We need to remember that someone’s race won’t tell you about their experiences. I am a black female. I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods. I went to predominantly white schools. I wasn’t raised in a black church. My father was an attorney for an oil company. I attended private schools for the majority of my elementary school years. My life experiences are different than a black person who was raised in a predominantly black neighborhood. My experiences are different from a white person who grew up in poverty. My boyfriend is Mexican-American. He is first generation on both his maternal and paternal sides. He knows that there are people in his family who won’t like me because I’m black. (We don’t spend time with those people.). If you are dating someone, it’s your job to get to learn about them and what they’ve experienced. It’s your job to listen to them and learn from them. Race is still an important factor for a lot of people. If you are biased toward a specific race, ask yourself why. Are you being influenced by the culture? Your family? Your experiences? By the way, great episode.
So I replied before I saw the whole video. My response was almost exactly what the dating coach said.😆. I don’t know anything about rap. I know the names of some rappers, but that’s where my knowledge ends. If I have a rap question, I ask my boyfriend.
not really that different ,,,,lots of blk ppl who grew up in black neighbourhoods, and black schools attended and graduated HBCU but never listened to hip hop rap... or dated black, etc. .yet dated and married races outside their school and communities....
It's not about experience or personality... It's the look. I am attracted to pale white looks or tanned Mediterranean looks. I'm not attracted to elongated faces, will I have to ask myself why? Why do I have to spend my private time with someone I'm not interested in just because "if you don't like it, you're racist?" Sure the right spends all their time getting into people's lives with their laws but the left gets into people's lives with all these nonsensical righteous talks. If I'm biased toward a specific racial looks, I should ask myself why? How about not? How about you worry about yourself and I worry about myself? What's next, should I be called a bigot if I don't want to date an asexual person or a trans person? No, my body, my choice of who I let in.
Only a few minutes in I quickly realized this conversation was worth the 52-minute watch and would be handled with care, researched expertise and the right amount of humor. Bravo to everyone involved and thank you.
I initially had skipped this one for this same subconscious (?) thought that maybe it’d lean more towards humor/sarcasm (zero issue with either, just wasn’t in mood for such at the time this originally uploaded; single by choice so tend to overlook pretty much anything “relationship”) & had mistakingly set it aside for later viewing/listening… agree fully of it actually being packed with valuable general info that all oughta listen too!
It's crazy how racist it gets for certain groups. For ex, my Asian guy friends who dated white women would get so much racist hate, especially online. Meanwhile, people hardly make a peep when it's white men and asian women. It's a huge double standard considering White men date Asian women far more and have white beauty standards on their side to promote them. They get to date whoever they want with very little blowback but the second another non-white man dates an White woman, the racists come out swinging. It's also sad to see the rare occurrences of POC hating on Asian men bc they feel they "deserve" white women more than Asian men. Honestly, disgusting and it's tied to racial superiority.
Opposite for me. Only a few minutes in and I quickly realized this is the typical radical leftist fabricated ascientific drivel. These people and those like them only serve to further divide society. Not unite us. People have physical preferences. Nothing to do with racism.
I had an Asian boyfriend, and I frequently got criticism by people who were not even close to me. That never made me question the relationship though. He made my life richer in so many ways precisely because he’s background was so different from mine. Surrounding yourself with people with different boxes of experiences allows us to access a more sophisticated way to look at the world, and it hopefully makes us more culturally/racially sensitive. Collective intelligence suffers with segregation. Excellent points. Thank you!
Who would you not date, though? The issue these people are trying to push is that it’s never okay to not be interested in someone. My takeaway from this is that, apparently, being straight or having a racial preference when dating are both problems, inherently.
@@Jsarmy87124 that’s perfectly fine. I’m trying to say that I have a problem with the people who say dating preferences are a problem (the people who made this video).
@@ZacksRockingLifestyle That's not what I took away from this. They're just discussing why racial dating became an issue in the first place. There's nothing wrong with your personal preference but it's an issue when you push your preference to other people.
If a person refuses to date you bc of your race, I think u should thank them for saving u the drama. Bc 9/10 they are around like minded ppl that you will eventually be exposed to be it friends or family
@@cindywa2721 it’s sad that Asian women will take a white man in a beat because he’s white. That’s dangerous because they don’t even realize some men they end up with have fetishes and are subtlety racist.
Exactly. Pointing out that people are like this is kinda pointless. If someone discriminates on race alone, count yourself lucky to be excluded from someone that small minded.
Yeah. I still remember 911 when everyone looked at people who wear Turbans as terrorists. I didn't see it that way so i tried to be kind to them even though every white, black or mexican would treat them like a monster.
When someone tried to fix me up with a white guy (I’m a black woman), I definitively stated I don’t date white men. I saw no issue with this statement. But I ended up getting to know him and we were married 5 months later. I’m so glad I didn’t limit myself based on something so superficial and unimportant.
I’m still surprised sometimes that people assume my relationship is just a fling before I inform them we are married. It’s like people treat interracial relationships as a fling or experiment rather than a normal relationship
You are 100% correct. I'm the product of an interracial union. My parents were married 'til death. The questions usually asked are: 1 - If my parents were married. 2 - Did they stay married.
I heard about this study and was surprised because I’ve used dating apps and never had a problem with matching with people but the problem then started when we would start messaging and I’d immediately started being called chocolate 😖😤
Really? OK -Having been married for decades… if you are that superficial, your marriage won’t make the deep level needed to develop a ‘True’ partnership.
@@kitikatslim22 I’m in an interracial relationship now and I have previously dated black men. And I get why someone would say this but I have also been fetishized by black men. I don’t like it from anyone so usually people give themselves away pretty early on , even in the little things they say and I take that as a sign and move on .
As an Indian person on dating apps it really kills your confidence. I’d sit next to my average looking white friend who’d get 30 matches and I’d just sit there with no one. Everyone wants to feel wanted and it was a terrible feeling to feel undesirable.
It isn’t and won’t be fair. So, you have to do better. Look at other male profiles. Think critically about them. Treat it like a resume for work. Which photos look best? Get help taking the pictures if you need help. How is the text in your profile? Any errors or obvious red flags? Work on your ice breakers. Pick an app where you get the chance to break the ice (ok Cupid and hinge are both great for this). You can’t fix the game. But, you can start to stack the game in your favor. The conversations I’ve had with women paint some folks in a poor light with the negative way some societies treat women and the expectations traditional values from some societies put on people. These are all things you can overcome. But, you are starting in a deficit.
@@zero11010 It's not fair because people are flat out racist but will make exceptions to there "rules" for the best of the best from a group they don't desire. However it's not gonna a relationship of mutual respect. It's gonna be one where one is consciously or subconsciously looking down on the other. That is toxic should any offspring come out of thar union and they pick up on it. The child will act as a mirror and the parents might not like what they see.
@@Not-Ap I have no idea what you’re taking about. Maybe it’s because of the region I live in. Most people I know are in interracial relationships. Yeah, some people (like Roy in that clip) only want to date people who look like themselves. Not everyone is like that. And, you’re inherently not going to change anyones mind with your dating profile. So, what you should focus on if this is an issue for you, is getting yourself the best profile possible (it’s just like a resume for dating) and work on your date game when you’re on a date (it’s just like an interview). And, if you feel like people aren’t giving you a chance on apps, you should make sure you ALSO spend time in social situations off apps. A person who meets you in real life may realize after interacting with you that they want to spend time with you even though if they just saw your image they may be disinterested. I’ve dated Indian women and it’s been fine. I’ve got Latina, Chinese, Vietnamese, white, and African American female friends who have all told me horror stories about dating Indian men. Sometimes it’s about the sexist culture and how rude people have been on dates and sometimes it has to do with foreign smells. The Indian women I’ve dated haven’t smelled different than any other women I’ve dated. They don’t have the curry smell I’ve been told about permitting their hair and breath (that is how multiple different women have explained it to me). And the Indian women I’ve dated have liked that I’m a person who believes in equality of the sexes. And, make sure your profile is written more clearly than your RUclips comments. 😉
Men in general complain about dating apps in case you haven't noticed, and also Indian men don't have trouble in general with women because the 2011 U.S census shows that Indian men are married more than Indian women by 10k so you need to approach women in real life instead of just being in dating apps. Women themselves have said that they give men in real life much more of a chance then on dating apps and dating app data like tinder shows that women only swipe right on 5% of men while men swipe right on 50% of women so dating apps unnaturally disadvantage men compared to real life.
I’ll never forget when I started dating my now husband and I had a friend say, “I didn’t know you were into Indian guys.” And that always struck the wrong cord with me. Like I couldn’t like him because of who he was, or that I had to think that the whole race had attractive qualities to give this guy a chance? I dunno, it still bothers me to this day…
yeah, I was faced with such saying of my friends - “I thought you weren’t into kazakh guys”, because my crush was not a kazakh for 2 past years. You know, I had a crush because he attracted me with his hardworking personality, and most of kazakh boys are also hardworking, but they still have not the same characteristics. But in any day I can meet anyone that is randomly nationed and he would be like the most ideal for me as I am thinking. And it’s not related to the proclamation of the friends.
Because most people in your American society is very shallow, that's why. This is coming from an expat who has traveled around the world and did social experiments on this subject. Indians are the most hard-working, hospitable, responsible, least violent, productive members of society. You hardly find any homeless desi, with substance issues, or a theft in developed countries. They are also the most extroverted, vibrant group ( which is evident if you have seen Bollywood movies). So personality and integrity wise, they are more than enough for being ideal partners. Yet they are rated worse than all groups in America, even worse than East Asians. That should tell you everything about how superficial American women are. Their case directly debunks the myth that women emphasize more on personality than looks because otherwise you'd expect them to see the highest success out of all groups. I've also noticed for East Asians, there's a considerable fanbase for K-pop, K drama and Anime but hardly any American watches Indian movies.
@Michelle That comment clearly shows you're brainwashed by western media's lies. Statistics clearly shows America has far more rapes than india but go off..
Wow this conversation...being a Black woman who has dated outside of her ethnicity often and is currently in a married interracially...I have come to some realizations. What I have found to be more difficult is after the attraction...the navigation of the hidden racial "ignorance" of a partner and/or extended family...just because you love our dance, our music, eat our food, like our pretty skin and find us fly doesn't mean you know everything there is to know about our ethnicity(s)...We are so much more than this!! It started off small... I kept hearing the push to not limit you to be oper to the option of interracial dating and I have been in one for 20yrs so I not opposed... what I will say to Black and Brown Women know your worth!! A white man is NOT the prize, YOU are!! Know that your lineage of Ancestors are dope, be proud, stand in it!! My partner and in-laws pride themselves on being extremely liberal but some of the actions or non actions are quite revealing, insensitive and even borderline ignorant, based on bias of "intellectual perception" I often have defend my position because "they" being "intellectuals" read articles, from outside sources/or news program/documentaries and are convinced that's how everyone lives...giving opinions on how they would "fix" a community's problem based on skewed data/information because it is one-sided... instead listening to gain a fuller perspective from someone that comes from that veiw you are reading about...it is frustrating!! Unless you don't talk about it at all...which is another option... because I've notice people have to understand to empathize...they are 2 different functions, from 2 different areas of the body but...for me, hiding/shrinking a piece of me that I am proud to stand in, just to keep you comfortable? A real partner is to stand up for and be just as proud of you!! This is not to criticize anyone...this is just for awareness sake... and just my opinion...Thanks
Isn't "you are the prize" counterproductive to any progress. If everyone thinks they are the prize then it's no wonder marriages don't last. Nobody is "the prize". We're all a work in progress and the aim should be to find someone where you can both make each other better persons.
I honestly think more exposure to different kinds of people will help overcome bias. If you spend a lot of time around a wide variety of people from different ethnic groups, you might find that you've got a lot more in common than you thought!
I agree and disagree, because college. People treat it like an experiment instead of connection/learning, so a lot of people walk away w/similar bias and/or return to their "preference" after they're done sampling
I've studied in many universities. A common pattern i noticed is that white people hardly cross racial boundaries to interact with people of other cultures as much as other racial groups do. There are have been several studies on this with different racial groups that corroborates this.
Agreed. Having lived in predominately diverse ethic communities most of my life and now living in a mostly white community (soon to change) I miss the flavor.
I'm a black woman from the South living in Asia and all of my friends are different EVERYTHING; none of them match my background at all. That wasn't intentional, but the point is that we're super different but they never pop off with some ignorant stereotypes or treat me like I'm an amusement to them (nor I to them). I'm just a person to them as they are to me. So, I often feel a way when people act like it's just not possible to get to know people who are different. My parents taught me that I'm going to have to deal with racism, but they also taught me not to hate, so I never closed myself off and I'm all the better for it. Honestly, if I'd have just stayed in my hometown and only interacted with people in a small, samey bubble, I wouldn't be here today. Lemme just put it like that!
This is such a fascinating coversation. I love how thoughtful and real it is, even though parts of it might be a bit unsettling or controversial to some. But these conversations are so important.
It's not my first time watching Beyond the Scenes but my reaction is like yours. Each time I see Roy in one of these segments I'm surprised all over again at all the ways he's different than his comic persona. And then I realize it took this Roy (the thoughtful one) to create that other Roy (the comic one).
It is never too late to realize that many stand up comedians are some of the most intelligent, sensitive and astute people that exist. Also check out how some transition to straight dramatic acting with stunning success.
Roy Woods Jr is a great interviewer. He adds in humor appropriately and steers the discussion to deep and real issues. Much needed. Major media outlets should follow his lead!
Men will fetishize anyone...Black women, White women, Asian women, Latin women...all get fetishized by men of races different that their own. The problem is men objectifying women.
@@beardzgorski8397, I agree. Did anyone hear of the blonde white girl fetish? Name a group of men who don't want one simply for the blonde locks and blue eyes. It sounds like someone who wants a black person for the skin and an Asian for their eyes. It is difficult to know if someone likes'' you for you'' and NOT your outer shell so to speak.
as a black american female who has used dating apps since i was a literal teenager, it's definitely true that the vast majority of men of all races (black included) disregard black women. i personally have no real racial preferences and never have, however i have cultural preferences based on my unique personality. in relationship terms i'm more submissive and traditional-minded, while being socially liberal. there is nothing i relate less to than the stereotype of the "strong independent black woman." i want a man who allows me to be myself, which is something delicate and fragile which needs and deserves protecting. so i've generally been involved with immigrant men from more traditional cultures...latino, asian, middle eastern. occasionally white and older. black american men seem to have the least attraction towards/understanding of black women like myself, so i tend to not even consider them at all.
I quit them a long time ago: black American men. I don’t have problems with black men, only the ones in the black American descendant of slavery tribe I was raised in. Bring me Caribbean black men, Afro Latinos, and Africans. Abandon their psychotic self hatred and free yourself. You can still have your ideal black man, just look outside this country.
I appreciate how you marked this as cultural and not race. I think that is a lot of what Roy was talking about with the girl from Applebees, and something I know I related to in my multiracial/multicultural dating experience. A highly melanated person from Africa is very different culturally then a highly melanated person from LA. A person Indigenous to Turtle Island above the false border is very different culturally then a person below that imaginary line that allows different government actions. For me, I can not date someone who's culture degrades matrilineal thought. A response from dating too many men who followed capitalism, of all colors, mixed with a childhood that was off grid and Indigenous.
It has been my limited experience that outside of online dating. Everyone has "preferences" till they find someone attractive. I've met plenty of men and women that weren't attracted to a particular group. Then met someone and their whole "preference" changed.
I've seen and experienced that firsthand. The potential problem is when someone chooses a person typically outside their "preference" based on physical attraction and they are not interested in getting to know the person as a whole human being. They ignore the person's culture and life experience. It's like "I'm interested in you, but I'm not interested in any part of your life that is connected to your race or culture." It's about how well Idris Elba fits into their life on their terms with no desire to know who Idris is as a black man.
I use to be open to all relationships, but just found that dating within a minority group I don't have to explain my views and experiences to that person nearly as much. There's a disconnect between experiences that white people don't get. Why I have triggers and why my personality suddenly changes in certain situations.
I've found it more complicated. My black ex who was a banker's daughter in Trinidad knew nothing about the minority experience. My pale skin, and my lack of money, ensured I'd have a more direct education in the same country. But I admit, I find it frustrating trying to talk to many white Americans now.
But the problem is, people like you are only contributing to racial biases and furthering division by not taking advantage of the opportunity to share your views with people who have a different upbringing from you. The entire point of a relationship, especially an intercultural one, is an opportunity for everyone to share their experiences and learn from each other. Its not just about being comfortable with each other. Its an avenue for everyone to learn and educate each other.
@@juststatedtheobvious9633 That's a sweeping generalization without any evidence. Some people just are ignorant because they never had the opportunity to learn about other's struggles since they were never closely involved in those people's lives. I know plenty of white people who have gained more understanding and sympathy for POCs once they started dating them. Its not all black and white, mate.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn True but not everyone wants to have to "educate" someone that theyre in a relationship with. If you're in love with a person and it's worth it then awesome, but I don't think there's an issue with wanting to be with a person that "gets it" without explanation. As POC we gotta do that enough already in day to day life, I don't wanna do that at home too.
I agree. He always brings an additional prospective to any topic being discussed. I hope that his successful stand up comedy career allows him enough breaks to do more on the show , including those videos.
It would be nice if Ronnie reaches out to his own race, who are in Malaysia and Singapore, to STOP being racist against other races. Also, the world needs to not only address obvious racism, but also silent racism.
I Totally Agreed when he caught her saying "Resilient" & how awkward it was to use that disruptive word😝 to describe successful Asian Men in the dating world 😛 So Cringe 🫣😳🤯😲
I've never had a "type" and that resulted in being open to dating all kinds of people from every race or background. I ended up falling in love with a Dominican man and after 14 years of marriage and making a beautiful family, I've come to feel bad for people who are selling themselves short by sticking to their "preferences" b/c they're cutting off so many potentially fulfilling relationships.
@UC2QGVelIdUJYGtEI4FqrIkA this point of bisexuality really is goin right over your head dude. Yes bisexual people can have a preference for a gender BUT it doesn't mean they exclude other genders from their dating pool. A preference is preferring coffee over tea but being willing to drink both or either or. If you're excluding someone based entirely off skin tone or gender identity it's not a preference it's discrimination.
I do stand corrected, i turned the clock back and listened to it again, yes i agree anyone who is reported for bigot speak should be banned from all sites.
@Master Mind the fact you call yourself a ‘master mind’ while not catching the point makes me question your intelligence. It’s like saying “you should be scared of me. I’m scary!” lol no
@@MsRcamille - yes ur right, there is both an objective and subjective aspect to physical beauty. But This isn’t about opinions. It’s about outcomes. Beautiful women, whether dark skin or light skin, get different outcomes than homely women. That’s just reality.
@@leonardthompsonjr3948 I would suggest that you look at what colorism is because you clearly doesn’t get my point. Some people will literally discriminate against the most beautiful person due the level of melanin in their skin. It’s not about the persons beauty. It’s simply based on color. What you are explaining here is not black and white. It has nothing to do with what the persons status.
It's interesting that the highest-paid demographic (Asian Men) and the most educated demographic (Black Women) scored the lowest. That blows my mind! It makes me wonder what the average American feels the most valuable asset is in a partner other than looks.
Heritage is more than looks... its more about lineage than appearances. Genetics are not an exclusively visual proponent to dating and mating. The human race is diverse, try to keep it that way :)
@@stinkfinga4918 But the demographics that are focused on their legacy and what we are leaving behind are scoring the lowest. Black women (including myself) are even the fastest growing entrepreneurs in America. So that still doesnt make sense to me.
Not really. "Highest paid" usually means your known to be smart as book nerd. Asian men are really into education and have that nerd vibe" that is not a attractive alpha male trait. Black women have the highest college rate and high level of being entrepreneurs. With that comes with a masculine energy which makes black women the least submissive among women. Both of yall businesses attributes actually work against you.
A big part of this too is that people don't understand the word preference. They say they PREFER a certain race then you discover what they actually mean is that they would prefer to ONLY date that race and have internalized all sorts of stereotypes attached to the races they prefer and the ones they don't.
Yeah. Having a preference is not the staunch discrimination that too many people think it is. I have a preference and most of the guys I have given a chance to, did not fit into it. Also, that wasn't the reason we didn't work out.
@@rosalynbeatty8310 The line between preference and racial bias in dating is not thin at all. It's thick, distinct, and built like a prison fence. You can't mis it. That's why it's such a topic.
I'm married -in an interracial relationship. I'm a mixed African American woman and my husband is Caucasian and Thai. Before my husband, I had a "type". After starting online dating, the site that I joined suggested that you leave your type at the door! I took that advice and the rest is history. I would've never met such a wonderful man if I just kept dating the same ol same ol! *On a side note, I still remember my Caucasian female friend telling me that she noticed that she had substantially more messages coming in for her than I did. We both knew that race played a part in that, unfortunately.
Interesting topic. This conversation reminded me of when I was a teenager, and a church lesson was about marriage and dating. We were told that you would marry who you date, so it was important that you should date within your own "culture". I thought this was weird at the time. As I started attending college, I realized that this was code for race. It made me wonder if this was the main reason why I didn't date very much since I'm a person of color, and grew up in mainly white, rural community.
@Nem Esis Yes, I wholly agree that that was not Christian. Luckily, some congregations within my church community acted in a Christian manner. Fyi, I'm asian (Japanese), and this was some 40+ yrs ago. Happy to say there have been some positive changes within my church culture, but there's still more work to do regarding racism and prejudice. Hopefully, I have been influential with those I meet by giving them a different perspective.
As a white woman in the south, I definitely developed a physical type in my youth. Dark haired, dark eyed Caucasian 5’10” or taller. Tattoos could be a bonus or a detriment depending on the tat. The problem with this is I also have a personality, humor and character type and that doesn’t link automatically to the physical. I have dated well outside of that physical description and been happy with the person. I am still looking for a life partner but I’ve learned to turn off the physical filters and concentrate on the qualities I actually want to live with.
Exactly. Other than a heavily tattooed person, the outside will change. What can never be changed is WHO the person is on the inside. Focus there. You will definitely be able to ‘influence’ outer changes!
@@dae1925 Then why are you throwing your hat into the ring? Remember people, if they will do it with you… they can do it to you! That is a prime example of an inside trait you can NOT change!
Wow. Just... wow. People who still use that word seem like living fossils to me, I almost can't get mad at them because they clearly just stepped through a time portal or something.
My (Native American + Filipino) wife: "Could you please use your straight white male privilege for me?" And yes, once I got on the phone, the customer service rep was suddenly extremely amenable :)
I do that all the time with my white partner. When we were looking for a home, I made him the representative of us while I'll stay at home. It worked like a charm.
After dating a fairly wide variety of women, I settled on the idea that the best thing for me would be to date someone from my own cultural background which, it turned out, was a bit complicated. I grew up in Kenya, my mom's white American, dad's Pakistani and I went to a British and then international school so I'm all kinds of mixed up. I ended up dating a girl I'd been in love with for years and guess what, she's half Indian, half dutch, grew up in Kenya and went to similar schools. It turned out our families and values were so different, no matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't stay together. We're still friends but we figured out we just weren't compatible so that whole cultural background thing only goes so far. It really comes down to your values and what you want out of life.
True, but its where people start. And dating apps dont go very far in terms of tracking relationship data. They can only "see" the initial fase where the discovery starts
Exactly. Its illogical to write off an entire group based on the assumption that they might have different values just because people from that group share some physical features not seen in your group. There are lot of lot of South Asians, especially in UK that have no knowledge of their ethnic culture because they were born and brought up in the values of western culture. My cousin is one example, he looks Indian on the outside but if you only hear him speak, you wouldn't think of him as Indian. He was born there, has zero knowledge of its culture or its values. He's more British than the white Brits tbh. He ended up marrying a white brit and going strong for several years.
As a western African woman, I am always shocked to see so many non black people growing up in Africa and never date a black person while being in Africa. But Africans who move to western countries always want to date out. That speaks volume on both parts.
@@sabadaga1 Same observation. I'm from Asia and I see many white Westerners living there. But they hardly date the local Asians, they specifically go for white people, while Asians are the most open minded group to interracial relationships. It really shows their bias.
Mixed race women and Black women have a different lived experience and are not treated the same in daily life, this includes dating apps. Mixed race women are seen as more desirable because they are in closest proximity to the white ideal. Light skin privilege, mixed race privilege, hair texturism, featurism, sizeism/ fatphobia are all real
I 100% agree… there is widely different social currency allotted to black women with dark skin and non-exotic features versus those allotted to black women with features from a non-black parent
I suppose that is how it is in America. I am an American black woman who lives in Europe and because there are less darker brown women, they get more interest than fair skinned bi-racial women, because there are a lot of those to go around. They actually get too much interest from white men especially and many of them are in interracial relationships like me. This really is an American problem.
After watching the first 13 minutes I finally mustered up the courage after many years to have a hard and long over due conversation with my best friend about why she told me she’d be upset if I ever dated a black girl- I’m black, which made it even more crazy to hear, but that statement has been one of the biggest reasons why I have low self esteem when it comes to dating.
I recently had a black male coworker go on and on in an antisemitic rant, which I immediately addressed causing him to ask why I cared if they hate black people (including himself) and then in the next breath praise himself for being “light skinned” 🤦🏾♀️ I pointed out that his colorism was separating him from whatever place in the hierarchy he felt I belonged, and he concluded with “everyone thinks that way”
I find when dating people from a whole other culture, more often than not a lot of the "differences" are actually in your head. You think it would be easier dating someone from your own background, but their experiences, traditions and values can also be vastly different, maybe more different than someone who had similar parents to yours but is from another race/culture. My parents were hippies in a conservative, fairly normative country, I could never relate fully to men from my own country. So I mostly dated immigrants and expats, because at least we both experienced being excluded for who our family was and had a lot of openess towards new experiences.
@@TalkandtaskwithDani It's a word describing people who are temporarily sent to another country to work/live, often bringing their families. By companies, embassies etc.
Exactly my thoughts. People who write off entire groups thinking everyone in that group have similar values that won't match with them are narrow minded and are bigots. Just because I look like a person from a different culture does not necessarily mean I share all values from that culture. I'm an Asian and lived my entire life outside my home country. My personality and values are influenced by several cultures and religions. So what exactly is my identity? I have none. I'm easily adaptable with people from any culture and their values. This is also reflected in my music tastes. I'm able to enjoy music from a variety of cultures. Same with my food preferences. Very diverse tastes. So I refuse to identify with any group.. the only identity is human.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn Hi! What people like you and me are called is TCK (Third Culture Kid), meaning that due to having grown up outside our passport countries, we develop a culture that is essentially open to influences from anywhere and are very aware of social cues anywhere. (I am from Europe but spent my teen years in Thailand and India.)
Thank you so much for your honesty Roy! I'm a Black woman who is over 55. It gets a lot more complicated dating someone outside my race. And, in my experience, a lot of black men appear to be looking for someone who is non-Black.
Alot of non black and black media has a role to play in this. Also the attitudes of non black men over black men dating "their women". Media of both promote black men dating outside but putdown black women dating outside. Many non black men will not express (at least openly) disagreement with black men dating "their women" but Black men will openly express their disapproval with nonblack men dating black women. The attitudes and beliefs are openly expressed that it creates a cultural norm that light skinned men to white are not as ideal as black and it also creates the same dynamic against dark skinned women and minority women vs white women. Even the commercials focus on interracial relationships favor black men vs black women in this regard.
That’s was my experience in high school. Majority white school but there was about 45 black people of the 150 students. Not only did these black boys not date black girls but they often went out of there was to make us less desirable
I’ve learned in psychology class that the ethnic background of your caretaker greatly influences your ‘racial’ preferences, but other factors like abuse/neglect can clearly change that
I also think whoever you had your first crush or two on imprints on you so whatever race(s) you're surrounded by when you're around 12 or whenever you first developed a crush, is more likely to become your "type" later in life. I know that's definitely the case for me.
It definitely is an important discussion. I am Asian-Canadian, I understand that people have their preferences, but I think we should date a person who we like/love him/her for who he/her is, not because of their skin colour. Personally I have a bigger problem with people who have a heavy religious background rather than skin colour. This is due to the difficulties with cultural and family influence that I know it will become a major issue in the future, for example I cannot imagine putting my children through strict religious livestyle that I know I don't even believe in. Or culturally speaking when women needed to be in a submissive role. Otherwise I've been in relationships with men in different races, it isn't an issue for me at all as long as we respect and accept each other's values. I found that when I was young I would date someone who I was familiar with, so my first 2 relationships were with Asians, then I grew up to learn more about other culture and to accept that we could look different and still be great friends and partners as long as we accept each other. My husband is German, I didn't date/marry him because he is "desirable", but because of his qualities, which I found attractive, at least to me.
@@Captain.Pugwash You will have to kiss 300 frogs before you meet one mediocre Prince. That pretty much sums up online dating. It's worth it for entertainment and if you are lonely but go in with very LOW expectations.
This is an interesting discussion. I'm married, but spent lots of time on dating apps when I was single. I think the conversation is important, but need folks to understand acknowledging racism on these apps doesn't mean Black women are sitting around sad because folks we don't want don't want us either. A bunch of white men in my inbox would never make me feel better, though I think it's important to show how racism permeates every area of life, including interactions on dating apps.
Hello, Ms M. I think the distinction you are making is important. The racism that informs the decisions of "a bunch of white men" is not about you. The problem is (ouch) the white men. Best respects to you and your husband, and to all the Black women who do NOT need to "sit around sad". I'm glad you posted, Ms M, and I'm sorry I only got to "meet" you over White racist behavior.
I agree. As an aro-ace African-American, I have noticed that the “only bitter, jealous and sad black women are the ones who care about this” only comes out, when folks want black women to stop revealing the truth. They want to stay in fantasy land. I think it is important to discuss this for the future generations of black women, who will experiment their romantic journeys.
@@MsMalikkaRogers I think a large part is of course racism and how the bw is almost if not totally invisible in mainstream media as a love interest or wife in a family unit....this of course is not a mistake. I think bw need to take a lot more control of our images in avenues where that is possible. I do not feel this study was thorough or favorable to bw in giving answers regarding the monumental hand that every avenue of media plays in any numbers concerning bw in the dating pool. Other reasons are dating sites don't cover a lot of the percentage of people that meet their partners in their academic circles, people in these circles are less likely to chose mates by the same societal standards or what society/media literally shoves down our throats. Fyi My own brother use to joke like d*mn ww EVERYWHERE, or wht adjacent! Funny but true, where bw are basically invisible is super saturated with ww or wht adjacent women. Bw also are known to primarily prefer bm in spite of the often times I'll treatment received from bm. As a bw who went to a predominantly wht/wht Asian college wm who got comfortable around me expressed being mostly afraid to approach bw because of rejectio, and stereotypically where afraid they didn't "measure up". Bw are just now starting to expand their options and non blk men are slowly starting to open their options toward bw and approaching bw more. This stats are 1. Old and contrary to stats that reflect not only who each race secretly desires but who they would actually marry. These numbers favor bw.
During slavery black people weren’t even allowed to get married. And could be sold away from each other. Hundred of years later, black families still face a lot of challenges. Black Love is about changing the narrative, protecting and celebrating black relationships.
White love and Asian love and Middleeastern love are narratives also. Nationalistic. Tribal. Racial. ??? Maybe because this goes beyond preference and your moving in the direction of segregation. The whole "Looks like me" has been used for justifications of Jim Crow. No one is obligating anyone to date outside of their race but there are races obligating their own to date with in. They use excuses like "changing the narrative", "keep it black", "the great replacement", "looks like me", etc. If you are going to make these excuses be prepared for others to do the same. MLK dream of integration doesn't mean you are directed to marry and breed with a person of another race nor is it saying that it's a taboo.
Yo, is it just me or does it seem like Roy has been developing and deepening his confidence (not just in his work, but in himself as a person) since he started doing these Behind the Scenes video and started dropping that at least his character was 'going to therapy?' It feels like he's really finding his groove and it shows in his excellent work getting even better and him being even more chill.
He's certainly one of my heroes. And yeah, the best conversation I ever heard on men getting therapy was two sentences long (one guy had just survived a family tragedy): "Do you have someone to talk to?" "Oh, yeah; this is much too hard to do alone." Pow. And yeah, that sounds like Roy.
Facts me too!! I'm open to anything. Not on dating apps because of the toxic environment and meeting one bad guy after another. They are always hiding something and have proven to not want to be in relationships.I'm always upfront with my intentions. They just look at your picture and don't take the time to read the profile.I will never date on an app again.
Love is informed by all other things in society, so when people choose a partner, it is not in a vacuum. We all discriminate and pretending to not be influenced by society is disingenuous sounds like "I don't see color" 🙄 - which is racist at it's core.
I'm Afro Colombian, my racial appearance can be hard to define, but when I tell Latinos that I am part Columbian they assume that I am a "hot tamale mama" when I'm really intellectual and spiritual person. I invited a Mexican coworker to hang out once and he was ready to hit home on a first date! Even though I was trying to convey my personality away from work and in none uniform attire, ( I wore a full length black sharia style sequined gown that left only my face and hands exposed) "José" was insistent about groping me, demanding that I sit in his lap and trying to smooch in public! He wasn't reading my signals or hearing my voice at all. I had invited him to a church service, at first and he wanted to meet at a restaurant/club. My 1st red flag of many. After I declined his advances he said I was like a politician, but I didn't ever make any promises and from the beginning he tried to steer the date to some sultry level, even though I was conceding to even attend an evening church service after work after his constant attention at work. I wouldn't say all Mexican men are the same, but I really thought José was a lot more respectful than he turned out to be. Also, my 35 year old daughter is constantly regarded as "exotic" and she is a somewhat nerdy CPA! People look at us and imagine some hyperactive sexuality that just isn't there. It's really beyond disappointing and extremely irksome.
Culture has a massive effect on people, and about 60% more or less fulfill the stereotypes, which makes it hard for the people that don't fit them. Basically, we're divided into traditional and non-traditional people. The traditionalists tend to be more judgmental and fit their stereotypes almost like it's their duty.
@Logan, Born in the midwest but I've spent years in rural Alabama and Puerto Rico as a child. Some very few years ago, the culture of social media's tempted me to completely ignore these new societal beliefs, but deep down I'm still a bit of a hippie/dreamer, enchanted by every single creature, large or small. And there's still a million books for me to escape to! 🤓
Unfortunately black women would have to deal with the anti blackness and the praise of pale skin that runs rampant in a lot of Asian communities. I don't think that would work out unless the men in that community moved to change that mindset.
@Michelle next time google 👀👀, the facts and info are there. Black women are doing their thing and advancing. They earning degrees and making their own money, not depending on a man to take care of them!! Don't hate !!!
I’ve not been single since the early 70s! This whole swipe right, swipe left thing is the strangest and most weird way to find live EVER! I’ve been married 46 years. I pray I will never feel the need to go there!
Thank you for this video, and this series as a whole. It gives such a deep dive u to issues that can only get touched on in a short clip in the broadcast. Please keep these coming. I love the conversations that you have and that these episodes inspire.
I have a friend who is Korean. His parents insisted that he marry a Korean. So a piece of this comes from the culture or family. Meanwhile, I had family members criticize me for for dating black women.
There are a LOT of cultural dynamics on the Asian side - and something people outside Asian communities don't see is how much discrimination there is among different Asian ethnicities. You can't just date "any Asian person," you have to date the "right type," which can mean ethnicity, caste, socioeconomic status, etc. And a lot of Asian people end up dating outside the culture to get away from that.
@@tandt7694 I was ridiculed by a sibling for dating a latina. The same sibling did not like me dating any black woman. I never had the opportunity to introduce the Asian woman I dated to my family. Some family members were accepting and happy to meet anyone I was dating regardless of "race". But I had a cousin who refused to greet one partner because he was Southern Baptist and she was Catholic.
I think the social aspects of inter - racial dating, where the person isn't ready for the family to disown them and to lose all familial support, or worse, when they'll remain in relationship and make their lives miserable and full of strife can't be overlooked. My father broke off his first engagement when he realized how strenuously her parents objected to their marriage (she was rebelling and deliberately using him to get her parents angry). When i was in school, a guy and I were flirting heavily and I suggested that we attend the next school dance together. He said he couldn't, because his parents would object. He wasn't ready to deal with that situation.
I am in a interracial marriage and I like seeing other interracial couples, so just note if someone is watching it's not always for hate. In the beginning of my relationship I also was hyper aware that others could be watching, but over time you really couldn't care less. In a weird way I found a large circle of friends that are in interracial marriages (it happened naturally).
This finally clicks into place why my only serious relationship that came from online was with a black man. He was the last black man I dated and we both went back to dating outside of our community. I get a lot more attention in person, often times from guys who have not dated black women before.
the issue for me is the mixed woman being the stand in for Black women…you find someone with mixed ancestry to discuss the most marginalized when we know colorism and featurism are complicit in the data.
Since a great, open, honest and nuanced conversation. I’ve definitely been educated by dating men with ethnicities different than my own. I dated a Black man for a time and the first thing he asked me was I going out with him just for the experience, I was shocked, but then self reflected to be sure. We split because of a difference in readiness for commitment. My fiancé is Mexican - American and I am white, I see examples every day of things I don’t even have to think about as a white women, that he does…
These long form segments are always so interesting and surprisingly intimate. Getting to know the Daily Show talent as intelligent thoughtful people makes watching the show so rewarding. Thanks for these videos, keep it up!
I'm white but I grew up as a minority in the LA public school system. During my dating years (I got married in 2008), I dated nearly every race but I found that white men tended to have a lot of ignorance about racism which was a whole extra layer to dating I didn't like dealing with. Maybe it's also my own baggage about being bullied as a kid for being white but at a certain point I stopped being attracted to white men because I didn't feel like dealing with educating them or seeing racism that they didn't notice. I also connect with Roy's concern about the children. I just didn't want my kids to experience what I did growing up. Now that I've been married for years (to a Mexican-American guy) I feel a little bad for being so prejudiced back then. I might have hurt some feelings along the way because to get a white guy to stop pursuing me I would sometimes tell them I didn't date white guys. One more comment-- At one point I really fell in love with man raised by a single black woman who was still super present in his life and I do admit I was intimidated. I felt like I wouldn't be a strong enough mom to be respected in her eyes as a mother. This makes me wonder how much of the prejudice against dating black women is wrapped up in white insecurity. I'm not saying that justifies it but having nearly had a black mother-in-law, I admit I felt insecure and like I would never live up to her strength.
Is your name actually Kindred? I love that name. I’m sorry you been bullied, but I’m glad you still were open enough to have an amazing bicultural family ❤️
As a black man I can tell you that most of that "strength" is an act. Being loud and aggressive is not being strong at all. Underneath all that lies fear and insecurities.
As an observer from Africa, I also understand why black american women are least desired, based on what we see (via the box i.e. reality shows, talk shows hosted by women & so forth). It looks like B.A.W are combative, know no peace, promiscuous and are always talking down to their brothers because of money I mean you would have to be really desperate and at your last wits to go for the colonizer when there's black women So I think self reflection needs to done about the entire black collective image and it starts with the women
This was such an insightful session, it brought to light something that I didn’t know existed and possibly now I can evaluate myself to see if I am in that category because it’s unacceptable behavior
Black women and Asian men should hook up. I, personally think it's preference. The US feels like a caste system. It seem that most other minorities prefer to date and marry Caucasians. Whenever I see Asian women with White men, it seems that they are physically holding on to the men and the same with Latin women. I wonder if it's a status thing. I am a black male and I really like seeing interracial relationships. I always tell my friends and family to live with a opened heart and not limit who you can Fallin love with.
This and so many current discussions prove I've always been 10 years ahead of everyone else. I was telling women racial preferences is racial discrimination. ... since like 1999.
I'm a dark skin latino married to a white latino with totally different background, but I do believe that the whole race preference issues is also indicative of how attached many people are to their comfort zone. In the sense that they will take the path of least resistance into a possibly mediocre relationship as opposed to a deeper more passionate relationship just because it's easier. Perhaps if some data could be extrapolated as to the length and happines/satisfaction level into the different types of relationships would help people make better choices. Thanks for this it was very enlightening 😊
As an Asian male I'm ok with being in the least wanted group. When I was younger it bothered me but as I got older you get used to it and eventually reach acceptance. It really reduces the complexity of life.
As a Latinx male I feel where your coming from because sometimes I feel hispanic males are the least desired men out there, especially since the vast majority of our women don't like us and are always thirsting over white men. However much like you I've learned to accept reality as harsh as it might be.
@@LuciferTheDogKiller Work on yourself. Make lots of money. Enjoy a wealthy and early retirement. See all the places you want to before you kick the bucket and live a full life. That is all I can recommend and all that I can do. Doing it all alone doesn't mean being lonely. It means having freedom.
As a white woman, I absolutely hate that Asian men are seen as least wanted and white men as most wanted. I think non-white men are way more attractive looking than white men. I love Asian men.
It’s a very difficult but important conversation to have. I’m a tall white male in his 30s who used to go out with 2 tall white men and a short Asian man to bars and clubs and man….I felt badly for my Asian friend because it did not go well for him. Don’t know what the solution is, but you would hope it wouldn’t be such a dramatic difference in dating preferences just based on ethnicity/height
Is it bad that as an Asian man I don’t want people knowing I’m a least desirable demographic? Feels like it will cut my chances down more than I already feel if everyone thinks they’ll be judged for dating me
You are thinking about it the wrong way. If someone is worried about how they will be perceived with you, they care more about their image than they do about you or your relationship. If the matter of "how desirable you are to others" is a factor in whether they care about you, you are better off without them.
You’re concerned about your perceived value. That’s normal. Work on self confidence and self worth. It may help to see a therapist for a little bit. When you’re happier about yourself it will show. Most women are immediately drawn to self confidence (which is not the same as arrogance).
Excellent conversation. I am a white woman. On dating apps, I say I'm open to meeting anyone of any race. I understand and respect the preference of a non-white person to date within their racial/cultural/ethnic group, since that person would better understand the challenges of navigating in a white dominant/white supremacist society. But if a white man expresses a preference to date only white women, I suspect racism. Also, on OK Cupid there's a question that asks something like: "Should everyone speak out against racism, or is it each person's individual choice?" If the answer is, no, it's an individual choice, I read that as racist. Because everyone-- white people included-- should be outraged by and speak out against racism. So if the guy is white, prefers to date someone of his own race, and answers "no," no one is obligated to speak out against racism, those answers-- especially in combination-- are deal breakers for me. If, on top of all that, they say they are "politically moderate," that tells me they lack the moral courage to take a stand on controversial issues, like racial and social inequality. You may say that those are my biases. So be it.
Isn’t suspecting the motivations of someone based solely on their race, by definition racism. How is that any different than saying “if I see a white person in a nice neighborhood, he probably lives there, but if I see a black person in the same neighborhood I suspect he is a burglar”
As an Asian American, I can attest to this. It is very sneaky. One example. I once dated a w girl who worked in Papa John's in a middle state (Midwest). Her associates looked down on her and made a fool of her by saying, "She is dating Asians!" "You know she likes Asians, you guys. Wink wink." "That's why she likes small." Etc etc. When she snapped, they were like, "Oh we were just kidding chill out," shamelessly turning it on her! She was very stressed. They were nice when I saw them. Not just one or two but every w guy. There is this peer pressure. Whisper attacks, verbal attacks, physical attacks, condescending attacks. Glass ceilings.
No it wasn't. She said that race plays a factor and lied about her own self loathing. Nobody changlleged her even though that was supposed to be the point of the show. " why can't we talk about racial hypergamy " because they wanna lie and laugh about it. But the BLACK MAN WASN'T LAUGHING 😕
I'm really glad that all my marriages (6) were based on live, person-to-person interactions. I'm too paranoid to connect IRL with someone I met online.
Marriages are like strokes in golf. The more you have had, the less compelled we feel to reproduce your strategy. Just curious, what else did you do to achieve that level of accomplishment?
I had this argument with a group of Asian women about how we (Asian men) are envious of them because they can date whoever they want. But they were complaining about how they are being sexualized and hate it so much. It sounds like a high class problem to us. Would you rather be desirable but comes with sexualization? OR Be least desirable and no one wants to date you?
@@ThatBeach23 thing is that women are desired more than men so you are at the bottom for women but more likely higher than the bottom of men, their blessing is average income
I think the idea that of a "reset" button for dating algorithms is pretty smart ...considering how previous preferences have not worked, showing you more of the same might not be the best way for you to find happiness.
It’s almost like people base their decisions on aesthetic preferences when picking who to match with because that’s all they’re given. My current partner doesn’t match every preference I have. What a shocker. It’s almost like when you actually engage with people and not a soulless dating app, you get more genuine people.
How is it racist to prefer people with your same culture, language , traditions? I am Latina, I prefer latinos...nothing to do with the color of the skin...
Latin America is literally filled up with every race and culture under the sun. There is plenty of racism within Latin Amercia, so difficult to understand what the point is? Are you saying you are just as attracted to Sammy Sosa and Andy Garcia and Alberto Fujimori? They are all Latino and three different races.
@@MyPlace-eb7fb I'm saying that I prefer to date Spanish speaking Latino men, color is irrelevant. Why is this racist, just saying We all have a type, Cubans are my thing, do you have an issue with that?
Because those who want to date outside their ethnicity will be bitter about that you prefer your own which is normal and therefore don't want to date them so they will claim racism out of bitterness. In regards to this I've only seen black people, mostly black men criticize or say it's racist to prefer your own.
Jennifer needs to do new research, black love isn't really trending anymore. It's been a hard pill to swallow realizing black men who are successful and well off rather go outside of the dating pool. Therefore most of us black women have found more luck elsewhere. Right now I am in my longest relationship ever with a Puerto Rican man and I am a Black Jamaican.
things you and the boriqua differences are the islands were colonized by 2 different Europeans, speak 2 different colonial languages. if he is black then what's the issue? 2 islands from Caribbean, foods are both connected to the same continent, wonderful cultures, etc.
What this conversation made me consider: I have only had 2 relationships, both white. Something else I found with online dating, I wanted to chat more before meeting, I ended up going on very few dates. Telling guys I was tall turned many away. I was also up front about wanting to eventually foster and/or adopt, not give birth. This REALLY turned guys away. All this and I present pretty butch, so generally I found more women have shown interest in me than men.
a tall woman who wants to chat online a lot before the first meeting, who wants to adopt or foster instead of giving birth, and who is an engineer...? They probably thought you were trans.
I want you add something. Preference is not the same as a non-negotiable. As an example, everyone has a preference for a particular flavor of ice cream, but that doesn't mean you are going to turn down a different flavor.
A better example, what this whole program was about, is saying you're not a picky eater (biased) and open to all flavors, then going to a Baskin Robin's and picking the same "preference" flavor *Every Single Time* you visit.
I'm a biracial woman who met my partner via a dating app. I was livining in an area that was predominantly white and I could definitely sense the bias. If I liked a minority man....practically any minority in my area, I would likely match. If I liked a white man, the odds were a lot lower. So I would often have a disproportionate amount of minority matches, and in the end I ended up with a great man from peru (which means I'm also in an interracial/cultural relationship). Honestly I was somewhat okay having people self-select me out of their dating pool. I'd seen/heard plenty of experiences that were at best racially awkward and at works extremely difficult for women of color where the guy or their family struggled with the person's race. I didn't want that. So it was nice to know that at the very least a number of those had likely cancelled out before I ever met them. That was more sad for them than for me. * To be fair, I also had preferences/biases in looks. They just weren't super racially specific.
you know as a fellow biracial but i am a male,. maybe i don't get the need to absolutely mingle with the other half's relatives and especially when you sense hostility from afar. i onno but its not worth sweating over especially if your other half is fully committed. Now that's how i view it. See I am not finna catch no ulcer over someone's feelings that i can't control.
My mom was racist against Hispanic people, who were all " Mexican" in her mind, and homophobic. My first real boyfriend was Puerto Rican and she hated it, voiced her displeasure every chance she got. A little while later I dated a woman and my mom straight out and told me she would rather see me less happy with a man then completely happy with a woman. My family is important to me even if I disagree with their beliefs. My ideal family picture is one where my kids would go to grandmas or aunties for the summer. We'd have family get togethers and spend holidays with each other. I didn't see that future with someone my family disapproved of. My mom and grandparents would have distanced themselves from me. Ultimately I ended up marrying a white man. He at least shares my beliefs so our kids have been raised to be accepting of everyone. Hopefully the next generation can do better than the generations that came before.
When I was single on dating apps where you can specify your "race" I would never answer that because the type of person to who that is important was not the kind of person who I wanted to meet.
I put that I was white but they could see from my pictures that I was clearly black. lol The only ones that would get mad at me doing that were black guys. Go figure.
I remember when I first signed up for e-harmony back in 08 and being kind of appalled that there was a whole list of races and you had to check the boxes next to the races you would be interested in. But it did make me examine myself and ask the question, would I date an Asian guy? A black guy? I distinctly remember hesitating over the East Asian section thinking of all the biases in my head (mostly that I would be bigger than them.) I ultimately checked all the boxes because why would I exclude someone who might be perfect for me or that I might have a great connection with, for reasons that I don't know for sure would be true about them, just based upon race? My husband now is white, but he is very thin and I again had to have the conversation in my head of like, can I do this? Be with someone smaller than me? People are going to look at us weird and think he had some kind of fat fetish. But sizism on dating apps (particularly towards short men) is a topic for another day lol.
When I was younger I had that mindset that men HAVE TO be bigger than women since men are apparently meant to 'dominate' women. Then one day I found out my very tall aunty was hooking up with a really short guy in our friend group. I was shocked at how that could even work, to which she replied "height doesn't matter when you're lying down!". And that moment helped dispel the social illusion that women HAVE TO BE smaller & shorter and therefore 'submissive' to men to be a couple. I've found it's actually freakin HOT to be this big beautiful woman being loved all over by a little pocket rocket🚀! Bonus is that smaller/skinnier guys fit easily into tight narrow places 😉😏😂😜
@@karmageddon9856 My late husband was 6'2", I'm 5'2" - when we started dating, I voiced my concern to my mum that he was way too tall. My mother gave me the exact same advice as your aunt - height diff doesn't matter in bed :)
This is fascinating to me. I'm a transracial adoptee, a Latina adopted into an all white family and raised in a predominantly white neighborhood. I was invited into a study in high school with other "minorities" about the minority experience and was baffled at how they saw the world, when I saw it mostly through a white-coded lens--I'm also lighter skinned, not white passing by any means, but I've been told I look "mixed" and experienced very little (outward) racism growing up until that point. So I'd be more daunted by dating some of my own "race", because I have little experience being a "real" Latina, no one in my family speaks Spanish, I didn't grow up in the culture. At the same time, dating a white person with whom I'd understand more culturally, they might have assumptions of their own on what I'm like. It's complicated.
It’s okay if people are not attracted to a certain race. It’s okay if people wouldn’t understand a culture. What’s wrong is to date people and later on treat them badly because you “ settled “ for whom you consider lower than you. If you can’t get over the racial factor just go date your own people. Be conscious about your choices. And that’s fine. Don’t use other people to prove to society that you are not a racist.
Are you a black or Asian person and you are looking to date a white person? Who says you _have_ to date someone outside your race? And why is the white person racist if they don't date you?
Thank you all for this open, honest segment. About 5yrs ago I was at a single ladies luncheon for my church (primarily Black / Black Mixed) and we had a similar discussion surrounding dating outside of our race. Some agreed that it was probably time to do so because we didn't have enough Black men in our surrounding churches and desired someone within our faith (more like 7-10 women to 1 eligible man). Also, several were professional or financially stable women who wanted to get married and have children before it was too late to do so.
I don't think it's racist if you don't want to date a certain race. I'm just not attracted to black girls. I have nothing against them, I am just not attracted
This video was a lot more interesting and informative than I assumed it would be. The bottom line is "Why restrict your own chances for finding happyness?" I know on the other hand it is very hard to let go of what has been ingrained to yourself by society.
Thank you for this discussion, so many don't want to talk about this. First, the media heavily drives these so called preferences because they give us their definition of beauty. I disagree with Ronny toward the end. This is not about forcing anyone to date outside their race, so much as it is about holding up a mirror to who we truly are individually and as a society. 42:37
We need to remember that someone’s race won’t tell you about their experiences. I am a black female. I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods. I went to predominantly white schools. I wasn’t raised in a black church. My father was an attorney for an oil company. I attended private schools for the majority of my elementary school years. My life experiences are different than a black person who was raised in a predominantly black neighborhood. My experiences are different from a white person who grew up in poverty. My boyfriend is Mexican-American. He is first generation on both his maternal and paternal sides. He knows that there are people in his family who won’t like me because I’m black. (We don’t spend time with those people.). If you are dating someone, it’s your job to get to learn about them and what they’ve experienced. It’s your job to listen to them and learn from them. Race is still an important factor for a lot of people. If you are biased toward a specific race, ask yourself why. Are you being influenced by the culture? Your family? Your experiences? By the way, great episode.
So I replied before I saw the whole video. My response was almost exactly what the dating coach said.😆. I don’t know anything about rap. I know the names of some rappers, but that’s where my knowledge ends. If I have a rap question, I ask my boyfriend.
not really that different ,,,,lots of blk ppl who grew up in black neighbourhoods, and black schools attended and graduated HBCU but never listened to hip hop rap... or dated black, etc. .yet dated and married races outside their school and communities....
@@tspencer661 *Hip Hop*
It's not about experience or personality... It's the look. I am attracted to pale white looks or tanned Mediterranean looks. I'm not attracted to elongated faces, will I have to ask myself why? Why do I have to spend my private time with someone I'm not interested in just because "if you don't like it, you're racist?" Sure the right spends all their time getting into people's lives with their laws but the left gets into people's lives with all these nonsensical righteous talks. If I'm biased toward a specific racial looks, I should ask myself why? How about not? How about you worry about yourself and I worry about myself? What's next, should I be called a bigot if I don't want to date an asexual person or a trans person? No, my body, my choice of who I let in.
Hmmm 🤔
Only a few minutes in I quickly realized this conversation was worth the 52-minute watch and would be handled with care, researched expertise and the right amount of humor. Bravo to everyone involved and thank you.
I initially had skipped this one for this same subconscious (?) thought that maybe it’d lean more towards humor/sarcasm (zero issue with either, just wasn’t in mood for such at the time this originally uploaded; single by choice so tend to overlook pretty much anything “relationship”) & had mistakingly set it aside for later viewing/listening… agree fully of it actually being packed with valuable general info that all oughta listen too!
I would like to apologize for my gender my lovely 🍫 Choco princess 🌹
It's crazy how racist it gets for certain groups. For ex, my Asian guy friends who dated white women would get so much racist hate, especially online. Meanwhile, people hardly make a peep when it's white men and asian women. It's a huge double standard considering White men date Asian women far more and have white beauty standards on their side to promote them. They get to date whoever they want with very little blowback but the second another non-white man dates an White woman, the racists come out swinging. It's also sad to see the rare occurrences of POC hating on Asian men bc they feel they "deserve" white women more than Asian men. Honestly, disgusting and it's tied to racial superiority.
Opposite for me. Only a few minutes in and I quickly realized this is the typical radical leftist fabricated ascientific drivel. These people and those like them only serve to further divide society. Not unite us. People have physical preferences. Nothing to do with racism.
@@chrisc1184 That's the American culture.
I had an Asian boyfriend, and I frequently got criticism by people who were not even close to me. That never made me question the relationship though. He made my life richer in so many ways precisely because he’s background was so different from mine.
Surrounding yourself with people with different boxes of experiences allows us to access a more sophisticated way to look at the world, and it hopefully makes us more culturally/racially sensitive.
Collective intelligence suffers with segregation.
Excellent points. Thank you!
Who would you not date, though?
The issue these people are trying to push is that it’s never okay to not be interested in someone.
My takeaway from this is that, apparently, being straight or having a racial preference when dating are both problems, inherently.
I don’t date atheists, republicans, vegans, or people who eat cereal. I’m racist AF extremely biased against republicans especially.
@@ZacksRockingLifestyle i'm a black woman i don't want to date asian white black arabic men too am i racist no ... i just prefer jewish men.
@@Jsarmy87124 that’s perfectly fine. I’m trying to say that I have a problem with the people who say dating preferences are a problem (the people who made this video).
@@ZacksRockingLifestyle That's not what I took away from this. They're just discussing why racial dating became an issue in the first place. There's nothing wrong with your personal preference but it's an issue when you push your preference to other people.
If a person refuses to date you bc of your race, I think u should thank them for saving u the drama. Bc 9/10 they are around like minded ppl that you will eventually be exposed to be it friends or family
And those people are never happy even when they find their "perfect" racial match. I've seen it too many times not to know.
isnt it telling you who exactly they are? date ppl who are into you ..end of story.
Happens alot to Asian women
@@cindywa2721 it’s sad that Asian women will take a white man in a beat because he’s white. That’s dangerous because they don’t even realize some men they end up with have fetishes and are subtlety racist.
Exactly. Pointing out that people are like this is kinda pointless.
If someone discriminates on race alone, count yourself lucky to be excluded from someone that small minded.
As a turban wearing brown guy - Asian, I appreciate this talk.
It is not easy out there but love comes when it has to.
A men
💗
Most important thing is to have love for yourself! Best of luck to you out there.
As the son of a Rajput myself I feel you bro (and I ain't even got the pagg!)
Yeah. I still remember 911 when everyone looked at people who wear Turbans as terrorists. I didn't see it that way so i tried to be kind to them even though every white, black or mexican would treat them like a monster.
When someone tried to fix me up with a white guy (I’m a black woman), I definitively stated I don’t date white men. I saw no issue with this statement. But I ended up getting to know him and we were married 5 months later. I’m so glad I didn’t limit myself based on something so superficial and unimportant.
I’m still surprised sometimes that people assume my relationship is just a fling before I inform them we are married. It’s like people treat interracial relationships as a fling or experiment rather than a normal relationship
You are 100% correct. I'm the product of an interracial union. My parents were married 'til death. The questions usually asked are: 1 - If my parents were married. 2 - Did they stay married.
My least favorite phrase is "wow love really doesn't see color". 🙄
That is sad.
That says everything about them. It's projection.
I get that too. People treat me and my white significant other like we're just buddies. They always look surprised that we are still together.
I heard about this study and was surprised because I’ve used dating apps and never had a problem with matching with people but the problem then started when we would start messaging and I’d immediately started being called chocolate 😖😤
This right here. I had to put in my profile, referring to me as any kind of color or food, or attempt to use AAVE would earn an instablock.
Really? OK -Having been married for decades… if you are that superficial, your marriage won’t make the deep level needed to develop a ‘True’ partnership.
I don't date outside my race to avoid being racially fetishized. Sometimes being in an interracial relationship is the most dangerous for black women.
@@kitikatslim22 I’m in an interracial relationship now and I have previously dated black men. And I get why someone would say this but I have also been fetishized by black men. I don’t like it from anyone so usually people give themselves away pretty early on , even in the little things they say and I take that as a sign and move on .
@@kitikatslim22 don’t date men at all, then, because Black men are the worst at fetishizing Black women. It’s gross.
As an Indian person on dating apps it really kills your confidence. I’d sit next to my average looking white friend who’d get 30 matches and I’d just sit there with no one.
Everyone wants to feel wanted and it was a terrible feeling to feel undesirable.
It isn’t and won’t be fair. So, you have to do better.
Look at other male profiles. Think critically about them. Treat it like a resume for work. Which photos look best? Get help taking the pictures if you need help. How is the text in your profile? Any errors or obvious red flags?
Work on your ice breakers. Pick an app where you get the chance to break the ice (ok Cupid and hinge are both great for this).
You can’t fix the game. But, you can start to stack the game in your favor.
The conversations I’ve had with women paint some folks in a poor light with the negative way some societies treat women and the expectations traditional values from some societies put on people. These are all things you can overcome. But, you are starting in a deficit.
@@zero11010 It's not fair because people are flat out racist but will make exceptions to there "rules" for the best of the best from a group they don't desire. However it's not gonna a relationship of mutual respect. It's gonna be one where one is consciously or subconsciously looking down on the other. That is toxic should any offspring come out of thar union and they pick up on it. The child will act as a mirror and the parents might not like what they see.
@@Not-Ap I have no idea what you’re taking about. Maybe it’s because of the region I live in. Most people I know are in interracial relationships.
Yeah, some people (like Roy in that clip) only want to date people who look like themselves. Not everyone is like that. And, you’re inherently not going to change anyones mind with your dating profile.
So, what you should focus on if this is an issue for you, is getting yourself the best profile possible (it’s just like a resume for dating) and work on your date game when you’re on a date (it’s just like an interview).
And, if you feel like people aren’t giving you a chance on apps, you should make sure you ALSO spend time in social situations off apps. A person who meets you in real life may realize after interacting with you that they want to spend time with you even though if they just saw your image they may be disinterested.
I’ve dated Indian women and it’s been fine. I’ve got Latina, Chinese, Vietnamese, white, and African American female friends who have all told me horror stories about dating Indian men. Sometimes it’s about the sexist culture and how rude people have been on dates and sometimes it has to do with foreign smells. The Indian women I’ve dated haven’t smelled different than any other women I’ve dated. They don’t have the curry smell I’ve been told about permitting their hair and breath (that is how multiple different women have explained it to me). And the Indian women I’ve dated have liked that I’m a person who believes in equality of the sexes.
And, make sure your profile is written more clearly than your RUclips comments. 😉
Men in general complain about dating apps in case you haven't noticed, and also Indian men don't have trouble in general with women because the 2011 U.S census shows that Indian men are married more than Indian women by 10k so you need to approach women in real life instead of just being in dating apps. Women themselves have said that they give men in real life much more of a chance then on dating apps and dating app data like tinder shows that women only swipe right on 5% of men while men swipe right on 50% of women so dating apps unnaturally disadvantage men compared to real life.
Lol. Don't do online dating.
I’ll never forget when I started dating my now husband and I had a friend say, “I didn’t know you were into Indian guys.” And that always struck the wrong cord with me. Like I couldn’t like him because of who he was, or that I had to think that the whole race had attractive qualities to give this guy a chance? I dunno, it still bothers me to this day…
or maybe it's because of the physical attributes that come with race?
yeah, I was faced with such saying of my friends - “I thought you weren’t into kazakh guys”, because my crush was not a kazakh for 2 past years. You know, I had a crush because he attracted me with his hardworking personality, and most of kazakh boys are also hardworking, but they still have not the same characteristics. But in any day I can meet anyone that is randomly nationed and he would be like the most ideal for me as I am thinking. And it’s not related to the proclamation of the friends.
@@koffz-nl2118 i'm skinny, other asian men are muscular, try harder though :)
Because most people in your American society is very shallow, that's why. This is coming from an expat who has traveled around the world and did social experiments on this subject. Indians are the most hard-working, hospitable, responsible, least violent, productive members of society. You hardly find any homeless desi, with substance issues, or a theft in developed countries. They are also the most extroverted, vibrant group ( which is evident if you have seen Bollywood movies). So personality and integrity wise, they are more than enough for being ideal partners. Yet they are rated worse than all groups in America, even worse than East Asians. That should tell you everything about how superficial American women are. Their case directly debunks the myth that women emphasize more on personality than looks because otherwise you'd expect them to see the highest success out of all groups. I've also noticed for East Asians, there's a considerable fanbase for K-pop, K drama and Anime but hardly any American watches Indian movies.
@Michelle That comment clearly shows you're brainwashed by western media's lies. Statistics clearly shows America has far more rapes than india but go off..
Wow this conversation...being a Black woman who has dated outside of her ethnicity often and is currently in a married interracially...I have come to some realizations. What I have found to be more difficult is after the attraction...the navigation of the hidden racial "ignorance" of a partner and/or extended family...just because you love our dance, our music, eat our food, like our pretty skin and find us fly doesn't mean you know everything there is to know about our ethnicity(s)...We are so much more than this!! It started off small... I kept hearing the push to not limit you to be oper to the option of interracial dating and I have been in one for 20yrs so I not opposed... what I will say to Black and Brown Women know your worth!! A white man is NOT the prize, YOU are!! Know that your lineage of Ancestors are dope, be proud, stand in it!! My partner and in-laws pride themselves on being extremely liberal but some of the actions or non actions are quite revealing, insensitive and even borderline ignorant, based on bias of "intellectual perception" I often have defend my position because "they" being "intellectuals" read articles, from outside sources/or news program/documentaries and are convinced that's how everyone lives...giving opinions on how they would "fix" a community's problem based on skewed data/information because it is one-sided... instead listening to gain a fuller perspective from someone that comes from that veiw you are reading about...it is frustrating!! Unless you don't talk about it at all...which is another option... because I've notice people have to understand to empathize...they are 2 different functions, from 2 different areas of the body but...for me, hiding/shrinking a piece of me that I am proud to stand in, just to keep you comfortable? A real partner is to stand up for and be just as proud of you!! This is not to criticize anyone...this is just for awareness sake... and just my opinion...Thanks
They make their problem, your problem.
thats really true about white men not being the prize. a mindset like that can lead to a lot of trouble
@@TeamProU facts no one is a prize because of their race alone
Isn't "you are the prize" counterproductive to any progress. If everyone thinks they are the prize then it's no wonder marriages don't last. Nobody is "the prize". We're all a work in progress and the aim should be to find someone where you can both make each other better persons.
@@gemelwalters2942 Thank you. Yes, no one is the prize. Also, my boyfriend didn't earn me and I didn't earn him. We chose each other.
I honestly think more exposure to different kinds of people will help overcome bias. If you spend a lot of time around a wide variety of people from different ethnic groups, you might find that you've got a lot more in common than you thought!
I agree and disagree, because college. People treat it like an experiment instead of connection/learning, so a lot of people walk away w/similar bias and/or return to their "preference" after they're done sampling
I've studied in many universities. A common pattern i noticed is that white people hardly cross racial boundaries to interact with people of other cultures as much as other racial groups do. There are have been several studies on this with different racial groups that corroborates this.
Agreed. Having lived in predominately diverse ethic communities most of my life and now living in a mostly white community (soon to change) I miss the flavor.
@Michelle So? Just because its how it is, doesn't mean that's how it should be. You make it sound you're okay with it.
I'm a black woman from the South living in Asia and all of my friends are different EVERYTHING; none of them match my background at all. That wasn't intentional, but the point is that we're super different but they never pop off with some ignorant stereotypes or treat me like I'm an amusement to them (nor I to them). I'm just a person to them as they are to me.
So, I often feel a way when people act like it's just not possible to get to know people who are different. My parents taught me that I'm going to have to deal with racism, but they also taught me not to hate, so I never closed myself off and I'm all the better for it. Honestly, if I'd have just stayed in my hometown and only interacted with people in a small, samey bubble, I wouldn't be here today. Lemme just put it like that!
This is such a fascinating coversation. I love how thoughtful and real it is, even though parts of it might be a bit unsettling or controversial to some. But these conversations are so important.
Roy is a great interviewer. Never saw him outside of stand up or comedy bits before.
I love his interviewing and facilitating style and I end up watching these more than actual Daily Show some months.
It's not my first time watching Beyond the Scenes but my reaction is like yours. Each time I see Roy in one of these segments I'm surprised all over again at all the ways he's different than his comic persona. And then I realize it took this Roy (the thoughtful one) to create that other Roy (the comic one).
@@dontaylor7315 That's a great way of putting it! I was trying to find the connection between the Roys and you nailed it.
It is never too late to realize that many stand up comedians are some of the most intelligent, sensitive and astute people that exist. Also check out how some transition to straight dramatic acting with stunning success.
I loved that he was vulnerable and didn't just make jokes the whole time. It really was insightful and made for an interesting conversation.
Roy Woods Jr is a great interviewer. He adds in humor appropriately and steers the discussion to deep and real issues. Much needed. Major media outlets should follow his lead!
As a black woman im open to dating anyone, but I have noticed that I’m fetishized by men of other races.
Yes, the fetish thing is heavy
Men will fetishize anyone...Black women, White women, Asian women, Latin women...all get fetishized by men of races different that their own. The problem is men objectifying women.
lots of ppl are fetishized...
@@beardzgorski8397, I agree. Did anyone hear of the blonde white girl fetish? Name a group of men who don't want one simply for the blonde locks and blue eyes. It sounds like someone who wants a black person for the skin and an Asian for their eyes. It is difficult to know if someone likes'' you for you'' and NOT your outer shell so to speak.
@@beardzgorski8397 that maybe true but there are certain ways that black and indigenous women are fetishized.
as a black american female who has used dating apps since i was a literal teenager, it's definitely true that the vast majority of men of all races (black included) disregard black women. i personally have no real racial preferences and never have, however i have cultural preferences based on my unique personality. in relationship terms i'm more submissive and traditional-minded, while being socially liberal. there is nothing i relate less to than the stereotype of the "strong independent black woman." i want a man who allows me to be myself, which is something delicate and fragile which needs and deserves protecting. so i've generally been involved with immigrant men from more traditional cultures...latino, asian, middle eastern. occasionally white and older. black american men seem to have the least attraction towards/understanding of black women like myself, so i tend to not even consider them at all.
You should watch Cynthia G on here.
Preach Sista
I quit them a long time ago: black American men. I don’t have problems with black men, only the ones in the black American descendant of slavery tribe I was raised in. Bring me Caribbean black men, Afro Latinos, and Africans. Abandon their psychotic self hatred and free yourself. You can still have your ideal black man, just look outside this country.
I appreciate how you marked this as cultural and not race. I think that is a lot of what Roy was talking about with the girl from Applebees, and something I know I related to in my multiracial/multicultural dating experience. A highly melanated person from Africa is very different culturally then a highly melanated person from LA. A person Indigenous to Turtle Island above the false border is very different culturally then a person below that imaginary line that allows different government actions. For me, I can not date someone who's culture degrades matrilineal thought. A response from dating too many men who followed capitalism, of all colors, mixed with a childhood that was off grid and Indigenous.
Very interesting. To be honest I typically just assume black women aren't going to be into me, it has nothing to do with me not liking them.
It has been my limited experience that outside of online dating. Everyone has "preferences" till they find someone attractive. I've met plenty of men and women that weren't attracted to a particular group. Then met someone and their whole "preference" changed.
That is so true!
Yeah I agree. Some people don't date Black guys, but Idris Elba enters the room and it's a different conversation.
This does happen! Ain't love grand?
I've seen and experienced that firsthand. The potential problem is when someone chooses a person typically outside their "preference" based on physical attraction and they are not interested in getting to know the person as a whole human being. They ignore the person's culture and life experience. It's like "I'm interested in you, but I'm not interested in any part of your life that is connected to your race or culture." It's about how well Idris Elba fits into their life on their terms with no desire to know who Idris is as a black man.
Bingo.
I use to be open to all relationships, but just found that dating within a minority group I don't have to explain my views and experiences to that person nearly as much. There's a disconnect between experiences that white people don't get. Why I have triggers and why my personality suddenly changes in certain situations.
I've found it more complicated. My black ex who was a banker's daughter in Trinidad knew nothing about the minority experience. My pale skin, and my lack of money, ensured I'd have a more direct education in the same country.
But I admit, I find it frustrating trying to talk to many white Americans now.
But the problem is, people like you are only contributing to racial biases and furthering division by not taking advantage of the opportunity to share your views with people who have a different upbringing from you. The entire point of a relationship, especially an intercultural one, is an opportunity for everyone to share their experiences and learn from each other. Its not just about being comfortable with each other. Its an avenue for everyone to learn and educate each other.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn
People who can only learn empathy if they're in a relationship with someone are sociopaths.
@@juststatedtheobvious9633 That's a sweeping generalization without any evidence. Some people just are ignorant because they never had the opportunity to learn about other's struggles since they were never closely involved in those people's lives. I know plenty of white people who have gained more understanding and sympathy for POCs once they started dating them. Its not all black and white, mate.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn True but not everyone wants to have to "educate" someone that theyre in a relationship with. If you're in love with a person and it's worth it then awesome, but I don't think there's an issue with wanting to be with a person that "gets it" without explanation. As POC we gotta do that enough already in day to day life, I don't wanna do that at home too.
Ronny Chieng is a thoughtful and insightful reporter. Would love to see him have longer form projects.
I agree. He always brings an additional prospective to any topic being discussed. I hope that his successful stand up comedy career allows him enough breaks to do more on the show , including those videos.
And Foooooiiiine! Heeeey Ronnie!
It would be nice if Ronnie reaches out to his own race, who are in Malaysia and Singapore, to STOP being racist against other races.
Also, the world needs to not only address obvious racism, but also silent racism.
I Totally Agreed when he caught her saying "Resilient" & how awkward it was to use that disruptive word😝 to describe successful Asian Men in the dating world 😛 So Cringe 🫣😳🤯😲
He wasn't paying any attention at all
I've never had a "type" and that resulted in being open to dating all kinds of people from every race or background. I ended up falling in love with a Dominican man and after 14 years of marriage and making a beautiful family, I've come to feel bad for people who are selling themselves short by sticking to their "preferences" b/c they're cutting off so many potentially fulfilling relationships.
So, you’ve never had preferences, except for men, right?
Would you date a woman?
You have preferences, regardless of how consciously you admit them.
@@ZacksRockingLifestyle That’s not a preference. A preference is choice and that isn’t.
@UC2QGVelIdUJYGtEI4FqrIkA this point of bisexuality really is goin right over your head dude. Yes bisexual people can have a preference for a gender BUT it doesn't mean they exclude other genders from their dating pool. A preference is preferring coffee over tea but being willing to drink both or either or. If you're excluding someone based entirely off skin tone or gender identity it's not a preference it's discrimination.
I do stand corrected, i turned the clock back and listened to it again, yes i agree anyone who is reported for bigot speak should be banned from all sites.
@Master Mind the fact you call yourself a ‘master mind’ while not catching the point makes me question your intelligence. It’s like saying “you should be scared of me. I’m scary!”
lol no
This is also a thing due to colorism within black and brown communities
it's mostly a thing due to certain races being put down
Attractive women of shades get attention from men. If a sista isn’t getting attention, perhaps it’s cuz she is unattractive, not cuz her skin color
@@leonardthompsonjr3948 in your opinion of course
@@MsRcamille - yes ur right, there is both an objective and subjective aspect to physical beauty. But This isn’t about opinions. It’s about outcomes. Beautiful women, whether dark skin or light skin, get different outcomes than homely women. That’s just reality.
@@leonardthompsonjr3948 I would suggest that you look at what colorism is because you clearly doesn’t get my point. Some people will literally discriminate against the most beautiful person due the level of melanin in their skin. It’s not about the persons beauty. It’s simply based on color. What you are explaining here is not black and white. It has nothing to do with what the persons status.
It's interesting that the highest-paid demographic (Asian Men) and the most educated demographic (Black Women) scored the lowest. That blows my mind! It makes me wonder what the average American feels the most valuable asset is in a partner other than looks.
Heritage is more than looks... its more about lineage than appearances. Genetics are not an exclusively visual proponent to dating and mating. The human race is diverse, try to keep it that way :)
@@stinkfinga4918 But the demographics that are focused on their legacy and what we are leaving behind are scoring the lowest. Black women (including myself) are even the fastest growing entrepreneurs in America. So that still doesnt make sense to me.
TJetta that is it. PPl are going after looks first. Blondes with blue eyes not ur essay or IQ. Send the high iq decent essay folks my way. Thx.
@@donmacmilly WM often say that BW are submissive to them. Women will submit easily when in the presence of a masculine man. BM are very feminine.
Not really. "Highest paid" usually means your known to be smart as book nerd. Asian men are really into education and have that nerd vibe" that is not a attractive alpha male trait. Black women have the highest college rate and high level of being entrepreneurs. With that comes with a masculine energy which makes black women the least submissive among women. Both of yall businesses attributes actually work against you.
A big part of this too is that people don't understand the word preference. They say they PREFER a certain race then you discover what they actually mean is that they would prefer to ONLY date that race and have internalized all sorts of stereotypes attached to the races they prefer and the ones they don't.
Well explained
Yeah. Having a preference is not the staunch discrimination that too many people think it is. I have a preference and most of the guys I have given a chance to, did not fit into it. Also, that wasn't the reason we didn't work out.
@@kemunapeace2441 Yes it is. Thin line between preference & racially biased. In this race obsessed society.
Puts a premium on 'European' aesthethic.
@@rosalynbeatty8310 The line between preference and racial bias in dating is not thin at all. It's thick, distinct, and built like a prison fence. You can't mis it. That's why it's such a topic.
I'm married -in an interracial relationship. I'm a mixed African American woman and my husband is Caucasian and Thai. Before my husband, I had a "type". After starting online dating, the site that I joined suggested that you leave your type at the door! I took that advice and the rest is history. I would've never met such a wonderful man if I just kept dating the same ol same ol!
*On a side note, I still remember my Caucasian female friend telling me that she noticed that she had substantially more messages coming in for her than I did. We both knew that race played a part in that, unfortunately.
that's great. which dating site?
Interesting topic. This conversation reminded me of when I was a teenager, and a church lesson was about marriage and dating. We were told that you would marry who you date, so it was important that you should date within your own "culture". I thought this was weird at the time. As I started attending college, I realized that this was code for race. It made me wonder if this was the main reason why I didn't date very much since I'm a person of color, and grew up in mainly white, rural community.
@Nem Esis Yes, I wholly agree that that was not Christian. Luckily, some congregations within my church community acted in a Christian manner. Fyi, I'm asian (Japanese), and this was some 40+ yrs ago. Happy to say there have been some positive changes within my church culture, but there's still more work to do regarding racism and prejudice. Hopefully, I have been influential with those I meet by giving them a different perspective.
As a white woman in the south, I definitely developed a physical type in my youth. Dark haired, dark eyed Caucasian 5’10” or taller. Tattoos could be a bonus or a detriment depending on the tat. The problem with this is I also have a personality, humor and character type and that doesn’t link automatically to the physical. I have dated well outside of that physical description and been happy with the person. I am still looking for a life partner but I’ve learned to turn off the physical filters and concentrate on the qualities I actually want to live with.
I'm dark haired, dark eyed, Indian, 5'10 a bit taller. have tattoos too
but I'm married to a beautiful singaporean woman now
I love her ❤
@@dae1925 bhai tu kaise hai?
In angrezo go hame sumaj nahi ayga
Exactly. Other than a heavily tattooed person, the outside will change. What can never be changed is WHO the person is on the inside. Focus there. You will definitely be able to ‘influence’ outer changes!
@@dae1925 Then why are you throwing your hat into the ring? Remember people, if they will do it with you… they can do it to you! That is a prime example of an inside trait you can NOT change!
Ooh, shoot for the stars! Who says you can't have both!
This is a great example of an honest, productive conversation on a controversial issue. 👏🏿
I'm an asian mand and the first thing my white ex girlfriend's aunt said when she saw me "Oh Eleanor, I didn't know you were dating an oriental!"
🤦🏼♀️
Yikes 😳
Ouch!
Just think what she may have said if you were a black man. 🙄
The aunt may not have let you in the house!🤦♂️
Wow. Just... wow. People who still use that word seem like living fossils to me, I almost can't get mad at them because they clearly just stepped through a time portal or something.
I can comment, that having these discussions are and have been a +1 to everyone. Thank you for sharing, you got another one. Keep sharing-
My (Native American + Filipino) wife: "Could you please use your straight white male privilege for me?"
And yes, once I got on the phone, the customer service rep was suddenly extremely amenable :)
Your wife is smart!! 😂
Cringe
Smart Pinay lol
I do that all the time with my white partner. When we were looking for a home, I made him the representative of us while I'll stay at home. It worked like a charm.
Working the system
After dating a fairly wide variety of women, I settled on the idea that the best thing for me would be to date someone from my own cultural background which, it turned out, was a bit complicated. I grew up in Kenya, my mom's white American, dad's Pakistani and I went to a British and then international school so I'm all kinds of mixed up. I ended up dating a girl I'd been in love with for years and guess what, she's half Indian, half dutch, grew up in Kenya and went to similar schools. It turned out our families and values were so different, no matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't stay together. We're still friends but we figured out we just weren't compatible so that whole cultural background thing only goes so far. It really comes down to your values and what you want out of life.
True, but its where people start. And dating apps dont go very far in terms of tracking relationship data. They can only "see" the initial fase where the discovery starts
Sasa talal mambo vipi..
Def agree on the values
Exactly. Its illogical to write off an entire group based on the assumption that they might have different values just because people from that group share some physical features not seen in your group. There are lot of lot of South Asians, especially in UK that have no knowledge of their ethnic culture because they were born and brought up in the values of western culture. My cousin is one example, he looks Indian on the outside but if you only hear him speak, you wouldn't think of him as Indian. He was born there, has zero knowledge of its culture or its values. He's more British than the white Brits tbh. He ended up marrying a white brit and going strong for several years.
As a western African woman, I am always shocked to see so many non black people growing up in Africa and never date a black person while being in Africa. But Africans who move to western countries always want to date out. That speaks volume on both parts.
@@sabadaga1 Same observation. I'm from Asia and I see many white Westerners living there. But they hardly date the local Asians, they specifically go for white people, while Asians are the most open minded group to interracial relationships. It really shows their bias.
I don't discriminate but I haven't dated in 20 year's. Those dating apps would scare me.
Yeah. I can relate to that. I think a _lot_ of people can.
Sup bro I’m 17 can you tell me if my recent song I just put out fire ?🔥💪🏾
oh girl you have no idea how bad it is out there 😩
I’ve only dated for the past 20 years, those dating apps are scared of me
@@blinktheworld33 lol
Mixed race women and Black women have a different lived experience and are not treated the same in daily life, this includes dating apps. Mixed race women are seen as more desirable because they are in closest proximity to the white ideal.
Light skin privilege, mixed race privilege, hair texturism, featurism, sizeism/ fatphobia are all real
It depends on what the mixed race woman looks like. If she is more similar to black women in looks and culture, she will be treated as such.
I 100% agree… there is widely different social currency allotted to black women with dark skin and non-exotic features versus those allotted to black women with features from a non-black parent
I agree 💯
bruh what is fatphobia? You cant change your race but you can just lose weight.
I suppose that is how it is in America. I am an American black woman who lives in Europe and because there are less darker brown women, they get more interest than fair skinned bi-racial women, because there are a lot of those to go around. They actually get too much interest from white men especially and many of them are in interracial relationships like me. This really is an American problem.
After watching the first 13 minutes I finally mustered up the courage after many years to have a hard and long over due conversation with my best friend about why she told me she’d be upset if I ever dated a black girl- I’m black, which made it even more crazy to hear, but that statement has been one of the biggest reasons why I have low self esteem when it comes to dating.
I recently had a black male coworker go on and on in an antisemitic rant, which I immediately addressed causing him to ask why I cared if they hate black people (including himself) and then in the next breath praise himself for being “light skinned” 🤦🏾♀️ I pointed out that his colorism was separating him from whatever place in the hierarchy he felt I belonged, and he concluded with “everyone thinks that way”
It's about control.
That isn't your friend that chick is toxic. Don't let a toxic person dictate what you should have in life. Hold your head high and stride queen 👑
@@WholeHeartily you know that antisemitic doesn't mean "hating black people" it means "hating Jewish people".
@@CrisSelene I’m aware. Thank you for taking the time to remind me, I guess.
I find when dating people from a whole other culture, more often than not a lot of the "differences" are actually in your head. You think it would be easier dating someone from your own background, but their experiences, traditions and values can also be vastly different, maybe more different than someone who had similar parents to yours but is from another race/culture. My parents were hippies in a conservative, fairly normative country, I could never relate fully to men from my own country. So I mostly dated immigrants and expats, because at least we both experienced being excluded for who our family was and had a lot of openess towards new experiences.
@@TalkandtaskwithDani It's a word describing people who are temporarily sent to another country to work/live, often bringing their families. By companies, embassies etc.
@@TalkandtaskwithDani What @Thirst said :) Expat = expatriot, though it can be temporary or permanent status.
@@TalkandtaskwithDani white people who move around, immigrants are brown people who move around
Exactly my thoughts. People who write off entire groups thinking everyone in that group have similar values that won't match with them are narrow minded and are bigots. Just because I look like a person from a different culture does not necessarily mean I share all values from that culture. I'm an Asian and lived my entire life outside my home country. My personality and values are influenced by several cultures and religions. So what exactly is my identity? I have none. I'm easily adaptable with people from any culture and their values. This is also reflected in my music tastes. I'm able to enjoy music from a variety of cultures. Same with my food preferences. Very diverse tastes. So I refuse to identify with any group.. the only identity is human.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn Hi! What people like you and me are called is TCK (Third Culture Kid), meaning that due to having grown up outside our passport countries, we develop a culture that is essentially open to influences from anywhere and are very aware of social cues anywhere. (I am from Europe but spent my teen years in Thailand and India.)
Thank you so much for your honesty Roy! I'm a Black woman who is over 55. It gets a lot more complicated dating someone outside my race. And, in my experience, a lot of black men appear to be looking for someone who is non-Black.
Alot of non black and black media has a role to play in this. Also the attitudes of non black men over black men dating "their women". Media of both promote black men dating outside but putdown black women dating outside. Many non black men will not express (at least openly) disagreement with black men dating "their women" but Black men will openly express their disapproval with nonblack men dating black women. The attitudes and beliefs are openly expressed that it creates a cultural norm that light skinned men to white are not as ideal as black and it also creates the same dynamic against dark skinned women and minority women vs white women. Even the commercials focus on interracial relationships favor black men vs black women in this regard.
what ....u in WA state ? lol
That’s was my experience in high school. Majority white school but there was about 45 black people of the 150 students. Not only did these black boys not date black girls but they often went out of there was to make us less desirable
@@Manilovesmovies Until a Latino, white or whoever is interested. Then they would throw a tantrum.
@@nejolo9563 this part
I’ve learned in psychology class that the ethnic background of your caretaker greatly influences your ‘racial’ preferences, but other factors like abuse/neglect can clearly change that
Obviously becuz that's the environment you grew up in
I also think whoever you had your first crush or two on imprints on you so whatever race(s) you're surrounded by when you're around 12 or whenever you first developed a crush, is more likely to become your "type" later in life. I know that's definitely the case for me.
You needed a psychology class to tell you that?
Not with black people though…
@@JeighNeither ah. you must be the armchair expert. how did you know without a psychology class? personal experience is not as reliable
It definitely is an important discussion. I am Asian-Canadian, I understand that people have their preferences, but I think we should date a person who we like/love him/her for who he/her is, not because of their skin colour. Personally I have a bigger problem with people who have a heavy religious background rather than skin colour. This is due to the difficulties with cultural and family influence that I know it will become a major issue in the future, for example I cannot imagine putting my children through strict religious livestyle that I know I don't even believe in. Or culturally speaking when women needed to be in a submissive role. Otherwise I've been in relationships with men in different races, it isn't an issue for me at all as long as we respect and accept each other's values. I found that when I was young I would date someone who I was familiar with, so my first 2 relationships were with Asians, then I grew up to learn more about other culture and to accept that we could look different and still be great friends and partners as long as we accept each other. My husband is German, I didn't date/marry him because he is "desirable", but because of his qualities, which I found attractive, at least to me.
Dating apps traumatised me. I’m not joking. I’d rather be single and die alone than ever use another dating app
Wow really? May I ask what happened to you?
Too many scammers & pretenders...
Dating apps are horrible
I'm incredibly disillusioned with online dating. But I'm almost 57,so what choice do I have? 😐
@@Captain.Pugwash You will have to kiss 300 frogs before you meet one mediocre Prince. That pretty much sums up online dating. It's worth it for entertainment and if you are lonely but go in with very LOW expectations.
This is an interesting discussion. I'm married, but spent lots of time on dating apps when I was single. I think the conversation is important, but need folks to understand acknowledging racism on these apps doesn't mean Black women are sitting around sad because folks we don't want don't want us either. A bunch of white men in my inbox would never make me feel better, though I think it's important to show how racism permeates every area of life, including interactions on dating apps.
Hello, Ms M. I think the distinction you are making is important. The racism that informs the decisions of "a bunch of white men" is not about you. The problem is (ouch) the white men. Best respects to you and your husband, and to all the Black women who do NOT need to "sit around sad". I'm glad you posted, Ms M, and I'm sorry I only got to "meet" you over White racist behavior.
There are some black men who don't date black women also
@@daveyhouston If anyone is aware of that, it's Black women. I'm not sure how that ties into my point though. Please clarify. Thanks.
I agree.
As an aro-ace African-American, I have noticed that the “only bitter, jealous and sad black women are the ones who care about this” only comes out, when folks want black women to stop revealing the truth. They want to stay in fantasy land.
I think it is important to discuss this for the future generations of black women, who will experiment their romantic journeys.
@@MsMalikkaRogers I think a large part is of course racism and how the bw is almost if not totally invisible in mainstream media as a love interest or wife in a family unit....this of course is not a mistake. I think bw need to take a lot more control of our images in avenues where that is possible. I do not feel this study was thorough or favorable to bw in giving answers regarding the monumental hand that every avenue of media plays in any numbers concerning bw in the dating pool. Other reasons are dating sites don't cover a lot of the percentage of people that meet their partners in their academic circles, people in these circles are less likely to chose mates by the same societal standards or what society/media literally shoves down our throats. Fyi My own brother use to joke like d*mn ww EVERYWHERE, or wht adjacent! Funny but true, where bw are basically invisible is super saturated with ww or wht adjacent women. Bw also are known to primarily prefer bm in spite of the often times I'll treatment received from bm. As a bw who went to a predominantly wht/wht Asian college wm who got comfortable around me expressed being mostly afraid to approach bw because of rejectio, and stereotypically where afraid they didn't "measure up". Bw are just now starting to expand their options and non blk men are slowly starting to open their options toward bw and approaching bw more. This stats are 1. Old and contrary to stats that reflect not only who each race secretly desires but who they would actually marry. These numbers favor bw.
I don't have a preference over what ethnicity a woman is. But if a woman wears glasses, you are INSTANTLY attractive in my eyes 🤷🏾♂️
That's ableist... you monster.
Edit: this is a joke
That’s racist (lol)
Something about that poor eye sight tickles your fancy, eh?
During slavery black people weren’t even allowed to get married. And could be sold away from each other. Hundred of years later, black families still face a lot of challenges. Black Love is about changing the narrative, protecting and celebrating black relationships.
White love and Asian love and Middleeastern love are narratives also. Nationalistic. Tribal. Racial. ??? Maybe because this goes beyond preference and your moving in the direction of segregation. The whole "Looks like me" has been used for justifications of Jim Crow. No one is obligating anyone to date outside of their race but there are races obligating their own to date with in. They use excuses like "changing the narrative", "keep it black", "the great replacement", "looks like me", etc. If you are going to make these excuses be prepared for others to do the same. MLK dream of integration doesn't mean you are directed to marry and breed with a person of another race nor is it saying that it's a taboo.
Yo, is it just me or does it seem like Roy has been developing and deepening his confidence (not just in his work, but in himself as a person) since he started doing these Behind the Scenes video and started dropping that at least his character was 'going to therapy?' It feels like he's really finding his groove and it shows in his excellent work getting even better and him being even more chill.
he himself has gone to therapy. There was a vid of him during covid talking about it. I don't think it was a skit.
He's certainly one of my heroes. And yeah, the best conversation I ever heard on men getting therapy was two sentences long (one guy had just survived a family tragedy): "Do you have someone to talk to?" "Oh, yeah; this is much too hard to do alone." Pow. And yeah, that sounds like Roy.
As a black man, love is love. I don't discriminate and don't have type. As long as someone is not hating on others I don't care who you date.
So like me you do not date republicans
Yeah thats easy to say when all you can do is improve. For a white man all you can do is trade down.
As a human being I don't care what you date either
Facts me too!! I'm open to anything. Not on dating apps because of the toxic environment and meeting one bad guy after another. They are always hiding something and have proven to not want to be in relationships.I'm always upfront with my intentions. They just look at your picture and don't take the time to read the profile.I will never date on an app again.
Love is informed by all other things in society, so when people choose a partner, it is not in a vacuum. We all discriminate and pretending to not be influenced by society is disingenuous sounds like "I don't see color" 🙄 - which is racist at it's core.
I'm Afro Colombian, my racial appearance can be hard to define, but when I tell Latinos that I am part Columbian they assume that I am a "hot tamale mama" when I'm really intellectual and spiritual person.
I invited a Mexican coworker to hang out once and he was ready to hit home on a first date!
Even though I was trying to convey my personality away from work and in none uniform attire, ( I wore a full length black sharia style sequined gown that left only my face and hands exposed) "José" was insistent about groping me, demanding that I sit in his lap and trying to smooch in public! He wasn't reading my signals or hearing my voice at all.
I had invited him to a church service, at first and he wanted to meet at a restaurant/club. My 1st red flag of many. After I declined his advances he said I was like a politician, but I didn't ever make any promises and from the beginning he tried to steer the date to some sultry level, even though I was conceding to even attend an evening church service after work after his constant attention at work. I wouldn't say all Mexican men are the same, but I really thought José was a lot more respectful than he turned out to be.
Also, my 35 year old daughter is constantly regarded as "exotic" and she is a somewhat nerdy CPA!
People look at us and imagine some hyperactive sexuality that just isn't there.
It's really beyond disappointing and extremely irksome.
Culture has a massive effect on people, and about 60% more or less fulfill the stereotypes, which makes it hard for the people that don't fit them. Basically, we're divided into traditional and non-traditional people. The traditionalists tend to be more judgmental and fit their stereotypes almost like it's their duty.
Curious where you grew up.
@Logan, Born in the midwest but I've spent years in rural Alabama and Puerto Rico as a child. Some very few years ago, the culture of social media's tempted me to completely ignore these new societal beliefs, but deep down I'm still a bit of a hippie/dreamer, enchanted by every single creature, large or small. And there's still a million books for me to escape to! 🤓
Honesty between Black women and Asian Men, they are two of the most hardworking and educated....we should get together and rule the world!! 😂🤣
Exactly my thoughts, blacks should date more Asians , that would be a powerful move.
I mean Asians are very close to blacks in terms of culture.
Unfortunately black women would have to deal with the anti blackness and the praise of pale skin that runs rampant in a lot of Asian communities. I don't think that would work out unless the men in that community moved to change that mindset.
Man mr. Chang is trying to sell sheniqua weave, not date her
@@ofairnsea5968 she is wearing her natural hair proud and unapologetic, she doesn’t need to buy no weave, he would have to sell her something else.
@Michelle next time google 👀👀, the facts and info are there. Black women are doing their thing and advancing. They earning degrees and making their own money, not depending on a man to take care of them!! Don't hate !!!
I’ve not been single since the early 70s! This whole swipe right, swipe left thing is the strangest and most weird way to find live EVER! I’ve been married 46 years. I pray I will never feel the need to go there!
It's a pain. Believe me it's strange for many of us too but apparently no one just meets at a Cafe anymore so we are forced to use them.
Thank you for this video, and this series as a whole. It gives such a deep dive u to issues that can only get touched on in a short clip in the broadcast.
Please keep these coming. I love the conversations that you have and that these episodes inspire.
Roy Wood's Dating "No Fly List" idea is AMAZING. That needs to happen.
I have a friend who is Korean. His parents insisted that he marry a Korean. So a piece of this comes from the culture or family. Meanwhile, I had family members criticize me for for dating black women.
There are a LOT of cultural dynamics on the Asian side - and something people outside Asian communities don't see is how much discrimination there is among different Asian ethnicities. You can't just date "any Asian person," you have to date the "right type," which can mean ethnicity, caste, socioeconomic status, etc. And a lot of Asian people end up dating outside the culture to get away from that.
Wow 😲
Would you be critizied by your family for dating a latina or asian woman, or only Black women?
@@tandt7694 I was ridiculed by a sibling for dating a latina. The same sibling did not like me dating any black woman. I never had the opportunity to introduce the Asian woman I dated to my family. Some family members were accepting and happy to meet anyone I was dating regardless of "race". But I had a cousin who refused to greet one partner because he was Southern Baptist and she was Catholic.
I think the social aspects of inter - racial dating, where the person isn't ready for the family to disown them and to lose all familial support, or worse, when they'll remain in relationship and make their lives miserable and full of strife can't be overlooked. My father broke off his first engagement when he realized how strenuously her parents objected to their marriage (she was rebelling and deliberately using him to get her parents angry). When i was in school, a guy and I were flirting heavily and I suggested that we attend the next school dance together. He said he couldn't, because his parents would object. He wasn't ready to deal with that situation.
I am in a interracial marriage and I like seeing other interracial couples, so just note if someone is watching it's not always for hate. In the beginning of my relationship I also was hyper aware that others could be watching, but over time you really couldn't care less. In a weird way I found a large circle of friends that are in interracial marriages (it happened naturally).
This finally clicks into place why my only serious relationship that came from online was with a black man. He was the last black man I dated and we both went back to dating outside of our community. I get a lot more attention in person, often times from guys who have not dated black women before.
the issue for me is the mixed woman being the stand in for Black women…you find someone with mixed ancestry to discuss the most marginalized when we know colorism and featurism are complicit in the data.
The way that Ron articulated his thought process about racial blind spots was amazing!
Since a great, open, honest and nuanced conversation. I’ve definitely been educated by dating men with ethnicities different than my own. I dated a Black man for a time and the first thing he asked me was I going out with him just for the experience, I was shocked, but then self reflected to be sure. We split because of a difference in readiness for commitment. My fiancé is Mexican - American and I am white, I see examples every day of things I don’t even have to think about as a white women, that he does…
LOL! Ronnie Chieng is hilarious! So based on the "least desirable data" on what was said, Asian men and Black women should be a match. HA, HA, HA, HA!
These long form segments are always so interesting and surprisingly intimate. Getting to know the Daily Show talent as intelligent thoughtful people makes watching the show so rewarding. Thanks for these videos, keep it up!
Short guys must be the most discriminated against in the world. All I ever see on dating sights is "I want a tall guy"
That's because the internet is full of fake accounts and people too naive to know the memes shared on the internet do not reflect reality.
Yes!! I like the apps that allow you to choose people that are looking for your race. I only want people who want me. No surprises!!
I am also interested in how online dating also helps make fetishism easier, unfortunately.
I'm white but I grew up as a minority in the LA public school system. During my dating years (I got married in 2008), I dated nearly every race but I found that white men tended to have a lot of ignorance about racism which was a whole extra layer to dating I didn't like dealing with. Maybe it's also my own baggage about being bullied as a kid for being white but at a certain point I stopped being attracted to white men because I didn't feel like dealing with educating them or seeing racism that they didn't notice. I also connect with Roy's concern about the children. I just didn't want my kids to experience what I did growing up. Now that I've been married for years (to a Mexican-American guy) I feel a little bad for being so prejudiced back then. I might have hurt some feelings along the way because to get a white guy to stop pursuing me I would sometimes tell them I didn't date white guys. One more comment-- At one point I really fell in love with man raised by a single black woman who was still super present in his life and I do admit I was intimidated. I felt like I wouldn't be a strong enough mom to be respected in her eyes as a mother. This makes me wonder how much of the prejudice against dating black women is wrapped up in white insecurity. I'm not saying that justifies it but having nearly had a black mother-in-law, I admit I felt insecure and like I would never live up to her strength.
Is your name actually Kindred? I love that name. I’m sorry you been bullied, but I’m glad you still were open enough to have an amazing bicultural family ❤️
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Thanks for sharing. I believe that the European standard of beauty is still lingering, and that's the biggest problem.
As a black man I can tell you that most of that "strength" is an act. Being loud and aggressive is not being strong at all. Underneath all that lies fear and insecurities.
So you stopped dating white dude beacuse you got bullied do being white?
I am a black woman and I would be willing to date outside my race.
As an observer from Africa, I also understand why black american women are least desired, based on what we see (via the box i.e. reality shows, talk shows hosted by women & so forth). It looks like B.A.W are combative, know no peace, promiscuous and are always talking down to their brothers because of money
I mean you would have to be really desperate and at your last wits to go for the colonizer when there's black women
So I think self reflection needs to done about the entire black collective image and it starts with the women
This was such an insightful session, it brought to light something that I didn’t know existed and possibly now I can evaluate myself to see if I am in that category because it’s unacceptable behavior
Black women and Asian men should hook up. I, personally think it's preference. The US feels like a caste system. It seem that most other minorities prefer to date and marry Caucasians. Whenever I see Asian women with White men, it seems that they are physically holding on to the men and the same with Latin women. I wonder if it's a status thing.
I am a black male and I really like seeing interracial relationships. I always tell my friends and family to live with a opened heart and not limit who you can Fallin love with.
This and so many current discussions prove I've always been 10 years ahead of everyone else. I was telling women racial preferences is racial discrimination. ... since like 1999.
I'm a dark skin latino married to a white latino with totally different background, but I do believe that the whole race preference issues is also indicative of how attached many people are to their comfort zone. In the sense that they will take the path of least resistance into a possibly mediocre relationship as opposed to a deeper more passionate relationship just because it's easier. Perhaps if some data could be extrapolated as to the length and happines/satisfaction level into the different types of relationships would help people make better choices. Thanks for this it was very enlightening 😊
Ok
As an Asian male I'm ok with being in the least wanted group. When I was younger it bothered me but as I got older you get used to it and eventually reach acceptance. It really reduces the complexity of life.
As a Latinx male I feel where your coming from because sometimes I feel hispanic males are the least desired men out there, especially since the vast majority of our women don't like us and are always thirsting over white men. However much like you I've learned to accept reality as harsh as it might be.
@@LuciferTheDogKiller Work on yourself. Make lots of money. Enjoy a wealthy and early retirement. See all the places you want to before you kick the bucket and live a full life. That is all I can recommend and all that I can do. Doing it all alone doesn't mean being lonely. It means having freedom.
@@fcanapa 😁👍🏼
As a white woman, I absolutely hate that Asian men are seen as least wanted and white men as most wanted. I think non-white men are way more attractive looking than white men. I love Asian men.
I feel my biggest dating mistake has been never having dated out. I really should have explored my options.
Yea you should taste the different flavors.
You should have. I did and I AM SO GLAD I DID !
First step to happiness--ignore any desire in yourself to impress your friends. Then the real love starts.
If I had continued to just date black guys, I would be lonely or had to fight side chicks all the time. lol
@@ms.bubs4fun506 In other words you would rather be in the rotation of a white man and unmarried than be in the rotation of a black man.
My question for the person who wouldn't date black women but would date beyonce is what would beyonce get out of it?
Right! Like as if Beyonce would want them. lol
@@ms.bubs4fun506 I mentioned my comment to my wife and her responses sorry boo she wouldn't want you anyway lol.
It’s a very difficult but important conversation to have. I’m a tall white male in his 30s who used to go out with 2 tall white men and a short Asian man to bars and clubs and man….I felt badly for my Asian friend because it did not go well for him. Don’t know what the solution is, but you would hope it wouldn’t be such a dramatic difference in dating preferences just based on ethnicity/height
The main reason why it didn't go well for your asian friend when hitting the bars is because he was short, not so much for him being asian.
The negative stereotype that a toad about each ethnic group does not help. Some are worse than others.
Is it bad that as an Asian man I don’t want people knowing I’m a least desirable demographic? Feels like it will cut my chances down more than I already feel if everyone thinks they’ll be judged for dating me
You are thinking about it the wrong way.
If someone is worried about how they will be perceived with you, they care more about their image than they do about you or your relationship.
If the matter of "how desirable you are to others" is a factor in whether they care about you, you are better off without them.
You’re concerned about your perceived value. That’s normal.
Work on self confidence and self worth. It may help to see a therapist for a little bit.
When you’re happier about yourself it will show. Most women are immediately drawn to self confidence (which is not the same as arrogance).
Excellent conversation. I am a white woman. On dating apps, I say I'm open to meeting anyone of any race. I understand and respect the preference of a non-white person to date within their racial/cultural/ethnic group, since that person would better understand the challenges of navigating in a white dominant/white supremacist society. But if a white man expresses a preference to date only white women, I suspect racism. Also, on OK Cupid there's a question that asks something like: "Should everyone speak out against racism, or is it each person's individual choice?" If the answer is, no, it's an individual choice, I read that as racist. Because everyone-- white people included-- should be outraged by and speak out against racism. So if the guy is white, prefers to date someone of his own race, and answers "no," no one is obligated to speak out against racism, those answers-- especially in combination-- are deal breakers for me. If, on top of all that, they say they are "politically moderate," that tells me they lack the moral courage to take a stand on controversial issues, like racial and social inequality. You may say that those are my biases. So be it.
Isn’t suspecting the motivations of someone based solely on their race, by definition racism. How is that any different than saying “if I see a white person in a nice neighborhood, he probably lives there, but if I see a black person in the same neighborhood I suspect he is a burglar”
Sounds like you are biased to those politically moderate. 🤣
As an Asian American, I can attest to this. It is very sneaky.
One example. I once dated a w girl who worked in Papa John's in a middle state (Midwest). Her associates looked down on her and made a fool of her by saying, "She is dating Asians!" "You know she likes Asians, you guys. Wink wink." "That's why she likes small." Etc etc. When she snapped, they were like, "Oh we were just kidding chill out," shamelessly turning it on her! She was very stressed. They were nice when I saw them.
Not just one or two but every w guy.
There is this peer pressure. Whisper attacks, verbal attacks, physical attacks, condescending attacks. Glass ceilings.
Thank you for covering this
Write me ⬆️⬆️📝📝
Sup bro I’m 17 can you tell me if my recent song I just put out fire ?🔥💪🏾
This was incredibly well done! Thank you all.
No it wasn't.
She said that race plays a factor and lied about her own self loathing. Nobody changlleged her even though that was supposed to be the point of the show.
" why can't we talk about racial hypergamy " because they wanna lie and laugh about it.
But the BLACK MAN WASN'T LAUGHING 😕
I'm really glad that all my marriages (6) were based on live, person-to-person interactions. I'm too paranoid to connect IRL with someone I met online.
Marriages are like strokes in golf. The more you have had, the less compelled we feel to reproduce your strategy. Just curious, what else did you do to achieve that level of accomplishment?
I had this argument with a group of Asian women about how we (Asian men) are envious of them because they can date whoever they want. But they were complaining about how they are being sexualized and hate it so much. It sounds like a high class problem to us.
Would you rather be desirable but comes with sexualization?
OR
Be least desirable and no one wants to date you?
@@ThatBeach23 thing is that women are desired more than men so you are at the bottom for women but more likely higher than the bottom of men, their blessing is average income
@@ThatBeach23 They're less desirable in a fake, internet meme sort of way. But in reality they are equal with all women far as being desired.
Sexualization comes with objectification, harassment and abuse.
@@ad2094 Then why do females do it to themselves if those are the outcomes from it?
@@ThatBeach23 right? And our looks are constantly copied also. Lol
RW Jr. is brilliant! Thank you for using humor to make this world a brighter place to be! ✌️
I think the idea that of a "reset" button for dating algorithms is pretty smart
...considering how previous preferences have not worked, showing you more of the same might not be the best way for you to find happiness.
It’s almost like people base their decisions on aesthetic preferences when picking who to match with because that’s all they’re given.
My current partner doesn’t match every preference I have. What a shocker.
It’s almost like when you actually engage with people and not a soulless dating app, you get more genuine people.
I guess I don't fit the "norm" cause I think most Asian guys are very attractive.
Because the internet is half fake memes.
@@masonkanterbury3007 I don't understand the relevance of that comment but OK.
What a tired topic.
Accept the fact that some people have preferences.
How is it racist to prefer people with your same culture, language , traditions?
I am Latina, I prefer latinos...nothing to do with the color of the skin...
Latin America is literally filled up with every race and culture under the sun. There is plenty of racism within Latin Amercia, so difficult to understand what the point is? Are you saying you are just as attracted to Sammy Sosa and Andy Garcia and Alberto Fujimori? They are all Latino and three different races.
@@MyPlace-eb7fb I'm saying that I prefer to date Spanish speaking Latino men, color is irrelevant. Why is this racist, just saying
We all have a type, Cubans are my thing, do you have an issue with that?
@Michelle I have dated both
Because those who want to date outside their ethnicity will be bitter about that you prefer your own which is normal and therefore don't want to date them so they will claim racism out of bitterness. In regards to this I've only seen black people, mostly black men criticize or say it's racist to prefer your own.
@@kwolf2145 you are absolutely right
Jennifer needs to do new research, black love isn't really trending anymore. It's been a hard pill to swallow realizing black men who are successful and well off rather go outside of the dating pool. Therefore most of us black women have found more luck elsewhere. Right now I am in my longest relationship ever with a Puerto Rican man and I am a Black Jamaican.
I agree...this conversation is outdated.
For some BW, we genuinely prefer non-bl@ck men. That is certainly the case for me.
People should date whoever they want. Men will date the best options that are available.
@@Demarcointuit Are you saying women of other ethnicity are better options than black women because that's what you're implying with your comment?
things you and the boriqua differences are the islands were colonized by 2 different Europeans, speak 2 different colonial languages. if he is black then what's the issue? 2 islands from Caribbean, foods are both connected to the same continent, wonderful cultures, etc.
What this conversation made me consider: I have only had 2 relationships, both white. Something else I found with online dating, I wanted to chat more before meeting, I ended up going on very few dates. Telling guys I was tall turned many away. I was also up front about wanting to eventually foster and/or adopt, not give birth. This REALLY turned guys away. All this and I present pretty butch, so generally I found more women have shown interest in me than men.
@@theskyismymuse I am a working engineer, and always find that stereotype confusing. I meet a pretty racially diverse group of nerds.
a tall woman who wants to chat online a lot before the first meeting, who wants to adopt or foster instead of giving birth, and who is an engineer...? They probably thought you were trans.
@@jaspermartin7444 fair points, I am short in my family, but the 4 brothers thing can also sound intimidating
I want you add something. Preference is not the same as a non-negotiable. As an example, everyone has a preference for a particular flavor of ice cream, but that doesn't mean you are going to turn down a different flavor.
absolutely
This is MVP comment. Asian men face this a lot..
A better example, what this whole program was about, is saying you're not a picky eater (biased) and open to all flavors, then going to a Baskin Robin's and picking the same "preference" flavor *Every Single Time* you visit.
@@Ms.takenlee well said. That is a better example, thank you.
I'm a biracial woman who met my partner via a dating app. I was livining in an area that was predominantly white and I could definitely sense the bias. If I liked a minority man....practically any minority in my area, I would likely match. If I liked a white man, the odds were a lot lower. So I would often have a disproportionate amount of minority matches, and in the end I ended up with a great man from peru (which means I'm also in an interracial/cultural relationship). Honestly I was somewhat okay having people self-select me out of their dating pool. I'd seen/heard plenty of experiences that were at best racially awkward and at works extremely difficult for women of color where the guy or their family struggled with the person's race. I didn't want that. So it was nice to know that at the very least a number of those had likely cancelled out before I ever met them. That was more sad for them than for me.
* To be fair, I also had preferences/biases in looks. They just weren't super racially specific.
you know as a fellow biracial but i am a male,. maybe i don't get the need to absolutely mingle with the other half's relatives and especially when you sense hostility from afar. i onno but its not worth sweating over especially if your other half is fully committed. Now that's how i view it. See I am not finna catch no ulcer over someone's feelings that i can't control.
The Asian men rating will raise now due to k drama, k pop and bts😉😄
Not really. These feminine men are only liked by teenagers.
My mom was racist against Hispanic people, who were all " Mexican" in her mind, and homophobic. My first real boyfriend was Puerto Rican and she hated it, voiced her displeasure every chance she got. A little while later I dated a woman and my mom straight out and told me she would rather see me less happy with a man then completely happy with a woman. My family is important to me even if I disagree with their beliefs. My ideal family picture is one where my kids would go to grandmas or aunties for the summer. We'd have family get togethers and spend holidays with each other. I didn't see that future with someone my family disapproved of. My mom and grandparents would have distanced themselves from me. Ultimately I ended up marrying a white man. He at least shares my beliefs so our kids have been raised to be accepting of everyone. Hopefully the next generation can do better than the generations that came before.
So your family dictated which race you could marry? I’m not sure a group photo is worth that, personally.
Your mother's happiness was more important to her, than YOURS. I'm so sorry 😣
When I was single on dating apps where you can specify your "race" I would never answer that because the type of person to who that is important was not the kind of person who I wanted to meet.
I put that I was white but they could see from my pictures that I was clearly black. lol The only ones that would get mad at me doing that were black guys. Go figure.
That doesn’t matter. Most people are looking at the pictures anyways.
Love Ronny’s mustache!
I remember when I first signed up for e-harmony back in 08 and being kind of appalled that there was a whole list of races and you had to check the boxes next to the races you would be interested in. But it did make me examine myself and ask the question, would I date an Asian guy? A black guy? I distinctly remember hesitating over the East Asian section thinking of all the biases in my head (mostly that I would be bigger than them.)
I ultimately checked all the boxes because why would I exclude someone who might be perfect for me or that I might have a great connection with, for reasons that I don't know for sure would be true about them, just based upon race?
My husband now is white, but he is very thin and I again had to have the conversation in my head of like, can I do this? Be with someone smaller than me? People are going to look at us weird and think he had some kind of fat fetish. But sizism on dating apps (particularly towards short men) is a topic for another day lol.
When I was younger I had that mindset that men HAVE TO be bigger than women since men are apparently meant to 'dominate' women. Then one day I found out my very tall aunty was hooking up with a really short guy in our friend group. I was shocked at how that could even work, to which she replied "height doesn't matter when you're lying down!". And that moment helped dispel the social illusion that women HAVE TO BE smaller & shorter and therefore 'submissive' to men to be a couple. I've found it's actually freakin HOT to be this big beautiful woman being loved all over by a little pocket rocket🚀! Bonus is that smaller/skinnier guys fit easily into tight narrow places 😉😏😂😜
thanks for being open and honest!
Relatable
@@karmageddon9856 lol @ "little pocket rocket"
@@karmageddon9856 My late husband was 6'2", I'm 5'2" - when we started dating, I voiced my concern to my mum that he was way too tall. My mother gave me the exact same advice as your aunt - height diff doesn't matter in bed :)
This is fascinating to me. I'm a transracial adoptee, a Latina adopted into an all white family and raised in a predominantly white neighborhood. I was invited into a study in high school with other "minorities" about the minority experience and was baffled at how they saw the world, when I saw it mostly through a white-coded lens--I'm also lighter skinned, not white passing by any means, but I've been told I look "mixed" and experienced very little (outward) racism growing up until that point.
So I'd be more daunted by dating some of my own "race", because I have little experience being a "real" Latina, no one in my family speaks Spanish, I didn't grow up in the culture. At the same time, dating a white person with whom I'd understand more culturally, they might have assumptions of their own on what I'm like. It's complicated.
Love the variety of experiences here, and the fact that each has expertise and is respected in this space.
It’s okay if people are not attracted to a certain race. It’s okay if people wouldn’t understand a culture. What’s wrong is to date people and later on treat them badly because you “ settled “ for whom you consider lower than you.
If you can’t get over the racial factor just go date your own people. Be conscious about your choices. And that’s fine. Don’t use other people to prove to society that you are not a racist.
Thank you. It's not racist to not be attracted to certain traits.
@@rellenoz 💯
We just need to respect each other. That’s all.
Are you a black or Asian person and you are looking to date a white person? Who says you _have_ to date someone outside your race? And why is the white person racist if they don't date you?
I have a Hispanic friend (female) she dates Blk men who are less than desirable looking because they are the only ones who give her attention.
People choose their own race and treat them horribly too.
Thank you all for this open, honest segment. About 5yrs ago I was at a single ladies luncheon for my church (primarily Black / Black Mixed) and we had a similar discussion surrounding dating outside of our race. Some agreed that it was probably time to do so because we didn't have enough Black men in our surrounding churches and desired someone within our faith (more like 7-10 women to 1 eligible man). Also, several were professional or financially stable women who wanted to get married and have children before it was too late to do so.
I don't think it's racist if you don't want to date a certain race. I'm just not attracted to black girls. I have nothing against them, I am just not attracted
This video was a lot more interesting and informative than I assumed it would be.
The bottom line is "Why restrict your own chances for finding happyness?"
I know on the other hand it is very hard to let go of what has been ingrained to yourself by society.
Thank you for this discussion, so many don't want to talk about this. First, the media heavily drives these so called preferences because they give us their definition of beauty. I disagree with Ronny toward the end. This is not about forcing anyone to date outside their race, so much as it is about holding up a mirror to who we truly are individually and as a society. 42:37