What happened to Macin Smith?!?
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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Disappeared Episode "The Silent Son"
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macinsarmy.com
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➳MUSIC
Intro - Little Feather (unknown Artist)
Outro- Take it Easy (Andrew Applepie)
Background - Mysterious Ambient Background Music -The Rake
F O L L O W M E ! ! !
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As a friendly reminder, I do the BEST research I possibly can before posting every single on of my videos. However, the nature of these videos, means I rely on news outlets, speculations of investigators, journalists and family members. I understand that all of my information may not be correct! In the case that I did find false information, please feel free to correct me in the comments below! I in no way have intentions of spreading false information. Thank you!
Hey guys! My past few videos have been a bit foggy! I am having more camera issues but they will be fixed by the next video! Thank you for being amazing!! Let's spread some LOVE in the comment section!
I’m so proud of you baby! I love you so much you’re fucking killing it
d mc I try she knows I’m her biggest fan!
You're the best and i love your honesty and personal touch 😘 keep going beautiful
Danelle Hallan I have so much respect for you, thank you for sharing you personal story. I've been in a similar situation that I have never voiced out loud because I just simply can't, I understand how hard that was for not only to say it out loud but to say it out loud to say it out loud to thousands of people. Thank you, I have nothing but love and respect for you. ❤️
Danelle Hallan thank you for sharing danelle we love you and I can’t say that has been me but I can relate because my brother is going through something similar 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Thank you for sharing my boy's story Danelle. We are so grateful for your time and talents and addressing bullying/mental illness. Huge hugs to you. We miss him every minute of every day.
❤️
Tracey K Smith Sending you hugs from Australia.
Thank you Ryder from down under
Tracey K Smith -Sending ❤ to you.
Thank you so much
It wasn't about anime. It was about his escape. If he was concealing his depression all day long, it was probably exhausting, so being up at night escaping through his anime gave him time to reload. When that was taken away, he probably felt hopeless in his own mind. The one thing he had to cope was gone. No one should make fun of that.
Agreed. I use anime and video games to escape tbh and I'm an adult lol
Exactly. I feel this on a personal level.
Absolutely. 100%.
Yep, you are RIGHT!!! That is what I do with TV & youtube. Take that away & things are very different. I'm not BLAMING his parents but I feel like treating him like he's 6 when he's 18 isn't a very beneficial way of parenting! In such a short time, he'd be free to do what he wants. If he's making those decisions to stay up all night at age 18 taking away his devices, it just felt like a very wrong way to parent, especially since he did have some developmental issues. I guess most parents parent the way they feel is right it just didn't feel right to me.
My boyfriend watches a lot of anime too. It’s his escape
This may be a stretch, but I work in Southern California as an EMT and I have run calls in and around homeless camps, the next time that I do, I will make sure to ask them if they, or know of anyone who does, might know Macin, I'll show his picture and give a quick description. Homeless camps are popular out here.
Please do!!! That would absolutely amazing! Thank you!
Kimberly Ann Hell yes girl!
Any updates about this comment?
Yes, you never know what might end up solving the mystery!
If hes close with the people hes staying with. He most likely is going by a different name,appearance and probably told people to not reveal anything about his whereabouts. He ran away. What dont you people get. He doesn't want to be found .
When someone is at the point of running away or taking their life, they are truly thinking about the ones they love. They really honestly believe that they are doing what is best for their loved ones. Please don’t think of it as selfish because they do not do those things for themselves. They do it because they feel it’s best for everyone else.
This is So very true. At my worst I always felt like I was the burden that was ruining everyone else’s life. I wanted to be gone to make things easier for everyone around me.
Macin, honey. If you’re out there & if there’s any chance in the world you see this, you are absolutely 100% not alone. I’ve suffered through social anxiety & bipolar depression since I was 12. I am now 21. I believe my anxiety & depression was triggered by surviving sexual abuse for many years starting when I was 4. I won’t lie, it’s hard. Every single day is a a struggle but I’m not alone. & neither are you. Or anyone reading this comment for that matter. My mom helps get me out of bed & gets me out of the house. I don’t know what I’d do without her. But it is so worth it. My biggest dream in life is to be a mother & honestly, that’s what keeps me grounded. I’d love to be able to have kids one day & protect them like I was unable to do for myself. You are so loved Macin, & it’s okay to come home. You have thousands & thousands of people who want to see you come home & be okay. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I’m always here! We can talk & be friends! Especially you Danelle!! Thank you for sharing your story love. Stay strong everyone💕💕
Lindsey Sonnier you are not alone either #;
Lilith Nox Thank you love! You as well😘
TitusValkyrieAnubus Thank you! Nor are you☺️💕
@@lindseydiane6773 is this message for macin cuz he ain’t reading this.
i have trouble believing a guy with social anxiety would hitch hike I have social anxiety and would rather die than get in a car with someone I don't know
I don’t even like to ride with people I do know.
This hit me right in the heart. I'm crying! It's clear that you truly care about the missing people you talk about in your videos. You have a way of humanizing their stories and making it personal. You are doing a great thing in making sure that these missing people are never forgotten!
Julie McLean diddo
Julie McLean
I agree. Danelle is truly sincere. She gives a much-needed voice to the missing and the victims of unsolved murders.
Agreed! Danelle and John Lordan convey genuine care and compassion for the victims and their families in their videos, regardless of what their background may or may not be. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.
So true she doesn't just tell these stories but she feels for them and it makes it so much more realatabe that's why she's my fave ☺
Julie McLean she isn’t the only person doing this, not saying she isn’t doing a good thing and a more relaxed than some others lol! Have you heard of shauna Rae?
I just dont understand if he committed suicide why have we not found his body... I hope he is alive and happy.
If he went into the woods, they probably wouldn't find anything.
Wtf? Is this a serious question? I don't see how anybody could be so clueless!
Not Wednesday ok not Wednesday 🤣
Sometimes people leave with nothing but their privacy. Others need to respect that !
TO MACIN: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOU COULD DO OR COULD HAVE DONE THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR FAMILY STOP LOVING YOU. You can ALWAYS come home. No matter how bad you think it is, it CAN AND WILL get better!!!!!!
Wishing you love, peace and positivity wherever you are. ❤❤❤
caitlin leanna ❤️❤️❤️❤️
❤❤❤❤❤
I can't tell you how often during my PPD I thought "my kid would be better without me, I should just leave." We really should be more open about this stuff so other women don't feel so alone.
Oh, Jolie! I used to think the same thing after I had my daughter. It's incredibly hard and heartbreaking to feel like that.
I got off all drugs after 6 years of every single day using; yeah my son spent a month in a giant hospital, and I got the ppd and didnt even know it. I just attributed it all to missing my drugs. I was so supervised and grieving the loss of my lifestyle not even fully knowing that I was doing that I thought I lost my mind. 3 years. I took 2 trips only my sons father knew of, my mom didnt know till the noght before and till he came home without me; we live in PA and I went to FL and CO. I still have scars from 3 big falls in FL and I never fall, im catlike on my feet and broke my wrist jagged in CO and with my soft cast rolled and scarred on top of the first scar from 6 months prior in FL in another fall. In CO. I was running constantly in my mind, in my home and eventually in really life. You cant breathe all day without getting oxygen like it was insane, all while still NOT on pot in particular, that was my leveling ground where I came to terms with myself and reality in the most harmonious way and tried and got freaked which wasnt me after my son was born and these things probably had an effect but sometimes i think i didnt just brave the high like I did initially soo many years ago, I literally was not used to having a tolerance or not being able to do what I wanted when I smoked, my life fell apart in my eyes. Your videos make me love my son so much from afar when hes NOT around. Since I actually am now. Longest comment I have ever and will ever write. Never got the chance to just tell this like it is before, I like to write so as to get my thoughts in order, out and not forgotten. Cool, thanks guys if anyone actually reads this. Whole thing. Im good now. Just with a different piece in my mind. And in my heart, one could never cooperate without the other in my body. End of this now. Love to ya awwllll 😪😬😏
I suffered with PPD as well. Many times I sat and cried and thought my daughter would be better off without me. I even went so far as to attempt suicide. I hope and pray that these stories of women like us open up more and more!
I hope this young man is safe and comes home
Macin, if you come across this video and just so happen to see these comments, we all want you to know that you are 100000% not alone. Your family loves you and misses you so much, there are so many people like me that know how you feel, and we need you to make the brave decision to get back home to your family. I know many other people can relate to this. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a very long time and I understand the feeling of just wanting to up and leave it all behind. You are not alone Macin
lina elise Exactly. I love your message and I think this I something he really needs to know. He is not alone
Also, I wish more young people would reach out like you have done.
He ran away for a reason.
@@Deenique16 Something we don't exactly know happened, but hope it did.
@@Deenique16 probably yes, but this is not way to do it.
I don't know if this is true but maybe the issues with his dad ran deeper than people realize. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, and maybe he grew resentful towards his mom for staying in that situation.
My step dad was super abusive and I thought he was going to kill my mom and I on several occasions, and every time I tried to talk to my mom about what I was feeling she would brush me off. I remember telling her I wanted to talk to a therapist because I was depressed, suicidal, and cutting myself and her exact words were "what do you have to be depressed over? You're not depressed you have a good life.". That was the day after my step dad grabbed her by the throat and said "I'm going to fucking kill you, bitch" right in front of me, then he came after me. Nobody else knew what was going on, and by the time I opened up to my guidance counselor she told me that I was too old for the law to do anything for me but I wasn't 18 yet so I just had to stick it out. I grew so resentful towards my mom. I hated her and my step dad. It's been 5 years and we still don't talk. I left three days before my 18th birthday and finished the last three months of high school living in my boyfriends car.
I really hate that for you. I have some advice...albeit a little intrusive...nevertheless levelheaded...my mom and I had a horrendous relationship. I was given up for adoption at age 4...abused mentally and physically for a decade. Ran away to be back with my mom who gave me no form of support. Been raising myself since 15 years old. However i love my mom to death now. Im older and have my own children. I do my best not to mess up with them, how she messed up with me. You only get one mom. Make things right before you no longer have the option to.
I can so relate to this. My step dad was a monster too and my mom was a covert narcissist (only thought about herself). When he tried to molest me, I told her and she kicked me out. I lived with friends until I could graduate. I hated them both (she divorced him a year later), and cut off contact with my mom til I had kids and felt they needed family. I regret this as she was still deranged and altho I was able to protect my kids from her psychological abuse, I got sucked back in. Twelve years later I cut her off again; she's totally hopeless. That was 5 years ago, and while I feel sad for her, and for myself not having a family (my siblings are still locked in), my kids tell me how glad they are that we are free of it and I do feel so much more peace.
I hope your situation is different, but if its not and you have to stay away, good for you for standing up for yourself when she didn't. ♥️
Lol I had a drunk abusive father and he had a very turbulent relationship with my mother as well and she said pretty much that exact same thing when I told her I was depressed when I was around 12. "What do you have to be depressed about??" Lol wtf...umm how about my extremely miserable life if you haven't noticed it yet?
I can SOOOO relate!!!! You're not the only one Erica! Mine ran out of the house at the end of a gun that her 3rd husband was holding. I was like 9 or 8 & she didn't even bother to try & take me. I wish I could not think about that but it was important. I hope you can feel better Erica. I feel like this stuff can stay with you your entire life!
That sounds like me. My step dad wasn’t very violent but he was very emotionally and verbally abusive and my mom did nothing to stop the way he acted. He made my mom not talk to her family and start to hate me. I haven’t talked to my mom in almost a year.
Thank you for trusting us and for being vulnerable by sharing your story. It’s important that people hear these examples we’ve experienced so they can get the bigger picture.
Diddo
Macin....you’re not alone. You have tons of people who just want you to be safe. Reach out to someone...anyone
I saw a documentary on this, his parents were strict Mormons, and according to the doc he was questioning the faith and his father was angry about that. I don't know how true any of it is, but in my opinion, no one should be forced to participate in religious beliefs. I know lots of parents mean well but sometimes they just suffocate their kids with their overzealousness.
i was forced into being mormon growing up. it’s super common for parents to force their children into religion especially if they live in Utah. it’s highly likely the pressure of the religion and combination of social anxiety and depression drove him out.
Buildinglifeconfidence Never knew this, but that would make sense that he wanted to just disappear then. Perhaps it wasn’t a suicide note just a “Note of intent” in the sense of he no longer wanted to be forced into Mormonism..... Adds a new theory for sure.
Religion is the root of all evil
Yeah in Utah especially the part I live in, Mormonity is very popular and very strict and a lot of high schoolers who are forced strictly mormon tend to smoke weed do drugs and commit suicide
I used to watch a show where ex members of a religion in salt lake city would help people escape, wonder if it's the same case here
My trigger once was a package of cream cheese.
I came home after a crappy day, looking forward to baking up a magnificent dessert, as it was a hobby that let me relax, feel productive and capable.
The recipe required a box of cream cheese, that I specifically told my (albeit abusive) ex NOT to use. He used it and told me he did it because "it wasn't actually important, didn't matter" and ignored me.
I just got up and left. As Danelle said, I wasn't going anywhere. I was just GOING. I wanted to be GONE. No keys, no purse. Just me.
That makes sense. You were in a horrible relationship. Hope you are free and happy now. ::)
Mine was a piece of stake flying off my plate and landing on the floor while cutting it up. Looking back it was ridiculous tho be so upset about steak but it wasn't the stake it was so much more, it was the tipping point
Macon went to an LDS church. After high school they typically leave on a mission away from home. They spend quite a bit of time preparing for this mission in the year before. That would have been at the time he disappeared. Can you imagine the fear you would have of leaving home, knocking on people’s doors, rejection and doing this with a problem with his speech and social anxiety?
Lottie McDaniels I didn't know it was an lds church. That is an interesting factor.
I wish my depression would go away, but it’s chronic. All I can hope is that one day everything won’t be as terrible.
Either way we are ALL here for you regardless❤️
I hope for you it does. I hate to be a cliche and say it will but it did for me and it's not perfect but it's gotten better. I hope for you nothing but happiness
It’s crazy how it comes and goes sometimes isn’t it. I will feel great for a month straight, the world is great, my life is great, everything is going smoothly, and one day I’ll wake up and it has hit me like a truck. Going about my day and every little thing has me saying “What’s the point in this? Idc about any of this shit. I can’t do anything right, I hate everyone, everyone just leave me alone” and unfortunately the bad lasts longer than the good. Sometimes for a few months or years. I wonder if it will ever go away
Thank you everyone, I’m glad in this community we can sympathize instead of ostracize. I know it will get better, slowly but surely. Even if it isn’t completely gone it won’t plague me as much.
❤️
I wonder what happened to him.
I actually sat next to him in our Film class a couple times.
what was he like?
Are you sure you're not him.
@@nuttybar9 yes
@@ArcticSounds hahahaa i like the videos you posted.
Could not comment there.
..came back here.
Need a hand? ...
Hahahhaaaa! Ohhhhmygawd!
I lost it. Haven't laught like that in a while.
Thanks!
No disrespect to Original content and the story of time of Macin. 💜
@@SpinningSage lol thanks man
The fact that the parents won't reveal what the note said may indicate that Macin confessed something which would bring him or his parents embarrassment if it were made public. Maybe he told his family he was gay, or having gender identity issues, or something that can cause people deep shame, and this is why he ran away or killed himself. It could follow that if he were alive, he may be too ashamed to ever come home again..
Lady Contessa
Yes, you could be right about being gay. But how do we know Macin even wrote the letter?
they wouldn't reveal what it said to the public I didn't hear her say they didn't make LEO aware of it.
I thought the same thing. I'm ASSUMING they're Mormon(I think they hate that term now but I dont know the correct one) given their family size, where they live, and the religious factor. That is a HUGE sin in the Mormon faith. That could definitely be a reason for leaving🤔
Or maybe they just did it out of respect for their son. Because he probably would want it to be private.
He may have had other money hidden away. My little brother shocked my entire family when he was about Macin's age by buying a brand new gaming PC worth over $1000. He'd just squirreled away birthday money, Christmas money and bits of his allowance for YEARS. None of us knew he was saving like that, as he was still buying games and fast food, and all the normal things a 17 year old kid would buy. He seemed to have the spending habits of a normal teenager. Sometimes even close family don't know howuch money someone has hidden away.
anny05 i thought the same thing.. if he had plans of running away he could’ve been sneaky about bidding money aside and no one will ever know
I was thinking that too. Theres endless possibilities. Plus if he didnt want people knowing he was leaving he wouldnt have wanted anyone to know he had money
anny05
Baloney. Read my comment below.
Laura Peters
Please read below.
SM Potts I can't find your comment. You know comments doesn't stay in one place always, they change depending on popularity.
I cannot even fathom how this boy was feeling, but at the same time I relate to it so much. My heart absolutely goes out to this family.
I’ve been at my lowest before. It literally drives you crazy. I remember sitting in my driveway and looking over at the street. I remember thinking, “it’s right there. I could end it all right now “. It’s a terrible feeling knowing that you’re that upset and messed up to want to end your life. It’s never happened again but I’ll never forget that feeling
So when I was a teenager I was horrible. I mean I was rebellious, nasty to my parents, never went to school, etc. tiny things would set me off and one Day I looked into how to disappear without a trace. A common thread with everything I read was “leave everything behind including your personal belongings (wallet, clothes, etc)”
Advice was to stash money away no one would know where it is or that you had it so once you were ready to leave you could leave your wallet, take the secret stash, and no one would have any idea. If he really was planning it that long he more than likely already knew this. That day was probably the day he made the decision to leave which isn’t an easy decision which explains why he was off. He had a lot going on in his head. Using his computer that late was most likely him planning his route, polishing up the last few details, and survival techniques. I don’t think him having his stuff taken made him snap. He most likely heard his dad coming, cleared his history, and opened up something his dad wouldn’t be suspicious of. Which is why when it was taken Macin was fine with it because he knew that he would be leaving the next morning anyway and would have to leave it behind. Then morning came and he left. If he was truly the one spotted walking aaay from his home at 3pm I also wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to come home, got to the door, said to himself “it’s now or never” and turned around and left.
As for someone picking up a hitchhiker if they’re not from the area and aren’t into cases like these/don’t watch tv then I wouldn’t be shocked if they never knew he was a missing kid. I mean I never knew about him until today when I started binging unsolved cases.
If he was planning on going to California the sightings in Vegas and of him hitch hiking to vegas makes a ton of sense.
I think he’s alive and well. But just living on his own somewhere else, completely starting over like I wanted to so many times. He will reach out one day. I’m sure of it. I think he just needs to get to that place himself.
Another thing is if he is gomelsss living at the coast of California he most likely doesn’t look the same. He’s probably tan, rugged, skinnier, longer hair, unkempt. I’m sure it would be very hard for someone to recognize him. Especially if he purposely changes the way he looks (another tip I got from my research when I was younger).
My thoughts and positive energy are with hI’m and his family ❤️
Hannah Snickers
Gee, where is this Shangrila of a homeless encampment?
So did you leave? There are comments here about someone's brother who saved up a thousand dollars, and nobody knew..........Did HE take off! No. He bought an X Box to play video games, like Macin would have.
Macin was in his room as much as possible. He was afraid to drive. He had no stash.
He left with no wallet, no ID, No phone, NO BACKPACK, no food, no sleeping bag, NO COAT....
He took off a year or so esrlier, for the same reason,
AND HAD ALL of the above, and came home in 3 hours because he was cold.
It was September in Utah, and he took off in just his shirtsleeves?
Is there ANYBODY WHO'S ACTUALLY LIVED IN ONE OF THESE PLACES FOR A LENGTH OF TIME? HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ANYBODY.
These places are full of homeless people who are broke, mentally ill, criminals, etc...These places are NOT
DISNEYLAND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. They are not a nice calm environment where everything is all good. They are usually dirty, and not a place that makes ONE tiny bit of sense for him to hide out. There must be a reward. THERE ARE NO HOMELESS PEOPLE THAT NEED MONEY?
He's been gone 3 years, and he's just hanging out.
Since this is the concensus, WHY isn't Tracey out there searching and LIVING in one of those places herself? Uh huh. O.J. Simpson said he'd search for his wife's killer for the rest of his life! Interesting he thought it would take that long......
SM Potts how did you know he doesn’t have stash??? Like if you would tell it if you’re planning to runaway. Come on, she’s just sharing her POV. Let’s just pray for this kid that he’s all fine.
I have chronic anxiety and can't drive more than 5 miles from my house. I've been like this for nearly a decade. However I've recently started feeling depressed for the first time I my life. I think daily of just driving on and on instead of going to work. Regardless of my anxiety my son is THE ONLY thing that keeps me from completely disappearing. He didn't have that. It's amazing what you can overcome when you're at your wits end.
SM Potts YOU’RE SUCH A TROLL!!
The place you're looking for is Slab City, California. @@smpotts7640
oh my god the part about how they had cake and balloons for him on his 18th birthday just destroyed me. i can never even begin to imagine what they have to go through on a daily basis. thank you so much for sharing his story and keeping him alive.
Oh Danelle, I feel for you, cause I understand. I had post partum with all 3 of my boys. One of them it was really bad, I was so lost. I don't want to say too much on here, but know you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here. I know you get a lot of people that come on here, but know we are here for you. For a long time I turned to heroin, it was the only way I knew how to cope. I have 3 years off of it, it has been very hard, and I struggle today, but today I get to make better choices, and let someone know when I am feeling like I can't take it anymore.
I am only half way through this video, but I do hope theere is some peace with his family. I have 3 boys and I could not even fathom not knowing what happen to my child.
I am so proud of you! You are such a beautiful woman, and I can tell you have a genuine soul. We LOVE and adore you. You will always have my support.
I hope he's still out there 💙💙
My heart aches for Macin, I understand him and i do think and hope that he ran away. Macim, if you come across this video and see this, please know that your return could mean nothing but relief and happiness for your family if that's what you're worried about. we ALL want you to return safe
karla same thoughts completely
Mental illness is not a joke, unfortunately people who have not directly or indirectly dealt with it will never understand it.
Hey Macin, if you are watching this video and reading this comment, fellow anime fanatic here supporting you in spirit!
ive got mad depression and suicis=dal thoughts and I joke about it all the time. it's calling a coping method lol
Hey there! I love Anime too. I hope Macin is happy whatever he is right now. Maybe he's watching Anime at this time too.
totally agree, people who have not dealt with it or watched a love one deal with it and seen the struggles and see that its real, can not understand...they act like it is just someone that can't handle stress or a made up thing...but its not.
@@cookingwithmama2523 you sound like people who haven't experienced mental illness themselves or through other people are all jerks to people with mental illness. That is obviously not true. You *can* understand it to a certain point, even if you've never experienced it.
@@Lilithly I have actually I had a nephew commit suicide because of it and I myself have had bad depression/anxiety that I need medication to control. I have been there wondering what is wrong with me. Tried to go off meds multiple times thinking "I feel better now" try to drown it out in alchy, I was talking from my pwn feelings. People tend to treat people with depression from my perspective as just someone that can't deal with the stress, and its not. I have tried everything before finally admitting I needed outside help.
I can relate to him so much.... do you ever wish you knew someone and could go back in time to help them? That’s how I feel about this case. I pray that someday he comes home.
25:05 - Yes people would "just run away" without telling their family, and no, I am sorry but it is not heartless. The fact people say it is, they should consider it a luxury they were never in a place where that was actually the healthy choice for them. Sometimes, it's between suicide, and running away without the possibility of your family coming after you. Your family can love you and "want the best for you," all by being the most toxic people in your life without realizing it. I don't think this kid is dead, I think he left to save himself. And all of these comments are selfish, telling him to "go back home because your family loves you" -- What about what HE wants, what about the love he has for himself? That's the issue with people, they are always concerned with how they are affected, they make everything about them, and dehumanize the emotions of the one's experiencing them. All that person wants is to be understood, they are far past caring what *you* want. Why don't we try listening and understanding people, and letting them be free? I hope he has found the peace he was looking for.
Cole S he's a child. I disagree with you Cole.
18 isn't a child. A child can be abused and want to be free. Welcome to reality. When I was 14 my mom said she'd put me down like a dog if it was legal then pretended to care and Be a victim when I tried to off myself. Lmao welcome to reality. Some "families" are shitty, and being a child or not, no one should be abused. PERIOD.
Interesting perspective. This actually helps me to feel less hurt when people leave my life or disappear without warning. You’re right. We are always concerned with how the behavior affected us, when in reality we just don’t know what another person is struggling with.
This!
You explained the depression that I have felt so good in your situation I never was able to explain how I feel in words. I get depression on and off a lot but I push myself so hard to get these things off my mind thank you
❤️
Skylar Verica The way she explained it was in a way I couldn't pit into words but was so relatable. Love her. Sending love and support to you as well xxxxxxx
People only lack confidence in environments they dont like. Believe me even the shy most socially awkward people are extroverts when with friends isn’t a comfortable place.
Very good point!
Danelle Hallan im hoping he just felt free and comfortable enough to go join a homeless community. I mean lots of anime center around this plot. A young misunderstood teen who different from mainstream society and makes friends with unlikely characters. Maybe that’s what he wanted.
I agree.
I disagree. Self confidence is especially impacted when they REALLY like someone.
For example, a first date, a job interview, in a group of people you really like, and who like you. Even being in love, and loved back
can cause performance anxiety in situations where there is actually something at stake.
Benji I appreciate the kindness of your original comment and so I hope you read this in the same kindness, but i very much disagree with you. I'm a very confident and happy person, I am a good speaker, and I get along well with others. I have social anxiety, and on that case I do agree with you to an extent. That anxiety will mostly go away for me in the right group. But even with people I love and who love me, I get anxiety if I'm with more than one person. But an introvert is an introvert. An extrovert is an extrovert. As an introvert I have often found myself saying that I think everyone would be an introvert if they were comfortable with themselves, because they wouldn't need other people to distract them or hide behind. In time, I have come to the conclusion that this is not so. An introvert feels refreshed by being alone. And extrovert feels refreshed being with others. When you fit into one of these categories it can be hard to understand how anyone could possibly fit into the other. I can hardly wrap my brain around the idea of people being refreshed after spending time with others. I love people and I'm very confident in who I am as a person. But I will always be an introvert, because it's how my batteries recharge. I hope that makes some sens 😁
ive been pretty severely depressed for several years. i very much understand both his story and yours. people need to understand that its not “they took away my anime so im gonna run away” or “i cant go to target so im gonna run away” its “i cant distract myself from the repetitive and intense pain and suicidal thoughts in my brain, if i dont try to get out of it somehow im going to end up killing myself”.
bruised leg I love you. You summed it up perfectly.
You are SO strong Danelle. To put yourself out there to help people understand how scary and how very real and strong depression and mental illness can be. I had my first baby boy last year and my PPD was so bad I wanted nothing more than to disappear. Leave my husband and newborn and I can’t even begin to explain why. Thank you SO much for speaking out not only for the case, or helping people understand, but to help anyone who’s been there- through it. You’re amazing as well as your content! 💖 stay strong mama.
Brittany
I very rarely comment on videos but I felt so compelled to say this. Your personal experience hit me so hard. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life and I also experienced postpartum depression with both of my children. You’re so brave and strong for standing up for those who can no longer stand up for themselves. This video is one of the many reasons why I love your channel and your videos. ❤️
I’m so sorry you have to struggle with these things. It is so damn hard❤️ I wish you only the best!
This case hits me so hard too, I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 12 and there’s been so many times where I wanted to just end it all and escape & I can see why Macin and Renny could’ve possibly ran away and start over 😔 it’s such a hard thing to go through, you feel like you’re causing so much trouble for everyone and leaving will make it better. Ughhhh I relate too much 💔
I feel this. It is so hard going through it but somehow almost harder to see someone else go through it with something like Macins story.
Seriously, Danelle, you are the BEST missing person/mystery RUclipsr. Thank you for having the heart to share something so personal in order to better relate to this poor boy and to all of us.
I have never actually wanted to kill myself, but I have been in a bad place a few times during pivotal & heartbreaking moments of my life, and I understand this depression. While you want someone to understand, it feels like nobody does regardless of how much they sympathize and put an arm around you. I can think of times when I would just sit and tears would just keep running hot down my face and I didn’t know how to make it stop. The pain of hopelessness is destroying.
I hope he is found; I hope he is out there and can see how many people DO know what managing these sorts of emotions can do to a person, how the weight of doing so can be suffocating - but that it is possible with the right support system. And I hope he can see that he isn’t alone. Although it’s still not where it should be, I’m grateful that mental health awareness is starting to finally become a thing.
Macin might have had online friends tho that no one knew about.. I have made a couple of very great friends that none of my family or even irl friends knows about over the internet. As someone who suffers from social anxiety it is easier to make friends over the internet, maybe he found someone in the anime community. If one of those friends helped him for one reason or another to get away, it's very much possible that he ran away and is still alive, somewhere out there living another life.
He was all alome here
I have a feeling in my gut at the end when you said there was a high probability of him commiting suicide.. I just know he’s out there. I don’t think he’s passed yet. Gosh now I’m crying too... he reminds me of my cousin
Before I address the heavier things of this video, I want to give you something extra nice. I am loving your new editing style. I love the added clips and stock footage. I know it's probably extra work but I think it definitely pays off.
And now I'll say I'm sending you hugs across the interwebs. I've never had postpartum, but I do have clinical depression and severe anxiety. I've been in-patient for passive suicidal ideation where I just stopped caring about taking care of myself. I understand exactly what you mean. I've been there and it's the scariest thing. You aren't yourself but you're hearing these thoughts that your mental illness is feeding you and you believe them. I think it's why brain-washing and cults scare the living crap out of me. My mind has already been its own prisoner; I can't imagine giving a twisted human being that sort of power.
Your passion is as evident as always. I think it's safe to say you've found your purpose in life. You truly care. I always look forward to your videos despite the tragedy that might come with them. You keep them alive. Again, more hugs and I can't wait for the next video.
Mary-Allyn F you’re not alone either In case no one has told you lately. Depression can run so deep even a simple shower can deplete every ounce of energy you had for the day. Even the cleanest people who get depressed are susceptible to this so it can happen to anyone. #;
Everyone in this comment section and community is so incredibly sweet. I posted about my own postpartum depression story, after Danelle made me feel comfortable enough to share it, and was scared to death that someone would make fun of me or down me for it. But to my happy surprise, [so far] all I've gotten is support, sympathy, love, encouragement, understanding and kindness... which is such a rare thing to find on the internet nowadays. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate every single person here who continuously shows their kindness, even to random strangers sharing comments on RUclips. It's so inspiring. Makes me so proud to be apart of this little space/family on the internet. And thank you, Danelle... for being such a wonderful influence and for always reminding everyone to keep it kind and respectful. That doesn't go unnoticed.
I hope everyone and their families are safe and well!
Raegan Vaughn ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹
Raegan Vaughn You're honestly so sweet♡
I love your name it's so pretty
Raegan, this channel seems very supportive. I didn't suffer PPD with my daughter but the time before and after my divorce my depression was dabilatating. You feel like you are lost. Raegan, I hope you are doing well. After about 3 years I feel alive again and I'm ready to start over...take care
Raegan Vaughn you’re not alone. I had PPD with my second and the more we moms share about it the more we can support each other.
I’m so glad you did this video for Macin! I live in Salt Lake City Utah and I’ve been following the story and his FB page since the month he went missing. Reading his mom’s daily posts on the FB page has been so incredibly sad yet eye opening. I have a teenage son and when I try to put myself in her shoes I just feel so helpless. My heart really goes out to her and I just really hope for her and the entire family to get some answers, closure and peace ver soon. You are doing amazing work with these videos and bringing awareness to these cases. I appreciate you sharing your story and experiences as well.
I'm in Orem, with family in St. George. I was downtown in SLC at a doctor's appointment the first time I saw a billboard with Macin's case. I started crying on the spot. I just hope and pray somehow his family someday gets answers. His poor mom.
Is it possible he ran away back to Canada?
I totally don’t believe he committed suicide. He’s definitely alive somewhere.
I was bullied from preschool till 8th grade. I was diagnosed with depression and when I opened up to my parents, my dad said "maybe you were the reason people bullied you" this hit me so hard. a couple days after I grabbed a knife and was so close to killing myself with it. I 100% understand what he's going through. Its so hard when people just don't understand.
Saya N glad you are still here 💜
I am too, thank you(':
Danelle this has been by FAR my favorite case you’ve done. You shared your heart, opened up your soul and stood for what you feel is right no matter the consequences. I deeply respect this! This case hit home for me as well for MANY MANY MANY personal reasons and I too feel NO ONE EVER has the right to judge another when it comes to mental health especially!!! We don’t know what they suffer with! I have chronic depression and have since childhood not knowing it until I turned 30 after going through mass therapy and a horrendous breakdown. I have PTSD (have been diagnosed by multiple therapists in different states) from hardships growing up to sexual abuse as a teenager. I get pretty messed up in the head!!! I know all too well what it’s like to go so crazy inside your head that your thoughts & feelings are physically suffocating you! I battle with suicide and have since childhood. I honestly thought that was a normal thing- to loathe yourself! To feel so distorted compared to others- NEVER ENOUGH is my main struggle. Even years down the road being a mother of 5 I thought maybe I’d get passed the instability but the reality is it can switch it on with the simplest little TRIGGER. No one understands this mentality until they’ve lived it themselves! My heart aches for this young man. I too had a speech impediment growing up and got teased all the time and bullied for that and for my last name. I still have issues to this day even after over 17 yrs of marriage and the intense anxiety it brings up when ppl talk about my maiden name. Kids are so so cruel!!! I don’t really know what to think about this other than I do wonder if he wrote that letter just to get his feelings off his chest cause it is very therapeutic to do so. Also that maybe he did plan on taking a break from school that day and maybe on his way back home he became suffocated with his thoughts and feelings that connected to living at home and decided enough was enough and just left? This would explain leaving his wallet, etc. He wasn’t planning on leaving for good but ended up doing it. I hope he didn’t commit suicide but sadly yes it is an option although I feel they would’ve found him with being so tall. He could be walking far distances and staying off any grid for all we know. He wouldn’t have to hitchhike necessarily. Also does anyone know for sure he didn’t have cash on him? You don’t need your walled to carry cash in your pocket. Just my thoughts.
Sarah Swanger
He left with no wallet, no money, (he had no job,etc) no phone, no jacket, without his backpack, he's in shirtsleeves, walking great distances off the grid?
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I'm still in the process of watching but I'm already very moved and appreciative that you're giving this case the attention it needs. We need to end bullying and treat each other with love and compassion.
so super proud of just being part of your journey, this video meant a lot to me and you worded so perfectly something a lot of people have struggled to put into words, thank you ❤
Macin, I know what it feels like to feel like you do not belong, you don't fit in. To feel isolated in your own head. The space between out ears can be dark and lonely, but it is not forever, it will ge better. And I have no doubt by everything they have done to try and bring you home that you are loved, you are loved deeply and so much more then you will ever know.
THANK YOU for sharing your personal story. You nailed it saying you have no clue what depression - PTSD - etc is until you go through it. I also know how it is to sympathize with someone who seems “crazy.” I almost walked away from everything also. I can’t explain what exactly happened but I was sitting at work going thru my day.. all of a sudden it was like a switch just clicked .. I got up - walked out the door - went home and laid on the couch for 2 days until I finally tried to end my life. What came after was even harder to deal with. All the medication ... it only gave me suicidal ideation aNd make me have conversations with people that were not there. Awful! I’m SO very sorry you also have your own story. I only say all this for the thousands that will read your comments to tell them they are not alone. Unfortunately - there are too many of us.
I think that description is really succinct. I thought bring sad was depression until I actually became clinically depressed. It's so different. It feels just like a switch in your brain and the scariest part is not knowing how to switch it back or when if will flip again.
I live in Northern California. there’s a huge homeless population here. There’s encampments under highways and along the rivers. I’ll keep his face in mind. We aren’t a far trek Salt Lake City. Hope he is found very soon...
Macin if you are reading this know you are loved and missed!
Thank you for sharing. Damn right. Nothing infuriates me more than people thinking they know how someone will feel, behave or how deeply even the smallest things can affect people when they are already in a dark state of mind. People think they know it all. Like you said, unless you’ve felt it you can never ever know how horrible it really feels and you can’t say you wouldn’t do this or you wouldn’t do that. It’s not you’re rational mind doing the thinking. You’re just trying to not hurt anymore, to escape the cage you’re trapped in.
No one is worse off than anyone else. It just affects different people in different ways and some are more skilled at concealing it than others.
Man, this was powerful and so beyond REAL.
-Macin: you’re perfect just the way you are. Nothing you think or feel is in any way wrong! Your parents love you! I hope you’re out there kid, but if not, I hope you’re at peace soaring thru the sky. 🌹💫✨
you’re FAR from alone! ❤️
The fact that Macin took nothing with him really alarms me. I think he may have committed suicide. One is only left to speculate. This story is so sad. Macin if you are still out there PLEASE know you are NOT alone. Your family loves and misses you. (Did the police investigate his dad? Could his father been behind this? I doubt it. But just crazy to disappear without a trace!) Danielle, THANK you for opening up and sharing your story about post partum depression.
To Macin: as a mama of 2 boys (one named Mason) know you are so loved. There is nothing you could say or do to have people not want you in their lives. Hoping and praying you are safe and well. All the love.
I watched the documentary on him a year ago. I cried myself to sleep for his pain and his family's. Since then I've followed his story. I look for him everywhere in San Francisco. I've even practiced not saying a word to him and not scare him off, just silently recording for confirmation. As a mother, I cannot imagine how his mom feels. Mental illness is no joke and is difficult for many to understand. It's a real disease that doesn't discriminate against age or background. I just wish he knew how loved he is by not just his family but thousands that know his story including myself 😭❤
you are such an amazing person
Macin, you matter. Danelle, you matter. You reading this, you matter.
A. T. That actually made me cry because I've been having a hard time lately and I've haven't had anyone tell me I'm important to them lately, so thank you.
S. Ramji please stay strong!! We've all been through it ❤
Thank you,I needed to hear I matter as well.
You are so strong for telling your story. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and you being open about your situation is so inspiring and helpful. Thank you for all you do!
You have such a big heart Danelle and I really appreciate you telling your story. I know its hard, but you sharing has the potential to help others and thats really beautiful. Thank you for shedding light on mental illness because it really is so important.
Thank you so much for humanizing mental illness. You are strong.
I had postpartum and my daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia...I was a single mom living 5 hours away from my home in the hospital with her and I literally packed my bags went to the bus station and was ready to catch the next bus out leaving her at the hospital with a family member watching her...it was such a trapped feeling I couldn't take it but I'm so happy I didn't...I 100% understand feeling like you have no other choice it's a crippling feeling :(
Jesus, I can relate to this kid so much. Bullied severely as a child, afraid of driving, finding solace in fiction...I even saw someone suggest he may have had undiagnosed autism, and coincidentally I just got diagnosed with that for the first time in my life (I'm 27). I'm skeptical about it, but the point is, we need to take mental illness more seriously, along with bullying. The way schools and others treat it is absolutely sickening. It MATTERS, and rotten brats who set out to torment others need to be disciplined. I've been saying that for years. Thank you so much for bringing light and attention to that, Danelle. I have no doubt that was a big start for the path he went down, even if he was eventually able to go to another school.
I remember two years ago, I was so severely depressed I couldn’t get up in the morning and I missed college for weeks and weeks, but I was so scared that my parents would find out (my dad works night shift and would wake up around 2-3pm) that I would leave the house and hide my book bag in the recycling bins and just walk around my town aimlessly four hours until I was due home and pretend I had a full day at college when I could’ve just went. I thought about running away several times, I was so so so ashamed of myself; of the lies that kept building up, the guilt, and just the general feeling so fucking unhappy with everything and that I was just annoying everyone.
And it sucks, it fucking sucks when I tell this story sometimes, when I open up I get laughed at or told that I just being dramatic, not all the time but enough. It was the worst time of my life and the fact that other people can’t sympathise with acting insane for a moment in time just purely because you can’t cope with life is sometimes the worst part of it.
So I feel for Macin, I really do. I hope he’s safe, I really hope that he tried for a happier, carefree life than taking his own life. I hope he’s happy, where ever he is.
Thanks for opening up Danelle, it really does help open up more the conversation of mental illness and being more thoughtful and compassionate towards certain cases. ✨❤️ you are such a lovely person, I know it took it a lot to bring it up and I sobbed through most of the video afterwards so thank you
I am a sixteen year old girl from Greece and Macin's story has touched a chord with me. Macin I hope you are somewhere out there, safe, living your life the way you always wanted... Regardless of what the situation was before you went missing, you now have touched a lot of people who feel for you and are worried about your well being. Let them know you are OK, please! Just that!
this really hit home for me as well. i was the exact same in middle school, it was a horrible time. every detail really gets to me because i lived through that!! even the parents unplugging the internet at night. wow
thank you Danelle for shedding light on these cases -- it was touching to hear your story
Absolutely beautifully done Danelle. This is truly a heartbreaking case. And it further brings awareness to mental health. So many do not get the help they need and stories like this are the consequence. There needs to be emphasis placed on knowing the signs of mental illness so that as friends, family, and the community we can reach out and prevent people like this sweet boy from feeling so alone.
Could there be that maybe he had a bag packed and money stored away that no one knew about?
Billie Bell That’s what I was thinking. How would they know?
Hello Macin! I´m Georgina, nice to virtually meet you sweetie. I hope that if you read this it´ll help you out in any way possible. I´m almost 24, the 10th of February yep, 24! Can you believe that?! The thing is that for me...my life was supposed to end a long time ago when I was 12 years old. Yep, so being almost 24 is quite a long time for me being quite honest. Your story Macin hit home for me, it really did in so many ways. Macin, I really want to tell you I´ve finally decided to tell my mom about my suicidal thoughts/depression & dark thoughts I´ve been having. 2017 for me was the breaking point. It was a really HARD year for me mentally/emotionally & when I told my mom...we cried togther & she told me we´ll get help for me. It´s been almost 2 months now since I told her & next week I find out my appointment with a psychitrist. Honestly, not going to lie, I´m freaking out & nervous because I never thought I´ll have to seek professional help before I do something you know. So, Macin, if you happen to come across my long message, hehee I just want to let you know that I Love You, dearly. I really do. That everything is going to be okay I hate saying that but, I believe, me a woman that wasn´t supposed to be alive now...to tell you this love, I really do mean it. Mental Health is not viewed as something real & people say, ``oh, you´ll get over it´´ or ``it´s nothing, you´re not the only going through things´´ SUCKS. It really does piss me off that society shrug it off as something nonexistant. You know what Macin, me & you buddy, we can overcome this together! If anything, you can send me a message or anything, I´m here. Even if everyone is against you sweetie, trust me when I say this, I´m here for you Macin. Lots of love from Brazil!
& Danelle, thank you for making this video & sharing your story...I really do appreciate & you have no idea how much it has helped me. In so many ways, hionestly. Thank you for also letting say something directly to Macin, I really do believe he´s out there & I hope that if he sees your video...oh gosh! I´m crying...you´ll really touch his heart & soul with your beautiful spirit & honesty not just in this video but all your videos. Sening lots of love from Brazil!
I am hysterical reading this. I have So so so much love for you❤️
Oh my gosh! That´s SO SWEET & KIND of you to say. :] Thank you!!! Ahh, I´m So emotional & really, thank you Danelle. Truly.
Does my old heart good to see such love between these ladies. Your openness is your strength.
"Do his anime."
I laughed at this myself honestly while editing lmao
It’s the most “mom” statement 😂
that story you shared really spoke to me, thank you for sharing, that must've taken a lot. everyone has their escapes during difficult times. your's was target, macin's was anime, mine is talking to my best friend. you can never understand what it's like to be in such a dark place, but have that one little thing that just takes your mind off it for a while, or alleviates the darkness even for a little while, and then suddenly that's taken away. it might seem so insignificant and small to someone else, but in that moment it truly feels like the end of the world. if i wasn't able to contact any of my online friends for more than a few hours a day i would genuinely break apart. someone could say 'oh well you can speak to them tomorrow' but unless i know that for certain, and have prepared myself for that absence for a few days, not being able to talk to a friend unexpectedly for a prolonged amount of time would significantly hurt my mental state.
i can completely see how he might've just ran off to try and escape, to chase this dream of california, to try and escape this dependence on anime and this darkness that he needed anime to escape - if he could outrun the darkness, he could outrun his need for constant anime consumption. maybe he felt ashamed of how dependent on it he was. i know i've often felt ashamed at my dependence on my closest friends, especially since it affects them in the long run. he mightve thought he looked incapable and immature for needing anime to feel okay, and wanted to escape all that, and the only way he could think of was to run away, leave everything behind, and just seek out something better.
this breaks my heart that he didn't get more support and help and understanding when he was suffering, but then how could anyone really know or expect this. you can't, and that's what makes it so sad.
Thank you for sharing your story of post-partum depression. I’ve struggled with depression since I was a young teenager and experienced postpartum depression after having my daughters. There is no understanding unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
I live in Southern California and there are so many homeless encampments everywhere. If his dream was to be a carefree beach bum he could totally do that here. Many homeless folks settle near the beaches, young and old people alike. And unfortunately many seem to experience mental illness.I hope if he is out there he gets in touch with his parents to at least let them know he’s alive.
I walked when I was 16. Three days before my 17th birthday. I was a straight A student with an amazing job and boyfriend. I was gone for 10 days before they found me. Everyone thought I was kidnapped or dead because “Lesa wouldn’t run away “. I was in a very bad mental state
Even when I was 18 my bedtime was 10pm and that's when my phone had to be downstairs with my dad. It was so unbelievably annoying that I started leaving an old iPod as a decoy so that I could stay up on my phone and he never even found out that the iPod wasn't my real phone 😂😭😂
100% something I would have done, lol.
Macin, I've thought about you so often since I saw the Disappeared episode. I am sorry that you were having such a hard time, and that you felt you had to escape. I hated school too. I loved learning, but I am not a people person. Also, people in general are often intimidated by smart people - teenagers even more so.
The thing I can tell you though is that the real world is sooo different from high school. As an adult, you are free to watch anime every day; free to travel; and free to socialise as little as you want to. I hope that you are content now, and doing okay.
If you could though, even one phone call to the police to let them know you are safe would be wonderful for your family. Since you are over 18 the police cannot tell your parents where you are, but they can tell them that you are safe.
May God bless you. We care.
Thank you for sharing! You are an amazing person and mother! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel any different! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this wisdom and vulnerability.
Dear Macin,
I am a 32 yr. woman who’s lives in the Midwest that grew up facing every stereotype comes with this label and I’m hearing your story for the first time. The first thing I want to say to you is everything that you are feeling or have felt in the past, the decisions you’ve maybe made that you could potentially harbor guilt for, DESPITE everything the media, those who love those who you’ve trusted enough to open up to, what you’ve read possibly on social media or by googling, EVERY emotion and thought you have is completely normal for someone struggling with suicidal depression. It’s something that is hard even for the most empathetic to understand themselves if they haven’t experienced it themselves. I promise you, it is normal for a person who has depression, anxiety, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts with or without action plans, introverts, and close loved ones who mean well but just don’t understand how and why it’s a struggle, to feel and possibly make irrational decisions you wouldn’t normally make if you’d were your old self. How do I know all these this with such a degree of confidence Macin, I have been all those things. I may not have moved to a whole new country with social anxiety but I have moved with social anxiety+depression to a place 6 hours away from what little support I had and struggled with having difficultly making friends. I am an introvert that is happiest listening to podcasts about medical science, Little know historical facts and stories, conspiracy theories, liberal and atheist stations and criminal and paranormal story’s because I am also the stereotypical geek or nerd. I also, have been inpatient twice for depression, once for thoughts with a solid plan for suicide and another for a failed attempt. I too have ran away from my life. I was much younger and had a difficult upbringing and so I Started planning my runaway in the middle of winter for the warm months. I saved up my allowance for a fan, and an air mattress that I actually didn’t end up purchasing because it was the early 90s and a 11 yr old is also an 11 year old, but I took the fan packed my bag with some deli meat sandwich and ran away to my cousins playhouse that lived a few blocks from me. I returned by dinner because of hungry but I was an 11yr run away. I spent months barely living. I’d go to home to bed back to work only to return to the couch again. I’ve tried and failed more medications than I can remember. But you know how else I also know your feelings are valid? Because I also am a nurse, and I have a little bit of credibility.
Macin, you could very, very easily be a 17yr old me, but Macin, you could also be a 32 yr old me. And as someone with a little bit of life experience and spent 6 years, SIX YEARS, fighting suicidal depression and it still taking away my health, my friends I had such a hard time making, my family because I lashed out when I couldn’t cope with my anger and anxiety, jeopardized my career when I had trouble concentrating at work and was left guilt written that a error that caused no harm to my patient could have. I almost lost my marriage when my husband nearly left me because I’d neglected his emotional needs leaving him to feel lonely and unloved for so long that he fell in love briefly with an older woman. Depression is a battle you fight every day and even when you give it all you’ve got it still can take away everything accept your rocky marriage. It’s such a demon that despite knowing with my whole heart that my demise would or could likely lead to my own husbands, I still actively planned out my death and ways I could disappear without being found. Why? Because depression convinces you that even though you’re very husband and #1 emotional support system has every single mental health diagnosis as you do yourself, that you are a bigger burden. Because depression makes you irrational. Is a demonic cloud of darkness that invades every thought you have and wins nearly every battle you try fighting with what little energy you have for that day because the road of major depressive disorder+social anxiety/anxiety is one with many dead ends and detours.
BUT Macin, I can also tell you that IT. GETS. BETTER.
1 year ago we finally found the right medication combination and most responsive style of therapy and I’ve been happier than I have been in 7 years. Yes, I was diagnosed 7 years and some change ago. It gets better. I haven’t done a 180, but I’ve made a 160. And as someone who was so deeply depressed for so long that I would have not just agreed to but would’ve begged for electric shock treatment if you would’ve told me it worked. And as someone that would’ve been happy with a 90 degree turn, I can say, if I’m always a 160 degree from being my old self, I am extraordinarily happy with that. That’s my happy ending and it could also be yours.
So what I am saying to you is it’s never to late for anything. There is always hope. There is always relationships that can be mended. There is always a new drug on the market if the one you’re on isn’t working. There is always ways to learn to forgive and let go and for others to do so as well. I’m asking to just reach out to your family. If you’re ok, just tell them that you are. If you don’t want to go back home, tell them you won’t. If you’re not ready to see them or have a relationship yet tell them you aren’t ready and if you don’t think you ever will be, tell them that too. If you don’t want their help, don’t take it and tell them you need to do it for yourself. If you don’t want to visit then don’t. None of these things make you a selfish person. They make you a healthy person. Because for you, whatever you decide you need IS your gym and healthy eating plan. I don’t know anyone who thinks wanting to be healthy is selfish, so if you’re being told this they aren’t a credible source and therefore aren’t worth respecting or caring about their opinion.
I truly hope this reaches you and makes you feel like you are not alone and that your story can have a happy ending as well. My wish for you is health, safety and happiness. If you ever feel alone and just need someone to talk to that doesn’t pass judgment on even society’s uglier profiles, you may send Me an email at kmcnabbrn@gmail.com
I will be sharing your story and think of you.
Please don’t be a jerk and correct the multiple spelling and grammar errors in my comment above. I was super emotional, pouring my heart out and on my iPhone (which is old as a razor) and it makes it hard to edit long replies. I see the run on sentences, over used adjectives and double negatives and I’m not an idiot for making them.
Don’t be that person.
With as much as he relied on RUclips and anime, did the police or parents ever check to see if he reached out to any of his favorite youtubers? Comments, personal messages to them, or tweets? I worry that the parents aren’t sharing exactly how controlling they were or honest about how they treated him. I went through something similar and from the outside my parents wouldn’t have looked very suspicious but I was living in hell. I just hope he’s at peace wherever he is.
I have no idea if they have. However I get messages that could turn into this situations quite frequently so they should check!
THIS!! I know someone who knew him and his family very well and they have always said they think there's more to this case when it comes to the parents especially the dad.. I've heard macin was very unhappy with his dad specifically but I never knew them personally so I couldn't say for sure but this comes from a trusted source..
I thought the exact same thing! I really feel there’s more information that they aren’t sharing so they don’t make themselves look bad.
This video is old, but I just found your channel and you are so so right about depression! People can be so ugly and heartless and not understand mental illness. You are very strong for sharing your depression story! ❤️
Macin, if you’re out there. Please come home. I know it’s such a worn out statement but it DOES get better. I was suicidal for all four years of high school, I felt alone and different and like my parents didn’t understand who I was or why my brain didn’t function like everyone else’s. By the grace of god my attempts didn’t work and now I’m 25. I still get depressed. I have social anxiety EVERY day. Life still isn’t easy per say. But at least once a day I stop and appreciate the fact that I’m here. I am happy. And I hope you can be too. Please just come home. Your mother misses her baby and I promise she will understand. A mother will always love and forgive their children unconditionally. What you’re going through is ok. Feeling pain is ok. Just know it’s not the end. We all love and care for you.
I really appreciate you sharing this story and shedding light on mental illness. When I was younger I went into a very deep depression where I had suicidal thoughts and constantly considered running away instead of talking about my issues and getting help. RUclips was my escape, and I would spend hours upon hours watching videos,so I can really relate to how Macin felt
I am right there with you. RUclips was my only escape!
Danelle Hallan, I love your heart! I too, suffer from depression and anxiety and have been hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. My heart aches for this young man's pain and I pray he is found safe.
Thank you for sharing these stories. I am now apart of his FB page due to your video.
Keep up the good work and again thank you! You're an inspiration. 💗
This tore at my heart. I've been bullied. I'm socially anxious at times and I can relate to this story in a way. I'm pressured into driving (I still don't drive, other drivers scare the crap out of me). I'm HIGHLY introverted and being around people I don't know is terrifying. Keep doing what you're doing in bringing these cases more exposure. Hopefully this young man gets found.
I work at a homeless shelter in California, and every time you mention someone missing that could be around here I try to keep an eye out for them. I will say you don't need a lot to stay at a homeless shelter, we don't require ID or anything as they get robbed a lot, so he may not go by his real name. I'm hoping for his family he is still out there.
Poor kid, I can't imagine what he's going through, I just really hope he's okay ❤️
Damn... that segment about his social anxiety and fear of driving really hit home.
Wow... Thank you for sharing your story. I have had a lot of mental health issues along with addiction issues. It really helps to hear people like u who sometimes appear larger than life relate on that level. Took a lit of guts to share that with 300k plus people.
I was once hospitalized for depression and put on suicide watch after not being able to get my earring in. I've never heard anyone talk about the little things that can set off a mental illness, so I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in speaking about this. Thank you for spreading the message and helping people to better understand. I always enjoy your videos, but this one really hit home. So glad to know you are doing well now and best of luck to you and your family.💜
Thanks Danelle for being so open and caring and I am so sorry to Macin and his family
You are amazing Danelle, you’re doing nothing but spreading love & awareness. You ARE strong, thank you for sharing your story. It definitely hit home. You’re amazing. Definitely my favorite video of yours.
Hey Macin if you are reading this, please come home, your parents are worried and just want you safe
Hi Danelle,
I’ve watched this video so many times and here is why..
I have depression and anxiety and your personal story relates to me so well. I have moments like you did multiple times a week, suicidal thoughts daily. I’ve had this for years, I’m 20 and I feel like it’ll never leave me.
I want you to know that you are the only person I’ve ever come across that has described it and understood it like you and you have absolutely no idea how much I need to hear it because no one else in my life understands and I always feel like just leaving them cause I feel bad for the way I am. And to see who you are and how you are now inspires me to remember that I do have a whole life ahead of me and there is a tomorrow and it does get better. You’re incredible and I appreciate you and everything you do so so much. Thank you Danelle ❤️❤️
This is so heartbreaking, thank you for putting this in the internet. I love you so much ❤️
It really is heartbreaking to hear this story. I genuinely hope, that he hasn't hurt himself and is still out there somewhere. I'd really be devastating to find out that he ended his life.
I myself am struggling with major depression, with no access to treatment at this moment. And it is a constant up and down. Some days I think I am fine, I feel like it gets better and then it comes crashing down. And it feels even worse than it ever felt before after such a long period full of hope and sometimes even feeling something like actual happiness.
Every time I hear a story like this, it feels like a stab to the heart, because I can relate and feel for these kids. I myself am constantly struggling with intense feelings of despair and pain and therefore also with suicide thoughts. Even though I know, as I'm sure Macin also knows about himself, that there are people that love me, it still is something I have to battle with. And it is really hard, because it is not rational, it doesn't go away if you reason with the thoughts that tell you that you were better off dead or gone. Even if you know that you are gonna hurt people by leaving.
Oddly enough, I often feel intensely devastated and helpless when I hear stories like this because I wish that I could somehow help. Even though I lack control over my own thoughts and emotions sometimes, it really opens up a whole new level of understanding for all of those people suffering from similar thoughts and experiences. It just feels like there is someone out there that can actually grasp the depth of the pain I am feeling and vice versa. I just want to give them a hug and tell them that I completely understand, since it is something that I so often wish for myself. And more than anything I wish for them to be able to stay strong and to take care of themselves.
Macin, if you read this, you are not alone. You are never alone. There are so many people, strangers, that understand what you are going through and actually care for you and your wellbeing. I hope you are alive and well, I hope life is or will be kinder to you. I hope that you one day will find the strength that you need and maybe come home. I hope that you somehow are able to feel the love and support others are sending out to you, even through the noise of your thoughts and emotions. And I hope that you do not feel like you do not belong in this world or that you do not belong in the life of the people who love you because you do. We all do.
A lot of love from Germany.
You are such a beautiful and wise woman. So grateful for your presence. So grateful you are using your voice to compassionately get out individuals stories that need to be heard. Some people really do not understand what is going on with others especially in their minds, and in no way is anyone qualified to tell someone how they shouldn’t or should feel. We all process our emotions differently, some things that really effect us won’t effect others and that’s okay. I wish more people would understand that there isn’t a correct way to feel. Love you Danelle ❤️
Danelle you’re exactly right. through my struggles with anxiety and depression, every time i ever wanted to commit suicide, i always went far far away. without a phone, no means of communication and no way for anyone to find me. in those terrible times i honestly felt like a burden and it would be even more of a burden if i were to take my own life and have a loved one find me. i felt like if i disappeared, they wouldn’t have to go through the despair of finding me and feeling like they were to blame for my actions. i felt if i were going to do it, i wasn’t going to be anymore of a problem then i felt i already was. nobody ever understood why i’d just up and leave for hours or why i’d want that but i’m glad to know someone else does.
I can feel his hardships so much. I also suffer from deep depression since i was a Kid. I faced a lot of bad things as a kid which triggered my depression and it still haunts me.. No one from my home knows about it ..i am 19 year old while writing this comment....still always struggle with it. And to make things worse i ended up taking medications for my new anxiety disorder.. People of my home don't even understand what anxiety is..(what a mess😑)
Like macin, i was also bullied severely For 4/5 years till before pandemic...i also nearly killed myself 2 times when i was 16 yr old.