FRENCH THINGS I Still Haven't Adapted To
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Some things have been easy to get used to. Others...I'm still working on!
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Hi, I'm Andrea! I'm an American expat currently living in Paris, France. I make videos about writing and creativity, living abroad, traveling, and all the wonderfully nerdy things I love. Also...I'm a bit of an unashamed coffee addict ☕️
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Currently Writing: my third YA fantasy novel
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Further clarification on a couple points:
1. Yes, the “quart d’heure de politesse” IS a thing, but it seems it is much more prevalent in certain parts of the country than others. No, it is not just Parisian. I’ve experienced the “quart d’heure tourangeaux” much more in the Loire Valley countryside - but just look here in the comments to see many other French people agreeing that it exists in their regions as well!
2. In North America, homes that were recently (~25-30 years) built usually have ventilation systems installed throughout the house. Every room has a vent in the floor. This allows the air to circulate and stay fresh whether you open the windows frequently or not. It’s simply a different way of accomplishing the exact same thing.
3. THANK YOU to everyone who has watched, liked, shared, or commented on this video!! I love hearing all your different perspectives and experiences. Keep them coming! ☺️
Andrea Heckler I don‘t agree with your quart d‘heure, my dad is french and would get really mad if anyone was even 5 minutes late, therefor I‘m always on time
Hey, Im french and when we go to special occasions, we don't really have a quart d'heure de politesse, but then I live on the cote d'azure in the south-east so things are probably very different than in Paris.
Hi ! Very interresting to have a feedback from foreigners about our habits ... As for me, I'm a "Parisian" (since I've lived in the subburbs for 40 years) and I've NEVER heard about the "quart d'heure de politesse". I hate being late, and I consider it not very polite, as a matter of fact. Enjoy your time with us :)
jamais entendu parler du quart d'heure de politesse, mais jamais j'arriverai pile à l'heure à une soirée, plus 1 heure ou 2 après, bon pour un diner ouais 15 min mais c'est pas une règle juste normal si je dis viens pour 20h ça veut dire viens pas avant 20h!
I am French from Normandie and we don’t have that quarter of hour. It’s ok to be late for 15 min but if you are on time we appreciate it.
I'm french and honestly I don't know the "quart d'heure de politesse". I really like to be on time. but I have to admit that a lot of people I know don't arrive on time. so... ^^
je connais le quart d'heure marseillais
Maybe it's more of a built-in cultural habit than a conscious "rule" for most people :)
C'est actuellement plutôt faux, c'est juste devenu beaucoup moins acceptable (possibilité de prevenir, gps, moins d'imprévu...)
I am French too and I really don't know about that although I've lived in different parts of France. Are you sure about that thing called "quart d'heure de politesse"? Don't you think people might have lied to you about this because you're a foreigner and they are not very punctual people? I am very big on punctuality and really can't stand people being late except if they really do have a good excuse for it of course. Being late is definitely rude, even here in France so yeah... Not sure how to feel about that "quart d'heure de politesse" but I believe it's just a myth, it doesn't exist in France even though some people might be lazy and good at making excuses about it. ^^;
À Toulouse on appelle ça le quart d'heure Toulousain. Et c'est très fréquent.
As a French, I feel like it feels more intimate to hug someone as a greeting. Like you can feel each other's body. Whereas kisses on the cheeks that we do do not have the same effect. But of course those are cultural differences. And it's always really funny to learn about them.
So true! On voit qu'en fait c'est une question d'habitude et de codes culturels
Exactly! I'm French and that's what I was thinking about. When I met one of my friends for the first time in England he hugged me and it felt so awkward (I forgot, so I wasn't prepared haha). And he obviously also told me that the kisses were really awkward to him. It's really interesting.
Sabria Aarab i
We don't hug strangers or acquaintances, just friends. We mostly just stand their, nod our head and say hi, or if you are a man, give a handshake.
one thing they seem not to get (non-french) is that you're not supposed to actually kiss the personn, you lean near the cheak and you kiss the air , once a british guy tryed to do La Bise to me ... it was very confusing , he gave both my cheeks a big juicy wet kiss and I though it was very disgusting :p
I hate how in the US, you often can not open windows in hotels. It feels suffocating.
It seems as though we have a reason to add much more protection to hotel windows now...
Aman Singh | Suicide you mean? I'm sure there's a good reason, but it's still unpleasant.
No Eleonore the mass shooting in Las Vegas.
But the windows have been like that long before the Vegas shootings.
That is to prevent people from jumping out of them.
Je ne dirais pas que c'est impoli d'arriver pile à l'heure mais comme d'autre commentaires l'ont précisé, on invite souvent les gens à une certaines heure et on est rarement prêt à cette heure la. La raison principale étant qu'on sous-estime le temps de préparation d'une soirée et qu'on est souvent bien incapable d'être prêt à l'heure qu'on a annoncé. Du coup ce n'est pas mal pris de venir à l'heure mais on s'expose souvent à un temps de préparation de la part de la personne qui invite :)
En tout cas une bonne vidéo vraiment marrante du point de vue français :)
Merci pour ton commentaire ! Je suis contente que tu as aimé la vidéo :)
Andrea Heckler Tu peux rajouter "la concordance des temps" aux choses auxquelles tu n'es pas habituée ;)
Euh ça va...elle s'exprime déjà très bien
Gougou M absolument! Je suis franco allemande et c'est tjrs super irritant quand les allemands viennent pile à l'heure ou même trop tôt... car je ne suis jamais prete
Romain A. J'avoue tu m'as fait rire
About the "quart d'heure de politesse", it's very convenient when you invite people and you're are not ready on time ^^ I cannot count who many times I end up hoping that my guests show up late so I can finish what I was preparing. It's perfect for non-organized people like me !
Haha those extra few minutes can make a difference, it's true! I usually end up starting preparations way too early when I'm excited for guests to come over, though, so everything is done way too early... 😂
Opening windows every day is mainly a health issue : it helps get rid of all the fumes emanating (for years!) from paints, glues and other products used in building, and also all the "bad" products used to manufacture cheap furniture.. When you buy (for example) from Ikea, you're supposed to assemble the thing and leave it in a vented space for at least 24 hours before you keep it inside, so it doesn't poison the air you breathe, but nobody ever does it :/
I actually had no idea you were supposed to do that! I'll keep that in mind for the future 😅
You're absolutely right, but as far as Ikea is concerned, it is best not to buy those shitty items.
I know, but a lot of people do, so it's a good example for what I wanted to say ;)
That's the reason why I always buy at Ikea in the summer, so I can open the windows during all the building process and hours after.
Forget the fumes, what about the smell of the room after you've slept in it...or the fact that you need some oxygen in and to let the CO2 out.
To me, the "quart d'heure de politesse" doesn't mean you have to show up fifteen minutes after the hour previously stated but that you have up to fifteen minutes to arrive before being considered late. However, arriving ahead of time IS viewed as rude by many of my fellow country-(wo)men.
This is how this concept works in the Czech Republic, too.
Here are my two cents about those things:
I guess the "quart d'heure de politesse" really depends on who you're with. I've never seen people being offended by guests showing up on time, but it's true that it's a rare thing, and it can lead to awkward situations where you're the first and only one there, with the host... I think that, as someone mentioned in the comments (in French), it's rather that we normally just arrive a little bit late, or are not sticklers for the exact time. When we say an event starts at 7 (well, 19:00), what we mean is: we'll be ready for you at 7, but you can show up later. I'm among the always late people, but I feel bad for it. A friend of mine, on the other hand, tends to be always on time or even early, which means that she sometimes has to wait a lot when we meet up.
For cheek kissing and big groups, you can be a little "rude" and just wave at everyone when you arrive. Usually we're understanding... Except if you're arriving at the same time as someone who decides to kiss everyone. Then you have to, or you'll look very rude. Or put yourself in a bit of an awkward position.
Despite being French, I don't like strong cheese either. One way to avoid them is to put two knives on the plate: one for strong cheeses (blue, roquefort, etc.), one for milder ones. And then you hope for people to "respect" it.
I've seen more than one French hostess in the countryside get very flustered at the idea of someone showing up à l'heure ;) I've tried doing a little wave when arriving in big groups, but if I'm with my husband then he will always cheek kiss everyone, so I have to too! haha
Oh, really? Wow, you can be French and still learn many things about France, I see! I have never experienced it in my life!
Also, I tend to feel bad when I arrive late, even at parties (hence my experience with those awkward times when you're alone with the host...). And if I'm just meeting with a friend, I'll text them to warn them.
As for the kisses, as I mentioned, indeed, if you're with someone who does it, you sort of have to... I'm on your side, though, on this one :P It's so annoying to have to kiss every single person in the room. Though I feel different about it if it's people I know/I'm friends with. Then i'll "want" to kiss them and show affection. But with strangers, "wave" all the way!
The same in italy
ah, Andrea, just be yourself and take it easy! I've lived in France all my life, doing nothing of these you mentioned, yet nobody killed me so far... True, mosquitos try hard to, but I can't imagine summer without them little monsters! :D
As a french, I just realized my windows are open for literally 8 months a year. I just close them when I go out for long periods of time (like vacations), during winter when it's really cold (even then I sometime open them for like half an hour each to renew the air flow inside), or during the day in summer when it's really hot and I need to keep the whole house cool (but then I open everything as soon as the sun goes down).
in France if you don't have screens you can just add it on your windows like most of french.. ^^
'Open the window' it is a very good thing! People do not know that it if often more polluted inside that outside. But American like their comfort ( big house big car etc) , and like to control the environment artificially.
ah niu I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but this is quite the presumptuous comment. I fear that you have this image of all Americans living in spacious manors like you might see on tv. Don't let sitcoms and fiction convince you that most Americans are rolling around in cash and have the latest car model.
Amen...too much generalization. A lot of Americans love fresh air.
Blackbyrd I live in Canada ( but in France, Africa and China before) , it is pretty much the same society! Not all of course , but a lot compared to rest of the World! The std for American ( food , house, car , etc)is huge for the rest of the World.
ah niu when it is near 40° .... It is hard to not have air conditioning.
As a French living in the South, I always need an open window. Day and night, summer and winter, I just can't stand to stay too long in a room completely shut.
Guess what : even French people don't get used to their old castles :). I grew up in the tiniest Breton village with our own middle age old castle, and it still amazes me every time I see it. History made us, it's great you don't get bored by it :)
Ftf Bzai aaaaaah vive la Bretagne ^^
Even though I'm French, I too feel impressed by the history we live around. Did you know that it's not uncommon for construction works to be delayed because during the digging to install the foundations, they find artefacts from the Roman Empire? So they have to stop everything, have archeologists come and reference everything, maybe take some stuff away for museums if it's valuable....
In Mexican culture when the invitation says 4pm it means everyone will be there starting at 6pm 😂 for my cousins wedding the priest started mass even-though the bride and groom were not there yet 😱 we always kiss in one cheek and are very passionate people so it's not awkward. Greetings from California
That sounds like one crazy wedding! 😂 Bisous from France!
I'm Mexican and can confirm that. A month ago I threw a party in my house and I wasn't even at my place at the scheduled time. People understand actually, and it's different for formal situations like work or dates too.
Lizbeth De la torre This is true for Hispanics everywhere haha. It's understood that everyone will get there an hour or 2 after the set time. I don't know why we do this but it's part of our culture.
Richard Schroepfer Mexican invasion? says the one from German background lmao you keep being on time sir and let the rest of the world live in peace
NonyaBusiness! Couldn't have said it better. I chose to ignore his ignorance because NO amount of information provided to him would ever suffice. I don't understand how his unpleasantness ended in my thread of comments. I very often try to avoid commenting on videos because of people like him full of bitterness in their heart.
As a french national myself I really disagree with your interpretation of the "quart d'heure de politesse". It is not that you are supposed to be a quarter hour late, you are supposed to be on time and you can be up to a quarter hour late without being expected to apologize for being late.
It's impolite to be in advance (your hosts may not yet be ready) and it's impolite to be more than a quarter hour late, hence the only polite time to arrive at is within the "quart d'heure de politesse".
Oh, your mention of the lack of screens is likely to bring me nightmares. Back in the 70's I spent a month at the University of Dijon, where the small dorm rooms had sliding windows onto a balcony. 100 mosquitoes a night! When I complained to the concierge he threw up his hands and said, "All these dorms were built on a swamp!" In other words, don't be a spoiled American tourist. Then when I moved to Paris, I had the typical shutters that open out to let the light in during the day. Not so many problems with mosquitoes but one day a PIGEON flew in and went a little crazy, as did I. I think the French operate on the principle that what flies in will eventually fly out and meanwhile you should just enjoy the visitors until they leave. French politesse to bugs and birds!
I went to Canada last year and there were those screens on windows. At first i was like "Damn, what a good idea, I can open my window without worrying!", but then it felt a little too "close", not being able to put an arm outside was strange XD
Ed Esso I live in Dijon and yeah it's a fact half of the town was built on a swamp.
byBibo That's a really good point. My parents has a window screen. And every time I want to look outside, just watching the landscape, my nose just crash on the screen. I hate it.
I live in Toulouse and it is so hot here on summer that we only open the windows in the morning to let the fresh air in but close them the rest of the day not to let the hot air in.
By the way, in Toulouse we often say that the parisians are dumb because they all go out when it's hot and then complain that it is too hot
Samy Lemzaoui I stayed in Toulouse a week or so over the summer in a farm house. It was constantly hot and I was eaten alive when the whole house was opened up to get air. It’s rough in the south 😂
Pour un diner ou une soirée, on invite souvent "à partir de" x heure ou "vers" x heure donc les gens arrivent rarement pile a l'heure. L'apéritif peu servir aussi a attendre les retardataires avant de passer a table.
A Lyon on parle du quart d'heure lyonnais...! A Paris j'ai l'impression que ca ne se pratique pas, mais les transports y sont tellement aléatoires qu'on arrive rarement à l'heure 😂
Hahaha c'est tellement vrai, particulièrement si on prend le bus 😂
Xavier Debidour on appelle pas ça le quart d'heure de politesse à paris mais tout le monde le fait quand même ! Quand je veux que les gens arrivent à partir de 20h45 - 21h à une soirée je préviens tout le monde pour 20h30 :)
Everytime I go to Provence, where my husband has a lot of family, the three kiss things exhausts me!! It takes like 15 minutes like you said...
I've been living in France for a year now and I can totally relate to everything you said. Except the "quart d'heure de politesse" most of the people I know would rather be on time or even early.
Hello!
About the "quart d'heure de politesse", it's more about etiquette: it's not that they say 7.00 and expect you at 7.15, it's just that the etiquette says that if you're invited to a party for example, you show up a little late so if they're not ready, they still have some time. And usually, they give an hour but it's more like the moment when you can start arrive and not a precise time like for a business meeting.
AC is the worth! Something being French I really can't adapt to when I'm in the US. When it's so hot out but when you get into a place (any place!) you feel like you've been put into a fridge??? Gosh, use air con with moderation guys :p
*worst
To be honest, I don't think it's something you can adapt too. I was born in a place that use AC in every shop and even if it's 30°C outside, I always bring a sweater with me when I go shopping because it's literally freezing. I can't go shopping with sandals either. It's really cold. But seriously, even when I bundle up I'm still cold, just not freezing.
I am French and I never heard about the "polite fifteen minutes", I didn't know it was a thing. It actually depends on the situation. For example, with my friends, when the person throwing the party says 8pm, it means "not before", but you're free to arrive whenever you want after 8 because it's nothing formal. But if it's like in family, and you're invited for dinner, or something that requires some actual schedule, you need to show up on time, otherwise you're rude. So I think it really depends on the situation and/or just the education in the family.
The lack of airflow. Period. Can't do it. ❤️
DamonAndJo especially in summer, the sun cooks my house
Hi DamonAndJo I love your videos !
Yes, agreed! Fans have been my saving grace all summer 🙌 ps: I love your videos!! 💜
DamonAndJo oooh I see you there xD
DAMONANDJO OH MY HECK I LOVE YOU!!
Even though I grew up in France, I just moved back last year and I still struggle with being "too" on time. Even when I try not to be... Also, I'm always surprised at how desert at a restaurant can sometimes last 45mn and it's not even because the food took awhile to come.
I'm french and I must admit I never got used to cheek kissing : I don't like physical contact with total strangers, I just do it not to seem rude.. About the "quart d'heure de politesse", I guess the main thing is that it's considered rude to arrive too early => so being a little late is preferable to showing up before hand when your host is still preparing everything (except if you are early on purpose to offer some help, obviously).
hakugei_ Me too!! It's so awkward to have to kiss everyone like that, ugh 😟
I am French too and same. I guess that many French people would in fact gladly STOP check kissing but it is considered to be so rude that we do it anyways. It's almost a blessing when you're ill and you have the right excuse to refrain from doing so haha
When I was little I didn't want to cheek kiss people haha But now I'm okay with it... I mean, you meet people, you cheek kiss them, it's no big deal, really ( and I'm saying that when I'm uncomfortable with friends hugging me... ) I see it like a non-intimate thing ; it's just polite, you're not doing it because you like them or something, there's emotional distance.
As for the "quart d'heure de politesse", I want to say that I always thought it was a joke, because I live in Toulouse and there's this thing called "le quart d'heure Toulousain", so when someone's late you joke about it. But I didn't know it was an actual thing for some people... I hate tardiness ^^
you guys are quite a minority I have to say
hakugei_ totally hate the cheek kissing too (I am French as well)
when I lived in France what I could never get used to was restaurants closing from ~4pm-6pm...I knew they did, but still often found myself looking for a place to eat around that time!
Ok I'm a mosquito and I was looking for your vlog.
Hey fellows! Come in! she's here!
Quart d'heure de politesse was more an urban upper-class thing than French. It was for the "dîner en ville" in Paris, Bordeaux, Nantes, Lyon and a few others bourgeoises cities and spread in society because it is considered more polite to let some time to the maîtresse de maison to fix things, only very closed relatives and family can come earlier to help her but guests are not supposed to see her preparing things.
I hate being one of the first people at events. It just makes me feel awkward so I like being late haha. I guess that's my life long social anxiety talking haha.
That's a good point! It can be weird being the first one haha
Andrea Heckler Yeah haha
I lived in Toulouse, France for a year and the one thing I just couldn't get used to was all the form filling you'd have to do. Whether it was the CAF, opening a bank account, going to university etc. they were so many forms that I'd be used to filling out online but in France everything has to be done in person and you have to provide so much documentation, it can be quite a headache :P
Its funny but nearly everything you named that you can't get used to is a ringing endorsement for me to move to France TODAY! Cheek kissing sounds like fun; cheese and longer meals, HELL YEAH; and I'm never "on time" to events so that "quart d'heure de politesse" sounds like a WINNER to me! The only part I too would have trouble adjusting to was the open windows. I'm from the south and a firm believer in central AC. If I had to keep the windows open, the bugs would eat me alive too so maybe I'll not buy a ticket to France just yet, at least not in the summer months!
You shouldn't worry about that honestly, you can buy them really cheap xD
In the UK for dinner it is usual to say 7 for 8 (or 7.30 for 8 or whatever). That means dinner will be served at 8 and you will be late any time after that but drinks, conversation starts at 7 and you are welcome any time from then. In other words don't turn up before 7 or after 8 but any time in between is ok.
As far as windows are concerned, you should be putting up a 'mosquito net ' (a synthetic 'gauze-like' drape) on your windows. That helps immensely. ALso, just letting the drape flow across an open window dramatically cuts down on 'things' getting inside. FOr your bedroom, cool down your room by opening your window (with the light drape or gauze over it) with the lights OFF. That will diminish the amount of moths and mosquitos entering your bedroom at night. ALso, do not turn the light on with the window open at night---even with the drape or gauze over it, or the little critters will be attracted to the light and enter your bedroom!
Hi Andrea, I have been living in France for almost 5 years now. I mostly agree what you said, except for the cheese. It depends on what region you stay. Most of the cheese with strong flavour come from north region (ex: Normandie, Rhône Alpes, Bretagne) which is kindly logic because it surrounded by the mountain. But when you go down to the south region (La Rochelle, Nice, Toulouse) the cheese flavour is lighter. Because it influenced by mediterranean cuisine (ex: Italie, Spain). They tends to use more olive oil for the cuisine. Hope that it can help you.
Well observed, I teach these when preparing people to move to France... the kissing thing is a huge shock haha.
I'm french and I have't adapted to "la bise" yet ^^
Seriously though, the thing is that "la bise" changes from one region to an other ;some people start from the right, others from the left, it can baa 2, 3 or 4. I hate it, it's alway very awkward ^^'
Where I live, it's just one ^^
LogicLanguageLearning/French and English lessons
I never realised that people felt awkward doing the kisses, I always thought it was normal and it took a while to understand that not every country does it (my country doesn't even do it lol)
Maybe it's because we're from Greece (three kisses there), never understood that anyone felt like it was too intimate for a long time... Until I went to America of course
So how do you say hello when you meet?
A comforting thought would be that most of us don't really kiss each other's cheeks. We touch cheeks and kiss the air, haha. One of my friends is noticed by everyone for his habit of actually kissing each cheek, which seems a little too affectionate and intrusive for most people.
Funny how similar Spain and France are. I spent close to two months and I can say I can relate! I couldn't get over the lack of AC (and this was in the summer time), or the long meals. But in my case the hardest was how late people would have dinner, seriously after ten pm!
Yes, I experienced the same thing in Spain! In France it's later than in the US (starting anywhere between 7pm and 9pm is perfectly normal), but 10pm would be pushing it haha
I lived in Antwerp, Belgium and in the summer months we had custom screens to pop in the windows to keep out most of the buggies. Of course, you had to put a screen on the kitchen vents over the stove as well otherwise the kamakazee mosquitoes in that area would sneak in, bite you painfully and bleed you dry plus keeping you awake all night.
I'm french and I do not care to kiss cheek many people, never have done ! do not feel you have to, just wave and smile when you get there and everyone will understand ... As for your problem with our foul smelling cheeses, many french people are like you...
A nice "plateau de fromages" has to include at least one strong cheese, but you should clean the cheese knife with your bread prior to cutting such a cheese, and you must not hesitate to tell people you don't like strong cheeses, if they're educated, they will avoid leaving the plate next to you ! I think french people are quite open minded and understand their relationship with food is a bit peculiar, just be yourself and express your feelings kindly and everybody will be ok ...
When I was in Aix-en-Provence, the family I was with had anti-mosquito incense they burned at night to ward away the bugs. I honestly can't remember how well it worked. A suggestion I might make would be to keep a few potted plants around your window that les moustiques don't like. There are plenty of resources online with lists of these and I wouldn't be surprised if you could find one or more that might work for you. Let me know if you decide to try either of these bug repelling methods. Merci!
I live in Argentina and the culture is a mixture between italian, french and spanish mostly. We kiss everytime we say hello but only on one cheek, and to be honest... I hate it. Luckily for people my age it's not a big deal, they are completely ok with just a general hello, but with older people you really are expected to go around and kiss the 50 of them and it's really annoying and pointless for me. Whoops.
Haha it's nice to individually say hello to each person, but it definitely slows eeeverything down! 😅
Cheek kissing is a Mediterranean trademark, it's the common greeting all around the basin, when number of kisses are usually 2 or 4 (2 in cities, 4 in the suburbs) despite of the country/continent.
Veri all South American countries say hello with a kiss. Or at least the country where I come from too.
If screens are hard to find you can make one that's easy to put up and down from either a bought or made frame filled with tulle or lace. A colored frame with lace and/or tulle inside is quite pretty and blocks most bigger bugs and flies.
Awesome, thanks for the tips!!
Ha nearly all of this I've experienced since childhood (my dad is French and I speak French fluently even though I grew up in the US). You've probably already read the memoir Almost French by Sarah Turnbull (Australian woman who moved to France to be with a Frenchman). My mom could not stop laughing when she read the book because it summed up so many things she had experienced in her relationship with my father. I thought it was hilarious too since as a French-American woman there were so many things that were on point about weird French idiosyncrasies.
I have lived in Belgium and in France (but from Canada) and the not having screens on windows always drove me nuts. I am not super prone to bug bites but hearing flies constantly buzzing around gets on my nerves. I also was never able to really be un-amazed by living around castles and super old and beautiful buildings.
When I am invited to a family gathering spend like 3 to 4 hours on meal 😂 first : apéritif, starters, entrée, trou normand (which is an apple sorbet/ice cream with calva) then salad then cheeseS 😂 dessert and finally coffee/tea
eva ttcl you went in Normandy then
Mary B I'm Norman ^^
eva ttcl donc tu parle français ^^
Mary B Oui 😂
eva ttcl moi je viens d'Alsace chez nous on a le digestif (schnaps) juste avant le désert
You could probably order a temporary screen that doesn't have to be installed. It just unfolds and you wedge it in open space.
I'm French and I never heard about "le quart d'heure de politesse", if we're late, people are upset. And we learned to open the window at least 5 minutes per days for health issues.
tu n'es pas bien élevée ;) sisi , c'est l'usage, c'est pour permettre à la maîtresse de maison de finioler si quelque chose s'était mal passé, par exemple si elle a raté un plat ou que le chat a fait pipi par terre.
Backintime Alwyn chez nous c'est mieux d'être là quelques minutes à l'avance... pour aider la maîtresse de maison justement >
Backintime Alwyn Exactement. Le quart d’heure de politesse on le trouve lors des invitations à dîner etc dans les familles bien élevées. Excusez moi d’être si élitiste mdr 😂
Non! Pour des gens normaux, ça n'existe pas. Du tout!
Pour des bourges peut-être
L'usage de qui? Je n'en ai jamais entendu parler; pourtant je suis adulte de la région parisienne et tout le monde me trouve poli (même trop)
The whole windows thing! Girl, I get it. It was that way in Brazil, too. I used to get eaten alive by mosquitoes at night. They were so aggressive it would actually wake me up and I could hear them buzzing around. My skin has become so sensitive to mosquitoes since then, I swear it tingles now every time a mosquito is near! Sleeping with a fan directed on me was what eventually saved me. I don’t know if they can’t fight the rushing air or what, but I never got bitten when the fan was on. It was the only way I could sleep.
wtf "quart d'heure de politesse" eu... j'avoue que je connais pas
et pis tu a les marseillais...
ceux la faut les inviter 1/2h plus tôt que les autres si tu veux les voir arriver avant le dessert....
As a French person, I've heard about this "thirteen minute politeness" rule, but I've never ever seen anyone seriously refer to it and apply it. We're just late because we're not organized.
Concerning meals, usual familial meals (parents + children) such as dinner and lunch usually last between 20 to 40min. However, it's true that meals with more family often last much longer, around 2hrs to 3hrs.
Je ne connais pas le quart heure de politesse, pour tout les gens que je connais il fait juste être à l'heure
Ça dépend des régions en fait, à Bordeaux c'est systématique, mais dans d'autres regions beaucoup moins. Ça m'horripile aussi franchement, ça me viendrait jamais à l'idée de fixer un rdv à 8h45 dans l'optique que la personne se pointe à 9h pétante, c'est à l'autre de prévoir une marge de manœuvre pour les impondérables pour arriver à l'heure.
xGshikamaru je suis de Bordeaux pourtant ..
C'est pas quelque chose que t'appliques quand t'as rdv, c'est plutôt pour des événements type dîners avec du monde, soirées etc. En gros il faut pas arriver pile poil à l'heure parce que les gens qui organisent ont peut être quelques trucs à finir avant l'arrivée des invités
I'm french and lived in France all my life, and i've never NEVER heard about "le quart d'heure de politesse" it must depend on the regions
Ah the famous "quart d'heure de politesse"
Yes it's true, when arriving to a meet, you shall never arrive strictk on time, never ever arrive before!
We say "quart d'heure de politesse" because you then arrive a couple min after the due hour, 5min is perfect!
though, 15 min is limit to be late, tolerated but a little too long!
Cheek kisses... that's why it's better to arrive after 5 min on a meet, so you're not the last one to have to make the full circle!!!
Though, if you get in a group you don't know, it's ok to shake hands too!
you'll turn to cheek kiss when knowing folks!
And yes, meals.... that's normal we rebuild the whole world during meals! so it needs time!
I don't know about other countries, a familly/friend meal in France turns quickly into a debate about politics and sports!
Haha it's definitely true that family meal discussions can get intense pretty fast! I'm not sure the same conversation rules apply here as in the US, where people try to avoid sensitive topics moreso I think 😅
Sounds like CP time. Very interesting
In Brazil, we have like a "heure de politesse" hahaha that means that you have to arrive 1 hour after the scheduled hour. It's bizarre, but it's pretty much real.
We actually call it "quart d'heure de politesse" because when you invite people to your place, you usually have a lot to do: cleaning, cooking, setting the table... So the hosts we'll probably have to face unexpected events and as a consequence not be ready for the invitation time. In order not to add pressure to your host, you should arrive a little bit late so that your host won't feel ashamed of the mess around and will have time to prepare everything as usually they won't ask you to take part to these tasks.
Ha! and let's face it.... it's never ready on time! always that little thing pissing you off at the last minute!
Showing up late at shows is quite the thing to do: depending on the town you live in, it might be called "le quart d'heure orléanais" or "le quart d'heure blésois". It doesn't matter, since performers usually show up much later than that. I've never heard of "le quart d'heure de plitesse", though.
I don't know where you are in france but i'm french and i've never heard of the quart d'heure de politesse ?
Claire Ferrand lol c'est plutôt à toi qu'il faut le demander !
I think the "quart d'heure de politesse" is mostly an excuse people who are usually late use to feel better about it. There is no social rule saying that you have to arrive 15 minutes later than the announced time. Arriving early might be frowned upon, but certainly not being on time ^^
oh my G ! now you are a real French cause you complain a lot lol
Magique ! 🤣🤣
hey we don't complain a lot ò_ó .
Romain Mackenzie 😂😂😂😂
Vixy my grandmother's job is to complain (at least she always does it when we're with her so... elle vient de Paris donc c'est normal)
Gwendolyn Sheperd Non mais Paris c'est une autre dimension 😂
As a french guy, I've decided to stop cheek kissing with people I don't know. I shake hands, or I just wait for the people in front of me to step forward if he/she wants to cheek kiss. I have no problem with receiving it, but I just feel like if I do it, I'm breaking in the intimacy of the other one without asking his/her permission. And when I have kids, I won't make them cheek kiss adults if they don't feel like it.
I get the differences, but one thing killed me - can't you just install mosquito nets instead of complaining you don't have them? Where I live it's not a standard to have them, so everytime I move to a new apartmant I just install mosquito nets - it's like 5 euros and maybe 30 minutes of work, but it's worth it since you won't get eaten alive :D
thepax1291 I do the same ! :)
Loved your last point! Even as a French person I'm still amazed at all the historical buildings you can find in almost every single town ! Not sure if that's France or just the whole old continent :)
The french susceptibility is also an aspect I had to adapt to. I mean, they expect people to interact with them, greet them and use all of the politeness formulas while meeting them.
It's very cute in a way, but sometimes it gets hectic, especially for people who don't like interactions and don't mean anything bad by avoiding contact or refusing to respond to a greeting xD. #FrenchDrama
Oualid Goumih That's true, we get offended if you don't use all the politeness formulas you're supposed to use 😁
Well if someone says hello to you, the least you can do is say hello back. I don't think that's an especially French social expectation.
Well, some people just wanna go on with their lives without talking to anybody. Minding their own business and going through their day. They have the right to do so, and french people still are more susceptible than others xD
Haha I encountered this whenever I literally translate my politeness formulas (I'm Italian) and they're a bit too informal from the French who will often huff and go "Bonjour hein!"
I'm from Michigan. In Michigan, there are many homes with no air conditioning (mostly in houses that are a little more aged). Opening the window was something that people frequently do there, but like you said, we have screens. So I'm familiar with having to fan out the house in those hot summer months, but thankful that bugs were not openly invited! I also would love the 15 minutes late thing!
Well... 10 month is NOTHING...
I'm French and I've watched several videos you've made and I think your pronounciation in French is really cute. You're doing it right ! French is very difficult, even for natives. I love your videos because I love the way you talk in English : not too fast and your accent is so understandable for me ! Your videos are helping me to "practice" my english, to get use to listen to natives, and I love the topics that you choose ! I love to see how foreign people see french one, french culture and language :) Keep doing it you're so interesting !
I'm so glad to hear it! Thanks for watching! :)
French things I still haven't adapted to? Being French. #England #TheOldEnemy #AngloFrancoBanter
well i guess England is your City !
I've noticed french folks, generally, handle anglo-banter very-well
Yeah, because it is actually quite one sided... Most french people are not even aware that there is a such a thing as an AngloFranco banter. We are kind of busy arguing amongst ourselves, we don't have time for you guys anymore. I've lived in England for 5 years, and was surprised to discover that the English generally think that we have something against them, and make fun of us in retaliation. Well, we don't. As a matter of fact we quite like them. As for hating, we hate everyone equally. We hate Americans sometimes even more equally than others...
Maryfair33 lol people in England think we have something against them? Why? 😂 J'étais pas au courant, comme tu as dit, on a pas le temps de s'occuper des anglais.😁
true the french don't give a single crap about english people.
I'm french, living in France for 24 years now (in the center-east, mostly), and I have NEVER heard about the 15 minutes late. Like never.
We have lived in France over 14 years now. Though 2 hours for a leisurely lunch is nice, anymore than 4 hours for dinner is beyond my attention span. I have been to peoples homes for a dinner party and departed at midnight after just finishing the plate principal. How rude some may say but I think it's rude to expect me to be eating cheese & dessert just before sunrise, they know I start work at 6 am, so even my days off I am a early riser.
Russ Cattell | but even if you eat faster, would a US dinner party end earlier? I'm Dutch, but we would still be drinking coffee and a liqueur or cognac and chat till late after dinner.
Eleonore Bon past eleven would be strange, and we wouldn't bat an eye if someone left early because they have to get up for work. Parties that go past midnight are a very different breed of party, haha.
Le quart d'heure de politesse is 15 minutes before, when you go to work, to interviews, and other formal events. For parties, on the contrary, people always showed up after. The "rude" thing in it I think, is arriving while your host is still preparing the food and basically the party.
Rude to come any time short of fifteen minutes late?
What the fuck. Where I am, it's the other way around. You need to show up fifteen minutes early to everything or you're kinda rude. I'd be pissed if someone told me they were actively trying to come see me fifteen minutes later than I asked. Super pissed.
The very long meal thing is mostly for Christmas / easter / vacation periods when you meet your entire family, a typical meal is more like an hour long at most, unless it's sunday and you're a little more relaxed. When I was a kid we used to spend hours eating with my grandparents when we visited them and meet our cousins, but that's definitely not a regular thing anymore. Or maybe it's just that my family is weird. Also I hate strong cheese in France and only eat Yogurt. I started enjoying cheese when I moved to Italy actually :-)
Quart d'heure de politesse is not French, it's Parisien.
Not at all, it's a Toulouse thing, also called "le quart d'heure toulousain".
And in the Poitou-Charentes it's the "quart d'heure poitevin"
Ca s'utilise pas vraiment à Paris, c'est un truc régional, comme le quart d'heure marseillais, toulousain, niçois, etc
Le quart d'heure vendéen existe aussi.
it's a very swiss thing aswell
Oh wow, these comment were really interesting ! From a french point a view, it can really give you a different perspective on what you are used to and just live by without ever questioning it... :)
Good stuff !
yeah I also think 15 minutes is really the limit and becomes impolite. Maybe this quart d'heure de politesse is typically parisian , in my region 5 minutes is ok, not more. As for the smelly cheese, well, you"re not the first one to complain but honestly it is so much better than the smell of the fish and everybody loves fish, except me :) ... It does stink a lot too.
Keep up the good work, I like your videos
Thanks for watching! I've actually experienced the "quart d'heure" much more outside of Paris, mostly in the countryside in the Loire region. In the Tours region they even call it "quart d'heure tourangeau", to make the distinction between the 15 minutes customary there and the different times customary in other regions 🙂 And yes, I definitely agree that smelly cheese is better than smelly fish, any day! 😅
I'm German and have been married to a Frenchman since 2001. After three years in Paris we now live in French-speaking Belgium, which is very similar in the aspects you mention. What I still have the biggest difficulty with is indeed the kissing: when I don't know someone I still instinctively hold out my hand to say hello and then follows some sort of awkward hand-held cheek-kissing with confused looks...
In Belgium there is the additional difficulty that very many people will immediately use the familiar "tu", where in Germany and France you stay with "vous" much longer.
But little confusions aside I really enjoy living such a multicultural life!
Im french, and le quart d'heure de politesse is something Ive never heard of..
You should be able to get screens for windows at home improvement stores. At least in Germany they sell them there, as well as a special offer in supermarkets around the middle of spring. They of course work best with inward opening windows.
I spent about 2 months at the University of Poitiers and in Paris in the 80s, and I remember well my dorm room being full of bugs. Fortunately I got used to it pretty quick. I don't think the mosquitoes were that bad, and with most bugs I figure if I don't bother them they won't bother me.
However, I've lived in Japan now for over 20 years and I don't think I'll ever get used to the monster cockroaches here. There are screens on the windows so most bugs aren't a problem, but cockroaches will occasionally get in no matter what you do.
I come from a region of France where the "Quart d'heure de politesse" or "quart d'heure charentais" is an institution. The only reason for you to show up on time or early is if you've been planning to help out (and it's better to have warned the host beforehand). Also.. we're so used to being late to everything except for work that movies start 15-20 minutes late at the theater so everyone can be there for the beginning of the movie hahaha
Regarding le "quart d'heure de politesse" I have known this to be practiced in England also but restricted to just 5 minutes. It was explained to me by a friend who always arrived 5 minutes late that it was to enable the host/hostess to enjoy a quick G & T after having completed all the arrangements at the time specified. Having also lived in France I find that Andrea's other comments to be spot on.
The biggest culture shock for me as a New Zealander in the USA was some people's lack of personal space! I once ended up backing into a table because the colleague I was talking to would step closer to me whenever I shifted backwards. I can understand if the space is cramped, but we were the only two people in the room!
The 15 minutes is to give more time to the host for preparations and such, we know we're usually running after the clock after a day of work so it's just something we do to give flexibility to everybody, and not force people to rush themselves.
I mean le quart d'heure de politesse isn't really a thing. I mean, sur when we go to someone's house it's "come approximatively at 7pm" for example so yeah you don't show up exactly at this time, but when they say "come at 7pm" you're there at 7pm
Hey I'm a French girl and I really appreciate your videos. it is so interesting to know what foreigners think about France when they actually live here. Totally love it!
In France it's ok to show up late. When guests arrive at the right time you feel bad because it makes think that they are going to work and they consider you as a uptight person
I've been living in France for 17 years, and I feel just like you (with the exception of the open wondows, but that's maybe because I'm from Europe, and opening the window every morning is as normal to me as breathing)
Here in Quebec, it's impolite to arrive late or exactly at the time you were "supposed to arrive". You're supposed to show up earlier than that.
Don't worry. I'm French and I don't get why people are always late. Especially in my area where lateness gets cumulated (we often refer to the quart d'heure dauphinois or the quart d'heure savoyard, well living on the edge of both regions apparently we get both). When I get invited at someone's house, I myself consider more polite to be right on time (not early, not late). I'll take quite a lot of planning to achieve it sometimes but I will always be the first to arrive, far earlier than others. Also, when I do invite other people, I'll set the meeting time half an hour before to be sure people arrive on time. And it is often not enough though
Hello! I am also an American from Pittsburgh who moved to France almost 14 months ago. Thanks for sharing this was comforting to watch, I agree 100% about the bise... still not natural for me either ! And the windows! I died of heat this summer and got eaten alive by mosquitos too meanwhile my boyfriend had NOTHING! You said you've been in the Loire region, I live in Angers! And I never get tired of the beautiful buildings. Thanks for assuring me I'm not the only one ;)
showing on time isn't rude, you're expected to be on time, that's better. it's just that if you have to be somewhere at 19:00, you're supposed to be there at 19:00 but you have 10~15 min before being considered late
Your explanation and accent is perfect. I have really loved it. By the way, your dress is amazing. You look so beautiful
This may be very very late, but my French in-laws buy these little stickers that look pretty and are a clear round about 5 cm in diameter, which they stick them on windows, and they are supposed to be a bug repellent.
Living in Germany, I completely agree with you about opening the windows all the time. It definitely is weird to me during the middle of winter, when the heating is on.
In fact, it's a church that you will find in each town. You will find some castle too, but always a church at least.
A lot of houses or apartments don't have AC in France. Less energy consumption, less hassle, and healthier air (the air is polluted by chemicals emanating from furniture, walls, objects, therefore the rooms need to be vented).
I loved your video because I’m French and I had the exact opposite experience in the US. Thank you for making me remember these sweet memories because in the end it gets very funny.
Such a great feeling to feel fresh air coming into your room when you open your window. Ive been in the US a lot of times and i definitely hate so much AC, it just feels like fake air hahah
I grew up moving between European countries and thought I knew French culture very well until the first time I went to France as an adult with 2 small children and a baby. I had random French people come up to me and check out my bébé. I'm hard of hearing and was fully deaf as a small child, so I have difficulty communicating in English, let alone other languages. If my husband was with me, he was able to translate. I was very surprised just how enthusiastic French people are with children. I've seen elderly people like this in other countries, but these weren't just elderly French, they were from a range of age groups. It was a little like being in China with blonde hair.
There also seemed to be an interesting response by security at the Louvre. If you can imagine a mass of people there for the Mona Lisa. When security saw me and a baby with 2 small children couldn't see, they cleared space for us to come and take a look. I really appreciated it because small children have a short attention span, so we weren't going to be holding up that space for long. They just wanted to see what it was that everyone else was looking at.
American here. Been in France for 12 years now and wow have I changed over the years. I didn't even really notice it until I watched your video and I can't say there isn't a single thing I haven't adapted to now but for the first couple of years, yea, things were tough. My French brother-in-law takes the “quart d’heure de politesse” to heart and arrives for family events an hour or so late but usually people do try to be a few minutes late.
That's so cool to hear!! I have hope that I'll adapt fully to everything someday too 😁 (I've already gotten better in just the couple months since this video!)