprieve from suffering. I’m gonna suffer for the rest of my life.
Hey Kati! I just found out my therapist is pregnant! I'm so excited for her, In the back of my head I'm nervous because she will have to take maternity leave. My guess is she will have someone covering for her, but I'm not good with meeting and trusting people. How can I prepare myself for the adjustment and not backtrack while she is on leave? Thanks so much! Keep up the fantastic work I and so many others appreciate it so much! Thanks!!!!!
#katifaq
The lighting makes your nose look like it's leaning to the left a bit and it's really annoying
Hi kati. ..what if i dont have a silent place to cry and there is always people around me?
Maybe it's not the best option but I do it when I have a shower/bath. You are on your own, people can't hear you and they shouldn't bother you. I hope that helps.
Maybe it's not the best option but you can try when you have a shower/bath. Since you're on your own people can’t hear you and they shouldn't bother you. I hope it helps. I generally do that.
#katiFAQ hi Kati, I have three daughters ages 4,2,1. I've struggled with self harm for over ten years and as much as I try to hide my injuries and new scars they still see them sometimes. My oldest two have started making comments about "momma owies" and my oldest asking me questions. I'm not sure what to say or if I should say anything or what to do... I know 4 is to young to really understand what is going on, but she knows something is... Any advice on what to do/say now as well as when they are older and ask about my scars? Thanks, worried momma
If you haven't seen it, kati spoke about talking to kids about eating disorders / mental illness in a collab with heykayli. :)
Rosy Pigott I just found that video last night thank you :)
No problem!
Is stress and depreshen can that affect your back and nerves ????
hello my name is mike from clevdon