@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Lol. Ironically I do. I especially study those despots in power and the type of people who are drawn to it and why they are. It's kind of like a morbid fascination, but also very important to arm ourselves against the tyranny. I'm in the "know your enemy" camp.
Redsky Mountaintop: Me too - sometimes the more twisted, the more fascinating someone is. But I am saying that "people" is a subject we study. I'm not speaking of individuals here. I am saying that we study individuals to get clues about humankind behavior as a whole. So yes, I would agree that we can study those individuals we despise, but in the context of understanding the subject ("people") which we can't get enough of.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Yes, 100%. Perhaps you could do a video on that? The deeper one goes though, the stronger one's boundaries need to be. At the moment I'm researching Rwandan genocide and what made ordinary citizens commit such atrocities (told you it was hectic). But it's a reality in our world. So it does smack of that "clinical" aspect you speak of. Best!
This rings true. The reason I am attracted to MBTI is because it is a superb system for mapping my observations about people. I connect patterns that I see between them. I think it’s important that you’re talking about how you (and/or INFJs in general) think about people-do we care about them subjectively or only objectively? I think I struggle a lot with my Fi critic because I am frustrated by my lack of understanding of my own love for others. I don’t even know what I subjectively feel about other people or things, and I feel guilty about it. It almost feels like all my emotions are fake. Are they? My deepest dreams are to actually connect with people in meaningful love. I do not dream about dissecting people. I dream about being on the same wavelength as someone, or forming an unbreakable bond. Maybe that only applies to the select few. But do I love people in general? It’s hard to perceive it in myself, but yes, I think I do genuinely love people for the people they are. And Beauty I’m sure that you do too, but just that your lack of Fi prevents you from seeing it. Yes, we love to analyze people. But I think if we’re in the right mind we really do love them! If we did not love them, we would not be interested at all. Not wanting to form a friendship with everyone you meet does not mean you don’t love them. Also, thank you for writing your thoughts down and sharing them. I write my thoughts too.
Funny, often in the past (when I wasn't as self aware) it was me who ended up getting attached to people too much instead. But I'm in a different chapter of my life now where my goals and ambitions are my fuel to live so there's less room to get attached to people. Occasionally I can feel the remnants of wanting to become attached to someone, but I do not allow myself to dwell on those feelings because they aren't the right person to become attached to. The constant analysis of people creates a very powerful intuition that I've really come to treasure. It's an asset that I hope to use going forward in creating a profitable mobile app business. Maybe that's what was frustrating me about working within someone else's company as a software developer. There was little to no room to use intuition to create innovation.
Sometimes I feel like I truly do care about people, but I don't want to have any responsibility for them. It might sound a little bit selfish I guess, but I want to provide the necessary help they need and then when I accomplish that, I just want them to go ahead and live their life without me. I wish I could be an "invisible being" and help anybody I want without facing any consequences. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. It reminds me of a friendship I had with a guy. He considered me as a really nice guy, because I showed a lot of interest in him at the beginning. Eventually when I learned enough about him, I decided to end the friendship. I gradually decreased our conversations, but the thing is he considered me to be his best friend. My feelings towards him were no where near that. I just considered him as a acquaintance. He would constantly ask me to talk more like we used to in the beginning. I had to tell him that I can't talk to him anymore because his attachment to me made me uncomfortable. At the end I felt really bad because I just wanted to learn more about him. I realized he doesn't really understand me, so we couldn't keep our friendship any longer. I found it strange that he liked me that much, when in reality I only cared a little bit about him, if not at all. I'm being more careful now, but I feel like I have to show people that I'm trustworthy for them to open up to me. That's why I try to be warm and friendly with them. I guess you could say I'm manipulating them. I kinda feel bad for doing that because I know they're humans too. Maybe I should be honest and tell them that I just want to be their "counselor", but I feel like they won't trust me if I say so. I'm glad you made another video. For a moment I thought you wouldn't upload anymore. It has been a long time since you last posted.
Jesus i have the exact same feeling. I wish i could just be an invisible omnipresent observer capable of affecting the world but not being affected by it as to not intoxicate my judgment. Having a body is just so limiting i hate it, i always felt like an operator stuck inside a machine. Thankfully i have been managing to ground myself in physical reality and get in touch with my "human side", or at least i'd like to think so. I also have this concern of people considering me to be more than what i consider them to be, as our definition of friend tend to be very unconventional as i'm sure you know. I have trouble interpreting other's relations to me, times i think they just don't like me at all, and times i think they might actually have an affinity to me? It's funny tho because it used to be the other way around. I was very afraid people didn't like me and i wanted to be friends with everyone, until i had the realisation most people aren't like me and aren't willing(or even capable) to have a relationship by my definition. So looking back at it, i don't think i really have any friend at all and that's why i've been very stressed lately and having existential crisis every monday lmao. I guess that's what comes with being infj's, we really just have to accept it and make the best of our situation. Wish the best of luck to you on your journey and don't worry, we definitely do care about people, maybe even love them deep down.
Yamoon2000: Maybe you should be honest. It is an interesting thought, don't you think? What if you did tell people you just want to be their "counselor"? You "feel" like they won't trust you, but do you think it? Do you know it? It's a risk to do this, but you could get some interesting results. You know starting in honesty is extremely important. Because even if you are disliked for it, you won't be disingenuous in it. I appreciate the personal inquiry. It is very kind of you.
Wow. I’ve spent my whole life doing this. I’ve evolved just like you have described. I really didn’t know the power of giving my all to people and the possible outcome it could have till way later in life. Your right we are fascinated with people and it opens us wide up to many difficult outcomes. Age has definitely taught me how to avoid getting in to deep. The love and fascination of people will never go away for me I’ve just learned how to keep it on a level I can be comfortable with. Thanks for the wonderful insight.
As an older infj man, I've learned to be very careful with that word "love". Its just that the meaning is usually buried under multiple layers of meaning, memory and emotional baggage. If someone declares their love for me or anyone/anything, I look at it in the most general of terms. Not that it is a particularly "bad" word per se, but that it can mean so much...and so little... Someone once told me that love cannot be directed, it can only be radiated...This gives me a strong indication of it's essence...That is to come from someplace deep within, beyond personality, beyond mundanity and profanity and control. It comes from a sacred place of knowing and recognition. It is a wordless wonder which can bring immeasurable pain and ecstasy at the same time....in the same breath.
Uggghhh yes. So spot on! I love pondering the trajectory of the human race, using patterns gathered from interactions and also from researching movements, history, etc..and connecting dots. I personally used to love each new client as a hair stylist..But I hated when they came back over and over, I had less and less interest and less to talk about with them. Maybe a good job would be a therapist who only does initial intake interviews, and refers the patients to their long term therapist..My current job has me at home, working alone. Which is great, but sometimes, once in a great while, I miss that initial interaction!
Dear Sleeping Beauty, I have been trying to figure out my thoughts and oddities about myself since a young age. Since I found out that I’m an INFJ it has answer a lot questions about myself. I too loved to be with people. Now I like to visit them from afar. The big thing is that we make decisions by balancing feelings and facts to come up with a decision. Usually the long term collection of data is where an accurate decision can just appear (out of no where). It is cool God Blessed us few people with this zany personality. The hardest thing about it is that most people just don’t comprehend what “we” go through. I love the way you described the way you process people and your thoughts. I pray that I get to meet you someday. God Bless You!!!😎✝️🎉✝️🎉
You exactly correct in EVERYTHING you say. You are telling my story when you tell yours! WOW, so true! Can't believe it, you are right on it girl! I love your outlook and the way you explain it all!💜
What a wonderful, insightful view you are bringing to us in your beautiful voice. As an older female INFJ you are spot on! I recently was in court . . . a very long story involving a very long term relationship with a narcissist- Yet, while awaiting my case- all I could do was study and want to learn about the each and every person in the packed courtroom. It was an extremely interesting day for me that others found frustrating and boring. Your point of view and great wisdom explains it all. Thank you
I'm very sorry for what you have suffered but so glad to hear you've freed yourself. I agree with you - we are never bored when there is an opportunity for people watching.
I love people who are capable of reciprocating and i do my best to understand everyone else. I do my best to treat others as i would like to be treated and i consciously attempt to see the creator in everyone and everything. To understand is greater than to love. I find no joy in dissecting people if i am not capable of helping to put them back together. Others have just as much to teach us as we have to teach them. I give love and understanding because i would like to receive love and understanding.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Understanding opens the door to love. Love does not open the door to understanding. We can love others without understanding them but without both love does not last. Understanding can go places that love cannot. Understanding takes time, knowledge, and compassion. Love is a condition and a choice that is only strengthened by understanding. Understanding is a master key and love is only one of the many doors that it unlocks.
I just got back from walking my dogs, and as I sat down and reached for my phone, my only words were, “aargh, I really hate people”. And here you are! My saying what I said was in (an almost daily) response to loud crappy music from neighbors. I used to love people, but nowadays...
Great to have your thoughts on this. It's funny how I can feel intensely emotional and cold at the same time. I'm intensely clingy with the few I trust and a little detached from everyone else, but that all comes down to how much they're able to see the real me. I have a job with a lot of phone work and I always dread that part of it and feel like a misanthrope but I love meeting new social groups. Figuring out their patterns and interactions is fascinating until I've mined all the data, then things get a little bit dull. Ultimately my motivation is love of this world and the people in it (generally 😅) but it's sort of like they're on the other side of the plexiglass at the zoo sometimes. But "the universe" or whatever usually has a way of reminding me how human I really am at regular intervals.
The amusement in being reminded how human we really are ... it's what keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously, isn't it? We need much more of that.
Lol, this reminds of a Supernatural episode 'The Boys', where teen Dean Winchester says he wants to be a mechanic, fixes cars, because he likes to solves puzzles and would like to be detached, free of people at the end of day. Opposed to the emotional exhaustion of being a hunter and aware of the people that couldn't be saved. Also, love the sound of your voice, its so soothing and fresh.
11:30 This resonated with me so much. I keep seeing memes and articles about how introverts hate or dread meeting new people. I actually enjoy it. True, small talk isn’t a strong skill of mine either. But I feel more extroverted and somehow comfortable when talking to new people than I do with people I know to be honest. As you said, it’s probably the fact that it’s an interaction with no expectations from me afterwards. It’s the expectations that feel like such a heavy burden to me in relationships. 12:55 This is something I’ve learned in the past few years. I find myself preventing me from sharing too much about myself when talking to people, from asking too many questions and presenting myself as someone who truly cares about them (which I genuinely do, but I don’t want the attachment afterwards). Sometimes this can even be preventing myself from sending a meme or an affectionate quote to someone I care about. I feel some people can be very - I don’t want to use this term but - clingy when they discover how you genuinely care. They get this idea that now we are “besties” and it’s totally OK to call me everyday, and wanting to see me every week. I appreciate the attention, but it is so very exhausting to me . Being 31 years old now, I just don’t have that energy anymore. So I stop myself and keep many things to myself. Sometimes I want to just shut everyone out, even my family. Leave everyone and everything and go somewhere new, far away. I know I seem colder than ever before. Me who was always smiling so kindly, always there for people. But I just don’t want people to dump their thoughts, feelings and frustrations on me anymore. I am human too and I’m exhausted, tired of caring so much. I don’t know if I’m experiencing some sort of burnout. I probably am. Sorry for the vent. Maybe this comment will resonate with other INFJs and show them they’re not alone. Thank you for this video by the way. Your videos always leave me with a good feeling.
W.O.W. Words of Wisdom. Thank You. I've always thought of being a curious soul using MBTI, Numerology, Astrology, ect to figure people out too. I also have to remind myself that if you feed a stray, they might follow you home.
I’m 47 and just in the past year comfortable being my genuine self! I’m listening and can relate! I used to be a doormat and often white knuckled through pain or used substances to not feel others pain and be wise to others motives. I have always been this way! I even declared myself the neighborhood watch leader?! LOL I was always spying or chatting with everyone I trusted on the block. There was one I knew not to trust. This kept me from danger! I didn’t understand this as a child. But I do now! Trust that voice! It’s a gift! And being alone with yourself is beautiful! Empowering to be self aware! I too had a lot of trials growing up. Lots of tragic events beyond my control. I’m so thankful I can take the trials and have empathy for those also going through similar trials. Thank you for sharing! I’m the last of 10 children btw! Lots of subjects to study! LOL I’m drawn to you after watching a few of your videos. I relate in so many ways. You’re a beautiful soul. ❤️🙏🏻
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you! I appreciate that kindness! Even if we don’t see it during this lifetime I think things will be worked out in the afterlife. Many answers too then? I think so. 😀
Interesting question...I love the “idea” of people, like those “other” people, the ones I like to keep at arms length. Basically people. ...and then you said the exact same thing..! It’s not the individual but the generality of whole concept of people I find overwhelming.
I agree: psychoanalizing absolutely everyone. Not only is the noise disturbing, I find myself psychoanalizing their constant need for noise.. The older I get, the less I want to be in the vicinity of people. I hate to say it, but most people seem to me to be mechanical mindless robots.
Is that truly the reason why, as you get older, you want to be around people less? I think it's much deeper than that. It makes sense that if you've spent many years studying others, the only way to achieve balance is to then withdraw to study yourself. And then see what follows from that.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty probably experiencing enough to find there’s nothing out “there” and a bigger picture or other realities in our selves if only can get acclimated to solitude for long periods. Balance is great challenge. Sorry, just spewing. You’re a wise person. Right questions. Anyone who has tolerance for other peoples bs, gotta give them credit. That’s a real skill.
Funny. Just two days ago I told someone why I am fascinated by MBTI and Astrology. I told him, to me its like every human is a puzzle and Astrology is telling me which kind of Puzzle it is and MBTI is like a instruction booklet. I really do love humans, and I have a deep understanding for them, but I rarely love one individual human. Most of my life though, I have found the people I don't want to be my friends cling to me, while the people who I want to befriend use me as a sort of counselor and then move on. I have come to accept this thanks to MBTI and Channels like yours. I am now more careful whom I shine my light on and how I spend my energy.
It’s interesting. We don’t like it when people cling to us, yet when we find deep understanding in another, we want to hold on to them like they are a lifeline.
Wow the "idea" of people , yes and watching their behavior and what it says about them. I don't necessarily want to be a part of their lives and maintain a relationship because that is truly too much work for me, but just analyze from a safe distance. I am so glad I came across your video, from all the INFJ videos on RUclips I could not relate to any that described exactly how I felt towards people (my loved ones not included) so thank you for putting it into words.
You're so welcome. I understand why it's not put out there in the way I said it here for two reasons: many of our type are just not aware of it, and those who are aware of it realize how bizarre it would probably sound to someone else who is not our type.
Reminds me of Agatha Christie's Miss Marple. One of the actresses who plays her has this detached way of sitting and talking but also this intense set of eyes, analyzing the other person's face. My wife said one day with a chuckle, "Like you." Lovely post and true of me and a lot of us methinks:)
Huh, I'm an INFJ but I'm usually the other end of this dynamic -- someone shines their light on me and I think they must love me and I'm hurt when they abandon me. I give people attention but they don't really stick around. I don't think people gravitate towards me. Instead I always feel like an outsider in a group. Because I've been hurt so many times, I'm more guarded these days. But I long to find a friend or mate who really gets me and will reciprocate the attention and caring I long to give someone.
So much of this is circumstantial. My father was extremely charismatic (both of my parents were extroverted) and it was what was expected of their children as well, so all 4 of us (even though we are all different types) are more socially "gifted" and just more comfortable dealing with people in general. It's how we were raised. I can tell by your writing you probably had different circumstances, which could result in a different experience. Are you shy? Your writing is very open and genuine ... something about it suggests a shyness to me, so I can see why you are cautious now. I truly hope you find someone to love and someone who will return your love in full measure.
How my brain is wired I tell my daughter " I got tired of reading books so I started reading people"..... I seriously can't help it. people are like codes to crack in a way. I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to people
I already commented but had to come back after binge watching your videos! I can’t get enough! It’s as if you’re seeing right through me?! I really appreciate you sharing! I’m learning to express all you’re teaching and sharing! You make so much sense to me! Thank you! 🤗❤️👏🏻👍🏻🙏🏻👌🏻
6:40 "this is where the INTJ"... Fascinating. Your Never Sleeping Beauty, may I say that your video hit home for me. "I love the Idea of people" " 'A People Scientist.' I quite grok this. I am an INTJ who early on in life identified more with Spock than the humans who enterprise. You are a Counselor Troi who helped me understand a little more about herself today. Thank you. Absolutely Te-rrific content. "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." Spock, Star Trek: The Original Series, "Amok Time"
This video is incisive, insightful, and should be required viewing for anyone who thinks they are an INFJ. I've sensed what you describe here in an INFJ that I know well. Where people see nothing but kindness and warmth, I've sensed behind the smile a surgeon's bedside manner.
@@dulles1969 "Required viewing" I agree, lol Your Never Sleeping Beauty and others video is on more than a few of my Playlists. I wanted to be a surgeon when I was young...
I found you recently ( or did you find me? - out of nowhere on my yt home page ) and wanted to say thank you for everything you talk about. So much of your material hits me deeply. Your cat video really got me hard in the feels and I cried, it is ok because I needed it as much as I need the sad songs. It was refreshing to hear just how connected to her death you were all along. I find myself doing the same with all of the animals I have had the pleasure of connecting with. When everyone is asleep here I listen to a few of your videos and find that alone time with this makes me feel a bit more present in time. This particular one I listened to more than once. Every one of your videos so far (estimate of 20) are fantastic. I tried to get my family to listen, but the messages you convey are not for them, I knew this but tried anyway. :) Thank you again kindred spirit, may everyone and everything you come in contact with bring you abundant joy and peace.
Thank you for your heartfelt words to me ... it is deeply humbling. I did have a little giggle though, imagining your family listening to my words and their eyes glazing over. I'm sure you've seen the look, which is why you shared the videos. Now they can have their eyes glaze over listening to both of us, so find some comfort in that. Because you're not alone in the world ... I understand. Love, joy and peace to you as well.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Oh boy do I ever find comfort in that. Just knowing that the second sentence in they have gone bye-bye. Hahaha. My husband's poor eye muscles get the best workouts because of me. In my favorite ponderings of just how much "help" I feel the need to instill on those around me, there live some of my best laughs. I am happy to share in your imaginings and visuals of them, the detail you must have cooked up, as I do as well in most everything I read. Going to deep too quickly is unsatisfying in knowing that whoever the other is, I am alone..while we share in one another. Sharing with you in that feels amazing. Thank you for being a part of me having a happier day than usual, with the millions of miles away from each other we may be, its nice to know you are here. :) Peace to you lovely lady!
"why" is an addictive snack. You can't stop but don't want a whole dinner out of them. Dinners we want (with) are few and far between. Edit: one can love, hate, be annoyed by, be happy about someone at the same time, they re not mutually exclusive. İnfact more love means more of the others.
We do love people. We love people when we realize that there is something GOLD about them that is not apparently obvious to anyone or them. Active listening is our super power and we enjoy listening while most people would rather talk.
Is active listening really our super power? Another commenter said here that maybe we are more interested in reading someone first, then listening second. I think I agree with this. I was a terrible listener in younger years. I think it's exactly because I was taking in the whole of a person, reading all the clues, but not listening to very many words. I had to first recognize and admit I wasn't a very good listener and then actively set out to develop that skill. I believe good listening isn't a super power of any type. To be a good listener, one just has to acknowledge they want to do better and then work towards it.
A lot of INFJ’s become psychologists, because they love to listen and solve the puzzle about a person and can’t believe they get paid. Mind you, my listening can be selective. I’m often in my own magical world.
As an INFJ I would say Ive become very misanthropic and this is due to the fact that people are not self-aware. If one isnt self-aware they are impulsive, which is action without mind, which is insane. People are insane, but not in a hysterical way, but in a mindless way. They seem so inebriated and institutionalized by cultural norms, rearing and so forth. People arent bad, they are just mindless, absent in awareness, no capacity for reflection and very much on a trajectory that lacks true agency or personhood.
As a 20 years old, I *thought* I was self-aware until I came across your channel. Never would I have thought that I would understand myself better than this but each time I’m proven wrong. I guess it’s still work in progress but having the opportunity to distinguish between what I have previously attempted to do in life from what I thought I was doing is mind blowing for me. This makes it much more clearer how I used to think about people and always had that inner conflict between being nice to people and feeling so cold hearted at the same time because it made no sense. But it does. It shows the power an INFJ holds, so I guess, with more power comes more responsibility? Hehe
"With more power comes more responsibility" ... yes ... hee hee is right. Why do you think I started this channel? 😝 Crazy, but it had to be done. So what crazy thing will you do? You probably can't even imagine it now, but just wait. It will be exhilarating and satisfying and necessary and beautiful. I'm excited for you, for what your future holds.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Your channel is one kind of a thing that I wish everyone had in their life, somewhat like a guardian angel, if it makes any sense 😂 and also I’m sure I’ll be surprised at the crazy thing that I do but regardless of anything, deep down I hope and pray that whatever crazy thing I do, it finds it’s way to you as well, as anything I can do to be thankful for all that you’ve been doing.
Nicely said. As you said, it is a problem. We want to understand and help people - the problem comes when they want us to perform our magic Ni trick and give them a deep insight into their problem... and keep wanting to come back for more. You find it is one sided and becomes draining. Still love them, but you don't get to keep rubbing the lamp.
The question is then, is this really their problem or our problem? You can always help people to a point, but discernment tells you how long to continue. In other words, those who want to keep rubbing the lamp don't really want to help themselves. Once we realize this, it only makes sense to take away the lamp, and show it to someone else who will know what to do with what they get.
This helped so much. I've built deep onesided relationships and idk what to do with out hurting someone. But it's so easy to Completely dive into someones mind without realizing it 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
Ask people about their fantasy’s. Go directly for the unconscious realm. Just takes time but probably less draining/boring then the normal case study/dismantle routine. Thanks for the video.
This is excellent advice. But to do this, one has to step out of the comfort zone and be willing to take a risk. This happens with self-confidence, which comes from knowing who you are. I'm assuming you've done this "risky" thing. It yields some very interesting results, doesn't it?
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty for the most part it’s flat out weird and fascinating..specially with narcissists. There’s always the risk of being drawn to like a therapist or bringing out some kind of dependency, idk it kind of goes back to everything you explained in the video. If there’s a way to remain detached, compassionate and have some kind of understanding that would be ideal. Who knows
Thank so much for those deep insights and bringing me a step closer to self awareness 🖤 I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of the process of switching to the analytical side. For some time now, I was wondering why I was that interested in some people that I don't really want a relationship with or don't see where a relationship with them would lead. I found this video just at the right time I guess.
You were looking for the answers, a knowing that you needed some more information for your personal reflection. I hope this brings you satisfaction and more understanding about yourself.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty It definetely does, thank you so much 🖤 Thank you so much also for all the other videos you've posted 🖤 I'm going through them as they get recommended to me and everyone of them gives me so much. Thank you 🫂🖤
I think the meaning of loving people is different for everyone,. I would like to respect and show compassion for each individual but being able to read , sense and feel personalities and intentions often keep me from blindly doing that. Unfortunately it's not a perfect world and our contradictions as INFJs make it a little tougher but I dont spend much time trying to love anyone who isnt invested in reciprocating it. I just cant do fake or pretend. Sounds cold maybe....but its legit
I am not sure i can relate to that really, about “love the idea of people” maybe because i was very self aware or finished going through some phases very early and sometimes studying the very top and the very bottom thoroughly is enough to understand everything in between (not always but it works most of the time) but i guess that what you meant with your last analogy example i mean yes i want to understand them better etc… but as you said they are human beings and i always saw them in that light and not just them but that applies to all living things (even unliving things sometimes) but at the same time it feels bad to “tone down” my behavior towards them, it feels like i am destroying intrinsic part of who i am for their sake(?) even though it’s not really my fault since the “way of the world” makes it look like bad idea which alot of naive concepts falls into honestly so not just this, and i would rather Bow to people in respect than to bow to the “way of the world” in submission and for the sake of self preservation, so if i could i would give a hug to every single person if i could but we both know that’s unrealistic but doesn’t mean it will change anything so i will hug who i can hug and hopefully it will be infectious or something idk😂 I am no saint ofcourse, my demons are definitely there, still work in progress since confronting them is one my nowa day challenge when it comes to my most inner self and i don’t look to take control or win but find that harmony where when i lose control then my demons would still be on my side but I digress the struggles you mentioned is very true though, and not just by random people but also friends that i have been struggling with these type misunderstandings, you know, friends falling in love with me or others think that there is something between me and a friend because i show my appreciation in the most chivalrous ways and how i interact with them etc…etc… (I swear some people nowa days forgot the fear of death or taking acceptance in the wrong way for such miss understanding to be born but I digress since this is a deeper topic on its own than i would like to bother with) I mean, it’s not surprised my whole life is but a book of misunderstanding, for a quick page such as being arrested for rescuing two kittens and bringing them to her mother heck even the mother almost attacked for it😂 I understand that doing something like this in the middle of the night made me look like a burglar (false accusations is one of my top fears btw) and I understand that the mama cat saw this giant dragon holding her kittens that are pleading in my arms made the cat very motherly 😂 So I understand some of these misunderstandings and where they come from more or less, and i feel there is more reason to shine that light because the world deemed it scarce or something you know? I mean… literally and metaphorically…the world is a dark place, it is up to us to light it up, and humanity did the literal part so the metaphor isn’t out of reach, no? I mean sure there will still some dark corners here and there but thats just how the world I suppose, some sort of equilibrium to give everything a “meaning” …you know…I am not sure where i was going with this…i think my brain stopped braining😂 Never mind i guess(?)😅 Anyway…thanks for the video…and sharing your insights, gave me handful of food for thoughts ❤
I can totally relate to where your coming from. It's taken over half a life time to be able to say I love being me for me. I love the ideology of people ❤ I feel like a outsider making observations on inside of the world 🌎 society, I'm a world citizen ❤🌏❤ I seek out the real 💯 in the real people
I think we do try to intensely understand the other person and what makes them tick. The give away is when someone asks me my thoughts and feelings and sometimes I'm lost because I've been so absorbed in the other, I don't know what to say. Also, as you say, we don't often pay attention to outer details. I think I'm also trying to help the other, I mean I think I have sincere feelings of connection to the other person on that level. It has a heart level to it that is connecting and not just clinical for me. I'm intrigued about long term effects of relationships. What changes can one see over time through interaction. I had a wonderful experience of finding out recently someone who is very close to me, found love. All the work that I put into the relationship seems to be contained in this love. It's as if over time we sketched out the details of a love and then the love was discovered in a person.
I think it’s because helping is a way of loving. The trick is to understand we also need to help ourselves. For me, in younger years, losing myself in the examination of another looked like helping. But in many cases, it was avoidance of self. Helping myself was the key I was missing to helping others, in a way that was truly satisfying.
I am still thinking that perhaps I am not an INFJ, but what you said really resonates with me. I love to solo-travel. And everytime my friends and family ask me "won't you feel lonely solo-traveling?" I will answer that it is the purpose of solo-traveling. To be all by myself so that I can mingle with the locals, study them, have connections with them. And when the travel ends, I move on with my life looking back at the traveling and the connection with everyone I met as merely an experience. No attachment. Never did I have intention to reconnect with them. But most of the time they would try to maintain communication and told me that I was very kind, very friendly, and that the connection that they felt was kinda rare, like once in a lifetime thing. It is not true. It is just their perception of me which now I realize that I, myself, had created for them. Your never sleeping beauty, I'd like to say this to you that your content has been helping me a lot in understanding myself. Such a blessing. Thanks :)
I have heard this from several people now ... either the wish to solo travel, or (as in your case) having actually done it. I believe if someone has the means to do so, it can be one way of accumulating a great wealth of experiences. However, at some point, there must be time to evaluate the experiences. That's the real value in experiences ... lessons learned from them.
I’m fascinated by people. At first I dive in and “examine” them, then I usually move on, knowing and dealing with them based on my observations. I’m more careful now, not to encourage their interest in me.
I enjoyed learning about people but when it comes down to it I avoid them at all costs. Thank goodness for self checkout and automated ordering kiosks at McDonalds. People would always come to me to confide their life stories, their most painful challenges... then one day I crossed paths with a little old lady in front of a store, she stopped me and said, “You are so beautiful... you have such a beautiful soul.” I wondered what it was I exuded that attracted people to me. I’m in school to become a psychotherapist and sometimes I wonder if I’m in the right field, doing the right thing, and I am hard on myself as to whether I am really helping people. It matters to me that people are actually benefitting and we don’t always get that feedback. I don’t love people people but I love learning about them and giving them what they need to feel better about themselves and their life. Unfortunately, my partners and relationships suffer the most. I don’t see myself “with” them. I see my partners for their potential and what to help shape them for their “true” partner. I’m trying to break this habit. I want to help people but don’t want the responsibility of people.
You know, at this point, it's not very often when someone hits me with something I haven't acknowledged or seen yet. Or should I say when someone illuminates a truth for me that I haven't dug out yet. I realize what that probably sounds like and I don't mean it to sound that way, but it's a rare experience in my life to have another do it for me, when I am now capable of doing it for myself. So to have you come here and shoot me with one is incredible. And it's exciting, to see something I hadn't yet acknowledged about myself. Thank you very much.
Happy New Year! What a perfect gift to receive from you! I love your voice and every video! You are brilliant AND have changed my life since finding out that I am an INFJ -T, HSP, and empath who can go super nova!!! 😳😬🤣🌺💪🙏🇺🇸
I have found that I have been quite analytical about people all my life, but not so much when I was young. As ive gotten older i feel that ive put people together as a jigsaw puzzle by themselves in a singular manner. Now that ive studied lots of souls over many years, i have put them all into a larger puzzle, and now can see human kind as a whole rather than singular persons...which stretches your knowledge of them. I know this sounds cold, but it really isn't in my eyes and mind...it just helps with understanding people as a whole. When i met a new person, someone ive never spoken to before i would go all out to find out as much about them as i could of course over time. But I also read people too, and do this almost subconsciously...they would speak and i would read them, i never understood why i did that, i felt strange, and often thought that everyone did the same, that it was a normal way of getting to know a person. Sometimes i just lost interest in someone quite abruptly, especially if i perceived them to be fake or untruthful, and would dodge them, which was awkward to do sometimes because they wanted more than what i was prepared to give any longer. I'm more a people watcher these days, and do my studying from afar. It's hard being an infj, especially when you didn't know you were one. I kind of wish i knew what i know now when i was a young women it might of helped me...and then again it may of been worse. I've always felt like a fish out of water, different, weird misunderstood, but not so much now. 💙💜🧡💛❤💚
I don't know if you get this comment a lot or no , but the way you describe our Things is unbelievable and it resonate with me to a whole another level . I am saying that because I find it hard to process or even write whatever goes in my head , specially when it comes to people. Can you please provide me with an answer , how can I tune it down a bit when you are thinking about people , I find myself mostly imaging scenarios and interaction , and how I manage the conversations etc. Btw, I meditate in daily basis , and I do have hobbies and activities still though can't stop the train of information splashing into my mind LOL
How can you tune it down a bit when thinking about people? 🤣🤣🤣 You too, huh? When you find out, let me know. Seriously though, thank you for your comment. Why do you want to tune it down (other than to get some much-needed rest)? I think it's who we are, and we shouldn't try to inhibit it. I seem to naturally give it a rest when I get tired out (because this people stuff takes some serious brain power as you know), and move on to other hobbies. I think the train of information is great. You'll process it in due time, and yield all sorts of interesting things.
Wondering how an INFJ who takes their academical and career path in STEM area could make the trade-off between that and intensely thinking about people. Anyway, I hope all is well for this last 3 months and for 2021 too.
This is a very good question and probably, one you must answer for yourself. I trust there could be a path in it, and if determined, you will find it. Even if that proves to be difficult, there is life outside of career. In my experience, I have found that opportunities find me. But like all opportunities, you have to have your eyes open to see them.
Interesting and honest perspective to which I mostly identify, thank you. There's another dimensional aspect to the human soul which is the spiritual nature. When we realise the truth of value on each person, ie. God's creation, it's more respectful than clinical methinks, but I do get what you're saying. Everyone has a little bit (or a lot) of light and grace emanating from them (in their eyes). You can see how it leaves the body upon death. Each a living soul created superbly, yet fallen (as us all). My biggest concern is self deception. The heart is deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9). We humans lie to ourselves continuously. But I think INFJs always search for absolute Truth, wherever that my lie or whatever that may bring. New subscriber!
I talk about self-deception much here, in many of my videos. It is a problem not only with the INFJ type, but as you said, with all humans. Even though I did reference clinical examination, I was careful to say people are not robots and should not be treated as such. Thank you very much for your comment.
Yes, they do. They love life. On the one hand, the conflict is true. They came to me. Yes. I came to know that the hustle is not that necessary. I shone the light... maybe we need to level up to the normality of relationship patterns.
I am amazed how you want to dissect people to know them. Me? Ever since I was a child, I would like to have a power to transfer my soul to them to know their past and their feelings.
I feel like I have the capacity to love people, but only if I like them and I am finding it very difficult lately. I don’t like people who are consistently exhausting to be around, because they thrive on chaos and drama, instead of bringing peace and stability into my life but otherwise I do like people and find them fascinating. Don’t have any desire to fix anyone though or be fixed or deal with other people’s own issues because they refuse to.
When you get older you may tire of trying to figure people out and certainly will tire of trying to fix them. It gets old after a time. And you might try to figure out systems instead. Macroeconomics, political, etc
A pebble in a pool of water and watch/study the ripples. You don't have throw the pebble because the person IS the pebble. The power is if you throw a pebble in to the mix once you have solved the puzzle
I know this may sound harsh, but to forgive yourself is to stop nursing (romanticizing) your wounds. It's to be realistic in how you see yourself. It’s all about slaying the pretend. When you do this, forgiveness will come.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Is this another way to say stop feeling sorry for myself? Because I don't. I'm just angry that i allowed everything in my life to happen when it was all so preventable
But did you know, in the moment, that what happened was preventable? Were you aware? Is your anger at yourself justified or is it not? Questions to ask yourself - I don't need to know the answers.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty don't know. Hope so, there is a person that I have fallen madly, helplessly in love with (I know, I know what you're gonna say cause I said it to myself for a month or so. I found something with this person that I had never had with another. Intimacy, not physical but spiritual, synchronicity and I miss them so. I didn't study them or tap on the glass, found their quarks and humannis accelerating. But😞 fear is the mind killer. I don't want to scare them by dumping everything out about that night that I felt on them. It changed my life). So I live in hope Thanks❤
You know what I'm gonna say ... 😏 I might just surprise you. _I didn't study them or tap on the glass, found their quarks and humannis accelerating._ To me, this statement is very revelatory, and encouraging, because it's an excellent sign. I believe this is exactly the place where very good relationships start with us. It's the best place, actually. The fact that you are saying this means you are ready for something bigger, and definitely something more meaningful in a lasting sort of way, in a relationship, because you are seeing with honest eyes. So I live in hope for you too. A lot of hope. I would encourage you to take a little bit of a risk and see what happens. It doesn't have to be a huge leap, like I'm talking about here in this video, but still a small leap nonetheless. Fear is the mind killer, but get beyond it and see what awaits. Remember, some anxiety is good. It propels us forward. Where do you wish to go? Follow that wish.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty 😍thank you. I had wrote the post because I was in a vulnerable place. I had (for a lack of a more precise term), given up on it. I had initiated other options ( how romantic), which in actuality was me just trying to keep myself protected. I watched the video and felt I needed to get this out( I bottle up emotions). And so it poured out. Then I got mad at those I felt (either wrongly or rightly) stood in my way of this energy I so wanted in my life, this beautiful person that I love. And in my calculated verbal attack. I was told by my friend to "...not act like a b#÷&h and just tell him how I felt cause he won't." I was like, you're absolutely right. And I've started on this path. Your response is only more proof that this is the path. I can never thank you enough for all that you have put out into the verse in positive energy. Thank you❤❤❤
You mention in several videos how people always came to you for advice and wanted to be your friends. As a male INFJ I wonder if this is a female INFJ thing. In my youth I have always been an outcast, the uncool kid. It was me who befriended other kids who weren't popular only to be then be abandoned by them once I had built up their self-esteem. Now I am almost 50 and a teacher in higher education and occasionally a student will seek my advice, but it's not like they will line up for it. And although I am known as someone who is perceived as warm and caring, I have never noticed people getting attached to me. Although there are probably a number of people who consider me a friend, while to me they are just acquaintances.
Yes, exactly. I would probably say this is the experience for most male INFJs. I have an INFJ male loved one (we made a video here together about two years ago), and he has said the same as you have here. I wish he would make videos because even though we align in so many ways, I have found the male INFJ perspective slightly different (obviously). I believe it’s because as females, we are more “open” because society considers that okay as we are female and it’s acceptable. But male INFJs, while warm and caring, naturally protect themselves and don’t appear as open, or give overt signs of that openness. Funnily enough, as I am aging (you and I are around the same age), I find myself more like the male version. I am careful not to put that “caring” out there in a way which draws people to me because frankly, I don’t want the consequences of it. I want to help people on my terms, thoughtfully and with great consideration. Thank you very much for this comment. It helps me to see our type in its full scope.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you for answering. It's not easy for us male INFJs. We are always misunderstood and it's hard for us to be ourselves. I only just came across your channel. I like that you don't constantly mention our type (because it's understood that is what you talk about) and I love the beautiful shots of nature. And as far as I can tell from the few videos I watched, your content is deep and thoughtful. And the presentation is gentle and nurturing. Please keep up the good work! ❤
This means a lot to me, thank you very much. In many ways, this channel has been me speaking to myself. I've been nurturing but I've been strict with myself too, when I needed it. The fact that it speaks to others as well is simply amazing to me. Not unexpected, but amazing.
I love humanity but I hate people. 🤣🤣🤣😬 “Do you hate people?” “I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.” ― Charles Bukowski, Barfly
I am an ENFP, I fell in love with an INFJ. It has ruined me, it is like walking on a minefield. Everything I do for her, my every expression of love and care has been interpreted as some kind of attack and manipulation. I feel damaged and broken by this horrific experience. I will never ever go near an INFJ again.
cant solve all the worlds problems, you got that right but then again speaking for myself i dont really control the scale/scope of the highest goals my puzzle of patterns deems possible an most collectively beneficial, dont no about other infj's but the info in my head (best expressed as the formula i judge reality with) 4 or 5 layers very basic 1: apply set item to my computer desk an see what happens, yes a pattern that most my other puzzle patterns could live with. 2: apply same set item to the local outside world, yes same pattern just bigger. 3: dido EARTH pattern yes no. 4: SUN and its system pattern yes no. 5: galactic scaling of pattern yes no. i didnt go to school not by choice so i got the chance to live an grow, understand an poke myself for first 18 years of life not very common somewhere like Australia, so many capacity's seemingly non existent in the development of educated ppls patterns, but really learning how to read for example when compered to realising the pattern of failure tracing back to a inability to read then forcing the completion of a task i felt at time was literally impossible then 1yr in finding the pattern of english actually isnt compatible with me but then not giving up instead spending 2 years constructing a new method that would make ppl think i understand english an just used its method to deconstruct the meaning depicted in the text when really i just imprinted every new word as an image, turning into a vast range of support systems required to be able to have tens of thousands of images in your mind and be able to use them on the fly like i was just reading
I think we need them happy and we want to create a better place it's sound idealistic yes, but as u mention everyone do the best they can and the sky is the limit I think yes we do love people but in our own way🥴
I think that is a bit cold way to see people, I had a harsh past, not the hardest compared to others, but I think that was the “thing” that put me into INFJ shoes, I am not drawn to people because mere curiosity, its because I need them, to heal my past bad interactions and prevent people to have to go through what I have, that would be the selfish part of it, but there is no complete way for one person to be utterly selfless, I will only let people in if I want to be with them, I don’t have the free of charge responsibility of fixing every one, but I will gladly like to be with people who like to be in harmony and respect others in different extents yes, but leaving the nature of the relationship clear, as an male INFJ I have that advantage, maybe I don’t approach women as hard as others would put effort to do so, but in the few relationships I have been at least I can presume that I never had to chase after someone, the came because they were genuinely interested in who I am, not on what I have or because I can do it all, but because I am a genuinely caring partner if I choose that someone, if not, I know I can be self sufficient by myself, of course I always wanted to make a healthy family of my own, a loving wife, a biological son/s and/or daughter/a, but what I’ve learn in today’s relationships is that they are so banal and focused on the immediate gain, it broke me to think because statistically we infj’s are the type with the capability of feeling love most strongly, but also the ones that also suffer greatly when its over, so yeah its sad to know no one will love me as much as I can love them, maybe an INFJ, but we are scarce, so yeah we are at the dis advantage there, we are ready to give it our all, but we have to be very careful to whom we decide to give that all to and pace ourselves, because they may not be a match for it, but even if they are not, if they choose to be at our side and put the effort to earn that love, there might be a way. So don’t be afraid of making your boundaries clear, to feel deeply but wisely, I feel honesty is the best way to go, because nothing can protect us from it, but the sooner its out there the sooner we can prepare ourselves, to have everything in perspective.
This is very good, that you are making self-observations. If you wish it (being able to discern love from interest), what steps can you take in order to get better at this?
You can love everybody through your empathy. If your empathy is REAL. and not just a series of detect and react. No emotional intelligence? No understanding of what it means to LOVE. and just because you FEEL THAT LOVE , THAT REAL CONNECT , A SOUL ..CONNECTION . Does not mean you feel any desire to be a part of that person's life. Does not mean that you even LIKE THEM . OR FIND BEING AROUND THEM PLEASANT. OR that you feel A NEED OR MARTYR YOURSELF TO FIX THEM . OR THAT they will have any impact on your emotions at all. It just means you felt or saw 100% the loveable part of them . It 'touched' you and you , touched it because That is WHAT INFJ Does , without thinking. We intimate humanitarians of a SOULFUL KIND. it just is. And it is not until an INFJ gets UNTANGLED FROM THE falsehoods FOISTED upon them by whoever. And whatever is outside of theim and the their own understanding of what , OTHERS CAN AND DO, DESIRE TO DO. If the INFJ can then: HEAL; come back INTO ALIGNMENT WITH 'SANITY' and Their own PERSONAL POWER ? Which is a superconcious understanding of the truth , inside and without them is THE ' PURE' POWER, BORN OF SOURCE, ...then they will be almost completely immuned to manipulations, lies, ANYTHING OR ANY BODY THAT WOULD SEPERATE THEM FROM THAT TRUTH,. AGAIN. ... Including their OWN MINDS. Are you sure that you are INFJ?
Am I sure that I am an INFJ? Are you saying I should question who I am … my truth? Hmm … I guess to answer such a question would be to allow myself to become tangled up in the falsehoods being foisted upon me here, which I should not do, because I always wish to be immune to anything or anybody that would separate me from my truth.
It's not that I don't see what most people see, it's that I see what most people don't.
Exactly!
Right in the heart. I see you!
So true to a fault
Warm but cold, friendly but short, engaged but distant. Falling in love with personality not the person.
People are fascinating and frustrating at the same time. That’s how I’ve felt my whole life. But deep down I do love people
Yes. You don't continue studying something you despise.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Lol. Ironically I do. I especially study those despots in power and the type of people who are drawn to it and why they are. It's kind of like a morbid fascination, but also very important to arm ourselves against the tyranny. I'm in the "know your enemy" camp.
Redsky Mountaintop: Me too - sometimes the more twisted, the more fascinating someone is. But I am saying that "people" is a subject we study. I'm not speaking of individuals here. I am saying that we study individuals to get clues about humankind behavior as a whole. So yes, I would agree that we can study those individuals we despise, but in the context of understanding the subject ("people") which we can't get enough of.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Yes, 100%. Perhaps you could do a video on that? The deeper one goes though, the stronger one's boundaries need to be. At the moment I'm researching Rwandan genocide and what made ordinary citizens commit such atrocities (told you it was hectic). But it's a reality in our world. So it does smack of that "clinical" aspect you speak of. Best!
I feel you 100%. I feel the same exact way sometimes.
'The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.' Mark Twain
His autobiography is fascinating, as is the story behind it.
This rings true. The reason I am attracted to MBTI is because it is a superb system for mapping my observations about people. I connect patterns that I see between them.
I think it’s important that you’re talking about how you (and/or INFJs in general) think about people-do we care about them subjectively or only objectively? I think I struggle a lot with my Fi critic because I am frustrated by my lack of understanding of my own love for others. I don’t even know what I subjectively feel about other people or things, and I feel guilty about it. It almost feels like all my emotions are fake. Are they?
My deepest dreams are to actually connect with people in meaningful love. I do not dream about dissecting people. I dream about being on the same wavelength as someone, or forming an unbreakable bond. Maybe that only applies to the select few. But do I love people in general? It’s hard to perceive it in myself, but yes, I think I do genuinely love people for the people they are. And Beauty I’m sure that you do too, but just that your lack of Fi prevents you from seeing it. Yes, we love to analyze people. But I think if we’re in the right mind we really do love them! If we did not love them, we would not be interested at all. Not wanting to form a friendship with everyone you meet does not mean you don’t love them.
Also, thank you for writing your thoughts down and sharing them. I write my thoughts too.
Funny, often in the past (when I wasn't as self aware) it was me who ended up getting attached to people too much instead. But I'm in a different chapter of my life now where my goals and ambitions are my fuel to live so there's less room to get attached to people. Occasionally I can feel the remnants of wanting to become attached to someone, but I do not allow myself to dwell on those feelings because they aren't the right person to become attached to.
The constant analysis of people creates a very powerful intuition that I've really come to treasure. It's an asset that I hope to use going forward in creating a profitable mobile app business. Maybe that's what was frustrating me about working within someone else's company as a software developer. There was little to no room to use intuition to create innovation.
Very well-stated. It’s exciting to me to read such words and see how you are implementing your skills into real life practicality.
Thanks for sharing.
As a mature Infj I can say that we respect people,we are compassionate about humans!!we study them and then we are open to them!!🙏🙏
Beautiful ... thank you.
Sometimes I feel like I truly do care about people, but I don't want to have any responsibility for them. It might sound a little bit selfish I guess, but I want to provide the necessary help they need and then when I accomplish that, I just want them to go ahead and live their life without me. I wish I could be an "invisible being" and help anybody I want without facing any consequences. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. It reminds me of a friendship I had with a guy. He considered me as a really nice guy, because I showed a lot of interest in him at the beginning. Eventually when I learned enough about him, I decided to end the friendship. I gradually decreased our conversations, but the thing is he considered me to be his best friend. My feelings towards him were no where near that. I just considered him as a acquaintance. He would constantly ask me to talk more like we used to in the beginning. I had to tell him that I can't talk to him anymore because his attachment to me made me uncomfortable. At the end I felt really bad because I just wanted to learn more about him. I realized he doesn't really understand me, so we couldn't keep our friendship any longer. I found it strange that he liked me that much, when in reality I only cared a little bit about him, if not at all. I'm being more careful now, but I feel like I have to show people that I'm trustworthy for them to open up to me. That's why I try to be warm and friendly with them. I guess you could say I'm manipulating them. I kinda feel bad for doing that because I know they're humans too. Maybe I should be honest and tell them that I just want to be their "counselor", but I feel like they won't trust me if I say so.
I'm glad you made another video. For a moment I thought you wouldn't upload anymore. It has been a long time since you last posted.
Jesus i have the exact same feeling. I wish i could just be an invisible omnipresent observer capable of affecting the world but not being affected by it as to not intoxicate my judgment. Having a body is just so limiting i hate it, i always felt like an operator stuck inside a machine. Thankfully i have been managing to ground myself in physical reality and get in touch with my "human side", or at least i'd like to think so.
I also have this concern of people considering me to be more than what i consider them to be, as our definition of friend tend to be very unconventional as i'm sure you know. I have trouble interpreting other's relations to me, times i think they just don't like me at all, and times i think they might actually have an affinity to me? It's funny tho because it used to be the other way around. I was very afraid people didn't like me and i wanted to be friends with everyone, until i had the realisation most people aren't like me and aren't willing(or even capable) to have a relationship by my definition. So looking back at it, i don't think i really have any friend at all and that's why i've been very stressed lately and having existential crisis every monday lmao. I guess that's what comes with being infj's, we really just have to accept it and make the best of our situation. Wish the best of luck to you on your journey and don't worry, we definitely do care about people, maybe even love them deep down.
Yamoon2000: Maybe you should be honest. It is an interesting thought, don't you think? What if you did tell people you just want to be their "counselor"? You "feel" like they won't trust you, but do you think it? Do you know it? It's a risk to do this, but you could get some interesting results. You know starting in honesty is extremely important. Because even if you are disliked for it, you won't be disingenuous in it.
I appreciate the personal inquiry. It is very kind of you.
Wow. I’ve spent my whole life doing this. I’ve evolved just like you have described. I really didn’t know the power of giving my all to people and the possible outcome it could have till way later in life. Your right we are fascinated with people and it opens us wide up to many difficult outcomes. Age has definitely taught me how to avoid getting in to deep. The love and fascination of people will never go away for me I’ve just learned how to keep it on a level I can be comfortable with. Thanks for the wonderful insight.
I'm so happy to hear you found understanding in this video. It was way later for me too. But look at us now ... all my best to you!
As an older infj man, I've learned to be very careful with that word "love". Its just that the
meaning is usually buried under multiple layers of meaning, memory and emotional
baggage. If someone declares their love for me or anyone/anything, I look at it in the
most general of terms. Not that it is a particularly "bad" word per se, but that it can mean
so much...and so little...
Someone once told me that love cannot be directed, it can only be radiated...This gives
me a strong indication of it's essence...That is to come from someplace deep within,
beyond personality, beyond mundanity and profanity and control. It comes from a sacred place of knowing and recognition. It is a wordless wonder which can bring immeasurable pain and ecstasy at the same time....in the same breath.
Your comments are always so lovely. To radiate love ... this is a very high goal and one worthy of spending a lifetime trying to achieve.
Uggghhh yes. So spot on! I love pondering the trajectory of the human race, using patterns gathered from interactions and also from researching movements, history, etc..and connecting dots.
I personally used to love each new client as a hair stylist..But I hated when they came back over and over, I had less and less interest and less to talk about with them. Maybe a good job would be a therapist who only does initial intake interviews, and refers the patients to their long term therapist..My current job has me at home, working alone. Which is great, but sometimes, once in a great while, I miss that initial interaction!
Dear Sleeping Beauty, I have been trying to figure out my thoughts and oddities about myself since a young age. Since I found out that I’m an INFJ it has answer a lot questions about myself. I too loved to be with people. Now I like to visit them from afar. The big thing is that we make decisions by balancing feelings and facts to come up with a decision. Usually the long term collection of data is where an accurate decision can just appear (out of no where). It is cool God Blessed us few people with this zany personality. The hardest thing about it is that most people just don’t comprehend what “we” go through. I love the way you described the way you process people and your thoughts. I pray that I get to meet you someday. God Bless You!!!😎✝️🎉✝️🎉
The key is just like you said, to see it as a blessing. We (humankind) are all the ways we are for a reason.
You exactly correct in EVERYTHING you say. You are telling my story when you tell yours! WOW, so true! Can't believe it, you are right on it girl! I love your outlook and the way you explain it all!💜
You're very welcome. Take care and enjoy your self-discovery.
What a wonderful, insightful view you are bringing to us in your beautiful voice. As an older female INFJ you are spot on!
I recently was in court . . .
a very long story involving a very long term relationship with a narcissist-
Yet, while awaiting my case- all I could do was study and want to learn about the each and every person in the packed courtroom. It was an extremely interesting day for me that others found frustrating and boring. Your point of view and great wisdom explains it all. Thank you
I'm very sorry for what you have suffered but so glad to hear you've freed yourself. I agree with you - we are never bored when there is an opportunity for people watching.
I love people who are capable of reciprocating and i do my best to understand everyone else. I do my best to treat others as i would like to be treated and i consciously attempt to see the creator in everyone and everything. To understand is greater than to love. I find no joy in dissecting people if i am not capable of helping to put them back together. Others have just as much to teach us as we have to teach them. I give love and understanding because i would like to receive love and understanding.
Is understanding greater than love? Or is it that we equate understanding with love? Because when I am understood, I feel loved.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Understanding opens the door to love. Love does not open the door to understanding. We can love others without understanding them but without both love does not last. Understanding can go places that love cannot. Understanding takes time, knowledge, and compassion. Love is a condition and a choice that is only strengthened by understanding. Understanding is a master key and love is only one of the many doors that it unlocks.
❤❤❤❤
Yes I have compassion for the human race but observing people individually is cold, but when I fall in love I fall hard.
I just got back from walking my dogs, and as I sat down and reached for my phone, my only words were, “aargh, I really hate people”. And here you are! My saying what I said was in (an almost daily) response to loud crappy music from neighbors. I used to love people, but nowadays...
Great to have your thoughts on this. It's funny how I can feel intensely emotional and cold at the same time. I'm intensely clingy with the few I trust and a little detached from everyone else, but that all comes down to how much they're able to see the real me. I have a job with a lot of phone work and I always dread that part of it and feel like a misanthrope but I love meeting new social groups. Figuring out their patterns and interactions is fascinating until I've mined all the data, then things get a little bit dull. Ultimately my motivation is love of this world and the people in it (generally 😅) but it's sort of like they're on the other side of the plexiglass at the zoo sometimes. But "the universe" or whatever usually has a way of reminding me how human I really am at regular intervals.
The amusement in being reminded how human we really are ... it's what keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously, isn't it? We need much more of that.
Lol, this reminds of a Supernatural episode 'The Boys', where teen Dean Winchester says he wants to be a mechanic, fixes cars, because he likes to solves puzzles and would like to be detached, free of people at the end of day. Opposed to the emotional exhaustion of being a hunter and aware of the people that couldn't be saved.
Also, love the sound of your voice, its so soothing and fresh.
So true! Thanks for the compliment.
"Nothing personal. It's clinical"...said the INFJ...😀😏
11:30 This resonated with me so much. I keep seeing memes and articles about how introverts hate or dread meeting new people. I actually enjoy it. True, small talk isn’t a strong skill of mine either. But I feel more extroverted and somehow comfortable when talking to new people than I do with people I know to be honest. As you said, it’s probably the fact that it’s an interaction with no expectations from me afterwards. It’s the expectations that feel like such a heavy burden to me in relationships.
12:55 This is something I’ve learned in the past few years. I find myself preventing me from sharing too much about myself when talking to people, from asking too many questions and presenting myself as someone who truly cares about them (which I genuinely do, but I don’t want the attachment afterwards). Sometimes this can even be preventing myself from sending a meme or an affectionate quote to someone I care about. I feel some people can be very - I don’t want to use this term but - clingy when they discover how you genuinely care. They get this idea that now we are “besties” and it’s totally OK to call me everyday, and wanting to see me every week. I appreciate the attention, but it is so very exhausting to me . Being 31 years old now, I just don’t have that energy anymore. So I stop myself and keep many things to myself. Sometimes I want to just shut everyone out, even my family. Leave everyone and everything and go somewhere new, far away. I know I seem colder than ever before. Me who was always smiling so kindly, always there for people. But I just don’t want people to dump their thoughts, feelings and frustrations on me anymore. I am human too and I’m exhausted, tired of caring so much. I don’t know if I’m experiencing some sort of burnout. I probably am. Sorry for the vent. Maybe this comment will resonate with other INFJs and show them they’re not alone. Thank you for this video by the way. Your videos always leave me with a good feeling.
I enjoyed reading all your reflections very much. I'm always honored when someone chooses to share them with me.
W.O.W. Words of Wisdom. Thank You. I've always thought of being a curious soul using MBTI, Numerology, Astrology, ect to figure people out too. I also have to remind myself that if you feed a stray, they might follow you home.
“People are not machines.” Love this!
I’m 47 and just in the past year comfortable being my genuine self! I’m listening and can relate! I used to be a doormat and often white knuckled through pain or used substances to not feel others pain and be wise to others motives. I have always been this way! I even declared myself the neighborhood watch leader?! LOL I was always spying or chatting with everyone I trusted on the block. There was one I knew not to trust. This kept me from danger! I didn’t understand this as a child. But I do now! Trust that voice! It’s a gift! And being alone with yourself is beautiful! Empowering to be self aware! I too had a lot of trials growing up. Lots of tragic events beyond my control. I’m so thankful I can take the trials and have empathy for those also going through similar trials. Thank you for sharing! I’m the last of 10 children btw! Lots of subjects to study! LOL I’m drawn to you after watching a few of your videos. I relate in so many ways. You’re a beautiful soul. ❤️🙏🏻
Thank you very much. I hope with all my heart you find the justice you are seeking.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you! I appreciate that kindness! Even if we don’t see it during this lifetime I think things will be worked out in the afterlife. Many answers too then? I think so. 😀
INFJ here and I don't love people. Thanks for this video!
Lol
So if you don't love people (which is essentially a contrasting opinion to the one I stated here in this video), my question for you is why?
oof
I'm loving but I'm not in love with people... LOL
Like.... I love you but I'm NOT in love with you... It's not you... It's me.... 🤣🤣🤣
As an INFJ myself, I always feel two faced about things.
Why is that, do you think? Can you explain it, either here to me or to yourself? It's a very interesting statement and worth exploring.
Interesting question...I love the “idea” of people, like those “other” people, the ones I like to keep at arms length.
Basically people.
...and then you said the exact same thing..! It’s not the individual but the generality of whole concept of people I find overwhelming.
I agree: psychoanalizing absolutely everyone. Not only is the noise disturbing, I find myself psychoanalizing their constant need for noise.. The older I get, the less I want to be in the vicinity of people. I hate to say it, but most people seem to me to be mechanical mindless robots.
Might be easier befriending people over 70. Less draining.
Is that truly the reason why, as you get older, you want to be around people less? I think it's much deeper than that. It makes sense that if you've spent many years studying others, the only way to achieve balance is to then withdraw to study yourself. And then see what follows from that.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty probably experiencing enough to find there’s nothing out “there” and a bigger picture or other realities in our selves if only can get acclimated to solitude for long periods. Balance is great challenge.
Sorry, just spewing. You’re a wise person. Right questions.
Anyone who has tolerance for other peoples bs, gotta give them credit. That’s a real skill.
Funny. Just two days ago I told someone why I am fascinated by MBTI and Astrology. I told him, to me its like every human is a puzzle and Astrology is telling me which kind of Puzzle it is and MBTI is like a instruction booklet.
I really do love humans, and I have a deep understanding for them, but I rarely love one individual human. Most of my life though, I have found the people I don't want to be my friends cling to me, while the people who I want to befriend use me as a sort of counselor and then move on. I have come to accept this thanks to MBTI and Channels like yours. I am now more careful whom I shine my light on and how I spend my energy.
It’s interesting. We don’t like it when people cling to us, yet when we find deep understanding in another, we want to hold on to them like they are a lifeline.
all of this is so true for me!! 🤣😂🥰 thank you for this!
Wow the "idea" of people , yes and watching their behavior and what it says about them. I don't necessarily want to be a part of their lives and maintain a relationship because that is truly too much work for me, but just analyze from a safe distance. I am so glad I came across your video, from all the INFJ videos on RUclips I could not relate to any that described exactly how I felt towards people (my loved ones not included) so thank you for putting it into words.
You're so welcome. I understand why it's not put out there in the way I said it here for two reasons: many of our type are just not aware of it, and those who are aware of it realize how bizarre it would probably sound to someone else who is not our type.
Reminds me of Agatha Christie's Miss Marple. One of the actresses who plays her has this detached way of sitting and talking but also this intense set of eyes, analyzing the other person's face. My wife said one day with a chuckle, "Like you."
Lovely post and true of me and a lot of us methinks:)
Woooow this is so dead on. I just kept saying yyyyyep out loud while watching this😊🙃
Huh, I'm an INFJ but I'm usually the other end of this dynamic -- someone shines their light on me and I think they must love me and I'm hurt when they abandon me. I give people attention but they don't really stick around. I don't think people gravitate towards me. Instead I always feel like an outsider in a group. Because I've been hurt so many times, I'm more guarded these days. But I long to find a friend or mate who really gets me and will reciprocate the attention and caring I long to give someone.
So much of this is circumstantial. My father was extremely charismatic (both of my parents were extroverted) and it was what was expected of their children as well, so all 4 of us (even though we are all different types) are more socially "gifted" and just more comfortable dealing with people in general. It's how we were raised. I can tell by your writing you probably had different circumstances, which could result in a different experience. Are you shy? Your writing is very open and genuine ... something about it suggests a shyness to me, so I can see why you are cautious now. I truly hope you find someone to love and someone who will return your love in full measure.
Infj is like a long journey of learning and adjusting
Learning and adjusting should be the journey of everyone who desires to grow and be wise.
How my brain is wired I tell my daughter " I got tired of reading books so I started reading people"..... I seriously can't help it. people are like codes to crack in a way. I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to people
😆 Reading people is much more interesting than reading books. You can't skip to the last page and confidently know the "ending" ahead of time.
Woah this is so true feels strange. Thanks for the help.
You're welcome.
I already commented but had to come back after binge watching your videos! I can’t get enough! It’s as if you’re seeing right through me?! I really appreciate you sharing! I’m learning to express all you’re teaching and sharing! You make so much sense to me! Thank you! 🤗❤️👏🏻👍🏻🙏🏻👌🏻
It's very kind of you to say these things.
6:40 "this is where the INTJ"... Fascinating.
Your Never Sleeping Beauty, may I say that your video hit home for me.
"I love the Idea of people" "
'A People Scientist.' I quite grok this.
I am an INTJ who early on in life identified more with Spock than the humans who enterprise.
You are a Counselor Troi who helped me understand a little more about herself today.
Thank you. Absolutely Te-rrific content.
"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting.
It is not logical, but it is often true."
Spock, Star Trek: The Original Series, "Amok Time"
Very interesting. I realize these are two different series, but may I ask, why Spock and not Data?
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Because Data is an INTP, lol
and so is my son. (wink)
This video is incisive, insightful, and should be required viewing for anyone who thinks they are an INFJ. I've sensed what you describe here in an INFJ that I know well. Where people see nothing but kindness and warmth, I've sensed behind the smile a surgeon's bedside manner.
@@dulles1969 "Required viewing" I agree, lol Your Never Sleeping Beauty and others video is on more than a few of my Playlists.
I wanted to be a surgeon when I was young...
@@dulles1969 and your video on the INFP is also on my Playlist as required viewing for our INFP's. te-rrific content
I found you recently ( or did you find me? - out of nowhere on my yt home page ) and wanted to say thank you for everything you talk about. So much of your material hits me deeply. Your cat video really got me hard in the feels and I cried, it is ok because I needed it as much as I need the sad songs. It was refreshing to hear just how connected to her death you were all along. I find myself doing the same with all of the animals I have had the pleasure of connecting with.
When everyone is asleep here I listen to a few of your videos and find that alone time with this makes me feel a bit more present in time. This particular one I listened to more than once. Every one of your videos so far (estimate of 20) are fantastic. I tried to get my family to listen, but the messages you convey are not for them, I knew this but tried anyway. :)
Thank you again kindred spirit, may everyone and everything you come in contact with bring you abundant joy and peace.
Thank you for your heartfelt words to me ... it is deeply humbling. I did have a little giggle though, imagining your family listening to my words and their eyes glazing over. I'm sure you've seen the look, which is why you shared the videos. Now they can have their eyes glaze over listening to both of us, so find some comfort in that. Because you're not alone in the world ... I understand. Love, joy and peace to you as well.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Oh boy do I ever find comfort in that. Just knowing that the second sentence in they have gone bye-bye. Hahaha. My husband's poor eye muscles get the best workouts because of me. In my favorite ponderings of just how much "help" I feel the need to instill on those around me, there live some of my best laughs. I am happy to share in your imaginings and visuals of them, the detail you must have cooked up, as I do as well in most everything I read. Going to deep too quickly is unsatisfying in knowing that whoever the other is, I am alone..while we share in one another.
Sharing with you in that feels amazing. Thank you for being a part of me having a happier day than usual, with the millions of miles away from each other we may be, its nice to know you are here. :) Peace to you lovely lady!
Yeah, I have really learned to dial back the charm. I can't and don't want to be buddy buddy with everybody. Excellent video.
Yes ... charm can be dangerous.
"why" is an addictive snack. You can't stop but don't want a whole dinner out of them.
Dinners we want (with) are few and far between.
Edit: one can love, hate, be annoyed by, be happy about someone at the same time, they re not mutually exclusive. İnfact more love means more of the others.
Very wise ... very insightful comment. Thank you.
We do love people. We love people when we realize that there is something GOLD about them that is not apparently obvious to anyone or them.
Active listening is our super power and we enjoy listening while most people would rather talk.
Is active listening really our super power? Another commenter said here that maybe we are more interested in reading someone first, then listening second. I think I agree with this. I was a terrible listener in younger years. I think it's exactly because I was taking in the whole of a person, reading all the clues, but not listening to very many words. I had to first recognize and admit I wasn't a very good listener and then actively set out to develop that skill. I believe good listening isn't a super power of any type. To be a good listener, one just has to acknowledge they want to do better and then work towards it.
A lot of INFJ’s become psychologists, because they love to listen and solve the puzzle about a person and can’t believe they get paid. Mind you, my listening can be selective. I’m often in my own magical world.
As an INFJ I would say Ive become very misanthropic and this is due to the fact that people are not self-aware. If one isnt self-aware they are impulsive, which is action without mind, which is insane. People are insane, but not in a hysterical way, but in a mindless way. They seem so inebriated and institutionalized by cultural norms, rearing and so forth. People arent bad, they are just mindless, absent in awareness, no capacity for reflection and very much on a trajectory that lacks true agency or personhood.
The video you made was so beautifully done. Honoured ❤ I am now watching your older videos in order 😊 They're a real treat :)
Again, thank you for showing yourself by asking all the questions.
As a 20 years old, I *thought* I was self-aware until I came across your channel. Never would I have thought that I would understand myself better than this but each time I’m proven wrong. I guess it’s still work in progress but having the opportunity to distinguish between what I have previously attempted to do in life from what I thought I was doing is mind blowing for me. This makes it much more clearer how I used to think about people and always had that inner conflict between being nice to people and feeling so cold hearted at the same time because it made no sense. But it does. It shows the power an INFJ holds, so I guess, with more power comes more responsibility? Hehe
"With more power comes more responsibility" ... yes ... hee hee is right. Why do you think I started this channel? 😝 Crazy, but it had to be done. So what crazy thing will you do? You probably can't even imagine it now, but just wait. It will be exhilarating and satisfying and necessary and beautiful. I'm excited for you, for what your future holds.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Your channel is one kind of a thing that I wish everyone had in their life, somewhat like a guardian angel, if it makes any sense 😂 and also I’m sure I’ll be surprised at the crazy thing that I do but regardless of anything, deep down I hope and pray that whatever crazy thing I do, it finds it’s way to you as well, as anything I can do to be thankful for all that you’ve been doing.
I believe it will find its way back to me. I think things are meant to be like that.
Nicely said. As you said, it is a problem. We want to understand and help people - the problem comes when they want us to perform our magic Ni trick and give them a deep insight into their problem... and keep wanting to come back for more. You find it is one sided and becomes draining. Still love them, but you don't get to keep rubbing the lamp.
The question is then, is this really their problem or our problem? You can always help people to a point, but discernment tells you how long to continue. In other words, those who want to keep rubbing the lamp don't really want to help themselves. Once we realize this, it only makes sense to take away the lamp, and show it to someone else who will know what to do with what they get.
This helped so much. I've built deep onesided relationships and idk what to do with out hurting someone. But it's so easy to Completely dive into someones mind without realizing it 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
It's a powerful thing. I hope this helps you to navigate more carefully.
That's totally true,I am impressed 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️ such a good and objective analysis,so authentic and humble u're a professional indeed 😁
Thank you. I truly hope this has given your own thoughts a springboard about the role of people in your life.
Ask people about their fantasy’s. Go directly for the unconscious realm. Just takes time but probably less draining/boring then the normal case study/dismantle routine.
Thanks for the video.
This is excellent advice. But to do this, one has to step out of the comfort zone and be willing to take a risk. This happens with self-confidence, which comes from knowing who you are. I'm assuming you've done this "risky" thing. It yields some very interesting results, doesn't it?
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty for the most part it’s flat out weird and fascinating..specially with narcissists. There’s always the risk of being drawn to like a therapist or bringing out some kind of dependency, idk it kind of goes back to everything you explained in the video. If there’s a way to remain detached, compassionate and have some kind of understanding that would be ideal. Who knows
Thank so much for those deep insights and bringing me a step closer to self awareness 🖤
I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of the process of switching to the analytical side. For some time now, I was wondering why I was that interested in some people that I don't really want a relationship with or don't see where a relationship with them would lead. I found this video just at the right time I guess.
You were looking for the answers, a knowing that you needed some more information for your personal reflection. I hope this brings you satisfaction and more understanding about yourself.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty It definetely does, thank you so much 🖤
Thank you so much also for all the other videos you've posted 🖤 I'm going through them as they get recommended to me and everyone of them gives me so much. Thank you 🫂🖤
why do feel like i found a secret of myself in this channel thank you so much for sharing🕊
You're welcome ☺️
I am mature INFJ , your analysis make right on . With all life events and experiences I progressed to be Sigma female INFJ . I am an artist 🎨
people only care what i can give....no give...no love.
There are people out there who aren't like this. They will love you for who you are. They're hard to find, but they exist.
I think the meaning of loving people is different for everyone,. I would like to respect and show compassion for each individual but being able to read , sense and feel personalities and intentions often keep me from blindly doing that. Unfortunately it's not a perfect world and our contradictions as INFJs make it a little tougher but I dont spend much time trying to love anyone who isnt invested in reciprocating it. I just cant do fake or pretend. Sounds cold maybe....but its legit
Your second sentence perfectly sums it up.
I am not sure i can relate to that really, about “love the idea of people” maybe because i was very self aware or finished going through some phases very early and sometimes studying the very top and the very bottom thoroughly is enough to understand everything in between (not always but it works most of the time) but i guess that what you meant with your last analogy example
i mean yes i want to understand them better etc… but as you said they are human beings and i always saw them in that light and not just them but that applies to all living things (even unliving things sometimes) but at the same time it feels bad to “tone down” my behavior towards them, it feels like i am destroying intrinsic part of who i am for their sake(?) even though it’s not really my fault since the “way of the world” makes it look like bad idea which alot of naive concepts falls into honestly so not just this, and i would rather Bow to people in respect than to bow to the “way of the world” in submission and for the sake of self preservation, so if i could i would give a hug to every single person if i could but we both know that’s unrealistic but doesn’t mean it will change anything so i will hug who i can hug and hopefully it will be infectious or something idk😂
I am no saint ofcourse, my demons are definitely there, still work in progress since confronting them is one my nowa day challenge when it comes to my most inner self and i don’t look to take control or win but find that harmony where when i lose control then my demons would still be on my side but I digress
the struggles you mentioned is very true though, and not just by random people but also friends that i have been struggling with these type misunderstandings, you know, friends falling in love with me or others think that there is something between me and a friend because i show my appreciation in the most chivalrous ways and how i interact with them etc…etc…
(I swear some people nowa days forgot the fear of death or taking acceptance in the wrong way for such miss understanding to be born but I digress since this is a deeper topic on its own than i would like to bother with)
I mean, it’s not surprised my whole life is but a book of misunderstanding, for a quick page such as being arrested for rescuing two kittens and bringing them to her mother heck even the mother almost attacked for it😂
I understand that doing something like this in the middle of the night made me look like a burglar (false accusations is one of my top fears btw) and I understand that the mama cat saw this giant dragon holding her kittens that are pleading in my arms made the cat very motherly 😂
So I understand some of these misunderstandings and where they come from more or less, and i feel there is more reason to shine that light because the world deemed it scarce or something you know? I mean… literally and metaphorically…the world is a dark place, it is up to us to light it up, and humanity did the literal part so the metaphor isn’t out of reach, no? I mean sure there will still some dark corners here and there but thats just how the world I suppose, some sort of equilibrium to give everything a “meaning”
…you know…I am not sure where i was going with this…i think my brain stopped braining😂
Never mind i guess(?)😅
Anyway…thanks for the video…and sharing your insights, gave me handful of food for thoughts ❤
😂😂😂😂 oh geezzz!! I related some much to this!! Thank you!!
Thank you for advice, I love the library' book example
It made sense to me too.
I can totally relate to where your coming from.
It's taken over half a life time to be able to say I love being me for me.
I love the ideology of people ❤ I feel like a outsider making observations on inside of the world 🌎 society, I'm a world citizen ❤🌏❤
I seek out the real 💯 in the real people
I know the real you is worth loving.
Mostly from... afar. Very True information, thank you for what you do here🌹
You are welcome.
I think we do try to intensely understand the other person and what makes them tick. The give away is when someone asks me my thoughts and feelings and sometimes I'm lost because I've been so absorbed in the other, I don't know what to say. Also, as you say, we don't often pay attention to outer details. I think I'm also trying to help the other, I mean I think I have sincere feelings of connection to the other person on that level. It has a heart level to it that is connecting and not just clinical for me. I'm intrigued about long term effects of relationships. What changes can one see over time through interaction. I had a wonderful experience of finding out recently someone who is very close to me, found love. All the work that I put into the relationship seems to be contained in this love. It's as if over time we sketched out the details of a love and then the love was discovered in a person.
I think it’s because helping is a way of loving. The trick is to understand we also need to help ourselves. For me, in younger years, losing myself in the examination of another looked like helping. But in many cases, it was avoidance of self. Helping myself was the key I was missing to helping others, in a way that was truly satisfying.
Perfectly explained, thank you for the enlightenment😭❤️
You're welcome 🧡
I am still thinking that perhaps I am not an INFJ, but what you said really resonates with me. I love to solo-travel. And everytime my friends and family ask me "won't you feel lonely solo-traveling?"
I will answer that it is the purpose of solo-traveling. To be all by myself so that I can mingle with the locals, study them, have connections with them. And when the travel ends, I move on with my life looking back at the traveling and the connection with everyone I met as merely an experience. No attachment. Never did I have intention to reconnect with them. But most of the time they would try to maintain communication and told me that I was very kind, very friendly, and that the connection that they felt was kinda rare, like once in a lifetime thing. It is not true. It is just their perception of me which now I realize that I, myself, had created for them.
Your never sleeping beauty, I'd like to say this to you that your content has been helping me a lot in understanding myself. Such a blessing. Thanks :)
I have heard this from several people now ... either the wish to solo travel, or (as in your case) having actually done it. I believe if someone has the means to do so, it can be one way of accumulating a great wealth of experiences. However, at some point, there must be time to evaluate the experiences. That's the real value in experiences ... lessons learned from them.
I’m fascinated by people. At first I dive in and “examine” them, then I usually move on, knowing and dealing with them based on my observations. I’m more careful now, not to encourage their interest in me.
Wise words!
You narrated my Life. I am much older and now I've grown older and understand ME. 🙂
This gives me joy to hear it.
Thanks for the videos I find it soothing. Like having a rare conversation with a person that gets it
It is comforting to be understood.
Oh, I hear you, girl))) I REALLY DO:)
+1 (on all the points mentioned)
I am really impressed with your video and just how spot on you are . You just described me like I was under the scope. Thank you! ....Nice done.
So INFJs are under my scope as well ... hee hee 😆 I'm happy you got something useful out of it.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty what else can you tell me about this infj stuff? Is ot normal to absorb other people's feelings and pain and ailments?
It's normal 🙂 I have many videos here to find out more about my experiences as this INFJ type.
I enjoyed learning about people but when it comes down to it I avoid them at all costs. Thank goodness for self checkout and automated ordering kiosks at McDonalds. People would always come to me to confide their life stories, their most painful challenges... then one day I crossed paths with a little old lady in front of a store, she stopped me and said, “You are so beautiful... you have such a beautiful soul.” I wondered what it was I exuded that attracted people to me. I’m in school to become a psychotherapist and sometimes I wonder if I’m in the right field, doing the right thing, and I am hard on myself as to whether I am really helping people. It matters to me that people are actually benefitting and we don’t always get that feedback. I don’t love people people but I love learning about them and giving them what they need to feel better about themselves and their life. Unfortunately, my partners and relationships suffer the most. I don’t see myself “with” them. I see my partners for their potential and what to help shape them for their “true” partner. I’m trying to break this habit. I want to help people but don’t want the responsibility of people.
You know, at this point, it's not very often when someone hits me with something I haven't acknowledged or seen yet. Or should I say when someone illuminates a truth for me that I haven't dug out yet. I realize what that probably sounds like and I don't mean it to sound that way, but it's a rare experience in my life to have another do it for me, when I am now capable of doing it for myself. So to have you come here and shoot me with one is incredible. And it's exciting, to see something I hadn't yet acknowledged about myself. Thank you very much.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you for the feedback and the video that sparked my reflections!
Happy New Year! What a perfect gift to receive from you! I love your voice and every video! You are brilliant AND have changed my life since finding out that I am an INFJ -T, HSP, and empath who can go super nova!!! 😳😬🤣🌺💪🙏🇺🇸
Happy New Year to you as well.
I have found that I have been quite analytical about people all my life, but not so much when I was young. As ive gotten older i feel that ive put people together as a jigsaw puzzle by themselves in a singular manner. Now that ive studied lots of souls over many years, i have put them all into a larger puzzle, and now can see human kind as a whole rather than singular persons...which stretches your knowledge of them. I know this sounds cold, but it really isn't in my eyes and mind...it just helps with understanding people as a whole. When i met a new person, someone ive never spoken to before i would go all out to find out as much about them as i could of course over time. But I also read people too, and do this almost subconsciously...they would speak and i would read them, i never understood why i did that, i felt strange, and often thought that everyone did the same, that it was a normal way of getting to know a person. Sometimes i just lost interest in someone quite abruptly, especially if i perceived them to be fake or untruthful, and would dodge them, which was awkward to do sometimes because they wanted more than what i was prepared to give any longer. I'm more a people watcher these days, and do my studying from afar. It's hard being an infj, especially when you didn't know you were one. I kind of wish i knew what i know now when i was a young women it might of helped me...and then again it may of been worse. I've always felt like a fish out of water, different, weird misunderstood, but not so much now. 💙💜🧡💛❤💚
I thought everyone did the same as well ... such innocent assumptions we make.
I don't know if you get this comment a lot or no , but the way you describe our Things is unbelievable and it resonate with me to a whole another level . I am saying that because I find it hard to process or even write whatever goes in my head , specially when it comes to people.
Can you please provide me with an answer , how can I tune it down a bit when you are thinking about people , I find myself mostly imaging scenarios and interaction , and how I manage the conversations etc.
Btw, I meditate in daily basis , and I do have hobbies and activities still though can't stop the train of information splashing into my mind LOL
How can you tune it down a bit when thinking about people? 🤣🤣🤣 You too, huh? When you find out, let me know. Seriously though, thank you for your comment. Why do you want to tune it down (other than to get some much-needed rest)? I think it's who we are, and we shouldn't try to inhibit it. I seem to naturally give it a rest when I get tired out (because this people stuff takes some serious brain power as you know), and move on to other hobbies. I think the train of information is great. You'll process it in due time, and yield all sorts of interesting things.
Wondering how an INFJ who takes their academical and career path in STEM area could make the trade-off between that and intensely thinking about people.
Anyway, I hope all is well for this last 3 months and for 2021 too.
This is a very good question and probably, one you must answer for yourself. I trust there could be a path in it, and if determined, you will find it. Even if that proves to be difficult, there is life outside of career. In my experience, I have found that opportunities find me. But like all opportunities, you have to have your eyes open to see them.
Interesting and honest perspective to which I mostly identify, thank you. There's another dimensional aspect to the human soul which is the spiritual nature. When we realise the truth of value on each person, ie. God's creation, it's more respectful than clinical methinks, but I do get what you're saying. Everyone has a little bit (or a lot) of light and grace emanating from them (in their eyes). You can see how it leaves the body upon death. Each a living soul created superbly, yet fallen (as us all). My biggest concern is self deception. The heart is deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9). We humans lie to ourselves continuously. But I think INFJs always search for absolute Truth, wherever that my lie or whatever that may bring. New subscriber!
I talk about self-deception much here, in many of my videos. It is a problem not only with the INFJ type, but as you said, with all humans. Even though I did reference clinical examination, I was careful to say people are not robots and should not be treated as such. Thank you very much for your comment.
Yes, they do. They love life. On the one hand, the conflict is true. They came to me. Yes. I came to know that the hustle is not that necessary. I shone the light... maybe we need to level up to the normality of relationship patterns.
This is an important video.
You are like me,sweet and salty 😂🤣☺️
Sweet on the outside, salty on the inside?
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty or maybe salty on the outside, but sweet on the inside? Ha Ha🙃🤣💐
@@ennvee3354 2nd one for me...
I am amazed how you want to dissect people to know them. Me? Ever since I was a child, I would like to have a power to transfer my soul to them to know their past and their feelings.
Is there a difference?
I feel like I have the capacity to love people, but only if I like them and I am finding it very difficult lately. I don’t like people who are consistently exhausting to be around, because they thrive on chaos and drama, instead of bringing peace and stability into my life but otherwise I do like people and find them fascinating. Don’t have any desire to fix anyone though or be fixed or deal with other people’s own issues because they refuse to.
Good for you for setting strong boundaries in your life!
When you get older you may tire of trying to figure people out and certainly will tire of trying to fix them. It gets old after a time. And you might try to figure out systems instead. Macroeconomics, political, etc
Is this comment for me personally or for INFJs in general?
My favorite series of videos.. you are so talented ❤
Thank you very much.
I thought of ppl as just ppl . Not always my type, but I love life.
This was a wonderful video. Thank you :-)
You're welcome.
A pebble in a pool of water and watch/study the ripples. You don't have throw the pebble because the person IS the pebble. The power is if you throw a pebble in to the mix once you have solved the puzzle
How can I forgive myself for feeling worthless? For all the pain I’ve caused myself for allowing myself to feel this way for so long?
I know this may sound harsh, but to forgive yourself is to stop nursing (romanticizing) your wounds. It's to be realistic in how you see yourself. It’s all about slaying the pretend. When you do this, forgiveness will come.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Is this another way to say stop feeling sorry for myself? Because I don't. I'm just angry that i allowed everything in my life to happen when it was all so preventable
But did you know, in the moment, that what happened was preventable? Were you aware? Is your anger at yourself justified or is it not? Questions to ask yourself - I don't need to know the answers.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty as always, thank you
Very insightful. I feel like she's a grandmaster :)
You're funny 😆
True story
Unfortunately the bug in the bell jar analysis I've done. People are broken down into sub categories and life became dull and grey.
I wonder if moving through dull and grey is necessary to come full circle ... back to vibrant and colorful.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty don't know. Hope so, there is a person that I have fallen madly, helplessly in love with (I know, I know what you're gonna say cause I said it to myself for a month or so. I found something with this person that I had never had with another. Intimacy, not physical but spiritual, synchronicity and I miss them so. I didn't study them or tap on the glass, found their quarks and humannis accelerating. But😞 fear is the mind killer. I don't want to scare them by dumping everything out about that night that I felt on them. It changed my life). So I live in hope
Thanks❤
You know what I'm gonna say ... 😏 I might just surprise you. _I didn't study them or tap on the glass, found their quarks and humannis accelerating._ To me, this statement is very revelatory, and encouraging, because it's an excellent sign. I believe this is exactly the place where very good relationships start with us. It's the best place, actually. The fact that you are saying this means you are ready for something bigger, and definitely something more meaningful in a lasting sort of way, in a relationship, because you are seeing with honest eyes. So I live in hope for you too. A lot of hope. I would encourage you to take a little bit of a risk and see what happens. It doesn't have to be a huge leap, like I'm talking about here in this video, but still a small leap nonetheless. Fear is the mind killer, but get beyond it and see what awaits. Remember, some anxiety is good. It propels us forward. Where do you wish to go? Follow that wish.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty 😍thank you. I had wrote the post because I was in a vulnerable place. I had (for a lack of a more precise term), given up on it. I had initiated other options ( how romantic), which in actuality was me just trying to keep myself protected. I watched the video and felt I needed to get this out( I bottle up emotions). And so it poured out. Then I got mad at those I felt (either wrongly or rightly) stood in my way of this energy I so wanted in my life, this beautiful person that I love. And in my calculated verbal attack. I was told by my friend to "...not act like a b#÷&h and just tell him how I felt cause he won't." I was like, you're absolutely right. And I've started on this path. Your response is only more proof that this is the path.
I can never thank you enough for all that you have put out into the verse in positive energy.
Thank you❤❤❤
You wrote this post because you needed a push. I am very happy to have done this for you. All my very best to you.
You mention in several videos how people always came to you for advice and wanted to be your friends. As a male INFJ I wonder if this is a female INFJ thing. In my youth I have always been an outcast, the uncool kid. It was me who befriended other kids who weren't popular only to be then be abandoned by them once I had built up their self-esteem.
Now I am almost 50 and a teacher in higher education and occasionally a student will seek my advice, but it's not like they will line up for it. And although I am known as someone who is perceived as warm and caring, I have never noticed people getting attached to me. Although there are probably a number of people who consider me a friend, while to me they are just acquaintances.
Yes, exactly. I would probably say this is the experience for most male INFJs. I have an INFJ male loved one (we made a video here together about two years ago), and he has said the same as you have here. I wish he would make videos because even though we align in so many ways, I have found the male INFJ perspective slightly different (obviously). I believe it’s because as females, we are more “open” because society considers that okay as we are female and it’s acceptable. But male INFJs, while warm and caring, naturally protect themselves and don’t appear as open, or give overt signs of that openness. Funnily enough, as I am aging (you and I are around the same age), I find myself more like the male version. I am careful not to put that “caring” out there in a way which draws people to me because frankly, I don’t want the consequences of it. I want to help people on my terms, thoughtfully and with great consideration. Thank you very much for this comment. It helps me to see our type in its full scope.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you for answering. It's not easy for us male INFJs. We are always misunderstood and it's hard for us to be ourselves.
I only just came across your channel. I like that you don't constantly mention our type (because it's understood that is what you talk about) and I love the beautiful shots of nature. And as far as I can tell from the few videos I watched, your content is deep and thoughtful. And the presentation is gentle and nurturing.
Please keep up the good work! ❤
This means a lot to me, thank you very much. In many ways, this channel has been me speaking to myself. I've been nurturing but I've been strict with myself too, when I needed it. The fact that it speaks to others as well is simply amazing to me. Not unexpected, but amazing.
I love humanity but I hate people. 🤣🤣🤣😬
“Do you hate people?”
“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”
― Charles Bukowski, Barfly
I am an ENFP, I fell in love with an INFJ. It has ruined me, it is like walking on a minefield. Everything I do for her, my every expression of love and care has been interpreted as some kind of attack and manipulation. I feel damaged and broken by this horrific experience. I will never ever go near an INFJ again.
Bless your heart 🙏
cant solve all the worlds problems, you got that right but then again speaking for myself i dont really control the scale/scope of the highest goals my puzzle of patterns deems possible an most collectively beneficial, dont no about other infj's but the info in my head (best expressed as the formula i judge reality with) 4 or 5 layers very basic
1: apply set item to my computer desk an see what happens, yes a pattern that most my other puzzle patterns could live with.
2: apply same set item to the local outside world, yes same pattern just bigger.
3: dido EARTH pattern yes no.
4: SUN and its system pattern yes no.
5: galactic scaling of pattern yes no.
i didnt go to school not by choice so i got the chance to live an grow, understand an poke myself for first 18 years of life not very common somewhere like Australia, so many capacity's seemingly non existent in the development of educated ppls patterns, but really learning how to read for example when compered to realising the pattern of failure tracing back to a inability to read then forcing the completion of a task i felt at time was literally impossible then 1yr in finding the pattern of english actually isnt compatible with me but then not giving up instead spending 2 years constructing a new method that would make ppl think i understand english an just used its method to deconstruct the meaning depicted in the text when really i just imprinted every new word as an image, turning into a vast range of support systems required to be able to have tens of thousands of images in your mind and be able to use them on the fly like i was just reading
Excellent video
Thank you very much.
I think we need them happy and we want to create a better place it's sound idealistic yes, but as u mention everyone do the best they can and the sky is the limit I think yes we do love people but in our own way🥴
Totally resonate with you!
I think that is a bit cold way to see people, I had a harsh past, not the hardest compared to others, but I think that was the “thing” that put me into INFJ shoes, I am not drawn to people because mere curiosity, its because I need them, to heal my past bad interactions and prevent people to have to go through what I have, that would be the selfish part of it, but there is no complete way for one person to be utterly selfless, I will only let people in if I want to be with them, I don’t have the free of charge responsibility of fixing every one, but I will gladly like to be with people who like to be in harmony and respect others in different extents yes, but leaving the nature of the relationship clear, as an male INFJ I have that advantage, maybe I don’t approach women as hard as others would put effort to do so, but in the few relationships I have been at least I can presume that I never had to chase after someone, the came because they were genuinely interested in who I am, not on what I have or because I can do it all, but because I am a genuinely caring partner if I choose that someone, if not, I know I can be self sufficient by myself, of course I always wanted to make a healthy family of my own, a loving wife, a biological son/s and/or daughter/a, but what I’ve learn in today’s relationships is that they are so banal and focused on the immediate gain, it broke me to think because statistically we infj’s are the type with the capability of feeling love most strongly, but also the ones that also suffer greatly when its over, so yeah its sad to know no one will love me as much as I can love them, maybe an INFJ, but we are scarce, so yeah we are at the dis advantage there, we are ready to give it our all, but we have to be very careful to whom we decide to give that all to and pace ourselves, because they may not be a match for it, but even if they are not, if they choose to be at our side and put the effort to earn that love, there might be a way. So don’t be afraid of making your boundaries clear, to feel deeply but wisely, I feel honesty is the best way to go, because nothing can protect us from it, but the sooner its out there the sooner we can prepare ourselves, to have everything in perspective.
I believe I can figure them out fast a lot just by being around just mins
Tky for explaining my desire/draw to ppl
You're welcome. I hope you take away something which helps you in your life.
I just wish i could discern love from interest 😞
This is very good, that you are making self-observations. If you wish it (being able to discern love from interest), what steps can you take in order to get better at this?
You can love everybody through your empathy. If your empathy is REAL. and not just a series of detect and react. No emotional intelligence? No understanding of what it means to LOVE.
and just because you FEEL THAT LOVE , THAT REAL CONNECT , A SOUL ..CONNECTION . Does not mean you feel any desire to be a part of that person's life. Does not mean that you even LIKE THEM . OR FIND BEING AROUND THEM PLEASANT.
OR that you feel A NEED OR MARTYR YOURSELF TO FIX THEM .
OR THAT they will have any impact on your emotions at all.
It just means you felt or saw 100% the loveable part of them . It 'touched' you and you , touched it because That is WHAT INFJ Does , without thinking. We intimate humanitarians of a SOULFUL KIND.
it just is. And it is not until an INFJ gets UNTANGLED FROM THE falsehoods FOISTED upon them by whoever. And whatever is outside of theim and the their own understanding of what , OTHERS CAN AND DO, DESIRE TO DO.
If the INFJ can then:
HEAL; come back
INTO ALIGNMENT WITH
'SANITY' and Their own PERSONAL POWER ? Which is a superconcious understanding of the truth , inside and without them is THE ' PURE' POWER, BORN OF SOURCE, ...then they will be almost completely immuned to manipulations, lies, ANYTHING OR ANY BODY THAT WOULD SEPERATE THEM FROM THAT TRUTH,. AGAIN. ... Including their OWN MINDS.
Are you sure that you are INFJ?
Am I sure that I am an INFJ? Are you saying I should question who I am … my truth? Hmm … I guess to answer such a question would be to allow myself to become tangled up in the falsehoods being foisted upon me here, which I should not do, because I always wish to be immune to anything or anybody that would separate me from my truth.