Videos like this that describe Anxious as 'needy' or 'clingy', or Avoidant as 'distant' or 'cold' really do a disservice to people. Certainly there are extreme examples that might fit that description but they are usually far more nuanced then that. It places needless burden on those dealing with less intrusive or obsessive forms of attachment disorder. No, people aren't 'clingy', they need to set healthy boundaries and expectations and communicate their needs effectively with their partners, and detach inaccurate & hurtful labels, not add them.
Just realized that I’m dismissive avoidant, but it makes sense. Growing up, my parents rarely showed me affection growing up. It was always about achievement. Time to get to work and heal.
@@andrealo3411Nah, videos that drag things out for minutes before getting to the topic are annoying, AND are designed to get them more credit from YuckTub instead of prioritizing the viewer. Which undermines the credibility of the channel. I appreciate when someone saves me time with a note like the above. Personally, I'm going to avoid the channel because of the huge padding of self-promotion ads.
I’m doing everything in my power to love and care for my toddler twins so that they do not have to repair their childhood. This includes co-sleeping and being highly responsive to their needs rather than ignoring them with sleep training. It’s hard work. I just pray it pays off. 😅
Hugging for me was difficult. I did not get hugs or kisses from my parents. They lost a daughter a year before I was born. And I’m pretty sure they had a similar experience with their parents.
@bluedot7817 hi Blue. Very likely, I think. It is a cultural thing, plus each individual personality. My mother did the best she could/knew. The three of us lived under the same roof. I had little communication with him. It’s not easy to explain now. Thank you!!
According to my parents as a baby I was primarily attached to my dad. I weaned myself at 5 months old, I would not take the breast, and would often refuse the bottle from my mother. She had really severe postpartum depression and I was really sensitive to that and felt safer with my dad. I was a different kid when my parents broke up a few months before my third birthday. It took years for my mother and I to form a close bond. I would scream and cry on the car ride home and was much happier at daycare than at home. I sometimes wonder how different my life might have been without that early trauma.
Attachment Styles: 1. *Secure* 2. *Anxious Preoccupied* (also just called "Anxious") 3. *Dismissive Avoidant* (some can say "Avoidant" as an umbrella term for both Dismissive and Fearful) 4. *Fearful Avoidant* (sometimes referred to as "Disorganized" by some) I feel sorry the most for people who have the Fearful Avoidant attachment style. Not only does their style seem to be the most extreme one... they're also least likely to self-reflect, which is going to impede their progress towards growth and facing their fears. They are so afraid, and their instinct is to run away. They also don't even want to look at themselves. They have a sense that they're not good enough. Trying to put in work to fix themselves feels to them like looking into a mirror that what they're seeing is ugly. They would rather not even look at all. So when it comes to recovery, they struggle the most with getting the ship off the ground. Someone I knew had a bad mother and lacked a father. It is truly sad and I wish we could do something about this. Nobody cares. I hate this system and our culture. There is so much wrong with us and we just don't care. America is corrupt and I think our country is only going to get worse and worse and worse.
I’ve come from a traumatic family, At least three generations of trauma. It it my life mission to stop the cycle of abuse and trauma by loving my children and wife who her self has come from a traumatic childhood
I am fearful avoidant ✋️. I often self reflect even too much. It's a deep self hatred and an acceptance of bad things that happen in life because I believe I deserve it. When the water company sent me a bill and a credit at the same time and threatened to cut off my water I couldn't even deal with them. On top of that I have no wife, no kids, and I'm permanently and totally disabled veteran who screams in my sleep. It is very tough. Although I have went on dates back in 2016 I have not even attempted to do it now after watching how bad the dating scene is on youtube. It's lonely and I'm miserable. My own mother told me to end myself lol. So yea it sucks but that's life. Some have it worse than others. And you are right, no one, absolutely no one trully cares. Believe this or not though, leaving this comment kinda helps. Reminds me that I suffer from a crappy life more than depression. Thanks for reading. ❤
The attachment theory is one of my favorites while I digged it during my Bachelors in General Psy.On my opinion the most prevalent that I ve been observing are the anxious one and the fearful one,and also insecure.I m observing them everywhere !
I am mostly anxious I think, but also disorganized. I avoid relationships and dating at all, because of how anxious I can be. My mom bailed when I was four and my dad married a Mommy Dearest type when I was seven. I feel like I have both chased maternal attachment, as well as tried to not let it ever get close enough to hurt me again.
that fact that a certain person can have "different bags" of attachment styles in different situations with different people makes this theory difficult to use in identifying who to avoid or who to accept in our lives... rather, this theory is most useful in knowing more about oneself and how to improve and/or strive to be in that "secure" spectrum of attachment style. also, this theory also acknowledges that even if we find someone with secure attachment style it will still not work smoothly if we ourselves isnt secure... the goal is to be secure by ourselves by doing self reflection and improving ourselves.... and finding someone with the same secure attachment style... 🤷
Yeah I think the same. Could be any in any given situation but I relate to Fearful Avoidant the most and I'm diagnosed BPD. But I do self reflect and try and learn from my mistakes.
I'm like a secure style at first. But when I subconsciously realise that I'm dating an avoidant (mostly) I become an anxious style and get super insecure. Hoping for the basics, and when the dismissive avoidant doesn't give any of the basics needs, I end up being super insecure and anxious.
Video on how to choose a therapist? (If you don't already have one.) So often we give advice to our family or friends struggling to get a therapist but we never talk about the importance of ensuring we have a good therapist. Therapists are people too, and most are good, but some are bad. I would be less scared of going back into therapy if I had some guidelines for how to choose a good therapist ❤️
I went to a therapist years ago as I was tired of failed relationships. Now that I think about it that didn’t work out either. They just let me talk which was good because it felt safe . Then the therapist made what I felt was a condescending comment that turned me off . Attachment theory definitely wasn’t in their toolbox . Attachment theory does interest me . I gave up on relationships years ago .
I joke around alot but it's difficult to express affection. I'll listen really well, but don't talk much. I've no problem bonding but in my alone time I like alone being alone.
I just wanted to say if you do have an insecure attachment style, it is absolutely something that can be healed! One thing that i frequently help clients with is healing their insecure attachment style and becoming securely attached💝
One day I had a ha-ha moment about how I was relating to people when three past relationships showed up in my current relationship. He reminds me of all three. Which in turn made me look at myself because I am clearly seeing a repeating pattern. Then this term attached style shows up and now I see the WHY I am like I am so clearly!
Because they first explain what attachment theory is and how it can impact your future relationships post childhood, before they get into the different styles. They just want to set the stage before jumping in, I’m assuming.
What about detachment? Does that relate to any of these? My mother never held me or touched me. No physical affection. It destroyed me. All my relationships have been very damaging as its been all about the physical. I was so desperate to be loved.
Yes I remember watching a child psychology video on TV once. National geographic maybe? Anyways they did mention this and yes from what I recall they can become incredibly detached from affection. Howver I also recall that people who don't receive enough affection that they basically fall in love with anyone who shows them even the smallest amount of affection. If that's you, you have to be careful cause abusive people instinctively know who is reliant on affection. They are much easier to manipulate.
@@ollehkacb yes. I've been emotionally and financially exploited all my life. Serious abuse. Taken advantage of. Two cases are with the police. I'm so very damaged. Now i don't leave the house.
Actually many therapists do not know or recognize the nuances of attachment as it applies to the theoretical and evidently aspects. The pick up on certain cuts that could lead them to a minute understanding but if more therapists recieved training in attachment theory it could be one of the best tools of there for patients to understand in greater detail the inner workings of thier relationships.
Only a few years ago came to understand what mine is........and now I understand what style the person that I fell in love with has. I dont have any hope for us. Now I understand why all the things I said scared him away. I don't have any hope for us.
Great video. But why have you changed the original names? Since the attachment styles overlap a little, changing their names have made them rather confusing.
@@em_pathetic_772 in my observation for short term having trauma definitely affects attachment style, I'm not sure if long term change in attachment style is common. I have seen people who got created were resistant to trust others but mostly it was short term
Hmm.. I came here because I'm learning I might be an anxious preoccupied attachment -- I don't think the comment made at 6:23 was very tactful. We're talking about mental health here, why the need for a negative connotation to those who may have that attachment while she's making a generalized summarization? This is disappointing. I thought this was a channel about helping and reaching people.
All my therapist tells me is to quit bringing weapons to the sessions, her secretary doesn't want to fuck me, and to not buy any more gasoline/arson supplies and that I have a bunch of bills past due and I can't do any more counseling unless I pay
Please don't let this get under your skin. You don't deserve to feel dismissed in that way. Sending unconditional love your way and healing energy. We are all here to help each other heal. Just take what helps and leave the rest.
Yo my girlfriend be having a mental health panic attack and I'm trying to learn about this stuff can you guys actually talk about your video titles for a change and not waste half of my time listening you talk about nonsense that's completely unrelated to this video
In genral observation do you guys think secure attachment style are more open to exploration and cheating? Cos other attachments style like avoidant and fearful thinks deep about getting hurt from cheating, fear of abandonment and have empathy
Why is it Pseudoscience? I've never seeked therapy because I learned to heal myself through research through the Psychology field, self-awareness, working on my behaviors and self-acceptance but especially, choosing not to become "dependent on prescription drugs" just because a doctor says I need it!! But if I ever needed therapy, I would rather seek therapy from a Psychologist who works with Cognitive "behavioral", talk therapies, etc., vs "pumping you full of prescription drugs" which Psychiatrist's are well known to do!!
Psychology in general or just attachment theory. It makes sense to me as I’ve never developed a healthy relationship due to my dysfunctional attachment disorder. It’s a long story.
Worst video on this theory ever! It's all subjective and opinion based whereas that one dating coach is straight scientific about it and realistic without personal opinion.
Videos like this that describe Anxious as 'needy' or 'clingy', or Avoidant as 'distant' or 'cold' really do a disservice to people. Certainly there are extreme examples that might fit that description but they are usually far more nuanced then that. It places needless burden on those dealing with less intrusive or obsessive forms of attachment disorder. No, people aren't 'clingy', they need to set healthy boundaries and expectations and communicate their needs effectively with their partners, and detach inaccurate & hurtful labels, not add them.
Just realized that I’m dismissive avoidant, but it makes sense. Growing up, my parents rarely showed me affection growing up. It was always about achievement. Time to get to work and heal.
Video starts at 06:11
You'll be missing other important information such as "why is attachment theory important?"
@@andrealo3411Nah, videos that drag things out for minutes before getting to the topic are annoying, AND are designed to get them more credit from YuckTub instead of prioritizing the viewer. Which undermines the credibility of the channel.
I appreciate when someone saves me time with a note like the above.
Personally, I'm going to avoid the channel because of the huge padding of self-promotion ads.
What? No, it doesn't. If you want a verbatim definition without context see a dictionary, Google it, or search the word in any number of apps.
@@andrealo3411that’s obvious
Thanks
I’m doing everything in my power to love and care for my toddler twins so that they do not have to repair their childhood. This includes co-sleeping and being highly responsive to their needs rather than ignoring them with sleep training. It’s hard work. I just pray it pays off. 😅
Hugging for me was difficult. I did not get hugs or kisses from my parents. They lost a daughter a year before I was born. And I’m pretty sure they had a similar experience with their parents.
@bluedot7817 hi Blue. Very likely, I think. It is a cultural thing, plus each individual personality. My mother did the best she could/knew. The three of us lived under the same roof. I had little communication with him. It’s not easy to explain now. Thank you!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I’m sending a virtual hug ..now 🙏
According to my parents as a baby I was primarily attached to my dad. I weaned myself at 5 months old, I would not take the breast, and would often refuse the bottle from my mother. She had really severe postpartum depression and I was really sensitive to that and felt safer with my dad. I was a different kid when my parents broke up a few months before my third birthday. It took years for my mother and I to form a close bond. I would scream and cry on the car ride home and was much happier at daycare than at home. I sometimes wonder how different my life might have been without that early trauma.
Attachment Styles:
1. *Secure*
2. *Anxious Preoccupied* (also just called "Anxious")
3. *Dismissive Avoidant* (some can say "Avoidant" as an umbrella term for both Dismissive and Fearful)
4. *Fearful Avoidant* (sometimes referred to as "Disorganized" by some)
I feel sorry the most for people who have the Fearful Avoidant attachment style. Not only does their style seem to be the most extreme one... they're also least likely to self-reflect, which is going to impede their progress towards growth and facing their fears. They are so afraid, and their instinct is to run away. They also don't even want to look at themselves. They have a sense that they're not good enough. Trying to put in work to fix themselves feels to them like looking into a mirror that what they're seeing is ugly. They would rather not even look at all. So when it comes to recovery, they struggle the most with getting the ship off the ground.
Someone I knew had a bad mother and lacked a father.
It is truly sad and I wish we could do something about this. Nobody cares. I hate this system and our culture. There is so much wrong with us and we just don't care. America is corrupt and I think our country is only going to get worse and worse and worse.
I’ve come from a traumatic family, At least three generations of trauma. It it my life mission to stop the cycle of abuse and trauma by loving my children and wife who her self has come from a traumatic childhood
Thank you!
I wish I could truthfully disagree with your summary but I can't, it's pretty spot on.
I am fearful avoidant ✋️. I often self reflect even too much. It's a deep self hatred and an acceptance of bad things that happen in life because I believe I deserve it. When the water company sent me a bill and a credit at the same time and threatened to cut off my water I couldn't even deal with them. On top of that I have no wife, no kids, and I'm permanently and totally disabled veteran who screams in my sleep. It is very tough. Although I have went on dates back in 2016 I have not even attempted to do it now after watching how bad the dating scene is on youtube. It's lonely and I'm miserable. My own mother told me to end myself lol. So yea it sucks but that's life. Some have it worse than others. And you are right, no one, absolutely no one trully cares.
Believe this or not though, leaving this comment kinda helps. Reminds me that I suffer from a crappy life more than depression.
Thanks for reading. ❤
@@Baddawg_313 God cares, Jesus cares
The attachment theory is one of my favorites while I digged it during my Bachelors in General Psy.On my opinion the most prevalent that I ve been observing are the anxious one and the fearful one,and also insecure.I m observing them everywhere !
Wow! Currently doing my bachelor's degree. I'm watching this as an assignment lol😅
I am mostly anxious I think, but also disorganized. I avoid relationships and dating at all, because of how anxious I can be. My mom bailed when I was four and my dad married a Mommy Dearest type when I was seven. I feel like I have both chased maternal attachment, as well as tried to not let it ever get close enough to hurt me again.
Real info starts at 6:10
that fact that a certain person can have "different bags" of attachment styles in different situations with different people makes this theory difficult to use in identifying who to avoid or who to accept in our lives...
rather, this theory is most useful in knowing more about oneself and how to improve and/or strive to be in that "secure" spectrum of attachment style.
also, this theory also acknowledges that even if we find someone with secure attachment style it will still not work smoothly if we ourselves isnt secure...
the goal is to be secure by ourselves by doing self reflection and improving ourselves.... and finding someone with the same secure attachment style... 🤷
When you can see yourself as all and none at the same time 💀
“All models are wrong, some are useful.”
Felt
You're likely a bit fearful avoidant if you can relate to all of them!
Yeah I think the same. Could be any in any given situation but I relate to Fearful Avoidant the most and I'm diagnosed BPD. But I do self reflect and try and learn from my mistakes.
I'm like a secure style at first. But when I subconsciously realise that I'm dating an avoidant (mostly) I become an anxious style and get super insecure. Hoping for the basics, and when the dismissive avoidant doesn't give any of the basics needs, I end up being super insecure and anxious.
Video on how to choose a therapist? (If you don't already have one.) So often we give advice to our family or friends struggling to get a therapist but we never talk about the importance of ensuring we have a good therapist. Therapists are people too, and most are good, but some are bad. I would be less scared of going back into therapy if I had some guidelines for how to choose a good therapist ❤️
I went to a therapist years ago as I was tired of failed relationships. Now that I think about it that didn’t work out either.
They just let me talk which was good because it felt safe . Then the therapist made what I felt was a condescending comment that turned me off .
Attachment theory definitely wasn’t in their toolbox .
Attachment theory does interest me .
I gave up on relationships years ago .
I joke around alot but it's difficult to express affection. I'll listen really well, but don't talk much. I've no problem bonding but in my alone time I like alone being alone.
I just wanted to say if you do have an insecure attachment style, it is absolutely something that can be healed! One thing that i frequently help clients with is healing their insecure attachment style and becoming securely attached💝
One day I had a ha-ha moment about how I was relating to people when three past relationships showed up in my current relationship. He reminds me of all three. Which in turn made me look at myself because I am clearly seeing a repeating pattern. Then this term attached style shows up and now I see the WHY I am like I am so clearly!
it's called an a-ha moment 😅😂
@@sophiavarona1616 hope you are having one because clearly you understood. Ugh
I agree with her. I think SECURE is very RARE from my life experiences.
Why am i 4 1/2 minutes into this video and you haven't even told me about one kind of attachment style!!!!
Sounding pretty entitled… it’s a free video with a triple board certified doctor… relax.
Its one giant ad.
Because they first explain what attachment theory is and how it can impact your future relationships post childhood, before they get into the different styles. They just want to set the stage before jumping in, I’m assuming.
What about detachment? Does that relate to any of these?
My mother never held me or touched me. No physical affection. It destroyed me.
All my relationships have been very damaging as its been all about the physical. I was so desperate to be loved.
Yes I remember watching a child psychology video on TV once. National geographic maybe?
Anyways they did mention this and yes from what I recall they can become incredibly detached from affection. Howver I also recall that people who don't receive enough affection that they basically fall in love with anyone who shows them even the smallest amount of affection. If that's you, you have to be careful cause abusive people instinctively know who is reliant on affection. They are much easier to manipulate.
@@ollehkacb yes. I've been emotionally and financially exploited all my life. Serious abuse. Taken advantage of. Two cases are with the police. I'm so very damaged. Now i don't leave the house.
I LOVE MY MOTHERS VERY MUCH…THEY SEEP ME OFF MY FEET EVERY MORNING 😳🙄
@@vanessas2363 You didn’t look like stupid to me 🫣
@@vanessas2363 I'm sorry to here that. I hope everything from here on improves for you.
TWO ads in one 10minute video is TOO much! ☹️
Sounds like anxious attachment
Did you have to do the commercial for MedCircle?
Can someone share the link for the quiz?
Actually many therapists do not know or recognize the nuances of attachment as it applies to the theoretical and evidently aspects. The pick up on certain cuts that could lead them to a minute understanding but if more therapists recieved training in attachment theory it could be one of the best tools of there for patients to understand in greater detail the inner workings of thier relationships.
Is this London Tipton teaching us about attachment theory? 😮😊
Amazing explain❤
Only a few years ago came to understand what mine is........and now I understand what style the person that I fell in love with has. I dont have any hope for us. Now I understand why all the things I said scared him away. I don't have any hope for us.
Great video. But why have you changed the original names? Since the attachment styles overlap a little, changing their names have made them rather confusing.
Great info!!❤🙏🏼
I would like to know, how fight against the childhood attachement (bad)?
Watch Healthy Gamer GG videos on attachment style. He explains on how to overcome it. 😊
Can experiencing trauma in a romantic relationship effect your attachment style? I imagine the answer is yes.
Hi what is trauma, could you please explain
@Saurabh.Nikhade By trauma, I mean a significant event that induces intense feelings of anxiety and depression. For example, being cheated on.
@@em_pathetic_772 gotit thankyou for explaining
@@em_pathetic_772 in my observation for short term having trauma definitely affects attachment style, I'm not sure if long term change in attachment style is common. I have seen people who got created were resistant to trust others but mostly it was short term
@@Saurabh.Nikhade that's great to know and very interesting. Thank you for sharing. That gives me hope.
5 minutes the in and still didn't start mentioning the 4 attachment styles 😒
Her top is so cute!
Reupload. The other ones were deleted unfortunaty.
…Attachment (theory)explains why you are attracted to the people that you are …
😳
I thought this sounded familiar..
0:35 0:35 hawk tuha
Can i mute just his “mmhhmm’s” and “ya’s” i can’t focus 😂😂😂
Hmm.. I came here because I'm learning I might be an anxious preoccupied attachment -- I don't think the comment made at 6:23 was very tactful. We're talking about mental health here, why the need for a negative connotation to those who may have that attachment while she's making a generalized summarization? This is disappointing. I thought this was a channel about helping and reaching people.
Agreed
All my therapist tells me is to quit bringing weapons to the sessions, her secretary doesn't want to fuck me, and to not buy any more gasoline/arson supplies and that I have a bunch of bills past due and I can't do any more counseling unless I pay
9:20 i have both 😢
I’m shocked that I have a secure attachment style.
congrats!
Video is a huge waste of time. Starts at 5:45
Literallyyyy 🙄🙄
One commercial would have been one too many but two? down votes for these commercials.
Too many ads!
I’m the anxious pre-occupied type. Thanks for making me feel like everybody’s “regret” relationship 👍🏽
Please don't let this get under your skin. You don't deserve to feel dismissed in that way. Sending unconditional love your way and healing energy. We are all here to help each other heal. Just take what helps and leave the rest.
I’m dismissive avoidant.
Clicks on this cause he's opposed to the idea that there can only be 4 attachment styles :v
Yo my girlfriend be having a mental health panic attack and I'm trying to learn about this stuff can you guys actually talk about your video titles for a change and not waste half of my time listening you talk about nonsense that's completely unrelated to this video
Borderline- fearful avoidant attachment
Mmmm she dodged the last question. I can see the intention behind your questioning Kyle; is there a moral purpose of this categorisation of humankind?
/An answer to these mental health 'issues' we are naming?
Couldn’t finish the video.
I think I dated that person 😂😂😂 we all did
I like being an alone human male
10 min video with two plugs 👎
agreed
I don’t understand what you mean
@@brittany09ads lol, i don’t see the big deal honestly
@@derks0 yeah I see ads on 95% of the videos nowadays no matter what the length
Hey look! It’s another entitled brat who thinks valuable information should just be free!
"I think I dated that person" haha let's make fun of people with anxious attachment
Useless
Oh no another speed talker.
Man I'm really curious what that Gays for Trump thing was all about
Somebody attach her pinky toe back on her foot please.
just share that the styles are! waste of time video.
This was not a good waste of time. Got nothing from it.
im cooked
In genral observation do you guys think secure attachment style are more open to exploration and cheating? Cos other attachments style like avoidant and fearful thinks deep about getting hurt from cheating, fear of abandonment and have empathy
Wrong video
Dear gentleman, you may benefit from getting your color analysis done.
Damn get to the point
Pseudoscience
What is the …“real“issue here?¿
Surely you're in denial
Why is it Pseudoscience? I've never seeked therapy because I learned to heal myself through research through the Psychology field, self-awareness, working on my behaviors and self-acceptance but especially, choosing not to become "dependent on prescription drugs" just because a doctor says I need it!! But if I ever needed therapy, I would rather seek therapy from a Psychologist who works with Cognitive "behavioral", talk therapies, etc., vs "pumping you full of prescription drugs" which Psychiatrist's are well known to do!!
@@aida087 Faktyczne Esperanto
Psychology in general or just attachment theory. It makes sense to me as I’ve never developed a healthy relationship due to my dysfunctional attachment disorder.
It’s a long story.
A lot of talk and advertising, but very little substance.
No. It’s not attachment styles. It’s inborn personalities. Your parents don’t owe you hugs or kisses.
How do
You figure? A woman’s brain is wired to be sensitive in every way just to raise children. And it doesn’t stop at birth
Precisely. This is heavily based on neuroticism, one of the most heritable traits of big 5
Worst video on this theory ever! It's all subjective and opinion based whereas that one dating coach is straight scientific about it and realistic without personal opinion.
Just watching her talk makes me anxious. Please lose the blink blink high heel and the fake eyelash. Distracting.
Yes,the world revolves around you and a grown woman owes you to look how particularly YOU want her to look. What a dumb comment,it hurts.
get help bro
@@AyanoMarryhe likes natural women, no makeup - not trying to impress with fancy clothes
@@AyanoMarry pretty sure it's a girl - "Tess"
@@2012BeyondtheWorldThis isn't a dating website, so picking on someone's appearance really is not appropriate, and rude.