What No One Tells You About Divorce [CC]
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 25 июн 2024
- Click here helixsleep.com/footlessjo for up to $200 off your Helix Sleep mattress plus two free pillows! Free shipping within the US! #HelixSleep
#Divorce #MentalHealth
0:00 - What I Wish I Knew About Divorce
1:11 - Our Sponsor, Helix!
3:17 - Identity
6:06 - Relationships & Friendships
8:33 - Couple Friendships
10:47 - Grief
13:17 - Shame
------------------------------------------------
WANT TO SUPPORT THIS CHANNEL? //
PATREON: / jobeckwith
MERCH! www.footlessmerch.com
SPEAKING
Want me to come and speak at your event, conference, meeting, panel, or school? Fill out this form to submit a request!
www.footlessjo.com/book-jo
THANK YOU so much!
---------------------------------------------------
CONNECT WITH ME //
Instagram: / footlessjo
Tik Tok: @FootlessJo
My Website: www.footlessjo.com
----------------------------------------------------
CONTACT ME //
MY P.O. BOX:
Jo Beckwith
3578 Hartsel Drive #615
Colorado Springs, CO 80920
E-MAIL ME:
www.footlessjo.com/contact
----------------------------------------------------
MY STORY //
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel has documented my journey adjusting to life with a visible disability as an amputee, and continues to be a haven to discuss physical and mental health!
MY PROSTHETIC LEG:
I use the Ossur ProFlex XC Torsion foot/ankle with a direct socket with passive vaccum suction.
MY AMPUTATION STORY:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
----------------------------------------------------
MY EQUIPMENT //
Camera - Canon EOS M6 (Video Creator Kit): amzn.to/2OVcjim
Camera Mic - Rode VideoMic: amzn.to/33FPanU
Sitting Mic - Blue Yeti Mic: amzn.to/33GJOsW
Gorilla Pod: amzn.to/32oGWjU
Ring Light: amzn.to/2nTRBEr
MY MUSIC & CREDITS //
The music contained in this video can be found at Artist.io - artlist.io/Jordan-293378
The End Credit music is “Summer Snow” by Low Light/Nick Kingswell
Thank you so much for listening - you make a real difference in my life, you enable me to be able to do what I love, and I am beyond grateful!
Some of the links above may contain affiliate marketing
------------------------------------------------
WANT TO SUPPORT THIS CHANNEL? //
PATREON: / jobeckwith
MERCH! www.footlessmerch.com
SPEAKING
Want me to come and speak at your event, conference, meeting, panel, or school? Fill out this form to submit a request!
www.footlessjo.com/book-jo
THANK YOU so much!
---------------------------------------------------
CONNECT WITH ME //
Instagram: / footlessjo
Tik Tok: @FootlessJo
My Website: www.footlessjo.com
----------------------------------------------------
CONTACT ME //
MY P.O. BOX:
Jo Beckwith
3578 Hartsel Drive #615
Colorado Springs, CO 80920
E-MAIL ME:
www.footlessjo.com/contact
----------------------------------------------------
MY STORY //
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel has documented my journey adjusting to life with a visible disability as an amputee, and continues to be a haven to discuss physical and mental health!
MY PROSTHETIC LEG:
I use the Ossur ProFlex XC Torsion foot/ankle with a direct socket with passive vaccum suction.
MY AMPUTATION STORY:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
----------------------------------------------------
MY EQUIPMENT //
Camera - Canon EOS M6 (Video Creator Kit): amzn.to/2OVcjim
Camera Mic - Rode VideoMic: amzn.to/33FPanU
Sitting Mic - Blue Yeti Mic: amzn.to/33GJOsW
Gorilla Pod: amzn.to/32oGWjU
Ring Light: amzn.to/2nTRBEr
MY MUSIC & CREDITS //
The music contained in this video can be found at Artist.io - artlist.io/Jordan-293378
The End Credit music is “Summer Snow” by Low Light/Nick Kingswell
Thank you so much for listening - you make a real difference in my life, you enable me to be able to do what I love, and I am beyond grateful!
Some of the links above may contain affiliate marketing
![Finally Telling the REAL Story: The Lawsuit Over My Amputation [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xNTBF2JTx7U/mqdefault.jpg)
![Finally Telling the REAL Story: The Lawsuit Over My Amputation [CC]](/img/tr.png)
Thank you again to Helix for sponsoring today's video! 😴
Click here helixsleep.com/footlessjo for up to $200 off your Helix Sleep mattress plus two free pillows! (for cozy and luxurious rest!) #helixsleep
So sorry to hear about your divorce. But always know that God wants the best for you and is always with you through everything.
Hey, my parents are divorced. And it ended up being for the better. It’s gonna be hard. But know that as a kid who’s parents didn’t stay together for the kids. I’m happy they divorced as people should be when this stuff happens. It’s never a bad thing. And you shouldn’t have to view it as a bad thing.
I bought a Helix mattress through another youtuber’s sponsorship about a year ago and it’s AMAZING 🤩
Highly recommend.
Get that Helix money, girl!
I know you probably don't feel like dealing with this right now, but the fake bots are in the comments section pretending to be you
I had to break up my last relationship there were major issues. I knew I had to do it and it was the right thing to do. But afterwards it felt like somebody died in my family it was so sad. Cuz I really cared but I found she did not. I have never been married I've never had a girl who doesn't cheat on me ever. It's painful but it was for the better of my own life. That was 2 years ago I still think of her sometimes. I still know I did the right thing for myself. I may never find anyone I'm old 60 years old. I got one leg. That could be a factor finding someone someday Maybe. I'm not rich I don't even have a car like people some of the dating sites want you to have a car. If you're a good man and you don't cheat and you take care of their needs and you have their back what's the difference if you have a car? But that's the way the world is. That wouldn't be somebody I would want anyway. I even got kicked off of Plenty of Fish for telling them that oh well it was too fishy anyway
As someone on the autistic spectrum, I've gone through the end of three multi-year relationships and you spelled out a lot of things that I just never realized. Thanks for explaining how people work.
You guys hurt people thinking your behavior is ok 😊
@@Legittoquit1bruh
@@Legittoquit1What
@@Legittoquit1Gee, I was going to say the same thing about you. /s
@@Legittoquit1Go cry about it (:
My ex and I got divorced 2 years ago after 19 years. It's wasn't easy but both of us agreed it was best for us and the kids. With that in mind, we made it so amicable that the lawyers were confused. We still chat and remained friends. Focusing on what's best for each other definitely makes things easier than the norm.
The lawyers being confused sounds hilarious XD
I have read so many accounts from divorced couples that the children pretty much always know there's something wrong. So, "staying together for the kids" is (generally speaking) not a good choice.
Still get along with mone as well. But we also have over 30 years of friendship and knowing each other. We met as kids, as her brothers were fosters of my grandparents, and bonded with me early on.
Looking back, she was right. It wasn't going to work out. Doesn't change the pain. And, as much as I love her, how she left was the wrong way.
No details out of respect for her, but it came down to kids, or the lack of them. Hit me hard, as I was the issue. But, she has her boys, and I'm happy for her.
Laat.visit I noticed something. The picture taken of LE holding her eldest the day.after he was born, still sits on her pocket room.
It's an honor, and shows what our relationship means to her, and her kids, and current. I used to watch them for her and her 2nd husband.
And now, I'm thankful. Becauae her leaving led.to me.being free, when an old friend came.back into my life. Her raising a daughter alone. Started watching her when mom was.at work, hanging out, and spending time with them.
Then, one.day, it changed. Ended up getting married on my grandmother's 86th birthday.
21 years later, 16 married next month, only a couple reqrets. Main one being, not having been there the first 4 years of my daughter's life. But the last 21, looking back, it has been my honor being her dad. And I'm proud of the women both of them have become.
As well as still having the woman who I have shared so much of my life with, still being in.it, and part of my extended family.
@@kevinfox500that's a sweet story. :) sometimes we can let the people we love go, and it opens doors to new good things for both of you separately. Being proud of who she became is such a sweet and mature thing.
That's really beautiful.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” Jean Luc Picard
Just remember not all divorces are the same. When I got divorced there were a couple of weeks where I was concerned how my soon to be ex husband would take it as well I was doing this without discussion with him. However. Once the divorce came through we went out for a curry to celebrate. So not all divorces are equal
Sounds like you both behaved like adults. You're very lucky
I can totally sympathize. The day me and my exwife filed for divorce was the day before my birthday and my exwife brought an icecream cake to my birthday party and we told my family at that party. To say that the divorce was amicable is to put it lightly. I think I get along with her better now than we did when we were married near the end of our marriage. Heck I am dog sitting her pup this weekend. So yeah completely civil... It's odd in a way when the expectation is shouting and screaming and furniture getting thrown through windows. But not everyone divorces like that.
@@mars7612 For a lot of people, it’s not obvious. Many people see divorce strictly as a depressing severance, or that it always comes with negative feelings or resentment, even though for many relationships it’s the best thing that can possibly happen.
I think the people are different, not the divorces
We hugged outside the courthouse afterwards.
Then I went home and wept.
I really respect that you won’t discuss what happened that led to your marriage ending, you’re so respectful and such a real human
I dont.. this feels like a silly video. "I decided im single now youtube but im not saying why outloud... 🤫"
If you're going to publicly share, bring enough for the class.
@@stevenkawleski3269 I took this video to be about her beginning a new life independently from her former partner and her talking about how that feels to her. And so her talking about why the relationship ended should have no place here. If she would have talked about thinking about getting a divorce these things would have mattered, but she has decided to get divorced and so this video is about her experience of the process
@@stevenkawleski3269 I don't think you understood the point of the video. She's trying to help others going through divorce, and no one else is gonna have the same reasons, so it's irrelevant
@@stevenkawleski3269 They have no obligation to tell you person details of their life that they dont want to. And you have no right to ask for it.
@@stevenkawleski3269 It’s almost like their private life is private
I want to tell everyone in this situation, Don't blame yourself for your (ex)/spouse behavior. My husband cheated on me multiple times too. I forgave too much and tolerated it for too long and the lying was just insane. Am glad am not in it anymore because I would have lost my mind. I felt depressed and the thought of hardship but am not gonna give up on myself, I was lucky to meet a woman who helped me building the little finance I could get off from the marriage during separation. Now am a single mom with healthy kids, who are enjoying their best life. I remember my ex husband threatening me that I can never make it without him, it's been 18 months. Am glad to prove him wrong !!!
I've been there! The mental torture, anxiety, and depression are brutal. Am happy you are at a better place today, Queen! 🙏🏿❤
Oh darling I’m so sorry you’re going through this I pray for your peace and ease and anyone going through a difficult time. Am curious to ask what did this woman in question do particularly to help you.
@@steffan683 Her name is Ms Loretta Wilkinson, she helped me in earning passive income through her cryptto trading. Truth is then, I couldn't settle for business. I had to quit my job because I was taking off days, the headache was much, sometimes I overthink and didn't notice I was bleeding some of the times. Remembering makes me tear, I felt pain.
In my case I was the one who was left behind and my soon to be ex is happy and in a new relationship already. I could not sleep well for a couple of weeks until I saw a doctor and got pills few days ago. But I am trying to be more compassionate with myself and stop blaming myself for everything. And just today, I decided to start viewing my divorce as a blessing and told God I trust his actions and plans with me. I believe time will show why certain things happen the way they do...
I hope you are feeling better. I saw your post and would love to connect with you.
It is traumatic, even under the best circumstances ("amicable"). I once read a quip that said, ironically enough, "Divorce is like amputation; you will survive. There's just a little less of you afterwards." The psychological and emotional effects of mine 20 years ago resound to this day. I wish you AND Brian all the best no matter what happens, Jo.
P.S. if your leg is that beat up from a Jiu-jitsu bout, damn, I'd hate to see your opponent! 😉😆
It's funny and deeply sad how leaving a bad marriage is so very different. During the latter decade of my first marriage I had proverbially squeezed myself into such a small box, quieted down such major parts of myself and changed my behaviors so much to lessen the constant criticism that getting out became in many ways a several years long identity+emotions growth spurt. Heck, the first two weeks of freedom my face literally hurt from smiling so much -- those muscles had not been used enough for many, many years.
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023
Wow. Yeah, I get that. I never knew which version I would get, so, after internalizing that I had to measure every syllable uttered, and even then cringing and wondering if attack was imminent, I just decided to silence my self, verbally and personality-wise. I do hope your life is better today than you had ever hoped it could be.
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 i didn't tell anyone at my work (except a trusted manager) what was going on. But so many coworkers and customers started commenting on how much I was smiling. I didn't even know that I hadn't been smiling. I was asked a lot of good intentions questions: but said nothing, because I hadn't even realized how miserable I was. How much it showed. It was the 2nd most difficult thing for me to do but i came to the realization that it was the only option left. After 32 years of marriage.
I’ve never heard divorce referred to as that before. That’s a great metaphor., damn.
Speak for yourself Nathaniel O'Vaughn...I threw a party!
Divorce isn’t failure.
Refusal to choose happiness is failure. Just my opinion for myself. Anyones definition for them also isn’t wrong. Take care of you Jo. Ya have my ❤️ and my empathy.
You're the best, Matt, thank you friend. 😊
Sometimes there is no "happy" option.
@@username9999 for sure sometimes things just suck but for me one option is gonna suck less or would be closer to happiness for me. Just my opinion for me and not imposing it on anyone.
The best opinion a friend could have about your life choices: to be emotionally supportive, honest and simply be there as a friend.
Having gone through a divorce 7 years ago, I think your list hit the nail on the head.
Me and my depression choose to be sad, thank ya
Fr tho, I wish it was that easy for me, lol
Jo I’m in the same boat and omg I sobbed watching this because I’ve felt so crazy. I was with him since 14 no one else and married at 20. And at 26 I’m going through all of this and it’s so hard so so so hard. It’s felt like I’m going crazy but hearing that this is normal and other people experience it. I found you in college as a young disabled woman looking for support and your honesty and experiences have grounded me and given me comfort for so many years through so many things and I just want to thank you for it 💜 thank you for being you always
💜
My husband had an affair with a co-worker for nearly two years the last nine months of which I was pregnant with our second child. I found out about the other woman the week before my due date, I felt so terrible and moved back to my mother's home for 2 month with the kids after birth, he kept on apologizing to every member of my family and they all begged me to forgive him, I moved back to our home and I still had that feeling something was off, I felt deep down that I have been manipulated, gaslighted, and threatened on a daily basis. Some of the threats were he was going to kill himself if I didn't do what was asked, he would punch pillow or sofa, stand up against me and yell at my face, stand behind the car and not let me leave, sometimes we would be driving and he would threaten to swerve and hit any truck, hold my shake me, push me aside to a wall, and much more, my in-law were also very verbally abusive towards me. Wasn't allowed to visit my family or friends. If I did or wanted to I had to be ready for an argument, everyday I was reminded that I am not nothing and that was not worth fighting for and that don't meet the standard of being married to their son. Recently, I found out he was cheating on me an had a girl friend after seeing the text and pictures, I became numb. I have been a good wife. I listened to every insult and fight. I never gave up what I knew, thanks to this hacker who help me extract enough information from his device. Someone on here share a link to the hacker who helped me clone his phone without physically touching it. All I did was send his phone number to him through a remote link sent to my email,I was able to access all of his text, email, Facebook and Instagram chat real-time call listening and his long deleted messages as if the phone was physically with me. Perhaps, you are in a similar situation and you need help you can get in touch with him on Instagram by searching his username Scott _hack854
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I am going through a divorce after 11 years together and I was the one to end it, I totally thought I had no right to grieve it and actually got told "why are you upset you wanted this" by a support person. And OMG the amount of guilt and shame I had and still have is phenomenal. Thanks for this video it nice to know it's not just me who feels these things.
No matter how it came about, you have the right to grieve something that was (at least at some point) very important to you. Your feelings are valid and I hope you find peace with everything.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I can never understand people who divorce. It ALWAYS means your life gets WORSE. Unless you were forced into a marriage or had a really really really CHITTY spouse, you will be MISERABLE. Our society has turned divorce into a massive delusion. Everyone thinks "life will get better". It doesn't. Me and my wife were the envy of everyone. I had some personal problems which led to drugs. I pushed her away and regret it. But it's her fake Co workers who encouraged her. Now 5 years later NONE of them are around. They tried to encourage her to divorce so they could potentially sleep with her..but I always warned my wife about peolle like this. So for years, both of us had no one else. We were still going out, we were like best friends. I know my wife well enough to know she never felt comfortable and herself with anyone else. And never trusted anyone else. But because of Hollywood movies about divorce and being "strong" ans remaining divorce, and because of how she demonized me to her fake coworkers and friends, she'd feel foolish and embarrassed to come to me, apologize, and ask if we can resume the relationship. She's now suffering and so am I because of her ego. You cannot MAKE or FORCE yourself to move on. You will never be happy. I know I'm not. I don't have difficulty finding new people. I see someone very attractive and that I like, I calculate if she'd accept or reject me, and if I know she'll like me, I go for her, and get her immediately. I have NEVER been rejected because I don't try hard, I have a mental radar that let's me know if I'll be able to attract someone or not. But I've tried with multiple women. I broight in 2 attractive women to live with me, I kicked them out 1-2 weeks later. I felt like killing myself with them around. They could NEVER replace my ex. They were nice people, but my wife was super intelligent, she knew me all the way deep down, knew how to put me in my place. She was super feminine but could flip around and put me in my place, for my sake, and do it with true deep love and grace. No one I've met has been the same. They try to impress me and appear nice, but I can feel it's fake. I've met 5 people and left ALL of them. My ex wife is a stunner and for 5 years she's been alone. We got so close to getting back together but chit hit the fan because of the Ukraine war, and she's ukrainian. It doesn't get better. I want to kill myself every day because I regret what I did. When I meet new people, I truly try to make something of it, but at this point, I walk out just before me and the new person are about to get intimate. They feel hurt, but I'd rather walk out on them BEFORE we get intimate and then I walk out. I don't want to use anyone for sex. I'm 30 now, I lived a full bachelor life by the time I was 22 which is when I got married. I was young and foolish and ignorant and even cheated. If my ex wife knew I cheated she'd kill me. It doesn't help that my ex had 2 miscarriages. You can't imagine how furious and enraged I get seeing my old friends or family who are just BARELY now turning 30 and just got married or having a bast4rd child, and think they've "made jt", when it took them this long, and their "bachelor" life was lame and they struggled. I should have my own family now and a 6 and 7 year old, but have to watch others have something so long after me, while they taunt me, not even knowing how far behind they are compared to me. It doesn't get better. It hasn't for me, and I know it hasnt for my ex. She watched so many Hollywood movies, or read so many cliche quotes about being "strong" and life "getting better" when you leave the "evil" baddie spouse, but it's all bs and she's been as miserable as I, but is too fkn stubborn to come back. She can't just change her mind after years of promising she'd never be back with me, even thoigh when we'd go on dates or amusement parks, she'd feel so happy and alive. It's ridiculous. I've lost a soul mate and so has she..nothing can replace that. Life feels completely empty and meaningless now. In the end, so many people make the mistake of divorce over such small silly reasons, like a few disagreements or arguements, and forget 99% of the marriage which they were so happy and in love. I blame the culture that makes divorce seem so heroic and "strong". It's a massive delusion.
I'm an amputee and have other great health issues. Sadly my religious background was in a true cult. My ex-husband was one of their main teachers although all men in that faith preach at some point. I was judged severely for even getting medical treatment so having 40 surgeries and taking blood products or even cutting my hair or wearing pants to deal with my injuries became a point of contention and I was shunned for it leaving me basically alone with no legs no spine and three babies. Of course my ex-husband sided with his family and his church as he was raised in the church and I was not losing them was a greater threat than losing me. He kidnapped my youngest daughter for 2 years as a matter of fact. Leaving the flock as they would say and having no one to be there to support me through my injuries or to have the money to come up against a church like that was to say the least devastating. And I'd like to say yeah everything makes you stronger but no leaving certain churches especially in divorce can be devastating because you literally leave everything behind. I feel like a kid at age 50 just trying to figure out how to be myself and not some version of a female or a disabled person that everyone around me wants me to be. I only have about four people left in my life on either side of my family because of either my injuries or the divorce so I truly understand. It's been 4 years since we fully Broke Free and my daughter's been back with me but we are still finding our way back. Love your channel and thank you for listening. I appreciate your story very much!🙏💐
That sounds harrowing. Congratulations for getting out of there though! I wish you the best in life for you and your kids 💖
What an awful lot to have to go through. Wishing you and your daughter the best for the future, hope each day gets a little easier.
Congratulations for getting yourself and your children free. I cannot even imagine the hell you have gone through. You are an amazing person, never let anyone including yourself tell you different!
You are so strong for choosing what's best for you and fighting for your children. You are a strong person and a good mother. I'm proud of you.
@@DrawnByDandy thank you!
"I made a list so I wouldn't get scared and forget things" - This made me feel so seen!! I actually use this in my daily life to make sure I'm fully speaking my mind; emotions muddle things up & it's good to have an outline you can go back to.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
You said "everyone has opinions and they'll let you know either way"
Well ma'am here's my opinion: You are awesome and beautiful and funny and this divorce won't change any of that❤ and I'm so glad you're embarking on your non-people-pleasing journey, it's a hard but worthy one💞💞💞
THIS! 100% ❤️ (heart)
❤
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
My ex husband is my best friend. Sometimes you can love a person dearly and not want to be tied to them in that way anymore because your goals and priorities have changed through the years. You are doing an awesome job navigating the process💗
I doubt that.
It's so nice when relationships shift instead of burning to the ground. I didn't manage to stay close with most of my exes, but one of them is very close to me still and i'm considering them as a godparent for when my kid is born.
Relationships do not have to end in a dumpster fire!
Sounds narcissistic
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
@Beantastrophe Yeah, unless it's cheating/physical related, simply divorcing because of "changed" priorities is part of why cultural is imploding in the west.
My husband got what I think is really good advice when his first marriage ended, and I like to share it any time the chance arises. It was "The response people have when you tell them you're getting divorced is much more about them and their experience with divorce than anything to do with you and your marriage."
Having said that, congratulations! Best of luck with this new phase of your life.
That's really helpful to me. I'm so so happy in my marriage and he is my best friend and we have such a great relationship and family so everytime I hear about a divorce I think it's so tragic and a devastation, but the way you frame it helps me see my knee jerk reaction is totally a reflection of how I see my marriage and how awful it would be if we did... Not in a situation where one or two people are utterly miserable and the best thing is separation.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
I divorced after nearly 26 years from a pastor. I lost everyone I knew in the city I lived in for over 22 years. It became extremely messy...and truthfully, not from me. I get it, Jo.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
@@alexey20196go away Troll
I feel this so much. I got married at 23 and divorced at 25 - it took me years to be able to talk about it and say “I got a divorce” to people. The biggest thing that helped was starting to look at it as a win and having fun with it - like “marriage wasn’t for me but I have a 100% success rate with my divorce attempts”
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I had my partner of 6 years end the relationship. She had told me so many times that she couldn't wait to grow old with me, we had so many plans for the future.
It felt like such a betrayal for her to end the relationship. No attempt to fix it.
It's so hard to have this person that you love so much, but you're no longer allowed to be with her. She's still there, but always just out of reach.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Much respect for keeping the specifics between you two. Let’s normalize not staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy. Life is short and we have to do everything we can with the time we have to enjoy life and live it happily. No shame! ❤
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I am straight up crying after a minute of you talking about how there’s no piece in your life that your marital troubles don’t touch. Been avoiding a lot of emotions for a while and this right here hit the nail on the head. Wow. Thank you
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I wasn’t married, just I just ended things with my fiancé of 2 years who I lived with. It’s been extremely hard, and I related to so many things you say in this video.
Thank you for this.
I hope you are able to make it through that hard time, remember that there are a lot of people here (myself included) that you can reach out to if you need support
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
As a widower I fully relate to the idea of having a huge chunk of me torn away and not knowing what to do after the fact. Confused, terrified, severe anxiety. All of the above.
I'm 54…9 years ago l got divorced. It devastated my finances. I had to start over and change everything about my life, it was an agonizing period. However…it’s survivable, my money guy worked me through some sustainable long term investments. l grew to $750k and still growing, reasonably good amount to retire. Haven't looked back since.
Divorce is always a total crapshoot, sorry about that mate. Good thing you' re able to bounce back. Nonetheless, during your down period how have you handled health insurance?
@@kristennn850 I've looked at Long Term Care insurances and decided to set money aside in my retirement account for LTC in lieu of paying monthly LTC premium. Much like with car insurance I’d say.
@@annMarien Good thinking mate, let me guess, tip came from your money guy~ your financial planner?
@@annMarien What type of money guy do you use? I'm new to this situation ( finalising divorce settlement soon and I need to get my sh*t together )
@@kevincooper0 My financial planner is Klaus Cassius. I started out with him 2 years after my divorce. I got very lucky to have found him especially after my marriage crisis & consider him a good friend now. You can look=him up.
You're not "in my life," but you are the person reminding me it's okay to feel all the things. I didn't want to watch this videos because it was too real, too close. I'm glad I did, and I want you to know that I feel better about not feeling better yet. Thanks for being you, out in front of all the internet, and everybody. You've had a substantive impact on my well being . . .
No pressure, but thanks.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
As a woman who ended my heterosexual marriage at 30, having married when I was 20, you have spoken to the very soul of my experience. I was also his 24/7/365 caregiver, which made me feel even more guilty. Losing the person I'd based my entire life upon needed to be grieved, even though I was the one who made the choice. Friends either ended our friendships or we navigated a new space without my partner. I was lost and had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. Thank you, Jo, for sharing your experience with all of us. You make me feel so seen, even though we've never met. ❤️❤️
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
When I hear someone is getting a divorce, my first thought is "It's okay". If someone is at the point of telling me, they probably have already gone through the motions. The best thing I can think of is that letting them know it is okay and these things are acceptable.
As an analytical person, I also think about all these points you are making in this video, which gives me great anxiety for them.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I've been through two divorces, and I want you to know there's absolutely no judgement here. Divorce does absolutely suck in a lot of ways when you're going through it, because it feels like(and really is) rebuilding your whole life. You got this. The mantra that got me through it was "keep walking forward." Its all you really can do. Insofar as the grieving? You are ABSOLUTELY allowed to feel what you feel. That's part of being a human. Never think you're not allowed to feel your feelings.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
Divorce totally sucks, but as a friend told me when I was going through it: "you will come out of it stronger than you ever imagined". They were right. I wish you the same!
My response to hearing that someone is getting divorced is empathy and compassion. I know that it's hard, and that the last thing anybody needs is extra guilt or stress. Just be a friend. My condolences for your loss, Jo.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I had no idea you were going through a divorce, I’m glad you’re talking about it but you still have boundaries while discussing it! It’s very respectful ❤️
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
You invested so much of your energy the last ten years in that relationship. Of course you are grieving. You had a life built there and a future prepared. It’s hard. Really hard.
Weird things like you don’t have to call anyone that you are on your way home, your grocery shopping, what to eat for dinner remind you how many minutes of your day revolved around the other person.
You can’t really prepare for any of it…even if you knew all of this then. You just gotta slog through.
Please do not see this as a failure. But a step in a new direction into finding yourself. I wish you nothing but the best
I've been through a divorce, so I know all too well what you're going through. When someone tells me they're getting a divorce, I offer them my sympathy for the hassles they're going through. The most important thing is to be someone that you can live with. Beyond all that, my one suggestion is to buy yourself something that you couldn't have had when you were married. One friend of mine bought a dining room set (her husband wouldn't let her have one); I bought a bedroom set to my taste (the one we had when I was married when I was to his taste and my distaste). It could be as simple as a massage, a haircut, or going on a hike.
I was lucky in my divorce because I got custody of the friends (my ex was a massive jerk who took pride in his lack of social skills!). I later had a breakup where folks DID take sides, and that was harder than the divorce. Like you, I felt the grief for the relationship. I had also initiated my divorce, and like you, I'd sometimes fall over into a puddle of tears. Some marriages are *meant* to end; it has zero to do with "failure" and everything to do with the way you and your partner grow.
Where I grew up, "divorcee" was synonymous with things like "pond scum" and "slut." Two of my first cousins were in disastrous marriages. My divorce brought us closer because I took all the initial flack, enabling them to get divorces without the same level of repercussions. Nowadays, when I'm asked whether I'm single or divorced, I always say "single" because we never had kids and I have no further ties to him.
As for the after, it's *definitely* been much better post-marriage. I regained control over my life, started achieving my goals, and have a sense of peace that I never had when I was married. This doesn't mean I'm averse to remarrying; it just means I've become a stronger person with a stronger identity.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
If I broke with my wife, I would simply implode. I don't know if there would be a recovery... It would be just learning to cope and rebuild. A very brave video and I am heartbroken with you that you had to experience this.
Spot on! For me, my “Catholic” upbringing is so full of guilt and shaming. I am Christian now and do not buy into the guilt anymore. I am a new subscriber. You just said you lost your dogs. That Hurts! I have 9 dogs currently. At the time I got married we had two dogs. I could understand him wanting to leave me. But, after the fact, when he never came around to see “his” dog Mollie, then is when recovery truly took place. He was a bad choice from the start, but I had fallen in love. So good to have lived through and grown through all of that. Now my rescued dogs are my life! I have gratefully survived this world with depression, ADHD, and a dysfunctional family. LIVE LIFE on YOUR terms is my advice. …..and get more dogs!
I think there is an assumption that anything that we end unexpectedly - a uni degree, a career, a business, a marriage or even just a hobby - is a failure, when things ending (both big and small) is a natural part of life and not a source of shame. What matters is how you handle these things and I have so much respect for how you are handling this difficult ending in your life!
As a child of divorce, I have a different view on the word. Yes, it does mean something didn’t work out but it also means you finally decided to make a change. My life would have been a LOT worse without divorce.
You are brainwashed, stop believing your parents did you a favor by getting divorced, you sound like a battered wife
Yeah, also a child of divorce. I was 3 when my parents split. Sadly my narcissist father got majority custody and my mother, having failed to get said majority custody, basically ran way as far as she could from us and we barely saw her. So I wouldn't say I had a happy childhood lol, but it was certainly better than if they were still married.
@@squirmtastic Oh jeez, those chips didn’t fall very fairly for you. Sorry about that. I guess I’m… fortunate(?) that my father was a selfish dick and the only thing he wanted to do was pay as little child support as was legally required. Then my mom packed us up and moved us north. We were broke but at least my mom was loving (if not a little broken from a abusive marriage).
You do the best with what you got.
I was 17 when my parents divorced. Mum always grieved that and actually said she felt like she'd failed. I tried to tell her that we all saw what a mess of a relationship it was, and honestly, I wish they'd divorced when I was much younger. It would have been tough but I feel I would have had a much better childhood for it. I think it's more of a failure to stay when it's not a healthy place to be.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
Hey Jo, I got married in 2010, it ended in 2018. We were together since 2005. To be honest, there was a lot of feeling that it was a failure it eventually stopped. Now I recognize that I did what I could do at the time whether she recognized that or not. And now it's just a relief that it's over. So, I went through many of the things you mentioned in your video. And I'm happy for you that things seem to be getting better for you. I hope that you have come to the realization that since you seem to both be in a place where you genuinely wish the best for each other that things continue to improve steadily. I did not have that. By the time my marriage ended, we could barely stand to be in the same room. For various reasons on both sides we had become intolerable to each other. And The blame game was rampant in our ending. I'm glad that doesn't seem to be the case for you. A year in, it's still fresh. When you're two,, three,, four years into your new life as I am, I hope you are very happy, content, and have, if it's what you want found new love. All the best Jo!
When I went through my divorce, 21 years ago, someone told me, divorce is not a failure of a marriage. It is being intelligent and rational enough to end something that no longer works and cannot be fixed.
A failed relationship is one that people stay in even though they're not happy. We all grow and change throughout our lives, and it's not fair to expect ourselves or our partners to always grow and change in compatible ways over the long term. You can have lots of things you love about each other and still not be a healthy match anymore. It doesn't mean that you didn't benefit from the relationship while you had the chance, and it doesn't mean that you can't have good memories. It just means that it's time to move on in life.
Thank you for sharing your story and the wisdom you've gained.
My silver wedding next year. Married just before I turned 21. But I feel like I've sleepwalked through a lot of it, and knowing the upheaval is kinda part of keeping me in place as much as anything.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
It's nice to hear your honest take on this process. Having been there myself, everything you said rang so true. Keep on doing what you're doing, and always remember that, first and foremost, you have to live with the person you see in the mirror.
Well said, many of the same emotions I went through 44 years ago. Hang in there it will get healed in time, but remember the grieving process is real. I had custody of my 2 children and that was another story. Stay strong and vent when necessary.
I recall when I got divorced, I needed to start my new life with a clean slate. My wife was cheating on me and I found out. I erased her out of my life. Every picture, letter, and memory was lost in "The fire". I took everything and burned it in a fire pit down at the beach. This was my way of moving forward. She tried to come back after she discovered that her new fling was married...too bad! That was 20 years ago. Best decision I ever made.
as a now adult child of divorce, while the divorce my parents went through sucks, it was a million times better than what my life would've been like if they'd stayed together. my parents never showed affection to each other, always slept in separate rooms, believed in very different things, and have very conflicting personalities and values. they never fought in front of me, but they didn't love each other by the time i came around. divorce should be treated like breakups, in my opinion. sometimes they're necessary, and you're better off afterwards. they suck, and they're painful, but usually you're better off in the end.
My parents wanted to divorce in 2018 but didn’t. They’re together but they don’t like each other much. I’ve seen it take us to ruin.
Sounds like my in-laws but for some reason they won't get a divorce
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
Getting divorced may be painful but it's no where near as painful as trying to lie to the world, your partner and yourself to pretend that everything's ok
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Divorce was the best thing to happen to my life. 6 years down the drain but my life has freed up in a big way. I can achieve my goals again.
You’re so right about all of this. Especially the grieve despite being the one to make the decision
You’re just amazing and don’t ever think otherwise. Anyone seeing you as anything else is purely an idiot. Hang in there Darlin. We all appreciate your realness and You
I dont want to talk about reasons behind it... but I'm in a place where I must consider ending a 10 year relationship too. Won't go into details but trust has been shattered and I must look within myself of if this is something I can live with or if I must go.
It hurts that this has become my decision but somehow still not fully my choice because a dealbreaker was revealed thats been hidden for 10 years. So thank you for this video. I've been feeling very alone in this because I know I have to make my own choice and if I talk to important people in my life their voices will influence my choice since I'm a people pleaser. Its the one week anniversary of when my world fell apart.
Divorce seems scary to me. I'm in my worst health and disabled, so I have to figure out literally my whole life should I choose divorce.
Im making the decision slowly and am possibly staying until my chemo starts working. Its sad that I've been with my best friend for so long and that I feel I never truly knew him at all. He's been very kind and understanding of everything.
best of luck to you
Oof. Good luck figuring all this out. It's tough. But you'll get through it!
@@SartorialDragon i left. My divorce should be finalized soon. The drugs aren't working yet but it's low dose for an autoimmune so its not like I am under the strain of terminal disease with all this
@@evelynkrull5268 I’m glad you were able to make that decision and I’m sorry so much is going on that piles onto the stress. I wish you the best.
He's secretly gay. That's it isn't it
While not a divorce, I did breakup with my gf almost 2 years ago. I'm still working through the shame and guilt of it, even though it was the best thing for us to do.
Also going thru a divorce.... I needed your video. It validated what I am going through and how I feel. I agree, there's more to a " life change" than you'd expect. Its the everyday small stuff that affects you the most. ( probably because you anticipated the big things and considered the little things unimportant, til the littles become huge)
I ended my 12 year relationship when I came out 5 years ago. The grief at taking apart our family was overwhelming.
What made you realise you were gay? Or made you decide to come out after such a long relationship?
Thanks for this video. I feel like you’re speaking directly to me. I watched your first video announcing all your life changes when I was still in my 4-year relationship and remember feeling a deep dread - I wrote it off as sympathy but now I know it was foreboding, as that relationship has since ended and I am experiencing EVERYTHING you’re describing.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Thank you for taking time for you and coming back to share part of your adventures in life with us. It can be hard sometimes when your brain tells you you're alone. It's nice to hear your perspective and realize other people are going through similar things. 💜
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
I've been through a divorce after 15 years. The best thing that happened is I accepted it. My ex wife is bipolar. The last 5 years of the marriage was a disaster!
I realized that I didnt NEED someone. I was fine on my own. That being said, including someone is a bonus.
My answer to happiness is be happy with YOURSELF.
Although, Dogs are the best companion one could ask for.
Life has been good.
Didn't realize how badly I needed to hear this. Thank you Jo.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I'm sorry i didnt even realize you were going through all this. 😔
This is vulnerable and also important to share. I love the way you adhere to your boundaries and protect yourself from overshare while sharing the vulnerable parts.
Hi Jo, sorry to hear of your divorce. I also lost my wife to divorce, we were married for 35 years with three great kids. My wife wanted a divorce and was unhappy with me because I was having health issues and 2 years after divorce I lost my left lower leg. Everything you said is so true, lost all my couple friends. I had a work mate stand up and support me through divorce and losing my leg.
Love seeing your life as a below the knee amp. Luckily my kids are still in my life and several grandkids also keep me alive. It would be so easy to give up, but your tube videos help. Thank you for doing what you do and making all of us fellow amputees feel good about our lives! 💕
As a divorcee, so much of this is true. It's been *years* and I still have issues I have to deal with. Therapy also helped me.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
@@alexey20196 Not interested, spammer.
As someone going through a divorce and major health issues as well... I understand and feel for you.
You are not a failure, and you did not fail. My parents were married for 57 years before my mom passed. Her mom (grandma) was twice divorced. Both were strong successful women. My marriage lasted about 13 years before my divorce, so I understand many of your feelings. Sending love and support to you. 💜
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Great talk! I wish I knew those things before my divorce.
One book that helped me A LOT was Colette Dowling's "The Cinderella Complex", that I recommend EVERRY woman thinking of ending a long relationship
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
What you said at 13 minutes in about putting in that much effort again is something that resonates with me. About two months ago I realised that I couldn't relate to the person I used to be, particularly just going to work and putting in the normal effort. I just managed to go to the doctors and get more help and new medicine but now I can relate to who I used to be after two months. Take care.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Ultimately the only people that truly matter in this are you and Brian. ❤️ It is like a death because it is one, the death of a very important part of your life.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Thank you for sharing! Grief is a word that’s made a lot of sense for me since loosing a long term relationship, and learning who you are without the support system you’ve had for years. It’s nice to know other people are struggling with this too💕
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?,
Jo- i’m so happy to hear that you’re doing okay. i’ve thought about you a lot since you posted the video about the divorce and losing your dogs and hoping you’ve been coping well and getting back on your feet ❤️ i wanted to say thank you for posting this. i’m not in a long term relationship or going through a divorce but most of this still felt very pertinent to me because i’m navigating ending a decade long friendship with someone who i considered my best friend for a long time. the relationship has become toxic recently so i’m making the choice to let go and step away, and i’m feeling a lot of these things. i’ve started processing and working through it in therapy but this video also really helped me. i can see im making the right choice and that despite the hard emotions i feel (no one really discusses how hard friendship break ups can be) i know im going to be okay. thank you for sharing your experience with this incredibly difficult decision. im sure it resonates with more people than you even realize. you’re so loved and appreciated and shine so bright! ❤️
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
This is a "been there, done that" situation for me. I just hope that you are getting the support that you need and deserve as you move through this. This is your life and you are the only one who matters when it comes to your decisions.
It's such a heartbreaking time for you, Jo. It takes such strength and courage to move on and take care of the day-to-day and yet you have taken the time to make videos and update us. You don't owe anyone anything but I am saddened by the news and it's utterly tragic that things didn't work out with Brian. People grow apart and people change and in 10 years a lot can happen. I hope you still have a good support system and people in your life who love you who you are. Take care of yourself and I hope you'll find the will to stay strong. You're a beautiful person.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?’
Divorce is the best medicine for a sick relationship.
It gets better.
This. Divorce can be the best thing to happen to you. It was for me.
Thanks for being so honest and sharing your unique perspective on this in such a constructive way. Best of luck to you as you continue on this journey.
My 17 year relationship ended earlier this year.
Thank you for sharing your journey. It validates much of what I feel. The realization that a part of me left is rather profound. I didn’t think of that aspect. It explains much of the dull, ever present, ache that is mistaken for nostalgia that is my constant companion. I have a fabulous support network. In fact my best friend sent me this. That certainly explains why he’s my bff.
Thank you again for being honest and being vulnerable and ultimately for being brave enough for putting it all out there. Such a gift. ❤
I broke up with my boyfriend after 10 years last year. It was hard. It hurt both of us. Except for a few moments where we fought over minor things due to overboarding emotions we handled it like adults. We even renovated our apartment together after moving out. Due to the circumstances and renovating my new apartment where pretty much everything went wrong I learned a lot about where my limits are and how to be nice to myself. I had days where I sat on the sofa crying my eyes out. There was always someone I could hug when I needed it most. I am still so thankful for these people in my life.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
With all honesty, THANK YOU for this video
Thank you for sharing this. I’m in the process now, after thirty years, five children, two weddings (children’s!)
It feels like the demise of a civilization.
On the other hand, I will be *on my very own* for the first time in my life, and that is an experience I am really looking forward to!
“It feels like the demise of a civilization” i felt this. My husband and I have had a really rocky 5 years, trying to make things better, therapy, communication etc… but at the beginning of this year he said “I want a divorce” and so i had spent months building this wall to protect my emotions bc I am super sensitive and emotional, then a little while back he said he no longer wants a divorce but I have had this vision of my future without him. I don’t have that romantic connection with him anymore and i have been with him for 17 years. I think the hardest thing for me is taking that final step and telling him i no longer want to be with him. Do you have any advice as someone who has been with someone for a long time? Thanks…
I really appreciate your honesty. Thank you for your honesty and your videos. I have faith that you will continue to heal ❤
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?’
Hello Jo you are and have been an inspiration to me. Your positive outlook on life is very encouraging 🙌.
I myself have only been a left leg below the knee amputee since May 2022 at the ripe old age of 58 1/2 . I got my prosthetic at the end of July and it has been a learning experience os far and after watching you Footless Jo and Annika the amputee I am encouraged for my situation
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
So I am a monster, but my first thought when you said "there is no part of [this] that it won't touch" was - "Well, there's at least part of your leg somewhere that won't be touched..."
I am quite sorry for being a monster. Stay safe and be well, Jo.
😆😆😆
@@FootlessJo I read this as a born paraplegic and laughed as well 😂. You're only a monster if you actually mean offense lol
The way you dealt with differing opinions is something I'm trying to learn how to do. And I'm proud of you! My entire life, my family always had something to say about choices in my life ( and each other's) and most of the time it was negative and judgemental. I have since become a "villain" to them because I started standing up to the way they were treating me and my immediate family. I cut them out because it was one sided and toxic. I feel so free to now move on and live my life, free of judgement from them. I know that there will be judgment of my decisions and choices in life and people telling me of what I should or shouldn't do. I hope to get to a point to take consideration from the people very close to me and be able to tune out the people that don't matter. I put way too much importance on what others think.
You truly are an a amazing woman Jo. Wishing you all the best and keep up the great work.
This is a great video. It’s a start. Let’s get down and get in the weeds and find out how you got here. Many people turned on you may indicate that they feel you husband was done wrong. Most of the time the victim gets love. Just an angle to look at. I’m a big fan and have watched your vintage videos. In the lowest point in yout life this guy is the reason you survived. You actually said this. I’m having a real hard time sorting through this
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?,
I totally get what you are saying, I ended a 19 year relationship and for about 4 years I just felt a little “lost” not knowing exactly who I was now. Starting all over was hard. As far has being judged, I just ignored it… I knew what was best for me. Been in my new marriage now for 20 years. I did experience something similar when all my kids were grown and gone, “empty nester” figuring out my new role. Now I’m a grandmother of a 4 year old… as life changes you go through many changes that take time to adjust to. All that to say, hang in there the new you will evolve in time.❤️ Being a Christian, I can say this… God doesn’t like divorce but He still gives us grace, because we are human… not perfect in any way.
Going through a divorce or a relationship breakup of any kind is a very traumatic, life altering experience regardless of the circumstances. All hopes, plans and dreams for the future are dashed and must start from square one all over again physically and emotionally. Unfortunate it's the last resort when all avenues of reconciliation are exhausted. In my situation, it was to get away from a very toxic individual to preserve my wellbeing and sanity. Peace and healing be with you! 🙏
@sand0077 I am going through a hijackal divorce now. USN Veteran hubby but his civilian Diagnosis PTSD got worse after his brain surgery. It's been 23 months estranged in Texas we have to have 6 months on file before it can be granted. My sanity is worth it. But it's still hard. I wasn't ready. I think I AM now.
My aunt is getting a divorce right now, she's basically the single parent to her children with her husband, she's had him in her life for a while so I bet she felt some of this but mostly fear of him. My family has been open and helping her with what she needs to do and supporting her through this time.
If you need to a relationship to end for you and your safety, then you don't need to feel bad about in my opinion.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
@@alexey20196 not comfortable disclosing that info but thank you for your kind words!
@@Violet_Jedi_Sylveon I do understand you very well but I hope I’m not a problem to you if I may ask?
@@alexey20196 it's not a problem if you ask, I just don't give that information.
@@Violet_Jedi_Sylveon Yeah I understand. So how is the weather over there with you?
I have a very true story to share about judging others.
This story takes place in a hospital corridor in 1972. In that corridor a young, fit looking man sits in a wheelchair being pushed by his young, very pregnant wife (she would give birth in about 3 weeks).
As people in the hallway pass they are giving the young man very harsh looks. Why the hell is he sitting in a wheel chair being pushed by a woman who should be in the wheelchair herself?
Well, the young man is not as fit as he looks. Earlier that morning he had surgery to harvest a piece of bone from his hip.
Now they are on their way to visit their 2-year-old son who is himself just waking up from surgery. The previous summer the boy had broken his leg and the bone has refused to heel. The hop is that his body will accept that piece of hip and he could keep his leg. That didn't work out but it's not part of this story.
These people were my parents and the boy waking up from surgery was me.
My point is, those people were judging my dad, but they didn't know the entire story. There are many reasons he could have been sitting in a wheelchair, and really only one of those reasons was bad (he was forcing his wife to push him in the chair) and though this was probably the least likely reason for this situation, that is the one people went to.
Just remember, before you judge someone, you probably don't have the whole story, so there is no way you can judge them fairly.
And if you are on the other side of such judgment, don't let it get to you (easier said than done sometimes, I know). Their opinion is based in ignorance and assumptions and is therefor unfair. And as it is unfair, it should be irrelevant.
I have no idea why you got divorced and frankly it's none of my business, so I choose to make no judgment either way, and send you my "good vibrations" in the hope you may notice and feel better for it.
Thanks for sharing your story!
I need to show this to my sister. I think she would be so comforted by this - especially because she's made decisions that have had the exact impact you described, and yet I know it was the only "right" decision for her. Thank you for putting it in words and putting it out there. Thank you for your presence.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?,
Thank you for sharing all of this! I hope both of you guys are taking good care of yourselves and adapting to your new normal. All the best to you friend!
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?’
Recently me and the person I was dating decided to take a break. Though we agreed and it was a good choice, I’ve still felt so much grief and sadness. Though my relationship was much less long lasting and serious, this video really helped me immensely. I hope you’re doing okay, we support you
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
This was really good to hear, Jo. Thank you for being so thoughtful and open. I didn't get married until I was 29 1/2, but I was married for over 27 years. Every word and every topic you touch on is spot on. Hugs.
were you both also in the church or from that background like Jo in vid?
@@oliviastar3812 Nope. If marriage and family is in any way a value for you as a person, as it was for me and my former spouse, dissolving the marriage feels shameful and like huge failure.
And re-configuring literally every single relationship in your life when you step out of the framework you've been in for a long time is exhausting and disorienting.
I'm grateful to Jo for articulating all of these things so well.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?.
Wish you the best. Thanks for sharing details most would not. It makes us see you're human and that can be comforting to all.
I had a long-term relationship end 6 months ago and I could not have described the journey since any better. Thank you for making this video, I think it will comfort and prepare a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing this. I am recently divorced. It was official in May 2022, and I really do wish that I knew what was going to happen to me and my relationships I had with everyone around me. No one told me what was going on, but I was so overwhelmed with emotions and pain I probably wouldn't have understood everything right at that moment. I agree it is really hard to end a long term relationship like that. My marriage only lasted a year and a half but I had still spent my entire adult life with him (I'm only 22 and I met him right after highschool) I really appreciate this video, thank you for posting this.
I pray to God to give you a lot of beautiful days and I hope God bless you to have a great day. I’m Alexey by name from Overbrook Philadelphia and you where are you from?
I'm a 30+ female that was married for 11 years.
He literally told me that he did not want to put in the effort to make our marriage work...
I did make the decision the just let him go and give him the divorce.
After I agreed, he was excited and happy and cheery and just the happiest clam ever...
He made it a point to rub it in my face how much happier he was that we were not together. I was in absolute tears but I got angry, and I told him "I'm so f**king sorry I was a burden"
To which is without missing a beat replied, "Yeah, you were."
I cut all contact with him at that point and just decided that I'm absolutely done putting tears to him, but I felt like a failure and the worst person ever.
I can NOT even think about letting someone in because I honestly don't feel like marriage material...
I don't want to be alone, but after moving out I realized how much of my personality and things I did that I just moderated or didn't do.
I didn't have to be afraid of staying up late and being yelled at. I didn't have to get the disgusted look if I grabbed a drink. I didn't have to worry about being told I didn't need to buy that thing, if I bought the thing. Just normal behaviors that I always cringed and flinched at doing because I was going to get yelled at or lectured again.
Divorce was the best thing to happen. I'm glad I let him go.
Our divorce, because it was consensual, took 4 months from the time he told me he wanted one until the court date. He remarried 6 months after that court date.
Whatever is going on with him now, I don't know. But I'm living my life how I want to, and I'm glad for the freedom.
I did grieve our marriage hard. I did feel like a failure. I do still have times where I feel like an absolute POS...
But, I'll get through it, eventually. XD
Sounds like you didnt learn what you were doing wrong, so apparently you havent bettered yourself. Pity...
wow. i am so glad that you’re out of that situation now. he sounds like a real piece of work.
@@uraniumglass We both made mistakes in the marriage. The key difference was that I was trying to work through them. I had forgiven him and was working with my therapist to be a better partner and friend to him. So when he told me that he did not want to put in the effort, that broke me.
This was after him telling me the week prior that our marriage had never been so good before. That I was being attentive, I was going out with him, and just being awesome. I told him honestly that I was sorry it took so long to be fully available for him, but I was.
And then he dropped the bomb. So yeah, it blindsided me and I felt lost and ended up being the only one to grieve our marriage.
@@uraniumglass Yup, kinda like the other comment on this. Wow.
May your and his healing be quick and may you both be happy. Thank you for sharing.
What I learned about divorce when my (now X) initiated our divorce is it is a tearing apart of our united souls. This is a horrific event that takes about half the time you were married (10 years /2 = 5 years) to recover from. Friends take sides so you loose half your friends. And if you have kids it's worse.
I am so sorry you have had to go thru that.
You're beautiful inside and out....Stay strong...God Bless
Hi, my fiancé/partner of 14 year ended our relationship in June. As the person that didn’t end it there are many things in this video that I still connect with. Although I didn’t end it, (didn’t even see it coming) I can completely agree with you about how everyone wants to give there opinion/ try to protect you and be there for you that sometimes it feels a little like it’s not My relationship that ended it’s “theirs”. Our situation is really hard because I am a 34 yr old female who deals with fibromyalgia, M.E/ chronic fatigue syndrome & Narcolepsy on a daily basis which has been hugely challenging for our relationship and a lot of the breakdown came (from what he told me) was basically carers fatigue. He was/is my person and I don’t know how to function yet without that huge part of me missing. I am definitely on that rollercoaster and although not divorce the fact that the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, the plans we made, the life I saw us having has disappeared. I’ve lost friends/family and fell like I’m being judged because I wasn’t “good enough” “ didn’t work hard enough” “I failed” Comes off in waves from some of the people that I still have around me. It’s comforting to know that that rollercoaster might not feel quite so severe eventually but as we are still in the process of unwinding those pieces of our lives that just naturally become entwined I don’t think I am going to be anywhere near that just yet.
The fact that I am being judged my friends I thought were mine as well as taking advantage of my disabilities or not being the perfect partner I think is what hurts the most.
I’m not sleeping, eating, and trying to look after myself and although I hate/ dislike/ am hurt. By some of the things that he has done recently how do you reconcile that when you know that he is a great guy , I was lucky to be with him for as long as I was and I wish I could rewind time everyday to be able to see what he saw and make him feel like he was valued and loved in a way I didn’t realise I wasn’t communicating to him properly.
Long emotional ramble I apologise but basically @footlessjo I just wanted to say thank you for showing that even though I didn’t end it thee may be a light at the end of the tunnel
I’m seeing this in May of 2023. I hope things have improved for you, Hannah, since then.
No matter what others say, you are enough as you are. Your health stuff does not define you. It certainly alters your activities, sure, but your activity level is not who you are.
It’s likely you are mourning your health simultaneous to the divorce. It’s hard to do both but it’s possible.
I despise the phrase, “If I can do it, anyone can!” It is condescending and not helpful at all. Going through it was tough. It was before my Fibro diagnosis and since then I’ve had more health issues pop up.
It gets easier to do each day. Though it’s been over 25yrs, the hurt still comes to the surface. I’ve tried a wide variety of hobbies which has helped a lot.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
I know how you feel, Jo.
I went through a bad ,myself my heart goes out to you.
I have a lot of respect for you, to be able to talk about it.
Have a great day Jo.